You are on page 1of 50

“Hercules”

{Greek statues and vases fade in} Narrator: Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. [a greek vase is shown with a picture of Hercules fighting some monster. Vase zooms in slowly] But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah, that is what our story isThalia: Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some greek tragedy. Terpsichore: Lighten up, dude. Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling. Narrator: You go, girls Calliope: We are the Muses. Goddeses of the arts and proclaimers of the heroes. Terpsichore: Heroes like Hercules! Thalia: Honey, you mean "hunk-ules". Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him[Muses start humming] Calliope: Our story actually begins long before Hercules, many eons ago.. [scene changes colors and the Muses start walking and singing] Back when the world was new, The planet Earth was down on its luck.

And everywhere gigantic brutes called Titans ran amok! It was a nasty place! There was a mess wherever you stepped. Where chaos reigned and earthquakes and volcanoes never slept! And then along came ZeusHe hurled his thunderboltHe zapped! Locked those suckers in a vault! They're trapped! And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks. And that's the gospel truth! The guy was too type A to just relax. And that's the world's first dish. Zeus tamed the globe while still in his youth. Though, honey, it may seem imposs'bleThat's the gospel truth! On mount Olympus life was neat and smooth as sweet vermouth. Though, honey, it may seem imposs'bleThat's the gospel truth! {schematic picture of Olympus zooms in and turns into a real one. While the Muses still repeat their "ah's and yeah's", camera moves up the mountain slope,while it does, the movie title, HERCULES, is shown. Then camera goes inside, passes various chattering gods and finds baby Hercules} Hera: Hercules! Behave yourself [Zeus come in to play with baby too] Zeus: Oh, look at this, look how cute he is.. [Zeus babbles at baby Hercules and he catches Zeus by index finger and lifts above his cradle] Hah! Oh, he's strong! Like his Dad, hmm?

Hermes (moving through a crowd of gods): Whoa! Excuse me! Hot stuff coming through! Excuse me one side, Ares. [Hermes hands Hera a bundle of glowing flowers] Hera: Why, Hermes, they're lovely Hermes: Yeah, you know, I had Orpheus do the arrangement. Isn't that too nutty? (flying closer to Zeus now) Fabulous party, you know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself! [Narcissus is shown, staring into his mirror and making kissing sounds. Also Baby Hercules gets one of Zeus' lightnings and plays with it] Hera: Dear, keep those away from the baby. Zeus: Oh, he won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun! [Baby Hercules tries to eat the lightning, gets zapped, and throws it away in frustration. Three gods jump away from its path, untill Athena hits it with her sword so it hits a pillar, which immediately reappears] Zeus: Oh, on behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts Hera: What about our gift, dear? Zeus: Well, let's see here.. we'll take, hmm, yes, a little cirrus, and, hmm, a touch of nimbostratus, and a dash of cumulus. [Zeus moves his hand with a little pegasus-shaped cloud on it closer to baby Hercules and the cloud turns out to be a baby pegasus] His name is Pegasus, and he's all yours, son. [Baby Hercules bonks his forehead against Baby Pegasus', he whinnies and licks Hercules, they hug, all gods sigh] Hera: Mind his head Zeus: He's so tiny [Baby Hercules tries to bite the medallion that hangs from his neck and then yawns] My boy. My little Hercules. Hades: How sentimental. [camera moves to Hades fast after his voice is heard] You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?

[All gods look sternly at him] So is this an audience or a mosaic? Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good. Nice dress. [as he is saying that, he moves from one god to another untill Zeus squeezes him in a hug] Zeus: So Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld? Hades (taking Zeus' hand off his shoulder): Well, they're just fine, you know, a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do? Ah! There's the little sunspot, little smootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh? (he weaves a sucker with skeleton head out of thin mist) Here you go. Ya just-[Hercules squeezes Hades' finger, and after some fight he gets away from the baby] Sheesh! uh, powerful little tyke. Zeus (hugging Hades once again): Come on, Hades, don't be such a stiff, join the celebration! Hades (getting free from the hug again): Hey, love to, babe, but unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regrettably have a full-time gig You know, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus, So.. can't. Love to, but can't. Zeus: You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death... Hah! work yourself to death! [crowd laughing] Oh, I kill myself Hades: If only, if only.. {Scene changes back to the Muses} Calliope: If there's one god who don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades, Terpsichore: 'cause he had an evil plan {scene changes to a boat on the river Styx, in which a skeleton is carrying Hades} Thalia: (singing) He ran the Underworld, But thought the dead were dull and uncouth. He was as mean as ruthlessAnd that's the gospel truth.

He had a plan to shake things upAnd that's the gospel truth! Hades: Pain! Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness. [He trips, roll on the stair and gets seated on a sharp trident] Hades: Panic! Panic: Oh, I'm sorry, I can handle it! [He rans, but trips over Pain, who just got free from the trident, falls over, and his horns get stuck in Pain the same place trident just was] Pain: Pain! Panic: And Panic! Both: Reporting for duty! Hades: Fine, fine, fine, just let me know the instant the Fates arrive. Panic (who just got his horns free from Pain): Oh! They're here! Hades (bursts into flames): What? The Fates are here and you didn't tell me? Pain and Panic: We are worms! Worthless worms! [they really shapechange into worms] Hades: Memo to me, memo to me, main you after my meeting {scene change to a cavern with the Fates} Atropos: Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life good and tight [She cuts a thread with scissors and a woman scream is heard] Lachesis: Incoming! [Fates laugh as a soul enters the cave and flies into a tunnel. Counter above the tunnel now says "Over 5000000001 served"] Hades: Ladies! hah! I am so sorry that I'm— Atropos: Late Clotho: We knew you would be

. so let me just ask: Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover big. Can I? Can I ask you a question. and I lost track of— Fates: We know! Hades: Yeah. (to Lachesis). you. my fate. see. I know. Mr High and Mighty. Time out. Zeus. gross! Pain: Yech! It's blinkin'! [he kicks it into Hades' hand] Hades: Ladies. the eye fells out into the hands of Panic} Panic: Oh. I know.. {Lachesis giggles} I mean." now he has— Fates: A bouncing baby brat. Great. did you cut your hair of something? You look fabulous. Clotho hits her on the head. Hades: Oh wait. Clotho: We know! Hades: I know. by the way? Are you. I got the concept. I'm sorry. (he puts the eye to Lachesis' hand) is in your lovely hands Lachesis: Oh. you don't. or what? What do you think? Lachesis: Um— Clotho silences her: Oh no.Lachesis: We know everything [they pass their only eye from one another as they speak the next three lines] Clotho: Past Lachesis: Present Atropos: And future (to Panic): Indoor plumbing . Ladies. please. We are not supposed to reveal the future.. here's the deal. Mr. "Hey.it's gonna be big Hades: Great. yeah . I was at this party. So. I got it. you know.. get off my cloud. Anyway. you know. you look like a fate worse then death {Lachesis giggles more.

Oy. filling the screen) So. good. They're immortal? Hades: Bingo! They're immortal (he takes a vial with red liquid and camera zooms at it. How do you kill a god? Pain: I do not.. fine. first you got to turn the little sunspot mortal. showing pictures of the future] Atropos: In 18 years precisely The planets will align ever so nicely Hades: Ay. know! Panic: You can't. and Pain and Panic tittering makes Zeus and Hera wake} Zeus: Huh? Hera: What? what is it? Both: The Baby! [They run to the cradle but find only the Baby Pegasus] . fine. Shadows of Pain and Panic crawl over Baby Hercules. And you. Atropos: The time to act will be at hand Unleash the Titans. [the eye raises in the air.Clotho: All right. good.. dusk. sound of glass breaking. verse!. you will fail [Fates disappear. your monstrous band Hades: Mm-hmm. {Mount Olympus. I'm cool. Atropos: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall. cackling] Hades (burning into flame): What??? (cooling down) Okay. Baby Hercules and Baby Pegasus are sleeping together. Hades. will rule all! Hades: Yes! Hades rules!!! Atropos: A word of caution to this tale Hades: Excuse me? Atropos: Should Hercules fight. I'm fine [bell dings] Pain? Panic? Got a little riddle for ya.

