Hi Elena, Welcome to Lesson #1 of your Bully Free at Work E-Course: By Valerie Cade ==================================================== ===== Did you know researc on !

ullyin" tells us t at 50% of all em#loyees are affected !y t is destructi$e !e a$iour% &o #lease don't feel !ad or t ink (w at's wron" wit me%( !ecause it a##ens a lot more t an you mi" t t ink) *lso, know +'m ere to el# you t rou" t is tou" time, as +'$e "one t rou" !ein" !ullied at work myself) +'$e de$elo#ed a $ery effecti$e means to o$ercomin" work#lace !ullyin" t at + want to s are wit you !ecause + know w at it's like) ,ee# in mind, "ettin" educated is your first ste#, so make sure to take t e time to do t at) &econd ste# is !uildin" confidence, and t e t ird is to decide w at to do- t is course will "i$e you t e foundation to "et started) *nd if you a$e any .uestions a!out anyt in" wit in my (Bully /ree at Work E0 Course( #lease email me and + will "et !ack to you as soon as + can) Let's !e"in learnin" t e foundational #ieces t at we will !uild u#on as t e lessons #ro"ress))) Lesson 1: What Is Workplace Bullying? * youn"ster w o surrenders is lunc money to anot er c ild's t reats, and an em#loyee w o is #u!licly and continually demeaned !y is !oss may !ot !e e1#eriencin" t e same # enomenon: !ullyin") W ile t e term (!ullyin"( is often associated wit c ildren, it is $ery common to see t e same ty#e of !e a$iour in a work settin") Here are some startlin" facts a!out work#lace !ullyin" t at you may not know: 0Did you also know t at t e $ast ma2ority 34156 of all !ullies are !osses and t at males and females are likely to !e !ot !ullies and tar"ets e.ually% 0Did you know of all t ose !ullied, a##ro1imately 78 #ercent are men and 78 #ercent are women% 0*nd lastly did you know sli" tly more t an alf of all !ullies 379 #ercent6 are women and alf of all !ullyin" is done !y women a"ainst ot er women% What, then, is Workplace Bullying? Work#lace Bullyin" is repeated, deliberate, disrespectful beha iour, w ic arms t e tar"et, !y one or more #eo#le toward anot er for t eir own "ratification)

+ know t at's a !i" sentence so let's look more closely at t at definition so we can "et a clearer understandin" to"et er) !irst, t e !e a$iour t at t e !ully uses is deli!erate) : e !ully intends to urt is or er tar"et and is $ery focused, re#eatedly attackin" t e same #erson) +t is #re0 meditated and desi"ned) "econd, t e !e a$iour consists of a""ressi$e action, suc as umiliation, intimidation and underminin" or #assi$e0a""ressi$e actions) &ince #assi$e a""ressi$e actions are arder to detect ere are some e1am#les: 0;e#eatedly sc edulin" sur#rise meetin"s to catc t e tar"et off0!ase) 0;e#eatedly i"norin" t e tar"et in a meetin", w ile acknowled"in" ot ers) 0;e#eatedly #layin" off t e tar"et a"ainst one or more ot er em#loyees) <ou'll see from t e #oints a!o$e t at we define !ullyin" !e a$iour as re#eated) =ne t in" t at + would like to !e clear on is not all ne"ati$e work#lace !e a$ior is !ullyin") ;andom actions, alt ou" urtful, are not necessarily !ullyin"- !ut would !e more a##ro#riately la!elled as difficult !e a$iour) >eo#le can !e un a##y wit t eir 2o! or a$e a control issue and !ecome urtful to fellow em#loyees) : ey mi" t s#ew t eir frustration on w ome$er is in ran"e, and #er a#s re"ret it later on) +f confronted wit t eir s ortcomin"s, t ey may acknowled"e t at t ey o$erreacted and may e$en a#olo"i?e if confronted) +n t ese scenarios, t ey are attem#tin" to co#e to a$e t eir own needs met, rat er t an s#ecifically and deli!erately tar"etin" anot er #erson at t e ot er #erson's e1#ense) #hird, you will notice t at we use t e word tar"et rat er t an $ictim) Victim im#lies t at t e #erson !ein" !ullied is less #owerful t an t e !ully) We !elie$e t at t e !ully's tar"et as #ower00t ey 2ust may not know ow to use it)))yet) * fourth element in t e definition is t e !ully's "ratification00w at e or s e "ains from is or er !ullyin" !e a$iour) Bullies are !asically insecure #eo#le w o need to con$ince t emsel$es re"ularly t at t ey are stron"er t an ot ers in order to #ro# u# t eir wo!!ly self0ima"e) : ey do t is !y tar"etin" someone t ey !elie$e t ey can o$er#ower, "ainin" #leasure from winnin" at someone else's e1#ense) :oday's messa"e was an im#ortant one in t at you'$e learned w at work#lace !ullyin" is, so you can identify it more easily) How se$erely are you !ein" !ullied at work% + was s ocked w en + found out ow muc + was in denial re"ardin" my own !ullyin" situation) +n fact, t is ne1t ste# is t e !i""est eye o#ener our readers re#ort) :ake our self test tomorrow in Lesson $: %re &ou Being Bullied at Work?

ealities *!out t e Work#lace Bully) Let's "et to it))) By Valerie Cade ==================================================== ===== 'yths ( )ealities %bout the Workplace Bully W ile most of us don't s#end muc time t inkin" a!out ow to make anot er #erson's life misera!le. Work#lace Bullyin" E1#ert. don't let yourself "et too cau" t u# in sym#at y) Cnderstandin" t e trut s . (W at makes a #erson a !ully%( .Con"ratulations@ <ou'$e made it t rou" t e first ste#@ . Valerie Cade.ee# "oin")))you are wort it) &incerely. you may a$e tried to com#re end. if you would #refer to unsu!scri!e $ia #ostal mail.nowin" w y !ullies act as t ey do can !e el#ful in understandin" t at t e reason resides wit t em. not you) Fust reco"ni?in" t is can !e"in t e #rocess of freein" yourself from takin" t is #ersonally) Howe$er. or know someone w o is. #lease contact us at t e address #ro$ided !elow) Dear Elena. and *ut or of Bully /ree at Work www) owto a$ea!ullyfreework#lace)comAinde10a) tml infoB!ullyfreeatwork)com ==================================================== =========== >lease remem!er to add: infoB!ullyfreeatwork)com ))to your contacts list so your first edition doesn't find it's way into t e 2unk or deleted !o1 !y accident@ >lease do not re#ly to t is messa"e) +t is sent t rou" an automated system and will not !e recei$ed) +f you no lon"er wis to recei$e e0mail from Valerie Cade and Howto a$ea!ullyfreework#lace)com #lease $isit t e C. &#eaker. Here is t e t ird instalment of t e Bully Free at Work E-Course t at we talked a!out yesterday: Dyt s E . !ullies do) +f you're !ein" !ullied in t e work#lace.L at t e !ottom of t is email) =r.

