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MODEL8
Il you'|e an alL.model loo|inq lo| a b|ea|, ºiqn up Lo 8/zo//e'º bLTPA V¡XEN5.
IL'º Lhe eaºieºL way Lo have you| phoLoº leaLu|ed in 8/zo//e, and you'll be in wiLh
a chance ol appea|inq on Lhe cove| - buL you need Lo be a membe| ºo LhaL we can
ºee you| picº' Siqn up online aL bItraVixens.net
READER8, ARTI8T8,
PHOTOGRAPHER8 AND EVERYONE EL8E.
Il you wanL Lo appea| in 8/zo//e, qeL in Louch wiLh Lhe Leam - includinq MandaL|on, who |unº Lhe You|Biza||e ºecLion - uºinq Lhe lollowinq meLhodº.
PO8T Send you| mail Lo 8/zo//e, Blac|Lho|n CommunicaLionº, F0 Box 5ºB44, London SWI4 ºBF
EMAIL Email ßizarre@bIacktherncemmunicatiens.cem o| conLacL MandaL|on di|ecLly aL Mandatren@bIacktherncemmunicatiens.cem
T0M8LR Sha|e you| phoLoº and qeL leaLu|ed in 8/zo//e by viºiLinq Yeur-bizarre.tumbIr.cem
FACE8OOK JuºL ºea|ch Faceboo| lo| 'Biza||e maqazine' o| Lype Facebeek.cem/bizarremagazine inLo you| b|owºe|
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ll|ì| îll | î¡ï î||lìì| î
IN THE 0K 8/zo//e iº ºLoc|ed in all qood maqazine |eLaile|º, and can be
eaºily lound in Teºco and WFSmiLh
IN THE 08 In Lhe SLaLeº, 8/zo//e iº ºLoc|ed in Ba|neº & Noble, Boo| Wo|ld
and Boo|º-A-Million
TRO08LE FINDING ?
The eaºieºL way Lo qeL 8/zo//e ouLºide Lhe uK iº Lo buy ou| monLhly diqiLal ediLion.
To lind ouL mo|e, qo Lo Cb.zinie.cem and ºea|ch lo| 'Biza||e'
lll îll | \¡î\îì|î|î
Il you ºubºc|ibe, you can claim Lh|ee iººueº lo| juºL £I by lollowinq Lhe
lin| below and enLe|inq Lhe ºpecial code LhaL you'll lind on ou| ºubºc|ipLionº
paqe (which you'll lind juºL belo|e The Squeale| |eviewº ºecLion beqinº).
ßennismags.ce.uk/bizarre
Il you La|e advanLaqe ol Lhiº
ºpecial olle|, you'll noL only qeL
Lh|ee iººueº ol 8/zo//e lo| £I
- you'll alºo |eceive a FPEE qilL
(chec| ouL Lhe ºubºc|ipLionº
paqe lo| mo|e deLailº). And
il you chooºe Lo conLinue
you| ºubºc|ipLion, you'll |eceive
a ºLaqqe|inq 2? pe| cenL on
Lhe maqazine ºhop p|ice.
¡t's the deaI ef the centuryI
Hunl
BAEA0C
FRONT
6 Photo Assou!t
8izOtte's mcnlhly shcwccse cí cczzlíng,
císlressíng, ce¡rcvec cnc ccwnríghl
císguslíng ¡hclcgrc¡hsí
14 The Grtnder
The hcllesl weírc news slcríes írcm
crcunc lhe wcrlc, cesígnec lc mcke
ycu wínce, lcugh, cry cnc vcmí
18 Hot 8hots
Síx ¡cges cí cll lhe shíl ycu lcve, wílh
Lccy mccs, ccrk crl cnc cll.gírlsí
25 Your 8tzorre
The ¡crl cí lhe mcg lhcl's cll cLcul YO0
YO0R crlwcrk, YO0R lcllccs cnc YO0R
lellersí Anc ccn'l ícrgel lhe 0ltro Vixensí
MIDDLE
48 Mu!ttco!oured Dreomgtr!
Amelíc Níghlmcre revecls hcw Leíng
helc cc¡líve Ly relígícus íruílcckes ccn
gíve ycu cn c¡¡elíle ícr ííne cíníng wílh
Lcríe Anlcínelle, cnc hcw she hclchec
írcm c gumLcll.
61 LEGO Wors
Ameríccn ¡hclcgrc¡her Dcle Lcy lckes
líme cul írcm snc¡¡íng Chcrlíze Thercn
cnc Tcny lcmmí lc íccus cn Dcrlh Vccer,
cree¡y Slcrmlrcc¡rs, ¥ccc cnc C-3PÒ.
cllhcugh ncl cs ycu'c ¡rcLcLly ex¡ecl.
6? Ftnger Ltcktn' Good
Leel lhe mcn whc ccckec cnc cle hís
cwn severec ííngerí
77 Jeon Ro!!tn Remembered
The French íílmmcker whc ccusec
c rícl ín Pcrís, cnc c ícír Líl cí ccn |O |O
elsewhere ín Eurc¡e, ís ncw en[cyíng c
¡cslhumcus revívcl lhcl's well ceservec.
84 The 8odtst Network
Here's whcl Bízcrre reccers cculc Le
ccíng cn FcceLcck when ycu're ncl `Líkíng'
¡hclcs cí ccls cnc ccke LÒL. ÒLGí
8ACK
?4 Hot Thts Month
Shcrl cn mcney ín lhese ccys cí eccncmíc
lurmcíl? Here's 8izOtte's ¡íck cí lhe Lesl
new sluíí lc squcncer ycur límílec ccsh cní
?6 Ctnemo
Cccl ílícks lc wclch ín c Líg ccrk rccmí
100 DVD
8izOtte's chcíce cí lhe mcnlh's Lesl císcsí
104 8t!!y ChotnsowI
8izOtte's ínlre¡íc íílm ecílcr wcxes
lyríccl cLcul lhe íílms ccmíng lc C0TI,
cur íree mcnlhly íílm cluL ín Lcnccní
106 Mustc
The musíc ¡lcyíng ín lhe 8izOtte cíííceí
112 8ooks
The mcsl ccm¡ellíng ¡cge-lurnersí
114 Gomes
Besl new gcmes lc Llísler ycur lhumLsí
|\\¡| lîî
84
77
61 22
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48
'The pape| uºed wiLhin Lhiº maqazine iº p|oduced l|om
ºuºLainable lo|eºLaLion, l|om a chain ol cuºLody manulacLu|e|'
Membe| ol Lhe AudiL
Bu|eau ol Ci|culaLion
C0NTP¡ßbT0P5
ßizarre 199 EditeriaI Team 0avid McComb, 0ave Kelºall, Tom B|oadbenL,
Faul 0avieº, Amanda Coban, SLephen 0aulL|ey
FiIm & ßVß Editer Billy Chainºaw (billychainºaw¸blac|Lho|ncommunicaLionº.com)
Werds Alix Fox, Ca|l-FeLe| Fouqh
Phetes Ch|iºLian SainL, 0ale May, MaLL W|iLLle, Rob Millwa|d, Ma|cuº Tuc|e|,
Rowan Mu||ay
5b¡T5
0epuLy Adve|Liºinq Manaqe| Ciaran 5carry +44 (0)20 7º07 ooB?
Claººilied Saleº ExecuLive Pyan Cisberne Weare +44 (0)20 7º07 o7o?
F|oducLion ExecuLive 5eµhie VaIentine +44 (0)20 7º07 o057.
SyndicaLion Senio| Manaqe| Anj ßesaj-HaIai +44 (0)20 7º07 oI?2
Licenºinq Manaqe| CarIetta 5eranteni +44 (0)20 7º07 o550
Licenºinq & SyndicaLion AººiºLanL NiceIe Adams +44 (0)20 7º07 oI?4
ßENN¡5 PbßL¡5H¡NC C0N5bMEP ß¡V¡5¡0N
C|oup Fubliºhe| PauI Payner
ßENN¡5 PbßL¡5H¡NC L¡M¡TEß
Chiel 0pe|aLinq 0llice| ßrett PeyneIds Chiel ExecuLive James Tye
ExecuLive 0i|ecLo| Kerin 0'Cenner C|oup Finance 0i|ecLo| ¡an Leggett
Chai|man FeIix ßennis
8/zo//e iº publiºhed I? Limeº a yea| by 0enniº Fubliºhinq. F|inLed by BCF.
8/zo//e iº available lo| inLe|naLional licenºinq and ºyndicaLion. Fleaºe call Winnie
Lieºenleld on +44 20 7º07 oI?4 o| email winnie_lieºenleld¸denniº.co.u|
ß¡5TP¡ßbT¡0N
0iºL|ibuLed in Lhe uK by Seymou| 0iºL|ibuLion LLd, 2 EaºL FoulL|y Avenue, London
ECIA ºFT. Tel. (020) 742º 4000, Fax. (020) 742º 400I. Email. Seymou|.co.u|.
SpecialiLy ºLo|e diºL|ibuLion by Wo|ldwide Maqazine 0iºL|ibuLion LLd. Tel. (0I2I) 7BB
?II2, Fax. (0I2I) 7BB I272. 0iºL|ibuLed in Lhe uSAby Sou|ce InLe|lin| and Speedimpex.
Fo| all ove|ºeaº newº ºLand enqui|ieº, pleaºe conLacL Ca|eLh.viqqe|º¸ºeymou|.co.u|.
5bß5 ANß ßACK ¡55bE5
SLanda|d |aLeº. I? iººueº (inc. p&p) uK. £4I.4º, Eu. £42.ºº, uS. $oº.ºB. ReºL ol Lhe
wo|ld. £57.00. uK, Eu and |eºL ol wo|ld ºubºc|ipLionº. 8/zo//e, B00 CuillaL Avenue,
KenL Science Fa||, SiLLinqbou|ne MEº BCu. Telephone. 0B44 B44 0027. Email.
Biza||e¸ºe|vicehelpline.co.u|. You can manaqe you| exiºLinq ºubºc|ipLion Lh|ouqh
www.ºubºinlo.co.u| - Lhiº ºhould be you| li|ºL po|L ol call il you've qoL any que|ieº
abouL you| ºubºc|ipLion. uSA & Canada ºubºc|ipLionº. I-BBB-42B-oo7o. Fax I-757-
42B-o25?. Email cº¸imºnewº.com. 8/zo//e (uSFS 02?-2o7) iº publiºhed monLhly
wiLh an exL|a iººue in Janua|y, by 0enniº Fubliºhinq LLd, ?0 Cleveland SL|eeL, London
WIT 4J0, uniLed Kinqdom. Ai|l|eiqhL and mailinq in Lhe uSA by aqenL named Ai|
Buºineºº LLd, c/o Wo|ldneL Shippinq Inc., I5o-I5, I4oLh Avenue, 2nd Floo|, Jamaica,
NYII4?4, uSA. Fe|iodical poºLaqe paid aL Jamaica NY II4?I. uS FoºLmaºLe|. Send
add|eºº chanqeº Lo 8/zo//e, ???0 Facilic Avenue, SuiLe 404, vi|qinia Beach, vA
2?45I-2ºB?. Subºc|ipLion |eco|dº a|e mainLained aL 0enniº Fubliºhinq LLd, ?0
Cleveland SL|eeL, London WIT 4J0, uniLed Kinqdom. Ai| Buºineºº LLd iº acLinq aº
ou| mail aqenL. © 0enniº Fubliºhinq 20I2. Fo| bac| iººueº call 0B44 B44 0027,
0ve|ºeaº. +44(0)I7º5 5º2º02. Email. biza||e¸ºe|vicehelpline.co.u|.
We occaºionally uºe maLe|ial we believe haº been placed in Lhe public domain.
SomeLimeº iL iº noL poººible Lo idenLily and conLacL Lhe copy|iqhL holde|. Il you claim
owne|ºhip ol ºomeLhinq we have publiºhed, we will be pleaºed Lo ma|e a p|ope|
ac|nowledqemenL. All leLLe|º |eceived a|e aººumed Lo be lo| publicaLion unleºº
oLhe|wiºe ºLaLed. 8/zo//e cannoL be held |eºponºible lo| unºoliciLed conL|ibuLionº.
EXC¡T¡NC C0MPET¡T¡0N PbLE5
Whe|e |equeºLed Lo do ºo, ºend you| LiLle, li|ºL name, ºu|name, add|eºº, poºLcode,
dayLime Lelephone numbe|, mobile phone numbe|, email add|eºº and yea| ol bi|Lh,
Lo. 8/zo//e, Blac|Lho|n CommunicaLionº, F0 Box 5ºB44, London SWI4 ºBF,
|emembe|inq Lo include Lhe compeLiLion code. Alºo, pleaºe Lell uº wheLhe| you
a|e a |equla| ºubºc|ibe|. You| deLailº will be p|oceººed by 0enniº Fubliºhinq LLd
(publiºhe|º ol 8/zo//e maqazine) and ou| ºupplie|º in lull acco|dance wiLh uK daLa
p|oLecLion leqiºlaLion. 0enniº Fubliºhinq LLd may conLacL you wiLh inlo|maLion abouL
oLhe| p|oducLº and ºe|viceº. Fleaºe ºLaLe on Lhe poºLca|d il you do N0T wanL
Lo |eceive ºuch inlo|maLion by poºL, email, phone and/o| mobile phone meººaqinq.
0enniº Fubliºhinq LLd occaºionally ºha|eº daLa, on a ºecu|e baºiº, wiLh oLhe|
|epuLable companieº who wiºh Lo conLacL you wiLh inlo|maLion abouL Lhei| p|oducLº
and ºe|viceº. Fleaºe ºLaLe on Lhe poºLca|d il you do N0T wanL Lo |eceive ºuch
inlo|maLion by poºL o| phone. Fleaºe ºLaLe il you 00 wiºh Lo |eceive ºuch inlo|maLion
by email o| mobile phone meººaqinq. FoºLal enL|ieº wiLh co||ecL anºwe|º will be
enLe|ed inLo Lhe p|ize d|aw and winne|º will be ºelecLed aL |andom alLe| Lhe cloºinq
daLe. The deciºion ol Blac|Lho|n CommunicaLionº iº linal. No co||eºpondence will be
enLe|ed inLo and all winne|º will be noLilied by poºL. Thiº compeLiLion iº noL open Lo
employeeº ol 0enniº Fubliºhinq o| any oLhe| companieº connecLed wiLh Lhe compeLiLion.
0nly one enL|y pe| houºehold. You muºL be a uK|eºidenL Lo enLe|. No caºh alLe|naLive
will be olle|ed. Submiººion ol enL|y will be La|en aº accepLance ol Lhe |uleº.
8IZAPPF IS FR00uCE0 F0R 0ENNIS FuBLISFINC BY
C0NTACT ßLACKTH0PN C0MMbN¡CAT¡0N5
P05T 8IZAPPF, BLACKTF0RN C0MMuNICATI0NS,
F0 B0X 5ºB44, L0N00N SWI4 ºBF
TELEPH0NE 020 B25I 007º
EMA¡L BIZARRE¸BLACKTF0RNC0MMuNICATI0NS.C0M
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¡Nß0NE5¡A Yeº, Lhiº an ove|ºized
b|ain. BuL, no, iL iºn'L |eal. ºo||y. InºLead,
Lhiº iº an a|L inºLallaLion in Lhe ºmall Lown
ol NiLip|ayan, which iº lamed lo| iLº culLu|al
he|iLaqe and haº been nic|named 'a|L
villaqe' becauºe ol Lhe la|qe numbe| ol
a|LiºLº livinq and wo||inq Lhe|e. Thiº piece,
LiLled 'FlanLinq B|ain', iº Lhe wo|| ol local
a|LiºL Suha|yanLo T|i, and iº pa|L ol an
ouLdoo| ºculpLu|e exhibiLion LiLled lo·t
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lun, Lhe|e'º a poliLical meººaqe behind
Lhiº hul|inq q|ey maLLe|, and iL waº
deºiqned Lo |aiºe awa|eneºº abouL Lhe
|apid loºº ol aq|iculLu|al land aº Indoneºia'º
populaLion q|owº and Lhe|e'º inc|eaºed
demand lo| homeº, |oadº and lacLo|ieº.
BRAIN |000
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CH¡NA An accidenL while clea|inq liLLe|
lelL Wanq Chenqqen wiLh a meLal hoo|
embedded in hiº º|ull. Wanq, l|om Fa|bin,
Feilonqjianq F|ovince, ºlipped while po|inq
Lh|ouqh |ubbiºh wiLh Lhe hoo|, and he lell
onLo Lhe cu|ved ºpi|e which ºlammed 5cm
inLo hiº eye ºoc|eL. Mi|aculouºly, Wanq'º
eye waºn'L damaqed in Lhe incidenL and
docLo|º we|e able Lo ºave hiº viºion.
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CH¡NA Since childhood, 44-yea|-old
Xionq waº uºed Lo lindinq ºmall bumpº
q|owinq on hiº body. So when he lound
a lump on Lhe bac| ol hiº nec| in Novembe|
20I2, he didn'L Lhin| Lo ºee| medical advice.
Biq miºLa|e. WiLhin wee|º, Lhe lump had
ballooned inLo Lhe maººive Lumou| you ºee
he|e, which made Lhoºe a|ound Xionq jo|e
LhaL he'd ¨q|own Lwo headº¨. When he
evenLually wenL Lo hoºpiLal, ºu|qeonº
diºcove|ed LhaL Xionq waº ºulle|inq l|om
neu|olib|omaLoºiº, a diºo|de| LhaL cauºeº
ne|ve Liººue Lo q|ow Lumo|º and leave
bumpº unde| Lhe º|in. The p|ocedu|e Lo
|emove Lhe Lumou| waº |iº|y aº iL waº
choc|-lull ol blood veººelº LhaL could have
cauºed hemo||haqinq, buL Lhan|lully Lhe
p|ocedu|e waº a ºucceºº and Xionq iº
expecLed Lo ma|e a lull |ecove|y.
A w£I0dT
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CEPMANY Thiº L|ip waº neve| qoinq
Lo have a happy endinq lo| iLº paººenqe|º.
When a L|uc| conLaininq o50 piqº
ove|Lu|ned on iLº way Lo a ºlauqhLe|houºe
nea| C|eilºwald, Lhe ºquealinq liveºLoc|
we|e unce|emoniouºly Lipped onLo Lhe buºy
hiqhway. And while Lhiº waº a pe|lecL
oppo|LuniLy lo| ºome ol Lhe hoqº Lo
cu|ly-Lail iL ouL ol Lhe|e Lo (almoºL ce|Lainly
ºho|L-lived) ºaleLy, moºL ol Lhe animalº died
du|inq Lhe l|ea| accidenL. unlo|LunaLely lo|
Lhe eme|qency ºe|viceº, Lhe Laº| ol clea|inq
Lhe b|uiºed co|pºeº lell on local li|eliqhLe|º.
8/zo//e wonde|º il dinne| in C|eilºwald
li|e ºLaLion LhaL niqhL waº qammon ºLea|º
LhaL had 'lallen oll Lhe bac| ol a lo||y'. F
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GÒPE LASTEP
WlNS ÒBSCENlT¥ TPlAL
¡T C0bLß HAVE ßEEN A CHAPTEP
l|om Lhe IºB0º video naºLy hyºLe|ia - and
ma|eº Lhe |ecenL uK lu|o|e ºu||oundinq
T/e /anon 0ent/µeJe ? ºeem li|e a mino|
playq|ound ºcullle - buL Canadian ºpecial
ellecLº maºLe| Remy CouLu|e haº linally
been clea|ed ol obºceniLy cha|qeº alLe| hiº
ºe|ial |ille| p|ojecL, Inne/ 0eµ/ov/t, waº
deemed by a Canadian cou|L aº havinq
a|LiºLic me|iL in line wiLh oLhe| ho||o| wo||º.
The online-only ºe|ieº, c|eaLed in 2005
Lo |eºemble a licLional dia|y, lollowº, in
CouLu|e'º wo|dº, a ¨maº|ed maniac Lo|Lu|inq
and mu|de|inq people in exL|emely heinouº
manne|º, ºuch aº muLilaLion, cannibaliºm,
ºexual aººaulL and nec|ophilia¨. Comp|iºed
ol ºho|L lilmº and phoLoºhooLº whe|e
Lhe vicLimº a|e almoºL excluºively lemale,
Lhe ºLaqed ºceneº a|e ºo ho||ilically b|uLal
and |ealiºLic LhaL, in 200o, Lwo ºiLe viºiLo|º
l|om AuºL|ia and Ce|many LhouqhL LhaL
acLual mu|de|º had La|en place.
In 0cLobe| 200º, lollowinq alleqed
p|eººu|e l|om InLe|pol, Canadian police
a||eºLed CouLu|e on cha|qeº ol c|eaLinq,
poººeººinq and diºL|ibuLinq obºcene
maLe|ial. BuL iL Loo| mo|e Lhan Lh|ee yea|º
lo| Lhe L|ial Lo |each cou|L.
The ?5-yea|-old lilmma|e| waº linally
acquiLLed ol all cha|qeº in 0ecembe| 20I2
lollowinq a L|ial LhaL laºLed Lwo wee|º.
Fad he been lound quilLy, CouLu|e could have
laced a p|iºon ºenLence and a c|iminal |eco|d.
0eºpiLe Lhe exL|emiLy ol hiº maLe|ial,
CouLu|e alwayº exp|eººed exaºpe|aLion aL
Lhe cha|qeº and conLinued Lo baLLle lo|
Lcncmcrk hcrrcr ccse encs hc¡¡íly ícr Ccnccícn íílmmcker Pemy Cculure
BAEA0C
l|eedom ol a|LiºLic exp|eººion, a|quinq
LhaL Inne/ 0eµ/ov/t, waº conceived aº
a ºhowcaºe lo| hiº ºpecial ellecLº LalenLº.
¨Favinq |eºea|ched Lhe deviouº naLu|e
ol ºe|ial |ille|º, I ºimply wanLed Lo |ep|oduce
Lhei| q|oLeºque viºion Lh|ouqh viºual dia|ieº
and ºho|L lilmº,¨ he Lellº 8/zo//e. ¨By enLe|inq
Lhe webºiLe, you become a ºpecLaLo| Lo
Lhiº pºychoLic LheaL|e. I waº inLenL on
ºhowcaºinq my exL|eme ºpecial ellecLº in
|ec|eaLinq Lheºe ho||ilic ºceneº - no mo|e,
no leºº. The vicLimº we|e lemale becauºe
Lhe majo|iLy ol ºe|ial |ille|º a|e heLe|oºexual
maleº and Lhei| vicLimº lemale.¨
Li|e oLhe| ho||o| induºL|y inºide|º -
many ol whom |eqa|d CouLu|e'º L|ial aº
a landma|| caºe - Lhe Inne/ 0eµ/ov/t,
di|ecLo| believeº LhaL a 'quilLy' ouLcome
would have been a ºe|iouº Lh|eaL lo| Lhe
a|Lº and lilm induºL|y in qene|al.
¨Imaqine il a qove|nmenL can decide
whaL iº conºide|ed a|LiºLic o| noL,¨
he ºayº. ¨They could Lu|n a wo|| ol a|L
inLo a c|iminal acL juºL becauºe ºomeone
ºeeº iL aº inapp|op|iaLe o| in bad LaºLe.
And in doinq ºo, Lhey could ºend iLº c|eaLo|
Lo p|iºon. The |epe|cuººionº ol Lhe cha|qeº
aqainºL me could have become a |ealiLy,
deºpiLe my wo|| beinq compleLe licLion.¨
CouLu|e deºc|ibeº Lhe ouLcome ol
Lhe L|ial aº a ¨L|emendouº |eliel¨, and ºayº
he haº no |eq|eLº abouL c|eaLinq Inne/
0eµ/ov/t, aº hiº inLenLionº ¨we|e neve|
c|iminal¨. Imaqeº l|om Lhe ºe|ieº a|e once
aqain ºale Lo publiºh - and ºome ol Lhem
can be ºeen on Lheºe paqeº. Anyone
inLe|eºLed in CouLu|e'º wo|| may alºo
wanL Lo qeL hold ol Lhe documenLa|y
by F|ede|ic| Maheux, LiLled APT/0PIMF
which iº now available on 0v0 and includeº
Inne/ 0eµ/ov/t, lilmº and phoLoº in iLº
bonuº conLenL.
Foweve|, Lhe o|deal haº lelL CouLu|e
jaded and pennileºº. ¨My li|ºL p|io|iLy iº Lo
lind peace ol mind and L|y Lo qeL my allai|º
bac| in o|de|,¨ he ºayº. ¨BuL Lhe L|ial |uined
me linancially, and includinq Lhe lawye| leeº,
I now have a $?5,000 (£22,II?) debL.¨
lf ]aa W+rt ta |e+rr mare, ar Waa|1 |||e ta sappart
Rem] |r ||s c+ase, 1|s|t Sappartrem].cam F
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îîîî|î îl1|Ml l1î lîI |î|î î| îîI|lW|î îî îî1îlî|î|î Iîî
|lIî|M|! Iîl1 Iî| î|îlI| î1 IWlII|î
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îl|lîî|Mlîl|l1| l1î lI |lî|îîîî.îîM|îl|lîî|Mlîl|l1|
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New book ceIebroIes Ihe cheeky chorm oI BrIIIsh showQIrIs
Whe are the mest exciting ßritish acts,
and where can readers see the best7
You'd be lo|qiven lo| Lhin|inq LhaL London waº
Lhe beaLinq hea|L ol uK bu|leºque. Foweve|,
ouLºide Lhe capiLal Lhe|e'º an inc|edible
bu|leºque ºcene LhaL'º ve|y much alive and
well, wiLh many p|ovincial Lownº and ciLieº
ac|oºº Lhe counL|y now hoºLinq |equla| ºhowº.
B|iLiºh Bu|leºque iº bu|ºLinq inLo lile
eve|ywhe|e you loo|, and Lhe|e a|e labulouº
a|LiºLeº ol all aqeº and levelº ol expe|Liºe
pe|lo|minq |equla|ly ac|oºº Lhe uK - and
becauºe ol Lhiº, I can'L pic| a lavou|iLe
pe|lo|me|' BuL I love iL when I come ac|oºº
anoLhe| pe|lo|me| I've noL been awa|e ol.
Hew de yeu see the ßritish burIesque
scene deveIeµing ever the ceming years?
The |eviLaliºed bu|leºque ºcene in Lhe uK iº
livinq, b|eaLhinq and eve|-chanqinq. I leel LhaL
bu|leºque will ºLay L|ue Lo iLº I00 yea|-old
hiºLo|y, buL conLinue Lo evolve in p|eºenLaLion
aº mo|e LalenLed pe|lo|me|º puL Lhei| own
pe|ºonal ºpin on lonq-held L|adiLionº.
Bar|es|ae Be+at] |s pa|||s|eá |] Tam+|+W| |||ms,
casts L¡4.95, +rá |s +1+||+||e fram Am+/ar.ca.a| F
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T0ßAY, ßP¡T¡5H ßbPLE5qbE ¡5
ºL|onqe| Lhan eve|. AlLhouqh Lhe ºcene iº
LainLed by a handlul ol Lwo-biL ºL|ippe|º
jumpinq on Lhiº ºequined bandwaqon, Lhe
bu|leºque communiLy in Lhe uK cu||enLly
ºpa||leº wiLh ºome ol Lhe wo|ld'º lineºL
pe|lo|mance LalenL, and iº helpinq Lo ºeL Lhe
aqenda lo| bu|leºque ac|oºº Lhiº lai| planeL.
