Order of Marriage and Christian Domestic Discipline

My Advice to the Husband

By Bulldog

Foreword

Every Husband should run his household in such a manner that he feels is
pleasing to God (not man) and utilize what “works” for leading his family.

The following guidelines that I have written are my beliefs. They are not for, nor
intended to be, for everybody. It is my testimony. Just as every Sermon placed
on the heart of a Preacher does not reach every soul in the same manner, I
believe it does reach those who need it if their hearts are open to God’s
message.

I am not a Pastor nor felt the call to preach; however, I have often felt the call to
share my testimony on various topics.

It is my prayer that this testimony that I have written may help someone who
needs it.

For those who disagree with all or part of my testimony, I wish to express my
apologies if you are offended; however, I will not apologize for my beliefs unless
convicted by God to do so.

Biblical Authority

Ephesians 5:21-27 Be in subjection to one another in reverence for Christ; wives,

to your own husbands, as to the Lord, our Owner. For a husband is lord and
master of the wife, in the exact same manner as Christ likewise is Lord and
Master of the Church; He Himself being the Savior of the body. Moreover, in the
exact same manner as the Church is in subjection to Christ, so also the wives to
their husbands, in everything. Husbands, unconditionally love your wives, just as
Christ also unconditionally loved the Church and He gave Himself up in place of
her, so that He might purify her to holiness, freeing her from the defilements of
sin and faults, by the spiritual cleansing of the water, by the spoken word of God,
so that He might present the Church to Himself in glorious splendor, having no
willingly held moral faults or small moral defects or any such things, but rather
that she might be holy and faultless.

I’ve never known a Christian woman who was looking for a weakling. She is
looking for a MAN. She wants someone that she can respect, who will always
keep her safe, support her, love and cherish her, and mentor her to help her stay
on track. She is looking for a “hero”. Someone she can be proud of. If she had
a good relationship with her Daddy where he always did what was best for her
mother, her, and her family, she will normally look for the same qualities in a man.
As God commanded of man, as a husband, you are to be the head of your
household. You, not your wife, shall be held accountable by God for the
“condition” of your household. I’m not just talking about judgment day. God will
punish you in this life. You will lose out on goods things here on earth such as
happiness and growth of yourself and your family members. If you are not doing
your job as leader correctly, your entire household will suffer and it can lead to
divorce dividing your family.

As head of the household, you must ALWAYS put the best interests of your family
first. What you want for yourself personally MUST always be secondary to what
is best for your family. This will bring you enormous amounts of pride,
satisfaction, and joy.

Always Put Her First

If you want to go to the lake and your wife wants to go to the show, go to the
show and give her the best afternoon that you can and thoroughly enjoy the
experience yourself. That way, she will not feel guilty about you “missing out” on
going to the lake. She will greatly appreciate this and should immediately make
plans for the two of you to go to the lake at another time where she will put her all
into making that a wonderful day also.

Always remember, romance does not end with “I do”. She will always deserve
flowers, help around the house, a chance to catch a nap when the kids or other
responsibilities have run her short on sleep, a night out with the girls, a romantic
dinner in her favorite restaurant, a hug, a tease, a tickle, to hear how much you
love her, how proud you are of her and praise/encouragement for all of her
endeavors, etc.

Never intentionally insult her. Never, EVER, NEVER, EVER, stop “wooing” and
“winning” your wife! Never take her for granted and immediately apologize and
correct the problem if you do.

Who’s in Charge?

There can be only one person “in charge” in a marriage.

Think of marriage as a ship. Can a ship have two captains? What would happen
in an emergency situation? Could both captain’s become entangled arguing over
which direction to go and the result be that the ship ends up on the rocks and
sinks? Everyone on board would be affected and could die.

Think about a CEO of a corporation. He has been put in charge by people who
trust his leadership and ability to lead the corporation to success which in turn
benefits them financially. If he does his job poorly, he and all who have invested
in the corporation will lose money.

Does this mean that as a husband, that you are a dictator and no one has the
right to question your decisions and help you make them? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Would a captain make a decision that affects the entire ship without considering
any objections voiced by the first mate? Would a CEO make a decision that
affects the entire corporation without considering any objections voiced by his
staff and the Board of Directors?

You chose your wife mostly because you love and respect her mind.

Eve was created to be Adam’s helpmate. A husband and wife make each other
complete.

You should NEVER make a decision that will affect your family without discussing
it with your wife and having given every possible consideration to what she has to
say, especially if she has objections. The only exception is a decision that
absolutely MUST be made “on the spot”.

Think and pray about what she has to say and respect her thoughts and
opinions. Research and study it if necessary. If she has objections, do not
argue/fight with her. Debate the issue without anger and certainly without making
her feel belittled in any way. If you come to agree that she is right, TELL HER
SO. Never let your stubbornness or pride allow you to “waive her off”. This is
disrespectful and will make it harder for her to remain respectful and submissive
to you as God has commanded of her. DO NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR
LEADING OR CONTRIBUTING TO THE SINS OF YOUR FAMILY!

After all meaningful discussion has ended, the ultimate responsibility to make the
decision is yours. Never make a decision that is not what you truly believe is in
the best interest of your family. If she disagrees with your decision, she may say
so, ONCE. She is then to give full support and not to say “I told you so” if it fails.
That too is your job. You are not perfect and you will make bad decisions.

