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Polishing Ourselves to Deserve an Ideal Soul

mate
Posted by Jasmine on May 27, 2008 in Soka |
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This was posted on SGI Facebook group. I thought this is kinda interesting. A Buddhism point of
view that is.

I quote the last paragraph:

People’s wants, needs and focuses vary. Her criteria might not meet with the requirements of many
others. Therefore, this example is only for your reference. No matter what we want, as long as we
make the cause, we will receive the corresponding effect.

Note: This article is VERY long so make a cup of coffee/tea before reading it.

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One of the sharpest growing pains that most human beings have to experience is the process of
finding an ideal soul mate. Quite a few have found it so heart-breaking and physically exhausting
that they try anything they can think of to overcome such pain.inspite of their repeated attempts,
they can do nothing to prevent it lingering throughout their lives.

How can one meet the right person at the right time and mutally fall in love and cherish each other?
Not really knowing how to deal with all the complicated factors, criteria, and variables of finding
the good match for two unique people, even through endless frustration and torment, and struggling
through countless trials & errors, leaves most people still at a loss.

To successfully find an ideal soul mate appears to be a goal that is so arduous and hard to reach it
seems that the lucky people are only few out of hundreds of thousands. But however scarce the
chance, it is relatively bountiful compared to the probability of encountering and embracing the
Lotus Sutra. Let’s listen to what Nichiren Daishonin says abt this scarce possibility:

‘Thus, encountering this sutra is as rare as the blossoming of the udumbara flower, which occurs but
once in three thousand years, or the one eyed turtle finding a floating piece of sandalwood, which
happens only once in innumerable, boundless kalpas.’
__The Daimoku of the Lotus Sutra, WND p. 143

Lo and behold! We as practioners of Nicherin Buddhism who chant Nam Myoho Renge kyo, have
already hit this ultimate jackpot.!!

Nichiren Daishonin thus continues:

“The eighth volume of the Lotus Sutra of the wonderful Law states that one who accepts and
upholds the mere name of the Lotus Sutra will enjoy immeasurable good fortune”

There is no question that being practioners of the Lotus Sutra, we inherit within our lives the
immeasurable , all-encompassing good fortune. As long as we make the proper causes we will be
able to manifest all the fortune and enjoy it. Thus, if we apply the stategy of the Lotus Sutra into
scrupulously polishing our lives, we are preparing ourselves to claim the fortune that’s due to us.
Among all those kinds of fortune of finding our ideal soul mate, despite the slim chances.

In the same letter , Nichiren Daishonin also points out :

‘When the Lotus Sutra was preached and the moon of the theoretical teaching came forth, first the
bodhisattvas with their two good eyes gained enlightenment, and then the cross-eyed people of the
two vehicles. Next the blind eyes of ordinary people were opened

Thus, with our eyes opened, the door of Buddha wisdom, the wisdom that is inherent in human life
was also opened. In this case, what relationship dilemma is there that we cant find a solution for,
and what maze-like love affair is there that we cant see the shortest way out of?

Buddhism teaches that all problems and their solutions come from within our own lives.
Therefore. If we have been experiencing difficulties in finding the ideal soul mate , we know that
we ourselves are the ultimate sources for the answers on how to succeed in this goal.

The first thing we can do for our lives is to sculpt ourselves.

Our minimum goal is to make ourselves become lovable. The ultimate goal is to polish our lives so
that we attract ideal candidates like magnets, for all kinds of premium prospects to entrust us with
their hearts.

To reach those goals, before anything else, it is recommended that we launch a daimoku campaign
to elevate our life state and let wisdom emerge. According to the principle of oneness of life and its
environment, unless we lift ourselves from the level where we are at now, we will always be caught
up in the same old troublesome environment and disturbing occurances, which reflect our life state
perfectly.

A snake mates with a snake while a human being marries another human being. A person whose
basic life condition is in the World of Tranquility would not normally seek a close relationship with
a person whose life state is constantly in the World of Animality or Hunger.

Regarding our ideal soul mate, we all have terms & conditions in mind. If we are humble &
conservative, we would at least pursue people with a similar quality level as ourselves. Most of us
tend to wish for someone who is or potentially will be loftier than us in character, ability,
achievement or finance. As human beings , it is natural that we adore, cherish and admire people
with higher qualities.

