RESPECT BEFORE ACCEPTANCE

ROTIMI SOWUNMI

First published in Great Britain 2013 by Sacred Divine Union Copyright © 2013 Rotimi Sowunmi

All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without prior permission of the publisher.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-0-9576515-0-0

www.BrotherHoodofTheGame.com

~ULTIMATE VIRTUE OF A MAN, LIVE RESPECTED, DIE REGRETTED~

CONTENTS

Introduction Respect The Mindset The Programming The Tortoise And The Hare Friendship Zone The Bedroom Communication The Composed State (The Fourteen C’s) Put On Your CAAPP Nice Dating The Proposal Friends And Family The Order Acceptance

pg 5 pg 7 pg 8 pg 16 pg 29 pg 30 pg 42 pg 44 pg 52 pg 53 pg 56 pg 58 pg 68 pg 71 pg 77 pg 92

INTRODUCTION The purpose of this book (or perspective) is not to persuade you but for you to use your mind and THINK. Forget about expectations of having examples about faking it to you make it; there will be none of that here. Instead this book aims to influence KEEPING IT REAL TILL YOU FEEL IT. This is an art of staying true to the game. Your REAL-ity (not fakeity) can change much easier when you keep it real, when you stay true to yourself. Staying true to yourself is staying true to the game. To feel real and stay true requires sticking to the FACTS. The number one fact is that only YOU can change your reality. Reality is not defined therefore it can change. Reality is different for different people and this is another reason why it is important to stay true to yourself being that you can get lost in another person’s reality. So forget about trying to earn a title like pimp, mack or player, forget about what my title is or who I am, forget about memorizing a whole heap of information, just journey with this, allowing me for a moment to be a voice in your head, using logic and reason. When you use logic and reason the rest will follow. Ultimately the game is about your mindset not about titles or how you look. This means you can come as YOU ARE! Whether you are desperate, or low self esteemed, it is your thoughts that will sort everything out. This is not a prediction or something to believe in, but a FACT. Take care of the mind and everything else is AUTOMATIC. You are probably taking this journey to find out why the title was called what it’s called; as in why respect before acceptance. Or you could be journeying with this due to the much disrespect you have gotten from family, friends, girlfriend, wife or random strangers. Or you are taking this journey to find out how to be the man women want. Most of 5

you are probably tired of the label (title) loser, nerd, geek, lame, jerk, or even friend. Well within reason you will find that titles don’t define reality, it still is all about the mindset. You will find this out on your own using your OWN reasoning. The aim is to get you to think as you stay true to yourself. So the book is written to influence logic and reason and most of all, to be respected and accepted for just BE-ing you.

6

RESPECT You may now ask why is respect so important? Well respect is the number one thing that will make people like you and even eager to help you. Self respect radiates a positive CHARACTER and CONFIDENCE, and respect for others radiates CHARISMA and ACCEPTANCE. Both respect and acceptance are required to maintain a great life and relationship but one goes before the other. A pimp commands respect so that his stable (bunch of women) will listen to him and follow instructions. Though they may have accepted him as the title pimp, without the respect they will easily leave or cause great drama. Even if the pimp illustrates power if there is no respect a woman will easily leave for one who she can respect. This REACTION happens throughout every relationship. Money, power and respect are the three things people mostly strive for, but respect is the most important and should be the one that is first. Strength is potential power and only becomes power when it is exercised. A person may have the power but without the respect it is only an illusion. Their ‘power’ will solely be based on titles. A person may have the money which enables them power but without the respect nobody cares. Respect isn’t forced, it is EARNED. To earn respect is to give respect. To give respect you have to have Self respect. Self respect brings Self worth as it shows outwardly as confidence. A man is respected not by what he has but by his MINDSET which expresses out as BEHAVIOUR. The aim is not to seek respect from women but for you to have it so that it can be SEEN by women (and everybody else). With respect in business, a respectable product is given money (invested in) to further the production line. At the same time the owner and brand are marketed and advertised to increase their power. This is no different around women; they will help out financially provided that they believe and 7

respect a man’s ambition. Women will also tell their friends about the man hence furthering advertisement. With respect comes a great reputation. With a great reputation women will want to be a part of it. Just by been with you her reputation increases. If she truly respects you, she’ll try to further your reputation and the power of the feminine will automatically complement the masculine. Hence behind every great man is a great woman. Beside a King is a Queen and a man who carries himself respectfully as a king will influence all women to want to be a Queen. Yet understand that not every man considered great is respected by all. The BEHAVIOUR and MANNERISMS have to match the words. This is why most politicians are not respected. They tell too much lies. A man must always stay true to the game! Lies will destroy his game and influence every right for him to be disrespected. There are RULES to the game and the ESSENCE of the game is respect. Though the ATTITUDE of the game is to have FUN, it must be done in a respectable manner. A big example of respect can be assessed by the character Ebenezer Scrooge in the book by Charles Dickens called ‘Christmas Carol’. Though Scrooge had money and power people didn’t care about him at all. The respect that they showed was forced, fake and done so, so that he didn’t use his money or power unjustly against them. Those familiar with the story will probably say but Scoorge had Self respect. This is true but having confidence or Self respect does not equate to charisma but giving respect to people does. Charisma here will be summed up as a way of making people feel good about themselves. Ebenezer Scrooge created no good feeling and was not accepted. THE MINDSET As a boy and girl grow up they are taught different things about how to behave in a relationship. Though parents mean 8

well, they fail to focus on fairness. Instead, their focus is usually on a man being the protector and a woman being a lady in order to be lavished and protected. Fairness in the man’s and woman’s education would be demonstrated if a woman is taught how to protect herself and taught how to be WORTHY of being lavished and protected. The man in turn should be taught to respect himself before expecting the acceptance of a woman. Most women simply expect men to put them first (lady’s first is the saying) withou t so much as assessing whether he should. Men are simply supposed to go along with the mindset without questioning the unfairness of it. Yet time and time again, despite the upbringing, men have found that this is not what women respond to and that such behaviors earn no respect. It is not natural. Respect is not gained in lavishing a woman but on being a man, on being the masculine energy that she needs. A woman doesn’t want a man to leave his masculinity while focused on her but for a man to complement her femininity. Many men make too many mistakes overlooking this. They give up their world, the world that she needs, the world that she WANTS to give respect to but can’t, due to the fakeness of a man as he tries to present himself as a descent man with gifts and niceness, translated as trying too hard to fit into her world. Let’s get logical. The mindset that a man (or woman) should maintain is likened to a see-saw at rest, it is all about BALANCE. Self respect and Self acceptance are needed in Self first to be given to others as well as to empower others to exercise it within themselves. Self respect radiates confidence and Self acceptance radiates uniqueness. When a man can truly accept himself and say ‘I want to be ME’ then the light within him will shine strongly outwards. Women will gravitate towards the light like moths. 9