To celeb|aLe Lhe |iºe and |iºe ol B|iLiºh
bu|leºque, ºcene ºLa|leL Senºu'Elle haº penned
a new boo|, 8a//e·¸ae 8eoat,, LhaL'º dedicaLed
Lo eve|y pe|lo|me| who'º wo||inq ha|d Lo
p|eºe|ve Lhiº vinLaqe and exoLic lo|m ol
enLe|LainmenL. We cauqhL up wiLh Senºu'Elle
lo| a naLLe| abouL he| debuL Lome.
When did yeu start µerferming burIesque?
I've been pe|lo|minq and p|oducinq lo| ove|
Lh|ee yea|º, and Leachinq bu|leºque lo| ove|
I2 monLhº. My appea|anceº a|e p|ima|ily in
ºLaqed ºhowº, o| aL ºmalle| inLimaLe o| p|ivaLe
boo|inqº ac|oºº Lhe ºouLh ol Enqland. My
biqqeºL ºhow Lo daLe waº aL Lhe Bou|nemouLh
TaLLoo ConvenLion. I've alºo pe|lo|med aL
bu|leºque caba|eL club volupLé in London, and
I'd deºc|ibe my ºLyle aº L|adiLional and eleqanL.
Hew did the beek ceme abeut?
I waº inviLed Lo co-auLho| 8a//e·¸ae
8eoat, Lwo yea|º aqo by Fampºhi|e-baºed
phoLoq|aphe| and q|aphic deºiqne|,
Ch|iºLophe| Joneº, alonqºide hiº auLho|
colleaque B|ian MaLLhewº.
BuL I waº Lhen aº|ed Lo acLually oµµeo/
in Lhe boo| aº one ol Lhei| eiqhL leaLu|ed
a|LiºLeº. Ch|iº iº a LalenLed phoLoq|aphe|,
and when we li|ºL meL he'd al|eady La|en
ºome lovely ºhoLº aL a numbe| ol bu|leºque
ºhowº in Fampºhi|e, and lelL he wanLed
Lo p|oduce a phoLo-led boo| loo|inq aL
Lhe |evival ol Lhe B|iLiºh bu|leºque ºcene.
Aº well aº beinq a beauLilul boo|,
8a//e·¸ae 8eoat, will alºo Leach |eade|º
a loL abouL Lhe wonde|lul uK-baºed
inLe|naLional pe|lo|me|º we've phoLoq|aphed
and inLe|viewed, includinq 0omino Ba|beau,
Khandie Khiººeº, Ambe| Topaz, Anna Fu|
Laxiº, Ally KaLLe, MyºLi vine and Ca||ie-Ann
0'0ell. They'll alºo lind excellenL p|oleººional
Lipº and inºiqhLº inLo Lhiº beauLilul a|Llo|m,
and pe|hapº be inºpi|ed Lo La|e up bu|leºque.
Who |nowº, one day ou| |eade|º may become
p|oleººional pe|lo|me|º in Lhei| own |iqhL'
B0RLE8Q0EE¯/¯¯/¦
6H|N0EH
ThE
FROM0LTRAV¡XEH
HORROR¡COH¦
HowCoIIeIIe Von Toro Is seIIInQ Ihe bIQ screen obIoze
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Are yeu µIanning te use CeIIette in yeur
future µreductiens7
Yeº, ol cou|ºe. ColleLLe'º ºcene LhaL'º Lold in
llaºhbac| iº pa|L ol much biqqe| ºLo|y LhaL'º
qoinq inLo p|oducLion Lhiº yea| and, wiLh
a lew Lwea|º Lo Lhe cha|acLe| he|e and
Lhe|e, we ºhould ºee he| |eLu|n in ou| nexL
p|oducLion, T/o/n.
Hew did yeu ceme uµ with the idea fer
5lusher heuse7
I qoL Lhe idea alLe| beinq quiLe diºappoinLed
wiLh Lhe movie //eJJ, v· Jo·on, and |ind ol
decided Lo Lh|ouqh my own ºpin on Lhe |ille|
ve|ºuº |ille| idea.
We understand the mevie was made en a
sheestring budget - hew did yeu manage
te make the fiIm en such IittIe meney7
I can'L ºay how much iL coºL, buL iL waº noL a
loL, and waº |aiºed by combinaLion ol c|owd-
lundinq and pe|ºonal inveºLmenL l|om va|iouº
people. I Lhin| Lhe only |eaºon we pulled iL oll
waº becauºe we L|uly believed LhaL we could.
Reºou|celulneºº waº a huqe pa|L ol iL, buL
alºo ºma|L Lhin|inq and adapLinq Lhe beºL
we could made ºu|e we qoL Lhe job done.
0nce you qive up you| 'luxu|ieº' on a lilm
ºeL, money qoeº a loL lu|Lhe|'
¡s 5lusher heuse gery7 Can yeu reveaI
seme detaiIs en the bIeediest scenes7
Well, aº I conºLanLly ºaid on ºeL, ¨We'|e noL
ma|inq 0oo·e/anµ· he|e'¨ I can'L |eally
menLion any ºpecilic ºceneº aº iL will qive Loo
much away, buL I can ºay LhaL we qeL headº
C0LLETTE V0N T0PA, 0NE 0F IZRRE'5
moºL devoLed |eade|º and winne| ol ou| 20I0
ulL|a vixenº compeLiLion, iº ºeL Lo ma|e he|
biq ºc|een debuL in an upcominq ho||o| llic|.
S/o·/e/ /oa·e iº Lhe ºecond lilm Lo be
di|ecLed by MJ 0ixon - who alºo made Lhe
q|ueºome 0/eeµ·v///e in 200º, which will
hopelully ºee a p|ope| |eleaºe Lhiº yea|
- and Lellº Lhe ºhoc|inq ºLo|y ol a qi|l
L|apped inºide a houºe wiLh ºome ol
Lhe moºL noLo|iouº ºe|ial |ille|º ol all Lime.
To lind ouL mo|e abouL Lhe lilm, and
ColleLLe'º ºilve| ºc|een debuL, we cauqhL up
wiLh MJ 0ixon lo| a quic| chaL.
What is CeIIette's reIe in 5lusher heuse.
ether than a huge knife in her chest7
ColleLLe leaLu|eº in a ve|y impo|LanL
llaºhbac| in Lhe lilm LhaL involveº one ol Lhe
main caºL, and involveº he| q|ueºome deaLh
aL Lhe handº ol a ºe|ial |ille| named Tho|n.
Hew did CeIIette ceme te be inveIved
in the mevie7
I li|ºL meL ColleLLe on 0/eeµ·v///e - ºhe came
down Lo Lhe ºeL a lew Limeº wiLh one ol Lhe
main caºL membe|º, and we qoL on quiLe
well. She audiLioned lo| Lhe |ole ol lead
cha|acLe| Red in S/o·/e/ /oa·e, buL by Lhen
I waº almoºL ºu|e LhaL I wanLed acL|eºº
Eleano| Jameº lo| Lhe pa|L. I li|ed ColleLLe'º
aLLiLude, Lhouqh, ºo I aº|ed he| il ºhe'd be
line p|oduce| on S/o·/e/ /oa·e, and alºo
play a dille|enL |ole in Lhe lilm. I'd ºay he|
beºL qualiLy iº LhaL ºhe'º a lanLaºLic ºc|eame|
- aº you'll ºee and hea| in Lhe movie'
|ollinq and a|mº chopped oll, alonq wiLh
impalinq, headº ºawn open, elecL|ocuLion,
d|illº Lo Lhe head, and va|iouº oLhe| ho||o|º.
I L|ied Lo |eep Lhe qo|e heavy wiLhouL qoinq
ove| Lhe Lop, buL Lhe|e'º an awlul loL in Lhe|e'
What's next fer Myche Entertainment7
Thiº yea| ºhould ºee ou| li|ºL lilm, 0/eeµ·v///e,
liniºhed and qeL ºome |ind ol |eleaºe. Aº well
aº T/o/n qoinq inLo p|oducLion, lo| |eleaºe
ea|ly nexL yea|, we have a Ch|iºLmaº ho||o|
qoinq inLo p|oducLion aL Lhe end ol 20I²,
ºomeLhinq we've wanLed Lo do lo| a lonq
while. I'm alLe| Lhe manLle 'buºieºL man in
ho||o|' Lhiº yea|, ºo we'll ºee how LhaL qoeº'
Ta f|rá aat mare t+|e + tr|p ta V]c|a.ca.a|,
+rá |+ce|aa|.cam/s|+s|er|aase
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8|x pages ot Ihe sex|esI a|I·mo¢e|s,
t|eak|esI a|I a6¢ besI bo¢y mo¢sl
BAEA0C
6H|N0EH
ThE
The Hcllíe cnc lhe l.V. Gel cn ínlrcvencus shcl cí
HÒT írcmWelsh nurse cnc gcrge¡cl Hcllíe Hcllcn
l|llî\
l|lî î'' lî
B
/zo//e iº |eally qlad LhaL Lhe
Ca|dill-baºed, ca|bon-baºed,
qlo|iouº lemin-enLiLy ºplaºhed
ac|oºº Lheºe paqeº iº called
'Follie FaLLon' and noL 'Sa|ah FaLLon' o|
'Suzie FaLLon' - oLhe|wiºe he| name could be
abb|eviaLed Lo 'S. FaLLon'. ¨A|qh, LhaL'd be
ho||endouº'¨ q|imaceº Follie. ¨I've been a
|eqiºLe|ed nu|ºe lo| Lhe laºL ºeven yea|º, and
I once had Lo ma|e an announcemenL on Lhe
Tannoy Lo call a paLienL called 'M|. Minq
Coc|'. My colleaqueº LhouqhL iL waº hila|iouº.¨
Spea|inq ol coc|º, Follie collecLº vivienne
WeºLwood |ey|inqº wiLh miniaLu|e danqly
peniºeº on Lhem, aº well aº ºhoeº, q|oaninq,
¨I have ove| I00 pai|º and can'L buy leºº Lhan
Lh|ee new ºeLº ol heelº aL a Lime,
iL'º li|e ºome |ind ol illneºº.¨
She alºo hoa|dº |eliqiouº |elicº,
deºpiLe beinq an aLheiºL, and
haº a|ound Lwo dozen ºLaLueº
ol Jeºuº and The vi|qin Ma|y
aL home. F|aiºe be' ¨I |un a
ºLo|e ºellinq vinLaqe iLemº,
ºo I lind a loL ol my Jeºuºeº
while ºea|chinq lo|
ºLoc|,¨ ºhe |evealº.
¨Whe|eve| I L|avel
lo| modellinq
ºhooLº, I ma|e
Lime Lo
|ummaqe
in Lhe local
anLiqueº
ma||eLº and
b|ic-a-b|ac ºhopº
and hunL lo|
L|eaºu|eº. I'm oll
Lo New Yo|| ºoon,
ºo I wonde| whaL I'll
uncove| in Lhe SLaLeº`¨
0uiLe Lhe enL|ep|eneu|, Follie addiLionally
headº up a cloLhinq b|and called B|o|en Ci|lº
Club, have a buLche|º on Faceboo| Lo ºee Lhe
clobbe| beinq wo|n by |ecenL 8/zo//e cove|
qi|l Ce|vena Fox (no |elaLion Lo ou| Alix) and
alL.hoLLie Elle Richie (no |elaLion Lo Lionel).
Follie FaLLon he|ºell iº no |elaLion Lo boxe|
Ric|y, which ºhe |ec|onº iº ¨quLLinq, becauºe
Lhen I'd be ºupe|-ha|d. I qoL inLo a qood lew
ºcullleº bac| in my ºchool dayº, all liqhLº ba|
one happened becauºe I waº ºLic|inq up lo|
my l|iendº, Lhouqh I ºLill qoL in deep ºhiL lo|
Lhem. Ahh, Leen yea|º' My pa|enLº Lold me
neve| Lo ºLa|L a liqhL, buL LhaL il ºomeone hiL
you li|ºL, ºmac| 'em bac|'¨ We wonde| il
ºhe'll qive Lhe ºame advice Lo he| own bubba
- Follie'º a hoL mama. ¨The q|oººeºL Lhinq
I've eve| done haº Lo be childbi|Lh,¨ ºhe
muºeº. ¨Fandº down, iL waº Lhe moºL
amazinq, inc|edible, memo|able
expe|ience, yeL Lhe q|oººeºL aL Lhe
ºame Lime.¨ Yeah, we've
hea|d poppinq ouL a
ºp|oq can be
|inda.
ºquelchy.
yeL you'd
neve| |now
ºhe'd qiven bi|Lh l|om
loo|inq aL Follie'º
inc|edible liqu|e. We hope
ºhe qoeº l|om ºL|enqLh Lo
ºL|enqLh in he| modellinq
ca|ee| - noL leaºL becauºe
iL ºeemº c|iminal LhaL ºhe
haºn'L appea|ed in a ce|Lain
Labloid beneaLh Lhe headline.
'The Sun haº qoL iLº FaLLon'.
See H+ttarres mare af Ha|||e +t
Ha|||e|+ttar.cam +r1 sp] ar |er
TW|tter ¿|a|||e854¡95Z¡
WOPD5 AL¡X FOX
PHOTO5 ROWAH
M0RRAY,
MODELMAYHEM.
COM/ROWR¡VER8
OR 8EARCH FOR
'ROWAH M0RRAY
PHOTOGRAPHY'
OH FACEBOOK
ACCE55OPIE5
CHERRY POP LATEX
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B
iza||e li|ºL became awa|e ol Lhe
wo|| ol 0an Fillie| Lhan|º Lo
a Faceboo| compeLiLion Lo win
one ol hiº p|inLº, enLiLled 'Colden
SLaq'. IL depicLº a bed|aqqled q|oom-Lo-be,
handculled Lo a lamppoºL, d|enched in
luminouº och|e wee-wee. We jeºL' IL'º
a meLallic imaqe ol a dappe| qenL wiLh
a dee|'º head inºLead ol a man'º - a claººic
example ol Fillie|'º ºLyle, which maºheº up
vicLo|ian eLchinqº, enq|avinqº, woodcuLº,
and illuºL|aLionº Lhen |ewo||º Lhem diqiLally
alonqºide L|adiLional old dip nib pen and in|.
Fillie| haº inco|po|aLed ¨lound elemenLº¨
in hiº wo|| ºince hiº deq|ee dayº, when
he beqan ma|inq collaqeº ol phoLocopied
maLe|ial. Thiº p|oq|eººed Lo him L|awlinq
ca| booL ºaleº and cha|iLy ºhopº Lo ºalvaqe
ºc|apº ol |eL|o adve|LiºemenLº, anaLomy
boo|º and encyclopaediaº, and |emixinq Lhem
inLo imaqeº LhaL he ºayº a|e ¨lun yeL da||,
ºiniºLe| in a humo|ouº way, and LhaL Lap inLo
my leelinqº abouL how we p|eºenL ou|ºelveº
in Lhe wo|ld.¨ Team 8/zo//e |equla|ly p|eºenL
ou|ºelveº down aL Aºda wiLh decapiLaLed
el| bonceº jammed ove| ou| laceº. Fow doeº
Fillie| |now` IL'º li|e he'º been wotc//nq a·
THE FR0IT8 OF HI8 LA8O0R
AlLhouqh he q|ew up ¨d|awinq henna LaLLooº
on people and climbinq up Lhe ouLºide ol Lall
buildinqº¨ in 0xlo|d, Lhe a|LiºL now ope|aLeº
l|om a ºLudio in London'º SLo|e NewinqLon.
¨My c|eaLive cu||enL |ouLine iº Lo puL on
muºic by WinLe| Family (who ºinq abouL
emoLionº melLinq people down inLo o|anqe
liquidº, li|e ºalL beinq pou|ed onLo a ºluq),
d|in| endleºº cupº ol Lea, and unLil |ecenLly
I'd alºo c|am ºhiL-loadº ol chocolaLe inLo my
mouLh, buL I've qiven up ºuqa| aº I waº in
danqe| ol becominq li|e Alan Fa|L|idqe
du|inq hiº Toble|one yea|º. IL'º all abouL
chopped appleº now, uºinq my beloved
nilLy TKMaxx co|inq and ºlicinq device'¨
An inºL|umenL LhaL cuLº Cox inLo ºeqmenLº`
We |now lol| who'd d|ibble aL Lhe LhouqhL.
Lonq inºpi|ed by ancienL EqypLian
and 0ceanic a|L and maº|º, and Ch|iºLian
iconoq|aphical painLinqº, Fillie|'º |ecenL wo||
haº alºo been inlluenced by a mediLaLion
.wílh lhe scunc cí mccse-ící Bízcrre lclks cnllers, mecílclícn cnc nuns wílh crlísl Dcn Híllíer
|eL|eaL he aLLended laºL yea|. Thiº p|ompLed
him Lo |eºea|ch Lhe Bu|meºe BuddhiºL
L|adiLion ol 'Mapº ol InºiqhL', which deºc|ibe
and quide Lhe menLal p|oceººeº LhaL
p|acLiLione|º qo Lh|ouqh while mediLaLinq.
Aº a |eºulL, EaºLe|n |ende|inqº ol qodº and
qoddeººeº have bequn Lo ºlip inLo hiº imaqeº.
lo| example, Lhe illuºL|aLion '0u| Lady 0l
Eve|yLhinq' ºhowº a woman wiLh lou| a|mº,
|ele|encinq Lhe Findu qoddeºº ol Lime and
chanqe, Kali. Foweve|, Fillie| ºLaLeº LhaL Lhe
moºL powe|lul a|LiºLic deiLy lo| him iº Lhe
"Mycreottverouttne
ts toput onmustcby
theWtnter Fomt!y"
ll l | ||
Ce|man 0adaiºL and Su||ealiºL, Max E|nºL.
¨Fe made a boo| enLiLled 'une Semaine
0e BonLé', o| 'A Wee| ol Kindneºº', which
conLainº IB2 collaqe picLu|eº made l|om
pieceº ºnipped ouL ol vicLo|ian |ele|ence
boo|º, pulp licLion pe|iodicalº and novelº,¨
he enLhuºeº. ¨I ºaw o|iqinal plaLeº l|om iL
in Fa|iº a lew yea|º aqo, and iL waº p|ope|
mind-blowinq Lo view Lhem up cloºe. You
couldn'L ºee whe|e he'd ºpliced ºome ol Lhe
picLu|eº LoqeLhe| aL all.¨
LA CRO88
F|om line a|L Lo body a|L, Fillie|'º p|inLº have
been diºplayed aL InLo You LaLLoo ºLudio,
home ol |eve|ed body modilie|º includinq
Alex Binnie and Tomaº Tomaº. Fe haº planº
lo| hiº own º|in Lo be in|ed by Lhe InLo You
quyº, aº well aº B|oo|lyn'º Thomaº Foope|.
The LaLLº will join a piece al|eady on hiº
w|iºL. and a Liny upºide-down c|oºº he and
hiº maLeº did on Lhei| handº when I4, d|un|
on cide|, liºLeninq Lo Slaye|. ¨IL'º lovely Lo qo
bac| home and ºee ou| miniºcule maLchinq
LaLLooº on biq laL man handº'¨ he q|inº.
Civen LhaL we diºcove|ed Fillie| via a
ºocial neLwo||inq ºiLe, a|e Lhoºe man handº
Lypinq ºLaLuº updaLeº all day` ¨The inLe|neL
haº inºane poLenLial Lo |adically alLe| Lhe way
in which we communicaLe, buL I do Lhin| ou|
devoLion Lo diºL|acLion and ºcanninq Lh|ouqh
Faceboo| and TwiLLe| iº e|odinq ou| abiliLy
Lo be p|ope|ly p|eºenL in moºL ºiLuaLionº,¨
he muºeº. ¨I can ºee Lhe beneliLº ol Lhe wo|ld
wide web, yeL I have lanLaºieº ol livinq in
a woodland wiLh only a Ba|eliLe Lelephone,
ºwiLched on lo| one hou| pe| wee|.¨ AlLe|
liºLeninq Lo vi|qinal nun and a|L hiºLo|ian
SiºLe| Wendy Lal| abouL he| lileºLyle on Radio
4'º 0eºe|L Iºland 0iºcº p|oq|amme, Fillie|
concluded LhaL ¨ºhe iº one ol Lhe moºL ºane
people I've eve| hea|d ºpea|¨, elabo|aLinq.
¨She liveº ºilenLly in Lhe woodº, p|ayinq lo|
moºL ol eve|y day. Feople commenLed online
on whaL a 'waºLe ol a lile' Lhey LhouqhL
LhaL waº lo| a human beinq wiLh ºuch huqe
|nowledqe and LalenL. BuL ºhe'º doinq exacLly
whaL ºhe wanLº, and noL pa|La|inq in Lhe
hubbub LhaL iº qeLLinq mo|e ºh|ie|inq by Lhe
minuLe.¨ Il 0an decideº Lo |un lo| Lhe Fillie|º
and become a he|miL, will we have |eq|eLº`
Il he |eepº p|oducinq Lhiº a|Lwo|| - nun.
|e+st ]aar peepers ar mare +t D+r|||||er.cam
WOPD5 AL¡X FOX
PICTUPE5 ALL ARTWORK COPYR¡GHT
DAH H¡LL¡ER
BAEA0C
T
he lull leqal name ol Lhe man you
can ºee on Lheºe paqeº iº 'Kinq ol
In| Land Body A|L The ExL|eme
In|-ILe'. Failinq l|om SLechlo|d,
Bi|minqham, Lhe ??-yea|-old uºed Lo be a
w|eºLle| |nown aº 'The Body A|LiºL', while
an incidenL in which he waº ¨ºLabbed by
ºome idioL¨ puL paid Lo hiº ºpo|Linq ca|ee|,
he decided Lo ºLic| wiLh Lhe llamboyanL
nameº. ¨Taxi companieº do Lend Lo Lhin|
I'm havinq a lauqh when I call Lo o|de|
a cab lo| Lhe Kinq ol In| Land - I have Lo
convince Lhem I'm noL jo|inq belo|e Lhey'll
ºend a ca|,¨ he admiLº. ¨The 'In| Land' pa|L
ol my name pa|Lially |ele|º Lo beinq B|iLiºh,
alLhouqh I don'L claºº myºell aº 'whiLe',
il aº|ed lo| my eLhniciLy, I ºLaLe '|ainbow'
o| 'modilied'. LoLº ol my l|iendº juºL call
me Body A|L, o| Ba|L lo| ºho|L.¨
¡H THE EYE8 OF THE LAW
In addiLion Lo havinq a |ema||able moni|e|,
Lhe Kinq ol In| Land haº ºome |ema||able
viewº. Inºpi|ed by ºLo|ieº ol people who lelL
LhaL Lhey we|e beinq diºc|iminaLed aqainºL
becauºe ol Lhei| LaLLooº, pie|cinqº, o| oLhe|
body modilicaLionº o| |elaLed lileºLyle
choiceº, in 20I0 he joined Lhe Libe|al
0emoc|aLº, and now aLLendº conle|enceº
and haº ºLa|Led poliLical campaiqnº deºiqned
Lo ¨qeL a lai| deal lo| modilied people, and
imp|ove unde|ºLandinq and educaLion abouL
Lhe culLu|e¨. Fe ºayº, ¨The qove|nmenL
needº Lo unde|ºLand LhaL Lhe|e a|e human
beinqº who unde|qo whaL I call 'Fuman
Body AlLe|aLion F|ocedu|eº', o| 'FBAFº', who
a|e noL L|eaLed equally on va|iouº plaLlo|mº
- lo| example, Lhe muºic |eLaile| FMv, Lhe
MeL police and Lhe miliLa|y ºLaLe LhaL Lhei|
employeeº muºL noL have viºible LaLLooº.¨
The Kinq ol In| Land'º ºell-aººiqned |emiL
iº exL|emely b|oad - du|inq ou| inLe|view he
menLionº body dyºmo|phic diºo|de|, b|eaºL
implanLº lollowinq maºLecLomieº due Lo
cance|, chanqeº in body ºhape aº a |eºulL ol
illneºº, ºoldie|º wiLh ampuLaLed limbº, haLe
c|imeº, child|en qeLLinq inLo L|ouble aL ºchool
lo| colou|inq Lhei| hai|, and qaºL|ic bandº
aº Lopicº he leelº have |elevance Lo hiº
deliniLion ol 'Fuman Body AlLe|aLion' and
22BAEA0C
8¡GHT FOR 8ORE EYE8
0n a mo|e pe|ºonal level, he'º juºL lullilled a
decade-lonq d|eam Lo have an eyeball LaLLoo
- o|, Lo uºe anoLhe| ºell-coined Le|m he
p|ele|º, ¨Scle|a SLaininq¨, 'ºcle|a' beinq
Lhe medical Le|m lo| Lhe whiLe ol Lhe eye.
The p|ocedu|e waº pe|lo|med uºinq
ExLe|nal T|iple Blac| in| by celeb|aLed Foliºh
L|anºqende|ed mod a|LiºL Roni Lachowicz.
¨I wiºh I could lie and ºay I waºn'L ne|vouº,
buL la| l|om iL'¨ Lhe Kinq ol In| Land jo|eº.
¨Feelinq Lhe needle jab inLo my eye, and Lhe
in| beinq injecLed via ºy|inqe and ºp|eadinq
ouL waº Lhe ºL|anqeºL ºenºaLion. The p|oceºº
involved puncLu|inq my eye Liººue ºeve|al
Limeº and we did hiL a ºmall vein aL one
poinL, buL LhaL'º noL aº ºe|iouº aº iL ºoundº.
The whole Lhinq Loo| abouL hall an hou|,
Lhe ºwellinq wenL down alLe| a wee|, and
I ºhould be I00 pe| cenL healed by Ma|ch.¨
The q|owinq popula|iLy ol eyeball LaLLooº
haº wo||ied leadinq bod mod liqu|eº aº well
aº docLo|º, who a|e conce|ned lo| people
|uºhinq inLo a p|oceºº LhaL'º noL p|oven Lo
be ºale. Body modilicaLion leqend Shannon
La||aLL |ecenLly updaLed an online 'BME
Eyeball TaLLoo FA0' LhaL p|ovideº Lhe laLeºL
inlo|maLion on Lhe p|ocedu|e, which includeº
Lhe line, ¨Lhe ollicial |ecommendaLion iº LhaL
Y0uSF0uL0 N0T TATT00 Y0uR EYEBALLS.¨
The Kinq ol In| land, undeLe||ed by expe|Lº'
wa|ninqº, ºLaLeº LhaL he'º ¨neve| been mo|e
p|oud ol a blac| eye in my lile¨, alLhouqh
he'º hopinq Lo have hiº eye moniLo|ed by
ºpecialiºLº. AL p|eºenL, only hiº lelL eyeball iº
LaLLooed, ºo LhaL il Lhe in| comp|omiºeº hiº
viºion ove| Lime, he will ºLill have a luncLioninq
|iqhL eye. Fe muºeº LhaL il he wo· Lo qeL a
ºecond eyeball LaLLoo, he'd conºide| blue in|,
Lo maLch hiº lacial LaLLooº. Fe'º alºo loo|ed
inLo havinq hiº pa|enLº' aºheº injecLed inLo hiº
eyeballº, ºo LhaL ¨eve|y day Lhey can ºee whaL
I ºee¨, buL Roni Lold him iL would be li|ely Lo
cauºe i||iLaLion. ¨0Lhe| Lhan LaLLooº, lo| my
nexL p|ojecL I'd |eally li|e L|anºde|mal implanLº
on Lhe |iqhL ºide ol my head, and ampuLaLion
iº ºomeLhinq I'm open Lo - I've conºide|ed
linqe| ºho|Leninq,¨ he ºLaLeº. Fiº ulLimaLe mod,
il anyLhinq waº poººible` ¨I'd chooºe eve|-
laºLinq lile, buL noL li|e Ch|iºL' I'd have my
b|ain uploaded onLo a compuLe| ºyºLem.¨
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LhaL he iº conce|ned wiLh. Fiº ºLaLemenLº
|eqa|dinq hiº miººion a|e inc|edibly bold.
