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An Interview with Richard Flook

The courage to be PRESENT

An inspiring EFT story






If you feel down after the winter then hopefully our Spring edition will lift your spirits and encourage you to motivate yourself into trying something new. For me, the Universe has decided that I should become involved with cancer support groups here on the island of Malta and Gozo. For the AAMET theres an air of excitement about the creation of a new AAMET Research Team.

Our purpose is to share, help and support anyone interested in but not limited to, Meridian Energy Therapies. The AAMET welcomes members from all over the world

Proud to be your

If you would like to submit features or contribute to the magazine please send your ideas to our Editor. For enquiries or information on advertising please contact our Communications Team. For information about becoming a member of AAMET, please visit the website and join online.

Theres also the anticipated May Gathering in Birmingham that includes an AAMET Trainers Conference on 20th May and the Executive Committees (AEC) first Annual General Meeting (AGM) on the evening of Saturday 21st May. You can register for the Trainers Conference through the AAMET website. At the AGM each of the AEC members will present a report on their achievements during the first year and the accounts will also be available for inspection. We will also be putting ourselves up for election to serve for a term as stipulated in the Statute. You will have the opportunity to vote at the AGM and in the future we will look into the possibility of opening this up to a postal ballot. When our global mailing facility is fully operational we will also be canvassing votes from you on various issues. This is what belonging to a democratic Association such as the AAMET gives its members - reassurance and empowerment. By the way, were happy to announce our membership numbers are now in the 1,000s and rising. Please spread the word about our good work and the benefits of being a member of the AAMET. Thank you Helena Fone, AAMET Chairperson

editor & design Kay Gire deputy editor Jane Unsworth 2

advertising Communications Team AAMET

The articles published in the AAMET Magazine represent the views of the contributor/author and are not necessarily the official views of the AAMET as an organisation. The magazine or members of the Editorial team are in no way liable for such opinions. Whilst every care has been taken to ensure that the contents of this issue are accurate, we cannot be held responsible for any inaccuracies or late changes. No article, advertisement or graphic may be reproduced without written permission from the author or publisher.








16 FEATURING THERAPY: META- MEDICINE An interview with Richard Flook













Self Sabotage
Healing the parts that dont want to heal
All problems were once solutions
Milton Erickson

by Jacqui Crooks, EFT Master

The problem exists because a part of your subconscious is holding on to strategies that no longer work. These parts have a positive intention for us, its just that the strategy theyve chosen to achieve that positive intention, is not working. For example, the subconscious may see us become anxious in a certain situation and then it looks for times when it thinks feeling being anxious might be useful. Soon it will recognise 100s and maybe 1000s of triggers that remind it to help you to be anxious, without any conscious thought on your part.

n many cases, the attempted solution to a problem has become the problem itself. This is the case in any addiction and in other issues such as anxiety, depression, or anger.

Its positive intention is to keep you safe by reminding you to look at a situation carefully. It doesnt reason whether its self appointed task is useful or not, it just does it. The good news is that the part of you which activates this behaviour will be equally happy to do something more useful for you if you tell it what you would like it to do!



It is possible to work with the part that is holding on to this behaviour to create more useful, more effective and more creative strategies to achieve the same positive outcome, without creating the problem. A possible statement could be Even though the part thats creating this anxiety is working hard for me, Id like it to understand that what it does, isnt working. Id like it to create a safer, healthier and more

created and then to find its purpose in your life. Often we are holding on to beliefs or patterns of behaviour that we created very early on in our life. When we become aware of them and their purpose its possible to reframe using EFT. Even though when I was little, dad shouted at me and I thought he didnt love me, its possible that with his background, he didnt know how else to show his love. The part may be our inner child, the part of us that was damaged early on, or that took on board other people's beliefs or fears that were given to us, usually with love, to keep us safe. Asking the client to find that little child and ask it what it needs to be healed can allow profound changes. If it needs to be loved and accepted, the EFT statement could be - Even though little Mary doesnt feel loved and accepted, I choose to give her the love and acceptance she needs!" Parts can also be used very effectively when your intuition suggests there might be a reason to hold on to the problem but the client may not accept that reason. This can be particularly useful when dealing with secondary gain. No client can argue if you introduce a statement which says: Even though part of me may believe that I need to keep this problem, I deeply and completely accept myself, especially that part. Accepting that part for what it does, will often be enough to allow things to change. It releases the need for resistance. The part that creates the problem is so used to the client fighting it, that when theres nothing to fight, it may just let go. If the client accepts that there is a reason to hold on to the problem, incorporate that reason in your statement. It will usually be a reversals. Even though part of me is scared to let this go, because who will I be then? I deeply and completely accept myself. Or Even though part of me is scared to let this go, because who will I be then? I choose to be curious and excited about discovering who I am and to be comfortable just being me. Its all I can be, so I may as well enjoy it!

creative way of fulfilling its positive intention. I thank it for its help and I deeply and completely love and accept all parts of me. Although long, this statement gives an instruction to the subconscious to make safe and healthy changes and also accepts it for what it has done, which collapses the resistance to change. It may be possible to find when and where a part was

Be creative with your statements. Dont worry about perfection, just do it, if it doesnt work, do something else instead. Remember Theres no failure, only feedback.

Jaqui Crooks, EFT Master




AAMET Gathering

Your personal invitation...

EFT Spring Gathering



21st & 22nd May 2011

This May sees the launch of the UKs first EFT Spring Gathering which is being held in Sutton Coldfield in the Midlands. Over two days fourteen dynamic and interesting speakers will share their passions, covering a broad range of topics from working with Children and Serious illness to Performance and using EFT with minor ailments. LOCATION & BOOKING
The Spring Gathering 2011 will be held in The Ramada Hotel Sutton Coldfield, (B76 1LH) which is centrally accessed by all major routes. Set in beautiful surroundings with a small lake and 14 acres of extensive grounds for a breath of fresh air to recharge those energy cells during the breaks. It includes a spa and gym for residents to chill or exercise. Its 7 miles from the centre of Birmingham and only 25 minutes from Birmingham International airport so even those north of the border can fly in and join the fun! Find out more about this fun and exciting event please go to where you will be able to book and pay for your place. We look forward to We believe the EFT Spring Gathering is extremely good value-for-money and, importantly, it is not for profit everyone pays the registration fee and everyone helps out however they can, even if its just by spreading the word. This year it only costs *125, including your two course lunches and refreshments. People can attend for one day of they wish for 80. Go to to book your place at this exciting event. (*EFT Spring gathering event, Saturday and Sunday only).
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ing live sessions you may even be the one in the chair! There will be ample opportunities to mix and connect with others with similar interests and to make new friends. It is an excellent way to get informed, inspired, develop skills and network so you can move your EFT practise forward to another level. Or if you just have an interest in Energy Psychology specifically EFT Techniques the Spring Gathering will give you a deeper insight and understanding of how you can use it in your every day life. You will have ample opportunity to chat with the speakers and browse the exhibit stalls over the two days. On Saturday evening spend time with friends old and new for dinner, entertainment and some fun. We will be holding a raffle which is accumulating some amazing prizes which include one to one sessions with some of the most experienced Masters and Practitioners in the world, books, DVDs and lots more. The only thing is you have to be at the Gathering to buy your tickets!
"I am just coming back down to earth, what an unbelievably marvellous experience on many levels Comment from the Ilkley Gathering 2010

a Hotel, Sutton Coldfield

ATHERING 21st & 22nd MAY 2011


We are also excited to announce that international speaker and creator of Faster EFT, Robert Smith, will be joining us on Saturday morning to share his passion of using his faster EFT method. A session not to be missed! We are running four interesting and diverse one day workshops on Friday 20th May; Opening our hearts and minds to Integrative Care for cancer, serious Illness and their prevention with Dr Kate James and Linda Wood, EFT on the Edge with Gillian Wightman and Creating an effective and successful Practice with Roy Martin. Finally, An Introduction to Faster EFT with Robert Smith. Your time at the Spring Gathering will be informative, fun, friendly, and hopefully enjoyable as you spend time in a community of like-minded and likehearted people. Over the two or three days you will hear from exciting speakers who are enthusiastic about their field of work and will share their lifetransforming experiences using EFT and associated techniques. You will also get to watch some amaz-


This year we are supporting the AAMET with their AGM and Trainers conference. The AGM will be held at 6pm on the Saturday 21st May in the Windows on the Lake Suite, attendance is free to all AAMET members. Visit the AAMET site for more details The Trainers Conference will be held on Friday 20th May in the Penns Quay Suite. This years trainers conference will take a different direction than the previous one. It is to be a more informal day with a two way flow of information between the organisation and its trainers. There will be information for the trainers, the opportunity to share best practice and ask questions. The AAMET management team want to provide the day as a platform that both inform its senior members and for them to be informed by them. The Trainers Conference is 50 which covers the day and includes a two course lunch and refreshments. Visit the AAMET site for more information and to book your place (AAMET Trainers only). Monies from the Gathering and generous donations will be put into a new fund being setup by the Spring Gathering team to benefit those working in the Energy Psychology field called Pay It Forward Fund (PIFF). The fund with give out grants to various projects and benefactors will be asked to help pay it forward by paying back a monetary sum or their time which can then be donated for good causes. (Editors correction - All funds do NOT go to AAMET). For more information about the event go to



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EFT technique

The Power of Writing a

by Helena Fone

Hidden and shifting aspects are something we often come across in EFT and I have frequently dealt with clients where this has been a problem. Experience has taught me a lot, and I have great respect and admiration for those I have learned from.

y client Marie, a former skeptic of EFT, wanted me to share this brief story with you. What I've outlined here is a variation of the Tell the Story technique, which I call "Write a Letter" and it is one I'd use again. Marie came to see me because she hadn't been able to lose any weight and knew it was because she frequently resorted to comfort foods. It was no surprise then when her eating habits changed after the sudden death of her husband 3 years earlier. Marie had so much hurt, guilt, and sadness within her but could not connect these emotional issues with her diet. She kept saying, "Why can't you just tap me not to eat?"

wouldnt work. Then we gradually moved on to her sadness which reduced from a level of intensity of more than 10 on a scale of 0 to 10, to a healthy 0 out of 10 with a sigh at the end. We had the same success with the hurt and all the other emotions and aspects that cropped up.

the words flowed and flowed about how she wished she'd gone to Amsterdam with him when he asked, if only she'd been more vigilant about his illness, if only she'd been there when he died, how she wished she never nagged him about his slippers near the front door and so on.

As with the Tell the Story technique, When I moved on to the guilt, some I asked her to stop at any point where she felt an emotion (and do shifts were taking place but there seemed to be many aspects. I had EFT on it). There were many tears an idea that might help. Marie had and lots of laughter about the good told me her husband often worked times. After a couple of sessions, her problem with comfort food disaway from home so I asked her appeared quickly. if she were to write a letter to her husband and he was able to read it, Marie recognized her eating patwhat would she write. terns were a result of her loneliness. She later joined a women's group and gave a talk on EFT and the rest are now all avid students of this wonderful technique!

