A Law Enforcement Holiday SUGGESTED ANSWERS

Note: Your versions may vary. These are suggestions for improving the excerpts. 1. Too much repetition, misuse of advised (use told), and a misplaced period (it should go inside the quotation mar s). !etter: " intervie#ed $udolph. %e told me the other reindeer #ere calling him names li e &$ed !ea ' and &$osy Nosy.' (. )issing apostrophe (widow’s window), unnecessary apostrophe (daughters), misspelled #ords (trying, dowries, thought, threw). !etter: !ishop Nicholas denied that he intended to *rea the #ido#+s #indo#. %e said he #as trying to toss *ags of money to serve as do#ries for her three unmarried daughters. %e said he thought the #indo# #as open #hen he thre# the *ags. ,. -se told, not advised. .liminate repetition/you don+t need to record your questions. -se everyday language (house, not domicile0 about, not regarding). !etter: )r. 1ane told me that he had purchased the *irds as a gift for his girlfriend. They included a partridge, t#o turtledoves, three 2rench hens, four calling *irds, and seven s#ans a3s#imming. " as ed if he #as a#are of local regulations a*out o#ning *irds. %e told me the *irds #ere a gift for his girlfriend, #ho lives outside city limits #here there are no restrictions against eeping *irds. 4. This statement includes an opinion (Mrs. Parker was telling the truth) that should *e eliminated. 5ust record #hat she told you. "nsert a comma after son. !etter: )rs. 6ar er told me that t#o *oys named 7cut 2ar us and 8rover 9ill had attac ed her nine3year3old son, $alphie 6ar er. :. ;void over*lo#n, outdated language (ascertained, in his possession). -se simple, timesaving language. !etter: " chec ed <ing )elchior=s paper#or and confirmed that the gold ###.Your6olice>rite.com

#as his. %e told me he the gold #as a gift for a ne# ing that he and the other t#o ings #ere loo ing for. ?. This is #ordy. You can save time *y #riting short, simple sentences. !etter: " intervie#ed )rs. 7mith, o#ner of the !ethlehem @oAy "nn. " as ed her a*out t#o suspicious persons reportedly seen near her inn. 7he said she gave permission for a young couple to stay there *ecause all the inns in to#n #ere already filled. B. There+s a dangling modifier here (&-pon arrival, the manC'). )a e it clear that you+re the one #ho arrived (&-pon my arrival, the manC') @hange passive voice (was questioned, was determined, was sought) to active voice to indicate #ho performed the actions. !etter: Dn 9ecem*er (4 at approximately 11:E: pm, " #as dispatched to investigate a report of a suicidal man at !edford 2alls !ridge. -pon my arrival, " questioned the man, 8eorge !ailey. %e told me he #as contemplating Fumping off the *ridge to his death. " called for medical assistance. G. You+ll save time and sound more up3to3date *y using everyday language. 9on+t use advise #hen you mean told or said. ;n apostrophe needs to *e correctly placed: Moores’ roof. !etter: " told @lement @lar )oore that neigh*ors had called H11 to complain a*out a noisy distur*ance on the )oores+ roof. )oore said that a team of reindeer, a sled full of gifts, and an over#eight driver had landed on the roof a*out ,E minutes earlier. %e agreed that the visitor had *een too noisy. " reminded )oore a*out the to#n=s noise ordinance requiring only quiet activities after 11 pm. )oore gave the visitor=s address as The North 6ole. )oore did not have a telephone num*er or email address for the visitor. )oore promised to try to contact the man a*out ma ing less noise in future visits. H. -se simple, everyday language. -se advised only #hen you mean counseled (it+s correct in the second sentence *elo#). @hange passive voice (was provided) to active voice to sho# that you+re the one #ho provided the *rochure. !etter: )r. @ros*y told me he #as depressed a*out the lac of sno# this year. " advised him to ma e an appointment to tal #ith a mental3health professional. " gave him a *rochure listing local providers. ###.Your6olice>rite.com

1E. -se active voice to sho# #hat you did (I interviewedC). To save time, don+t record your questions. The possessive of family is family’s. @hange green in color to green. !etter: " intervie#ed @indy31ou >ho a*out the intruder #ho had stolen her family=s @hristmas tree and gifts. 7he said that he #as male, tall, and green. %e had slanting eyes. %e #as #earing a red Fac et and a stoc ing hat trimmed in #hite. 11. !onus: $e#rite the information *elo# in *ullet style. )r. 7crooge descri*ed the intruder as: • a male ghost • his former partner, 5aco* )arley • a*out := 11' • transparent • frightening • dead for seven years The ghost #ore: • spectacles on his head • a *lue erchief • a *ro#n #aistcoat, *lac tights, and *lac shoes The ghost #as dragging a chain: • approximately 1:= long • made of heavy iron lin s • connected to ledgers, eys, padloc s, and cash*oxes

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