¨A man called vladimi| F|anz who iº º0 pe|
cenL LaLLooed iº |unninq lo| p|eºidenL in Lhe
Czech Republic,¨ he ºayº. ¨We have hiºLo|ic
leade|º who a|e lemale, and now Ame|ica
haº a blac| p|eºidenL, wiLh Lhe |iqhL people
involved and Lhe |iqhL bac|inq, Lhiº could be
aº biq aº when Lhe blac| communiLy ºLood
up and Loo| a ºLand lo| lai|neºº. Ma|Lin
LuLhe| Kinq waº an inºpi|aLional man and
il Lhe modilied communiLy can achieve
a l|acLion ol whaL he did Lhen Lhinqº will
be movinq in Lhe |iqhL di|ecLion.¨
Lynne FeaLhe|ºLone, pa|liamenLa|y unde|
ºec|eLa|y ol ºLaLe lo| equaliLieº and c|iminal
inlo|maLion, doeº noL ºha|e Lhe ºame
opinionº aº Lhe Kinq ol In| Land. Fe w|oLe
Lo Lhe Fome Sec|eLa|y, The|eºa May,
in Ma|ch 20II, aº|inq abouL leqiºlaLion
Lo p|oLecL aqainºL ¨body modilicaLion
diºc|iminaLion¨, wiLh pa|Licula| |eqa|d Lo
employmenL. FeaLhe|ºLone |eplied, ºLaLinq
LhaL an amendmenL ol diºc|iminaLion law
baºed on body modº would be p|oblemaLic
Lo d|alL, and lu|Lhe|mo|e would noL be
app|op|iaLe ºince uK lawº ol Lhiº Lype a|e
cu||enLly deºiqned Lo ¨cove| cha|acLe|iºLicº
LhaL a|e immuLable o| chanqeable only
wiLh dilliculLy¨, ºuch aº aqe, |ace, qende|,
ºexual o|ienLaLion, |eliqion and p|eqnancy.
In conL|aºL, ºhe did noL ºee modilicaLionº
ºuch aº LaLLooº lallinq inLo LhaL caLeqo|y,
believinq LhaL in ºuch conLexL ¨individualº
have an abiliLy and choice Lo chanqe
Lhei| appea|ance¨. The Kinq ol In| Land
conLinueº Lo lobby abouL Lhe maLLe|.
Bcc mcc enlhusícsl lhe `Kíng cí lnk Lcnc' lclks cLcul hís ¡clílíccl c¡ínícns.cs seen lhrcugh hís
newly lcllccec eyeLcll
î|·|ll|ll |îl'
WÒPDS AL¡X FOX
PHÒTÒS
ROB M¡LLWARD
The K|aq eI Iak |aa4 w|th
ITV's Sae Jamesea at the
20II ||b 0emceaIereace
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THE NEXT 19 PAGE8 APE DEDlCATEDTÒ¥ÒU, ¥ÒU, ¥ÒUí
Push IIIe Io Ihe mox
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Violence on p43
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Mondotron's fovourtte submtsstons wt!! moke tt onto these ho!!owedpogesI
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Your Body Art
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HOwTO
CONTACT US!
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E0|TE0 BY NkN0kTH0N
NkN0kTH0N@B|kUKTh0HNU0NNUN|UkT|0N8·U0N
EN0 U8 Y0UH 8TUFFl
EYE OF THE NEEDLE
A lew yea|º aqo I had an unluc|y
accidenL |eºulLinq in Lhe loºº ol ºiqhL
in my lelL eye. Since Lhen iL'º become
diºcolou|ed and ºuch. I noLiced in
you| maqazine a while bac| LhaL iL
waº poººible Lo have coºmeLic ºu|qe|y
LhaL placeº Liny imaqeº placed unde|
Lhe (I'm unºu|e ol Lhe medical name)
li|ºL p|oLecLive lenº / laye| ol Lhe whiLe
ol Lhe eye. I ºeem Lo |emembe| LhaL
Lhe people you ºhowed in Lhe maq
had ºLa|º inºe|Led.
Aº I'm blind in my eye, I'm
inLe|eºLed in lindinq ouL wheLhe| I could
have ºomeLhinq aweºome placed ºmac|
banq in Lhe middle ol my pupil, aº iL
wouldn'L ma|e a dille|ence Lo me. I'm
juºL havinq L|ouble lindinq Lhe name ol
Lhe p|ocedu|e o| anyLhinq abouL iL on
Lhe web. Il you could leL me |now ol
any deLailº, LhaL'd be q|eaL.
Jae Raáçers, 1|+ |+ce|aa|
Mandatron says: We covered this
procedure as part of a larger feature
on body mods (see extract below).
These 0osmetic Extraocular Implants
were done in 2004 by specialists
from the Netherlands Institute for
Innovative 0cular 5urgery. Let us
know how you get on!
P08Tk| k00HE88
JUNK Nk||, B|/kHHE,
P0 B0/ 59B44, |0N00N 8w14 9Bh
WHAT A
KNOCKO0TI
Fey y'all' ulL|a vixen Ch|iºLine
Fu|y he|e. I'm a huqe lan ol Lhe
maqazine and I wanLed Lo ºend
you Lheºe phoLoº. I waº in a ho||ible
ca| accidenL |iqhL alLe| I Lu|ned
IB which |noc|ed ouL my Lh|ee
l|onL LeeLh - I'd juºL had my
b|aceº |emoved, Loo'
My ca| waº clipped and iL ºpun
and llipped inLo a waLe| canal.
I lell ouL ol Lhe ºun|ool and wo|e
up pinned unde| Lhe windºhield,
L|yinq Lo liqu|e ouL how I waº
loo|inq inºide my vehicle. I lelL di|L
in my lelL hand ºo I LhouqhL I had
|oc|º in my mouLh, buL Lhey Lu|ned
ouL Lo be my LeeLh. I had maººive
L|auma Lo my whole lace, my chee|
boneº we|e damaqed, my boLLom
lip waº compleLely hanqinq oll and my
uppe| mandible waº c|uºhed. All my |ibº
we|e b|o|en and my |iqhL w|iºL benL
bac|wa|dº. I waº luc|ed up. AlLe| beinq
in-and-ouL Lhe hoºpiLal lo| ove| a yea|
lo| ºu|qe|ieº Lo puL me bac| LoqeLhe|,
when iL came Lo lixinq my LeeLh I ºaid.
¨Fuc| iL, leL my uppe| mandible L|y and
heal, and pleaºe ºend me ºome LeeLh.¨
I had alwayº wanLed Lo be a pin-up
aº I love LhaL e|a and wanLed Lo mix
Lhe loo| wiLh my pun| ºell. Belo|e Lhe
accidenL I waº younq and didn'L leel li|e
a woman. Then, |iqhL alLe| Lhe accidenL,
I lelL mo|e li|e Lhe B|ide ol F|an|enºLein.
I ºLa|Led modellinq in my ea|ly
LwenLieº becauºe by LhaL poinL I lelL
comlo|Lable wiLh who I waº and
lea|ninq Lo deal wiLh Lhe chanqeº.
I ºhooL wiLh my LeeLh ouL ºomeLimeº
becauºe why Lhe luc| noL`
When I waº li|ºL dealinq wiLh
my LeeLh, I waº ne|vouº when
Lhin|inq abouL daLinq. I can'L
eaL wiLh Lhem in, ºo whaL waº
I ºuppoºed Lo do` Co on a li|ºL daLe
and be li|e. ¨I qoLLa La|e my LeeLh
ouL.`¨ Luc|ily lo| me, Lonq Beach
iº a ciLy lull ol pun|º. I've been wiLh
my LaLLooiºL boyl|iend lo| ºix yea|º.
Fe doeºn'L baL an eyelid aL my LeeLh.
I've qoL Lhe beºL l|iendº in Lhe
wo|ld who hold my LeeLh lo| me
wheneve| I enLe| moºh-piLº, puL
Lhem in Lhei| poc|eL when I wanL
a ºnac|, loo| lo| Lhem when I qeL
d|un| and loºe Lhem, and help me
qlue Lhem bac| LoqeLhe| when
I b|ea| Lhem.
O|r|st|re |ar], O+||farr|+
See O|r|st|re |ar]s praf||e +t
U|tr+1|ters.ret/c|r|st|refar]
Mandatron says: It's bloody
brilliant to hear from Ultra Vixens
that have such inspiring don't-
give-a-fuck attitudes, and that feel
comfortable in their own skin no
matter what life throws at them!
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B|/kHHE
Y0UH
BAEA0C
B|/kHHE
Y0UH
I Lhin| Lovec|alL which have app|oved
ol. The LaLLoo iLºell Loo| a|ound ºeven
hou|º in one ºiLLinq.
Tom haº been |eadinq 8/zo//e on
and oll lo| yea|º - well, he admiLLed Lo
moºLly chec|inq ouL Lhe ulL|a vixenº'
picLu|eº' We |equla|ly |eep a copy
ol 8/zo//e a|ound ou| ºLudio, Needle
Aºylum, Lo ºhow Lhe cuºLome|º LhaL
people don'L need Lo lollow Lhe cu||enL
L|endº, iL'º pe|lecLly line Lo ºLand ouL
l|om Lhe c|owd.
ThaL'º why I value cuºLome|º li|e
Tom who a|e happy Lo leL me have Lhe
c|eaLive l|eedom Lo qo nuLº.
S|mar As||e], O+r1|ff
TATT'8 NOT RIGHT
0ea| 8/zo//e. I'm a lemale LaLLoo
app|enLice, lea|ninq in 0evon wiLh 0|iº
0onnelly aL A|Lium In|. W|iLinq Lhiº may
La|e a while lo| me, aº I have dyºlexia.
Beinq dyºlexic and lemale a|e Lhinqº
I leqally cannoL be diºc|iminaLed aqainºL,
buL I can be diºc|iminaLed aqainºL lo|
beinq LaLLooed. I am w|iLinq Lo ºee il
Lhe|e iº anyLhinq ºubºLanLial LhaL can be
done Lo ºLop Lhe diºc|iminaLion LhaL iº
lo|ced on Lhoºe LhaL have in|ed º|in.
The newº laºL yea| LhaL Lhe
MeL|opoliLan police and FMv a|e boLh
banninq viºible LaLLooº iº diºL|eººinq.
I had lelL LhaL Lhe ºocial accepLance ol
LaLLooº waº qeLLinq beLLe|, buL alLe|
Lheºe Lwo inºLanceº I'm ºca|ed LhaL
qene|al public pe|cepLion iº wo|ºeninq.
I unde|ºLand police ollice|º need Lo
ºLic| Lo a code ol conducL, buL I lail

TO0CHING CLOTH
I juºL wanL Lo qeL my pale lace in 8/zo//e' Fe|e I am wiLh you| wonde|lul
|aq aL Fo|L AvenLu|a in Spain. JuºL behind me a|e 0|aqon Khan and
Shambhala - a ºhiL-you|-panLº, ºca|y-aº-loo| |olle| coaºLe| wiLh an B4lL
d|op. My boyl|iend deºc|ibed Lhe ca| lo| iL aº. ¨B&0 llaLbed L|olleyº wiLh
buc|eL ºeaLº bolLed Lo Lhem¨. They had no ºhoulde| |eºL|ainLº. Whoeve|
invenLed Lhem iº p|obably a biL ol a ºadiºL. Foweve|, beºideº Lhe ºoiled
unde|wea| iL leaveº you wiLh (and LhaL'º juºL l|om loo|inq aL iL) iL'º eaºily
Lhe beºL |olle| coaºLe| I've eve| been on.
S+m+rt|+ Arr S+||s|ar], 1|+ em+||
CALL OF CTH0LH0
Aº pu|veyo|º ol da||e| imaqe|y,
I LhouqhL you miqhL li|e Lo ºee
my inLe|p|eLaLion ol T/e 0o//
oj 0t/a//a (|iqhL) which I waº aº|ed
Lo LaLLoo |ecenLly on Tom 'Felix' FlaLL.
Fe'º been a lan ol FF Lovec|alL lo| aL
leaºL a decade. BuL how can you deºiqn
Lhe un|nowable, you may aº|`
IL all ºLa|Led by abºo|binq aº much
ol Lhe myLhoº ol CLhulhu aº I could,
Lhen allowinq iL Lo llow unaººiºLed on
Lhe cuºLome|º' º|in. Thiº mappinq
p|oceºº allowed me Lhe Lime Lo diqeºL
Lhe idea and Lhen plan a pencil d|awinq,
which Lhen Lu|ned inLo a LaLLoo LhaL
B|/kHHE
Y0UH
BAEA0C
B|/kHHE
Y0UH
Most of you enjoy perustng
on the cropper,
just !tke Ktng KortmJomo!
(rtght), but we wont to see
you reodtng the wor!d's
greotest rog on the htghest
peoks, tn the !owest vo!!eys.
ond tn the wetrdest p!ocesI
"tkk..
4|0'I I04I
4 sW40?"
WHERE DO YO0 READ YO0R8
?
When 5arah Lou flew to Egypt, she shared her with a "peacock"
made from a towel. Later that week, a towel-elephant appeared who'd
"heard from the peacock that the mag ruled".
Lo ºee how LaLLooº
would allecL Lhe
elliciency ol Lhe
ollice| him / he|ºell.
Alºo, il Lhiº |adical
chanqe iº Lo do wiLh Lhe
imaqe ol Lhe ollice|, Lhen
I would li|e Lo poinL ouL LhaL
Lhe police hi|e people ol all ºhapeº,
|aceº and ºizeº, ºo why doeº deco|aLed
º|in ma|e ºuch a huqe impacL`
I've wo||ed lo| L|oubled |eco|d
ºLo|e FMv Lwice. BoLh Limeº I waº
hi|ed by ºLall who emb|aced my
pie|cinqº and LaLLooº, aº well aº my
|nowledqe ol muºic, qameº and lilmº.
The new |uleº appea| Lo be an obviouº
aLLempL Lo d|aw in cuºLome|º and ºave
Lhe buºineºº, buL diºc|iminaLinq aqainºL
Lhei| ºLall iº noL Lhe way Lo do Lhiº. I've
neve| had one complainL made aqainºL
me lo| beinq heavily LaLLooed o| pie|ced.
I have been diºc|iminaLed aqainºL
lo| beinq LaLLooed, and even mo|e ºo
ºince lea|ninq how Lo LaLLoo. I do noL
|eceive a ºala|y lo| beinq an app|enLice,
ºo I have anoLhe| job in a ºhop. BuL
my boººeº Lhe|e have Lold me LhaL il
I qeL any viºible LaLLooº I will be li|ed.
I wenL Lo my local buLche| Lo qeL ºome
piq º|in Lo p|acLice LaLLooinq on, buL
Lhe buLche| ºhouLed aL me and ºaid.
¨You can'L have any, iL will be waºLed
on you.¨ I can only aººume he doeº noL
li|e Lhe LaLLoo induºL|y and doeº noL
aq|ee wiLh LaLLooº.
My beºL l|iend iº a menLal healLh
nu|ºe who cannoL diºplay he| LaLLooº,
and my Lwin ºiºLe|
iº a LuLo| and won'L
ºhow he|º lo| lea|
ol p|ejudice l|om
pa|enLº. I am
bomba|ded wiLh
Faceboo| campaiqnº
and poºLe|º hiqhliqhLinq Lhe
diºc|iminaLion we lace, buL none
ol Lheºe online paqeº a|e ma|inq
a dille|ence Lo Lhe amounL ol
pe|ºecuLion LhaL happenº all ove|
Lhe uK. I waº wonde|inq il Lhe|e
iº any oLhe| leqal campaiqn lo|
equaliLy lo| LaLLooed wo||e|º in
Lhe uK, o| il one could be ºeL up`
I |now LhaL Lhiº pe|ºecuLion haº
been happeninq lo| qene|aLionº,
and I have been called naive lo|
wanLinq Lo campaiqn lo| equaliLy
in Lhe wo||place lo| LaLLooed
people. I am ºu|e 0ºca| Wilde, Roºa
Fa||º and Emily Fan|hu|ºL we|e all
called naive aL ºome poinL. Thiº iº
ºomeLhinq I leel ºL|onqly abouL, and
I will qive eve|yLhinq Lo ºLand up
lo| Lhe LaLLooinq communiLy.
O|+|re J+c|sar, 1|+ em+||
Mandatron says: You make
some important points, 0laire.
Body modification and tattoo
discrimination are supposed to be
protected against, and in particular
circumstances that fall under the
Equality Act on the grounds of
religion or belief. That might be
the best place to start researching.
Keep us posted with your progress.
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8PARK8 FLY
AL Lhe end ol laºL yea| I had a |eally
exciLinq phoLoºhooL whe|e I lea|ned
how Lo anqle-q|ind, Lhan|º Lo
pe|lo|mance a|LiºLº Johnny SL|anqe and
Laydee LayLon. We alºo had ma|e-up
a|LiºL Amanda Fall c|eaLe |ealiºLic cuLº
and qaºheº lo| a ºlaºhe|-ºLyle ºe|ieº ol
phoLoº (above) wiLh a chainºaw' Fanº
and |eade|º can |eep up-Lo-daLe wiLh
my ºhooLº (includinq my vIF-NSFW
ºLull) by chec|inq ouL my ulL|a vixen
p|olile - I'm alºo ºiqned up Lo webcam
on Lhe|e, ºo a Live ChaL can be a||anqed
on my p|olile'º ºchedule.
Oa||ette Var Tar+, 1|+ em+||
||rá Oa||ettes U|tr+ V|ter praf||e |ere.
U|tr+1|ters.ret/ca||ette1artar+
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TOOFR0¡TY
FORAPPLEI
BlZAPPELAG.CÒL
TOOFR0¡TY
FORAPPLEI
BlZAPPELAG.CÒL
TOOFR0¡TY
FORAPPLEI
BlZAPPELAG.CÒL
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BAEA0C
B¡ZARRE 200
ON 5ALE 19 MARCH
1¦I¡
Mâ1¡K|
PL08 ALL THI8I
ºGPUE5OME TALE5 OF GANGLAND TOPTUPEI
º8lZARR£'8 8EX¡E8T READER8 8TR¡P OFFI
ºTHE WOPLD'5 MO5T INCPEDIBLE TATTOO5
AND BODY APT PEVEALEDI
8IANCAI
NEXT MONTHI5 I55UE200 OF 8IZAPPE, ANDWE'PE
MAPKINGTHI5 MILE5TONEWITHA5HOOT FPOM
YOUPFAVECOVEPMODEL, B¡AHCABEA0CHAMPI
A |atex-wear|aq
qaa-w|e|4|aq aaa.
becaase the wer|4
aee4s mere eI that
tKâ¡â
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B|/kHHE
Y0UH
You !ot showtng off on our
communtty poge.Vtstt us
ot Your-btzorre.tumb!r.com
0|tra V|xea
Ne||ssa
daywar4 4ees
aet ||ke te be
kept wa|t|aq
Jay 0e||ett's
Beba |ett
tatt teek a|ae
hears at the
|ea4ea Tattee
0eaveat|ea
0reepy 0|aas
aa4 h|s e|ves at
|a4astr|a| a|qht,
NA0dIN£, |a Bram
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0ar|e|eqy0a||ae
shews eII her
symmetr|ca|
4etwerk |ak
0|tra V|xea
Sab|ea qets cheeky
|a a tattee sta4|e
J0BAEA0C
B
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k
|I
Y0UH
HEk0EH TkTT8 kN0 B00Y N008
PHÒTÒS E8TER 8EGARRA
KYL1E M0STAP10
LEE0S
AkT1ST ScoLL
MuºLapic aL
In| vº SLeel, Leedº.
WKAT 1S 1T7
A po|L|aiL ol
Ca|men Mi|anda.
WKY 010 Y00 0K00SE 1T7
I li|e Lhe Iº50º e|a, eºpecially Lhe
laºhion, and I LhouqhL Lhiº picLu|e
ol Ca|men Mi|anda waº |eally nice.
IL waº awlul beinq LaLLooed by my
huºband, Lhouqh, becauºe he waº |eally
ha|d on me' Fe wouldn'L leL me qive
up when I wanLed Lo quiL, and he made
me ºiL Lhe|e unLil he waº compleLely
liniºhed' Thiº po|L|aiL Loo| abouL Lh|ee
o| lou| hou|º Lo compleLe.
WKAT 00 Y00k FAM1LY TK1NK7
They Lhin| iL'º cool. I had Lhe
LaLLoo done aL TaLLoo Jam in 20I0.
Su|p|iºinqly, iL'º noL Loo bad beinq
LaLLooed aL a convenLion while people
a|e waLchinq, becauºe you |now iL haº
Lo be liniºhed belo|e Lhe ºhow endº.
WKAT kESP0NSE 00 Y00 0ET7
I qeL a loL ol ºLa|eº and ºome
commenLº, buL noLhinq neqaLive o|
naºLy. Feople li|e Lo aº| queºLionº.
00T ANY M0kE PLANNE07
I'd li|e ºome mo|e po|L|aiLº ol lilm
iconº on my leq, pe|hapº ol Lau|en
Bacall and Ma|ilyn Mon|oe.
AkT1ST
Aqa| aL Aqa|
& Kevº TaLLooº,
Walºall.
WKAT 1S 1T7
I've qoL ºeve|al pin-up
LaLLooº, includinq Lhiº bondaqed
imaqe ol 'The Fe|lecL Lady'.
WKY 010 Y00 0K00SE 1T7
I'm inLo |oc|abilly muºic and Lhe
Iº50º, ºo I have BeLLy Boop and
pin-up qi|l LaLLooº. I alºo li|e The SL|ay
CaLº, and I have a LaLLoo ol Lhem on
my oLhe| leq. I've even qoL 0avid
Bowie'º eyeº LaLLooed on my a|ºe.
WKAT kESP0NSE 00 Y00 0ET
Fk0MPE0PLE7 Feople a|e amazed
by my pin-upº, eºpecially BeLLy Boop,
becauºe Lhey'|e all Lhe |aqe aqain. I've
had pin-up in| lo| yea|º, Lhe LaLLoo ol
BeLLy Boop on Lhe Lop ol my a|m haº
been Lhe|e lo| ove| I5 yea|º.
STEVE PEkkY
W0LvERFAMFT0N
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BlZAPPELAG.CÒL
BAEA0CJI
B|/kHHE
Y0UH
STEPKEN P0TTEk
KINCSWINF0R0,
WEST MI0LAN0S
AkT1ST Rob
Ca|Lw|iqhL aL
Rob'º TaLLoo
SLudio, B|ie|ley Fill.
WKAT 1S 1T7
I have a Liqe| on my
bac|, and on my a|m, alonq wiLh a bi|d
ol pa|adiºe on my oLhe| a|m, and a biq
d|aqon on my bac|.
WKY 010 Y00 0K00SE TKEM7
I had a load ol c|ap LaLLooº on my
a|mº, ºo my ºleeveº a|e all cove|-upº.
New LaLLooº ma|e me leel younqe|.
I've alwayº li|ed animalº and Lhe
Japaneºe uºe ol colou|, ºo I decided
Lo qeL biq leaLu|e pieceº. I Lhin| my
LaLLooº have mo|e impacL becauºe
people can ºee Lhem l|om a diºLance.
So la| I've won an awa|d lo| 'BeºL
La|qe Cove| Male' aL a convenLion in
MancheºLe| wiLh my bac| piece. ThaL
deºiqn |ep|eºenLº ºL|enqLh, buL iL'º
mo|e ol a coºmeLic Lhinq lo| me, I li|e
how LaLLooº loo|. Tiqe|º have b|iqhL
colou|º - eve|ybody loveº a Liqe|'
WKAT 00 Y00k FAM1LY TK1NK7
My pa|enLº don'L li|e LaLLooº - buL il
iL'º whaL I wanL, Lhen LhaL'º whaL I qeL.
My miººuº Lhin|º I ºhould do whaL
I wanL. MoºL people li|e my LaLLooº
becauºe Lhey'|e hiqh qualiLy.
00T ANY M0kE PLANNE07
I don'L |now il I wanL Lo puL myºell
Lh|ouqh iL aqain aº iL'º La|en Lh|ee
yea|º Lo qeL my ºleeveº and bac| done.
I waº in|ed lo| a couple ol hou|º eve|y
wee|. I'd have Lo commiL myºell il
I wanL a la|qe cheºL piece, buL
I don'L |now il I'm |eady lo| LhaL.
B|/kHHE
Y0UH
J2BAEA0C
B|/kHHE
Y0UH
ALEX 0YEk
FuLL
M10KELLE MA01S0N
uK
AkT1ST John
Ande|Lon aL Lhe
Nemeºiº TaLLoo SLudio,
CounLy 0u|ham.
WKAT 1S 1T7 A Caia
Koopman-ºLyle piece.
WKY 010 Y00 0K00SE 1T7
I've been a lan ol Koopman'º a|L lo|
a lonq Lime, and a lan ol John'º LaLLooº.
John did hiº own inLe|p|eLaLion ol
Koopman'º a|L - he added Lhe beeº and
named Lhem Follen and Ma|cuº. I love
my LaLLoo - Lhe colou|º a|e amazinq.
AkT1ST Ma||
Bailey aL Colden
0|aqon, CheºLe|.
WKAT 1S 1T7
Ch|iºLophe| Reeve
aº Supe|man.
WKY 010 Y00 0K00SE 1T7
I'm qeLLinq LaLLooº ol dille|enL
cha|acLe|º I loved aº a child, and
Supe|man iº a biq one lo| me
- I waº only ºix when I waLched Lhe
Ch|iºLophe| Reeve lilmº. I'm alºo qoinq
Lo qeL Supe|Ted and LEC0 pi|aLe
LaLLooº. I've ºeen loadº ol people
LaLLooed wiLh Lhe Supe|man 'S' loqo,
buL I wanLed Lo qeL a p|ope| po|L|aiL
ol Lhe cha|acLe|, ºo iL had Lo be
an imaqe ol Ch|iºLophe| Reeve.
I emailed quiLe a lew LaLLooiºLº
belo|e chooºinq an a|LiºL, and
I alºo ºpenL a loL ol Lime qoinq Lo
convenLionº. Ma|| Bailey |eplied
Lo my email ºL|aiqhL away, and
Lold me he'd alwayº wanLed Lo
do a LaLLoo ol Supe|man.
WKAT kESP0NSE 00 Y00 0ET
Fk0MPE0PLE7
Eve|ybody loveº iL, and people olLen
ºLop me Lo aº| who did iL. I love iL
- iL'º b|illianL, and iL'º exacLly whaL
I wanLed. I waº expecLinq iL Lo La|e
ºix hou|º, buL iL only Loo| lou|.
WKAT 00 Y00k FAM1LY TK1NK
AB00T 1T7
MoºL ol my lamily love iL, and my
nan haº juºL ºLa|Led Lo li|e my LaLLooº.
When ºhe ºaw Lhiº pa|Licula| deºiqn,
ºhe ºaid, ¨I li|e iL, Michelle - juºL noL
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a|ound, Lhouqh.
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Fk0MPE0PLE7
I've noL had many commenLº abouL
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Lhey olLen wanL Lo ºL|o|e iL, which
iº a liLLle ºL|anqe.
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I'll have mo|e LaLLooº, buL I have
noLhinq in Lhe pipeline yeL.
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Coady aL MonLana
SLudioº, BaLh.