wit out a$in" to "i$e your #ower away) Here are some myt s and realities a!out w y #eo#le !ully: 'yth: Bullies feel su#erior to t eir tar"ets) : ey !elie$e t ey are !etter. includin" t emsel$es@ &ur#risin"ly enou" . t e !ully is often tryin" to "ain t e tar"et's #ositi$e attri!utes for im or erself) Bullies are una!le to com#re end ow to create t is for t emsel$es wit out stealin" it from ot ers) 'yth: Bullies work on t e frin"e of t e work#lace culture !ecause t eir !ullyin" !e a$iour is unacce#ta!le) )eality: Dany #laces of work consciously or unconsciously endorse. !ullyin" !e a$ior) +n fact !ullies fre.a!out w y !ullies act as t ey do can "i$e you t e u##er and in andlin" t e !ully.uently "et #romoted or t ey are often not dealt wit directly. #er a#s e$en encoura"e. t eir le$el of self0wort is so low t at t ey s ut down t eir feelin"s lon" a"o in order to sur$i$e) W y% Due to a $ery #ainful #re$ious e1#erience. no matter ow lon" we a$e to stay ere.ualities may !e #ri?ed !y a !ully) W ile it's ard for t e tar"et to !elie$e. !ullies a$e !een !ullied t emsel$es) *s a result. kindness and "enerosity00all t ese . an a!ility to "et alon" wit ot ers.( or encoura"es workers to continually su!ordinate family to work) W at a!out t e work#lace t at says it ($alues coo#eration. settin" unrealistic "oals and e$en a""ression00and "et away wit it) : e cra?y t in" is t at mana"ement may !e wary of standin" u# to t e !ully for fear of losin" t e !ully's #erformance. !ullies often see t eir tar"et as a$in" stren"t s t at t ey want) Guiet self0confidence. smarter or more attracti$e t an t eir tar"et) )eality: : e trut is t at !ullies feel inferior to t eir tar"ets and often to ot ers in t e work#lace 3+ know t is is confusin" !ut it's true6) =ften.( !ut actually rewards com#etition% How a!out t e work#lace w ere teamwork is $alued !ut w ere one indi$idual seems to tar"et anot er 2ust to "ain t e u##er and% Work#lace cultures in t is #osition are often timid and i"nore t ese situations t inkin" t ey'll eit er disa##ear or (it really isn't t at !ad)( : ese are all e1am#les of work situations in w ic !ullies t ri$e) +n t ese en$ironments. !ullies can indul"e t eir worst !e a$ior00findin" fault. t ey $owed to ne$er !e urt a"ain !y sto##in" t eir a!ility to feel) & uttin" down t eir feelin"s also includes t e ina!ility to naturally a$e em#at etic feelin"s of concern for ot ers) Bullies do not know ow to a$e a carin" relations i# wit anyone. not knowin" t at it's not an eit erAor situation) : e . as t e work#lace culture does not know ow to address suc !e a$iour) : ink of t e work#lace t at #laces a i" #remium on ("ettin" t e 2o! done.

Bully /ree at Work we talk a!out t e im#ortance of reco"ni?in" t at you are !ein" !ullied for t is reason) : is can !e a most #owerful reali?ation t at can decrease t e stress le$el for a tar"et immensely) Hot in" you can do will #lease t e !ully so start !y !ully #roofin" yourself) Bullyin" says more a!out !ullies and t eir s ortcomin"s t an a!out you and your inade. #lease if you a$e .uacies) *"ain it's im#ortant to remem!er t is. !ut once a tar"et acce#ts t is. !e well) We'll tackle t e ne1t ste# to"et er and really del$e into t e ri" t t in"s to say and ow to say t em) &incerely. or !e nicer. !ullies try to seek #ower for t eir own sake) +n my !ook.#oint t at com#anies miss is t at i" #erformance work#laces can e1ist sym!iotically wit !ully0free en$ironments) 'yth: (+f + try arder. +t "oes o$er t e actual comments and lan"ua"e to use w en dealin" wit a !ully attack@ Cntil tomorrow. and t is as not in" to do wit t e tar"et) Cnderstandin" t is fact and refusin" to take t e !e a$ior #ersonally can !e difficult. Welcome !ack to t e It lesson of t e Bully Free at Work E-Course) :oday and tomorrow's lessons are t e fun ones !ecause we really "et to arm and defend oursel$es) Here is lesson I)))) By Valerie Cade ==================================================== ===== Insulted in +ublic? . + can "et t e !ully to c an"e)( )eality: * tar"et's first duty is to reali?e t e !ullyin" !e a$ior for w at it is) : e !ully as a low self ima"e. t ey can mo$e to (!ully #roofin"( t emsel$es so t at t e effects of t e !ullyin" are not felt as se$erely) : e !ottom line is t at !ullies need to control ot ers) W ere t e a$era"e #erson finds satisfaction in "ettin" a 2o! done. if not t e most im#ortant: Lesson *: Insulted in +ublic? . click ere) Don't miss tomorrow's messa"e !ecause it's one of t e most im#ortant ones. .n-ask the Bully. Valerie Cade Dear Elena. !ecause remem!er t e !ully actually co$ets traits t at you a$e@ :oday we'$e "one t rou" some im#ortant myt s and realities of work#lace !ullyin" so you can a##ly t is awareness to your indi$idual situation in order to "ain an em#owerin" #ers#ecti$e) *"ain.n-ask the Bully.uestions or concerns #lease email us and we will res#ond as soon as #ossi!le) :o di" e$en dee#er and disco$er all t e myt s and realities a!out work#lace !ullyin" wit our definiti$e work#lace !ullyin" resource.

and t is is im#ortant)))walk away. try anot er strate"y: 0.eco"ni?e t e insult for w at it is00and is not) +t is not a constructi$e su""estion for c an"e) +t is a !ully's c allen"e. you are actin" not only for yourself !ut for ot ers. allow silence to form around t e !ully's words) <ou don't a$e to feel like you must to res#ond ri" t away) 0<ou can e1#eriment !y askin" t e !ully direct . or (t at sounds like a #ut down to me)( : en. w o know t ey may !e t e ne1t ones sin"led out) Dost #eo#le want to s#end t eir time workin".uestion) 0Cse t e (!roken record tec ni. and attem#t for control) +t is desi"ned to em!arrass you) 0Ji$e yourself time to .uality in my action%( : is #uts t e onus on t e !ully to res#ond) &ince t ere's likely to !e little data or !ack u# to su##ort t eir ori"inal comment.uestions.uestion firmly and wit confidence is $ery key) : ere's not in" a !ully fears more t an !ein" unmasked) W en you remain calm. say.( t at is.uiet your natural desire to defend yourself) Defensi$eness #uts you in a weaker #osition) +nstead. ot ers may side wit you) .ue./or !ullies. not dealin" wit a work#lace !ully) =nce you a$e esta!lis ed t at you can old your own in t e face of a !ully's criticism. su##ose t e !ully says. you're likely to e1#ose t e !ully's weakness00w ic is er a!ility to t ink clearly and su##ort er conclusions) Confrontin" a !ully's criticism in #u!lic takes self0control and #ractice) W en you're ready.e#eat t e attack in your own words 3#ara# rase6 and ask. (+'ll take your su""estion and follow u# wit you Kin a s#ecific time #eriodL) Let's mo$e on)( 0*not er way to deflect and unmask t e !ully is to a$e a s ort one line # rase you can deli$er suc as (interestin". suc as (W at s#ecifically makes you t ink t at%( (How do you see t at . for e1am#le. e$ery day is Halloween) : at is. you're in control) +f you cannot 3lea$e yet6 t en !e t e first to lea$e w en you can) W en you stand u# to t e !ully and unmask er. (+s t is w at you mean%( /or e1am#le. re#eat your . (Can you !e more s#ecific)))%( 0+f t e !ully #ersists wit anot er ( el#ful( su""estion or attack. t e !ully may a$e to !ack down) Hote also 0 t ey'll come !ack wit "eneral accusations w ic old no water to your s#ecific .uestions until t e !ully res#onds) &tatin" your . clearly state a"ain w at you're willin" to do and end t e con$ersation) /or e1am#le. e1it) Ha$e somew ere to "o) By you lea$in".uestions. in control and ask . (*re you sayin" t at + alone am res#onsi!le for a fi$e #ercent dro# in sales in t e first . !ullies wear masks) : ey fear e1#osin" t eir inner weakness) <ou can use t is trait to your ad$anta"e w en a !ully insults or critici?es you in front of ot ers) +t's called unmaskin" t e !ully) Here's ow: 0:ake a dee# !reat and allow yourself time to #rocess t e comment) . (: ese weak sales fi"ures are your fault)( *fter you reco"ni?e t e insult as !ullyin" and allow silence 3see num!ers one and two a!o$e6.uarter%( 0*sk t e !ully to tell you s#ecifically w at you did and ask for a #ossi!le solution.( (o (.

