A Cold Beer In Hell

© Harris Tobias 2013

There’s a story they tell in Killkenny A story I think you should hear It involves a local fellow named Murphy A wager, a contest, and beer One day down at Paddy’s a stranger came in Old Murphy was already there Murph said hello to the stranger And offered to buy him a beer You know who I am asked the stranger I’m the devil and I’ve come here for you Drink up because where you’re going There ain’t gonna be any brew Now if there’s one thing we know about Murphy, Was that the man lived to drink beer And he’d taken the devil’s full measure And knew he had nothing to fear Old Murphy turned to the devil He said I bet I could drink more than you The devil said son, you’ve picked the wrong man I’m the fella what invented brew But Murphy just laughed and ordered a draft And agreed that that probably was so I suppose when I’m dead old Murphy said There’s no drinking where I’m gonna go That’s true said the devil there isn’t no beer Not where you’re gonna go We ain’t got no pubs just demons and grubs It’s all fire and pain down below

No one had ever seen Murphy Without a mug in his fist If there was only one thing that he lived for Drinking was top of the list Tell you what said Murph to the devil As he hoisted a beer to his lips Let us keep score and whoever drinks more Has to grant the winner one wish It’s a deal said the devil and held out his claw Pour a pint for me and my mate Paddy pulled on the lever Then chalked a one on his slate Now Murphy was known in the village As a man who enjoyed drinking beer And if someone was buyin’ You can bet old Murphy was there A few hours later the tavern was packed Every man woman and child in town Murph and the devil were tied neck and neck Each man was tossing them down By evening it looked like Murphy was whipped Paddy had chalked forty five Murphy’s hand shook as he picked up his glass No one thought that Murph would survive When the folk began cheering and calling his name Old Murphy seemed to revive He tossed down the next two pints in a row Now the devil had fear in his eyes The devil hung on for couple a more rounds Then he starting to wobble and sway Then he slipped from his stool and looked like a fool Old Murphy had carried the day Great jubilation, people danced in the street Old Murphy had done them all proud The devil was faced with discrace and defeat Everyone cheered long and loud

Well, said the devil, you won fair and square And I guess I owe you a wish So what’ll it be money or fame That’s usually top of the list Old Murphy just laughed and shook his grey head And said this’ll probably sound queer But the one thing I wish for the one thing I want Is for hell to begin serving beer So listen to me all you sinners In a world filled with liars and cranks In hell when they hand you a cold one It’s Murph who deserves all the thanks

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