For so many years we've prayed to the gods to bless us with a child... [They fall and Baby Hercules starts crying] Panic: Hurry! Let's just kill the kid and get it over with. over here. kid. dropping the empty vial. carrying Baby Hercules] Panic: Now we did it! Zeus is gonna use us for target practice! Pain: Just hang onto the kid. okay? Pain (opening the vial): Here you go. Panic. Amphitryon: Who's there? [Pain and Panic run away. he has to drink the whole potion! Every last drop. lightnings flash and giant thunderstorm rages over Olympus. Hercules? . no. Alcmene: Oh. you poor thing! Oh. It breaks and one last drop falls into the ground] Alcmene. don't cry Amphitryon: Is anybody there? [Pain and Panic look from bushes] Panic: Now? Pain: Now. changing [Baby Hercules stops glowing as he drinks the potion] Can we do it now? Pain: No. [Amphitryon reads Hercules' name from a medallion on his neck] Perhaps they've answered our prayers Amphitryion: Perhaps they have. [Their shadows are shown as they walk and transform into snakes] Alcmene: Oh well. no. he must have been abandoned. Pain and Panic are flying down.Hera: Hercules! Oh! [she starts sobbing. a little grecian formula Panic: Look at that! He's..] Zeus: No!!! [as he screams that.

Though Hades' horrid Was hatched before Herc cut his first tooth. Melepomene: Young Herc was mortal now. as snakes. attack. But since he did not drink the last drop He still retained his godlike strengthSo thank his lucky star! But Zeus and Hera wept Because their son could never come home. *if* he finds out! Panic: Of course he's gonna f-.[Pain and Panic. help! [they turn to their normal forms] Panic: Hades is gonna kill us when he finds out what happened. Zeus led all the gods on a frantic search Terpsichore: But by the time they found the baby. The boy grew stronger ev'ry day And that's the gospel truth! {Resolve to country with sheeps baaing. and giggling happily. but Baby Hercules catches them. if is good. hits them several times against the ground. ties into a knot and throws far away. slow down! [We now see its young Hercules who is moving the carriage. A carriage with a lot of hay moves along the road unnaturally fast. Pain: You mean. They'd have to watch their precious baby Grow up from afar. then we see Amphitryon and his horse sitting before it] Amphitryon: Hercules. it was too late. They enter a country fair.. {pan to Mount Olympus in dark clouds and then resolve to the Muses} Calliope: It was tragic. hitting some workers on the top of the gate] Amphitryong: Look out! [workers fall] Young Hercules: Oops! S-s-sorry guys! .If. Amphitryon and Alcmene stare with they jaws dropped] Pain and Panic: Help. help.

Penelope. Amphitryon: Now. you just run along. Hercules! It's you! Hercules: Let me. . When old Penelope twisted her ankle back there. I know [he catches falling Penelope] Stay by the cart Amphitryon: That's my boy. watch where you're goin'! Worker 2: Sunday driver! [Hercules enters the middle of the square and stops. fly up into the sky] Oops. Pop. my goodness. no. [he drops the hay on the cart which makes their horse. let me help you with that Man: No. son. no. Whoa! [Hercules catches him just in time] Herules: Careful! Man: Why thank you Hercules: No problem Man (sees Hercules and looks frightened): Why. yes. Amphitryon: Uh. Absolutely. Hercules: Are you sure? Man: Oh. Hercules. this time. [Hercules stays until he sees a man losing balance with a big clay pot] Man: Oh. please just— Hercules: I know. First I have to finagle with Phideas. sorry. Penelope.Worker (falling down): Hey. Hercules: Okay. don't-don't-don't unload just yet. no. [He almost falls under the giant pot] I'm fine. I got it. no. I thought we were done for. Hercules: No problem. buring himself into the ground shoulders-deep] Amphitryon: Thanks.

no. He picks it up and sees three boys about his age] Boy 1: Yo! Give it here! Hercules: Hey. no. which starts falling] Hercules: Uh-oh.[He leaves Hercules outside in the street. no. Herc.. no. Five isn't an even— Boy 1: (snatching the freesbee): See ya. sorry.. Hercules: Hey.. Herc. like domino. who was running to save him. Boy 1: Maybe we should call him "Jerkules" [Hercules sits alone in the center of a square untill the freesbee appears above his head] Boy 1: Heads up! Hercules: I-I got it! Boy 1: No! Stop! [Hercules hits a pillar. wait a second. five. no. He sighs. no. It's okay. no. Pop! Be right back! [The two domino waves seem to be aiming at the shop with clay pots] Man: Oh my! Oh no! Don't! Oh. And we want to keep it an even number. but Hercules.. but it hits another standing pillar and another domino wave starts going around the square] Hey! Whoa! Amphitryon: Son! Hercules: Hang on.. relaxed. slips and slides to him fast] Hercules: Watch out! [Now everything is destroyed] . Oh no!. no. A freesbee falls to his feet. [He holds the pillar he has hit. but others start falling one by one. He sees that and throws the pillar he was holding away. Boy 2: What a geek! Boy 3: Destructo boy. you need an extra guy? Boy 1: Uh. We already got. no! [The last two pillars stop above the man's head. no.

Sometimes..Boy 1: Nice catch. son— Hercules: I know it doesn't make any sense. Jerkules. He-he just can't control his strength Man: I am warning you. freak away from here! Boy: Freak! Yeah. someplace else. You keep that-that-that.. there's something your mother and I have been meaning to tell ya. [Hercules walk away and sings] I have often dreamed of a far off place Where a great. [he returns home] Amphitryon: Hercules. {inside the house} . Amphitryon: Son Man: This is the last straw. I just can't. I really do. Amphitryon: Hercules. you shouldn't let those things they said back there get to you. I feel like. Hercules and Amphitryon sit alone} Amphitryon: Son. Like I'm supposed to be. Hercules: But Pop. he's just a kid.. Amphitryon! Voice: That boy is a menace! Voice 2: He's too dangerous to be around normal people! Amphitryon: He didn't mean any harm. like I really don't belong here. I try to fit in. I-I am a freak. they're right. warm welcome will be waiting for me Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face And a voice keeps sayin' this is where I'm meant to be I will find my way I can go the distance I'll be there someday If I can be strong I know every mile Will be worth my while I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong. go away! {on a grassy hillside.

Hah! Hercules: I-I don't understand. and by thunder.and the statue of Zeus comes to life] Zeus: My boy. I-I gotta know {Next morning. screaming] Hey. Hercules walks to the Temple and sings} I am on my way I can go the distance I don't care how far Somehow I'll be strong I know every mile Will be worth my while I would go most everywhere to find where I belong. My little Hercules. [Hercules enters the Temple of Zeus] Hercules: Oh mighty Zeus. that would make me a— Zeus: A god.] Huh? [. hey. who runs away. hey. lightning hits the statue of Zeus.Ma. then where did I come from? Why was I left here? Alcmene: This was around your neck when we found you. A god! Zeus: Hey. It's the symbol of the gods. [He reaches for Hercules. please.. Hercules: This is it! Don't you see? Maybe they have the answers! I'll go to the temple of Zeus and-.Hercules: But if you found me.. Hercules: A god. you're the greatest parents anyone could have. hear me and answer my prayer.. Why you've got your mother's beautiful eyes. did you? Surprise!! Look how you've grown.. flame ignites in braziers. you're old enough to know the truth Hercules: But why did you leave me on earth? Didn't you want me? . you wanted answers.. and my strong chin. If you are my father. Pop. I need to know: Who am I? Wh-where do I belong? [wind blows. but. hold on kiddo! What's your hurry? After all these years is this a kind of hello to give your father? Hercules: Father? Zeus: Didn't know you had a famous father.

