tatemy fa " he issue tha

. "
Letters to the Editor
Editor's Note:
Q
iniOnS expressed in Letters to the
ditor do not necessarily represent the
opinions of the Engineering Society
and members of the Iron Warrior Staff.
The Danger of Involvement
Michael Worry
4A Elec-Omega Sector
M
any of you have heard me extol time and
again the benefits of extracurricular activi-
ties. So why now do I write on the dangers of
involvement? Maybe I'm just trying to get your atten-
tion.
If you were to even attempt to stray from the cookie-
cut path that has been cleared by many before you, I have
to warn you of what might happen. You may have to
work harder tban the average, and why on earth would
you want to make your life difficult? You might have to
develop skills such as creativity, judgement and initiative,
which are obviously not important since they're not listed
in our course curricul urn. It's possible tha t you might even
be forced to develop some self-<X)nfidence, and this is a
peril I suggest you steer well clear of. Oh, and there are of
course sacrifices, sacrifices that I can tell you from personaJ
experience are just not worth while.
You may, for example, have to reduce that four hours
a day that (apparently) the average North American
spends watching 1V Why on Earth would you want to
do that? Those hours spent in a comfortable mental lull
with your butt sunk into a sofa, is vitally important time,
crucial to the development of your emotional psyche and
physical well-being. Whatever happens, don' t get
involved in something that may cut into your TV time.
You also might have to work longer hours. This is of
great danger, since you can actually get more done each
day. People will tell you that your body has an incredible
ability to adapt. They will say that "It's equivalent to train-
ing for any activity - you practice until you become good
at it. Say you were training for an Olympic 10km
marathon. To train for that, you would run 10km on a reg-
ular basis. Sure the first few times it would be pretty tiring.
But eventually your body adapts and you can run further
and longer than you ever imagined. Extrapolate this to
your life, and someday you could accomplish more, than
you even dreamed posstble." This is, of course, complete
nonsense. Why would you want to shave a bit of that one
third of your life that you spend asleep? Whatever hap-
pens, dont get involved in something that may cut into
your sleep time.
You may even have to miss the odd class or tutorial.
This is just a bad idea, since we all know that if you skip
even one class, you will never again catch up on the
coursework, you will fail the year, your life will spiral
downward into a cesspool of guilt and depression, your
family will disown you, your mind will tum into potato
salad, and you will be lucky if you can get a job licking
clean the inside of McDonald's garbage pails. Heed my
warning now, do not let this happen to you!
The greatest danger is in the addictive nature of these
extracurricular activities! Do not even attend that first
event - because, mark my works, before long you'll find
it interesting (gag), you'll want to organize events to
increase your own skills (useless), and you may actually
gain experience in organizing, advertising, delegating, and
speaking (waste of time). Before long your confidence will
rise to such an uncontrollable level that you'll be taking
control of your interviews and pissing off your potential
employers by rambling on about useless activities. I tell
you, if it didn't happen in regularly schedule class-time
they don't want to know about it!
I speak here of getting involved not in the Communi-
ty, or University, or Engineering Society- but rather in
your own life. People will try and tell you that the views
and beliefs that you develop now will carry with you the
rest of your life. Lies! All lies! Where are the government
approved studies? Where are the gallop polls? I bet you if
you polled the average North American they would say
it's quite acceptable to be average.
Now whatever you do, don't let the person beside
you read this next sentence, cover it over with your hand
and just peek underneath a little. If you only strive to be
average, you will only be average. Danger, danger, warn-
ing, warning! What if eVerybody got involved in their life
and realized that? Everyone would want to be more,
strive to be better and all the yardsticks and traditional
forms of measurement would be shattered! Do realize
what it would cost to the taxpayer to revamp the educa-
tion system to train this new elite form of student? What-
ever happens, we can't let this heinously invalid statement
escape. When you are done this article, rip it from this
paper, shred it into tiny bits, sprinkle on a little brown
sugar and devour ravenously!
So these are the dangers of getting involved in your
own life. You could improve your own skills. You could
learn there's more to life than TA's that can' t speak Eng-
lish, and profs that put you to sleep. You could notice an
entire other realm of possibilities. But I highly recommend
that you read this article and take my caution in hand. Do
not let those sweet-talking Eng Soc types suck you in, do
not consider participating in athletics, and most certainly
do not do anything that you are not specifically mandated
to accomplish in order to obtain that slip of paper stating
you're an Engineer. Make sure you watch every single
episode of 90210 and get 10 hours of sleep every night.
Heaven forbid that you actually do something else and
make a difference.
Why I Took My WEEF Money Back
Dave Woodruff
3A Mechanical
W
en I received my first fee statement before I
came to Waterloo I was surprised to see a
"Student Voluntary Contribution" as one of
my fees. Why would a voluntary contribution be on
my tuition bill? It seemed like an underhanded way to
get a few more dollars out of students.
When I came to school I intended to take that money
back. I felt that it should be up to me to choose the time
and amount of any donation I choose to make. Then I
learned that it was for WEEF, which was a fund, managed
by students, to improve the resources and facilities in the
engineering department. I could see how the voluntary
contributions to WEEF had benefited students, and I came
to feel that the $75 donation was the best spent money on
the tuition bill. So I left my contribution. Since I was going
to be the recipient of the benefits of WEEF, it seemed only
fair that I should pay my share.
I still felt that the means of collecting donations was
underhanded, but at least WEEF was honest about it. It
said right on the bill that it was voluntary so everybody
should know that it was refundable. If they wanted it back
but didn't go get it was their own fault.
The next year, when I was in my 2A term, I was at an
Eng Soc meeting where they were discussing how to per-
suade more people to leave their WEEF money. It was
suggested that if the heading on the fee statement was
changed to something more ambiguous, some people
(particularly first year students) would leave their money,
simply because they didn't know it was refundable. The
WEEF director responded by saying that he had already
planned to change it. This immediately struck me as very
dishonest. To take someone's money and then hide the
fact that it was refundable is practically stealing. Despite
this no one raised any objections. I should have voiced my
feelings then, but I kept silent. I was new to Eng. Soc meet-
ings and I was uncomfortable with the idea of entering
into a confrontation. I now regret my apathy.
When I got my fee statement this term, I saw that the
"Student Voluntary Contribution" had changed to "Stu-
dent Endowment Fund." WEEF had become unscrupu-
lous enough to use deceitful means to get more money
from students. So this term, for the first time, I have taken
back my WEEF contribution in protest.
In my remaining terms I will leave my WEEF money in
the fund. The benefits of having WEEF have not lessened
and my point has been made. To take any more back
would be punitive.
It is my hope that this protest will attract attention to the
implications of the change on the fee statement Also I
hope that it will be realized that it is only justifiable for
WEEF to take donations in the way it does if those who
administer the fund make every effort to ensure that every
engineering student knows that it is refundable.
Editor-In-Chlef
Kati "Bats" Princz
Layout Editor
Chris "Mink" Po ter
Christian "Gorilla" Westarp
Advertising Editor
Mike "Llama" Hermann
Natalie "Buffalo" Zgola
-o-n-
Rafting Trip
Too Many Stories!!!
4
Maritimes
East ForA VVeekend
77
-e-n- -8
Arts
The Engineers Other Side
72-73
Bill Down Under
The Continuing Adventures of Bill
79
White Water Rafting on the
Ottawa River
Mike Hermann
18Sys The Far SyDe
O
Friday, May 31, some fearless engineering
tudents and their friends, 50 in all, left for a
weekend of whitewater rafting. We not
only came from UW, but from Toronto, Kingston,
and Guelph as well. We spent two days at OWL
Rafting, which is located 41/2 hours north of Toron-
to, on the Ottawa River.
On the first day we rode the rapids in the big 25
foot rafts, 12 people to a boat. Each boat was a little dif-
ferent, with it's personality fonned by the rafters it car-
ried. There was the peaceful and gentle boat, the testos-
terone driven all male boat, the crazed and insane boat,
and the bucket-less boat who was deluded enough to
yell "We Won"
after every
waterfight, win
or lose. The trip,
over 4 hours
long due to a
very leisurely
pace, took us
through about a
half-dozen sets
of rapids. There
were a lot of
good soakings,
and the occa-
sional person
getting
launched into
the unbearably
cold water. Any
more than a few
minutes in the
water and the
wonderful feel-
ing of numbness
set in. Despite
the cold waster
and the continu-
al barrage of
mosquitoes, a
great time was had by all.
Saturday night was a ton of fun. The Eng Soc logo
appeared everywhere, an impromptu Batch Party
formed, acupuncture was done, and an Engineer told
some jokes. A bunch of people went over to Wilder-
ness Tours, another rafting company, and spent some
time at a small dance club there. The logo apparently
made it's appearance there as well.
On the second day we took part in a variety of
activities. A few of us took another ride in the big boats,
about a dozen of us went sportrafting, and the rest went
sportyaking. The sportrafters had a great time in the
smaller 8 man crafts, with lots of thrills, chills, and spills.
Sportyaking is an usual type of boat. It's a cross

between a open top kayak and a raft, holding two pro-
pIe. They can't do neat stuff like rolls that kayaks can,
but since its such a smaller boat the rapids are a much'
more intense. We went about 8 kID doing some wild
rafting and a lot of paddling. We got wet, we got tired,
we got bitten, we got sunburnt, but we had an incredi-
ble amount of fun.
We headed back on sunday night, and a lot of us
took the opportunity to get some sleep. We were quite
a tired bunch, but it was worth it I spent the trip home
writing this article, and collecting some memories of the
trip. Read on to learn about some of the fun and inter-
esting things that happened.
Rafting Memories
The Car People: Quis, Jason, Michael, Mitch, and
Vanessa drove up Friday night instead of taking the
bus. It took them ten hours to do it, and a lot of crazy
stuff happened along the way. They arrived at about 3
am, parked right in front of the breakfast haU, and slept
in the car.
Janine got tossed into the water by her caring
boyfriend, Phil. She managed to grab hold of his sun-
glasses, which were hanging from his neck, and almost
held on. The glasses ended up mangled, and Janine
ended up in the river. Of course Phil was tossed in right
after her.
The competing rafting company Wilderness Tours
decided to crush Keith and Karen in a sportyak with
their 25 foot big, ugly raft. After cutting them off in the
rapids, capsizing their boat, and running over them in
the water, they tried to help Karen out, managing only
to practically crush her between the two rafts and the
rocks.
On Angel's Kiss, one of the sets of rapids, the
sportrafts managed to flip completely, twice for each
raft. Everybody, including the guides, ended up in
some very cold water.
One raft, the crazed and insane one, decided to
nickname all the guides with female names. Chris,
Steve, Dan, Andy, Niko, and Taylor became Debbie,
Sandra, Danielle, Kitty, Nicki, and Donna. We were
also the only raft to throw guides in the water. The car
people kept jumping in the water, for no reason what-
soever, at every opportunity. We all went sportyaking
too, and some more crazy stuff happened. Chris and
Mitch decided to just leave their sportyak capsized and
paddle it upside down, making for one really slow raft.
The Worry brothers decided to try and re-I1ter a rapid
upstream despite the guides advice that it wasn't possi-
ble. As usual they
did it anyway, and it
worked. And Vares-
sa and I had one
huge wipeout when
a great big wave
crested over top of us
in the rapids.
On the sportrafting
trip Greg got tossed
out of his boat, but he
was thankfully res-
cued by the other
boat. Shortly after
that the rescue raft
got tossed around
and everyone but
Greg, guide included,
got tossed in the
water. So the the res-
cued became the res-
cuer, and Greg pulled
them all back in. He
received a poster as
an award for his
valiant efforts.
