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ISLAM AND EGO

By Brother Nauman Ali Khan

I am really honored and also kind of weirded out that you guys waited this long Alhamdulillah. Jazakumullahu khairun. If I sound a little out of it , thats probably because I actually am its eight hours of lectures straight but InshaAllah I will share some very brief thoughts with you about an important matter, something that doesnt come under much discussion nowadays but it needs our attention. It certainly needs our attention InshaAllah. he thing I want to talk to you about is a culture among young !uslims who go on a certain religious "ourney especially in #estern society. A lot of times, !uslim youth live a life of..lets "ust say partying..ok..and then they have an epiphany sometimes in life and they turn towards religion. A lot of youth, brothers and sisters, have this change of heart sometime in their life and they become more serious gradually about religion but then what happens is $ when they become more serious about religion over time , they become very %&'I()% about religion, very very serious and they find themselves, a teacher. %ometimes that teacher is a person, sometimes that teacher is a series of !p* or lectures, sometimes that teacher is a website, sometimes that teacher is a blog, sometimes that teacher is an anonymous screen name but whatever it is, in the end they find for themselves a source that they associate as + ,& authentic source for taking knowledge and when they do and they become very passionate about it, slowly what starts happening is that they become very rigid, become very tough and they notice that people around them arent the same way as they are. . hey dont acknowledge the same teacher that they acknowledge. hey are not understanding the deen

the way they understand it themselves. %o what starts happening is that first they become frustrated with people around them especially their family. %o the youth starts changing and the first people they become frustrated with is their own family. -#hy dont you understand./- his is the right way to following the religion/ and there is more and more friction. his happens even within a !uslim family. Its even more so when you are !uslim and your family is not a !uslim but certainly even within your family when your family is !uslim too but now you are kind of rediscovering religion on your own right. %o this friction develops. his is not limited to the family either. #hat happens is that you have friends and you have always been friends but your friends didnt take this religious "ourney that you did and if they did, they didnt take the %A!& "ourney that you did.. heir understanding is a little different or they are not as rigid about certain things as you are. hey are not as tough about it as you are and it becomes harder and harder for you to tolerate that. 0ou start 1uestioning them a lot more and you come in contact with people that dont see things the way you do, then you make it a point to let them know that they are wrong$ that you are right. hat this is the way they should do things and that there is no other way to do it etc etc. An attitude develops and especially among youth. here are many reasons for this attitude. he youth himself2herself thinks that what they are doing is called Amr bil maruf wa nahi Anil munkar. hey think they are commanding the good and forbidding evil. After all they are telling their brother2 sister a ,adith or an ayat. hey are doing the good thing. his is what they should be doing his is what is going on in their head. #hat they dont realize, however, is that there is something more going on, there is something else going on. 0ou know, before you become religious, you maybe the centre of attention among your crew. 0ou are a thug, you are a gang, you are whatever..0ou are the centre of attention and when you turn to the religion, you no longer have that but you need something still. here is an urge inside you to want to show your domination over others.. here is an urge inside you.. I want to show people that I am in some way, shape or form superior and in this devious way without even realizing it most of the time, they are telling people their religious opinion while e3pressing their superiority. hey want to make sure that the other person feels that they dont really know the religion. -I know the 'eligion, let me tell you how it is supposed to be. 4et me teach you the ayah. 4et me teach you the hadith. 5ont you know its this way, that way or the other way./

%o religion itself becomes a mean by which you promote your own ego. Its ironic because religion was revealed so we humble ourselves. he deen came so we humble ourselves and now we are using that very deen to e3press our arrogance. his is not something that happens only in our youth, by the way. It happens amongst our elders too. 0ou know Iblees. (n what occasion did he refuse Allah 6swt7. ,e refused to make sajdah right. #hat "ob was Adam 6as7 going to get. #hat high salary was Adam 6as7 going to receive. #hat promotion was Adam 6as7 getting that Iblees said 8o no no9I am more 1ualified for that "ob..#hat was the "ob. Allah 6swt7 created the human beings for what purpose. #orship9 right. and Adam 6as7 was told inni jailo fil ardhi khalifa. ,e was going to be placed where. (n the earth. And what was his responsibility. %ervice to Allah 6swt7 . Its a religious title. In other words, I am putting it in simple terms$ Adam 6as7 was given a religious$ honor not a #orldly honor. ,e wasnt given a high salary, a big house.. none of that stuff. ,e was given a religious honor so if you think about it, its kind of weird. Iblees was "ealous of Adam 6as7 over a religious honor. ,is ego manifested because he thought he was more 1ualified to serve Allahs deen than Adam 6as7$ -I am more 1ualified in this religious capacity/. his arrogance manifests itself when somebody says I should be :resident of the masjid. -I am the right !%A president, why did they pick him../ -#hy did they pick her for this test. #hy didnt they pick me../ his is a religious task. 0ou dont get money when you become !%A president. 0ou dont get a new car when you run the masjid but yet you see across this country, people fighting tooth and nail over what. 'eligious titles9 #ho is incharge of the masjid.. #hose opinion should be heard.. #,0.. his is a disease that started where. Its pretty old.. hat virus started with Iblees. ,e also wanted this religious authority. At the heart of it, this is a disease and one has to identify that disease if it e3ists inside himself. 0ou know when the attitude seeps inside you$ - hank god for me because if it wasnt for me, these people would be soo deviant. At least I am here to set em straight9/