father! Yee-haw! Zeus: Good luck. the trainer of heroes. Your mother and I loved you with all our hearts but someone stole you from us and turned you mortal. With the brain of a bird. if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth. but you can. and only gods can live on Mount Olympus. Pegasus! Zeus: He is a magnificient horse. [Zeus whistles and the Pegasus flies through an opening in the roof] Ha-ha! You probably don't remember Pegasus but you two go way back. exactly how do you become a true hero? Zeus: First. Hercules: I'll find Philoctetes and become a true hero! Zeus: That's the spirit! Hercules: I won't let you down. Zeus: Hercules. Hercules: And you can't do a thing? Zeus: I can't.. Great! Uh. your godhood will be restored! Hercules: A true hero. you must seek out Philoctetes.[ Hercules flies away. Hercules: R-really? W-what? I-I'll do anything. Hercules: Seek out Philoctetes. singing]: I will beat the odds I can go the distance I will face the world Fearless. son [Pegasus sniffs Hercules. Hercules. proud and strong I will please the gods I can go the distance Till I find my hero's welcome right where I belong {Isle of Philoctetes} Hercules: You sure this is the right place? . Right. I'll--[he falls off Zeus' palm] Whoa! Zeus: Whoa! Hold your horses! Which reminds me.Zeus: Of course we did. then bonks foreheads with him and licks him] Hercules: Oh. son.

kid. Disgusting! Hercules: I need your help. Phil: Call me Phil. little guy? You stuck? Phil: Whoa! Hey. This is Pegasus. sorry. Hercules: Wait! [he pulls the door. I gotta do this. I want to become a hero. am I glad to meet you! I'm Hercules. Whoa. Nymph: Hey! Phil (to Hercules): What's the matter? You never seen a satyr before? Hercules: Uh. geez! Whait! Whoa. A true hero.[Hercules sees three nymphs laughing in the trees. no. buddy! Hercules: Ugh Phil: Girls! Stop! Stop! Come back. something you wanted so bad you'd do anything? . come back. nymphs! They can't keep their hands off me. come back. Haven't you ever had a dream. whoa! [another nymph turns into a tree] Oh. Why not? Phil: Two words: I am retired. whoa-[the nymph he gets hold on turns into flowers] oh. then sees a goat's behind sticking from the bushes] What's the matter. [Hercules counts on fingers] Hercules: Look. Hercules (sqeezes his hand): Phil! Phil: Ow! Hercules: Boy. can't help ya. Phil closed before him and raises it in the air with one hand] Phil: Whoo! Hercules: Uh. Can you help us? We're looking for someone called Philoctetes. [Pegasus licks Phil] Phil: Animals!. butt out. Phil: Sorry.. whoa.

Phil: Hold it! Zeus is your father. Hercules: The Argo? Phil: Yeah. do ya? Hercules: Watch this. you don't give up. Hercules hits his head against some wooden mast] Phil: Watch it! That was part of the mast of the Argo. Hercules: But I am different than those other guys. Eh. well. I dreamed I was gonna train the greatest hero there ever was. Lightning Bolts. I'll show you.. You know maybe if I-. Zeus. kid.. "That's Phil's boy. Perseus. And then there was Achilles. Phil! I can go the distance Come on. the foot speed. Flatter then a discus.. Odysseus. will ya. [Inside. I want to show you something. da-da? Zeus! (mimics Zeus) Once upon a time— Hercules: It's the truth! Phil: Please! (sings:) So you wanna be a hero. Phil grunts: Geez. Yeah. But that furshlugginer heel of his! He barely gets nicked there once and .the build. None of them could go the distance. I'll never be able to rejoin my father. He could jab. All across the sky. read me a book. right? Hercules: Uh-huh. [He raises something big which looked like an UFO and sends it flying away] Phil: Holy Hera. I had a dream once. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars." And every single one of those bums let me down. but dreams are for rookies.Phil (sighes): Kid. Phil laughs: Zeus! The big guy. Hercules: But if I don't become a true hero. he could take a hit. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Cleopatra? I trained all those would-be heroes.No! Snap out of it! I am too old to get mixed up in this stuff again.kaboom! He's history." That's right.. A lot of "yeuseus. Now there was a guy who had it all . He's your daddy! Mr. A guy can only take so much disappointment. Theseus. come inside. he could keep on comin'. and people would say. whoop-de-do .

Hercules: You mean you'll do it? Phil: You win. but wiser A good merchandiser and-. pal. Phil (sings): I'd given up hope that someone would come along A fella who'd ring the bell for once not the gong The kind who wins trophies Won't settle for low fees At least semi-pro fees But no. you're not exactly a dream come true I trained enough turkeys Who never came through You're my only last hope So you'll have to do .I have been around the block before with blockheads just like you Each and every one was disappointment Pain for which there ain't no ointment So much for excuses Though a kid of Zeus is Asking me to jump into the fray My answer is two words [lightning hits Phil] Okay. Hercules: You won't be sorry. kid. vay.whoa! There goes my ulcer! I'm down to one last hope and I hope it's you Though. Phil. Phil: Oh. I get the greenhorn! I've been out to pasture. my ambition gone Content to spend lazy days and to graze my lawn But you need an advisor A satyr. gods. Hercules: So when do we start? Can we start now? Phil: Oy.

Phil: Well— Hercules: Aw. kid. is a dying art Like painting a masterpiece it's a work of heart It takes more then sinew Comes down to what's in you You have to continue To grow! [Hercules is an adult now] Phil: Now that's more like it! (singing:) I'm down to one last shot and my last high note Before that blasted underworld gets my goat My dreams are on you. just take it easy. Phil! Phil: Well. what's in Thebes? . We're going to Thebes! Hercules: Yahoo! [now flying on Pegasus] So. it's up to you Yeah! Hercules: Did you see that? Next stop. I want to see battles and monsters! Rescue some damsels. Phil: All right.Phil: Rule #6: When rescuing a damsel. You want a road test? Saddle up. okay. kid: Concentrate! Rule #96: Aim! (singing:) Demigods have faced the odds and ended up a mockery Don't believe in the stories that you read on all the crockery To be a true hero. champ. You know. always handle with care [Hercules falls into water] No! Phil: Rule #95. Olympus. Hercules: I am ready. kids. heroic stuff. come on. kid. okay.. I want to get off this island. kid Go make 'em come true Climb that uphill slope Keep pushing that envelope You're my one last hope And.

lady. junior Hercules: .. First..] Phil: Now remember. I'm afraid you may be too close to the situation to realize-[he takes his sword out and Nessus immediately hits him so he flies away] Phil: Ohhh! What are you doin'? Get your sword! Hercules (searching in water): Sword. Don't just barrel in there without thinking.... Nessus laugh and Megara looks bored.I. two legs. Nessus then hits Hercules with a fist and Hercules flies away again] . Rule #15: A hero is only as good as his weapon! [he picks up a fish and directs it at Nessus. I can handle this. while Phil instructs. Megara: Keep movin'. analyze the situation..are-aren't you a damsel in distress? Megara: I am a damsel. uh. But you-. Have a nice day. sir. I'll have to ask you to release that young. Put me down or I'll— Nessus: Whoo! I like 'em fiery! [in the bushes Hercules gets angry. I am in distress. kid. uh. Nessus. Right. sweetheart Megara: I swear. right.Damsel In Distress. ... [they hear a woman screaming] Sounds like your basic D. Hercules: Pardon me. Hercules: Hyah! [They land and see Megara chased by a monster centaur] Nessus: Not so fast..D.. It's a big tough town. my good. Hercules: Uh-. good place to start building a rep.Phil: A lot of problems. Eh? [Hercules already walks to Nessus and Megara] He's losin' points for this! Megara: You don't know what you're— Hercules: Halt! Nessus: Step aside.*ahem* Ma'am.