On of our fearless
rafters, Pete, had the most horrible luck. Before any raft-
ing at all, he spilt coffee all over some guy coming out of
the bathroom. Pete was nearly eaten alive by mosqui-
toes, and had no sleeping bag. Worst of all, when he
went swimming in the cold water after the first day of
rafting, he got cramped up. He started. screaming for
help, but no one was sure he was serious. After about
two minutes of this we finally realized what he was
nearly drowning and a few nearby swimmers and
kayakers came to his rescue.
I had a great time on the rafting trip, and every-
body I have talked to did as well. The organization
went smoothly, thanks again to Keith and Kim, the
facilities were great, and the rafting was thrilling. I
know I would do it again, and I encourage everybody
to brave the rapids any chance they get
Rafting One-Liners
*Oooooh, Akrum! *Stickering the Cows, and Stickers Everywhere
*Q: How many Engineers to put up a tent in the dark?
*A: About a dozen, but we're not sure since the tent looked
a little weird.
*Have you got any Nail Clippers? NAIL CLIPPERS!?!?
*You didn't think your wallet would get wet?
*How did they get on the chimney?
*Kim and Ryan's Sport yak, trapped in the rapids. Without
them.
*Remember, if you had said that 5 minutes ago, in ten
minutes you would have said that 15 minutes ago.
*WeWon! *Mosquitoes, Mosquitoes, Mosquitoes
Midnight Sun
Midnight Sun Gurus
C
ontinuing the legacy of solar powered vehi-
cles, the Midnight Sun project is well under
way in the development of its latest entry
destined for Sunrayce '97, which begins June 19,
1997.
Since 1990, the University of Waterloo has compet-
ed against other orth American universities for the
prestige associated with a fast car powered entirely on
the energy of the sun. Known as the Sunrayce, under-
graduate students of all faculties design, construct and
finally race their creation in a nationally publicized
event, which never fails to attract public curiosity. It is
nine days long and begins in Indianapolis and contin-
ues west across the United. States to finish in Colorado
Springs.
Shortly after the end of Sunrayce '95, where we
placed 20th, the Midnight Sun Project was initiated
once again to prepare for the up and coming race. As
you read this, past sponsors have and are being contact-
ed with invitations to support the project once again.
Also, new sponsors are continuously being sought and
so far, both missions have been very successfuL WEEF
graciously provided funding for the project's tools and
books and Sun Microsysterns has donated an Ultra-
Sparc workstation. This machine will playa very
important role in testing the proposed shape of Mid-
night Sun IV, utilizing software supplied by
ASC(Advanced Scientific Computing). The program,
TASCFLOW for CAD, will model the effects of air
around the car and will allow members of the project to
greatly reduce wind drag before the car is even built.
The team has developed a vision of what the car
will look like, a design which has already proven to be a
solid one. Ihe project will resurrect the shape of the first
Waterloo solar car. ( the one that got pushed off the
highway by a pickup truck, remember?) The managers
of the team decided that this first shape for Midnight
Sun was a good and competitive structure. Since the
team has already had experience with this desigIl- they
will be able to tweak it to perfection and ensure a
respectable rank in next year's Sunrayce. (As long as
their are no trucks around!)
Initially, the team managers had a dilemma:
whether to design a completely new car or refit Mid-
night Sun ill. To answer this question the team took the
car to the MTO test facility at the Centralia Airport and
quantified the vehicle's performance. The conclusion:
J\1idnight Sun ill would not be competitive in the next
Sunrayce. The car would have had to attain a speed at
least 20 km greater than its maximum of 8Okph, consid-
ering the evolution of solar technology and the experi-
enee universities are obtaining at building solar pow-
ered vehicles and efficiently utilizing the sun's energy.
TI,e Midnight Sun team is also learning from expe ..
rience and has seen the importance of the business
aspect that any project of equal magnitude has a
responsibility to manage. As a response, the team has
divided into two gr:oups: the technical and the business.
\
The technical group will design, build, test and main-
tain the solar car, basically performing the duties lhat
the project has always done. The business group is
responsible for relations with sponsors, the media, the
university and the community. ]t is the job of this latter
group to promote awareness of Midnight Sun and han-
dle all communications competently and professionally.
Continuing Midnight Sun's mission to remain in
touch with the students, the project recently conducted
a logo contest. The winner of the contest Joan
Charlebois, will see her achievement proudly displayed
in the team's office and on new s ~ available for sale
at the Orifice.
Also, mark on your calendars June 22, for the
Canadian Solar Discovery Challenge will be touring
across Ontario and making a campus visit. Although
Midnight Sun will not be participating in this race, it
will be an opportunity to see potential rivals in the Sun-
rayce from all across Ontario and Quebec During the
visit, spectators will be able to talk with the participating
teams and also enjoy a cold beverage and something
bar-Irqued to eat Mmmmh. Sounds like a gcxxf time.
The Midnight Sun is always looking for new mem-
bers of any faculty and any level of expertise. It is an
amazing opportunity to put theoretical work aside and
actually participate.in the construction of a solar vehicle.
Whether it be in the technical group, performing duties
SUcll as testing equipment or cutting parts, or the busi-
nass group, meeting sponsors or writing IW articles, the
project needs you. If this is at all attractive or you have
general inquiries e-mail:
i n f 0 @ mid s u n.uwaterloo.ca or telephone: 888-
4567 ext. 2978. The friendly staff will love to talk with
you.
~ ~ = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = ~ = = = = ~ ~ ~ ~ = = =
Why Ride ...
Mitch Valentik
2N EJec - Zero Tolerance
1
Chevy Cavalier, 5 fools throwing puns around
like they were hand grenades, a case of Coke,
and the mandatory gross of condoms. You
might mistakenly confuse this with Grandma's
favourite recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Regard-
less, it aU adds up to 10 hour trip of piracy on the
open highways. 14 hours later, this curious collec-
tion of renegade rejects from the muppets would
find themselves sleeping in a car parked in the mess
hall of the Owl rafting company, but hey, let's just
start at the beginning, why don't we.
It was naptime on Friday, when the luxury coach
crept out off Ring Road, auspiciously devoid of key
members of the engineering underworld. Ready for
whatever adventures may lay ahead, three dozen
weekend warriors boasted of how they would soon be
the" ones" to tame the violent rapids which lay ahead.
At the same time, in a mental state far, far away, final
packing was taking place
for the soon to be aptly
named "car people". They
quickly amassed the stan-
dard issue engineering sur-
vival kit that a weekend of
this nature demanded; a
spare T-shirt, sleeping bag,
toothbrush and a roll of
duct-tape. (shame on you
for not packing your duct-
tape!)
After a quick diversion
through Bolton to acquire
the all-too-common ''built
for 6 but sleeps only 4"-
man tent, the zoo crew (still
in its formative stages) bar-
reled off to Toronto to
retrieve the ever-elusive
fifth member. After a brief
sojoum to admire the Sights
of the always peaceful
North York suburbs (reads:
lost), the pick-up was made and the Cavalier (now, well
over regulated CSA storage capacity levels) headed off
for the 401 turnpike.
Speeding through the sobering atmosphere that is
Scarborough, the conversation quickly turned aggres-
sive. Like a drunken Bavarian braggart in a medieval
tavern, the driver professed not only of how he could
make it to the moon and back on a single tank of gas,
but subsequently how we would overtake the bus long
before ever arriving in Renfrew. Alas, destiny refused
to assist in the endeavour.
Around 9:00pm, the car was cruising through the
radioactive capital of Canada (reads: Pickering) when
the most dangerous element of driving struck like a
run-away fruit delivery huck spilling it's load in a bad
a.
action adventure B-movie. Yup, you guessed. it; bore-
dom.
Foregoing a pleasant drive consisting of Mozart and
power-napping, assisted by the blessing of the SCUNT
gods (conspicuously noting the presence of two in the
car) the spontaneous road-trip was bom! First order of
business just naturally had to be a sophisticated harass-
ment of the local drivers.
Within moments of taking stock of their supplies, the
first wave of assault shuck the unsuspecting highway.
Well, okay, so the other vehicles barely noticed.
Attempt after attempt lead to the same conclusion;
highway speeds of 120 km/h simply do not allow for
flying condoms to find their way onto the windshields
of passing vehicles. This initially lead to a great amount
of debate and frustration over African Swallow wind-
speeds until a lightbulb of "enginuity" went off in
Mike's head
His flash of brilliance struck so quickly that he didn't
even have time to warn the other members of the expe-
dition before the plan was thrown into motion. Con-
doms were no longer being thrown out the windows
but merely hung. Like everything in life, statistics were
out in no time. Optimal inflation was found to occur at
110 km/h providing the bearer with dimensions of
16m. X 0.6 m. and a surface aperture of approximately
0.3 m. The critical windspeed was quickly found to be
in the neighbourhood of 12145 km/h. The thesis was
agreed upon, typed and submitted for presentation at
the North American Aeronautical Conference in San
Diego by the time the "car people" hit Oshawa.
Laughing in a sense of elation and self-accomplish-
ment, the passengers felt elated in their sense of ground-
breaking exploration and the interconnected. contribu-
tion to the name of sex and science. Later, the entire
incidence would come back to haunt them as the owner
of the vehicle would notice rather large latex markings
on the side of his new vehicle. Some people simply do
not understand the sacrifices necessary for human tech-
nological advancement. Sheesh.
As the arctic weather that is Southern Ontario nights
in June began to set in, it was decided that the windows
would be rolled up and it was definitely time for the
latex to come indoors. While this meant a strategic
arms limitation in terms of sharing the wonders of con-
doms with the rest of the world, it by no means meant
an end to the role of latex on the road-trip.
While condoms may find their primary goal in life to
be the limitation of the spread of the species, this by no
means limits their use as high-potency balloons. While
initially being inflated to test their zero-windspeed
potential, they were soon found to harbour extremely
efficient potential in their ability to store potential.(ener-
gy that is) As we mused. about their enormous capacity
to contain electric charge, we invariably discovered the
ultimate voltage source; namely Vanessa's hair. Within
moments, her ravenous locks were out of control flow-
ing from one balloon to another, engulfing passenger
airspace in a vision reminiscent of old imperialistic
expansionism.
Humbly I must admit, even the most dedicated and
sexually starved engineers could be amused by con-
doms for only so long. Soon, a much more primal urge
(yes, even more primal then procreation) took center
stage, and it was firmly decided that addressing the
needs of the stomach were to take precedence. Division
St. in Kingston provided ample selection, and finally
that bastion of non-toxic plastic fillers, and 60% pure
beef, society likes to call McDonald's was singled out.
To our unbridled horror and shock, it was noted that
playland official-
ly closed it's
doors to the
underage public
at the parent
approved hour
of 9:00pm. Well,
thankfully being
mature, respon-
sible adults we
understood full
and well that
this didn't apply
to us as we
made our way
in a t just past
11:15. The door
wasn't locked in
any sort of way
that really made
too much sense
if the intention
was to actually
keep people out.
In no time, we were scurrying through the mazes of
plastic tubes, and tumbling out of control down the spi-
ralling slides I mean, let's face it. Climbing and crawl-
ing is part of any good engineers curriculum. We all
love it, don't we guys! Guys ... guys?
By this time, the effects of the case of coke were no
longer being felt by the metal cans, but rather by the
sensitive linings that make up our stomachs, and the
interrelated. brain cells. Naked in New York had noth-
ing on us. Oothes were discarded in a symphony of
jeans, and T-shirts. Within moments, the ball bin was
graced with the well-<>iled and sophisticated bodies of
the finest engineering quality. Imagine the shock for the
cars passing by through the drive-thru.
Not wanting those drivers to have all the fun, we
decided it was time to hit the drive-thru ourselves, on
foot.
