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The TNP Wire

December Edition: No Need To Stock Up, Cuz We Don't Give Holiday Break

IN THIS EDITION:

THOUSANDS DEAD AS TYPHOON OF ELECTIONS HITS TNP


MAGICALITY- The people were sitting in their homes. The Regional Assembly folk were prattling on about the latest in significant amendment to the Constibil licode. The Court was getting ready to not decide on TNP v. Grosse. Then all of a sudden, the waves began to rush in. At first, it was a simple front of Judicial Elections. The weathermen told the citi zens not to worry, that it was routine- no need to leave. But then the bombshell dropped: the storm had triggered a res ignation from the Speaker, and it was moving fast. And before everyone knew it, the Delegate was forced to declare a State of Emergelections. The people ran into their homes; "FLEE THE REGION!" they shouted to their families. But it was too late. Those who arrived at #TNP were informed they could not coordinate rescue efforts- an AG debate had already moved in and was blocking all conversation for the next several hours. "RUN!" they shouted. "TAKE TO THE STREETS!" But they could not. Zyvet was nominated. SillyString was nominat ed. Others were nominated. Someone nominated every eligible candidate, which the almighty Election Commis sioners cited as the reason for the storm. Behind a pulpit of marble, Dali preached, "THIS IS WHAT OCCURS WHEN YOU TAMPER WITH THE RIGHTFUL NOMINATION PROCESS. LEAVE YOUR COURT. LEAVE YOUR R.A.. HAVE FAITH IN YOUR ECs OR ALL IS LOST." Then, if for a moment, the storm cleared up. Could the people be safe at last? Nominations for the Judicials had ended and the list of nominees for the Special Speaker Election were becoming clear. The people cautiously crept into the streets with joy, the sun beaming on their faces, and they-

Ecological Ministry asks, "WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?


New Reports: Adds, "LONG TIME PASSING,"

Meteorology experts equate election flurry to Haiyan, explaining "God is Angry."

THREE RESIGNATIONS AND A FUNERAL


Delegate Will Only Hold Special Election for One Resignation, No Funeral

The Meteorology Ministry maps out the scale and size of each election as it hits TNP. "NO! IT'S LENNART!!!!" a deputy AG shouted and before anyone could dive to the side, Tropical Confirmation Lennart slammed into the east quadrant of Magi cality City. "Basically what happened here," a meteo rologist who agreed to remain anony mous as long as we didn't have to come up with a name for him, "is that the Se curity Council, over here, was building up this stream of New Member Accep tance. And it should have failed- most of these new members do end up dying down after a while, and we expected Lennart's to as well (BOOM! LENNART SLAM! NO OFFICIAL IS SAFE.) but surprisingly it got enough power to head over to the RA building and- before you know it- SillyString's office is collapsing onto passersby. " So citizens remained hunkered down until four elections had passed. The Jus tices and AGs had posted their oaths, the Speaker had done the same and Lennart either died in the debate stage or passedbecause meteorologists were unable to predict the storm's result on November 15th, when Iro had time to get the cover story done. The important thing is that Silly no longer has an office. For more on the RL Typhoon Haiyan, please see the third page.

DURK DEBATES COUPING THE MINISTRY OF CULTURE


SOURCE: "Who Dares Give Me an Award?"

TNP Wire: December 2013

THE WORST OF THE RMB


"My flag shows an eagle... which repre sents my desire to eat fish... I guess." Grogeriovania "Isn't Australia a piece of Mars that broke off and flew through space until it landed on Earth and people colonized it?" -Merconitonitopia "Mcgangbang is a mcchicken between the patys of a McDouble it's delicious but not as good." -Quirkyone "McJokerdonia: "Wanna see a magic trick? I can make a North Pacific Dele gate disappear! *gets kicked out of the WA by the mods*" -D.D. "Now my police have attacked pension ers with knitting needles >.> what crack is my country smo- oh yeah.... legalized drugs ...... Oops" -Pyscotic45 "[In death rates,] why is Bungee Jumping separate from Accident? Are the instruc tors killing them before shoving them off ?" -Tacocopter "So today someone said "You can talk?" to me. Just thought I'd put that out there..." Merconitonitopia

