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India Sierra Muse Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English 1102 9-22-13

Thin and Thinner: Medias affect on body image of young females of America
Maybe think of a more captivating title, I like the thin and thinner part, but maybe think of something more than the medias a!ect of body image on young females of America. Need a sentence or two before this to draw the reader in maybe? Something that will really catch the readers attention rather than just starting with a fact about body image in the US.

In the United States body image is controlled and rendered only by the media. There is always a very popular celebrity on the front of magazines, in a advertising commercial, or even the star of a new movie. Many of them advertise weight loss and how to obtain the ideal body. Your Health Today says that body image is a mental representation that a person has of his or her own body, including, attitudes, thoughts, and emotions. The thin body type is glamorized in social media and most of the time consumers buy into what the advertising industry is selling. Little do these companies know is that they are affecting our youth in a negative way. Young girls are comparing themselves to these celebrities, models, and actresses in hopes of meeting the standards of society. While trying to compare themselves these young girls are suffering from low self esteem and disorderly eating/ eating disorders.

In The Media
I really like how your paper is well organized, it allows the reader to understand each aspect you are trying to speak about individually.

The ideal body image is portrayed in the media on a daily basis. Girls view these images in movies, the news, internet, TV shows, and magazines at an average of 400-600 times a day. The idealized model is often white, tall, thin, and has blonde hair. Research has shown that many

POWERFUL

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of the models shown on television, advertisements, and in other forms of popular media are approximately 20% below ideal body weight. These women meet the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa and often suffer from bulimia (Dittmar & Howard, 2004). These girls accept the fact that they are not as beautiful as the woman on the cover of the magazine. Society makes them believe that thats what they need to look like. Since the 1950s the ideal body image of the United States has become thinner with the growth of feminism and the way women are portrayed. In the early 1920s women were advertised fully clothed and showed very little skin. Over time women began to show more skin which led to the ideal body of a thinner woman.

Dove Commercials and Low Self Esteem At a very young age we begin to compare ourselves to other people. We become aware that we do not look like everyone else around us. Many of these young females want to be accepted among other children their age. Dove has created the Dove Self Esteem Fund in order to let girls know that they are beautiful the way they are. They have produced many films that express the views of young teenage girls on the way they view their own bodies. In these films they express the way other classmates view them such as calling them anorexic, fat, and ugly. One girl that stood out the most was the girl that was hospitalized after losing so much weight in the 9th grade. When she was in the 8th grade she was larger and over the summer she lost weight due to being picked on. As a result people started talking to her and wanted to be her friend. She felt accepted and was influenced that what she was doing to her body was okay. According to Striegal-Moore and Franko, females are more common to experience
Who are Striegal-Moore and Franko?

dissatisfaction of their physical appearance than males. At a young age studies have found that

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nearly half of girls aging 6-8 reported wanting to be slimmer. They remain caution of what they
Maybe go more into detail here about HOW young girls are a!ected and maybe give some more example(s) of what Dove is doing to try to help. But I do like how you included Dove to show the positive side of this issue and that someone is trying to help.

eat in fear of unwanted weight gain. It is true that both females and males can be discouraged of what they look like but eating and mental disorders are more common in females.

Disordered Eating and Eating Disorders Many young girls suffer from disordered eating and eating disorders. Disordered eating is classified as restrictive dieting, skipping meals, binge eating and purging, laxative abuse, and other eating behaviors that are unhealthy to the body. If continued, disordered eating can turn into an eating disorder. According to Your Health Today, an eating disorder is a chronic illness
Great facts, I think if you wanted to include an image in your paper, somewhere in this paragraph dealing with eating disorders, I think it would be really powerful.

that jeopardizes physical and mental health in which they can be life threatening. Examples of common eating disorders are anorexia, binge eating, bulimia. With the new release of The American Psychiatric Association's book of mental disorders, binge eating has now been classified as a mental disorder in the same category as anorexia and bulimia (Masterson). Binge Eating is the act of obsessive eating, eating when you're not hungry and feeling disgusted and depressed afterward. These eating disorders are very common in young women ranging from ages 14-25 and come from the inner feelings towards how they physically look, and not wanting to eat. The act of not eating and forcing themselves to vomit is how they neglect their bodies.