By logic this is how it should be. A woman will seek masculine energy and the light or energy that is strong enough, she will call ALPHA, expressed as the strongest one that pulls her towards the light. Realize that it is not about the title alpha but about what the man portray or rather radiate. All men can radiate masculine energy hence all men have the potential to be an alpha. This is a fact! When uniqueness is accepted it means that you are the best or alpha of YOUR kind. There is no one else like you in the world, no fingerprints are the same, and with this acknowledgement the only thing to do is to REPRESENT your uniqueness, ‘your kind’. Representing doesn’t mean that a man competes or compares himself, it means presenting his uniqueness through the abilities of being himself. So come as you are and in truth. Fake nothing! How you are now whilst reading this is the template, foundation, starting point to make the necessary changes that you want to make. Keep yourself unique by being you. This is keeping it real. Eventually you will feel it. Doing this, you will be thinking as yourself not as people want you to think, not as what people think of you, for that is their own reality (which can change), not even what these pages say, but by focusing on what you think of yourself; done through Self respect and Self acceptance. Let the logic continue. As stated before it is about balance. It is about balancing yourself which is done mentally. The imagery looks like this:

10

Having Self respect and Self acceptance AUTOMATICALLY puts you in a balanced state. This means that when mistakes are made, all that is required is for a man to remain calm and take the situation calmly. A man needs to accept that a situation, whether positive or negative, happened and he partook in it. He also needs not to disrespect himself by putting himself down. For example most men will approach a woman and get a negative feedback, also known as rejection (ultimately we reject things and give feedbacks to people) and take it in the worst possible way. The scenario may go: Man: How you doing? What’s your name? Woman: My name is….or why do you want to know? {this is the most likely if a reason of approach hasn’t been stated.} Man: Just asking because I think you look nice. Woman: Thank you, my name is…{Most likely gives a fake name.} Man: Okay so can I have your number? Woman: No sorry I don’t give out my number. OR, I got a boyfriend {Usually the best used} Man: Oh okay, bye. 11

Woman: Bye. Most men will say “she rejected me” and start the process of Self disrespect, meaning confidence decreases. They put themselves down and literally have made the whole interaction, the whole moment, about a woman. A Self respected man will say “I did that wrong” and probably laugh it off while assessing how he could have communicated better. Remember the ATTITUDE of the game is to have fun. The ESSENCE of the game is respect. Disrespecting yourself will dim the essence and when the essence is dim, it is felt by everybody and will throw off your game. We can see logically that confidence doesn’t mean that one has a great mouthpiece or can communicate well with women. A man with confidence and who can communicate well would have a greater chance in progressing with the woman. Back to the example: Man: Afternoon, pardon the intrusion but from afar you seem like an interesting person and it got me doing this. Allow me to get your name. {Reason for approach stated} Woman: My name is… Or, why do you want to know? Man: Want to know the identity of the person who got me doing this just from the way she walks….lol {Humour doesn’t hurt} Woman: Lol, is that so. My name is… {Most likely gives a real name.} Man: So [say name] I won’t be surprised if you have this effect on everybody. You dangerous!…lol. Woman: Lol, I’m just being me.

12

Man: Listen, don’t want to keep you, that wasn’t the intention here. Let’s exchange numbers. Allow me to know just how interesting you being you really is. Woman: Hmmmm, I’ll take your number. Man: LOL, you can just say no. Let’s keep it honest here. Don’t make me think you a liar now…lol. {still showing Self respect and Self acceptance. Also keeping humour going.} Woman: LOL, I’m sorry. It’s just I got a boyfriend. Man: Not surprised. We ll you don’t ha ve to be interactive with the number but you can store it somewhere safe. Just know you can call anytime. Not trying to disrespect your household, here, take it {says name}. Woman: May never call you but okay I’ll keep it. Man: LOL, you might even rip it up while I’m gone but if you don’t then call if you feel. Later for now {Says name}. Woman: Hmmmm…Bye Even though the man was successful in showing his confidence, he should still be thinking how he could have made it better. It benefits him to assess himself as he accepts the situation and maintains his Self respect. This is done by remaining calm, which keeps him balanced. Though both approaches were respectful, the behaviors were different. One had fun, the other didn’t. One was too direct, therefore showing eagerness, the other one was indirect and playful. Both got their end result. IT IS THE MINDSET, BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER THE APPROACH THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT NOT WHAT HAPPENED. 13

Approaching a woman is NOT about you or her it is about the BOTH of you. The man and woman should both be benefiting together. When a man first approaches, his confidence as well as his courage is AUTOMATICALLY seen. It doesn’t matter how scared or nervous the man is, two things are already automatic. The next two things to show is the attitude (which should be positive, playful and fun) and respect (charisma, translated as manners). The underlying two principles that will be showing (or not) will be whether the man has Self respect and Self acceptance. A woman will be looking at his Self esteem and how it affects hers. Ultimately she will be assessing how balanced the man is which is the attribute of what her emotional nature needs. Yet it is not about her but about the man also and what he likes. He approached because he liked what he saw so went over to be accepted. Now let’s get logical here. The man approaches, therefore it was him that chose her. Women don’t really choose they ACCEPT. They can accept what the man is giving provided that there is respect. A woman is chosen and a man is ‘chosen’ through interaction. If a man never approaches a woman, she cannot choose or accept him unless she makes the first move. But the man is usually the trigger mechanism. Let logic and reason continue. The approach structure or interaction in a relationship or marriage (another word for saying relationship) is the same as the see-saw. It is all about balance.

