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The American's guide to France

INTRODUCTION AND GEOGRAPHY !"# France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not ery good shopping. France is a ery old country with many treasures, such as the !ou re and Euro "isney. #mong its contributions to western ci ilization are champagne, $amembert cheese and the guillotine. #lthough France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is ne%t to impossible for #mericans to get decent &e%ican food. 'ne continuing e%asperation for #merican isitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at. (atch your money at all times. THE PEOP$E !%# France has a population of )* million people. )+ million of these drink and smoke ,the other ) million are small children-. #ll French people dri e like lunatics, are dangerously o er se%ed, and ha e no concept of standing patiently on line. .he French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined/ those are their good points. &ost French citizens are 0oman $atholic, e en if you would hardly guess it from their beha ior. &any people are communists. &en sometimes ha e girls1 names like &arie or &ichel, and they kiss each other when they meet. 2...3 &AFETY !'# In general, France is a safe destination, although tra elers must be aware that from time to time it is in aded by Germany. .raditionally, the French surrender immediately. # tunnel connecting France to 4ritain beneath the English $hannel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French go ernment to flee to !ondon during future German in asions, and for them to offload all their illegal immigrants. 2...3 GO(ERN)ENT !*# .he French form of go ernment is democratic but noisy. 5arliament1s principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South 5acific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain. #ccording to the most current #merican State department intelligence, the 5resident is now someone named 6ac7ues. Further information is not a ailable at this time. CU$TURE !+# .he French pride themsel es on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. #ll their music sounds the same and they ha e ne er made a mo ie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. CUI&INE !,# !et1s face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is 8ust a slug with a shell on its back. $roissants on the other hand, are e%cellent, although it is impossible for most #mericans to pronounce this word. In general, tra elers are ad ised to stick to cheeseburgers. ECONO)Y !-# France has a large and di ersified economy, second only to Germany1s in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling o er lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France1s principal e%ports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese. PU.$IC HO$IDAY& !/# France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. #mong its 9:; national holidays are< ;=* Saints1 days, 9* >ational !iberation "ays, ;: "eclaration of 0epublic "ays, )? 0eturn of $harles de Gaullein-triumph-as-if-he-won-the-war-single-handed "ays, ;@ >apoleon-sent-into-E%ile-"ays, ;* >apoleon$alled-4ack-from-E%ile-"ays, and + AFrance is Great and the 0est of the (orld StinksA "ays. CONC$U&ION !0# #t least it1s not GermanyB
Adapted and Abridged http://www.blakjak.demon.co.uk/guid_fr.htm

Eng1ish Test 2 &tereot34es


;- (hat type of document is itC D+ a- a funny historical te%t b- a funny tra eler1s guide c- a funny newspaper article

+- #mong the following de ices (procds), select the ones which are actually used by the writer to produce humor and 7uote an e%ample to 8ustify (indicate the line)< D+ a- grotes7ue accumulations b- word creation c- broad generalizations d- e%aggerations e- repetitions 9- .rue or False. 6ustify with a 7uotation from the te%t (indicate the line). D: a- French people are belie ed to dri e ery badly. b- .hey can1t speak English at all. c- .hey are said to be thie es. d- .hey are known for really working only ) days a year. e- .hey are said to take a long time to eat. f- .he writer is good at French Eistory. ?- .ranslate this sentence into French< D9 FIn general, tra elers are ad ised to stick to cheeseburgersG )- Find e7ui alents or gi e the translations for the following words or e%pressions< D+ a- la climatisation ,H;b- in a 7ueue ,H+c- moody ,H+d- to be proud of ,H)e- naked, without any clothes on ,H)- f- de l1ail ,H:g- limace ,H:h- en grI e ,H*:- #ccording to the writer, which country is betterC France or GermanyC Juote to 8ustify. D+ *- A&ost French citizens are 0oman $atholic, e en if you would hardly guess it from their beha ior.A E%plain this sentence in your own words. (2 !" words) /"