I'm I'm really sorry. sweet cheeks. Didn't I? Phil: Next time don't let your guard down because of a pair of big goo-goo eyes! D-oh! It's like I keep tellin' ya.Phil {groans and tells to Pegassus who rushes to help}: Whoa! Hold it! Hold on! He's gotta do it on his own. I am real too. [Megara gets up from water and coughs] Hercules: Oh. (notices Megara) Whoa! And by the way. and you-[Hercules walks up to Megara] . [He attacks Nessus. Miss. but not bad. rookie. but she pushes him into water] Megara: Ugh [meanwhile. Phil? Phil: Rein it in. Not exactly what I had in mind. gee. kid. Hercules ride on Nessus] Hercules: Yee-hah! Yahoo! [He finishes Nessus in a spectacular fight] How was that. [Phil gets on Megara's lap. You gotta stay focused. but this is the big leagues! Hercules sighes: At least I beat him. Hercules: That was dumb Megara: Yeah. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathlons. Nessus flies away] Phil: All right! Not bad. kid! Concentrate! Use your head! Hercules: Oh. Megara: Oh. [He runs and hits Nessus with his head. hits his head several times and throws him] Phil: Nice work! Excellente! Megara: Is wonderboy here for real? Phil: What are you talking about? Of course he's real. [Nessus runs in again] Hercules: Excuse me... Come on..

At least they would if I had any friends. I don't think your Pinto likes me very much Hercules: Pegasus? Oh. [Megara walks into the forest and comes upon a rabbit and a small gopher] Megara: Aw. she's really something. tough girl. huh? I think I prefer wonderboy. They think that "no" means "yes" and "get lost" means "take me. Phil? Phil: Yeah. I'm. uh. Pain (as a bunny): Who you callin' a rodent. So. thanks for everything. uh.Hercules: Are you. whinnies. isn't she. Hercules: Yeah. . Hercules: Wait! Um. can we give you a ride? [Pegasus snorts. sister? I'm a bunny! Panic (as a gopher): A-and I'm his gopher.. and jumps to a high branch] Megara: Uh. A couple of rodents looking for a theme park. Shorty here can explain it to ya later. I'm yours".ow! [Pegasus drops an apple on Hercules' head] Megara: I'll be all right. [Phil growls] Well.. uh— Megara: Are you always that articulate? [she turns to leave] Hercules: Hercules. did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorials? Hercules: Uh. oh yeah. don't be silly. my-. you know how men are. My friends call me Meg. I tie my own sandals and everything. uh— Megara: Megara. all right. I know. Hercules: So. how cute. Megara: Hercules. um.*ahem* My name is Hercules. Herc. Yeah. She's something.. Don't worry. I'm a big. Bye-bye Wonderboy. remember? Thebes is still waitin'. A real pain in the patella! Earth to Herc! Come in Herc! Come in Herc! We got a job to do. Hercules: Bye. how-how-how'd you get mixed up with the. He'd be more than happy to-. uh— Megara: Pinhead with hooves? Well.. no. Miss. It's been a real slice.

a few years ago every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Brittany? Hades: I'm about to rearrange the Cosmos and the one schlemiel who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods! [Hades explodes] Pain: Wait. innocent farm boy routine but I could see through that in a peloponnesian minute. and here I am. maybe we owe him money? Hades: What was that name again? Megara: Hercules.Together: Ta-dah! [they turn into themselves] Megara sighes: I thought I smelled a rat. Hades: Meg. Hades: Fine. instead of subtracting two years from your sentence. Hercules. Pain: Wait a minute. We can still cut in on his waltzing. Um. Meg. Hercules is a very popular name nowadays! Pain: Remember. kind of river guardian-less. Wait. . Hades: Meg. hey. Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to— Pain and Panic: Oh my gods! Panic: Run for it! Hades: So you took care of him. What exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the river guardian to join my team for the uprising. okay? Give that your best shot. but he made me an offer I had to refuse. Panic: Hercules? Why does that name ring a bell? Pain: I don't know. So. Weren't those your exact words? Pain: This might be a different Hercules. my little nut. Panic: Yeah! I mean. my little bird. like. huh? Dead as a door nail. Megara: Speak of the devil. Megara: I gave it my best shot. Megara: It wasn't my fault. He comes on with this big. I'm gonna add two on. my little flower. It was that wonderboy. big guy.

and electrically shocked) cat meows] Strong man: Now. [he opens his coat at Phil and Hercules] Phil: Whoa. Thank you for the info. Hercules and Phil are flying on Pegasus} Hercules: Wow! Is that all one town? Phil: One town. Yes. . were the fires before or after the earthquake? Thin woman: They were after the earthquake. whoa! Smuggler: You wanna buy a sundial? Phil: He's not interested. This city is a dangerous place. Didn't we? Hades: Hmm. kid. get your pita bread here! Smuggler: Hey. I'm walkin' here! You see what I mean? I'm tellin' you . We'll ponder that for a while. That's because they live in a city of turmoil. Don't make eye contact. A million troubles. [they enter the crowd] Stick with me. Man: The end is coming! Can't you feel it? Phil: Yes. kid. pita bread. Fortunately for the three of you we still have time to correct this rather egregious oversight. that's a good thing. yes. {Meanwhile. (to Hercules) Just stare at the sidewalk. I remember Heavy woman: But before the flood. [Snowball (a now black. you're gonna be just what the doctor ordered. [they almost get hit by a passing carriage] Driver: Look where you're goin' numbskull! Phil: Hey. no foul-ups. The one and only Thebes. Woman: It was tragic! We lost everything in the fire Man: Everything except old Snowball here. If you can make it there. all right? Come on.. Trust me. And this time. whoa.Panic: That's right! And-and-and at least we made him mortal. Mack. Come on.wackos. The big olive itself. People here are nuts. Man: Pita bread. you can make it anywhere. kid.

listen to this. It uh *ahem* seems to me that what you folks need is a hero. no. This we need.. uh. and who are you? Hercules: I'm Hercules. no. Old man: Tell me about it. I happen to be..Old man: Don't even get me started on the crime rate Heavy woman: Thebes has certainly gone downfall in a hurry. It seems like every time I turn around there's some new monster wreaking havoc and I— Man: All we need now is a plague or locusts. Strong man: Yeah. you're right. uh.. . Phil. but I— Strong man: Have you ever reversed a natural disaster? Hercules: Well. not exactly. Hey.. nice job on those heels! Ya' missed a spot! Phil: I got your heel right here! (Hits the man and starts beating him) I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face! You-Hercules: Hey Phil! Phil! Phil! Take it easy. Phil: Don't you pea brains get it? Woman: Hmm? Phil: This kid is a genuine article. a hero. Man: Hey. Strong man: Oh. He's just another chariot chaser. Woman: That's a laugh. [Frog jumps in and scares everybody] Old man: That's it! I'm movin' to Sparta! Hercules: Excuse me. and. [crowd laughs] Old man: Is that so? Woman: A hero! Old man: Have you ever saved a town before? Hercules: Uh. isn't that the goat-man who trained Achilles? Phil (Getting angry) Watch it pal! Strong man: Yeah. uh.

[Megara appears in the crowd] Megara: Please! Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident! Hercules: Meg? Phil: Speaking of disasters. you'll be all right Pain (as boy): We can't last much longer! . you just need some kind of catastrophe or disaster.Strong man: What are you. (sputtering): I got a fur wedgie [Hercules and Megara land and Hercules dismounts from Pegasus] Hercules: Are you okay? Megara: I'll be fine. kid. Hercules: Well. Megara: Wonderboy! Hercules! Thank goodness! Hercules: Wha-what's wrong? Megara: Outside of town. this is great! Megara: You are really choked up about this. crazy? Sheesh Heavy woman: Young man. a terrible rock slide. I-.I have this terrible fear of heights! Phil (running): I'm right behind ya. we need a professional hero. they were playing in the gorge. Not an amateur. Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery Pain (as boy): Help! I can't breathe! Panic (as boy): Hurry! Pain (as boy): Get us out! Panic (as boy): We're suffocating! Somebody call IX-I-I Hercules: Easy fellas. Stop! (Sighs) How am I supposed to prove myself a hero if nobody will give me a chance? Phil: You'll get your chance. wait. They're trapped! Hercules: Kids? Trapped? Phil.You don't under-. two little boys. There was that rock slide. aren't ya? Hercules (Dragging Meg): Come on! Megara: No. kid! Whoo! (panting): I am way behind ya.