&#eaker.uately res#ond) +nstead of tryin" to craft a res#onse w en you're on t e s#ot. w y not carry !ully0 #roof insurance% W ile you can't !uy it.ee# "ettin" educated)))t is is t e first ste# to "ainin" !ack t e di"nity you deser$e) Valerie Cade. or you may not a$e all t e facts you want in front of you to ade. you're ready for t e final lesson: +art 5: Be +repared to /andle the Bully) : is teac es you more i" ly effecti$e res#onses to !ullyin" attacks) <ou're almost t ere@ . Work#lace Bullyin" E1#ert.ead t rou" t is awareness #iece to learn more: click ere) How t at you'$e learned some #owerful yet sim#le ways to deflect t e !ully's comments. and *ut or of Bully /ree at Work www) owto a$ea!ullyfreework#lace)comAinde10d) tml infoB!ullyfreeatwork)com Dear Elena. you can learn some res#onses to a !ully's remarks t at offer you some !reat in" room. muc like car insurance "i$es a dri$er a financial cus ion) <our !ully #roof insurance comes in t ree #arts) 0+art one: E1#ect an attack) 0+art t0o: . Welcome to t e 7t and final lesson of t e Bully Free at Work E-Course) Wit out furt er delay let's "et into more effecti$e defences a"ainst !ullyin" attacks))) By Valerie Cade ==================================================== ===== Be +repared to /andle the Bully: +f you a$e e1#erienced !ein" a !ully's tar"et. you know ow difficult it is to res#ond to a !ully's criticism) *s you #ro!a!ly know your first res#onse isn't necessarily your !est one) <ou may !e more emotional t an you want to !e.now some ready0made res#onses) 0+art three: >ractice your res#onses a ead of time !efore t e #ressure is on) +art 1ne: 23pect an %ttack .Dake sure t at Halloween is a #art of your office cele!ration only once a year) :ry #uttin" t ese tools to use so you can unmask t e !ully) Dany #eo#le ask us if t ere is a ste# !y ste# "uide t at can lead me t rou" !ein" !ullied and come out on t e ot er side feelin" like my normal self a"ain) .

*s you a$e most likely witnessed. 3*lways Be . e as won) +nstead of e1cusin" is !e a$ior or allowin" im to en"a"e you. it's likely t at you'll fall into t e !ully's tra#) : at is. acce#ted. + a$e a meetin" to "o to) 0+ a$e somet in" + a$e to attend to) +'ll "et !ack wit you later) 0>ardon me. you'll take t e !ully on !efore you're ready !ecause it's natural to res#ond to a comment or . !ut +'m sure we can talk a!out t is anot er time) 0+ a$e to "o) +f you lea$e it u# to c ance.emem!er.uals) He wants #ower) W en you acce#t a rationali?ation for is !e a$ior or "et emotional and ar"ue wit im. #ractice) <ou can also ado#t t at strate"y w en dealin" wit a !ully) Here's ow: 0Decide on your !ully0#roof res#onses. t e ones you'll find easiest to say) C oose ones from t e list a!o$e or in$ent your own) 0+ma"ine a situation in w ic t e !ully attacks) &ay your res#onse out loud) . + was 2ust eadin" out) Can we talk tomorrow% 0Let's talk later 3t is afternoon6) + a$e somet in" t at can't wait) 03non0defensi$ely6 Do you t ink so% Day!e you're ri" t) 0+ don't a"ree.uestion wit an answer) Hot res#ondin" to directly !ut reflectin" a !ully's comments is your key to !ully #roofin" yourself) .esist t e need to !e understood. #ractice.eady6) . !ullies are "ood at mani#ulatin" relations i#s) : ey can !e c armin" for aw ile00t en t ey strike you w en you let your "uard down) We need to reco"ni?e t e !ully for w o e or s e is) E1#ect t e !ully to attack and *B. liked or #raised)))it won't a##en from a !ully and it's not your fault) +art 6: +ractice your responses ahead of ti-e before the pressure is on7 *t letes know t at t e key to !ein" ready is #ractice. !lame or self02ustification0t en fall !ack on your res#onse) Very sim#ly. e1cuse yourself wit one of t e followin" !ully0#roof res#onses and walk away) 0E1cuse me. mo$e onto #art two) +art #0o: 4no0 "o-e Bully5+roof )esponses :ry to train yourself to listen critically to a !ully) W en you ear t e words of is or er attack0usually couc ed as criticism. t e !ully only as is own interests at eart) He's not interested in a relations i# of e.

Valerie Cade.ual to you future) Here's to t e di"nity !ased future you deser$e@ Cntil ne1t week. &incerely. . as /o0 #o 2nsure &our Boss 8eals With #he Bully777 #his #i-e. say your res#onse out loud) 0Write out t e res#onse fi$e times) 0>ractice e$ery day) <our "oal ere is to make t e res#onse automatic so t at you don't a$e to t ink a!out it. you want to res#ond !efore you t ink) *fter you a$e ad a c ance to cool off.e#eat wit anot er situation) *"ain.uestions) . 2ust comes naturally) : is is one time t at t inkin" will "et you in trou!le) +nstead. you can a##roac t e !ully) : is way you are calm and can deal wit t e !ully's com#laint) How you a$e t e u##er and and your !ully0#roof insurance as #aid off@ Con"ratulations@ <ou a$e 2ust com#leted t e Bully Free at Work E-Course and you a$e de$elo#ed a "reat !ase of information to "et you started in sol$in" your work#lace !ullyin" situation) : e trut is t at t is course could a$e !een #a"es and #a"es of information !ecause t ere is so muc to learn w en it comes to o$ercomin" !ullyin" at work) + o#e t is course as !een el#ful and as "i$en you a new #ers#ecti$e on w ic ste#s to take ne1t) &tay focused on your continual education 0 it's a form of #rotection t at can stren"t en you so t at you don't e1#erience dou!t. es#ecially since you'$e taken t ese first ste#s to sto# work#lace !ullyin" in your life))) &o t ere is "ood news.0. and an1iety) :o kee# (#lu""ed in( + in$ite you to read my !ook Bully !ree at Work w ic !een a resource for #eo#le in o$er 188 countries worldwide) Click Here for Dore +nformation +n addition. Dear Elena. we don't want to lea$e you an"in".now t at you are not alone) . you will now recei$e a weekly ti# su##ort email to really take you to t e ne1t le$el) <ou can 2oin t ousands of #eo#le worldwide t at are actually workin" to mo$e t rou" t eir work#lace !ullyin" situation and ne$er look !ack))) *HD #lease feel free to email me #ersonally if you a$e any . s ame.now t at t e #ast does not a$e to !e e.