If thats your attitude, you have got a serious problem. 0ou REALLY have a serious problem because now you think that deen depends on whom. 0ourself.. Deen doesnt need us $ we are in need of Allahs deen but Allahs deen is in no need of us. -Wallahu ghaniun hameed -. Allah 6swt7 is free of need. ,e doesnt need us and we have to humble ourselves. his ego, I am talking about in a religious conte3t but even in a family, -If I die, who will take care of the family. #ho is going to pay the bills. If I dont do it who is going to do it./ hat thought comes in your mind right. ;ut you know our time of death is written whether you think you need to save this much money or that much money or you need to get that promotion or you know, whatever you need to do. 0ou think what you need to do but if Allah 6swt7 decides I go tonight$ if its written, its written9 And you know what, after I am gone, my kids, my wife, my husband, whoever $ Allah 6swt7 has already taken care of them. I should never have thought I was taking care of them to begin with. I wasnt the one taking care of them, Allah 6swt 7 was and has been all along. I was deluding myself into thinking that it depends upon me, nothing depends upon me$ NOTHING depend upon me9 I am not the source of any good. Allah 6swt7 is the source of all good. #hen ego is the root problem, where does ego come from. &go comes from the starting point when someone doesnt truly appreciate who Allah 6swt7 is. #hen you dont appreciate who Allah 6swt7 is, you replace it with an appreciation of yourself$ thats where it starts. hats really what the root of the problem really is so the first point I wanted to make inshaAllah is that people wear the fa<ade of the religion. hey look religious, they talk religious , they have knowledge. !ay Allah 6swt7 protect us from this. his is a very serious problem. hey look more practicing than the other guy who doesnt have a beard. %he looks more taqiaa than the other sister who doesnt wear hi"ab. hey look more religious from the outward but on the inside there is an ego. (n the inside there is an urge to show your supremacy. 0ou are more righteous, you are more 1ualified, you are in a better position than the other and in your heart if you look down upon another muslim no matter what their condition..if you look down upon another muslim, if you do that, then you have this thing inside your heart called kibr, arrogance.

#e learn from the advice of :rophet !ohommad 6pbuh7 that the one who has, a mustard seed, which is basically an atom, ok. A molecule, nothing.. that much of arrogance in their heart what is not open to them . Jannah is not open to them, Jannah i not open to them so what I am trying to say is that you have a !uslim who does bad things like you know a guy who drinks , whatever, he does some really bad stuff . ,is evil actions are outwardly but your evil action is what. Inwardly9 (n the outside you look good. 0ou look like you are doing alright. ,is action is punishable for sure, you dont think yours is.. And if you are to compare, even though nobody is condoning his behavior which is a bigger problem that is harder to fi3. hink about that99 ,is arrogance is a bigger problem to fi3 and you know why it is a bigger problem.. ;ecause you cant even see it9 At least his drinking problem you can see it. 0ou can do something to address it but this problem in here 6heart 7 is a hard thing to fi3 because it is deep down inside and the only one who can sense it is who. 0ourself. 8obody can tell you its in there. If its in there its there. #e cant "udge each other. #hile I am giving this lecture you cant "ust say= / I can think of someone who is pretty arrogant right now who should be listening to this./ 5ont think of anyone else. hat in itself is a sign of arrogance .#ho should you be thinking of. Your el!. he council of religion is not for anyone else first. #ho is it for first. 0ourself. #e become so desensitize that the council of >uran and the council of the great words of the !essenger 6pbuh7, that council is for &?&';(50 &4%&. -#ait till I tell them what I "ust heard/. #ho is supposed to hear it first. #ho is supposed to internalize it first. Your el!. 0ou gotta think about that. #e become very selfish, self centered and self serving when it comes to Allahs 6swt7 religion. 0ou know the husband hears a hadith regarding the rights of a wife or the rights of a husband $ what is the first thing he says, -,ey, you know what I heard today. 4et me tell you./ he parent$ what is the first ayat he tells his child.. - "a #il $alidain eh ana%. ;e the best to your parents.