As with most decisions, there will be “bumps in the road” that make you question
yourself. Share these “bumps” with your wife. You both must remember that
even if she did not agree with the decision, it is her job to give it all of her
support. Ask her for advice on dealing with the bumps in the road. She should
be involved with helping you “fix it” and should never remind you if she did not
agree with your decision in the first place (no “I told you so’s”).

When you FIRST recognize that you made a bad decision that cannot be made
workable, IMMEDIATELY go to your wife and explain to her how and why your
decision failed. If she was right in her initial objections, TELL HER SO!
If you always involve her in the decision making process, putting paramount what
you truly believe is in the best interests of your family, consult and involve her
with the “bumps in the road”, and the failures, she will know that you love and
respect her. It will also make it a great deal easier for her to give full support
without resentment to decisions that she may disagree with in the future.

Domestic Harmony through Loving Discipline

Hebrews 12:11 Moreover, all training in righteousness with discipline for the
present seems not to be joyful, on the one hand, but rather painful and grievous
yet, afterward it produces the peaceful fruit of righteousness and holiness as
God has created us to live, to the ones who have been earnestly trained by it.

Spanking a disobedient wife was a common form of keeping a marriage on track

until the feminist movements. While these movements did do some much
needed good outside the home (equal pay, chance for advancement, etc.) they
destroyed the sanctity and order of marriage as God intended it to be. Media
sensation concerning men who abused their wives also fed this fire.

Taking the head of the household out of the marriage agreement led to a multi-
fold increase in the divorce rate and allowed countless families to be destroyed.
Countless sons grew up without strong and loving “head of the household”
husband/father role models. Countless daughters grew up not knowing how God
commands a wife to act because their mothers failed to teach their daughters
and much worse, they failed to SHOW them by their own example as required by
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh
holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things.
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to
love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to
their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

While it is true that in the “good old days” some husbands were sadistic tyrants
that did not follow the word and will of God, does that make today’s households
where there is no leadership and constant bickering right? Does the average
marriage of today follow the will and order of God as written in the Bible?

Christian husbands, your wife has been commanded by God to submit to you
and your authority. Does this give a husband the “God Given Right” to beat the
crap out of his wife? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

What it does do is make him responsible for correcting her and holding her
accountable if her behavior is harmful to herself, her marriage, or her family just
as God will hold you accountable for your actions as well as the condition of your
household. Physical accountability must only be done if one or more of these
three (harmful to herself, her marriage, or her family) are involved.
Spanking is an effective means of correcting a wife when her behavior has hurt
herself, her marriage, or her family as it lets her feel that she has “paid the price”
which allows her to let go of her guilt. A man who physically hurts his wife in any
way other than loving correction to her bottom and tops of her thighs is an abuser
of one of God’s daughters and will pay for his sins. Face slapping, shaking,
punching, kicking, etc. are ABUSE.

Ask of your fiancé or wife, “which would be worse, you continuing to feel guilty
and ashamed and me being disappointed in you and withdrawing (either of which
can easily fester to the point of divorce) or you coming clean and receiving a
spanking to put it all behind us with closure?”

If she agrees that a spanking is a better alternative to long held remorse and
resentment, it is time to discuss and write a set of rules and a contract that both
the husband and wife must sign.

The Wife’s Rules

There are many ways to go about making a set of rules. Some focus on the four
“D”s, Disobedience, disrespect, defiance, and destructive behavior. Others focus
strictly on what causes the wife guilt and harms her, the family, or the marriage.

Three rules that I feel should be on every list are:

1. I must not disrespect God, my husband, my marriage, or my family.
2. I must be obedient to my husband accepting his leadership and authority.
3. I must not lie nor otherwise intentionally cause harm to my relationship
with God, my husband, or my family.

These three rules will cover a lot of “Grey Areas” that may come up and had not
previously been addressed as a “rule”.

The initial set of rules should be written and agreed upon by both the husband
and the wife. The rules should list "Minor" offenses and "Serious" offenses.
Example: Failing to get up when the alarm goes off, failure to be obedient in a
timely manner when the HOH requests something, etc., are in most cases
"Minor" offenses. Lying, manipulation, defiance, failing to confess a minor
offense when she had the time to do so, etc., are examples of "Major" offenses.

As time passes, rules may be added or taken away by the husband, but this must
always be done for the good of the wife and family. The only benefits for the
husband are that the rules provide boundaries or as some call them, “fences”,
that keeps his family protected, happy, to live in harmony and to grow.

The rules are not to be used by the husband to enforce his own selfish will nor to
“put her in her place”. Always remember that your wife’s “place” is on a pedestal
shining brightly for God, your family, and the entire world to see. When a wife
feels guilty about her actions that have disappointed God, her husband, herself,
or her family, she cannot allow her husband to keep her on a “pedestal”. She
feels undeserving. After she releases her guilt she feels “worthy” again.

The rules give the wife boundaries (fences) and a clear understanding of what
she is expected not to do. This gives her a great sense of protection. If the wife
breaks a rule or rules she must confess and face the consequences.
Consequences for violation are up to the husband and he must always do what is
best for his wife and family. IT IS NOT ABOUT HIM!

