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Let's Talk! 2
SITUATION 31 PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT
Some people unjustly regard with contempt unmarried couples who are living together. After dating for three years, Ryan and I moved in together to minimize living expenses. We planned to get married after I graduated from college. Well, my family practically disowned me when we told them we were living together! (His folks were more broad-minded about it.) After Ryan and I had lived together for a year I found out he had a terrible temper. The day he grabbed me by the blouse and threw me against the well so hard I thought my shoulder was broken I walked out on him. I thank God I didn’t marry Ryan. What a fix I'd have been in if, after we were married and had a child, I had learned that he was capable of physically abusing me! The next man I fall in love with I will make sure I live with before making a lifetime commitment. Living together before marriage may be a "sin," but it is the only way one can really get to know a person before it's too late.
What Does It Mean?
1. prenuptial agreement 2. my family practically disowned me 3. his folks were more broad-minded about it 4. I walked out on him 5. a fix 6. a lifetime commitment
Let's Talk! 2
1. What do some people think about unmarried couples who live together? 2. What was the reason the woman and Ryan began to live together? 3. When did they plan to get married? 4. How did her family react when they learned Ryan and she were living together? 5. What did Ryan's family think about it? 6. After they lived together for a year, what did she find out about Ryan's personality? 7. Why does she thank God for not having married Ryan? 8. Would she live the next man she loved? 9. What does she think the way to get to know a person is?
1. Do you think living together before marriage is a good idea? 2. What would you say if one of your children were going to live with someone of the opposite sex before marriage? Opinion Samples 1. Strange to say see, I now believe that couple who are serious about marriage should, at least, take a few weekend trips together to test their compatibility. 2. A prenuptial agreement is an excellent idea for both parties should be marriage end in death or divorce. It does not necessarily mean that on doesn’t trust the other. In a prenuptial agreement, you should be more careful to protect your interest. This has nothing to do with trust or the lack of it. It's the common sense and beneficial for all parties concerned. 3. The best advice I ever received was a suggestion for a prenuptial agreement. The biggest mistake of my life was getting married without it. My recommendation: Insist on it. If a man and a woman strike an equitable agreement, they probably won't need it. If they reach an agreement, they had better not get married.
It is for this reason that I plead with people in love to live together for some time before they really get married." is far sensible. ugly tempered. The mask must fall sooner or later. There is no such thing as love at first time. A prenuptial agreement is a vote of no confidence. To her. Some people insist on "love at first sight." but I suggest that they calm down and take a second look. sweetest. or stupid. Some those attractive first-sight qualities may turn out to be genuine and durable. The other bromide. I spend much time trying to figure out what makes marriage works. most adorable man in the world. No one can play a part forever. lazy.Let's Talk! 2 4. "You can't simultaneously prepare for and prevent war. smoothest. Prenuptial agreement is one's best ally in evaluating an individual's true character and measuring mutual compatibility. Albert Einstein once said. "love is blind. he is the handsomest. brightest. 4 . Perhaps his professor or his boss or his roommate may consider him irresponsible. but she can't see any of this at all. The young girl (or an older one) who believes herself to be in love can't see the undesirable qualities in her man because she wishes not to see them." 5. but don’t count on the story book formula.
4. We are pushing 50. We were both in 30s at the time. Are there other couples who have made this promise and been able to keep it? Are there couples who made this promise and later regretted it? I am torn between the guilt I feel that I may be depriving him of years of future happiness and yet wanting so much to know that I will have been his only true love. and I am seriously ill. we discussed what would happen if one of us died. when my husband and I were first married. I can honestly say that if Jimmy died tomorrow I could easily live a purposeful life without ever having another man. pass away 3. My question is this: Am I being unrealistic and selfish to find comfort in this promise? I don’t think it would be too hard on him because he's a workaholic anyhow and didn’t marry until he was in his mid-30s. 5. purposeful life 5 .Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 32 LOVE OR SELFISHNESS? Years ago. I felt greatly relieved because I loved him so much I couldn’t bear the thought of another woman taking my place. What does it mean? 1. We have no children and are devoted to each other. a frivolous chat 2. I don’t think it would be too hard on him. Last night as we were sitting by the fireplace Jimmy brought up the subject of our promise and assured me that it still stands. so I didn’t consider this a frivolous chat. 6. I couldn’t bear the thought of another woman taking my place. Jimmy and I both promised never to remarry if one of us should pass away. Jimmy brought up the subject of our promise and assured me that it still stands.
and I would definitely advise against it. why? 5. Why does she feel guilty? Discussion Points 1. 6 . Is forcing the promise an act of love or selfishness? Opinion Samples 1. It would be extremely shortsighted to tie up a mate with such a promise. It is impossible to predict how one will feel several years down the road. Nobody can control another person's feelings. IS she in good health? 7. many can't keep the promise. It seems to me that couples who truly love one another would want their mates to remarry. 2. Even though some people promise not to marry after their spouse dies. as time goes by their determination can erode because feelings towards other people become stronger. What did this couple discuss when they got married? 2. Would you demand that your spouse not remarry if you died? 2. People's ideas change. Even though people think they can keep the promise. This kind of promise is easier said than done. So it is very foolish to force such a promise. To extract a promise not to remarry is the ultimate act of selfishness. Why didn’t she think the discussion was frivolous? 3. Was she relieved when her husband said the promise still stands? If so. What did they promise? 4.Let's Talk! 2 Questions 1. Why does she think it would not be hard for him to keep to his promise? 8. Could you promise your spouse not to remarry? 3. Why not? 4. How old are they now? 6.
emotional blackmail Questions 1. Think about this: If one person at each stop signal gave you a dollar. and you stood there for eight hours a day. Not only is this activity dangerous. Why was the man with the "Will Work for Food" sign arrested? 2. How much can he make a day by just holding up the sign? 5. trespassing and vagrancy 2. I recently saw a family (a mother. Realistically. he also said he could never do as well working 3. What does it mean? 1. How did he make the money? 4. you could make $240 a day. He also said he could never do as well working because he takes in $500 to $600 a day just holding up that sign. a father. the figures are probably much higher.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATON 33 PANHANDLING This is my experience with a "homeless" man carrying a large "Will Work for Food" sign: He was living in the bushes behind my husband's place of employment. the figures are probably much higher 4. and three young children) standing at a busy intersection holding these "homeless" signs.000 in cash in his pockets. it's also emotional blackmail. they found $1. What does the writer think about this kind of panhandling? 7 . realistically. He told the police he had made the money by standing at a busy intersection in town with one of these signs. When police arrested him for trespassing and vagrancy. What did the police find in his pocket? 3. and the signal changed 30 times an hour.
Do you think the government should permit panhandling? 8. Do you feel guilty if you give panhandlers nothing? 4. Opinion Samples 1. it only makes them beg more. The government shouldn’t allow panhandlers on the street. Do you agree that panhandling is emotional blackmail? 5. Some people feel guilty when they don’t give them money.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. How much do usually give them? 3. Talk about ways of preventing panhandling on the street. I think we have no moral obligation to give anything to give anything to panhandlers if begging is very lucrative business and they generally make much more money than average people do. That's why I think panhandling is emotional blackmail. Do you usually give beggars money when you see them? 2. Many people say that when you give money to panhandlers. 8 . What do think of the theory? 6. They cause people anxiety over whether to give or not. Do you think it is fair that panhandlers generally make much more money than ordinary salaried workers do? 7. Do you think it fair that relatively poor people should give money to the rich? 2.
decided not to cut him in on the money 5. What does it mean? 1." Well. Although I was unemployed for a period of time and not eligible for unemployment benefits. unbiased viewpoint 2. I invited him to stay with me. We became roommates and got along fine. a close pal of long standing 3.000. Since he was a close pal of long standing. Did the writer have a good job? 9 . I still managed to buy a ticket every week. "I forgot. our lease was up 6. and decided not to cut him in the money since I felt he did not keep his part of the agreement. what was their understanding? 2. He has all but shut me out of his life Questions 1." or "The lines were too long. We agreed that we would play the state lottery with the following understanding: Each of us would purchase at least one lottery ticket every week. When they played the state lottery. won $5. not eligible for unemployment benefits 4.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 34 LOTTERY I need an unbiased viewpoint. and if one of those tickets were a winner we'd split the prize. I hit five numbers. He has all but shut me out of his life and I'm sure this is the reason. Our lease was up and we parted. A friend I've known for 22 years came down here to Florida to live. Often when I asked I friend if he had bought his ticket he would say.
What were the excuses for not buying tickets? 6. 2. How can they make up? 4. Why didn’t he give some of the money to his friend when he won? Discussion Points 1. Do you think he did the right thing? 2.Let's Talk! 2 3. Was he eligible for unemployment benefits? 4. His friend didn’t keep to the understanding. He did nothing wrong. 10 . Did his friend buy tickets every week as they promised? 5. The agreement was sloppy. even though it could be argued that his friend wasn’t entitled to anything. 3. to say the least. he just made lame excuses. If you won 1 million dollars. I would suggest that he give his friend $500. what would you do with the money? 6. for friendship's sake. At night I used to pretend that I had won a big jackpot and then I would imagine all the things that would happen to me if I had a million dollars. How many numbers did the writer hit and how much money did he win? 7. Do you buy lottery tickets? Why or why not? 5. What do you think about the government issuing lottery tickets for financial support? Opinion Samples 1. Would you continue your job if you win a fortune from the lottery? 7. What do you think about his friend's shutting the writer out of his life? 3. He had no obligation to give anything to his friend. Too bad there wasn’t anything in writing that invalidated the agreement under certain conditions.
such as what kind of house to buy and if I wanted to live in La Jolla or Palm Beach. Suddenly I would be faced with big decisions. who drinks too much.. who are unmotivated and need constant prodding. My teen-age children." I would be inundated with letters from slick promoters with worthy causes and old friends with hard-luck⁴ stories. would drop out of school and loaf on a full-time basis. All my freeloading² relatives (as well as my husband's) would be hittingon³me to "help them out.Let's Talk! 2 My husband. without giving anything in return ³ asking for a favor ⁴ unfortunate 11 . After 15 minutes of envisioning my life as a millionaire I decided that I am better off with things the way we are. Then I'd have to decide if I wanted a Mercedes or a Rolls–Royce. would quit his job and turn into a fullblown¹ ALCOHOLIC. etc. ___________________________________________________________________ ¹ fully developed ² taking advantage of free food and lodging.