Copy, paste, enjoy! http://www.nationstates.net/ page=rmb/postid=4539442

FLEMINGOVIA ACTUALLY ELECTED TO THE COURT


Wire staff extremely scared of impending satire
"With 22 votes, Flemingovia is hereby elected to the Court of the North Pacific," an election commissioner said entirely seriously. Because for one of the fi rst times ever in TNP history, Flemingovia's status as the North Pacific's highest legal authority was not contained to the Agora, not living in a religious hymnal or a temple court; but in fact, in the actual forums of the Court of the North Pacific. Thousands of possible jokes immediately emerged- how Mr. Flemingovia was ready to tear down the principles of democracy, the TNP Constitution, and everything the North Pacific stood forbut none were immediately presented as viable options. For the Wire believed that the best joke about Flemingovia's election was that itself existed. Was that last sentence grammatically correct? Will we every know? Where will Flemingovia's frequently notorious loins take him next? There's absolutely no way of knowing, And since one of Flemingovia's Fiqh Dreams have come true, why not the rest of them? And on that note, I've literally run out of material. I give up "I mean, like, where do we go from here?" analyzed TNPU Statistics Profes sor John "Graphs of Wrath" Steinbeck. "The TNP Wire- a hallowed institution under Minister Iro is famous for giving you the headlines that are the most ridiculous things possible. A 'typhoon' comprised of elections? Lennart on the Security Council? (We're not quite sure why we keep hammering this one, but this is the third? Fourth time in this edi tion alone?) Completely outrageous and that's what makes it hilarious. Now that all of our comedic dreams have been re alized, we can't possibly compose some thing that's true. No one at this publica tion is remotely smart nor good at re porting, so they can't do nonfiction." So, look out, TNP! Oooo-ooo-ooh! Uh, good luck with that.

COUPER ON THE COUNCIL


The Lennart Saga: Part 2
WHEN WE LAST SAW LENNART IN OUR NOVEMBER EDITION: He was threatening the region with his grave self-snitching tactics of silently gathering endorsements he didn't want. But Lennart is up to worse plots now. He's decided that the best way to steal the trusting regional population's en dorsements is to LEGALLY OBTAIN THEM THROUGH ELECTION! Dar ingly, he presented the region with his horrible plan, presenting them with one of the documents they never knew had been working against them the whole time- the Constibillicode. This malicious document implored- IM PLORED!- Lennart to rack up the en dorsements, so just in case a couper like Lennart came in, Lennart could stop Lennart from pulling off a Lennart. Of course, our Security Council did not fall prey to Lennart's devious lies. They without reservation ejected the trea sonous Avalonian directly onto his own SC seat in a near-unanimous vote, and the RA followed suit. So our region is safe... barely... once again.

IroScope: Letter from dat editor


Hey, there. I suppose you're wondering why I've gathered you here. The truth is that I enjoy making people laugh. I enjoy poking fun at some heated, otherwise serious discussions and I enjoy having that nice green offi cial-looking masking on my name. And that's why I organize and pen the Wire every month. Also not the last one. Eli tists! Run to Iceland! But don't, because I need the readership. But if I'm a Minister, a writer and an edi tor, I'm just not an Army recruiter- you know, one of those friendly people who under the U.S. Selective Service Act have the power to steal you from your home and stick you on the front lines. Do you even care? Do ya? Huh? I was up for a few hours for a few nights in November putting this together and what are you doing? Reading it? I used my fingers, you used your eyes. There fore you can chop off my fingers and I get to keep your eyes. This is witch-hunt ing season, people. On a serious note, though- this is the only place in TNP I assume people take me seriously- and I KNOW I must not be the only person in TNP who has a re motely acute sense of humor. Do you know how I know this? On the first day I came to TNP, I looked at the TNP Yel low Pages, clicked on "Private Media,"

and laughed my head off. And that's when I realized I could do that to people, so I published the TNP Syndicated Press. And now this is my job. Sorry for the consecutive "and" fragments. But I mean it! We want your voice and we want your voice box. We want your funny bone and your humerus, TNP re ally does want it. So publish! Do what I did! Reach for the stars, because there's a forum and an audience and a Ministry waiting for you. (cont'd on page 3)