What a doll. kid. boys. They even applauded.. Watch the teeth Keep going. okay. mister. Dance around! Dance around! Watch the teeth. sort of. Megara (quietly): Get outta there. (looking at Megara): What a dish. up the slope and face Hades) Hades: A stirring performance. while you still can. [Hydra appears] Hercules: Ph-ph-ph-phil? What do you call that thing? Phil: Two words! Am-scray!! Hades: Let's get ready to rumble! [Hydra and Hercules start fighting] Phil: That's it. I was really moved. two thumbs way. hey. kids? Pain (as boy): We sure will! (they run away. Hercules: Phil. you are really strong! Hercules (still holding the stone): Well. Mister" ? Pain: I was going for innocence. Lead with your left. Lead with your left! You other left!! [Finally Hercules cuts the head of Hydra off. but that ain't applause.Panic (as boy): Get us out before we get crushed! [Hercules raises a huge boulder. way up for our leading lady. you big lug. Kids run out from under it and the crowd applauses lightly] Hercules: How you boys doin'? Panic (as boy): We're okay now Pain (as boy): Jeepers. Come on. Come on. try to be a little more careful next time. Hades: And. I did great. Panic: "Jeepers. [Growling sound begins] Phil: Huh! I hate to burst your bubble. Crowd cheers] Phil: All right! All right! You are bad! Okay! .

kid. Phil: Ya did it. relax. [Above on the Hades' watching place Panic shivers and gulps] Hades: Guys. you gotta admit. Match. steam looked cool Oh. yeah! . [Hercules appears from Hydra's dead paw. [Below. our boy Hercules could do no wrong (spoken): He was so hot. Hades: Game. Let's get you cleaned up.Hercules: See. kid! Ya did it! You won by a landslide![above]Panic: Hades mad. getting more and more new ones] Phil: Will you forget that head-slicing thing? [Hercules gets knocked off Pegasus and falls among heads and necks of Hydra] Hercules: Phil. I don't think we covered this one in basic training! [Hercules escapes. It's only halftime. Megara: Well. What do ya know? {Cut to Muses} Calliope: From that day forward. guys. that was pretty heroic. [Hercules crushes the rock on Hydra and gets buried under rocks himself too] Phil: Oh! There goes another one. close enough. kid. Just like Achilles. Crowd chears real loud now] Hercules: Phil. how many horns do ya see? Hercules: Six? Phil: Eh. Set. Hercules and Phil hear rumbling from Hydra's body] Phil: That doesn't sound good [Hydra gets three new heads] Phil: Definitely not good! [Hercules on Pegasus fights with Hydra and keeps slicing her heads off. Phil? That-.That wasn't so hard (He drops sword and falls flat on the ground) Phil: Kid. but falls back from the cliff and is now pressed against the wall by Hydra's paw] Hades: My favorite part of the game: sudden death.

yeah! From zero to hero .*Begin Song* Calliope: Bless my soul.O. the crowds were goin' bonkers He showed the moxie brains and spunk -. Herc was on a roll Thalia: Person of the week in every greek opinion poll Terpsichore: What a pro! Calliope: Herc could stop a show Point him at a monster and you're talkin' S. All: He was a no one A zero. he sees. he conquers Honey.R. he comes. a zero Now he's a honcho He's a hero! He was a kid with his act down pat Zero to hero in no time flat Zero to hero Just like that When he smiled the girls went wild With oohs and aahs Thalia: And they slapped his face on every vase Clio: On every "Vahse"! All: From appearance fees and royalties Our Herc had cash to burn Now nouveau riche and famous He could tell you what's a grecian urn Say amen There he goes again Sweet and undefeated And an awesome ten for ten Folks lined up just to watch him flex Thalia: And this perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs All: Hercie.

Herc was on a roll Undefeated Riding high And the nicest guy Not conceited He was a nothing.A major hunk Zero to hero And who'd have thunk. {Hades practices shooting at targets} Hades: Pull! Megara: Nice shooting. Who put the glad in gladiator? Hercules! Who's darin' deeds are great theater? Hercules! Is he bold? No one braver! Is he sweet? Our favorite flavor! Hercules(My man)! Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! (Look at my) Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! Bless my soul. he's our hero! He hit the heights at breakneck speed From zero to hero Herc is a hero Now he's a hero Calliope: Yes. .. zero.. indeed. zero Now he's a honcho. Rex.

And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. they bet on the wrong horse. you know. isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. Meg? Huh? Megara: Look. it was the box thing.plasic cup] Panic: Thirsty? [Hades yells. Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo. I thought they looked kinda dashing. he's gotta have a weakness. Hades: Oh yeah. I wonder if maybe I haven't been throwing the right curves at him. Meg. Get your little imps— Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. hey. He hurt you real bad. causing a small earthquake] Megara: Looks like your game's over. . I throw everything I've got at him. You give me the key to bringing down wonder breath and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos (he whispers at her ear). okay? We simply need to find out Wonderboy's.sandals) What are those? Pain: Um. Wonderboy is hitting every curve you throw at him. for the Trojans. handle him as a man. Megara: I've done my part. Megara: Hey. didn't he. I learned my lesson..Hades: I can't believe this guy.. because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Pandora. or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke and you are wearing his merchandise!!! [Panic interrupts them by slurping some cola from a Hercules -trademark. that's good because that's what got you into the jam in the first place.. I don't know. Hades: See. And it doesn't even(sees Pain wearing Hercules -trademark.. Hades: Well. Megara: Don't even go there. I need someone who can. your freedom. my sweet. I've sworn off manhandling. okay? Hades: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer.

R. son. Zeus: Hmm. a carriage passes past rich gates} Guide: On your left is Hercules' villa. My next stop is the Pecs and Flex gift shop where you can pick up the Great Hero's 30-minute workout scroll "Buns of Bronze" {inside the villa. grappled with the Gorgon. you really have. don't move! Phil: D.{Temple of Zeus} Hercules: You should have been there. I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. the Drughters of the Greek Revolution Hercules: Phil? . father! I mangled the minotaur. son? Hercules: The day I rejoin the gods. You're doin' your old man proud Hercules: I am glad to hear you say that. my boy. Zeus: Hah! You're doin' great. I'd advise you not to wear your new sandals. I'm-I'm an action figure! Zeus: I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero. Hercules: Phil? Artist: I told you. father. I'm-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. controlled my strength and kicked! The crowds went wild! Thank you. Zeus: You've done wonderfully. Hercules: But father. He's got a problem with his stables. What day is that.. I analyzed the situation. Just like Phil told me. Hercules is posing for a picture on a vase.G. Hercules: What more can I do? Zeus: It's something you have to discover for yourself Hercules: But how can I— Zeus: Look inside your heart [Lightning strikes and statue of Zeus becomes inanimate] Hercules: Father. thank you.. dressed in the skin of the lion Scar from Disney's The Lion King} Phil: At 1:00 you got a meeting with king Augeas. I've been waiting for this day a long time. You haven't proved yourself a true hero. wait! {In the city. You're just not there yet.

what could be behind curtain number one? .you got somethin' I never seen before. escape plan beta Hercules: Gotcha. help! Phil: Okay. kid. There is nothin' you can't do.Phil: At 3:00 you gotta get a girdle from some amazons Hercules (dropping club and shield) Phil. Hercules: I gave this everything I had. I seen 'em all. I'm counting on ya'. don't ya? Hercules: Yeah. but this stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. pal [Artist throws the paints on Phil. Phil: Listen to me. [Door opens and fan girls scream] Fan girls: It's him! Phil: Hey. she walks and sees Hercules' toes under a curtain] Megara: Let's see. And I am tellin' you . what's the point? Artist screams: That's it! Phil: Keep your toga on. kid. watch it! Watch it! Watch— Fan girls: I touched his elbow! I got his sweatband! Hercules: Phil.and this is the honest-to-Zeus truth . making him look like a clown and leaves] Phil: What do you mean. "what's the point ?" You wanna go to Olympus. Hercules: Really? Phil: I can feel it right down to these stubby bow legs of mine. fan girls look at him for a moment and Hercules disappears] Fan girls: Hey! Where is he? Phil: There he goes! On the verranda! [Girls run away. but when door closes. Megara appears from behind it. Phil too. [He throws the skin of Scar to Phil] Phil (wiping the paint off his face with it): You can't give up now. [Phil blows whistle.

