Disorder

Many don't realize, Having never experienced such a thing, That a mood too “good” Is possible !ut it is #nd it is "ossible

$i%e pressure

&ou have to release someho' (r your head 'ill )xplode Into sharp, bright *ire'or%s

+harp, pric%ly, tingling explosions #nd you don't sleep much &ou try, but you can't +o you lie there 'ith the *ire'or%s ,ntil they blast you out o* bed -acing thoughts. #re they. I *ind that image )ntirely inaccurate Is it more li%e a bas%etball game. (r maybe a 'restling match. /o, no, no, that isn't it at all My thoughts are nothing at all $i%e any organized sport0 1ith rules

I see a di**erent picture 1hen I vie' the inside o* my brain I see a 2 year old's birthday party 1inding up, 'inding do'n +eventeen little children 3hasing through the house 4ueled by a stic%y sugar high #nd the dog is bar%ing -unning, sliding, crunching Through discarded birthday paper 1ho let the dog in.. $et him out again Tiny candles $ying on the big plate 1ith the remains o* the ca%e !lac%ened 'ic%s on one end 5oo6y pin% *rosting on the other 4ive tiny candles $ying there next to The big, sharp %ni*e "ut that dangerous thing in the +in%, Mama

3olor*ul paper cups and plates +cattered about the house "uddles o* melting ice cream "ool up around chun%s o* chocolate ca%e #nd someone 7ust spilled red 8ool6aid (n the carpet 1ho's gonna clean TH#T up.. #nd the children #re beginning to 9uarrel and 'hine Help, Mama, says the birthday girl 5et !arbie out o* the box, The child6protector pac%age Mama has scissors, but 'ill need # scre'driver. Maybe pliers. $ater, dear: it's time *or the pinata !ring out the blind*old #nd the big stic% 5o a*ter That pinata s'inging on its string 3atching some light s'ats !eginning to 'ea%en Till that big %id 1hac%s it good -ipping o** his blind*old

#s sho'ers o* candy -ain do'n on shrie%ing children +crambling to grab the treasure +9uealing, slipping, tumbling, buzzing +tic%y, noisy chaos Mama hoping it 'ill end soon Trying to ma%e things loo% # bit more controlled and civilized 4or the parents: They're arriving 3ome on in 1e're having a great time 1here's Daddy. (h, he snuc% out # couple o* hours ago Didn't you notice. 1aiting *or the crash 1aiting *or the clean6up 3an you see it. 4eel it, smell it, hear it. TH#T is 'hat it loo%s li%e +ome days (n the inside o* M& head !ut sometimes the do'n moods come

4eeling the apathy The sadness, the dar% hopelessness +eems li%e *orever $i%e it's never gonna end /ever more than a *e' hours, though In reality hal* a day #t most It's 7ust a tiny glimpse #nd I cra'l out, thin%ing That 'as incredibly horrible Ho' do people manage. The people 'ho struggle 1ith this, day a*ter day &ear a*ter year Ho' do they cope. They must have to Tap into some source (* amazing strength #nd they don't even %no' it, I bet #nd I connect 'ith # ne' *ound respect 4or those 'ho are continually +truggling, overcoming, surviving

(ne day at a time 1e all have symptoms To some degree or other Traits o* disorders 4or most, not severe enough To be diagnosable !ut severe enough to give # glimpse into ho' +ome other people *eel )nough to ignite the empathy #nd intensi*y the prayers "rayers *or healing "rayers *or strength 4or others "rayers o* than%s 4or my o'n Mental health !eing as it is /ot 9uite disorderly enough To be a diagnosable Disorder
-oseD; /ovember <=>?

Master your semester with Scribd & The New York Times

Special offer for students: Only $4.99/month.

Master your semester with Scribd & The New York Times

Cancel anytime.