14

The line in the Diagram is a line of energy, a communication line and the mindset. When man and woman are balanced as in seeing eye to eye, face to face, body to body, that is EQUALITY. Their reality may be different but they are equal when there is respect and of course acceptance. Logically speaking this is how a relationship should be. Arguments may arise but by staying calm and revealing truth to deal with issues they can become balanced again (the see-saw starting point). The Diagram shows the mindset that is required as a man interacts with women. This is the mindset a man needs for himself as a balance between Self acceptance and Self respect (which we have assessed). A balanced mindset adapts to change whilst change is constant. The longer a man maintains a balanced mindset or the faster he reverts back to it, he shows discip-LINE. This is illustrated by the LINE of energy and communication as a straight line in the Diagram; signifying a constant. The balanced mindset is the mindset that should be held in the mind when interacting with anybody. The line of connection is straight, signifying that nobody is above or beneath you, you are unique, there is no ego only humbleness. Humbleness brings and maintains balance. This also means that you don’t show off or floss (ego) or you don’t insult yourself (low self esteemed). Keep the line, the connection straight! (Like the Diagram shows).

15

THE PROGRAMMING The balanced mindset is not what men and women are taught while growing up. Men are usually taught to be a gentleman and treat a woman like a lady no matter what she says or does. Women are usually taught indirectly how to use a man to get what she wants and needs. Neither, are taught how to COMPLEMENT each other in order for masculine and feminine energy to remain balanced, connected and constant. The balance and complementary of masculine (Yang – the light area) and feminine (Yin – the dark area) is seen in the Tao symbol.

Yin (feminine) cannot live without Yang (masculine) and Yang cannot live without Yin. This is illustrated by the dots in each. The structure men and women are taught growing up ends up looking like this:

16

Growing up women with this type of mindset, in terms of interaction with men, will most li kely have the ‘My gender is better than yours’ and ‘You are suppose to…’ mentality. A man is not suppose to do anything but be a man but most, if not all, women fail to see the complementary side to things. The programming deludes women into thinking that they are entitled to everything from a man without earning it. According to the upbringing the man is suppose to pull out her chair, open the door for her, give his jacket when she is cold (leaving him cold), treat her like she is weak, while she does nothing but expect all the treatments. If you want to talk about disrespect, trust me we can. Now there is nothing wrong in being kind but if it is one-sided, the pedestal status that she has will be sustained. She will be spoilt. Despite the fact that a see-saw has a up and down motion, translating in a relationship as helping each other elevate, giving and receiving, when it is one-sided a woman will most likely give nothing back just to remain on the pedestal. So she will nag about what the man is suppose or not suppose to be doing for her. Before a relationship, as a man approaches her, she will most likely give him a hard time about it first; not only due to the fact that she’s testing him but also because of the ‘My gender is better than yours’ mentality , which is a pedestal women have already created for themselves. A man who is 17

hungry for her attention, therefore a bugaboo, reinforces the mindset, hence the pedestal. Again, this is not what women (or men) respond to; it is what they are programmed to do in order to interact. Keeping it real until you feel the necessary change(s) that you want to occur is USING the programming (by assessing it) to REPROGRAM it. Faking it till you make it just creates another program which adds to the existing program, hence there are two programs to assess which is harder work. Too many mistakes occur trying to use two programs at the same time and respect and acceptance diminishes. A woman could get off the see-saw (the relationship) regardless of the pedestal status that the man sustains to find another (remember she still has the pedestal she created herself due to an entitlement attitude). To see no masculinity or Self respect in a man can make a woman leave. Some women will start to show disrespect from the pedestal status so that a man brings her back down to maintain balance (the see-saw starting point). He will need to push himself up and destroy the pedestal. He will need to show Self respect and Self acceptance. With Self respect shown the woman will respect and accept him enough to want to stay and help her man. After-all he has confidence and charisma which is good in expressing ambition. With Self acceptance a woman will treat a man like a man using all of her femininity, influenced by the fact that he has totally accepted his masculinity. When a man has totally accepted his masculine (Yang) side he can then show his feminine (Yin) side once in a while as a way of balancing himself out and with the acknowledgement that he is also made up of feminine DNA as well. ~*~ Let logic continue. [Assessing the See-Saw structure of the programming]

18

A woman is automatically put on a pedestal and spoilt by undeserved gifts, when a man calls or text TOO much, when a man ‘begs’ confessing how much he likes or loves her. Men are taught to do this and they are taught to respect and accept the process, but the effect is an unbalance. It is one-sided. Women are taught to accept it not respect it. From her ‘hi gh status’ she looks down at the man (like the Diagram shows). The unbalance has made them unable to see eye to eye. She’ll have to look down, while he looks up, this becomes the new ‘ eye to eye’ method of their interaction. She talks and looks down from what seems to be a place of ego and he talks and looks up from a place of what seems to be low self esteem. He then says “She is out of my league”. She says “I like a confident man.” Or “He is not my type.” Her place of ego also gives her the illusion that vagina is power without the penis having no power. Logically it is not her fault; she looks down at the man, the penis, while he looks up in ‘worship’ to the woman, the vagina. This is the mindset both are TAUGHT and it becomes embedded as they grow up. They are not to blame. The pedestal mindset is also the mindset a man has to overcome when he is about to approach a woman. Naturally he is nervous, he tries too hard to be ‘her type’ and not on maintaining balance in himself which would destroy the pedestal. It is easier said than done due to the fact that it is a programming that needs reprogramming. 19