Isnt that self serving. Are we here to serve ourselves. Is the religion here to serve our needs. (r are we here to serve Allahs deen. his is a change of attitude. It is a completely different attitude so this is the first problem, &@(, that I wanted to bring to your attention. Somethin& that only you 'an &au&e in your el!. 8obody else can gauge that for you but if thats there no matter how much good is there on outside, does it amount to anything. 8o because the heart is not sound and Allah 6swt 7 says on the 5ay of Judgement = - illa man Atallaha #i (al#in Saleem% . 8one e3cept those who come to Allah 6swt7 with a sound heart so we have to fi3 this thing on the inside$ this ego on the inside. ;efore we go to the second point, let me give you some tips on how you know you have an ego problem. Just some basic tips. If somebody corrects you and you get really offended, REALLY offended like= -,ow could you say that to me bro. #hy did you say that to me. #ho do you think you are. #ho does he think he is for correcting me like that -. If that is your first reaction, then you have an ego problem even if that guy is beingI dont want to use bad language..ok , he isnt right. ,e shouldnt have said what he said to you. 0our first reaction should not be who is he to talk to me. 0ou know what your first reaction should be. !aybe, through this inappropriate comment, Allah 6swt7 is telling me something that I should take heed of. !aybe there is some truth in it. It may not be hundred percent truth but is it a little bit truth. Is it one percent truth or half a percent truth. #hatever of it is true, I should take it on myself. I should save myself instead of worrying who is he to talk to me that way. 5ont develop that attitude in yourself. ake the good even out of a bad advice, a nasty advice. ake the good and leave the rest. Its ok. If you feel the need to inter"ect in every conversation, if you feel the need to have your opinion heard no matter what. If you get really offended that your opinion was not taken in the end. 0ou gave your opinion, someone gave another opinion but your opinion was not the final one taken$ someone elses was and you walk away offended. You GOT AN EGO )ROBLEM especially in matters of religion. he !%A, , the masjid. %ome people get together, they take some shura= -what should we do/. And you give your opinion, someone else gives their opinion and in the end, this shura is for the sake of Allah or no. #hen you are doing work for !%A,

masjid or whatever so you gave your opinion for whos sake. Aor Allahs sake. 0ou didnt give it for your own sake or to serve yourself. -4ets see if my opinion comes out on top -. hats not why you gave it. If you did, then you have got a serious problem. 0ou gave it for Allahs sake and now if you gave it for Allahs 6swt7 sake, then has it already been counted in your favor. If you did that for Allahs 6swt 7 sake, sincere opinion, sincere council for the sake of Allah6swt7, its already counted in your favor. 0ou got credit for it already whether the people take it or not, you already earned your credit so the fact that its taken or not taken is no longer meaningful to you because you already got what you wanted, you understand. ;ut if your intention wasnt for the sake of Allah 6swt7, guess what. 0ou are going to get offended. 0ou are going to say= -8o I gave my opinion so it will be the supreme opinion and that didnt come out so I am offended./ his is an easy way to check yourself. If you felt bad, you can check yourself. 0ou have to check yourself. hese are e3ercises that are difficult to engage in but we have to engage in them so the first real problem is the ,idden ego. he outward is religious and the inward is, basically, egotistical$ this urge to show supremacy over others. he second problem thats again the outward is religious, the outward is good, the outward is knowledgeable, the outward has good speech, the outward has good clothing, everything looks like - this guy, man , such a good brother/ ,right. he outward is great but you know what happens on the inside. he first thing was the heart became egotistical and the second problem is that the heart became hard. 0ou are no longer moved by Allahs 6swt7 words, you are no longer moved when you hear >uran. Its been a loooong time since you cried in salah, its been a looong time since your heart felt something. 0ou hear it all the time and the thing that crosses your mind is that -I already know this. hat is what crosses your mind. I dont need to hear this, I already heard this stuff. I already know what he is going to say/. he only thing that is going on in your mind during salah is= +that qalaqala could have been a little better, that madd wasnt long enough, that ghunnah, I dont know about that one./