She thought about this for a minute and hesitated so we tapped, Even She was a bit skeptical of EFT so we though I don't know how to begin this letter to George Very soon, started tapping on her belief that it



Stick Men with EFT


EFT technique

A gentle way to reconnect with yourself As I watch the stick man in his scene and tap on my feeling, my feelings can get worse for a while. I just keep going, noticing any changes which may come up and allowing myself to say whatever I feel. After a while my feelings start to mellow a little and I can start to add phrases like I cant accept you yet but Im working on it to acknowledge my end goal. The outcome is or the stick man to be happy and for me to feel acceptance of him. I prefer anyone else who may have cropped up to have left the scene. I believe that my issues start with me and end with me. I find it a little scary how big my negative feelings about myself can be sometimes, but I always enjoy the relief I get on the issue after the tapping. With so much energy going into negative things I like to think of it as a chunk of energy Ive reclaimed for something creative and powerful. As variations on a theme, use the following: - Imagine that I have a big piece of paper attached to the wall and do nice big clear drawings on this - Actually have a big piece of paper attached to the wall for drawings - Use a white board - Imagine a 3D scene on a table top - Sketch in a notebook. Re-draw every few rounds as it clarifies what changes have occurred.

by Karen Young

hen Im working on my own issues I often find that Im struggling to see exactly how I feel about something. For instance, I know that something makes me angry but tapping on being angry doesnt feel like its getting me anywhere fast. So I use a different tool to take myself out of the situation and get a better look at whats happening. I imagine that Im drawing stick men to represent the situation. This starts with a stick man of me and often includes a scene and other people. I draw the scene if I feel that it will help, however I find that my visualisations are good enough to get me started most of the time. I look at the stick man of me and see how hes feeling. (I always use stick man as I dont feel the need to be politically correct with gender). I look at his body language and his expression. I ask myself where he is and if anyone else is there. If there is another person, how are they feeling? How big are the stick men in relation to each other, if they have colours then are they relevant and what are they? Then I do the part which is most important for me. I ask myself how I feel looking at the stick man. I often find that what comes up for me is quite unpleasant and gets worse, hence my resistance to see it in the first place. I often find that I cant accept the stick man, but I can usually accept my feelings about him. For instance, I may feel hate or disgust and I allow these feelings and tap on them. Sometimes I find that pacing up and down helps me to release big negative feelings. I try to keep the phrasing simple and just repeat what Im feeling, such as I hate you. I always refer to the stick man as you or she depending on how distant I want to feel. This varies as I go along and I just say what feels right. LIFE

SPRING 2011 9 3


The courage to be PRESENT...


An Inspirational EFT Story

The courage to be present

over the phenomenon that just as soon as I have had a personal breakthrough or discovered a new technique or variation to help myself, I have been called on to use that learning, sometimes immediately afterwards, with a client. I had experienced an almost continual state of anxiety, depression and dissociation, interspersed with periods of feeling well, sometimes too well and slightly manic, since my early teens. I was absolutely convinced that if I went to the Doctor and told her what was really going on in my head that I would be locked up. So I didnt. I kept a very tight lid on what was really going on even from myself. For a lot of the time, and for many years, I managed to present a good picture to the outside world that was very different to the internal chaos and struggle that was really going on. What was really going on was a very mixed picture. I was experiencing an internal world that was chaotic, confused, fragmented and ever changing. I felt different all the time, sometimes within the hour, definitely within a day. I could feel like dying, flying, screaming, laughing or running away. And of course the way I thought I could help myself with this changed all the time too. about what I was experiencing until I was in my late 20s. From then on my involvement with mental health services was a mixed blessing, at times I was grateful for the medication as it provided respite from intolerable feelings and did prevent me from killing myself. At other times it seemed to make what I was experiencing worse or I was so heavily medicated that I could not function as a parent, wife or human being. Every time I went to see a new Doctor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist they would change or alter my diagnosis. A diagnosis can be partially useful in that it can help you and other people better understand or empathise with your experience, it also enables you to connect wit other people who share similar experiences to you. Mental and emotional confusion can feel very isolating and any experience of community, whether real or virtual, will help you to feel more connected and hopeful. The relationship that I have with my current diagnosis is one of interested nonattachment. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder describe my experiences and internal world better than any disorder Ive yet been labeled with, however I dont want my identity to become bound up by them. And as I move further and further into wellness I also object to the term disorder. As I see it my madness has been a mysterious and magical force for good, which has protected me in the very best way it possibly could. Even the darkest parts of my journey and the most terrifying of my inner people have transformed into my wisest and most thorough teachers. When I first started using EFT it was purely as an anti-anxiety medication. I had been sent away from an EMDR therapist who felt that she was unable to help me, with Gwyneth Mosss ABC tapping sheet. Little did this woman know just how helpful she had been. I used the 3 point calmer just on its own and was amazed. I had never found anything that could have that kind of immediate, long lasting effect, except for tranquilisers, and even those lose their efficacy over time. Everyone is amazed when they discover EFT for the first time but for someone who had

Jessica Mr talked about her journey with EFT at the Northern EFT Gathering, Craiglands Hotel, Ilkley, January 2011. What follows is a transcript of her talk. Part One A State of Chaos
Id like to talk to you today about how EFT has helped me to overcome serious mental health challenges in the hopes that increasing numbers of us will feel able to bring our knowledge and experience to this field. I will tell you a little of my own story and Ill go into some detail about how I have used tapping to facilitate my recovery over the past year. Hopefully you will be able to extract something useful from this to use in your own practice with yourself or with others.

Over the years I tried sensible things that werent always that helpful, like Counseling, Psychotherapy, Psychoanalysis, Reiki, Spiritual Healing, Homeopathy, Diet, Exercise and DIY. I also tried not so sensible things that always felt helpful (at the time!) but were distressing for the people around I feel as though I have had a bit of a me, like binge drinking, shopping, whirlwind romance with EFT, as do shoplifting, self harm, risky behaviour many of us when we are first introand crazy schemes. This state of anxiduced to it! I have had to adapt how I ety and inner chaos was very tiring and worked with it but I have also stayed true to the core principles as taught to meant that I never really got anywhere because I was always changing the me so soundly by Gwyneth Moss and as I interpreted them from Gary Craigs goalposts, and the field, and the footballbut it was something that I just training DVDs. Ill give you some coped with. he depression was another examples of the ways in which I have matter. When the depression came worked with myself and of how that it bought with it other mad feelings. has changed over time. I have found Feeling like I wasnt real, or attached to that working with myself has been my body, or feeling as though the world incredibly useful, crucial even; to the wasnt real, or feeling as though the work I have done with clients. We are only able to go with someone as far as world wasnt safe, there was no clean air to breathe and everyone was out to we have been ourselves, the further I can go with my own healing and devel- get me. opment, the further I can accompany Because I was so afraid of being another. I have experienced over and locked up I didnt go to see a Doctor




lived at the mercy of their emotions this was truly revolutionary. A 100% effective, portable, free method of calming anxiety and neutralizing emotion, that wasnt addictive, harmful or had any side effects. Like many of us I was hooked from the first and then studied as much as I could on the Internet before beginning training with Gwyneth. As I learnt how to work with EFT in a more sophisticated way however, I began to come up against some obstacles. The first was going for the memory, which of course we often want to do in order to clear out the roots of the presenting emotional or physical problem for the client or ourselves. However, I knew that I had repressed memories of incest as a young child and so the most frightening EFT phrase for me was, When was the first time you felt like that? My childhood memories were a no-go area, off limits, a battlefield of undetonated explosions. Any tapping that I did had to stay in the present and I did this by working very, very generally on things that were occurring at that moment. A moment-bymoment awareness of the present was not a mindfulness practice that I had learnt from Buddhism but what I had learnt through personal experience as a technique to keep me alive. In the past, sometimes my feelings of hopelessness, darkness or craziness had been so intense that I felt as though I was literally clinging onto a cliff edge with my fingertips. At any moment I could fall and would never recover and the only way to keep clinging, to keep hold of that tentative contact with the rock was to be utterly present in that one moment. If I looked back the past would overwhelm me, if I looked forward the future would annihilate me, the only place I was safe, and breathing, was the present and so I had to stay in that present moment or die (at least thats what it felt like). I did this by noticing what was in the present moment and describing it to myself. Chair, carpet, blue, crumb, hurt, ache. Sometimes I couldnt even find words and I would simply count the moment by, second by second, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. This state could last for days, or even weeks but I would survive. I would hang on. Once I 12

accepting every bizarre, scary, unusual, crazy thought, word or feeling is all we need to do. Without questioning or analyzing or judging, just allowing this reality to be, to exist as it is, just for now. I had an experience of working with someone when for 2 hours I didnt understand a single sentence that he was saying. He was obviously in great distress and in a state of profound depression. All I could offer was my undivided attention and presence as I sat with him, providing witness to his experience by listening deeply; empathizing with his emotions and offering his jumbled words back to him through the tapping. Towards the end of the session his face relaxed and his eyes cleared as he said the words drumming, its like drumming, with a soft smile. Perhaps he was talking about the rhythm of the tapping, or perhaps he was feeling as relaxed as he did when he was drumming. At any rate, somehow, just by being together with his darkness he had reconnected to his light. Apart from not digging for early memories, another precaution I had to take, and I would urge you to take with your complex trauma clients (and you wont always know who these are because they wont always know who they are, if they are dissociated with repressed memories) is to be gentle and wary when working with body sensations at first. Although I was fascinated by this technique I was aware that for me, working with somatic experience was also playing with a loaded gun because I could very easily slip into accessing body memories of the abuse that I had repressed and from there become overwhelmed and dissociated. For example, early on in my use of EFT, somewhere between Level 1 and 2, I was tapping for a reluctance to go to work. Tapping on the words and thoughts around this wasnt touching it so I then went to the strongest physical sensation, which was of extreme anxiety in my stomach. I described what this sensation was like to myself while tapping and that reduced it. As I was tuning more deeply into the sensations in my stomach I became aware of the presence of a child. As I tapped I asked myself what is this stomach

had tapping to accompany me through these moments however, I would be able to move into a different state within minutes and be back to my self in half an hour.