The official policy of course is that the?, aren't allowed
I continued on page seven ...
When You Can Drive?
to serve you unless you are graced by the accompani-
ment of an automobile. TO wony, there's an easy way
around that issue. The Cavalier was quickly parked at
the corner to prevent the occupants from being run
over, and the order was placed. To make up for the
lack of etiquette, the lad handling the order was well
tipped, being offered a selection of timbits and as many
condoms as a man can grab with his hand. Now,
unfortunately, the driver of the truck behind us was
obviously offended as he felt left out of the entire
exchange. Muttering a few obscenities, he demanded
his share of the national wealth. More than ready to do
his share in the upkeep of fiscal policy, Jay tossed. him a
condom of his own. Not a very bright move, as we
happened to miss the references to the driver's long-
standing NRA membership. The chase was on. The
food was quickly passed through the open car window
as we sped off, redneck on our tail.. Bracing for a con-
frontation, we stopped and convinced him of our
peaceful nature, citing our love for "making love not
war" as the reason for sharing condoms. Naturally, he
wasn't amused. Regardless, we soon found ourselves
once again speeding down the highway. A heated
argument quickly began as it was discovered that an
order of food for five just doesn't fit in one bag. Back to
Kingston we went.
We returned to the scene of the crime to find the
attendant still in a state of shock. Serves him right, we
figured. I mean, the nerve, stealing our order. We
couldn't have been more wrong, if we were to discover
he was the secret second shooter in the JFK assassina-
tion. Apparently, after we had left, and the truck dude
followed us, he had come back to the window with our
second order. Well, you see, the third car (a rather
unfriendly lady) hadn't appreciated the conduct of nei-
ther the truck occupants nor us, and had barely
screamed her frustrations at the poor boy before storm-
ing off into the night. The final equation left some
unknown schmuck getting all sorts of unexpected food.
Apologies (and more latex gifts) were naturally forth-
coming.
Well, once you've eaten cows, the natural progression
would be to make peace with them, right? How else to
explain our presence in a field of bovine beauties some-
where around 1:00am just outside of the sprawling
metropolis of Carleton Place. Cruising along highway 7
the delightful chirp of Mike's voice broke the monotony
with an exclamation of wondrous discovery: "COWS!".
The engine hadn't even grinded to a halt as five mobile
bodies broke for the pasture, and hopped the fence in a
quest to get baCk to nature. Yah, yah, you may be think-
ing, so it's a bunch of sleeping cows. Well, you're
wrong sleeping had nothing to do with the equation.
These were 1400 lb. stakes with cruising speeds of 30
mph. (for everyone who took first year physics and
remembers it, you might figure out that this equates to
a helluva lot of momentum transfer upon contact)
Well, it was only a picture or two that we were after,
and no one expected a heifer to be camera shy; after all,
when was the last time one made the cover of Cosmo.
Well, that was our first mistake. At one o'clock in the
morning there simply wasn't quite that much light
available to illuminate the situation. Therefore, we
didn't know the aforementioned heifers from the bulls.
Fearlessly, I walked in. It was so fearlessly a few short
minutes later, that I proclaimed the retreat declaration
in standard protocol; "RUN!" You see, as I explained at
the time, one of those heifers
was just a little too friendly as
we saw a milk white, half-ton
milk truck approaching us at
warp factor 1. The entire col-
lection of hwnans in the field
bolted for the fence in com-
plete synchronisity. Well,
almost. You see, Vanessa
had already sprained her
ankle, and by the time we
had reached the fence, we
could hear her desperate
cries. Reacting as the valiant,
chivalrous men that we
were, we did appropriate
thing: "Run, Vanessa, Run". Well, the wrong party
took the message in stride, as the entire field erupted in
a cacophony of hoofs striking the turf. The herd gra-
ciously slowed down in a noble gesture to accommo-
date our injured compatriot's needs as casually
approached the fence. The photo-op that we had been
waiting for was as hand. Unfortunately, the camera we
had been carrying no longer afforded us the same luxu-
ry. After, a brief search, it was found, but by this point
the cows had returned to their vantage point in the
deeper regions of the pasture. Apparently, some cow
fancying itself their self-styled leader gave the order
A rational solution?) We parked directly in the entrance
to the mess hall; an obvious no-parking zone. This was
sure to arouse attention, and force someone to wake us
in time for breakfast. We spread a few condoms about
the windshield in a symbolic gesture of fertility, and
place a few well-marked UW jackets on our windows,
so that they would be sure as to who they were dealing
with, as we closed our eyes, and tumbled into that quiet
never, never land we like to call sleep.
The knock came through the dripping, condensed
glass of the driverside window at 7:03 am. The week-
end had begun ...
with the proverbial
"mooooo". Masters of
harassment, we even-
tually managed to
chase some shy but
obviously fame-seek-
ing models to fulfill our
camera fetish, and we
were back on our way
to OWL before the dust
had even settled under
our tires.
Hot Summer SpeCials
Catching a few min-
utes of down-time
while navigating the
back roads of the
Ottawa V alley (driver
included) we pulled
into the OWL resort at
just past 3:00. All ready
to jump headlong into
the Engineering
encampment, we were
dismayed, to find the
sheer number of occu-
pants far exceeded our
expectations. Without
an alarm clock, and far
to lazy to mount our
tent by this point, we
quickly looked around
for a sched ule.
Hmmm, let's see.
Parker expedition:
breakfast at 7:15, trip at
8:00. Gulp.
A hasty, unthought
decision was made.
(What did you expect?
.... ..
Free Donut f:R I
Choose from
our large
with
over 30
different
donuts fresh
every day!
Buy any size
coffee and get a
donut FREE.
At SAC we ACT!
Students Advising Co-op
ready to tackle major issues
Amanda Woo
SAC Guru
S
ummer is here! Time to sit back, relax in the
un, and watch the clouds go by ... right? Not a
chance! Students Advising Co-op has a busy
agenda for this tenn, and sun tanning is not on the
list!
As per usual, SAC will keep a close eye on the Co-op
system and attempt to head off problems before they
become major. On top of this proactive watch dog role,
SAC will assist Co-op in investigating other issues.
Historically, communication between Co-op and stu-
dents has been rather minimal One of SAC's perma-
nent goals is to open and maintain these lines of com-
munication. Students and Co-op must talk to one
another in order to work together.
One of the on-going SAC projects is attempting to
devise a Co-op report card using a wide range of indi-
ca tors, both subjective and objective. Our "Seattle Corre-
spondent", a student on work term, is currently in
charge of this project and will keep SAC informed.. This
term's SAC will have the responsibility of promoting
this report card to the administra tion
WatPubs and '1..et's Go Co-op" are now both in the
SAC portfolio. WatPubs are social gatherings to get
Waterloo students together while on work term. Cur-
rently, WatPub systems are set up in Toronto, Ottawa,
London, Samia and Montreal. "Let's Go Co-op" is a
flier that includes information such as local hot-spots
and important phone numbers for several Co-op cen-
tres across Canada. Both of these programs need to be
re-valuated and are currently being updated. SAC also
has plans to run a social event that will allow Co-op
staff, students and employers to mingle in a very infor-
mal atmosphere.
Finally, at each meeting, we plan to discuss topics of
interest in a "think tank" Ibrain-storming session Each
week a new topic will be chosen and can also be dis-
cussed. on-line at the newsgroup site. Currently, work
reports and their value to both students and employers
is being discussed.
Many students have raised concerns that work
reports have become just an added burden and ques-
tion the validity of having to write a report which is, for
the most part, a formality rather than a usefulleaming
tool. In addition, there does not seem to be enough ade-
quate feedback in terms of evaluation and the report
does not accomplish .required. goals. Furthermore, there
are restrictive formats and inconsistencies in marking
he Greatest Game
Parker Mitchell
28 Mech Tonka
--
W
th the conclusion of the first round of
playoffs, Canadians were faced with an
agonizing fact: none of our teams were
left to contend for the grail. Seeing the florida rink
covered with thousands of rats, I remembered a
comment a friend had told me, during the annual
rite of the office playoff pool. He said, "Wouldn't it
be great jf two American teams were in the final,
'cause it would really help the popularity of the
game "down there". Replying disinterestedly, I con-
curred.
However,lately I've begun to think about it, from a
much more selfish point of view. What do I care for
some yankee baseball fan who is overwhelmed by the
amount of action in hockey, and needs a glowing trail to
follow the puck? Do I care if there's a team in Phoenix,
which, up until recently, thought that "ice" was a
wannabe rapper and "hockey" was something you
played when you skipped school? No! All I want is my
Hockey Night in Canada, with Don Cherry showing
some desperately needed Canadian patriotism, while
managing fit his foot in his mouth quite frequently. It's
a.
about time we told FOX, which forced the
: Rangers/Canadiens game to be on Hockey Sunday
Afternoon in Canada, to head back to where it came
from with it's glowing trail tucked between its legs. We
want to watch REAL hockey.
Wouldn't it be great if two American teams were in
the final. Great for who? For the Winnipeg child grow-
ing up skating on his local pond who is forced to cheer
for the "Coyotes"? For the enfant Quebecois who stood
steadfastly by his team, through countless losing sea-
sons, attending games and lining the owners pockets,
only to watch his heroes move to Colorado and win a
cup there? Mickey and his band of marketing gurus
already have our Mounties and our theme-park dollars,
do we have to let them run ramshod over our national
sport?
Great for who? For the owners of course, who in
our overly capitalistic world can play fans off against
each other in an ever increasing bid to make more
money. Two years ago, during the strike, the underly-
ing issue between the two sides was "who's making
more money, the owners or the players?". The players
claimed they deserved more money because they
brought in the huge revenues and the owners replied
that they weren't really making all that much money
and so couldn't afford to pay the players their exorbitant
salary. Never once was the fan mentioned, who,
beyond a shadow of a doubt is paying too much money
to go see a game.
Earlier this year, I attended a game in the new
Forum, a.k.a. the Keg (never call it the "Molson Center"
for that just caters to the capitalistic marketers who built
it). Our tickets cost 36 dollars and were the fourth row
from the top. The intermissions, which have been fif-
teen minutes since I can remember, had slipped to eigh-
across faculties. Finally, the work report marking fee
and its appropriateness has become a concern.
In order to handle these matters, SAC is working
together to compile and compare faculty .requirements
in terms of .required work report elements. Hopefully
this will give us a better perspective of the differences
among faculty work reports and give us a starting point
for a useful review. As weil, actualleaming experience
from writing work reports is being discussed in terms
of improving technical writing and research skills. The
Associate Director of Programs will be the main liaison
for issues such as this between Co-op and SAC. These
issues have been posted to the newsgroup and any
ideas, comments and suggestions are welcomed and
appreciated.
Other issues will come up during the term, and we
hope that if you have any concerns or items to discuss,
that you will bring them to our attention. Our next
meeting is Tuesday, June 11 at 5:30 in Needles Hall
Room 1029.
Also, check out our web page at:
http://www.undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca/-sac/ and
voice your opinions on our newsgroup site at:
uw.coop.sac
Eart
teen minutes. Rather than entertaining us with interest-
ing clips on the new Jumbotron, they plied us with Bell
Mobility ads. During the all too frequent commercial
breaks, instead of pumping out awesome hockey songs
like "We will rock you", we were serenaded with a
rousing rendition of the Coca Cola theme song.
At that moment, I vowed never to go see another
game again (weil, at least pay to get in). It's a small ges-
ture, and it probably wont affect Molson's bottom line,
but it's all I can do. I love my hockey team fervently,
from Maurice Richard's passion to Henri Richard's
eleven Stanley Cups to Ken Dryden's classic pose to
Saku Koivu's feisty determination. I also love hockey;
without a shadow of a doubt it's the best game on earth.