monitor t e !ully's !e a$ior and let t e !oss know t e u#date) 7. <ou can offer to a$e a N0way con$ersation w ere t e !oss !rin"s t e two of you to"et er and fosters a"reement t rou" t e !oss' aut ority) Warn t e !oss t at !ullies may tend to make e1cuses.you know t is is not !est) 2. "o to tt#:AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com) &ou ha e per-ission to use the abo e article in your ne0sletter.ee# a Lo" : at Jets . : e !oss mi" t !e 2ust as a##y if eAs e did not a$e to deal wit t is situation. so your !oss as clarity in order to s#ecifically su##ort you) Don't lea$e it for t e !oss to try and fi"ure t is out 0 detail and el# as muc as you can) 7) *sk t e !oss to do t is !y a certain date) W y wait% <et t e !oss may #ut it off) *"ree on w en t e !oss will make t e a##roac to t e !ully) 3/or accounta!ility strate"ies. reac out() : is is w ere you enli" ten your !oss wit your detailed notes: 3:i#: Learn How :o . deny !e a$ior. : e !oss mi" t encoura"e you to (!uy more coffee. publication or e-ail syste-7 We ask you not to edit the content and that you lea e the links and resource bo3 intact7 O Bully /ree at Work) *ll ri" ts reser$ed) .now t at we are ere to el#) Valerie Cade. know t at usin" t is !oss to el# you is your ri" t) Do not feel "uiltyinstead. encoura"e and su##ort t is !oss to do w at is ri" t) >&: We can so often !e disa##ointed in leaders i#) We can feel let down w en we do not feel #rotected) Do all you can ere to make yourself clear) +t is now u# to your !oss to at least acknowled"e and onor your situation) /eel free to s are our !lo" and our resources wit your !oss)))sometimes a !oss wants to el# !ut does not know ow for t e !est o$erall return) . +f t e !e a$ior as "otten !etter 0 t ank t e !oss@ Brin" imA er a coffee@ . "o to #a"e 148 of Bully /ree at Work6) 6. *fter t e !oss a##roac es t e !ully. and su""est t e !oss a##roac t e !ully a"ain. a !ully can !e c armin") <our real "oal is for t is unwelcomed !e a$ior to not a##en a"ain) 18) Lastly.<ou know you're ri" t) : is is a case of Bullyin" Be a$ior) Be aware t at t e !oss you "o to for inter$ention may not a$e t e same need as you to a$e t is corrected@ 1. Be clear on w at you want instead. and you could 2ust (s oulder( t e situation) Don't fall for t is. C&> is a Work#lace Bullyin" E1#ert. etc) 0 2ust !e clear on outcomes. makin" it clear as to w at was e1#ected) <ou need a !oss wit aut oritati$e #ower o$er t e !ully) 9.esults on #a"e MM of Bully /ree at Work6 <ou will s ow t at sim#le influence will not and as not worked w en dealin" wit a !ully) 3. *sk directly for t e !oss' aut oritati$e #ower and e1#lain t at t is inter$entionAaut ority is t e only a##roac t at will work wit someone w o is not seekin" a mutual win0win) 4.eward "ood !e a$ior) 8. &#eaker and *ut or of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !een distri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or #resentations and consultin" on work#lace !ullyin" #re$ention and res#ectful work#lace im#lementation. +f t e !e a$ior as not c an"ed 0 s are t is wit t e !oss.

it is wort !ein" considered as a strate"y for w en t e conflict is '2ust not wort t e effort' of !ein" addressed) +t is also wort it to walk away w en t e #ower !alance !etween indi$iduals is not e$en and sayin" somet in" mi" t make t in"s worse) $7 %cco--odation • • :akin" t e conflict and su!mittin") Join" alon" wit t e conflict !y seein" it as more ad$anta"eous to su##ort t e ot er #erson at t is time) 23a-ple: Listenin" to un el#ful criticism and !elie$in" it) Very fre. or you !elie$e su!mittin" may "et you furt er) 67 9o-pete <ou #us needs) 23a-ple: <ou are $ery u#set wit someone. due to fear. sim#ly walks away 3!ut t ey wis ed t ey could a$e 'done somet in"'6) W ile t is o!$iously is not a "ood way of dealin" wit difficult situations or !ullyin". you cut t em off and o$er0e1#lain your #oint in order to "ain control) ard to "et your own way in t e conflict. wit out re"ard for t e ot er's .5 Strategies to Handle Difficult Conflicts Dear Elena. would you like to know some ti#s to el# you resol$e -ore conflicts t at mi" t !order on !ullyin" !ut are more 'difficult' as o##osed to actual !ullyin" in t e work#lace% Here t ey are: 17 % oidance • • * refusal to en"a"e or sol$e) Dost #re$alent) 23a-ple: * $ery o!$ious $er!al attack occurs. and w en t ey try to e1#lain t eir situation.uently used. !ut it may do if you know t at t ere is a solution comin" soon. Hot all conflicts can !e resol$ed) Howe$er. es#ecially w ere t ere is low confidence and self0esteem) : is is anot er #oor met od of dealin" wit difficult conflicts at work. and t e tar"et.

: is can !e $ery useful w en t e conflict is mild and you are #assionate a!out your stance. and re. #articularly wit e1treme conflict and work#lace !ullyin") : e aim ere is to focus on workin" to"et er to arri$e at a solution. !ut occasionally find anyway) Be $ery sure t at you a$e not committed t e same conflictAoffense) Dana"e yourself durin" t e resolution attem#t 0 learn calmin" strate"ies if you are ot0tem#ered. as it in$ol$es namin" t e issue to t e conflict0creator. <ou must reco"ni?e t at 3may!e6 #art of t e #ro!lem is your own fault: you 2. as t is will #ut t e onus onto t e ot er #erson to take t e ot er #art of t e res#onsi!ility) . w ic answers !ot sides. allowed it to a##en and did not try to address it to !e"in wit ) <ou can state t is aloud and acti$ely take #art of t e res#onsi!ility. and e1#lain your own) Cle$er and lateral t inkin" can #ro$ide a solution. !ut can lead to a $icious circle as t e conflict escalates) *7 9o-pro-ise : is is more win0win. !ut rat er work out a solution somew ere !etween t e two sides) 23a-ple: =ne #erson wants to order a ty#e of food and t e ot er #erson wants anot er ty#e of food) Bot com#romise and order somet in" totally different) : is can lead to t e downfall of t e actual solution lea$in" none of t e sides a##y) &ometimes no one wins) 57 9ollaborate : e most useful tactic.uently don't like in ot ers w at we don't want to see in oursel$es.emem!er t at we fre. !ut is not a com#romise) 23a-ple $: &omeone is !ein" difficult at work) <ou talk to t is #erson usin" t e strate"ies !elow and colla!orate on modifyin" t eir !e a$ior) Cse t is strate"y w en t e "oal is to meet as many of t e current needs as is #ossi!le) : is can !e t e most difficult strate"y if confidence is low. w ere !ot sides a$e owners i# of and commitment to t e solution) 23a-ple 1: <ou and someone else are at com#letely o##osed $iew#oints o$er a #ro2ect) <ou sit down and work out w y t ey !elie$e in t eir #oint of $iew.uires t e "oodwill of !ot #arties) <ou don't "i$e in to t e conflict. w ic can cause an1iety and fear) :o colla!orate successfully on an issue suc as continuin" conflict you need to follow a few !asic "uidelines: 1. 3. or confidence !oosters if you are s y) :ry not to !e .