Part Two Being in the Moment

So I began my EFT practice by tapping very gently and cautiously, skirting around anything big, or anything that felt like it might lead somewhere big. I tapped whenever I was walking, or waiting, or panicking. A lot of the time I didnt need words at all because my emotions were still fairly extreme so I was already well tuned in to whatever the problem was. I made very good use of the finger points, as these were inconspicuous while walking or in public. I had also found that if I was really distressed tapping on my face could feel like a violent act, or could lead me towards a violent feeling towards myself, whereas the finger points felt more distant and safe. Ive since had this corroborated by several clients, particularly those who dissociate easily or self harm. I think now that what all this gentle, generalised tapping was doing was calming down all the rough, haywire edges, and it got me to a place where I was safely able to enter therapy and start working on my deeper issues with an EFT Practitioner. I would recommend this approach for anyone youre working with, including yourself, who is particularly fragile and traumatized. There are different places in which we can begin but the very best is where our client is. If they have suffered from childhood trauma, known or unknown, they will be out here somewhere, so thats where you have to begin, out here. And while theyre out here, the things they may say, may not make sense to you, thats ok, just give them back to the client word for word. One of the biggest problems and obstacles to recovery for people who suffer from extreme anxiety, depression, dissociation or unusual beliefs is their feeling of isolation. There are often no words for the things that they are experiencing and hardly ever anyone to share their reality with. Tapping is a gift that we can give to ourselves and to others when we are having these experiences. Simply acknowledging, and



The courage to be present

anxiety child like. The image that I received was horrifying, it was of a baby who was burned and black and vomiting from every pore of his skin. This was deeply disturbing and stopped me in my tracks. parts and Gillian Wightmans work with the anxious and dissociated. I was too cautious to work in this way by myself however, I had no way of knowing what else lay in wait in my subconscious and I considered myself All I could do was what I knew, which lucky to have got away with it this was moment-by-moment witnesstime. What I needed was to work with ing, together with the confidence that a skilled therapist and to find an EFT tapping changed things. So I just did mentor for my practice who was expecontinuous tapping, describing what rienced in this field, and I have been I was seeing and tuning frequently lucky enough to find both of these into the imagery to check how it was roles in Gillian Wightman. It is through changing. As I did this the tension and working with her that I have begun to disturbance within me gradually relearn more about the internal world duced until I could watch and witness of someone who has been through as a protected, detached observer. The complex childhood trauma and how intense and manic vomiting in the imthe parts of ourselves that all of us exagery lessened and the baby lightened perience as part of our multiple human in colour until I was left with a baby consciousness, become more distinct who just seemed completely wiped out and separated for traumatised people, and was constantly oozing fluid. I let as a result of the extra burden we have myself describe what I was seeing in to carry in protecting us from our expesimple words and then repeated those rience and from our memories. exact words back to myself through the My view on mental health is that it is tapping. Constantly oozing fluid baby, a continuum of human experience. All completely wiped out. After that round of us have low days and up days, all I felt much better and when I returned of us experience inner voices, were to the imagery found that the child had all aware of different aspects of our vanished. At first this concerned me, personality, one of which might be but I didnt feel scared, so I just had critical, another of which is playful, and to trust my internal imagery, whatever all of us hold some beliefs that others was happening was the right procdont share. For some of us, perhaps ess for me. I noticed that the baby due to experiences that we have lived had left a blanket behind and this felt through and been unable to digest, significant, as though the blanket held these shared experiences move to the the experience, that the blanket had higher end of the continuum. Our up witnessed and seen things but the days may be really up and involve the blanket was fine, the blanket was going grandest of hare-brained schemes; to be ok. As I became aware of these our low days may find us hatching a thoughts I tapped with them too until I suicide plan. The different aspects of felt completely at peace and the blanour sub-personalities may feel stronger ket also disappeared from the image. than our core self and threaten to harm I was blown away by this experience. or overwhelm us. Rather than being a Had I tapped into a memory or a quietly critical monologue of thought, frozen part of myself? I didnt know. All an inner voice may be projected outthat I knew was that the imagery was wards to become an external voice that relevant and meaningful to me and that shouts abuse at us. We may believe through tapping, something that at first not just that people are talking about seemed unmanageable, horrifying and us but that they have planted a secret distressing, transformed into feelings recording device in our living room. of relief, release, peace and wellbeing. For all of us however, no matter where Having discovered this way of working we are on the continuum, tapping can accidentally I then seized upon exammake a profound difference to our ples of anyone else who was combinpeace of mind and therefore our qualing imagery and EFT in order to affirm ity of life. Of course, if someone apthat this was a valid technique. I read pears particularly fragile or distressed about Imagineering and Inner Theatre we need to proceed with real caution and Betty Moore-Hafters work with as I did with myself and as I continue

to do with my clients. We should not think about working on early memories, or internal parts, or focusing on body sensations until we have established a strong relationship with the client, clear safety protocols (and for these we can add to our EFT toolbox with techniques from the field of EMDR and Somatic Trauma Therapy) and proved in gentle ways to their whole system that EFT can hold them and their emotions securely and safely. We may also need to be particularly clear about our boundaries and availability, as someone who struggles with their own boundaries may challenge these. As I have learnt more about the structure of my internal world and as I have been safely negotiated through this again and again by a skillful and experienced EFT Practitioner, I have been able to feel more comfortable with working on my own and with others using tapping and imagery to transform dark energy and distressing experiences. I still dont work directly on memories for myself and I am cautious about working on early memories with many of my clients. Instead I find that a simple moment-by-moment witnessing approach to tapping enables the subconscious to offer up the most powerful and profound metaphorical imagery. As we tap with this imagery, it changes and transforms beautifully and we are able to release and evolve away (as Jade Barbee would put it) the most difficult and indigestible of experiences.

Part Three Allowing a Space

I would like to share with you now a personal tapping experience that I had with a younger part, which occurred 6 months after the story I related to you earlier. I was having trouble with insomnia and so I had settled down for an evening tap on this issue in the hopes that it might help me to sleep better that night. I began with general statements. Even though I dont want to sleep, even though I want to stay awake all night, even though I want to sabotage my progress by being so tired I cant do anything I deeply and completely accept myself. This round helped me to realize that these thoughts werent coming from the I, that a lot of me was happy and moving on and not at all


SPRING 2011 13

supportive of sabotage. I changed the set up to reflect that I was addressing a part of me and I reframed the idea of sabotage as protection. Even thought theres a part of me that still wants to protect me and this is the best way it knows how, I deeply and completely accept that part. Even though theres a part of me thats keeping me awake because its scared of what will happen if I succeed, I deeply and completely accept all parts of myself. reflect it back with tapping. So cold, so cold, so cold, so cold, I tapped on each of the points. We just honour each word or sensation as it occurs, accepting it as complete in itself, being mindful not to analyse or guess or leap ahead. when working with clients. Its very easy to get caught up in our favourite protocol or procedure but next to the clients experience none of that matters. We dont have to do anything, we dont have to feel as though we need to achieve something special or impose anything on the clients process. If we are fully present and tapping, what theyre experiencing will change and as it changes their cognition about that experience will change, even their memory of it will change, naturally, easily and individually in a way that is safe and right for them. The client is the expert on themselves, and given the opportunity, their subconscious will lead them toward healing and release more effectively and more safely than anything we could possibly plan or think of. And so my partner and I just sat together and tapped as she asked me very simple questions. What do you see now? What else do you notice? Its blue; everything is blue, the light, the girl, the road. Shes wearing a nighty and shes lying on the road. It feels like theres been a car accident. And its very cold, its so cold. And then I started to cry, because it was so cold and she was so cold and I couldnt help her. Can you touch her? my partner asked. No, I replied, Im afraid, I dont want to feel her skin, I dont want to admit Im connected to her, or admit responsibility for her, I dont know what to do. I repeated each of my answers and insights several times in order to get to a good few tapping points for each. Then my partner asked, Whats happening now? Its starting to snow, I said, Maybe I can put a blanket over her. I can do that; I can do that to help her. Now Im resting my head against her chest, were together in the snow, and the snow is getting deeper, but its still so hopeless, now shes buried and I will be too. Its so cold. And we continued to sit together with this feeling of hopelessness, tapping continuously.

My reward for doing this was then that the face of a 3-year-old girl appeared, her skin was blue, frozen with cold perhaps, her lips were purple and I realized with a shock that she was dead. Even though parts of me are in conflict I could sense that she was lying down about staying stuck and moving forbut at the first the image was too dark ward I accept myself and this conflict to see anything else. So I simply took and I wonder if its possible for those what I was given and reflected it back, parts to be in communication now. There is a girl, I see her face, her skin After this round I felt a profound sense is blue and frozen, shes lying down, of gratefulness to this part, or parts, shes dead. At this point I began to feel rather than anger and frustration. I afraid. I hadnt yet come across an had an awareness that some very internal part in therapy that was dead, important work was being carried out, so I then paid attention to my core self that something significant was begin and reflected those feelings of fear and protected or I wouldnt be having a insecurity. Im afraid, I dont know what serious symptom like insomnia. I there- to do, there is sweat prickling in my fore continued tapping while directly armpits, I feel I cant reach her, I feel addressing this part. Id like to say the desperateness of that in my stomthank you so much for protecting me, I ach like a hollow rock, I dont know appreciate what you are doing for me, I what to do. appreciate what you have done for me. At this point I really didnt know what to We have been through so much and I do, should I wait until I was in therapy wouldnt be here without you. I know or continue tapping by myself? My you are working so hard to protect me partner came into the room just then and to keep me safe and Im acknowland so I explained what was happenedging that now. I really do love and ing and asked her if she would tap with appreciate and accept all parts of me, and help me by repeating what I myself and I honour them for the work said, so that I could hear it reflected. that they do. And Im here now just So we began with me describing to witness and listen to any part that the image to her exactly as I saw it. needs to be heard. Im here now and Theres a young girl, shes blue, shes I can share anything that needs to be frozen, shes lying down, and her arm shared. And if you want, and if it feels is pointing upwards. Immediately she ok, I am also here to help. asked, Whats the significance of her At this point I just stopped talking and pointing arm? Do you want to move continued to tap in silence, with no her somewhere else? I was shocked expectations. how brutal and disturbing these questions felt. They were dragging me into Just making the intention and cona cognitive state of mind that I just nection to be with a part, and then didnt want to be in, which just felt allowing a space is so important, both completely wrong. for us and for our clients. An empty space will invite the other to enter in. And this is what happened for me. I began to hear, or feel, these words very faintly, So cold, so cold. This first offering from a part, or from someones subconscious, is like a tiny thread that may then lead to something more, so we just take it as it presents itself and II told her that we just have to witness what is happening, accepting all parts of the image and the process, and perhaps just ask some very simple questions like, what is happening now? I told her to ask questions that would help her to see what Im seeing. And this is what we must all remember

Part Four Darkness Transforms

After sitting and tapping with the devastating feeling of hopelessness for a while, allowing that to be my total focus I suddenly became aware of a change. There was a figure moving into the im-