Let’s give women a benefit of a doubt and say that they can’t help but react to this unbalanced mindset, being that it is part of their upbringing. So then, upon an approach a man can use a ‘hammer’ statement to ‘smash’ the pedestal into pieces. Hammer statements are statements used to make a woman slightly embarrassed by insinuating a mistake or stating the obvious. The ‘hammer’ [statements] will remind a woman that she is not perfect and most importantly that a man didn’t put her on a pedestal. She will respond by balancing herself out, becoming eye to eye with a man. For example: Man: Afternoon, you got me intrigued and it got me doing this. Allow me to get your name. Woman: What do you want with my name? No sorry you’re not my type. Man: Clean your eyes and your mouth you got stuff on it. Nasty...lol {Hammer. The ‘My gender is better than yours’ mentality destroyed. Pedestal cracked or destroyed.} Woman: *Cleans mouth and eyes*…errr, so what do you want with my name? or my name is…. Man: *Looking closely at face* yeah it looks like you got all of it. {Hammer} Nice to meet you {Say her name} my name is {say name and stretch hand for handshake. At this point another hammer can be done by saying clean your hands first before shaking my hands….lol} Woman: Yeah, so what do you do? Where you from? {Showing Interest. Everything balancing out. Lines of connection and communication getting better.] Man: Don’t really want to keep you but let’s exchange numbers. 20

Woman: Okay, I’ll call you. Man: No problem. The point is that even if a woman is not interested there are ways to go about it than expressing ego. Using a hammer, though may seem harsh, it is done to HELP BOTH the man and woman. It is not used to be rude but remove ego. After all the man still wants her number and get with her. Even so, it was logical to use because of the programming. The hammer is used to make a woman check herself. Using the hammer, removing ego, brings her back to this.

A man will have to be calm to do this. He can’t be bothered by her reaction. Respect will be given and the transaction will be better accepted. Balance is the natural mindset and whatever is natural in terms of nature is respected and accepted. Calmness or balance in terms of nature is called HARMONY. One has to be balanced to harmonize with nature. A man and woman harmonize better in a balanced state. Masculine and feminine energy connect better. Someone could debate right now saying that the hammer statement is a method of faking it till you make it. Yet let’s be clear, the hammer statement is used to ‘smash’ the programming. It allows women to STOP faking and keep it real with themself which benefits her and the man. 21

~*~ The FIRST EXPRESSION for a man as a woman assesses his first impression is CALMNESS. Women have talked about WANTING a cool, calm, collected man and if we are to look closely, within reason we will find that women have stated the wanting of a calm man three times. Cool and collected is just another way of saying calm. Three indeed is the magic number. Acting cool is learning how to be calm in all situations. Being collected is knowing how to control and compose yourself at all times. As stated they are both an essence of the same thing: calmness. Control and composure is also an essence of calmness. A woman is emotion-al by nature and emotions are unstable. Emotions can go up and down, down and up, it is a roller coaster ride, also like that of the see-saw, but opposite to calmness; which women want. Calmness is not a title it is a STATE. With an emotional person drama or being dramatic is normal. Do understand that the logic and reason here is not for a man to be a robot or a tombstone; for emotions are necessary for expression, but the logic here is that a man is not to be emotional because it is not his nature to be. Being emotional is also a state and one that requires and NEEDS calmness. Calmness is power! When a woman gets with a man, she can easily control her nature. ONLY a calm man can COMPLEMENT her emotional nature. She will respect and accept the calmness, but the respect would have been given long before she gets with him. She accepts him as a man but respects him now as a POWERFUL man. Respect will make a woman stay and be willing to maintain balance within herself and her man. It is important to emphasize that we are using logic and reason based on truth here. The truth is a woman wants a powerful man. Having power doesn’t make you powerful, it only shows strength, the potential of power. Having money gives power but doesn’t make you powerful, it only gives you a 22

means (again a potential) to be powerful. Respect for Self and others which is an essence that needs to be continuously exercised, hence turning potential into kinetic makes the power FULL, hence the BE-ing yourself is powerFUL and seen and felt by Self and everybody else. In terms of calmness, it will be the ability to maintain the power. As stated before calmness is a STATE so then being powerful is also a state of BE-ing. The Diagram looks like this:

Calmness allows you to think clearly, enabling communication to be clear, concise and most of all FLOW. All leaders, which a man instinctively is (women are instinctively managers) have to be great at public speaking. The public is made up of friends, families, girlfriend, wife and strangers. A man has to be able to get his point across and what he says as well as how he says it will bring him respect, even though he has been accepted as a friend, son, cousin, uncle, brother, boyfriend, husband and stranger. Again titles do not determine respect. An elderly person can still be disrespected and a child can be respected and vice versa. Old age simply means you are OLDER not wiser or that there is a right to be respected. Respect is gained by behavior.

23

~*~ Women say that they want honesty and as we have been assessing we can see that truth will bring balance through calmness. Calmness in turn radiates power and maintains it. Where Self respect is a light within, calmness is the state for the light to draw people near it. This translates to being APPROACHABLE. An approachable person makes people willing to tell them anything provided that they are also comfortable. Through logic one can say that calmness in action expresses an EASY-GOING person. A man does himself a service by being easy-going. It makes him approachable and women will be comfortable enough to approach him and say what they need to say without feeling hesitant about it. Calmness in Self makes others around feel calm and this creates a feeling of comfort, making one COMFORTable. When a man gets a woman COMFORT-able with the feeling and state (not title) she is ABLE to express comfort any way that she feels like. She is COMFORTED & ABLE. A woman may even accept that all the man wants is sex at first but she respects him through the comfort that he provides. She doesn’t feel cheap and most importantly she feels Self worth. Not only that, but the man has allowed her to be able to feel at EASE which is an essence of calmness. There is no need to rush or force yourself upon a woman (that is an essence of disrespect) all of her will be given when a man is respected. She will put effort into time, money, and sex and will enjoy herself doing so. The man will enjoy also. The Diagram is like this in the bedroom:

