You are on page 1of 4

What I have learned to change for my draft 3 of script due to specific feedback: Did you feel the script

emotionally engaged you?

Yes No

Is there anything you would personally change to make the stakes higher? 'Yeah by adding a bit more tension by adding conflict between Molly and Macy about Dan' 'I would change what goes on between Daniel and Macy... I would probably make Daniel more affectionate towards Macy and then that can kind of build up the tension and suspense when they later meet Molly'. 'Maybe Molly admits that she does the drugs quite often rather than like her friends does it like it’s her she does it quite often and Macy realises how bad it is'. 'I would probably make it a bit more explanatory because I was a tad confused'. This has shown me to make the stakes higher I need to create more tension between the two sisters to build up suspense. Their needs to be a bigger atmosphere of the situation between acy! olly and "aniel. I need to represent the strained relationships to create the stakes even higher. How successfully do you think these emotions were conveyed? !uite well’ I think it was due to clarity I didn’t understand the script as well as I did’

"hey were successfully con#eyed but to an extent because some parts of the script is #ery #ague and you can only tell by the explanation marks and question marks as to how the characters are feeling$’ I think they were con#eyed quite successfully as I could understand some of the emotions but I think that more emotions should be added into the beginning of the script as I didn’t really understand what was going on between the two sisters’. This has shown me I need to e#press the emotions much clearer to my audience. I need to improve the clarity within my script and one of my interviewee$s felt they could only recognise the characters feelings due to e#planation marks etc! so I need to create the emotions more visual through the whole of the script. acy and olly$s emotions need to be made clearer within the beginning scene. Do you think the stakes are high enough? %o’ What doesn’t make them high enough? I don’t know I feel like there isn’t a big enough issue really they &ust ha#e seen to ha#e a tad bit of an argument o#er what Molly wants to do in comparison to what Macy wants to do$’. The two %uestions above have shown me the stakes are not as high as they should be! I need to include a higher conflict and increase the levels of what is at risk. Who’s POV was the story eing told from?

I feel like Macy... because she got a '() shot’* Macy’* Macy* I think its Molly’s '()’. I have learnt my &'( has not been clearly represented as one of my interviewee$s felt it was olly$s &'(. What made you feel it was eing told from !acy’s POV?

"hrough Macy spying on the group of girls’ '() shot in script$ Macy’s definitely the one that reacts to what Molly’s doing’. +he seemed to be in pretty much e#ery scene’. What made you feel it was eing told from !olly’s POV?

,ecause there’s more personal information added in Molly’s life than Macy’s life’ The above two %uestions and the results have shown me the ma)ority have been able to identify it is acy$s &'(! however one of my interviewees felt that it was olly$s &'( due to personal information! this means I need to have less focus on olly to make sure it is clearer that it is acy$s &'(.

Was there anything that stopped the story from having an important meaning? I think it was &ust the circumstances* I don’t think the stakes led to be high enough’ This has shown me I need to increase what is at risk in order for the story to be impactful to the audience. I$ am going to create the stakes even higher to make it meaningful. In which scene would you cut some of the dialogue? In the beginning I feel like a lot more could be communicated without the dialogue’ -hen Macy’s friend comes to talk to her about being late’ -hen Macy’s behind the tree’ In specific parts I need to cut some of the dialogue out! this is because there is too much and some of the emotions can be e#pressed through the characters actions. *ome of the dialogue is unnecessary. "et’s go to the scene at the end of !acy knocking the drugs out of !olly’s hands# do you think the dialogue is realistic? Yes’ I think the dialogue is realistic but I think you need to add in more emotions towards it to be a bit more realistic’ %o’ This has shown me I need to make olly react in a more realistic way+ I need to represent more anger from olly to acy to show the key issue and strong emotions to my audience. Why don’t you think it is realistic? Due to Molly’s o#erall reaction when drugs were knocked out of her hand* I feel like she should of e#oked more emotion* more action and that wasn’t e#ident’. This has again shown me I need to make emotions to the situation. olly react with more anger and strong

Is there anything you would personally change to create a particular part of the setting more visual? %o’ Yes I would change the drug scene* I would make it more #isual by ob#iously ha#ing more drugs present and then ha#ing the characters react in a more strongly and powerful way’

"hat part where she gets the drugs out for the first time’ I think I would maybe describe some more of the settings such as the colours’ I have learned that I need to create specific parts more visual to the eye for my audience! such as the first appearance of drugs. Do you feel that this script shows a situation that could happen in real life? ,Yes$! ,Yes$! ,Yes$! ,Yes$. This has shown me I have successfully applied the genre social realism features to my film as it is realistic to my audience.