t en own t is fact and ask for for"i$eness of not !ein" a!le to resol$e t e conflict at t e moment) : ese are your emotions and t ey must !e owned !y you) *"ain.emotional. ask for furt er information from t e ot er #erson a!out t e reasons for t eir !e a$ior. not t e #erson: t is means addressin" t e !e a$ior rat er t an t e entire e1istence of t at #erson) : ere is a different le$el of owners i# for !e a$iors.anyt in" less. remem!er t at #eo#le w o en2oy creatin" conflict are ultimately #ower0 seekers w o en2oy controllin" ot ers) /re. "o to tt#:AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com) &ou ha e per-ission to use the abo e article in your ne0sletter. or feel t at t ey a$e $ery little control o$er t eir own li$es and t ey do anyt in" t ey can to feel in control) * little com#assion will take you a lon" way !ot in resol$in" t e situation and in #uttin" it !e ind you w en it is resol$ed) *fter all.uently t is is !ecause eit er t ey a$e suffered in a similar way !efore.uestions wit 'w y' at t e !e"innin" 0 if you do.Head Office uite 356! 15"" . as t is will only fan t e fires) C eck your eart: can you se#arate t e #erson from t e #erformance% 4) +f you are not "ettin" anyw ere. w at is t e alternati$e% +t's time for e1tendin" t e oli$e !ranc )))!ut !e careful it doesn't "et !urned off@ Valerie Cade. publication or e-ail syste-7 We ask you not to edit the content and that you lea e the links and resource bo3 intact7 O Bully /ree at Work) *ll ri" ts reser$ed) Bully Free At Work . don't cross your arms #rotecti$ely.14 treet #W $al%ary! Al&erta . as emotion will only make t in"s escalate. Don't !elie$e t at t e !est defense is a "ood offense 0 t at is #art of t e com#etin" strate"y) Come!acks and not acknowled"in" anot er's #oint of $iew are also #art of com#etin": listen to t e ot er side as t ey a$e 2ust as muc of a ri" t to s are as you do) &eek first to understand) 6. and #ut a furt er wed"e !etween #arties) +t is your res#onsi!ility to mana"e yourself. se#arate t e #erson from t e situation) : is allows us to a$e o#e in mo$in" t rou" difficult situations) *!o$e all. and #eo#le will take less offence if you address t eir !e a$ior t an if you critici?e t em #ersonally) He$er lay !lame. and don't #ut yourself on a lower le$el t an t e ot er #erson 3suc as sittin" on a lower c air6) =ur !ody lan"ua"e s ows our eart) +s your eart s owin" t e desire to colla!orate% 5. we are #uttin" our unnecessary 'stuff' on t e ot er) 4. Daintain eye contact and use your !ody lan"ua"e to con$ey your !elief in w at you are sayin") Don't fiddle wit somet in" ner$ously. C&> is a Work#lace Bullyin" E1#ert. !ut don't ask t e . &#eaker and *ut or of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !een distri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or #resentations and consultin" on work#lace !ullyin" #re$ention and res#ectful work#lace im#lementation. t is will acti$ely #ut t e ot er #erson under t e s#otli" t and t ey will "et defensi$e) >&: +f you sincerely feel you cannot resol$e a conflict due to !ein" $ery emotionally u#set. Work t e issue.

23A1)'4/c&56)74/7HO8795:./< Is #he Bully %t Work "till :ot /earing &ou? Dear Elena. a#olo"i?e. and #er a#s you'll !e eard) /or some ideas a!out settin" u# a con$ersation.a/e&er. and command of w at you are sayin" is key to a$oid any #ossi!le confusion and not "i$e t e !ully at work any (out( to your needs) <ou mi" t !e askin": *re t ere different ty#es of se$erity le$els wit re"ard to t e Bully at Work% W at s ould my a##roac !e% &es.'3$ 1$9 $a(ada 'o u()u&)cri&e or c*a(%e )u&)cri&er o+tio() . only to !e i"nored. dismissed.r. confidence. or andled% Do you find yourself feelin" confused and once a"ain "oin" o$er in your mind ( ow to say it so t e !ully at work will ear me%( Why #he Bully %t Work %ppears :ot #o /ear &ou 5 $ )easons: 1. : e !ully at work is into !ein" in control 0 always) +t is an addiction) : ey do not look to s are and care) +f you say !lack. or "i$e u#.tB/c5O/c&.i)it*tt+-. t ey look to see w ite.1.uest. there are differing le els of se erity of bullying beha ior7 : e le$els and a##roac es for eac are listed !elow: 17 'inor Bullying *##roac : Influence7 <ou can make a clear confident re. in order to cur! re2ection from t e !ully at work) Clarity.all in an effort to a$oid connectin" wit you) +f we can truly understand t e !ully at work's need for control. !ack0track. c eck out our #ost on Crucial Con$ersations: tt#:AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)comA!lo"A%#=QP $7 'oderate Bullying *##roac : Influence) .///.. we will also reali?e most !ullies do H=: seek to (understand( ot ers) P) : e second reason is we may not come across as easy to understand) Dany times we will tend to o$er0e1#lain.co0. Ha$e you e$er !een frustrated !ecause t e !ully at work does not ear you% Ha$e you found yourself workin" u# t e coura"e to say somet in".

t is !ecomes (unfair( and feelin"s of ($eing treated a" le"" than( arise) &o w at is t e link !etween #ercei$ed disres#ectful !e a$ior at work and entitlement% W at would anyone act wit a sense of entitlement% W en is it 2ustified.uires an inter$ention of #olicy and com#any rules t at are enforced in order to kee# t e !ully in line) Do not e1#ect t e !ully at work to want to ear your re.uest a Crucial Con$ersation) &ee tt#:AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)comA!lo"A% #=QP +f you are facin" a moderate '!ully at work' situation and your confidence is lower: a) !) Work on your confidence t rou" su##ort and education) *sk for su##ort or el# from ot ers in order to address t e situation) 67 "e ere Bullying *##roac : Inter ention7 : is ty#e of !ullyin" re. "o to tt#:AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com) What 8oes 2ntitle-ent /a e #o 8o With Workplace Bullying? <2ntitle-ent< refers to a !elief t at one is deser$in" of some #articular reward or !enefit) We a$e many acce#ted social entitlements suc as: • #he first in line is the first ser ed7 E$er try to cut into a line0u# and "o to t e front% >eo#le's sense of fairness and 2ustice creates a feelin" of ( don!t de"er#e thi"( and one is likely to !e u#set) ( t!" not fair() • 2=ual pay for e=ual 0ork done7 *s soon as someone finds out someone is #aid more for doin" t e same 2o! wit t e same !ack"round and or skills. w en is it not% Let's take a look: 2ntitle-ent 1ccurs When: • We sense we are not !ein" treated fairly and ot ers a$e '!etter treatment' t an we do• We #ercei$e someone to not !e treatin" us fairly w en in fact we feel t ey could !e 3(how dare they@(6 . &#eaker and *ut or of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !een distri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or #resentations and consultin" on work#lace !ullyin" #re$ention and res#ectful work#lace im#lementation.+f you are facin" a moderate '!ully at work' situation and your confidence is stron"er.uests) <ou need a i" er aut oritati$e #ower to el# youleaders i# su##ort) .uestion: Do you consider your !ully at work to !e mild. moderate or se$ere% How do you know% W at will you do ne1t% Valerie Cade. C&> is a Work#lace Bullyin" E1#ert. you can re.