I can't go anywhere without being mobbed. Oh! (She falls into Hercules' arms) . I-I-I missed you. Megara: Mmm. Don't that me just yet. Hercules: Gee. [Hercules turns back and they turn into birst and tweet innocently] Hercules: I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun. I-I don't know. Phil. that play. Megara: Sure you are. Man! I thought I had problems.Hercules: Meg! Megara: It's all right. I mean— Megara: Ah. Meg. {evening. Hercules (chuckles): I know. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed. that Oedipus thing. Hercules: and then that. you lift up the back wall and we're gone. It's-it's crazy you know. Phil's got the rest of the day pretty much booked. Shmill. Megara: Oh. sister.. Get the goods. [Both chuckle and such. that. Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon? Hercules: Oh gee. What a day. outdoors} Hercules: Wow. Megara (dropping on a couch): So. Everybody in Greece thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita. uh. round the dumbbells.. this is what heroes do on their days off Hercules: I am no hero.. two little birds sitting near turn into Pain and Panic to speak to Meg] Panic: Psst! Stop foolin' around! Pain: Yeah.. First that restaurant by the bay. Out the window. Just follow me. Megara: Yeah.. Niether did I. Megara: Ah. Hercules: Thanks. You sound like you could use a break. i-i-it's great to see you.

alone.. Megara: Weak ankles. weak ankles I've ever met. uh. . (He finally stands up from the bench) Megara: Wonderboy. this? (She stretched her leg and holds her foot right before Hercules' face) Hercules: Uh. Hercules: You're not like that Megara: How do you know what I'm like? Hercules: All I know is. I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else. I mean. it really does. You're the most amazing person with... Weak ankles. Hercules: You know. Megara (moving closer to him): No weaknesses whatsoever? No trick knee? Hercules: Uh— Megara (moving even more close): Ruptured.. No. disks? Hercules: No. careful. fit as a fiddle. I'm I'm afraid I'm. do you have any problems with things like. Megara: It looks better that way. (He carries her on a bench and they sit down) Megara: So. Megara: Sorry.Hercules: Oops... Not really... Hercules: Oh.. when I'm with you I-I don't feel so. Megara: Yes they are. Megara: You wanted to be petty and dishonest? Hercules: Everybody's not like that. when I was a kid I. no. uh.. maybe you better sit down for a while.. Hercules: Oh yeah? Well. [Megara steps back and gets pricked on an arrow of a tiny statue of Amur] Meg. Uh. you are perfect.. (He sends a coin jumping on a water in a fountain and it breaks the arms off the statue of Venus) Whoops.. Hercules: Thanks.

gives it to Meg and kisses her in the cheek] Phil: Move! Move.Megara: Sometimes it's better to be alone. we-[Their lips met for the kiss. Hercules: Okay. before. move.. um. move. mutton man! It was all my fault. what's the matter with me? You'd think a girl would learn. so.. watch it. move. move! Move! (on Pegasus): Whoo! Ya-eee! Hey. done that! . watch it! Whoo! Watch it! Keep your goo-goo eyes on the[A branch finally hits Phil and he falls on the ground] That's it. impersonating police helicopter] Phil: All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town! Megara: Calm down. Hercules: Meg? I would never ever hurt you. Next time. okay Megara: I'm sorry Hercules: Ah. *Begin Song: "I Won't Say I'm in Love" * If there's a prize for rotten judgement I guess I've already won that No man is worth the aggravation That's ancient history been there. stop this. so don't make it worse [Pegasus snorts at Megara. let's both do ourselves a favor and. It is Phil. turning the light off] Phil: And as for you. Phil: You're already on my list.. Hercules: What do you mean? Megara: Nobody can hurt you. you're gonna go to the stadium and you're gonna be put through the workout of your life! Now get on the horse. Megara: And I don't wanna hurt you. [Megara sits alone and smells the flower] Megara: Oh. [He bends a huge tree casually and picks a flower off it. sister.. but the moment before it happens bright light flashes into their eyes. ya bum.... he'll get over it. on Pegasus. I drive.. she snorts back.

No Muses: Girl. no. no way. uh-oh? Megara: It's too cliche. oo-oo-oo Megara: I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out. We can see right through you Megara: Oh. no way. you can't conceal it We know how you feel and Who you're thinkin' of Megara: Oh-no.. no Muses: You swoon. no chance. I won't say I'm in love Muses: Shoo-doo. I won't say I'm in love .. you sigh. I won't say it.. you're in love Megara: This scene won't play. but give in. I won't say it. no chance. no. no Muses: Give up. why deny it. oh Muses: You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feelin' Baby we're not buyin' hon. girl Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart. Megara: My head is screaming get a grip. shoo-doo. We saw you hit the ceilin' Face it like a grownup When you gonna own up that you Got Got Got it bad Megara: Oh. Muses: Ahhh.Muses: Who d'ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and Heaven to you Try to keep it hidden. honey. Check the grin.

. Meg. Megara: Then read my lips! Forget it! Hades: Meg. I'm through. it's okay. "I want Wonderboy's head on a platter" you say— Megara: Medium or well done . you're in love Megara: Oh. but ever so crucial little.Muses: You're doing flips.. I won't say it (Muses: She won't say in love) Get off my case. Hades (to Meg): You work for me! Phil: That kid's gonna be doin' laps for a month Hades: If I say. shoo-doo. Hades: I'm sorry. huh. tiny detail? [he bursts into flame] I own you! [Phil comes in on the ground] Phil: Oh. Meg. don't be proud. I won't say it Muses: Girl. shoo-doo Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Haaa *End Song* [Hades appears] Hades: Hey. my sweet deluded little minion. "hey. Meg? What is the weak link in the Wonderboy's chain? Megara: Get yourself another girl. shoo-doo. read our lips You're in love shoo-doo. At least at loud I won't say I'm in love. I got another horn here.. shoo-doo Megara: You're way off base. what's the buzz. Muses: Shoo-doo.. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy. you say. name that tune" If I say. "sing". Do you mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something.

Meanwhile a pegasus mare appears and makes the Pegasus follow her. Phil. Oh. how can I come down there when I'm feeling so up? [He jumps up into clouds. Little guy. I never would have met her. I just had the greatest day of my life! I-I can't stop thinking about Meg. you can't beat him. I'm not gonna help you hurt him. and-and he's sweet--Hades: Please! Megara: He would never do anything to hurt me. he's gonna— Hades: I think. Hercules is doing exercises} Hercules: Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! [Phil walks sad] Hey.. Phil! What happened to you? Phil: Kid. He's honest. very nice! What I'm trying to say is— Hercules: That if it wasn't for you.Phil: Oh! I knew that dame was trouble. Hercules: Oh. Phil: Kid! I'm tryin' to talk to ya! Will you come down here and listen? Hercules: Aw. Hades: He's a guy! Megara: Besides. You hear that sound? That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever Megara: I don't care. we gotta talk. Megara: I'll work on that. Hades: I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy. he does.. In a pen. He has no weaknesses. Megara: This one is different. I truly think. oneness. Meg. oh. . the mare splits in two parts which turn into Pain and Panic] Pain: Gotcha! [back on stadium] Phil: Ah. She's something else.. This is gonna break the kid's heart... {Stadium. he does. [Phil runs away] Hades: I'm sorry. I owe ya big time. I do.