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0n my lelL a|m I have
Foºeidon, and ºome lovely me|maidº
aL Lhe boLLom. 0n my |iqhL iº a Iº50º
B|iLiºh ºcuba dive|, ºu||ounded by an
a||ay ol dille|enL ºha||º, includinq a
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aL Lhe bac|, and ºome hamme|headº.
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ºo Lhei| ºLoc|º a|e dwindlinq and
Lhey'|e becominq endanqe|ed, and
LhaL'º Lhe |eaºon lo| my ºha|| ºleeve.
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My mum and dad haLe Lhem. They
ºay Lhey can ºee Lhe a|LiºLic conLenL,
buL I Lhin| Lhey don'L li|e Lhem becauºe
Lhey'|e Loo biq. My l|iendº love Lhem.
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Fk0MPE0PLE7
You qeL ºome people who ºLa|e aº Lhey
wal| paºL. Some people app|oach me
and aº| loLº ol queºLionº. Fow could
anyone noL li|e my LaLLooº` My luLu|e
LaLLooº will alºo be ºea-Lhemed.
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I wanLed ºomeLhinq alonq |eliqiouº lineº,
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and 0anny d|ew Lhe |eºL l|eehand.
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Fk0MPE0PLE7 My lamily love iL.
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IL Loo| ?7 hou|º ove| eiqhL ºeººionº.
Feople can'L believe Lhe deLail.
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eve|yLhinq joined LoqeLhe| wiLh |oºeº.
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veiything uhcut Ameliu Nightmuie
is splushed in hig cclcuis. Ficm
hei stupendcus mune cí íunky
huii und vihiunt skin-ink, tc hei
tuste in ccníetti-cuke ice cieum und
vild imuginuticn, ccnveising vith
the Culiíciniu-hused piincess is
u hit like vuking up in Oz (the cne
vheie 'The Vizuid` lives) und
disccveiing thut 'hluck und vhite`
vus un unvunted ccncept thut gct
eiudicuted in the 17th centuiy,
ulcng vith the huhcnic plugue,
cpen-uii seveis und tvc-tcn leud chustity helts.
Adcpted íicm Secul in Scuth Kcieu vhen she
vus }ust u huhy, the ícimei stui cí NY Ink hus
emeiged íicm u glumcicus vcild cí icckuhilly
und clussic hct icds tc heccme un exciting ycung
ult.mcdel tulent. But ycu kncv vhut hei cne tiue
seciet is - the ieul ieuscn vhy Ameliu Nightmuie
is }ust u little hit ciuzy und u vhcle lct cí mugicul'
lt`s hecuuse she is uctuully puit uniccin und
hutched íicm u giunt gumhull in the sky. Ncv
uin`t thut }ust scmething.
Yuur website is called Amelia In Wunderland.
What wuuld yuur ultimate wunderland bet
lt vculd he like íulling dcvn u iuhhit hcle intc
un cdd vcild cí hiight pustel cclcuis, vheie
eveiything is mude cí sugui, even the pecple!
l guess it vculd he like u mix cí Villy Vcnku,
Nevei Nevei Lund, und À Niçhtmorc Bcjorc
Christmos. Busicully, like vulking intc cne cí
my dieums. luhyiinths cí heuutiíul mudness.
Alice's dreams tuuk her tu Wunderland. Have
yuu had any fucked up dreams latelyt
l huve this iecuiiing dieum vheie l`m stunding cn
AMEL!A N!0RTMARE
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
u heuch, vutching vuves ciush uguinst the iccks.
The vuves keep getting higgei sc l keep mcving
huckvuids, hut my sistei is ulsc theie, und she`s
hclding my tvc kittens. A huge vuve cutches hei,
sc l }ump in tc suve them. ln the mcst iecent cne,
l get them tc shcie hut l`m then vushed uvuy
myselí. l ulvuys die ut the end cí this dieum,
eithei hy dicvning ci hy heing euten. Veiid!
Sniff... that's sad. Hugs frum the Bizurre team!
Any idea what this dream cuuld meant
Av, hugs uie ulvuys velccme! l íiguie it
iepiesents my íeui cí lcsing ccnticl in the
huidships und chullenges thut l enccuntei.
l vish l cculd íiguie cut mcie speciíic detuils.
Du yuu like analysing yuur dreamst
Yes, they`ie u vindcv tc my suhccnscicus.
l dcn`t ulvuys undeistund hcv my ciuzy mind
vciks, sc this helps me íiguie it cut u hit mcie.
Du yuu ever have naughty dreamst
Suipiisingly, nct thut muny. But vhen l dc,
chhhh mun, they uie uvescme!
Yuur biugraphy says yuu were part uf the
ruckabilly scene. Huw did yuu get intu thatt
l`m in lcve vith the cultuie: the clussic hct icds,
the stylish megu huhes, und svunky icck`n`icll
music. l ulsc lcve sving duncing! My hcyíiiend
pluys upiight huss und is this hct gieusei guy.
l met scme cí my hest íiiends thicugh the scene.
Can yuu recummend sume cuul ruckabilly
bands fur us and readers tu check uutt
l en}cy Dypscmuniuxe, vhc uie u hud uss ull-giil
psychchilly hund íicm Englund. Alsc Stiuy Cuts,
The Ciumps, Reveiend Hcitcn Heut, Shuiks, Little
Richuid, Mud Sin und Tciment. But l`m u music
}unkie und ulsc lcve The Speciuls, Runcid, Led
Zeppelin, The Misíits. lí l cculd shcct music
intc my veins vith u hypcdeimic needle, l vculd.
Dues yuur guy have a huge ruckabilly quifft
Nc, my dude hus u mcdeiute tc ncimul sized
pcmpudcui. l`m uctuully u veiy lucky giil hecuuse
l`m vith my dieum guy: he pluys upiight huss,
he sving dunces, und he mukes me luugh until
l pee myselí. Ve ulsc skutehcuid tcgethei,
smcke u lct cí veed, und he`s hct us hell!
Su the 1950s wuuld be yuur all-time best erat
Cieut, hut l`d ultimutely vunt tc gc huck tc the
17th centuiy und eut cuke vith Muiie Antcinette.
Yuu were adupted frum Suuth Kurea when
yuu were fuur munths uld. Has yuur Kurean
heritage impacted un yuu much as a persunt
l vus udcpted hy u íumily in Culiíciniu, hut my
dud is ciiginully íicm Englund. He mcved tc the
Stutes vhen he muiiied my mcm, vhc`s íicm
Ceimuny. My sistei is theii hiclcgicul child.
Pecple cíten usk ií l íeel u diííeience hetveen us,
hut my sistei is my hest íiiend, und l huve nevei
íelt unything less. l huve veiy little kncvledge
cí my heiituge cultuie. Tc he hcnest, l`m mcie
ccnnected tc my iccts in Englund.
Has yuur adupted family inspired yuu in
yuur life and careert
My íumily hus ulvuys enccuiuged me tc íind
vhut l lcve, dc it vell, tc dieum hig, und he
pussicnute. l`m sc hlessed thut l cume intc
u íumily vhc veie sc lcving, uccepting und
ccmpussicnute. They uie my cheeileudeis.
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Yuu said that yuur whule life has been weird.
What's the strangest thing that's happenedt
Being lccked up und instituticnulised in Utuh hy
u hunch cí ieligicus nut}chs íci thiee yeuis. But
l suivived und cume cut u hettei peiscn íci it.
What the fuckt Care tu divulget
Let`s }ust put it this vuy - l vus veiy diííicult in
my udclescent yeuis. My puients íelt they needed
tc keep me suíe, sc they sent me tc u pluce in
Utuh. lt vus suppcsed tc he u pluce íci ticuhled
kids, hut piuyed cn despeiute, vulneiuhle puients
vhc didn`t kncv vhut else tc dc. My puients
hud nc clue vhut ieully vent cn theie. lt vus like
u sudistic cult, vhich picgiummed iidiculcus shit
intc pecple`s heuds. But even thcugh it vus u
teiiihle expeiience, vithcut it l vculdn`t huve
the diive und deteiminuticn thut l huve ncv.
lí l cculd suivive thut, l cculd dc unything!
l ncv uppieciute eveiy mcment cí íieedcm
l huve, it`s sc eusily tuken íci giunted.
Yuu luve biking and skatebuarding. Have yuu
ever had any nasty accidentst
Hell yes! l ulmcst stcpped skutehcuiding
hecuuse cí u nusty spill. l vus hcmhing u hill
in u ccnstiucticn site und gct speed vchhles.
l ute shit sc huid und íci sc lcng thut it íelt
like l vus tumhling dcvn thut dumn hill
ícievei! l`ve gct scme huttle scuis íicm it:
u heuit shuped velt cn my knee und icud
iush ull cvei my hcdy. Avescme!
Yuu starred un nk. Huw was thatt
lt vus 13 hcuis cí intense tuttccing vith nc
hieuks und little íccd, hut heing cn TV vus
pietty sveet. Althcugh vutching ycuiselí huck
is like heuiing ycuiselí cn the unsveiing muchine
íci ycui íiist time. lt`s veiid hecuuse ycu ieulise
hcv dciky ycu ieully uie.
Tell us a big secret abuut yuurself that yuu've
never revealed befuret
l`m puit uniccin. l hutched íicm u giunt pink
gumhull thut íell cut cí the sky. Oh, und l ulsc
huve un cld, diity, iipped up huhy hlunket thut
l sleep vith eveiy night numed 'Binkie`. l tuke it
eveiyvheie vith me. My hcyíiiend und íumily
huve uccepted it us u peimunent extensicn cí me.
ls thut u little tcc cdd'
This is Bizrr, darling. There's nu such thing
as 'udd'. Du yuu have any unusual fetishest
l like tc he tied up.
Dh yeaht Tell us mure.
Oh hcy, vell l dc like such things. l en}cy heing
the suhmissive cne und like heing hcssed uicund
u hit. But us lcng us l get u tuin ut heing the hcss
tcc, l`m u huppy lil` giil!
Have yuu had any strange requests frum fanst
Scmecne vunted tc huy u puii cí my diity sccks!
Did yuu sell them tu him. ur hert
Vell it vus this guy vhc victe cn my Fucehcck.
He vunted u puii cí my thigh high sccks thut
l vcie in u shcct, und he usked me nct tc vush
them. l nevei iespcnded, hut thut vus muinly
hecuuse l suck ut viiting huck messuges.
Scmetimes l huve the memciy cí u gcldíish.
w+rt mareº V|s|t Ame||+|rWaráer|+rá.cam, |+ce|aa|.cam/
+me||+r|ç|tm+re +rá ar lrst+çr+m ¿áemarpaff
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º Pecl cll.gírls
º Exclusíve ¡hclcs
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íelísh ccnlenl
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FrcmX-rcys cí
Slcrmlrcc¡ers lc C-3PÒ
¡csíngcgcínsl cFrench
ícshícnhcuse cesígn,
Ameríccn¡hclcgrc¡her
Dcle Lcy hcs Leen
Llcwíngu¡cne-ínch
íígures lc e¡íc
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H
ev Ycik-hused phctcgiuphei Dule
Muy is mcie tiuditicnully ícund
snupping icck`n`icll icyulty such
us Tcny lcmmi und Duve Cichl,
ci A-list pcp uitists like Chiistinu
Aguileiu. But vhen cne cí his clcse puls - u mun
in his 3us - unushumedly spiiulled intc scme scit
cí uvescme mid-liíe ciisis und stuited huying
LECO Stor Vors íiguiines, Muy stumhled ucicss
un ideu íci u nev pic}ect thut he thcught vculd
he cut cí this vcild. Ruthei liteiully.
¨l vus lccking íci u peiscnul thing thut
l cculd dc vithcut u ciev und vith u suh}ect
thut vculd cc-cpeiute und nct tulk huck,¨ suys
Muy, vhc hus ulsc phctcgiuphed 1uied Letc und
Chuilize Theicn. ¨My nephev is chsessed vith
LECO, und vhen u íiiend cí mine, vhc`s in his
3us, stuited huying them uguin, l vus diuvn tc
LECO und Stor Vors hecuuse they uie hcth
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
timeless. l íelt thut these íiguies hud the mcst
diumutic cí LECO tiunsícimuticns. Duith Vudei
is cne cí the mcst iccnic supei-villuins cí ull time,
yet he vus ncv un inch tull und in dungei cí
heing euten hy my Pcmeiuniun.¨
The pic}ect thut hecume LLCO Vors sees
Dule phctcgiuph clussic LECO Stor Vors heices
in such u vuy thut tiunsícims these cne-inch-tull
tcys intc duunting, evil-eyed megulcmuniucs,
ull set uguinst stylish pcp uit huckdicps.
Cuiiently exhihiting ut the Sumuel Oven
Culleiy in Ccnnecticut, US, these imuges uie
hlcvn up intc 2ít x 4ít pieces ci scmetimes
luigei. They uie nc lcngei the íeehle hits cí plustic
thut clumsy uunts uccidentully tiumple intc the
cuipet us they iuce tc cutch Coronotion Strcct,
hut suddenly, cnce uguin, mighty heings hlessed
vith supeinutuiul 1edi pcvei und guluxy-
ccnqueiing (ci suving, ií ycu must) uspiiuticns.
¨l íeel thut LECO dces u gieut }ch cí
tuking luigei-thun-liíe chuiucteis und shiinking
them dcvn intc udciuhle, tiny tcys,¨ suys Muy.
¨Vith LLCO Vors l vunted tc ieveise thut und
iestcie these chuiucteis tc epic picpciticns,
shcving detuils in the tcys thut uie nct eusily
visihle vith the nuked eye. Vhen kids ccme
tc the gulleiy, these cnce tiny tcy íiguies tcvei
cvei them. l ulsc íelt thut it vus impcitunt tc
dvuií them vithin the íiume, leuving heudiccm
uhcve the íiguie, vhich kept the kid-like
quulity cí the ciiginul tcy.¨
Muking these tcys uppeui hig und impcsing
is cne thing, hut Muy, vhc lcves stieet uit
ulmcst us much us he udcies Stor Vors, hus
ulsc successíully iníused his suh}ects vith duiing
levels cí 'hip`, muking them the lutest 'cccl`
duilings tc invude Ameiicu. Vihiunt cclcuis huist
cut cí Stcimticcpei puiudes. C-3PO`s dicid
`îlì|ì ll\ lll ll |lîl ll||. |l ìlll|ì l| î||ll |ll|l`

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uimcui duzzles uguinst u Lcuis Vuittcn huckdicp
(thut`s the Fiench íushicn hcuse, hy the vuy).
Chevhuccu is sc shiny ycu ulmcst need u puii
cí tcp quulity shudes tc lcck ut him. Oh, und
the guluxy`s nuttiest heices ncv huve íine chcices
in vhut lccks like vullpupei, tcc.
This is pcp uit meets geeky sci-íi meets
Ameiicun chic, the scit cí pic}ect vith univeisul,
eye-melting uppeul. Yet Muy dcesn`t tuke ull the
ciedit íci the level cí detuil his imuges ievel in:
he tips his hut tc LECO íci cieuting such indelihly
detuiled tcys in the íiist pluce.
¨The ciiginul Stcimticcpei design is hiilliunt,
they uie scme scuiy mctheiíuckeis,¨ he enthuses.
¨Vith my chcice cí cclcuis, it vusn`t uhcut using
hiight cnes, l deliheiutely used yellcv und ied,
vhich uie vuining cclcuis used in mcst stieet
signs. l spent u lct cí time tiying diííeient cclcui
cpticns until it vus }ust iight.¨
Sc is thut Ycdu`s hiuins hunging cut cí the
huck cí his heud' ¨Hu, nc!¨ luughs Dule. ¨Thut`s
LECO`s inteipietuticn cí Ycdu`s ciuzy íly-uvuy
giey huii. l hud tc shcct the íicnt und huck cí thut
íiguie íci thut ieuscn. l ulmcst like the huck shct
mcie thun the íicnt.¨
As Muy hegun shccting his suh}ects und suv
theii plustic peiscnulities ccme tc liíe, íuithei
expeiimentuticn tcck hcld. He stuited vcndeiing
vhut it vculd lcck like ií he X-iuyed cne cí
them und ícund u tiny skeletcn inside. Muy,
vhc emhiuces digitul technclcgy und Phctcshcp
us vell us tiuditicnul techniques, used digitul
imuging tc picvide the unsveis, cieuting und
munipuluting humun hcnes tc ccnícim tc the
LECO shupe.
¨The teeth in the skull cí the Stcimticcpei uie
un upside-dcvn smile, like theii helmets, und the
eye scckets mutch the helmet design us vell,¨
he expluins vith geek-like ielish. ¨l ulsc included
metul plutes und scievs vheie the ticcpei hud
heen in}uied duiing huttle. Fci these l used
my viíe`s X-iuys íicm vhen she hicke hei leg!
My lutest piece is un X-iuy , MRl cí Duith Vudei,
shcving ull cí his mechunicul limhs, us vell
us heuit und hiuin uctivity cuused hy midi-
chlciiuns in his hlccd cells. Theie uie muny
hidden messuges in this piece, cnly visihle
vith u mugniíying gluss. l`ve hund viitten
messuges in his hiuin ('Ccme tc the duik
side`) und heuit ('l um ycui íuthei`).¨
Althcugh the exhihiticn hus heen uttiucting
thcusunds cí visitcis cvei iecent mcnths, Muy is
cuiiently unuvuie cí Cecige Lucus huving evei
seen the vcik. But he hus ut leust vcn cvei u íev
lessei chvicus íuns.¨The ex-viíe cí the Fiench
piesident hcught scme cí my pieces hut l huve
nc ideu vhc she is,¨ muses Muy. ¨l cnly kncv
thut she hus gieut tuste in uit! l`ve scld cvei 6u
pieces, hut íci the mcst puit l huve nc ideu vhc`s
hcught them. Ccllectcis, udveitising cieutives
und iich puients íci the mcst puit. Ve hud u ieul
Stcimticcpei vulking uicund duiing the gulleiy
cpening, und vhen ve pcsted pics diehuids cume
cut cí the vccdvcik, heiuting us hecuuse the
ccstume vusn`t ieguluticn. Thut`s u mistuke
ycu cnly muke cnce.¨
Yet vhile theie uie cuiiently nc pluns tc hiing
the shcv tc the UK (¨yet!¨), Muy is keen tc stiess
thut ycu cun puichuse the vciks, plus piints,
ut the Ccnnecticut gulleiy vehsite, vhich is
scmething ut leust.
Sc }ust hcv dces phctcgiuphing shiny
little plustic R2-D2s und cute Chevhuccus
ccmpuie tc snupping heuvy metul hehemcths
such us Bluck Suhhuth`s Tcny lcmmi' ¨Shccting
Tcni is u lct like shccting u LECO Stor Vors
íiguie,¨ ccníesses Muy vith cusuul, shculdei-
shiugging euse. ¨He pietty much }ust stunds
theie, hut lccks uvescme dcing it.¨
|ar mare 1|s|t S+mae|aWerç+||er].cam +rá
D+|em+]p|ataçr+p|].cam
`l||ll |l ll| \l¡|| l| l \llì8lìll/|ì lì| ll ¡/\|ì|·
ìlll \8|||. ll| |ï| \lîl|l\ 8llîl ll| l||8|l ì|\|ll`
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`| l|8l\l ||l| ll| îlîl \lll 8lì| llll ll| |ìlll`
How does work? The
way traditional magic has always
worked!...
With very little time and eIIort,
the Prana Talisman can provide
its owner with the inner power to
achieve any positive goals that
they wish, however ambitious!
Centuries oI wisdom, knowledge
and practice have percolated down
Irom the scholars and mystics oI
the ancient world, and now their
legacy can be revealed and oIIered
to you, in the Iorm oI the Prana.
Here is the most important aspect;
the Prana will remain nothing
more than an interesting metal
pendant displaying some
curious and mysterious-looking
symbols beIore it is Iirst activated,
or consecrated. However, once
properly and personally
consecrated, it will be transIormed
into a real and powerIul talisman
dedicated to helping you to
achieve the success you desire.
Just as with a brand a new car,
which would Iirst need Iueling
and then purposeIuly driving in
the right direction beIore it could
actually deliver anyone to their
destination, the Prana disc will
need charging with both your own
positive mental energy as well as
the earth's natural Iorces, and then
Iocusing on your personal
goals beIore it can succeed in
achieving them. Consecrating your
Prana takes only a Iew, but
priceless minutes. Anything can be
achieved with enough selI belieI
and determination, providing it is
humanly possible. Prana is the
truly magic catalyst that will assist
you in achieving your most
ambitious goals and desires.
Once your Prana has been
eIIectively consecrated, or tuned`,
in just the way a TV antenna
collects and converts invisible
. . I think that Prana talisman is
working as I have been creating
and drawing nonstop and with
new conIidence. . .
unbelievable. . .
Ms DN, London
Hey. I just wanted to let you
know that the talisman is amazing!
Thank you! Since I had it, work
has been coming in, I Ieel great
and everything seems to be
getting better!
Ms NJ, Leicester
For Iurther inIormation visit-
vvv.fr.a.T.Iisn.a.con
signals and then broadcasts them
as a clear picture, it will collect
and magniIy all the available
natural, positive Iorces along with
your own psychic energies, and
then channel them straight towards
your personal goals.
You will Ieel physically and
mentally stronger and energised.
ConIidence will brim within you
and you will Ieel a potent Iorce
rise inside, discovering new
personal powers and becoming
sharp and decisive. You will
intuitively recognise opportunities
as they appear when previously
they went-by undetected; you will
Ieel lucky`!
Instead oI stuII just happening
around you, you will be able to
make things happen!
Each PRANA talisman comes
with its own 12 page booklet oI
easy instuctions and is supplied in
a purple satin pouch.
vvv.fr.a.T.Iisn.a.con
ADVERTISEMENT
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The origia.I
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WOPD5 AL¡X FOX
PICTUPE5 AL¡X FOX,
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Aíler hís íínger hcclc Le surgícclly remcvecícllcwíngcmclcrcycle cccícenl, Dcve
Plcy¡enz lcck íl hcme, ccckecíl cnccle íl. Lccíes cncgenllemen, ¡lecse gíve hímc
Líghcnc(Leccuse he's cnly gcl hclí cí cne) cs he lells hís lcle exclusívely lc Bízcrre.
TaºLe'º
li|e
chic|en.
F0W
L'
W
e dcn`t meun tc pcint the
íingei, hut ve`ie pietty
suie thut Duve Pluypenz
vins the title cí 'Stiungest
Thing Evei Euten By u Bizorrc
lnteivievee` - hunds dcvn. Ovei the yeuis,
ve`ve giilled muny u celehiity cn the veiidest
suhstunces they`ve evei gulped ulcng theii gullet
und intc the gustiic }uices cí theii guts, und
ve`ve hud scme glciicusly gicss unsveis - íicm
tuccs íilled vith íiied vcims, tc live gcldíish,
tc ¨my viíe`s usshcle¨ (Kevin Smith lcves
tuking his tcngue íci u spin uicund Bicvn
Tcvn, it seems). Hcvevei, cnly Duve Pluypenz
cun legitimutely cluim cunnihulism, huving euten
the entiie little íingei cí his cvn iight íist.
Duve`s nuil-hiting stciy hegins in 2uu1, ut
Mullciy Puik mctcispcit tiuck in Leicesteishiie.
He`s un uvid mctcicycle enthusiust, und ut thut
pcint vus tuking puit in umuteui iuces, iiding
u 1947 BSA hike vith u sidecui. Sidecui hikes
hundle diííeiently tc stunduid mctcihikes:
SELF-CANN!BAL
0B!ZARREMA0.C0M
vhen gcing uicund ccineis, the diivei himselí
cunnct leun intc the hends ci the sidecui might
ílip cvei, insteud, the pussengei in the sidecui
hus tc hung theii hcdy us íui cut cí the vehicle
us they cun in cidei tc veigh it dcvn, skimming
thiillingly - und peiilcusly - clcse tc the gicund
in the piccess. Cet too clcse, und the tiuck
huitling pust ycu vill uct like u giunt ictuiy
sundei, giinding cíí clcthing, skin, muscle, sinev
und hcne. On this cccusicn, Duve vus ustiide
the hike und he und his pussengei veie huitling
icund u huiipin cuive vhen theii íicnt vheel
vus clipped hy ccmpeting iidei. Theii hike
scmeisuulted, und vhile his cc-iidei vus
- umuzingly - thicvn íiee und didn`t sustuin
uny signiíicunt in}uiies, Duve lunded heneuth
the vieckuge, und his iight uim vus pinned
heneuth the hike`s hundlehuis us it skidded
ucicss the tiuck, shiedding his ílesh cíí cntc
the tuimuc.
HELL ON WHEEL5
¨l vus veuiing íull leuthei pictective geui und
u helmet, und ut íiist l didn`t iegistei uny puin in
my hund - l vus tcc piecccupied vith the ugcny
in cne cí my legs,¨ ieculls Duve. Duzed und
shccked, he tvice tiied tc stund up hut íell cvei,
und deliiicusly pulled cíí his hcct vithin the 4u
seccnds it tcck puiumedics tc ieuch him. ¨Theie
vus u guping hcle in my ícct, ílccded vith hlccd,
vheie puit cí the hike`s muchineiy must huve
gcuged thicugh my hcct, und mcst cí my hig
tcenuil hud heen iipped cut,¨ he ieccunts. ¨l vus
husy guvping ut this vhen my pussengei suid,
'Ei, Duve, ycu might vunt tc check cut ycui iight
hund.`. l pulled cíí my glcve, und my mitt vus
tctully mungled, it lccked like u knuckeied cld
puinthiush, ull íiuyed und }ugged und spiked,
vith vuiicus íihies und hits cí hcne sticking
cut ut ungles they ieully shculdn`t huve heen!¨
Blunched like u hug cí ulmcnds ut this stuge
und lccking like Cuspei`s unuemic ccusin ut the
Tcmutinu íestivul, Duve vus iushed tc A&E.
SELF-CANN!BAL
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
Hcvevei, us the umhulunce pelted tcvuid
Leicesteishiie Rcyul lníiimuiy, u pussengei in
u cui in cnccming tiuííic suííeied un epileptic íit
(pcssihly tiiggeied hy the ílushing hlue lights),
hizuiiely echcing vhut hud }ust huppened cn
the iucetiuck, the diivei punicked und ciushed
intc the íicnt vheel cí the emeigency vehicle,
knccking Duve cntc the ílcci cnce uguin! Tvc mcie
umhulunces uiiived, cne íinully getting Duve tc
hcspitul. ¨By this pcint, the shcck und udienuline
hud stuited tc veui cíí, und l tiuly vus in u
phencmenul umcunt cí puin,¨ he vinces. ¨l vus
given mciphine, vhich mude me high us u kite.
und muy huve uííected my decisicn tc sit up und
vutch vhen suigecns unncunced they`d cnly
need tc tcp me up vith u lccul unuesthetic heície
cpeiuting cn my hund. Mind ycu, l geneiully like
dcing things ctheis might íind giuescme, veiid,
ci stcmuch-chuining. l ícund the picceduie
íuscinuting tc viev, ulthcugh l`m nct suie the
dcctcis lcved heing studied vhile they vciked!¨
FINGER ON THE P0L5E
Medics needed tc iemcve the lust thiid cí Duve`s
iight little íingei, und he`s nct ccnvinced they
used the iight techniques. ¨lt vus necessuiy tc
smccth the splinteied, shuip end cí my íingei
hcne heície seving my digit huck up, ctheivise
it vculd huve pieiced thicugh the skin und
ccntinuully iecpened the vcund,¨ he ieuscns,
¨hut iuthei thun using u suv und then u íile,
insteud l vutched them chip hits cíí using u
sculpel, uguinst the hcne`s giuin. l`m suie this
cuused my the pichlems thut cccuiied cvei the
next yeui.¨ As his íingei heuled, the tendcns
pulled huck cn the iemuining misshupen hcne,
svivelling it sidevuys inside the uggiuvuted skin
until the digit ¨lccked like u hummeiheud shuik¨.