He suggested that we meet in another town. We've been in counseling and learned a great deal about ourselves and each other. I can't believe that her input is unbiased. letters. regardless of age. however. He's 42 and has three children. [C]I'm a 27-year-old single woman living in a fairly small town. nor do I believe that her own needs and desires don’t affect her advice. My husband just began to grumble about our relationship and ordered me to knock off those lunches and movies. creed. He has other female friends. I've work with a married man for five years. walked away. But I think I am an adult who is free to have lunch with any friend I choose. sex. and an occasional drink. have a few drinks and get a hotel room. I must add that I have never cared whether or not my husband's friends were male or female. [B]I am a 44-year-old woman who is having a platonic relationship with a 35year-old man.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 35 PLATONIC FRIENDS [A]My husband and I are trying to put our marriage back together after his affair with another woman. I believe Rob when he says he wants to stay with me and work things out. and I would say we are good friends. race. Rob insists that I accept this other woman as his "friend" someone with whom he can share his work and intellectual interests. The friend has had more formal education than I. I'm unable to be impartial toward this woman because she tried to break up our home and hurt our children. There is one sticking point. I was offended. I know he continues to share personal information about our marriage with this woman and she "advises" him. but I am not a dummy. which is OK with me because I don’t feel they are a threat to our marriage. and refused to speak to him for three weeks. or marital status. There is nothing sexual involved – we just have lunch together and maybe see a movie every few weeks. 12 . Their friendship consists of phone calls. I also believe that he has been faithful since we started counseling.
and I've told no one about his suggestion. I really like him a lot. and he hasn’t harassed me in any way. We have not discussed his suggestion since I turned him down. I would like to know him better. I can't believe that her input is unbiased. What is the sticking point over Rob and his wife trying to put their marriage back together? 2. Do Rob and his "girlfriend" enjoy their relationship? 3. Why did the wife feel OK about her husband's female friends in the past? 4. Is it OK for us to become platonic friends? I don’t want to hurt his marriage or his reputation. nor do I believe that her own needs and desires don’t affect her advice. I would never forgive myself if I were to become sexually involved with a married man. 4. put our marriage back together 2. I'm unable to be impartial 7. I was offended Questions 1. Why does the wife worry about this particular woman? 13 . but I'd like to know him intellectually (not physically). Should I bring it out and make my feelings clear to him? What Does It Mean? 1. He's well-respected in the community. platonic relationship 8. and there aren’t many opportunities to talk at work. knock off 9. marital status 10. I'm not a dummy. I might have accepted. she advises him 5. 6. sticking point. If he has just suggested the drinks and not the hotel room.Let's Talk! 2 I started talking to him again. I could learn a lot from him. 3.
Why does she want to know him better? Discussion Points 1. work. Is friendship or a platonic relationship possible between a man and a woman? 3. Did he continue to rub her. How old is the woman's friend? 2. Why did she refuse his suggestion? 4. the wrong way after his suggestion was turned down? 5. If your spouse insisted that he or she had a platonic relationship with another person. Why does she think she has a right to have a relationship with anyone she chooses? [C] 1. Do you think that a common interest. a hobby. What do they do when they see each other? 3. or the same intellectual pursuits could be a good reason to have a platonic relationship? 7. Have you ever had any platonic relationships with someone from the opposite sex? 6. Would it be acceptable if the relationship is open? 5. would you accept it? 4. Is it possible for a man to see a woman as a friend after they have had a love affair? 2. How long has she worked with the married man? 2. Does her husband accept the relationship? 4. What did he suggest recently? 3.Let's Talk! 2 [B] 1. Do you think either husband or wife has a right to "order" that a platonic relationship should be stopped? 14 .
When one of the spouses has a so-called "platonic relationship." it's a dynamite situation which will eventually explode. It sounds as if he wants a wife and a girlfriend both. 4. write letters. The relationship might start out innocently. She should tell him she refuses to settle for that kind of arrangement and the ball is now in his court. 15 . I don’t buy that. and meet occasionally to have a drink. so they should stop the relationship immediately. The relationship is not secret and she says there says there is nothing sexual involved. which inevitably entails sexual wrong-doing. They talk on the phone.Let's Talk! 2 Opinion Samples 1. but may end up in a motel room. Her husband needs to grow up. Married men and women don’t "date" other people if they value their marriage. and he wants to call it platonic? Nonsense. 3. 2. I think her husband has nothing to worry about. What we really have to worry about is a secret relationship.
Part of the reason was my husband's belief in my potential and his constant encouragement. we celebrated my many promotions 2. How did her husband help her gain success in her job? 3. we celebrated my many promotions. My friends called it "a classic mid-life crisis. Over the years. Success is cold comfort in an empty bed. What does success mean to her? 16 . What is she wondering now? 6. What do you think about this? Should I have it coming and slowed down? I love my career. Success is cold comfort in an empty bed. and lost a man I love. How long did it take before she succeeded in her field? 2. What does she think is the real reason her husband filed for divorce? 4. I worked hard.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 36 A CLASSIC MID-LIFE CRISIS After working hard for 20 years.) I believe the real reason for the divorce is my success. Now I'm wondering if this is exclusively a male thing. but nothing can alleviate the pain I feel. Pop psychology "experts" have offered many glib explanations 3. if this is exclusively a male thing 4. Pop psychology "experts" have offered many glib explanations." (He just turned 40. I've never known a woman who divorced her husband because he became successful. became successful. Dave filed for divorced. Were psychology professionals helpful in lessening her pain? 5. But recently. What does it mean? 1. but I also love Dave. I have attained significant success in my field. Questions 1. Should I have seen it coming and slowed down? 5.
This world is filled with women who are more successful than their husbands. The wise wife knows how to cut down the glare of the spotlight and move her husband closer to center stage. 17 . How would you feel if your wife were very successful and making more money than you? 3. it proves that he doesn’t really love her. I don’t understand her husband if there were no other problem except her successful career. I wonder if she made an effort to do this. and they are still married. Do you think it is true that a wife with a job tends to disregard her husband? Opinion Samples 1. jealous and hurt? If he feels that way. He would have left anyway. Are you for or against your wife's having a career? 2. Would you help your wife with housework or child care if she had a job outside the home? 4. He needs to grow up.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. If so. 2. There must have been other problems that she was not aware of. Why should her success make him feel upset. there should be no self-recrimination.
What Does It Mean? 1. he stood up and announced that he and his wife were going to bed because I refused to change the channel! My husband was furious with me for refusing to give in – and I was angry at being ordered to change the TV channel while the card players entertained themselves as they pleased. while I watched TV in the living room.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 37 TV CHANNEL Recently my husband and I were guests in my in-laws' home. What did she do there? 3. Why did the son and his wife go to bed? 9. How did she retort? 8. spirited game 2. After a few minutes came this voice from afar – it was my husband's son demanding that I change the channel! I told him I didn’t want to change the channel and suggested that he concentrate on his card game. inquisitive nature Questions 1. Was she interested in the program? 6. became interested. What was on TV that night? 5. Why was the writer angry? 18 . A minute or so later. What did the husband's son demand? 7. Why was the writer husband angry? 10. I. What did the other family members do? 4. Where did the writer go recently? 2. being of an inquisitive nature and possessing a thirst for knowledge. When a program came on about sexual dysfunction. as were my husband's son and his wife became involved in a spirited game of spades.
2. What kind of program on TV do you favor? Why? 6. In many families the channel selection power has come into the hands of the kids because of the parents' lack of responsibility. so she had a right to enjoy herself anyway she wanted. Can you imagine why the son demanded that she change the channel? 2. which seems a very private matter. The right to decide what to watch should be in the hands of parents.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. The program was about sexual dysfunction. Children seem to watch everything they want. I say the son had no right to order her to change the channel. I understand the son demanded her to change the channel because the program on TV was not proper for a family gathering. Do you think TV can be educational for children? Opinion Samples 1. Parents tend to believe that watching TV is always educational and don’t seem to consider the possible side effects when children are exposed to TV randomly for a long time. 19 . However. Was it right for the husband's son to demand that she do so? 3. Who is the most powerful person in your family in term of TV channel selection? 5. All the people there except the writer were enjoying themselves by playing cards. Did her husband have good reason to get angry with her simply because she refused to follow the son's demand? 4. even though it was at his house. And parents should be intelligent enough to screen the children programs and decide which is really educational.
motivation. when he or she has learned to read well. After that. but I recommend that parents allow no more than five hours of television a week. curiosity. thereby causing problems in following directions and anticipating consequences. imagination. sequential thinking. it also fails to promote logical. there is problem letting a child watch educational or sports programs.Let's Talk! 2 3. I think it makes sense to keep a child away from television as much as possible until at least the third grade. Television-watching inhibits initiative. Because the action shifts constantly in time. When kids are watching TV they're doing nothing since no one skill is being exercised. 20 . reasoning and attention span. There is ample evidence that television-generation children deprived of opportunities for discovery and developing natural gifts are less competent than previous generations.