hats all thats going on in your salah. 0ou know what that is an indication of. 0ou have good tajweed but a tough heart. 0ou got good tajweed right but you are not.. he words of Allah 6swt7 are not enough to shake you. hey dont move you like that. 0ou "ust pass by them and then the knowledge keeps increasing and in the public eye , you look very devoted to the religion but in your private life, when nobody else sees you, this really evil person comes out. A person who has certain behavior, who does certain things that you would never imagine that this person would be doing those things. #hen you look at their peers, when you look at their public face, you would never think that this person is like that in their private life but in their private life they almost turn into someone else. #hen they are by themselves, they turn into someone else. %omeone you wouldnt even recognize so there is this monster inside who has these serious issues but on the outside its a great person. 8o body can fi3 that for you because nobody knows it e3ists. Its all inside you 9 %o the first problem is ego and the second problem is the heart that becomes hard. hese are both spiritual problems, problems of the heart arent they. And the only one who can gauge this is who. 0ourself . 8ow towards the end some tips on how to fi3 this stuff, that will be towards the end. I want to wrap up the second point really 1uick Insha Allah taala, of the heart becoming hard. Allah 6swt7 says, thats the ayah that I recited in the beginning %urah ,adeed. Allah 6swt7 is talking to the :eople of the ;ook and then ,e talks to us and says= Alam ya*neei lilladhina Aamanoo -Isnt it time for people who claim to believe yet./ An ta+h haa* ,uloo#ohum li dhi+rillah that their hearts should be filled with awe, they should be overpowered, they should become numb. 0ou know when your muscles becomes loose or weak, thats khushu actually . 0our muscles feel weakness in them. 0ou feel like an overwhelming sense, an over powering feeling. Allah 6swt 7 says, their heart should feel overpowered and weakened by the fear of Allah 6swt 7 , by the remembrance of Allah 6swt7 . Isnt it time that the believers should feel like that because of remembering Allah. 6swt7 "a ma na-ala min Al ha,,

And isnt it time that their hearts should feel like that for what came down from the ruth on them. #hat is that. #hat came down from the ruth. Its >uran. ,e is referring to the >uran. hen Allah 6swt7 gives a warning in the same ayat . "a la ya+oono +alladhina ootul +ita#a min ,a#l hey better not become like those who were given the ;ook before them, much before them. .a tala alaihimul amad A looong period passed over them . !eaning they were holding onto the ;ook for a loooong period of time but as they were holding onto the ;ook, 0ou know when you first turn to the religion, you are very e3cited about it, that e3citement went away and all that remained was the outer shell so what happened to those people. .a ,a at ,uloo#uhum heir hearts became hard. After a long time, religion "ust became routine, something they "ust do. %omething that is "ust there. .It is "ust there and you are "ust doing it because you are used to doing it but its not something that moves their hearts anymore. heir hearts have become hard and once your heart becomes hard, its easy for you to become corrupt. herefore the ne3t part of the ayah "a +atheerum minhum !a i,un !uch of them are corrupt, a good number of them are actually corrupt. he ayah ended with the people of the ;ook but where did it start. Alam ya*neei lilladhina Aamanoo he discussion is really about those who actually claim to ;elieve and how their hearts becomes hard and if thats what you sense in yourself and no one can gauge that for you. (nce again I repeat no one can gauge that for you because the only one who can gauge that for you is yourself, no one else. ,ow humble you are before Allah 6swt7 , how humble you are before others. 0ou cant gauge that, you know, e3cept that by yourself. Allah 6swt7 says if you find yourself in a hopeless state where you feel your heart has become hard and you have developed this sort of a problem where

you know , sometimes, the religious personality or the appearance of a religious personality is very intimidating. Its hard to talk to them. Its hard to be.. you are scared to be around them because you know they are going to talk down to you about something. 0ou are afraid of them. A lot of time, sisters who wear hi"ab and sisters who dont wear hi"ab, they cross the street and go the other way. -(h, there she comes again9 ,i"ab police99 8ow she is going to tell me something, she is going to say something, make me feel bad/. 'ight. 8ow on one hand thats paranoia but on the other hand sometimes, it is true. here are people who are very condescending to others. hey are arrogant towards others. ell me this$ werent you a party animal not too long ago. And when people tried to tell you, how did you behave towards them. 0ou forget where you came from, how far Allah 6swt7 brought you. :eople forget where they used to be and how far Allah 6swt7 brought them and when years later, they see someone who is a party animal, they say , -Astaghfirullah, how can it be like that./#here were you. hat guy should remind you of yourself. 0ou were e3actly like that so you should remember Allahs favors upon you. "a +untum ala ha!a hu!ratum minan naar / 0ou used to be at the very edge of the fire/. .a an+ada+um minha -,e pulled you out of it. And in that same ayah Allah 6swt7 says, .a Alla!a #aina (ulu#i+um 'ight, same ayah, - ,e put love in your heart o have love in your heart you need to remember that you used to be at the fires edge yourself and you got pulled out and it was not because of you. Is that because you are a smart person and you deserve to be pulled back. #hose favor was it to you. It was Allahs favor to you. ,ow dare you look at someone else and think like that. his arrogance is a horrible thing. It will wipe out all the goodness out of you. It will wipe all the goodness out of you. !ost of the time our youth, who end up into heated debates about whatever, whether it is theology issue , its a