Hades comes] . I'm goin' home. Not the all-time chump. Hercules: Fine! G-. Phil: I thought you were gonna be the all-time champ. Phil: Okay. okay. Come on. Hercules: Phil.I love her. you're missin' the point Hercules: The point is . keep them up there. come on. I'm. I'm sorry. huh? Phil. but that's no reason to— Phil: Kid. Where you going? Phil: I'm hoppin' the first barge out of here. I-. Phil: She don't love you Hercules: You're crazy Phil: She's nothin' but a two-timin'. schemin'— Hercules (hits Phil): Shut up! [Phil flies off and hits himself a little] Phil. that's it. Phil. wait.Hercules: I know you're upset about today. You won't face the truth? Fine. I got two words for ya: Duck! Phil: Listen to me! She's— Hercules: A dream come true? Phil: Not exactly Hercules: More beautiful then Aphrodite? Phil: Aside from that! Hercules: The most wonderful— Phil: She's a fraud!!! She's been playin' ya for a sap! Hercules: Aw. lyin'.Go! I don't-. [Phil leaves. Hercules: Stop it! Phil: no-good.Oh.I don't need you.Phil: Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds? Hercules: Rule #38. Stop kiddin' around Phil: I'm not kiddin' around .

Geez. you little devil you. Hi. we kiss. huh? Isn't Meg -little smoochy face -. because. okay. okay? So I would be eternally grateful if you would just. Hercules: You've got the wrong guy.isn't she more important than they are? Hercules: Stop it! Hades: Isn't she? Hercules: You gonna swear she'll be safe from any harm Hades: Fine. aren't they? Hades: Nah! I mean. take a day off from this hero business of yours. huh? Baboom. hey. Lord of the Dead. okay? Say. Okay? We're done. How ya doin'? Hercules: Not now. And Herc. otherwise you get your strength right back. We dance. the next 24 hours and Meg here is free as a bird and safe from harm. you know. It happens 'cause. monsters. ya see. we schmooze. natural disasters. Hades: Not so fast. you know. Herc-[she disappears] Hercules: Let her go! Hades: Here's the trade-off. Hercules: People are.Hades: Geez Louise! What got his goat.. Phew You wait a day. yadda-yadda. [Hades snaps fingers and Megara appears] Hercules: Meg! Megara: Don't listen. Hades: Hear me out. may I call you Herc? You seem to be constantly getting in the way of it. You might wanna know about. A real estate venture.hear me out. Name is Hades. okay? Hercules: You're out of your mind. Just-. it's a possibility. You give up your strength for about 24 hours. it's war. Meg is safe. what do you owe these people. fine print. baboom. boilerplate.heh-heh.. all right? See. I only need a few seconds and I'm a fast talker. I've got the major deal in the works. are gonna get hurt. I mean. What d'ya say? Come on. if you will. okay? Hades: Hey. I do have a little leverage. we go home happy. it's. but what can I tell ya? Anyway. what d'ya . I'll give you that one. we carry on.. ya little-..

hey. Herc. going twice Hercules: All right! Hades: Yes. sweetheart. Hercules: What do you mean? Hades: I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time. I really don't have. I'm kind of on a schedule here. sugar.I-. Duh. it's kinda natural. Okay? I need an answer. One more thing. like. we're there! Bam! [They shake hands and Hades takes strength of Hercules] Hades: You may feel just a little queasy. So much for the preliminaries.you're lying! Panic (as boy): Help! (coughs) Pain (as boy): Jeepers. Hercules: You're-. babe. Is she not. (in normal voice) Ha-ha! Hades: Couldn't have done it without you. you're really strong. Going once. mister. gotta blaze. I got plans for August. Maybe you should sit down. like. You're off the hook. Pain and Panic: Our hero's a zero! Our hero's a zero! Hades: Well.I'm so sorry. There's a while cosmos up there waiting for me with. and now on to the main event! {The stars are aligned and the gate to the Titans opens} Hades: Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there? Titans: Zeus! Hades: And now that I set you free. now. like. what is the first thing you are going to do? Titans: Destroy him! [Hades frees the Titans] Hades: Good answer . isn't it just peachy? Oh! You'll love this. A deal's a deal.say we shake on it? Hey.I-I couldn't-. a fabulous little actress? Megara: Stop it. Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. time to bat this around. Meg. my name on it. By the way. babe Megara: No! It's not like that! I didn't mean to-.

the Titans have escaped. my optic friend [Olympus. badda-boom. causing destruction in Thebes] Cyclops: Hercules! Where are you? Tall woman: What can we do? Fat man: Where's Hercules? Old man: Yeah. we're in trouble! Oh. Lythos: Zeus! Hydros: Freeze him! Hades: Hold it. [Gods prepare to war] Areus: Charge! On to battle! Zeus (throwing lightnings at Lythos in vain): Yee-hah! Mars (getting sucked in by Stratos): You windbag! Hades (watching this): Boom. Guys? Olympus would be that way. . And they're practically at our gates! Zeus: Sound the alarm! Launch an immediate counterattack! Go! Go! Hermes: Gone. Hermes sees the titans first] Hermes: Ah. Huh? Lythos: Destroy Zeus! Hermes: Oh. bright eye Cyclops: Huh? Hades: I have a special job for you.Lythos: Crush Zeus! Hydros: Freeze him! Pyros: Melt Zeus! Stratos: Blow him away! Titans: Zeus! Hades: Uh. big trouble! I gotta-[he zooms to Olympus] My Lord and Lady. babe. boom. Hercules'll save us. boom! Hah! [Meanwhile. Tital 5 looks for Hercules.

[Meanwhile on Olympus. We gotta find Phil. it's about him. you mighty Hercules [He hits Hercules who flies away and hits a mosaic of himself. but this isn't about me. Meanwhile Megara finds Pegasus tied up in the stables] Megara: Easy. listen. I know what I did was wrong. Hercules: There are worse things. Phil. Lythos: Zeus! [Phil is going to leave Thebes and is walking to a boat] Sailor: Come on! Hurry up! We're shovin' off here! Megara: Phil! Phil. Hercules needs your help! Phil: What does he need me for when he's got friends like you? Megara: He won't listen to me Phil: Good! He's finally learned something. he'll die! {Olympus} Zeus: I need more thunderbolts! . Cyclops: Run! Megara: Wait! stop! Strong Man: Hey. you'll be killed. If you don't help him now. blast you! [Lythos smashes the gates of Olympus open] Hades: Ooh. Heavy Woman: Thank the gods. we're saved! Cyclops: So. he's the only one who can talk some sense into him.Cyclops: Hercules! Come out! Face me! Megara (to Hercules who starts going): What are you doing? Without your strength. chihuahua. battle between Zeus and the Titans goes on] Zeus: Get back. Ah! Hercules is in trouble. Megara: Look. look! It's Hercules. horsefeathers. Whoa! Stop twitching.

no. yah! [Pain and Panic get him] I've been captured! Hey. He promised I wouldn't get hurt. Come on. sir! {Thebes: Cyclops tosses Hercules and plays with him} Cyclops: Flea! Phil: Hercules! Hercules: Phil. Phil: Come on.] Hades: Zeusy. Everyone's been captured. People always do crazy things. Hercules: Meg. come on. Hercules ties up his legs and Cyclops falls off a cliff. Why. when they're in love. kid.. kid. . I'm willing to go the distance. how 'bout you? [Cyclops grabs Hercules] Cyclops: Me bite off head! [Hercules burns the Cyclops' face with a burning stick] Phil: Whoa. [Pyros and Hydros make a mountain of ice and fire with Zeus on top. Phil. why did you-. Fight back. Dreams are for rookies. His fall make a quake. I'm home! Zeus: Hades. my Lord. baby! [while Cyclops is yelling. getting the strength back) What's happening? Megara: H-Hades' deal is broken. hey! Watch the glasses. Hephaestus has been captured. from which a pillar starts falling on Hercules] Megara: Hercules! Look out! [She pushes him out from the pillar's way and is struck by the pillar] Hercules: Meg! No! (Hercules raises the pillar. This guy's a pushover. no. givin' up is for rookies. you're behind this! Hades: You are correct. you can take this bum. look at him Hercules: You were right all along. no.you didn't have to— Megara: Oh. Phil: No.. I came back 'cause I'm not quittin' on ya.Hermes: Uh.