21 . I haven’t seen very much of my brother these last few years because he has moved away. The doctor ordered Sam to quit smoking. His nonstop smoking was more than my wife and I could handle. Sam's family and mine traveled together a great deal and we had young children. Why did Sam quit smoking? 4. Why did the writer offer Sam $1. Did Sam quit smoking gradually? Discussion Points 1.000? 2. We were hoping he would accept the offer and were very disappointed when he didn’t. Did Sam accept the offer? 3.000 or not. Several months ago. Does the writer owe Sam $1. Do I owe him the $1. Sam had a heart attack followed by bypass surgery. I told Sam that he would have to wait five years to collect because I need time to save that much money. I also wanted to make certain he wouldn't start smoking again.000? Twenty years ago I offered my brother $1. He quit cold turkey 2. What does it mean? 1.000 if he would quit smoking.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 38 DO I OWE HIM $1.000? 2. and it no longer matters to me if he smokes or not. It no longer matters to me if he smokes or not.000. Questions 1. He quit cold turkey and now says I owe him $1. Talk about ways to quit smoking.
but it was many years later. 2. His offer expired⁵a long time ago.Let's Talk! 2 3. ___________________________________________________________________ ⁵ came to an end 22 . He doesn’t owe Sam the $1. The offer didn’t specify how or why and had no expiration date. Opinion Samples 1. by gradual withdrawal or cold-turkey. Sam quit because the doctor ordered him to. Which do think is the best way to quit. He owes Sam $1.000 because he offered him the money if Sam stopped smoking.000.
Why was he nervous when he tried to open it? Discussion Points 1. Was it easy for him to open the computer case? 4. What did the airport guard ask him to do? 3. "Why were you so nervous?" I asked him. and the guard had to wait patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. what did the husband carry? 2. "The numbers are the date of our anniversary. For this business trip.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION39 FORGETFULNESS I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. How do you celebrate your birthday? 3. What Does It Mean? 1. How do you celebrate your wedding anniversary? 4." my husband confessed. He was carrying his portable computer with him and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked. the combination Questions 1. What is the best way to make your spouse remember your special days? 23 . How would you feel if your husband forgot your special days? 5. Does your husband always remember special days such as your birthday and wedding anniversary? 2. At last he succeeded.
Let's Talk! 2 Opinion Samples 1. It is only six days away. I'm sentimental! Birthdays are very important to me. so I star two weeks ahead of time talking about mine. 2. but it hurts less to expect nothing than to hope in vain. He is unaware of the pain caused by his thoughtfulness. I can't wait for my birthday to come. I accept him as a man with a permanent handicap and shield myself from the ice-pick of rejection. His handicap makes it impossible for him to perceive my feelings. No nagging. then you will not be disappointed" sounds like a self-fulfilled prophecy⁶. I just tell the truth: "My birthday is a big deal to me. where shall we go to celebrate?" _______________________________________________________________ ⁶ foretelling of what is to come ⁷ complaining 24 . It took me a lot of time and painful effort before I accepted the fact that he cannot – nor will he ever – provide the love and interest that he should. Just saying "expect nothing. It's not easy to insulate myself this way. Nor would I shield myself from rejection by regarding a thoughtless man as one with a "permanent handicap. 3. whining⁷ or "poor me" stuff." Thoughtlessness need not be permanent. My husband is so forgetful that he never remembers my special days.
The baby will soon be a year old. Why didn’t she demand any financial assistance? 25 . like on Christmas and child's birthday. we believe he is being unfair by ignoring her and their child. What Does It Mean? 1. Prior to the knowledge of Dee's pregnancy. Dee hasn’t demanded any financial assistance. We don’t know if we should send a birthday gift to the youngster or not. but we are afraid he won't be able to live with himself years from now if he continues to behave as if Dee and his child don’t exist. Under the circumstances we're uncomfortable about establishing any kind of bond or relationship. like for Boyd to be a part of their child's life. Even though Dee chased our son shamelessly. At this point. Boyd had to break up with her. Even though Dee chased our son shamelessly Questions 1. What has the son done? 2. She would. 3. if only to show up a couple of times a year. who is in his early 20s. so apparently true love was not part of their relationship. Prior to the knowledge of Dee's pregnancy. We offered to buy him a plane ticket.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 40 DEADBEAT DAD Our son. probably because she realizes that Boyd doesn’t have much to offer. has fathered a child with a young lady who lives who lives in another state. and Boyd has expressed no interest in seeing him. Apparently Boyd is trying to forget his mistake. deadbeat 2. When did he try to break up with young lady? 3. which he refused to accept. however. 4. Boyd doesn’t have much to offer.
Do they want to have any relationship with the baby? Discussion Points 1. Since many kinds of contraceptives⁹ are available. The fact that Boyd is having in an immature and irresponsible manner doesn’t mean that his parents must cut themselves off from their grandson. Boyd has a bit growing up to do. even if his partner becomes pregnant. he must be exempt from any financial responsibility or legal obligation. Was he interested in seeing the baby? 6. Do the parents think it is fair for their son not to see the baby? 7. What did she ask the baby's father to do? 5. When a man makes it clear that he doesn’t want a baby while dating. He also needs to understand how important it is to accept his son – both for the child's sake and his own. if a woman becomes pregnant under these conditions she must have done so deliberately to trap the man into the marriage. Do you think the parents should have an intimate relationship with the girl and the baby? 2. Boyd should realize that he is obligated⁸ to support his own child. Is a man responsible if his girlfriend gives birth to a baby against his wish? Opinion Samples 1. 2.Let's Talk! 2 4. In addition. The parents had better send a gift and be part of the grandson's life. ___________________________________________________________________ ⁸ obliged morally or legally ⁹ birth control devices or drugs 26 .
informing me that my father has just passed away! In retrospect. I then read a letter in the newspaper stating that the Salvation Army locates long-lost relatives. so I hurriedly flew to Salt Lake City to visit him in the hospital. but waited for about five years before I wrote to the Salvation Army about locating my father. I may be unusual because I’ve never had a desire to find mine. So all you adopted people. I would never do that. It wasn’t until I became a father myself that I had a desire to see my dad again. I agonized over the fact that I hadn’t tried to find him sooner. I saved that column. I suppose I should feel grateful for having had the chance to see my dad before he died. I received a call from the hospital. I’m grateful to her because the parents who raised me have given me a wonderful home. 27 . My mother gave me up at birth for my own good – and hers. Four days later. I believe that most adopted adults who search for their birth mothers must be unhappy with their parents or their parents or their own lives. two months later the Salvation Army contacted me at my home in Sacramento. and saw my father only a few times before he decided to move out of the state to avoid paying child support.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 41 SEARCH FOR NATURAL PARENTS [A] My parents divorced when I was four years old. The one you have couldn’t be any more real. Tomorrow may be too late. I want to urge anyone who has a desire to locate lost elative to do it today. saying that they had found my dad and that he wanted to communicate with m! I was told that he was ill. I feel sorry for parents who have adopted children and given them a good home. The divorce was very nasty. appreciate your good fortune and don’t go poking around trying to find your “real” mother. To my great surprise. [B] You hear so much these days about adopted adults who want to find their “real” mothers. I spent the weekend there and we had a very nice time catching up on the 30-year gap in our relationship. only to have them go looking for their “real” mothers. Actually.
Let's Talk! 2 What Does It Mean? 1. Why is he against for searching for natural parents? Discussion Points 1. Is he for or against searching for one’s natural parents? [B} 1. Do you think adoption records should remain sealed unless the both the birth parents and the adopted children agree to opening them? 28 . Does he believe that adopted adults should search for their natural parents? 4. Questions [A} 1. Do you think it is natural for adopted adults to have the desire to search for their natural parents? 2. Don’t go poking around trying to find your “real” mother. In retrospect 4. Can you imagine why he waited five years before he actually wrote a letter to the Salvation Army about locating his father? 5. Why is he grateful for his natural mother? 3. Did he and his father have an argument? 7. would you search for your natural parents? 3. Salvation Army locates long-lost relatives. Why should he feel grateful? 9. Do you think adoptive parents are disappointed if their adopted children search for their natural parents? 5. 3. 2. Then why did he feel agony? 10. the divorce was very nasty. Why did his father move out of the state? 3. My mother gave me up at birth for my own good and hers… 5. What would you say to your adopted children if they desired to their natural parents? 4. Why does the writer think he is unusual? 2. When did his father die? 8. How long did it take to the Salvation Army to locate his father? 6. If you were an adopted adult. When did he get the desire to see his father? 4. When did the man’s parent divorce? 2.
2. 29 . unless both the birth parents and the adopted child agree to it. Many adopted adults have no desire to their birth parents. That is human instinct. but your real mother misses you a lot. as is their right. Confidential adoption should be guaranteed. If you were not interested in searching for natural mother. that might be OK for you. regardless of how wonderful their adoptive parents are. Many adopted adults desperately want to know about their roots. so they are not really unusual – but they are lucky.Let's Talk! 2 Opinion Samples 1. Adoptees should be permitted to learn the medical history of their parents but nothing more. And some birth mothers prefer not to be found. 3.
How do they know the painting has been in an art show? 3. Do they like the wedding gift from Andy? 2. He must have exhibited it in an art show because the price tag was still on the back of it. This painting is definitely not to our taste. This painting is definitely not to our taste. Andy loves to paint. Should we keep the painting and hide it in the closet? Or is there a tactful way to give it back to Andy so he can enjoy it himself or give it so someone else who would appreciate it? What does it mean? 1. so he gave us one of his paintings. 2. and he probably spent many precious hours on it. I suppose this painting has some special meaning to Andy.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 42 DIFFERENT TASTE My husband and I received a wedding gift from a co-worker named Andy. What are three options in dealing with this situation? Discussion Points 1. Was it OK for Andy to give the painting with a price tag on it? 3. tactful way Questions 1. Is it ok for a giver to ask the receiver what present to buy beforehand? 30 . How would you handle this situation? 2.
2. If they return it. would he be hurt? Insulted? Grateful? If Andy values the painting. 31 . I’m sure he’d rather have it stuck away in some dark closet. I think giving any present with a price tag on it is against common courtesy. It depends on the couple’s relationship with Andy. This is a difficult decision to make.Let's Talk! 2 Opinion Samples 1. If I received one I would be upset because the giver has tacitly told me the value he puts on our relationship.