If we want to pursue someone of better traits as our life long companion, the surest way is to
develop ourselves so that we live up to the same or higher critieria than that which we expect from
our soul mate. Thus we wont be going after someone, stretching ourselves in vain trying to catch
the unreachable. In other words, we had better fix & upgrade our whole being so that we deserve
the love of our ideal soulmate. To reach this goal, human revolution is the 1st key.

Are we happy and healthy mentally and physically? Are we positive, confident, active and diligent?
What is our strength and what have we achieved in life that deserves others respect, admiration and
embracement? Are we putting forth enough effort to bring out our potential in order to advance?
Are we changing our shortcomings into good virtues with which we can adorn our lives to make
them shine even brighter? Are we the kind of delightful and amiable people that even we ourselves
would appreciate and long to be with?

In his writing ‘Letter to the Brothers” Nichiren Daishonin gives a very vivid explanation of the
close relationship between husband and wife:

“When a husband is happy, his wife will be fulfilled. If a husband is a thief, his wife will become
one too. This is not a matter of this life alone. A husband and wife are as close as a form and
shadow, flowers and fruit, or roots and leaves, in every existence of life, insects eat the trees they
live in, and fish drink the water in which they swim. If grasses wither, orchids grieve, if pine trees
flourish, cypresses rejoice.;
WND p.501

In other words, two people stay together, share their lives or experience their combined karma
together but they don’t just get together randomly. They are together based on reasons. Those who
have good karma can only share their fortune with people who have the same fortune to enjoy it.
Those who have deep karma will only be together with someone whose destiny at least part of it,
will be equally dark and heavy. A loving and caring man wont qualify to play the role of a husband
in the life of a woman whose karma is to marry a very abusive man. Instead, he belongs to a woman
who has the good karma of enjoying the sweet love of her man.

Therefore, if we are wise enough, before setting out in search of Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, we will
eradicate bad karma, and create good karma first. In this way, we become persons of better fortune.
It will save us from struggling through much unwanted and avoidable suffering.

A Young Women’s Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer repeatedly from her
vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been played out continuously for a few years by several
young men of a similar type, as if the were in a relay race. Each time the relationship started, she
was so attracted to one of them and would quickly surrender her heart & body, thus becoming a
subordinate to the man. She had offered herself as cheap game for those men to capture easily. As a
result, they did not cherish her but, one after another, dumped her when the fresh excitement faded.

Obviously, none of them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and her karma
would trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to distinguish good from bad. She
could realize the problem of her karma until she strove to quadriple her daimoku and kosen rufu
activities for a while.

She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice and study with the goal of eradicating her
karma relationship. She also worked staunchly on her human revolution. In her case, she had to
painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new relationship before it was clear that she
had transformed her life.

She has now found her ideal soulmate, an entirely different type of person to whom she would have
noticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him very sweetly to her hearts content because he gives
her in return, even more love & care. However, this only transpired when she had elevated her life
state and changed her perspective towards men and could thereby recognize and choose this lucky
man who suits her so perfectly.

Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart breaking experiences, was indeed touch to
overcome in her quest to eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well worth all the effort. If
she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling and struggling with the same karma,
probably for the rest of her life,

The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely.

We don’t want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that person is available to
us. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle that’s going to befall us. Feeling desperately lonely,
fearing that there is no chance of finding a better partner or thinking we don’t deserve a good one
are no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. Its better to leave one’s heart yearning for love than to
fill the aching void without discretion.

Again, we would be much better off if we turned the energy of desperation, fear and struggle into
the fuel to forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more commendable quality,
naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from. Thus, we can hold our heads high and
choose wisely.

Let’s look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nicherin’s Daishonin’s eyes:-

THE HIYOKI IS A BIRD WITH ONE BODY AND TWO HEADS. BOTH OF ITS MOUTHS
NOURISH THE SAME BODY. HIMOKU ARE FISH WITH ONLY ONE EYE EACH, SO THE
MALE AND FEMALE REMAIN TOGETHER FOR LIFE. A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD
BE LIKE THEM.

Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502

The ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very important that with our partner
we inspire and ecourage, respect and cherish, motivate and invigorate each other. We share dreams
& hopes, embrace each others beliefs and character, shed tears together over adversities, and work
as two in body but one in mind on mutual goals. Be sure that both sides are mature, sincere ,
independent, genuine, positive, caring and willing to improve & grow.

We don’t wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently destructive and negative&
will hinder our happiness. If our prospective partner tends to dominate or overpower us.
Unreasonably and if we are not sure of our ability to joyously accommodate such a strong
personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay away from them. We have to be on our
guard instead and not blindly jump into predictably doomed and painful relationship.