and if you a$e a series of re#eated !e a$iors t at are 'unfair'. t en we are in a #osition to make a re. w at t ey want instead and t e ot er #erson as no real idea of ow t ey can c an"e it) 7) * culture of entitlement will occur w en mana"ers and leaders do not mana"e t e culture in a #ositi$e way !y mana"in" and addressin" issues em#loyees want answers to) Be res#onsi$e. timely and accurate in your information) +f you do not a$e an answer or a satisfactory answer.What /appens When We !eel We %re :ot Being #reated !airly: • /eelin"s of resentment occur) Guestion: w at do you do wit your feelin"s of resentment% • We act and feel like we are 'owed' somet in" we are not "ettin"• We wonder 'w y' we are not !ein" treated like we 's ould !e treated') 9onsider #his: 1) E$eryone will !e in a #osition at some #oint w ere 't in"s are not fair') E$eryone) P) +t mi" t el# you to know t at num!er 1 a!o$e a##ens to e$eryone so you do not feel it is only you) N) W en we feel it is 'only us'. t en you a$e a case of !ullyin") What #o Watch 1ut !or: 1) Continually !e in touc wit w at does not 'seem fair') W at is it e1actly% &ometimes we can "et la?y and !e 'u#set' and not e$en know w y) P) .emo$e t e #erformer from t e #erformance) 4) +f t is 'unfair !e a$ior' kee#s takin" #lace. w at will you do to cur! entitlement% *ll em#loyees: w at will you do w en your e1#ectations are not met% . we feel worse) I) Ho one wants to feel mistreated in terms of !ein" treated fairly) 7) Dana"ers and su#er$isors: are you treatin" e$eryone e. !e onest wit t at instead of swee#in" it under t e car#et) : ere are some t in"s we are entitled to and a$e come to e1#ect) +t is frustratin" to not a$e our e1#ectations met at any time) +f we can own more of t is #ro!lem !y !ein" clear as to w at we don't want and w at we'd like instead. t at e$eryt in" else looks "rim as well) &e#arate your situations) . most definitely. as o##osed to a situation w ere someone is u#set at somet in" !ut t ey do not know w y. your re.uest) I) +n t e case of !ullyin". kee# a well documented lo". "o !ack and 'own' your #re$ious leaders i# !y makin" amends wit eac staff w ere you'$e not #artici#ated in e.uita!ly% : is is fair to do so) +f you are not.uest for c an"e) Leaders. #lease start know t is kind of leaders i# will create tension in your staff) +f you a$e !een $iolatin" t is ste#.nowin" 'w y' will allow you to ask yourself: (What do want in"tead%( N) How re$iew w at you want instead and see if it is a reasona!le re.uita!le leaders i#) : is is easy not to do)))t e winners will '"et t is' ste# and do t is ri" t away) : e a$era"e will skim t is int and carry on as if it doesn't matter) Q) &taff: you may !e feelin" 'less t an' at work due to an unmet need or unmet needs) Be $ery s#ecific in w at you are u#set a!out and !e clear wit w at you want instead) : ere is a uman tendency t at if one ma2or need is not !ein" met and t is lowers t e '"oodwill #ot'.uest will !e reasona!le) We 2ust need to make sure we are documentin" !ullyin" !e a$iors.

rollin" one's eyes) . "o to tt#:AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com) /o0 8o &ou /andle #hese #0o Bullying Beha iors? : e first ste# to correctin" a culture of disres#ect and work#lace !ullyin" !e a$iors is to first of all name t e !e a$ior) Here are two !e a$iors: *rro"ance and Disres#ect) Becomin" more aware of w at t ey are and t eir effects will el# you to draw t e line from someone a$in" '#ower o$er' you.uate) 4) *cts su#erior) : e key to t is !e a$ior is makin" imA erself look su#erior !y makin" ot ers look inferior) 2ffects: How Be a$ior *ffects =t ers: 1. a sneer. #erformance. : e credi!ility of a !oss or team lead wit ot er co0workers is often indered) I) Decision0makin" !ecomes more difficult. (W y%( in a !elittlin" manner for decisions and re. ow do you andle t ese two !ullyin" !e a$iors% %rrogant: conceited. Csually $ery !ri" t) 2. su#erior.#eo#le are esitant) 8isrespectful: rude. =ften fails to com#lete routine assi"nments or com#ly wit !asic rules and re"ulations) 6. au" ty. condescendin") Beha ior: 1. o$er0confident. a si" .uests 3tone of $oice6) 5. /eelin"s of e1clusi$eness rat er t an inclusi$eness result from t e !e a$ior) 3.e$eals disres#ect in many ways: a #ointed look. or t inkin" is inade. a look of clear disdain. Will s#eak out and say t in"s like (: is won't work.( or indicate t at ot ers don't measure u# in some way) 4. inferior at worst) 2.Valerie Cade. Dany times asks. C&> is a Work#lace Bullyin" E1#ert. e$en 2ust for a few moments) &o. #roud. =t ers suffer from t e arro"ant #erson's ridicule. .t ey feel uncomforta!le at !est. Has an inflated e"o) 3. im#olite. discourteous) Beha ior: 1. self0im#ortant. and will often #resent facts and ideas in t e o#e of contradictin" t e !oss or co0worker or s owin" t at t eir knowled"e. Guestions aut oritati$e knowled"e. &#eaker and *ut or of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !een distri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or consultin" on work#lace !ullyin" #re$ention and res#ectful work#lace im#lementation.