fiqh issue, its a !%A presidency issue.. I dont care what the issue is..doesnt really matter. 0ou know what the root problem of the debate is. Its ego .'eally its a ;I@ ego, thats all it is. :eople talking about scholars like they are talking about some athlete. -0ou know that guy, I dont like what he says./ &3cuse me99 5o you know what "ourney he made for Allah 6swt7. &ven if you disagree with him, the fact that he left his home, whoever that scholar is, and travelled half way across the #orld to seek knowledge and spend nights and nights and nights praying and studying. 0ou are "ust going to pass a comment on him and say= -(hh9 I dont like what he says, I think he is deviant./ ,ow dare you. #hat have you done. #hat puts you in that position to be able to say that. 0ou know if you disagree with a !uslim and you think they are wrong, what should be your first attitude towards them.. 0ou should you pass a verdict on them that they are headed to hell or should you genuinely be concerned for them. And if you are genuinely concerned for them, you wouldnt talk to anybody else about them. #ho would you talk to. hemselves. 0ou would go and talk to themselves. If there was sincerity in you, you would address your concerns to them$ not to anybody else. ;ut this shows lack of sincerity$ this shows ego. his shows you have got your team and you are rooting for your side and you are "ust going to make comments about other. hats "ust immature, arrogant, egotistical$ thats what it is. 8ow if thats the stage we have reached, we are coming a little bit to the remedies. Airst of all the remedy is hope itself. ,ope isnt lost. Allah 6swt7 in the ne3t ayat, so beautiful 99 %ubhan Allah9 ,e says = Ya*lamoo 6you had better know/ Innallaha yuhyil Arda #a*daa mau*tiha - 0ou better know that, no doubt, Allah 6swt7 gives life to the earth after it had died./ Allah 6swt7 was talking about hearts in the previous ayah, what is ,e talking about now. @iving life to the earth. Allah 6swt 7is telling you that if Allah 6swt7 can give life out of the dead earth$ ,e can give life to your heart again. 0our heart can become soft again. Its not beyond hope.

(ad #ayyannal Ayat li,aumin Ya,iloon la alla,um ta*,iloon -#e are clarifying the miraculous ayah so you can understand/. 0ou get the point, there is hope for you. 0ou can get your heart cleansed , it is possible. 0ou know Allah 6swt7 can bring the heart back to life so the remedies now. ,ow do you fi3 yourself. ,ow do you fi3 the ego problem that you have. he first big problem that helps you cleanse the heart is the remembrance of Allah 6swt7 , thats the first thing you have to address. ,ow often do you remember Allah 6swt7 and remembering Allah 6swt7 is not "ust saying the clichB things you know. Just the adhkar that you memorize, SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar, La ila ha illallah Allah u Akbar and you do some dhikr. hese are incredible adhkar. hey are from the sunnah of the :rophet 6pbuh7 but if they are thoughtless, if you didnt put any thought in them. If you "ust dont reflect upon them, then it is not dhikr, thats "ust good review. hats all that is. 5o you know what Alhamdulillah means. -All credit goes to Allah$ All :raise is for Allah 6swt7/. Allah 6swt7 should be thanked and ,e should be praised for everything. %o you are having a tough day, what do you say. Alhamdulillah9 8ot only do I thank Allah 6swt7 I also praise ,im. #hatever is happening must be good and so good that I thank ,im for it and not that I "ust thank ,im, I also praise ,im for it. #hat an awesome thing you did9. 5espite your troubles, you say Alhamdulillah but when you mean it, its something else. 8ow you are really remembering Allah 6swt7 his hamd of Allah 6swt7, giving credit to Allah 6swt7, what does that teach you about yourself. 0ou think you accomplished something good, what are you supposed to say. Alhamdulillah 9 #ho did you actually give credit to. Allah 6swt7 but you do that to..somebody comes upto you and says= - brother, great khutbah9/0ou say -Alhamdulillah/ 6patting your back7. -0es, I know9/. hat Alhamdulillah is really not Alhamdulillah. hats more about yourself than anybody else right. 0ou have to learn to be uncomfortable with praise. 0ou should be uncomfortable with praise. 0ou should be 1uick to give credit immediately to Allah 6swt7 and at the same time, put yourself down. -0ou dont know brother, you dont know. I dont think you should say that. 0ou dont know what I am really like, Allah 6swt7 knows. Just make dua for

