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Name: Nguyen Hai Ha

Class; 071E1
In-class Writing
Topic: Do you think modern technology has led to the loss of the traditional lifestyle?
Outline:
- Thesis statement: However, in my opinion, modern technology is not necessarily the cause
of losing traditional lifestyles.
- Main idea:
+ It doesn’t decide people’s lives
+ There are technology that helps improve traditional lifestyles
+ It’s people who change

The age of modern technology in Vietnam sees the disappearance of some traditional
features in its people’s lifestyle. As a result, some turns to blame the technological
development for the loss. However, in my opinion, modern technology is not necessarily the
cause of losing traditional lifestyle.
First of all, created by human beings to enhance their living standards, technology cannot
have negative influence on people’s lifestyles itself. Humans invented them, enjoy using them
and sometimes rely too much on them that they refuse to go back the styles they used to live
without them. For example, you cannot blame the TV for keeping you away from a cozy
dinner with your family. It’s you who decides to turn on the TV, watch it for several hours and
ignore Mom’s call for mealtime. Therefore, if the way you live your life change, blame it on
yourself, not the technology.
Secondly, there is newly developed technology that helps improve the traditional lifestyle.
For instance, the bond among family members these days are not discouraged by the
geographical distant anymore thanks to the use of the Internet. That’s another reason why
people should stop blaming the technology for ruining their lifestyles.
Last but not least, the disappearance of some traditional value can be caused by the
inappropriateness in the modern age. Life changes, people change, some habits in living
styles, consequently, has to change also. And once again, it has nothing to do with the
technology developed or not.
In conclusion, I think modern technology is not always responsible for the loss of
traditional lifestyles. Human beings cause it all.
(Words: 266)
Good point:
 A clear five-paragraph essay.
Weak points:
 Grammatical mistakes as I have mentioned above
 About the ideas: I am afraid that they are not convincing enough.
+ In para. 1, I cannot find the topic sentence. The first sen. sounds too broad in compared with
what you have said in this para.
+ Main ideas cannot well support the thesis statement as well as your opinion that MT hasn’t
led to the loss…
+ In para.3 : I think it is not a good paragraph: the sentences don’t link to each other well
So I think some other ideas should be used to replace the above ideas to make your essay
more persuasive…