A seccnd cp íixed this issue hy seveiing the
tendcns und stiuightening eveiything huck cut,
hut leít Duve vith un uppenduge thut vus
peimunently ccld, vith u cieeping hlueish hue
- cmincus signs thut liíe-thieutening gungiene
vculd set in ií it vus nct iemcved ccmpletely,
ull the vuy tc the pulm. lt vus time tc vuve
u thiee-íingeied hye hye tc Duve`s digit. und
the mcment thut 'Biuin` gct u vhcle nev ideu
uhcut vhut tc dc vith 'Pinky`.
¨The ideu cí euting my cvn pinky íingei
hcnestly didn`t pcp intc my mind until l vus in
pie-med, uhcut tc sign the ccnsent ícims tc huve
thut íinul hcut cí suigeiy,¨ giins Duve. ¨Vhile l`d
nct heen tcc hctheied uhcut lcsing the tip, lcsing
the vhcle thing suddenly íelt íui mcie signiíicunt,
they veie gcing tc cut cíí my entiie digit,
u ccmplete puit cí me, und u signiíicunt secticn
cí my hund.¨ At the time Duve vus vciking
us u veldei, his }ch depended cn him heing gccd
vith his hunds, und yet he vus tcld he`d huve tc
huve un cccuputicnul theiupist ie-teuch him hcv
tc hcld things und peiícim eveiyduy tusks vith
cnly thiee íingeis cn his dcminunt uim. ¨lt stiuck
me, pcveiíully und immediutely, thut this vus
u higgei deul thun l`d ullcved myselí tc íully
ccntemplute, und thut l cught tc muke it
mcmentcus, tc muik it scmehcv,¨ he
iememheis. ¨The peiveise pcssihility cí
ccnsuming my cvn umpututed hcdy puit cume
tc me spcntunecusly, hut stiuight uvuy l vus
insistent thut l vus gcing tc cuiiy the ccncept
cut, und l ieíused tc give the hcspitul my
signutuie unless they`d give me my lcpped-cíí
íingei in ietuin.¨ Since the íingei didn`t cuiiy
u ccntugicus diseuse und didn`t need tc he sent
uvuy íci testing, dcctcis ieluctuntly ugieed tc
`ll| /|ìî|ì\|
/l\\|î|||lï îl8| ll 8|
\/lllll|l¡\|ï`
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
SELF-CANN!BAL
Duve`s demunds. Ve`ie suie it`s nct the cnly time
cheeky chuppy Duve`s heen 'given the íingei`,
hut it must ceituinly he the mcst memciuhle!
HANDWICH, ANYONE?
Oui hundymun heic vus cn the ieccveiy vuid
íci tvc duys, duiing vhich time his disemhcdied
pcintei vus stcied in seuled, tiunspuient plustic
}ui, uppuiently ¨in u íiidge in the nuises` hieuk
iccm, vheie they kept milk íci theii teu und
ccííee¨, ulthcugh uccciding tc Duve, it lccked
¨mcie like it hud heen sitting in u huthtuh vhen
l ieceived it - vhite, viinkly, und iesemhling u
dcllcp cí diipping¨. Buck hcme, uncthei ccuple cí
duys lutei, he pluced it in u pun cí hciling sulted
vutei, und simmeied it íci uicund 25 minutes.
¨l suspected it vculd tuste hettei ií l íiied ci
icusted it,¨ he suys, ¨hut l`d decided l vunted tc
keep the hcnes, und hciling vculd sepuiute the
ílesh íicm them vithcut cuusing uny dumuge
ci huining.¨ Cccking ccmplete, he pcpped the
pinky cn u plute, gicund u little hluck peppei cvei
it, und ccmmenced ncm-ncmming his cvn hcdy.
¨l`ll udmit tc heing u tud uppiehensive heície
tuking thut íiist hite, hut l vus ulsc veiy excited
tc he expeiiencing scmething thut huidly unycne
cn this plunet evei dces: euting humun ílesh.
¨l hud u cnce-in-u-liíetime cppcitunity tc tuste
the tuhcc, und it seemed like l shculdn`t puss it
up. As l menticned, l dc íeel un uttiucticn tc the
duikei, cddei elements cí existence thut tuin
muny pecple cíí.¨ The meul hud heccme u scit cí
iituul íci Duve, tcc, u kind cí theiupy: hy euting
his suciiíiced íingei, und ieuhscihing this intc his
hcdy, he íelt thut he vus iecluiming it cn scme
level. ¨Psychclcgicully, it did me u lct cí gccd,¨
he muses. ¨The euting udded elements cí humcui
und selí-ccnticl tc u tiuumu thut vus ctheivise
seveiely lucking in such pcsitive sensuticns.¨
Sc, like sc muny cthei suppcsedly 'unusuul`
meuts, dc Hcmc supiens tuste like chicken' Oi dc
ve humun heings huve u íluvcui thut`s mcie like
'humun heun`' ¨My íingei didn`t ieully tuste cí
much ut ull, hut the cccking piccess mude my
kitchen uhsclutely ieek cí pcik!¨ Duve ieveuls.
¨lt vus impcitunt tc me thut l piepuied und ute
my ílesh vhile ulcne, giving me piivucy tc quietly
ccntemplute vhut l vus dcing, sc l picked u time
vhen my then-giilíiiend vus cut cí the hcuse,
vhen she gct huck, vith nc clue uhcut vhut l`d
dcne, she inhuled the simmeied íingei smell und
usked ií l`d mude gummcn íci dinnei!¨ Biinging
u vhcle nev meuning tc the teim 'íingei íccd`,
Duve`s mcitul-meut menu hegun vith u stuitei cí
him picking up his íingei in his, um, iemuining
íingeis, und nihhling ull the skin, muscle, und
sinevs cíí his deud digit, vhich he iepcits vus
¨extiemely giistly¨. Fci the muin ccuise, he
¨peeled uvuy the cups cí huid vhite muteiiul
ccveiing the }cints¨, chcpped them intc tiny
pieces, und svullcved them, us they veie tcc
tcugh tc chev. Finully, he sipped scme cí the
¨hlund¨ stcck íicm the suucepun, heície iinsing
und diying the hcnes, vhich he ncv keeps in u
cigui tuhe. Vhen he íinds u }evellei he cun tiust,
he intends tc huve them mude intc un uiticuluted
neckluce, vith hinges hetveen euch knuckle sc
the pinky skeletcn mcves in the sume vuy it did
vhen it vus still uttuched tc his hund. ¨Ncne cí
my íingei hus heen vusted: l`ve euten the meut
und vill veui the hcnes, sc scmehcv l íeel like
l`ve lcst less, und íci me it`s heen u ncvel vuy cí
ccming tc teims vith un uccident thut chunged
my hcdy und my liíe signiíicuntly¨ he ieílects.
Vhen phiused like thut, the psychclcgy cí
Duve`s uutc-cunnihulism seems quite iuticnul,
ceituinly, his ucticns huve nct huimed unycne, ci
even hud signiíicunt eííect cn unycne hut himselí.
He nevei hud uny ccnceining íixuticn ci umhiticn
tc eut his cvn meut, iuthei, snucking cn his
umpututed uppenduge vus u kccky vuy cí
'muking the mcst cí u hud situuticn`, und it vus
cnly iemcved íci medicul ieuscns. Hcvevei, the
ideu cí ccnsuming humun ílesh is intiinsicully
uhhciient tc mcst pecple, cunnihulism tends
tc he usscciuted vith vccdcc, tcituie, suvugeiy,
seveie mentul illness, und seiiul killeis vhc ute
puits cí theii victims, like 1eííiey Duhmei und
Alheit Fish. Dces Duve get negutive ieucticns tc
his stciy íicm thcse vhc uutcmuticully usscciute
cunnihulism vith deviunce, ci vhc uie simply
gicssed cut' ¨Pecple huve cccusicnully heen
disgusted, hut ií l suspect scmecne hus the type
cí chuiuctei thut vill he cííended ci sickened hy
my tule, l dcn`t shuie it vith them,¨ he suys.
`8ï ||ll|ì ì|ìll ì|l||ï ll\l| l|
8¡îl î¡l 8lì| 8ï l|lîl|l ì||l'`
SELF-CANN!BAL
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
Eal Your Rearl 0ul is a colleclive oI marvellously
macabre arlisls, headed up by a dirly-minded 'Vice
Caplain' (or caplain oI vice) named Miss Cakehead.
They specialise in producing unusual and revolling
edible alrocilies, Irom Caslraled Chocolale Teslicles
lo Fungus-!nIecled Toe Cookies and cocklails
designed lo look like someone's slomach has been
pumped inlo a glass lo a Iull-size 'human aballoir'.
We've menlioned lhem a couple oI limes beIore
in 8/zorre, bul now some oI lheir crealions and
concoclions are available lo buy online, including
solid while chocolale liIelike babies' heads. Check
oul Thinkgeek.com lo gel a lunchbox lhal looks
like a human lransplanl organ cooler, loo. !I you've
gol lhe canni-balls, lhal is.
Ets].cam/s|ap/E1||O+|e|e+1
OAM-MfBBLEG
WonI Io Iry eoIInQhumon IIesh yourseII? The EoI Your HeorI OuI onIIne shopmeons you (oImosI) con.
SELF-CANN!BAL
`|î|l \lì|îl|ï î|lll |ì||lì\ \l|ì
ll|ï ¡lì|ì\lllì ll| \/|ì|l¡l| \|ì|`
¨The mcst ccmmcn ieucticn is íuscinuticn.
Even stiictly vegun íiiends huve suid thut they
undeistund the 'spiiituul` side tc vhut l did.¨
CA
Duve himselí isn`t vegun, in íuct, he`s heen
kncvn tc eut icudkill, und us vell us hcusing un
impiessive ccllecticn cí thiee-íingeied íiguiines,
untique hundcuíís und giuvestcnes, his hcme
is ccveied in deei skins, unimul skulls, und the
tuxideimied ci pickled hcdies cí hiids und smull
icdents thut he`s ¨iecycled¨, huving ícund them
deud hy the side cí the mctcivuy duiing the
íiequent tiips he mukes in his vun (iegistiuticn
'P33RVE`, plus 'l Lcve Duct-Tupe` humpei
stickei). He diives up und dcvn the ccuntiy
cn u veekly husis ncvuduys, iunning Pluypenz:
u hcnduge íuinituie husiness he stuited u yeui cn
íicm his uccident. Huving heen unimpiessed vith
the quulity, suíety und limited iunge cí BDSM
equipment he`d seen in íetish cluhs, Duve
decided tc use his velding skills tc custcm-muke
his cvn hespcke ílcgging henches, cicsses,
stccks, spunking stccls, und ícui-pcstei heds
inccipciuting pudlccked sluve cuges heneuth
them, pulleys íci suspending intiicutely-tied
suhmissives duiing icpe hcnduge sessicns,
und sliding shuckles cn the heudhcuids thut ullcv
ycu tc ílip u supine puitnei íicm theii huck cn
tc theii íicnt vithcut undcing theii iestiuints.
Pluypenz ciuíts items hcth íci piivute clients`
hcuses und íci events, vhich pcse theii cvn
inteiesting engineeiing chullenges. ¨Piivute
clients cíten vunt things thut cun he eusily
hidden, like vhipping iucks thut ícld up
discieetly intc vuidiches vhen nct in use,¨
Duve ieveuls. ¨Cluh equipment, hcvevei, needs
tc he eusy tc disussemhle und ieussemhle und
light encugh tc tiunspcit, tctully idict piccí, und
eusy tc cleun, l`ve iented tcys tc u íev huidccie
guy cluhs vheie the umcunt cí shit, spunk und
luhe eveiything`s ccveied vith deíied helieí.¨
Vhile mcnitciing his íuinituie in vuiicus
dungecns und pluy iccms, Duve`s vitnessed S&M
piuctices thut vculd cnly muke the mcst extieme
íetishist`s mcuth vutei, und eveiycne else`s eyes
stieum. He`s seen u mun huving chunks cí peeled
íiesh gingei und sliced chillis íciced intc his pee
pipe, gct tc kncv u hlcke vhcse uisehcle vus
sevn up vith u needle und thieud hy his mistiess
uítei he íuited ícllcving u íisting sessicn,
muivelled ut the hiuising uítei u gent liíted u 2.5
stcne metul hull und chuin vith his Piince Alheit
pieicing, und met u chup vhc liked tc hung cut in
the smcking uieus ut íemule vciship nights und
huve dcmmes stuh cut theii ciguiettes cn his
tcngue, ci pull huck his ícieskin, iest the lit end
cí u íug cn his hell end, then ping his skin cvei
the tcp tc hcld it in pluce vhile it huined him.
Unsuipiisingly, he`s ulsc met pecple intiigued hy
the sexuul pcssihilities cí u thiee-íingeied und
hence slimmei-picíiled hund. But ludies, ií ycu
see Duve Pluypenz cut und uhcut, und ycu`ie
tempted tc give the íine ycung cunnihul ycui
digits, dc he cuieíul - he }ust might sccíí `em.
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ccn[uríngu¡vcm¡íre íílms lhcl were cs Lízcrre cs lhey were cevícnl. Ncw, lwc yecrs
cíler hís unlímely ¡cssíng, Bízcrre ¡cys lríLule lc lhe mcnwhcse surrecl cncsullry lcles
cre slcwly gellínglhe cllenlícnlhey ceserve.
WOPD5 8TEPHEH DA0LTREY
PICTUPE5 REDEMPT¡OH F¡LM8 / P8YCHEDEL¡C 8EX
VAMP¡RE8, P0BL¡8HED BY GL¡TTER BOOK8
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n u vcild iuvuged hy
the kinky piime time
hlccdlusteis cí Tr0c
BlooJ, the suppy
icmunceis cí Tuiliçht,
und the tiuly teiiihle
teiicis cí Lcshion
Vompirc Killcrs - cne
cí the steumiest piles
cí shit Bizorrc hus evei
hud the displeusuie cí
vieving - it dcesn`t
tuke u Vun Helsing
tc chseive thut theie
is un uhundunce cí
vumpiies ílutteiing
uicund tcduy`s
enteituinment muiket.
Tr0c BlooJ is u decent seiies, ve`ll give ycu thut
cne. But }ust vhen did vumpiiism heccme sc,
ycu kncv, moinstrcom'
Theie uie less chvicus ulteinutives, cí ccuise,
stiunge visicns picvided hy cutsideis vhcse ideus
uie sc vuiped und unique thut they cííei iespite
uguinst the ccnventicnul hlccdsucking. Euic-
hciici uuteui 1eun Rcllin (193S - 2u1u) is cne
such peddlei. An chscuie íilmmukei und ncvelist
vhc mude mcie thun 2u eictic Fiench chilleis
hetveen 196S und 2uu9 (nct tc menticn his
picliíic pcin cutput undei vuiicus pseudcnyms),
his vumpiiic visicns veie suiieul, lcv-hudget und
cccusicnully unintenticnully íunny. But they veie
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ulsc dieum-like, hizuiie und glccmily pcetic.
Until hciici luhel Redempticn stuited huying up
his supeinutuiul vcik in 1993, his tuke cn the
vumpiie mythcs vus eithei unkncvn ci deiided.
Ncv chseiveis uie slcvly tieuting his ílicks vith
iespect iuthei thun ccntempt, piuising them
iuthei thun dencuncing them, und his cult
ícllcving is steudily gicving.
¨He mude these mugicul, distuihing íuiiy
tules, vhich veie undeisccied hy sticng levels
cí eicticism,¨ suys Nigel Vingicve, ícundei cí
the cult hciici luhel Redempticn, vhc hud
peiscnul deulings vith Rcllin íci 17 yeuis.
¨Rcllin vus iníluenced hy pcetiy, suiieulism und
the íuntusy ccmics cí the 192us-4us. He cnce tcld
me thut his íuvcuiite íilm vus Lc Sc0il D0 ViJc,
u stiunge íuntusy íicm 1971 uhcut u giil vhc
ccntinuully ventuies thicugh u ícihidden dcci
und ends up in this suiieul, dieum-like vcild. l`ve
ulvuys thcught thut`s like Rcllin. He disuppeuis
intc this mugicul ieulm vhenevei he`s cieuting,
und thut`s vheie he`s ut his huppiest.¨
A
1eun Rcllin vus hcin in the innei suhuihs cí
Puiis, Fiunce, cn 3 Ncvemhei 193S. At the uge cí
íive, he suv un cld Fiench íilm culled Copitoinc
Irocossc (1942) und instuntly decided he vunted
tc he u íilmmukei. His íiist hunds-cn expeiience
vith the mcving imuge cume us u íilm editci in
the Fiench uimy. He then picgiessed tc muking
industiiul shcits heície heing uttempting his
íiist íeutuie in the mid-196us, Thc Ropc Oj Thc
Vompirc, vhich vus ciiginully intended us
u 3u-minute shcit, hut vus extended intc u
íull-length íeutuie vhen u picducei tiumped up
extiu cush. lt meunt u cust thut hud heen killed cíí
veie suddenly iuised íicm the giuve. lí ycu ícund
ycuiselí hccing duiing Lcshion Vompirc Killcrs,
tiust us, it vus ncthing ccmpuied tc vhut Rcllin
íuced vhen Ropc. tcck tc the hig scieen.
¨Thut íilm vus ieleused in 196S, duiing u
tumultucus yeui íci Fiunce vhen theie veie
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VAMP!RE ER0T!CA
upiisings und iicts, pecple veie cn stiike, und ull
the seu pcits veie clcsed, sc theie veie nc cthei
íilms ccming intc the ccuntiy,¨ suys Vingicve.
¨Vhen Thc Ropc Oj À Vompirc scieened, pecple
huted it. lt hud íuntustic visuuls, hut nuiiutive-
vise it mude little sense. The uudience thiev
things ut the scieen, und Rcllin vus liteiully
chused cut cí the cinemu und dcvn the stieet
hy un ungiy mch! He vus chlivicus tc pclitics.
He vus cííeiing u visicn invclving vumpiies
und giuveyuids vhile the iest cí the ccuntiy
vus ieudy tc hiing dcvn the gcveinment.¨
Still, us they suy in uit, u teiiihle ieucticn
is hettei thun nc ieucticn ut ull, und Rcllin, vhc
giuteíully suivived the uttuck, guineied encugh
industiy inteiest und nctciiety tc set him cíí
tcvuids his mucuhie dieum. As vell us chuining
cut numeicus vumpiie-themed ncvels vith
íuctciy-like picíiciency, he mude íilms us veiid,
stuitling und dcvniight huííling us Thc Shivcr Oj
Thc Vompircs (197u), Lips Oj BlooJ (1975) und
Thc Tuo Orphon Vompircs (1997). Theie vus ulsc
the cccusicnul ncn-vumpiie hciici , diumu, such
us zcmhie cddhull Thc Cropcs Oj Dcoth (197S),
und Thc Dcmoniocs (1974), the luttei stuiiing
the gcigecus 1celle Cceui. This tule muiked
u slightly diííeient tcne tc Rcllin`s usuul íuie,
íccusing cn u puii cí shipviecked sisteis vhc
uie iuped und leít íci deud hy thieves. The
sisteis iespcnd hy heíiiending u }clly clcvn
(us ycu dc), und enlisting the help cí Sutun tc
exuct ievenge cn theii peipetiutcis. ¨Thut íilm
vusn`t much like Rcllin`s cthei íuntusticul íilms,¨
pcints cut Vingicve, ¨it vus veiy hiutul.¨
Usuully in Rcllin`s vcild, huxcm heuuties
giuceíully hucked ut victims vith giunt scythes
vhile veuiing veiy little, tcpless tvins peivuded
eeiie custles tc huunting scundtiucks, und clcvns
luy ílcveis in cieepy giuveyuids vith minimul
nuiiutive explunuticn. Rcllin cpeiuted vith little
ieguid íci cinemutic ccnventicn, vhile uctcis
ud-lihhed his lccse sciipts, iesulting in cííeiings
thut veie uhcut us clcse tc the suppy, glcssed
vcild cí Tuiliçht us u }ui cí Tuikish clives.
The iesults veien`t ulvuys gieut, hut they veie
inteiesting. And íilled vith hct vcmen.
¨Vcmen veie ceituinly u mctivuticn íci
Rcllin, und in ieul-liíe he liked tc he suiicunded
hy pietty giils,¨ suys Vingicve. ¨One cí my
mcst vivid memciies cí him vus vhen l guve
cui Bulguiiun vcik expeiience giil scme
expenses mcney tc shcv him uicund Lcndcn
íci the duy. She vcie veiy little in the summei
und vus veiy uttiuctive giil. Vhen ve
ieccnvened íci dinnei in the evening, Rcllin
vus the huppiest l`d evei seen him!¨
5X FATA5IE5
Rcllin ulsc hud u picliíic cuieei us u diiectci
cí pcin íilms, und he shct uicund 3u gict
ílicks undei vuiicus pseudcnyms. Amcng
them included Lmmon0cllc ó (19SS) und HorJ
Icnctrotion (1977). Theie vus ulsc u huidccie sex
veisicn cí Lips Oj BlooJ entitled S0ck Mc Vompirc
(1975), vhich vus essentiully the sume plct hut
vith íilthiei scenes. Yet vhile Rcllin kept his pcin
cuieei ielutively sepuiute íicm his 'íuntustique`
genie, his íilms in the luttei vculd neuily ull he
chuiucteiised hy the custing cí puiis cí vcmen
in the leud icles, usuully us tvins ci sisteis. The
ludies inhuhiting Rcllin`s vcild vculd he sticng,
íeisty und sexuully-empcveied. They vculd he
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VAMP!RE ER0T!CA
B!ZARREMA0.C0M8
pcitiuyed und tieuted vith elcquence, und íilteied
thicugh u Euicpeun uesthetic. Even thcugh
Rcllin`s íilms technicully íell intc the sexplcituticn
cump, he vculd emhiuce und emphusise íemule
heuuty thicugh scít, stiunge und exquisite
lighting. lt vus the uity Fiench iníluence.
¨His íilms vculd íeutuie plenty cí sex scenes,
hut they veie usuully veiy dieum-like, und vculd
enccmpuss things like nuked giils vulking slcvly
thicugh giuveyuids,¨ suys Vingicve. ¨Theie
vculd he muny leshiun enccunteis, hut theie vus
ncthing giutuitcus uhcut the vuy he pcitiuyed
them. ln his íilms, sex und nudity vus usuully
scmething tc he ccnsideied us quite heuutiíul.¨
Althcugh Rcllin celehiuted the íull íemule
íiguie, investcis und picduceis vculd still insist
cn extiu sex scenes in u hid tc uttiuct luigei
uudiences tc his íilms. One such instunce vus
Rcq0icm Ior À Vompirc, the íiist íilm tc he
ieleused hy Redempticn, in 1993. lt ccntuined
u six-minute sequence vheie tvc sisteis uie
iuped und tcituied in u dungecn, und ulthcugh
nct tieuted vith ccnsideiuhle explicitness, the
stein BBFC (Biitish Bcuid cí Film Censcis) cí the
time piedictuhly slushed cut the entiie sequence.
¨The íiist time l met Rcllin vus in Cunnes thut
yeui und l tcld him the nevs thut Rcq0icm...
hud lcst thut scene,¨ ieculls Vingicve. ¨1eun }ust
luughed und suid, 'Vell, thut`s gieut uctuully.
ln íuct, it vill he u much hettei íilm ncv!` As it
tiunspiied, thut scene vus cnly udded in ut the
end cí íilming hecuuse the picducei vunted
mcie sex in the mcvie. lt hud nc ielevunce tc
the stciy vhutscevei.¨
RI5ING FROMTHE GRAVE
Vingicve íiist leuined cí Rcllin`s vcik thicugh
scme ¨extiucidinuiy¨ stills in un cld hcck culled
Thc Vompirc Cincmo hy Duvid Piiie. Upcn
íuithei investiguticn, Vingicve disccveied
thut the uuteui`s íilms veie ulmcst impcssihle
tc get hcld cí, ci ut leust vutch, íci the uveiuge
mcvie-gcei. Nct even Fiench TV veie shcving
them. Tc Vingicve`s kncvledge, Rcllin`s cuncn
cí dieumy íiight ílicks hud cnly pievicusly heen
ieleused cn VHS hy un chscuie Fiench luhel in
the 19Sus. lt sent him cn u missicn tc tiuck
dcvn ull the ccpyiights. Ncv Redempticn cvns
viituully ull Rcllin`s íeutuie-length, ncn-pcin
íilms. And, in Vingicve`s vcids, they`ie selling
¨pietty vell¨.
Tcduy Rcllin is stuiting tc ieup the pluudits
thut eluded him thicugh much cí his vciking
cuieei. Theie uie the ycung íuns íuscinuted hy
Euic cult cinemu in geneiul, vhc explcie Rcllin
us vell us cthei cutsidei sexplcituticn visicnuiies
including 1ess Fiuncc und Tintc Biuss. 1uck
Huntei hus }ust viitten u íuntustic nev illustiuted
hcck tc his vcik, entitled IsychcJclic Scx
Vompircs, vhich hit stcies }ust heície Chiistmus
(see hcxcut). A simple Cccgle seuich unveils
u mcdicum cí íeivent 1eun Rcllin íunsites.
Accciding tc Vingicve, ¨piestigicus cinemus¨
in lielund und Ceimuny huve heen hcsting Rcllin
veekends. The cuiient vcildvide pcpuluiity
íci vumpiies is ceituinly dcing Rcllin`s legucy
nc huim eithei, even ií his cieutuies cí the night
exist cn un entiiely diííeient pluin tc thcse
inhuhiting the likes cí Vompirc Diorics.
Ïî BBkkkkFFîîî 0000|||| ÏÏÏNNNNîî
fkNNFF||BBBîîî (((ll999ëëëëBBBB}}
This was Rollin's Iirsl
Iealure-lenglh Iilm,
nolorious because
il resulled in riols
belween cops and
Iilmgoers when il was
evenlually shown in
Iºo8. This is essenlially
a series oI shorl slories
and surreal images,
woven logelher in lhe
mosl bizarre manner
possible. As a /o
t/oq quole says
on lhe cover, ¨Like
nolhing else in lhe
horror genre." You can
sure say lhal again.
ÏNî NNëëëëBBBîî
fkNNFF||BBBîîî (((ll999ëëë9999}}
Maslerly weird lale
lhal opens wilh a
slrange scene oI men
in coloured hoods
exlracling blood Irom
a woman, beIore she
unsuccessIully lries lo
Ilee. !l's supposedly
aboul a secrel suicide
cull and a scienliIic
sludy oI immorlalily,
and sorl oI maybe
involves vampires Irom
anolher dimension who
may or may nol be
vampires. 0r somelhing
like lhal. We lhink.
bul besl nol lo lhink.
ÏNî SSNNNN||fffîîîBBBB000|||
ÏNî ffkkkNNNFFFF||BBBBîîîSSSS
(l9ll00}}}}
A young couple lake lhe
unIorlunale decision lo
spend lheir honeymoon
inside a golhic caslle,
only lo discover an
Amazonian vampire
living inside a
grandIalher clock,
who kills viclims wilh
her poinly Madonna
breasls. Typically
bizarre, il also Iealures
hippie vampires (yeah,
go Iigure!) and an
awesome prog rock
soundlrack lo gel
properly spaced oul lo.