me thats it. I dont need your praise, I need your dua. I dont need you to thank me./ he other sister says, - 0ou are such a good sister/. 8o, I dont need to hear that from you. hat doesnt help me, that really hurts me because when somebody tells me how good I am, what does that boost . !y ego9 right. And thats the biggest problem you can ever have so nobody is doing anybody a favor by praising them. (ne last thing to add about humility$ when someone comes and talks real nasty to you right and they are condescending to you, its a good way to put your ego down so they may have even done you a favor. hey may think they have run over you but that maybe a message from Allah 6swt7, maybe thats a gift from Allah 6swt7, that maybe a gift of humility. !aybe thats what it is. his is what Ibn e aimiyyah 6r.a7 used to say,/ - #hen someone offends me, I think it is a gift from Allah 6swt7 that ,e is teaching me humility/. %ubhanAllah 9 It is a different attitude. hen learn to serve people for the sake of Allah 6swt7. 0ou know a lot of times people get burned out and this is the last thing I am going to say about religious folks especially youth. hey do so much activity. hey "oin an organization, they "oin a group, they "oin a masjid, they "oin whatever program and they are fired up, burning themselves out running after the programs left right left right and eventually what happens is that they get burned out. hey get completely burned out and when they get burned out, they are never able to recover from that again. Ceep a balance, take it easy. 0ou dont have to do everything in one weekend. 0ou dont have to do everything in one summer. Its ok. Ceep it gradual, keep up with it Insha Allah. #hen you do things for the sake of Allah 6swt7 and you get frustrated that you are not seeing results like you know, this talk..I was invited and I said ok ok I will come %unday night, no problem../#hy dont I come %aturday night/./ 8o body is going to be here../. -%o./I am not coming here for you. #hy am I coming here. ,& ;I@@&' '&A%(89 0ou are not paying me. #ho is paying me. 6Ainger pointed upwards7right. %o if there is one person here, or a hundred people here or no one here, did I already get my credit if I had the right intention. I did 9 If I had the right intention. #hy did you come here. If you came here because your friends are coming, because you got nagged into coming, because your ride is not leaving so you

are stuck here..6ha ha7, then you got nothing9 ;ut if you were here and your intention was that = - I am going to remember Allah 6swt 7 tonight/, - I am going to come closer to Allah 6swt7 tonight/. &ven the wait when there was nothing going on, even did that count in your favor. Dhange of attitude, change of intention. It will help you sooo much in life because when you do things like you pass out the flyers and you will invite people and nobody will show up and you are like - AAA@,9 6anger7 people dont listen99/ 0ou wont be frustrated. 0ou know why. #hy were you passing out the flyers. #hy were you sending the invitations. #here did you put the e3pectations with. 6finger pointed upwards7. 0our "ob is the effort, ,is "ob is the results. 0ou are not incharge of the results. #hen you internalize that, life becomes so much easier. It becomes..and you become more satisfied with yourself. 0ou dont become frustrated, - 8o there were only a few people, there could have been more/. 0es , there could have been more but thats in the hands of Allah 6swt7 . 5id i do my part. 5id I make enough effort. hats the only 1uestion to ask and were my efforts seriously for the sake of Allah 6swt7 . hats the 1uestion to ask. hese things I bring up because intentions are not something you make once. here was one time in your life when you made the intention you are going to serve Allahs religions, that you are going to become a better muslim. 0ou made that intention but that intention can get rusty so you gotta keep going back.. 0ou gotta keep fi3ing it and you know everyone else is thinking that your intention is strong because they only see the outside..what dont they see. he inside9 And because they see only the outside, they tell you,/ 0ou are pretty good man99/and you start believing them too so you are only making the problem worse for yourself. he first remedy was remembering Allah 6swt7. he second remedy$ find better company. Aind company of people that are better than yourself. he third remedy, important remedy, 4earn to keep your mouth shut. 4earn to keep your mouth shut. If you see something really bad, find a humble way of giving advice to a !uslim. hink, -Are the words that I am going to say to them, are they going to make him even more averse to the religion or should I find some loving, soft way of slowly pulling them back without compromising on the principles but can I bring them closer to the deen./

!aybe change their company, maybe change of scenery, maybe if they heard a little bit of advice..0ou dont want to change their behavior first, you want to change what first. heir heart9 (nce the heart changes, behavior will change automatically. !ost of the time we go after peoples what. #e go after their behavior. 0ou cant change peoples behavior. 0ou can only remind them and hope that Allah 6swt 7 changes their heart. 0our "ob is to remind right ./ Fadhakkir/.. he !essenger sees people doing shirk, people doing kufr and Allah 6swt7 is telling him year after year after year, .adha++ir0 inna+a !a Ati- dhi+ra0 .adha++ir0 inna+a !a ati- dhi+ra -'emind them, 'eminder will have benefit/. he man, :rophet !ohommad 6pbuh7 is doing dawah to the same bunch of really bad people for ten years and Allah 6swt7 keeps telling him$ remind, its gonna happen, 'emindits gonna have benefit. 0ou remind someone, it doesnt have benefit, you know what you are going to say, / I reminded him, he didnt listen huh9 hat guy is not gonna benefit from reminder./ 4ook at the seerah of the !essenger 6pbuh7, how often does he remind. And Allah 6swt7 keeps telling him you may not see the benefit but is there still benefit. here is. And who is the first person who benefits from sincere reminder. he one who gives the reminder.. #ho is it benefitting first. 0ou, yourself because you are accepting that the words are coming from you but the effect will come from where. Arom Allah 6swt7 and if your words didnt have any effect, then maybe there was something wrong with who. 0ou. 0our first reaction shouldnt be that there is something wrong with him. ,e didnt listen to me. hats not the first reaction. 0ou know the !essenger 6pbuh7 6 and this is the last comment from me7 , when he gave advice to people and they didnt listen to him, one of the thoughts that crept into the mind of !essenger 6pbuh7 was maybe I am not doing my "ob right. !aybe I could have said it better and Allah 6swt7reminds him,no no no9 0ou are doing your "ob right. 0ou are doing what you are supposed to do. 0ou "ust keep warning. 0ou "ust keep reminding. 5ont worry about the results. Just keep doing what you are supposed to d . 5o what you are supposed to do.