=ften seems to !e e1#ressin" frustration) 4) Day a$e !asic #rimary needs w ic aren't !ein" met) *##ears una!le to meet needs in a #ositi$e manner) : erefore. ostility and ill0will toward a #erson or "rou# of #eo#le w o + !elie$e as treated me un2ustly) )esent-ent 9an Beco-e: unresol$ed an"er. e$en t ou" eAs e may act su#erior) 6. Day act as if some #eo#le don't e$en e1ist) 4. Day re$eal disres#ect in t e form of u"ly words) 5. an"er. *lso re$eals disres#ect !y w at eAs e doesn't do: e$eryone in t e office may was out t eir cu# at t e end of t e day 0 !ut not t is #erson. t e !ully doesn't c an"e) +f we are not careful. t is can feel more comforta!le for t e time !ein". ac in" emotional turmoil t at ro!s us of a #ositi$e outlook and 2oy. Doesn't t ink $ery i" ly of anyone. we can !ecome an entirely different #erson as a result of oldin" onto our resentments) + o#e t is two #art series will el# you to unlock and re0load@ . turns to disres#ect out of frustration. sometimes one for"ets t ey still a$e some #ower) : is #lace of #owerlessness does not ser$e anyone. !ut most times. includin" imA erself. e1#eriences and #ast@ What Is )esent-ent? 8efinition of )esent-ent: is t e ar!orin" of animosity. +t's not fair) <es. es#ecially t e tar"et) +t is natural to t ink: (W y s ould + a$e to c an"e% : ey are t e ones w o need to c an"e() <es. as we know.unwillin"ness to for"i$e and t e ina!ility to let "o and for"et) &tuck and we don't know w y) .emem!er. >eo#le are often left feelin" #u??led. E1cuses are made to co$er u# t e em!arrassin" !e a$ior) 3.uestion is w at will we all do w en somet in" isn't fair% W ile work#lace !ullyin" as !een #ro$en to take its toll on a tar"et's well !ein". you are more t an your feelin"s. !ut do not say anyt in") 2.eali?in" t is kind of !e a$ior e1ists is key) Comin" to t e awareness it s ould not !e tolerated anymore is your ne1t ste#) W ere can you stand u# for a res#ectful work#lace t is week% Dear Elena. seet in". t is is true) : e . or ostility) 2ffects: How Be a$ior *ffects =t ers: 1.2.e$eryone c i#s in on a deadline 0 !ut not t is #erson) 3. We write t is off as a '#ersonality conflict' instead of addressin" t e !e a$ior as disru#ti$e and a"ainst or"ani?ational $alues) I) We dou!t oursel$es in usin" our aut oritati$e #ower if we are a mana"er in terms of strai" tenin" t is #erson out 3insu!ordination is tolerated6 and we dou!t oursel$es for feelin" #oorly a!out anot er and we o$er0e1tend t e oli$e !ranc in order to kee# t e #eace) .

!ut you i"nore and num! t ese t ou" ts t erefore #re$entin" you from mo$in" on) 9. Become des#ondent and "o in circles in any attem#t to o$ercome ne"ati$e feelin"s) 5. 7. 12. *cce#tin" treatment from ot ers #assi$ely. una##ro$ed. re2ect your efforts of carin" and concern) <ou t ink: (+ am damned if + do and also damned if + don't() : e ot er #erson is 'ne$er satisfied') Em!arrassed !y a #erson w ose "oal was to !elittle me) Bein" consistently re2ected. #ut down. 13. 1".e2ect all efforts to for"i$e and for"et #ast offenses and urts) 7. scorned and re2ected !y a #erson or #eo#le for w om + made sacrifices) . unacce#ted and a!andoned !y anot er) Bein" t e o!2ect of discrimination or #re2udice) Bein" i"nored. 5. 11.it !ecomes a !arrier !etween you and t e #erson or #eo#le wit w om you want to esta!lis a ealt y relations i#) Workin" ard and a$in" ot ers #re$ent me from e1#eriencin" t e sweetness of my success) Ha$in" someone w om you a$e tried ard to #lease. <ou find it difficult to o#en u# to trust ot ers. a i" er #ower etc) *"reein" to do somet in" for ot ers yet feelin" t at you are !ein" taken for "ranted or taken ad$anta"e of) :ryin" to "et ot ers to see your #oint of $iew w ile !ein" i"nored) &eein" ot ers succeed w o you !elie$e to a$e not worked as ard as you. /ume silently and a$e distressin" t ou" ts in t eir #resence or at t e memory of t em) 2. . 6. 8.esist all attem#ts to "et 'on wit life' and act out wit distractions t at do not ultimately ser$e my well0!ein") 8. es#ecially in new relations i#s) 18) =$ercom#ensate in your efforts to !e successful. ne$er e1#ressin" t e ne"ati$e 2. counselin". : ere is unfinis ed !usiness wit #eo#le from your #ast w ic needs to !e addressed. . 9. feelin"s a!out it eit er directly or t rou" an ener"y release system suc as e1ercise. #ullin" away from w o you really are) /o0 8o We Beco-e )esentful? 1. cynical and sarcastic attitude. /a e &ou Beha ed #his Way?: 1. 3.If &ou> e 9arried )esent-ent. We "et u#set at 'ot er' t in"s and 'ot er' #eo#le in order to co#e) 4. &#eak in a derisi$e or demeanin" way a!out t em to ot ers 3t is is "ossi#6) 3. /ake ent usiasm a!out !ein" wit t is #erson w en you'd rat er a$e not in" to do wit t em) 6. 4. or a$e ad to face t e same stru""les as you'$e ad to do) <ou feel t ey don't deser$e t is measure of success) Join" unreco"ni?ed for your "ood work or com#etency w ile ot ers w o are more in fa$or are reco"ni?ed) <ou are !ot ered !y a ostile.

ate yourself on a scale of 1 0 7. 7. 6. s ould t ey need to talk) E. it is t e first ste# in your !reak t rou" ) +"norin" will only create a #ersistent ne"ati$e attitude and !e a$ior #ro!lem) <ou are more t an your feelin"s.w ere 7 = *lways. 4. $s "ossi#in" or s arin" your frustrations wit ot ers% 7 I N P 1 Listen wit a sincere and honest intention to dee#ly understand t e ot er #erson% 7 I N P 1 )e-ain curious and ask "What do they really &ean%"' +ma"ine ow t e #erson feels) 7 I N P 1 & ow acknowled"ement and take shared o0nership in t e #ro!lem and t eir feelin"s as o##osed to !ein" defensi$e or dismissi$e% e)") "Thank you for telling &e"( " "hare your concern"' 7 I N P 1 . P 1 'ake ti-e to hear ot er #eo#le's needs wit out !ein" interru#ted or rus ed% 7 I N P 1 "eek t e #erson in order to connect !y in$itin" con$ersations and c allen"es% 7 I N P 1 %pproach the person directly. we cannot eal w at we cannot feel) Can you 2ournal and sit wit t is awareness% Fust know t at w en we reco"ni?e an"er and resentment.14.uests to sto# suc action were not acknowled"ed) 17) . !ut we all need to !ecome aware of our feelin"s in order to desi"n t e life you want and deser$e) He1t week: =$ercomin" . 3. N = &ometimes. onest communication and feed!ack% 7 I N 2.nowin" w at creates a res#ectful con$ersation is im#ortant in order to make sure we conduct oursel$es well wit ot ers. 5. Ha$in" someone + care a!out !e treated un2ustly e$en t ou" my re. most a$e e1#erienced 'less t an res#ectful' con$ersations alon" t e way) Here is an assessment you can take and also use to e$aluate ot ers in order to know if res#ect is in #lace at all) .eco"ni?in" t at you are t e one w o always makes t e effort. Belie e in t e need for o#en.ually im#ortant is knowin" t at if a con$ersation did not "o well w en you tried to reac out.esentment from Work#lace Bullyin": >art P +t takes most #eo#le tremendous coura"e to a##roac someone for an im#ortant con$ersation) : erefore. safe en$ironments in order for someone to s are o#enly) *s a tar"et of work#lace !ullyin". we a$e to ensure a##roac a!le. and 1 = He$er6 1. !ecome aware if you are oldin" onto any resentments and w at t is mi" t !e doin" to you) Do not i"nore or num! out) Hidin" unresol$ed an"er and feelin"s will kee# us from "ettin" to 2oy) We will continue to re2ect oursel$es and ot ers until we 'feel') *s Dr) > il says. and w en you sto# "i$in" t e relations i# ceases) : is week. t at t e ot er #erson is also res#onsi!le for creatin" a win0 win connection) : is assessment can su##ort you in t e reminder t at you do not need to !e 'o$er0res#onsi!le' w ile creatin" a res#ectful con$ersation) +t does indeed take two #eo#le@ 8o &ou: 3.