However, since the accession of Gary Betteman (I
don't care if it's spelt wrong, he can bite me), the NHL
has slipped into an inexorable decline from a true sport-
ing league to a mere forum for commercial marketing.
From Eric lindros' monumental decision not to play for
the Nordique(s) to Wayne Gretzkey whining for seven
million dollars, the league has become endorsement-
laden, money-grubbing, overtly selfish enterprise that
no longer represents the true spirit of hockey.
Nearly sixty years ago there was hardly a dry eye
in the Montreal Forum. as thousands of grieving hockey
fans filed respectfully past the casket of Howie Morentz,
honouring him and the game he loval Today, a soli-
tary tear rolls lugubriously down my cheek, hardly suf-
ficient mourning for the demise of the league that he so
honourably represented.
Eng Soc Elections
Wanted: PresidentlZoo Keeper.
Wide variety of duties including, but not limited to, taming lions, handling
the monkey business, and dealing with the elephant dung. Candidates must
be sensitive but head strong. Serious inquiries only. Interested persons
should e-mail eng_prez@novice.
Wanted: VP-External
Ex VP-X seeks new VP-X for excellent opportunity,
excessive fun exudes from this extracurricular
position. Excite your friends, expel your enemies.
Expectorate.
Wanted: WEEF Director.
Generous, charitable, caring man seeks mate interested in
contributing to a strong, long-lasting relationship. Must be
willing to make difficult decisions for the future. Most
importantly, mate must enjoy giving.


an e
Powerful, fiscal master seeks corporate executive
type to manage growing empire. Must enjoy over-
seeing large sums of cash, and spending it wisely.
Justification of activities to investors of highest
importance. Not for the fainthearted.
Wanted: VP-Internal
Man who prefers comfortable familiar surroundings seeks
mate to share complete workload. Must be willing to dele-
gate all tasks to subservient members of society. Highly
spirited and friendly individuals given first consideration.
Check out the Eng Soc
Pages for More Information!
K. Princz
3aMech
Tal-Eng
July 11th
(jet Your Yl.ct
rrogetfier!
Auditions
Happening
Now.
Deadline for
Art
Submissions
is July 10th.

III
K. Princz
3aMech
Chris Potvin
3aChem
--
You Would Have Done It Too
Kyle Corbett
4A Ele
"Another night at the Palace,
'cause there is nothing else to do."
Hello City, Barena.ked Ladies
I
has been two years since we have been on sum-
mer term and some things never change. Every
ong weekend people go away to provincial
parks to enjoy the sun; others will use the time wise-
ly and try to catch up on home work. However the
rare few of us will squeeze every last second out of a
Long weekend in the name of insanity. This is the
story of my Long weekend .. ..
It began early Friday morning; Darren, Kevin and I
were going to see the Tragically Hip in Boston. It was
planned that after the concert was finished we would
then continue on through the night to Halliax, Nova
Scotia. We filled Darren's rusting hulk of a Honda with
a case of Coca-cola, three rolls of duct tape, a new cam-
era, and about 1000 copies of Project magazines. We
turned out the driveway. We were on our way to
Boston and the adventure of a lifetime ... until Kevin
remembered he forgot the access code to get our tickets.
After retrieving the code, we were really on our way.
If you have ever driven Interstate 90, you will
know that there is really nothing to see. Except of
course, for the numerous toll booths that will suck
every last drop of American currency out of you. (Big
Sleep) We arrived in Boston around four in the after-
noon. It was two years before this that Darren, Doof
and I ransacked the east coast with our "Ea tern Sea
Board Tour" of 1994, visiting all of the interesting places
in Boston like M.I.T., but that's another story.
Boston is a great city, it's not really like how Cheers
portrayed it at all. Yeah there are those Norm Petersons
out there, but very few you could understand as clearly.
We kindly asked a security guard at Harvard Law
School where we could find some authentic Harvard
shirts, his reply was very difficult to understand. It
seems that sometime after the Boston Tea Party, Boston
gained some world wide exposure; however it lost the
use of the letter "R" in the process. Just imagine talking
to someone who does not sound out "R". Having them
say ENGlNEERING, is quite amusing, you try it.
This was my first time seeing the Hip in concert, it
was an American tour to promote their new album
"Trouble at the Henhouse". If you have given the
album a spin, let me tell you it's even better in person.
Gord Downey was going crazy at the microphone.
When a fan tossed a joint up on the stage between num-
bers, Gord simply put it aside ... until after the show.
There were more Canadians at this concert than there
were Americans. That's dedication for you! People will
drive nine hours just to see the Hip in concert, it kind of
makes you wonder why they do not have any Canadi-
an tour dates. The Hip finally came out of the venue an
hour after the concert. They very happily signed auto-
graphs. You should see Kevin's poster with all of their
signatures, it looks really cool.
The mission carried on into the wee hours of the
morning, driving non-stop to Saint John, New
Brunswick; the total trip from Boston took about 7.5
hours. So we arrived at 7:30. Perfect time for the 9:00
ferry, except that when you cross into New Brunswick
you lose an hour. I chalked this perfect timing to our
excellent judging of distances, Darren credits it to dri-
ving Warp Factor One.
It's incredible how relaxing a ferry ride can be after
you have been awake for longer than 24 hours. I hear
the ferry ride from Saint John to Digby is quite scenic, I
would not know. All I saw was the inside of my eye
lids.
We were finally in Nova Scotia; what an accom-
plishment driving for almost 20 hours, risking life and
limb in Darren's car. Everything was coming together,
the plan was working; now all we had to do is to
decide, where to go next. After a quick evaluation of our
situation we decided to see the Lunenburg where 83%
of people said they would use Anacin again. It's the
home of the Bluenose II, which has just been refinished
for the summer tourist season. There is something spec-
tacular about tall ships. It just makes me want go to a
pet store buy a parrot, get on board, and start talking
like a pirate. But, I digress.
Halifax, what an interesting city. It doesn't smell
like fish like you think it would, being one of the Cana-
dian centres for the fishing industry. One thing that you
will quickly notice is that there is really nothing to do in
the city except eat and drink There are really no other
forms of entertainment, there are no professional sports
teams, there aren't many rich cultural activities. But
their beer is pretty good.
Being the summer months and being students, we
were able to find lodging at Saint Mary's University. It
was really cheap for the three of us to stay for two days.
SMU is located just outside the main part of downtown
which allows you to walk to everything within a matter
of minutes. The room was very similar to those in Vil-
lage 2, one bedroom, all kinds of brick and, of course,
mattresses that send the question of how many thou-
sands of people have slept on them before you dancing
through your head.
The Liquor Dome was the destination of the
evening. I refuse to say anything more since it might
land me in jail. However, they have really cheap every-
thing, and drinks too.
We stumbled home late that night, okay it was the
next moming around 5 AM. The new Ontario bar times
were just a wann up for the 3:30 AM last call that Hali-
fax enjoys. Though we did get to see a pretty cool sun-
rise from our room.
Later that moming after a little sleep it was off to
Peggy's Cove, the home of big waves and a declining
population We have lots of pictures from the cove. Both
Darren and Kevin enjoyed taking lots of pictures of the
12 foot waves. On the day we went it was foggy, which
I think added to the mood of the Maritimes.
It's really funny, how we stood out. Every time we
would run into people the first thing they would say
would be, "You're not from around here, are ya?" I
realize how out of place we looked, maybe it was that
all three of us were dressed in the same Waterloo T-
shirt. After being asked so many times I started making
up stories about where we were from and why we were
here. (I still couldn't come up with a reason why we
were dressed the same but two out of three isn't bad.)
The best story I was able to come up with was, "We're
on a mission from God." and God told us to go to Hali-
fax and sample their eastern beer. Then we were to
report back with several cases to the big guy himself.
Everyone gave us lots of room after we told that one, go
figure.
On Sunday nights it seems that everyone goes to
the Palace. As "Hello City" by the Barenaked Ladies
said, you go to the Palace because there is nothing else
to do. They had great drink special and nice people. We
met several slurry-voiced Halifax natives who later in
the evening took us on a special tour of Halifax at 4
o'clock in the moming.
Monday morning saw the execution of our true
mission: to return the hundreds of excess Project maga-
zines to the haven from whence they came, TUNS. We
stormed the campus at 8:00 AM and in a flurry of stick-
ers and duct tape, we had covered not only their Eng
Soc office door but also their outside windows with a
wall of Project magazine covers! Then we took another
couple hundred or so magazines and stuffed. their class
boxes plum full of 'ern! A few stickers and a kind note
added the finishing touches to a picture-perfect visita-
tion Of course after doing all that, we STILL had two
full boxes of Promag's left which we left at the foot of
their office door because there were no recycling bins in
sight.
the province and were entering Charlottetown. We
stopped at a bar and sampled their local brews, then
continued on to UPEl. the home of the 70 student engi-
neering program! We gave them our humble offering
of two stickers (our last ones) and motored on to Sum-
merville for lobster dinner; Elvis and Guito were deli-
dous. In case you didn't get that, Elvis and Guito were
the names of our lobsters that were so good that we
couldn't part with them So instead, we mounted their
exoskeletons to Darren's car with duct tape and allowed
them to accompany us on our return trip.
At 9:15 PM, we landed back: in New Brunswick
and started the long haul home. After 12 hours of non-
stop driving, we were actually in Montreal experiencing
a lovely morning of rush-hour traffic that was exagger-
ated by the work slow-down on the 85 tunnel construc-
tion. See what happens when you spend all your
money on a referendum campaign?! Before long we
were back in TROC hitting Toronto just in time for, you
guessed. it, rush hour. (When is it NOT rush hour in
Toronto?) Finally at 4:30 in the afternoon, we pulled into
our driveway just in time to apply for the third posting!
All in all, it was an excellent weekend - insane,
exciting, exhausting but incredibly rewarding. And we
got souvenirs! Hey, if you ask Darren nicely, hell show
you Elvis and Guito who are to this day still duct taped
to the hood of his car enjoying their afterlife as landlub-
bers.
With our mission accomplished, it was time to
leave the seaside beer hall and start heading back west.
But hey, if we're out in the Maritimes why not visit the
Big Red Mud? Why not indeed; it was off to PEl
It's no fluke that PEI is called the big red mud; no
lies, the soil is as red as the bricks in the FS building.
Darren says it's cuz the soil is so rich in iron that it rusts
in the ocean air. After no time at all, we had crossed half
iDON'T
,
I
LEAVE DAD
HANGING!!!
Mini-Baja Car
Completed and
Ready for Race
Chris Mitchell
3BMech.
UW CRESTED APPAREL FOR
YOUR DAD ... AT
~
1996 University of Waterloo Mini-Baja car left Thursday morning for the
competition in Milwaukee, Wisconsin where it will be competing against
cars from more than 70 other schools from Friday, May 31 to Sunday, June 2.
In the SAE Mini-Baja competition, the cars and teams are tested on their ability to tack-
le several events, including static judging, acceleration, top speed, braking, hill-dimb,
tractor pull, manoeuvrability all culminating in a 4-hour endlllance race on a motor-
cross track. All teams in the competition must use an unmodified 8.4 hp Briggs & Strat-
ton engine. Despite this limitation, the 1996 car is expected to reach a top speed of
approximately 35 mph which should make it one of the fastest cars at the competition
-
The car was completed on Wednesday night despite the fear of several team members
that it would not be ready in time for the competition This was possible through the
addition of 6 new team members in the last month before the competition and the help
of the Formula SAE team.
Anyone who is interested in looking at the car is welcome to come by room E3
2103A&B at anytime. We also look forward to giving everybody who worked on the car
this week an opportunity to take a ride.