Along these lines, the last ayah that came to my mind, I should share it with you because it is important in this issue Insha Allah. wo ayahs, one from Surah Shura, surah number EF and another ayah in which the !essenger is given advice so two ayahs. In %urah %hura= "a ma ta!arra,oo illa mim #a*dee ma 1aaa uhum min ilm0 #a&h$am #aina hum - hey didnt disagree with each other until after knowledge came/. %o who is disagreeing now. Cnowledgable people9 Cnowledgable in what. Cnowledgable in %cience, :hysics, Dhemistry, ;iology, what are they knowledgable in . In religion9 Cnowledgable in he ;ook, Cnowledgable in %unnah and what are they doing after that knowledge. Aalling into disagreement. #hy. Allah 6swt7 gives reason too. -Ba&hyam #ai na hum/ 6 (ut of an urge to dominate over each other7. hey had this urge and they wanted to feel superior and what is this weapon by which they feel superior. Cnowdge of religion. .. hey turn that into a means by which they inflate their ego. Subhan Allah 9#hat a horrible crime 9 and its that ayah where Allah 6swt7 by the end, ,e says, "a lao la +alimatun a#a,at ila ra##i+a mu amma la ,udhiya #aina hum -,ad it not been that a time had been appointed for them from ahead of time,6 meaning had it not been that Allah 6swt7 had already decided when they will be punished7, their matter would have been dealt with immediately./ hey would have been punished right away. his is a high crime. his is a high crime that they are doing using deen as a weapon to disagree. heir knowledge is a weapon to disagree with each other not for any other sincere reason e3cept, ego9. !ay Allah 6swt7 protect us from this crime especially our youth,man9 0outh culture in this country, you are playing ball$ somebody blocks your shot , what happens. In the ne3t play, you better avenge and revive your dignity because the tribe will look down upon you right. here is this culture$ ,ow dare you against me. Its not "ust a sport, its a test of ego right.

%ome body cuts you off on the road, what gets enraged. 0ou 99 with your ,onda Divic pass me by99 !e with the !G99 8o 8o I will show you . I will e3press my supremacy very very spoon. I am gonna floor you and show you how thats done./ #hat is that a show off. &go 9 Donstantly in our culture we are being sent the message, inflate your ego. It all about YO2 . he song writer, the singer, !y chain, my hat , my shoes, my socks whatever.. All about me , me , me. 0ou cant touch !e, you cant look at !e, you cant look at !e in the eye. I am going to do this to you, then I am going to do that to you. #hats this about. #hats the whole message. &go9#orship of the self.. hats all it is . hats really what it boils down to. And this deen is only a deen for those who humble themselves before Allah 6swt7 right so thats very very important message of this ayah. he last ayah, Al e Imran , and especially for those who are in a position of leadership. hose of you that others look upto, those of you who know or think even, that you know more than others. Allah 6swt7 tells ,is !essenger 6pbuh7= .a #i ma rahmatim min allahi lin talahum $a lao +unta !addun a-i-an ,al# lan !adoo min haoli+ It is by the special favor and !ercy of Allah 6swt7 that you 6pbuh7 are lenient towards them 6meaning the sahabah7. If you were tough 6 harsh of the heart, if you were stiff with them or arrogant towards them even if , you know like, rough around the edges when you talk to them, you know atern with them 7 , they would have dispersed away from you hey. #ho is they. he sahabah. he sahabah would have ran away from you and who is you. he !esssenger9 Dan you imagine the sahahba running away from the :rophet 6pbuh7.Allah 6swt7 didnt say if you didnt call to the truth, they would run away, If you stop teaching them >uran they would run away, If you didnt present the wahi, they would run away. #hat would the !essenger do that would make them run away. ,e is still teaching >uran, still giving the ruth, everything is the same .#hats the only thing thats changed in the ayah that would make them run away. ,e is tough with them. ,e is harsh with them.. that would be enough and they would run away SubhanAllah. #hat a message Allah 6swt7 is teaching ,is !essenger 6pbuh7.