The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew the image
of our soulmate.

Indeed, superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and weaknesses fit us
perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work to compliment each other and create value from
our partner’s seemingly negative traits in our eyes.

When the ideals and desires of the two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before we treat it, as
a doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before we rush to abandon the
relationship, there’s something we can try. In fact, activating our wisdom awakens us to the untrue
portrait we have painted of our partner. We can also employ the teachings of Nicherin Buddhism to
gain a truthful, vivid and positive image of the same person.
There are different angles from which we can review our opinion about our partner and find ways to
amend and adjust the differences between both sides.

Are the fundamental problems in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term? Are they
fixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely our partners fault? Or are
they the result of our own deceived mind due to the function of the three poisons of greed, anger &
foolishness? Most importantly of all, do we have the wisdom to see the reality of the relationship as
the manifestation of our own karma, & do we thus want to take total responsibility? What can we
do to help our partner and to turn around our relationship?

Ever wonder why the same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of another person?
One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That is to say the value of everything changes,
depending on its relationship with the environment and depending on how we look at it. Does that
mean tht we can reformat the pattern of our relationship without changing partners? Yes!!

Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task to follow through on: Can we allow our
partners the room to live their lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow fashion of our frame
of mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion and strength, our Buddha
Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into medicines? Will we set out on this new avenue,
whatever it takes, with only a positive attitude, and create nothing but good causes for the
relationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and compassion to understand where our partners are
coming from and practice this Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erase
trauma?

The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our relationships is to reflect upon what we want and be
well prepared for it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing what we have to do to
deserve it.

The following is an example of the criteria that a Young Women’s Division member set for her ideal
soulmate: ( this is just an example, as people’s wants & needs vary. This is used as a reference , you
can make your own list of yr requirements and chant towards it)

The purposes of this goal are :

1. To show the validity of Nichiren Buddhism
2. To set a great example and to show others how to build a successful relationship.
3. To enhance my ability and set a perfect foundation for my kosen rufu mission.
Therefore, this is a project for kosen rufu, not a goal merely for personal happiness. All the goals I
have set in the past to help advance the kosen rufu movement through my faith, determination and
action have been fulfilled successfully. This goal is no exception.

About him:

· He is a man between 32 to 42 years old.
· He is available, single, divorced or a widower, waiting for me to find him, at the same time, trying
to find me while actively preparing himself to make me the happiest and luckiest wife on earth.
· He doesn’t have children
· He is handsome and tall.
· He is and will continue to be physically and mentally fit and morally straight.
· He is sweet, friendly, caring, gentle, cheerful, educated open-minded, mature and sociable.
· He is courageous, honest, upright, reliable and humble.
· He is positive, confident,scrupulous, dedicated, active, diligent and disciplined
· He walks his walk and talks his talk, namely, he does what he says and says what he does.
· He displays, on a maximum scale, the characteristics of his Buddha nature—wisdom, strong life
force, compassion and absolute happiness in his daily life.
· He is happy to contribute to society.
· He has very good friends who bring him only good influence and assistance to benefit his life.
· He is capable and experienced in his field. He has a great and stable job that is recession-proof and
risk free and has unlimited potential for greater advancement and promotion.
· He is devoted to work hard and has the ability to work harder if necessary.
· He has a house & car that have been paid off
· He will constantly appreciate and praise all my existing virtues and strengths from the bottom of
his heart. He will nurture me for my life to bloom even more brilliantly by helping me eradicate my
shortcomings and cultivate more good virtues.
· He is willing and determined to have a serious relationship to build an eternally happy family with
me and me only.

About me:

· I am a woman, 30 years old
· I am available
· I don’t have children
· I am sweet, friendly, caring, reliable, scrupulous ,dedicated., courageous, diligent and capable.
· I am learning from my past experiences and making this one last relationship a timeless great
example for everyone.
· I am working on doing my human revolution. I have the penetrating determination to exert all my
good virtues and erase my shortcomings so that I also live up to the same criteria I set for him and
require from him.
· I am firmly resolved that through this Buddhist practice I will improve myself everyday.
· In order to contribute to the creation of my ideal soulmate and to make this person a reality, I am
practicing this Buddhism on his behalf. I am chanting to communicate with his Buddha nature.
Since life is eternal, he already exists somewhere, I am sending him abundant daimoku to add
fortune to his life. I am praying for the goals I set for him even before I meet him, to help him
accelerate the process of meeting my ideal criteria. I am actively contributing to his life this way so
that I deserve to share his fortune when I meet and marry him.
· I will exercise my wisdom to know what criteria my ideal soul mate would love to see on me and
polish myself to meet the criteria.
· I have very good friends. We encourage, inspire and help each other.
· I am physically and mentally fit and morally straight and will continue to be this way for the rest
of my life.
· I have a job and I am willing to learn, and work harder to develop myself.
· I have a house and a car, all being paid off.
· I have a compassionate heart and I am contributing actively to help others to become happy.
· I am commited to having a successful lifetime relationship and build a sweet and happy family
with him.
· I will make him the luckiest and happiest husband on earth. He will love me unconditionally and
be forever very proud of me.