com#lete t is on ot ers and a$e t em com#lete it on you as well) & are t e results 1:1 lookin" for ways to im#ro$e ow !est to a$e a res#ectful con$ersation !etween t e two of you) :oo scary% <es. you'll at least know w ere #eo#le stand in t eir commitments) By !ein" clear of w at is re. #erson is sayin"% 7 I N P 1 +araphrase or su--ari?e w at you a$e eard in order to ensure clear understandin"% 7 I N P 1 #hank the person for carin" enou" to talk to you to el# create a win0win% 7 I N P 1 "uggestion: Circulate t is assessment in your de#artment and ask eac mem!er of your team to com#lete t is .uires leaders i#) :rust t at !y conductin" t is assessment.uired for a res#ectful con$ersation and e$aluatin" con$ersations you'$e ad wit t e !ully can el# you to !e reminded t at you will not !e a!le to 'win' !y talkin") Why use this assess-ent at all? &ome #eo#le are still not clear if t ey are dealin" wit a work#lace !ully or a difficult #erson) Juaranteed. no !ully will !e interested in talkin" to you in a res#ectful way unless someone is watc in") * difficult #erson mi" t !e interested. some would say (t ere are issues( and some em#loyees 31 out of Q6 would re#ort t ey are !ein" !ullied or a$e !een !ullied) : e or"ani?ation (kee#s o#in"( and t e "ood em#loyees (kee# lea$in"() Em#loyers ri" tfully do not want a system of (t e tail wa""in" t e do"( wit little room for #erformance mana"ement) 5 "teps: 1rgani?ational +rotection %gainst Workplace Bullying &o ow does one strike t e !alance% Here at t e 7 ste#s for leaders i# to #rotect itself from work#lace !ullyin") 17 8esire: +t comes down to <8o you 0ant to?<) Desire is t e fuel for c an"e) *nyt in" t at o$errides desire is a different e1ercise alto"et er) W at creates desire% • • • W en t e !enefits outwei" t e #ercei$ed effort needed to "o forward) W en t e $ision of t e !enefits are clear and more rewardin" t an not doin" it) W en t ere is t e !elief t at t e system of c an"e can really create t e outcome desired) . !ut seein" w at is re. it is t en t at you can look to old #eo#le accounta!le for inter#ersonal sna"s t at "et in t e way of truly connectin") Will this 0ork for a 0orkplace bully? >ro!a!ly not. 1". t is re.uired first. )e-ain open and concerned e$en if you disa"ree wit w at t e ot er 9.8.uestionnaire) /or o$er0ac ie$ers. so it is wort a try) (Hot in" stren"t ens aut ority as muc as silence)( R Leonardo da Vinci How Can *n =r"ani?ation >rotect +tself *"ainst Work#lace Bullyin"% Dost #eo#le and or"ani?ations want a res#ectful work#lace.yet if you asked em#loyees.

!ut t is also must in$ol$e t e a!ility to el# you na$i"ate in mo$in" from * to S smoot ly. effecti$ely and #rofessionally) • Guestion to ask: Can we do t is on our own effecti$ely% +f not. or #ress forward% W at will you 3leaders6 do w en you (don't feel like it(% • • #ips: • • : e $ision leads t e leader) . e1cuses. etc) +t also olds true for im#lementin" a c an"e #rocess t at will work) Here are N reasons w y work#lace !ullyin" #rocesses do not work: • • : e leaders did not (!uy0in( to start t e #rocess off on t e ri" t foot) E$er ear of t e "ame (/ollow t e Leader(% =nce t e #rocess "ot underway.uestion: Do you #ull !ack w en t in"s "et tou" . t inkin" t ey didn't a$e to take #art) : is is like tryin" to raise your c ild wit out e$er "oin" to t eir !ase!all "ame. ask: Do we trust and like t is #ersonAcom#any t at could el# us% 67 8ecision: =nce you e$aluate your o#tions.ids want t eir #arents to #artici#ate wit t em 0 it lets t em know t ey are $alued. t e #rice is easy to #ay) +f t ere is esitation. "ymnastics com#etition or concert) . o#es and dreams for w at you want to sto# and w at you want to create) : en look to see w o is !est . #ro$en work#lace !ullyin" im#lementation #rocess w ere e ery senior decision -aker is at t e ta!le is key) *llow for o#en discussion or worries. wis es.ee# your commitments) Backin" out or c an"in" your mind is not an o#tion 0 same as #arentin") . etc) 3: is is t e real demoti$ator@6) *7 8edication: (Ho one said it would !e easy@() : is olds true for losin" N8 #ounds.emem!er t e #romise) . #ut it on t e ta!le) Hesitation not wrestled wit at t is sta"e creates #rocrastination. for c an"in" careers. mo$in". senior leaders i# did not #artici#ate (w en t in"s "ot tou" ( or t ey did not #artici#ate.• . sustaina!ility. i"norin".ee# your reason for doin" t is in front of you at all times) . #olitics and risks) W en t e #romise is clear. make a confident decision on your direction) Dake sure e$eryone is on !oard and t at e$eryone understand w at is re. dou!ts. and t ey !elie$e in t eir #arents' su##ort) : e same is true for staff) Em#loyees !enefit !est !y (followin" t e leader() * policy alone does not work) #raining alone does not work) 'oti ation alone does not work) )esearch alone does not work) Blending all of these aspects to"et er creates t e in"redients necessary to mo$e forward well and solidly) .ualified to assist you.uestion to ask: Do we want to. and w y% $7 8iscern-ent: E$aluation of an effecti$e. and a #ositi$e culture as a result) E1#ertise in t e work#lace !ullyin" to#ic area is a must. not only in cratin" a #olicy and information 3education6 !ut w o can el# you to also create !uy0in.uired) (Deasure twice. cut once() : is is t e time to remo$e confusion. risks.

e$en w en t ey mi" t not understand all decisions and #olicies() (: ere's not really a traffic 2am on t e e1tra mile() W y not create a culture w ere "oin" t e e1tra mile is t e desired norm. and em#loyees are loyal to t em. &te# en Co$ey says (Be"in wit t e end in mind() W at do you want in t e end% En$ision your or"ani?ation like t is: • • W ere all em#loyees look forward to comin" to work) . "oin" t e e1tra mile.t e #ro#er conse.surely we can sto# work#lace !ullyin"@ .uences if !ullyin" is indeed t e issue. not 2ust a !e a$ioral disci#line% W ere. t e cases are andled clearly.emem!er 0 #eo#le don't lea$e or"ani?ations. t ey lea$e !osses) W ere senior leaders i# are res#ected. effecti$ely and in a timely manner. #eo#le and or"ani?ations are talkin" a!out you as (t e model( !ecause you took t e time to do t e ri" t t in") • • : ere is ne$er a wron" time to do t e ri" t t in") +t's not too late to do (somet in"() +ma"ine ))) and like +'$e always said. in order to minimi?e t e stress for t e tar"et. we'$e #ut a man 3and a woman6 on t e moon.and t e discernment skills to !e a!le to na$i"ate t rou" t ese situations wit more ease) *t conferences all o$er t e world. if t ere are work#lace !ullyin" situations.• C oose a work#lace !ullyin" consultant t at can el# (kee# t e momentum( ))) e$en for t e leaders@ 57 8ignity: <ou'$e eard it said 0 in fact.