Let's go Pegasus! {Olympus: Gods in chains} Pain: Hup. Meg. I-.. man! Hades: Get them! [Pyros misses Hercules and covers Hades in molten lava] Hades: Whoa! Hey! No! Get him. always this articulate? You. not me! Him! Follow the fingers! Him! [Ice storm from Hydros who was trying to hit Hercules freezes Hades] The yutz with the horse! [Hercules opens the stone block and releases Zeus] Zeus: Thank you. kid. my boy. come on. everybody! I can't hear you! Hermes: Oh. Meg. You can still stop Hades. oh! Zeus (being frozen from one side and burnt from another): I swear to you. two. bolt boy. Hercules: You're gonna be all right. And I think I'm gonna like it here.Hercules: Oh. Hercules: Don't get too comfortable. [Meanwhile Pegasus chases Pain and Panic] Pain: Nice horsey! My intentions were pure! I really was attracted to you. Hercules! Thank you. Hades! Areus: Hercules! Hercules: This oughta even the odds! (He breaks the chain by which the gods were chained) Hermes (Hitting Pain and Panic): Yeah. three. when I get out of this-[He is finally buried under molten rock] Hades: I'm the one giving orders now. Phil: I'll watch over her.. you haven't got much time. Zeus (to Hepheastus): Throw! (He catches two leads of lightnings) Hah! Now watch your old man work! Lythos: Uh-oh . four. I promise. Hades.I— Megara: Are you.

no. You see. other Titans leave] Hades: Guys. Hercules sees Meg in it] Hercules: Meg! Ahhh! [His hands which he put into water turned old] Hades: No.[Lightnings explode heads of Lythos. He launches them into the sky where they all explode] Zeus (high-fiving Hercules): Hah! Hercules: Whoo-hoo! Hades leaves: Thanks a ton. Hercules: Yes I can. [Cerberus the three-headed dog breaks the wall. But at least I've got one swell consolation prize -. get your titanic rears in gears and kick some olympian butt! [Pegasus blows at Hades' head and blue fire which was his head is out] Whoa. Let me show you around. There's some things you just can't change. Well. well. no. . Hercules grips Hades: Let her go. Meg's running with a new crowd these days. Meg. It's a small underworld after all. Hercules: Meg! [Atropos cuts the thread of life and Megara is dead] Hercules arrives to her: Meg. and Pyros. look who's here. Wonderboy. come here. you are too much. {in Underworld} Hades: We were so close! So close. [They walk around the Underworld] Hmph. Hercules on top of his middle head] Hercules: Where's Meg? Hades: Oh. at that. kid. Mustn't touch. Hades: Get a grip! Come here. Hydros. And not a very lively one. has to go all noble. Phil: Oh. Meg. I'm sorry. is my hair out? [Hercules meanwhile catches Stratos and sucks into him Lythos. We tripped the finish line. huh? [They come to the shore of a river. Why? because our little nut. no. Wonderboy.a friend of yours who's dying to see me.

right? So maybe you could put in a word with him and he'd kinda blow this whole thing off. a— Pain and Panic: A god? Hades: Hercules. Hercules: Going once! Hades: Hmm. Hades: Oh. Atropos goes to cut the thread of life. okay. ah— Panic: He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there. Meg.this is impossible! You. well.she goes. Take me in Meg's place. I feel a little-(He disappears) . talk to him. Can we talk? Y-Your dad. okay. but it suddenly shines and the scissors don't cut it. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death. [Hercules dives] Oh. stop! You can't do this to me. Hades: Taxi! I don't feel so good. That's not a problem. you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. If is good. Souls try to drown him] Eew! Get away from me! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me! Ooh. You get her out . Herc. you can't be alive! You'd have to be a. Hah! Okay. okay. Pain: You mean.Hercules: You like making deals. is it? [Hercules swims. I deserved that. Panic: If. [Shining and your again Hercules floats out from the river with soul of Meg] Hades: This is-. if he gets outta there. turning older and older. you know? Meg. listen. Is there a downside to this? Hercules: Going twice! Hades: Okay. You can't-[Hercules hits him in the face] Fine. he's a fun guy. okay. Herc. you. you stay. Herc. well.] Atropos: Oh? Lachesis: What's the matter with these scissors? Clotho: The thread won't cut. a little schmooze--[Hercules hits Hades stronger and he flies away into the river of death.

Zeus: Hah! Fine work.. I finally know where I belong.why did you— Hercules: Huh. but suddenly a cloud appears under their feet. [Gates open. this is the moment I've always dreamed of. [Hercules turns around and sees her leaving] Hercules: Father. my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero. when they are in love.I wish to stay on Earth with her. would be..{outside. Hercules: Mother. my son. But. I-.. gods cheer for Hercules. at last. [they go for a kiss. Wonderboy. hey! Whoo! [Pegasus picks Phil up and brings along] {Olympus (restored already). Hercules brings the soul of Megara and puts it inside her body} Megara: Wonderboy. People always do crazy things. but by the strength of his heart. Megara is left behind. Zeus: For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength. Hera: You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman. hey. even an immortal life. they finally kiss and Hercules stops shining] Hermes: Hit it.. Now. Yeah! Flowers for everybody! Oh! Hera: Hercules. (He comes to Megara and takes her hand) A life without Meg. we're so proud of you. ladies! *Begin Song: "A Star Is Born" * Muses sing: Oh. Crowd of gods welcome Hercules} Areus: Three cheers for the mighty Hercules! Hermes: Oh.] Megara: Congratulations. what-.. gonna shout it from the mountaintops A star is born! It's the time for pulling out the stops . sent by Zeus.. You'll make one heck of a god. [Zeus nods. and they fly to Olympus] Phil: Whoa! Hey. you can come home. empty.

A star is burning bright. A star is born A star is born {Closing Titles start. hit us with a hallelu That kid came shining through Girl.A star is born! Honey. sing the song Come blow your horn A star is born! He's a hero who can please the crowd A star is born! Come on. song continues} Like a beacon in the cold dark night A star is born! Told ya everything would turn out right A star is born! Just when everything was all at sea The boy made history The bottom line Bottom line! He sure can shine He can shine! His rising sign is Capricorn . Within your hear's the power For makin' you A hero too [Here the Constellation of Hercules appears] So don't lose hope When you're forlorn [Phil sees the Strong Man pointing at it and saying: "That's Phil's boy!"] Just keep your eyes Upon the skies Every night. A star is right in sight. everybody shout out loud A star is born! Just remember in the darkest hour.

everybody shout out loud A star is born! Just remember in your darkest hour Within your heart's the power For making you A hero too (A hero too) So don't lose hope When you're forlorn (No. A star is right in sight. A star is burning bright. A star is born! . no!) Just keep your eyes Upon the skies Every night.He knew how to He had a clue Telling you A star is born! Here's a hero who can please the crowd A star is born! Come on.