It must be clearly understood that at no time should a husband correct his wife
with a spanking simply because “she made him mad” though if she intentionally
provoked him to wrath, that can easily be labeled as disrespect, a punishable
offense. Getting “mad” is a choice that we all have to make to get to that point. If
she did not violate the rules, intentionally provoke her husband to wrath, or do
something harmful to herself, her marriage, or her family, she does not deserve
to be spanked simply because the husband let something frustrate him and he
allowed himself to become angry. Domestic discipline is NOT about the needs of
the husband. It is always about the needs of the wife and family.

What about the Kids and Privacy?

Spanking your wife must always be done in private (although an occasional

warning slap to the bottom over her clothing is OK if the “Look” didn’t work). Try
not to let the children hear it. It is between the husband and wife.

If the children do hear it and ask questions, it is the wife’s job to explain simply
that “I did someone that I knew that I was not supposed to do and that Daddy
loved me enough to correct me for my own good.” The child should not be given
the details about “what Mommy did”. Nothing else is needed to be said except
that it was between Mommy and Daddy and that child is not to bring it up or to
speak of it just as the parents don’t put it in the local news when their children are
corrected. It is private family business.

If a child should ever make a comment about it, they should be immediately
warned. Should a child make fun of the wife for “getting a spanking” to her or
anyone else, the child should immediately disciplined in a manner that makes it
crystal clear that such behavior shall not be tolerated preferably by the Daddy.
A Daddy shall never allow a child to disrespect his wife – EVER!

Consequences

Should there be consequences for actions that are not rule violations? If the wife
feels guilty and ashamed about her actions and/or the husband truly believes that
her actions are harmful to herself, her family, or her marriage, then yes, they
should be addressed and then added to the rules.

Should the consequence for every rule violation be a spanking?

No. If she comes to you openly, contritely, and “confesses” a minor rule violation,
and can release all of her guilt with a conversation with her husband stating
something along the lines of “I will not do it again. I broke a rule. I was wrong
and I am sorry. You being disappointed in me, my being disappointed in myself,
and my “corner time” are punishment enough. Please forgive me”, then she may
not need a spanking, but she must still do her “corner time” (See the section on
“Corner Time”) to show her obedience and accountability. She should be
quizzed over her release of guilt to ensure that she is not just trying to “get out of
a spanking”.

However, if in the coming days the same behavior comes back, it must be at
least considered that the conversation and corner time were not enough to
control the behavior and a spanking should then take place. Important
exceptions: 1. She has violated a major rule whether confessed or not. 2. She is
“caught” in a minor rule violation that she had time to confess and chose not to, a
sound spanking should always be given. Note that if she was “caught” in any
rule violation, the punishment is then mostly about obedience and accountability
as her guilt and shame were not strong enough to convict her enough to confess.

Should a Wife Always Agree that a Spanking is Needed/Deserved before

one is Given?

Once the consensual agreement has been made to enter into CDD, the decision
to spank is ALWAYS the husband’s. Does a police officer ask you whether or not
he should give you a ticket when you violate a traffic law? Does an employer ask
if you should be reprimanded when you break a company policy or do shabby
work? Of course the answer to both questions is “no”, because those people
have authority over us in those areas. The Word of God places the authority over
the wife in the hands of the husband. CDD is a tool the husband uses to enforce
that authority.

That being said, it is always best that a wife agrees that she needs/deserves a
spanking before one is given. If she doesn’t, one of two things is true: she is
either right or she is rebelling.

If only rarely, she doesn’t agree that she needs a spanking for a minor rule
violation of which she has contritely confessed without trying to hide behind
excuses, the husband must reconsider and take time to pray over his decision.

He cannot let his anger, hurt, sympathy, or any other emotion sway his decision.
It is not about him. It’s about what is best for his wife and family. He must
consider that if he spanks his wife and she feels that she doesn’t need nor
deserve it, that while he is enforcing the rules, he may be, to a point, alienating
his wife, which is not in the best interest of his family nor marriage.

He must remember that the rules are about the protecting the wife, marriage, and
family. He must remember that physical punishment for a “confessed” minor rule
violation is a lighter punishment than that of a rule violation in which she was
“caught”. A physical punishment for any confessed rule violation, whether
“minor” or “major” is only partly about obedience and accountability (enforcing the
rules). It is mostly about his wife releasing her guilt and shame.

Sometimes it is best to chance an error on the side of caution, trust her judgment
that she does not need a spanking with a “wait and see” approach and send her
to the corner for a few minutes. Note: this does not work in all marriages and
should not be used at all in the beginning.

Should the wife start to disagree that a spanking is required on most violations,
then, in my opinion, a spanking is REQUIRED for EVERY rule violation. The wife
cannot be allowed to use this as a weapon. She will soon believe (rightly so) that
she can manipulate her husband and get out of her accountability. This will
undermine his authority and her respect of her husband.

Whether he decides to spank or not, after he makes the decision, the subject is
closed. Should he decide not to spank, he must ask God to help him put aside
any unresolved issues and show no anger towards his wife. He is not to “lay in
wait” for her to again “mess up”. God will be the judge.