The courage to be present

age and a lovely sensation of warmth. I saw long black hair belonging to a young Native American woman, who was bringing this incredible feeling of warmth with her. So I began describing this while continuing to tap, She feels warm, shes warming everything, theres more light everywhere. And then there was a sensation of incredible pain in my back. It was so intense that I was doubled up in pain. This was unsettling for both of us but my partner had the courage to stick to the simple instructions I had given her and continued asking gentle questions about what was happening in the image. She asked, What is happening now? What else do you notice? I realized that the woman could help me and replied in delight, She warms things; shes warming my back and its healing the pain. Then the snow began to melt. And then, the most extraordinary, wonderful thing happened. A tiny, shy girl, peeked around the woman to show herself to me, she was radiantly beautiful, almost too beautiful to look at, her arm was resting on a big cat, a lion or a tiger. The blue, frozen corpse had transformed into this golden child. The child still felt unreachable, at no point did it feel right to reach out for her let alone to tap on her, but somehow that felt right. By now the whole landscape had become dry and warm, I was aware of sandy ground and big rocks, there was a whole group of women now, standing to one side. The stark, dark grieving landscape had become a safe, healing nurturing place. I moved out of mindfulness momentarily and started to worry about the process, shouldnt I be thinking about integration or something right now? I neednt have worried because I was continuing to tap, and just with that thought the tiny golden girl appeared to be moving towards me and as she walked I observed her growing older and older. As she moved closer I could feel the big catness, it was a lion, I could feel its fur, its warmth and its strength. And when it joined me I felt whole and knew that its energy had integrated with mine with no need for pressure or outward encouragement. I found myself looking into the future and saw myself there filled with this great lion energy, warm, golden and bounding around. We ended the session here. After we were done I yawned like I have never yawned before and slept all the way through the night for the first time in 4 weeks. What we can take from this example is that working with the inner world and inner selves using EFT, imagery and metaphor is a gentle, yet powerfully transformative technique that can bring profound healing to all parts of ourselves. And all that is required to work in this way is the courage to be with ourselves, or our clients, to accept, acknowledge and allow their reality as they experience it, and to use pure and simple EFT to reflect and give back their exact words through the tapping. Just as we need to be cautious not to offer a re-frame too early on, we should time our suggestion to bring in resources carefully. In this example my partner didnt know that she could suggest bringing in a resource but we just kept on tapping and the resource appeared. For people who have lived through dark experiences their session with us may be the first and only time they get to fully acknowledge the terror and hopelessness of their emotions. We need to allow them the space and time to do this safely, if we rush in to fix things too soon, we will deny them this crucial healing experience and the opportunity for true emotional alchemy. We need to separate from our own beliefs and prejudices in order to work in this way and we need to be able to practice non-attachment to any one particular protocol, procedure or technique. When working with people who have suffered complex trauma we need to have an awareness and understanding of just how complicated, fragmented and disturbing their inner world and inner selves or voices might be. We need to be prepared to work at a snails pace, to keep putting the brakes on, to use protective distancing, to chop and change technique, or to drop all technique. We need to work responsively and responsibly. I have been so fortunate to find an EFT practitioner who is fearless in working with me through my issues and accompanying me through this challenging landscape. We still have some work to do but now that my internal system knows I am listenAAMET

ing and knows that I have learnt how to help, it has quietened right down. I feel balanced and calm and present, I can experience joy and love and hope again. For me, as is the case for many others, my mental health challenges were a direct result of experiencing that which could not be digested by my self. My being was constantly seeking to digest and to make sense and meaning out of what had happened to me, at the same time as trying to protect me from ever knowing that anything bad had happened. The resulting chaos became my symptoms. What I would like to leave you with is a renewed picture of the effectiveness of simply being mindfully present with yourself or another, listening deeply and without judgement, and tapping. We have been told never to go where we dont belong but I would ask us to reconsider where we do belong. If mental health is a continuum and all experiences are human experiences, then surely we can find a relation and relationship to every sort of experience that any human has, even if at first those experiences appear strange, alien or frightening. Soteria House was an experimental project led by Dr Loren Mosher in the US, which aimed to provide an alternative therapeutic environment for people who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. The people who helped in the house werent trained mental health professionals but ordinary students who simply sought to provide a normalizing and nurturing environment for the residents. Their priority was not to medicate or analyse but to build relationship. This project was extremely successful and its model has since been replicated in other countries. It provides an evidence base that neither experts nor medication are needed to help someone through a psychotic crisis. If simply having the courage to be present with someone who is in acute mental or emotional distress can profoundly help them, imagine what can be achieved if we had the courage to tap with them as well? To listen to the talk, visit the site below.

Jessica Mr


SPRING 2011 15

therapy review

META Using the brain to uncover the Medicine cause of illness

AAMET Life magazines deputy editor, Jane Unsworth finds out more about this revolutionary approach from META-Medicine Master Trainer and author of Why am I sick, Richard Flook.

META - Medicine is a revolutionary approach to understanding the root cause and meaning of illness. It works by using the bodys biological survival programming and scientifically maps physical symptoms, via the brain, to their primal cause.
According to Meta Medicine, there is not only a mind-body connection, but actually a very precise organ-mind-brain-social connection. Each brain area corresponds to a type of experience i.e. brain stem and all the organs directed by the brain stem are usually associated with information processing associated with survival. E.g. Where a brain relay within a brain area corresponds to a specific organ and a specific conflict or trauma and an environmental-social experience. This knowledge is absolutely revolutionary because it allows us to understand specifically how a disease process is/was caused, thereby helping us to heal it.

therapy review

META-Medicine: An interview with Richard Flook

ichard Flook has been a practitioner for 20-yrs and has been involved in the development of META-Medicine since it started in 2004, hes one of a handful of MM Master Trainers as well as an NLP Trainer and Master Practitioner. He has a long history of training others worldwide and he trained to Practitioner Level in EFT. He is one of 8-board members for the IMMA (International META-Medicine Association) which comprises doctors, PhD scientists, alternative and complementary practitioners. In 2009 he wrote the book Why Am I Sick and founded his company of the same name. Richards application of META-Medicine is strongly influenced by his NLP background. In this regard hes made a unique contribution to the META-Medicine model by including the emotional, social and environmental aspects of disease. THE ORIGINS His work demonstrates the disease process in some of the following examples: - Demonstrating how pain comes and goes - How itching can be increased or decreased in a condition like eczema - Showing how depression and mania fire off in two different brain hemispheres Its remarkable in its application and clients are astounded when you hit the mark, which is a joy to see. In the book Richard walks through the effects that impact disease on a number of levels. By explaining the behavioural changes a person goes through and how these affect our environment (which often changes as the result of disease) goes a long way to illustrating a range of factors that are vital to aid lasting recovery. Richards contribution to the MM model allows the practitioner a really intelligent diagnostic tool providing a strong pre-empt to any therapeutic intervention.

Dr Ryke Geerd Hamer developed the foundations of META-Medicine (MM) back in the 1970s, building on a model started by Penfield in the 1950-60s where a link between the brain and organs was established. And a student of Hamers, Johannes Fisslinger expanded his work to add energ to the model and was the first to coined the phrase META-Medicine. Richard Flook, came across Hamers work in the early 1990s while in search of his own answers as to why his mother died of Breast Cancer when Richard was only 11, as his mother had left the family home to move hundreds of miles away 5-yrs earlier. And Hamers work started to provide some clarity.

The 2-Phases of Disease

At that stage Hamer had mapped the brain based on the Embryology model that Western Medicine teaches to all doctors but is mainly used by those specialising in premature births. Hamers model shows that every organ, muscle, bone and tissue has a specific embryonic-layer and location in the brain that provides the specific information needed when it comes to unravelling causation. You can imagine the implications for new-biology practitioners and how it enables lasting healing and learning for the client.

META-Medicine recognises that there are two phases to disease and this is broken up into 9-stages: 1. The norm 2. A conflict shock occurs (UDIN) 3. The body goes into stress which can be identified by cold extremities, interrupted sleep patterns, an issue plays round in the head. Mostly we feel okay but there are some diseases such as panic attacks and depression that show up at this stage.

4. The Reversal Point is when something occurs to alleviate the original shock and the mind/body system feels relief 5. Most physical symptoms arrive, such as pain, feeling tired, fever, infection and this is when we go to see the doctor 6. The symptoms reach a height of intensity called the Healing Crisis (HC). This can be quite scary depending on the presenting symptoms but can range anywhere from a headache to a fullblown heart attack (as an example)





META- Medicine
7. On the other side of the HC the symptoms start to release and much nurturing is required 8. Of course the therapeutic interventions can be applied at any stage throughout the model. But if a condition is the sort of chronic condition that comes and goes, it will continue to recur until its been identified and ousted 9. Return to norm This system allows the practitioner to ascertain whereabouts in the disease process a client is, because each symptom can be explained as to why it is there. And likewise a layperson can glean insight and learn how to deal with their issues through greater conscious awareness. And the reason is because: Every pimple, cold, epidemic, headache, pain and serious disease has a reason and leaves clues as to its innate cause. Most diseases are chronic and this model interrupts that pattern which is how it manages to deliver an informed outcome. But what happens as the body goes into stress is that a persons whole life-landscape can change dramatically, where they become downward spiralling instead of upwardly so. They may no longer want to bother with people, work or hobbies that inspired them previously. Social and environmental interests can take a complete u-turn as an effect of the stress-phase. Even their sexuality can change. And of course, as practitioners, we know only too well the ramifications these symptoms inflict.

Brain CT Scans

The UDIN moment

The conflict shock is defined thus: U=Unexpected D=Dramatic I=Isolating N=No coping strategy As a UDIN occurs (the phrase was coined by Richard) at stage 2 (of the 2-phase model) it starts the disease process and is where the therapists detective skills are brought into play. In identifying what created a clients original issue (and there may be many associations that trigger off their disease/issue from their history) it reduces the time needed to make a significant change for the client, and avoids being led down blind alleys. MM makes this important distinction because as a shock affects an organ the whole bodys energy network takes a hit, and the stronger the hit the deeper the impact. And the deeper the impact the more horrible the disease. The brain/organ links have been qualified through the application of Brain CTs (computer tomography) which is a more revealing and complex x-ray for the purposes of MM. Although mostly unnecessary when treating clients, they serve to back up the theory behind META-Medicine and can be called into play for serious or terminal disease. The evidence is found where the infected organ area leaves an energetic imprint that shows up as a ring on the x-ray. And x-rays resonate at the same frequency as emotions so what are seen on CT-scans are trapped emotional conflicts. A similar shaped ring is duplicated on the corresponding diseased body organ scan, proving the mind/body connection. The MM CT-scan reader is able to determine the age of a conflict, its stage of activity and the number of previous associations of time a client has triggered off the UDIN moment making the issue chronic. As you can imagine this provides excellent information for practitioners and medical staff alike. And medical doctors are starting to take notice and some have, others are training in META-Medicine.



SPRING 2011 19

therapy review
wings. But for now I feel this application is a phenomenal add-on. One of the downsides is that the information is new and we need more of it. But this will come from practitioners qualifying and contributing their findings from within their specialist areas. So it provides great opportunities for those who want to take it deeper.