A message from Needles
Bruce Lumsden
Director
John Westlake
Senior Programme Co-ordinator -Engineering
H
ere is a brief update on the status of the
budget for the Co-operative Education &
Career Services department. Certainly the
attitude of the administration of the Univer ity has
been very favourable toward co-operative education
during the last round of budget reductions.
As you know, the University has been dealing with
issues of decreasing funding over the past few years.
This has transla ted into budget cuts in the order of 2-4%
per year for all faculties/departments within the Uni-
versity, including the Department of Co-operative Edu-
cation & Career Services. On-going cuts of this magni-
tude impact upon the number of people in the faculty
or department, frequently in terms of not replacing pe0-
ple as they retire or 11delaying" the replacement to uti-
lize the funding elsewhere in the short term. The
provincial cut backs last Fall were severe, resulting in
the University offering a Special Early Retirement Pro-
~
gram (SERP) to long term service members of the uw
community.
'The cumulative effects of the retirements are that 6 of
the 10 Engineering co-ordinators have :retired over the
past year and a half. In view of the uncertainty of the
financial pidllle in CECS, there were serious concerns
regarding how many of these co-ordinator positions
would be filled. However, for a number of reasons
including the fact that Engineering is the largest (and a
mandatory) co-op program and the fact the proposed
PEO recognition of up to 1 year of co-op work experi-
ence toward the accrectitation requirements of PEO will
require close monitoring of the work terms, the Univer-
sity has now agreed to replacing all of the retiring Engi-
neering co-ordinators and the intention is to increase the
total ntHnber from 10 to 12 in the foreseeable futlile. As
well, there was no reduction in our 1996/97 overall
budget allocation. The long term prospects are excel-
lent!
Short term, particularly this term, it's going to be a
challenge. We are currently interviewing candidates for
the co-ordinator pooitions, but hiring and training new
co-ordinators takes time. This term, the work of 10 co-
ordinators will essentially be handled by 6 (with some
assistance), so there are likely going to be some rough
spots. However, the Dean, the associate Dean and
department chairs clearly understand our current situa-
tion and are extraordinarily supportive of the co-op
department, and the Engineering program in particular,
as we work our way through this transition period and
build for the futlile.
Over the past year the department has been review-
ing the operations of the department and has just
recently announced a re-organizational plan. The
department will be affected by the loss of nine people
who elected early retirement. The department will not
be replacing three of its senior managers. Instead we
will be reorganizing functions around major areas: Field
Services which includes a regrouping of the co-ordina-
tors into regional teams, Program Services which looks
after the activities of the on-campus students, and cen-
tralized Systems and Administrative procedlile5.
The other portion of the department is Career Ser-
vices which will be feeling the effects of a $13,800
decrease in its budget. In total the CECS department is
fully funded by student fees and we are constantly
reminded of the need to be accountable to the students
paying the fees. There will be more pressure on us to
provide an appropriate level of service seeing that there
is no budget cut this year. We are confident, however,
that with the reorganization and the support of the Uni-
versity for co-operative education that we will be able to
maintain and hopefully improve the level of service to
the students, employers, and the Faculty.
Things are definitely looking up for the co-op engi-
neering program in the long haul! We trust we can
count on your support over the next few months as we
re-establish our co-ordinator base and get back up-to-
speed.
Have a good term!
------ -- -
Bunch 0' Stuff
Chris Trudeau
4A Elec
I, being one of the MIV generation, have a difficult
time maintaining any resemblance of concentration for
an extended period of ... I was saying something ... any
way, the following is a bunch of unrelated media bites
of thoughts, observations and concepts. For those of
you who think that this is an intriguing method for
examining my psyche, feel free to take notes, but be
forewarned, a mind is a terrible thing to waste-not want
not tonight honey I have a headache, and any other
eclectic collection of cliches!
Our Dumb Southern Neighbours
I realize that American bashing, while in vogue, is
really rather a futile exercise, they appear to be so dumb
that they wouldn't understand anyhow. Proof of this is
a recent study, the results of which came across the AP
news service. "Only about 25 percent of American
adults got passing grades in a survey by the National
Science Foundation of what people know about basic
science and economics." I am not quite sure why this
stuprises me. But 25%, come on, my little sister could
pass most of the questions .. . anyone who has watched
''Bill Nye the Science Guy" (the average six year old)
more than once could be quite successful
The article continues: "The worst showing came
when those surveyed were asked to define scientific
terms. Only about 9 percent knew what a molecule
was, and only 21. percent could define DNA" Ok, I
might understand not knowing what DNA is, but isn't
this a little backward? Correct me if am wrong, but
isn't DNA a complex organic MOLECULE? You see
the OJ Simpson trial gave extensive DNA evidence, but
never mentioned little things like molecules. I would
love to see what the other 79% thought it was ... Depart-
ment of National Affiance (like the Department of
National Defense, just friendlier, or more defensive,
depending on what side of divorce you are on), Dames
Not Aggressive (thank you Cliff Oaven!), Digital Net-
work Analysis (oops a bit of comp-geek slipped out,
sorry), how about Drunken Neglectful Adolescents
(either a good name for a thrash band, or the reason
America is so stupid!)
What, this isn't enough evidence? You're not con-
vinced. yet? Ok how about "Less than half knew that
the Earth orbits the sun annually." Just what did they
think it was orbiting, or for that matter how long did
they think it was taking? Carl Sagan is probably rolling
over in his grave... that is of course if he is dead. I
vaguely remember making those planet diaramas (or
was that diarrhea?) back in grade IL ... now granted the
American education system does not exactly match
ours, but the "earth sits on top of a giant turtle that
walks through the universe" theory went out a long
long time ago! Maybe it is time for them to update their
textbooks!
Election Time: boring metonc and stupid ideas
Well yet another presidential race is going on Dole is
claiming that he is going to be very tough on crime ... is
their a politician yet that has suggested that there just
isn't enough of the stuff? "Hi my name is Don Cor-
rleione, and I want to be your next president!" To
counter all of Dole's "hard line on crime" crap, Ointon
is showing everyone that he isn't some left-winged lib-
eral, draft dodging bleeding heart softie! How is Gin-
ton doing this you ask? He has a solution to crime:
school uniforms. Ointon has expressed. the fact that
. school unifom1S would help curb the seeming wave of
youth crime (those danm Drunken eglectful Adoles-
cents!). Personally I think that making children wear
geeky clothes and repressing their ability to express
themselves will only result in one of two things: more
crime, or more violent crime. Does Clinton really
believe that most school yard shootings started based
on the "hey nice penny loafers" insult? Somebody
should tell him that the crack problem has nothing to
do with refrigerator-repair-person-style-kids wearing
their pants too low.
Where will good old Billy boy stop? The next thing
you know he will solve the British beef problem by ban-
ning Beef-Eater Gin. The only thing left I have to say is,
at least he isn't Reagan!
OJ Simpson
I am of the opinion that OJ Simpson just doesn't get
enough media coverage. Think what this man has
accomplished in his life. He was a football legend (he
got away with a double murder), he broke numerous
records (he got away with a double murder), a radio
and television broadcaster (he got away with a double
murder), an unmatched actor (he got away with a dou-
ble murder), a great product spokesman (he got away
with a double murder), and an all around congenial
type guy (he got away with a double murder)!
Someone this fantastic just deserves more press. The
media always stresses the bad things that happen ... of
course I am not talking about the mandatory thirty-
three second uplifting "news" item done by a dippy
blonde air-head at the end of every cast to perk up the
now seriously depressed suicidal viewing audience,
this just doesn't compensate. The media should tell
happy stories, happy stories about happy people. The
kind of happy stories that Ned Flanders would be just
happy to read. Happy happy happy. And who is hap-
pier than OJ Simpson? After all, he has done so much
with SO little. He does nothing but bring happiness into
our lives. I want more OJ! More OJ! More OJI More
OJ!! MORE OJ!!! {the pleasant sound of the plunger of a
small needle pressing the heavenly contents of its vial
into the veins of an unsuspecting writer precede a well
needed rest}
Coloured Contact Lenses
Coloured contact lenses are neat. Personally J don't
have a pair, but I want some. Unfortunately the kind I
waht just aren't manufactured. 1 would like a pair of
contact lenses that react to the sunlight, like the coating
of that photo-(insert some Latin word for changing
here) stuff you can get for glasses. I think this would be
cool. Since I spend most of my time indoors (labs, labs,
labs, happy, happy, happy!) my eyes are very sensitive
to sunlight. Bright light! Bright light!
Actually while r am on my way to demanding new
technology in contact lenses why don't I push the enve-
lope (and try not to get a paper cut) a little further?
Why not coloured contact lenses that could change with
the amount of adrenalin in your body? They could be
just like those chees mood-rings in the sixties. The
more angry you get (see the above comments about
labs) the redder the lenses get, until you look like some-
one ucked your eyeballs out with a high powered vac-
uum hose and all that is left are the sockets.
A guy I knew way back when I was in residence (I
was fresh, r was allowed to live in a residence! Besides
everyone makes mistakes!) had a pair of contact lenses
that were from a theatrical troupe. The lenses covered
most of the eye ball and made your eyes look like steel.
These would be really cool to have, especially if you
could get them in and out quickly ... FEAR :ME, I AM
PINBALL MAN!!!!
Love
Over the work term I took Philosophy 145 - the study
of logic. At some point the text book uses the follOwing
analogy for bad reportive descriptions: "For instance a
definition of eating as 'successive performance of masti-
cating, humectating, and degIutinating' would be open
to this objection!" This little passage brings a simple
question to mind. Sure she loves you, but does she
humectate?
What Engineering has done for (to) Me
This is actually quite an involved topic in itself. For
simple starters, you may notice that I have started capi-
talizing personal pronouns... this is one of those things
that I picked up in engineering. Actually this topic is
rather depressing. As I sit back and take stock in what
the last four years of my life have accomplished (I am
proud of that barfing on the cop's shoes inddent, don't
get me wrong!) I realize that engineering has done me
more harm than good. My creative instinct and ability
to reason for Myself have been next to eliminated. I
used to approach life and problems in a haphazard way
which guaranteed a unique outlook. I now have the
engineering methodology. University is supposed to
broaden you, and yet instead I am left with an empty
shell of what previOlt"ly Wi-1S d fre ' thinking mind. This
husk of Mine whirh used to be i) brain 'an nnw
approach enginccring wi lh som cffici 'n , but wlwn it
comes to everything clS(,', I (ind I am scvcrdy lacking.
Certain of my friends (yes it is pos,<.;ibJ ' to both hav(' <1
bleak outlook on life and have friend.!) haw poinlt'd
out that things wilJ chanh"C on '1 get back into the real
world. To this 1 "(Iundel not quite sound
th same".
My advice to all of you, and e;peciaJ] y those yOU)1g
enough to still make a difference, don't sweat the &maU
stuff. Keep your mind open, and don't be afraid to criti-
cize what you are taught. By this 1 don't mean pointing
out to the professor that they accidentally forgol to carry
the 2 in the last equation. While you arc here get
involved and live. Marks aren't everything. In fact
once you are out of here they mean nothing. What do
you call a graduating intern at the bottom of his class
with a 60% average? Doctor. Don't let this place suck
the real life out of you.
Finally, for the few of you who actually kept reading
even thol'!lgh I am on this big soap box, please remem-
ber: the rise of the Phleb will be counteracted by the
Dawn's Dwarfed Centurion, but only if posy's glow
eats the shrinking mushroom! fmor-e of the green stuff
nurse, I like it better!}
First Year
Ramblings
Mike Hermann
1 B Sys The Far SyDe
E
m off to the Ottawa River for a weekend of
white water rafting, friends, and a hell of a lot of
. And nothing to do for over S hours on a bus.