ÏNî |BB0000NNNBBBB0000SSSSîîî
(l9llJJ}}}
Arguably Rollin's mosl
poelic and genlle work,
lhis vampire-Iree jaunl
lakes lhe simple
premise oI a couple
enjoying a romanlic
walk lhrough a
sprawling graveyard,
where lhey
subsequenlly make love,
become lrapped, and
lhen slarl going mad.
We Iigure lhis is a bil
like Edgar Allan Poe on
pol. Look oul Ior lhe
clown who lays Ilowers
al a grave because, er,
lhal's whal he does.
||FSS00||| fff|||000000BBB
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A man in lhe presenl
day (lhal is, Iº75)
is besel by slrange
childhood visions where
he Iinds himselI under
lhe care oI a beauliIul
woman in a creaky old
caslle. Re laler sees lhe
caslle piclured inside
a perIume adverl and
lries lo hunl down lhe
girl in his dreams. A Iilm
wilh minimal dialogue,
il's nolable Ior a slream
oI haunling scenes,
parlicularly involving
a coIIin al lhe beach.
Kinda scary, righl?
|kS000|NNNNkkkÏÏÏ||0000NNNN
(l9ll99}}}}
A surreal, slow-moving
delighl Iealuring lesbian
lovemaking and blood
ceremonies galore.
A crook on lhe run
Iinds reIuge in a huge
mansion, in which lwo
beauliIul bul eccenlric
women reside. The
drama culminales wilh
a delighlIully under-
dressed Brigille Lahaie
slalking a viclim down
a causeway wilh a gianl
scylhe. You can Iind lhe
scene on YouTube.
!l's vinlage Rollin, and
lhere's more inside.
T B
5eIecIInQ]usI sIx oI PoIIIn's weIrdesI ondsuIIrIesI eroIIcochIIIers wosn'I eosy, buI we've hodosIob.
AII oI Ihe IoIIowInQore ovoIIobIe IhrouQh PedempIIon.
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VAMP!RE ER0T!CA
Meunvhile, Redempticn hus iecently stuited
ieleusing Blu-iuy veisicns cí scme cí Rcllin`s
íilms in Ameiicu thicugh Kinc Lcihei. Vith Kinc
suppciting them vith u hig puhlicity cumpuign,
muinstieum und quulity puhlicuticns such us the
Ncu York Timcs uie sniííing ulcng the Rcllin tiuil,
celehiuting his heiituge vith sizeuhle uiticles.
Vingicve vievs the iising inteiest vith equul
sudness und }cy. ¨Reully, it`s teiiihle thut Rcllin
nevei ieceived the uttenticn he deseived duiing his
liíetime,¨ he suys. ¨He hud heen vciking cn his
uitistic visicn íicm the mid-196us, ull the vuy until
his deuth, und pecple íciget thut he ulsc victe u
lct cí vumpiie ncvels us vell. Ncv his iepututicn
is gicving und, ií he veie ulive still, he`d lcve it.
He vus u cieutive mun und u veiy huid vcikei,
und vhen he knev his heulth vus íuiling he
victe his uutchicgiuphy, und even munuged tc
muke tvc mcie íilms in 2uu9 heície he died.¨
But the cne thing thut giutes Vingicve is
}cuinulists und ciitics explciing Rcllin`s íilms íci
deepei suhtexts und meunings thut dcn`t exist. Tc
the Redempticn mun, Rcllin vus simply u mukei
cí unique vumpiie íilms thut veie cíten sexy,
visuully stiiking, und vhich didn`t ulvuys muke
much sense. ¨l think theie`s u lct cí guíí viitten
uhcut him,¨ he suys. ¨Rcllin vusn`t u genius
like Fellini. He }ust mude these inteiesting
explcituticn íilms uhcut vumpiies, und ieully
thut`s ull he evei vunted tc dc.¨
|ar mare ar Ra|||rs f||ms +1+||+||e ar DVD, 1|s|t
S+|1+t|ar·|||ms.cam
B BBBB
The awesome illuslraled book Psyc/eJe//c $ex
vonµ/res, by Jack Runler, is oul now, available
lhrough 0liller Books. As well as slills and
poslers (some oI which you can see on lhese
pages), il also includes an inlerview wilh Jean
Rollin and an inlroduclory essay on his Iilms.
!I you wanl lo learn more aboul Rollin's lake
on lhe vampire mylh
- as well as ogle
plenly oI pics oI naked
lesbian bloodsuckers
- il makes Ior highly
recommended
bedlime perusing.
We recommend
il ralher highly,
we do!
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t`s Thuisduy evening, und picceedings
uie }ust stuiting tc vuim up in un Essex
dungecn. Tvc mistiesses, u hunch cí
nettles, u dcg und u smelly tcilet uie
helping cne mun tc live cut his vildest
íuntusies. lí l vus theie, l`m suie l`d he heuiing
heuit-vienching scieums, smelling the iunk
cdcui cí sveut, und íeeling the tensicn in the
uii us the gimp`s hcunduiies uie demclished.
But l`m nct theie. l`m getting ccmícituhle ut
hcme sitting cn my scíu, diinking teu und dishing
cut cideis ulcng vith ccuntless cthei vcyeuis
cnline in Bi`s íiist live iemcte tcituie sesh.
Velccme tc the Reul Time Tcituie, Tciment
And Expcsuie Cicup.
FACEB00K T0RTURE
8B!ZARREMA0.C0M
E8-8EX 8OY
Like muny pecple, l use Fucehcck tc stulk exes,
pcke íun ut cld schccl íiiends und picciustinute.
l ulsc use it tc inteiuct vith pecple l vculdn`t
necessuiily vunt tc meet, ut leust nct vithcut un
inticducticn. These include gimp-suited Sluve
Essex, cc-ícundei cí the Reul Time Tcituie,
Tciment And Expcsuie Cicup.
Sluve Essex is u 52-yeui-cld cííice vcikei íicm
- ycu guessed it - Essex. He`s heen intc BDSM
íci 15 yeuis, und hus ¨u deep uige und need tc
he huit und humiliuted íci the umusement cí
ctheis¨. His mistiess set up the gicup sc thut he
cculd he tcituied live viu Fucehcck - scmething
he`s nevei munuged tc pull cíí.
As lechnclcgy evclves, sc cces íelísh. lnslecccí gcíng
cul lc cluLs, wcnncLe ccms ccngel cnlíne cnclcrlure
cwíllínggím¡remclely. S¡cnk ycu very much, ínlernelí
WOPD5 RACHEL ROGER8
PICTUPE5 MATT WR¡TTLE
the sadìst
netwerk
FACEB00K T0RTURE
B!ZARREMA0.C0M85
¨Memheis vhc liked the gicup vculd send
me the cdd cidei tc get gugged und spunked ci
tc huy them íetish stuíí cn eBuy. l`d huppily chey
cideis und pcst up pictciiul evidence. But l vus
nevei veiy gccd ut getting eveiycne tc ccme
tcgethei ut cnce,¨ he ccníesses.
Usuully vhen ycuis tiuly is ussigned u íetish
iepcit, l huve tc dcn u iestiictive iuhhei cutíit,
negctiute cluh entiy und teetei cn ciippling heels,
cnly tc ietuin in the smull hcuis, exhuusted und
smelling like un cld tyie. Sc huving this vuntcn
suhhy tcituied vithcut huving tc liít u íingei
(except tc type, cí ccuise) scunded like u gccd
ideu. And unyvuy, l`m teiiihle ut suying nc.
¨Ah, gc cn then,¨ l type cn his puge. Aítei
u ccuple cí seccnds, un excited Essex sluve types:
¨l ulmcst cume cn my keyhcuid, thunk ycu!¨
The peiils cí cyhei-sex!
Vhile l vus suie thut Essex vus }ust u needy,
excituhle exhihiticnist, l vunted tc muke suie
thut, ií he tuined cut tc he u psychc, theie vculd
he scmecne suituhle tc hundle him. l culled my
mute Mulcclm íicm Eust Lcndcn`s Dungecns 4
Hiie. As l piedicted, he vus suituhly umused hy
the ideu und picmised tc supply tvc mistiesses
und let us use his dungecn, u ied-und-hluck
iccm íull cí BDSM geui inside his cvn hcuse.
KNICKER8OCKER GLORY
A veek lutei, l tuke tc my scíu vith my luptcp
vhile LoLcrs pluys in the huckgicund. l`d
8B!ZARREMA0.C0M
FACEB00K T0RTURE
unncunced cui pluns cn the RTTEC gicup cn the
Bizorrc íun puge, sc theie uie ulieudy quite u íev
cideis íci Essex. Scme uie cn the vull, hut mcst
uie messuged - l`m guessing they dcn`t vunt
íumily und íiiends seeing theii diity vcids.
¨Cune his uise till it hleeds,¨ suggests
u }clly-lccking cheí íicm Beimcndsey, Lcndcn
(hmm, l think hlccd is u step tcc íui).
¨Shug him vith u stiup-cn,¨ suys u íieice-
lccking dcm íicm Spuin (l`m nct suie ií Fucehcck
vculd ullcv thcse pictuies cn theii site, plus
l ieully dcn`t vunt tc see pcc).
¨Put u lcud cí iuzci hludes in u hununu und
muke him eut it,¨ cideis u smiley hlcnde vcmun
(l muke u mentul ncte nct tc udd hei us u íiiend).
At 7.45pm theie`s still nc sign cí Essex.
Cetting neivcus, l pcst, ¨ls unycne theie'¨
Then ut 7.4S, he pcps up. ¨Evening Mistiess
Rcgeis. l`m sc excited. The Mistiesses need tc
clcthe me, us l cun`t shcv my ccck cnline,¨
he types cvei Fucehcck chut. ¨Dc ycu vunt
tc decide vhut l shculd veui'¨
Vcc-hcc, ve`ie cn! l usk the gicup, und it`s
pietty ununimcus thut the gimp shculd veui
ludies knickeis. Ten minutes lutei, u phctc cí
Essex lccking pensive in hluck íiilly knicks
pcps up, ícllcved hy u chcius cí:
¨Ahhh, isn`t he sveet.¨
¨Vhut u puthetic specimen!¨
¨Let`s see ií he cun tuke it like u giil.¨
¨Muke him diink u litie cí vutei und dcn`t let
him piss until given peimissicn,¨ cideis Ms Slide
íicm Lcndcn.
¨Ncv thut`s u gccd ideu,¨ types Ludy Oí
Leuthei. l ussume this is cne cí the mistiesses
supplied hy Mulcclm, sc l inticduce myselí.
Ludy tells me thut she`s u 36-yeui-cld pic-dcm
vith, us ycu cun imugine, u penchunt íci leuthei.
Appuiently this is hei íiist cnline expeiience.
Eight minutes lutei, u phctc is pcsted shcving
cne mistiess in u leuthei mini skiit und u mullet
vig (l guess this is Ludy) und uncthei in u
disciplinuiiun pencil skiit und shiit. Bcth uie
ícicing u hcttle cí vutei dcvn Essex`s thicut.
¨Och, l`m getting vet,¨ suys u spunk-u-hclic
íicm Cuidiíí.
¨Thut`s tuking the piss,¨ quips Mutt íicm
Stevenuge.
A R0FF RIDE
Sccn, uncthei pic is uplcuded shcving thut
the mistiesses huve tied Essex tc u cicss. ¨Vhut
shculd ve dc ncv'¨ usks Miss Ccnduct, the
cthei dcm Mulcclm hus uiiunged, vhc tells
me thut she`s 42 und lives in Chelmsícid.
¨Peg his nipples,¨ l cidei cn hehulí cí Mistiess
X íicm Ccinvull.
¨Ve`ll hung him cut tc diy,¨ types Miss
Ccnduct.
¨Luugh ut his ccck,¨ types Ms Slide.
¨Ve`ve tcld him he`s gct u muggct íci
u ccck,¨ ietuins Ludy.
`|ì ll//||ï lî|ï lìì|ì\ llì /l\l ¡/ /|îllì|l| |î|ì|lî|`
FACEB00K T0RTURE
B!ZARREMA0.C0M8
¨lt`s sc smull l think it`s u clit!¨ udds Miss
Ccnduct.
¨Hcv`s the gimp dcing'¨ l usk.
¨He suys it`s ncthing he husn`t heuid heície.¨
Oh, ieully' Ve cleuily need tc up cui gume.
¨Husn`t Mulc gct u dcg'¨ l usk.
¨Yeuh, Bch. Vhy'¨ unsveis Miss Ccnduct.
¨Tieut Essex like u hitch then muke him
eut Bch`s dcg íccd.¨
¨Lcl OK.¨
Ancthei 15 minutes gc hy und u phctc is
pcsted cí Essex cn his knees euting giuvied meut
chunks. ¨He`s nct lccking veiy huppy,¨ l type
- nct thut l cun tell, us he`s veuiing u gimp musk.
¨He suid he vus gcing tc vcmit. l ícihude
him. Plus he needs the lcc, vhich is gieut,¨
types Ludy.
¨Muke him cleun the hcg vith his tcngue,¨
types u mistiess íicm Scuihcicugh. l`m }ust
vcndeiing ií thut`s tcc much, vhen Miss
Ccnduct ieplies, ¨Cieut ideu!¨
Then theie`s ncthing íci 27 minutes. Quite
u íev Fucehcckeis leuve, und scme ctheis }cin.
l`m stuiting tc íeel tctully leít cut cn my scíu.
lt scunds like they`ie huving such u gieut time
in the dungecn!
ln the meuntime, u messuge pcps up íicm
Ludy cí lnveiness, usking ií Mulc hus uny nettles
in his guiden. ¨They`ll put u sting in his step.¨
¨Och, thut`s evil,¨ suys Muitu íicm Fiunce.
¨Dces piss tuke the puin cut cí stings'¨
enquiies Mc, íicm Lutcn.
¨Nc, thut`s }ellyíish,¨ cciiects Mudum Puyne
íicm Lcndcn. She`s iight us vell.
A 8OG AND A LOG
As Ncu À stuits, l`m uctuully huisting íci
the lcc hut l'm glued tc my ccmputei. l cun`t
helieve ve`ve heen ut it íci cvei tvc hcuis
`| ll\ l|î|ì lllì ll l|ll|ll |î|ìïll| ll îl8| ll llî|`
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FACEB00K T0RTURE
und it still íeels like ve`ie }ust getting vuimed up.
l guess uplcuding pics tukes time.
¨Speuking cí piss, l`m huisting huhu. Mistiess
vcn`t let me gc.¨ Essex is huck cn the vull.
¨Hcv vus Mulc`s hcg'¨ l type.
¨Nct us hud us the dcg íccd hut l still ulmcst
speved.¨
¨En}cying ycuiselí'¨
¨Yeuh, is eveiycne vutching'¨
Thus u chcius cí ¨get huck tc vcik sluve¨
und ¨umuse us, ycu umcehu¨ ensues.
¨Rightc. Think Mistiess hus u suipiise íci
me. Vhy`s she cuiiying u lcud cí plunts.'¨
As the luptcp íulls silent, my mind iuns iict.
ls he scieuming' ls he luughing' Fiíteen minutes
lutei, l get u phctc cí Essex`s huck ccveied in
stings. Ouch!
¨He`s u gccd hcy. Didn`t viiggle, }ust tcck it.
Ve`ll huve tc up cui gume,¨ Types Miss Ccnduct.
¨Yes, let the ílcggings ccmmence!¨ viites
Ludy, vith íiie in hei helly.
Ovei the next hcui und u hulí, the
Fucehcckeis uie tieuted tc u smutteiing cí
ccmments like, ¨He`s íci it ncv,¨ und ¨My cune
}ust hicke!¨, plus cdd phctcs shcved Essex`s
hum getting incieusingly ied. They`ie cleuily ull
huving íun und l`m sitting ut hcme íeeling tctully
lcnely - even Essex is tcc husy tc hcthei me.
The next duy vhen l lcg cn, Essex is ieudy
und vuiting tc gush ut me, ¨Thut vus umuzing.
Thunk ycu sc much Mistiess Ruchel,¨ heície
telling me his next hiight ideu: ¨l`d lcve tc get
u cuning in íicnt cí un uudience.¨
¨Nc,¨ l ieply íiimly, und l gc huck tc lccking
ut diunken snups cí the ícimei schccl hully.
Let thut he u lesscn!
lf ]aare |rteresteá |r t|e fart|er etp|a|ts af S|+1e Esset,
em+|| ||m +t S|+1e|resset¿f+ce|aa|.cam.
Ta |aa| + sess|ar +t t|e 1arçear 1|s|t Darçear4||re.cam
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oI dIsIrocIIons In ol s olº4
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F¡LM
8I9 M08I8
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O0T 8 LAPCH
Il you'|e qoinq Lo p|equel a well-
loved lanLaºy advenLu|e, you may
aº well pic| Lhe moLhe| ol Lhem all.
Sam Fv// 0eoJ Raimi'º 0z T/e 0/eot
AnJ Powe/ja/ La|eº iLº p|emiºe l|om
F|an| L Baum'º Iº00 child|enº' novel,
T/e WonJe/ja/ W/zo/J 0j 0z, and Lellº
how ºmall-Lime, eLhically dubiouº
Kanºaº ci|cuº maqician 0ºca| 0iqqº
(Jameº F|anco) became Lhe maqnilicenL
Wiza|d 0l 0z. Aº Lhiº iº a 0iºney
p|oducLion, you can expecL L|ialº
and L|ibulaLionº in a vivid lanLaºy
land, pa|Licula|ly when Lhoºe peº|y
wiLcheº (Mila Kuniº, Michelle Williamº
and Rachel Weiºz) piLch up, Lo LeºL
0iqqº and diºcove| il he |eally iº Lhe
q|eaL wiza|d Lhe land ol 0z haº been
waiLinq lo|. Will hiº maqic ºLand Lhe
LeºL` Can mon|eyº |eally lly`
HowdId IhoI mon QeI behInd Ihe curIoIn?
l| ll| lì|ll llì /ll|ì|¡|
Is your spendInQ IImIIed by Ihe Icy QrIp oI recessIon? Then IeI us heIp you choose Ihe besI
sIuII money con buy unIII Ihe nexI Issue oI hIIs Ihe sheIves on 19 MARCH.
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O0T 25 FEBPUAP¥
Made by Lhe ºame Leam LhaL unleaºhed
Lhe deli|iouº Pe-An/noto/, //on 8e,onJ
waº inLended Lo be Lhe ºecond in a ºe|ieº
ol mode|n adapLaLionº ol FF Lovec|alL'º
claººic ho||o| Laleº. unlo|LunaLely, while
di|ecLo| SLua|L Co|don evenLually
|eLu|ned Lo Lovec|alL'º wo|| a decade
laLe| wiLh 0o·t/e //eo/ and 0oqon,
ho||o| lanº we|e dep|ived ol |equla|
Lovec|alLian Lh|illº on Lhe biq ºc|een,
and we'|e ºLill waiLinq lo| Lhe ulLimaLe
adapLaLion ol Lhe w|iLe|'º coºmic wo||.
AlLhouqh noL aº much lun aº iLº zombie
p|ecu|ºo|, //on 8e,onJ iº ºLill a |un
|omp LhaL injecLº ºex, S&M and qo|e
inLo Lovec|alL'º cauLiona|y Lale
ol Lhe danqe|º ol L|yinq Lo ºee whaL
lu||º beyond no|mal human viºion.
|ìl8 î|ïllì
JOHH HO0L¡HAH
O0T NÒW
FF Lovec|alL Le||o| meeLº
WW2 acLion in Lhiº cunninq
novella LhaL alºo doubleº
up aº a die-|ollinq RFC
ºcena|io you can play
wiLh chumº. W|iLLen by John Foulihan
ol CompuLe|andvideoqameº.com, iL'º ºeL
in Iº4? du|inq Wo|ld Wa| 2, and
lollowº a B|iLiºh Special Fo|ceº c|ew
who encounLe| unqodly Lhinqº in a
No|weqian villaqe (and we don'L mean
a d|un| MancheºLe| uniLed ºuppo|Le|'º
q|oup). IL'º Lhe li|ºL ol RFC / licLion
c|oººove|º l|om Lhe all new Ac/tanq/
0t/a/a ºe|ieº ºo, il you diq iL, Lhe|e will
be plenLy mo|e whe|e Lhiº came l|om.
PPG / IIcIIon crossover QeIs 's Ihumbs up
ThIs Is ]usI o soQo now ...
îl\l||îll|l. |lìì\ l| \llìll
8|ììlì l| |ll|
O0T 8 LAPCH, H¡HTEHDO 3D8
SeL 25 yea|º alLe| 0o·t/evon/o lo/J·
0j S/oJow, M///o/ 0j /ote once aqain
allowº you Lo ºLee| Lhe laLe ol Lhe
vampi|e-boLhe|inq BelmonL lamily. In Lhiº
laLeºL queºL, T|evo| BelmonL (yeº, T|evo|')
and hiº ºon a|e inLenL on |evenqe aqainºL
Lhei| laLhe|, Cab|iel, who b|uLally
mu|de|ed hiº own wile. BuL deºpiLe beinq
exiled l|om hiº homeland, Cab|iel haº
|eLu|ned, and haº La|en up |eºidence in
a c|ea|y old qoLhic caºLle. Wo|ºe, T|evo|'º
old man haº now L|anºlo|med inLo Lhe
moºL powe|lul vampi|e ol Lhem all,
0|acula. Su|e, Lhe ploL'º mad aº a baq ol
ºpanne|º, buL M///o/ 0j /ote iº pac|ed
wiLh ove| 25 hou|º ol inLenºe combaL,
maqic and explo|aLion. So counL uº in'
HP LovecroII's cIossIc IoIe QeIs sexed up
Td£ B£RB£RIAN
S00N0ST00I0
O0T NÒW
0eºpiLe cominq ouL in
ea|ly Janua|y, Lhe|e
waº juºL no way we
could not blu|L abouL
how ºpecial Lhiº movie ºoundL|ac| iº,
5ounds owesomeI
îìllìîl\l
no maLLe| how laLe we we|e. FeaLu|inq
lead ºinqe| T|iºh Keenan, who |eco|ded
pa|Lº ol iL belo|e L|aqically dyinq ol
pneumonia in 20II, Lhe B|ummie indie-
expe|imenLaliºLº lend a qooºebumpinqly
ee|ie accompanimenL Lo FeLe|
SL|ic|land'º poºLmode|n qiallo Lh|ille|
(alºo ouL now), blendinq p|oqqy o|qanº,
ºpecL|al ambience and loLº ol de|anqed
muLLe|inq inLo one biq Coblin haL-Lippe|.
ll| lì|||îlìl 8ll\lìl\|l||\
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THE Kl||E| lS
||AYED \lTH
STO¹AOH
OHU|NlNO
OONVlOTlON
BY EX·HOBBlT
E|l1AH \OOD
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0I8£Mß
O0T A
0N A 5CALE 0F 1ß, TH¡5 F¡LM
abouL a younq chap named F|an|
who'º ºL|ic|en wiLh an unhealLhy
compulºion Lo ºLal|, ºlay and ºcalp
hoL babeº, |aLeº a lull-on bloody II.
IL'º an oll-Lhe-meLe| ºco|e LhaL'º noL
juºL baºed ºolely on Lhe ºic| on-ºc|een
ºhenaniqanº, buL alºo on Lhe lacL LhaL
Lhe |ille| iº played wiLh ºuch ºLomach-
chu|ninq convicLion by ex-FobbiL
Elijah Wood - who would've LhouqhL
Lhoºe buºh baby eyeº could diºplay
ºuch menace`
F|an| iº a mannequin |eºLo|e| by
L|ade who, Lhan|º Lo abuºe cou|Leºy
ol hiº p|omiºcuouº mom when he
waº a |id, haº dilliculLy lo|minq
|elaLionºhipº wiLh Lhe oppoºiLe ºex.
Fence he doeº whaL hiº p|oleººion
|equi|eº, Lhen ºLic|º Lhe ºcalpº ol
|eal beauLieº on hiº dummieº Lo c|eaLe
a ha|em ol lovelieº LhaL will neiLhe|
leave no| abuºe him. When F|an|
unexpecLedly ºLa|Lº qeLLinq cloºe Lo
a qi|l, iL loo|º aº Lhouqh hiº lile iº on
Lhe up. buL you |now Lhe|e'º noL qoinq
Lo be a happy endinq'
A |ema|e ol William LuºLiq'º IºB0
culL claººic, di|ecLo| F|anc| Khalloun'º
ve|ºion ouLdoeº Lhe o|iqinal in eve|y
depa|LmenL, pa|Licula|ly in Lhe manne|
iL'º ºhoL - almoºL enLi|ely l|om Lhe
|ille|'º poinL ol view. Thiº Lechnique
leaveº Lhe viewe| no opLion buL Lo La|e
a wal| Lh|ouqh Lhe da|| ºide ol F|an|'º
pºyche, expe|iencinq hiº eve|y LhouqhL
and acLion aº he baLLleº wiLh hiº inne|
demonº and leLº |ip in qo|e-d|enched,
o|qiaºLic liLº ol mu|de| and muLilaLion.
AlLhouqh 20I?'º juºL bequn,
Mon/oc loo|º deºLined Lo qo down aº
beinq one ol Lhe moºL b|uLal, viºce|al,
and c|eaLive ho||o| llic|º ol Lhe yea|.
Billy Choinsow
EII]oh Wood QeIs wIQQy In IhIs hoIr-roIsInQ roIe Ior
o chormInQ IeIIo who once wouIdn'I soy boo Io o IroII
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O0T I MARCF
ßL00ß, 5EX, ßEATH ANß
a L|oubled Leenaqe qi|l in a lo|biddinq,
clauºL|ophobic Ame|ican qoLhic
landºcape. you've ºeen iL all belo|e,
|iqhL` Well, no you haven'L. Ko|ean
0i|ecLo| Fa|| Chan-woo|'º Enqliºh
lanquaqe ho||o| debuL iº a ºupe|-ºLyliºh
and Lenºion-laden Lou| de lo|ce LhaL
coaxeº li|ºL-|aLe pe|lo|manceº ouL ol
a ºLella| caºL LhaL includeº Nicole Kidman
aº Lhe ºimulLaneouºly hoL'n'l|oºLy moLhe|
ol L|oubled innocenL, Mia Waºi|owº|a.
Add MaLLhew Coode aº Lhe
maqneLic, malevolenL uncle Cha|lie
and you have all Lhe inq|edienLº lo|
a diºLu|binq, ºexy, pºycholoqical myºLe|y
Lh|ille| pac|ed lull ol FiLchcoc|ian viºual
Lic|º and a ºL|onq, bloody alLe|LaºLe
LhaL will live wiLh you lo| wee|º.
We ore IomIIy
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B!ZARREMA0.C0M
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TOA BlO DA|K |OO¹NEA| YOU
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O0T 25 FEBRuARY
THEPE'5 PLEA5bPE ¡N WATCH¡NC
a q|eaL lilm LhaL qoeº deepe| Lhan
ºimply enjoyinq Lhe ºLo|y o| lallinq lo|
Lhe cha|acLe|º. 0lLen, Lhiº pleaºu|e
comeº l|om a ºha|ed app|eciaLion
ol Lhe lilmma|e|º' inlluenceº and
|ele|enceº - and Faul China'º
0/ow/ achieveº Lhiº wiLh panache.
IL'º a claººic 'ºL|anqe| in Lhe houºe'
chille|, buL handled wiLh a ca|e and
c|alLºmanºhip LhaL ac|nowledqeº
iLº |ooLº in Lhe Coen B|oLhe|º' da||
humou|, and FiLchcoc|'º maºLe|y
ol liqhLinq, mood and pe|ºonaliLieº.