Institute of HeartMath
Following a meeting with Rollin McCarthy of the HeartMath Institute, Richard gleaned enough insight to feel hed found the missing piece of the jigsaw and began integrating some of their findings into his own work. Whenever a UDIN conflict shock occurs it sends a wave of information through the body. The master organ responsible for this is the heart and the HeartMath Institute have proven this. Theyve measured the wave from a persons heart as much as 25m away from the body. This provides powerful information for energy workers, and many people reading this already incorporate such learning into their own practice. Richard has found that as a UDIN conflict shock occurs it affects a certain location in the brain, and its corresponding organ, but also ties in with how the heart imprints the blood with each heartbeat. Its been found that every organ transmits a wave of information back out into the world, but the heart sends out more information than any other organ in the body. His further realisation was that the energy created by a UDIN moment changes the energy and how we interact with other people and the world. The social and environmental implications are vast but clearly it also determines a persons worldview. Richard found this vital piece of information was his missing link because it goes on to explain how the waves of information, caused by the UDIN help to attract different people towards us like a magnet. And by putting us into different environments (with different people) we have an opportunity to resolve the shocks weve gone through. The Reticular Activating System is situated in the brains Thalamus and plays its part in the Law of Attraction, which ties in seamlessly with the HeartMath and META-Medicine philosophys. The hearts blood-print is constantly charging and changing the human body field with information. EFT Tapping interrupts an old pattern telling the heart to send out a new one. 2 20

My Experience
by Jane Unsworth When I trained in EFT 3-yrs ago someone had been invited along to give a talk to the group about MM and although I listened it just seemed too simplistic. Then I took a Psych-K course later that year and someone recommended the DVD series of META-Medicine using Matrix Reimprinting with EFT that Richard recorded with Karl Dawson. A variety of EFT students (who have gone from strength to strength with their own EFT practices) can be seen on that weekends introductory course. And again it was some time before I started watching them. We all know that one! By the time I started the METAMedicine course in late 2010 I was well and truly ready for the learning. And it hasnt disappointed, as Ive quickly been able to apply it to myself as well. As practitioners we have to work on ourselves dont we, and this is a great tool for raising self-awareness in the body/ mind connection. I dont think Im alone in saying I find it much easier to motivate myself when working with others. But this is my missing piece, without being too corny, and Richard would be the first to say there are bound to be other tools out there waiting in the

The book which is a worthy read at although initially I found it frustrating on a number of levels. Firstly the grammar needs further editing, and the paragraphs are squished together without the usual extra line space, so I find the wording quite dense and Id like to see the next edition improve on these aspects. But this oversight may in part be due to Richards contagious enthusiasm in his desire to get it out there and inform - which makes him a generous teacher. Although the book translates itself through metaphorical stories, there were times when it fell short in terms of immediate access to the information as a reference. However, Ive started applying the tools with clients and working on pain is a quick way of letting clients recognise what is actually causing it. The exciting thing about using Richards MM model is demonstrating it to clients quickly by bringing the pain back and taking it away again once you find their trigger. This way both the practitioner but more importantly the client gets to see it right there and then before their very eyes. You may have caught on by now that Im fast becoming an unabashed fan of the tool. But this is because Im experiencing it as a practitioner and seeing the clarity it brings. It has the ability to take you where you need to go to catch the cheeky chappies that cause the



META- Medicine
energetic glitch in the system. And the potential to have clients helped even quicker than they are right now is very appealing. This isnt to say its all singing all dancing, but it has a greater intelligence that sets the therapist on the right path before properly applying the interventions. And Im finding that to be a powerful asset.

Richard has developed a new tool from his experience of a myriad of techniques; such as META-Medicine, NLP, EFT, Hypnosis, HeartMath, Time Line Therapy and many others. META-Healing has enabled him to culminate the above into a process that enables practitioners to take clients step-by-step through their own healing in a non-intrusive manner. The client is partially led through the eyesclosed process enabling deep shifts that ignite their own healing throughout. During his long and evolving practice Richard has found clients get the deepest shifts where there is less practitioner involvement. And this process has combined his vast range of tools and techniques to deliver something which has been honed into a simple reintegrative process that anyone can learn to apply.

Richard Flook is a very enthusiastic trainer and co-traveller on the META-Medicine trail, who loves sharing both his information and the joy of your discovering it for the first time. Maybe like me youd like to begin by dipping your toe in the water and finding out some more about what I think is a fascinating tool and its application. And youll find a range of information, depending on where you want to start at Richard Flooks website Why am I sick Richard Flook The DVD series META-Medicine using Matrix Reimprinting & EFT with Karl Dawson The Diploma (an introductory series of CD recordings and PDFs) The META-Medicine Certification Training course where you can sign up for the online training place weekly over a 16-wk period and regular practice sessions to work with other students that takes

If youd like to learn more about any of this Id be more than happy to have a chat with you.

Jane Unsworth EFT, NLP and Matrix Practitioner


3 SPRING 2011 21


A Dossier filled with techniques and strategies to help you to emotionally spring clean your life.

Your Life

Eradicating SHAME
A practitioners guide to understanding shame with loads of tools to help you work with clients to erradicate it from their lives

28 Are

you in Cause or Effect?

Highlighting the benefits of being in a state of cause

30 Is

4-yr old you still running your life?

How early family beliefs are still affecting you right now.




the Practitioners guide


by Bennie Naud

Shame is something that is not talked about much in our society in the true sense of the word.

e use language like Shame on you when someone does something bad and e.g. in South Africa Ag shame is meant as Poor you, as in pitying someone. Seemingly a taboo subject in many ways, I hope that this article will help shine some light on what shame is, where it comes from, how to identify it and most importantly, effective ways of healing it. If youre wondering if you can heal shame then, quoting Leo Buscaglia totally out of context, Yes you can! Whether you work with people that experience shame or you are working through your own,the main purpose of this article is to convey the message that with appropriate

awareness and skill and using energy psychology techniques, even toxic shame can be lifted to allow people to freely express themselves and their creativity. How do I know? Because Ive done it and Ive helped clients to do it. Everything I present in this dossier is based on my own experience except where indicated otherwise. Shame has played a significant part in my life thus far and despite having shifted metaphorical tons of it, it is something that I remain passionate and vigilant about as it still trips me up and shuts me down from time to time.





SHAME is a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace. Not that most of us need a dictionary definition to remind us of the unmistakable experience of shame!
Lets start by differentiating between shame and guilt: guilt is a feeling we get when we think that we did something bad, whereas shame is a feeling we get that we simply are bad; that is, before weve even said or done anything we just are bad; inherently bad to the core. Fact of life. Fait accomplis. Just the way it is and nothing to be done about it. Have you ever wondered how it possible that fairly intelligent people, even those with ample proof that they are loved and liked, even those who are successful and with a true sense of passion and purpose in life, even people that must know deep down that they are inherently good people, can drop into shame and shut down in an instant - with a single thought or memory, or a word or a look from someone else? How can shame, ranked by numerous models as a low energy feeling, stop mature and emotionally literate people dead in their tracks and shut their creativity and selfexpression down in the blink of an eye? John Bradshaw writes in Healing the Shame that Binds You I used to drink to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt the more I felt ashamed. Shame begets shame I came to see that shame is one of the major destructive forces in human life. When I first read this book in 2007 it touched me deeply; it felt that finally someone understood my internal world and life experience - through the lens of shame. He articulated with one hundred percent accuracy the difficulties in my day-to-day activities that others seemed to perform with ease and comfort like walking into a room full of people, going on a date or even asking a friend for a favour (all of which could be torture for shame based people.) Bradshaw differentiates between healthy and toxic shame and suggests that healthy shame is there to keeps us humble, to remind us that were human and that we sometimes need help and to keep us open to learning (as opposed to arrogantly thinking that we should be able to do everything by ourselves and that we know it all). He postulates that unless healthy shame gets processed or released it turns to toxic shame which becomes a self-perpetuating downwards shame spiral; see diagram on next page. Drawing from my own experience I agree with Bradshaw that unhealthy thinking is the biggest causes of shame-bound spirals. Unhealthy thinking causes shame, which causes more unhealthy thinking which causes more shame, and so on. It is therefore also in the area of changing our thoughts that we find the most effective solutions to heal shame; more about that later. It seems to me that Bradshaw suggests that the journey to heal shame is by default a painful and long one, and if my interpretation is correct in this regard I speculate that Emotional Freedom Techniques would change his view.

erradicating shame

I think this book is essential reading for all practitioners for two reasons: 1. if you are someone who experiences severe shame I believe this book will provide valuable context for your life experience and a much deeper understanding of the shame dynamic; I believe that we absolutely have to continue clearing our own issues when we work with clients. 2. it will help you get inside the heads and worlds of those who do and who may come to you for help and enable you to meet them where they are, in their model of the world.


The reason shame is a problem is because it kills; it kills relationships, spontaneity, creativity and it kills through suicides, depression and addictions. Its a problem because unless the cycle is broken it gets passed on from generation to generation. Its a problem because its all-pervasive yet often sublimely subtle. Its a problem because unless you deal with it, it will deal with you.


SPRING 2011 25


I believe that toxic shame as Bradshaw defines it results from (well-intended or not well intended) authority figures like parents, teachers, older siblings or the church that do not allow the child to express and reframe shaming experiences. If a child is allowed to express shame (because they believe that the way they perceive, think, feel, imagine or desire is wrong) and they are helped to reframe the experience (e.g. a parent apologising for losing their temper and shouting at them or a teacher explaining that the child had misunderstood them and that they did not mean to suggest that the way the child thought was wrong) then the child has the opportunity to learn from the event and release the shame, and life goes on. If however, during and after shameful experiences children are not assured and allowed to release and reframe the situation then they are likely to internalise those feelings where it often turns into toxic shame and severe self-limiting beliefs of the Im bad variety.
[Side note: I do not subscribe to theories that suggest we can shame someone or make someone angry, or sad; I find it more empowering to believe that people simply experience certain emotions when others act in a certain way. When Person A does something, Person B may experience the event as funny, Person C may feel severe shame and Person D may feel sad; it does seem accurate to me to suggest then that Person A made the other parties laugh, feel ashamed or sad respectively. I choose therefore to stay clear from blaming and victim language and in this case would argue that Person B interpreted the event as funny, Person C as shaming and person D as sad.] 26

Bradshaw lists seven dysfunctional family rules and a host of other causes of shame with numerous practical, real life examples. The one that stands for to me is one he labels the denial of five freedoms: suggesting that the way children perceive, think, feel, desire or imagine is wrong will almost certainly lead to them taking on shame; if this is perpetuated over time it is likely to turn into toxic shame and they will almost inevitably start believing that they are bad. Children who are abandoned or abused usually start believing that they somehow caused and/ or deserved the abuse and that they do not deserve anything other than the abuse or abandonment; the painful memories also often becomes their only connection with their abuser and unconsciously they may not want to let it go because it would be disloyal to the abuser and/or theyd rather have some connection than no connection with the perpetrator. Unless they resolve this dynamic they will very likely carry this into adulthood and continue to re-enact the same program.

Cliff Barry, the founder of ShadowWork ( says that we are hotwired to love our parents; we really have no choice! So the only way we can make sense of our own abuse or neglect as children is by justifying our parents actions in some way and blaming ourselves.