So, what shall I do, but ramble aimlessly on first
year, and life in general.
The Faculty? Is it out to get us, or do they just like
the look of stress in our eyes? Is this first year thing just
a conspiracy to weed us out? Rumours are that
between failures, and those who chose not to return,
that almost a quarter of all first years are gone. If any-
body has any finn numbers to correct, me please tell
me. I'd much rather know the real story. However,
with all I've heard, I'm wondering if first year is becom-
ing a trial by fire, with only the best and luckiest coming
out academically alive? I am really surprised at this
since coming into UW I was told that their was a rela-
tively low failure rate since we only accept the best.
Friends? And I don't mean the TV show, I mean
the real ones who make our existence here better.
Those people who have changed our lives so much
since we've arrived. I can't imagine what life would be
like without my friends. Since the start of first year, I
am amazed at how many new friends I have made. In
general everybody here is so friendly, and I'm constant-
ly amazed at the support and co-operation
Interviews? I wonder if we could get the inter-
viewers to let us just bring our fancy clothes, so we
don't have to get all dressed up in the heat? We could
just show them what we would have worn, and we
could all sit back in shorts and T-shirts and go to the
bomber for something cold to drink.
Reservoir Dogs? Are Monica and I the only people
who haven't seen it?
Kinder Eggs? What a nice thought A great little
gift for a friend who's tired or depressed. Neat toys, but
why won't some people eat the chocolate? Do you real-
ly think they'd make it so you couldn't eat the chocolate
because of the plastic egg?
T.A.'s. Do any of them speak English as a first lan-
guage? I assume you guys try your best, and I have
met some outstanding T.A.'s. However, the number of
T.A.'s who we have problems communicating with is
Significant.
Involvement? How come no matter how much I
do, I feel I'm missjng out on something fun. Oh well, I
guess you can't do it aU.
Graphics? Can you say Auto-Cad? Let's get cur-
rent folks, and bring at least a sizeable portion of this
class into the 90's. Give us marketable skills, please!
Pulp Fiction? Who knows what was in the case?
I've heard lot's of possibilities, but I like the soul theory
the best.
Oass Names? Come on, first years, get your act
together! Systems is 'The Far SyDe", and Electrical is
"DerElecs". Here's the challenge first years: get a class-
name by the time a P"*S banner is up. Nothing's at
stake, just class pride. The clock is ticking.
Sheep? Enough said.
Laptop Workstations in Systems and other
design projects like the Mechs have? More
work than needed, or should we do more classes
like those? I thought it was great, and we learned so
much more that was immediately useful than some of
our other courses. I think we should do more project
classes. How about you?
Sleep Deprivation? This is a good thing. Remem-
ber, sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine! Achlally I
think we're all crazy, judging by how much sleep we
get I think there's a point were you have to balance the
work you can accomplish while tired versus the sleep
you could have gotten. Unfortunately J haven't the
vaguest idea where that is.
The C&D? Forty cents for a coffee. My favourite
place in the world.
Is there actually a couch in the girl's washroom in
the first floor ofE2? If so, how come the guy's don't get
one? I want one, dammit!
Assignments? Do all the Profs conspire to sched-
ule the due dates on the same days?
Double Doors? It's been said before, but I'll say it
again. Why is one door always locked? If you're going
to open the doors, do it right.
Cheese Bites at the Grill? Has anybody ever
ordered deep-fried cheese before? Of there own free
will? I've only met one person who ever ate them was
an "A" soc chem guy. No wonder.
Telephone Poles? Have you ever noticed how
everybody looks smaller when you climb to the top?
Bagels? Did you know they're boiled? I'd never
have guessed? My mental image of some mysterious
process involving the sex-life of a cheese doodle has
been shattered.
Darth Vader? Did you know some guy in Village
has a 6-foot tall u t ~ u t of Darth Vader?
How do you not become one of the NEAC guys? I
not curious at ail, and I'm not wondering about it one
bit
How come when you go up to someone and use
the word ISIS you both just get all confused and the
conversation consists of trying to figure out what is
going on, where you are, who you are, and what in the
world is going on? All the while, nobody will even
bother asking you what ISIS is?
How come when you think you know someone,
and ask them who they remind you of, they don't
know? If they look like somebody, you once met,
shouldn't they know who you're talking about? After
all, they do look alike.
Okay, this is the season of hot and cold days. Does
anybody else hate the days when it's just a little cool
enough that you put on your jacket or sweater, but the
end up too hot, so you take it off, but you're even colder
now because you've been sweating since it was too hot?
Did you hear the Campus Rec guy say that "some-
times there's just better things to do than CRAC"?
Do you know how hard it is to write a ramble on a
bus?
Did you ever notice how loud you get when some-
body is trying to sleep?
Am I the only one annoyed at co-op for how the
first rounds went? The fifth and sixth were only half
full, and the seventh has absolutely no jobs in it. A little
warning would have been nice. Then I would have
been able to apply to more of the jobs I held back from
during earlier postings because I wanted to see what
was available in the later ones? Once again, the co-op
process is less than great.
Thanks to all the people on the rafting bus who
gave me ideas for this ramble. It was fun.
P**5
Points List
John Faber
3AChem
Eng Soc Council
Exec-500/term
Director-1oo / term
Class Rep-SO/term
Recycling Reps 20+101 outing
Council Meeting 10 I attendee
Events
# of people >SO 2O-SO
Organizers 800 500
1st Place 800 500
2nd Place 600 300
3rdPlace 400 ISO
Participation 200 100
Spotts Tournaments
<20
300
300
200
100
SO
Organizers 500 1st Place 500
2nd Place 300 3rd Place ISO
Participation. 100
Spectators 5/peISOn
EngNews
Editor SO/issue Article 25/ article
Top 10 ListlO!list
Prof Quottis 5/ quote
Iron Warrior
Editor 2001 issue
Staff 1oo/:issue
Artide75/artide
PBD
lst750 2nd 400 3rd200
All Others l/bottle
SCUNT
Organizers 700+1001 team participating
lst250/team 2nd I85/team
Srd 125/team
Participation. 651 team
Sandford. Fleming Debates
IstSOO 2nd 300 3rdl50
Participation 100
Committees Exec 100/ meeting
Member SO/meeting
<$100
$100-$400
>$400
Coume Critiques
3/$
100+2/$
500+1/$
Returned 5/ class Sorting 5O/hour
Voting 10/vote
Class Name 20
Customized P"S Banner Placatd 50
Stunts 200-100)
Blood Donor 5O/donation
Class Mail Box Customized
MidteJ:m &: Exams Binding
Other St.ttf??/tbing
50
5O/hour
~ Diredtir DJscretion)
Neaative Points
@ P"'SD.ittor DJSc:retion
Bill's Continuing Adventures
Bill Gray
4th year Compish, but he's traveling
May 9 - Adelaide, Australia
While I hadn't planned on writing another install-
ment from Adelaide, or indeed even having something
to write about, I had an opportunity today to interact
with some of Australia's most famous wildlife speci-
mens.
The bus to OeJ:and Wildlife Park, which only runs
twice a day, is a ride well worth the are. It goes along
roads cut into the side of the Adelaide Hills, a low
coastal mountain range to the east of Adelaide. The
road is narrow, with sheer rock face to one side and a
very steep embankment to the other. I would have
liked to see the Engineer's expression when they
explained the job of building the road.
The park itself is very well run. The visitor centre
offers air conditioned exhibits on snakes and reptiles of
the region, and then leads on to the main attraction. Our
first stop was the aptly named Kangaroo Island kanga-
roos. Being the first ones to this area from the bus, we
stepped off the track cautiously. We had been advised
to move slowly and quietly to get near animals. Armed
with a bag of kangaroo food purchased at the visitor's
centre, we advanced step by step towards one of the
group who was eyeing us suspiciously. We know the
roo could be very unkind with its strong legs and sharp
claws. Before I knew it, the large beast was eating kibble
out ormy hand while I patted it and Melody took pic-
tures. We attracted quite a crowd, including one with a
mysterious fifth leg sticking out at an odd angle. A head
soon popped out to take a look around and we realized
we a
We continued on around the park, feeding and pat-
ting wallabies, and grey and red kangaroos. The red
ones were ... large. When one starts to size you up, you
feel pretty uncomfortable. We also came across emus;
very large, mean-looking birds that don't want any-
thing to do with you. 1here was a smallish dingo enclo-
sure which confirmed my suspicions that dingoes were
just funny looking dogs. It is worth noting that the
Aussie government maintains the Dog-proof Fence; the
world's longest artificial barrier (5490 km) that divides
southeastern Australia in to cattle and sheep. The din-
goes are kept in the cattle range for obvious reasons,
and killed as pests if they happen to get past the barrier.
Of course, if they can get by the barrier, it's hardly dog-
proof, is it?
But enough about long fences. The next and final stop
on our tour was the koala loft. These adorable creatures
sleep for roughly nineteen hours a day. The other five
are spent eating. The highlight of the loft was a close
encounter with Scruffy, who merrily munched on euca-
lyptus leaves as we patted her and posed for pictures.
Then it was Keegan's turn for the spotlight as we could
actually hold the koala while they shot a picture of us.
This runs you an additional AUS$8 but they're sooooo
cute!
With that, it was back down the hill to Adelaide and
no more cute furry creatures. On our way out, we tried
to feed the remainder of our kangaroo kibble to one
kangaroo. She made a few tries and finally took the
whole bag from my hand. She then dumped all the
food onto the ground and ate the bag. We were wise
enough to realize we had overstayed our welcome.
MayI4-Sydney,Ausbalia
My stopover in Adelaide came to an end, but not
before catching an Australian Rules Football gan1.e, or
Footy Game as it's called here. The game is remarkable
like a cross between hockey and football, only with less
rules regarding how and where you're allowed to hit
people. The final score was 132-35 for the Adelaide
Crows (over the Fremantle Football Oub). Gose finish.
Now I'm in Sydney, Australia's oldest and largest
city. Established in 1710, it now has a population of just
under four million people. I'm staying at a hostel in fue
area of town known as King's Cross. It's pretty seedy
with a strip of all night bars and sex clubs just one block
over. I met up with a small group of people (one each
from Canada, England, and Spain) who are giving me
some tips about survival and fun. Most people in this
hostel are flat broke and are working without Visas to
pay their rent and food. And there's plenty of work
available doing things such as handing out fliers and
stuffing envelopes. The jobs pay well; around
AUS$12/hour. I'm here on vacation, thoug:h. so I'm not
planning on working at all (if I can help it).
There's lots to see and do in this city, and many inter-
esting people to meet. Yet it is fairly similar to any other
large city in that respect. At 6:00, everyone dropped
what fuey were doing and ran to watch The Simpsons.
There are people asking for spare change at the subway
entrances. And you can't walk more than a few blocks
in the downtown core without seeing a McDonald's.
Hopefully I'll get to experience some more uniquely
Australian things soon.
Interesting note - some local had already registered
"Burger King' as a trademark when the firm expanded
to Australia, so it goes by the name "Hungry Jack's"
instead.
May 15 - Sydney, Ausbalia
As I sit here on the steps of the Sydney Opera House,
I have an excellent view of Sydney's three faces. To my
sides are the old settlements of Sydney, with narrow
streets, small cafes and boisterous pubs. This "com-
mon" area is buffered from the splendour of the Opera
House by the incredible Botanic Gardens. Directly
ahead of me lies the glass and concrete city centre, rising
up in economic splendour. And immediately swround-
ing me is the Sydney Harbour, with its well-known
bridge not too far away. To be honest, the Opera House
and fue bridge would not be that spectacular without
the harbour. The three together are amazing.