Together we will achieve:

· He will appear in my environment. We will recognize each other and fall in love in 2007.
· We will be committed as husband and wife who love each other, and each other only, for the rest
of our lives.
· We will be a role model couple and build an exemplary family to show others how to enjoy happy
and healthy family life too.
· We will support each other on each other’s personal dreams and on our family goals.
· We will construct together a safe and sound emotional, social and financial life.
· We will have wonderful , capable , successful and healthy children.
· Eventually we will strive together for the prosperity of the worldwide kosen rufu movement.
· We will have great friends that will always act as our shoten zenjins. (The Buddhist Gods that
protect and help us).
· We will be very happy and excited to enjoy each other more every day.
· We will enjoy going out together for holidays, dinners, concerts, SGI activites, etc
· We will always be best friends, confidants & lovers. We read each others minds, share each other’s
pain and joy.
· We will be very playful with each other, enjoying life with ever-springing humur, zest and spice.
· I am the center, the focus, the meaning and the achievement of his life and vice versa.
· I understand he might not be perfect as I am not perfect either. But we will respect, embrace and
cherish each other wholeheartedly, once we have determined to become lifetime partners. We will
both nurture our relationship with wisdom and compassion. We are essential to each other’s lives.
· We communicate with each other face-to-face and heart-to heart. We will help each other enrich
and polish our lives even more. Through our mutual efforts, we will fit each other perfectly in all
aspects.
· We will overcome together any kind of struggle and challenge.
· He will appreciate, support and cherish all my value creating contribution through the SGI
activites.
· He himself will contribute voluntarily and actively to support my Buddhist practice, my SGI
activities and the SGI organization.
· I will continue to practice this Buddhism on his behalf, whether he practices or not, for his
personal goals and for our loving and happy family.
· He will have the greatest compassionate heart and the ability to be there for my family.
· We will always share & split, with great joy, all the responsibilities in our family including house
keeping.
· We will have a very nice house with a large altar and a big Gohonzon room to hold SGI meetings.
· We will live in a place where we can bring out the maximum value for the advancement of the
kosen rufu movement.
· Our lives together could not be better. Yet, amazingly, it will get better and better everyday.

With the goal being sincerely chanted for and well thought of, her next step is to:

Chant the amount of daimoku that she has decided to chant everyday:

1. For this goal to come true.
2. To sculpt the person vividly based on her criteria.
3. To communicate with the person’s Buddhahood through her daily daimoku about her goal, her
efforts & her offer.
4. For the goals that she sets for him on his behalf.

She has to be utterly confident in herself and in the goal, have absolute faith in Gohonzon, and feel
tremendous excitement about the value of this goal in terms of its mission to help others. Of course
she has to painstakingly work on her human revolution and aggressively develop herself. Bringing
happiness to countless people who are struggling amidst all kinds of relationship problems is as
urgent as a life & death matter. With such a sense of urgency, she will take all necessary actions to
accelerate this process and derive the best possible result.

Her attitude towards and priority of carrying out this goal speaks for the importance of it. As
daimoku is the fuel which benefits all aspects of her life, and as she needs time to build up her
daimoku, she would have to strive to chant as much as possible.

Along the way of pursuing her goal, her wisdom and life condition will be elevated. As a result, her
perspective and criteria of the man she dreams of might change. Her ability and compassion to
embrace the man’s deficiencies might be enhanced. However, one thing is for sure. She will find a
man who suits her best in every aspect according to her newly developed life state at that particular
time.

People’s wants, needs and focuses vary. Her criteria might not meet with the requirements of many
others. Therefore, this example is only for your reference. No matter what we want, as long as we
make the cause, we will receive the corresponding effect.