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Tales of a 25-Year-Old Virgin

Redeeming Sexual Brokenness

LIFE
JULY 26, 2013 59 PODCA ST | JULY 26, 2013

How Should Christians Date?

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JULY 29, 2013

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How Doubt Saved My Faith
Your questions won't sink your faith.

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Marriage is great—but it rocked everything I knew. I quickly realized my basic goal in life, prior to getting married, was to simply remain undisturbed.

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The Revolution of Peter Hitchens
BY TYLER WARD JANUARY 23, 2013
Tyler lives in Nashville, where he creates and consults web -centric b usinesses. He writes to reb rand life within the heart, the home and the workplace at www.tylerwardis.com.

used to think I had my stuff together. Then I got married.

A Justice Manifesto
KELLI B. TRUJILLO

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This “disruption” came suddenly and was disguised as a 5-foot-nothing Swedish-Filipino woman. When I decided I’d rather not live without her, I proceeded to ask her to marry me—that is, to officially invite someone who wasn’t me to be in my personal space for the rest of my life. This decision introduced my most significant experiences and most challenging experiences—none of which I would trade for the world. However, I wish I’d had a bit more insight on the front end of our marriage to help me navigate it all.

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her needs often compete with my self-focus. I’d be willing to bet that most challenges experienced in marriage are the result of unawareness. The more you give to marriage. then the points of friction in our marriages quickly become gifts that consistently invite us into a more whole and fulfilling experience of life. at the very least. a month later.According to most research. seeing that my recent pattern of caring about work over marriage had produced little more than paying bills and a miserable wife.281 ALTHOUGH HAPPINESS IS OFTEN A VERY REAL BYPRODUCT OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. One day she expects me to stay emotionally engaged. I know it shouldn’t be this way. IT CAN QUICKLY TURN INTO THE GREATEST ASSET TO EVERY OTHER LAYER OF OUR LIVES. However. The next. frustrated or annoyed than my wife. It’s a disorienting claim. I figured giving the philosophy a test drive couldn’t hurt. the goal of marriage is not happiness. to mark our relationship as priority. In this light. Here’s the truth: I get annoyed at my wife. But this is more a reflection of me than her. The list goes on—but never ventures far from things she perfectly well deserves as a wife. and then my effectiveness in all other areas of my life on the same scale. I created a metric for these purposes. just when I think I’ve given all I can possibly give. Marriage is not about living happily ever after. a few friends and I have had an open conversation about the highs and lows of marriage—specifically how to make the most of the high times and avoid the low ones. contrary to popular opinion. entirely unaware of the unique beauty and paradoxical intentions of marriage. and then I tracked how it worked. Unfortunately for her. she's looking for me to validate the way that she feels. RELAT ION SH IP S Redeeming Sexual Brok enness 778 WH OLE LIFE What to Know at 25-ish 109. I remind myself of them often in hopes of keeping this anomaly called marriage both enjoyable and healthy. but I am selfish and stubborn and. WHEN WE RETURN MARRIAGE TO ITS RIGHTFUL PLACE IN OUR PRIORITIES. deserving or not. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship. the more it gives back. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives. Along the way. The worst part of it all is that her demands aren’t unreasonable. overall. I had a chart of data and a handful of ironic 2. The following are three thoughts on marriage that friends and mentors have shared with me. I’m intensely certain that nothing in life has ever made me more angry. a couple of years. I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life— that somehow it’s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. MARRIAGE HAS A FAR MORE SIGNIFICANT PURPOSE IN SIGHT. And though Scripture alludes to the fact that adultery and abuse may be reasons individuals might end a marriage. Disorienting. . marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. all other areas of life benefit. I intentionally put my wife first over everything else. 1 YEAR IS ONLY $15! ORDER NOW AND SAVE 70% NAME ADDRESS CITY ST EMAIL State ZIP SUBMIT ORDERS OUTSIDE THE USA PRIVACY POLICY Over the past year. more than 50 percent of people who say “I do” will not be sleeping in the same bed eight years from now. or any professional. human. When we’re willing to see it this way. 1. because it protests my deeper persuasion that success as an entrepreneur. requires that career takes the throne of my priorities and remain there for. For 31 days. Inevitably. To my surprise. we happened upon a derailing hypothesis that goes something like this: If one makes their husband or wife priority number one. she somehow finds a way to ask for more. set it on fire and help us grow. Most people—myself included—jump into marriage with suitcases full of misconceptions and bad theology. including career productivity and general quality of life.

” Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. they all GOD come around “What’s the most important thing I can do as a father?” Medina's answer alludes to a surprising truth. great marriages produce great parents. Of course. it can quickly turn from something we have to maintain and sacrifice for into the greatest asset to every other layer of our lives. But.” The point is that marriage has a higher goal than to make two people happy or even whole. Yes.” They go on to sum up their years of research by saying. What I found in simply charting my observations was that the majority of the time. women.701 23 0 465 f t s p T TAGS Marriage Relationships ways to say i love you sacrifice priorities career dreams Family . In my previously mentioned experiment. Notably. the more it gives back. our community and eventually our culture. So men. However. And sometimes it will feel as if it takes and takes. the Christian biologist. After years of biological research and several books on parenting conclusions.923 2. say it this way: “A healthy marriage creates an infused stability within the family and a haven of security for a child in their development process. I measured the effect that making my marriage priority number one had on different areas of my life. She no longer saw our relationship and my career pursuits as competitors for my attention. I have experienced the benefits of having the closest person in my life champion me. 3. and as she partnered with me in my career. the investment we make into our marriage pays dividends for us. the authors of Babywise. do the world a favor: Go home and love your wife. STORE SUBSCRIBE 222. my child’s behavior was directly affected by the level of intention I invested in my marriage. is often approached by men looking for the silver bullet of fathering. concluded by Medina and his colleagues. the author of Brain Rules and a Christian biologist.experiences to prove that the more you give to marriage. the next time you find yourself dreaming about living significantly or succeeding in your career or being a better parent than yours were to you. John Medina. what is his answer to the question. In one way or MAGAZINE LIFEto asking. when we return marriage to its rightful place in our priorities. CULTURE CURRENT PODCAST another. the same investment also has significant implications for our family. Marriage can change the world. I observed her advocating for me to invest deeply in to my work. Re-enter John Medina. marriage requires sacrifice. “What’s the most important thing I can do as a father”? “Go home and love your wife. “In the end. Go home and and love your husband. on the days my wife genuinely felt valued. One of those areas was my 16-month-old son’s behavior.

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