24

Everything is balanced. Penis is power and vagina is power and they complement each other as in fit together. Penis is key and vagina is the lock. Most importantly with such a comfortable atmosphere both the man and woman are ON THE SAME PAGE. ‘SAME PAGE’ is illustrated by the straight line in the Diagram, signifying balance, a constant. There is no ego, no unbalance. Sex SHOULD and will be fun for the man and woman. Just like the see-saw movements of up and down, down and up, the penis goes in and out and certain sexual position allows the woman to go up and down. This is equivalent to the man AND woman taking turns to elevate or please each other which the see-saw motion does. The line is also the illustration of a horizontal position which is another way of saying getting her into bed. Sex is natural, meaning part of nature. Nature always tries to maintain harmony. So then THE ENJOYMENT OF SEX IS BASED ON HARMONY, also known as balance or equilibrium. Equilibrium projects the fact that it takes TWO to make a relationship work by bringing the two into one which is to complement each other. A COMFORTABLE ATMOSPHERE CHANGES THE UNBALANCED PROGRAMMING ALLOWING BALANCE TO OCCUR. The result is a more PLAYful man and woman; they want to have fun, which emphasizes the creation of a see-saw as the symbol and purpose of fun.

25

~*~ When a man has an attitude of fun, a woman easily sees FUNny and a man’s attraction increases. She is comfo rtable to laugh as much and as loud as she wants, feeling great. EVERYBODY wants to feel great and we are drawn to people who can create that feeling. To have fun you’ve got to PLAY. To get a woman comfortable quickly is to be playful and a woman will show her intentions through BODY LANGUAGE and of course playfulness. A woman subconsciously follows a man’s lead especially one she respects and has accepted. But ultimately one that is calm. Comfort doesn’t make her emotional. Playing allows her to have fun therefore the man is NEVER considered boring. Do note that being calm is not an act of being stiff or a show of stagnancy. Remember calmness in action is being easy going and one can be easy going while being playful. Being playful does not mean that a man becomes a clown or jester, it means he is relaxed to tease, flirt, joke and discuss any and everything without feeling anyway about it. In other words just CHILL! (An essence of calmness). A woman will be looking at how easy going a man is and it is better done in an air of playfulness. Playfulness shows ZEST which is the energy of liveliness. Energy comes in the form of light which makes one attract to the light. Most men are too hyper when they play and this comes off as immature. One needs to be calm and playful, it registers as easy going. Then the comfort becomes easier and will keep things going. That is fluidity, otherwise known as flow. This interaction will always be respected! Being easy going INFLUENCES women to be easy going as well; they BECOME easy. As logic continues we can see that the interaction between men and women is MADE difficult (opposite of easy) because of an unbalance. An easy going person is not boring but creates adventures and maintains the attitude of fun. Yet life is without its serious moments. A man also has to be serious. He must be serious 26

about his health, life, hopes and dreams. Seriousness is USED to get things done and to focus on ambitious task. It is not about too much play, everything is about balance which brings respect. ~*~ The media, family and a day called Valentine day has to be mentioned here being that the media perpetuate the unbalance, hence sustaining the programming. Naturally the programming PROGRAMS families and friends to exercise the unbalance therefore making it difficult for men and women to interact and change it. From a powerful man’s perspective it is not that the interaction between men and women is difficult but that it can be made easier. Hence he goes against the difficulty. The media program structure is like this:

Valentine day is a day CREATED for men AND women to confess, renew, or rekindle their love. Though it is meant for both genders, it seems to only glorify one gender and that is the woman. Valentine day can be referred to as woman’s day. On this day a man is suppose to shower her with gifts and declare his love outlandishly, ignoring the FACT that he has been with her till this day arrived. Most women, if not all, do nothing! This day by logic and reason has a sense of unfairness. It shows just how unbalance the programming is, as well as how high up a woman can put herself on a pedestal. 27

Men are suppose to ‘worship’ her as if being with her is a favor or even some kind of accomplishment. Yet if a man doesn’t go through this non-sense, his woman may feel as if he is no longer interested in her when clearly he is just protesting that if he is to go along, she has to contribute too. The day is for BOTH genders not one. Offering her vagina as a ‘gift’ on the day when they have sex regularly anyway, is a borderline insult. All of a sudden, on this day, sex is a reward. With the pedestal status, woman’s ego seems to really go hand in hand with stupidity. To put coating on top is to remember that they are emotional by nature as well. Calm for a man is indeed required. The pedestal must be destroyed to bring balance! With parents it is an imbalance if they are TOO strict. The imbalance creates an uncomfortable atmosphere which causes a child to rebel in order to get comfortable. Most parents have high ego expecting a child to easily give them respect because they are the parent. A child accepts who his or her parents are but respect still has to be earned by the parent, especially if they do or say things unworthy of respect. Even if respect is given at a young age due to the young and immature mind, most parents violate it by forcing respect, instead of being worthy of it. Being worthy of respect is to lead by example, striving to create a comfortable atmosphere; one where a child can thrive in. When a parent tries to create balance, the child in turn will try to maintain the balance, which projects in behavior, as in they behave themselves. This is equivalent to the see-saw going up and down and down and up. There is no pedestal. Most parents want to be ‘worshipped’ by their children and forget about being mentors to their child(ren). They do not GUIDE but demand. Some use the cane to maintain balance but it creates fear and hurt. To a child the parent is seen as an oppressor not a guardian or someone they can turn to. For “how can you GUARD me when you oppress me?” Is what most children are thinking. Through 28