Questions 1. What did his friend say about virgins? 5. a friend I discussed this with recently said most virgins today are 12 years of age or younger.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 43 I WANT A VIRGIN I’m a single male in my mid-20s. How can I find what I’m looking for? What Does it Mean? 1. I insist on having an untouched woman for my wife. I want to marry a virgin. I realize that as I get older. I’ve had many girlfriends and a great deal of sexual experience. Although I’ve been around a lot. most virgins will be a lot younger than I am. What if you meet the perfect woman and it turns out that… (A) She is a widow? (B) She was once raped? 32 . Although I’ve been around a lot 2. In fact. Do you think you have a right to criticize some men simply because they want to marry virgins in spite of their own sexual experience? 3. Is he looking for a virgin? 3. untouched woman for my life. Should your future spouse be a virgin regardless of your own sexual experience? 2. What does he realize? 4. but now I am ready to settle down and get married. I’m not the kind of man who could date anyone under 18. I will not get married unless I can find one. Will he date anyone under 18? Discussion Points 1. Is he virgin? 2.
esp. most people don’t need lessons.Let's Talk! 2 (C) She was a victim of childhood sexual abuse? 4. brief sexual encounters 33 . Would you voluntarily let your future spouse know about your sexual experience if you are not a virgin? Or would you hide your sexual history? 5. he has a right to have a pure bride. If he does not talk about his sexual experience. who would know he is not a virgin? ___________________________________________________________________ ¹⁰ sexually promiscuous person ¹¹ had sexual adventures. What kind of man is it who believes it’s perfectly OK to hit the mattress with every available female and then expect his future wife to be 100 percent pure? Do these guys think virgins are just waiting around for some experienced male to teach them about life? I would rather have a man who knew absolutely nothing about sex than marry an alley cat¹⁰. After all. adulterously ¹² casual sex acts. 2. They do what comes naturally. Would you ask your future spouse about his or her sexual experience? 6. How can we condemn him just for wanting a virgin as his future bride? Even though he has enjoyed many one-night stands¹². A man who has fooled around¹¹ as much as he has doesn’t deserve and shouldn’t expect a pristine-pure bride. Would you tell the truth if asked about your sexual experience? Opinion Samples 1.
he writes her off¹⁴ as a cold fish or maybe a lesbian¹⁵. That means I will never hear from him again. my date tells me he “respects” me.Let's Talk! 2 3. It didn’t matter to me if my wife was a virgin. or third date. When I say I’m still a virgin and plan to stay that way until marriage. Most of the men I’ve dated want sex within the first three dates. I learned from bitter experience that a woman can’t win.” That way. everybody gets a fair shake¹⁶ and a fresh start. since I could trust her not to fool around after we were married. ___________________________________________________________________ ¹³ promiscuous women ¹⁴ discounts ¹⁵homosexual woman ¹⁶ just or reasonable arrangement 34 . If she sleeps with a guy on the first. When we started to go out. second. 4. don’t tell. he figures she’s a tramp¹³. I invoked the policy the pentagon applies to gays in the military – “Don’t ask. If she doesn’t.
His successful business plummeted into bankruptcy. ended up 2.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 44 LOVE AFFAIR My husband spent a lot of time with his attractive assistant. She began to pressure him to get a divorce. She made the mistake however. assuming 3. my husband resented the pressure and ended the affair. It turned out that in spite of his persistent denials. 5. marriage vows 7. What did the mistress do when the man ended the affair? 35 . What did the mistress demand? 3. After a while. what he had put them through Questions 1. That’s when we ended up in the counselor’s office. A healing has taken place in our entire family. His successful business plummeted into bankruptcy and he became deeply depressed. We renewed our marriage vows and continued counseling for 18 months. The woman became extremely angry and accused him of ruining her life. grief-stricken 4. After several years of absolute misery. He apologized to our three adult children for what he had put them through and asked for forgiveness. What Does it Mean? 1. of assuming that because he was involved with her he didn’t love me. He was filled with guilt over what he had done to her and grief-stricken because of what he had done to me. my husband and I ended up in a counselor’s office. He asked me to forgive him and said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life making up for what he had done. an affair had indeed taken place with his assistant. Making up for what he had done 6. What mistake did the mistress make? 2.
only to find the doors locked. My husband and I had breakfast and dinner together several days a week. Lunch. There is no legitimate excuse for a spouse to have an affair. What would you do if your wife had an affair? 3. the agony and humiliation are over. If one spouse is having an affair. What happened to the man’s business after the affair? 5. For 10 years he met dame¹⁸ at noon for quickie¹⁹. and he brought the food. female ¹⁹ the sex act done very hastily ²⁰ story 36 .Let's Talk! 2 4. he or she should talk it over with the errant partner and work things out. and you are free to make meaningful life on your own. I never caught on because I never dreamed there where people would settle for so little. worthless person ¹⁸ a woman. 2. Many divorces report that wandering mate asks if he can come back home. If one feels abused or taken for granted. She supplied the apartment. So when did he find time to fool around? You guessed it. What did he finally do for his family members? Discussion Points 1. Most women think they know when their husbands are cheating. Marriage is a partnership. do you think it’s justified for the other partner to have one too? 5. Your life is better focused. 3. Neither has the right to cheat on the other. Do you think having an affair should be punished by law? 4. What would you do if your husband had an affair? 2. you should dump him immediately so you can feel relieved to be free of the bum¹⁷. Can you believe your spouse is faithful to you even if you haven’t noticed any sign of fooling around? Opinion Samples 1. When your husband has a love affair. He never went anywhere in the evening without me. Is my saga²⁰ unique? ___________________________________________________________________ ¹⁷ tramp. We were together every weekend.
My friends say they would kill to have a husband like Jim. 5. and I am all for²¹ it. because I need romance and excitement in my life. I stand to collect several hundred thousand dollars in insurance money. ___________________________________________________________________ ²¹ in favor of. and anything I do is fine with him because then he’s able to spend more time with her.Let's Talk! 2 4. My husband of 26 years has had the same mistress for a years.) When he finally drops dead. He is not aware that I know what’s going on and he treats me like a queen because he has such a guilty conscience he feels compelled to make it up to me. Here are my reasons: I am able to spend a lot of time alone (which I prefer). honest. So why do I have affairs? (I’ve had three in the past twelve years). I figure he will die at an early age due to the constant stress he is under trying to hide his affair from me. loyal and a wonderful father to our three children. I’ve been married to Jim for 20 years. Jim’s love making is humdrum²³ and matter-of-fact²⁴. The other woman is doing me a great favor. He is an excellent provider²². and all of our assets will be 100 percent mine. He will not see a counselor. They both tell me to leave Jim and start a new life. but I don’t want to break up my home. He’s hard-working. on the side of ²² person who supports a family or another person ²³ boring. but I’ve seen two. Also he doesn’t take care of his health. (He averages about three hours’ sleep a night. My lovers make me feel desirable. and I have total freedom. dull ²⁴ direct or unemotional 37 .
Be a volunteer. There will be others there who want to improve their lives. Take evening courses at your local community college. 6. you will meet your future husband. 5. skate. Join a health club.V. There are many worthwhile organizations looking for extra hands. You meet people there. If you follow these six steps. Drop him like a bad habit. Make yourself available to eligible²⁶ men. Nobody is going to break your door to marry you. 4. Go on a supervised diet. 1. 2. disturbingly eccentric person ²⁶ qualified 38 . Do you swim. 3. __________________________________________________________________ ²⁵ boring. That selfish creep²⁵ has already stolen several years of your life. Lose some weight if you need to. Shut off the T. Stop fantasizing about your lover. ski or play bridge or tennis? Not only can you meet people when you take lessons but also afterwards. Advice to a woman in love with a married man.Let's Talk! 2 6. Get out of your comfortable routine and force yourself to get a social life.
I have a male friend who makes his living on Wall Street and who knows a lot about stocks. Instead of going up. relieve his conscience? Or should I tell him I’m a big girl? What Does It Mean? 1. This may not be a lot of money to some people. I’m a big girl. Where did the money come from? 7. How much is her stock worth now? 9. Well. and I’ve been self-supporting since I graduated from college three years ago. but it represented my life’s savings. it represented my life’s savings 5. My friend felt guilty and offered to buy it from me at the price I paid for it. What caused her to invest? 5. Questions 1. How long has she been financially independent? 2. I’ve been self-supporting 2. makes his living on Wall Street 3. this friend told me that he had a “hot” stock that would sure go up immediately.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 45 STOCK INVESTMENT BLUES I’m a young woman on my own.000 in it. buying and selling stocks is not a gamble if you know what you’re doing 4. What does her male friend do for a living? 3. It is worth $500 now. How much did he invest? 6. Should I let him buy it to. the stock went down. He has done very well and insists that buying and selling stocks is not a gamble if you know what you are doing. What happened to the stock she bought? 8. Under what condition does her friend think stock trading is different from gambling? 4. What did he offer to do for her? 39 . I believed him and invested $5.
___________________________________________________________________ ²⁷ repayments 40 . How can anybody be paid back for a loss in stock investment? Stock investment is an adult game and guarantees no reimbursement²⁷. he had a moral obligation to keep his eye on it. Would you accept his offer if you were in her situation? 2. Since he advised her to buy the stock with her life’s savings.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. Even though her friend knows Wall Street well and recommended buying a particular stock. Who do you think is responsible for the loss? 3. Do you think a stock broker’s recommendation automatically means responsibility? Opinion Samples 1. 2. the ultimate responsibility falls on the investor herself. If I were her I’d take him up on his offer.