TNP Wire: December 2013

Editor's Note, Continued


Figure out what makes you laugh, smile, and stand strong, and write it up. Make your own newspaper, or submit to the Wire! We've got a submission form pinned in the Communications Ministry forums. The point is not that I want your content- it's that the region does. I want to impart the same spirit in you that some other publication did in me. Get the writing bug. Catch the fever! Figure out what you love to love or love to fight for or love to josh- for me it's apparently Lennart- and let it out. You'd be sur prised who'll listen; after all, I still am. Iro

DEM SERIOUS PAGES


for dem serious people
Corinair: Presenting TNP Times
The North Pacific Times- a new roleplay publication at northpacifictimes.com- aims to be the number one source of news for the entire region. We urge all nations to submit breaking news, regular articles, opinion pieces, sports scores and plays, travel suggestions or warnings and even news on the latest tech in your neck of the woods. We want to know it all so it can be shared and will help foster growth in the RP section of the game. We feel do ing this will breath more life into our re gion and make us an even more enticing region to play in.

SPINN: Why to be at the TSP World's Fair


Editor's Note: Hileville is the Editor-inChief of SPINN, the equivalent of the Wire in the South Pacific. As you probably already know the South Pacific is hosting the 2013 NS World Fair! This is an outstanding opportunity in which came to life with the hard work of Escade and Kringalia, two up and coming standouts in TSP. TNP as one of TSP's closest allies should expect to truly see what embodies us as a region. The often fun and laid back approach that TSP uses when going about daily activi ties will shine through at the World Fair. The theme of the World Fair is Friend ship and Cooperation. You can expect an outstanding Quiz Show experience which you can get a sneak peek at the system used by joining #tsp_gameroom on Esper. For those of you who like imagemanipulation design a contest for best flag or logo that em bodies what NS stands for is in the works. Awesome Role-play opportuni ties include a Masked Ball and NS Gladi ator. For those of you who like to argue (I know nobody in NS would ever like such a thing) live debates on RL topics should be one of the first places you check out. The 2013 World Fair is one that cannot be missed.

McM: The Power of the Delegate


My next series of articles are going to fo cus on five questions that Chasmanthe, a member of the North Pacific had fea tured in his signature for some number of weeks. The questions come from a speech to the British House of Com mons by former MP Tony Benn. "What power have you got? Where did you get it from? In whose interests do you exer cise it? To whom are you accountable? And how can we get rid of you? I thought that these questions were in teresting and that some leaders in NS need to be reminded to reflect on them from time to time. Whatever system your region operates under, they are still relevant and each question can be ap plied to different scenarios and systems. In the North Pacific, the power of the Delegate is based upon the Delegates po sition as head of state and head of gov ernment. The Delegate has the sole au thority over the appointment of execu tive officers. However the Regional As sembly has the ability to impose signifi cant checks and balances against a Dele gate. Like most positions, the power of the role depends on the individual that holds it. Some Delegates prefer to not make a lot of choices and simply care take the role and work with the Regional Assembly wishes solely. Other Delegates are more keen to challenge the assembly on certain matters and cause controversy. In my time in the position I have generally taken a consensus ap proach to decisions and have attempted to keep the regional community united behind the decisions that I make. When a new person steps up to serve in the role, it is always interesting to see how they will develop within that posi tion. It can sometimes be difficult, but the key thing is to keep working for the betterment of the region even when peo ple question your decisions or question your intent. TEP has recently elected a new Delegate and TSP is going through their own elections. It is what not that long ago when I was the new Delegate in the region taking the role in just under 10 months after joining nationstates. I wish Bach good luck for his term, and I look forward to seeing the results of the South Pacifics election for Delegate in the coming weeks.

Wishing you a blessed Hannukah from the Wire!

TNP Wire: December 2013

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