If thats the message to the most amazing leader, you dont think it applies most to us. It applies enormously..if you were in any position of leadership and if I was to ask for a show of hands , dont raise your hands$ rhetorically, if I was to ask for a show of hands, how many people are in a position of leadership. 0ou know what. All of you should be raising your hands. 0ou are all in a position of leadership. 0ou are all in a position where you should be able to give council to someone and thats fine but how do you give that council. &specially if they are !uslim. Instead of making them more averse to the religion, learn to be more tolerant. 5ont "ustify wrong behavior, thats not what I am saying. If you see some haram, call a spade a spade /4ook, this is haram. I am worried about you./ here are ways of saying this right. -0ou know you are going to hell for doing that right./ hats one way of saying it. -!an you should be ashamed of yourself/ hats one way of saying it. / ;ro I am really worried about you seriously. 0ou know thats bad and I love you man. #hy do you do it. 5o you need help. I mean why, really, "ust stop. 4ets talk about it/. %incere99 6somebody sneezes in the audience, ;rother 8auman says Yar hamu Kullah 7 %incerity, it shows you know. he way you talk to people, it shows whether you are sincere or you are "ust trying to pass comments on them to, you know, "ust put them down. here is a difference. here is a difference in how you talk to them A-illatin alil Mo*mineen hey are humble, powerless when they present themselves to ;elievers. hats the attitude in >uran but then finally how do you know for sure you are sincere. Its in the ayah and we are done. hat same ayah= .a*!oo anhum !a ta&h!ir lahum $a ha$irhum !il amr After they mess up and you are lenient towards them, if they mess up, number one, forgive them lovingly. .a !u anhum. hen ask Allah 6swt7 to forgive them 0ou know asking Allah to forgive them is not.. you know some brother does something and you say=

- hey by the way may Allah 6swt7 forgive you/ hats not !a ta&h!ir lahum. #hen should you ask Allah to forgive them. #hen you are asking Allah to forgive yourself , in private because private dua is what. %incere. hats sincere. In front of everyone.. /;y the way brother you are pretty messed up but may Allah 6swt7 forgive you. I will make dua for you/ hats not what the ayah says. hats actually a show of what. Arrrogance, ego. !ake sincere dua for them in private, !a ta&h!ir la hum And to make them feel like you think of them as a decent person, $a ha$ir hum !il amr. Donsult them, take their opinion. Ask their opinion. reat them like a decent person. he !essenger 6pbuh7 doesnt need anybodys shura. ,e makes decisions based on 'evelation but Allah 6swt7 commanded him to consult them in decision making. #hy. %o they would feel what. Included, dignified. his is the characteristics of a leader right. ,e makes those who are under him feel dignified "a ha$irhum !il ardh !a i-a a-amta !a ta$a++al al Allah #hen you make a decision, place your trust in Allah 6swt7 because your decision is not the key to success. It is Allah 6swt7 thats the key to success. Inn Allaha yuhi##ul muta$a++ileen Allahumma "a*alna minal Muta$a++ileen !ay Allah 6swt7 make us those who place our trust in Allah 6swt7 and not allow our hearts to become hard. !ay Allah 6swt7 make us a people sincerely of dhikr to Allah 6swt7 !ay Allah 6swt7 grant us the gift of better company than ourselves that keeps our ego in check. !ay Allah 6swt 7 give us the ability to give advice to those around us, the people of La ilaha illAllah, the people who share this wonderful kalimah with us are more beloved to us , closer to us than even the bond of blood. La ila ha illallah brings us closer than the bond of blood . !ay Allah 6swt 7 make us share that love and affection and humility with the other muslims and show them that sincerity from the bottom of our heart.

!ay Allah 6swt7 penetrate good advice into the hearts of those who need it. !ay Allah 6swt7make us capable of taking advice and taking the best of it and not allowing the advice to become a means by which our egos are inflated. !ay Allah 6swt7 keep us humble before h,Im, forgive our shortcomings that have occurred in the past. !ay Allah 6swt7, from here on, make us of those whose hearts are perpetually being cleansed and finally I ask Allah 6swt7 to accept all of our gatherings including this one and to accept, you know ,all of our good deeds and the acts of worship that we do for ,im with all their short comings and all of our flaws, even our salah, our wudhu, our dua and all of the shortcomings aside. !ay Allah 6swt7 accept whatever patchwork we do. !ay Allah 6swt7 "ust overlook all of our shortcomings and "ust accept from all of us. Ra##ana ta,a##al minna inna+a anta ame ul aleem $a tu# alaina ya ma*ulana0 inna+a anta Ta$aa#u raheem $a Sallalahu Ta*al Ala +hairee +hal,ihi $a Alihee "a a ha#ihee A1maeen Assalam o Alaikum #a rahmatullahe#a barakatuhu Jazakumullahu khairun for listening