What Does It Mean? 1. he was. Why didn’t her neighbors tell her earlier about her husband’s infidelity? 5. If she had been told. I wanted to scream. “Why didn’t you tell me? You could have spared me all this!” Then I realized that they probably thought they were doing “the right thing” by keeping quiet. After I filed for a divorce three of my neighbors told me that for the last year they had seen this young woman entering and leaving my home many times after I had left for work. what could she have done? 41 . When did she catch him and his girlfriend in bed? 3. or at least I could have filed for divorce earlier and be spared the humiliation of walking in on such a scene.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 46 THE LAST TO KNOW My husband was the quiet “type” the last person in the world anyone would suspect capable of infidelity. they probably thought they were doing “the right thing” by keeping quiet 4. capable of infidelity 2. What kind of person was her husband? 2. I caught him his girlfriend right in our bed when I came home unexpectedly from a trip. the problem could have ironed out by counseling Questions 1. “Why didn’t you tell me? You could have spared me all this!” 3. What did her neighbors tell her after she filed for divorce? 4. Had I been told. perhaps the problem could have been ironed out by counseling. Nevertheless.
Why do you think the neighbors were reluctant to inform her of her husband’s infidelity? Opinion Samples 1. so they might not be able to decide whether or not they inform her of her husband’s “suspicious” behavior. How about writing an anonymous letter? ___________________________________________________________________ ²⁸possibilities 42 . The husband’s strange behavior continued during a whole year. so they had to find away to report to the wife. which in fact later proved to be a divorce-causing problem. And that was not the thing they could ask. 2.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. Furthermore. and three neighbors noticed something wrong was going on. The neighbors may have suspected some strange behavior. Do you think the neighbors should have told her husband’s affair or was simply none of their business? 2. but they couldn’t know what was really going on unless they asked the couple involved. this case represents a very personal matter. There is too much margin²⁸for error. People are reluctant to inform on their neighbors.
It is a common practice for girls in my high school to make the first move. Isn’t it common practice for boys to make the first move in the writer’s school? 3. would like to know me better 4. secret admirer 3. let him know it. As a matter of fact. What Does It Mean? 1. because she took the initiative 5. Who asked him out on his first date? 2. it was a girl who asked me out on my first date.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 47 FIRST MOVE I am a high school senior. Why does the writer think the girl’s first move is a good idea? 43 . and we still date every so often. I ever went steady with. She has everything to gain and nothing to lose Questions 1. 2. If it weren’t for her making the first move I would never have met her. One day in school I received a “secret admirer” note from a girl who said she had seen me at a football game and would like to know me better. Of all the girls I’ve ever went steady with. Because she took the initiative. I dated her and we became very good friends. She has everything to gain and nothing to lose. they all made the first move. and about 75 percent of my dates have come about because the girls asked me. I say if a girl wants to know a fellow better.
If the feeling of love is shared between two people. and this tradition won’t change overnight. 2. but it is more natural. How do you usually let a prospective date know you are interested? 3. 3. I’m not saying that only boys should make the first move. Do you think it is OK for girls to ask guys out? 2. and bright girls know when to let them do so. Do you think it’s OK for a woman to call a man first? Opinion Samples 1. 44 . who is going to make the first move is the last thing to be considered. How ridiculous it is to ask who is going to make the first move! Is it necessary to distinguish between the sexes? Love is a feeling. If a man and a woman are attracted to each other it doesn’t matter if the man calls the woman or the woman calls the man.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. How would you feel if you were approached by a girl? 5. Women are people. How would you usually make the first move? 4. and feelings never discriminate between sexes. Smart boys know when to move. and people shouldn’t play games. It is common sense that boys usually make the first move.
I realize that churches have to save some money. I am dunned for money 2. what happens? 3. What do churches do with all their money? What Does It Mean? 1. a racket Questions [A] 1. How much money did the woman give the church? [B] 1. I thought religion was free. What does the writer realize? 5. How often does the writer go to church? 2. When the writer does go to church.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 48 CHURCH ETIQUETE [A] While in church I saw a woman put a $5 bill in the collection plate and take back $4. Is that considered proper etiquette? [B] I am not overly religious but I do like to go to church once in a while. What does the writer understand? 45 . It seems to me that every time I go I am dunned for money. What did the writer see in church? 2. but I think their behavior is getting to be a racket. What did the writer think about religion? 4.
The only example that should be set is one of kindness. they should bring a little extra the following Sunday. pass the basket along. those he see him passing the basket without putting anything in may assume he’s giving nothing. If people choose to steal from the collection they will have to answer to a higher authority than “Churchgoer. 4. While the person who gives to the church once a year may be very generous. they leave themselves open for suspicion. Why start a precedent by taking money out< it will only temp someone less honest to do something crooked. Why does putting nothing in the collection plate at church set a poor example? Maybe the person is out of work or has suffered some serious business reversal. Do you think the making change from the collection plate is against common courtesy? 2. rather than making change. Do you feel “a duty” to put money in the collection plate? 3. How many church goers donate one tenth of their overall income? 4.” 46 . When people start digging around the collection basket. and mind their own business. Contributing generously at the end of the year in one lump sum is another alternative. When people go to church they should be prepared with money for the offering. 2. Do you think the churches are going too rich? Opinion Samples 1.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. Poor people need the fellowship of a church more than ever. God knows the woman put in a $5 bill and took back $4. 3. People should give what they can. She did nothing wrong from any view point. If they really did forget.
Staff. Even priests. ministers. lighted and beautified.Let's Talk! 2 5. Churches can’t live on air. professional choir members. but when they pipe it to you you’ve got to help pay for the piping. hence they have financial obligations. And the piper! 47 . and musicians must also be paid. Buildings must be maintained. may be free. (And of course. they must be built!) Custodial staff must eat and feed their families. and rabbis must eat. Since they work full time at their tasks their churches must support them. like water. heated. Religions. Most churches engage in philanthropic work.
It also promotes child abuse. It also humiliates and angers children. 2. Schools that forbid paddling are more peaceful. Vandalism Questions 1. Do you really believe that? Or does the paddling simply reflect the teacher’s uncontrolled anger? 4. Paddling creates fear in children and lowers their self-esteem. Are you for or against paddling in school? 2. Paddling 3. Paddling children with a board is child abuse. as students lose interest in being educated in a Nazi-like atmosphere. How does the writer think corporal punishment affects our society? 2. What would you do if your child were paddled in school? 3. This adds to the dropout rate and lowers and test scores. It also promotes child abuse in our communities by sending the message that it is OK for adults to hit children. and the students appreciate being treated with respect to their teachers and to the school. How does paddling affect children’s psyches? 3. What Does It Mean? 1. How does paddling affect children’s school life? 4. What is the relationship between paddling and vandalism? Discussion Points 1. We should speak out against corporal punishment in our schools.Let's Talk! 2 SITTUATION 49 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT We should speak out against corporal punishment in our schools. Do you spank your child at home? If so when? 48 . increasing vandalism and violence in the schools. We often hear a teacher say that he paddles children for the sake of their education.
3. we may feel we are losing control of the younger generation. I don’t believe in hitting a child. That’s partly because corporal punishment never goes out of fashion²⁹. 4. and the message a child receives when he is struck. but it will only teach the child that violence is the answer to all conflicts. A little slap on the wrist (just enough to hurt his dignity) is all right. The job of parents is to prepare a child to get an education. job. it is tempting to use physical punishment on a child. And teachers and principals should not be expected to do work of parents. When pressures build up. spanking a child when you are angry can be dangerous. hitting a child hard enough to hurt him physically may rid you of your hostilities. or paddled is that might makes right.Let's Talk! 2 Opinion Samples 1. Lessons must come from the head and the heart – not the fist or the paddle. respect one’s elders. sometimes very difficult. and work cooperatively with others. 2. Children are often injured when an angry parent loses control. latchkey children and increasing violence. _______________________________________________________________ ²⁹ becomes unpopular as a style 49 . Children should learn through example. However. slapped. We realize that in this age of one-parent households. However. Parenting is a challenging. Children should be taught that violence causes more violence. and in that sense some degree of corporal punishment is necessary.
therefore it is easier to hit a child than help the child learn self-control. to solve their own problems. But discipline can be achieved without hitting or spanking. then the parents must set that example³¹ themselves. and to live in peace with themselves and others. If parents want children to obey rules. This society seems to value “quick fix” solution to everyday problems. Children will do as we do more than as we say. Children who are disciplined by constant hitting and spanking soon learn that the way to deal with life’s frustration is to lash out³⁰ physically at others. _______________________________________________________________ ³⁰ strike vigorously ³¹ show a pattern or model. as of something to be imitated or avoided 50 .Let's Talk! 2 5. to control their anger. Teaching children discipline is important.
Memorial Day 2. daughter-in-law. cave in Questions 1. and grandson accepted our invitation for a Memorial Day cookout party." and then she hung up. perhaps another time. Does the son's family like pets? 5. They live about 45-minute drive from our home. I said. Our daughter-in-law somewhat reluctantly agreed to leave their dog home. she telephoned to say that she was sorry." She said. goodbye. What was this family going to do? 2. all right bring the dog." Memorial Day morning. How far away does the son's family live? 3. pet people 3. but I understand your feelings. She probably expected me to cave in and say. "Well. knowing that my wife and I are not "pet people. "I'm sorry you are not coming. Neither she nor my son has communicated with us since. What Does It Mean? 1. Why did the daughter-in-law telephone the grandparents? 6. "Well. Why haven’t the son and daughter-in-law telephoned again? 51 . but she just couldn’t leave the dog alone all day. Do the grandparents like pets? 4." Instead.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 50 PET PEOPLE'S TROUBLE Our son. Then she said that the dog was a member of their family.
The writer had the right to ban pets from his home. 2.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. Who do think was wrong? 2. I understand the writer has the right to say "no. 52 . If we want to have a good relationship. and there wouldn’t have been any estranged relationship among family members. The important issue here is maintaining a friendly relationship among the family members. Who do think should break the silence first? Opinion Samples 1. The party was just for a few hours or a day." But if the parents had said "yes." they might have looked very generous to their children and grandchildren. and the daughter-in-law had the right to decline his invitation because she couldn’t bring the dog. Who was right or wrong is unimportant. we sometimes have to endure some unwanted things.
Dad did not tell me about Denise. my mom was hit by a car. I asked dad if it was true. Since mom has not been able to be much of a wife to him. he has found himself a mistress.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 51 SNEAKY FATHER I am a 16-year-old with a very heavy burden on my shoulders. Mom has been in and out of mental hospitals for the past six months. 1992. I learned from friends that he had been seen with this woman. and dad assumes that I will protect him. She had brain surgery. If he kept silent. Should the boy tell his mother about the father's sneaking around? 2. My mother has no idea what's going on. and he said "yes. Mom has not been able to be much of a wife to him 2. How did the writer find out about his father's affair? 5. What Does It Mean? 1. Lame excuse Questions 1. would he be betraying his mother? 53 . What kind of disease is his mother suffering from? 3. but please keep quiet. Why does the boy hesitate to tell his mother? 6. My biggest problem right now is my father." I am in terrible bind because I don’t want to hurt my mother. What happened to the boy's mother in 1992? 2. and the trauma brought back a manic-depressive condition she had shaken 10 years earlier. even though the boy knows almost his infidelity? Discussion Points 1. Why does the father continue to fool around. In May. but when dad calls every night with a lame excuse as to why he will be home late it makes me furious. Is his father faithful to his wife? 4.
2. Do you think it is OK for some spouse to have another lover if the other spouse doesn’t do his or her role. especially concerning sex? 4. while his mother is suffering from a disease. and the boy cannot intervene in his parents' affairs. The boy should tell his mother immediately and make his mother kick out her husband. Is it OK for the boy to take sides in his parent's marriage? Opinion Samples 1. but decided to maintain her marriage anyway. 3. So the boy should realize it's not his business. And the boy should insist that his father behave responsibly and quit sneaking around. 54 . Even though the boy knows his parents' marriage is in danger. This is a very sensitive subject between a couple. he should not be forced to act like executioner. The mother might know what's going on. The boy should tell his father that he wants no part in protecting him. Why should the boy keep silent? His father has a mistress. and keep silent.Let's Talk! 2 3. but his parents'.
I received an invitation to a family function for that very weekend. subpoena 2. Did he expect any family get together before he planned his trip? 4. I permitted them to lay a guilt trip on me Questions 1. without having to cave in to pressure. Now. What did the writer plan to do? 2. What does he think about invitations? 55 . granted 3. totally unexpected and on rather short notice. Granted. What did he receive. I always thought an invitation was a request that a person has a right to refuse. short notice 4. Shortly after. Did he go ahead with his own plan? 6. How did some family members react when he explained he had a previous commitment? 5. When I tried to explain that I had a previous commitment. several family members expressed such outrage that I gave in and attended the family function instead of taking my paid-for vacation. however.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 52 I'VE GOT A LIFE. previous commitment 5. after his plan was arranged? 3. It was. TOO Am I the only one who is sick and tired of the idea that an invitation from a family member is a subpoena? A few months ago. What Does It Mean? 1. What does he regret now? 7. I made (and paid for) plans to go away for a weekend. I'm not sure I did the right thing when I permitted them to lay a guilt trip on me. the family affair was an important one.
Do you think a person has a right to refuse an invitation regardless of where it came from? 3. As the writer argued.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. a family would collapse. and no one has a right to "force" another to do something against his will. 2. I accept the fact that an invitation is a request that everyone has the right to refuse. especially on short notice. This was a family-together and every family member had a moral responsibility to participate. Family affairs should be done democratically. Do you think a person deserves criticism from his family members simply because he refuses an invitation? Opinion Samples 1. Without individual sacrifice. Do think he should have gone on with his own vacation plans? 2. 56 . A family is a small society in which everyone must sacrifice something for the common cause. The family that no longer respects the individual is not a family anymore – it's a dictatorship.
If parents demand bank-level interest. and I still have every intention of repaying them. When was the due date according to the agreement? 3. some unforeseen things have happened. This year they sent me only a card and explained that now I owe them only $1.000 interest free. What did they do this year? Discussion Points 1. unforeseen things Questions 1. would they deserve any criticism? 57 .Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 53 STRANGE PAYBACK My parents.800. interest-free 2. What do his parents usually do for his birthday? 7. According to our agreement I was supposed to have paid off this loan three years ago. How much did the writer's parent lend him? 2. Does he have any intention to pay them back? 5. However. If parents refuse to lend money to their children. My parents have always sent me $200 for my birthday. What Does It Mean? 1. but I don’t know when this will be. who are what I would call "comfortably well off" financially. Should a loan between parents and children be interest-free? 2. lent me $2. Does he know when he will be able to do so? 6. Why hasn’t he paid his debt to his parents yet? 4. is it morally acceptable? 3.
800 was their way of subtly telling him that the debt remains outstanding. should parents let their children think that there is a free lunch. 58 . But the writer's parent calculated the value of his birthday present by deducting $200 from the debt. The fact that the writer's parents deducted $200 for his birthday and reminded him that he then owed them $1. A birthday present has a special meaning for the receiver and the giver. He should set up a payment schedule with his parents again and stick to it. The debt is a separate matter and should be repaid by other means.000 was not a gift. 3. The $2. The parents were very generous to the writer. not by deducting his birthday present. 2. They are good parents since.Let's Talk! 2 Opinion Samples 1. Any amount paid promptly every month would probably be acceptable. They understand that the writer still can't afford to repay the loan and that he doesn’t know when he can pay them back. So the parents "suggested" a way of being paid back without tightening his financial situation. A birthday present can't be valued by money alone. it was a loan. under no circumstances. He shouldn’t let this debt unpaid any longer.
If more women were decent and fair. 7. If a guy pulled that stunt he would never live it down. 2. 59 . I had been eagerly looking forward to this date and had called during the week to confirm the time and place. I had an experience that made me understand quite clearly why a man might hit a woman. If more women were decent and fair. On the contrary. I am no way defending such actions. I set aside the evening.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 54 WHEN A MAN HITS A WOMAN I would like to explain why a woman might cause a man to become physically violent. our date was off 6. violent crimes against them wouldn’t be so prevalent. cleaned my car." I wore new clothes and tried to look my best. a girl backed out of a date we had planned a week in advance. to make sure the evening was "perfect" 5. Recently. Recently. I showed up at the place we agreed to meet. 4. he would never live it down. I am a nice guy who treats women with respect. a girl back out of a date 3. Such humiliation could result in violence. I set aside the evening. Sally was twenty minutes late and told me our date was off because she already had a boyfriend and couldn’t imagine why she had agreed to go out with me. I am in no way defending such actions. saved the money I needed. and even got advice from female friends to make sure the evening was "perfect. violent crimes against them wouldn’t be so prevalent. however. If a guy pulled that stunt. What Does It Mean? 1.
Most men never stop at hitting once. Why do men use violence against women? 3. Was he on time or late? 4. thinking that you can change him after marriage? 6. But he described himself as a "nice guy who treats women with respect. Is there any way to deter men from beating their wives? Opinion Samples 1. What does he think is the best way to prevent men's violence against women? Discussion Points 1. Would you marry a man who hit you during your courtship. Would-be wives must make it clear that under no circumstances will their husbands hit them. Forgiving a batterer means giving him a license to commit violence against. Do you think men's violence against women can be justified in some cases? Which ones? 2. But what if she hits him first? 5. What would you do if your husband hit you and he repented just afterwards. People say it's never appropriate for a man to strike a woman. This suggests to me that he is perfectly capable of doing just that." even though he also said he can understand how some men might be pushed to the outer limits.Let's Talk! 2 Questions 1. He sounds to be a potential batterer to me. even though they swear that they will never hit a woman again. 2. there is a high possibility that they will become victims of spousal violence. Does the writer defend men's violence against women? 2. What Sally did to him was lousy³². he would be a life-time batterer nine time out of ten. If they do not make their case very firmly. would you forgive him? Or would you seek a divorce? 4. When did Sally appear? What did she say? 5. What did he do to prepare for his date? 3. So how do we prevent this? The only answer to wife-beating is immediate divorce. ______________________________________________________________ ³² mean or contemptible 60 . If he hits his wife once.
kicked. drinking and disagreements over sex. slapped. and seriously injured with knives or guns go ahead and marry the abuser anyway. That's how one gets respects. Many comment that it is never OK for a man to hit a woman. it can also be a training ground for spouse abuse. a low level of tolerance for stress. man or women. Saying that hitting does not get respect means. Today's society needs to recognize that women can be just abusive as men. Courtship. Inability to control anger tops the lists as the main cause of violence. Even more surprisingly. No one has the right physically to abuse another person. The major ones are jealousy. Unfortunately. The inability to communicate is a close second. On numerous occasions I have seen women slap men. A lack of religious belief is also a major factor. punched. many individuals who are beaten. it seems. Researchers are finding that violence during courtship is as pervasive³³as violence within a marital relationship. and zero self-esteem. I would not hesitate to hit that person back. and it is only fair that they be judged and punished the same way an abusive man would be.Let's Talk! 2 3. Why do men and women enter into abusive relationships? People tend to believe in the power of love to reform the loved one. Violence may be also triggered by a variety of factors among couples who are dating. ___________________________________________________________________ ³³ present and perceived everywhere ³⁴ violence in the family 61 . nothing. one study showed no significant difference between the percentage of men and women engaged I life-threatening violence. Abusers have a number of traits in common. 4. I hope they will consider their stand. If anyone ever hit me. Spouse abuse is often also the result of arguments over children and housekeeping. is a training ground for marriage. it merely escalates the violence. including a background of family violence. Contrary to the popular belief that women are almost always the victims of domestic violence³⁴.
but that does not mean I'm a violent person. In addition. Bettered women are often deprived of sleep and become confused by their spouses' unpredictable responses and crazy behavior. a woman in a battering relationship is as likely as not (50 percent) to come from a family were there was abuse. he ordered me around a lot. I think some people would call me a husband beater. I told him I didn’t like that kind of treatment. confusion. prohibited from speaking to their friends. but he insisted it was all in fun and kept on pushing me. will deliberately choose a woman who seems least able to defend herself. It is a system of controlling a woman through terror. not allowed to work. Many women who started out strong and self-reliant have been battered into feeling weak. The best way to protect women from male violence? I have a solution. even downright charismatic. There are admittedly. Jim is as macho³⁶ as anyone you will ever meet. They have no access to money. but he was physically rough. domineering male 62 . and totally dependent.Let's Talk! 2 5. he would shove me. A batterer. He didn’t actually hit me or anything. some women who repeat self-destructive or codependent patterns. Living in constant state of terror is so debilitating that they lack the energy to think straight. Statistically. esp. Battering is not an occasional beating. batterers can be extremely charming. Many battered women are prohibited from leaving their homes. and every imaginable brainwashing³⁵ technique. he would be especially rough in bed. 6. powerless. I noticed that when Jim was angry with me. ___________________________________________________________________ ³⁵ controlled systematic indoctrination. like a mugger. If I didn’t do what he wanted. When we were first married. The problem is really my husband. disabling. forbidden to use birth control. one based on repetition or confusion ³⁶ dominating.