If the behavior reappears within a short period of time, then it is clear that the
husband must immediately address and correct the behavior with a spanking
whether she agrees or not. He should explain to her that she was given a
“chance” to correct it on her own and she failed. For her own good and the good
of the family, she must now face the consequences with a spanking. Further, he
should state that her “failure” to correct the behavior will add new considerations
in future “spanking” decisions.

Consistency

Some wives will respectfully request that they should and need to be consistently
spanked for each and every rule violation and/or for any behavior which
disappoints her husband regardless of the circumstances as she knows that she
needs consistency to change/correct bad habits.

If she requests consistency, give it to her as consistency is VERY important to

most women. Once you do, do not be tempted to grant a “pass” as a show of
mercy. If she accepts it, she most likely will regret it later and wish that you had
“stuck to your guns” and corrected her, which means that though you intended to
show “mercy” in reality, you may have done her more harm emotionally than the
spanking would have physically.

If she requests consistency, you agree to do so, and then you fail to provide her
with it for any reason, she will be prone to develop counterproductive feelings
such as that you don’t love her enough to make helping her a priority or that she
is not worth the trouble or that you are giving up on her, etc which can be
DEVASTATING for the wife’s self worth. DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN!

NEVER allow yourself to punish her one week for an offense and let her “slide”
the next week if she does the same thing regardless of the reasons why, as this
confuses her and in the future she will not know what to expect or if your “fences”
are strong enough to truly protect her. Hold her accountable each time, but let the
“reasons” for the behavior dictate the type, amount, and severity of the
correction.

Spanking, One “Big One” or One per offense?

I have found that one “big one” does not always work very well. Many times a
wife can say to herself, “Well, since I’m already in trouble, why not kick it up a
notch since I’m going to get spanked anyway?” While one “big one” may work for
some wives to correct them when they have committed more than one offense,
the wives that have the thought process written above should have a separate
spanking for each offense to serve as a deterrent for getting into trouble in the
first place then deliberately making it “worse”.

Confession, Conversation, and Corner Time

Confession

Confession is always to be acknowledged by the husband that he is proud that

she came clean and in most cases, the physical discipline should be lighter
unless she is feeling extremely guilty and ashamed. Sometimes after a
confession for a rule violation other than a serious offense, corner time for
accountability may be is all that is required. Note: If she is “caught” after having
ample time to confess, the discipline must be physical and severe. She must
understand: confess-lighter, getting caught-much harder!

If a spanking is required, it should follow the confession, conversation, and

corner time as quickly as privacy will allow; however, it must always be done out
of love and not just out of anger.
If the husband is angry, in most cases, he should wait until he calms down
through prayer and requests for God’s guidance, before he starts the
conversation stage. If he allows himself to become angry during the
conversation in most cases, he should calm down through prayer and
repentance prior to administering the spanking.

This “cooling down” time will be especially hard on his wife because she knows
that she has seriously disappointed him and will deepen her feelings of guilt and
shame. The husband must not use this as a tool to make her feel worse.

Remember, the goal is to correct the behavior and make her feel better. Again, it
is not about the husband.

The Conversation

The wife must be given all the time that she needs in private to speak about what
she did, whether she “confessed” or was “caught”. The husband should always
hold and caress at least one of hers hands, look her in the eye, LISTEN, giving
her his complete attention (yes, turn off the TV), and occasionally ask questions
to understand the problem, but, more importantly, to help her to get it all out. She
may be crying and it is alright to briefly hug her, but do not allow this to continue
but for a few seconds.

He must be listening hard for excuses and not allow her to hide behind them.
She knew the rule, she broke the rule, the reasons for breaking the rule are
important to understand how he may help her not break the rule again; however,
there are no “excuses” and none shall be tolerated.

Raised Voices and Scolding

In my opinion, yelling is abuse. Name calling and other insults are abuse.
Occasionally it is called for when a husband issues a command in a tone just a
slight bit louder than his normal voice to get his wife’s attention. Examples are:
“Look at me!” when she is trying to turn her back and walk away or “Enough!”
when she is being argumentative, yelling/screaming or otherwise out of control.

Yelling at your wife is counterproductive. Yelling shuts a grown person down and
makes them defensive in preparation for battle. It’s destructive, hurtful and
hinders you in achieving your goal which is to resolve an issue and re-establish
harmony.

When scolding, I find that it is far better to actually lower your voice below its
normal range, speak with authority, carefully and uncompromisingly picking and
placing your words while looking her straight in the eye. That gets her attention
and focus far better than shouting.

Do not allow her to interrupt you. If she does, inform her that you are not through
and that she will get her time for rebuttal when you are. If she continues, tell her
that she is only making her punishment worse and hold her accountable by
reminding her of it when it’s time for the spanking.

When it is her turn to speak, do not interrupt her either. Maintain eye contact with
her and do not let her look away. Say what you need to say while she is talking
with facial expressions and body language. A raised eyebrow when she’s making
excuses or lying says a lot to her without you ever saying a word.

