He murmurs reassuringly as he begins to wrap the rope around my wrists.

I allow my mind to drift, float away down a lazy stream of comfortable consciousness.... resting, relaxing, rocking gently in a little boat in my happy place.... calm and peaceful. His voice and the touch of his hands on my skin serve to send me deeper into ever more comfort and bliss. Clara. Hey !tay with me, now." I feel a sharp tap on my nose that startles me back to the room and the ropes. #hat$" I ask, disoriented. !tay here with me. %ont drift away like that. I want you to pay attention to what&s happening." #hy$" I am surprised and a little cross. 'here was nothing in our discussions that suggested I had to be present to this exercise. (o more )uestions or I&ll gag you," he threatens, mock sterness in his voice and expression. *t least, I think it&s mock. I raise one eyebrow at him but dont respond. He nods approvingly. +ood girl," he says, patting my cheek and returning to his ropes. ,y other eyebrow shoots up. Good girl? I&m aware that my feeling of annoyance is turning in the direction of outrage. Interesting. -ut unproductive. 'he ropes binding my arms behind my back are unpleasantly restrictive and the tugging and pulling as he weaves them in and out, around and through, could easily fray my nerves even as they seem to calm his. I stretch slightly from side to side, relax, take a breath to center myself, and analyse the situation. 'his is not what I expected and I am distinctly unwilling to continue in this manner, fully conscious and aware in this uncomfortable exercise. #hen I agreed to let him bind me, I was giving in to his good natured but relentless nagging. It was not something that I had ever wished for. 'his is not how I play. -ut he was so desperate to do it and my every expression of resistance drove him to new and more creative efforts of persuasion. He insisted that he needed someone to practice on, new patterns and ropes to try. *nd somehow every conversation we had turned into a negotiation of what it would take for me to let him tie me up. I smile, remembering how focused he was on me, gauging and cataloging my reactions to each argument. He was like a guided missile homing in on a target, completely tuned in to every response I gave him. His powers of concentration and observation, not to mention his patience, were impressive. -ut in the end, it was simply fatigue that led me to concede. .atigue, and the desire to reward him for his efforts. I had recently found myself in the crosshairs of a new site and my attention divided, I became bored with denying him before he got tired of begging. !till he had given me so much pleasure in recent weeks I felt I could let him have this experience, /ust this once simply removing my consciousness from it, before I cut him loose.

Clearly, he could be trusted to be aware of my body&s needs even if I" was absent. He was, I knew, deeply in love with me and wouldn&t allow real physical harm to befall me. His purpose was to manipulate my nervous system, and so my emotions to make me physically and emotionally dependent on him. *n incurable romantic, he called this falling in love. I called it !tockholm !yndrome and had no desire to go there. !till, with open eyes and deep hesitation," I agreed to talk about it. +azing thoughtfully into the distance, however, I realize that we have come to this point far too )uickly. He is pushing his agenda much faster then I expected and the pass I thought he would give me on the first session has not materialized. * bird in the hand," after all. %amn. 0ed." I safeword to end the session. #hat$" He is startled and for a moment, concerned. He )uickly scans my body. 0ed," I repeat evenly. *re you in pain$ I havent even started tightening the knots yet. 'ell me what&s wrong." I look steadily up into his eyes. !tanding naked in front of him, my arms laced together in intricately woven ropes that go up my back, I am at a distinct disadvantage for a reasonable conversation with this tall, fully dressed man, especially with the threat of a gag hanging over me. I take a breath. 0ed," I say again, more firmly this time. I give him what I intend to be a meaningful look. I have said my safeword three times now and he has made no move to end the exercise and untie me. Instead he is miffed and disapproving and seems to be contemplating ignoring it. He puts his hands on his hips and stares down at me in a dominating fashion. I repress the urge to smile. He&s so cute when he thinks he&s in control. 1ou are showing no signs of distress, Clara. 'ell me what the problem is and I will fix it. -ut misusing your safeword is not option." I stare at him in momentary confusion. * safeword can be misused$ Interesting. *pparently, I misunderstood any number of important points in our discussions, especially the one about the safeword immediately ending an activity. (evertheless, I&m certain that nothing else I say will make him untie me now. Cooperation, it seems, is a one way street. !o I go back to my happy place. 2h no, you don&t," he says, tapping my nose again, ire evident in his voice. 1es

Clara, stay with me " Ignoring his demand engulfs me with pleasure as I slip further away. He grabs my upper arms firmly to steady me. His voice and the feel of his hands on my skin serve to send me deeper into my self induced trance and I relax even more, waves of comfort rolling through my body as my knees soften and my head rolls back. Clara. Clara 3nock it off, right now. Come on. #ake up " He shakes me, not too roughly, and I smile as his voice and hands send me deeper down a blissful current of calm. It feels so good. #hy, Clara$ #e&re only ten minutes into this. #hy do you want to stop$ 'ell me what you need$" 'he mild desperation in his voice gives me exactly what I need, releasing bursts of bliss into my brain. I let go completely and my body collapses against him. He embraces me for a moment ... /ust a moment. 'hen he sighs and shakes his head. He is breathing faster now. I know you can hear me." His voice breaks as he lowers me to the floor on my front and begins to undo his ropework with undisguised irritation. *nd he&s right. I can hear him perfectly. #aves of peace and pleasure flow through me as part of my mind registers the frustration and anger and most satisfyingly, panic in his voice and touch even as they send me deeper into comfort and bliss. #hat do I have to do to get you to play with me$" he asks, his voice hitching slightly. 'ell me, please." !o comfortable. #hen the ropes are finally off and my arms fall to my sides, I begin to float slowly up the stairs of consciousness, becoming as I do increasingly aware of the intensity of his emotions. 'hey are very close to the surface when he rolls me over and massages my arms and shoulders. I know how much he wanted to do this, how much planning and care he put into this exercise. *nd while this is not how I anticipated the session ending, still I cant help exulting that once again, I have denied him this experience. -ut as exhilarating as it is, this is a dangerous game. I am still small and naked and he is large, clothed and not in full command of his emotions, so I had better be. I must navigate carefully through his delicious chemistry. 'his is how I play.