I'll never do it again. We need to get the message across that it is NEVER OK for a man to hit a woman. Many studies indicate that most women are attacked. ___________________________________________________________________ ³⁷ rough. The bottom line⁴⁰ is our marriage is much better now. I was a good athlete in school and used to roughhouse³⁷ with my brothers. I've never seen him so mad. Over the next few months he started a few more fights. I decided to fight back. a surprising number of these men are not prosecuted because the women refused to press charges. raped. I'm also a runner and in pretty fair shape³⁸. regardless of the circumstances. "I'm sorry. Another thing to remember: Alcohol and drugs are almost always factors in wife beating. 7. baby. Unfortunately. and I beat the tar out of him³⁹. I let him have it. disorderly plays ³⁸ condition. "She drove me to it" is not a valid excuse. It turned into a real fight. My advice to any woman who is going with or married to a male who becomes violent is this: one strike and he's out. Stop believing a man when he says. Although we all are aware of a few exceptions when mentally ill women by men are horrifying. The first time a man hits a woman she should get out of the relationship. Wife-beaters almost never stop.Let's Talk! 2 Finally. and the attackers are their husbands or boyfriends. A great many males seem to believe it is perfectly OK for a man to use force against a woman to prevent her from hurting him. The fact that a man is drunk or high does not give him a license to beat or kill a woman. a fundamental or crucial point of fact 63 ." Every study I have seen says he WILL do it again. When Jim shoved me again. Men are almost always bigger and stronger and able to walk away from a dangerous situation. and I beat him every time. state ³⁹ defeated or trashed thoroughly ⁴⁰ the result of any computation or estimate. sexually assaulted. I realized that husband-beating pays. or murdered in their own homes.
so when our friends stopped by we took them out on the lake to fish. We drove two and half hours to their home and found their front kitchen unlocked and a note on their kitchen table saying they had taken some friends out on the lake. Dad and I fished off the dock alone. Our daughter and son-in-law invited us to their lake home for the mother's Day weekend." Not wanting to upset them. We could have cried. We love to fish. Questions 1. When the kids returned late that evening they said. Did they cry? 8. What did the kids say? Discussion Points 64 . Did they drive back home? 9. Who invited them the writer and her husband? 3. How old are the writer and her husband? 2. What did they find when they arrived at their daughter's house? 7. Do they love to fish? 5. What did they promised? 4. Do they have a boat? 6. We were promised some good fishing.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 55 DISAPOINTING WEEKEND My husband and I. What Does It Mean? 1. we didn’t tell how hurt we were. "We thought you'd be tired after that long drive. we had really looked forward to the weekend. both in our 60's recently had the most disappointing weekend of our lives. and because we both work long hours and don’t own a boat. We were promised some good fishing.
Do you think the parents should have created a scene and told their kids how hurt they were? 2. The parents showed how difficult it is to be "real parents. 65 . Does the kids' statement that they thought their parents would be tired after two and half hours' drive make sense? Opinion Samples 1. The parents drove two and a half hours. Parents could teach their kids by behavior. there should have been an argument.Let's Talk! 2 1. only to see a note that made them feel hurt. Of course. What would have been gained by creating a scene? If the parents had created a scene. The fact that the parents said nothing and pretended they were not upset gave the wrong signal to the kids that breaking a promise with their parents would be OK as long as they made a lame excuse. they should have created a scene on the spot because the kids showed no respect for their parents. I don’t understand why the kids invited their parents and then went fishing with their friends." Parents should always be understanding and forgiving. since parents are always the models to follow. 2. Should the parents have driven back home before the kids returned? 3. not by an argument. especially concerning their kids.
66 . don not be a hypocrite. Have you ever visited a home for abused and unwanted children? Have you ever been to juvenile hall and seen the children who have committed crimes because they were born to mothers who didn’t want them? I'm not thrilled about abortion. social workers. and juvenile delinquency? Let's talk about something money can't buy: love. make your time and energy count. Why are you spending your time carrying a sign? Why aren’t you volunteering to babysit a child born to a single mother. welfare. so she can work? Why haven’t you opened door to pregnant teenager whose parents kicked her out when she took your advice and decided not to have an abortion? As for the taxpayers who resent paying for abortions: who do you think pays for foster care. or desire to raise a child? What if a woman who was about to enter a family-planning clinic saw your sign. patience. "They Kill Babies Here!" Have you signed up to adopt a child? If not.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 56 PRO-LIFE VS PRO-CHOICE This is a message to those men and women who try to prevent women from entering abortion clinics and carry big signs that says. So. can't afford one. heed my message: If you are against abortion. why not? Is it because you don’t want one. to those carrying those signs and trying to prevent women from entering family-planning clinics. or don’t have the time. then decided not to have an abortion and chose instead to give her baby to you? Would you accept it? What if the mother belonged to a minority group – or was addicted to drugs or tested positive for AIDS. but I don’t think anyone has the right to tell others not to have one unless he or she has done all the things I mentioned above.
unwanted babies will be forced into the world. Is abortion an issue the government should intervene in or something individuals must deal with by themselves? 4. but what about the rights of the children? If free abortion is abolished. single mother 4. tested positive for AIDS 3. According to the writer. Do you think a wife should have the right to have an abortion without a "yes" from her husband? Opinion Samples 1. Do you think we must concede that unborn babies have the same rights as any human beings? 2. calling them murderers? 5. I'm not thrilled about abortion 6. What is the difference between killing unborn babies and killing a man on the street? 3. Pro-life demonstrators grumble about taxpayers' money paid for abortion.Let's Talk! 2 What Does It Mean? 1. a minority group 2. 67 . the criminalizing of free abortion and the opposing of family planning are not the way to go. Does the writer side with the pro-life or pro-choice movement? 2. already grossly overcrowded and burdened with problems that seem unsolvable. what circumstances force women to have abortions? 3. What does the writer want pro-life demonstrators to do? 4. If there is a desire to deepen morality. Is it justifiable for pro-life people to kill abortion-performing doctors. don’t be a hypocrite Questions 1. If you are against abortion. Is it a logical complaint? 5. What does the writer call pro-life demonstrators? Discussion Points 1. The argument for abortion seems to hinge on the rights of women. juvenile delinquency 5.
and affordable. reduce the need. At the same time. available contraceptives. born and unborn. Above all." 4. and he thinks that a woman who is not pregnant has no right to decide if one who is should have an abortion or not. If the church is really worried about saving the family and unborn children. but killing unborn babies is not a subject to criminal law? We all know that the right to life begins at conception. why doesn’t it offer to take unwanted children under its wing and then either offer them for adoption or raise them itself? It is of no use to show sympathy for unborn life and be against abortion without suggesting a practical solution. Do you think it is fair that killing born people is murder. are precious – and all human life should be afforded the respect and dignity that it deserves. we should also support a woman having the right to make her own decision concerning her own body. women should have the right to decide for themselves about abortion. education. 5. They also promote the fact that all children. we should focus our all efforts on preventing unwanted pregnancy through information. Pro-life groups do encourage information on birth control (not just abstinence) and sex education. don’t we? 3.Let's Talk! 2 2. birth control. 68 . Until the proper solution can be found. So I think the best policy is "Respect the right.
I've seen a doctor. We gave our daughter a great deal of love and emotional support. I was afraid my husband would fold at the last moment. He confirmed everything and said she was in perfect health and should have a normal delivery. In my wildest dreams I never thought this would happen to her. The denial: Was this really happening to us? The guilt: Why did we do wrong? The anger: Why US? So many young women do the same thing and get away with it. I'm going to have the baby. a loving.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 57 ADOPTION "Mom. She was a college student. intelligent." We were sitting in a restaurant having dinner when this conversation took place. The next call was to her doctor. 69 . I told my husband. I telephoned an abortion agency. He had a difficult time accepting it. The adoption agency provided excellent counseling to prepare her for the trauma ahead." "What are you going to do about it?" "I'm going to have the baby and put it up for adoption." "You're WHAT?" "This can be true. An appointment was set up for our daughter and her father and me." "I don’t want an abortion. but he didn’t." "You have no obligation to go through with this. Are you sure?" "Yes. Then came the acceptance of what we couldn’t change. We could arrange an abortion. We talk to a gentle and compassionate woman for over an hour. That was the most difficult part. all-around wonderful person. She made our daughter feel good about her decision and praised her mature judgment. I'm pregnant. The ensuing months were a challenge. If anyone told me that our daughter would get into this kind of mess I would have questioned his sanity. Her sibling knew and was supportive. We all went to the process of dealing with grief. She assured us the baby would be placed in a loving home with parents who had been waiting for a child for many years.