logic we can see that to parent a child and do it well is to influence them to respect and accept themselves (not by force). This will make any child respect their parent and their parents will get put on a pedestal that the child creates, called ‘Heroes’ or ‘Role Models’. THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE It wouldn’t hurt a man to see women as a TORTOISE and men as a HARE. The hare is fast and wants everything done quickly. Yet the creation of comfort is a PROCESS not a quick fix. Processes take time. The Self pedestal that women have created is an obstacle that also has to be destroyed first. This will require time, which the tortoise uses. Women like things to go SLOW. Most men have heard a woman say: “Let’s take things slow.” proving that they are going too fast (a Hare). Let’s take this further. A woman doesn’t wa nt a man to be a Tortoise, as in be a woman like her, she simply wants to see the power, the light, the masculine energy, for her to respect the man; which for her requires time. The ‘seeing’ is done AUTOMATICALLY when a man ACTS (not becomes) like a Tortoise, which is in going slow whilst remaining calm but still maintaining masculinity (Hare qualities). Going slow reminds a man that LESS IS MORE. He can do everything slow and steady. In turn a man that takes things slow will AUTOMATICALLY influence a woman to be the Hare, as in speed things up a bit. There must always be a Tortoise and a Hare so the roles changes when one acts like the other. The changing of roles is the getting in touch with feminine side for men and getting in touch with masculine side for women, giving the see-saw movements of up and down and down and up to elevate each other. The getting in touch with the masculine or feminine side is the process of 29

seeing things from each other’s perspective. It is an assessment to gain truth and truth creates balance. Yet by nature the Hare is speedy so a man is wise to use his speed in creating a comfort-ABLE atmosphere. Only through this state will the woman be ABLE and influenced to lower or slow (which is the nature of the Tortoise) down her defenses to allow things to speed up. With the woman being able to relax, it makes everything natural and this brings more comfort. By logic if the woman wants the man to speed things up, she’ll show it through body language. Remember there is no race without TWO people. Man and woman can both be winners of the race if they hold hands and finish together. This is an imagery of balance. There is no race (competition) only opposites (different gender) to complement (harmonize). FRIENDSHIP ZONE There is no greater POSITION for a man, to make a woman feel comfortable quickly, than to be her friend. To be placed in the friend zone is a blessing! It is a ZONE that allows a man to build a hood called manhood within her domain. Within the zone, a man can work on creating balance and destroying every pedestal created with his masculinity. He can radiate from inside her perimeters as he is greeted with wide open arms all because of a title (not state) called friend. Being placed in the friend zone is entering a woman’s life as a Zeta for her to see and RECOGNIZE an Alpha. The Self respect or the light in a man must be strong. The best and lasting relationships occur when a man is a lover AND FRIEND. So it would BE great if a man becomes her BE-ST friend. Not her ‘girlfriend’ but her best friend. This does not mean acting ‘girly’ or be ing perceived as generating feminine energy, but it means being there for her like a man should, as if they were already lovers. Remember you are an Alpha of your kind and that is unique. For a woman to see and feel a 30

man’s uniqueness, which will always be something new, REQUIRES HIM TO BE HIMSELF. In the friendship Zone a man will be able to generate his masculine energy highly and freely without hardly any resistance within her fortress. Also it will be HER that allows it to happen, a man would be doi ng nothing wrong. It’s not his fault that he is being treated like a Zeta when he is an Alpha, so the mission is to show her otherwise. Showing a woman Alpha qualities is NOT about gifts, continuous phone calls, lovey dovey poetry or declaration of love, but about being yourself, masculine, balanced. Though not necessary, the hammer statements can be used within the title friends and balance can be maintained. A man will be called mean and rude but NEVER a girl. Equally he will be called easy going (provided he maintains calm) and honest. A woman may say “He is like a brother to me” and this is very expected. She is meant to say this to someone when she is suppose to be ACTING (best performance of her life) as a friend. Even if she starts getting attracted to her ‘friend’, the man’s light, what is she to say to another man or anyone who asks “What’s your relationship with him?” She most likely will keep up with the notion that they are just friends. The FACT is the whole dating and get together process is to TURN a stranger into a FRIEND. This is done so that a comfortable atmosphere can be CREATED to be MORE. A man who is put into the friendship zone from the very beginning should do a happy dance and if he doesn’t have one, should create one. The FACT is that he doesn’t have to go on dates with her to get to know her. He will be INVITED over to do so. In the friendship zone there are no defenses, no gimmicks or tactics and most importantly NO CHASE. This position is great! There are no expectations only the one the man DIRECTS. Even pimps say that a pimp is supposed to be all things to a woman. He is suppose to be a lover, brother, father and even FRIEND. A man as a ‘friend’ in the 31

friendship zone enables the opportunity to be a lover. He will be killing two birds with one stone and it will be a stone that SHE provides him with. The friendship zone to a woman is a strategy to get attention and appreciation from a man who desperately wants her. It is a carrot of possibility that she dangles to a man who hopes to one day be with her. Such men are accepted but there is usually little to no respect. To a man, the friendship zone is one of the greatest strategies he could ever use. He not only gets rid of the title stranger, which is a title that slows interaction between them tremendously. Not only that, but he also gets connected to other women through her. Upon meeting her parents within the title there is no pressure; especially if the woman is already seeing someone. Note that the ‘someone’ that she is seeing is still trying to eliminate the title stranger and trying to be in your position, a ‘friend’. When a man’s confidence, charisma or Self respect and Self acceptance is seen by the parents or siblings, they most likely get on his side. Everybody is attracted to such a light and everybody will be influenced to balance themselves out. Calmness has that power. The mother, a woman herself, will pull her daughter to the side to urge her to open her eyes and probably say “He is a great guy, why aren’ t you two together?” Or “How long are you going to be friends with him?” Or even “Don’t let this one get away!” The dad will probably tell her how well mannered he is or that he has ambition and sees drive in him, even though deep down he may hold the notion that nobody is good enough for his daughter. Her siblings will probably tease, question or query her about everything. Either way, a man bypasses the meeting with the parents with no pressure because there is no expectation in the title friendship. When the man and woman do become lovers AS WELL, the whole meeting the parent process would have been taken care of already. Likewise, the whole getting approval from her friends is also taken care of already. Matter of fact there may even be anger and jealousy stirring amongst 32

her female friends, especially if they saw a powerful man in the man that she was calling friend way before she did. Everything would have been taken care of with minimal effort, just by the man keeping it real and BE-ing himself. Even if the woman doesn’t go for the man , he still has her friends to deal with. But all women want a powerful man NO MATTER WHAT THE TITLE. Remember to be powerful is a state not a title. So get in the Zone! Let her see the Alpha state! Get rid of the Z in Z-one to be One with her (balanced) so that she sees ‘The One’. A woman will realize that the one she wants all along is her ‘friend’. As a strategy, a woman might have put a man in the friend zone to use time to assess if he is the one for her or not. Remember the zone can be used as a strategy. It is important to realize that by being in the friendship zone, by default a man is AUTOMATICALLY ‘forced’ to ACT like the tortoise, going slow and steady. The focus within the fortress is to use the ‘Hare’s speed’ to get her comfortable. Let’s take logic further. ~*~