To get a better view, I climbed 200 steps inside one of
the ornamental bridge pylons and was rewarded with a
glorious view of the harbour, the Opera House, and
Sydney's financial district. To top it all off, I witnessed
the most phenomenal sunset of my life. Sydney is a
truly amazing city.
As fun as the sights and sounds of a location are,
however, it's the people that will leave you with the
greatest memories. Everyone around here is travelling
from abroad. last night I went out with a group from
Canada, Germany, Denmark, and Spain. We hit the
bars and had a blast. One of the main goals of the Euro-
peans on their trip is to learn English, and they usually
have great success. They're always trying to learn new
words and phrases, and with English speaking people
from around tl1.e world to learn from, they end up with
an incredibly garbled mix of jargon and catch-phrases.
Gan,bling is accepted and legal here as well. Every
bar has a row of "pokies"; electronic poker machines.
While watcl1ing one gu (from Wollongong, Australia)
play, we cheered him on and wished him luck. And the
bugger won $200. So of course he bought us some
drinks and joined our party. Zo.ran. from Wollongong,
was utprisingly knowledgeable of Canada's unity cri-
sis, and we spent most of the evening, er, moming dis-
cussing this. As luck would have it, the bar had a bottle
of Canadian Gub, so I introduced him to rye, which he
had never even heard of before. He loved it and has
vowed to drink rye from n won.
We were finally asked to leave tl1.e bar at Sam, and
thus the party ended. It is interesting that it is legal to
drink in public places here, so by the end of the night
every doorstep has two or ttuee empty bottles on it.
May 18 - Nundle, Australia
I've started my trip up the eastern coast of Australia
on the Oz Experience bus. The group seems pretty
good; mostly British with a sprinkling of other national-
ities including two other Canadians. The bus is less than
luxurious, but this is 'budget" travel.
My last day in Sydney was spend in the Blue Moun-
tains, which get their name from the blue haze caused
by the evaporation of oil from the eucalyptus trees.
Included in the tour I took was a visit to the "Giant
Staircase." Expecting a nice panoramic view of huge
slabs of rock the original natives had fabricated some
wonderful legend around, I hopped off the bus, camera
in hand. I was wrong. It's just one mother of a long
staircase. Several hundred steps, most cut right into the
stone face of the canyon walls. Luckily, a ride on the
world's steepest railway (52 degrees) allowed me to
skip the climb back up.
Our first Oz Experience stop is the Dag Inn, a small
(1600) acre) sheep and cattle farm. The highligl1.t of tl1.e
evening was "wabbitting", where they load 20 drunks
on the back of some 4X4's and drive around the ranch
with spotlights. Every once in n while S(1mrone yC'lIs
"Wabbit!" and we ail jump off the truck ... and rUI1 blind
ly through the scrub trying to caplurl' .1 JX'ttifil' j ri1bbil
with our bare bands. Wonderful fun.
l1'le owners of this ranch have underwkcn an lntcr-
csting ecological xpcrimcnt. Th y arc planting a long
corridor of trees along their granng land to give native
wildlife a path to g l around safely. lL seems that c fier
completely abusing the land and almost dt'Stroying an
entire unique ecosy tern, the Aussics arc now trying to
make peare with Mother Natw-e.
May 19 - Bingara, Australia
Stop number two of the en. Experience .is th town of
Bingara. Being a Sunday, the only thing open is the pub,
where we are quaffing beers with the locals, playing
pool, and listening to some God-awful musicians do
putrid covers of mediocre songs with a cheap drum
machine as a back-up. Wonderful fun.
As the night wore on however, the locals t r t e d ~
warming up to us and by the end of the
evening, we were all swapping jokes and stories.
Interesting note #2 - Australia is the largest per capita
consumer ofTicTacs.
WE WANT YOU!
very year, OW hosts Canada Day festivities for the Kitchener-Waterloo community. Last
year approximately 35,000 people came out and everyone had a great time. The Engineer-
ing Society runs the Mini-Olympics, an activity area for kids located on the orth cam-
. We need lots and lots of volunteers to help set-up and run the activity area. For helping us,
get a lovely Canada Day T-Shirt, food, and a wild party after the fireworks with free BEv-
C l' . .d\!t::1:i and pizza. That's right, you get all that for just a few hours of your time. The whole day
lots of fun and a great way to meet the K-W community. You should sign-up in the Orifice
. and keep your eyes peeled for more info later in June.
The more people we get out, the more fun it is so come out
and get involved in a great community event!
Sleep
Deprivation
Mike Hermann
18 Systems FarSyDe
E
ery issue the Iron Warrior has a little subtitle,
found on the cover inside the border along the
ottom. Last issue, as you may have noticed,
was "The Sleep Deprivation is a Good Thing Issue."
We called it that because Chris Foster, Kati Princz, and
myself pulled several incredibly late nights, including a
couple of all nighters amongst us to get the issue fin-
ished in time. I write this on my trip north to go white
water rafting, fully aware that sleep deprivation will
once again be practiced to get this issue done.
o It's not just things like the Iron Warrior that push
myself and my friends into so many sleepless nights.
School, personal activities and problems, and especially
projects and assigrunents keep us up too, and sometimes
all the way through, the wee hours of the morning.
I do this voluntarily, as a conscious decision on my
part. I could always just say that it could wait till tomor-
row, or it doesn't even need to be done. We could just
ignore it, or put it it off, but 1 don't. I just keep going. And
so do so many others that I know. 10 hours sleep in 3
days? No problem? Haven't slept in 36 hours? Just keep
going. Have a coke, grab a coffee, drink some Jolt.
Nobody has ever sad it's inteUigcnt, but that's the way it.
goes for me, and many others.
The question that needs to asked i impJe: Why?
Could it be dedication? Or perhaps determination? Or
maybe desperation? It's quite possible just plain dumb.
I think we reaUy just do it because it's our nature. J
know it is for myself. It's our nature to work hard and
play harder. It's our nature too put evelything we've got
into everything we do. [f that means the occasi nal sleep-
less night and a lot of late oncs, so be it.
I never regret the effort I put into everything. The
results are there, both positive and negative, and th
rewards too. I may not have the highest marks, or the
most comfortable existence, but I'm happy with what 1 do,
and I'm content without a definitive reason.
So, the question remains unanswered, and the

deprivation continues. Till next time, remem-

ber, sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine, and live
life the way you want to.
Concrete Toboggan
Snow Fear
Cherie Nixon
Road Crew (4A Civ)
H
ave you been wondering what's up with all
this "Snow Fear" stuff, and what is it any-
way? And who are those people selling
burgers every Thursday?
We're "Road Crew", the 4A Ovil Engineering class.
We're trying to raise money for an annual international
civil engineering competition - the Great North Con-
crete Toboggan Race! Our team and toboggan is called
"Snow Fear", and we'll be entering the competition
along with about forty other teams, mostly from North
America.
Teams from OW usually do well. Last year, the
Sharctic Toboggan (by Stressed '96) came in third in
Winnipeg. In 1995, Waterluge (by OffenCIV (95) took
first prize overall in Montreal! This was an all-time first
for UW. We plan to make it a tradition! We will enter
the competition along with another team from our off-
stream class (Snow Warrior) in 1997, when it will be
held in Ottawa.
So when you see posters around advertising events
for the Snow Fear Concrete Toboggan, come on out!
It's fun and it's for a good cause! Also, if you have any
ideas for fundraising, please do not hesitate to e-mail
me at CANIXON@BRIDGE.
Speaking of fundraising events, there's going to be a
pig roast at 221 Erb St. W. on Saturday June 22. See our
ad for more details. The proceeds will go towards Grad
Com. and the Concrete Toboggan. See you there and
keep buying burgers on Thursdays!
tf

.. tf
COME VISIT US IN THE STUDENT LIFE CENTRE, LOWER LEVEL
MONDAY - FRIDAY 6:00am-8:00pm 888-4567 ext.6868
oe
e WS
PrezSpews ...
ni, the other campus societies, and the
students. With the help of the Exec, the
The summer term is coming along President must also manage the student
quickly, and it's already the end of the 5th directors to ensure the smooth operation
week of the term. With midterms begin- of the Society.
ning next week, everyone is going to be The President is responsible for the rep-
really busy. Things are crazy for the resentation of students who fail their aca-
Engineering Society, including elections demic term to the Examination and Pro-
which are coming up at the end of June. motions Committee. When a student
Nominations for the executive positions feels that they have been wrongly evalu-
available open up on Friday, June 21st. ated, they may launch a petition to this
These include the President, VP-External, committee to allow them the opportunity
VP-Intemal, VP-Finance, and the WEEP to rewrite the final exam, or an alternative
director. Since I'm the President, I'm appropriate solution It is the President's
going to promote the position. This posi- responsibility to advise the students of
tion is an important one, encompassing their options, how the process works,
more than most people realize. and ultimately to represent the students
Management is a term not often associ.- during the Examinations and Promotions
ated with the presidential portfolio, yet I meeting. This is an extremely important
can think of no other single word which part of the President's job that consumes
best describes it The Engineering Society many hours at the beginning of each
employs two full-time employees, name- term.
ly the our Orifice Secretary and our C&D Responsibility for the TOOL is another
manager. Although the society is their task that falls on the shoulders of the Pres-
employer, the President is their superv:i- ident S/he must arrange for the TOOL
sor, and must fulfill the duties as such. to appear at various events, and is ulti-
Implementing new ideas, evaluating mately accountable for the actions of the
employees through their performance TOOL and the TOOLbearers. The Presi-
raisa! forms, and dealing with the dent is also responsible for the mainte-
TOOL and the TOOI..bear-
crucial The President provides the main er's official outfits. In this capacity, the
link between the Dean's office, the Alum- President acts as a liaison between the
VP-FSpews ...
Hello from the land of budgets,
S.AVE., and white water. 1 spent the
weekend at Owl Rafting
paddling/swimming the frigid waters,
introducing the locals to Batch, and gen-
erally showing them how Engineers like
to have a good time. Our thanks to the 1B
Systems class, specifically Keith Parker
and Kim Whitear for organizing this
great event
SAVE.
By the time you read this, Eng Soc
meeting #3 will have gone by, and the
Engineering Society will have an official
budget. Likely part of that budget will be
SAVE, which stands for Seasonal Aver-
aging of Variable Expenses. The result of
this policy is that $1250 gets set aside
from the Fall and Winter term, giving an
additional $2500 to the Summer. The rea-
soning of this policy is as follows: The
main source of Eng Soc income is the vol-
untary student society fee. In the Sum-
mer there are less students on-stream, so
our income is significantly reduced, by as
much as 35%. At the same time, the soci-
ety incurs a number of fixed expenses
such as Payroll, Office Supplies, Utilities,
etc. This means much less money is avail-
able for variable expenses such as Athlet-
ics, Speaker, Class Rep Advisors, Semi-
Formal, Arts, Canada Day, Social, etc. So
what this $2500 accomplishes is to bal-
ance the percentage of the student fee
which is spent on variable expenses. The
extreme case would be, say, if fixed
expenses were 2/3 of our budget, and
there were 2/3 of students in the sum-
mer. That would mean there would be
NO money for Athletics, Speaker, eRA,
Semi, Arts, etc. We're not at that extreme
of a case, but our current system needs
SAVE to be made fair.
Finance Directors
I wanted to take a moment and pub-
licly thank my Finance directors, Kitty
and Jason. Both have done an excellent
job in taking on the various financial
tasks I've delegated to them. Directors
may have noticed cheques are being
students and the Bearers.