Clients dont usually come to us saying Id like to work on shame. Instead they ask us to help them with the symptoms of shame without necessarily attributing those symptoms to shame as the cause. These symptoms could literally be anything, ranging from being depressed, being unable to get ahead in their careers or nail biting. Lets take a look at some common road signs (or flags) that may point towards shame; remember that these presenting issues may also be caused by something other than shame (although Im beginning to think that the vast majority of presenting problems can be boiled down to shame, preventing selfacceptance).




eradicating shame
Bradshaw talks about striving for power and control and quotes Terry Kellogg as saying that he had always lived on-guard so that hed not be caught off guard; power hungry clients or clients who are constantly fending off threats, rejections and failures, who have strong tendencies to want to control (including your sessions with them!) are often driven by shame. Control equates to power and they need power to compensate for their lack of self-worth and to make sure that no-one finds out about their badness. Bradshaw also states that rage is probably the most naturally occurring cover-up for shame and it protects in two ways 1. It keeps others (the world) away in an attempt to keep the shame based person safe 2. It allows the shame based person to transfers shame to others, which brings (temporary) relief from the exhaustion of having to constantly hide their badness from the world Addictions drugs, sex, televilike they are in the way, which is how shame based people feel; theyd even feel in the way of close friends and cannot access the possibility that anyone would want to spend time with them. Deeply shamed based clients are often very intelligent; feeling shame has nothing to do with reason, logic, intelligence or willpower. Its also not something that someone can just snap (or reason) out of or get over. Perfectionism is often the presenting problem, as is procrastination (which is usually underpinned by perfectionism). Overachievers the only way they can justify their existence is by DOING, and doing LOTS. Even if it kills them. They are often rescuers in addition to DOING, helping others also helps to justify their existence. They love telling their story (again and again) and often argue for their limitations, effectively trying to convince anyone who is willing to listen (that would include us as practitioners) how bad they are. They often have a sense of absolute identification with the worthless / non-deserving state; it is how they ARE, not a problem they have. They often talk in absolutes (NOBODY loves me, I ALWAYS get rejected). sion, work (although this is often rewarded in our society), alchohol etc Clients who self-harm often a very visible external manifestation of their self-loathing and punishing themselves for their badness Body/language: usually unable to meet your eyes, limp handshake, tone of voice and general apologetic demeanour, acting Arrogance they often use arrogance and boasting to cover up their deep seated sense of unworthiness and shame. Paradoxical arrogance they often believe that they are SO bad (it is, after all, who they ARE) that NO-ONE and NO-THING can help them. This understandably often leads to hopelessness and despair. Their core issue does not seem to shift or if it does it usually

doesnt last; one step forwards and it seems, two steps back.
It is crucial that we recognise these signs so that we dont get hooked by them as practitioners, like start making it about us and starting to doubt ourselves or EFT. We have to understand that some of these clients will find it very difficult to ask for what they want, disagree with us or correct us to help us to help them. As responsible practitioners we already have to be aware of the power differential we have with our clients and I believe that this is especially important with shame based clients. Notwithstanding my earlier stated beliefs that no-one has the power to make anyone feel any particular way, we have to be very careful of how our actions and words impact our clients.


Ive had occasional one-session wonders with deep seated shame, especially when the bulk of the shame originates from specific incidents like a particular sexual abuse event. But for the most I found that just using EFT did not bring the results that most of us have started taking for granted. Some clients either remained stuck or seemingly made progress only to fall back into old ways of thinking, feeling, being and doing which yet again added to their shame. It was my frustration and constant questioning what have I overlooked to resolve this that led me to consider shame from an archetypal perspective. I realized that for me, shame is mostly caused by unhealthy thinking. As much as EFT does sometimes change our thinking, it does not always. I started hearing myself say The most difficult thing Ive ever had to do was change the way I think and then one day


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after a conversation with my friend John Kurk and I studied the four quarter ShadowWork model that some more pennies dropped. Cliff Barry developed a very powerful set of tools called ShadowWork based on Carl Jungs work. I did some ShadowWork training with Cliff a few years ago and also worked with currently the only two certified ShadowWork practitioners in the UK, John and Nicola Kurk One of the many things I find extremely valuable from ShadowWork is the 4-quarter model of Archetypes mentioned above. thing, the part that gives you that extra hour in bed; this is where addictions usually live. An inflated lover is overwhelmed with emotion whilst a deflated lover is stoic. The gateway emotion* to the lover is sadness or grief. Warrior: This is the part of you that does, that says no, protects your boundaries, gets on with the job even if youre tired, feeds the children and yourself even when youre hurt. The deflated warrior is a victim, the inflated warrior a savage or bully. The gateway emotion* to the warrior is anger. Magician: this is the part of you that thinks, is intelligent, can reason, detach and be objective. This is the part of you that facilitate, your shaman. This is the cheeky and humorous part of you, the trickster, and the manipulator. The deflated Magician is confused and the inflated Magician thinks they know it all. The gateway emotion* to the Magician is fear. Gateway emotion: This does not mean that you have to experience that feeling all the time to access the given archetype. It does mean that the way towards a more balanced archetype is by working through that feeling, e.g. to have access to a more balanced Lover archetype you have to working through your unresolved grief, to have access to a more balanced Warrior archetype you have to working through your unresolved anger.


Cliff also found that every archetype has a shaming message

ShadowWork is based on four archetypes (Lover, Warrior, Magician and Sovereign) and it suggests that we all have these parts within ourselves. What I especially love about ShadowWork is its utterly respectful and inclusive approach (all parts of us are essential parts of us and all parts are welcome) and that it not only presents a model for human thinking, feeling and being, but also that it offers effective tools for each quadrant (archetype). It takes many years of dedication to become a ShadowWork facilitator; what follows is simply a very high level overview of some of the many aspects of the archetypes:

Sovereign: This is the part of you that sees and blesses; the part of you with vision and purpose Lover: The Lover is the part of you that deeply that loves chocolate, red wine and and truly sex on the knows what beach; the you need to part that be happy feels and and fulfilled, that bless yourself and thats in others; the archetype of true internal touch with leadership. The deflated Sovereign your body. says that its too hard and the inflatThis is the ed Sovereign thinks it can do it all. part that has no boundaries, only The gateway emotion* to the Soverever wants to say yes to everyeign is joy.

and that the shaming message of the Magician is I am bad. This caught my attention because if the message of the magician was the message of shame (I am bad), then maybe the strengths and tools of the magician was also the way out of shame. Shame based people remind me of the anorexic: standing in front of a mirror with barely enough flesh on their bones to survive yet they still see a fat person driving the



eradicating shame
compulsion to lose more weight. I believe that deep shame is at least as dangerous is any other life threatening disease or condition and maybe even more so because we often do not recognize how the shame dynamic contracts their worlds around them until it seems that there is no way out. The magician is about using our objectivity, our intelligence and our ability to detach. Here are some ways to use these qualities in the EFT and healing realms. deep shame or are not familiar with these techniques. in the way of healing. 3. If they say that their younger self in the picture still feels angry, ashamed etc but that they (as their present, adult selves) feel ok and accepting of the event this is progress AND it points to something that still needs to be cleared; it often helps to associate them now (i.e. to get them to step into the younger self in the picture) and tap from that perspective. Clients sometimes initially resist doing this as tapping cant change the past and I may move on during the session, make a note of it and either come back to it later or give it to them as homework; it aint done until their younger self in the picture sings! 4. Once the suds come down from a dissociated perspective (them looking at themselves in a picture), gently probe the SUD level from an associated perspective (them being in the picture). Keep them dissociated while the SUDS are still high and only associate them once they come down and continue with the basic Even though I 5. Ask them to imagine someone they care about or respect (dead or alive, real or imaginary) on the screen 6. Ask them to imagine that person having just gone through the same shameful experience as them and/ or to imagine that that person feels about themselves the same way the client feels about themselves (ashamed). This will (often unconsciously) bring a radically new perspective/reframe (see point about compassion below.) 7. Do some tapping for the other person in 2nd and 3rd person; (even though they and even though [first name]) 8. After a few rounds ask them how the picture changes and work with what shows up.


Basic EFT rounds go Even though I feel this shame I love and accept myself anyway Our challenge as practitioners is to pull our shamed based clients out of themselves to create perspective: 1. Dissociate them; ask them to imagine themselves on a screen behind you, on a wall over there or on a TV or cinema screen; let them imagine they have a remote control so they can turn it off at any time. If the presenting shame is about something that happened when they were younger, get them to imagine the younger version of them on the screen. 2. Do tapping on the person on the screen as if they were someone else and creatively alternate through 1st, 2nd and 3rd person tapping - Even though he feels ashamed about xyz I love and accept him anyway / Id like him to love and accept himself anyway - Even though *persons first name+ feels ashamed about xyz I love and accept him/her anyway / Id like him/her to accept himself anyway - After a few rounds ask them how the picture changes; sometimes even the events change - I often ask them to look at the person on the screen and ask questions like What do you think theyre thinking now? How do you think they feel now? Zoom in and look into their eyes what do you see? and tap anything thats getting

The shame based person cannot be objective about who they are; they cannot reason with their shame based thoughts from a place of shame just like someone cannot easily get out of quicksand without resources outside the quicksand. The reason for this is simple: one of the functions of the unconscious mind is to delete, distort and generalize; basically the unconscious mind will only pass on information to them consistent with their limiting view of themselves. Read more here about deletion, distortion and generalization: Since their shame-reality is as real to them as your reality to your, we need to pull them out of their shame-world, a world they totally identify with, to bring perspective and healing. Sometimes this happens by default when we use standard EFT, and here are additional ways to help: NOTE: These notes are intended for practitioners already familiar with EFT; it is not intended as a training manual and you are strongly encouraged to find professional help if you experience


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9. Clients usually have a whole lot more compassion for the other person; point this out as it engages the mind (thinking, magician) to start reshaping their experience; expect huge grief at this point as they (sometimes for the first time) acknowledge their pain from the event as well. 10. Once SUDS come down and compassion/forgiveness/love rises, associate them in the picture and/ or do an integration visualization where they embrace and re-unite with the younger part of themselves in a loving way. can tell the futureand Ive never been wrong ever ever ever ever in my life the truth is . I dont even know what my next thought is going to be (think about it) so what if Im wrong what if this could changeIve been wrong before and even though Id rather be right than happy Id love to be wrong on this one... if you have stuff about interrupting clients on purpose and with intention, clear it you wont serve them by letting them tell you the same story week after week that theyve been telling themselves and others for years.


Whenever you sense that youre getting close to a place of shame with your client: - make sure to tell/remind them that they dont have to tell you anything personal or private - be very observant of their bodies and eyes and keep reminding them to stay with me if you sense theyre disappearing down the rabbit hole of shame, pull them out of the event and back to the here and now - if youre not sure where your client is, ask them, What are you thinking, how do you feel, where are you now, who are you, how old are you now etc.