All during the confession, conversation, scolding, corner time, and correction, the
husband shall never put his wife down and shall continually express his
unconditional love and devotion to her by his actions and words. He may say
things such as disappointed, hurt, this behavior is beneath you, etc., but never
belittle her. He may say that he is “ashamed of her actions” but, he must
ALWAYS make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that he is not and could not EVER be
ashamed of “HER”. He must always remember that he is not perfect, he makes
mistakes, and that he faces consequences from God when he does. Hebrews
12:6-7 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom
he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for
what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

Spanking While You are Angry

We like to think of God as a Loving God and our wives wish to think of us as
loving husbands. While both are true, the Wrath of God is mentioned some 190
times in the Bible. In John 2:15, Jesus let His Holy Wrath and Anger be shown
quite dramatically. I believe that a Christian husband can react with wrath/anger
and it not be sinful if the open defiance and/or need to take immediate action in a
situation justifies his response. I see nothing wrong with removing your wife from
a situation, escorting her to a private place, scolding and applying a few crisp
"wake up calls" as an on the spot attitude adjustment even if you are a little
steamed.

If it is a behavior that she chooses to do KNOWING that she will being getting a
spanking for it but decides that it is worth the spanking that she believes it will
earn her, I intend to send a CLEAR message that “NO, IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!”
with a VERY firm spanking that goes far beyond what she would have gotten if
the rule violation could have been at least partially considered as “unplanned”,
“accidental” and not “intentional”, allowing her bottom to “feel” my wrath to
convince her of that fact.
While you should never want her to be afraid of you, her having a healthy fear of
provoking you to wrath is a good thing that will protect her well. Doesn’t the fear
of the wrath of a loving God deter and protect us all?

Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your
wrath:

If a man has demonstrated in the past that he has had "issues" with controlling
his temper and most CERTAINALLY if he has EVER had a history of being
physically abusive, he should not EVER discipline ANYONE when he is angry.
Though he has repented, apologized and made amends, he may still be
predisposed to "rage" issues should his temper flare and must DAILY work to
make CERTAIN that he does not abuse again.

I've known quite a few women who "fly off the handle" and become abusive as
well. I would NEVER say that it was "OK" for them to discipline their children
while they were angry either.

Corner Time

When the conversation is complete, the wife shall be instructed to go stand

facing the corner and bare her bottom.

She will more than likely need to go use the restroom and will want to wash her
face, (remove eye makeup, etc.) if she has been crying. Give her as much time
as she needs but do not allow her to stall.

Her corner time is extremely important. She has gotten out all that she needed
to say and has heard all that her husband needed to say. It is now time for her to
be “by herself” reflecting on her actions and the conversation. She is to be told
when she is sent to the corner whether or not she will be spanked when she is
called out of it.

It is perfectly acceptable to give a few preliminary spanks with the palm of your
hand or an implement for a serious offense before she goes to or just after she
arrives at the corner. This will increase her “focus” on what’s in store for her
when you call her to come to you.

The length of the time spent in the corner is entirely up to the husband. It must
be long enough for her to mull over the situation but that is all. Ten to twenty
minutes is normally quite sufficient.

If she has difficulty standing for a physical reason, have her sit on a chair or
stool.
Your wife must understand that if she is sent to the corner having been told that
she will not be spanked, that if she balks or misbehaves (refusing to bare her
bottom, not facing the corner, speaking without being spoken to, stomping her
feet on the way to or while in the corner, etc.) that you will give her a good
spanking for her lack of contriteness and/or disobedience.

Manner of Dress during a Spanking

The “manner of dress” is up to the husband; however, a spanking should always

be done on the bare bottom and tops of the thighs. These are the “sit spots” that
will sting for a time as a reminder.

There are many reasons to spank only on the bare skin. It stings more and
allows you to better monitor your work (where you need to spank, when an area
has been spanked enough, etc.) but the main reason to spank on the bare is that
the person being spanked DOES NOT LIKE IT and it aids to humble them.

The husband should be clothed during a punishment spanking. This further

defines the roles and allows for no sexual contact.

Some believe that the only thing that the wife should be wearing is her wedding
ring. The decision is up to the husband.

Spanking Positions

To me, the preferred position is over the knee. Notice that I said “knee” not
“knees”. To do this the husband shall open his legs, pull his wife between them
and bend her over the leg opposite of his dominant hand. It is preferable to be
sitting on a bed or on a couch so that she can support her upper body at her
husband’s side. Her bottom should be the highest point of her body with her legs
pointed down between his.

With her legs in this position, he can easily trap them both with his free leg if she
starts struggling/fighting. During most spankings, he should wait until she starts
fighting (if she does) before he traps her legs. If he sticks to this method until a
time when she has earned a severe spanking for a serious offense, trapping her
legs immediately before he starts the spanking will send a very clear message of
“what she’s in for”.

Always make certain that she is as comfortable as possible. He only needs to

make one part of her body “uncomfortable” during a spanking. Positioned either
over one knee or both with him sitting in a chair is precarious at best for her and
causes unnecessary discomfort to her abdomen, shoulders, and neck.
A good position for using a belt, cane, or switch is having her lay over some
pillows on top of the bed. It should be mentioned that this position allows her
“control” in the fact that she can roll away when the sting of the spanking reaches
a point where she is on the verge of tears or when she feels that she can take no
more. A husband should NEVER end a spanking because his wife “rolled over”.
Whether intended or not, that is defiance. He should tell his wife to re-present her
bottom for punishment as it is up to HIM as to when the punishment shall end.