Our daughter is back in college. There were many tears. I wept as I held my first grandchild in my arms. The new parents were ecstatic when they came to the hospital to claim "their" baby. What were they talking about? 3. I was afraid my husband would fold at the last moment 4. making excellent grades. What did people during the ensuing months? 7. A normal delivery 3. but the baby was healthy. 9. and I'm sure they will keep their word. Trauma ahead Questions 1. 5. What did mom suggest to her daughter? 4. When the father was notified about the pregnancy. hugs. I knew she would not be mine for long and I dared not become too attached to her. She herself is an adopted child. Why does the mother think the daughter put the baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion? 70 . What Does It Mean? 1. Why didn’t think of it before? It should have been obvious. and kisses as they left with their daughter in their arms.Let's Talk! 2 The birth was a difficult one. alert and beautiful. in my wildest dreams 2. What is the daughter doing now? 10. how did he feel? 6. Did the daughter want to have an abortion? 5. and is happy and well-adjusted. I now understand why she could never consider abortion. The ensuing months was a challenge. Where were they when the conversation took place? 2. Was the birth easy? 8. They promised to give her the best home ever. Describe the baby.
71 . and there is no reason to believe that they can't be good parents. We have a beautiful home and no money problems. would you adopt one? 2. We are both successful professionals. If you were too poor to take care of your new-born baby. In general they are financially well off. Many mothers think that doing so can be justified because their children could then be brought up in financially better off family. You will be rewarded for this act of generosity and feel good in your heart. Adoptive parents are carefully screened for eligibility by an agency.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. contact an agency through your clergy man or your doctor and ask that the child be placed with a loving couple whose empty arms long to hold a little one. WE have been on the waiting lists of three adoption agencies for two years and keep praying that one of them will call. just so he could get her baby back. To me. If you are not able to take care of your baby. I am 42 years old. But nothing is more important to the baby than to be brought up by its natural parents. and would be wonderful parents. what should you do? The best alternative is to apply for adoption. and especially not for achieving better living conditions. 2. giving up a baby for adoption can never be justified. the natural mother or the adoptive one? Opinion Samples 1. If you have a baby for mistake and are not in a position to take care of the baby. I would never give up my baby for adoption under any circumstances. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for eight years. Do you think that giving up a baby for adoption. 3. would you give him up so he could have a better life? 3. especially. If you were medically unable to have a baby. forever knowing you have done the right thing. who do you think has the right to take care of the child.
Not everyone is favorably inclined toward organ donation. The cost of surgery for organ donation is NOT charged to the family. Unfortunately. What Does It Mean? 1. When the time comes. Not everyone is favorably inclined toward organ donation. 72 .Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 58 ORGAN DONATION I received a letter from a man who was critical of organ donation. it supports the organ donation program. I am a nurse in a busy critical care unit in Louisiana. Hospitals do NOT sell organs. 3. He felt it was wrong to "mutilate" the body of a loved one. The agency performing the organ removal uses artificial structures to replace long bones or eyes so the donor will look "natural. it is the next of kin who makes the decision about an organ donation. Discussing this with your family while you are in good health will improve your chances of having your wishes followed. When the time comes. It is against the law. it is the next of kin who makes the decision about an organ donation. And it is always nice to carry a donor card in case of an accident. some common misconceptions exist that make a rational decision difficult. People need to know: 1." 3. 5. When skin is removed it is taken only from areas of the body that will not be visible in an open casket. Although our hospital does not perform organ transplants. Critical care unit 2. It is the family of recipient who pays. 4. 2. All bodies are handled carefully and with the utmost respect.
Let's Talk! 2
1. Do hospitals sell organs? 2. Does the agency leave the removed part empty? 3. Which area is taken off in skin removal? 4. Who pays the cost of surgery? 5. Who decides for or against organ donation when the time of death comes?
1. Are you willing to carry an organ donation card? 2. If your child were declared brain-dead, would you donate his or her usable organs? 3. What do you think about donating your body to medical research after you die?
1. Some people think it is "just wonderful" that a family donates the body of the deceased to be cut up and given to people who need a new lung, a new heart, new eyes, new kidneys, etc. And the skin could be used by someone who has been badly burned. I find it incredible that some people consider cutting a body to pieces "an act of enormous generosity." To me, it is just plain gruesome. If my son were killed in an accident, I would never allow his body to be cut up for any reason whatsoever. I would want the world to know that I loved and respected him in death as in life, and I would see to it that he was laid to rest in a dignified manner. 2. Let as assume for a minute that your son was suddenly stricken blind, and the doctors told you his sight could be restored by a corneal transplant. Would you not thank God for the miracle of modern medicine and be enormously grateful to the family that agreed to donate their child's eyes so that your child could see?
Let's Talk! 2
3. Only organ recipients know that the need of organ donation is enormous and there is no gift as great as this one. Organ recipients are deeply indebted to a family they will never know. Organ donation turns a sad loss into tremendous joy for the organ recipients and their families. What better way is there to immortalize a loved one than by giving new life to others? There are many people waiting for this medical miracle. Signing a donor card and making your wishes known to others is easy, and it is a gift beyond measure.
Let's Talk! 2
SITUATION 59 SEX APPEAL
I am in my mid-40s, still attractive, and know that the odds of finding a partner drop tremendously at my age. I'm engaged to a man that I'm not "in love" with. I admire, respect, and love him – as a friend. We have a lot of fun together, and the companionship is great. He supports me in my career and accepts me exactly as I am. He's handsome and treats me like a queen, but there is no chemistry. I've been married before and I have also been in relationships where incredible electricity flowed, but one of them turned out to be the most personally destructive situation I've ever been in. (He was handsome, charismatic, and abusive.) I have come to the conclusion that intensity often characterizes sick relationships and I won't get into another one if I can avoid it. But I also know I’m missing that wonderful feeling of being in love.
What Does It Mean?
1. odds 2. chemistry 3. relationships where incredible electricity flowed 4. charismatic 5. abusive
1. How old is the writer? 2. Does she think she could easily find a partner at her age? 3. Does she love her fiancé? 4. How is her fiancé? 5. Does she like sex-appeal relationships? 6. Describe her most memorable relationship?
Love means trust. compatibility. secure and unthreatened. 2. It might spoil the dream. but love never will. Some women could never settle for a relationship that wasn’t sexually exciting. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. You are calm. "We must get married right away. Infatuation might lead you to things you'll regret later. even when he is away. Infatuation says. It gives you strength and grows beyond you – to bolster your beloved. It makes you think up. Sometimes you check. But near or far. There are nagging doubts. Although it is not necessarily true that intensity often characterizes sick relationships. ______________________________________________________________ ⁴¹ foolish or all-absorbing passions 76 . little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely." Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. and reliability. good character. It takes root and grows. He is yours. Infatuation⁴¹ is instant desire – one set glands calling to another. How can you tell the difference between love and infatuation? Opinion Samples 1. You are warmed by his presence. unanswered questions. Love is the maturation of friendship." Love says. Do you think sex appeal is an important factor in marriage? 2. You want him near. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It makes you a better person than you were before.Let's Talk! 2 Discussion Points 1. Plan your future with confidence. You must be friends before you can be lovers. the intensity seldom lasts in any relationship. one day at a time. you know he is yours and you can wait. It is real. Whenever you are in one another's company you hope it will end in intimacy. Infatuation lacks confidence. "Be patient. Miles do not separate you. Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. while others place a much higher premium on kindness. a partner with sex appeal or one socially successful but without any sex appeal? 3. Her fiancé sounds like a first class "catch. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity." It depends on how important "the sparks" are. I can't risk losing him. He feels your trust and it makes him even trustworthy. Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. Who would you rather choose in marriage. When he's away you wonder if he's cheating.
backed back by his employers. and the captain is the last to leave or goes with this vessel. In reality there is no law of the sea that requires the captain to remain with his ship to the end. And Avranas. "If some people want tom stay longer. But the captain's statements immediately after the disaster did not help his popular standing. though all 571 people aboard the Greek cruise liner Oceanos survived its spectacular sinking off the coast of South Africa recently. the evacuation was best directed from shore. including several elderly and infirm. before becoming one of the last to quit the sinking vessel. 77 . argued that the communications on board so bad. the maxim seems to have almost the force of law. He abdicated the hero's role to a South African entertainer. the ship's captain. they can stay. who not only operated the shipboard radio and made certain everyone was safe but also rescued Avranas' own dog and released the captain's pet canary from its cage. Romanticized by novels and films as well as history. 2.Let's Talk! 2 SITUATION 60 EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF The order to abandon ship automatically presupposes two rules: Women and children go first. it doesn’t matter what time I leave. the maxim seems to have almost the force of law." What Does It Mean? 1. But the captain's statements immediately after the disaster did not help his popular standing. Avranas. left Oceanos aboard a rescue helicopter while some 150 passengers. Yiannis Avranas." he said. still awaited evacuation. "When I order to abandon ship. Thus. was widely castigated as being cowardly and irresponsible. 51. Romanticized by novels and films as well as history.
What are the two conventional rules when a ship is abandoned? 2. no one would believe in the ship's safety and crew's morality. even if not forced by law. This is about a man's life. Do you think Captain Avranas deserves criticism? 3. That is the last hope for the people aboard if they are faced with an emergency? If it were nothing but empty rhetoric. What did he say when he tried to justify himself? Discussion Points 1. What happened to the Greek cruise liner Oceanos? 3. Did the employers criticize the captain? 7. Do you think the conventional rule that requires captains to leave the ship last is fair? 2. If he performs his duties as required in an emergency. No one can force a captain to do "unnecessary" brave actions and risk his life. he should not be under criticism. What would you do if you were the captain of a sinking ship? Opinion Samples 1. which could result in even more casualties. 78 .Let's Talk! 2 Questions 1. All lives are equally important. 2. To whom did the captain give up his responsibility? 5. not romantic feelings. The traditional rule must be observed. Is there a law that forces the captain to give up his life with his ship? 6. And no captain could maintain his authority in an emergency situation. What did the ship's captain do? 4.
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