These are among the many duties that
the President oversees. This position has
taught me many things, and has helped
me develop numerous skills that can be
immediately and extremely applicable in
the working world. Team work is an
essential part of every major industrial
business, and simultaneously is also the
principle on which the Engineering Soci-
ety is based. The position is versatile, and
each President can mold it to respond to
the needs of the Society's members. To
be eligible for the position of President,
you must be in your 2B term or above.
Everyone, and anyone who is or might be
interested in this position should definite-
ly come talk to me, or e-mail me at the fol-
lowing account eng...prez@novice.
A few other important notes:
Canada Day is fast approaching, and
I'm sure this paper has many other refer-
ences to it, but I would like to point out a
few things. The Engineering Society runs
a "Kiddie Olympics" for kids aged 5 to
12. This event runs from lunch until
approximately 4:00. Typically, the engi-
neers include in the Olympic events
(amongst others) a dunk tank, a water
slide, and Kool-Aid Boat Racing. Volun-
teer support for this day is critical to its
success. Two years ago when 1 was
printed on a near-weekly basis. Betty, our
Orifice secretary, has also shown interest
in ac epting financial duti ' . 111<.' idt'a
was by off-loading some of tl, , standard
ta ks so that r wou.Id have time t attend
class s and uch. W II it didn't quite
work that way, but it has allowed rnc an
opportunity to tep back and take more
of a longterm approach. This has allowed
me to initiate proj cts such as SAVE,
updating the budget form, better photo-
copiers, fax machine, an asset list, updat-
ing the resource manual, etc.
Last week was a busy week for m t-
ings. Look for an IW Editorial Policy to be
presented at Joint Council. Also look for
WEEF to start becoming more visible, the
exec had an overdue meeting with Karoil
to give him some ideas. Elections are
coming up soon, and people should be
thinking about campaigns. I would
encourage people interested in the VP-F
position to corne and speak with me. It's
a time-consurning job, but there's also a
sizeable realm of influence and freedom
for new ideas. If you ever want to
involved, 35,(0) Kitchener-Waterloo resi-
dents circulated throughout the day long
e ent. We had 75 volunteers in 1994, and
I'm positive that we can an equal level of
participation once again. Each volunteer
receives, along with a plethora of fun, a
free T-shirt, refreshments, and a volunteer
party (yes, that means beer) for all who
participates. This event benefits the sur-
rounding community and always reflects
wetl on the Engineering Society and the
University of Waterloo, and I encourage
any and all of you to volunteer.
Brian Vidler
become an entrepreneur it teaches you a
lot about managing finances. More
ill"lport.lntl though, you will leam Ie <It!
crship, J\'iltivit I initi,l tjw, org,lnizJtion,
plibIi speaking nnd onfid n ('. Show
m 'a lass lb.)! will do that for your l'CiU-
cation.
Mic1md Worry

oc e ws
Election
June 24
Executive nominations open
June 28
Eng Soc Executive
nominations .close
July 2
Executive Elections
cam n be ins
VP.ISpews...
G
eetings and salutations everyone.
'm back for another edition of the
Internal Update.
Back to the Blotter
Hats off to Jason Wony for singie-handed-
ly bringing back the Eng Soc desk blotter.
What's a desk blotter you ask? It's essentially
a large event calendar for the term. Why is it
back (or where did it go?) Just a few tenns
back, we lost the template when the SyQuest
drive crashed. What's aSyQuest drive? It's a
storage peripheral for a Mac. Why a Mac?
Well, ... Anyhow the blotter is back. They're
available in the Orifice (CPH 1327) and
they' re free!
Good Ole Midtenns
The middle of the summer term brings
warmer weather, sunburns, and midterms.
I'm positive that everyone will do just fine
with these (J mean the weather and the sun-
burnsXactually I mean the midtenns as well).
If you're looking for copies of past midtenns,
we've got several files in the Orifice with
midtenns from eras gone by. The use of these
exams is a free service to all Engineering
Society members. The only request we have
from you is that after you've aced your
midterm, please have someone from your
class drop a copy of that midterm off in the
Orifice:
Developing Darkroom
Is there anyone out there who likes to be in
the dark? For all amateur/semi-prolprofes-
sional photographers within the Engineering
Society who need a place to develop film, we
have a darlcroom. Within the darlcroom, we
have the chemicals for developing neg, in
addition to the projectors and chemicals for
producing both colour and black & white
prints. In order to use the Darkroom, there is a
one-time charge of $15 for the term (this goes
towards the purchase of chemicals). After the
initial fee, the only cost i the paper you' re
developing on (but that cost is minimal). To
make use of this fabulous resource, just drop
by the Orifice and pay Betty your mall dark-
room fee, and she'll give you further info
about reserving time. If you're interested in
learning about working in a darkroom &
developing your own pictures please get in
touch with myself (talk to me, leave a note
with Betty, or e-mail me at aefietch@mechan-
ical). If there's enough interest out there, we
will organize a small clinic on working with a
darlcroom.
alendar
July 10
Executive Elections
campaign ends
July 11
Eng Soc Executive
Elections
Talent and Such (AKA Tal-Eng)
Do you have a band, act or other talent?
Tal-Eng is a showcase of engineering talent
ranging from full bands (modern style),
accapeUa groups, and one/two man shows.
Tal-Eng has been booked for this summer on
July 11th at the Bombshelter. The line-up
from last fall was fantastic, and I'm looking
forward to hearing from more great acts this
summer. If you're interested in auditioning
for a chance to take the stage at the Bomber,
please get in touch with myself (see previous
paragraph for how) or e-mail Mike Olley at
mfdolJey@shim or Darren Zacher at dazach-
er@electrical. Be hearin' from you soon!
Dustbowl
(or Mudbowl the case may be)
Mudbowl (it will probably be a Dustbowl
depending upon the weather conditions this
summer) is upcoming at the end of Midterms.
Sony about the confusion. but there was con-
cern expressed by many of the people heading
to Ottawa for the rafting trip about missing the
Mudbowl. The new weekend we're aiming
for is the June 22123 weekend If you're plan-
ning on putting together a team, guess what?
Please contact me, (see previous) or Sudeep
Sanyal (ssanyal@mechanical) for more info.
We'll announce soon whether it's the Satur-
day or the Sunday.
Elections
As you've probably already heard, it's time
again for the changing of the guard. The term
of office for the current executive of the Engi-
neering Society is coming due at the end of
this academic term. Hence we have general
elections within engineering this term. (More
specifically, campaigning will occur through
the first week of July, and election day is July
lIth). Engineers who are currently in IB
through 3A are eligible to run for the position
of VP-Intemal. The VP-I is involved with
scheduling and assisting with many of the
events and services within Eng Soc in addi-
tion to taking minutes at meetings. There's
more to say about the position, but it would be
easier to talk about it than type in this article.
Anyone possibly interested in more info con-
cerning the VP-Internal position, or any other
exec position should feel free to come talk to
myself, Brian, Nic or Mike.
Up and Coming
Looking at the upcoming schedule, there's
not much through June (we don't want to con-
fiict with the aforementioned midterms.) The
first week of July will be fantastic. It begins
with a bang on July first as we help out with
the Canada Celebrations right here in KW.
On that Friday, the Apocalypse (Ragnorak)
has arrived as the Scunt is on. Get some cars
and people together and watch out for more
details on this earth shattering event To finish
off the week, a volleyball tourney will finish
off the Saturday.
Well this is starting to turn into a long arti-
cle like Mike's or Brian's so I'll end off here
before it gets too long. Good luck on
midterms, and when you do get sunburned, I
hope it isn't that bad
Edward Fletcher
vp-x Spews._
Homepage
H
ey everybody! Have you
checked out our homepage late-
y (HTTP://SAIL/ -eng soc)?
Do you like it? Have you got any sugges-
tions on improving it? Any ideas or com-
ments you have regarding this can be e-
mailed to myself at nfabcari@chemicai, to
our homepage director, Kevin, at
kokeefe@nov1.ce or feel free to drop by the
orifice.
Fed Rep
There is room for another B Soc Fed
rep. What is the Fed rep you say? It's the
engineering society representative to the
Fed council. The Fed council meets once
a month on Sunday, in the Student Life
Center and the Fed rep has a vote. It is
very important that the engineers have
full representation to make sure we are
aware of what is going on over there. If

oc
e ws
you are interested. be sure to drop by the
orifice to get more information
PAC Rep
A representative from the Campus
Recreation Advisory Council (CRAC)
came to our last Eng Soc meeting express-
ing some concern that we have no one
representing the engineers on CRAC. As
paying members of the Physical Activities
Complex we actually have some say as to
where our money is spent and it is impor-
tant that we participate in these meetings.
The meetings are on the first Wednesday
of every month at 4:30 pm. There are two
positions open to us and if you're interest-
ed, just drop by the orifice and talk to
myself or Ed or e-mail me at
nfabcari@chemicaL
OECl998
Waterloo is hosting the Ontario Engi-
neering Competition in February 1998.
The OEC is a competition where partici-
pants from across Ontario come together
for a weekend and compete in such cate-
gories as, Corporate Design, Editorial
Communication, and Parliamentary
__
competibon go on to compete in the
national competition, CEC, wherever it is
being held for that year. It may seem like
1998 is still some time away, but it is only
a year and a half and we have to start
preparing for this competition now.
The committee organizing the confer-
ence will be made up of people from both
A-Soc and B-Soc. Each position will be a
co-position, ex; co-chair, co-treasurer etc .. .
The first step we have to do this summer
WeefSpews ...
As this issue of the Iron Warrior goes to
press, WEEF is accepting proposals for
funding from the engineering student
body and faculty.
Interest made on the WEEF principle
will be spent on proposals designed to
improve the quality of undergraduate
student education at Waterloo. In the past
such proposals have induded Watstar
upgrades, lab equipment, and student
projects such as Concrete Toboggan, For-
mula SAE, and Midnight Sun
Not all proposals lie within the WEEF
mandate. We cannot fund proposals that
are not education related (ie: new fridge
for POETS). And we will not fund pro-
is detennin who th B- co-chair "vill
be. If you are interested in this position,
there are forms in the orifice which you
can fill out and put in my box. The dead-
line to submit your applicati n forms is
Friday, June 14, 1996. If you have any
qu tions, please feel free to e-mail me or
drop a note in my box.
VPExtemal
Exec elections are being held at the end
of this tetm and I thought I'd give you a
little bit of an indication of what th VP
External position is all about. A small
number of directors are essentially the
responsibility of the VP-X who deals with
external type i sues such as, Bus Push,
Charities, Frontrunners, Shadow, etc.
There is also a lot of contact with other
engineering societies in Ontario and in the
rest of Canada through conferences, run
by provincial and national engineering
student groups, and the e-mail links,
which allow for an important exchange of
ideas. With a position on the Faculty
Undergrad committee (FUGS) and the
Faculty Council the VP-X position also
deals with the educational aspect of engi-
neering life. Another side to engineering
education is also apparent in the Bridging
the Gap series.
Of course, there are a little odds and
ends here and there that I haven't includ-
ed and if you're interested in a more in-
depth description of the position, feel free
to take a look at the resource manual
which can be found in the Orifice and on
our homepage, or just drop me a line.
Nirole Abcnrills
jects that clearly should be funded
through other sources (ie: paying for a
professors time, or repainting OC).
Proposal forms are available from the
Orifice, your class WEEF rep, or lhe
WEEF office (CPH 1323C). Proposals
must be returned to the WEEF mail box
in the Orifice by Wednesday July 3rd.
Any question/ comments can be direct-
ed to me via E-mail (endowment@helix),
Snail-mail (the WEEF box in the Orifice)
or in person at the WEEF office.
Kamil Pawlawski
Eng Soc
Calendar
, .
". ".,., " :.,. ':::i."." I!;
Tournament
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