Bending over the side of the bed or back or a chair/couch is another good
position to use when applying a large paddle, cane, belt, or switch; however, the
same “control” issues as lying over pillows does exist. The wife can easily stand
up, turn her bottom away, or drop to sit on the floor. If she does so when the
implement is in “mid swing”, it quite possibly may miss its mark and strike an
area other than the round of her bottom or tops of her thighs. Be ESPECIALLY
careful when using this position and I recommend that you do not use it at all if
your wife has a tendency to “fight or flight” when the spanking starts to be
effective.

What ever position that a husband decides to use, he must always take time to
ensure that she cannot easily clench her bottom. If her bottom is clenched, the
spanking may go deep into the muscle tissue and may cause unintended
discomfort.

Implements

Some feel that only the hand should be used. I disagree. The hand is however,
a wonderful implement in consensual playful or sexual spanking as it provides
“skin to skin” contact and the ability to reach other areas to stimulate. When
used for punishment, the hand must be applied with a greater amount of force
striking harder and is not capable of producing quick stinging pain at a level that
allows the wife to quickly release her tears/guilt in a timely manner. For
punishment, find an implement that she dreads and use it.

Note that I said “dread” not be terrified of. If she has a bad memory from an
implement having been used on her in her past that terrified her, shy away from
that implement. A healthy dose of fear or dread of an implement is a useful
deterrent. Terror is destructive. It is harder for her to submit when she is in a
“panic” mode.

To me, a punishment spanking for a single offense should not take very long.
Long drawn out spanking makes it harder for the wife to remain in place and
endure her punishment with obedience. I stay away from belts/straps and large
paddles for “single offense” minor rule violation spankings; however, these
implements are very useful for a serious rule violation or a spanking “session”
where multiple rule violations are addressed. They can be useful for single
offenses such as using profanity with a certain number of swats with the large
paddle per profane word consequence or for a quick “attitude adjustment”.

For a single offense, I prefer something along the lines of a plastic spatula or
wooden spoon for most spankings and a large wooden hairbrush, wooden bath
brush, switch or paddle for lies and other serious offenses and only when it’s best
for the wife that the discomfort be felt for a while as a reminder.

Yes, the hairbrush, bath brush, or paddle can easily bruise. The switch, cane,
belt, or strap can easily leave welts. Bruises and welts should only be made
when the punishment fits the crime (though light skinned ladies may bruise
during the mildest spanking). For instance, if a wife has told “a string” of lies that
she did not confess to until she was caught, the implement should be used to the
point that she will want to sit only on a VERY soft pillow or cushion for a good
while.
Note: short of disgracing God or infidelity, a lie is the most serious of offenses
against her marriage and must always be addressed sternly.

Belts or straps are good for dangerous, destructive, or defiant behavior has they
tend to represent “authority”. I seldom use the belt that I wear as the two sides
tend to separate when I swing it, but the “I’m going to take my belt off and deal
with you” deterrent is a strong one to say the least. What I use are belts that I
have folded and flattened together that mimic a razor strop.

A husband must never use an implement that he cannot fully control and he must
smack the side of his bare thigh with the force he intends to use on his wife’s
bottom before he ever uses it on her. He must know “what it feels like” to be able
to do his job sufficiently without overdoing it.

The Spanking

When he calls his wife out of the corner for a spanking, he should instruct her to
go get the implement that he will use and bring it to him. This is important for her
accountability. She may already have it in her hand as it sometimes adds
additional “focus” when he tells her to “get it and take it to the corner with you”.

Then he can guide her into the spanking position. He can help her, but again,
she needs to do this on her own for her accountability, acceptance, and
obedience. She must understand that if her husband has to struggle with her,
she is rebelling and not accepting her consequences and that he will have to
discipline harder, much harder, and longer.

After he has her positioned correctly, it is very important that he ask her “Why are
we here?” Even if she does not agree that a spanking is called for, she must
answer telling him why she is about to be spanked. If it doesn’t have to be a
severe spanking to get the job done, the husband should inform her that he
expects her to hold still and take what she has earned and that she is to cry out
all of her guilt and shame. For most wives, no more lecturing or scolding are
necessary. If the conversation went well, she has already heard and
understands. Besides, at this time she’s more likely than not in any position to
listen attentively as all that is on her mind is that she’s about to get her rump
roasted. Then begin.

The spanking must fit the crime and should be measured against the level of
shame and guilt that she is feeling. Remember that the spanking is for her
accountability and for her to release her guilt and shame. I only give a certain
amount of swats for a small list of offenses such as cussing which earns one
swat with a heavy paddle per curse word. In the vast majority of spankings, I do
not want her focused on “how many must I endure” or “that’s number forty-five!
He said fifty! I can handle five more without breaking!” Counting the swats either
out loud or in her head takes her mind off the pain of punishment which is what I
want her focused on until after she “let’s go” and releases tears of remorse and
repentance. She must learn that the longer she fights submitting to tears, the
longer her spanking will last.