Now within this zone and title called friends, the woman that the man desires, will probably be seeing other men and probably get her heart broken. With the acceptance of the friendship, she most likely will hurriedly come over to communicate and have a shoulder to cry on. The man who ALLOWS this to happen creates an OPPORTUNITY for himself to demonstrate his masculinity and wordPLAY. The wordplay should be used to CHEER her up not confess how he feels. Most of all the wordplay should be used to TEACH her and LEAD her into logic and reason. The truth is bound to come out even if she was lying about the situation about her ‘loss love’. A woman has to realize that she has to EARN the shoulder to cry on just like he has to EARN her respect. 33

By allowing a woman to come to him, it keeps her away from her female friends, hence female advice, that would probably be filling her head with non sense, thinking they know all about men or what happened in the relationship. Point blank her female friends could say “ALL men (that includes you) are dogs.” Or “You need to make him behave” (translation : make him ‘worship’ and ‘beg’ you to come back). Though her friends mean well there is hardly any talks of forgiveness or interrogation to what she may have or may have not done in the relationship. This is why when a man is in the friendship zone, he should aim to be the best ‘friend’ or equal to it if she already has one. She will get two perspectives, a masculine and feminine. By being her BEST friend she CAN come to a man for opinion first. Even if her female best friend has said her piece, she will come to get a MANLY opinion. Even if her so-called best friend is a man (a potential competitor unless he is gay) she will still seek the man’s light. Masculine energy is hard to stay away from with feminine energy. A man who allows a woman to communicate with him when something goes sour or wrong in her relationship will get far. COMMUNICATION IS KEY! The more she confides in him the comfier she gets. From another perspective, she has left one man (one she’s in a relationship with or ended with) to be with another (you, the ‘friend’). Do note that a man in this zone, depending on how he is, a woman gives respect and acceptance straight away. For men who the woman is getting to know in a relationship, they still have to earn respect though she has accepted them. It is all about states not titles. Coming to a man to have a shoulder to cry on is coming to a respected man or the light that draws her in CONSTANTLY. Yet a man still has to shake his head and internally laugh as she says: “Why can’t all men be like you?” Or: 34

“You are such a good friend.” Expected, very expected, she is emotional. A man working in this zone, should not feel bad but be militant, he is there to teach and lead her to logic and reason NOT player hate as he listens. Logically a man can respond with: “If all men were me, I wouldn’t be me. Better recognize and stop crying!...lol” {Playfulness, you weren’t phased by her comment} Or: “You’re a good friend too but by acting like this, you’re looking like a lousy one…” {Probably makes her laugh} Wordplay goes far! Player hate nothing! Expect it all! Most of all, EXPECT HER TO STAY OR GET BACK WITH THE MAN SHE IS ANGRY WITH AND CONSTANTLY COMPLAINS ABOUT, WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM OR BROKEN UP. Relationships have their problems DON’T EXPECT IT TO BE OVER. It is a huge mistake to conclude that the man that a woman, your ‘friend’, is with doesn’ t have game. None of that matters if a man can maintain balance in himself. As things fall apart in a woman’s relationship, the man, her ‘friend’ is the one CONSISTENCY of masculinity in her life. He is one who is calm and can create balance. The friendship zone allows a woman to start liking a man that she has accepted and respected within the zone even if she is in a relationship. HOW TO TELL THE MAN, HER ‘FRIEND’, IS THE OBSTACLE SHE FACES. It was her that put him in the friendship zone in the first place. She now has a dilemma. 35

When a woman starts liking the man which usually happens, it is seen in the form of jealousy, anger and possessiveness. Either way the state she is in will not match the title she continually has to say and live up to. She has finally been taken completely by the light and seen an Alpha. She is smitten and can no longer resist. It also reveals that she had been struggling and fighting off the feeling for a while. One could even conclude that, that is why she constantly dates, so that she doesn’t have to face the truth of the feeling. Within logic, Manhood combines with Womanhood to create Ourhood, emphasizing that opposites do attract. So a man is wise to maintain manhood in the Zone. As stated before, when a man allows a woman to pour her heart out about another man to a man she claims a friend, he should be militant. As he listens it is not about taking her side straight away, especially being that a man knows that women are emotional by nature and have being programmed a certain way. There are two sides to the story so she needs to be questioned: that?” “First of all what did you say for him to say or do “What happened before that happened?” “Why would he overreact like that in the first place? What did you say or do?” See, the thing is when a woman is upset or emotional she wants to PLAY the victim. Nope her ‘friend’, you, should PLAY the GENERAL, making her a soldier by default. Grill her for information. When a woman is being influenced to tell the whole story she usually gets angry: “You suppose to be on my side?!” “Why are you been so mean at a time like this?” 36

side?!”