When clients tell long stories, get comfortable with interrupting them with volition and on purpose. I often explain to new clients that EFT is unlike other therapy and ABSOLUTES ask them if its ok if I did everything I could to make sure they got the Lovingly challenge their language best out of our time together. Then I when they talk in absolutes (I ALWAYS fail, NOBODY loves me, I explain that means that sometimes will NEVER get over this) by asking Ill interrupt them and ask them if thats ok. They always say yes! curiously Really? NOBODY loves you? or How do you know that you I think this is especially important will NEVER get over this? with clients who have a history of The more you do this the more you not shifting stuff; if theyve been to 23 therapists over 20 years and help them to consider the other still have the same stuff then Im side of the coin and to strengthen not in the business of becoming their neural pathways to think differently. Absolute thinking ALWAYS therapist number 24 who cant not help them. I believe that I have a causes pain and if what we focus responsibility to do what I can to on expands (which it does) then shift them and sometimes, in my this is a sure way to create sufferexperience, that involves interrupting for ourselves. ing them.


I credit Bandler with this one, its an NLP technique with a twist and I always have them tap while we do it.

Once theyve got the movie (as per EFT), make sure that they have a BEING ABLE TO TELL THE FUTURE Interrupt them consciously and with place of safety before and after the movie, i.e. an actual memory of a When clients are adamant that they intention: time and place before and after the - to tell them to start tapping (or movie that they felt happy, or safe. that you will be tapping on them) While tapping, get them to play the while they tell the story movie backwards and forwards in - if the story seems like a lot of de- different ways tail without much emotion this may be their way to protect themselves - always let them start and end in a place of safety from going there especially true for shame based clients! - and - change modalities youll do them a service by bringing 1. play it forwards faster and faster can tell the future (usually that bad them out of it 2. play it backwards in black & things will happen e.g. I WILL end - as an intervention (provocative white up hurt, they WILL reject me, this EFT) get their energy levels up WONT work) use humour during 3. play it forwards without sound more about this later the tapping, e.g. Even though I 4. play it backwards while you



eradicating shame
make funny noises 5. alternate between then watching the movie and them looking at themselves looking at the movie 6. use your own creativity here and often brings about profound ob- If you have stuff around allowing jectivity (magician realm) and peace humour in your sessions, tap on it. beyond mind. And yes, I combine Seriously. tapping with the method.



- add the Bandler twist! Get them to A very powerful tool in the magician quarter! We are being told that cut the movie up in shorter pieces and then get them to play it back in healing is painful and takes a long time; I often say (with laughter) that the wrong sequence. healing is a serious business. And And again let them tap through all it is but then so is the power of of this. This technique has always helped my clients to totally or significantly reduce the hold of any past event. [I just realized that Ive never tried this on future events that clients may be anxious aboutworth a tryl.]

A friend, Peter Shaw, once said something that I instinctively knew to be true that the antidote for shame is dignity. Provocative techniques sometimes help clients to get into a higher energy (e.g. anger) and outside of themselves enough that they can provide the dignity to their shamed self that they cannot do from within the place of shame. E.g. if a client is a lawyer, construct a court case where you are prosecuting his shamed self and they have to defend the same part. Have them dissociate rather than associate, i.e. let them be the lawyer for a client rather than defending themselves. Build a case using every bit of evidence you can remember from what theyve told you (or make stuff up!) about why the client should feel ashamed of themselves. Put some energy into it, stand up, raise your voice, get angry PROVOKE! Absolutely have them tapping at this time.

Byron gifted us with one of the most phenomenal and profound processes Ive ever come across. Look her up on YouTube or her site laughter. I sometimes do The Four Questions with my clients and tap at every stage or sometimes just ask Byrons all powerful question IS IT TRUE?

Allow laughter and humour to surface, use it respectfully, gently and laughingly to lead your client to a different perspective about themselves, about life and about posI highly recommend getting familiar sibility. Anchor in these new insights and understandings and lighter way If they interrupt you to defend their with this technique. client (themselves!) great! If they of being by tapping it in. get angry at you great! If they THE SEDONA METHOD Point out with sensitivity where they vent and rage great! The more Lester Levinson, the founder of are irrational, how they judge them- they can step into the energy of The Sedona Method asked himself selves so differently than they judge protecting and wanting to bring digonce When have I ever truly been others, how they apply double nity to their client the better; youre happy? At first he thought that it standards, lie to themselves, insist helping them to open up new neural was times that he was loved but on telling the future and expecting pathways, to think differently (about then he realized that it was actually the worst from the future with statethemselves) and to get a different the times that he was loving that he ments like: perspective. Let them tap all the was the happiest of all. [This has time. - Even though no-one with my nothing to do with shame but I love problem have EVER EVER EVER If they cannot get into it, get them to his insight.] changed pick someone they love and respect I find The Sedona Method fascinat- Im definitely the worst/ugliest/ (e.g. a child). Once the anger is ing and powerful in my personal life fattest out of all the 7 billion people vented and the client defended, (a big thanks to my friend Gemma expect them to drop down into on the planet Keany from www.sedona-norway. stillness and more acceptance; - Even though other people deno It releases shame effectively allow some space for that too and because it works with the mind, in- serve love and companionship I am point out gently that they really tellect and reason (magician realm) so special that I dont! were defending themselves (You


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know that was really you, dont you?) you may find them much more compassionate, forgiving and understanding of themselves now ready to continue tapping into something new. Also expect gushing tears at this point as they realize how hard theyd been on themselves. EFT) -ask someone to imagine a big tree. Ask them What would happen to the tree if you pulled it and like everything else, they require practice practice practice! out by its roots? When they reply It would die you just continue with Forgiveness does not necessarily fall in the magician quarter but I find that the session as if that conversation never happened, allowing the it sometimes require magician skills unconscious minds to make all the necessary connections with the story and mainly, that no matter how deeply rooted a problem is, when you pull it out by the roots it dies!


For those not familiar with provocative techniques: rapport and trust between client and practitioner is crucial or the technique could backfire and actually enforce the clients desperation and TAT shame spiral. I sometimes ask clients to adopt the TAT pose and have a converINNOCENCE sation with the part of them that Most shame based people have feels ashamed (especially if there lost their sense of innocence. was a specific event that caused A quick intervention mini-proc- the shame) or with a perpetrator. ess, if you want is to ask them to picture a baby tap tap tap ask them what they see tap tap tap .. .ask them if theyre open to the possibility that all babies are born in innocencetap tap tap if they are then point out that must be true for them tootap tap tap and continue with the rest of the session. This often brings up a lot of emotion and healing as well as EFT aspects to tap on.


When the client articulates their shame as a particular limiting belief (or decision) like I am not good enough, I sometimes use a particular NLP & Hypnosis visualization that allows them to

(intellect, reason, objectivity) to help clients see that it is only in their best interest to forgive others, God, the universe, themselves.

I often paraphrase Jack Kornfields definition of forgiveness as finally giving up all hope for a better yesterday. I respect clients unwillingness to forgive AND THE TREE METAPHOR point out (with compassion, respect and - visit the specific event where Courtesy of Robert Smith (Faster they took on this decision or belief patience) that its ok not to forgive as long as they realize that thats the very (even if they dont consciously thing that keeps them stuck. Someknow the contents of the event) times it also helps to point out (while to allow them to get the positive tapping): learnings from the event - The perpetrator is not even aware - anchor those learnings of them holding on to the (righteous) - go back to the time before they anger and blame. ever believed that thought - Its hurting them more than anyone - splash forward in time the posi- else (theyre the one carrying the retive learnings through their past, sentment). into their present and into their It does not in fact change the past nor future does it prevent something like that happening again. - whilst tapping all the time. Theres a lot more to this technique than these few paragraphs; I believe that NLP & Hypnosis training can help to make these types of processes more effective

It does not equate to letting someone off the hook; we can still take appropriate action if required like reporting the matter to the authorities, drawing our boundaries or leaving a relationship.



eradicating shame
As a new practitioner I did not want to test my work because I was afraid that it would prove that EFT didnt work, mostly because Id not applied it skillfully enough. sion and/or help them with a short visualization where they can step into that imaginary place of being shame free and ask them to describe it in detail what do they see, hear, feel, think and do while tapping.

This allows new neural pathways to form and allow for the possibility of change. If its true that what we focus Its imperative that we test our work, especially with on expands then starting to focus on what they want shame as clients (like most of us) simply wants to get rather than what they have is a step in the right direcaway from painful feelings and we can all pretend for a tion. while that everything is ok; Robert Smith (FasterEFT) says thoughts and feelings buried alive dont die. USING TOOLS FROM OTHER ARCHETYPES One of the ways I like to test our work is by asking the client to imagine that something they reported as feeling shame about was splashed all over the front pages of the newspapers and tap on all the remaining aspects that comes up. Sometimes tools from other quarters dont work well with shame. As example, one of the tools in the Sovereign quarter is blessing; with shame based people, blessing (complimenting or honouring them) often induces more shame as they simply cannot believe Testing fulfills another crucial role. Those familiar with it to be true; since they know they are not what other people see (they are bad, remember?) they feel even NLP will know about our internal convincer. Testing the work provides powerful proof to the client that the worse that people are seemingly unable to see their technique has worked convincing the convincer that real bad selves. If only they knew how bad I really am It is sometimes less stressful when they get its real will only help enforce the new learnings and rejected because even though it may hurt there is less understandings as clients (physically and metaphorically) reinvent themselves as they let go of the shame. inner tension as at least the other persons behaviour (rejecting them) is consistent with their own inner beLANGUAGE liefs and expectations. I love the power of language and find the following type statements very powerful to start loosening the iron grip of shame: - Even though there is NO WAY this can ever change for me, and all the tapping in the worlds not going to make any difference and Ive had this forever, Id like to be open to the possibility that this could change and then throw in some what if it could change or what if it was possible to change statements on the other points. - Even though I hate myself Id like to be able to like (or forgive, or love) myself - Even though Im a very bad person, rotten to the core and I can never forgive myself Id like to able to forgive myself As the shame gets released and the internal message shifts aspects from I am bad to I am not good enough (the shaming message in the Sovereign archetype) the client may respond better to tools from that quarter.


As always when we work with people rather than things, there are no hard and fast rules. I love Gary Craigs philosophy which I paraphrase as getting results is all that matters. If youre currently able to help clients transform shame without even using the word, referring to the concept or using any of these suggestions great. If you have other tools, techniques and tips that get results please share them. If youve tried everything else and your client is not moving ahead, consider the possibility that shame may be the glue that keeps them stuck, try some of these tools and see what happens; Id love to hear back from you!

Chris Howard says that Problems of imagination require solutions of imagination. Ask your clients (whilst tapping) to imagine what it would be like to be shame free ask them to write about it before the next ses-

Bennie Naud Performance Consultant & Master Results Coach


SPRING 2011 33


Are you in


Or are you in

The notion of taking control of our lives is nothing new. However, I have never had it explained to me as well as when I did my NLP training. When it comes to how we look at life, we are all in one of two positions. The positions are: Cause and Effect.

by Laura Jordan

I think you will agree that many people these days seem to be in Effect. Its a comfortable place to be. However, its the place of reasons reasons why your life hasnt turned out the way you want it
Reasons why you havent got the money you want:

Its the recession!

Reasons why you didnt do well at school:

I had bad teachers!