Begin the spanking at a quick pace of at least one swat per second. This does
not give the wife time to “recover” and “prepare” for the next one. You want her
in cleansing tears as soon as possible.

If she throws her hand back to protect her bottom simply grab her wrist and hold
it in the small of her back taking extreme care not to hurt her arm in the process.
Note: I have found that a wife throws her hand back to protect her bottom when
she is on the verge of breaking down and crying. The short pause while you stop
to remove and pin her hand, may be enough time for her to regain her
composure which will mean that you will have to spank her even longer to get her
to release her tears. I have found that when she puts her hand(s) back to protect
her bottom that if I go immediately to spanking the thighs without a pause, that
she quickly removes her hand(s) from her bottom so that you can continue to
spank it instead.

She is allowed to sob and plead for the spanking to end; however, she is not
allowed to demand that the punishment stop. If she does, without stopping nor
slowing down, increase the force of the spanks while informing her that is your
decision and that her defiance will make you now spank harder.

She is not allowed to display rebellion either in her actions or words. She is to
remain respectful and accepting of her correction. If she becomes angry and
fights the correction, the husband should spank her through it until she is again
submitting willingly. If a husband fails to do this, a wife may remain angry and
“out of sorts” for quite some time after the spanking has ended which may very
well lead to another spanking later.
If the spanking must be severe for her own good, spank her until she stops
fighting (for instance, only a very few can take a hairbrush or bath brush
spanking without losing control and starting to struggle) and goes limp across
your leg while she is sobbing. Then give her several more swats before stopping
the spanking.

When you believe that you have corrected her sufficiently, comfort your wife by
speaking lovingly to her telling her “it’s over baby, it’s all over” while rubbing both
her back and bottom, but keep her in position.

When she catches her breath and her crying starts to slack off, ask her if she has
“learned her lesson”. If she says “No, Sir” what she is telling you is that she still
feels defiant and/or angry or she knows that she deserves and needs more to
feel that she has “paid the price” and can let all of her guilt go. Tell her to “let you
know when she has” and continue the spanking and make her cry harder until
she tells you, “I’ve learned my lesson Sir” then apply another 10-20 swats to
make sure that she has before stopping.

When the spanking is over she needs security and acknowledgment that all is
forgiven. TELL HER SO. Remind her of how much you love her and how much
you hate having to do this but that you will not hesitate to do it again if she
repeats the same behavior that earned her this spanking.

If severe punishment was not required and she took her punishment obediently
holding (reasonably) still, you are through. Help her up and comfort her.

If the punishment was not meant to be severe and she had gotten out of position,
threw her hand back, struggled, or showed defiance, anger, disrespect, or
demanded that the punishment end, you have more work to do.

Tell her what she did wrong during the spanking and that she must have ten
more swats for her misbehavior during her correction. Inform her that if she does
not stay completely still and accept all ten swats that you will stop for a few
seconds to let her regain her composure then you will give ten more, repeating
the process until she is obedient.

Do not use too much force and give a second or two between these swats to
make it easier for her to be obedient and accept your authority.

Escalation of Degree of Punishment for Repeat Offenses

I avoid escalation of degree of punishment in most cases for repeat minor

offenses. If she forgets to take care of a responsibility today and forgets another
a month later, I see no need to make her punishment much worse. For instance,
if your wife is a “brat” or gets a little “mouthy” sometimes, these may be things
that you actually to a certain degree, find occasionally cute, laugh and love about
her. Do not try to “spank it” out of her by giving 50 swats the first time then 100 if
she "EVER does it again", then 200, etc. It takes time to correct behavior. Give
her all of the time she needs, but always CONSISTENTLY hold her accountable;
however, if it is an offense that she repeats regularly, I will escalate the degree of
punishment until she gets the “point” that I will not tolerate that behavior and
breaks the habit of doing it. After she breaks the habit, she probably will “slip”
and do it again every once and a while. Consistently hold her accountable when
she does, but in most cases, I would recommend not being as harsh as you had
to be in the end to get her to break the habit.

Discipline her for being a brat when needed, but I stay away from the “If you
EVER do this again” approach for a less than “dangerous” behavior rule
violation. However, if I spank for a serious rule violation today such as a lie or
public outburst of anger or disrespect and she does it again within a couple of
days, LOOK OUT!! Do not be afraid to spank an already bruised bottom. If the
bruises failed to remind her to behave, then SO BE IT. The spanking will hurt
more and hopefully that will teach her to be “good” (at least until the tenderness
of her bottom eases).
Note: Public displays of defiance that damages her witness for Christ, and/or
embarrasses her, your family, or you however, are serious offenses requiring
serious consequences including warnings and follow through of escalation of
degree of punishments.

Sexual Arousal

I for one do not understand why there such a stigma concerning a spouse
(especially the husband) becoming sexually aroused concerning spanking.

As a husband, here's my point of view considering a "normal" disciplinary

spanking and/or reminder.

My Beloved Prize, Wife/Help Meet and Gift from God created by Him for me
arouses me, P-E-R-I-O-D! I love her so much! I don't have to see her in a
provocative night gown or in a form of undress to become aroused. Just
THINKING about her excites me. She is my definition of Beauty and
Provocativeness.