“Thought we are friends why are you taking his

The GENERAL ignores the victim mindset, he wants a soldier and soldiers are meant to be TOUGH, so he has to give TOUGH LOVE: “I am on your side but don’t expect me to be like your girl friends. Stop crying right now and get it together so that you can communicate this properly. Get at me when you are done crying.” “Calm down, you know I’m here for you but you all emotional right now, I need more information before assessing what you are saying, so that I know how to go about this. Start talking!” “Calm down, stop crying, it will be alright but what did you or him say or do to start all this? Start talking! ” The militant attitude brings balance quickly. She needed to be motivated to be tough not sympathized with. Even if she didn’t want advice but simply wanted to lash out and be heard, balance is created when she is ‘forced’ to address it and tell the truth. This is respected. Sympathy only makes things worse. Female friends use more sympathy than trying to toughen their despaired friend up. They will pamper the pain instead of toughening her up to deal with it, overlooking the fact that it is not about pampering, but about getting her to control her emotions through calmness. A man who pampers her or helps her the way her female friends would do, especially without giving a masculine perspective on things, will most likely make her say: “He is like my brother.” Or “He is a brother to me.” 37

Note that saying such things, as we have assessed, can also be said to deter someone from asking questions about her feelings about the man; helping her hide the fact that she is feeling for the man, her ‘friend’. Such statements are said to keep her feelings under control. Even still, a man is meant to be all things to a woman. A brother is no exception. Brother is a title used to express closeness so a man shouldn’t be fazed by such statements. There are brothers and sisters in the world who use the title family yet still sleep together; this we call incest. Similarly, people have called themselves friends and still slept together. Some friends are even sex buddy and buddy is another word used for friend. At the end of the day it is about what men and women RESPOND to not what they call themselves. A calm, powerful man (a state) will enable a woman to respond to him well. Naturally a man knows what a woman tries to insinuate when she says ‘like a brother’ but he also knows that calling him a brother and responding to him like a brother are two different things. She merely said something but her action speaks differently. Women use wordplay too. A man is not the only one playing the game and he needs to remember that women have strategies too. ~*~ The friendship zone is like this at first:

38

A man working from within the friendship zone without losing Self respect, turns it into this:

Sometimes it ends up like this:

The above Diagram shows the woman this time not lifting herself back up therefore keeping the man on a pedestal status. This is how some men and women like it but it is a see-saw and a see-saw is meant to move up and down not keep one stuck in the air. In other words there is fairness in the see-saw movement. Nevertheless, this is how the pimp structure is seen as. Women look up to the pimp and depend on him as they accept him. A true pimp will influence his stable (bunch of women) to lift themselves up as well and become balanced with him. Then up and down, down and up they take turn in elevating each other. With this motion of fulfillment, the women will respect the pimp and strive to create less drama as he succeeds in uplifting them as well as looking after them. 39

This status allows women to give money to the pimp as the pimp teaches, encourages, empowers, whilst maintaining a vision in all of them that they will indeed make it in life and be rich with his help. Understand that the pimp is constantly mentioned because suc h men have a ‘hold’ or are attracted by multiple women. These women are not forced to stay with the pimp but WANT to stay due to the light of the man (pimp). Occupation aside, a pimp can be expressed as an expert on women. The structure where the man is put on a pedestal also applies to ‘thugs’ and hustlers and though the unbalance is one that is hardly projected as part of the programming, it is an original programming which feminist groups changed. The original programming influenced a man to be ‘more in charge’ of himself and his surroundings, which is attractive to women, despite it been an imbalance. Yet, some women look up at the man either because they are afraid and are therefore hesitant to lift themselves up or because of low Self esteem. Though the feminist group has caused men to adjust to a new programming, a more feminized one, it is evident that programming can be changed due to the capability of adjustment. In other words, the new, unbalanced, programming can be reprogrammed and a man ‘reprograms’ it by upholding balance and rejecting the programming. Balance is what the programming needs, whether old or new. In time, if one is not uplifted or feel equal to their partner they will feel resentment and create chaos or disorder, which is unbalance. If a woman doesn’t want anything to do with a man she wouldn’t even want to be his friend or be in the same vicinity as him. The friendship zone is just there to keep him around. He is a potential boyfriend, a bank (used for money), or a dick (used solely for sex). Potential boyfriend = Relationship, Potential bank = Shopping, Spending. Potential dick = Sex buddy. The term friend with benefits is often aired 40

to show a level of closeness up to a certain point. Though the keyword is friend, FRIENDSHIP is a continuous process and not just one with benefits but IS A BENEFIT.

41

THE BEDROOM Within a comfortable, playful atmosphere, sex can easily occur. Both genders consent to it naturally. Sex is more enjoyable when a man and woman flow into it with no hesitation and rushing. Let’s get logical with this. A bed is termed COMFORTABLE when it is neat, clean and inviting so it would be wise for a man to cater to such qualities. On his appearance, he should look neat, clean and inviting. This makes him a ‘walking bed’, one she is willing to sleep on. A bed is usually where a person sleeps and also has sex. A comfortable atmosphere would merely ALLOW sex to be a continuation on a comfortable bed. The denominator is comfortable. When respect is given to how a man LEADS (not force or rush) a woman into the bedroom, a woman throws caution to the wind. She will aim to please AUTOMATICALLY being that she is comfortable to do so. Women are usually conserved but a comfortable atmosphere allows her to express. For a woman to have MULTIPLE orgasms she has to be relaxed. Being relaxed is an essence of calmness which creates comfort. To maintain a comfortable atmosphere and earn respect is to put the idea of sex LAST. SEX IS ON THE LIST but it will mess up the flow if it is first on the mind. PUTTING SEX LAST MAKES WOMEN PUT IT FIRST. Putting it last has made a man slow and steady like the Tortoise which shows that he is not a slave to sex and that he doesn’t care if it happens, and most importantly that her COMPANY matters to him more than sex. This will influence respect. Focusing on a woman’s company will allow the man to get down to business. Think about it. Now sometimes a woman, when she is about to have sex with a man will stop and say that she doesn’t wan t to anymore. It is not that she suddenly became uncomfortable or is suddenly no longer horny; she just doesn’t want to do it YET. When this happens, most men will get bitter and start destroying the comfortable atmosphere, showing clear as day 42

that they just wanted to buss a nut. They lose respect and in most cases acceptance. A calm man who eased her into it will REMAIN easy going. He would have registered that her…

43

Thank you for feeling good enough to read, the full version can be purchased at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/rotimi-sowunmi/respect-beforeacceptance/paperback/product-21367662.html

44