FORMULA (1) FOR DISASTER!

By Rahul Chopra

The fantastic and glorious sound created by the engines has been suppressed this year, by the constant bickering, fighting, namecalling, and whining of almost all the F1 teams, their owners, and the FIA. Those magical men in their mean machines have been upstaged by their so-called bosses and superiors. Is this how it is supposed to be? Formula 1 has been the most glamorous sport in the world for over 50 years but this season looks far less than a sport and more like a bunch of old men arguing about (team) size. Whose (pocket) is bigger? Who can stay in longer? With the likes of Honda and BMW calling it quits, the latter question suddenly has tremendous value. Are we heading towards a disgusting amalgamation of F1, GP2, and F3? If so, I would much rather watch some bumbling idiots trying to stay alive in some godforsaken jungle by eating and feeling every known animal/creature. Luckily for me, and for a lot of you, the Concorde Agreement has been signed, which guarantees us spectacular F1 action until 2012. Or does it? Who does Bernie Ecclestone think he’s kidding? Can he actually do everything he wants? Cut costs? Change rules? Include new, sub-standard teams? Ditch historic tracks? He seems hell-bent on cutting down on viewer fun more than anything else! F1 Supremo my a**! More like F1’s Supreme Idiot! Why doesn’t he make like a banana and split? How much greedier can a 5-foot frame get? I can’t wait for the day he retires! Formula 1 is more about rumours than races. Some are baseless, some boring, but most are apt for generating eyeball attention when required! This season has been one of the most controversial in recent decades, and there are still 7 races to go! We’ve witnessed a brand new (Brawn GP) team winning race after race, a midfield (Red

Bull Racing) team racing the socks off their competitors, last year’s world champion being continually outclassed and out driven (except for Hungary, which was really lucky for Hamilton), and my favourites, yup, the red team, with their drivers more interested in ice cream and sleep than racing. What in the world has Kimi Raikkonen been drinking? Or has he just seen the film ‘Dazed and Confused’ far too many times? Felipe Massa has had much better seasons (2008) and now it’s highly unlikely that he will be back for the remainder of this one. The good news – GOD is back from hiding. Watching Michael Schumacher race again in Valencia will be the highlight of an otherwise boring season. The mother-in-law of all comebacks! With more downs than ups, this season needs an invigorating change. Driver safety has been a pressing issue and Henry Surtees’ death and Massa’s horrific accident are not helping the cause. And the stewards! Oh my god! Did they suddenly feel enlightened? Who on earth gave them so much power and importance? Why are they actually doing exactly as they please? Not letting Alonso race in Spain because Renault allegedly let him drive earlier with a loose wheel? Goddamn you, Charlie Whiting! Max Mosley also finally needs to let go of the FIA reins and hand them over to the more affable Jean Todt. I for one think he will serve F1 much better as President of the FIA. FerrarIA anyone?  And speaking of rumours again, isn’t it about time Fernando Alonso admits his move to Ferrari in 2010/2011? We’ve been hearing it for years and I am really hoping it happens! That’ll be a real kick on the big, billionaire Briatore backside! Who’s hoping that Heikki gets replaced by Nico? I know there will be many at the McLaren camp awaiting this switch. For me though, the man of the moment is not Jenson Button, but a 50-50 mix of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. Helmets off to both these drivers for proving that deep pockets don’t necessarily mean race victories. They are one of the lowest spenders in F1 and Christian Horner and Adrian Newey deserve every accolade coming their way. The drivers have the grit and determination and the RBR team is backing them beautifully. It’s like poetry in motion.

From the usual Ferrari vs. McLaren vs. BMW vs. Renault in the previous years, it’s now Brawn vs. Red Bull vs. Williams vs. Toyota (to an extent), with the seasoned teams finally showing their winning tactics. Is it too late to challenge Brawn or Red Bull? I sure hope not! I’m betting on a Schumacher victory in Valencia. Seeing my favourite team and driver win again LIVE will be worth enduring this season!