Conclusion In conclusion societies view on body image decreases the self esteem of young girls. They compare themselves to the idealized women that are seen everyday nationwide. The act of social media creating and idealizing the thin body type, has not only affected the physical body

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but also the mental aspect of young girls. This unrealistic body shape is said to be unachievable and very unhealthy to the human body and mind. The discovery of eating and mental disorders has brought questions to what the social media is really doing to our youth. These young girls then take it upon themselves to obtain that weight or look. We as a nation need to decrease the
Good :)

levels of dissatisfaction of these young girls by creating more campaigns like Dove. If the self esteem of these girls rises the percentage of eating disorders will decrease. It is just a matter of educating these girls to let them know that they are perfect how they are and that everybody is different.

A few grammatical errors, but nothing major.

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Sources -Teague, Michael L., Sara L. C. Mackenzie, and David M. Rosenthal. "Body Image."Your Health Today: Brief. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2009. 169-86. Print.

-"General Information | National Eating Disorders Association." General Information | National Eating Disorders Association. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Sept. 2013.

-"The Eating Disorder Foundation." The Eating Disorder Foundation. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Sept. 2013.

-"Dove - Real Esteem." YouTube. YouTube, 24 Oct. 2006. Web. 24 Sept. 2013.

-"A Dove Film - Girl's Self-esteem." YouTube. YouTube, 09 Oct. 2006. Web. 22 Sept. 2013.

-Dittmar, H., & Howard, S. (2004). Professional hazards? The impact of models' body size on advertising effectiveness and women's body-focused anxiety in professions that do and do not emphasize the cultural ideal of thinness. British Journal of Social Psychology, 43(4), 477-497.

-Masterson, Kathleen. "Binge Eating Officially Defined As A Mental Disorder." NPR. NPR, 10 Feb. 2010. Web. 14 Oct. 2013.

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-Striegel-Moore, R. H., & Schreiber, G. B. (2000). Eating disorder symptoms in a cohort of 11 to 16-year-old black and white girls: International Journal of Eating Disorders, 27(1), 49-66.

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Peer Review: Kimberlyn Wayland

-What works well: I really like the structure of your paper and how it is organized, it allows the reader to fully understand each part you are trying to speak about. I think you made a lot of great points, including the source of negative body image (the media),detrimental effects of negative body image (disordered eating/eating disorders) and what is trying to be done about it (Dove). I think your paper is laid out really well structurally and flows very nicely.

-Where you might want to reconsider your approach: I think you are getting somewhere with your title with the Thin and Thinner part, but I think you can make it a little bit more captivating. As well as the opening sentence, maybe start with something other than In the United States.... Also, be sure to introduce your sources in some manner so that the reader knows who they are.

-Questions: What other ways is Dove helping with negative body image? Are their any other companies/people trying to help with this issue? Why are eating disorders/disordered eating so dangerous or bad for young girls health? (Maybe give an example?)

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-Does it meet the assignments goals?: Yes and no, you need a few more pages to meet the page requirement, but I think you can easily do this by elaborating a little bit more on each of your points (paragraphs). I think you are off to a great start with how your EIP is set up and youve made some great points, but going into detail and adding more content to these points will definitely allow you to meet the assignments goals.

-Other Things to Consider:This is just a suggestion, but maybe if you included some personal aspects in your paper, maybe a personal story, or someone elses personal story, it would make it more relatable to the reader. Maybe, maybe not. I just think it might be something interesting to consider. Add more of your own personal commentary so that it doesnt just seem like research. Its okay to state your opinion in your EIP, and I think it would be quite interesting to see that.

Overall though, great job and I think you are definitely on your way to having a great EIP! :)

P.S Im not an expert at MLA or citing, but Im pretty sure yours is correct, as well as in-text(is that what theyre called?) citations.

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