FloLwiºe, iL'º Lhe ºLo|y ol a |epellenL ba|
owne| (Faul Folmeº) who o|de|º a hiL
on a local qa|aqe owne| ove| a bad deal
qone w|onq. RomanLic ba|maid Ma|ilyn
(Ceo|qina Faiq) iº waiLinq lo| he|
boyl|iend Lo |eLu|n, in Lhe expecLaLion
LhaL LoniqhL iº Lhe niqhL he will p|opoºe.
InºLead, ºhe lindº he|ºell L|apped
wiLh a LaciLu|n and nameleºº C|oaLian
hiLman. MaºLe|lul came|awo|| and
a menacinq ºco|e a|e Lhe |eal ºLa|º ol
Lhe ºhow, and China'º ºubLle º|illº will
|eep you hoo|ed unLil Lhe end c|ediLº.
O0T I5 FEBRuARY
EI0N 0F A55A55IN5 ¡5 AN
eve|yday Lale ol ºLone cold |ille|º,
Lhe maqical mummilied co|pºe ol
a BuddhiºL mon|, deaLh, honou|,
bac|-Lo-l|onL o|qanº and, ol cou|ºe,
|omance. When Lhe 0a|| SLone qanq'º
Lop aººaººin, 0|izzle (Kelly Lin), º|ewe|º
Lhe co||upL F|ime MiniºLe|'º ºon,
ºhe becomeº a La|qeL lo| he| lo|me|
qanqºLe| palº. Fidinq ouL wiLh a mon|,
Wiºdom, 0|izzle lea|nº LhaL he| ºwo|d
O0T I MARCF
A PEAL L¡FE EC0-ß¡5A5TEP FP0M
200º and Lhe popula| penchanL lo|
lound-looLaqe inºpi|e Ba||y Levinºon'º
chille| LwiºLº in Lhiº Le||ilyinq lable
abouL whaL miqhL acLually be
happeninq in Cheºapea|e Bay. Yep,
iL Lu|nº ouL Lhe|e'º ºomeLhinq naºLy
in Lhe waLe|, and iL'º decimaLinq Lhe
Lown. Iºopodº' Fleºh-eaLinq aquaLic
Lechnique iº llawed, and vowº Lo leave
he| violenL paºL behind. Time paººeº,
and now wiLh he| appea|ance alLe|ed
(ºhe'º now Michelle Yeoh) 0|izzle liveº
a new, peacelul lile, unLil ºhe diºplayº
ºome nilLy blade-wo|| when loilinq a
ban| |aid, |evealinq he| L|ue idenLiLy
Lo Lhe 0a|| SLone qanq. 0i|ecLo|
Su Chao-pin'º complex maºLe|piece
iº co-helmed by John Woo, and
ºhowcaºeº Yeoh'º ma|Lial a|Lº º|illº in
an uplilLinq Lale ol L|aqedy and love.
woodlice, Lo be p|eciºe, |e-enqinee|ed
by Lhe chemical dumpinq LhaL haº
Lu|ned Lhe bay inLo a poiºonouº ºoup.
T/e 8o, iº a lo-li ouLinq LhaL L|anºcendº
iLº limiLaLionº Lo |aLcheL up Lhe Le||o|
and conluºion, culminaLinq in a Fou|Lh
ol July celeb|aLion LhaL'º qoeº /o/////,
w|onq. 0eºpiLe no ºLa|º o| biq budqeL
ellecLº, T/e 8o, iº a|Llully c|alLed Lo
|eep you ouL ol Lhe ºea. Fo|eve|.
ì||ll l| l\\l\\|l\
Who wIII buy my IIomInQ sword?
îìll|
II's o bod woy Io do busIness
ll| îlï
Come on In, Ihe woIer's bubbIy
k£¥£N
THE 8£9I 98878£N0I909
TOSOUANDE|YOU|OASHON
00B!ZARREMA0.C0M
0¥0
Core Io ]oIn me Ior o. drInk?
8|ìl|lll \ll
O0T FEBUAP¥
VAMP¡PE FL¡CK5 FALL ¡NT0
Lh|ee caLeqo|ieº. Lhoºe LhaL po|L|ay
Lhe blood-ºuc|e|º aº |illinq machineº
a lá Aeo/ 0o//, Lhe b|oody-Lo-Lhe-
ºLaLe-ol-anemia Tw///q/t ºpa||le|º,
and mo|e ambiquouº allai|º ºuch aº
Ceo|qe A Rome|o'º Mo/t/n. Thiº Lale ol
a younq man lo|ced inLo a nocLu|nal
exiºLence becauºe he ºulle|º l|om
a |a|e º|in diºo|de| deliniLely jumpº
aboa|d Lhe Rome|o 'iº he o| iºn'L he
a nec|-biLe|' caLeqo|y. ThaL doeºn'L
mean iL blaLanLly |ipº-oll Mo/t/n'º
cenL|al Lheme ol pa|anoiac deluºion,
Lhouqh - la| l|om iL.
When Lhe movie'º main p|oLaqoniºL
Jacob (Zon//e St//µµe/·/´ Za| Kilbe|q)
ºLa|Lº unde|qoinq hunqe|-luelled,
phyºical chanqeº, he diºcove|º LhaL Lhe
only Lhinq LhaL Lempo|a|ily neuL|aliºeº
hiº condiLion iº human blood.
NaLu|ally, Lhiº leadº Jacob on
a ºe|iouºly da|| and violenL jou|ney,
one in which he meeLº and lallº lo| a
local ba|Lende| qi|l (uS Tv ºhow /ow
I Met Yoa/ Mot/e/'º Maya Fa|iºh).
BuL doeº ºhe p|ove hiº ºalvaLion, o|
hiº nexL meal` Now LhaL'd be Lellinq.
W|iLe| / di|ecLo| ScoLL Lebe|echL
opLº lo| |ealiºm ove| lanLaºy, |a|ely
ºeen in Lhiº |ind ol llic|, pilinq on Lhe
emoLional Lu|moil Lh|ouqhouL Lhe low-
|ey, yeL LwiºL and Lu|n-ºpi|ed ploL.
The|e'º Lhe obliqaLo|y qo|e, buL
p|oceedinqº a|e ulLimaLely d|iven by
Lhe well lleºhed-ouL cha|acLe|º and
wholly convincinq pe|lo|manceº ol
Lhe acLo|º in Lhei| |oleº.
M/Jn/q/t Son iº an inL|iquinq and
inLenºe ºlice ol ce|eb|al ho||o|, Lhe
|ind LhaL qeLº unde| Lhe º|in and
ma|eº you ºqui|m - |iqhL Lh|ouqh Lo
iLº unp|edicLable linale. Billy Choinsow
|||8 llì ìîì |ì|llì î îll
î|||ïîll|l\ll®î|lîllllìlîl88¡l|îll|ll\. îl8
B!ZARREMA0.C0M0
80 88 U 00 E
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8lì| ìîì\
ll|\ llï'
||OOEEDlNOS A|E U|Tl¹ATE|Y D|lVEN BY THE ||ESHED·OUT
OHA|AOTE|S AND OONVlNOlNO |E||O|¹ANOES
0¥0
Fk£¥£N9
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
O0T NÒW
Y0b KN0W H0W ¡T C0E5. Y0b
qo ouL lo| a niqhL'º pa|Lyinq alLe| you
move inLo a new llaL, Lhen wa|e up
handculled Lo a bed in a ºLone cell,
held p|iºone| by a maº|ed aººailanL
who d|ainº you| blood wiLh a ºy|inqe.
You don'L` JuºL uº, Lhen. BuL who iº
Lhiº myºLe|iouº capLo| - Lhe c|eepy
buildinq ºupe|viºo|` A neiqhbou|`
A Feepinq Tom.` Thiº 0uLch lilm iº
ºma|Le| Lhan you| ave|aqe exploiLaLion
llic|, and di|ecLo| Bobby Boe|manº
|eepº Lhe LwiºLº and Lu|nº cominq
Lhic| and laºL while Ca|olen Spoo|
playº Lhe vicLim, Eva, wiLh allecLinq
innocence. BuL Lhe |eal ºu|p|iºe iº how
ou| leelinqº abouL Lhe myºLe|y man
in Lhe maº| a|e ºubLly manipulaLed.
Cool, conluºinq and p|ope| c|eepy.
î|l¡\lìl|lî|l
A IIIIIe cIIck ond Ihe Iock's on me
80 88 U 00 E
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THE 8£9I 98I878£N0I909
TOSOUANDE|YOU|OASHON
B!ZARREMA0.C0MJ
O0T NÒW
¡F Y0b L¡KE A L¡NEAP NAPPAT¡VE,
clea| ploL expoºiLion and Lhe wa|m
qlow ol |nowinq whaL Lhe hell iº qoinq
on, /o/, Moto/· iº noL a lilm lo| you.
Thiº wanLonly odd ouLinq l|om Leoº
Ca|ax cha|Lº a ºe|ieº ol appoinLmenLº
in Lhe lile ol Monºieu| 0ºca| (0eniº
LavanL). BuL aºide l|om Lhiº ºimple
p|emiºe, noLhinq elºe ma|eº ºenºe.
Fo| each appoinLmenL, Monºieu| 0ºca|
aººumeº a dille|enL cha|acLe|, each
aº dive|ºe and diºconnecLed l|om Lhe
oLhe| aº iL'º poººible Lo be. aººaººin,
beqqa|, model, capLain ol induºL|y.
iL |eally iº a head-luc|. Monºieu| 0ºca|
iº d|iven l|om one appoinLmenL Lo Lhe
nexL in hiº limo, Lhe |ea| ol which iº
Ta|diº-li|e in iLº capaciLy lo| ºLo|inq all
Lhe pa|aphe|nalia he needº Lo ºwiLch
l|om one pe|ºona Lo Lhe nexL. Thiº iº
noL q|aLuiLouº ºu||ealiºm o| indulqenL
auLeu|iºm, Lhe|e'º a pu|poºe Lo
Monºieu| 0ºca|'º L|anºlo|maLionº and
appoinLmenLº, even il hiº 'wo||' ma|eº
no ºenºe aL all. The oddeºL lilm you'll
buy Lhiº yea|. WiLh added Kylie.
O0T NÒW
YAY, ¡T'5 A 197ß5 ß¡0P¡C 0F
Enqland'º moºL noLo|iouº upholde|
ol law and o|de|' IL'º IoB5, and Lhe
inellecLual Jameº II iº on Lhe Lh|one.
BuL lo| how lonq` To ºupp|eºº Lhe
Kinq'º opponenLº and have a jolly Lime
'examininq' buºLy wencheº lo| phyºical
ºiqnº ol Lhei| L|anºq|eººionº, Lo|d Chiel
JuºLice Ceo|qe Jell|eyº (Ch|iºLophe|
O0T NÒW
L0VE ¡T 0P HATE ¡T, ¡NK ¡5 ß¡C
buºineºº - and in Lhe LaLLoo unive|ºe
Lhe|e'º none biqqe| Lhan Ed Fa|dy.
Thiº documenLa|y by Emi|o Mo|i cha|Lº
Fa|dy'º |iºe l|om alL.culLu|e and a|L
ºchool Lo b|inqinq LaLLooº Lo Lhe
mainºL|eam. A devoLed a|L hiºLo|ian and
Lee) iº handinq ouL ha|ºh juºLice
Lo |ebelº and he|eLicº. 0i|ecLo|
Jeºº F|anco playº laºL and looºe wiLh
hiºLo|ical lacLº, p|ele||inq Lo locuº
hiº aLLenLion on ºome qood old I7Lh
cenLu|y LiLº'n'aºº - eºpecially Ma|ia
Rohm, who becomeº an unli|ely love
inLe|eºL lo| Lhe judqe wiLh Lhe bloody
handº. A colou|lul evocaLion ol violenL
Limeº, when |iqhLeouºneºº and ºin
we|e ha|d Lo Lell apa|L - and wiLh
laºhinqº, liLe|ally, ol Lo|Lu|e, Lo|menL
and ºhenaniqanº ol all |indº unde|
Lhe quiºe ol a mo|al c|uºade - Lhiº
iº a ho||ible hiºLo|y indeed.
dedicaLed L|avelle|, Fa|dy b|inqº Lhoºe
inlluenceº Lo bea| on hiº wo||, ma|inq
hiº deºiqnº popula| and ºouqhL alLe|
pieceº ol a|L in Lhei| own |iqhL. ThaL
'Ed Fa|dy' iº now a qlobal b|and doeº
noL deL|acL l|om hiº p|olound inlluence
on body a|L. And he haº leqionº ol
celeb|iLy cuºLome|º Lo p|ove iL.
ll| î|llìï !¡ìl|
5he's QoI o worII
|ì llììï. llllll ll| llì|ì
The sIor wIIh Ihe Hordy IoIIoo
ll|ï 8lllì\
He comes ond Qoes, he comes ond Qoes.
||/|
80kk0k
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All lhe lclesl news írcm8Oe's íree íílm cluL, CUTí
BI||YCHAINSAw
Even Lhouqh iL waº cold enouqh
Lo l|eeze a wiLch'º LiLº oll ouLºide,
Lhe Lempe|aLu|e inºide CuT''º |equla|
ºc|eeninq haunL - London'º Fo|ºe
FoºpiLal - waº hoLLe| Lhan SaLan'º a|mpiL laºL monLh.
BuL iL waºn'L becauºe we had Lhe heaLinq on lull blaºL,
no ºi||ee - ºaid heaL waº qene|aLed by Lhe aººembled
lilm l|ea|º qaqqinq lo| Lhe liqhLº Lo qo ouL and Lhe
lilm Lo ºLa|L. Fey, LhaL'º how we |oll aL CuT'
¨BuL I'm qeLLinq ahead ol myºell he|e, noL La|inq
inLo conºide|aLion LhaL you may be a newcome| Lo
Lhe paqeº ol Lhe q|eaLeºL alLe|naLive |ead on Lhe
planeL - 8/zo//e. So. CuT' iº Lhe 8/zo//e lilm club
LhaL I o|qaniºe and hoºL once a monLh in Lhe c|eepy,
vaquely dunqeon-eºque conlineº ol London'º Fo|ºe
FoºpiLal - which, in vicLo|ian Limeº, iº whe|e poo|ly
qee-qeeº we|e ºenL Lo be ope|aLed on. Fence iL haº
cobble-ºLoned lloo|º wiLh builL-in qullieº lo| inju|ed o|
dyinq naqº' blood Lo d|ain. Fe|lecL lo| ºc|eeninq Lhe
ºca|ieºL, wei|deºL, moºL violenL, and down|iqhL a|Ly
movieº doinq Lhe |oundº, eve|y one an excluºive
p|eview ol a yeL-Lo-be |eleaºed llic|. Fluº, Lo help
c|eaLe Lhe ambience ol ºiLLinq in a huqe livinq |oom
wiLh a bunch ol you| maLeº waLchinq lilmº on
a ºc|een biqqe| Lhan any Tv, we Lh|ow in a l|ee
bee| o| ºolL d|in|. A l|ee lilm and a l|ee qa|qle,
LhaL'º qoLLa be an olle| you can'L |eluºe'
¨Now, on wiLh Lhe ºhow. ºeL on a no-qo Enqliºh
houºinq eºLaLe, 0onnan/t, iº a Le||ilyinq, Lenºion-
pac|ed ºlice ol hoodie-ho||o| wiLh a qlo|iouºly da||
LwiºL. JuºL how we li|e iL aL CuT'
¨Fi|ºL Lime w|iLe| / di|ecLo| Jaºon Fo|d evidenLly
|nowº LhaL havinq a bunch ol hoodlumº ºLabbinq
people ºimply iºn'L enouqh Lo ºaLiºly Lhe ha|dco|e
ho||o| houndº Lheºe dayº becauºe, while Lhe|e'º
plenLy ol violence on diºplay, he'º alºo Lh|own
ºome l|ea|y elemenLº inLo Lhe mix - which can'L be
menLioned he|e aº we don'L do 'ºpoile|º'. Anyway.
when Lwo ºLudenL lilmma|e|º ºhow up Lo
ma|e a documenLa|y abouL Lhe abuºe and
diºappea|anceº aººociaLed wiLh Lhe eºLaLe,
Lhey'|e q|eeLinq by a bunch ol younqºLe|º
LhaL would be well aL home in boLh lo/J 0j T/e ///e·
and v///oqe 0j T/e 0onneJ. The |idº' animal Lo|Lu|e
and muLilaLion p|ove Lame, howeve|, when compa|ed
Lo Lhe d|uq-luelled, all-ouL viºce|al naºLineºº LhaL
lollowº - all ºpea|headed by a pºycho c|oºº-d|eººe|
who comeº on li|e Lhe uqly ºiºLe| ol T/e S//ence
0j T/e lon/·' Bullalo Bill. The end |eºulL iº
a c|azy-aººed llic| LhaL qeLº Lhe mix ol ºocial
commenLa|y and exploiLaLion banq on
Lhe money - and ma|eº lo| ºe|iouºly
uncomlo|Lable viewinq.
Oammar|t] |s re|e+se1 Z5 |e| ar DVD
N80'9 I8I9?
Billy 0hainsaw is 's Film And
0V0 Editor, and he also runs our regular
FREE film club in London, 0UT! (cast
your eyes right to see what sick treats
Billy has in store at the next screening).
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
l| YOU|lKE 00NN0NITY YOU¹lOHT|lKE
Td£0ISAPP£AR£0(2008)
SeL on a blea|, London council eºLaLe ove||un wiLh ma|audinq chavº,
Lhe llic| locuºeº on a I7-yea|-old lone| who'º blamed lo| hiº younqe|
b|oLhe|'º diºappea|ance, and ºubºequenLly inºLiLuLionaliºed. AlLe|
he |eLu|nº home Lo live wiLh hiº alcoholic dad, Lhe L|oubled Leen
becomeº plaqued by niqhLma|eº, voiceº and viºionº emanaLinq l|om
hiº 'miººinq-p|eºumed-dead' ºiblinq. AlLhouqh ºhiL-ºca|ed, Lhe |id'º
convinced LhaL he'º |eceivinq 'meººaqeº' LhaL will |eveal hiº ºiblinq'º
laLe. Fe needº Lo acL laºL, Lhouqh, becauºe hiº i||aLional behaviou|
Lh|eaLenº Lo puL him bac| in Lhe loony bin. C|iLLy. C|oLLy. Chillinq.
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DVD
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B!ZARREMA0.C0M
THE 8£9I 8£N900809
|EVE|BE|ATlNOTO\A|DSYOU
M09I0
5hock'n'roIIer unveIIs
hIs new 'MeIoIIIco
meeIs John
CorpenIer' record
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
¡t's a whiIe age new, but what did
yeu think abeut the FreJJy Vs
Jusen fiIm7
I waº exciLed becauºe my band waº
on Lhe ºoundL|ac|, buL oLhe| Lhan LhaL
I LhouqhL iL waº a piece ol ºhiL'
What was the first herrer fiIm
yeu remember seeing as a kid7
IL waº Lhe o|iqinal 0/eeµ·/ow
anLholoqy (IºB2). I |emembe| my
pa|enLº wouldn'L leL me waLch iL, buL
I ºLayed up laLe one niqhL and ºaw iL
wiLh my olde| b|oLhe|. JuºL |nowinq
I waºn'L ºuppoºed Lo waLch iL made iL
ºca|y, even Lhouqh none ol iL'º acLually
c|eepy aL all. My lavou|iLe pa|L waº
Lhe Ted 0anºon and Leºley Neilºen
ºLo|y whe|e people qeL bu|ied ouL aL
ºea and Lhen come bac|. ThaL ºca|ed
me, eºpecially Lhe way Lhey Lal|ed
and Lhe colou|º and all LhaL.
Yeu're the frentman fer
MurderdeIIs, and have ether bands
Iike ßeurben Crew and Cunfire 7ó.
¡s that te steµ yeu frem getting
µigeenheIed as a herrer recker7
Yeah, I waº w|iLinq ºo much ºLull and
wanLed an ouLleL Lo do ºomeLhinq LhaL
waºn'L juºL ºinqinq abouL zombieº 24/7.
BuL my laºL 'oll-p|ojecL' waº in 200º
wiLh Cunli|e. Now I'm lull Lh|oLLle inLo
Wedneºday I? and leel li|e I'm ma|inq
my beºL eve| ºLull. 20I? iº qoinq Lo be
my yea| Lo ºhine.
Can yeu see yeurseIf returning te
these µrejects7
Mu|de|dollº a|e on Lhe bac|bu|ne| lo|
who |nowº, p|obably lo|eve|. My nexL
biq plan iº Lo w|iLe and di|ecL my li|ºL
ho||o| lilm. I'm di|ecLinq all Lhe videoº
lo| Lhe new |eco|d Lo p|epa|e lo| iL.
I'm qonna model myºell alLe| Ed
Wood J|, who'º a he|o ol mine.
WiII yeu star in it as weII7
Il I do, iL will be a lunny cameo
whe|e I'm ºome quy qeLLinq hiº head
chopped oll'
Have yeu devised a µIet fer it
aIready, er is it a secret7
0ne ol Lhe ºLo|ieº I'm Lhin|inq abouL
iº Lhe one in Lhe LiLle L|ac| ol Lhe new
album ºo, aº ol now, iL'º LenLaLively
called 0/x/e 0eoJ T/e Mov/e.
ßees that mean it wiII feature
The ßixie Chicks as zembies7
Faha, no' IL'º qonna be cool. I alºo
|now Rob Zombie haº qoL hiº own
Lhinq qoinq, and I'm a biq lan ol hiº
muºic and movieº, buL I Lhin| mine iº
qoinq Lo be a loL mo|e low-budqeL,
|ind ol li|e (Iº70º blaxploiLaLion lilmº)
S/ojt and 0o/en/te meeLº Ed Wood,
wiLh my ºLyle on Lop ol iL. Il you can
imaqine LhaL'
ll| lll||ll l|l
ll| î|\l l|.
O0T NÒW
Fo|med by Royal T|ux'º
Neil Faqe|Ly, TFF
p|oduce a menLal l|ee-
qa|aqe |ac|eL LhaL'º
all ºquelchy oon-µo/-µo/ quiLa| and
bouncy lai|q|ound |illº. Faqe|Ly'º
c|ooninqº come oll li|e a de|anqed,
la|mya|d inca|naLion ol Leº Claypool,
who mewº wo|dº while ºLandinq in Lhe
middle ol a lield chaºinq peº|y co|n-
|obbinq va|minLº wiLh a piLchlo||.
ThaL'º how menLal Lhiº album iº.
OIher musI-heors
8lì| l|l\l|l'

îl8î|îlì|\l
ll ì|ì|8/l|ll
O0T NÒW
SweeL me|cy, juºL
how anq|y do Lechno-
meLal-induºL|ialiºLº
Combich|iºL ºound
he|e` vee|inq la| leºº on Lhe |avey
EBM ºide, Ao PeJenµt/on iº a lull-on,
meLal-plaLed aººaulL ol unb|idled |aqe.
IL'º alºo Lhe ºoundL|ac| Lo Lhe new
0n0 0ev// Mo, 0/, videoqame,
p|obably w|iLLen Lo help you ºlice up
a load ol ºhiLLy demonº. And iL wo||º'
ìlìlllìll|
ll| ¡lì|ìlìl¡lì ì|\|\lllî|
25 FEBPUAP¥
upon hea|inq C|ee|
naºLieº SaLan'º W|aLh
|ecenLly, we |ema||ed
LhaL iL waº li|e
noLhinq alLe| IºB7 eve| happened.
The ºame iº even L|ue| ol 0a||Lh|one'º
I5Lh ºLudio opuº. Fo|med in IºBo,
No|way'º p|emie| ºc|eame|º delive|
a pun|y paºLiche ol blac| meLal
p|oLoLypinq and ope|aLic NW0BFM
blaºLº, lilLe|ed Lh|ouqh p|oducLion ºo
dan| Lhe ºLudio muºL've been c|awlinq
wiLh medieval |aLº.
The new aIbum The 0ixie 0euJ is
µretty heavy.
IL'º one ol Lhe heavieºL Lhinqº I've eve|
puL ouL. Il my laºL album 0o///nq A//
0o/µ·e· (20II) waº my Ramoneº
|eco|d, Lhen Lhiº one iº li|e my
MeLallica |eco|d.
NiceI ßut which era ef MetaIIica
are we taIking here7
Faha, well I don'L mean iL ·oanJ·
li|e MeLallica, I'm juºL uºinq iL aº a
compa|iºon. The L|ac|º ºLill ºound li|e
Wedneºday I?, buL wiLh mo|e lile.
What made yeu ge heavier7
I don'L li|e puLLinq ouL Lhe ºame |eco|d
eve|y Lime. 0o/µ·e· had a 'I-2-?-4'
vibe, in Lhe ºpi|iL ol The Ramoneº. BuL
I liºLen Lo many dille|enL Lhinqº now.
When I ºLa|Led ouL iL waº pun|, Kiºº
and Alice Coope|. Now my lavou|iLe
bandº include ºLull li|e Killinq Jo|e,
and LhaL ºhineº Lh|ouqh.
ThematicaIIy yeu've stiII get the
bIeedsuckers and graveyards. ¡t's
a reaI ß-mevie herrer recerd, right7
0h yeah, iL'º I00 pe| cenL ho||o|.
IL'º li|e a IºB0º John Ca|penLe| lilm.
IL'º qoL ºynLhº in Lhe inL|o and aL Lhe
end, and LhaL'º mainly |ele|encinq Lhe
ºoundL|ac| ºLull Ca|penLe| did lo|
T/e T//nq and /o//oween. Thoºe
ºoundº he c|eaLed made me leel wei|d
aº a |id, and ºLill do. We've alºo made
Lhe pac|aqinq loo| li|e an ea|ly IºB0º
ho||o| lilm. Really, I Lhin| Lhiº |eco|d iº
dille|enL Lo anyLhinq I've done belo|e
and iL will ºu|p|iºe people, buL noL in
a way LhaL iL'º li|e, '0h man, Lhiº ºuc|º.'
Why de yeu think ß-mevie herrer
and µunk music ge se uncanniIy
weII tegether7
Fo| me, iL juºL ma|eº ºenºe. When
I waº younq I collecLed CI Joe and
monºLe| acLion liqu|eº, and I'd ma|e
my CI Joeº b|ea| inLo F|an|enºLein'º
caºLle. Then I diºcove|ed muºic and
ºaw Alice Coope|, and he'º li|e
a ho||o| movie on ºLaqe. ThaL ºeL iL
up lo| me.
What's yeur faveurite herrer mevie
seundtrack ef aII time7
IL'º p|obably /o//oween ?, which
I ºLill have on vinyl l|om when I waº
a |id. IL'º juºL c|eepy. The li|ºL Lwo
/o//oween lilmº we|e amazinq and
can'L be Louched, buL all Lhe IºB0º
ho||o| iconº have become Lheºe
|oc|ºLa|º which a|en'L ºca|y any mo|e.
F|eddy K|ueqe|, Michael Mye|º and
Jaºon voo|heeº - Lhey'|e li|e Slaºh
now' I'm qlad Lo have q|own up in
a Lime when we didn'L have Lhe
inLe|neL ºhowinq picLu|eº and
ºpoilinq abºoluLely eve|yLhinq.
|î|ll|
ïl¡ì| llll|ll
O0T NÒW
Ba|ely ouL ol Lhei|
Leenº, 0aniºh poºL-
pun|e|º would've been
minuº-I5-yea|º-old
in Iº7º, buL Lhey Lh|aºh quiLa| li|e
FacLo|y'º Tony Wilºon iº bac|, cou|Linq
Lhem wiLh |eco|d conL|acLº and poLº
ol blood. Thiº iº a beauLilully conL|ived
and chaoLic meºº ol ºupe|-ºLyliºh yeL
poººeººed |illinq and ºL|ained vocalº
LhaL ºound li|e Lhe ºinqe| could ºulle|
a b|ain haemo||haqe aL any momenL.