Reasons why you arent healthy and fit:

I dont have time to look after myself! Im not saying they arent good reasons; however, reasons dont get you the results you want in life! Being in Effect, means life happens to you. And it pulls you down. To be in Cause means you take control of what is happening to you. You are in charge of your present and future, whatever has happened to you in the past. We get to the place we are now because of all the conscious and unconscious choices we have made up until now.





That may be difficult for you to hear. I know I resisted the notion for a long time before I realised how empowering this belief actually is! The belief that we create our own reality is, again, nothing new: Gary Craig, inventor of EFT, puts it this way:

Our consistent thoughts become our reality

There are many other sayings that convey the same message: A favourite one of mine is by Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. She says:

What you focus on flourishes!

Now, Im not saying that we would consciously choose something negative to happen to us, but if we can take responsibility for any contribution we could have made towards creating that situation, and then learn from it, it puts us in the position of Cause. And being in Cause is far more useful to us. Let me give you an example: Two years ago I had a bike accident. A driver turned right into a No Right Turn road, as I was cycling past it. I ended up being thrown over my handlebars and landing on the ground face first. I sustained injures to my mouth and teeth and went through many months of pain, discomfort and dental work before my smile was restored to its former glory! Now, I could have had a real whinge about it: blaming the driver - it was all his fault! Woe is me! And so on. That, however, would put me in Effect. And of course I would feel totally justified giving all these reasons why I should feel indignant and outraged about this! Or I could see whether anything I had done contributed towards creating that situation, and what I could learn from it. Part of my responsibility was in just being there! If I hadnt been there the driver wouldnt have hit me - and the reason I was there was because of my conscious and unconscious choices: choosing to go that route rather than another; choosing to leave at the time I did; choosing to cycle rather than drive, (the accident could have been worse!!) etc. If I were to say that the driver who knocked me off was totally responsible, (well in the eyes of the law he was, which is why I got my compensation!) and its

because of him that I lost the even, white, front teeth that I used to have, then that would put me in Effect. This was done to me. Does that then mean that I should give the credit to the driver for me now having the money I needed to do my training and run my Feel Better Therapies business? No, of course not! It was my choice to seek compensation and my choice what I did with the money. By putting myself at Cause, I can see that I did make a contribution to that accident, just by being there. The driver didnt choose to knock me off my bike, but he did choose to turn right at a No Right Turn. Thats just his share of the responsibility pie. (And nobody can have the whole of that pie!) I also learned that - and this is the biggie!

Now, you may say that you cannot do that - that your feelings arise unbidden, and I agree with you. Feelings are not wrong they just are. However, once you realise that the only person responsible for your inner experience is can then choose what to do with those feelings, and how to take responsibility for them; and how to take control over them. Let me give you another example: If a member of my family says something to me one day, then, depending on how I feel, how tired I am, the time of the month etc., they will get a certain reaction. If they say the same thing on another occasion, they may get a completely different reaction! Does that mean they are responsible for my reaction? No! That member of my family or anyone else - cannot be responsible for what they have no control over. (I.e. my reaction) They are only responsible for what they do and say. I am only responsible for what I do and say. And you are only responsible for what you do and say! This means you can only change yourself, and nobody else. When you make changes in the way you respond to others, you will notice people respond differently to you anyway! As Gandhi said:

Its not what happens to you, its how you respond to it that matters!
This is not a new idea: Viktor Frankl, a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp, and whose family was killed, said the following:

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances."
Once we realise we are personally responsible for everything that happens in our life, we become responsible for everything that happens in our life.. and that is a position of great power! That is Cause. Note: Please dont confuse responsibility with blame. The latter is disempowering and negative; the former is empowering and positive. You cant change the past: what happened to you as a child, what happened to you last week, yesterday, what happened five minutes ago. You can, however, choose how you respond, and what you can learn from it. You could see 'responsibility' as the 'ability to choose your response'. This is one of the central messages of EFT.

I am responsible for the change I want to see in the world

You can take some responsibility about when and how you ask of course! You may be able to gauge from someones mood when is the best time to say something, but you are still not responsible for how they choose to react. Please let me know how you get on with what I have said in this article, and feel free to email me with any of your thoughts, questions or challenges! Please visit my website and access your free special report: Why we are not living the Life of our Dreams yet!


SPRING 2011 35


Is 4-yr old you still running your life?

by Jaqui Crooks EFT Master
How would you feel if you realised that you were running your life and your business from the perspective of a 4 year old. And yet thats what we do. Years ago I was working on a stuck situation with a colleague and I was taken back to the time when my dad who I loved dearly, made a remark. I now know as an adult, that it was a throwaway remark. Im sure if hed been challenged about it then, he would have changed it. Yet 50 years later I was still running my world as though it was true. I remember looking at my colleague with a sense of disbelief and saying: You mean that everybody doesnt believe that? You mean I dont have to believe it any more? And suddenly it felt as though an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt freer than I had in years. Then I had to tap on feeling stupid for holding to that belief for all those years! It was a real turning point for me, both personally and as a practitioner. I came to recognise that when things arent working in the here and now, theres likely to be a childhood belief behind it. Those beliefs come from everywhere. From our parents, our friends, schools, relationships, work and also from the meanings that we make from the happenings and remarks of our childhood. How much of the view you have of yourself has been created from things that have been said to you? Things like, you always struggle, but you get there in the end. Its designed to make us feel ok about struggling and to praise our persistence, and yet it gives the message that we have to struggle to achieve anything and then of course thats exactly what we do.

wonder if you realise just how much early family limiting beliefs affect your life right now.

Somebody called me butterfingers when I dropped a ball when I was young and it became a family joke, with the result that I had to drop the ball in order to fit in with the family beliefs of who I am. Where do you do that? How do you limit yourself to fit in with the expectations that your family, friends, and partners have of you - or rather your expectations of their expectations! When you pause from your busy life to consider, you may notice places where you do that. It can be very helpful to make a list of things people have said to you, including old family beliefs, such as money doesnt grow on trees, and you cant have everything you want. They limit you and the Law of Attraction says that you can only attract things that match your vibration, your beliefs. Can you see how those two statements could affect what you attract into your life? Its NEVER too late to make changes to your beliefs, in order to bring positive changes in your life. One way, rather like the Personal Peace Procedure, is to write down all the sayings that you remember being used in your family and then all the remarks about you that still have an emotional charge when you think of them. Tap on one a day until theyre cleared and notice how your life changes right from the moment you start. You could also work with a practitioner who can help you to discover the ones that you dont remember. It can be quicker and easier and most practitioners will work over the phone, so you can choose one you are comfortable with.

Jaqui Crooks



If you dont like the image that you have of yourself, change it. Its NEVER too late...



SPRING 2011 37

event report

The 2011 EFT Northern Gathering

by Gwyneth Moss EFT Master
and laughter interrupted only by songs and music from the future EFT X Factor candidates. Who will forget my recorder accompaniment to Heather Smiles and enthralled us, quilt makers sat in sewing groups, singers and musicians entertained and all in a warm atmosphere of community. We needed something like this in the EFT world to bring isolated tappers together and to act as a springboard for practitioners with something to say to launch their careers and reach a wider audience. This is just what has happened: many of those who are now respected as innovators and experts in the EFT world became known through presenting at the Gatherings. Gillian Wightman and Linda Wood first presented in 2009 and in 2010 everyone will remember a rather nervous Dr Kate James taking to the stage at short notice and holding the whole audience on the edge of their seats as she told her story of her families survival from cancer. And the Gathering has worked its magic too for: Heather Smiles, Rangana Choudhuri, Shoshanna Garfield, Ruth Ablett, Phil Davies and Christine Sutton, plus many more. This year, as always, each presenter had something for us all to learn. For me, as for other train-

his was our third EFT Gathering in Ilkley and a great success for the 120 tappers who came to share and enjoy learning and community. Some were newcomers who gained a sense of what is possible with EFT and were enthused to learn more: some had been tapping for years and yet gained something from each of the presenters and made new friendships and connections. At the breaks, which never seemed long enough, the coffee area was full of chattering groups; people who had met at previous Gatherings and first timers who simply joined in.

James Pelham belting out all eight verses of Ilkley Moor Baht At and John Bulloughs recital of Little Albert with a perfect Lancashire accent. The idea for the first EFT Gathering, run in January 2009, came to me after the experience of a Cowboy Gathering in a small town in rural Wyoming. There lifetime cowboys gave an open and friendly welcome to city dwellers in new boots; poets read their poems, storytellers

Seventy of us had dinner together on Saturday night and there was a constant hum of conversation



northern gathering 2011

ers in the audience, there was a tremendous sense of pride and joy as I saw my students take to the stage to share their extraordinary personal and professional learning in front of probably the largest group of people they had ever spoken too. The Gathering is intended for first timers and the audience are supportive and encouraging, several times I looked round to see people tapping for a presenters nerves. This year it was Jessica Mor who stepped in with a few days notice and her deeply profound and inspiring account of how learning and using EFT has brought her life back to her after years of serious mental health conditions held the audience rapt and it is to be hoped that the many mental health professionals there realised the possibilities for the integration of EFT into mainstream care. Jessicas message to all who use EFT is to stay with and respect the present moment and the subjective experience of the client. There is no need to try to change or fix consciously because its the tapping that does the work. This was also the message of Andy Hunt that we dont need premature reassurance Karen Young whos life turned upside down when she lost her job and her partner when pregnant with her first child shared how she made tapping a regular process and transformed breakdown to breakthrough.

We also learned how EFT helps to relieve the distress of parents of autistic children from Claire Hayes; those going through the menopause from Karen Lewis; and couples with fertility issues from Sarah Holland. Jay Kelly spoke about the role of nutrition in cancer care and prevention and Jan Munchin shared moving stories of her work with those undergoing cancer treatment. Frances Goodall spoke about chronic fatigue and spiritual emergency. Phil Reed shared the Natty LaLa and his successful work in inner

ance in relationships he also gave us the ability to re-experience the Gathering through the excellent quality audios he made and edited. These will be hosted on the website for the EFT Masterclass (October 22/23 2011 in York) and are freely available to all without time limit at comand click on the link at the top left of the home page to access the Gathering resource pages with photos, audios and the presenters handouts. All of this happened because of the behind the scenes work of Andy Eckley who this year put the programme together and man-

city schools. Sean Grey spoke of his work with top performers and how EFT has saved many musicians and sports people from stage fright. June Spencer gave a moving and profound demonstration of Inner Repatterning the technique she has developed with Tania Prince and is using with great success for anger management groups. Heather Carter shared her perspective on the Law of Attraction and showed us how to wake up an audience with genuine laughter. Ruth Fox concluded the programme with a demonstration of how we can connect and honour each other. John Bullough not only gave a truly valuable presentation on bal-

aged the registration and hotel contract. We owe a big thanks to Andy who did all this time consuming work as a volunteer. Just as Roy Martin is doing for our next event the Spring Gathering in the Midlands

Gwyneth Moss AAMET gratefully received a donation of 2,634.96 raised by Andy Eckley, through the event.