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I, Klogg

The Neverho0d

Hmmm...

Greetings being or beings who hear these words!

My name is Klogg.
I, Klogg, Present & Future King of the Neverho0d and all its denizens!

This disk tells a story. A Story about the good and greatness I have wrought. A Story about the outdated fools who
resisted me.
This disk contains the one and only version of the TRUE story...
The True story of the closing of the third age and triumph of my New time, The Ago of Klogg!.
I know that once you know this truth, then you know what to do in my new kingdom.
Listen! I shall tell you what [b]Really[/b] happened.

It all started with Hoborg, a being of immense, almost divine power and the Sixth son of Quater (A form of Creator
entity present in a variety of superstitious tales and records).
He had come to create the Neverhood , because... He had to make a place where he could rule, a place where his
ego could run free and he could impose his petty, stifling laws, a sand-box filled with puppets and bound to his desires.
He made himself a world full of unreal structures and peculiar creatures, and filled with wondrous & tantalizing devices
that he planned to retain for himself alone. This world, [b]The Neverhood[/b], a world where he could live forever and
EVER more ruling over all of "his" creations.

Hoborg thought this world would make him happy, and for a sane being it would have. But its creation did naught but
make him... depressed. Walking around his mediocre, empty little world make him feel alone, bored and impotent
without an audience or slaves.
But then, Hoborg got an idea. He said,

"I know. I’ll make a subject to appreciate the world I have made & to give my kingship meaning."

And so it was that he took forth Klay and let it take form, altered by the "climes" and waited for life & will & the mind to
fill it.
And so it was that I, Klogg was "born".
I was a different being in those days, lacking ambition, cunning, strength of mind & will, as well as having a hideous
idiosyncratic form (Unlike my present glory, but we'll get around to that later).

Hoborg was happy to have a servant to fawn over him and to do the work required in creating a world. He named me
'Klogg' and welcomed me to the Neverhood, his Kingdom.

"Not Everything you see here is yours to enjoy, but you shall work on all of it as one of 'my' creations. You and I shall
spend all our days here together until I can expand. With you by my side, I’ll make more -"
As Hoborg babbled on about how I was to serve as a glorified handy-man my eyes passed on the desolate grounds of
the Neverhood before fixating on a single object, the sole object of my desire, a thing of beauty & wonder that glowed,
shone, glistened and seemed to... Call to me. Naturally I tried to examine it momentarily in order to ascertain its
properties, and to feel it if just for a moment.

"CROWN!"

Hoborg slapped me aside as soon as I reached in the direction of "his" crown.

"NO! - I mean, no, Klogg. This crown is the main thing that you cannot have. I am the sole ruler of my world, this
Neverhood, and a ruler needs his crown. Surely you can understand that. Now go, and explore your new home, while I
go back to my Throne Room and plan some more beings to make."

So, Hoborg trotted off to make more sycophants, and useless wastes of Klay, whilst I wandered off to explore this
world.
I journeyed it high and low, seeing the views and experimenting with the arcane methods of transport &
communication, and at times improving upon them as my agile & frustrated young mind eagerly sought out fresh
challenges.
But still even when I started to alter the "systems" for added complexity (Such as fragmenting a simplistic 4 piece
slider into 16 parts, in order to remove the threat of idiots clogging up the opening of the Hall of Hoborg), I couldn't help
but think of... It. The CROWN...
And so, I, Klogg start thinking of things... The CROWN thing, but also the weakness and megalomania exhibited bu
Hoborg and his dimwitted lackeys, A Fool by the name of Willey and a vicious Enforcer-Robot named Bil. This "Bil" was
a marvel of construction, yet it refused to allow me near it, attacking viciously with its foot whenever it sighted me. I
swore to learn its secrets, and to improve upon them, but that could wait...

Sitting in the Throne Room Hoborg start thinking about who or what he would create next...

Ennui was always the tyrants bane, and as he sat I toppled his icon of ruler-ship, namely I snatched the CROWN that
he so selfishly kept to himself.

"Huh? What?? My... crown!" Hoborg slowly realized what had happened, but by then it was too late.

I proclaimed by victory with Elam, "Hee hehehar! Now, Hoborg, we shall see who rules this world! You cannot rule
without a crown!" even as he began to beg and whimper for himself, realizing as he did that his rule had been ended I
proclaimed my victory and Ascension to rulership of The Neverho0d:

"I declare myself, Klogg, ruler of the Neverhood!"

As I donned the Crown its power raced through me, and out of Hoborg. I felt strength and power and a cunning
beyond belief race through me, empowering me and removing the frailties and "failsafes" of personality present in my
old form. I was now truly Klogg, King of the Neverho0d, and not a mere being of Klay & spit.

Hoborg could but lament his loss:


"What... have... I... done...?" As he slowly fell backwards, his anima leeched away from him as his power passed into
me, and he slowly fell into a type of suspended state of animation, a coma or "Deep sleep" if you will.

I muttered these words to myself (Unaware of the fact that the crown magnified everything about me, including my very
thoughts):
"Yeeeow! Sheeesh! M-my, this baby packs a wallop!...what's this? Hahaaa! Frozen solid, hmmmm? It seems this
crown does more than give you reign over the Neverhood - it's also your secret to life. What a pity!"

So Hoborg had fallen, and I had risen.

I began my reign with delight, constructing tests of intellect to amuse myself and to test my eventual creations, as well
as testing... other beings in the meanwhile from the 4 mouthed "Weasel" and its mnemonic hunting pattern to the
infinitely breeding blue "Sheep" (That I made out of wet paste, ensuring their delightful smushability).

But my greatest creation was yet to come, for after I had subdued the robot "Bil" by means of a great cannon via
smashing the Mech-anoid's head and disabling it until I repaired it, after some suitable personality modifications
enacted by my engineering genius I had my third (albeit far lesser) idea (You shall yet hear about the second).

The Clock-work beast. A secret weapon, a nasty thingadee, Bil's dark and superior successor, A mechanical enforcer
capable of demolishing anything that might intervene in the future in a manner contrary to my interests. (Even though I
had managed to stop the wall of Records to remain in stasis after taking control of it and all the rest of the Klay in the
Neverho0d I still planned contingencies for action against Quater or from the brothers of Hoborg, lest they discover my
actions against their moronic sibling and attempt to destroy me).

And yet, as I though about this dreaded day and (retired) The Hall of Records I realized that there was one last thing
that I could do in addition to my Doomsday machine - My fourth great idea, The "Engine Number 9". My second Idea
was the cannon that could blast anything in The Neverho0d with impunity. "What? What?! It was my second idea,
Shyeesh".

This plan is what you read now - The Usage of indestructible Klay recording disks to record my words and actions, so
that even if some day all may be lost you shall now of my actions, and if your world is also subject to the whims of a
"God-King" then know what must be done in order to overthrow "him" (or It).
These disks are over-written pieces of The Hall of Records, a technique first used incompetently by the moron Willie
Trombone, thus explaining the lack of brevity at times, the odd visuals and at times over-written pieces of audio & speech,
disregard these pieces of Propaganda and hear and listen, so that your reign might stretch as long as Mine.
So long as nothing goes wrong...

And look out for troublemakers.


I know: fools & so called "heroes" are always where you forget to look even with a vast network of surveillance devices.

Farewelllll!

+Skritch...+ Tape ends.

Bootik, chief of the Skull-monkeys examined the strange tape that had fallen out of the sky quizzically... Then ate it.

The End