N£08£90ß7II
l OO||EOTED Ol 1OE AND
¹ONSTE| AOTlON |lOU|ES
8¡\|î |ì|llì îI||î|1 îlî|Iî|l
\l|/l|l®î|lîllllìlîl88¡l|îll|ll\. îl8
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O0T NÒW
The ºhoc|-|oc|e|'º
laLeºL q|ave-
|obbinq deliqhLº
include ºynLhy
inºL|umenLal ouL|oº, lo·t 8o,-
ºLyle vampi|eº ('Blood Suc|e|'),
and, beºL ol all, a nod Lo //o·/
0o/Jon'º well-q|oomed nemeºiº
Minq ('Fail Minq'). BuL while Lhe
B-movie qhouliºhneºº iº ºLill in
chec|, Lhe muºic poundº ha|de|.
0n 'CeL You| C|ave 0n', chainºaw
quiLa|º ºh|ed Lh|ouqh zombie
lleºh, while 'Cu|ºe The Livinq'
pac|º a |ille| |ill LhaL ºmac|º ol
Lh|aºh demiqodº TeºLamenL.
8tephen Doultrey
8B!ZARREMA0.C0M
THE 8£9I 8£N900809
|EVE|BE|ATlNOTO\A|DSYOU
M09I0
AusIroIIon moesIros roIse Ihe
sky wIIh sIIrrInQ newoIbum
l|îl îlî|
llì ll|
îlì \||ì\
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
livinq |eco|dinq expe|ience, ºo we
we|en'L |eLu|ninq Lo ciLy hoLelº aL Lhe
end ol Lhe day and qeLLinq loºL in Laxiº.
The ºenºe ol Lhe place iº capLu|ed in
boLh Lhe mood and Lhe app|oach. IL'º a
beauLilul old la|mhouºe LhaL belonqed
Lo a muºic c|iLic who paººed away and
lelL whaL I Lhin| iº Lhe biqqeºL vinyl
collecLion ol claººical muºic ouLºide Lhe
vaLican. The|e a|e mo|e Lhan IB0,000
|eco|dº 'boo|ºhelved' inLo iLº wallº.
Napoleon o|iqinally had Lhe place
builL Lo dye F|ench miliLa|y unilo|mº.
The|e'º a ºLo|y LhaL he deºiqned Lhe
unilo|mº Lo be |ed wiLh qold b|aidº
down Lhe ºide. BuL alLe| Lhey'd dyed
many Lenº ol Lhouºandº ol Lhem,
eve|yone |ealiºed Lhe ºoldie|º couldn'L
camoullaqe Lhemºelveº in Lhe lo|eºLº.
They we|e uºeleºº'
5e NaµeIeen, miIitary genius, made
the scheeIbey errer ef designing
bright red army uniferms7 PIank.
Yeº, LhaL'º p|eLLy much iL.
As weII as the ßad 5eeds and
Crinderman, yeu've written fiIm
seundtracks with Nick Cave fer he
reµesitien, he ReuJ and uwless.
Yeu guys must get en weII7
The|e'º a |eal ºenºe ol L|uºL. WiLh Nic|,
I leel encou|aqed Lo La|e Lhinqº aº la|
aº I wanL and I li|e La|inq |iº|º when
I qo inLo Lhe ºLudio wiLh him and Lhe
Bad Seedº. I'm acLually luc|y Lo leel
comlo|Lable Lo do LhaL wiLh all Lhe
q|oupº I wo|| wiLh. I can ma|e
ho||ible moveº, buL Lhey can
ºomeLimeº lead Lo |eally qood Lhinqº.
ße yeu enjey cemµesing the
seundtracks7
IL waº eºpecially exciLinq Lo wo|| on
T/e P/oµo·/t/on becauºe we had Lo
ba||el in Lhe|e and chu|n eve|yLhinq
ouL in juºL lou| dayº. IL waº lea|leºº
and exciLinq, and whaL came ouL waº
a qilL. BuL wiLh each ºoundL|ac|,
iL becomeº challenqinq L|yinq noL Lo
leL Lhe muºic be juºL qloom ºLuc| on
a lilm. IL'º impo|LanL Lhe muºic b|inqº
ºomeLhinq unique Lo each imaqe.
Yeu µrevieusIy µIayed with ßavid
McCemb, ef AustraIian band The
Triffids (which, incidentaIIy, is the
name ef eur IeveIy editer). McCemb
seunded Iike a reaI taIent, but sadIy
µassed away in 1999, aged just Jó.
Yeº, and Bad Seedº baººiºL Ma|Lyn
waº a membe| ol The T|illidº. 0avid
McComb waº ºomebody who ºeL hiº
ba| |eally hiqh, and w|oLe wo|ldly
ºonqº aL a |eally younq aqe. They we|e
expanºive and ambiLiouº ºonqº. IL waº
a Le||ible loºº. I'm 47 now and you
ºuddenly |ealiºe how younq he waº.

We're ebsessed with the fact that
the ßad 5eeds are the best dressed
band in reck histery. ße yeu agree7
ThaL'º a lai| aººeººmenL. 0Lhe| people
ºeem Lo chanqe Lhei| cloLheº |equla|ly
and lollow laºhion, which iº alwayº a
miºLa|e. The|e'º ºomeLhinq aqeleºº and
imp|eººive abouL d|eººinq in a qood
ºuiL. Il you loo| aL phoLoº ol old jazz
o| blueº bandº, and 0ixieland a|LiºLº,
Lhey'|e alwayº wea|inq a clean-cuL ºuiL
and loo|inq ºma|L. Beºideº, I alºo Lhin|
eve|yone in Lhe band juºL li|eº Lo d|eºº
up. IL qiveº uº a ºenºe ol occaºion.
ße suit taiIers faII ever themseIves
te dress yeu7
No, and inºL|umenL ma|e|º a|en'L
app|oachinq uº eiLhe|. I don'L |now
why. IL'º p|obably juºL aº well.
ßeth yeurseIf and Nick Cave have
icenic faciaI hair. What insµired
yeu te grew a beard7
IL waº a p|oºLiLuLe'º commenL in
AmºLe|dam abouL Texan muºician
Joºh T Fea|ºon. She ºaid Lo him,
¨You loo| amazinq,¨ and I Loo| a loo|,
and I ºaid, ¨Wow, you'|e ºo |iqhL'¨
IL waº aº ºimple aº LhaL. BuL maybe
I won'L have Lhiº bea|d much lonqe|.
Yeu might shave it eff7
Yeah, o| maybe chanqe iL.
Yeur new recerd, ush he ky
Awuy is beautifuI and tender, with
Nick Cave's baritene µreaching
rumbIing acress deIicate Ieeµs.
¡t's very different te the Iast
recerd zrus , which
was garage-seunding and abrasive.
I've lived wiLh iL lo| lou| monLhº now
and I've yeL Lo hea| any c|ac|º in iL, ºo
LhaL'º a qood ºiqn. The|e a|e ºLill Lhinqº
LhaL conºLanLly ºu|p|iºe me abouL iL.
What kind ef surµrises7
JuºL in Lhe way iL ºoundº, and Lhe
ºhape ol iL. Sonically, iL'º ve|y dille|enL
Lo anyLhinq I've been involved in wiLh
Lhe Bad Seedº belo|e. IL'º qood LhaL
we've moved away l|om Lhe di|ecLion
ol Lhe laºL lew albumº, aº well aº whaL
we've been doinq in C|inde|man (Bad
Seedº ºide-p|ojecL). We L|ied Lo La|e
Lhe maLe|ial Lo unlamilia| placeº
wiLhouL iL ºoundinq li|e a ho||ible
expe|imenL.
Nick Cave rhymes Hannah Mentana
with African savanna en 'Higgs
ßesen ßIues', which is µretty nifty.
Yeah, LhaL'º up Lhe|e wiLh Nic|'º all-
Lime q|eaL |hymeº.
ßid recerding in a 19th century
mansien in 5aint-Pemy-de-
Prevence infIuence the music7
IL LoLally inlluenced iL, and iL'º alºo Lhe
li|ºL Lime I'd eve| been involved in a
Nßkk£8£LLI9-I89Ik0M£8IßLI9I
l |EE| ENOOU|AOED TO TAKE
THlNOS AS |A| AS l \ANT
8¡\|î |ì|llì îI||î|1 îlî|Iî|l
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O0T NÒW
IL'º noL eve|y
Lime LhaL you can
laviºh a Bad Seedº
|eleaºe wiLh ºuch
adjecLiveº aº 'Lende|', 'qenLle' and
(·t/ewt//) 'wa|m', buL Lhe I5Lh
ºLudio ouLinq l|om Nic| Cave'º
olL-mo|oºe L|oubadou|º haº
a cenL|e aº ºucculenL and ºolL
aº a Michelin ºLa| ape|iLil.
Cave'º meande|inq poeL|y mixeº
ºuqqeºLiveneºº, biblical q|iL and
pop culLu|e ac|oºº Wa||en Elliº'
|ich, |ollinq, |eve|b-heavy loopº.
F|om Lhe ºoullul, oceanic imaqe|y
ol 'Wide Lovely Eyeº' Lo Lhe
inLoxicaLinq ºplendou| ol 'Fiqqº
Boºon Blueº', Lhiº album haº
leºº lille| Lhan a qianL hole.
8tephen Doultrey
ll| l|l\\ll¡\|
0B!ZARREMA0.C0M
THE 8£9I 8£N900809
|EVE|BE|ATlNOTO\A|DSYOU
M09I0
InvIIoIIon Io o Ierror-IIIIed dInner porIy wIIh on EInsIürzende NeubouIen IeQend
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lu|Lhe| Lhan I could wiLhin Lhe
ºL|ucLu|e ol a well-eºLabliºhed q|oup.
There are many unique musicaI
ceIIaberatiens en the ßVß, such as
The NihiIst 5µasm ßand and AIgis
Kizys, whese fermer greuµ 5wans
made ene ef the best aIbums ef
2ß12. Hew did these ceme abeut7
AIexander: Alqiº iº one ol my oldeºL
and beºL l|iendº and we have
collabo|aLed in Lhe paºL, alLhouqh he
haºn'L played wiLh Lhe Swanº lo| ove|
20 yea|º. All ou| collabo|aLo|º a|e
ºpecial people. WhaL we qeL l|om
Lhem iº Lhei| unique app|oach, Lhei|
ve|y own La|e on Lhe piece.
Hew much did each ef the guest
musicians affect the ambience
ef their resµective shews7
ßanieIIe: We choºe queºL muºicianº
LhaL eiLhe| play unuºual inºL|umenLº
o| have unuºual wayº ol playinq
inºL|umenLº. IL iº abouL c|eaLinq maqic
Lh|ouqh unexpecLed |eºulLº, and leLLinq
coincidence and claºheº deline Lhe
ouLcome. We neve| Lell people whaL Lo
do, Lhey p|epa|e Lhei| pa|L wiLh a baºic
L|ac| LhaL we ºenL Lhem via email and
we uºually only have one |ehea|ºal
belo|e Lhe ºhow. In Lhiº manne| we
enºu|e LhaL Lhe ouLcome iº alwayº
unexpecLed lo| eve|yone involved.
In a way Lhey a|e cho|eoq|aphed
imp|oviºaLionº.
0ne ef the standeut mements fer
me is 5teve Ferker's beautifuI
trumµet seIe in ßenver.
ßanieIIe: We meL SLeve Fo||e| in
20II. We we|e p|eºenLinq my Be|lin
Memoi|º T/e //·to/, 0j T/on·q/e··/on
in Lhe uS doinq mulLimedia-|eadinq
pe|lo|manceº ol my ºLo|ieº. SLeve
came bac|ºLaqe alLe| ou| ºhow in
0enve| and qave me a C0 ol hiº wo||.
Fe alºo inviLed uº Lo a wonde|lul
b|ea|laºL and we became l|iendº.
Fe iº a q|eaL pe|ºonaliLy and muºician.
WiII yeu teur the shew in the bK7
ßanieIIe: We would love Lo, and a|e
waiLinq lo| olle|º'
ße the twe ef yeu have µIans fer
mere ceIIaberatiens in the future7
ßanieIIe: Alexande| and I have been
c|eaLinq audio / viºual pe|lo|manceº
ºince 200I, conceivinq a new one
eve|y Lwo yea|º. 0u| Lhemeº a|e
uºually baºed on liLe|aLu|e. We
will hopelully be pe|lo|minq T/e
0/o··/oa·e a liLLle lonqe|, buL a|e
p|epa|inq a new p|eºenLaLion baºed
on my upcominq q|aphic novel We
A/e 0,µ·/e· Aow, which iº ouL in
Ma|ch 20I?.
|ar mare |rfa 1|s|t D+r|e||eáep|cc|atta.cam

What is The 0lussheuse abeut7
ßanieIIe: IL iº Lhe ºLo|y ol my laºL
eveninq in Lhe uS belo|e I moved Lo
Ce|many in IºB7. NYC in Lhe IºB0º
waº exL|emely danqe|ouº, and I'd
had enouqh ol iL. Eve|y day ºomebody
would be ºhoL, |aped o| muqqed, and a
l|iend aL CNN Lold me LhaL Lhe|e we|e
?75 mu|de|º pe| day. The ºeLLinq lo|
Lhiº lilm iº a dinne| LhaL I waº inviLed
Lo, and which Lu|ned inLo a niqhLma|e.
IL became a pe|ºonal ºymbol ol whaL
I waº leavinq behind. The aLmoºphe|e
ol Le||o| du|inq LhaL niqhL iº
ºomeLhinq I can only compa|e Lo Lhe
qlobal ambience ºince º/II. IL haº
b|ouqhL me Lo Lhin| a loL abouL whaL
lea| iº and iLº conºequenceº.
A Iet ef the imagery is haunting
and fairy taIe-esque. Can yeu taIk
abeut yeur insµiratiens, ßanieIIe7
ßanieIIe: The lilm iº mainly made up
ol Supe| B imaqeº LhaL I ºLa|Led
ºhooLinq in Lhe IºB0º. I alwayº L|y Lo
c|eaLe aLmoºphe|eº LhaL Lu|n Lhe ºoul
inºide ouL, Lhe da|| and hidden ºideº ol
ou| lile, Lhey a|e Lhe oneº LhaL |eveal
ou| L|ue idenLiLy. I am p|edominaLely
inlluenced by w|iLe|º, ºuch aº Edqa|
Allan Foe, Ca|ºon McCulle|º, Co|mac|
McCa|Lhy and FF Lovec|alL.
AIexander, hew chaIIenging was it
te write a scere fer ßanieIIe's fiIm,
what did yeu strive te achieve7
AIexander: The aim waº Lo c|eaLe
an a|chiLecLu|al ºpace, juºL li|e you'd
imaqine wiLh a 'qlaººhouºe'. IL waº
neceººa|y Lo ma|| Lhe conlineº ol Lhe
au|al ºLaqe, whe|e Lhe ºLo|y iº Lold
and whe|e Lhe|e iº enouqh |oom lo|
Lhe cha|acLe|º Lo inL|oduce Lhemºelveº
and develop. And by Lhiº I do noL
mean on/, Lhe cha|acLe|º wiLhin Lhe
Lale, buL alºo Lhe pe|lo|minq muºicianº
Lhemºelveº, whoºe conL|ibuLionº need
a plaLlo|m and a baºic aLmoºphe|e Lo
unlold upon.
Was writing and µerferming this
scere very different te yeur werk
in Einst0rzende Neubauten7
AIexander: Wo||inq wiLh my
wonde|lul wile will alwayº be dille|enL
Lo wo||inq wiLh a bunch ol di|Ly old
men' I'm jo|inq, ol cou|ºe' The|e a|e
pa|allelº in Lhe concepLual cla|iLy ol
boLh 0anielle'º and Blixa'º (Ba|qeld,
vocalº / quiLa|, EinºLu|zende
NeubauLen) viºion, and neiLhe|
ºiLuaLion could be deºc|ibed aº
a ºL|aiqhLlo|wa|d imp|oviºaLion o|
a 'jam'. The unique voice and llavou| ol
EinºLu|zende NeubauLen iº noL alwayº
a libe|aLinq lacLo|, Lhouqh. In wo||inq
wiLh 0anielle, I can La|e Lhinqº a loL
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uS a|LiºL 0anielle
de FiccioLLo boLh
w|oLe and ºhoL
T/e 0/o··/oa·e
a ºilenL auLobioq|aphical lilm
abouL a dinne| pa|Ly LhaL
exploded in naºLineºº Lhe niqhL
belo|e 0anielle eºcaped Lo Be|lin.
WiLh a haunLinq, meºme|ic ºco|e
by 0anielle'º huºband, Alexande|
Fac|e (ol Ce|man induºL|ial
ºup|emoº EinºLu|zende
NeubauLen) Lhiº 0v0 leaLu|eº
live live pe|lo|manceº ol Lhe
lilm, each |eºplendenL wiLh da||,
Lynchian imaqe|y, wa|ped ºonic
aLmoºphe|icº, and a va|yinq line-
up ol queºL muºicianº who each
add Lhei| own unique and olLen
ºL|anqe expe|imenLaliºm Lo Lhe
p|oceedinqº. IL'º a deliqhL Lo Lhe
ea|º and eyeº.
8tephen Doultrey
800k9
THE 8£9I 8£Nk£ß09ON
THE SHE|VESTHlS¹ONTH
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
A spIn-oII sIorrInQ Ihe
sweory IIIIIe sweeIIe
l|îl·l\\ / /ì||¡ì|.
l|l·l|ì|
MARK M¡LLAR & JOHH ROM¡TA JHR
O0T
¡T'5 PATHEP
cool LhaL ou|
cu||enL lavou|iLe
ºupe|he|o iº
an II-yea|-
old qi|l
who
ºayº ¨moLhe|luc|e|¨,
zappº muqqe|º in Lhe ballº,
and wiºLlully |eminiºceº abouL
Lhe Lime he| dad LauqhL he|
CIA Lo|Lu|e Lechniqueº.
IL ma|eº ou| dea|
old AunLie 0en
ºeem a liLLle biL li|e
MoLhe| The|eºa in
compa|iºon.
Runninq inLo Lhe evenLº ol
Lhe lo|Lhcominq //c/ movie
ºequel (ouL Lhiº ºumme|), Lhiº
ºpin-oll novel lindº FiL-Ci|l AKA
Mindy McC|eady - Leachinq lellow
c|im-|ic|e| Kic|-Aºº ºome diºLu|binq
new ninja moveº in |eLu|n lo| ºome
ºocial coachinq.
Meanwhile, inca|ce|aLed |inqpin
Ralphie Cenoveºe iº aLLempLinq Lo
exe|L conL|ol ol Lhe ciLy while |iddinq
iL ol Lhoºe peº|y coºLumed b|aLº.
And Red MiºL iº up Lo no qood eiLhe|.
A loL Lo deal wiLh, Lhen.
Fac|ed wiLh Milla|'º hila|iouº
dialoque (¨You don'L ºee C|een LanLe|n
havinq Lo do Lhiº ºhiL,¨ aº Kic|-Aºº'
pa|enLº ma|e him La|e ouL Lhe L|aºh),
FiL-Ci|l'º ºpin-oll ya|n iº lun, lunny
and luc|ed-up. BuL Lhen you al|eady
|new iL would be. Il Lhe|e'º one jo|e
LhaL neve| wea|º Lhin iL'º ºeeinq ou|
che|ubic, wide-eyed liLLle he|oine
lluLLe| Lhoºe eyelidº while buºLinq
in a bad quy'º c|anium wiLh a qianL
hamme|. KAF0W' F
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3-2-1, you're ouIIo hereI
LARRY MATY8¡K
O0T APC
qb¡TE FPANKLY,
Lhe|e'º p|obably noLhinq
on Lhiº planeL quiLe
aº bon|e|º aº p|o
w|eºLlinq. Even
compeLiLive boq
ºno||ellinq can'L compa|e Lo a 'ºpo|L'
LhaL haº p|ovided ºuch |idiculouº
qimmic|º aº Lhe Red RooºLe|, whe|e
a Buºhwac|e| conL|acLed a nea|-laLal
diºeaºe alLe| yea|º ol lic|inq ºweaLy
headº, and whe|e many ol iLº leqendº
have (L|aqically) paººed away l|om yea|º
ol muºcle-enla|qinq ºubºLance abuºe.
By Lhe ºame Lo|en, we don'L Lhin|
a boo| haº eve| qoL Lhe 8/oe ollice
quiLe aº emba||aººinqly exciLed aº Lhiº
one. ¨0oh, ooh, iº Roddy Fipe| in iL`¨
|oa|ed Kelºall. ¨I li|ed Ko|o B Wa|e'º
L|un|º,¨ |ecalled me. ¨Whe|e'º
Bam Bam Biqelow`¨ enqui|ed
0| Blac|Lho|n. ¨I once |ipped my
q|oin aLLempLinq a Macho Man
aLomic d|op on my ºLulled Koala
when I waº I7,¨ olle|ed B|oadbenL.
RaLhe| Lhan beinq a me|e liºL,
Lhouqh, auLho| MaLyºi| haº conducLed
lull inveºLiqaLive |eºea|ch belo|e
|eachinq hiº Lop men, conºulLinq
expe|Lº and weiqhinq up eve|yLhinq
l|om box ollice d|aw Lo Lechnique.
ThaL meanº you qeL an inL|iquinq
inºiqhL inLo Lhe ºpo|L in addiLion Lo 50
hiqhly deLailed w|eºLle| bioq|aphieº.
Fo| anyone who haº eve| ha|bou|ed
any inLe|eºL in WWE, ECW eLc, you
na·t |ead Lhiº boo|. Fo| eve|yone
elºe, you'|e p|obably wonde|inq whaL
happened Lo all Lhe bondaqe LuLo|ialº.
8tephen Doultrey
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O| VlDEOOA¹lNOS
||E¹lE|||ANOHlSES
0ßM£9
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B!ZARREMA0.C0M
O0T APC
XBOX 360
LAPACP0FT ¡5 AV¡ßE0CAME
cha|acLe| li|e no oLhe|. Since Iººo ºhe'º
become ºuch a lamilia| liqu|e in pop
culLu|e LhaL we |a|ely examine whe|e
Lhiº pe|lecL concocLion ol leminine cha|m
and all-acLion qi|l o|iqinally ºp|anq l|om.
Thiº d|amaLic |ebooL ol one ol
videoqaminq'º p|emie| l|anchiºeº La|eº
uº bac| Lo baºicº, and bac| in Lime, Lo
|eveal howyou| lavou|iLe heavy-cheºLed
he|oine came Lo be Lhe way ºhe iº, and
became ºo damn leiºLy. Ah, yeº, La|a'º
cheºL. 0ne ol Lhe delininq leaLu|eº ol
Lhiº laLeºL Ton/ Po/J/ iº Lhe ºubLle
de-emphaºiºinq ol La|a'º loxieºL
aLL|ibuLeº. BuL while Lhiº ea|ly-La|a
iº mo|e believable Lhan he| Lop-heavy
p|edeceººo|º, you'll be deliqhLed Lo
hea| ºhe'º ºLill hawL aº hell'
La|a'º ºLo|y beqinº in a ºhipw|ec| on
a L|opical iºland, whe|e Lhe qameplay iº
all abouL ºLayinq alive and an eºcalaLinq
level ol Lh|eaL. SuºLenance haº Lo be
lound, wild animalº louqhL, and linally
La|a haº Lo ove|come he| ave|ºion Lo
|illinq oLhe| humanº. up Lo I5 hou|º ol
open-wo|ld advenLu|e lollow, combininq
combaL, RFC, puzzle-o|ienLed clambe|inq
o /o unc/o/teJ, iºland explo|aLion and
ºu|vival mechanicº. FlenLy ol ºide queºLº
b|anch oll l|omLhe main ºLo|y, addinq Lo
a Lenºe and exhila|aLinq advenLu|e lo| a
qaminq leqend we all LhouqhL we |new.
Thiº Lime Lhe deºiqn Leamaimº Lo
ma|e uº ca|e mo|e deeply abouL La|a by
ma|inq he| ºolLe| and mo|e vulne|able,
buL wiLh a q|owinq co|e ol ºLeel ºhe
comeº Lo |ely on aº Lhe ºLo|y unloldº,
Lhiº iº ºLill claººic Ton/ Po/Je/, deºpiLe
iLº mo|e Louchy-leelinq aLLiLude.
5he's o kIIIer queen, Qunpowder, QeIoIIne.
ll8î ìl|ì|ì
Fk£¥I£N9
B!ZARREMA0.C0M
0ßM£9
OT 8 APC
CAN ¡T PEALLY ßE 0VEP 2ß YEAP5
ºince Lhe li|ºL S/n0/t,` Jeez, ou| liveº a|e
ºlippinq away. Anyhow, Lhe claººic ciLy
ºimulaLion qame iº bac|, and iL'º beLLe|
equipped Lo qive you LoLal conL|ol ove|
you| meqalomaniacal d|eamº. Mo|e Lhan
belo|e, eve|y deciºion you ma|e aº ciLy
planne| exL|ao|dinai|e haº conºequenceº.
locuº on heavy induºL|y and you| Simº'
healLh will ºLa|L Lo ºulle| while you|
colle|º bulqe, q|een Lechnoloqy coºLº Lhe
Lax paye|º, and c|eaLeº unemploymenL.
Fo| Lhiº new iLe|aLion playe|º a|e now
qiven Lhe opLion Lo compeLe on qlobal o|
|eqional leade|boa|dº Lo ma|e you| ciLy
Lhe happieºL, di|LieºL o| Lhe |icheºL ol all.
BeLLe| ºLill, new S/n0/t, allowº you|
p|eviouºly-ºilenL people Lal| Lo you.
Fow will you |eºpond l|om you| qodli|e
poºiLion` uº` We'|e juºL loo|inq lo|wa|d
Lo launchinq a l|ea|in' ºpace ºhuLLle'
OT A
5T¡C T b5 T5 E
In Lhiº nuLLy Japaneºe |ole-playe| you
La|e conL|ol ol NepLune, Lhe Conºole
FaL|on uniL (CFu) ol Lhe wo|ld ol
FlaneLpLune (whaLeve| LhaL meanº.),
who'º piLched aqainºL Lhe evil Seven
Saqeº, who plan Lo eliminaLe all CFuº
l|om Lhe unive|ºe. CoL LhaL` Il ºo, can
you leL 8/zo//e |now whaL Lhe hell iº
lï/|ìì|8|l\|ll l|/l¡l|l î|îllìï
\|8î|lï
FInIsh IhInQs beouIIIuIIy wIIh specIoI skIIIs
Everybody wonIs Io ruIe
Ihe worId
qoinq on` 0eºpiLe iL'º b|ain-melLinq ploL,
lanº ol Lhe /,µe/J/nen·/on Aeµtan/o
ºe|ieº can loo| lo|wa|d Lo deepe|
imme|ºion inLo Lhe qame myLhoº, alonq
wiLh a |elined and laºLe|-paced baLLle
ºyºLem, mo|e dunqeonº, and plenLy ol
comedy aº NepLune L|ieº Lo liqhL he| way
home. And il you'|e an iFhone owne|, you
can download a bonuº app LhaL will qive
you a load ol exL|a qadqeL-|elaLed lun.
u!!-out PosterI
Morch 2013
B!ZARREMA0.C0M

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