So seeing her bare bottomed, COMPLETELY submissive, respecting my

authority and trusting me to the point of handing me an implement and
presenting herself over my knee for me to give her a maintenance reminder or
minor rule violation spanking swells my heart with pride. I am not ashamed to say
that something else "swells" as well.

She tells me that my loving and caring for her to the point "taking her in hand"
and consistently not allowing her to "slide" concerning her misbehaviors that
harm her arouses her as well until the spanking REALLY starts to STING. Then
“arousal” is not what’s on her mind. The “flame” ignited on her backside has her
FULL attention until the spanking is over.

The necessity of a hard spanking however, I have found is not in any way
arousing to me once I feel led to administer one though I would not say that it is
wrong for another man to still become aroused so long as his arousal is NOT
because he is causing severe pain. In my opinion, such a man is a sadist, not a
loving husband.

After

After she settles down, a wife must always thank the husband for loving her
enough to correct her (even if she didn’t feel that the spanking was deserved or
needed).

Always, always, always, tell your wife that it is over, she is forgiven, and how
proud you are of the way she accepted the responsibility and consequences for
her actions (even if you had to give her extra swats for disobedience during the
spanking. After all, you did get her to be obedient and accept them).

Comfort her. Tell her many of the things that you love about her and what a
wonder wife/mother/woman that she is. You can repeat your wedding vows to
her which will always serve to make her feel loved and safe.

Using Denial of Sexual Relations as Discipline

I can not clearly state how strongly I oppose this; but I shall attempt to.

From the New King James Version: 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “Let the husband render
to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The
wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And
likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife
does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may
give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan
does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

After a firm spanking, a wife needs to be held and reassured that “all is well”
again in the marriage as stated in the “After” section above. As she is calming
down, it is quite normal for her to become aroused and crave sexual intimacy as
a “re-connection” and affirmation that though she had misbehaved, that it had
been dealt with, all is forgiven, and that he still “wants” and loves her.

She now has a “clean slate”. She loves and respects you very much for loving
and caring enough about her to correct her. She feels valued, cherished,
protected, and loved. She sees you as a strong man; her man. She sees you as
“her Knight in shining armor”. It just stands to reason that the feelings that she is
experiencing at that time as well as seeing you in that light can arouse her
need/desire for sexual intimacy causing her to want you to “take her” and make
passionate love to her.

Denying her of her desire as a form of punishment can easily cause her to feel
that though she has been punished already with a spanking, that all is not well,
nor forgiven. It can lead her to believe that you don’t want her and/or that you
see her as “more trouble than she is worth”. I view allowing her to feel rejected
that way as nothing short of cruelty.

The Next Day

You have two options here depending on her needs and what works best for your
wife. The husband should pick one of the two options and in most cases,
consistently stick to it.

Option One:
THE SUBJECT IS CLOSED!!

Never bring it up again yourself unless she is heading in the same direction. God
forgives and forgets. You should too. If you “slip” and bring it up, apologize
immediately. Her memory of a freshly spanked bottom and the clear conscience
it gave her, are all the reminders that she needs.

If she brings it up jokingly, it is OK to tease back. If she brings it up with

resentment, this is rebellion. Another conversation is needed and more discipline
may be warranted.

Option Two:
SPANKING REMINDERS

I have found that a morning “reminder” spanking with the same implement that I
used the day before with far fewer swats and less force to be a strong deterrent
that keeps her “focused” on not repeating the behavior and gives her a “taste” of
what it will be like if she does.

During a “reminder” spanking, I am also speaking to her verbally reminding her of

what she did, how I punished her for it and how I’ll punish her if she does it again.
I only spank to tears during a “reminder” when it is for a serious offense.

For a dangerous behavior, that I REALLY want her to get the point that it feared
for her safety and that I do not under any circumstances want her to EVER
repeat, I have announced at the end of the punishment that she would receive
“morning reminders” to tears with the same implement for “X” number of days
and up to a week to insure that she does not repeat a behavior that could
seriously harm her.

Closing Comments

Especially when you first begin spanking as a form of correction, TALK TO YOUR
WIFE ABOUT THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE SPANKING!!

Wait a day or more after the correction to give her time to reflect over it before
you make inquiries.

Examples of what your inquiries may discover are:

She might need a regularly scheduled (daily, weekly, etc.) "good girl", or
maintenance/reminder spanking to keep her on track and focused on her role.
She might need to be scolded during her corner time and/or spanking to release.
She might need to do more corner time after the spanking to feel completely
punished.
A wife may prefer/need/dread a “warm-up” spanking, more corner time and then
a long hard spanking well beyond sobbing to cleanse her.
She might need/dread a punishment to end with belt spanking, caning, or
paddling each time that she is disciplined for it to do her any good.

Find what works best for HER. You don’t want to leave her with feelings of being
only “half punished”, angry, nor punished too severely for her actions. You want
to do the job of correction effectively or you have simply put her through some
physical pain without achieving the results that SHE needs which can leave her
bitter and will undoubtedly lead to more bad and/or destructive behavior.

The guidelines that I have written are MY opinion. It is not for everybody.
Every Husband should run his household in such a manner that he feels is
pleasing to God.

May God bless you and your family