Scagway Enterprises Presents: Caribou Lou and Dog Nuts

Caribou Lou was falling out of a window from a three story house when he spotted a golden retriever dancing on the front lawn. He immediately halted his descent and floated on over to the bizarrely acting dog. He landed softly on the fresh cut grass wearing a golfing outfit and sporting a pipe in his hand. Lou went over to the dog and kneeled down by it. He took a few puffs from his pipe and gave the dog a very quizzical look. “Hmmmm…” He ruminated on the dog’s comedic act, “Hmmm my boy, why are you dancing?” The dog just kept on dancing on his hind legs with his two front paws just dangling in the air, like some kind of pansy dog. The dog was also panting, as the act was giving him quite the exercise, despite its nonsensical meaning. “Do you have to pee?” Lou asked. The dog did not answer vocally, but did, as he was still dancing, take a dump on the grass. “Fascinating…” Lou pondered and continued smoking his pipe. The dog panted heavier and continued dancing. Mind you, the dog was not literally dancing, but simply lifting his two hind legs in sequence giving him the appearance of doing a half-wit’s gleeful dance. Caribou watched as the dog’s left leg lifted up then down, rather cockishly, followed by the right. Caribou thought long and hard on the situation at-hand here. This was really big stuff. I mean bigger than finding out that you do indeed have enough money to pay that hooker the $49 you owe her and do not have to get beaten up by her pimp. “Say, what’s your name pup?” said an elderly gentleman who had sauntered on over from across the street. He looked at Caribou and extended his hand and introduced himself, “The name’s Henry Daggot.” “Faggot, you say?” Said an annoyed Lou who couldn’t stand old people. “Excuse me?” Henry replied angrily. “Sir!” Caribou shouted as he jumped up, extolling expletives left and right.“ Can’t you see what we are dealing with here, this is some very complicated, and ridiculously huge stuff here!” “What is your name?” Asked Henry.

“Well it certainly isn’t Henry Faggot!” exclaimed Lou, who got in front of the old man’s face. “Get away from me you psycho!” Henry tried pushing Lou away, but his de-calcified boney arms were no help. Lou backed away from old Henry so not to get any of his oldness on him. “What is it with you old folks and being so god damned nosey?” Lou asked somewhat rhetorically. “Who are you? Are you a friend of Peg’s?” Asked the old man who had backed away from Lou a few feet. “I don’t have time for this jimmy jam!” Lou said and took out a mini umbrella and hooked it onto Henry’s sweater vest and pressed the button that opened it up. “The hell do you think you are doing?” asked Henry as he began lifting off the ground. The umbrella was no ordinary umbrella, but one that became a copter of sorts and lifted old Henry into the sky. He continued blabbering his old feeble lips about calling the police, but Lou just waved him goodbye. Lou’s attention returned to the dog. The dog just continued on what he was doing, although, during the heated exchange Lou had with the old man, he did miss the dog finally taking a piss on the lawn. The dog was about to reach his plateau of his sacred dance of excrement. “This is it, Max, this is when the whole world will rejoice and call us heroes!” Said Lou to Max, who was a life sized paper maché clone of his. Max had the tendency to rely on being carried by the wind rather than walking, since he couldn’t really walk anyway, he was paper maché. Max’s eyes glowed all orangey as if he, too, was excited, but then a strong gust simply took him away to some other far away destination. “See ya Max, this one’s for you!” Caribou roared and suddenly the dog’s nuts glowed and a bright white light emitted from its sack, which then enveloped Caribou Lou. Caribou Lou was sent flying through some sort of inter-dimensional time warp that smelled like peanut butter, which would’ve been ok, except it was Jif peanut butter, which is, “Eh, alright.” Caribou Lou came out of this inter-dimensional time warp and ended up a couple of houses down from where he just was about a minute ago. In his mind, though, he was in a new dimension where women were eager to show off their racks to strangers, especially to Lou. He was going to test this theory of his by entering the very house he had landed in front of, which had a busty woman exercising in the living room.

“I hope in this dimension the women are not strong enough to throw people out of windows…”

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful