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MY SECRET LIFE

VOLUME 4

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VOLUME 4

Chapter I Sarah returns. My love revives. Her tour, and poverty. My aid. Old habits again. Sarah jealous. Lewed and lushy. Her shop and her man. !uarrel. "ellow#haired $itty. t Ca%e de &''v'''e. $itty(s lu)*. bout +ob and ,ra)e. $itty disappears. -e)on)iled to Sarah. Sarah with )hild. .ho is %ather/ Hannah(s sister. 0ear it, but not !uite. Sarah(s lu)*. noble %riend. 1he Casino. %ailure. Sarah(s home. 1roubles. Her sister(s intrigue. hard li%e. Se!uel. During my amours with Jenny I used to call at times to ask after isher! and if "arah had #een heard of$ Of "arah they had heard nothing! and if so! they did not tell me$ Louisa was still ill$ %Mrs$ &' ' ' 'y has #een asking after you!% said (annah! %she wants you to )oke her! * she has a lo+ely leg! * why don,t you ha+e her-% "he had a Jewish nose! #ut indeed a lo+ely leg! and we fucked once or twice for lo+e$ I also had a woman named .etsy Johnson /of whom I ha+e said more further on0! and a +ery fine tall woman with the lo+eliest eyes I e+er saw! with such lim#s and #ackside! and such a thickly1haired cunt$ "he was salacious also! and ke)t me fucking her when I was once in the house with her! whether I desired it or not$ In fact she fancied me! and wanted to see me daily$ .ut she was not a clean woman! so I ceased ha+ing her! * and years after heard she had #een sent to )rison for ro##ery$ &t last Louisa came #ack thin and ill! and I #egan to )oke her$ Once or twice or so! she had fits of the #audiest a#andonment! at other times was cautious! and would uncunt me! and wash her genitals directly I had s)ent! 2ust as "arah used$ &gain she s)oke of my kee)ing her! and the idea of doing so #egan to take hold of me3 for she was )leasant! a good talker! and I lo+ed her lasci+iousness! and wanted a woman to settle to! * when the half1formed intention went to the winds! #e1cause "arah Ma+is returned$ &lthough I then only thought of "arah with a sigh! I used to ask after her$ One morning I went to J'''s "treet$ &s I o)ened the door (annah looked out of the )arlour1door! smiled! )ut her head #ack! then closed the door! again looked out! grinned! again closed the door! then o)ened it saying! %4ou may come$% In I went! and there leaning with one arm on the mantel1)iece in the accustomed attitude stood "arah Ma+is$ %(ow do you do-% said she in her 5uiet way! as if I had only seen her the day #efore$ 6ith a cry of delight I rushed at her! my heart nearly #ursting$ &ll my lo+e returned as I hugged her to my #osom$ %Oh7 my darling! my darling "arah! how glad I am to see you again! * my lo+e! my darling$% &fter I had kissed her till! as she said! I had nearly worn away her face! I wanted her to come u)stairs! for my )rick was tingling with desire$ "he would not$ %Im)ossi#le! * I,m dirty! * almost in rags! * landed from a steam1#oat
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an hour ago! * ha+e tasted nothing #ut water for twenty1four hours$ (er children were with her! tears ran down her face$ %8ome u)stairs! * come my darling$% %9o$% %:o!% said (annah! %I will lend you stockings! and a chemise! * you go u)stairs sir! into the front1room! * she shall #e with you in ten minutes$% %9o I can,t! * I will in two hours! if I can get my children something to eat$% %8ome at once! * I,m dying for you!% said I! %(annah shall cook you something whilst with me$% %:o u) you!% said (annah! %she will follow$% (annah cried at the scene! in1deed we all cried together$ U) I went$ In ten minutes "arah came u)! a chemise and stockings on only! her long #lack hair hanging down her neck! a great cloak o+er all! lent #y (annah$ I threw her on the #ed! kissed her from head to foot! #uried my li)s in her fresh1washed cunt! and then ouf7 ouf7 out flooded my s)unk into her! out flooded her cunt12uice to mingle with it$ "tar+ed! em)ty! miser1a#le as she was! how she fucked with me7 (ow she en2oyed me7 Oh7 the Elysium as the last dro) of s)erm sheds into the 5uim of the woman you lo+e$ 6hat is this- "arah hea+ing though we had #arely re)osed! * my )rick is still in her$ %:o on dear$% On I dro+e$ %&h7 my darling fuck me! * oh7 * I * ha+e not * had a fuck * go on * f * for a * mon * month! * my d * darling$% My )rick was working u) into her stiff as e+er! her #ig arse hea+ing! our tongues meeting! our 2uices mingling in another s)end! and then was a talk after a long +olu)tuous silence$ Its su#stance was this$ %I,+e ne+er #een )oked for a month! * no si; weeks! * we ha+e sold all to kee) us! * he is in )rison$% "arah was careless! care1worn! #roken down$ :rief and trou#le makes any one so$ "he went downstairs after I had fucked the second time /without washing her cunt0! to feed her children$ %Don,t you come down! * we are none of us fit to look at! * I,ll come #ack when I,+e got a )lace to rest in tonight! * oh7 how good you are! * thank :od I,+e met you again! * I feared I should not$% I ga+e her all the gold I had! (annah ga+e food! and she went off$ I went away! had luncheon! and four hours afterward we were in #ed3 and fucked till the )oor worn1out wanderer went to slee) with my )rick in her cunt! and snored almost whilst I was s)ending in her$ <hen laying in semi1nudity afterward! we fucked and sle)t till ten at night! when she went away$ %If I am in the family way now!% she said! %there,s no dou#t who is )a)a$% It is ridiculous the num#er of women I ha+e got with child /or who ha+e said so$0 I saw her ne;t day! and daily for weeks afterward$ (er account of her doings was this$ E+erything went well at first! * they made money! then some of the trou)e got discontented with their share! 5uarrels arose! and two left! which s)oiled the ta#leu;$ <hen Mr$ Ma+is gam#led! then was too )olite to "arah,s sister$ <he trou)e got right again! #ut foreign gentlemen wanted to fuck "arah$ (e would ha+e allowed it! #ut she would not )ermit it$ If she was to get her li+ing as a whore she might as well stay in her own country! she said$ &
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great swell )aid a hea+y sum to see her nearly naked! with #oots and stockings on! and in a recum#ent #audy )osture$ <hat she allowed! for the money he )aid was so great3 #ut her hus#and was in the room at the time$ "he insisted on that$ <he swell frigged himself #efore them #oth whilst she laid +olu)tuously for his ins)ection$ <hen a large sum was offered for the whole trou)e to )erform naked$ "ome would! some would not! * "arah would not$ (er man should not see her sister naked! she was determined! and one woman would not )ermit her man to #e naked! for he had said 2okingly that he should stiffen if he saw Madame 6''t'n naked$ It ended in a row$ One half of the trou)e ga+e )ri+ate e;hi#itions naked$ %.ut!% said "arah! %lots of them don,t look so nice naked as they may think$% "arah and her man /who was a s)lendid animal0! were the finest made of the whole lot$ "arah! a model to artists from fourteen years of age! knew )retty well what a fine man and woman were$ "he and her hus#and tried to get u) )oses again! #ut could not make u) a trou)e$ (e gam#led %for the #est!% she said /she always e;cused him0$ <hey got from #ad to worse$ <heir stage and machinery were then sei=ed! which sto))ed their e;hi#itions$ (e got sent to )rison for de#t$ "he waited in ho)es of his #eing set free! )awned and sold all she had! and at length came to England with her two children to see what she could do here! where she had relations$ "he had landed with the children hungry and wet! without a farthing! and had walked with them from 6a))ing that +ery morning! after a stormy twenty hours )assage from &ntwer)$ "he was haggard! with sunken eyes! her flesh was fla##y! and she had e+ery indication of suffering and misery a#out her when we first met$ 6hy she ne+er went whoring a#road I can,t say$ I can,t say she did not! #ut she a+erred that no one #ut her hus#and had done her! and that from the day he went to )rison to the day she returned to me! she had not #een fucked$ %If I must #e a whore I,ll do it with my own countrymen! and not with those nasty foreigners!% she remarked$ 6e had a honey1moon! and fucked night and day$ %I wish I had gone away with you!% said she to me one night! %#ut it was not to #e$% I #elie+e /you can,t #e sure of a woman0 that she had no man #ut myself now$ I )aid for her lodgings! food! and dresses! got out of )awn from .russels numerous articles! em)loyed an agent to do it! and e+en hel)ed with money to set her man free$ In a#out eight weeks he came to London$ <hen she changed! and rela)sed +ery much into her old ha#its immediately$ 6ould not do this! nor that! would only meet me this time! or that! as she )leased$ It was of no use grum#ling$ %4ou know I can,t!% she would say! %so why #other me$% %(e won,t let you$% %6ell he is the father of my children! and I must make him comforta#le$% %4ou kee) him! surely you may do as you like$% It was of no use! she would not! and again I su#mitted$

MY SECRET LIFE

"o things went on$ Meetings of a morning! dinners at the 8afe! 2ust as #efore$ <hen! I could not learn why! she would not meet me for a whole fortnight$ I got angry! would not see her at all! and #y mere chance then met >itty with the yellow hair$ 6hen it was known that I had 5uarreled with "arah! Mrs$ isher! who had ceased seeing me! turned u)$ I went one day to learn from (annah if she had seen "arah$ 9o she had not! %#ut there is an old friend of yours in the )arlour$% It was Louisa$ "he cried$ "o did I! #ut it was a#out "arah$ &fter Louisa,s +owing that she would ne+er let me again ha+e her! * no ne+er! we had a game of tailing which lasted some hours$ %9ow you will tell "arah$% %9o I won,t$% .ut "arah came to know it$ 6hene+er I 5uarreled with "arah afterward! I )ut my )rick into Louisa or for a time Jenny! of whom I ha+e already written! and occasionally in a fit of lewedness turned into the first whore I got hold of! out of ?egent "treet$ <hen I saw "arah again! and we made it u)! and she #eha+ed #etter to me$ &fter a time I found she walked occasionally in ?egent "treet! #egan to talk lasci+iously! and would drink like a fish$ <o see her regularly on the streets shocked me$ 6ell! she must get some money! * when she had sa+ed a certain sum she would take a #usiness$ Mr$ Ma+is was #y trade a ' ' ' '! and was determined now to follow it! and o)en a sho) for the sale of his goods! * she would attend to the sho)$ I ga+e her much money on condition she would ne+er trai)se the streets$ If she saw friends! or those who were introduced to her! I could not hel) it! #ut I had a horror of the )a+ement! and of her #ringing in any man who took to her$ @uiet whoring with me! and a select few if she liked$ I agreed to that$ "o she disa))eared from the )a+e as far as I know$ <he sho) was o)ened! and was successful$ Aoor "arah was for months in a state of 2oy! and would scarcely come to me$ 9o! they were getting on! he was steady! they earned a good li+ing! * not as much as she did #y her #eing gay! #ut enough$ It was sweeter and #etter than money got #y wriggling her #uttocks$ "he cooked all the meals! and was always at home! #ut she came to me occasionally$ <hat for a short time ga+e a rest #oth to my )ocket and #allocks! and I res)ected her for her decision! #ut could not #ear the )er)etual disa))ointment at her refusals$ &t first I used to go home with my heart #reaking! and then tried for Louisa isher3 #ut she told me once and for all! that she would ha+e nothing more to do with me as long as I knew "arah3 and I saw no more of Louisa for weeks$ Jenny was then a#out to lea+e her )lace and marry$ I was unha))y! for I was dotingly fond of "arah! and my misery at home dro+e me to the com)any of other women$ 8unt certainly sa+ed me from drinking! * #ut I thought I would go a#road to get clear of all$ I fancy that her man had too much of "arah,s com)any! or the tem)tation to let her get money was too strong! for when annoyed in e+ery way! I told "arah of my determination to go a#road! either what I said! or the fear of losing me
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affected her3 and she said she would see me oftener! and e+en dine! which she had al1most ceased doing$ Dinners then #ecame fre5uent$ %8ome at se+en o,clock$% %I can,t till half1)ast$% %<hen stay with me till twel+e$% %4ou know I must #e in at ten$% %<hen you won,t #e an hour with me$% %6ell you can do all you want in an hour$% <his #egan to re+olt me! to think that my whole o#2ect in seeing her was to fuck! yet I su#mitted$ One night she came late to dinner$ %I must #e home earlier tonight$% %6hen-% %&t half1)ast nine$% %6hy it,s eight now$% %4ou will ha+e time to ha+e me$% %<hen I won,t go in$% 6e were outside the 8afC$ %9onsense! * come$% %I,ll see you damned first! * good night!% * and I walked toward the ca# stand$ "he stood still for a moment! then came ra)idly after me$ %9ow don,t #e angry! * do come dear! * I want a )oke so! * I can,t #ear you going away so! * let us go to J'''s "treet at once! * I must ha+e you! * you shan,t go without our ha+ing a kiss together$% %6ill you sto) till ten-% %9o$% %Damned if I,ll #e hum#ugged any longer!% said I! hailing a ca#$ %4ou are not going away! are you! like that-% I dro+e off! and so we )arted! and I would not call at J'''s "treet for weeks$ 6hile in this state of unha))iness! I was in ?egent "treet one afternoon when I met an elegantly dressed woman with her +eil down$ <hrough it I saw her eyes fi;ed on mine! and knew her at once$ %>itty7% %6alter7% 6e sto))ed$ %Don,t talk here!% said she! walking on till she turned down a #y1street! I following her$ <here we shook hands! glad to see each other$ I wanted her to come with me to O'd'n "treet$ 9o it was im)ossi#le! #ut she would meet me to dine in Leicester "5uare in a#out two hours$ "he would come if she could! * if she did not it would #e no fault of hers$ %.ut it,s of no use your asking me if you e;)ect to ha+e me! for you won,t$% %9onsense! * not the man whose )rick you first had )leasure with-% %9o! not e+en you$% %Very well! * I,m misera#le! I lo+e a woman who #eha+es #adly to me! * I must dine some1where! come and dine! and let,s talk of old times$% %I cannot sto) late$% %:o when you like! #ut come$% &t the 8afe de ' ' ' ' I ordered a room$ %9o not this! one with a #edroom where we can wash hands$% %<hey are all let today sir! * we ha+e only one #edroom and sitting room for tra+ellers who may arri+e tonight$% %6ell we shall sto) all night!% * and the rooms were reser+ed for me$ >itty came$ "he had changed her dress! and was in #lack silk! #ut most elegant it was! and showed her colour off to )erfection$ <he waiter had gone$ %<ake off your #onnet! * don,t lay it down there! * go into the other room$% In she went! I followed$ %& kiss$% %4es!% * kiss! * a hug$ %Oh7 >it how lo+ely you are! * what a fine woman you ha+e grown! * as )lum) as e+er$% %Alum)er!% said she$ %4es! I can feel it out1side$% %9ow lea+e off! * mind what I told you$% %9onsense! * oh7 for :od,s sake >it only a feel$% I )ut my hand u) her clothes! and felt the cunt$ "he struggled$ %Oh7 >it let me! * think how
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often I ha+e done it$% %9o! * no! * I ha+e sworn I ne+er would again! * now )ray don,t! * I,+e sworn I tell you$% %6ell only another feel$% %6ill you )romise-% %4es$% "he let me gro)e$ %Oh7 that cunt! * more hair than e+er! * oh7 feel me! * do$% Out I lugged my )rick$ %Oh7 feel it$% %6ell there! * there! I ha+e! * now take your hand away$% <here stood >itty and I leaning against the #ed! arms round each other! kissing! my fingers on her clitoris! she gras)ing my )rick$ %Oh7 no! * I,+e sworn! * I would if I had not! * I dare not! * there! * oh7 now I so wish I had not come! * I,ll go if you don,t lea+e off! * oh7 now don,t! * I,ll go!% * #ut she didn,t$ <here we stood! silent! li)s glued to each other! she sighing! her #um twisting gently$ <hen I was on the #ed! on her! u) her! and the sighs which #egan as we stood at the #edside! frantically ru##ing our )ri+ates! ended in dee) so#s of satisfaction and tran5uillity$ "uddenly the waiter knocked$ %On a ser+i! Monsieur$% %In a minute!% said I! * and to go into the sitting room was the work of half a minute! * >itty came in directly afterward$ %<he )lates are cold!% said I$ %<hey ha+e #een u) fi+e minutes! sir$% >itty and I looked at each other$ %6hat wine! sir-% I chose it! and he left$ %I must go and wash!% said >it$ "he had come in to sa+e a))earances$ &t length we finished dinner in the delightful gaiety of half1 satisfied lust! with the tingling of renewed desire in )rick and cunt! as we eat and drank! and chatted$ >itty got at first )ensi+e$ %I swore with the .i#le in my hand I ne+er would let another man #ut him! and it will #ring me ill luck$% .ut she #rightened as she warmed with food and wine$ 6e talked o+er old times$ 6hat a difference #etween the sha##y ill1dressed girl of four years ago! who gra##ed a sausage1 roll like a coster1monger! and the lo+ely elegant woman who eat like a lady7 I could scarcely #elie+e my1self$ (ow glad I was when dinner was o+er! and we dismissed the waiter$ <hen our talk ran wild$ Our kisses! the feel of my )rick! the titillation of her 5uim soon swe)t away all scru)les$ "he was )roud of her1 self! delighted to show herself to me who had known her in her )o+erty! and she stri))ed to her skin$ I found she was #eautiful in form! and white as ala#aster$ I stri))ed! and #oth naked we fucked and fucked$ My :od how we re+elled in sensuality! and fucked till my )rick would not stand! and till her clitoris was sore with frigging$ I think of it now with e;5uisite delight$ %I swear!% said she! %you were the first man who e+er ga+e me )leasure! *I ha+e often thought of that hot summer,s afternoon as we lay on the #ed together! *how young I was! * I had ne+er had my )oorliness! * ah7 that first s)end! * I shall recollect it to the last day of my life! * I got fond of you from that day! and ne+er had another man till you left England! * money was of no use to me e;ce)ting to #uy food! and yours was enough! * so I ne+er had another man till you left$ <hen I had se+eral! and soon went gay$% %4ou s)ent often enough then-% %It,s true!% said she! %for a few months I s)ent with e+ery man I had! * I did not care what they ga+e me! * if they wanted it twice
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I let them! for I was dying for it always! #ut then I )ulled myself together$ 4ou are the only man I e+er told this to! for although my hus#and of course knows I was gay! he always thinks I had only #een out one or two months! * he ne+er asks me anything! and wants to forget all a#out my )ast$ * &nd now e;ce)ting you! I swear I ha+e ne+er had another man #ut him since he has ke)t me$% 6e talked a#out the little Aol whom she #rought to me$ "he told me she had #een got in the family way #y her own #rother! and she did not know what #ecame of her$ * 8ousin .o#! oh7 how we laughed a#out his frig! * that sight seems to ha+e settled :race$ %It was her ruin!% said >itty$ %:race was always frigging herself! and wishing she could let a man do it to her without fear! of the conse5uences! and after she had seen .o# frig himself! she got s)oony on him$ Very soon after1 ward .o# s)ent his seed u) :race,s rece)tacle! instead of on the floor! * :race,s #elly #egan to swell! and .o#! instead of hel)ing her! cut her! and got rid of his s)erm in some other girl,s tra)$ <hen after fretting! :race took another )rick to comfort her! then another! then one for money! and finally went on the town$% It was :race who was walking with >itty one night when I met her in the "trand! and it turned out that a few weeks afterward she told >itty that I had had her3 #ut I had no knowledge of ha+ing done so$ It occurred thus$ 6hilst seeing >itty and .righton .essie I had a stray )oke from time to time$ :race had seen me s)eak to >itty! and recollected me! #ut I did not know :race from E+e$ I )icked her u)! howe+er! one night and had her$ %Do you recollect!% said >itty! %one night standing during a hea+y storm under the )it1 entrance to the Lyceum! and taking a lady from there-% I did )erfectly$ %"he stammered a little!% said I$ %4es that was :race$% %"he was rather thin! straight! #lackish hair on her cunt! cunt with #iggish la)els$% %<hat,s she! * that,s she!% laughed >ate$ <he circumstance was an odd one$ >itty told me her recent history! it seemed )ro#a#le to me then! and not im)ro#a#le now$ "he met a gentle1man! went to a house with him! then saw him again! and again3 he offered to kee) her and she had #een with him e+er since$ (e ke)t her mother and li+ed with >itty! #ut could not introduce her into society! and was a#out to sell his commission and take her a#road to marry her$ (e was an officer! and on talking with her she was certainly well u) in army matters$ (e had made her swear a solemn oath ne+er to ha+e another man whilst he was away! and to a+oid her own relations and e+ery one she had known$ %4es!% said >itty! %I see what you are thinking a#out! #ut I declare #efore :od that when I came to dine with you! I was determined not to let you ha+e me$ I felt curious a#out you 2ust as you felt curious a#out me! and I ha+e still a little liking for you! * see what has come of it! * I #elie+e that I ha+e ruined myself through coming here tonight! * I ha+e a )resentiment that great harm will come to me through it$%

MY SECRET LIFE

(e had #een away for a month! wrote to her e+ery day! and she to him$ "he had a nice little house! * not in .rom)ton! no * )erfectly res)ecta#le! and had )lenty of money$ "he saw one or two friends! one of whom was his sister$ (er great difficulty that night was how to account for #eing so late out /for we sto))ed till one in the morning0$ I dare say she got o+er the difficulty! for women are cle+er liars$ %& whole month! >itty7 * and no )oking-% %9one$% %<hen you frig$% %Of course! * I write a #eautiful handwriting!% said she! %look! * e+ery one says so$% "he took down a wine1list! and #orrowing my )encil wrote her name$ I had #een asking her her name! and she had refused it$ %?ead it$% %"o that is your name$% "he howled! and scratched it out with the )encil 5uickly! * she had forgotten her secret in her desire to show me how well she wrote$ I forget the name! and she would not gi+e me her address$ %6e may ne+er meet again! >itty$% %I don,t think we e+er shall$% <hen with one consent we went to the #ed$ I laid down my head on her thighs! kissing her )retty 5uim! she frigging me! till with a chuckle as of old! she delicately took the ti) of my )ego into her mouth! only the ti)! 2ust as she used$ U) it came at the challenge$ 6e fucked a long hard1working! slow1s)ending fuck! and then we )arted$ >itty,s cunt was as tight as when she was young! a sweet1 looking cunt #etween da==ling white thighs! yet I always wished it another colour$ %I don,t want you to think me a gay woman any longer! #ut I ha+e a su)erstition! * gi+e me a )iece of gold! and #ring a light$% <hen I went with her to the water1closet! and she threw the so+ereign down it! * that was a charm to ward off e+il for ha+ing #roken her oath$ %4ou ha+e en2oyed me! >it-% %I ha+e not en2oyed myself so much I think since I last met you in ?egent "treet!% said she$ 6ith a kiss in the street we )arted! and I ne+er saw her since$ I asked her if she had #een in the family way$ %4es! you got me with child #efore you left England! directly after I had my )oorliness! * I ne+er had anyone for a long time after you left! so it must ha+e #een you$ :race first said I was with child! and hel)ed me #y going with me to a woman who li+es in a court in Long1&cre$% "he had #een so since twice #y her )rotector! and had sto))ed it3 #ut so soon as they were married he said they would ha+e children$ It was one of the reasons why he wished to marry her$ &ll this time I was in full fa+our with women! was in the )rime of life! kind! sym)athetic! thought handsome #y women! and manly also$ I see clearly now! how I could ha+e had no end of other women without )aying! #ut scarcely saw my o))ortunities then3 and though I may ha+e many instances to show! that my lo+e was all that was wanted #y some who threw themsel+es in my way! I can scarcely tell of them here$ <his luck ran o+er full ten years of my life! as
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nearly as I can recollect$ During nearly four years of that! I was in lo+e with "arah who did not return it! #ut who used her )ower with moderation on the whole! though she tyranni=ed o+er me$ I would not see nor ha+e "arah for weeks after my last ru)ture with her! #ut could not hel) calling at J$''' s "treet$ I liked the scene of so much )leasure to me! to hear the click of the street1door as it o)ened! the rustle of )etticoats going u)stairs! the hea+y ste) after them! the demand for a room! the re)ly! % irst1floor front! sir$% /I add now what on reading o+er the manuscri)t I do not find! * it is a needful addition written twenty years later$ /6hen "arah knew that I was fully aware of her occu)ations and ha#its! she changed! talked with me a#out artists, models! statuary! and so forth! and a#out her fa+ourite )oses as well! for she liked that work$ <o get me out of ill tem)er which her tyranny now often )ut me in! she would )ose naked! all #ut silk stockings and her lo+ely little kid #oots$ It was an e;5uisite sight which almost directly made me mad to )ossess her$ My )rick swelled! stood out! lifting my shirt till I raised it! and rushed to feel her$ <hen laughing at my e;citement she would alter her )ose! till off went my shirt! she laid hold of my )rick! I her cunt! and getting on to the #ed I clas)ed her in my arms! and fucked her$ Aosing naked #efore me made her feel lewed and want me! she confessed! slow as she was at such confessions$ %<here!% said she one day when she saw my stiff )rick! %that,s what would ha+e ha))ened if we had )osed naked in .russels$% E+ery man in the trou)e had at one time or another solicited her fa+ours )ri+ately! #ut she ne+er told her own man that! for fear of a row$ /"he generally )osed thus after we had dined! and when what lust was in her constitution usually came out3 I learned how to test her cunt1cra+ings in a sim)le way$ Directly we got to the #edroom after dining she always )iddled$ I )ushed my )rick /stiffening in antici)ation0 in her face as she sat on the )ot$ If lustful she laid hold of it laughing! and )ulled the foreskin #ackward and forward saying! %ah7 * ahah7 * look at it! * it,s ready%3 * if not! and she was thinking only of getting away soon! she )ushed it away! saying! %8an,t you wait now3 * what #easts you men are3 what )leasure can it gi+e you to )ush that ugly thing in my face-% .ut who can gi+e a reason for any #audy tricks! * they gi+e )leasure! or they would not #e done! #y all men and women$ /"ometimes when she was )osing I used to )ee)! trying to see more than the hair of the motte! and the dark shadow in the #um1furrow$ @uite toward the end of our ac5uaintance I got her to )ose in a lewedly suggesti+e attitude! #ut she ne+er would o)en her cunt1li)s herself! nor let me look well inside$ "he would lea+e me angry! rather than )ermit it$ %It,s not made to look at! * )ray go on swearing!% she would say as she dressed herself$ %I,m going! * it,s ten o,clock$%
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/Indeed her se;ual orifice did not e+en then seem to me so handsome as those of other women$ It was fat! large outside! with nym)hae showing from clitoris to the +ul+a$ Aerha)s she knew that$ It was loose in1side! must ha+e #een low down! and there was some1thing a#out it which I ne+er understood! and therefore can,t descri#e$ "carcely any other woman yet that I can recollect uncunted me in the throes of )leasure as she did! when she en2oyed the )rick! and was fucking energetically$ %Damn it! it,s out! * oh7 )ut it in! I was 2ust coming!% were e;clamations then made simultaneously #y us$ /6hat made me so madly in lo+e with her therefore! it is difficult to say$ It must ha+e #een the )erfection of her form! which enra)tured me directly I saw it! and e+en to the last when she got too fat$ .esides she had a 5uiet! comforta#le! com)aniona#le manner! unlike a gay woman,s3 and at that time though I liked a genial lewedness in a woman! o)en flagrant #audiness rather re+olted me! and till lust stirred me fully u) I was half chaste in my words! e+en with them$ %Let me look at it! * show it me!% were more fre5uently my words than stronger ones$ 9othing I said in those days e;ce)ting in highly wrought moments was com)ara#le to my lasci+ious utterances now! when no language I find too )lain to e;)ress the wants and acts of those organs which gi+e us all the highest )leasure! #oth )hysically and mentally$ I had not then learnt all the )leasure co)ulation is ca)a#le of! that unrestrained nature in coition is the #est$ <he a#surdity of calling any1thing indecent or im)ro)er! which men and women may like to say or do together when in )ri+ate! had not occurred to me$ I now #elie+e that it matters not whether what they do #e called unnatural! or #eastly! or not$ "o long as #oth like it and en2oy it! it is natural to them! concerns no one else! is the instincts of their nature! and is to them )ro)er$0 &nd now to my narrati+e$ "ometimes if (annah was not in the )arlour! I would )ee) and see the ha))y cou)les going u)stairs! the women generally first$ If late they were often a little noisy! and made a li#eral dis)lay of leg to the men following$ Late at night if women were there! (annah would then not let me in unless some of my female friends were there$ 6hen (annah would not let me )ee)! I at times threatened not to make u) her accounts$ <hat threat was often successful! I ne+er told any one for many years afterward a#out the accounts$ %"arah is an;ious to see you!% said (annah one night! %so an;ious$% I saw her! con5uered! and we made it u)$ "oon after she was in the family way again! she said #y her hus#and3 #ut she would not #e )lagued with another child$ "he let it go on for a month or so! and during that time fucked freely! kee)ing my )rick and my s)erm u) her as long as I wished it$ I #ecame fully con+inced that se;ually she was cold! though a good mother and wife3 #ut I lo+ed her delicious form! and if she would lay in artistically free1andeasy attitudes whilst I talked to her! was content$ "he ne+er cared a#out #audy )ictures$ &fter dinner I had )oked her! and we were lying half naked together! she
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would suddenly feel her clitoris for a minute! then say! %8ome nearer! dear!% * that meant she would feel my )rick for minutes! and then fuck! * fuck was the or1der$ &fter her s)end she got cold again! the dinner heated her! and when I had cooled her cunt! she was cool to me$ &fter a time either they grew tired of the sho) or did not make enough money! for they started on a tour in the )ro+inces with a trou)e$ (annah said Ma+is was too la=y to stick to his trade! and )referred either )osing! or li+ing on "arah,s earnings$ I was left unha))y again$ &gain Mrs$ isher a))eared! and her modest lasci+iousness again mastered my senses$ I was getting accustomed to her! when "arah came #ack$ <hey had money! the sho) #usiness had gone! #ut now they at1tended to that$ "arah was always there! I used to see her in it! for though its wherea#outs was ke)t secret at first! it was ultimately told me$ I ne+er went into it! #ut used to linger outside it 2ust for the )leasure of looking at her! e+en though )erha)s the same night I was to meet her$ "uch was my infatuation$ "he again met me! #ut only for as long as she liked$ "he said she met only me! and I !#elie+ed it to #e nearly true$ "he was certainly ne+er in the streets that I could disco+er$ (e ne+er was in the sho)$ "he told me he was always in the worksho)$ "he might ha+e done a little #elly1#um)ing #usiness #y introductions! #ut (annah! now 5uite at my ser+ice! declared that she ne+er introduced her$ <hen "arah was in the family way again$ "aid she! %I can,t tell if it,s yours! or his$% &nother miscarriage$ <hen she #egan to take a great deal too much wine! or anything else$ I grudged her not! for she might ha+e swallowed )earls if I had had the money to gi+e them to her3 #ut thought of her health and looks! knowing how li5uoring gains on a woman! and how it ruins her$ "he was annoyed at my remarks$ Let her #e ha))y a little when she could$ %&ren,t you ha))y-% %(ow can any one #e ha))y li+ing from hand to mouth as I am-% I #egan then to think she was unha))y$ 9ow too she #egan to fuck with fury! when she had a little wine$ One night I did not want it #ut once$ % uck me again$ * you shall!% said she$ "he threw herself into #audy attitudes! she whom I had usually difficulty in inducing to lasci+iousness$ &t length )ulling me on to her! she got another fuck! and directly dressed and went away$ %6hy "arah! you ha+e not washed$% %9o I,m going to carry it home with me tonight!% she said with a sa+age sneering smile! %they,ll ha+e a treat at home$% I ne+er knew what she meant$ I asked her to lea+e her man3 she was half inclined! * she was sick of life! * would I take her children too- 4es I would$ & week afterwardG 9o she must kee) to him! howe+er ill he might #eha+e to her! * they were his children! * no one would take care of them #ut him$ %Does he #eha+e ill to you-% %Oh7 no! )oor man! he has enough to )ut u) with$% &ll this was contradictory$ <hen she got so ca)ricious that I 5uarreled$ I was getting ashamed of allowing myself to #e made such a fool of! arranging to meet her! waiting at the house!
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she ne+er a))earing! and so on$ (annah used to come and talk with me #ecause I was so misera#le$ "he was 5uite friendly! and if she wanted to )iss she used to sit down and do it without any a)ology or remark #efore me now$ %(e is a #rute!% said she! %do you know he has se+eral times #een here whilst she has #een with !you! and she has at once gi+en him the money you ha+e gi+en to her! * what do you think of him- * isn,t she a fool- * )oor "arah7 * ah7 you are #oth to #e )itied$% (annah,s other sister 2ust then came as ser+ant$ "he was a )retty creature! had a s5uint in one eye! #ut it did not seem to disfigure her$ "he had #een a house1maid! and was found talking to a sailor in the house /she told me he was her cousin0 ! and was turned out at once$ I rather sus)ect she was found with the sailor,s #elly u) against hers! and nothing #etween their skins$ I was such a fool that I could not hel) going to J'''s "treet nightly! asking after "arah! and crying$ <his girl seemed to take a fancy to me! and #oth she and (annah said I was a goose for trou#ling myself a#out "arah$ <his was at a time when we had had a 5uarrel! and I thought I was )unishing her3 #ut it )unished me awfully$ One night I sent a letter ho)ing "arah would come$ 6ord came #ack she could not! (annah,s sister came in to tell me$ I cried$ %6hat a )ity to take on so!% said she coming near me$ I sat her down on the sofa! (annah had told me she had a #eautiful leg /she was a#out eighteen years old0$ 6e talked! I kissed her! she me$ %4ou are )lum) for your age$% %4es$% I felt her #reasts$ %(annah says you ha+e a nice leg$% %"o they say$% %Let me see$% %9o$% I #egan to lift her clothes! she resisted! my cock stiffened! her resistance ceased! she laid her face on my shoulder! I )ulled u) her clothes to her cunt$ "he had lo+ely lim#s$ %Let me ha+e you! * let,s fuck$% %4es I,+e #een longing for you!% she re)lied! and got u) to #olt the door$ My feelings then took a sudden turn! a com)lete re+ulsion$ If "arah knew it there would #e a row! #oth of us would #e sorry for it! I remarked$ "he made no re)ly! #ut left the room$ I ne+er had her! for the ne;t day I got "arah$ <he girl saw me many times after1ward! and used to look at me! #ut ne+er referred to that night! and soon left the house$ (annah said she went #ack into 5uiet ser+ice! * )erha)s a lie! #ut I tell it! as told to me$ "arah one day said! %4ou were an hour and a half in the room with Esther /I think it was her name!0 * did you ha+e her-% %9o$% %I #elie+e you did$% % I did not$% %4ou )ulled u) her clothes-% %4es$% %Did you ha+e her now-% %9o$% %6hat! when your hand was on her thighs% %9o$% %I don,t #elie+e you$% %.ut it,s true!% said I$ "arah laughed$ %Let,s do it!% said she$ I could write a +olume a#out "arah! #ut it would #e tiresome! so will finish a#out her$ &fter months worrying I heard that one or two officers used to fuck her! she admitted it and that she had #een to &ldershot$ %I must make money somehow!% said she$ <hen I re+olted! #ut ke)t on with her for a time! and then the following came a#out$
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6alking in the streets one day! she took the fancy of a no#leman who was se+enty years old! they sold their sho)! )ut that money! and the sa+ings she had made #y letting out her cunt! to o)en a 8asino with )oses )lasti5ues! singing! dancing! etc$! etc$ "he told me what they intended to do! * nothing +enture! nothing ha+e! * "o1and1"o had made a fortune that way! why not they- I urged against it! #ut ga+e a #iggish sum to hel)$ %6hat is the good- * 4ou will ne+er get enough!% said I$ <hen she told me of the no#leman! and his name$ I was staggered! for I knew him and his wife$ (e had a large family! and had led an irre)roacha#le life! #ut got so madly in lo+e with "arah that he wrote her letters! offered to kee) her! and actually took her home to see Lady'''! an aged woman who cried and said she did not #lame "arah! #ut did her hus#and for his folly and wickedness$ (e hel)ed with much money! they started the 8asino! after si; months they failed! their money was s)ent! and they were in de#t$ I #elie+e that "arah ne+er knew my name$ I was sur)rised when she told me the name of the no#leman$ I ne+er told her I knew him! though she once asked me if I did$ Of course I said no$ I used to go to see her in the )oses! go #ehind the scenes! order cham)agne! and do all I could to hel)$ <he )oor woman worked like a sla+e$ <hen filled with des)air! #egan to drink dee)ly! drunk she did not get! #ut she could swallow a )ail full! and she got #loated$ Unless she had )lenty of li5uor she was una#le to act$ "he ke)t telling me all was going on well! when in fact the affair was going to the dogs$ <hen I determined to gi+e her u)! I had done my #est to hel)! she had not done much for me! so told her that I should go a#road$ %Oh7 )ray don,t! * oh7 )ray don,t! * you don,t know what trou#le I ha+e! what I ha+e done to kee) a home o+er our head! how I ha+e worked! sla+ed! whored to do it! for the sake of my children! and to kee) him! to kee) them all!% * #ut I left off seeing her! and )re)ared to go a#road$ %"arah wants to see you!% said (annah to me$ %6hen-% %<omorrow$% %I will #e here$% "he came with swollen eyes! slightly in li5uor$ %Oh7 take me with you! take me a#road! out of this cursed )lace$% <hree years #efore I had offered that first! #ut had gi+en u) the notion! * said so$ %It,s too late! and yet I could ha+e lo+ed you so! and I lo+ed you! only I dared not show it!% said she$ %6ell I will drown myself! for home I ne+er go again$% <hen came a scene$ (annah and her sister were called in whilst "arah ra+ed a#out her wrongs$ "he had ke)t them all! * all! * all! and now her sister was in the family way! * and #y him7 he had seduced her! * and when )oor "arah talked a#out sending her home to her mother! 9o he said! she should not go! #ut "arah might! if she liked! * the sister whom she had ke)t! to #e in the
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family way #y him7 6hilst she was walking the streets to get #read for them all! he was )utting it into her sister! * for that sister she was to #e turned out$ %I ha+e sus)ected it for a year! ha+e laid tra)s for them! #ut ne+er could catch them! then I could not think after I had got money to set u) fresh three times that he could #e such a +aga#ond$ * I ha+e ruined my health #y miscarriages! I am out of my mind almost with )ain sometimes! and all for him! * and the little #itch! whom I ha+e twice nursed through illnesses that the doctor said would kill her! * oh7 I wish I were dead7 * #ut I,ll take my time! and do for her and her child too! if it comes to one$% I ga+e money! and comfort! #ut she was in des)air and murderous in intention$ "he was a cool determined woman! #ut she fell ill which u)set her determination$ "he ke)t to her home! and under the )ressure of the man! her children! her fears and misery! acce)ted her humiliation! hel)ed her sister in her accouchement! and #y harlotting ke)t them all! #ut was #roken1hearted and ultimately kicked out #y her man! and #y her sister! who took her )lace$ (er sister I don,t think was gay! (annah said so then$ I lost sight of "arah! and no one knew where to find her$ I told (annah I should like the sister! who resem#led "arah! and was fine1made! #ut smaller$ I had seen her in the )oses! #ut ne+er had her$ <hen I saw "arah again well1dressed! and getting money! #ut heart1#roken$ <he man had her children! and refused to gi+e them u) to her$ (e had knocked her down$ "he had threatened a magistrate$ (e had said that he would tell the magistrate that the reason why he refused them was that she was a whore and a drunkard$ "he had the misery of seeing her man! her two children! and her sister walking out together! and of her own children telling her she was a whore! and that they would #e whi))ed if they s)oke to her$ "he told me this * (annah said it was true$ <hen she left the 5uarter! and went to li+e with her mother somewhere in the e;treme north of London! and drank +ery hard! (annah said$ I met her a few years afterward in the Euston ?oad$ (ow she had aged7 %4ou! "arah7% %My :od! you7% "he wanted me to go with her$ %One kiss for old ac5uaintance sake! for I lo+ed you more than you thought$% %9o you did not$% %4es! #ut my children$% I would not go with her! ga+e some money! and though I yearned toward her! left$ /(annah had left J'''s "treet! and the new kee)er knew not my "arah0$ &gain after a time I saw her$ I sto))ed her! and ga+e her money unsolicited! and ne+er saw her again$ "he told me she was li+ing with a man$ "he looked )oor and #roken$ & few years afterward the trunk of a young woman was found floating in the <hames! there was a )eculiar scar #elow the #osom$ I ha+e often wondered if that was the end of "arah$ I must mention here that after their 8asino failed! they acted in )oses )lasti5ues at a ta+ern in the 8ity ?oad$ I took a friend who will )resently #e named to see them act$ "arah was then much fagged and dila)idated$
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Chapter II Louisa reappears. Crabs. My despair. %riend(s advi)e. &romis)uous harlotting. 2u)*ed out. My %riend(s little woman. Li33ie Stanley. 1he hole by the ba)*#bone. 1he little woman(s sister. Many na*ed ladies. Operations in a %our#wheeler. she on the top. 1he )unts in two houses. Slandered. sodomiti) o%%er. 0ona))eptan)e. &fter calling many times! and not seeing "arah! Louisa a))eared again$ 6e met and )oked$ "he was as lasci+ious and willing as #efore! #ut hurried$ "he was now ke)t! and was su)er#ly clothed$ <ired of knocking a#out! I wanted to settle to one woman! and told her so$ "aid she! %If "arah Ma+is was to come any day! you would throw me o+er for her! * I would once ha+e li+ed with you on a )ound a week! #ut you would not ha+e it$% <hat was true$ I told her I was going a#road$ 6e met once a week! #ut I could not reckon on her! and she o#2ected to go to J'''s "treet3 so I used to wait for her with a car)et#ag! and go to a hotel! take rooms as if for the night! dine! fuck! and lea+e$ <o ha+e this was amusing once or twice! #ut it did not satisfy me$ "he liked me I know! and arranged to sto) with me all night at an hotel! which was in :t$ A'''l''d "treet! #ut when she came it was im)ossi#le! she said! to stay all night$ I was e;cessi+ely angry! and would not fuck her$ &fter dinner she coa;ed me! and of course I did! #ut was sulky$ %Don,t #e angry! * I would like to slee) with you 5uite as much as you would! #ut I dare not tonight! * let us do it again$% "he was laying on the sofa! I would not$ (ow well I recollect her )uffing her whole clothes u) to her na+el! and laying with her #ig thighs o)en$ %Do it again! there,s a darling$% I threw myself on to her afterwards$ %Is not my cunt wet- * you always do make me so wet! * I always seem to s)end twice as much with you as I do with my friend$% "he ke)t my )rick in her for a 5uarter of an hour afterward! kissing me all the time$ <hen she was o#liged to go$ "he was fond of laying on the #ed after I had had her! remarking how wet she was! and then shutting her eyes seemed to #e thinking +olu)tuously of the condition of her cunt$ "he went away hurriedly! stoo)ing and kissing my naked )rick #efore she de)arted$ "he was going out of town! we were to meet again! #ut we did not and I ne+er saw her after that night$ * (annah did not either$ /<his I note here #ecause it seems to indicate to my1self my erotic )hase at this )eriod$ I ne+er licked the cunt of "arah or Louisa! nor! to sa+e recurring to the su#2ect! the cunt of Jenny whose doings with me I ha+e already told$0 One day I had "arah in the morning! had to meet a man at luncheon! and went off hurriedly without washing$ I went #ack in the afternoon! and found Louisa in the )arlour$ 6e talked with my hand on her thighs! (annah said! %4ou had #etter go u)stairs!% 2ust then the door1#ell sounded$ (annah looked
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out! we heard her say! %:o u) sir! she will #e here directly I,m sure$% 8oming in she laughed$ %It was Louisa,s friend$% %(ang him!% said Louisa! %let,s ha+e a )oke$% %:o on to my #ed!% said (annah! and left the room$ On the side of the #ed I tailed her in no time$ "he went u)1stairs! and where she washed I don,t know$ <here was a #ed hidden #y curtains #ut no washing materials in the )arlour$ (annah )erformed her a#lutions in the #ack room when it was not occu)ied$ I dined at my 8lu#! and going home! called on Jenny$ "he was in fear a#out her sister coming! #ut I fucked her on the sofa! and left instantly! went to #ed tired and without washing! and #y day#reak was off on a fishing e;cursion$ In fact I did not wash my )rick for a#out three days! e;ce)t the ti) which I ne+er failed to wash$ <hen I found I had the cra#s$ (ow did I get themI had gi+en u) "arah! #ut still lo+ed her! though I felt I was a madman to encourage it! and that nothing #ut trou#le and misery to me could come of my taking to her again$ I had confided my trou#le to an old friend! who chaffed me and cheered me$ %4ou fool! to kee) to a woman who is only )laying with you! * and a fat fla##y woman like that$% (e had gone with me to see her in the )oses$ %(a+e them younger and fresher! * you,ll get )lenty to like you! * #ut directly you find you are taking too closely to any woman in future! cut her! go out of town! go a#road! try fresh women e+ery night! do all you can to forget her! * change of scene! and )lenty of change of cunt! is sure to make you forget any woman$% (e was a cold1#looded man! and would ha+e turned off a woman who was in his way with #ut little ceremony$ 6hen he knew of my lo+e1matters he disclosed some of his$ I had not the least sus)icion #efore of how much he amused himself with women$ (is idea of them was that they were only made for amusement! not for affection$ I acted on his ad+ice! and swore I would ne+er ha+e a woman twice$ 6hen a woman said after I had stroked her! %"hall I see you again-% %9o!% I re)lied! %ne+er$% 6hat a lot ha+e stared! and asked me why$ <hen I told them$ %&ll women are not like her!% they mostly re)lied! #ut I determined to think they were! and went on changing night after night$ .lack cunts! #rown cunts! little #ums! #ig arses! fat and lean! little and #ig! I took after each other! 2ust as lust sei=ed me3 #ut howe+er much I en2oyed a woman! go again with her I would not$ "o I guess nearly a hundred women had my doodle u) them! yet I went scaithless! for no ailment o+ertook me$ <his did not satisfy me$ I longed to settle at least for a time to a woman! to #e a friend to her! to ha+e some one in whom I had some sort of confidence! whom I should always find at home! who would not say she was engaged when I called! would treat me as a friend! and desire again to see me$ <o feel that I must not ha+e this comfort was doing +iolence to my #est instincts! and I gradually ga+e u) my )romiscuous and stern yet lasci+ious ha#its$ Moreo+er the +ariety of cunts had so stimulated my )assions that I fucked myself out!
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and going to a doctor was warned that unlimited indulgence would lead to im)otence! and )erha)s worse! young e+en as I was! and not drinking! or doing any1thing else in e;cess$ My friend disclosed to me that he had a nice little woman! a gay woman whom he +isited! and s)oke of her as a #eautiful little creature$ %8ome and see her! * I,m going there!% said he when we were dining to1gether one night$ 6e went to U))er 9'''n "treet! then inha#ited almost entirely #y gay ladies$ I found her a )oor! thin! insignificant1faced little thing! #ut with a fine head of hair! and a +ery s)rightly manner$ <hough I did not like her I commended his choice$ %4ou won,t make any attem)t to ha+e her whilst I ha+e her-% %Of course not!% I re)lied! and indeed I had no desire for it$ One night when there with him a little woman came down from an u))er floor! named Li==ie "tanley$ "he introduced me to her$ I was still fretting a#out "arah! and had told my griefs to my friend,s woman$ %(ere!% said she to Li==ie! %is a friend of mine who will 2ust suit you! * he has 2ust lost his woman! you your man! * you,re fretting like fools! and are good com)any to each other$% 6e were #oth chaffed$ I went u) to "tanley,s rooms and told her a#out "arah! she me a#out a man who had ke)t her! whom she doted on! and who had gone a#road$ 6e #oth cried! and then we fucked$ "he was a +ery short girl! #ut )lum) and e;5uisitely made! had a lo+ely face! and the dearest little cunt to look at$ 6hether it was #ecause she was so an;ious to listen to me a#out "arah! I know not3 #ut I went to see her again and again! en2oyed her em#races! and she en2oyed mine$ 6hen u)on her one night and clas)ing her #ack1side! my hand! in its ram#les in the +icinity of her #uttocks! came on a second sort of hole$ I thought my finger had gone into her #um1orifice! and withdrew it 5uickly! ha+ing a great dislike to finger that )art e+en of the nicest lady$ .ut again I felt it! and then it seemed to #e at the end of the s)ine$ I got curious! and fum#led with my finger all round there$ "he resisted! and was annoyed$ <hen! though she had stood 5uite naked fronting me! I found she would not turn round$ 6hat did I want to stare at- 9o she would not do it dog1fashion! * if I wanted that I might go to another woman! * she hated to #e )ulled a#out$ I did not 5uarrel! for she was a #urning1cunted little woman! not more than twenty! and flicked much to my liking3 #ut this sinking on her #ack1#one which felt like a na+el there annoyed me$ I #egan to think it was some disease$ I sle)t with her again solely to find out all a#out it! #ut all night whene+er awake I found she was also$ I tried to feel when )oking her! #ut she always managed to shift herself! so that my fingers could not reach the s)ot for long$ &t last I caught her aslee) on her side! and )ut my fingers on to the sinking! and was turning down the clothes in order to see it /for it then was day1light and summer0! when she awakened$ 6e had a row! she left the room! would not ha+e me again! and in a few days left the lodgings$ I ne+er saw her
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afterward! nor found out what the mark was$ My friend,s woman said she knew nothing a#out it$ It,s a funny incident$ <here was a gay lady li+ing on each floor of the house! among them was the sister of my friend,s woman! who was gay also$ "he was a )lain! 5uiet woman! #ut seemed a stra))ing! firm1fleshed )iece! and older than the little one #y two or three years )erha)s$ "he had a +ery ugly nose$ Out of a lot of women I should not ha+e selected her! #ut yet I had her! * and it came a#out this way$ I went after dinner with my friend to U))er 9''''r n "treet one night$ (is skinny little lady was dressing$ My friend was +ery )roud of her! * tastes differ$ %I can,t come out yet! I,m in my chemise!% she cried through the folding1door$ %8ome out! it,s only '''$% <hen out she came$ (e )ulled u) her chemise to her 5uim! and asked me what I thought of her$ "he really was nice for those who like legs a#out the si=e of a rolling1)in! so I admired them$ <hen he made her stri) naked! she nothing loth$ I hum#ugged him #y e;tolling her charms out of kindly feeling to him$ %6here is your sister-% said he$ %"he is dressing$% %<ell her! and tell "o1and1"o! that if they will come down naked! we,ll gi+e them a glass of cham)agne! and )ay their ca#s to the &rgyle$% <he skinny one went u)1stairs! there was some de#ate! * they were not going to stri) for a glass of wine! and so on$ .ut at last down three other women came in their chemises! and stri))ed them off in the room$ & female friend was with one of them dressing there$ & woman suggested she might also #e asked down$ &greed! and down she came$ %4ou should )ut yoursel+es also naked! you two men!% said one woman! %then we,d ha+e a dance$% 6e did not see that$ %Look at his )rick!% said one woman )ointing at me! %it will #e through his trousers directly!% * and she came and felt it$ I certainly was rising at the sister! whose )lain face I had forgotten in admiration of her lo+ely lim#s and #ody$ &fter lots of )ulling u) of stockings! ad2ustment of garters! feeling of cunts! and smutty talk! they scam)ered u)stairs naked! I after the sister! whilst my friend remained with his thin damsel$ I was u) the #ig sister,s cunt in no time! waited till she was dressed! and going that way! dro+e her to the &rgyle$ .efore I reached it the s)irit again mo+ed us! and to a+oid deranging her dress she )ulled u) her clothes! and turning her arse toward me! im)aled herself on my )ego as I sat$ <hen she went into the &rgyle with my s)erm in her cunt! and carried it with her all the e+ening! unless there were means of )urifying it there! * and I don,t think there then was$ I had her once or twice afterward! and one night when my friend was slee)ing with his woman! I had 2ust gone to #ed with the #ig sister! when the thin one came into the room$ "he #egan to talk 2ust as we had #een thinking of o)erating$ In a frisky way she )ulled down the #ed clothes! and disco+ered my )ego in full1#looded erection$ %Let,s see what sort of a )rick he,s got!% said she! %Oh7 isn,t it a nice one7% 6e all laughed$ %I,ll tell your friend$% %Oh7 no don,t!% said she! %he is so 2ealous! and such a #ad tem)er! * there will #e a row if you do$% <hen she whis)ered something to her sister! and went away! #ut not till I
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had asked her to let me see as much as I had shown her$ "he )ulled u) her chemise! rolled o+er the foot of the #ed! o)ened her thighs wide! and then de)arted to my friend! who was awaiting her in her #edroom$ I had her sister a few times after that! and one night had 2ust gone to #ed with her intending to )ass the night there! when the thin one who was in her room with some man! a))eared again in her night1gown in our room! and laughing said! %Oh7 I can,t #ear him! * I shall slee) here$% %(as he had you-% %9o! and I don,t mean to ha+e him$% "he got into #ed with us! laid hold of my )rick after )ulling down the clothes to look at it! and getting on the to) of me said! %I,m going to #e the man! and do it to you$% <he sister laughed! I resisted! #ut the little agile de+il s5uee=ed her 5uim somehow on to my tool! and e;cited #y the no+elty and #y the fresh cunt! I was soon s)ending u) her$ "he sank satisfied on me$ (er sister who had looked on laughing! ga+e her a loud sla) on her #uttocks$ I think the affair had #een arranged #etween them$ My friend did not know of these )ranks$ %"he has cheated you!% said I$ 9o she had not! for she 2ust came on )oorly$ %I,ll come u) again soon!% said the thin one! * and she did! and I fucked her whilst her sister laid #y the side of me$ %My sister is fond of you!% said the #ig one! %and she don,t like your friend! though he is kind to her$% .ut I did not like the skinny one! and did not like cheating my friend! so ne+er fucked her afterward$ 9or had I the chance! for in a week or so he took her into kee)ing$ <hat lasted some months! until finding her writing to some other man! he kicked her out and had done with her$ <hey were at .righton at the time that took )lace$ (e disco+ered a note of hers in a #lotting1#ook$ <he +ery same minute he called u) the landlady! )aid the #ills! and in an hour he had left the young lady with twenty )ounds! and ne+er saw her afterward$ (e told me all this$ <he sister told me the same! and that the little thin one cared nothing a#out it! that she did not like him! that he was ill1tem)ered! and e;acting! had a +ery little )rick! and was a #ad )oke$ I lost sight of the sister and went with other women! #ut not until I had fucked e+ery woman in that house$ &nd finding that the girl who had #een dressing! and whom I had also seen naked! resided ne;t door! I went to see her! and fucked e+ery woman in that house as well$ My )rice was twenty shillings! and though they were all what is called swell women! I ne+er had my so+ereign refused$ I think I may say that I fucked in e+ery room e;ce)ting the #asement in those two houses$ <he young woman in the ad2oining house was skittish in manner$ I neither recollect her name nor her face well! #ut only that she was a good1si=ed woman! not too stout! with a +ery small waist! and an e;ceedingly large #ackside$ I turned her on to her #elly at the #ed1side! so as to comtem)late the #eauties of her #ackside more con+eniently$ "he o#2ected! laughed! said! %9ow you shan,t do that!% #ut turned round at last! and wriggled her #ackside
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a#out in an unusual manner to me! then she asked me if I liked a tight fit$ 6hen I stood u) to her #ackside and ru##ed my )rick against it! she said it would #e a fi+er$ I was a little ashamed! and said I did not gi+e more than a so+ereign$ %If you want what Li==ie "tanley would not let you do! I must ha+e a fi+er! and you won,t tell any other woman! will you-% & light #roke in on me$ I 5uestioned her! and found that the little #itch "tanley had gi+en out that she had 5uarrelled with me #ecause I wanted to #ugger her$ &ll the women in #oth houses knew it$ My friend,s thin woman knew it$ I was much annoyed! fearing my friend might ha+e had the lie told him$ I swore and cursed at "tanley! * did she /the girl I was with0 #elie+e it- "he did not know! * some gentlemen had 5ueer fancies$ Oh dear no7 she had ne+er done it! #ut she was hard u) and would try for a fi+e1)ound note! * she heard it ga+e some women )leasure$ I declined the in+itation! ha+ing not a sus)icion of a taste for such a tight fit! so we fucked and )arted! nor do I recollect ha+ing her again$ I told my friend what I had heard at the house some time afterward$ (e had then )arted with his woman! #ut he seemed ne+er to ha+e heard of the lie Li==ie "tanley had circulated a#out me$ &l1together that girl "tanley was! and is a mystery to me still$

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Chapter III sailor, a whore, and a garden#wall. 1he newly#made road. .indy and rainy. +argaining overheard. O%%er to pay. gainst a garden# wall. %eel %rom behind. wet hand%ul. +lind lust. Into the sperm. 1he poli)eman. lost umbrella. new sort o% washing# basin. 2ears o% ailment. &midst all this saturnalia of cunt! I don,t #elie+e I e+er did anything with one! e;ce)ting to feel and fuck it! though in attitudes +aried$ ?echerchC erotic )leasures were not in my custom! and not e+en in my thoughts$ &musements with a man would ha+e shocked me! had they #een suggested$ (is s)unk would ha+e u)1set my stomach to look at$ <o )ut into a cunt which an1other man had 2ust 5uitted! would ha+e re+olted me3 yet I was doomed to do all this! un)remeditatedly! on the s)ur of the moment and o))ortunity$ I li+ed then on the western outskirts of London where they were #uilding on what had #een and were still largely )leasant fields$ &#out fi+e minutes, walk from my house was a street made not fi+e years #efore! and leading out from it a new road! a si;th of a mile long! connecting two main roads! and made to ena#le the fields on either side to #e #uilt u)on$ <here were gas1lights at long inter+als! 2ust enough to en1 courage )eo)le to use it at night$ <he carriage and foot1ways were of coarse gra+el! and 5uite newly made$ Under wheel and foot these roads crunched as )eo)le went across them$ &t one end of the road was a new row of houses! the garden #ack1walls of which a#utted on the o)en fields! and the side1walls of two formed the entrance to the road! * #oth houses 2ust then were em)ty$ It was a#out ele+en o,clock at night! windy and rainy at inter+als! and there was a small moon hidden #y thick clouds scudding across it$ "ometimes there was a gleam of light! at other times all was dark$ It was +ery windy as I came through the road for a short cut! after thinking whether it was safe or not! and 2ust then I met a )oliceman at the further end! and #id him good night$ <he crunching of my footste)s on the newly1laid gra+el annoyed me! #oth #y its fatigue and noise! so I ste))ed on to the meadow1land which lay alongside it! and walked 5uite 5uietly$ &s I neared the street into which it led! I could distinguish what looked like a man and woman standing on the foot)ath close u) against the garden side1wall of the em)ty house! and well away from lam)s$ <hought I! %<hey are fucking or finger1stinking!% so walked further from the foot)ath to )re1+ent noise! and more slowly to see the fun$ It e;cited me lewedly! for I wanted a woman$ &s I got near them I was under co+er of the #ack garden1walls$ <he idea of catching a cou)le fucking made me more randy$ %I won,t! unless you gi+e me the money first!% said a female +oice$ I sto))ed! #ut heard no male re)ly$ %I
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shan,t then! * what ha+e you got-% the shrill +oice said$ 9o audi#le re)ly! #ut I saw a struggle as if a man was trying to lift a woman,s clothes! and heard a laugh$ <hen I ste))ed on to the )ath! and walked on$ %I shan,t then! * if you ha+e no money what did you come here for-% came clearly on my ear! though said in a somewhat lower tone$ Just as I came to the angle of the wall I saw )lainly a fair1si=ed woman with her #ack against the wall and a shortish man in front of her! )ulling her a#out as if he was trying to feel her! or lift her clothes$ <he amatory scuffling )re+ented them noticing my a))roach$ <he woman said as I neared them! %I won,t without the money!% * and then was a hush as I walked on$ 6hat then occurred e;actly I can,t recollect! #ut I said as I was close to them! %Let him ha+e you! and I,ll gi+e you fi+e shillings$% %&ll right! * gi+e it here then!% said the woman! I sto))ed! and saw #y the small light of the distant lam)s that the man had the ca) and o)en collar of a sailor$ & desire s)rung u) 5uicker than I write this! and what I meant for a #audy 2oke #ecame the reality of action! * I followed my im)ulse without thought of conse5uences$ %I,ll gi+e you fi+e shillings if you let me see you do it$% %&ll right!% said she * and to him! %6ill you-% %I,m right for a #loody s)ree!% said a male +oice al1 most inarticulate either from drink or cold$ %:i+e me the money first$% %8ertainly! if you let him do it$% %8ome round the #ack of the gardens!% said the woman! walking off with the man to the rear! and well out of the line of road! I following$ 6e sto))ed$ %:i+e me the money$% %6on,t the )oliceman catch us-% %(e won,t #e #ack for half an hour!% said the woman! %he has 2ust )assed$% I knew he had! ha+ing met him$ 6e were now away from the lam)s! it was dark$ %Let,s feel your cunt!% said I getting into reckless #audiness$ <he man close to us ke)t chuckling to himself! and I thought staggering! #ut was not sure$ (e closed on the girl as I did$ %Let me feel your cunt!% said I$ <he girl lifted her )etticoats! her #ack against a wall3 I )ut my hand #etween her thighs! and met the man,s hand on the same errand! * we were #oth trying at the same s)ot$ %.loody s)ree!% said a hoarse drunken +oice$ 6e #oth gro)ed together$ %One at a time!% said she$ I withdrew my hand! and it knocked against his )rick! I laid hold of it! and #elie+e to this day that the sailor thought it was the girl who was feeling it$ I clutched it! and a strange delight cre)t through me as I drew my hand softly u) and down his stiff stander which seemed longer than mine$ %(old hard you #ugger!% said he$ E;cited #eyond all thought! I still clutched and glided it through my hand$ %6here is your )rick-% said the girl$ I felt her hand touching my hand$ Letting his )rick go! %9o sham!% said I$ %<here is no sham!% said she! %where is your money-% I )ut my hand in my )ocket feeling for the money! took it out! and ga+e it her$ %8ome on!% said she to the man$ Instantly they were close together$ %.loody s)ree!% I heard mum#led again$ %Lift u) yer clothes! I can,t feel yer arse$% I felt that her clothes were u)$ I )ut my um#rella against the wall! gras)ed a thigh with my left hand and my right went toward her 5uim!
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#ut was sto))ed #y contact with the man,s )rick which was against her #elly$ %I,ll )ut it in!% said she$ <he ne;t instant the to1and1fro mo+ement had #egun$ I felt the wriggle of her arse1cheeks which I held with my left hand! his hands were now round her arse a#o+e mine! and under her clothes$ %It,s out!% said she! %sto)! I,ll )ut it in again% * and all was still$ (is )rick had sli))ed out through his energy$ <he woman guided it u) again! and the #ackside 2ogging recommenced$ I know what she said! I guessed much what she did from what she said$ <he #uttock mo+ement there was no mistaking$ It was too dark to see$ I heard him #reathing hard! and felt her thighs 5ui+ering and wriggling$ 8hanging sides and stoo)ing! I )ushed one arm and hand right round her #uttocks! #etween her thighs from #ehind! and under her cunt till my fingers )assed her arse1hole! felt his )rick! and gras)ed his #alls$ I dou#t whether he knew it! for his )leasure was making him #low like a man who had run himself out of #reath$ I felt his )rick1stem as he drew #ack! and that it was wet with the moisture of her cunt$ <hen with hoarse muttering! of %#lood1)rick s)unk! #loody cunt!% I felt him sho+e and wriggle hard! and then #oth were stationary and silent$ I 1ke)t my hand still gro)ing under her cunt! and feeling his )rick1stem from #eneath! with my thum# and forefinger$ (e did not hurry himself to withdraw$ %4ou,+e done! * get away$% %Let,s fuck agin!% said he$ %4ou shan,t$% &s she s)oke! his )rick flo))ed out right on to my hand! wetting it$ "he mo+ed away! the man swore$ Mad now with lust! %Let,s feel your cunt!% said I lifting her clothes$ "he let me$ %My :od what s)unk! * how soft your cunt feels! * let him fuck you again! * I,ll gi+e you more money! * feel me! * frig me$% I don,t recollect the girl s)eaking! #ut she sei=ed my )rick whilst I gro)ed u) her cunt with fingers saturated with s)erm$ 9o disgust now$ or the moment I lo+ed it$ "he sto))ed frigging$ %Aut it in me! it,s nicer$% %9o$% %Oh7 it,s all right! * it,s nice! * )ut it in$% %9o$% %Do! * I want a fuck$% %4ou,+e 2ust #een done$% %4ou do it$% I yielded! and )utting my )rick into her reeking cunt fucked her$ %Oh7 I,m coming$% %"o am I$% %Oh7 * ah- * ah7% I s)ent! and think she did! am not sure3 #ut she shagged hard! and s5uee=ed me u) to her$ <he sailor had taken my )lace! and was looking on I su))ose! standing with his #ack against the wall! mum#ling something$ &s my )leasure su#sided I could 2ust see the man #y the side of us working away! I su))ose at his )rick! with his fist like a steam engine! I felt the s)erm oo=ing on to my a))aratus! all around$ %Let,s fuck yer agin!% said the hoarse man,s +oice$ %I,ll gi+e you money to let him!% said I$ Out came my )rick$ %&ll right!% said she! %let me )iddle first$% %6here is your )rick-% I said! %does it stand-% %.loody fine$% I )ut my hand on it! and gras)ed it$ & new desire and curiosity a#out a male organ came o+er me$ <he woman had )issed! and was standing u)! she caught hold of my )rick which was hanging out! whilst I had
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MY SECRET LIFE

hold of his )rick$ <hen I took out money! and ga+e all the sil+er I had! * I don,t know how much$ %Aut it into her!% I said! frigging it3 it was not stiff! and I was im)atient to feel him fucking again$ (e turned to her front$ %Let go my )rick!% said he$ <he girl took it$ %It,s not stiff$% %.loody something!% I heard him say$ &gain I heard the rustle of the frig and of her clothes lifted$ %4our cunt,s #loody slo))y!% said the husky +oice! and he chuckled$ %Make haste!% said the woman$ %Oh7 the )oliceman7% (alf1way down the road I saw the #ull,s1eye of the )oliceman,s lantern$ I was now standing feeling my own )rick with e;citement3 #ut at the same instant a glim)se of moonlight came from #etween the hea+y clouds! and showed me the man )ressing his #elly u) against the woman! and her )etticoats #unched u) high$ <he )oliceman,s #ull,s1eye far off was throwing light across the fields$ %<he )olice7% I said$ %8ome further along!% said the woman dro))ing her clothes! and mo+ing off still further into darkness! I mo+ing off in the direction of the road$ My lust went off! * what if the )oliceman saw and knew me7 I got to the road! turned to the left along the crunching gra+elled )ath! walking +ery 5uickly! and so soon as I turned the corner took to my heels! and ran hard home! ran as if I had committed a #urglary$ Letting myself in with my latch1key I found I had left my um#rella #ehind me$ <hen a dread came o+er me$ I had fucked a common street nym)h! and in the s)erm of a common sailor! #oth might ha+e a )o;! * what more )ro#a#le- I could feel the s)erm wet and sticky round my )rick! and on my #alls$ I had then taken to slee)ing in my dressing1room$ My wife I thought must ha+e #een! according to ha#it! an hour a#ed$ On entering my room there sat she reading! which was a +ery unusual thing$ I sat down wishing she would lea+e the room! for I wanted to wash and wondered what she would say if she saw me washing my )rick at that time of night! or heard me s)lashing$ .ut she didn,t stir! so taking out the soa) uno#ser+ed! %I,+e #ad diarrhoea!% I said! and down I went to the water1closet$ "itting there I washed my )rick well in the )an! and went u)stairs again$ /(ow many times in my life has a sham ailment hel)ed me- * how many times yet is it to do so-0 ear of the )o; ke)t me awake some time$ <hen the scene I had )assed through e;cited me so +iolently! that my )rick stood like steel$ I could not dismiss it from my mind$ I was +iolently in rut$ I thought of frigging! #ut an irre)ressi#le desire for cunt! cunt! and nothing #ut it! made me forget my fear! my dislike of my wife! our 5uarrel! and e+erything else! * and 2um)ing out of #ed I went into her room$ %I shan,t let you! * what do you wake me for! and come to me in such a hurry after you ha+e not #een near me for a cou)le of months! * I shan,t! * you shan,t! 1 1I dare say you know where to go$%
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.ut I 2um)ed into #ed! and forcing her on to her #ack! dro+e my )rick u) her$ It must ha+e #een stiff! and I +iolent! for she cried out that I hurt her$ %Don,t do it so hard! * what are you a#out7% .ut I felt that I could murder her with my )rick! and dro+e! and dro+e! and s)ent u) her cursing$ 6hile I fucked her I hated her * she was #ut my s)unk1em)tier$ %:et off! you,+e done it! * and your language is most re+olting$% Off I went into my #ed1room for the night$ 6hat I said whilst furiously fucking her! thinking of the sailor,s )rick and the s)ermy 5uim of the nym)h! and almost mad with e;citement! I ne+er knew$ I dare say it was hot$ or a fortnight I was in a state of an;iety! and twice went to a doctor to e;amine my )rick! #ut I ne+er took any ailment$ I went early ne;t day to see if my um#rella was in the fields! #ut it was gone! * I wonder who had it$ I ne+er saw the woman again that I know of! #ut had I seen her fi+e minutes after the e+ent I should not ha+e known her! nor the sailor$ (e seemed to me a young man of a#out twenty! groggy and hoarse with cold! his )rick seemed a#out the si=e of my own$ "he was a full1si=ed woman with a #ig arse! #ut fla##y$ <hough I could not find my um#rella I saw the s)ot on which it had stuck into the wet turf3 and the )lace where we had )layed! for a yard or two s5uare was trodden into mud! whilst all around was green$ &fter I had got o+er my fears I had a +ery )eculiar feeling a#out the e+ening,s amusement$ <here was a certain amount of disgust! yet a #audy titillation came shooting u) my #allocks when I thought of his )rick$ I should ha+e liked to ha+e felt it longer! to ha+e seen him fuck! to ha+e frigged him till he s)ent$ <hen I felt annoyed with myself! and wondered at my thinking of that when I could not #ear to #e close to a man any1where! I who was drunk with the )hysical #eauty of women$ <he affair gradually faded from my mind! #ut a few years after it re+i+ed$ My imagination in such matters was then #ecoming more )owerful! and gi+ing me desire for +ariety in )leasures with the se;! and in a degree! with the se;es$

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Chapter IV Mrs. "'''s'''e. negle)t%ul husband. 4omesti) unhappiness. t a ball. Longings %or maternity. 1he wish e5pressed. t supper. Hands under the table#)loth. On the road home. 1he %amily )arriage. &remonitory tou)hes. 0o )oa)h on the stand. 1he attempt. On my *nees. 6olting di%%i)ulties. 1he tri)* done. "arah Ma+is had gone! Louisa isher had disa))eared! Jenny was married to her John$ I had gone through the lasci+ious dissi)ation which relie+ed me in my des)air after my disa))ointed lo+e3 and almost immediately I entered into a liaison of an entirely different character$ Its seeds were sown e+en when I +isited Ma+is! though I was not conscious of it till I #egan to write this )ortion of my narrati+e! and to reflect$ H(ow far chance determined my course in this liaison! how far an unoccu)ied mind and a )rick with no regular claims on its e;ertions /for I had all #ut totally forsaken the connu#ial couch0 com#ined to #ring it a#out! I cannot say$ 8ertainly my attention seems to ha+e #een led toward the lady instincti+ely$ Aerha)s it was #ecause the lady,s cunt was yearning for my s)erm! a yearning which the owner of that %nest of s)icery% was herself at first #arely conscious of! and e+en when she was! ne+er disclosed it$ I #elie+e also that she ne+er had any intention of gratifying it for lustful )leasure alone3 #ut that maternal instinct dro+e her toward me$ I shall always think that some magnetic or odic! or call it what you may! some su#tle! semi1ethereal influence! #orn of her )hysical wants! communicated itself to me! without either word or look of in+itation from her3 and generated in me a lust for her$ In the end we gratified our wants together$ I for se;ual )leasure with a #eautiful accom)lished lady! she for a higher and )owerful claim /almost a holy one0 of her nature$ 9othing in my )ri+ate career )resents such a )sychological curiosity as this liaison does$ It seems to me as I again read the manuscri)t! almost like a fa#le! yet it is as true as fact can make truth$I 6e were on somewhat intimate terms with Mr$ and Mrs$ 4'''s'''e! I had known her in her youth! #ut her hus#and only since their marriage of a#out si; years )re+iously$ It was a most unlucky union$ "he was an intellectual! charming! #eautiful woman and had married him thinking it a wonderful match! for she was )oor! though a #orn thorough#red lady$ (e was a #ig! handsome man! a manufacturer! and +ery rich3 #ut within a year after their marriage he had de+elo)ed a host of +ices! among them gam#ling and drunkenness$ (e neglected her! though he s)oke of her in the highest terms! and ke)t u) a s)lendid esta#lishment$ I knew that he fre5uented gay women! and that his drunkenness and whorings were dri+ing him toward ruin and im#ecility$ <hings were of course ke)t as 5uiet as they could #e #y the wife!
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#ut it #ecame known among friends that he often went to #ed drunk! and had e+en )issed the #ed$ (is wife took a huge disgust at him$ <hey! I had heard! did not slee) together often! and although they went out together as man and wife! they led an unha))y e;istence at home$ %Aoor Mrs$ 4'''s''''e7% were the terms usually a))lied to her$ "he ke)t u) a))earances! went much into society! ga+e s)lendid dinners and entertainments at which her hus#and was fre5uently a#sent$ 8hagrin told on her! her face assumed a )ensi+e! sad! and e+en )ee+ish e;)ression3 and then some )eo)le said she was ill1tem)ered! and had dri+en her hus#and into e+il courses$ It was false! for I had heard her hus#and! * whom I could not #ear! * say how good she was! and #ewail his own #ad ha#its which he said he could not hel)! * they con5uered him$ I met her out fre5uently! most fre5uently at houses where she was without her hus#and! and I without my curse! though sometimes otherwise$ My domestic trou#les were known to her! hers to me$ <here might ha+e #een some secret sym)athy on this account #etween us$ &ll I know is that I was sorry for her! and wondered how such a lo+ely creature got on with a man of such #rutal! #eastly ha#its$ (er manner to me had always #een soft and winning! chance had at dinner1)arties often assigned her to me$ %I,m so glad to take you in to dinner!% said I one night 2ust #efore the time I am going to s)eak of$ %"o am I!% said she! %I,+e more )leasure in talking to you than to any one of our ac5uaintance$% 6hene+er we had met I had seen her eyes following me! yet not the shadow of +olu)tuous1 ness had #een shown! nor any im)ro)er ad+ance had #een made #y her$ Delighted with the hug that the walt= ga+e an occasion for! and the s5uee=e of the hand which the dance sometimes )ermits! yet a lustful idea had ne+er entered my head a#out her! though unconsciously I always was looking at her whene+er we met$ 6e had a ha#it of asking after each other! as if mutually conscious that in our homes we had trou#led li+es3 yet we ne+er com)lained to each other! though often we made slightly #itter remarks$ <here was a +eiled meaning in what we said! #ut nothing in the slightest degree im)ro)er$ <he following con+ersation took )lace at a dance! it is )retty nearly word for word$ "aid she with a sigh! %&h7 you men can esca)e your trou#les! we )oor women cannot$% %(ow-% %4ou know how! I e;)ect! * or you are +ery much #elied! * no#ody #lames you men$% %.ut an unha))y home can ne+er #e esca)ed$% %<rue! #ut you men can get forgetfulness! and kee) out of it as you do$% %6ho says I do-% %&h7% %6hat do they say-% %I must not tell you$% %Do$% %6ell! that you are +ery fond of the ladies$% %"o I am$% %I knew it$% %Is there any harm in that-% %4ou know what I mean$% %I don,t know! * do e;)lain$% %4ou are a li#ertine! I e;)ect$% %I should like to hear from your li)s e;actly what you mean$% "he laughed$ %I dare say you would! * #ut you won,t$% %<hen I am left in ignorance$% %Very ignorant! I dare say$% %I like to talk! walk! ride and dance with them! * I lo+e to em#race them in the walt=$% %I know you do!
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and if you dance with me again don,t hold me so close$% %I lo+e you to #e close to me * does it offend you-% %9ot at all 1 #ut )eo)le may talk$% %I should like to #e as close to you as man and woman could$% %(ush7% %I mean nothing$% %Of course not$% %I like to feel your #reath on my face$% %<hey say you are a rake$% %6ould you #e anything else if you were )laced like me-% %9o! I would do as you do$% %<hen you like my #eing a rake-% %9o! * no$% %&re you a rake-% %I would #e if I dared$% %Dear Mrs$ 4'''s'''e! let us #e rakes to1gether$% %Oh7 naughty$% %4ou e+idently don,t under1stand me$% %<oo well! and I also often feel 5uite reckless! for I ha+e nothing to care a#out! no sister! my mother dead! no child! and such a home1life!% * and tears rose in her eyes$ %It is sad! * don,t cry! * I know also what sadness is! and what you must feel! * I wish you had a child$% %4es! it would make me a home! * and yet a child of his7 ah7 I thank :od we ha+e none$% <his was said with all the a#andonment of an unha))y woman$ <hen she rose suddenly! and #idding me good1#ye! left$ I had ne+er #efore! I think! alluded to her hus#and when con+ersing with her$ I met her at a dinner1)arty soon afterward! and took her down to ta#le! * she I su))ose was then thirty years old$ "he had a lo+ely neck! fine ha=el eyes! and dark wa+y hair$ I )itied her$ <he con+ersation took this turn$ %(ow strange things ha))en! some ha+e such flocks of children which they don,t want! rich )eo)le who want them none$% %Aeo)le without children should change )artners!% said I$ /<his was in the drawing1room after dinner$0 %(ush7% said she! looking me full in the face$ (er own face flushed! she stared at me! her #reast ga+e +iolent hea+es and her mouth slightly o)ened$ I thought I had gone too far! had offended her! and was a#out to say I ho)ed I had not done so! when the hostess asked her to )lay$ %<urn o+er the music1lea+es!% said she to me! * and I did$ "he sang di+inely! looking u) at me as she sang3 #ut although I saw she was agitated! I did not notice anything else! nor did I think a#out anything #ut what I said$ I knew that in+oluntarily I had #een guilty of a #reech of good manners #y those words! was mad with my1self! and ho)ed she would attri#ute it to wine$ (er hus#and was of the )arty! #ut did not come u)stairs after dinner$ 6hen her carriage was announced I offered to see her to it! #ut she took the arm of the host! and went off looking at me +ery kindly$ %"he has for1gotten it!% thought I$ <he hus#and! who was groggy! was in the hall and went home with her$ 8on+ersation when we met ne;t was a#out children! #ut I was unconscious of the tendency of her remarks! nor had I a glimmering of what was in her mind$ %4es! children are a #ond of union they say$% %(ow can they #e! if hus#and and wife are a)art in taste! ha#its! and feeling-% %<hey say howe+er #ad a hus#and may #e that a woman lo+es him if he #e the father of her child!% I remarked$ %I don,t #elie+e it!% she re)lied! and #ecame 5uite agitated$ I met her soon after at a #all! I was there alone and her hus#and was not with her$ 6e danced together! she was a lo+ely walt=er$ %9o #a#y yet-% whis)ered
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I! as I whirled her round in my arms$ %9o!% she laughed$ %It,s your fault$% %It,s not$% %"hould you not like a dear little child-% she asked$ <his was later on at night! she had had cham)agne! and the e;citement of the scene had told on her$ <he sweet strains of music! the flushed and ha))y faces of the women! their white #reasts and arms! the ankles and lim#s e;1)osed as they circled round! for dresses were then worn which allowed the calf to #e seen as a woman walt=ed! had e;cited me3 yet u) to that moment I had ne+er had a lasci+ious thought a#out her$ I could smell her sweet flesh as she walt=ed! and was suddenly ener+ated #y desire$ %4es!% I whis)ered! %if you were the mother$% %Oh7 fie7% %6ould not you like one-% %4es! if I liked the father! * #ut that cannot #e$% I hugged her to me$ %Let us try$% "he sto))ed short saying! %I,m tired! * I,m giddy! * let me sit down! * I,m faint$% %8ome to the dining1 room!% I said$ "he came$ I ga+e her wine$ %Lea+e me! * I can,t! * I,m #etter! * lea+e me$% %.ut I must see you #ack to the #all1room!% I said$ %Aray lea+e me! * I can,t s)eak with you$% I left her! and soon after she came #ack to the #all1 room #y herself$ <hen she danced with others$ 6hen I asked her again to dance! her card was full$ %&t least let me take you to su))er! or I shall think you are offended$ with me$% %Very well$% Until su))er I looked at her from +arious )arts of the room$ 6here+er I ha))ened to #e! her eyes met mine$ <he attraction #etween the man and the woman was com)lete! #oth thought of nothing else #ut! %4es! if it was #y you!% * %4es! if I liked the father$% It meant fucking$ 6as she a loose fish! she who was thought so chaste- * was she in lo+e with me- * was she like her hus#and! gi+ing way to drinking- 6as I in lo+e with her- &ll this ke)t running through my #rain! and with it a #urning! fresh! yet ne+er thought of till that e+ening! intense desire to ha+e her$ %"he is married! * ne+er mind! he is a #east! * it,s adultery! * ne+er mind! we like each other$% In that form of mind I took her to su))er! feeling sure that she liked me! e+en if she did not lo+e me! * #ut until that night no such idea had e+er entered my head$ 6e talked a#out different su#2ects for a minute or two! looking into each other,s eyes as we con+ersed$ <he cham)agne flowed$ %Don,t #e offended!% I said in a low tone$ %6hat is it% %My lo+e to you$% %.e 5uiet$% %8hange glasses$% %6hy-% %<hat my li)s may touch the glass which your li)s ha+e touched! * how I long to touch the li)s themsel+es$% %.e 5uiet )ray! * you will #e heard$% <he su))er went on! the clink of glasses increased! the )o) of cham)agne1 corks! the clatter of kni+es and forks! the )ull of crackers! the )eals of laughter drowned all slighter sounds$ %&n1other glass! and look at me$% "he took a glass$ Looking into her eyes! %My lo+e to you! Mamma!% I whis)ered$ %It,s too #ad!% said she turning away$ %9ot if I was the father$% % or (ea+en,s sake! cease$% %Let me feel your hand * do )ray$% Just then some lady ne;t to us let fall a lum) of 2elly into her la)! a lo+ely dress was s)oiled$ <here was a scuffle!

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and regrets! and laughter! and %9o ne+er mind it!% * and the fla) of the ta#le1 cloth was )ulled u) o+er the lady,s la)$ <hough there were ta#le1na)kins! I raised the ta#le1cloth also! so as to kee) her dress from the chance of food falling! and s)oiling it$ I )ushed my hand which was nearest to hers under the cloth toward hers$ <hey met! and I ga+e hers a firm #ut gentle clas)$ 6hat a shi+er ran through me as I felt her return the s5uee=e$ I drew it toward me! and )ressed it against me 2ust where my )rick /which had risen ram)ant0 was shut u)$ "he must ha+e known what I was doing! for turning her face toward me with a wild e;)ression! she with1 drew her hand$ It had )ressed aginst me for an instant only #efore she drew it away$ "he declared afterward she had no idea for the moment of what I was doing$ "he got u) hastily$ %<ake me #ack to the #all1room!% she said$ Later on we had a wild tearing gallo)! all were e;cited in the room! and I much with wine and desire$ I was holding her to me! whirling her a#out$ %Let,s #e rakes together! * we shall ha+e a dear little #a#y!% I inter2ected as the ra)id dance went on$ %Oh7 fie7 * oh7% she re)eated! %oh7 no now! * oh7 no! * oh7 let me sit down$% I danced on with her$ %I can,t #ear this! * I,m getting mad I think! * you are losing all res)ect for me! * for :od,s sake! cease$% <he dance was getting o+er$ %:ood night! I,m going! * my carriage is here$% %Let me go with you$% %Oh no! not after your talk! #esides I am going to take Mr$ and Mrs$ ''' % %.ut there,s room for four$% %9o I dare not! * don,t come down with me! for :od,s sake$% (er eyes looked wild! #ut they #eamed on me through their wildness$ <he carriage /one of the huge comforta#le family1carriages of those days! room in it for four large )eo)le and si; small ones0 drew u)$ I was determined to go home with her! though she had )rayed me not$ It was a long dri+e! and on my way home! * and she knew it$ It rained! and was )ast two o,clock in the morning$ I handed her in$ <he lady and her hus#and whom she was going to dro) on her road home! were in the hall$ In got the lady$ %6ould you mind gi+ing me a lift!% I said! %for there is no ca# to #e had! and alas7 my carriage is not here$% <he gentleman was at the #ack of me! #ut I stood in the doorway #arring his entrance to the carriage$ It was im)ossi#le to refuse me without rudeness #efore the other lady$ %I shall ha+e great )leasure!% said she in an agitated manner$ In I got! the gentleman followed! * had I let him in first he would ha+e sat o))osite to her! not I$ Off we dro+e$ I was now #urning with lust for her! and felt a con+iction that she was e5ually filled with desire for me$ or a few minutes I #eha+ed myself! #ut getting hotter and hotter #ecame at last 5uite reckless$ irst I )ressed my leg aginst hers! she mo+ed them away$ I followed them till she could mo+e them no further! and still ke)t )ressing my leg against her$ I wore )um)s and silk
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stockings! and sli))ing one foot out of my shoe! and )ushing it under her )etticoats! ru##ed it u) against her calf$ 6e were all talking with e;citement! she more than any of us! as if she wished to di+ert attention from what I was doing$ %6hat a lo+ely #all! * I ne+er en2oyed myself so much! * did you-% %9o! nor I$% "o we all talked and laughed$ It was )itch dark! #ut as we )assed the gas1lam)s I could see an almost )ainful e;citement on her face$ U) went my foot till I touched the under side of her thigh #y her knees$ "he ga+e a su))ressed shriek$ %6hat,s the matter-% said her friend$ %Oh7 I,+e got the cram)$% %&h7 you ha+e got your satin shoe wet getting into the carriage!% said her friend$ %9o I,+e not$% I had taken away my foot at her cry! #ut soon im)elled #y lust again raised it u) her clothes$ &gain she started$ %8ram) again- * let me )ull your shoe off$% %Oh7 no$% <he cou)le were near home$ %(ad you not #etter take a coach! we are near the last coach1stand!% said Mrs$ 4'''s'''e! %it,s more than a mile from our house to yours$% <his #efore her friends$ I could not say no! #ut with anger in my heart said yes! and thanked her for the lift she had gi+en me home1ward$ "he )ulled the checkstring! the carriage sto))ed! I told the footman what to do$ Oh7 2oy there was no coach on the stand$ %9e+er mind!% I said! %when you are home! )erha)s you won,t mind your man dri+ing me #ack! it is only a mile! * how good of you to let me ride so far with you$% "oon after her friends were set down! and we were alone$ <here was not more than ten minutes, dri+e #efore me$ I knew that well$ <hough only in the su#ur#s! we were )ast gas1lam)s$ Occasional oil1lam)s ga+e a fee#le light$ It had now #ecome a slightly foggy night$ In a delirium of desire! no sooner was the footman on the #o; than I )laced myself #eside her$ "he was trem#ling with e;)ectation of what was to come$ I hugged her waist and hi)s! and thrust my hand u) her clothes$ %9ow don,t forget yourself! or me! * for :od,s sake$ * what ha+e I done7 * what ha+e I said7 * it ser+es me right! * now )ray! * if you are a gentleman you won,t! * oh7 now * don,t forget your honour! or mine! * I won,t consent! * no ne+er! * ne+er! * oh7 this is indecent! * for :od,s sake don,t now! * you sh1a1n1,t! * I,ll )ull the check1string$% %>iss me my darling! we are #oth unha))y! * it is no fault of ours! * let me now! * we lo+e each other! * let us! * how smooth your flesh is! * oh7 :od let me feel your cunt! * o)en your thighs! * let me fuck you! * I will! * I swear I will$% %6hat language! * I won,t! * no! * no! * no! * I say! * you are taking a shameful ad+antage of me! * oh7 if the footman should look down! * oh7 don,t * o * ho7 * o * ho7% "he thrilled under my titillation of her cunt! her #reath came short! her head sunk on my shoulder! and she was s)eechless$ <hen her thighs o)ened 5uite wide! my lust and )assion had entered her! con5uered her! she was hel)less! defenceless! and a#andoned herself to me$ urious to ha+e her at once! I said no more! nor she$
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I )ulled out my )rick! and )ut her hand to it! * there she left it$ & strange idea )assed through my #rain$ %6hat if I fuck her! and she gets with child7% <his whilst I mo+ed her off my shoulder! and leant her #ack in the corner of the carriage$ ?a)idly I freed my )rick and testicles from my trousers! and dro))ed down on my knees #etween the carriage1seats! threw u) her clothes! and kissed her thighs and cunt$ <he )erfume o+erwhelmed me$ I felt its moisture$ .ut she was too far #ack on the seat for my )rick to reach her$ <hen (ea+en knows how I managed it! #ut I did$ >issing her cunt! I slid #oth hands round her #um! and )ulled her forward$ "he let me do it all without a struggle! without a word$ (er cunt was soon at the edge of the seat! her thighs wide o)en$ I )ushed my )rick to1ward it! and touched it$ It was so stiff! I could not #end it! to get it u) her$ It sli))ed away as the carriage 2olted! and knocked against my own #elly$ <hen I half raised myself! how I can,t descri#e! I don,t know! #ut I was leaning )artly o+er her! and raising one of her thighs whilst I guided my )rick right u) her lo+ely orifice! to ha+e it 2olted out the ne;t instant #y the roll of the carriage$ &gain I )ut it in! again it came nearly out! I holding one thigh! my other hand resting on the seat! and half su))orting me! my legs cram)ed! and #oth of us in such a )osition as to make fucking as difficult as )ossi#le! indeed almost im)ossi#le$ .ut a )rick will get itself into a willing cunt! #e the difficulty e+er so great$ "omehow I got her more for1ward! myself at a #etter slo)e$ I felt her clitoris! and )ressing down my )rick so as to mo+e under my fin1gers! it slid toward her #um1furrow! then #ack! then forward again as the carriage mo+ed$ "he let me do what I liked! #ut did nothing to hel) me$ "he was a lifeless log! thighs wide a)art! cunt ga)ing and reeking with the sweat of the dance and lewedness3 her )assions fully roused! faint with desire! #ashfulness! and fear! she yielded herself u)! #ut did not hel)$ &t length my )rick with one thrust went full u) her cunt! I clas)ed her somewhere like a +ice to kee) our genitals 2oined! the mo+ement of the carriage did nearly the rest$ It was a ra)id wriggle! my only fear that my )rick would #e dislodged again$ %Oh7 :od I,m s)ending my d * ar * h * ling$% My )rick mo+ed +igorously u) and down her cunt! she ga+e one loud )ro1longed cry! half sigh of )leasure! and with a gri) of her cunt! and a hea+e of her haunches! I knew she had s)ent with me * and 2ust then an infernal 2olt of the coach dislodged my )rick almost #efore I had 5uite finished s)ending$ %4ou,+e s)ent my darling! * I,+e fucked you! * you are delicious! * ha+en,t you s)ent7% I sat #y her side holding my reeking )rick! feeling her gluey! s)erm1sla##ered cunt! and )ushed my mouth aginst hers! my tongue into it$ Oh7 the e;5uisite delight of those few minutes$ My #rain had whirled from the moment her friends had left us alone3 it whirled still with su#dued delight now that I had had her$ I could not forget it! and for a minute went on talking$ I )ulled down her clothes! she did not attem)t to do so herself$ %My darling why did you not hel) me-% 9o re)ly$ %4ou,ll forgi+e me! won,t you! * I lo+e
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you so! * I could not hel) it$% 9ot a word$ "he lay with her eyes closed #ack in the carriage! #reathing hard! +iolently! #ut s)eechless! e;hausted #y e;citement! fear! and a medley of sensations which de)ri+ed her of mo+ement or utterance$ %6e are 2ust home! * for :od,s sake rouse yourself$% 6ith a start she )ulled a lace shawl o+er her head! #ut made no re)ly$ <he carriage sto))ed! I got out! and saw her to the door$ %8an I offer you anything-% said she$ %9o thank you! * may your man dri+e me home-% %8ertainly$% %:ood night$% %Is Mr$ 4''s1' ' 'e at home-% %4es Ma,am! and a#ed!% said the footman$ Off I went desiring )olitely to #e remem#ered to Mr$ 4'''s'''e! not forgetting the ha#its of a gentleman! nor she those of a lady! for she desired her com)liments to my wife! and to say she was so sorry she had not seen her at the #all$ <he footman closed the door$ I had folded the cloak I then wore o+er my trowsers! which in the hurry were not )ro)erly closed$ I #uttoned them u) in the carriage as I was dri+en home$ <hat night she sle)t #y herself! her hus#and had #een lifted into #ed too drunk to undress himself$ (e had not fucked her for three months! and had had the cla) in the interim3 * is it to #e wondered that she succum#ed to me7 I knew this afterward from her$

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Chapter V 1he boudoir ne5t day. On the so%a. dull dinner. ssignations. 1he linendraper(s shop with two %ronts. 1he house in 1'''%'''d Street with two entran)es. Consummation. )haste#minded adultress. 1he )onse!uen)es. I )assed a restless night wondering at all that had occurred so un)remeditated! so successful! and yet half a failure at the last moment3 for my s)end was scarcely finished in her$ <he ne;t day I called$ "he was unwell! and could see no one$ (ad she taken cold- 4es! the ser+ant thought so! she had #een ill all night! and could see no one$ It was a maid that o)ened the door who said this! and not a footman$ 6as Mr$ 4'''s'''e at home- 9o$ I did not desire to distur# her! #ut I had a )ressing message from my wife! and should much like to gi+e it instead of my wife writing it! if she would #ut see me for a minute only! * it was a matter of some im)ortance$ %Mistress has seen no one sir! she has #een so ill! * she has not #een long u)! * #ut I will ask$% I waited in a small morning1room$ (alf an hour )assed! the maid at length a))eared! and showed me into the drawing1room$ My heart was #eating$ Mrs$ 4'''s'''e was seated in an easy1chair! the fire was #urning with a red heat! dusk was coming on$ I offered my hand! she )ut hers out coldly$ %I am ill * what is the message you ha+e for me-% %9one! you know I ha+e none * it was only to see you! to #eg your )ardon! to say I could not control myself$% %<hat will do * not another word a#out what you ha+e done! I ha+e )ermitted enough to #e done! to let you think you can do what you like here$% I did not know at this cold treatment what to do! what to say to her! and was silent$ %I,m distressing you!% at length I said! %so I had #et1ter go$% %4ou came to distress me! for you knew you would!% she re)lied$ %I ne+er was cruel to a woman in my life!% I said$ %Indeed! * your wife gi+es a different +ersion$% %Does she- * most likely! * it,s to her interest to #lacken me! * it sa+es her own re)utation$% %&ll you men are the same! * you might ha+e a ha))ier home if you were truer to your wife$% %It,s false! she is not fit for a wife! nor could she make any one ha))y * I might as well say it,s your fault that Mr$ 4'''s'''e is what he is$% %(e7 * if I were to tell you all I suffer! it would make your hair stand on end$% %&nd I! if I told you all a#out my home! you would )ity me$ Listen$% It was rarely that I told my griefs! #ut hid them as much as I could$ I had told them only to a little gay woman! to one of my ser+ants! and to an old friend,s )arlour1maid! and had fucked all three women$ I was now )i5ued! was in lo+e with this lady! fancied she had had as much to do with my erotic darings in the carriage as I had! and could not #ear to #e thought a liar and traitor at
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home! and to ha+e #eha+ed ill to any woman$ %Listen!% I said$ %Oh7 I don,t want to hear$% %.ut you must! * you shall! in 2ustice to me! * listen$% <hen I told her in a few minutes a history in itself$ %:ood (ea+ens! you are 2esting$% %.y the Eternal :od it,s the truth!% * and I #urst out crying$ (ow long we sat I don,t know! #ut I heard her saying! %I,m truly sorry for you! * it,s almost incredi#le$% I went on my knees #efore her$ %>iss me$% %:et u) for :od,s sake! * the ser+ant will come in$% %>iss * kiss me$% %<here! * there! * get u)!% said she kissing me! %now lea+e me! )ray$% %6hy I ha+e not #een here a 5uarter of an hour$% %4ou must ha+e #een here an hour! * it,s dark$ * I must ring for lights$% %4ou are the first woman for years who has kissed me who has not #een a harlot!% I said! forgetting the ser+ants! the married women! and others I had had! and a lady a#out whom I shall )rint nothing$ It was an odd thing to say! was 5uite useless and untrue! #ut it #urst from my li)s suddenly! * (ea+en knows why$ <he story I had old her had stirred her sym)athies! for she was a woman in the fullness of her #lood! in the hey1day of her lusts$ "he was a )ure woman3 #ut those who ha+e tasted the )leasures of coition with a man! * and she had s)ent with me! * cannot resist the desire for them again$ (ers howe+er was a want which urges many a woman to se;ual com)laisance without knowing the cause! although she knew well what she wanted! and was willing to forget herself! to #ring a#out a result to satisfy the want$ It was not fucking! #ut the conse5uences which most women dread! and try to a+oid! when the fucking is illicit$ 4es * she yearned for maternity$ &ll her utterances to me! in+oluntary! irre)ressi#le as they were! all )ointed to it$ <he deed of the )re+ious night! and my )resent disclosures! had #roken all #arriers$ "he had tried at the #eginning to fence herself with coldness * useless$ Oh7 the mysteries of the cock and the cunt when once the male and female disclose them to each other$ 9o fence! no walls! no #olts! no #ars! will kee) them asunder$ 6hat can a woman refuse a man whose s)unk has filled her cunt! from the )ortals of her wom# to her clitoris! as mine had hers$ &ll on a sudden I closed on her! kissed her! and )ut my hand u) her )etticoats$ %9ow lea+e off! * if you attem)t to re)eat last night! I will lea+e the room! and deny myself in future when you call$% %9onsense Mary! * let me call you Mary! * dear Mary! * you know what you told me only yesterday night as we danced! * things ha+e not changed since then! * let me! * let me #e the father$% %9e+er! * a moment,s weakness! * yes I should like a child! * in my loneliness and misery! with all our wealth! it might comfort me! * #ut not one of disgrace! * I forgot myself! and now you )unish me! * forget all a#out it$ &s a gentleman! as I know you to #e! * you will forget it! and ne+er disclose my weakness! I am sure$%
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%9onsense! we lo+e each other! * let me$% %9ow don,t! * lea+e off! * not now! * oh7 don,t make that noise! * #e 5uiet then! * the footman will #e in$% %(e is out! or was when I was downstairs$% "he rose u)$ %Let me feel where I did last night$% %9o! I forgot myself once! #ut ne+er again! * go$% %I won,t #y :od! * I will ha+e you! * I feel mad when I think my )rick has #een in your dear cunt! #ut ne+er s)ent in it )ro)erly! * that my s)erm has co+ered it! #ut was half wasted outside it$% Out of the large dou#le drawing1rooms was her #oudoir! a sofa in it$ I laid hold of her hands! and )ulled her$ %8ome here$% %Oh7 don,t make that noise! * the footman may come here$% %6ell! here$% :ently! and kissing her as I went! I )ulled that lady into her #oudoir and laid her on the sofa$ "ighs! kisses! murmurs of my lo+e! and we were s)ending together on the sofa a minute or two afterward$ <he doors were unlocked! any one coming in must ha+e caught us3 #oth must ha+e #een delirious with lo+e1)assion! to ha+e run such risks$ ?ising 5uickly after I had s)ent! she rang for lights$ <hen was another ring audi#le$ %It,s his ring! * it,s my hus#and! * he,s come home! * )erha)s not drunk for once! * sit down there! * no! not so near! * there! * oh7 my :od what has #rought him home7% /(e rang a minute after she had rung the drawing1room #ell$0 %(ow are you old fellow-% said her hus#and! 5uite so#er! entering the room! and shaking hands with me! * %why I thought /to his wife0 you would see no one$% %I felt #etter when I was u)! and Mr$''' has come to say he has a #o; for Drury Lane for ne;t riday! and +ery much wants us to go with him and Mrs$ '''! * I told him to wait a little on chance of your coming home$% %6ill you 2oin us-% said I$ %4es!% re)lied he! %you sto) to dinner with us$% I hesitated$ %Do$% %I,d rather not$% %6e are all alone! * why don,t you ask him! Molly-% 9o re)ly$ %6hy the damned fool has fainted! * it,s the second time she has done it today! * what the hell,s the matter with her-% said he$ HIt,s singular what a lot of fainting women I had in my youth! * those in after years did not faint during our intrigues$I <o ring! get sal1+olatile! s)irits! was the work of a minute$ "he had reco+ered #efore they came$ Mr 4'''1 s'''e )oured himself out three 5uarters of a tum#ler of #randy! and )utting a little water to it! swallowed it$ %Don,t drink all that!% said she$ %Mind your own #usiness!% said he$ I rose to go$ %I want him to stay to dinner! Molly$% %6on,t you stay-% %I,d rather not$% %"tay! * nonsense!% said he! * %"he,ll #e as dull as stale #eer tonight! * if you don,t stay! come to my clu#! and we,ll dine there$% %Aray stay!% said she$ My seed was u) her! that was an attraction! and though kindness would ha+e said go! * I stayed$ "he left the room$ Mr$ 4'''s'''e drank more #randy and water3 at dinner he was three sheets in the wind! no one was there #ut us three$ %6ho knows if chance may not gi+e her to me again tonight7%
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It was the most e;traordinary e+ening in )oint of strained sensation I e+er s)ent$ "hown into a #ed1room to wash #efore dinner! I would not wash the hand which had fingered her cunt3 out of a su)erstition that if I ke)t it unwashed I should ha+e her again that night$ I had ne+er #een at a family1 dinner with them #efore$ My sense of delicacy as a gentleman ought to ha+e made me refuse her hus#and,s in+itation! seeing that she was distressed! and had not willingly 2oined with him in asking me$ &t ta#le he was #oisterous and 2olly at first! then hea+y and stu)id as the wine told on him3 she dull and distressed! though trying hard to hide her #eing so$ %4ou are as dull as ditch1 water! * you are as cheerful as small #eer drawn yesterday!% he ke)t saying at inter+als to her$ I had #een trying to engage her in con+ersation all the e+ening! #ut it flagged! al1though she drank wine freely$ :radually all the talking fell to him! and as he was listened to! he seemed contented$ I felt more inclined to think! than to talk3 at all e+ents to him! for my mind dwelt on the changes twenty1four hours had made in our relations to each other$ <he night #efore I had seen her come in to the #all1room u)right! radiant! fresh1 coloured! s)arkling! )roud in ste)! com)osed in demeanour3 and I had not a +estige of a thought of ha+ing her$ I had e+en thought her cold! and should ha+e said without any sensuality$ <here she sat now$ My hands had wandered o+er her soft flesh! from her knees to her na+el! I had titillated her clitoris! s)ent in her$ "he was )ale in face! dark rings were round her eyes! she seemed half lifeless! it was )ainful to see her$ 6hene+er I turned my eyes toward her! I found her fi;ed on me with a strained e;)ression in them! as if she were hearing some frightful tale$ /I shall ne+er forget the e;)ression in them$0 (er +oice 5ui+ered! she answered slowly$ I ke)t thinking of my fuck on the sofa! and all the occurrences$ <he more I thought! the more im)ossi#le it seemed to me that all could so ha+e come a#out! * it seemed a dream$ 6hen she left us! her hus#and took #randy and water and cigars and got more fuddled$ %<ea is in the drawing1room sir!% said the flunkey$ I rose to go$ %6ait another 5uarter of an hour!% said Mr$ 4'''s'''e$ I waited$ %Let us go! Mrs$ 4'''s'''e will think me rude$% %"he #e damned! * you go! * I,ll sto)! and ha+e another glass! and another cigar$% In the drawing1room she )oured out my tea with )erfect grace$ %Is not my hus#and coming-% %"oon!% I said$ <ime ran on! she rang the #ell$ %<ell your master the tea will #e cold$% ootman came #ack$ %(e has gone to #ed Ma,am$% %<o #ed-% %4es$% %E;1 cuse me!% she said! and left the room$ In a few minutes she came #ack$ %Is he unwell-% said I in all ignorance$ "he looked at me! to see if I was hum#ugging her #y my 5uestion$ %9o! drunk! * that is my life!% * and she #uried her face in her hands$ I went close to her! my lust got the #etter of me! and I attem)ted to feel her leg$ "he rose from her chair$ %&re you a #rute also- * then I am decei+ed indeed! * no don,t touch me! #e content! * would you #reak my heart 5uite* it is well nigh #roken! * if you touch me! I will ne+er see you again$% I was
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awed$ "he mo+ed her chair away from me! and I did not a))roach nearer to her$ 6e talked a short time$ %4ou will meet me! won,t you- * our friendshi) has only #egun! * #oth unfortunate! * why deny oursel+es the )leasure our society gi+es us-% "he made no re)ly for a long time! seemed to #e struggling with herself! and #uried her face in her hands$ %6here * how-% she said at last$ %Meet me somewhere where we can talk undistur#ed$% %6here- * how- * so that I may not #e known-% <he #rain of a man works wiles to get a woman! and I thought of a mo+e new to me! )erha)s old enough to others3 with me it was an instantaneous thought$ <here were and now are three large linendra)ers in London! with corner1#uildings! and two frontages$ %8all at "oand1"o!% I said! %sto) at the ''' street1side * make a )urchase! * send your carriage away! * go right through the sho) to the other street! there I will await you tomorrow$% %9o$% %6hen% %<he ne;t day at three$% %4ou won,t decei+e me-% %I ha+e #egun! and I,ll go through it!% said she with a hard look$ %One kiss$% %(ish7 the ser+ants are all a#out$% I kissed her! and left$ <he day came$ & #itterly cold and rather foggy day! an admira#le one for our assignation$ I had called at a house in <'''f'''d "treet! well known in those days to swells$ I had ne+er #een at it #efore! #ut had asked a middle1aged friend if he knew a good house! for I did not like taking her to J'''s "treet$ (e was a married man with a great liking for intrigue$ %4ou are going to ha+e a married woman!% said he /it was an odd shot! #ut a true one$0 %9o$% (e winked$ %<he 5uietest house in London is "o1and1"o * there is a #ack and a front entrance! one in one street! one in another street$% I went there! hired the nicest room! ordered a fire! and clean sheets and )aid )art in ad+ance$ I waited at the corner looking out for the carriage$ 9o carriage came$ & lady got out of a ca#! )aid and it dro+e off$ %Is it she-% "he stood still! looked at me through a thick +eil! then went into the sho)$ I had recogni=ed her! and went round the corner3 my ca# of course was there$ & 5uarter of an hour which seemed an age ela)sed$ %Is she ne+er coming-% <hen she a))eared with a )a)er )arcel in her hand$ In a minute she was in the ca#3 in fi+e minutes at <'''f'''d "treet! and in a large! comforta#le! #ut somewhat dull #ed1room$ "he took off her #onnet and +eil! she was trem#ling$ %Is this an hotel-% %9o my darling$% %Is it a #rothel-% %It,s a house where they are not )articular$% %It is a #rothel$% I did not know what to say! so held my tongue$ "he #uried her face in her hand! and sat so for a minute$ %4ou ha+e not kissed me darling$% "he kissed me! got u)! and looked at me fi;edly$ %<ake off your things! * let me hel) you$% "he hurried! was 5uite silent! and soon was in her chemise! #ut with #oots and stockings on$ "he undressed mechanic1ally! as if she were thinking of something else$ %Oh7 let me look at you * let me lift your chemise$% "he resisted$ %9o! for (ea+en,s sake! lea+e me alone$% I com)lied$
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%Let me draw off your #oots and stockings$% <he ne;t minute we were in #ed! and I was u) her3 getting into the #ed with a #ound! and mounting her with fury$ "he had not laid down #efore I was )ressing her$ "he laid down on her side with her face toward me! #ut my #ody met hers! and turned her on to her #ack$ %6ait a minute! * let us talk!% she #egan$ %Oho7% she so##ed as with a fierce )lunge my )rick dro+e her$ <he ne;t minute her cunt was deluged$ I was not man enough! or she not a))eti=ing to me enough to make me continue without withdrawing /as I often did with a fresh )iece0$ I uncunted! and #egan the delights of feeling her all o+er$ <hat e;5uisite +ariety of sensations were mine! which run through a man as he feels a woman in all her nakedness$ or the first time! can kiss her mouth! suck her #u##ies! ro+e from her neck to her knees! smooth his li)s o+er her #reasts! )lunge his fingers u) her cunt till they can gro)e no further$ "oon I was in full +igor again! and u) her! and then Mary 4'''s'''e met me with ardour and in that +ery fuck was im)regnated$ "he had ne+er s)oken from the time she had got into #ed! till her )leasure came on$ <hen she so##ed out! %Oh7 my lo+e7% * and she was 5uiet again$ "he often re)eated the words when s)ending afterwards$ <hat came naturally from her! as my )rick stiffened to its utmost in her cunt! and she drew my s)erm out of me$ "he ne+er said any other words when fucking$ In less than an hour I fucked her again$ I could scarcely get her to talk$ &fter each )oke she wanted to know the time! and when satisfied lay nestling close to me$ %4ou,re with child!% I remarked 2okingly$ %I ho)e so$% I could not reali=e that she really meant it$ %Don,t you wash-% %9o! I,ll do nothing to destroy the chance$% %8hance of what-% %Of ha+ing a child$% %Do you really mean it-% %6hat do you think I ha+e come here for! if I don,t mean it- * do you think I run this risk for lust- * to ha+e degraded myself in your eyes for mere lust7 * you are in error of you imagine that$% %My darling I am thinking of nothing #ut the delight I ha+e in meeting you! in finding a friend and lo+er in you$% %I am not your lo+er! and ne+er shall #e! though I ha+e #een dreaming of such an after1noon with you for two years )ast$% %Of me-% %4es! thinking I should like a child #y you$% %6hy me-% %I don,t know! * who can tell why one likes and dislikes!% * and then she e;)lained$ %6hen grief was u)on me I longed to #e a mother! and thought of you$ :radually I came to desire that you should #e the father! and for that I ha+e degraded myself! * yet I swear that this has come a#out as if #y magic! for I ne+er comtem)lated ha+ing a child #y you! much as I desired it$ .ut from the moment you took my hand under the ta#le1cloth at the su))er! I lost all control of myself$ In the carriage I was hel)less as a child! was in a sort of swoon! though I knew 5uite well what you were a#out! and that it was wrong! I tried to resist you in my mind! #ut could not stir a lim#$ It was the same the day #efore yesterday$ I knew you had sent u) a falsehood! #ut felt I must see you! and from the moment you )ulled me toward my #oudoir! had the same

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ener+ation$% <his was said nearly as I write it! not as an a)ology! #ut as a narrati+e told in the most natural way )ossi#le! and in a sorrowful tone$ %Did you s)end with me in the #oudoir-% %4es$ I felt agitated! alarmed! and almost fainting$% %Did you wash yourself! * do tell me! * do-% I antici)ated coyness and e+asion! #ut I did not know the woman yet! her frankness and determination$ %9o I did not! * I thought of doing so! #ut from a feeling I can,t de1scri#e I would not! and I came down to dinner 2ust as you left me$% %Do you not lo+e me- * you could not ha+e thought so of me without it$% I asked her this for I was staggered! and thought s)ite of all! that she might #e only a frisky one! to whom a fuck on the sly was a treat$ I was too ine;)erienced to know the +arieties of the female mind! the +agaries that an unsatisfied wom# might cause! the o+erwhelming )assion that a wom# hungering for im)regnation might #eget$ %I do not lo+e you! * I shall ne+er #e a mistress to you! and from the time I am sure that I shall ha+e a child! you will see no more of me in the way you see me now! and )erha)s not at all$% %I #elie+e you are with child at this moment!% I said 2oking$ %I firmly #elie+e that I #ecame so an hour ago$ * I must lea+e! * how can I enter my door with the feeling I ha+e hitherto done* ah7 mine has #een a #itter married life7% %&nd mine my darling also$% %.ut you men get relief! get e+en fresh lo+es! and )eo)le o+erlook it! * women they crush for less$% "he dressed$ %4ou ha+e not washed yourself!% I said laughing! for I had turned away out of delicacy when I saw her )ut the #asin down$ "he would not wash at all! not wishing to destroy the good I had done her$ 6as it for good or harm- * time was to show$ I saw her to a ca#! and we )arted$ 4es she would meet me again * tomorrow at the theatre we should meet$ "he had ne+er smiled! nor seemed )leased! nor #een +olu)tuous! she only laid 5uiet! and let me fuck her as much as I could$ 6e met at Drury Lane! for I had of course to get the #o;$ <hat night Mrs$ 4'''s'''e #egan to show great attention to my wife! who in return #egan to hate her! yet I carefully a+oided showing Mrs$ 4'''s'''e s)ecial attention$ Mr$ 4$ went out regularly #etween each act to drink$ I had o))ortunity to s)eak to his wife$ %"ame time and )lace tomorrow$% <he ne;t afternoon we were in the same #ed together again$ &nd again we met$ "he came in her carriage! left it at one door! and )assed through the sho) to me$ 6e had only time for one hurried )oke$ &gain the ne;t day! #ut she had not come in her carriage to the linen1dra)er,s #ecause the coachman was ill$ "he had a fit of com)assion! would not hear of his coming out in the cold! nor of a groom dri+ing$ "he was frightened$ (e was not a good whi)! so she had a ca#$ It was a )iece of luck! I said$ %6ell it really is!% she re)lied$ %I ho)e he will #e confined for weeks$% %Aoor man! he has a sick wife!% said she$ (ow cle+er are #oth man and woman in a+ailing
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themsel+es of e+ery chance for getting amorous delights! *the old song of my #oyhood is right! %cock and cunt will come together! check them as you may$% It was an afternoon of hard fucking$ "he had a tight cunt! * I told her so$ %4ou ought to know what is tight and what is not! according to all accounts!% she said$ I had heard similar hints from others within the year #efore that! and wondered how it came a#out$ &nother and another meeting$ "he was always 5uiet! reser+ed! dignified! e+en when she )issed! #ut now was yielding! and taking more her share in dalliance$ %6hy don,t you )ut your hand down! and feel my )rick-% (er hand went gently down! and then it #ecame like mine! in5uisiti+e! and mo+ed under my #alls and all a#out! much more so than the hands of the women did whom I had recently #een accustomed to$ "atisfying her curiosity stirred her #lood! and there was more )assion in em#race$ "till I felt that I more ser+ed a )ur)ose she was determined on carrying out! than that she had )leasure in meeting me for co)ulation$ My +anity was e;cessi+e on her declaration that she wished a child #y me! #ut was chilled when she said that so soon as she got one! she would not care a#out me3 and that my em#races were nothing to her! unless they fecundated her egg3 that her 2oy in my arms was only )hysical! and that when the s)erm was laying u) against her wom#1mouth! she cared nothing for the man from whose )rick it had issued$ Many as were the cunts I had s)ermati=ed! I was too young to ha+e studied their owners )hiloso)hically or )sychologically! as I since ha+e done$ :radually she #ecame more free$ "he had refused my ins)ection of her! and on any li#erty she did not like she mentioned her degradation$ %I su))ose you think me little #etter than a )rostitute!% said she to me one day!% %and I deser+e it$% "he was so sensiti+e a#out her own sin! as she called it! that when she referred to it I was settled at once! and relin5uished my wishes$ I had ne+er seen her 5uite naked e+en after se+eral meetings! and got wild$ %Let me see$% %I don,t like it$% %6ell my darling you shan,t #e annoyed #ut I ha+e ne+er kissed it! * I will$% I ducked down in the #ed kissing her #reasts! then her #elly! and at last lodged my head #etween her thighs$ <he smell of her cunt was delicious to me! I o)ened the li)s! I kissed the moist )arts$ %I,ll lay here all the time!% I said! #ut I ne+er licked her! for I had no taste for gamahuching her$ %4ou will #e smothered unless you come u)$% %I don,t care! * let me see$% I 2ust caught the darkness of the s)lit! and was glad to rise u)! and ru# my #allocks against it$ "he would show me no more! #ut it stirred her u)! %Oh my lo+e!% came with more em)hasis than e+er$ I )ulled my )rick out of her! and sto))ed her crisis$ %6hat are you doing-% %I won,t go on unless you let me look at your cunt!% * and then I did$ &fter1ward I #ecame master! and she no longer refused me$ <he coachman was #etter$ Instead of two or three hours she could only manage an hour! * half an hour! * it came to a fuck at the #edside! and a )reci)itate rush out of the house$ 6e were much +e;ed$ (ow I hated to see
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her ste) out of that #ig carriage7 * how I longed to see her come muffled u) out of a ca#7 One day she sighed! #ut smiled$ %I am with child!% she said$ %&re you glad7% %4es! #ut I feel sad! and I don,t know why$% <his must ha+e #een a#out a month after I had had her$ %&re you sure-% %4es! * and if in another three weeks my )oorliness does not come on! it is a#solutely certain! * not #ut I was certain I should #e from the moment we met here! and e+en #efore I had you! that you would #e the father of a child$% I wanted to see her 5uite naked$ %9o$% %9ot to the father of your child- * ridiculous$% "he reflected$ %It is ridiculous! #ut I cannot #ear to #e treated like a )rostitute$% %9onsense! * does not e+ery man see his wife naked! and ha+e his )leasure with her in e+ery way-% %Do what you like with me! you ha+e the right now! * e+ery right o+er me! * more right than any one else! * I #elie+e it to #e so in the eyes of :od$%

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Chapter VI Copulation re%used me. 7nto us a )hild is born. 2light suggested. %%e)tion unre!uited. Her husband dies. 0arrowed )ir)umstan)es. In a %oreign land. She marries again. Hearsay, %i%teen years a%terwards. 6hen she had made u) her mind to a course good or #ad! she did not hesitate$ <he same determination that I should #e the father of her child made her yield to me now$ "he let me )ull her a#out! lift u) this lim#! o)en that! #ackside and #elly! cunt! #u##ies! and arm1)its came under my ra)turous ins)ection$ I must ha+e #een strong in my e;)ressions of delight! for she took the infection from me$ 6hen rushing into her arms! and sheathing my )enis in her! %&m I really +ery nice-% she said$ %Di+ine$% %Oh7 my lo+e! I am so glad you like me!% * and our #odies #egan to mo+e$ <he affection which a woman has for him whose seed has gi+en her a child had set in! #ut I did not reci)rocate it$ I had not then in my )hysical lo+e for women learnt to discriminate #etween lust and lo+e! and thought the former was the latter! until it shifted its o#2ect! and then I #egan to wonder how I had liked the last woman so much! and the one #efore her so much! and so on$ &fter that day there was no hesitation$ "he a#andoned herself to me a#solutely! I could see and do what I liked! nor was she #ehind$ <hough not a sensuous or +olu)tuous woman! she used to ru# her mouth in my #alls! and kiss my )rick! whilst I fingered her cunt$ <he way she nestled her nose round my #alls was curious * most women ha+e a way of their own in amorous tricks$ "he had dark eyes! dark wa+y hair! and a )retty nose$ (er face was handsome and dignified! you saw at a glance she was a lady$ "he had lo+ely shoulders and #reasts suggesting much )lum)ness #elow! #ut it was not so$ &lthough nice and round! she was not large a#out her #um and thighs! yet the cal+es of her legs were symmetrical$ "he was )rettily sha)ed! and her #ones so fine that she looked stouter than she really was$ "he was nice to feel all o+er! had e;5uisite hands and feet! and had all the )hysical 5ualities of good #reed$ (er cunt had #ut a smallish 5uantity of cris) dark #rown hair on it! and the li)s and )rick1hole were small$ It was a )retty cunt! like a well1grown girl,s of se+enteen! instead of a woman,s of nearly thirty$ 6hen I said she had a small cunt! she #ecame an;ious to know if it was +ery small$ "he had some fear that through its si=e she would ha+e a +ery se+ere la#our! which was the case$ In fucking she was charming! #ut ne+er +olu)tuous$ <he tightness of her cunt coming after the ca)acious well1haired orifices of "arah Ma+is! Louisa! and Jenny! was a no+elty! #ut I,m not sure that I en2oyed it so much for )oking! though I liked to finger it$ I then )referred the larger cunts for reasons often gi+en$ .ut I lo+ed to #e in #ed with her! for it was the first lady I had had for a
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mistress! and her manners were different from the hum#ler sort$ .esides! there was a charm in talking a#out one,s female friends! and in my disclosing amatory knowledge to a com)arati+e no+ice$ I had recently had such talk only with women to whom e+ery trick and dodge of )rick and cunt was familiar$ One thing was singular$ "he had a sweet mouth! and although not much gi+en to tonguing myself! * indeed not doing so to women generally! * I #egan at once to do so to her$ "he mo+ed her head away$ %9o that,s not nice$% %6hen you,re s)ending it,s hea+enly! * 2ust touch mine! * there! * is it not nice now- * right in1to my mouth$% "oon she #ecame fond of it$ (er hus#and had ne+er done so$ 9e+er- 9o! ne+er attem)ted such a thing$ &re there many men who don,t use their tongues when fucking! I wonder$ &#out her hus#and$ .y mutual consent we a+oided the su#2ect! yet when I asked a 5uestion a#out him! she took the o))ortunity of telling much to 2ustify herself in my eyes! and in her own! for what she was doing$ "he had married him for money! ho)ing lo+e would come after! * and it ne+er had$ <hen came his e+il ha#its! estrangement! neglect! mistresses and casuals! * he had cla))ed her! and that was all$ <here were no rows! no show #efore )eo)le! #ut gradual alienation! and rarely coition$ (e fucked her at times! and she s)ent with him at times! though she disliked him$ "he sought his #ed after I had had her first$ %(e cannot say it is not his child!% she said$ "he had relie+ed her se;ual wants #y frigging herself! though #ut rarely$ <he two months )ro+ed she was with child$ "he had said she would cease to ha+e me when assured of that! #ut had forgotten it )erha)s3 for instead of ceasing! she seemed more an;ious for my em#races than #efore$ "he was warming toward me! #ut I was cooling$ Our meetings had #een of the shortest till her hus#and went into the country! to his mills$ I suggested ha+ing her at her home! #ut she would not hear of it$ "he managed longer meetings! grew more affectionate! fearful of #eing found out! and of not li+ing through her confinement3 then at the dislike of nursing a child in her house when the father was away$ "he was unha))y! #ut the child would make her ha))y when she thought of me$ 6hen #ornG if 4'''s'''e continued his #rutal ha#its she would se)arate from him! and li+e with her child$ 6hy did I not se)arate! and form an1other home! * did I lo+e any one- %Do you lo+e me-% I asked! %recollect what you said three months ago$% %I lo+e you like my life! my lo+e! my darling! * I did not know myself! and that yearning for a child #y you was lo+e for you$% "he had read in a rench no+el of a lady who had the same de+ouring want! and who did as she had done$ %I intended when with child that you should ne+er meet me again! * #ut oh7 my :od I cannot do it$% & mist fell from my eyes! and I #ecame aware of the true )osition of matters$ <his )oor lady was dee)ly attached to me$ I cared a#out her only as a tem)orary sweetheart! though I #egan #y thinking I was in lo+e with her$ I saw misery for her$ I ne+er liked adultery$ <here were enough women to #e had without taking the wi+es of other men$ I re+olted at the idea of +isiting a
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man! eating his food! drinking wine with him! shaking him #y his hand! and when #ehind his #ack tailing his wife$ 4et here was I without design e;actly in that )osition$ "he went to her hus#and in the 9orth! he remained there! he tailed her when there! I wrung the confession from her$ (ow could she hel) it! she said$ (e was )leased as she thought at ha+ing got her with child$ On her return again came the suggestion! why did I not se)arate from my wife- %I shall #e all #ut a )au)er without her money!% I said$ %6hat of that! if you are unha))y$% .ut I was always ho)ing for ha))ier days! ho)ing! * ho)ing! * ho)ing$ %Let us go away to1gether!% said she! %my marriage settlement will kee) us #oth! * we can #e ha))y! * a knowledge of our se)arate miseries will endear us to each other! for I don,t think I can #ear this life any longer! * the struggle is too great! * let us fly together$% <his suggestion was hers and made in a )aro;ysm of tears$ I did not know what to say! hesitated! e5ui+ocated! said my wife was #eha+ing #etter! that I would lea+e her for a year! that if we ran away we might #e unha))y! and so on3 that it was #est to reflect and not take a too hasty ste)$ %4ou don,t lo+e me! * you didn,t lo+e me!% she said! %oh7 what will #ecome of me! * what shall I do7% * and we )arted in tears$ It was #righter weather now! and we could not get to the #audy house without #eing seen$ "he was #ig in the family way! which made her more noticea#le! and she could only sto) for one em#race! and was then o#liged to get away$ <hen luckily as I ha+e said the house fronted two streets$ "he went out on one! I on the other! #ut it was getting +ery uncomforta#le! to me at least$ I did no dare to #reak it off! I so res)ected her! and had so much )ity for her that I continued to make a))ointments! though glad when she could not kee) them$ &gain! she was to #e the mother of my child$ "o I let things drift on! #ut had for some time stroked whores again! not #eing a#le to do without women! and ha+ing difficulty in getting her$ "o I was glad when her hus#and was taken seriously ill in the 9orth! and she was com)elled to go there to him$ "he was a#sent a +ery long time! our letters were sent to )ost1offices! they were #rief! in disguised hand1writing! and ne+er signed$ (ow she managed to get hers I don,t recollect$ 6hen she came #ack she was an immense si=e! and told me #ut little of what had )assed whilst she had #een away$ "he feared trou#le of all sorts! that misfortune was to #e her lot in life! that she had ho)ed we might )ass our li+es together! #ut had made a mistake3 her life had #een a mistake! a mistake to ha+e married him! to ha+e longed for a child #y me! to ha+e lo+ed me! when it was not returned$ I declared that I lo+ed her$ 9onsense she re)lied! reflection had con+inced her I did not3 if I did! why re1 fuse to lea+e with her$ I re)eated what I had said #efore$ "he retreated into her cold dignity! the dignity she had #efore I had fucked her$ "he used to look at me 5uietly till the
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tears #rimmed o+er her eyes! and dry them u) 5uietly with1out saying a word$ "he had that strained e;)ression of face which some women ha+e in )regnancy! and had #ecome 5uite thin$ "ometimes an im)ulse took me #y head and heart! and I was on the )oint of offering to run away with her$ ?eflection made me know that I did not lo+e her! I did not e+en lo+e )oking her! I only res)ected and admired her! and with my sensuous tem)erament! felt that it could only end in misery for #oth of us! were we de)ending on each other entirely for our ha))iness in our dou#le adultery! and with smallish means$ <hen on one e;cuse or another she )ut off meeting me till I saw that she ne+er meant me to ha+e her again! * and I ne+er did$ "he was confined with a #oy$ 6e +isited her$ "he was affectionate to me when we were alone! #ut so sad that I could scarcely for#ear crying when she s)oke to me$ "he lo+ed the child$ 6hen she reco+ered her health and looks I had a strong desire for her! #ut she ne+er would let me$ (er hand would clas) mine! and trem#le in it! #ut to all my entreaties! it was! %9o! * ne+er!% * and I ne+er had her again$ (er hus#and,s dissi)ation had #een ruining him! he failed for a huge sum! and instead of s)ending fifteen thousand a year! came to li+e on his wife,s income of fi+e hundred$ <hen he had )aralysis! and was a re)entant! #roken! misera#le man! lame and ugly! and went with his wife to li+e in the "outh of rance$ "he ne+er wrote to me! #ut wrote often to my wife! who disliked her for some reason which I knew not3 #ut was o#liged to re)ly #ecause there was a chance always of her coming #ack again at some time to London$ Mrs$ 4'''s'''e it always seemed to me meant to kee) me informed of herself through her letters to my wife! for she descri#ed e+erything! their new home! their mode of li+ing! their e;)enses! the #a#y! his looks! and so forth! as if my wife had #een the )erson ne;t to herself the most interested in the child$ Once she said his eyes were e;actly like mine3 #ut the letters at last grew shorter and shorter! and a longer time a)art$ <hen her hus#and died$ HI may add here after a la)se of se+enteen years the se5uel of this amour! as far as I know it now$ 4ears rolled on! I was a widower! and went "outh! called at Mont)ellier! and made en5uiry$ "he had remained there some time as a widow$ &n Italian no#leman had married her! and they left for Italy! * I ne+er heard where$ "he may #e li+ing now! so may my child! I should like to know! * #ut what good would come of it if I did- "he and the child had #etter remain as they do in my memory! * a tender regret! full of res)ect for her$ (er name sounded like 8astagni! * #ut that was not her name$I

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Chapter VII big maid#servant. peep up %rom below. Home late, dusty and stupid. Chastity suspe)ted. Conse!uen)es. 4ismissed. My sympathy. 1he soldier lover. ,oing to supper. t the Ca%8 de l(9'r''e. In the )ab returning. .et %eet. On the seat. Mutual grasping and gropings. I ha+e forgotten to say that I had #een again much #etter off! #ut #y e;tra+agance had to draw in! and now li+ed in a larger house! #ut ke)t only three ser+ants$ During the latter )art of the time of my liaison with Mrs$ 4'''s'''e we had for a month or so #ut one ser+ant$ & charwoman came to do rough work3 #ut why this tem)orary arrangement took )lace need not #e told$ "he was a #ig country woman 5uite fi+e feet ten high! and s)eaking with a strong )ro+incial accent$ 6hen she was alone in the house I used to cross the streets to see her kneel! and clean the door1ste)s$ "he had such a #ig arm! and her #um looked so huge that I wondered how much was flesh! and how much )etticoats$ "he cleaned the windows on the ground1floor! which in the house I then inha#ited were got at #y an iron #alcony with o)en #ars #eneath$ "eeing her cleaning them one day I went stealthily to the kitchen! and then into the area! and )ee)ing cautiously u) her )et1 ticoats! saw her legs to her knees$ <hey were #ig and suited to her #uttocks3 #ut though the sight )leased me much! I ne+er thought of ha+ing her! for I a+oided women in my own house and neigh#ourhood$ "he was )lain1faced! slee)y! and stu)id1looking3 the only thing a#out her nice! was #right rosy flesh$ "he looked solid all o+er$ (er hair was a darkish chestnut colour! her eyes darkish! and one day she lifted a ta#le as hea+y as herself$ <here was not the slightest amorousness in her face or manner! and she dressed like a well1to1do country woman$ :i+e her lots of nice! good! white underclothing3 it was #etter than a sham outside! I heard she had said$ "he was a#out twenty1two years old! #ut she looked older$ &#out two months after she came /and 2ust then when without other ser+ants0! on arri+ing home one "unday night at a#out ten o,clock! I found she had #een allowed to go out as usual! #ut had not returned$ &n1other hour cre)t on$ "a+age! I thought of locking her out$ &#out half1)ast ele+en she returned$ I let her in! and asked why she was so late$ "he looked da=ed! muddled! had a +ery red face! muttered she was sorry! she had fallen down and hurt herself! and without waiting to answer me )ro)erly went downstairs$ My wife went after her! and when she came u)! told me she thought she was in drink! and that her dress and #on1net were co+ered with dust$ %"he had #een u) to some tricks with a man!% said she$ 9e;t day I heard she had told as an e;cuse! that as she was walking along a lane u) which she turned to )iddle! a man laid hold of her! and had taken li#erties with her3 that in the scuffle she had fallen down! had screamed! tried
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to catch him! had failed! and a lot more to similar effect$ One or two days later I was told the woman had #een dismissed$ <hat I 5uite e;)ected! for it was the mistress, custom to coa; out the facts from )oor de+ils in a kind way! and then to kick them out mercilessly3 any sus)icion of unchastity was enough for that$ Middle1aged married women are always hard u)on the young in matters of co)ulation$ %6hat is she going for- & few days ago she was so #eautifully clean! strong! and ser+icea#le that none were like her7% %Oh7 she has got a sweetheart! and is u) to no good with him I,m sure$% %(ow do you know-% %"he told me so$% %It,s hard to dismiss on sus)icion only! a )oor girl who came u) to us from the country$% %4ou always take the )art of those creatures$% %I know nothing for or against her! nor you$% %"he is no #etter than she ought to #e$ * I ha+e noticed a soldier idling a#out here for some time )ast$% %&s you like! * it,s your #usiness * #ut she came to us with an e;cellent character$% I )itied the woman! #ut more than that from the time I heard that a man had assaulted her! a slightly lecherous feeling had come o+er me towards her$ I wondered what he had done! * had he felt her- * had he fucked her- * had she e+er #een fucked #efore! e+en if the man had recently done it to her- I #egan looking closely at her! getting in the way on some )rete;t or another! and always wondering if this and that had #een done$ I looked at the #road #ackside! so #road that a )rick must look a trifle #y the side of it$ %(a+e the male #alls #anged u) against it-% I thought$ 6hen I heard of her #eing turned adrift I thought I would 2ust like to ha+e her once or so! and that her lea+ing us ga+e me a chance$ 8uriosity was I #elie+e at the #ottom of my desire for her! * it was her huge fleshy form! and that s)anking arse$ Oh7 to look at it naked! and feel it! if I did nothing more$ inding the charwoman was not coming one day! and that the #ig ser+ant would #e a short time alone in the house! home I went3 and on some )rete;t went down to the kitchen$ %"o you are going to lea+e us$% %4es sir$% %6hy-% %I,m sure I don,t know! * Missus says I don,t suit! * yet only a few days ago she said I suited well$% (ere she #roke into tears$ I s)oke kindly to her! said she would get another )lace soon! * she must take care not to go u) dark lanes again with a man! nor go home late and dirty$ "he could not hel) it! * it was no fault of hers$ 6hat li#erties did he take with her- I asked$ <he woman coloured u)! and turning her head away! said he did what was +ery im)ro)er$ %Did he )ut his hands u) your )etticoats-% %6hat was +ery im)ro)er!% she re)eated$ %.ut how did you get so dirty-% <hey struggled! and she sli))ed$ %I wish I,d #een him! * I,m sure when he felt! he got his hand close u)! * I,d gi+e a so+ereign to ha+e mine there$% <hat remark threw her into a distressing state of confusion$

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I talked on decently! alluding to what I thought had taken )lace! and wishing I had #een the man3 #ut got nothing from her e;ce)ting that the man had taken li#erties with her! * yes most im)ro)er li#erties$ I told her I was sorry she was going! and thought she was hardly used! #ut I could not hel) it! * how was she off for moneyVery #adly off! * she had come straight from the country to #etter herself! and had #ought nice! good! underlinen! knowing she was coming to a gentleman,s house! and now #efore she could turn herself round she was sent off$ "he had had to )ay for each coach to London! and when she had her wages! and )aid for a ca# to lodgings! she would not ha+e twenty shillings left$ 6hat was she to do if she could not get another )lace- (ere the #ig woman #lu##ered! left off cleaning! sat down on a chair! and hid her face$ %Don,t cry! you,re used #adly! * I,ll gi+e you a little money until you get a )lace! * it won,t #e long$% %4ou,re a good kind master!% said she! %e+eryone says so! * #ut Missus is a #east! she ain,t no good to any one! * I don,t wonder you are out so much! and don,t slee) with her$% I ga+e a kiss and a cuddle$ %6hat lo+ely lim#s you ha+e! * how firm your flesh is! 11 you are delicious! * I should like to slee) with you! * come into the lane with me! and tell me when you are going to )iddle again! and let me take a li#erty$% %6ho told you I went u) the lane-% %4our mistress!% and then I left! telling her on no account to let it #e known that I had #een home$ &fter this I heard that she had said it was a soldier$ 9ow I knew that a soldier who took li#erties with a woman! took no little ones! and generally got all he tried for3 so made u) my mind that she had #een fucked on the night she came home late$ & day or two after I was sur)rised with the following$ %I,+e got another ser+ant! * she will come the day after to1morrow! so I mean to send "arah away at once! * of course she will #e )aid her month,s wages! #ut I shall get rid of her! for I am sure she is an unchaste woman$% %Aoor de+il7 * it,s enough to make her unchaste! * #ut it,s your #usiness$% %&re you going out to1night-% %6hy-% %.ecause if you are I,m going round to my sister,s$% %I am$% * and off I went after dinner3 #ut waited in a ca# not far from the end of the street! watching to see if she really did go out$ "he did! and directly I s)ied her I drew myself #ack! and told ca##y to follow her to the sister,s house$ <hen I dro+e #ack )art of the way! and went home$ %"o you are going-% said I to the ser+ant$ %4es! I,m turned out! sir$% %& soldier and you went u) a dark lane! * what a fool to tell your mistress$% %&h7 she has told you! * what a #ad un! she sneaked it out of me! * #ut I,m not to #lame! he is my sweetheart! and is going to marry me$% %(a+e you got lodgings-% %4es sir! I,m going out to1morrow to see them! and I,+e written telling my sister /a ser+ant also! and she has taken them$% %6ait for me when you go! and on no account say I,+e #een home! * I mean to hel) you! * you are #adly used! *
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what can I do for you-% %If you would hel) me to go to the <ower! * my young man,s name is '''! he is a :renadier! * I,+e written him! #ut he has not re)lied! and I want to know if he is there$% %I will wait for you to1morrow night outside! when you go to see the lodgings$% & kiss! a hug! and out of my house I went again! after ha+ing ascertained where she was going to! and the time she was to go out$ 9e;t e+ening I waited outside her lodgings! she came in a ca# with her #o;! and told me that her mistress had #undled her out$ "he had had nothing to eat since mid1day! and was sick and weary$ %Make haste then! * arrange your things! and we will go and ha+e something to eat! and you shall see your soldier tomor1row$% %:od #less you! I do feel grateful sir!% said she$ In half an hour she came out$ I did not know where #etter to go to! and knew that it was 2ust the time when the )lace would #e em)ty! so took her to the 8afe de l,Euro)e in the (aymarket$ It was a long dri+e! #ut I wanted to #e with her in the dark ca#$ "he was wonderfully struck with the )lace! #ut I was ashamed of #eing seen with her$ "he was an;ious to go home early! #ecause she lodged with )oor )eo)le who went to #ed early$ "he had ne+er tasted$ cham)agne! so I ga+e her some$ Oh7 her delight as she 5uaffed it! and oh7 mine as I saw her drink it! * it was 2ust what I wanted$ %& cock has #een into her I am sure!% I thought! %so another can,t do her much harm! * if she,ll fuddle she,ll feel and #e felt! or fuck! or frig! they always go together!% my old instructor in the ways of women used to say$ I arranged to take her the ne;t day to the <ower3 our talk naturally was a#out the affair$ %(e did it to you!% I said$ "he wouldn,t or didn,t see my meaning$ %I could not hel) it if he did! or what he did! * he took un)ro)er li#erties$% %(e took them more than once! I,ll #et7% "he did not like such 2oking! she remarked$ &ll this was when we were going out to su))er$ :oing home in the ca# I #egan to say a #audy word to her$ %(e felt your cunt!% said I! %did you feel his )rick-% "he #ounced u) and hit her #onnet against the to) of the ca#$ %Oh7 my7 sir!% * #ut she ke)t on in her e;citement! letting out #its of the history! saying at inter+als! it was not her fault! * she was fuddled! *fuddled with #eer and gin! * a little fuddled her$ I saw that )retty clearly from the effect of the cham)agne3 and un#uttoned so as to ha+e my )rick handy$ It was a wet night! the #ottom of the ca# was wet straw$ %My feet are 5uite wet!% said she$ %Aut them on the seat! my dear$% "he did so3 I felt them as if solicitous for her comfort! )utting my hand higher than a#o+e her ankle! 2ust to see if her ankles were wet also$ %6hy your ankles are wet$% %4es they are$% 6ith a sudden )ush u) went my hand #etween her thighs! * a yell and a struggle! #ut I had felt the s)lit #efore she dislodged my fingers$ "he was stronger than me! #ut my hands ro+ed a#out her great lim#s! searching under her )etticoats round her huge #ackside$ %Oh7 don,t! * you,re a #east$% %Oh7 what a #ackside * what thighs7
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* what a lo+ely cunt I,m sure you ha+e7 * let me kee) my hand 2ust on your knee! and I swear I won,t )ut my hand higher$% <o ensure my kee)ing my hand there! she held my wrist as well as a +ise would ha+e done$ "he had #y sheer force got it down to there$ I )attered out all my lust! my desire to ha+e her! incitements! and #audy com)liments on her form$ %Let me fuck you$% %4ou shan,t$% %4ou know what it means$% %I know what you mean$% %6hat harm could I do- * who would know-% &nd then the old! old trick$ <aking her great fist in mine! I )ut my stiff )rick into it$ 6hat a )ersuader7 <hough she ke)t u) a show of struggling she did not get it away from that article instantly$ I su))ose unless utterly distasteful to each other! that a man and woman cannot feel each other,s )ri+ates! without e;)eriencing reci)rocal #audy emotions$ <hey get tender to each other$ <he woman always does! after she has got o+er the first shock to her modesty! and her tem)orary anger$ If after a man has felt her! a thermometer could #e a))lied to her s)lit! I #elie+e it would #e found to ha+e risen considera#ly in tem)erature$ &fter struggling and kissing! trying to feel her 5uim! trying to kee) my hand on her thighs! it ended in our ha+ing our mouths together and my hand #eing )inched #etween her two thighs! whilst the knuckles of one of her hands! with sham reluctance touched my doodle! 2ust as the ca# reached her dwelling! and there we )arted$ &ll the rest of our con+ersation was a#out her soldier! her #eing dismissed! and is not worth writing$

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Chapter VIII 1he ne5t day. t the 1ower. In tears. :1he wret)h is married.: t 1'''%'''d Street. %ter dinner. On the )hamber#pot. My wishes re%used. n atta)*. gainst the bed. stout resistan)e. I threaten to leave her. 1ears and suppli)ations. On the so%a. -elu)tant )onsent. hal%#virgin. 9e;t day she met me early! and we dro+e to the <ower$ On the road I instructed her what to do when there /it was full si; miles off0$ I tried my #est to get her )assions u) in a delicate way! #ut amatory fingerings I a+oided whilst the )oor woman was in search of her lo+er$ <he feeling of each other,s )ri+ates on the )re+ious night! had o)ened her heart to me$ "he let out a little more of the history of her esca)ade with the soldier! and asked my ad+ice how to act in certain e+entualities! which could only #e a))lica#le to a woman who had #een rogered$ "he was )ainfully an;ious as she a))roached the <ower$ I sto))ed in the ca# 2ust in sight of the entrance! and after instructing her care1 fully again who to ask for! and what to do! in she went$ In half an hour she came #ack with wet swollen eyes! got into the ca#! and #egan to #ellow loudly$ <he ca#1man had o)ened the door for her! and stood waiting for orders$ or a few seconds I could get nothing out of her! then told the ca#man to dri+e to a )u#lic house near$ <here I ga+e her gin! #ut still could learn nothing$ &ll she said was! %Oh7 such a +aga#ond7% Into the ca# again$ I told the man where to dri+e to! for I had laid my )lans$ %<ell me! * it,s not fair after all the trou#le I,+e taken to not tell me!% * so# * so# * so#$ "oon after it all came in a gush$ %4es he was there! that is! he was two days ago!% #ut the regiment had gone to Du#lin! and wouldn,t #e #ack for eighteen months! * a letter would #e sent him of course! #ut his wife would #e there in a day! for * %Oh7 * hoh7 * hoh7 * the wretch is a married man! and he,s decei+ed me$% %4ou should not ha+e let him do it$% %I didn,t mean to$% %4ou let him do it more than once I,ll swear$% %(e did it twice to me! when in the house! * he swore he,d marry me three days after! if I let him! * and so I d * did! * ho7 * her * ho7% <hus I heard in snatches the whole history! which she told me more )lainly afterwards$ "he had #een fucked twice on the e+entful night! once on the ground in a lane! and once in a #ed1room$ I dro+e to <'''f'''d "treet where I used to meet Mrs$ 4'''s'''e$ It was not much more than mid1day$ I got a comforta#le little sitting1room! out of which was a large #ed1room$ & dinner was sent in #y an Italian restaurant close #y$ &fter her first grief had su#sided! the wine cheered her! and she made a good dinner! talking all the time of her %misfortun$% 6hen we had finished for a
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while I sat caressing her$ <hen I said! %I want to )iddle!% and )ulling my )rick out #efore her went into the #ed1room and )issed$ %Don,t you want to-% %9o$% %9onsense! * do you su))ose I don,t know- * now go$% "he went into the #ed1room$ I 5uietly o)ened the dor a2ar directly she had closed it$ <here was she sitting on the )ot! one leg naked! ad2usting her garter! and )issing hard$ <hen raising her clothes that side she scratched her #ackside in a dreamy fashion! looking u) at the walls$ <he rattle of her )iddle went on$ "he had #een out all the morning! had had gin and cham)agne! and her #ladder must ha+e #een full$ <he side she scratched was towards me$ "he finished )iddling! #ut still she sat scratching her rum)$ <hen rising she turned round! looked in the )ot! )ut it under the #ed! )ushed her clothes #etween her thighs! and looking round saw me at the half1o)ened door$ "he ga+e a start! I rushed u) to her$ %6hat lo+ely thighs! * what a s)lendid #um% /though I hadn,t seen it0$ %6hat a shame! * you,+e #een looking at me$% %4es my darling! * what a lot you ha+e )issed! * what a #um! * I saw you scratch it! * let,s feel it! * I did last night! and you know what you felt$% I got my hands on to her naked thighs! )ushing her #um u) against the #edside$ %6hat a shame to think you ha+e #een looking! lea+e me alone! * )ray do! * now you shan,t! * no * you sh * han,t$% I closed with her$ I had )ulled my stiff1stander out$ I shook it at her$ %Look at this my darling! let me )ut it in you! * u) your cunt$% %9o! * lea+e off! * I won,t! * I won,t! * I ha+e had enough of you men! you shan,t$% or a long time the game went on! I #egging her to let me ha+e her! she refusing$ 6e struggled and almost fought$ <wenty times I got her clothes u) to her #elly! my hand #etween her thighs$ I gro)ed all round her firm #uttocks! and )inched them! gras)ed her cunt1 wig! and )ulled it till she cried out$ &ll the de+ices I had used with others! all I could think of! I tried in +ain$ <hen I ceased )ulling u) her clothes3 #ut hugging her to me #esought her! kissing and coa;ing! kee)ing one of her hands down against my )rick! which she would not feel! #ut it was useless$ <hen stoo)ing and again )ulling u) her )etticoats! letting loose e+ery #audy word that came into my mind! * and I dare say the choicest words! * I threw myself on my knees! and #utting my head like a goat u) her )etticoats! got my mouth on to her cunt! and felt her clitoris on my li)s3 #ut I could not mo+e her$ "he was far stronger than me$ <hen rising I tried to lift and sho+e her on to the #ed$ I might as well ha+e tried to lift the #ed itself$ I tried to drag her towards a large sofa! #ig enough for two )eo)le to lay side #y side! and made for easy fucking$ &ll was useless$ (er weight and her strength were such that I could not mo+e her$ <here she stood with her #ackside against the edge of the #ed! her hair getting loose! one of her stockings )ulled #y me down her ankle! and the u))er )art of her dress
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torn o)en! #ut no! she would not let me$ "he was frightened! * she would not! *I was as #ad as the soldier$ In the e;citement she no longer cared a#out her legs showing to her knees! #ut her cunt she fought for! and get my )rick against it I could not$ "o we struggled I don,t know how long! and then #reathless! fatigued! I got into a +iolent rage! * a natural rage! not an artificial one! * and it told as #rutality often tells with a woman$ 6e stood looking at each other$ "he ke)t one hand on her clothes 2ust outside her 5uim! as if to defend it$ I with my )rick out! felt defeated and mortified$ I had #een so successful with women! that I could not under1stand not getting my way now$ %4ou damned fool!% I said! %I dare say fifty ha+e fucked you! and you make a sham a#out your damned cunt! and your fears! * what did you come here for-% "he o)ened her eyes with astonishment at my tem)er$ %I didn,t know I was coming here! * I didn,t know you meant me to do that! * you said you,d #e kind to me! and gi+e me something to eat! sir! * I,d not eaten since last night! * you said you would #e kind to me! sir$% It was said in the deferential tone of a ser+ant$ %"o I will! #ut if I,m kind! you must #e kind to me! * why should it #e all on one side-% %I,m sure I don,t know!% she whim)ered$ %4ou know he fucked you! and I dare say a do=en others ha+e$% %9o one,s e+er done it #ut he! and he only did it twice!% said she #lu##ering$ %Let me$% %9o I won,t! * I,m frightened to$% %:o and #e damned$% I )ut in my )rick which had droo)ed! went into the ad2oining room! )ut on my hat and coat! took u) my stick! and returning to the #ed1room! there was she still with her arse against the #ed! crying$ "he started u) when she saw me dressed to go out$ %Oh7 don,t lea+e me here alone sir! * you won,t will you-% %4es I shall! * you can find your way out$% %Oh7 let me go with you sir$% %I shan,t! nor see you again! * why should I- * you won,t let me ha+e you! not e+en feel you7% %I would let you! #ut I,m frightened! * I,+e got my li+ing to get! and I,+e #een ill1treated enough #y that +aga#ond! * I didn,t think you #rought me here for that$% %6hat did you think then-% %I didn,t think a#out it at all! * I was all along thinking of him$% %4ou didn,t think of him when I felt your cunt in the ca# last night! * good1#ye$% %Oh7 stay only a minute! * do stay sir! * don,t lea+e me here$% "he still stood against the #ed$ %6ill you let me- * what a fool you are$% %Oh7 don,t call me names! * I would! #ut I,m frightened! * I,+e got my li+ing to get$% (a+en,t you #een fucked-% %4 * hes! *y * hes!% she so##ed out! %#ut it wasn,t no fault of mine! * I was *aho7 * fud * died!% * and she #lu##ered as loud as a #ull roaring$

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& sentiment of com)assion came o+er me! for I ne+er could #ear to see a woman cry$ I threw off my hat and coat! and going u) to her as she stood! kissed her$ %<here then! let me feel your cunt! * that can,t hurt you$% "he did not struggle any more$ I lifted her clothes! and )laced my fingers on her 5uim$ I frigged hard at the right s)ot! #ut could get my fingers no further towards the sacred hole$ (er massi+e thighs shut me off from the )rick1tu#e as closely as if it had #een a closed door * I could not get my hand #etween them$ .ut my fingers were #etween the cunt1li)s! twiddling and ru##ing$ %Don,t cry! * you,ll let me I know! * who will know #ut we-% I fetched a tum#ler of cham)agne from the sitting1room! and she took it like a draught of water$ U) went my hand again! and with fingers ru##ing her clitoris we talked and kissed side #y side$ <hen turning myself more towards her! u) went my other hand round her #ig #um! which felt as hard! and smooth! and cold as mar#le$ <his went on a long time$ "he #egan gradually to yield when she felt the effects of titillation$ "he then gras)ed my fiery doodle$ <hen frigging her harder! her head dro))ed o+er my shoulder! and I got my fin1gers under the clitoris! and there to the hole$ %Oh7 /a start0 you are scratching me! * you,re hurting me there$% <aking away my hand$ %8ome here! * don,t #e foolish!% said I! %let us do it! * you will en2oy it! * come!% * and I )ulled her$ (er #ig form left the #ed! and slowly she came with me to the sofa$ %"it down! * there! dear! * kiss me! * )ut u) your legs! there,s a darling$% "lowly! #ut with much )ushing and #egging there at last she lay! and the instant she was down I threw her )etticoats u)! and myself on to her$ I saw the great lim#s white as snow$ & dark hairy mass u) in her thigh1to)s$ %Oh7 don,t hurt$% %9on1sense I don,t$% %4ou do indeed! * oh7% My hands are ro+ing! my arse oscillating! I,m u) a cunt! * all is o+er! * she is fucked$ %Did you ha+e )leasure /I always asked that if I had dou#t! * answer me! * did you- * do say! * what nonsense to hold your tongue! tell me$% %4es I did! after you had done hurting me$% %Did I really hurt you-% %4es$% %Im)ossi#le$% 4ou did$% 6hat a sham! I thought to myself! a woman always is! * a :renadier has fucked her twice! yet she says my )rick hurts her$ I turned off on my side! the sofa #eing large enough$ 6e had done the trick! and the recklessness of the woman who has tasted the )leasure! and feels the man,s s)unk in her 5uim! had come o+er her$ <he cham)agne added its softening influence$ "he )ulled her dress half1down! we laid and talked$ I felt her 5uim$ %Don,t$% %6hat is it-% %I,m sore$% %6hy! you are #leeding$% %4ou,+e hurt me$ Out stood my )rick! then rose u)right again in a moment$ (er #lood on my finger and her )ain ga+e me a +olu)tuous shi+er$ My trowsers were in my way$ I tore them off! and stood #y her side$ %Let me see your cunt$% "he resisted! #ut I saw her #ig thighs closed! and the dark1haired ornamentation$
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<hen getting #etween her thighs kneeling! I )ulled o)en the li)s from which #lood1stained s)erm was oo=ing3 then I dro))ed on to her! and again dro+e my )rick u) her$ & glorious hick it seemed as I clutched her huge! firm #uttocks! and felt her gras)ing me round my arse$ &ll women! and e+en girls without any instruction )ut their arms round the men who are tailing them! the first time they feel the other,s arms$ <hen we got u)! she confused! I 2oyous and filled with curious #audiness$ %6ash! * won,t you-% %4ou go then$% I did! #ut #ack I went soon$ "he had 2ust sluiced it$ %4ou are not #leeding$% %I am a little$% %4ou are )oorly$% %I am not$% I #rought her #ack into the sitting1room$ 6e drank more wine! she got fuddled! not drunk! or frisky! or noisy! #ut dull! stu)id! and o#edient$ 6e fucked again and again! and stayed at the #audy house! drinking and amusing oursel+es till nine at night$ (ow that #ig woman en2oyed the )rick u) her7 &nd the o)ening of her cunt o)ened her heart and mouth to me as well$

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Chapter IX 1he big servant(s history. 1he soldier at the railway station. Courting. In the village lane. On the grass. t the pot#house. +roa)hed partially. Inspe)tion o% her privates re%used. Lewed abandonment. Her %irst spend. night with her. Her %orm. Sudden e%%e)ts o% a loo*ing#glass. 1he baud soli)its her. Se5ual %or)e and enjoyment. She gets a situation. .e )ease meeting. 1he but)her(s wi%e. n a))idental meeting. She was Sarah by name. <his was her history$ &s she came u) from the country to us! her #o; was missing at the station$ & #ig soldier seeing she was a stranger made some en5uiries for her! saw her into a ca#! in+ited her to ha+e a glass of gin! which she took! and told him the )lace she was coming to$ <he ne;t night he showed himself there! he made lo+e to her! wrote to her! met her on "unday nights! and at other times when allowed to go out$ (e offered to marry her! and she had written to her sister to tell her a#out it all$ On the nota#le "unday night! he took her to a ta+ern! and they had gin and #eer till she was fuddled$ "he knew )artially what she was doing! and thought it unwise to go u) the lane in the dark with him3 yet s)ite of herself she did$ (e would marry her that day month! then they would slee) together$ (e cuddled and kissed her! then #egan to take li#erties$ "he resisted$ <hen if she would not let him! she might go home #y herself! * why not let him- when soon they would #e one in holy matrimony! * and so on$ "he felt as if she could not struggle$ (e tried to get into her u)right against some railings$ <hen asking her to lay down on the grass! and she refusing! he )ulled her down! and got on to her$ "he struggled and cried! #ut felt so frightened! that he seems to ha+e had his way$ or all that! he did not! she thought! #roach her3 he )ushed and hurt her! and must ha+e s)ent outside! she could not #e at all certain a#out that$ "te)s were heard! they got u)! she was crying$ (er clothes were! she knew! dirty /though it was dry and fine!0 her #onnet was #ent$ "he was frightened to go home3 he said she must get #rushed u)! and took her to some low ta+ern to do so$ <errified at what had #een done! and a#out losing her )lace and character! she scarcely knew what she did$ "he had more gin! went into a #ed1room with him to wash and #rush! and then he )ersuaded her that now he had done it once! he might as well do it twice$ <hen he fucked her on the #ed$ 9ow the man had turned out to #e /there was no )ossi#le mistake a#out his identity0 a married man * a sergeant * with two or three children$ %&re you sure he got right into you-% %@uite when on the #ed! #ut I scarcely know what he did or said in the lane! * a little fuddles me! * yes I did #leed! for it was on my smock when I got home! and he did hurt me +ery much$% I wanted to see her cunt! for her #lood1stains made me wonder! and the rather hard )ushing I had had! though only for a second or two! set me
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thinking$ I felt her cunt! she winced! * it hurt her$ &n almost im)erce)ti#le stain was on my finger$ %4ou are )oorly$% %I,m not really! * I was so last week$% %Let me see your cunt$% I coa;ed! caressed! tried to )ull her thighs o)en$ It was useless$ "he was much stronger than me! and when she laid hold of my wrist to free herself from my ro+ings! she remo+ed it easily$ orce could do nothing! * she was what had #een said of her! as strong as a horse$ "o again I got sa+age$ I had con5uered #y my anger two hours #efore! and now took to damning and cursing her mock modesty$ <hen she #egan again to whim)er$ %Oh7 you do frighten me! * you do ,#ust, out so! * I,m 5uite afeared! * it,s not nice to ha+e your thing looked at$% %4ou damned fool! I,+e fucked it! * I dare say your soldier looked at it$% %(e didn,t! * he didn,t! * not that I know of$% .y a#using I got her consent$ Aulling o)en her thighs I saw her 5uim$ (ad she #een gay! she would ha+e taken care to turn her #um from the light3 #ut she laid her arm across her eyes! as if to hide from herself! the sight of a man in+estigating her lo+e1tra)$ <here was the ragged 2ugged1edged slit of a recent +irginity! and near the clitoris the 2agging seemed fresh! raw! and signs of #lood 2ust showing on it$ I touched it! she winced! and ni))ed my hand with her great thighs! which set me damning again$ &gain they o)ened! I )ro#ed dee) with my fingers u) her cunt$ <here was no stain from the )rofundity! and the #lood came from the front$ I looked till my cock stood! and then fucked her again$ I could ne+er make this out! and we ne+er met with1out talking a#out it$ "he was )erfectly sure the soldier had #een u) her! and s)ent in her when in the #ed1room$ &s to his )rick! whether it was short or long! thick or thin! she knew not! for she had ne+er seen it! though he had )ut her hand to it in the lane$ (is )rick must ha+e #een a +ery small one! and only s)lit u) enough for its entry! and I had finished her +irginity! that is my conclusion$ 6hat is more remarka#le! is that her cunt was one of the tightest I e+er met with in a full1grown woman$ It felt more like the cunt of a girl of fourteen! e;ce)ting in its de)th$ It was a full si=e outside! and handsome to look at #etween huge white thighs and huge glo#ular #um1cheeks$ It was fledged like a young woman,s$ I e;)ected to find it hairy u) to her na+el! #ut it was only slightly haired! which hel)ed to satisfy me that she was what she said! only turned twenty1one years of age$ "he was great in #ulk! #ut )oor in symmetry$ (er #um was +ast! #ut she was thick u) to her waist! and had large #reasts as firm as a rock$ (er thighs were lo+ely! #ut her knees so #ig! that no garter would re1main a#o+e them! and she was clumsy in ankle and foot$ "he had a lo+ely skin! and smelt as sweet as new milk! sweet to her +ery cunt$ I recollect noticing that in her! #ecause some time #efore I had #een offended with the smell of isher,s! a woman I fucked! as al1ready told$
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I s)ent the rest of the day with .ig "arah! told her I would kee) her as long as she was in her lodgings! and ad+ised her to li+e well! and to en2oy herself$ .ut she did not need idleness and feeding to make her randy! she was a strong fucker! now that her )assions had #een once gratified$ I made her twice or thrice sto) out all night$ "he told at her lodgings that she was going to stay with an aunt$ I took her to J'''s "treet! which I liked #etter than <'''f'''d "treet! for that though the 5uietest! and only fre5uented #y swells of middle1 age! was old1fashioned! dingy! and dull3 whereas J'''s "treet had looking1 glasses! gildings! red satin hangings! and gas1lights$ 6e had a su))er at the 8afe de l,Euro)e! and at nine )$m$! we were in the room in which I had )oked many a woman$ I was delighted to see her white flesh under a #right light$ %9ow dro) your chemise * look at me!% * and I stri))ed to the skin$ I e;)osed her #um! #elly! and #reasts in turn! whilst she laughing tried to )re+ent me$ lattery of her #eautiful form did it$ %&m I so #eautifully made-% %& model my darling!% * and she stood naked e;ce)ting stockings and #oots$ I had shifted the che+al1glass! and we laid on the sofa$ %Look at your thighs and cunt my darling in the glass! * see how my )rick looks in it$% %Law7 to think there #e houses with all this! * are there many such-% she asked$ I )laced her on the sofa! kneeling! her head against the #ed! her #ackside towards me! and introduced my )enis dog1fashion$ (ow randy I had made her7 * how randy I was as I felt my #elling )ressing against those two stu)endous glo#es$ %<urn your head there! and look in the glass$% %Oh7% said she wriggling her #ack1side! %what a shame for us to #e looking like that$% <he sight made her #reathless! and wriggle her cunt closer on to the )eg! * how soon a woman learns to do that$ <here was a large glass against the wall! so )laced that those on the #ed could see e+ery mo+ement! *I drew the curtain aside$ 6e fucked en2oying the sight of our thrustings! hea+ings and #ackside wrigglings! and )assed the night in e+ery #audiness which then I )ractised$ %Do you like looking-% %4es I like it! * #ut it makes me do it all of a sudden$% It was true! for I found that when fucking her! if I said! %Look at us! * look at me sho+ing!% directly she looked it fetched her3 her #ig arse 5ui+ered! and her cunt s5uee=ed my )rick like a +ice$ It was the same always on future days! or when if not in the same room I )laced the che+al1glass at the side of the #ed$ <he sudden s5uee=e and 2erk of her arse as she looked amused me! and I always arranged for the s)ectacle with her$ I did not usually do this with women$ It was a delicious night$ 6e were #oth start naked$ (er lower lim#s looked so much #etter when 5uite naked! than when she had stockings and #oots on$ <he room got hot! we threw all the clothes off$ "he was a 2uicy one! and the sheets in the morning were a caution! * I wondered whether it could ha+e all come out of one cunt and one cock$ %6hat will they think-% said she$ I showed her in the e+ening where she would find the closet! and ad+ised her strongly if s)oken to! not to re)ly to any one$ 6e had #reakfast in #ed! then
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fucked$ (er need to e+acuate came on! and half dressing her1self she went down$ 6hen she came #ack! out I went on similar errand$ "he had washed! and I found her on my return an;iously looking at the seminal stains on the #ed1linen$ 6e got on to the #ed again$ @uestioning her! she told me that the woman of the house had said to her! %6hat a s)lendid woman you are * I wish you would tell me your address$ * I could make your for1 tune$% "he had made no re)ly$ I had her as already said se+eral times after! at J'''s "treet! #ut took care ne+er to let her out of my sight$ "he went after a situation$ "uch a strong! #ig fresh1looking woman was sure to get one! I knew$ <he ne;t time I saw her afterwards she was in low s)irits$ %I,+e #oiled myself a )retty kettle of fish!% she said! %I could ha+e married well in the country! #ut thought I should do #etter in Lunnun! * and now what am I-% %My dear! your cunt can,t s)eak! and if you hold your tongue! no one will know anything a#out our little amusements! and you will marry well$% I soon tired of her$ "he was a good1natured! foolish! stu)id! trusting creature! and my wonder is that she had li+ed twenty1one years in the country! without ha+ing had a )rick u) her$ &s a lo+ely1cunted fucktress she left nothing to #e desired$ "he had her fears a#out conse5uences! for her courses sto))ed! #ut she some1how managed to set that to rights! and at last went to her situation$ Once afterwards I fucked her! * my :od how she en2oyed it7 "he was in ser+ice not far from me$ & #utcher,s man +ery soon after married her$ <hey o)ened a sho)! and did +ery well! then they mo+ed some distance away! and I lost sight of her for years$ <hen I met her walking with two or three children! I su))ose her own$ 6e )assed! only looking at each other$ .ut I almost s)oke! for she came u)on me so une;)ectedly! and my first im)ulse was to s)eak$ "he sto))ed short! threw her head #ack! and her lower 2aw dro))ed! so that her mouth o)ened wide! and it would ha+e #een ludicrous! had it not #een for the e;)ression of fear and )ain which came o+er her face$ I reco+ered myself! )assed on! and ne+er saw her more$ I )aid her e;)enses at her lodgings! and ga+e her a ten1)ound note as a )resent$ It was +ery economical! * #ut I ne+er knew a woman so delighted with my li#erality$ %I had two )ounds! and now I,+e twel+e!% said she! %I shall send a )ound to my mother$% 6hen I ga+e her the ten )ounds she asked what it was! ne+er ha+ing seen a #ank1note in her life #efore$ One or two country1 women of the same class whom I ha+e had! were 2ust as ignorant of a #ank1 note$

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Chapter X Sally at the sea#)oast. Our lodgings. 1he land#lady and %amily. !uarrel, and )hange o% rooms. My top bed#room. dvan)es towards Sally. Small liberties. On the sands with her. Cheap %ingerings. 1he sands by day. Ladies bathing. .hat the sad sea#waves e5posed. n in)omprehensible lady. 9nti)ed by her, and snubbed. .anting %orni)ation. Masturbation on the sands. lone in the lodgings. journey to town. +aul*ed. 2rom Saturday to Monday. My return une5pe)ted. Sally alarmed. Her )unning. My )aution. .aiting e5pe)tant. Sally upstairs. Hesitation and determination. .his*y and water. I enter her bed#room. In the autumn of the year that Mrs$ 4' ' 's' ' 'e! then #ig with child! and thus satisfied! refused further se;ual connection with me! we went to a well1 known! healthy! #ut not fashiona#le seaside town$ 6e took a young lady /Miss E'''s0 with us as com)anion! and got lodgings close to the sea at an ordinary lodging1house$ or se+eral reasons we would not go to an hotel$ <here were two rooms on the ground1floor of this house let to a married cou)le$ 6e had on the first1floor a sitting1room and #ed1room! and wanted an old #ed1room for Miss E'''s3 #ut they would not let a #ed1room a#o+e us! unless we took #oth on that floor! which we did$ "o we sle)t in the #ack room first1floor! I taking to the nu)tial couch again for a time! and Miss E'''s sle)t o+erhead$ <he other room was em)ty$ <hat constituted the house together with the kitchens in the #asement! and a room at the #ack in the yard$ <he landlady,s hus#and was a seafaring man! or was said to #e so! and only at home in the winter! * )erha)s he ke)t away in the season! so that the rooms of his house might #e let well$ <he landlady whom we scarcely e+er saw e;ce)ting to )ay her her #ills! sle)t in the kitchen! and so did her two children! whom we did not e+en know were in e;istence for some time! so 5uiet and out of the way were they ke)t$ <he ser+ant was a short sturdy girl with lightish #rown hair! a +ery weather1#eaten florid face! and merry #lue eyes /5uite like do=ens of girls at the )art of the coast0! who said she was se+enteen years old /she did not seem si;teen0$ <he mistress, sister also waited and assisted when all the lodgings were let! and went home at night$ <he little ser+ant also went home at night to her father,s! a la#orer! when the to)1rooms were let$ If they were not! she sle)t there$ In fact when lodgers filled the house the landlady and her #rats )igged to1gether in the kitchen! and when any rooms were em)ty sle)t u)stairs$ 6e did not howe+er know all this at once3 lodging1house kee)ers carefully hide their mode of li+ing! and so on! for fear that if )eo)le knew all they would not take their a)artments$ &#o+e all they )re+ent lodgers from knowing there are children in the house! for )eo)le don,t like them in the kitchen where their food is cooked$
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"oon the ground1floor )eo)le left! and we were the only lodgers$ 6e had #een there #ut a few days when as usual my wife and I 5uarrelled$ I refused to slee) with her! and went to slee) u)stairs$ %It,s im)ossi#le for you to slee) u)stairs ne;t to Miss E'''s! * what will the )eo)le think-% %<hink what they like$% %6ell Miss E ' ' 's must come down! and slee) with me$% %I don,t care who slee)s with you! * I won,t$% "o I sle)t u)stairs! Miss E ' ' ' s came down! and the two ladies occu)ied the same #ed on the drawing1room floor$ "oon afterwards the landlady asked if she would mind the young ser+ant using the odd #ed1room until we wanted it! so as to )re+ent her going home of a night$ .ut my wife would not hear of that! for I had remarked that she was a fresh! acti+e little girl! and that was enough to )re+ent her #eing allowed to slee) near me$ "o the one room remained em)ty! and the ser+ant still went home to slee)$ I had taken a fancy to the little girl! * "ally she was called /I ha+e known intimately half1a1do=en "arahs0 * the instant I saw her$ 6ithin a cou)le of days I had gi+en her a kiss! and ti))ed her a shilling! * I had to stoo) to kiss her$ "he resisted with the! %&dun now sir% so common among the country lasses3 #ut as she found a shilling and a kiss went together! it altered in a#out three days to! %Oh7 don,t yer now sir #e a doing that! * Missus will #e a catching you! and what will I say-% <hen #eing sure my Missus was out! one day I ga+e a kiss! held her close to me! and ga+e a nudge near to her notch$ <hat riled her$ "he was saucy! so I did not gi+e her a shilling! and got kiss and nudge for nothing$ .ut as I wandered a#out the coast /I was in and out of the house a do=en times a day0! she got fre5uent kisses! and at length nudges as well$ "he res)onded #y )ushing me away! #ut without saying a word when I nudged her grummit$ One day I went in when my )eo)le were out! and ha+ing 2ust met the ground1floor lodgers I therefore knew they were out also$ I got her to me with! %(ere,s a #o# for you!% and said! %I,d gi+e a )ound to #e in #ed with you! and )ut my fingers on the naked 2ust there!% gi+ing a hard )ush towards her notch$ <his could not ha+e occurred more than a week after I had taken the lodgings$ <he lass showed her dis)leasure #y! %9ow don,t sir!% and )ushing me away! #ut taking my little shilling ne+ertheless3 and #y this time she must ha+e #een 5uite aware! that I was thinking a good deal a#out her cunt3 and )ro#a#ly she thought what I wanted to do with it! and with what! * so that I had set her thinking lewedly$ It was 2ust then that I #ecame aware that she went home after su))er /we had a )rimiti+e early dinner! and a slight su))er0$ "he had said! %Alease Ma,am do you want anything more to1night- * if not I,m a going$% <hat roused my curiosity$ <he ne;t night I ke)t outside the street1door! and as she left went u) as if #y chance to her$ %Ulloah7 "ally! going to fetch #eer7% %9o sir! I,m a going home$% %(ome-% %4es! I goes home to slee) at father,s$% I walked towards home with her! flattered her I dare say instincti+ely! and got her to walk with me on to the Aromenade #y the sands$ <here we sat down on a seat!
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had a chat! a kiss! and in the dark I said I,d gi+e a )ound to #e in #ed with her$ %Oh7 law I must go! * if I,m not in #y ten o,clock father will kick u) a row! and go and ask Mrs''' why I,m home so late$% I walked towards home with her! and got her to ha+e some sort of li5uor$ "he would not go into the )u#lic1 house! saying they knew her! * so I took a glass outside to her$ <hen I walked on outside the town into a dark road$ "he #egged me to go no further! as her father might #e coming along$ I kissed her! stoo)ed and )ut my hands u) her clothes to her 5uim$ 6ith a cry she )ushed me away! and ran off$ <he ne;t morning she sulked! * I laughed$ %"he is a funny little girl!% said my wife$ %"he is!% said I$ <he ne;t night I coa;ed her to sit down with me again #y the sands$ %Oh7 now I won,t let you do that! * I don,t like it! * I don,t want yer half1crowns if you wants to do that! * oh7 * now! * I won,t * now * doan,t! * lea+e off! * I,ll call out! * now! * here is some one coming$% %"o there is! now don,t make a noise! or her will fancy something!% said I$ <hen I got my hand u) her )etticoats! and onto her s)lit! I was holding her tight! and she was struggling to get away! when a man a))roached$ I desisted! and she sat 5uite demurely$ 6hen the man,s figure had faded away in the distance I recommenced$ %I know that man!% said she! %I,m sure$% %6hat does that mat1ter-% %If it #e he! he,ll tell my father I,m on the sands with a man$% %(e won,t know you! * he did not look$ I,+e felt your cunt!% said I$ %4ou let me go$% %9e+er mind! make it u)! * here is a half1crown$% "he took the money! and we made it u) with kisses! and a )romise that I would not do it again$ 6hat a wonderful effect kisses ha+e on young women! and so ha+e half1 crowns on )oor girls$ <he mistress )aid her no wages she said$ Either the larking )leased her! or the money /a half1crown each feel0! and one night on the #each I made her feel my cock$ %<hat will go u) your cunt some day!% said I$ I forget the con+ersation which led to it! #ut I told her my wife had said she was not eighteen! she was sure$ "he chuckled$ 9o she was not$ (ow old- %"i;teen and a half$% %6hy say eighteen-% %.ecause lodgers won,t gi+e you so much if you,re young$% <hough #ut si;teen and a half the motte1 co+ering /what there was of it0 felt wonderfully thick and cris)$ <he nights were 2ust then moonless! I must add$ It was 2ust #efore this that my domestic 5uarrels #egan3 I was asked why I ke)t out of a night$ %6hy- * to )lay #illiards$% <hen there was a row #ecause with o)era1glasses when sitting on the #each! I looked at ladies #athing3 es)ecially at a fine #ig woman! who always managed to let the wa+es wash her #athing1dress so much u)! that when the wa+es retired! she was standing with the dress a#o+e her na+el! and the dark hair of her motte +isi#le$ "he did this so constantly /a do=en times in fact each morning0! that it #ecame a matter of talk among the men down there$ My wife said she was a #east for doing it on )ur)ose! and I was a #east for looking! and we had a hot riot a#out it$ "o I went to slee) u)stairs! all through a woman showing her #elly naked when
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#athing! * as if a woman would not like to look at a #lack1haired )rick if she got the chance! 2ust as I did at a dark1haired cunt$ %Oh7 don,t you and your Missus ha+e #ree=es!% said "ally to me one night! %why don,t you slee) with her-% I told her that I was misera#le with the woman! and that of a night when slee)ing alone! I did not know what to do! to )ut my stiff )rick at ease$ I made her feel it so! that within two weeks the young one felt it regularly on the #each! till there was moonlight! and afterwards1 near her father,s house! or somewhere! for in the lonely road of a night! there was an o))ortunity e+ery hundred yards$ .ut I ne+er got my fingers on to the girl,s cunt1s)lit further than the clitoris! * a gro)ing! and feeling! I dro))ed my half1a1crown to a shilling! #ut ga+e more fre5uently! if she did not resist and make a fuss3 if she did! I ga+e her nothing! and called her a fool$ Just as the time was u) for which we had hired the rooms! we one day had a +ery +iolent 5uarrel$ <he landlady came u) to ask if we were going to sto) longer! as in the e+ent of our not sto))ing! she would look out for other lodgers$ "aid my wife! %6e are going$% %I shan,t then!% said I$ (owe+er she ga+e formal notice to lea+e$ I immediately ga+e notice that I should kee) the lodgings another month$ It ended in she and Miss E'''s going #ack to London! e;)ecting that I should soon follow! * #ut I had found se+eral friends there! and a good #illiard1ta#le! and from tem)er alone would not ha+e gi+en in$ Moreo+er I thought that #y some chance I might s)ermati=e "ally,s cunt! and! I fancied! s)ermati=e it for the first time$ "o there in solitude I remained at the sea1coast$ My letch for the little one increased$ or a long time I now had mostly had #iggish women! with full1si=ed! full1fledged cunts! and large arse1cheeks! and the idea of the smaller! half1haired 5uim of "ally attracted meG yet at the same time #y a singular contradiction! I had a longing for the full1fleshed! #ig1 arsed! dark1cunted woman! whose #ackside and #elly the wa+es seemed daily to e;)ose for my admiration! * for she was still at the coast! #athing daily$ E;)lain this inconsistency who can$ One thing is certain! that not ha+ing any one to fuck at all! I had s)erm ready for any cunt3 #ut I ke)t for all that away from gay ladies )retty well! though far from entirely$ I did not want four rooms! #ut to )re+ent scandal /for I did not like the landlady to know too much a#out the dis5uiet in which I li+ed0! said I e;)ected my wife would return! as she had only gone to see a sick relati+e3 and that so soon as she was #etter she and Miss E'''s would return$ <he landlady asked if her ser+ant might use one #ed1room till they did$ I was now slee)ing on the drawing1room floor! and ga+e my ac5uiescence you may #e sure )retty 5uickly! * and "ally went u) nightly to slee) there$ I #egan to tell "ally when she waited on me! that I meant to go u)! and slee) with her$ "he looked 5ueerly! and said so earnestly that if I did! she would tell
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her Missus! that I hesitated at doing what I had intended3 #ut ke)t u) the chaffing$ %"ally /as I #egan to call her! * others called her "arah0 I heard you o+erhead last night$% %Did you! sir! * I took off my #oots too! for Missus told me$% %Oh7 not your walking "ally! I heard the rattle in the )ot as you )iddled$% %F * o * oh7 sir! * now you didn,t! for I didn,t do it$% <hen she #olted out of the room laughing$ 6hen she came in again! %"ally you made my cock as stiff when I heard you )iddle as you did when you felt it on the #each$% %Oh7 here is your herring sir!% * and off she ran again$ 6hen alone in the house! instead of doing more with her I could do less in the way of fingering her$ Money failed to kee) her near me then! #ut I used to )ull out my cock! and shake it at her$ I had no chance of getting her on the sands now! through her #eing )ermitted to slee) in the to)1room$ <he landlady could not let her ground1floor #ecause the )eo)le wanted three #ed1rooms! would I gi+e one u)! if she made a )ro)ortionate reduction in rent- <hat would not suit me! with my chaste intentions! to ha+e any one slee)ing in the ne;t room to "ally3 so I refused$ <hen I made u) my mind to go u) to "ally,s room$ or a day or two funked doing so! #ut at last determined on it! and 2ust then the lower rooms were let! which increased my risk$ Luckily the )eo)le did not like the lodgings! and left in three days$ <hen I resol+ed! come what might! to go u) to "ally when in #ed! and try my luck$ One night I listened$ "he stole u) 5uietly$ <hen when in my night1gown! and 2ust as I was going to o)en the door! I heard the landlady downstairs! whom I thought must ha+e #een fast aslee) in her )iggerty! with her two young ones$ It frightened me #ack$ I did not tell "ally a#out it$ I had found then /for I could no longer wait for "ally,s 5uim0! as I did e+erywhere! a woman and a #audy house at that coast1town$ I was a#stinent! not liking the feminine articles there! #ut I wanted fucking #adly$ One morning when I had seen the well1#ummed lady #athing as usual! I yielded to a most )ressing want and a furious lust$ :oing away from the fre5uented sands! and nearly out of sight of the #athing1machines! I sat down thinking not of little "ally! #ut of the fat1arsed! #lack1cunted one! and frigged myself$ <his was a#out twel+e o,clock in the day$ &nnoyed with myself afterwards! I went #ack to my lodgings! and said I would go to town$ I intended to do so! and to ha+e a woman there! #ut indeed I scarcely recollect e;actly what I did intend to do$ 9o )acking u) of clothes was needful! #ecause I intended going home$ I told of my lea+ing! and went off! #ut met some friends! dined with them! missed the train /railway only 2ust then o)ened0! and at a#out half1)ast eight went #ack to my lodgings to slee) there$ It was a "aturday night! and dark$ I knocked at the door which was locked! instead of #eing on the latch! as seaside lodging1house doors usually are till #ed1time$ %6ho is that-% said a +oice$ %I$% <he door o)ened a2ar! it was chained! and "ally )ee)ing through said with sur)ri=e on her face! %4ou sir7% * %4es me! * let me in$% %Oh7 I can,t!
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* I must ask Missus$% %6hat the de+il do you mean-% <he door closed in my face$ I knocked again! and "ally o)ened the door$ %.eg your )ardon sir! #ut we did not e;)ect you to1night$% I thought to myself! they were )erha)s sitting in my rooms! or they might ha+e let the #eds for a night! * who knows what tricks7 .ut I took no notice! finding my rooms all right$ "oon u) came "ally$ %Alease sir! Missus gi+es her com)liments! and ho)es you will e;cuse it! #ut not thinking you would #e #ack till Monday! she let the children slee) in your #ack room! * #ut they are not in your sheets! #ut in our own$% I laughed$ %<ell her I,ll e;cuse it! * #ut where do you slee) "ally! * with them-% %Oh7 no sir! * Missus said I might slee) in the front! * #ut not in your sheets sir! * oh7 no$% %&ll right "ally!% * and after I had gi+en her a )inch on her #um and a kiss! off she went downstairs$ <he ground1floor rooms were unlet! I was the only lodger that night in the house$ "oon she re1a))eared$ Did I want anything #efore the sho)s closed for dinner to1morrow! #ecause Missus must go and fetch it! * it was getting late$ 9o! I would dine out! #ut would she fetch me some #eer for su))er$ "he would$ "he did$ I had some #read and cheese! and then ga+e "ally a hug! and )ut my hands u) her )etticoats$ "he declared she would tell her Missus! and then went away with a shilling! a kiss! and a sight of my tooleywagger$ I thought how I should like to fuck the little #itch! * I,+e felt her! she has felt me! she has seen it! she won,t cry out! though she says she will$ I thought of my frig that day! of the #athing lady! and of the slight hair on "ally,s cunt! till I got reckless with randiness$ "he was to slee) in the front1room! there was no key to it! * Miss E'''s had com)lained of there #eing no key$ %I,ll go u) when the girl,s a#ed!% said I to myself$ <hen I )ondered on the conse5uences$ <he more a man thinks of such a #usiness! the more randy and reckless he gets$ I ceased to think of conse5uences! and only of the )leasure I should ha+e in #roaching "ally,s +ul+a$ %"hall you want anything more to1night sir-% %4es hot water! * and "ally! as you go u) to #ed I,ll gi+e you a glass$% %9o thank you! sir$% .ut "ally was fond of whisky! and e+en took it neat! for I had gi+en it to her$ "he #rought the hot water! I made grog! and she drank some saying! %Oh7 I,m afraid she,ll smell me of the whisky! and oh7 I must go down! she,ll #e a wondering why I sto) so long$% %Mind I,m coming u) to slee) with you$% %Oh7 no sir! )ray don,t! * oh7 now I,ll tell my Missus! * she says she thinks you ain,t u) to no good all down here alone without your wife! * she do$% %9onsense! I shan,t hurt you! * we,ll lay and feel each other! and do what we do on the #each! * nothing more! * and I,ll gi+e you half1a1so+ereign! and a new )air of #oots$% %I,d rather not!% said she hanging her head$ %Did you e+er ha+e a so+ereign "ally-% %9o ne+er! * now lea+e me alone! sir! * take your hand away! * oh7 you do talk nasty! * oh7 if Missus hears she,ll turn me out$% %Don,t make a noise then!! my dear$% %Oh7 lea+e me alone! * I don,t like your hand there$% <his was in the first1 floor sitting1room$
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"he had sunk her +oice! she wriggled! and writhed till she dislodged my hand from her thighs! and got away$ %&s you come u) to #ed I,ll gi+e you a glass of whisky and water$% %I won,t$% %6ell I,ll go u) and )ut it in your #ed1room$% %Don,t! * Missus is sure to come u)! and look at the children #efore she goes to #ed! and if she goes into the other room * oh7% %"he won,t! my dear! * I,ll )ut the glass under the #ed! 2ust #y the )ot! * then when you take it out to )iddle you,ll find the glass$% %I can,t wait! * let me go!% * and off she went$ I waited and waited! took off my sli))ers! went half1way down1stairs! listened! and could hear some one mo+ing a#out$ <hen I heard a noise as of two )eo)le talking! and it seemed like a man$ %<he de+il!% thought I! %it,s the hus#and come home!% * and I went #ack hesitating$ %It,s risky! I won,t go u)! * she is like )erha)s the Misses .raham! will feel! and #e felt! #ut no )rick shall go near her cunt! * I don,t want merely to frig her! or #e frigged!% * so I thought of going to #ed! and waiting my chance of getting her to a #audy house$ .ut I had #een delighting in the idea of the thrust with which I should go u) her! for I felt sure she was +irgin$ <hen after ha+ing #een stiff for half an hour! down my )rick had gone$ %6hat shall I do!% I thought! %if I get into #ed with her! and can,t do her-% 6hen I got ner+ous in that way my )rick sometimes would not stand to its work! try as I might$ I ha+e al1ready narrated an instance$ I fancied still there was a man in the house! #ut after a while could hear no one$ &t all e+ents I resol+ed to )ut the grog in her room! made a tum#ler full of water and whisky hot and strong! and sweetened it well! went u)stairs without my shoes! and )ut it #y the cham#er1)ot$ I knew e;actly the s)ot! though it was in the dark! ha+ing sle)t in that room$ <hen down again! and undressing myself! I )ut out the lights! and sat down in the room with the door a2ar! and watched$ "uch a time ela)sed that I thought she was going to slee) with her mistress downstairs! or )erha)s had gone home$ &t last she came 5uite 5uietly u)stairs with a 2ug of hot water in one hand! and a candlestick in the other! staring at the door of the drawing1room all the way$ 6hen half1way u) the ne;t flight! she turned round! sto))ed for a moment! and looked hard at my door! as she wondered whether I was there or a#ed$ <hen the door of her #ed1room closed! and her footste) was scarcely audi#le o+er1head$ I sat waiting such a time as might ena#le her to wash herself /the hot water meant that0! and get into #ed$ Meanwhile I could not kee) my cock to the stand at all$ <hen! %"hall I go- * what if the mistress finds it out7 * what if she cries out7% I got into #ed! for I was chilled sitting in my night1gown! though it was not cold weather! and laid feeling my )rick$ &s I got warm! that got stiff$ %I,ll go!% thought I! * %if she makes a noise I,ll say she asked me to go u)$% It was a mean thought! and I dismissed it$ <hen my cock got furious$ I went down a few stairs and listened$ <here was no noise #elow! all was silent as the gra+e$ U) I went! o)ened her door! and closed it$ <he room was dark! only a slight light from a street1lam) somewhere shown through the window$
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Chapter XI In bed with Sally. 1he )hildren. Sally(s devi)es. 2ears o% alarm. n hour(s siege. 1he )itadel ta*en. 1hirty hours o% delight. 2u)*ing under di%%i)ulties. My devi)es. )unt inspe)tion in the loo*ing# glass. Sally(s a))ount o% hersel%. 1he bathing lady again. Che)*ed and threatened. I give up the )hase. "he was in #ed! heard me! and sat u)$ %Oh7 now sir! don,t you come! * now I,ll call Missus$% %(ush7 if you do I,ll tell your mistress that you said I might come u)! and she,ll dismiss you$% %Oh7 you won,t #e so wicked! * now you shan,t$% %.e 5uiet you fool! * lay still! there,s a darling! * I won,t hurt you$% I 2um)ed into #ed! and )ulled her down whilst this dialogue was going on! folded her in my arms! entangled my legs in hers! hugged and kissed her$ "he struggled! #ut her +oice dro))ed$ %<he children will hear!% said she! * %do lea+e me! and go! * there is a good gentleman$% <hen I felt sure she would not call her mistress$ I had won the first mo+e! when she e;)ressed her fears that the children in the #ack1room would hear us$ I cuddled her! swore I would only do what we did on the #each$ Little #y little I got her night1clothes u)! felt her )lum) #urn and thighs and firm little #reasts! and )ut her hand to my )rick! )romising her anything! e+erything! all in whis)ers$ "he ke)t her knees dou#led u) to her #elly$ E+ery now and then I )ushed my finger towards her cunt! o+er her #um1cheeks3 then down went her legs straight$ <hen my fingers went 5uickly to the #elly1side of her cunt! and u) went her knees al1most to her #reasts$ &ll the while she was crying in an undertone! %9ow I won,t! * oh7 I,m so sorry I e+er let you do anything! * I,ll call Missus! * I really will if you don,t go$% .ut the ne;t instant! %Oh7 if Missus should hear us! she,d tell Mrs'''! * no you shan,t feel it! * oh7 what a shame to take me unawares! * oh7 oh7 * now * oh7% I could not succeed! felt wild with desire! annoyed at the resistance3 #ut the )rolonged feeling all o+er her flesh! the kee)ing it close to mine! ru##ing my legs against hers! and the satisfaction of my curiosity! were delicious$ &t last I got so close to her #elly! that she could not mo+e u) her legs$ My )rick was against her #elly! and I held her to me closely #y one hand round her #um$ %Let me now! * I won,t do any harm! * lay so! and I will lay so * feel my )rick! and let me 2ust feel there$% "ullenly she let me$ I ru##ed gently o+er the little #it of her clitoris! that her tightly1closed little thighs let me feel! until she #egan to feel lewed$ %Oh7 lea+e off7% "he had now ceased whim)ering! her mind was intent on my #audy ad+ances3 and she s)oke in low tones7 %9ow don,t! * you,re a hurting me7% %9on1sense darling! * there$% I took then away my fingers from her slit! and my hand ro+ed all o+er her$ %6hat lo+ely firm little #reasts you,+e got7 what smooth flesh! * kiss me darling! * let,s fuck$% "he kissed me$ <hen I told her of the )leasures of
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fucking! of the stiff )enis s)ending its essence in the cunt! of the tightening of the cunt round the )rick whilst the )leasure came on$ %Let me!% * and I felt her 5uim$ %4ou,ll hurt$% %E+ery woman thinks so dear! #ut e+ery woman wants it done to her$ Lay still! * that,s it7% 8las)ing her still tightly! my )rick straight u) against her na+el! I now lodged it against her clitoris$ %Let me ru# you with my )rick! 2ust where my finger ru##ed you! * it will gi+e me )leasure! and you too! * feel! * is it not hot and stiff- * let it go u) your cunt7% %9o you,ll hurt$% "he was yielding$ I must ha+e #een an hour )ersuading her to this )oint$ (ow I restrained myself I do not know$ Aerha)s my morning,s frig hel)ed me$ My fingers again were on her cunt$ "he closed together her legs tightly! #ut my finger could not #e ke)t out$ <hen with sighs and muttered words her thighs unclosed$ I )ushed my knee #etween them$ %Let me )ut my )rick there$% I raised my #ody against hers! )ressing her on to her #ack with my #elly$ (er thighs distended! whilst I felt for the nick! and tried to lodge my )al)itating )enis$ <he ne;t minute all thought of the Missus and children went! and I lunged my )rick against her cunt$ %Oh7 you said you would not hur * hurt me! * oh7 * oo * h7 * you shan,t$% <wo or three 5uick +iolent lunges! a shar) su))ressed cry$ %<here my darling it,s u) * your * cunt!% * and fucking +iolently to make sure! the di+ine )leasure o+ertook me! and I s)ent$ It was done! her cunt was s)ermati=ed for the first time! she had su#mitted to the ine+ita#le$ %4ou hurt me so! * oh7 I ho)e the children won,t hear!% were the first words I recollect her uttering after I had em)tied my #allocks into her$ <he sensation was o+er! #ut the )ride of +ictory re1 mained3 my )rick was in )ossession! it was easy to kee) it u) her! #ut the usual! %Oh7 you,re so hea+y!% was said$ "he mo+ed! s)erm #egan to dri##le out! my tool to dwindle$ %Oh7 if the children should hear! * oh7 if they were to come in7% "he feared the children now! as little #y little my cock left her cunt$ "he did not seem to fear her mistress$ I got out of #ed! struck a light! and mo+ed gently a wash1hand stand against the door$ %<here$ <he children now can,t come in without making a noise! * if your mistress comes I,ll #e under the #ed like a shot! * you say you )ut the wash1handstand there #ecause you heard a noise! and were frightened! * and now my darling let,s look at your cunt$% "he resisted that more than the fucking! and 2um)ed out of the #ed to get away$ &s she did so I saw stains of #lood on the night1gown! and did not insist on gratifying my eyesight$ Autting out the light we #oth got into #ed again$ "oon my )rick was churning u) the s)unk in her cunt! and we s)ent the rest of the night in do=ing! and fucking$ ear! lest the landlady should come u)! ke)t me much awake$ "ally ne+er
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closed her eyes! #ut she en2oyed the )rick! and when it was daylight! what a lo+ely mess her little cunt! her linen and mine were in! for I saw them all$ &#out si; o,clock I rose$ %I,ll go down!% said I$ %<hen Mrs$ (arris won,t catch us! * she won,t #e u) yet! and you,ll go down soon to light the kitchen1fire I su))ose$% %<here is no one in the house #ut the two children and us!% said "ally 5uite 5uietly$ It was true$ <he mistress! #elie+ing that I had gone to London! had gone to see a sister$ "ally was left in the house until Monday to take care of the children3 hence the chain u)! and the closed door$ "ally had ke)t u) the sham of her mistress #eing within till the last moment! ho)ing that my threat of going to her #ed1room would ha+e the same result as on other nights when I had )romised to go to her$ "he now told the truth! it was useless to tell anything else$ <he #utcher had #rought meat for the "unday,s dinner! he entered #y the area * his was the male +oice I had heard$ %Oh7 don,t do it again! I,m so sore$% My )rick stood stiffer than e+er when it touched the sore cunt$ <hen "ally s)ent with me and sle)t! and so did I$ I sle)t a hea+y slee) without an;iety now! fearing nothing$ %Oh7 it,s the children crying! they will tum#le down1stairs!% said "ally$ 6e remo+ed the wash1hand1stand$ %I,ll lay here!% said I$ %I,ll get them their #reakfast!% said "ally$ %8ome u) after$% %4es! #ut I must )ut my frock on!% * and she did! o+er her nightgown$ In an hour u) she came and got gaily into #ed! and we fucked again$ <hen I would look at her cunt! and threw her #ack +iolently on the #ed to do so$ "he had not washed$ "he was a sight! so was her night1gown! so were the #ed1 sheets$ "arah looked aghast at them$ <he children were 5uite young! #ut e+en children talk! and "ally was an;ious that no one should know I was in the house$ "o she took the children u) into the #ed1room after their #reakfast! and then I went down to the kitchen! and got what food I could$ Dinner there was none for me! for they had #ut a )ound of steak #etween the three$ I went out and had a re)ast at a ta+ern! then took home sausages which I managed to #uy! and when the children were )ut to #ed! "ally and I to1gether cooked the sausages! and eat them in the kitchen$ "he had not had such a feast for some time! for the lodging1house mistress fed her on scra)s left #y the lodgers$ <hen we had some mild +olu)tuous amusements$ <hen we filled u) with whisky and water! and went to #ed early$ <he ne;t morning I left long #efore the Mistress re1turned$ <he children had ne+er seen nor heard me! and unless the neigh#ours had seen me! no one could ha+e known I had #een in the house$ .ut in the thirty hours I had fucked myself out! and "ally as well$ (er )rayers %not to do it any more% I shall recollect to the last day of my life! and her swollen! crimson1tinted little
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cunt was touching to look at$ I ne+er had more )leasure in #audiness than I had in hurting her$ It made my )rick stiffen directly she said she was so sore! and my )rick stood in an inflammatory e;cited state for half an hour at a time! and e+en when I could get no s)end out of it! in "ally,s cunt it lingered as if it ne+er meant to lea+e it$ It was a delicious thirty hours! in which she learned enough a#out fucking to make her lewed whene+er she thought it o+er in future$ "he was in a way a#out the sheets! #ut we got o+er it much in the same way as I did my shirt1tail in my youth$ irst she washed the )atches! ironed it! got out a good deal of the e+idence of her lost chastity! and then changed it for one from my #ed$ I took the dirty one! and my #ed on the first1floor was made u) with it$ <he ne;t day after my su))osed a#sence I returned and sle)t there! ne;t morning laid a#ed late! took off the sheets! di))ed them in water! and told "ally to tell the landlady to come u)$ %I ha+e #een sick and ill in the night Mrs$ (arris!% said I! %and ha+e taken off the sheets! and )ut them into the water! * let me ha+e a clean )air!% lea+ing her to imagine whether I had s)ewed! or )issed! or shit in them$ "he ne+er made any remark a#out it! so "ally told me$ & long rest! a day,s good food! and ten hours slee) )ut my doodle into first1 rate condition again$ My de1sire for "ally increased3 how to get her was the difficulty$ "he! I am #ound to say! did her #est to get her cunt amused! and fell in with e+ery suggestion I made! any trick I )lanned3 and they were many$ 6e man1aged to fuck two or three times nearly e+ery day in a month$ <he days I was disa))ointed only ga+e me #reathing1time$ I was idle! well fed! and in the finest )ossi#le condition$ ucking was my only 2oy! and I en2oyed myself u) "ally$ <he children now sle)t with their mother in what I found was a #edstead in a sort of large closet! in a small room ad2oining the #ack1kitchen! which had only a skylight a few feet a#o+e the #ack1yard$ I had looked out of my #ed1 room window! and not knowing much a#out the )lans of seaside lodging1 houses! wondered what the skylight lighted$ <he little ser+ant now #eing allowed to slee) in the #ack two1)air! I used to steal u)stairs at midnight without shoes or light! get in1to #ed with her! )ut a towel under her #um! fuck her! and get down 5uickly$ "he had such a fear of #eing found out! that I #elie+e until she felt the crisis a))roaching! she ne+er 5uite forgot to kee) her ears o)en$ .ut a landlady working hard from morning till night was unlikely to come u) three flights of stairs to look after a girl whom she only hired for the season! and a#out whose morals she did not care! so long as she attended to the lodgers$ Mrs$ (arris was res)ecta#le! #ut I #elie+e that had she known that "ally had had a )rick u) her #ack! as well as her front1entrance! she would ne+er ha+e trou#led herself a#out it$ %If my lodgers are satisfied with the girl!% said she to us one day! %it,s all I want * she is )aid good wages! and must do
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her duty$% <he fact #eing that she )aid the girl no wages! e;)ected her to feed herself #y stealing lodgers, food! and to kee) herself in clothes out of what the lodgers ga+e her$ 6hen "ally laid the #reakfast things I used to )ull her into my #ed1room! and on the #ed! fuck as 5uickly as I could! and get into #ed again to rest$ 9ot so )oor "ally$ In half an hour she would #ring u) the #reak1fast with her cunt still as I had left it$ %(a+e you washed it! "ally-% %Lord no! * what time ha+e I had-% * and she would laugh$ I could not always manage the morning )oke$ Lodgers came into the downstairs rooms! they rang +iolently twice one morning when my )rick had 2ust gone u) "ally! and she was not sufficiently on to disregard it! #ut uncunted me! and ran downstairs$ One day her mistress came u)stairs to a closet on the landing! and nearly frightened "ally out of her senses$ "o we had to kee) our wits a#out us$ &utumn was now closing$ It was chilly morning and night! I insisted on ha+ing a fire to #reakfast #y! let it out! and would ha+e it relighted in the e+ening$ <hat was a long o)eration! and ga+e me time to get a )oke$ One day "ally came u) radiant$ %"he,s gone out!% said she laughing! %the lodgers downstairs want her to go and #uy something! and said I couldn,t 2udge! I warn,t old enough$% "ally knew that it would gi+e us time for a fuck$ "he came u) for it! though she did not say so$ "he im)ro+ed wonderfully$ (er mind was dead on rogering e+er after the "aturday night! and whene+er her Mistress went out she used to come u) instantly with a trium)hant air to tell me$ <owards the end of the month! she )ulled u) her )etticoats herself to e;)edite matters! instead of waiting for me to do it$ I recei+ed letters asking when I was going home! and wrote that I was daily e;)ecting her to return$ & re)ly came! * it was my intention to aggra+ate! and she should not come$ I answered that I should not go home till she did$ I knew that would settle it! and that she would not return$ "o "ally,s cunt and my )rick got as intimate as they could! what with asking the landlady to go out! and #uy chickens or fish3 what with coming home without notice! and saying %Oh7 Mrs$ ($! I,m so sorry I forgot to order dinner! * will you go and get me a lo#ster for my su))er$% I was always getting her out of the way! and #egan to find! that my food cost as much as that of three )eo)le$ I did not care! for then "ally used to come u) as I said unasked! naturally and regularly! and go downstairs afterwards with her cunt s)ermati=ed! and a glass of wine! or whisky! or some1thing nice! to comfort her little #elly! and )re)are her for the ne;t fucking$ "ally did not trou#le herself too much with washing her rece)tacle$ %(a+e you washed-% %Oh7 no! I,+e not had time!% was a 5uestion and answer often re)eated$ "he carried this negligence too far$ %4ou ne+er do wash your cunt!% said I to her one night$ %4es I do!% said she indignantly! %I wash it e+ery
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"aturday night! after I,+e washed my feet! * if I can,t find time I does it on a "unday$% I recollect all this! ha+ing for si; weeks nothing else to think of #ut her and her little doings$ I ha+e had other girls who said and acted nearly the same a#out washing cunts$ I tried when #athing to get near the #lack1cunted! fat1arsed one who let the wa+es e;)ose her! #ut saw less than when sitting on the sands$ 6e often met$ "he looked in+itingly at me! and I fancied! as if she were dying for a male! #ut she ne+er turned her head after she had )assed! nor did her little com)anion3 without whom I ne+er saw her$ I s)oke to her on the )ier one day$ "he answered encouragingly$ I met her in the streets afterwards$ "he smiled and nodded! and )assed on$ %It,s all right!% said I to myself$ & #ig arse and a well1 haired cunt and again their )otent attractions3 so I accosted her one e+ening as she was going to the &ssem#ly ?ooms! and was told to go a#out my #usiness! * that she was a married woman$ I followed her home for se+eral nights after that$ "he li+ed a little way out of the town$ "he knew I followed her$ One e+ening 2ust so far off from the gas1 lam)! and from me! as only to ena#le her form to #e seen indictinctly! she sat down to )iss #y the road1side$ (er young female friend! a saucy1looking #itch of a#out si;teen years of age! standing #y her side$ I rushed forward thinking it a clear in+itation$ "he got u) saying! %Oh7 here is the im)udent fellow again! * if you come after us so! I,ll com)lain to the )olice!% * and the two hurried off$ %I dare say I,ll see all you,+e got to show on the #each to1morrow!% said I! and turned away$ I heard them laughing in the distance$ I met her the ne;t day! with the same in+iting look in her eye as she )assed me! 2ust as if nothing had ha))ened$ I ne+er saw her with a man! and could ne+er make her out$ I think after my remark that she showed her form less! #ut I saw her #elly naked se+eral times afterwards when #athing$

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Chapter XII Sally(s ante)edents. Her %emale %riend. How to get shillings on the sands. How her %riend lost her virginity. 1urns gay and goes to London. Her invitation to Sally. My advi)e. I return to London. Sally in London. 1he house in 7'p'r 0''t'n street. Sally(s dis)ontent. Mrs. Melvelle. I sleep with her. Con%essions o% a hot)unted one. Sally goes home. 8urious a#out "ally! I wanted to know if any one had attem)ted her +irtue #efore I had$ Once only she told me! and not long #efore I was at the seaside$ & young friend of hers walked with her on the #each at dusk! and told her that if she would not mind a man )utting his hand u) her )etticoats and feeling a#out her #um and 5uim! some would gi+e her half a crown$ %I do sometimes!% said her friend! %and sometimes I feel their things! and then run away! * it is in the dark! and they don,t know me! * and so no harm,s done$% Aersuaded #y this and wanting money! "ally walked with the girl on the #each$ One night they met two men! who ga+e them money! and "ally,s sacred s)lit was felt! though the man had said he would only feel her leg$ "he got frightened and ran away! the man after her! until she got to the road! when he went off$ <hen "ally heard her young friend calling out! and then screaming! and "ally ran off until the screams were lost in the roar of the wa+es and distance$ <hen she stood still on the watch$ & man came from the #each running! and was soon out of sight$ &fterwards came her female friend with her #onnet damaged! and clothes rum)led! and crying$ <he man had felt her! then saying they were too near the road! and he would gi+e her another shilling to feel his cock! they went nearer the sea$ "uddenly he flung her down! himself u)on her! and he fucked her$ "he had ne+er had it done #efore! and was a +irgin$ "he did not know the man! and was frightened to tell! #ecause her father would ha+e #eaten her$ &fter that "ally had ne+er #een on the #each at night until I induced her$ <hat was her story$ "he was the daughter of a la#orer! had four sisters! and no #rothers$ <wo of her sisters were married$ One would tell her what )leasure it was to ha+e a man in #ed with her3 the other would say! %<here now #e 5uiet! * what ideas you are )utting into her head! * it,s nonsense "ally! * ha+ing #a#ies! and all #elonging to it! is more trou#le than it,s worth! * it,s no )leasure at all! * don,t you get married e+er! * men are #easts$% (a+ing "ally thus on the sly and in a hurry nearly always! did not suit me who liked en2oying a woman tran5uilly! and )laying with her! looking her all o+er! and feeling her$ I had taken also a fancy for )utting my middle1finger u) "ally,s cunt! and kee)ing it there on account of its tightness! and com)aring it with the full1si=ed +ul+as of "arah Ma+is and Louisa isher$ I can,t tell why I took to this trick with her3 as for years I had not cared a#out feeling the inside
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of women,s machines! and rarely if e+er did so with casuals$ I could not ha+e this en2oyment well in our hurried em1 #races$ .esides "ally,s linen was not in+itingly white! though she seemed unconscious of it! and )ulled it u) to her na+el unhesitatingly when she saw my )rick$ %"he won,t #e fi+e minutes gone! * #e 5uick!% was a fre5uent remark! wise and una+oida#le! #ut not )leasant$ I tried for another "aturday! #ut for three weeks it was unsuccessful$ "ally told me the remarks her Missus made from time to time! and as a draw I once said to the mistress! I thought I should go to London! #ut nothing came of it$ <hen I did go to London$ &fter that on a riday the good woman asked if I was going to sto) at ' ' ' on "unday$ 6hy- "he told me frankly that she could not lea+e unless there was no cooking to do$ <hen I said I was going away till Monday! and at eight )$m$ that "aturday night "ally and I were again in the house alone with the children$ Instead of slee)ing in "ally,s #ed! we this time sle)t in mine! and a fine fucking #out we had! after )utting a towel under her fat little #um to sa+e the sheets$ "he was +ery curious a#out the altered condition of her cunt! had #een so e+er since her hymen was ru)tured! and had not disguised her curiosity from me$ 6e talked a#out it3 it felt different she said$ "he descri#ed it accurately from touch! and I descri#ed the difference from look$ "he had tried to look at it! #ut could not manage it$ On the "unday morning I got the hand1 glass out of my dressing1case! and what with that! and )utting the ta#le1glass on the floor! then on to a chair! then holding it in front of her cunt for her to see3 her natural curiosity was gratified! and so was mine$ <he in+estigation was a great treat! and the con+ersation which ensued e5ually so$ "ally said she had felt fi+e men,s cocks on the #each! #ut had not seen one of them! all was done in the dark$ "he had frigged none as far as she knew$ &ll the men had felt her! or tried! #ut she always shut her thighs tightly to sto) their fingers going far$ <he second man had not )aid her$ "he told her friend! who! e+idently more e;)erienced! ad+ised her to ask for the shilling first! which she did$ %9one on em felt so large as yourn$% 6as she sure- @uite$ "he was ine;)erenced! #ut my #elief in the si=e of my )ersuader im)ro+ed$ "he looked at her cunt #y my aid three or four times on the "unday! saying each time she had had for1gotten how it looked$ &t the last look! I insisted on seeing the )iddle come out of it! if I hel)ed her$ Aoint #lank she refused that! and I could not )ersuade her$ I took in on that night #read and sausages! and that is all we had to eat$ I cooked them$ I had my own tea and wine there! and was sorry when Monday came$ I went off 5uite early! and then came #ack! as if I had 2ust re1turned from London! #ut Mrs$ (arris had not re1turned! so "ally and I had another )oke$ <hen I went to lunch! came #ack! and )rofessed annoyance at ha+ing had to go out! #ecause the landlady was not at home$ <here ne+er was the slightest sus)icion of my game$

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"ally was a charming little fuckster$ Very soon after I had had her all her modesty went$ "he was short! and had a girlish face3 e;ce)ting for that and the small 5uantity of hair on her 5uim! she seemed o+er se+enteen$ (er form was full and round! her lim#s strong and thick$ "he had largish firm #reasts! and a solid #ackside$ "he was come of a #ig family she said! and had had her monthlies two years$ "he had a small! tight! elastic cunt! and wagged her arse when fucking! after the first week or so! as if she had fucked for twel+e months! and had an immense undisguised en2oyment in the o)eration$ "he was 5uite artless! and delighted to talk a#out the sensations which the )rick ga+e her$ <hat was one of the charms of knowing her$ 9o lodgers were to #e had! so the landlady transferred herself and children to the ground1floor$ .eing then 2ust under me she could ha+e heard! and caught me had she thought of looking out for my games$ <his diminished my chances of fucking with ease of mind$ It affected "ally worse than me! for she was always in a state of an;iety! and directly I had had her! and her %ah7 * er * ha7% which usually accom)anied her s)ending was o+er! it was! %Oh7 let me go! * she,ll #e a hearing on us!% * and she would uncunt me! and set to work cleaning the grate noisily! or remo+ing my #reakfast1things! or doing any other work she ha))ened to #e engaged on$ My money was running short! my friends had left! and it was dull$ I told "ally I must soon lea+e$ "he cried$ I tried to inculcate morality into her3 #ut it was of +ery little use$ "he asked me e+ery day when I was going! * could I not get her a situation in London- * why not let her #e one of our ser+ants- * )erha)s my Missus would take her! for she had said she was a hard1working girl! * was it difficult to get a )lace in London- * if she did! would she see me there- "he talked much nonsense! and used to cry and mo)e$ <he girl who had #een ra+ished on the #each! she told me! had gone to London! turned whore! had written to "ally to go to her! and not #e a fool! and sto) working hard at a lodging1house$ "ally showed me the letter$ I would not gi+e it #ack! and ke)t it for years! till one day in a fit of +irtue I #urnt it$ "ally was in a #ad way a#out the letter! for her friend #egged her )articularly to show it to no one! to #urn it! and only to kee) the address$ It was a funny! ill1s)elt letter! and #egan #y asking her how she was! and would she tell her something a#out the old )eo)le! )articularly the old man$ Did he e+er ask a#out her- * what did they say- * not that she cared! #ut she,d like to know how her old daddy was$ <hen she said she had lots of friends! %real gents mind! not sho) young men!% * she went to the )lays! and had lots of what they two wanted! and used to talk a#out$ %6hy don,t you come- * I,ll gi+e you a )lace with me! * you,ll ha+e lots of good gru#! and )erha)s a gent will take a fancy to you! and make your for1tune! * it will #e #etter than scru##ing and cleaning all the winter$% * %6hy!% she went on! %I gets more in one week than your father and mine gets in a whole year atween em$% <here was a concluding line in a )ostscri)t which I laugh o+er! and shall
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recollect to my dying day3 it was! %Oh7 the lots of cocks I,+e seed since I seed you at home$% I saw through the whole$ <he London harlot would ha+e in "ally a friend! or a ser+ant faithful to her3 or who knows! )erha)s had )romised a man to get him a girl who was un#roached$ "ally had re)lied$ %4ou did not tell her you had #een fucked!% said I$ %Oh7 of course not!% * she ne+er would tell any one that! if they )ulled her tongue out$ I told her all that was commonly thought to #e dreadful a#out the life of a gay woman3 #ut as I had #egun to dis#elie+e the nonsense which the world said on that su#2ect! don,t e;)ect I made much im)ression on "ally$ "he didn,t re)ly to my ad+ice$ I asked her what she meant to do$ <his was on a day or two after I had read the letter$ %6hy!% said "ally! %she says she gets as much money in a week as father does in a whole year! * do you #elie+e it-% I said I did not$ %"he wears nothing #ut silks$% %.ut she,ll die in a hos)ital!% said I$ %"o did my sister!% said "ally! %#ut she was +ery comforta#le there$% Many of "ally,s relati+es had died in a work1 house! so "ally saw nothing dreadful in that$ "ally was +ery fond of frigging me$ "he was not con1tent with witnessing the e2aculation of my semen once! #ut seemed to lo+e the o)eration$ %I likes to see it come!% said she! * #ut I did not! and would not gratify her$ %(ow old must a man #e!% she said to me one day! %#efore the stuff will come out of his thing-% %6hy-% %8ause I,+e seed a #oy o+er the hedge ne;t to us ru##ing his thing u) and down hard sometimes! as if he were doing it! and he can,t #e more than twel+e years old! * I seed him sitting on a washing1tu# one day a doin it! and his mother came out and knocked him off the tu#! and said she would tell his father$% "ally! I found! had seen more #efore she was ten years old! than a young lady would see all her life if unmarried$ "he like other girls I ha+e had since! and #efore! used to slee) u) to fourteen years of age in the same room! and e+en the same #ed as her )arents! and had a knowledge of what fucking was #efore she was ten years old$ "he,d seen her )arents at it when they thought she was aslee)$ %I know,d!% said she! %what they was u) to! cos I told another gal older than me! and she told me all a#out doing it$% I returned to London! and )romised to write to "ally! who ga+e me an address where letters could #e sent her at the coast! #ut there was great difficulty a#out that$ I ga+e her one at a London )ost1office$ &s the lodging1house kee)er dismissed her ser+ants at the end of the season! "ally was soon going home till she could get some other )lace$ 6e fucked +ery hard the last week$ "ally always mo)ing seemed to think that with me her last chance of ha+ing a )rick was going$ "he was not in the family way! and did not u)#raid me! nor say I had ruined her3 #ut said I had #een +ery kind to her! and she dared to say I would ha+e another gal3 and then she #urst out so##ing$ I ga+e her a handsome )resent and left$

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<wo or three months afterwards a letter reached me which had #een laying a long time at the )ost1office$ "he had come to town! and was ser+ant to her female friend in U')'r 9''t'n "treet$ I went to see her! and we fucked$ I could not hel) fancying that "ally had had a little +ariety in cocking since I had left her$ "he could not let me ha+e her when I first called! #ut made me go there when her mistress was out$ (er mistress, rooms were +ery nice! and we fucked on her mistress, #ed on two or three occasions$ .ut it was not to my taste to +isit the ser+ant of a 9''t'n "treet woman$ "he was e+idently an;ious that I should not see her mistress3 and so I got +ery desirous to see her! for she interested me! owing to her ha+ing lost her +irginity on the sea1#each without #eing )aid for it$ "ally was! I found! discontented! and was going to lea+e$ "he would go home again$ I think she had e;)ected to #e set u) in silks and satins! instead of which had to make #eds! em)ty )iss1)ots! and fetch li5uor and rench letters! a#out which I found she now had knowledge$ .ut her great grie+ance was that she was ke)t u) so late of nights$ "he had im)ro+ed in looks! had grown much! and the hair on her cunt had in1creased in 5uantity$ "he was +ery curious a#out %my Missus% and me! #ut I told her nothing$ I ga+e her some gold one night! and told her it would #e long #efore I saw her again$ <hen she said it was all through me that she had come to London! and we )arted$ "ome time after I had a letch for her again! and went to the house$ "he had gone home! they #elie+ed! and her mistress had left! and gone no one knew where to! * or they would not tell$ (er mistress, name was Mel+elle I knew! so going to the &rgyle ?ooms /which had not #een many years o)ened0! I got her )ointed out to me! went home with her! and had her se+eral times after$ "he was a fine! fresh! healthy! dark1 eyed young woman3 +ulgar! #ut a lo+ely fucker$ My letch for her arose altogether from knowing the history of her first fucking$ <he second night I made her tell me her history$ I sle)t with her that night! and she told me some wonderful rigmarole a#out her )arents #eing well off! and her ha+ing #een seduced #y an officer! etc$ I laughed$ %4ou look much like a girl who li+ed at ' ' 'town! and who was said to ha+e #een fucked on the #each one night$% "he looked 5ueer$ %"o hel) me :od! it,s a lie!% said she! %who e+er told you-% %My dear!% I said! %I,+e told you nothing! I know nothing! I only say you look like that girl$% &fter a )ause! %Did you e+er come to see my ser+ant at 9''t'n "treet-% %9o$ 6ho told you that-% I would not di+ulge$ "he admitted! after some chaffing! that it was 5uite true! and ho)ed I would tell none of her friends$ <here was no chance of that! for I rarely let my most intimate friend know what women I had3 or if I could not )re+ent that! scru)ulously a+oided telling them anything a#out them! not liking my friends to fuck my women or know my ha#its$ I still had a lingering idea that my )rick was small! and did not wish that talked a#out$
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<his gay lady told me one night afterwards /for I told her then what I had heard0 how it came a#out3 #ut she e+en lied then! unless "ally had! for she did not say that she was taken unawares #y a man who had gi+en her a shilling to feel her$ (er account was! that she went to )iddle! that he #eing there caught her! and threatened to throw her into the sea if she resisted him$ "he resisted as much as she could! #ut he was hea+y on her! #urst u) her with immense strength! and it was all done in two or three minutes$ (e hurt her so in e+ery way! #oth in s)litting! stretching! and sho+ing! that she was in )ain for many days afterwards$ I soon ceased to see Mel+elle! not caring a#out fucking her after I had heard from her own li)s! all a#out the way she was ra+ished whilst her #ackside was on the sands #y the salt sea wa+es$ "he was older than "ally! and I should not wonder if her cunt had #een s)lit #efore$ %.ut although you were ra+ished without )leasure or )ay! how was it you came to take to fucking regularly-% <hat was a 5uestion although not )ut )erha)s in e;actly those words! to which I gradually got an answer one e+ening when I sle)t with her$ or some time after her ra+ishment she ke)t away from the sands3 #ut she missed her odd shillings! and went again there! #ut would not go far from the seats which were not far from the side of the road$ <here one night a man s)ent all o+er her fingers$ "he remem#ered how sticky her cunt was after she had #een ra+ished$ <hen a girl older than she was told her how she had #een fucked! and how she liked it$ "he ke)t all this to herself! not telling the girl that her 5uim had also #een torn o)en! #ut thought and wondered if the )leasure of fucking was greater than she got #y frigging! and as she often frigged herself after the e+ent she did nothing #ut think of how the man who ra+ished her! ru##ed his cock u) her$ One +ery dark night a nice young man asked her to come and talk on the sands$ "he fucked! she s)ent! and liked it3 and again they fucked$ &fter that any man who wanted her had only to ask! and she let him fuck her$ "he was mad on the nights she could not get out! or when it was moon1light$ "he wanted fucking3 it was not the money! it was the )rick which enticed her! any man might ha+e had her! had he asked her$ %I was that hot!% said she! %that I could ha+e fucked night and day!% * and she was hot on me that night! as she told this$ One night it was late #efore she went home$ (er father! who seems to ha+e ke)t her )retty well in! must ha+e #een told where he might e;)ect to find her! and caught her coming u) from the #each$ (e kicked her all the way to her home! and locked her u) for days3 he called her a whore! and so did her mother$ On the first o))ortunity she ran off to the young woman who had told her she liked flicking$ <hat young woman seems herself to ha+e #een found out #y her family3 so they ran waay to town together! and #oth were gay$ <he utmost she e+er recei+ed on the sands for #eing flicked was two and si;)ence$ One night an elderly man ga+e her a so+ereign for frigging him$ 6hen she found it was a so+ereign she thought he had made a mistake$
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%Let,s see the friend you came to town with$% %Oh7 I don,t know where she li+es now! * we ha+e 5uarrelled! * oh7 it,s made me so randy talking a#out it! * do it again$% I ne+er saw "ally afterwards! #ut I heard Mel+elle s)oken a#out #y men$ "ome time afterwards she #e1came a well1known London harlot! then she suddenly disa))eared$ Lots of gay women disa))ear suddenly in similar manner$ I wonder where they go to$ <hey don,t die I am sure! * most of those I ha+e known ha+e #een fine! healthy creatures$

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Chapter XIII Many mis)ellaneous whorings. Mr. M)Cabe. 1he warehouse in the City 1enants paying rent. M)Cabe(s jo)osity. Suggestions %or getting bairns. Mrs. '''. 1he S)ot)h wi%e. 1he %our#roomed )ottages. -epairs needed. t her )ottage. 9asy )onversation. 1he steep stair)ase. 1he bed stood upon. 1he hole in the roo%. 1he hole in the %lesh. Carnal wants and wea*ness. gainst the bed, and on it. gainst the dresser. n alarm. 1he amour terminates. -e%le5ions, regrets, and wea*ness. On the sin o% adultery. On the power o% lust. rom the time I left "ally at the sea1coast till the s)ring my connections were )urely with the +enal ones$ 6ith the e;ce)tion of ha+ing a few times fucked "ally! and her friend and mistress! Mrs$ Mel+elle in London! the ladies were mainly selected at the &rgyle ?ooms! which is the resort of the handsomest and #est1dressed gay women$ Many swell1women also are there with! and at other times without! their )rotectors$ 6ith se+eral of the sweetest of these creatures I ha+e had intimacy! and often )assed the night with the choicest of them$ I did not take a )ermanent fancy to any one of them! though one did to me$ <his +ariety is charming$ <o take home lo+ely women in the #loom of youth! and in the hey1day of their lust! to s)eculate on the charms yet unseen! to kiss and feel their thighs on the road home! to see them undress leisurely! their #reasts a)1 )ear! their naked arms! the lim#s show one after the other3 to lift the dia)hanous chemises! see the round mottes3 to note and com)are mentally the +ariety in form and de+elo)ment of the +arious s)lits! li)s! and clitoris! filled me with +olu)tuous and e+er1+arying de1light$ &nd now I was a#le to afford to ha+e these charmers3 for though not at the )rices )aid #y their rich admirers! I rarely was refused #y them$ <his charming +ariety in co)ulation was only #roken! or rather +aried #y the following little incident$ I had at that time an old friend who had known me from my #irth$ & "cotchman! rich! and a widower! li#eral in some things! #ut grinding in making money! though he was childless3 and had none to whom he cared much a#out lea+ing his money to$ (e was a#out se+enty1three years old! #ut a s)lendid #ig old man! with a head of thick reddish hair and fine false teeth$ <hough li+ing in London most of his life he had ne+er lost the "cottish dialect! indeed was )roud of it! and of his nationality$ (e was a wholesale ' ' ' '' merchant! which #usiness he carried on in the heart of London in huge old1 fashioned )remises$ I may add now! that he left me a largish sum of money when he died! and I s)ent it in tra+elling and whoring$ (e had some funny whims and ha#its! among which was making some of his town1tenants go to )ay him )ersonally$ (e did this to sa+e the e;)enses of an agent he said! though I #elie+e it really was for his amusement$ I ha+e heard that the tenants could with the greatest difficulty induce him to do anything to
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a house when once they were li+ing in it$ One of my sisters and I used to sto) often at his country1house from riday till Monday! on which day he came to town as he said for his tenants$ (e had se+eral clerks! #ut they had nothing to do with his )ro)erty$ (e was fond of consulting me a#out some of his houses! and often I was )resent when his rents were )aid$ 6ithin a stone,s throw of his counting1house were se+eral courts$ One court containing a#out a do=en small houses of four rooms each! and mostly let to weekly and monthly tenants$ <hey were )oorish #ut res)ecta#le3 )eo)le of the foreman and sho)man class! a class among which the wife does her own work! cooks her hus#and,s food! etc$ <he old #oy /Mr$ Mc8a#e0 used to say this )ro)erty should #e mine$ (e did not lea+e it to me! #ut left me something +ery much #etter$ "e+eral of these houses were inha#ited #y his own assistants and men! #ut he made e+en them or their wi+es attend and )ay weekly! or monthly! together with other tenants! on <uesday mornings$ (e was a dear old #oy who could laugh at a smutty 2oke! though he ne+er told them himself3 #ut he would chaff a man or woman with dou#le entendres! with hints! and suggestions )erfectly unmistaka#le! and to the +ery limits of decency! without uttering an indecent word! or showing an indecent gesture$ (e was always ready to let this off at me for ha+ing no children! and s)ecially this when any goodish1looking woman was )resent! #efore whom he dared +enture on it$ One morning I was with him on rent1day! when in came a stout! fully1 de+elo)ed woman! middle1si=ed and full fi+e1and1thirty clad in the neatest and cleanest light colored cotton gown! and a nice white ca) on her head$ "he was the wife of a man renting one of the houses in the court! and looked like a +ery well1to1do! neat little tradesman,s wife$ "he was indeed handsome though of a coarse class! had chestnut1#rown hair! and #right dark roguish eyes$ I was smitten with desire the moment I saw her$ Aerha)s I wanted a woman! I can,t say! #ut recollect taking a letch$ "he also did nothing #ut look at me! turning 5uickly away her eyes whene+er she found mine u)on her$ %"et ye doon Mrs$ .yron!% said the old man! which she did$ 6hilst he settled with some one else! we two looked at each other for some minutes! till my cock stood! and the woman who seemed cheeky flushed crimson$ I,ll #et she had got randy too * it was a case of cock1struck and cunt1struck$ (er #ig! round! )lum)! fleshy form was greatly to my taste 2ust then$ &t length Mc8a#e #eing ready! the woman rose and came to his ta#le! 2ust in front of which was a chair$ I was sitting on the other side of the ta#le near to him with a news)a)er in my hand$ %"et ye doon Mrs$ .yron$ * and how,s the #airn- * has it left off suckling-% said he$ %9ow you,re at me again! sir$% <he old man chuckled$ %6hat! not a #a#e yet7% %6hy you know there is not! * here,s the month,s rent! and you really must say what you,ll do to the house! * it wants a lot! * my hus#and says he won,t stay unless you do it u) a little! * se+en years! and you,+e ne+er
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e+en done a #it of whitewash$% 6hilst saying this the woman,s eyes ke)t glancing at me at inter+als$ <he old man took no notice a#out the re)airs$ %6hy ye should #e #aith ashamed of yesels! you can,t under1stand the #usiness! * ha+e ye )ut the )illow at the other end of the #ed! and tried it there-% * and he chuckled$ I #egan to laugh$ %&ye! aye! we understand all a#out it!% said she with a strong "cottish accent! %it,s nae gude! * #ut a#out the re)airs! * won,t you )a)er the #ed1room- * it won,t cost much$% Mc8a#e turned a deaf ear$ %&ye! aye! I,ll see a#out it! after ne;t 5uarter! * when you,+e had yer fust #airn$ <here,s a #onny lassie!% said he turning to me! %isn,t she and #een married ten years! and no #airn! * isn,t she #onny!% * and he winked! * %a wish I war young again!% * and the old man laughed and chuckled$ %&ye ye,+e #een a weekend one in your day I,ll #et!% said she! %none #ut yersel knows the ca)ers you,+e cut$% %4ou should make your hus#and slee) #y himsel for a month! then go to #ed some "aturday! and not get u) til Monday$% %(e,d #e tired o that!% said she laughing$ I could kee) my tongue no longer still$ %I,d like to #e him!% said I! %and I,d go to #ed on the Monday! and not get u) till the Monday after$% %&ye! * oor! * aye! * there! * lawk!% said she trying to look modest! yet looking hard at me and laughing$ <he old man laughed loud$ %<ry him! Mrs$ .yron! * he won,t hurt ye! for he can,t get any #airns of his own$% %Is the gentleman married-% said she$ %4es! worse luck for him% /he hated my wife0$ (e ga+e a recei)t for the rent! the chaffing mi;ed with #usiness went on$ Mc8a#e got serious when the woman said! %6eel take this as a notice to lea+e$% %:o and see!% said he turning to me! %#ut I won,t )ay much$% (e had sent me #efore on similar errands to one or two other houses! why- :od only knows$ 9ot wanting to offend him! %I,ll go at once!% said I delighted at the idea of getting near her #y myself! and with a +ague notion that some fun would come of it$ %9o dinna coom yet!% said she! %it,s no fit for ye to see! * I,ll mak the #ed and clean u)! and tak oo) the car)et! and yell see #etter!% * and off she went$ %I won,t s)end more than one 5uarter,s rent!% said my old friend! %though they are gude tenants! and I dunna wish them to go$% 6inking his eye and chuckling! %<ak ye care 6alt! she,s a frisky one! though I won,t tell your wife$% I fired u)! ho)ing to hear something warm a#out her3 #ut there was nothing against her$ "he was a good! clean! industrious! so#er wife! ten years married3 %#ut!% added the old man! %I think she,d like mair than her hus#and can do for her! * he,s si; feet high without his shoes! * #ut a )oor creature * a )oor creature$% %I,ll come #ack to my lunch with you! I am going to my stock1#roker,s!% said I! %and I,ll go to see the house in the afternoon$% (a+ing thrown this dust in my friend,s eyes! I went straight to Mrs$ .yron,s! ten minutes after she had left us$

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"he o)ened the door$ I entered a little sitting1room! all in it #right as a new )in! hum#le! yet with e+ery comfort! * wonderful for her class of life it seemed to me$ "he showed me what she wanted done! whiting the ceiling! this and that$ I said %yes% to e+erything! #ut was thinking of nothing #ut getting into her$ Lust struck me all of a hea)! our eyes were meeting each other! my lewedness was increasing$ <here she was in the house alone with me$ %"o you ha+e no children!% said I and we entered on the same strain that my old friend had$ %9or you-% <hen we com)ared notes$ 6e had #een #oth married for a num#er of years$ I told her I hated my wife$ %Oh7 what a )ity!% said she! %and such a fine mon as ye #e$% <hen we went into the kitchen$ & little )lace with lots of tins as #right as sil+er! and a little ta#le white as if 2ust made$ I com)limented her on the #eautiful cleanliness3 she was much flattered$ 4es she )rided herself on it! cleaned e+erything herself e+ery day! had nothing else to do3 then had her dinner! and laid down and had a na)! then got ready for her hus#and,s su)1 )er$ %6on,t he #e home to dinner-% I asked$ 9o it was too far off! * he ne+er came home till half1)ast si;! * 2ust now he had gone a little way off for his firm! and would not #e home for three or four days! * he was foreman somewhere$ I 2um)ed at the news$ %I think we had #etter do what Mr$ Mc8a#e told you! go to #ed at once! and not get u) till your hus#and comes home! and see if we can get a #airn$% %&nd much good that will do me!% said she! %won,t it! if we did! * aye! that would get me into trou#le!% and she laughed$ %9o it won,t! * we should ha+e the fun! and no mischief after! * you know I can,t get #airns$% %&r dunna know! ar dunna know!% said she shaking her head +ery slowly! looking at me! and turning scarlet$ %Damn it!% I cried$ %gi+e me a kiss! * I,+e #een longing for you from the moment I saw you!% * and I ga+e her a kiss or two without much resistance from her$ "he #roke away! #ut I clutched her! and kissed her again and again! ru##ing my #elly u) against hers in a #audy way$ <hen we fell to talking a#out not ha+ing children! and how funny those things went$ "ome women the first time a man was in #ed with them! it was done$ Others might slee) with any man! and ha+e none$ %(ow did I know-% she asked slyly! then turning off said! %6ell now ha+e the floor mended! * look at that hole! *I,+e sto))ed it u)! the mice come through! * the other night one came out! and ran u) my clothes whilst sit1 ting at the fire$% I was ready with a #audy suggestion for that! or anything else she might ha+e said! for I was now randy to recklessness$ %4ou had your feet on the fender-% %4es$% %I was sure! and your clothes well u)! warming it! weren,t you now- * it is so nice to warm it! isn,t it-% "he laughed$ %<he mouse )ee)ed out! and seeing it looked so warm and cosy u) #etween your thighs! ran to get #etween them$ I wish I,d #een that mouse! * I,d ha+e got right in$% "he laughed! and ga+e me a hard sla) on my shoulder$
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%Oh7 you,re a #ad un!% said she! %I thot ye war when I saw ye fust$% My cock was standing! I #egan to )ull it a#out outside my trowsers to let her see that I was randy$ I always did that instincti+ely when trying to get o+er women! fancying that seeing me fiddling there! and knowing what it meant it made them randy too$ "he eyed me laughing! checking her1self! then laughing again and said demurely! %<hen there,s the roof! the wet comes in #oth #ack and front! and 2ust o+er the #ed * tell Mr$ Mc8a#e that! won,t you! and he,ll re)air it if ye say he must$% %I,+e not seen where the roof leaks$% %8ome u)!% said she$ I followed her to the narrow staircase! scarcely wide enough for a stout man! and stee) as a ladder$ "he went u) first$ Directly I had got u) a stair! I laid my head down on them whilst she went u) unsus)ectingly! lea+ing me to look u) her short )etticoats$ & 2olly thick )air of legs I saw! thick and clumsy! #ut in such white stockings$ &s she got to the to)! not hearing me she turned round! saw my game! and disa))eared into the room$ I followed 5uickly! she was co+ering u) the #ed$ %It,s all in a muddle!% said she! %e;cuse it sir! I had not time * ye coomd sooner than ye said$% "he looked at me as I thought in+itingly$ I,m sure she was lewed at that minute$ & strong! hale! half1fucked woman of thirty1fi+e who had #een half1an1hour talking #audily! though in guarded language! with a young man in whose #allocks the s)erm was #oiling$ I caught her! and kissed her again$ %<here man! * that,s all! * that,s all!% said she$ %I can,t see the wet!% said I$ It was a large four1)ost #edstead of common make! #ut with as nice white hangings as I had in my own house$ <he #ed nearly filled the little room$ %I must )ull off the to)!% said she! %don,t you see where the wet has come through-% I did! #ut said I didn,t$ "he )ut a chair #y the side of the #ed! and ste))ed from it on to the #ed! )ulled #ack the linen1 head! and showed the stained ceiling$ I )ut my hand u) her clothes$ 6ith a cry she flo))ed down on to the #ed! showing her lim#s$ %&dun now! * daun! * 4ell get me into trou#le! * ar dun sir!% * #ut I )ushed my hands all a#out under her )etticoats! )ushed e+ery1where and felt warm flesh and hair! whilst she s5uirmed a#out and s5uealed gently$ I then sho+ed her +iolently #ack! )ulled out my )rick! and tried to feel her cunt$ 6hat I did feel I don,t know3 #ut she slid off the #ed showing her lim#s! and crying! %(ar dun now$% I clutched her close as she came to the floor! my )rick still out$ %Let me fuck you$% %&h7 hish7 Mon$% I )ut #oth my hands round her! and kissed her! )ulling her close to me$ %9ow dunna! * ar won,t! * na! * na! * now lea+e me alone! * yell #e getting me into trou#le$% 6hat ne;t I scarcely know! #ut I talked! )ersuaded! and told her I,d ha+e her with a condom$ "he did not know what it was$ I then often carried rench letters in my )ocket3 so I )ulled one out! e;)lained it! and showed how it came o+er my )rick$ "he was all curiosity$ 9o it was #eastly! fit for whores! said she! %them #easts$% %9o yell get me into trou#le! no ye shan,t! * I wonna!% * and then leaning her #ack against the #ed3 one of her legs on the chair! one on the
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floor! in that am#iguous! uneasy )osition! with a stri) of car)et sli))ing a#out under my feet! I got my )rick into her$ (ow the de+il one leg was on the chair! one on the floor 2ust then! I can,t to this moment understand$ Did she lift it u)- did I .ut in that )osture my )rick made ac5uaintance with her cunt! and )ushing hard the car1)et sli)t away! my feet and me with it! out coming my )rick whilst I stum#led against her in sli))ing$ Incensed and swearing! %Let,s do it )ro)erly my lo+e!% I )ushed her #ack against the #ed! and clutching her thighs with #oth hands hea+ed them u) to my hi)s$ I could not guide my )ego! #ut )ushed at random! its instinct directing! and I dare say her 5uiet hel)! soon got me to the nick after a few #attering sho+es against her #uttocks! and cunt1wig3 and then Mrs$ .yron and I #eing 2oined together in holy co)ulation! moistened each other,s )ri+ates co)iously and s)eedily$ 6ell )rimed that morning! I stood a long time with my )rick well u) her after s)ending$ "he laid motionless$ <hen letting one of her legs dro) on to the chair! and still holding u) the other! I )ushed u) her droo)ing )etticoats so as 2ust to see her #elly! and slowly with1drew my )ego! full1si=ed though not in full ramming condition$ &s it left her cunt I saw the s)erm draw out with it! and sat down on the chair$ <hen with a +iolent start! as if 2ust awakened! and 2ust as I had the merest glim)se of her s)lit! she came to her feet! and )ushed down her )etticoats$ 6e looked hard at each other for a moment! then without uttering a word she walked to the window and looked out$ It was a #right! sunshiny day late in the autumn$ I sat feeling my )ego for a minute! still in want of a fuck! then went to her$ %Oh7 don,t look out! * if they should see you$% %I,+e come to see a#out the re)airs! if they do$% %Oh7 #ut they had #etter not$% <hen I #rought her to the side of the #ed again$ It was a#out two yards from the window to the )lace where the im)ress of her hea+y arse was still +isi#le on the #ed$ 6e looked at each other3 she could not look me in the face long$ % ucking,s nice! isn,t it- * and you,re a charming fuck$% %6e are a wicked )air!% said she$ %9ot at all! * we #oth wanted it! * neither your hus#and nor my wife will know! * they won,t #e the worse! and we are all the #etter! * let,s do it again * feel! my )rick! it,s 5uite stiff!% and I )ut her hand to it$ "he took it kindly! and held it softly! and we looked at each other again! my left arm round her waist! my other on her thighs$ %Let,s feel your #reasts!% said I$ %9ay! nay!% * #ut she did not hinder me$ I )ulled o)en her dress! and felt the glo#es /each as #ig as a half15uartern loaf0! and round to her arm)its$ & strong fleshy smell met me as I kissed them$ I liked it! and remarked it$ "he thought it offended me$ %E+ery night and morn I wash from to) to toe!% said she$ <hen kissing her #reasts! one hand round her! I tried to feel her thighs higher u)$ "he would not let me! struggled! and got u)3 #ut I got a feel! felt the s)erm on her thigh! and touched the s)lit$ <hen
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standing together! I e;cited her #y talk! and touch! and kisses! and got her on to the #ed$ .oth laid 5uiet a minute! not more$ <hen with a ra)id )ush down of my trowsers! and a )ull u) of her )etticoats! I turned on to her #elly$ My )rick struck in1to the right )ath without guidance! a soft and gluey )ath$ I clas)ed one side of her #um with one hand3 with the other I )layed with her #u##ies$ <hen we had that gloriously )rolonged fuck! which a healthy cou)le in the )rime of salacity ha+e for their second s)end! a fuck slower! more thoughtful! #ut in its +olu)tuousness #etter than the ra)id s)illing out of s)unk which comes with the first fuck of the night$ <en minutes had not )assed I think #etween our first and second crisis$ I do=ed on the to) of her! then sli))ed off to her side$ Down she )ulled her )etticoats$ 6e talked$ %I,m afeared yell get me into trou#le!% said she again! %air ye sure you,+e got no #airns-% I talked a history of smuttiness and lo+e1making$ I could always kee) any woman listening when I #egan! gentle or sim)le! do;ie or +irgin$ "he wondered$ %&ye I knew ye were a gay one! * we,re a #ad cou)le$% In half an hour I wanted her again$ "he did not refuse! #ut would I go downstairs a while! %a wee time-% I guessed she wanted to )iss! or something$ Down I went$ %&n any one knock! coom u) gently! and don,t go near the winder!% said she$ I waited a few minutes! heard mo+ements o+erhead! knew the 2erry had #een called into re5uisition! then u) I went$ "he had locked the door! #ut let me in at once$ I had a feel u) her fresh1washed cunt! and round her #uttocks$ My :od! what s)ankers7 and her #reasts! what a )air7 firm too! though so hea+y$ 6e fucked again$ %It,s time I had my #it of dinner!% said she! %we are a #ad coo)le$% <hen she #egan to talk a#out re)airs$ %I,ll come #ack in an hour!% I said! %don,t you say I,+e #een here$% %Dunna come #ack! * dunna!% said she$ %I wun,t let ye mair$% %I,+e not seen what the house wants!% said I$ I went #ack to Mc8a#e! and told him I had #een to my solicitor,s! then had luncheon with him! and #id him good1#ye$ %.ut what a#out the good woman,s house-% he asked$ %Lord I,+e forgotten all a#out it! * what,s the num#er- * I,ll go at once$% (e told it me! and #ack I went$ "he o)ened the door$ %8ome in! come in! the neigh#ours will see ye!% said she! %#ut dunna gae further$% I ga+e her a )rod with my finger in the region of her cunt! and shut the door$ %9ow yell get us #oth into trou#le! I,se sure ye will * I could na eat my dinner for thinking a#out it! * I,+e had awful dreams last night! and your face was in them$% Luncheon had set me u)! I was #audy in mind! randy in #ody! s)ite of my fuckings #efore luncheon$ I went into the kitchen! and )ulled u) her )etticoats$ %6hy you,+e a clean chemise on$% 4es she had! she said! %there #e the other!% )ointing to a large tu# with linen in the water$ I
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could not mo+e her lust! and s)ent some time in +iolently )uffing u) her )etticoats! she in )ushing them down$ <hen out I )ulled my )ego! and as she o#stinately refused to lea+e the room! and struggled3 after dro))ing on my knees! and kissing her cunt under her )etticoats! I finished #y shagging her as she stood with her #ackside u) aginst the dresser$ 6hilst we stood wriggling gently after our full )leasure came a knock$ %My hus#and!% said she! %get in the yard! and o+er the wall$% I #uttoned u) my cock! and o)ened the #ack1 door$ &nother knock$ It was nothing of im)ortance$ (ow often I ha+e #een flurried in my fuckings #y a knocking at a street1door$ %It,s a warning!% she said hurriedly! %I wish I ne+er set eyes on ye$% <he knock startled and u)set me$ I thought I had #etter go$ Aerha)s I had had enough of her3 for I took out my )ocket1#ook! and whilst she sat down on a chair! she told me all she wanted done$ I made note of it! and )re)ared to go3 #ut the #audy de+il was still strong in me$ %4ou,+e s)oiled another chemise sitting down!% I said$ %9ae! nae!% she re)lied! %yer nae so full!% * and then I went away! ga+e Mc8a#e an account of the house! and he said I might tell the %gude woman!% that she might ha+e it all done u) to ten )ounds worth$ %I,ll write it to her!% said he$ I agreed that was #est$ <he ne;t day I was with him$ I had awakened in a li5uorish frame of mind a#out the %gude woman$% (e had written! #ut not sent the memorandum which was on a +ery small sli) of )a)er as usual$ %4ou ha+en,t e;)lained +ery clearly what you mean!% I said when I had read it$ %4e tak it!% said he! %and tell her what I mean$% "o I did! got into the house with her after a little )ersuasion and a wrangle! and then assaulted her$ "he was strong! and for a time! though )uffing u) her clothes successfully! I could not get my hands more than half way u) her thighs$ .ut such #audy attacks at last so heat a woman who knows it all means fucking that there comes a )oint when lewed feelings o+er1come her! and she can resist no longer$ It was so with Mrs$ .yron$ I )ushed her at last on to a chair #reathless! and had #oth hands u) her clothes! one round her #um! the other #etween her thighs! and mo+ed my fingers a#out so enticingly on the slit that she o)ened! and let me gro)e$ %If I let ye this once! will ye gang-% said she! %ye wunna wish to harm a #ody I,m sure! * if Jack should come home! or the neigh#ours see ye coom in! and wonder what ye ar a#oot sae lang! mischief will come oot of it$% I )romised! of course$ 6e went u)stairs$ 6e fucked on the #ed! #ut I would not get from #etween her thighs till I,d done her a second time$ <hen with unwashed cunt she saw me to the door$ I ga+e her a kiss! and de)arted$ I was not that way for some time afterwards! and then )assed the cottage to try to see her! for I ha+e always #een )leased to see the woman who has gi+en me )leasure u) her$ "he was at the window! and #o##ed away$ I did this two or three times with the same result! and once thought of calling$ It was as well I did not! for Mc8a#e said her hus#and was at home ill$ <hen I had other and #etter fish to fry! and ne+er had the %gude woman% afterwards! though she
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li+ed there for years$ Once my old friend asked me to go to see if the re)airs he allowed for were really done3 #ut for some reason or other I did not$ I called on Mc8a#e on one rent1day a month or two afterwards! forgetting she had none to )ay till the ten )ounds were worked off! and e;)ecting to see her3 #ut of course she did not a))ear$ &#out nine months after /I think0 I went there$ In she came$ %(ow d,ye do-% said I! %ha+e the re)airs #een done-% %<hank ye! yes sir!% she re)lied looking awfully confused$ I went to the #ack of the old man! and from there #egan feeling my cock! and making signs with my tongue$ It was so delightful to see the woman I had en2oyed3 #ut I did not follow the intrigue u)! and she ga+e no signs of encouragement$ &nd here I must add a few reflections$ &lthough I always ha+e had a great dislike to stroking married women! regarding it as an im)ro)er! * )erha)s the only im)ro)er )ath in fornication! as unfair to married men! and a social sin to #e carefully a+oided! * yet fate seems to ha+e determined that I shall err in that direction$ My second woman was a married one! though I did not know it till late! my first I had again after she was married! and I ha+e had se+eral since$ 6as it the fault of the women! or myself- * did they intend me to fuck them! or not- 8ertainly I ne+er deli#erately set to work to tem)t them! #ut the lech when it took me seems to ha+e o+ercome all my moral o#2ections$ (as the de+il determined to tem)t me in this direction- If so! am I to #lame for not #eing gifted with control of myself and my cod1)iece- In my re1cent illness I ha+e thought much on this! * with what )ractical result! who can tellH<he foregoing )aragra)h )rinted in the original words e;actly! was not written until many years after the affairs with the "cotch woman$ <his one is written as I send the narrati+e to )ress$ HIt is useless for me to attem)t to write the "cottish dialect! e5ually difficult is it to write the +ulgar tongue of some of the women I ha+e had! though I ha+e written the characteristic remarks in our con+ersations$ H9ow occur e+ents which took )lace during the time when I had one woman all to myself! #ut to whom I found it utterly im)ossi#le to #e faithful se;ually$I

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Chapter XIV gap in the narrative. mistress. lu)*y lega)y. Se)ret preparations. sudden %light. t &aris. dog and a woman. t a la*e#)ity. South meri)an lady. Mrs. O'b'''e. ,limpses %rom a bed#room window. Hairy arm#pits. Stimulating e%%e)ts. )!uaintan)e made. # 1he )hildren. :&lay with Mamma li*e &apa.: water e5)ursion. Lewed e%%e)ts. Contiguous bed#rooms. 4ouble doors. 0ights o% na*ededness. Her %orm. Her se5. Carnal )on%essions. &eriodi)ity o% lust. I )ass o+er many incidents of a cou)le of years or more! during which I was well off! had a mistress whom I had seduced! as it is stu)idly called! and had children3 #ut it #rought me no ha))iness! and I fled from the connection$ &ll this was ne+er known to the world$ My home life at length #ecame so un#eara#le! that I at one time thought of reali=ing all I had! of throwing u) all chance of ad+ancement and a )romising career which then was #efore me! and going for e+er a#road I knew not where! nor cared$ My mother had died! one sister was married! and was not much comfort to me3 the other was far off! my #rother nowhere$ Just then a distant relati+e left me a largish sum of money! it was scarcely known to any one of my friends! 5uite unknown at, home! and to none until I had s)ent a good deal of it$ I ke)t the fact to myself till I had )ut matters in such train that I could get a cou)le of thousand )ounds on account! then 5uietly fitted myself out with clothes$ One day I sent home new )ortmanteaus! and )acked u) my clothes the same day$ %I am going a#road!% I said$ %6hen-% %<o1night$% %6here to-% %I don,t know! * that is my #usiness$% %6hen do you come #ack-% %Aerha)s in a week! * )erha)s a year!% * nor did I for a long time$ I ne+er wrote to England during that time! e;ce)t to my solicitors and #ankers who necessarily knew where I had #een at times$ I went first to Aaris! where I ran a course of #audy house amusements! saw a #ig dog fuck a woman who turned her rum) towards it as if she were a #itch$ <he dog licked and smelt her cunt first! and then fucked$ (e was accustomed to the treat$ <hen I saw a little s)aniel lick another rench woman,s cunt$ "he )ut a little )owdered sugar on her clitoris first! and when the dog had licked that off! somehow she made it go on licking! until she s)ent! or shammed a s)end! calling out! %9ini! * cher 9ini! * go on 9ini!% * in rench of course$ I could make a long story out of #oth of these incidents if it were worth while! #ut it is not! and only notice that the 9ewfoundland! whose tongue hung out 5uite as long as his )rick as he was )ushing his )enis u) the rench woman,s 5uim! turned suddenly round when it had s)ent! seemed astonished to find he was not sticking arse to arse with her! and then licked the remains of the
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s)erm off the ti) of his )rick$ It was not a nice sight at all! nor did I e+er want to see it again$ <here were few large cities of 8entral Euro)e I did not see! and think that the #est #audy houses in most large cities saw me$ It was a 2ourney in which my amatory doings were es)ecially with the )riestesses of Venus$ .eautiful faces and #eautiful lim#s were sufficient for me! if cou)led with ready su#mission to my wishes$ &lthough I learnt no dou#t a great deal! and had my +olu)tuous tastes culti+ated in a high degree! yet they de+elo)ed none of those outside tastes which ordinarily come with great knowledge and )ractice in the matters of cunt$ I shall only tell the most remarka#le fornicating incidents$ I was at the (otel .''' in a "wiss town #y a great lake! had arri+ed late! and was )ut into the third story! in a room o+erlooking a 5uadrangle$ It was hot$ I threw u) my window when I got out of #ed in the morning! and in night1gown looked into the 5uadrangle! and at the walls and windows of the +arious #ed1 rooms o)ening on to it on three sides$ Looking down on my right! and one story #elow me! I caught sight o+er the window1curtain of a #ed1room! of a female head of long dark hair! and a naked arm #rushing it u) from #ehind +igorously$ <he arm looked the si=e of a )owerful man,s! #ut it was that of a woman$ "he mo+ed a#out heedlessly! and soon I saw that she was naked to #elow her #reasts3 #ut I only caught glim)ses of that nakedness! for seconds! as she mo+ed #ackwards and forwards near the window$ <hen she held u) the hair for a minute! and seemed to #e contem)lating the effect of the arrangement of it! and showed what looked like a nest of hair #eneath one arm)it$ (er flesh looked sallow or #rown! and she seemed #ig and middle1 aged$ My window was near the angle of the 5uadrangle! so was hers! on the ad2acent side of it$ Aerha)s from the window where I was! and that a#o+e mine only! could #e seen all what I saw$ <he arm)it e;cited me! and I got lewed! though the glim)ses were so few and short$ 9ow I only saw the na)e of the neck! and now her #ack! according to the )ostures which a woman takes in arranging her hair! and so far as the looking1glass and #linds and my )osition a#o+e let me$ Once or so I saw #ig #reasts of a tawny color$ <hen she looked at her teeth$ <hen she disa))eared! then came forwards again! and I fancied she was naked to the waist$ <hen I lost sight of her! and again for an instant saw 2ust the to) of her naked #um! as if she were stri))ed! and in stoo)ing down had #ent her #ack towards the window$ 6hen she re1a))eared she was more dressed$ "he looked u) at the sky! a))roaching the window to do so! caught sight of me! and 5uickly drew the #lind right down$ I went down to #reakfast! met some friends! and sitting down to ta#le with them in the large #reakfast1room! saw close to me this +ery lady$ I had seen so little of her face that I did not recogni=e her at first #y that3 #ut the darkness of the eye and hair! the fullness of #ust! and the #rown1tinted skin left me in no dou#t$ 6e were introduced to each other$ %Mrs$ O'#'''e! a lady from 9ew
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Orleans! a great friend of ours! * #een tra+elling with us for some weeks! with her two little children!% * and so on$ I found out from my friends as we smoked our cigars in the gardens after #reakfast! that she! with another &merican lady! and themsel+es! were going for a long tour! and had #een touring for some weeks in Euro)e$ "he was the wife of a gentleman who owned )lantations! and had gone #ack to &merica3 intending to re2oin his wife at Aaris at 8hristmas$ <he lady with the +ery hairy arm)its and her hus#and were intimate friends of my friends$ I found this )arty were tra+elling my road! and I agreed to wait at ' ' ' ' as long as they did$ 6e met at meals3 I 2oined in their e;cursions! and took much notice of her children who got 5uite fond of me$ "he seemed to a+oid me at first! #ut in two or three days showed some sym)athy$ I guessed that my history had #een made known to her! and found out at a latter day that it had$ %& married man tra+elling without his wife is dangerous!% said she to me one day when we were a merry )arty$ %& married woman without her hus#and is a danger to me!% I re)lied! and our eyes met! and said more than words$ I o#2ected to my room! and in a few days the hotel1kee)er showed me some #etter rooms$ I had then ascertained which hers were! and )ointed out the room ne;t to them$ %<hat!% said he! %won,t do * it,s large! and has two #eds$% %Oh7 it,s so hot! I want a large room! * show it me$% (e did$ %It,s dou#le )rice$% %9e+er mind!% * and I took it at once$ Luck! thought I$ (er own room was ne;t! and ad2oining it a room in which her two children sle)t$ & half1 go+erness! half1maid who tra+elled with her! was on another floor! * why I don,t know! * )erha)s #ecause the ne;t room to the children,s was a sitting1 room$ My new room had as usual a door communicating with hers$ I listened one or two nights and mornings! and heard the slo))ing of water and rattle of )ots! #ut with difficulty3 and nothing sufficiently to stir my imagination or satisfy my curiosity$ <here were #olts on #oth sides of the doors! and dou#le doors$ I o)ened mine! and tried if hers was fastened$ It was$ .ut I waited my o))ortunity! intending to try to ha+e her! thinking that a woman who had not had a man for months! and might not for some months more! would #e ready for a game of mother and father if she could do so safely$ "he was not +ery #eautiful! #ut was fine! tallish! handsomely formed! with a large #ust! and s)lendid head of hair$ (er com)le;ion had the oli+e tint of some "outherners$ One might almost ha+e su))osed there was a taint of 9egro #lood in her! #ut her features were rather a5uiline and good$ <he face was coldish and stern! the eyes dark and hea+y! the only sensuous feature of her face was a full! large1li))ed mouth! which was #audy in its e;)ression when she laughed$ I guess she was a de+il of a tem)er$ &fter a day or two I ga+e u) all ho)e! for she would not understand dou#le entendres! coldly returned my gras) when I shook hands with her! and ga+e
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no signs of )leasure in my com)any! e;ce)ting when I was )laying with her children$ 4et when she looked into my face when laughing3 there certainly was something in her eye! which made me think that a )air of #alls knocking a#out her #um would delight her$ I used to think much of what a friend of mine! a surgeon in a crack regiment in which I had some friends! used to say! which was this$ %&ll animals are in rut sometimes! so is a woman! e+en the coldest of them$ It,s of no use trying the cold ones! unless they ha+e the tingling in their cunts on them3 then they are more mad for it than others! #ut it doesn,t last$ If you catch a cold woman 2ust when she is on heat! try her3 #ut how to find out their time! I ne+er knew! * they are damned cunning$% "o said the surgeon$ I must ha+e caught Mrs$ O'#'''e on heat I su)1)ose! and it came a#out soon$ 6e went out for some hours on the lake in a #oat$ "he was timid! and when the #oat rocked I held her! s5uee=ed her arm! and my knees went against hers$ &nother time my thigh was close against hers$ I )ut one of her children on to her la)$ <he child sat down on my hand! which was #etween her little #um and her mother,s thighs$ I ke)t my hand there! gradually mo+ing it away! cree)ing it u) higher and higher! and gri))ing the thigh as I mo+ed it towards the #elly! #ut so delicately! as to a+oid of1fence! and I looked her in the face$ %Minnie is hea+y! isn,t she-% I said$ %"he is getting so!% she re)lied! looking with a full eye at mine$ 9ow I felt sure from her look! that she knew I was feeling her thigh$ I had stirred her +olu)tuousness$ <he water got rougher$ %I shall #e sick!% said she$ %6hat7 on such a lake7% %Oh7 I,m a #ad sailor$% Alacing my arm round her for a minute I )ulled her close to me$ It #ecame calm! and lo+ely weather again$ <he water always u)set her! it seemed to stir her u)! she said$ %I,d like to see you stirred u)!% said I$ <hen to a+oid remark I changed sides with a lady! and sat o))osite to Mrs$ F'#'''e$ 6e faced each other! looking at each other$ I )ushed my feet forward! so as to ru# my foot against her ankle$ "he did not remo+e her foot! #ut looked at me$ &rri+ed at ' ' ' we dined! and sat afterwards in the garden$ It grew dusk! and we se)arated into grou)s$ I sat #y her side! and )layed with her children$ One child said! %Alay with me like Aa)a! * )lay with Mamma like Aa)a does$% %"hall I )lay with you like Aa)a-% said I to Mrs$ O'#'''e$ %I,d rather not!% said she$ %I,d #reak an arm to do so!% I re)lied$ %6ould you-% said she$ %Oh7 )ut the children to #ed Margaret!% * and the go+erness with the children and Mrs$ O'#'''e walked off$ I for a minute 2oined my friends smoking! then cut off #y a side1)ath leading to that through which Mrs$ O'#'''e would )ass$ "he had 2ust #id the children good night$ %I shall come u) to see you directly!% said she to them! * and to me! %I thought you were going into town$% %4es I think I,ll make a night of it! * I,m wild$ * I want com)any$% % ine com)any it will #e! I dare say$% %Let me kee) you com)any then$% 9o one was near! I kissed her$ "he took it +ery 5uietly$ %Don,t now! you,ll com)romise me$% It was now 5uite
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dusk$ I kissed her again$ %I,m dying to slee) with you!% I whis)ered$ %4ou mustn,t talk like that! * there now! they will see you!% * then I left her$ I had noticed her ha#its! and knew that usually she went u) to her children soon after they had gone to #ed! so I waited at the foot of the stairs$ "oon she came$ %6hat! you here-% %4es! I,m going to #ed like you$% It was a sultry night! e+ery#ody was out of doors! the hotel ser+ants lolling at o)en windows$ 9o one met us as we went u)stairs$ %6hy that,s not your room! * it,s ne;t to mine$% %4es it is! * I,+e #een listening to you the last two nights$% %Oh7 you sly man! * I thought you were sly$% %Look what a nice room it is!% said I o)ening the door$ <here was a dim light in the corridors! none in my room$ "he looked in! I ga+e her a gentle s5uee=ing )ush! and shut the door on us$ %Don,t shut the door!% said she turning shar)ly round$ I caught and kissed her$ %"to) with me! my darling! now you,re here! * I,m dying for you! * kiss me! do$% %Let me go! * there then! * now let me go! * don,t make a noise! * oh7 if my go+erness should hear me! what would she think7% %"he is not there$% %"ometimes she stays till I go u) to the children! * oh7 don,t now! * you shan,t$% I had her u) against the wall! my arm round her! I was )ressing my hand on her #elly outside her clothes$ "he )ushed my hand away! I stoo)ed and thrust it u) her clothes on to her cunt! and )ulling out my )rick! )ushed her hand on to it$ %Let me! * let,s do it! * I,m dying for you$% %Oh7 for :od,s sake don,t! oh7 no * now! you,ll com)romise me! * hish7 if she should #e listening$% or a moment we talked! she 5uietly struggled! entreating me to desist3 #ut my fingers were well on to her cunt! frigging it$ I don,t recollect more what she said! #ut I got her to the side of the #ed! )ushed her #ack on it! and thrust my )rick u) her$ %Oh7 don,t com)romise me * don,t now$% <hen she fucked 5uietly till she gas)ed out! %Oho * oho!% as a torrent of my s)erm shot into her cunt$ E;ce)ting from the clear light of the night! which came from the sky through the window in the 5uadrangle! the room was in darkness$ I don,t know that my )rick e+er lingered longer u) a woman after fucking and declare that whilst u) her! I told how I had seen her #rushing her hair! and so on$ "he said that I should com)romise her! * and oh7 if she should #e with child! * %what will #ecome of me$% eeling the s)erm oo=ing out o+er my #alls! and my )rick shrinking! I uncunted$ %Oh7 what ha+e you made me do! you #ad man-% said she sitting u)on the side of the #ed$ %Oh7 if they should see me going out of your room! * oh7 if she has #een listening$% I drew down the #lind! and lighted a candle! much against her wish$ "he sat at the edge of the #ed 2ust where she had #een fucked! her clothes still )artly u)$ I listened at the door #etween our two rooms! #ut heard nothing! then told her again how I had watched her from a to)1window! and seen her #reasts
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and arm1)its$ My )rick stiffened at my own tale$ "itting down #y her side! %Let,s do it again my lo+e!% I said! and )ushed my hand u) her clothes$ I shall ne+er forget the feel$ <he whole length of her thighs! as she closed them on my hand felt like a )ot of )aste$ Only a minute,s )leasure! and such a mass of s)erm7 "he re)ulsed me! and stood u)$ I stood u) too3 kissing! coa;ing! insisting! she looking at me! I fingering! )ulling #ackwards and forwards the )re)uce of my )enis$ 9o! she would not$ <hen I threatened to make a noise! if she would not! and swore I would ha+e her again$ "he )romised to let me if I would let her go to her #ed1room first! * she would unlock her side of the two doors! if she could$ "he was not sure if there was a key! * if not she would o)en the door on to the corridor! #ut only at midnight! when the gas was turned out! and few )eo)le a#out$ "he )romised solemnly! and sealed it with a kiss$ %Oh7 for :od,s sake #e 5uiet$% I o)ened the door of my #ed1room! and saw no one in the lo##y$ Out she went! and got into her own room unnoticed$ <hen I o)ened the door to her room from my side$ <here were dou#le doors$ "he seemed to kee) me a long time waiting! though she had scarcely #een in her room fi+e minutes! I stri)1 )ed myself to my shirt! then knocked at the door gently! then louder$ & key turned! the door o)ened$ "he had only gone in to #e sure that the children were in their #ed! and the go+erness not with them$ %Oh7 I ha+e #een so fearful lest she should ha+e #een there!% she said$ <he children were aslee)! she had #olted their door$ %&nd now go to #ed! and let me also! * there is a dear man! and don,t ask anything more of me$% %<o #ed yes! #ut with you$% "he #egged me not! all in a whis)er$ My re)ly was to stri) off my shirt! and stand stark naked with )rick thro##ing! and wagging! and nodding with its si=e! weight! and randiness$ %Only once! one more! and then I will #e content$% %9o$% %<hen damned if I won,t!% said I mo+ing towards her$ %(ush7 my children will hear! * in your room then!% * and she came towards my door$ %Oh7 non1 sense! not with your clothes on! * let us ha+e our full )leasure! * and this hot night too! * take off your things$% Little #y little she did! and stood in her chemise$ I tried all the doors! they were securely fastened! and then I #rought her 5uite into my room$ %Lea+e me alone a minute!% she said$ .ut as randy as if I had not left my s)erm u) her fifteen minutes #efore! I would not! and )ulled her gently toward my #ed! tore the clothes off! so as to lea+e the #ottom sheet only on! and got her on to the #ed$ %Do let me see your cunt$% %9o! * no! * no$% &s I )ulled u) her chemise! down she )ushed it$ %Oh7 no! * I,m sure I shall #e with child!% said she! %and if I am I,d 2ust #est make a hole in the water$% (er #ig #reasts were #are! her thighs o)ened! a gro)e on the s)ermy surface! and then fuck1 ing #egan$ %Oho7% she sighed out loudly again! as she s)ent$

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Off and on until day#reak we fucked$ &fter the second she ga+e herself u) to )leasure$ <he randiest slut 2ust out of a three months 5uodding could not ha+e #een hotter or readier for lewed fun with cunt and #allocks$ I ne+er had a more randy #ed1fellow$ "he did not e+en resist the ins)ection of her cunt! which sur)rised me a little! considering its condition$ Our light #urnt out! our games heated us more and more! the room got o))ressi+e! I sli))ed off her chemise! our naked #odies entwined in all attitudes! and we fucked! and fucked! #athed in sweat! till the sweat and s)erm wetted all o+er the sheet! and we sle)t$ It was #road daylight when we awakened$ I was lying sweating with her #um u) against my #elly! her hair was loose all o+er her! and the #ed$ <hen we se)arated and she fled to her room! carrying her chemise with her$ Oh7 Lord that sheet7 * if ten )eo)le had fucked on it! it could not ha+e #een more soiled$ 6e consulted how #est to hide it from the cham#er1maid! and I did e;actly the same trick as of former days$ (a+e not all men done it I wonderI got a sit=1#ath in my room! which was then not a +ery easy thing to get$ I washed in it! wetted all my towels! then took off the sheet! wetted it nearly all o+er! soiled it! then roughly )ut it together in a hea)! and told the cham#er1 woman I had used the sheet to dry myself with$ "he said! %Very well$% I don,t e;)ect she trou#led herself to undo or ins)ect the wet linen! or thought a#out the matter$ I went to #reakfast at the usual time$ %6here is Mrs$ F'#'''e-% I asked$ <he go+erness a))eared with the children saying the lady had not sle)t owing to the heat$ "he showed u) at the ta#le d,hote dinner$ I a+oided her! knowing I should see her soon afterwards! and said I should go and )lay #illiards! #ut instead! went to my #ed1room and read3 nursing my concu)iscent tool! and imagining coming )leasures$ I heard the children! ha+ing o)ened the door on my side and found that the key of her door was luckily so turned as to lea+e the key1hole clear$ <he doors connecting all the rooms were as is often the case in foreign hotels! o))osite each other! and I could see across into the children,s #ed1room$ <hey were )utting their night1gowns on in their own room$ <hen the go+erness came into her mistress, room and I heard her )issing! #ut could not see her$ <o my great amusement! for the slightest acts of a woman in her )ri+acy gi+e me )lea1sure! she then came forward within range of my )ee)1hole! and was looking into the )ot carefully$ <hen Mrs$ O'#'''e came in and the go+erness left$ Mrs$ O'#'''e went to look at her children and returned! o)ened our doors! and then we )assed another amorous night! taking care to )ut towels under her #um when grinding$ 6e did not want the sheets to #e a witness against us again$ Mrs$ O'#'''e was not u) to the mark! and #egan to talk that sort of #osh that women do! who are funky of conse5uences$ &fter a time she warmed! and
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yielded well to my lu#ricity$ I would see her cunt to #egin with$ It was a )retty cunt! and not what I had e;)ected! large! fat1li))ed! and set in a thicket of #lack hair! from her #um1hole to her na+el3 #ut 5uite a small slit! with a moderate 5uantity of hair on her motte! #ut +ery thick and cris)$ I told her again how I had seen her from the window$ <he recital seemed to render her randier than either feeling my )rick! or my titillation of her 5uim$ <he hair in her arm)its was thicker! I think! than in any woman I e+er had$ (er head1hair was su)er# in its 5uantity$ I made her undo it! and s)read it o+er the #ed! and throw u) her arms! and show her arm)its when I fucked her$ "he was 2uicy1 cunted! and s)ent co)iously3 so did I$ <he heat was fearful$ 6e fucked stark naked again$ Later on she told me that she cared a#out )oking #ut once a month only! and a#out a week #efore her courses came on$ &t other times it annoyed her$ :oing on the water always u)set her stomach! and made her lewed! e+en if in a #oat on a ri+er! and howe+er smooth it was! it u)set her that way$ &t sea it was the same$ It made her firstly feel sick! then giddy! then slee)y! #ut that always two or three hours afterwards! randiness o+ertook her$ &fter a day or two! the lewedness su#sided whether she co)ulated! or frigged! or not$ "he told me this as a sort of e;cuse for ha+ing )ermitted me to s)ermati=e her )ri+ates! the night of her e;cursion on the water with us$ "he was curious a#out my history$ I told her I had women at e+ery town I came to$ "he declared that no other man #ut I and her hus#and had e+er had her$

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Chapter XV 2ranti) )oiton. priapus. &urging and resting. &riapus humbled. Carnal e5er)ises resumed. 1he governess. peep through a *ey# hole. +athing. 1he a%ter#%rig. My politeness. 1he sil* mantle. 1ravelling resumed. 1he new hotel. 2elt, and all but. 7nprodu)tive seed. thin partition. S)ared by a laugh. 7nsu))ess%ul. 1he mantle given. Still no su))ess. I leave. On the third night which I had her! she had undressed to her chemise! and had lifted one leg to )ull off her #oot$ It was a small foot! and a fine! fat leg$ & letch to ha+e her with her #oots and stockings on struck me$ "he was now com)laisant in e+erything$ and I fucked her thus at the side of the #ed! and then with her #um towards me I had her again$ "he was tired! and )rayed me to desist$ I felt tired! #ut so heated! and irritated in my )ri+ates! and so furiously lewed! that though my sense told me I had done enough! my )rick refused to #e 5uiet! and ke)t standing$ It was still fearfully hot$ I had #een a#stinent from women for some time! until I had seen Mrs$ O'#'''e,s arm)its! and had since #een idling! eating! drinking! smoking! and thinking! almost dreaming! of nothing #ut #audy things and of fucking her$ &t last I let her go to her own #ed! and laid down outside my own$ My )rick had come out of her stiffish! and soon got as hard as iron! and ke)t so till I could #ear it no longer! and went into her room$ "he was aslee)! and outside her #ed with her #oots and stockings on still$ "he had laid down fatigued! and fell aslee) thus$ I think I see her now as I )ulled u) her chemise! and felt her still wet cunt$ I made her angry! #ut she came to my #ed$ &gain my )ego )ushed u) her$ 9ow she had said! %Oh7 I,m so tired! * )ray let me go$% %I will my darling after this$% Oh7 I,m s)ending again!% she almost shrieked! and so did I$ <hen I let her go$ I tell all this with minuteness! for the circumstances were so e;ce)tional! that they are im)ressed on my memory in the minutest detail$ I fell aslee) and awakened with )rick harder than e+er! heard her snoring! and not liking to distur# her! )issed! thinking that that might reduce my concu)iscent machine to a wagging si=e$ It did not! and thinking a#out her #um! arm)its! and all her charms! I got furious$ My )rick had none of the soft +olu)tuous sensation in it! which comes from s)erm1charged #alls! #ut ached from its roots to my arse1hole3 yet the ti) was sensiti+e to )leasure$ ?u##ing my finger on it made it thro#! and my whole #ody 5ui+er! though I had none of the inci)ient )leasure of a s)end$ I awakened her$ 9o I should not do it any more$ .ut I threw myself on to her! and fingered her cunt with )assion$ (er thighs o)ened again! and I dro+e u) her with +iolence and #audy e2aculations! for my #rain seemed on fire$ %Oh7
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)ray! * oh7 if the children should awake$% %8ome to my room then$% I uncunted! and she came$ ?am! ram! ram$ %Oh7 I,m doing it!% she cried! #ut it took me a mile of sho+ing to s)end$ "he s)ent twice #efore I did! and when I uncunted my )rick was still stiff$ I would not let her lea+e! #ut lay fondling her /almost sticking together in our sweat0! and making her feel my iron1#ound )rick till I mounted her again$ %Oh7 what a man! * you,re hurting! * why it,s stiff still! * don,t )ush u) so hard! * I feel as if my wom# was falling! * oh7 I,m s)ending! * oh7 you,ll kill me! don,t! * lea+e off$% &t daylight I was still feeling her cunt! kissing! and )ushing my )rick u) her! almost as soon as I had uncunted$ <hen she refused angrily to let me do it any more! * and no wonder! #ut I held her to me$ 9ow I could not s)end at all! yet had )leasure in the fucking$ "he on the contrary s)ent 5uicker! and 5uicker! had got inflamed and e;cited #oth in mind and cunt$ "he ke)t #egging me to sto) after each of her s)ends! and saying I should kill her$ &t the last s)end she ga+e a scream! and #egan to so#! uncunting my )enis #y a +iolent 2erk! and there was #lood on it$ I think some of it was mine$ (ow often I s)ent that night I ne+er could tell$ I was fucking for a#out eight hours! off and on almost without sto))ing$ <hen I sle)t! and when I awoke! had still a )rick stiff! #ut it was aching fearfully$ "he had locked herself in! ne+er answered my whis)ered calls! nor my discreet ra)s! and did not a))ear that day$ "he was ill$ I looked a scarecrow! and told a man of our )arty that I had #een at a #audy house all night$ My )rick all day ke)t standing at inter+als$ "eeing in the afternoon the go+erness take out the children for a walk! I went to my room! saw Mrs$ O'#'''e! and )romised not to e;act anything that night3 #ut at #ed1time insisted on )lugging her cunt again$ "he said I was a #rute! that I only cared a#out my own )leasure! and refused me )ositi+ely! entreating me not to make a noise and com)romise her! #ut I fucked her till she screamed! and so did I! with mi;ed )ain and )leasure7 My stiffness without much desire! still continued and much annoyed me$ "uch a co)ulati+e fury had ne+er occurred to me #efore$ &t last I #egan to think that there was some ailment coming on$ I heard of such things! of men going mad through it! and got alarmed$ <hen I frigged! ho)ing to reduce it! and after immense trou#le got a )leasure! #ut so mi;ed with )ain that I groaned$ I could scarcely see any s)erm! felt #urning hot all o+er me! my mouth was )arched! I was trem#ling! and thought I had #etter see a doctor$ I carried medicine in my trunk! took a +iolent dose! in a few hours nearly shit my guts out! then took more medicine! and laid a #ed! all day! eat nothing! and my )rick gradually #ecame tran5uil$ Mrs$ O'#'''e,s cunt was mul#erry in colour! my )re)uce was raw! we rested from our amatory la#ours for se+eral days! #ut we talked a#out it a great deal$

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<hen #oth with re1in+igorated )ri+ates! we fucked! and co+ered again some towels with s)erm$ "he was sure she was in the family way$ &gain I got sym)toms of a )ria)us! and wore her out #y ramming! and making her s)end$ &t last she s)ent thrice #efore I did! I felt a )eculiar wetness on my )rick! )ulled it out! it was co+ered with her courses$ %<hank :od!% said she$ <hen I had a weakness which I thought was cla)$ It was nothing #ut the result of o+er1fucking$ "he got her courses o+er! and refused to let me ha+e her again$ My gleet cured itself #y 5uietness and careful li+ing$ 6e ke)t as secret as we could that my room was ne;t to hers$ 6e always looked into the corridor #efore lea+ing or entering our rooms! and ne+er did so at the same time$ "he had s)ecial fear of the go+erness finding her out$ I thought that she need ha+e no fear on that head$ .ut one ne+er knows$ One e+ening she said to the go+erness! %:i+e the children their #ath 2ust warm$% <he girls had a #ath once or twice a week! #efore going to #ed$ Instinct which has always hel)ed me so in these affairs! made me go directly afterwards to my #ed1room$ Instinct was right$ <he #ath was in front of the key1hole in Mrs$ O'#'''e,s room$ I saw the girls washed! could 2ust see where their little hairless s)lits #egan /it was daylight still0! and then oh7 luck7 <he go+erness! a dark1eyed! short young woman a#out twenty1four years of age! an &merican! ga+e herself a #ath! and soa)ed and ru##ed herself from the na)e of her neck to her toes$ "he ru#1#ed her cunt dry in a most irritating! cock1stiffening manner! within two yards of my eye! and then dressed herself again! and sat down on a chair$ "carcely had she seated herself! than she #egan to )ull u) her clothes in all manner of ways! as if hunting for a flea3 then got a #ook! and turning her #ack to the light #egan reading! kee)ing her right hand u) her )etticoats$ <hen she went and )ulled down the #lind$ "he lighted candles! and sat down reading again! nearly facing me$ (er hand after a while went u) her )etticoats on to her 5uim! and mo+ed gently$ "he )ut the #ook on a little mo+a#le ta#le! one of her legs on the edge of the #ath! the other on the floor! and )ulled her )etticoats a little u) to ease her hand! showing her legs a little a#o+e her knees /she had not )ut stockings on after the #ath0$ <hen her legs o)ened wide! her hand mo+ed! she frigged hard and 5uick! I saw the shake of it! her legs 5ui+er! stretch o)en then close! her #um wriggle! her legs o)en! her head fall on one side and her eyes close$ (er hand then a))eared from under her clothes and hung lifelessly o+er her )etticoats! which fell down! and so she sat for a minute as if aslee)$ <hen she )ut her hand under her )etticoats! withdrew it! looked at it! washed it in the #ath! and mo+ed away$ <hen I heard her )issing$ <hen the cham#er1maid a))eared! and took away the #ath$ 6hen doing so Mrs$ O'#'''e came in and asked why the #ath was still there! and if the children were aslee)$ I closed my door! and sli))ed downstairs! not desirous of ha+ing it known that I had #een in my #ed1room$
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It was a delightful sight$ 9othing gi+es me more )leasure than seeing a woman dress and undress! wash! )iddle! and do all she wants! not thinking any one is looking at her$ I,m not sure that it is not as e;citing as the #audiest sights a woman can gi+e a man$ <hree women! * chaste women! * ha+e I seen frigging them1sel+es! when they could not ha+e thought they were o#ser+ed! and the sights will ne+er fade from my memory$ I ha+e seen and heard full twenty chaste women dress! undress! wash! #rush! )iddle! without their knowing I did so$ Later that night I had Mrs$ O'#'''e and fucked her thinking of the go+erness$ (ow strange it seems that when my genitals ha+e #een in a woman! and the s)erm rising to moisten her cunt! I ha+e at times thought of some other woman! and co)ulation with them$ Mrs$ O'#'''e and I did not allude to our married conditions$ One e+ening laying face to face! kissing! I fingering her clitoris! she holding my )rick! I )ut a 5ues1 tion$ "he said no! her hus#and,s )rick was not 5uite as large as mine! +ery nearly she thought! and then! %Oh7 don,t let us talk a#out such things!% * and we ne+er as far as I can recollect referred again to similar su#2ect$ (er first night with me seemed the highest de+elo)ment of randiness and sensuous en2oyment I e+er witnessed in a woman! who was what may #e called chaste$ (er long a#stinence from a doodle! the effect on her )hysical organi=ation of the rocking of the #oat! and my stimulating words acting u)on her mind caused it$ "he seemed almost mad with )leasure$ 6hen fucking! her sighs were continuous! though she was 5uiet in tongue! until the crisis came on$ <he co)ious discharges she made were like a flood! #ut it was that night alone! after1wards she was different$ <owards the end of our ac5uaintance! she said she was worn out! and did not care a#out it$ "he was a strong1scented woman$ 6hen she got hot! a sort of #audy! cunty! sweaty e;halation e+ol+ed from her$ I shall always think it was that among other things! which got me such an attack of stiff1standing! and that the aroma of her #ody e;cited me! though it somewhat offended me$ I had #een at the Lake hotel some weeks! and the )arty were a#out to mo+e off$ I was going in the same direction! #ut e;)ected a friend to meet me! and they left a day #efore I did$ <he last night I #egged her to let me ha+e her and she consented under a solemn )romise not to s)end in her$ I always lo+ed to s)end hard home! #ut ke)t my word! and s)ent outside her cunt! )ulling out my )rick 2ust when the e2aculation of s)erm #egan! and letting it fall on to her #uttocks$ <hen we )arted$ "he said if e+er we met again we must try to forget what we had #een to each other! and that I was to #lame more than she was$ 6e saw each other two days afterwards! #ut I ne+er had her again! and she did not go to Aaris at 8hristmas$ I did! and heard she had gone #ack to &merica$

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rom the night I saw the go+erness frig herself! I lusted for her$ <alking a#out her to one of the )arty! he told me he thought she knew the feel of si; inches of stiff u) her3 #ut I got no more out of him$ I met her walking in the town! and looking at a mantle in a sho)1window! and asked her if she were going to #uy it$ %Oh7 no I can,t afford it! though it would suit me$% %I,ll gi+e it you if you will let me * % %Let you what-% (er eyes met mine$ %Let me #ring it to you some e+ening when they are all a #ed$% "he shook her head! and walked away$ I #ought the mantle! and took it to the hotel$ I took it with me three days afterwards to the town of ' ' '$ <here we were all again together at the same hotel$ "he was not far off from Mrs$ O'#'''e,s room this time$ I got a #ed1room as near to hers as I could! #ut was #othered #ecause my friend with whom I was going to tra+el had a #ed1room +ery near to mine$ I told her I had #ought her the mantle$ 9o she would not take it! nor let me take it to her! Mrs$ O'#'''e would ask her where she #ought it! would won1 der how she could afford it$ ")ite of all her o#2ections I knocked at her door one e+ening 2ust #efore she could ha+e undressed! and after Mrs$ O'#'''e had gone to #ed! %only to show it to you$% I saw her! and got into the room$ <here was as occasionally ha))ens! no door #etween hers and the ad2oining rooms! #ut the )artitions were so thin that you could hear through them easily any one cough! snore! or fart$ I #egged and #esought her to feel me! to let me feel her$ I threatened to make a noise and com)romise her$ "he did not want the mantle! if she was to #e ruined and insulted for it! * she had not asked me for it! which was true enough$ .ut little #y little we kissed! I )ulled u) her clothes! saw her thighs! and got the smell of her cunt on my finger3 #ut she would not let me do it! though she felt my )rick$ %Oh7 do lea+e me! * I,ll do anything #ut let you do that! * I mustn,t! * if Mrs$ O'#'''e found anything out! I should #e ruined and turned off in a strange land$% &nd in the midst of this I s)ent whilst her hand was round my )rick! one of mine on her thighs! and I was +ainly trying to )ush her on to the #ed$ <hen I desisted$ 6ith her hand co+ered with s)erm she stood looking at it! and at me! and saying! %Do go$% I tried for another hour I su))ose! and was a#out to con5uer! had got her on the #ed! and was 2ust getting on myself! when we heard a loud #urst of laughter in the ad2oining room$ <hat disconcerted us #oth! for it seemed as if they were laughing at us! and she 2um)ed u) in terror$ "he reco+ered herself! when we heard the talking and laughing continuing! #ut it had s)oiled my chance! though I tried for hours afterwards$ <hen angrily lea+ing her! I left her the mantle3 #ut the ne;t morning I asked her for it! which was mean$ "he sent it into my room$ I felt a little ashamed of myself for taking it$ I ne+er got into her room again! so I amused myself #y talking the hottest and lewedest I could to her! for the three or four days I remained there3 )rinci)ally asking whether she would like any of my s)erm on to her cunt and if she had frigged when I had left the room$ "he took it +ery 5uietly!
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#ut used to colour u) and look randy$ <hen I was o#liged to lea+e! so I sent the mantle to her with a note saying it was hers! and de)arted without ha+ing fucked her! nor do I know whether a )enis had e+er )ro#ed her or not! #ut I think that had I remained longer! I should ha+e found that out$ & woman who has had a man,s s)erm on her fingers must feel yielding afterwards$

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Chapter XVI t the town o% '''n'n. t the railway. 1he station rebuilding. 4iarrhoea. 1he )loset#attendant. 1he temporary shed. Ladies( )losets. peep#hole. .omen on the seat. &easants. &iddlers outside. t the peep#hole again. Onanism. male intruder. 1he letter#bo5. n in%antine pudenda. n impatient male. 1he soiled seat. Sisters. su))ession o% ba)*sides. 1he %emale attendant. +ribed and *issed. Her husband(s o))upation. 0e5t day. 1he peep# hole plugged. 1wo young peasants. &rivate inspe)tions. <hen I saw a sight that I ne+er wish to see again! for though it was e;citing! it was nasty! and for some time afterwards came offensi+ely into my mind! e+en in my most +olu)tuous moments with women3 destroying the sense of their #eauty! and what of romance there is in the con2unction of cunt and )rick$ (owe+er my mind came round to its right #alance at last$ I was at &'''n'n in the south of rance! and went u) with my luggage to the station which was #eing re1#uilt$ & #ranch1line had #een o)ened the day #efore! and all was a chaos of #rick! mortar! and scaffolding$ <he water1 closets were tem)orarily run u) in wood! in a +ery rough manner$ & train had 2ust #rought in many )assengers$ I was taken with +iolent #elly1ache! and ran to the closets$ <hey were full$ earing of shitting my1self I rushed to the women,s which were ad2oining the men,s$ %9on! non Monsieur!% screamed out the woman in charge! %c,est )our les dames$% I would ha+e gone in s)ite of her! #ut they were also full$ oul myself I must$ %Oh7 woman I am so ill! * here is a franc! show me somewhere for :od,s sake$% %8ome here!% said she! and going round to the #ack of the wooden structure! she o)ened the door of a shed$ On the door was written! %8ontrol! )ri+ate! you don,t enter here$% In I went ra)idly$ %"hut the door 5uite close!% said she! %when you come out$% It had #een locked$ I saw a half1cu)#oard! and 2ust in time to sa+e my trousers made my1self easy on a seat with a hole in it$ It was a long com)artment of the wooden shed and running at the #ack of se+eral )ri+ies$ 9o light was )ro+ided for it! e;ce)ting #y a few round holes )ierced here and there in the sides3 #ut light came also at )laces through 2oints of the woodwork roughly and tem)orarily )ut together$ <here were chests! furniture! forms! ca#inets! lam)s! and shel+es and odds and ends of all sorts in the shed! seemingly )laced there till the new station was finished$ <he )ri+y seat on which I sat was at one end$ <he )ri+y enclosure had no door! and looking a#out when my #elly1ache had su#sided! and I could think of something else! I heard on my right! rustlings! and footste)s! as of females mo+ing! and a female +oice say! %Make haste$% <hen doors #anged and o)ened! and 2ust #eyond my knee I saw a round hole in the wood1work through which a strong light came into my dark shed$ Off I got in a trice! and
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kneeling down looked$ It was a hole through which I could ha+e )ut my middle1finger! a knot in the wood had fallen or #een forced out! in the #oarding which formed the #ack of one of the women,s closets! and 2ust a#o+e the )ri+y1seat$ 6hat a sight met my eyes as I looked through it7 & large #rown turd descending and as it dro))ed disclosing a thickly haired cunt stretched out wide #etween a fat )air of thighs and great round #uttocks! of which I could see the whole$ & fart followed! and a stream of )iddle as thick as my finger s)lashed down the )ri+y1hole$ It was a woman with her feet on the seat after the rench fashion! and s5uatting down o+er the hole$ (er anus o)ened and contracted two or three times! another fart came! her )etticoats dro))ed a little down in front! she )ulled them u)! then u) she got! and I saw from her heels to a#o+e her knees as she stood on the )ri+y1seat! one foot on each side of the hole$ Off the seat then she got! )uffing her )etticoats tightly a#out her! and holding them so$ <hen she )ut one leg on to the seat! and wi)ed her #um with two or three )ieces of )a)er which she held in one hand! taking them one #y one from it with the other! wi)ing from the anus towards her cunt! and throwing each )iece down the hole as she had done with it$ <hen looking at her )etticoats to see if she had smirched them! she let them fall! ga+e them a shake! and de)arted$ "he was a fine dark woman of a#out thirty! well dressed! with clean linen! and e+erything nice! though not looking like a lady$ <he closets it must #e added! had sky1lights and large o)enings 2ust a#o+e the doors for +entilation! so they were )erfectly light$ <he sun was shining! and I saw )lainly her cunt from #ack to front! her s)hincter muscle tightening and o)ening! 2ust as if she had arranged herself for me to see it$ I recollect com)aring it in my mind to those of horses! as I ha+e seen many a time! and e+ery other )erson must ha+e seen! tightening 2ust after the animals ha+e e+acuated$ <he sight of the cunt! her fine lim#s! and )lum) #uttocks made my cock stiff! #ut my #owels worked again$ I resumed my seat! and had no sooner done so than I heard a door #ang$ Down on my knees I went! with eye to )ee)1hole$ &nother woman was fastening the closet door$ It was a long com)artment$ 6hen near the door! I could see the women from head nearly to their ankles3 when 5uite near the seat I could not see their heads! nor their knees which were hidden #y the line of the seat3 #ut I saw all #etween those )arts$ It was a )easant1girl seemingly a#out twenty years old! tall! strong and dark like the other$ "he took some )a)er out of her )ocket! then )uffing her )etticoats well u)! I saw the front of her thighs and had a momentary glim)se of the motte$ "he turned round! mounted the seat! and s5uatted$ "he then drew u) her )etticoats #ehind tighter! and I saw #uttocks! turds and )iddle$ "he did not lift u) her )etticoats 5uite so much in front! yet so light was it that the ga)ing cunt and the stream were 5uite +isi#le$ "he wi)ed her #um as she sat! then off she went! lea+ing me delighted with her cunt! and annoyed at seeing what was #ehind it$
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<hen I found from looking around and listening! that there were se+eral women,s closets at the #ack of all of which the shed ran$ It was a long #uilding with one roof! and the closets were taken out of it$ <hrough the chinks of the #oards of one closet I could see the women enter! and lea+e! could hear them )iss! and what they said in all of them3 #ut in the one only could I see all their o)erations$ I ke)t mo+ing from one to the other as I heard their mo+ements! their grunts! and their talk! #ut always to the )ee)1hole when there was anything to see! * and there was )lenty$ I had now missed my train! the two women I e;)ect must ha+e gone off #y it! and for 5uite an hour the closets were all em)ty$ I #egan to think there was no chance of seeing more unless I stayed longer than an hour when I knew an e;)ress train arri+ed$ I resol+ed to wait for that! wondering if any one would come into my shed for any )ur)ose! #ut no one came in$ I had eased myself! and co+ered u) the seat3 #ut a strong stink )er+aded the )lace! which I #ore resolutely! ho)ing to see more female nakedness$ <here had #een a market at &'''n'n that morning$ "ome of the farm1)eo)le had come #y the train for the first time! the 2unction railway only ha+ing 2ust #een o)ened$ I had heard them say so on the )latform #efore I was taken short$ (earing +oices 2ust outside my shed! I cautiously o)ened the door a2ar and )ee)ed$ :rou)s of market )eo)le had arri+ed! and were standing outside the station! mostly women with #askets$ <he ea+es of the shed1roof )ro2ecting much! ga+e a little shade from the sun! and they were standing u) against it$ <hat told me there would #e another train soon3 so I shut the door$ In a few minutes close to my door I heard two female +oices$ %I want to do caca!% said one of them /in rench of course0$ %<hey charge you a )enny!% said the other$ %I won,t )ay a )enny! * we shall #e home in twel+e minutes when the train starts$% %I shall )iss!% said one in #road rench$ "he was close u) against the s)ot where I stood! a #oard only #etween us$ I heard a s)lash! then two s)lashes together$ I o)ened the door a2ar again! and )ee)ed$ <hey were #oth standing u)1right! #ut )issing$ .oth laughed$ %I must do it some1where!% said one$ %:o o+er there then! * they won,t see you$% %9o I,ll go to the woman! and say I ha+en,t any money when I come out$% <he ne;t minute she came into the )ri+y with the )ee)1hole$ On my knees I went! and saw the o)eration com)lete$ "uch a nice little girl$ "he sat some minutes after she had dro))ed her wa;! )ulling her )etticoats well u) from time to time$ I had such gloat o+er her cunt$ Once or twice she )ut her hand under! and felt it$ ")ite of my diarrhoea! my )rick got so stiff! and I was so randy! that with my eye to the hole and ga=ing on her round #um and ga)ing cunt! I frigged myself$ My s)erm fell on the )artition in front of me$ I sat looking at it! when I was shitting again$ <he girl went #ack to her com)anion #y the shed! and said she had #een o#liged to )ay! and it was a shame$ I o)ened the door! feeling as if I must see the girl,s face again$ <hey saw me$ %<here,s some one in there!% said one! and they mo+ed away$
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&fter that the woman in charge wi)ed the )ri+y1seat! which I su))ose was dirty$ <hen two or three women came in$ Old! and dirty were one or two of them! who sat on it English fashion$ I saw their skinny #uttocks! and the #ack1 +iew of their cunts$ It sickened me! for they all of them shit! which re+olted me$ 4et the fascination of the cunt made me look at all of them$ * I could not hel) it$ One woman had her courses on! and mo+ed aside a rag to do her needs! * that nearly made me +omit$ <hat woman s5uatted on the seat$ or a 5uarter of an hour or so no one came$ & trum)et! a railway1#ell! and a hu##u#! then told me the e;1 )ress train was coming in$ <hen was hurry! and confusion! a 2a##er of tongues in many languages$ &ll the closet1doors #anged at once! and I heard the +oices of my country1women$ Auffing her clothes u) to her hi)s a fine young English woman turned her #um on to the seat$ It came out of a )air of drawers! which hid nearly her #uttocks$ &s she sat down her hand eased her drawers away from her cunt$ ")lash! trum)! and all was o+er$ <he hair of her cunt was lightish$ "he was gone$ &nother came who s)oke to her in English! and without a moment,s delay )issed! and off she went$ <hen a lady entered$ &s she closed the door I saw a man trying to enter$ "he )ushed him out saying in su))ressed +oice! %Oh7 for :od,s sake are you mad* he can see from the carriage1window$% %9ot there sir!% I heard the woman in charge cry out$ <he door was shut! and #olted$ <he lady! young and handsome! stood 5uite still! facing the seat! as if o+ercome with an;iety3 then feeling in her )ocket! took out some letters! and selecting some! tore them in half! and threw them down the )ri+y$ <hat done she daintly wi)ed round the seat with a )iece of )a)er! lifted u) handsome laced )etticoats! and turning her rum) towards the seat daintily sat down$ "he had no drawers on$ "he must ha+e fancied something! for she rose again directly! and holding her clothes half1way u) her thighs looked carefully at the seat$ <hen she mounted it! #ut as if she scarcely knew how to do it! stum#led and #ungled$ "he stood u)right on it for an instant! and then I could only see half1way u) her legs$ &t length the #um slowly descended! her )etticoats u)! and ad2usted so as to a+oid all chance of contamination$ I saw the )iss descending! #ut she was sitting too for1ward! and the )iss fell s)lashing o+er the edge of the seat$ "he wriggled #ack o)ening her legs wider! and a )retty cunt with dark hair u) to her #um1hole showed$ My cock stood again$ "he 2um)ed off the seat! looked down the )ri+y! ga+e her clothes a tuck #etween her thighs! and went off$ <hen came others! mostly English! )issing in haste! and lea+ing! and #um after #um I saw$ <hen came a woman with a little girl$ "he was not English! she mounted the seat! and cacked$ 6hilst doing so she told the child to %)i1)i #C#e% on the floor! which she did not$ 6hen she had finished she wi)ed her arse1hole with her finger! * how she cleaned the finger I didn,t see$ "he then
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took u) her child! held her u) o+er the seat with her clothes u) to her waist! her cunt towards me! and made her )iss$ <he tiny stream s)lashed on the seat! and against the hole through which I was looking * a dro) hit me on the eye$ (ow funny the hairless little s)lit looked to me$ <o think that her little s)lit might one day #e surrounded with #lack hair like her mother,s! and ha+e se+en inches of stiff )rick u) it7 (er mother,s hair was #lack! and she had a moustache$ &gain a row$ %9ot there Monsieur! * l,autre cote$% %It,s full :od damn it! * I am not going to shit my1self!% said a man in English$ %Vous ne )ou+e= )as enter!% * #ut he would$ & #ig Englishman * a common man * )ushed the woman in charge aside! and #olted the door muttering$ %Damned fool! * does she think I,m going to shit myself7% (e tore down his trowsers! and I mo+ed away! #ut heard him let fly #efore he had sat on the seat /he had the s5uitters0! and muttering to himself! he #uttoned u) and left$ I heard him wrangling with the woman in charge$ Instantly two young ladies entered! * sisters seemingly! and English! * nice fresh1looking girls! #oth 5uite fair$ One )ulled u) her clothes$ %Oh7 I can,t sit down! * what a #eastly )lace! * what #easts those rench are!% said she! * %dirty #easts! * call the woman! Emily$% Emily looked outside$ %I can,t see her! * make haste! or the train will #e lea+ing$% I can,t sit down$% %:et on the seat as those dirty rench do! and I,ll hold your )etticoats u)$ <ake care now! * take care$% %I shall get my feet in it!% said she$ %9o you won,t$% "he stood fronting me! and )ulling u) her )etticoats till they looked as if tied round her waist in a #undle! showing e+ery )art from her motte! to her knees! /my eye 2ust at the le+el of her #um0! and saying! %Don,t look and laugh% * #ut laughing herself! she got on the seat$ & )rettily1made creature! not stout! nor thin! with a cunt co+ered with light1#rown hair$ "he s5uatted$ I saw the #um1hole mo+ing$ %I can,t do it like this!% she cried! %with all this nastiness a#out me! * are my clothes falling down-% %9o! * make haste! * you won,t ha+e another o))ortunity for two hours$% Out and in went the anus again! the )retty fair1haired 5uim was ga)ing! the )iddle #egan to fall$ "he wanted to )iddle #adly enough$ I said aloud in my e;citement at seeing her #eauty! %8unt! cunt$% <he girl got u)right! I could now only see half her legs$ %(ish7 did you hear-% said she$ .oth were silent$ %It must #e the woman in the ne;t )lace$% It sounded like a man$% <hen she s)oke in a whis)er$ %9o it can,t #e$% "he s5uatted again laughing$ %It,s no one$% (er e+acuations dro))ed and off she got$ %4ou go! Mary!% said the other$ %I only want to )ee! and I,ll do it on the floor$% %<he dirty creatures! why don,t they kee) the )lace clean-% "5uatting I watched her face$ It was all I could see then! and su))ose she )issed$ I only saw her hitch u) her clothes! #ut nothing more$
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<hen the closet1woman came! and wi)ed the seat grum#ling! women o)ened the door whilst she was doing so! then others came in! and for half an hour or so! I saw a succession of #uttocks! fat and thin! clean and dirty! and cunts of all colours$ I ha+e told of all worth noting$ <he train went off! and all was 5uiet$ I had again diarrhoea! and what with e+acuating! the #elly1ache! and frigging e;citement! felt so fatigued that I was going away$ &s I o)ened the door the woman was 2ust )utting the key in$ "he started #ack as she saw me$ %&re you ill-% she said$ %4es$% %6hat a time you ha+e staid! * why did you not go-% <hen all at once! as if sus)ecting something! she #egan looking at the #acks of the women,s closets! and found the hole! and looking half smiling! half angry! %4ou made that!% said she$ %9o$% %4es you did$% I declared I had not$ %&h7 mechant! * mechant!% said she /looking through the hole0! and something a#out the chef de la gare$ %4ou ha+e #een )ee)ing through$% %8ertainly$% I was so e;cited! so full of the ad+enture! that I had #een #ursting to tell some one! and talk the incident o+er$ "o in discreet words I told her a#out the man! and the woman! and her letters! and other incidents! till she was amused! and laughed$ <hen s)ite of my illness my lust got strong as I looked at her! for she had a cunt$ "he was a coarse sun1tanned! #ut fine stout sort of tall )easant woman a#out thirty1fi+e years old$ "o I told her of the )retty little s)lits! and nice #ums I had seen! all in select language$ &nd I so longed! Ma1dame$ %Oh7 if I had had them in here$% %&h7 no dou#t$% %Or if you had #een here! for I wished for you$% % or me- * ah7 ah7% * and she sla))ed #oth her thighs and laughed$ %Mais 2e suis mariee! moi! * &h7 mechant! * mechant$% %(ere is another fi+e francs! #ut I must ha+e a kiss$% "he ga+e it seemingly much flattered$ I said I should come the ne;t day$ %&h7 non7% she must tell the 8hef! it was her duty! * it would #e useless if I came for that hole$ 6e talked on$ "he was the wife of a workman who it seems tra+elled u) and down the line almost continually with officers of the railway! and only came home a#out once a week! or ten days$ "he had no children$ 6hilst talking my diarrhoea came on$ My )a)er was gone! she )roduced some from her )ocket! and sim)ly turned her #ack whilst I eased myself /the enclosure had no door0! as if it was the most natural thing in the world$ inally after saying that she would not dare to let me in the ne;t day! yet on a )romise of ten francs she said she would! and +olunteered the information that #y an early train many other farmers, wi+es would )ro#a#ly arri+e for the market! that many would come #y the line 2ust o)ened$ "he must re)ort the hole to the 8hef! * it might cost her her )lace if she did not! and it would #e sto))ed$ I kissed her again! and whis)ered in her ear! %I wish I had seen you sitting! and that you had come in here afterwards$% %&h7 mon Dieu 5ue +ous etes mechant!% she re)lied laugh1 ing! and looking lewedly in my eyes * and I went off$ I had #een there hours$

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I took my luggage #ack to the hotel! eat! got refreshed! went early to #ed! awakened 5uite light and well! and got early to the station$ "he was awaiting me and directly I a))roached! took no notice of me! #ut o)ened the door! looked in! closed it and walked away$ I guessed what the game was! loitered a#out till no one was on that side! then sli))ed into the shed! the door of which she had left a2ar$ "oon after in she came! and ga+e me the key$ %9o one is likely to come!% said she$ %It,s only the 8hef and "ous18hef whom the seat was made for! and now they ha+e new closets on the other side of the railway3 #ut if they should! say that you saw the door o)en! and wanting the ca#inet used it$% <hen off she went! #ut not till I had kissed her! and asked her to go and sit on the women,s seat$ I found the )ee)1hole )lugged u)! and could not )ush the )lug out$ I hesitated! fearing to make a noise3 #ut hearing a woman there! my desire to see cunt o+ercame all scru)les$ 6ith my )enknife I )ointed a )iece of wood! a))lied it to the )lug! and taking off my #oot to lessen the noise! hit it hard with the heel! and at length out tum#led the )lug$ I e;)ect it fell down the seat1hole$ <wo well1to1do rench )easants came in$ One got on to the seat! and to my annoyance shit and farted loudly! #oth talking whilst stercoratious #usiness was going on! as if they had #een eating their dinner to1gether$ "he had huge fla))ers to her cunt! * an ugly sight$ <he ne;t )issed only! and I was rewarded #y a sight of a full1fledged one! and a handsome #ackside$ One had a #asket of something for the market which they discussed$ One said they must gi+e the caretaker a half)enny! and they e+idently thought that a great grie+ance$ 6hat had they #een in the ha#it of doing in such necessities )re+iously I wonder$ One said she would take care not to )ay it again$ <he closet accommodation at railways in rance was at that time of a +ery rough )rimiti+e kind! seats had not long #een introduced$ or half an hour all the women were of that class! many 5uite middle1aged$ More women came into that )ri+y! than into the others I could hear$ /I had gi+en the kee)er the ten francs0$ <hey were mostly full1grown! and had thickly dark1haired cunts$ &lmost all the women mounted the seats! some )issed o+er the seat as they s5uatted$ I was tired of seeing full1grown cunts! disliked seeing the coarser dro))ings! and left the )ee)1hole weary! #ut the cunts took me #ack there$ <wo sweet1looking )easant girls came in together! they must ha+e #een a#out fourteen of fifteen years old only! and #oth had slight dark hair on their cunts$ 6hen they had eased themsel+es they stood and talked$ One )ulled her )etticoats u) to her na+el! the other stoo)ed and looked at her cunt! and seemed to o)en it! then the other did similarly$ <hey s)oke in such low tone! and in )atois! that I did no undersand a word they said$ .oh girls wore silk handkerchiefs on their heads! had dark #lue stockings and white chemises$ <hey were #eautifully formed little wenches! and I longed for them with intense randiness! #ut re1strained myself from frigging! determining to find a
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woman somewhere to fuck! and I felt again an o+erwhelming desire to tell some woman of the sights I was witnessing$ I missed a good deal of the talk when women were together! owing at times to noise in the station3 yet the women who came #y e;)ress trains talked +ery loudly! nearly always$ <hey seemed in a scuffle of e;citement! ran in! eased themsel+es! and ran out 5uickly3 and if two together! s)oke as if they had not the slightest sus)icion of #eing o+erheard$ H<ra+ellers were not so cautious or )articular as they now are$I

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Chapter XVII 1he lady(s drawers. .eary o% peeping. .ith the )loset#*eeper. She )onsents. 1he mail#train in. rush %or the )losets. &iddlers in su))ession. 1he *nowing one. mother and daughters. 1he )loset# *eeper again. Connubial habits. n ugly ba)*side. 1wo meri)ans. 1he )loset#*eeper(s an5iety. In the woods. :C(est une sale putain.: &unished %or peeping. 7npleasant reminis)en)es. young lady re)ogni3ed. 9o one had yet noticed the )ee)1hole! though so large$ <he women seemed mostly in a hurry! )ulled u) their )etticoats! and turned their rum)s to the seat directly they had shut the door$ &t length a s)lendid! #ig! middle1aged woman came in! and was most careful in #olting the door! then turning round towards the seat! she lifted her clothes right u)! and #egan feeling round her waist$ I wondered what she was at$ "he was unloosing her drawers$ "he was dressed in silk! had silk stockings on! and lace1edged drawers Hdrawers were only then 2ust #eginning to #e worn #y ladiesI$ Aee)ing out from #etween the drawers e+ery now and then was the flesh! #ut nothing more suggesting what was #ehind$ &))arently una#le to undo them! she #roke the fastening with #oth hands! and the drawers fell down to her knees$ 6hat a )air of lo+ely thighs she had! #ut I only saw e+en those for a second! for her )etticoats fell$ "he disengaged her lim#s from the drawers! )ulling the legs one #y one o+er her #oots! rolled u) the drawers tightly! and )ut them into her )ocket$ <hen )uffing u) her )etticoats as she stood sideways I had a glim)se for a second of a s)lendid #um! and the edge of the hairy darkness$ <hen she dro))ed them! stood still and looked$ I felt sure she was looking at the hole! and drew #ack$ 6hen I looked again the hole was )lugged with )a)er$ I did not mo+e it till I heard she had gone$ &lthough now growing tired of seeing #acksides! and cunts ga)ing in the attitude in which cunts look the least attracti+e3 yet I felt annoyed at missing the sight of this lady,s )ri+ates! and could scarcely restrain my1self from )ushing the )a)er through$ I thought she told the closet1woman! for I saw that woman look in directly she had left$ or a full hour I then saw nothing$ I had not heard a train! and looked at my watch$ It had sto))ed$ I )ee)ed out of the shed1door! saw no one! went out! )ut my head round the corner! and saw the care1taker knitting in the shade$ "he saw and followed me at my #eckoning$ <he train had not arri+ed! it was one hour #ehind time$ "he came into the shed$ %<alk low!% said she! %for some one may #e there and hear$% I told her of the lady and her drawers$ "he said the lady had told her of
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the hole$ 6e #oth laughed! she called me! %"ale! * mechant!% #ut did not sto) my kissing her$ I got more free! and from hinting got to )lain descri)tions$ "he took no offence$ I told her of the two girls looking at each other,s cunts! that I longed to #e kissing one of them3 that the sight of their )retty slits made me long to ha+e one of them /I used chaste words0$ %Or #oth!% said she$ %I,d sooner ha+e you! for I like )lenty of hair$% In the half1light I saw her eyes looking full in1to mine$ "he laughed heartily! #ut stifled the noise! and I was sure that she felt lewed$ I kissed her! and )inched her$ %6hat fine #reasts you ha+e$% <hen her #um$ %Laisse=1moi donc$% <hen my hands went lower$ %My :od let me feel your cunt$% %(ish7 talk low!% said she$ <he ne;t minute I was feeling her cunt$ %6hat hair! * delicious! * ah7 foutre! * faisons l,amour$% .ut she co5uetted$ %9ow don,t! * if any one should come! * I won,t$% * whilst gently I edged her u) against the side of the shed! one hand full on her cunt all the while$ %4ou must not! * mais non$% <hen out came my )rick! and she felt it$ &nother minute,s dalliance$ %Let me )ut the key in the door!% said she! %and then no one can let himself in% "he did! and in another minute standing u) against the shed! we were fucking energetically$ Didn,t she en2oy it7 6e had 2ust finished when we heard the train1signals! and off she went$ %8ome #ack$% %4es! yes )resently$% Down to the )ee)1hole I dro))ed! holding my )rick in my hand3 there already was a cunt )issing in front of me$ English I guessed! for she was half sitting on the seat$ <hen for half an hour was a succession of #acksides and 5uims! mainly English and &mericans /a first1 class train only0$ I knew them #y face and dress! and nice linen! and #ecause they nearly all sat or half1sat on the seat! whilst others mounted it$ I wished my country1women had mounted also! to ena#le me to see their )ri+ates #etter$ <hey nearly all )iddled only$ <here was a restoration at the station$ 9early e+ery woman of other nationalities shitted! they wanted I guessed! full +alue for their ten centimes$ &nother woman )lugged the hole with )a)er! a knowing one who did it the moment she entered the )ri+y$ I )ushed it away directly she had left! she grunted much! and was a long time there$ <hen I saw the cunts of an English mother and four daughters! 2ust as the train was ready to go$ <hey had from what they said #een eating and only 2ust came in time$ <he girls looked from fourteen to twenty years of age! the mother not forty$ Luckily some one #efore must ha+e fouled the seat$ <he mother entered first with the youngest$ %"to) dear!% said she in a nice 5uiet +oice! %the seat is filthy$% "he o)ened the door! )ut her head out! and I e;)ect called the woman$ ?eturning! %:et on to the seat dear$% %(ow Mamma-% %I,ll show you!% and she got u)! #ut daintly hid her lim#s from the child$ %Look the other way dear$%
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<he girl turned her #ack! and then she )ulled u) her clothes! and I saw the maternal 5uim and )iddle$ <hen she hel)ed the girl u)$ %I,ll tell 8lara what to do!% said the mother! %take care of your clothes dear!% and she left the )ri+y$ <he girl did take care! and showed her nice little #um and unfledged cunt charmingly$ Aiss only again thank :od$ <he other girls entered afterwards$ Each smiled as she mounted$ 6ould they ha+e smiled! had they known my eye was so near their #um1holes- Aiddle only$ <hen the fourth followed and )iddled$ <he train mo+ed off! directly they had left$ <he care1taker soon came round to the shed$ I told her all! talked #audy! soon at her I went! we fucked! and after our )ri+ates had se)arated we talked$ <here would not #e another train for some hours! she usually went home to dinner! any one could go to the closets then without )aying$ I wanted to go home with her! #ut she refused it$ "he would #e there at ' ' ' o,clock! an hour #efore the ''' )$m$ train$ 4es on her honour$ I ga+e her a louis$ %(ow good you are!% said she$ "he was sur)rised$ I had )romised her nothing for fucking her$ 6e #oth wanted that! and therefore did it! * that is all$ I went to my hotel! eat and drank! and #efore the time! let myself into the shed with a key she had gi+en me$ "he came #ack early! and dro))ed her eyes$ "he was a stout woman with large waist and haunches! a sturdy! )lum)! well1 fed )easant with good eyes! and #ron=ed cheeks! a good #it of flesh for a fuck$ I wonder how I had cheek to attack her for all that$ 9ow howe+er I had felt her hard #uttocks and in my randiness her cunt had seemed di+ine$ I had whilst waiting )ulled down a dusty long cushioned seat from the miscellaneous hea) of things and we sat down on it$ I #egan feeling her$ %Let me see your cunt$% %(a+en,t you seen enough women,s-% %9o I must see yours$% %<ell me a#out the two girls again * I think I know them% she said$ On #eing asked I told her and a lot more$ %@ue +ous etes mechant you men * do you so like looking at women when they are doing caca-% %9o I did not! * I could not #ear it! * #ut their thighs! their lo+ely round #ums! their cunts! anything to see those )arts! * I will see yours$% I got her to stand u)3 and then with the modesty like that of a newly1married woman )ermitting her hus#and! she let me see$ It was not a #it in the manner of a harlot$ I looked at her wet 5uim in the dim light! and soon we fucked again$ <hen we 5uestioned each other$ 6hat she had to say was soon told$ (er hus#and had for many years held his )ost! he was here! there! and e+erywhere! and came home once a week if lucky! #ut generally once in ten days! and then had an entire day to himself$ "he had the )ost of )ri+y1o)ener gi+en her! #ecause of her hus#and! and made more money than he did though only in )ennies$ It would #e a good deal more now! if they let her ha+e it all! for there would #e more trains! #ut they would di+ide it! for here were to #e closets on #oth sides$ %<hen you get fucked /not mincing words now0! once in ten days$% %<hat,s a#out it!% said she laughing$ %4ou long for him to come home-% <hat,s true$% Just then we heard
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some one in the )ri+y$ I looked! she would not! and went off with a moistened 5uim to attend to the )eo)le$ & train was coming in$ .ack came she afterwards! and we talked for two hours$ My cock was ready$ I laid her on the form! and straddling across the seat! and holding her legs u) across my arms! entered her 5uim$ .ut she nearly fell off the seat! it was so narrow3 so again u) against the wood1work! we co)ulated$ "he was well grown! so it was not difficult$ "he took to the fucking! as if I had a right to it! and she liked it! #ut I always disliked u)righters$ &gain we sat down and talked$ %4ou won,t want your hus#and now$% %(e comes home to1morrow!% and she showed me a little scra) of dirty writing1 )a)er with! %On <uesday% written on it! and a mark at the #ottom with a date$ %<hat,s his mark!% said she! %he can,t write! * I,m here to meet him$% 6e then kissed each other$ %4ou are +ery handsome!% she said$ %4ou are #eautiful!% said I$ %&m I really-% %4es! and fuck di+inely$% Do I really-% said she in a most flattered manner$ %Directly he comes he fucks you here-% %(e,s ne+er #een in here in his life! #ut he makes lo+e directly he gets into our rooms!% she re)lied in a 5uiet tone! as if she,d #een telling a doctor her ailments$ "till we sat and talked$ <he shed had #een only #uilt for storing things tem)orarily! the )ri+y was for the 8hef! #ut it had not #een used #y any one for some time$ <he hole in the wood could not ha+e #een there long$ (ow made! she knew not$ "he must ha+e noticed it! had it #een there long! for she washed the seats continually$ (oles were often made #y men in the sides ne;t the women,s closets! they #ored holes to look at the women! she wondered %)our5uoi mon Dieu!% why they wanted to see women! when they were doing their nastiness&gain through the )ee)1hole I saw such a nasty! dirty! frowsy! #eshitten #ackside! and the chemise of an oldish1ra##it1arsed female! that a disgust which had #een gradually intensifying! made me indifferent to seeing any more! and females came and went with1out my e+en looking$ I now sat on the cushioned though dirty form comforta#ly /#efore I could only sit on the )ri+y1 seat0! waiting for the )ri+y1woman to come #ack$ .ut curiosity still got the #etter of me$ &n e;)ress train came in with English and &mericans! and I looked$ Aeo)le who come #y train are always in a hurry! sometimes they ha+e wanted to ease themsel+es an hour or more! and then let fly #efore almost they get their #reeches down! or their )etticoats u)! +ery often indeed they let fly at random o+er the seat$ <hen those following them finding the seat dirty! mount it to a+oid fouling their clothes$ %It,s #eastly!% I heard in a high )itched &merican tone$ <wo nice! young! shortish girls! were there$ %Let,s go to the ne;t one$% %<here is some one there! * there is not time! * get on the seat$% U) got the girl with her face towards me$ %9ot so anny! * turn round stu)id$% %I can,t! * this will do!% said anny! and )issed out of a dear little cunt co+ered with lightish #rown hair! set in
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delicious #uttocks$ I )ut my eye close to the hole! and the )iddle s)lashed into it! for she )eed on to the #ack of the seat! and how she wanted it7 %Make haste anny$% %Oh7 I did want so! * I,+e not done it all day$% <hen u) got the other in other fashion! close to my )ee)1hole! and watered7 In sha)e of #um! thigh! and cunt the two were as like as two )ins! )retty! fleshy little #ums! round little thighs! )lum) as a )artridge$ I was so lewed I could scarcely resist a desire to call out to them! and say I had seen their charms$ <he last one turned round when she had done! and got down$ %Oh7% said she! %there is a hole in the wall$% %Oh7 if * % said the other$ <hat was all I heard! for they 5uitted the )ri+y like lightning! )utting their heads together! and lowering their +oices to a mum#le! and talking earnestly$ &fterwards when the train had left! #ack came the kee)er to me! and said the young ladies had told her of the hole$ "he #egged me not to go there the ne;t day! for her hus#and might arri+e #y any train3 #ut I did! and had her$ I dined at the hotel! and at night ha+ing nothing #etter to do! strolled towards the station smoking a cigar$ * <he attraction of cunt I su))ose did it$ "he had said that she left directly after a )articular train! and some other woman took her )lace for night1work$ <here she was! * no her hus#and could not arri+e now till ne;t morning$ Let me go home with her! on no account would she$ .etween the station and the town were some woods #eing made into )u#lic gardens$ 6alking there against her will and in the dark! I talked lewedness to my heart,s content! and at length had her #ack u) against a tree$ %Lay down! * it,s 5uite dry!% said I! and on some coarse sort of dryish her#age! * I could not see what * I fucked for the last time and on the to) of her$ 6e got u) whis)ering adieu! when we saw dimly a man and woman who #egan the game$ "he was scared %Let me go! and you stay!% said she$ Just then their +igorous lo+e1making made a great noise$ Off she went! in a second or two I followed! and o+ertook her$ %8,est une sale )utain!% said she! %she has commenced coming here of a night to meet men going to the station! * it is disgraceful! * I shall in1form the 8hef to1morrow$% <hen the closet1kee)er kissed me! and went off with her cunt wet! and a 9a)oleon which I insisted on her acce)ting$ <he ne;t morning I left &m! '! #ut could not kee) my )romise! and went to her at the station$ <he #lood rushed into her face! she looked scared! and shook her head seemingly in a funk! and I de)arted #y the ne;t train$ I ha+e often wondered at the affair! and at that woman$ (ad she #een a whore- did she in her hus#and,s a#sence usually ha+e a #it of illicit cock- My im)ression is that she was steady and honest3 that I caught her 2ust when she was hot1#looded! that my doings were so #audy! that her lust was roused! and so she was hel)less at my first attem)t! and then ha+ing sli))ed! thought she might as well ha+e all the )leasure she could$ "he had no children$ rench women don,t see so much harm in an outside fuck or so$ I had )romised her
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no money! had offered no inducement whate+er #ut my )rick$ It was lust which stirred lust! and we gratified each other$ 6hat more natural<he ad+enture left me in an un)leasant state of mind! for I could not #ear at that time anything connected with the #um1hole$ 6ith women! if I thought of that orifice! it destroyed +olu)tuous associations$ 9ow I could not look at the )rettiest woman without thinking of her sitting and farting$ <he anus came into my mind when dancing! dining! or talking and whether randy or not3 and when the tingling in my )rick made me look! and long for a woman! thinking what a leg she had! what thighs and 5uim )erha)s! my mind went to her #um1 hole s)ite of myself$ I was )unished hea+ily for my )ee)ing$ It was a year or two #efore my mind re1co+ered its #alance! and I was a#le to think of their se;ual organ and its #eauty and con+enience without reference to its un)leasant neigh#our7 One of the first I saw #ogging! was a )retty shortish English girl )erha)s se+enteen years old! #ut with a #ackside that many a woman might ha+e en+ied$ "he had also a lo+ely skin and com)le;ion$ "he neither got on the seat! nor 5uite sat on it! #ut rested in a half1standing )osition! and turned out a light1#rown turd a foot long$ I saw also her hand feeling once a )lum) little cunt$ "he could not find the )a)er to wi)e herself with! felt in a )ocket! took out her handkerchief! felt again! found nothing! )ut her hand in her #osom! took out a letter! and after o)ening it! tore off a )iece a#out three inches s5uare! re)laced the letter in her #reast! and wi)ed her #um with the torn fragment$ 6hen I got #ack to my hotel that day! the first female I saw was the young lady$ I could not kee) my eyes off her$ "he was a sweet1looking creature3 #ut all that I could think of! was that great turd$ I thought of it till mad with myself! I left the ta#le! and got out of her way$ ortunately the greatest num#er only )iddled! * I shall always like to see a female at that function$ <he attraction to the )ee)1hole was of course to see the hid1den charms! the fat round #uttocks! the lo+ely columns of flesh which su))ort them! the s)lit! the lo+e1seat! the seat of )leasure! the cage for the cock! the cunt! that mysterious a)erture leading to the organs in which a future human #eing is formed and secreted! and to which man gi+es life #y fucking! * fucking! that di+ine orgasm! that creator which ought to #e )raised daily in our )rayers and hymns! and which a false refinement /#orn of lewedness0 calls indecent and #eastly! if it #e alluded to$ H&t this time I had already written much of my early life$ <his e)isode of the tem)le of 8loacina dwelt so much in my mind! that although I disliked it! yet at the first hotel which I sto))ed at for a few days after1wards! I wrote this out! and a great deal more$ I recollected the face! form and )erformances of e+ery woman I had seen3 #ut the re)etition of similitudes was wearisome! and I o#literated 5uite one half! if not more$ I had dou#ts if I should not omit the
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whole! #ut a secret life should ha+e no omissions$ <here is nothing to #e ashamed of! it was a )assing )hase! and after all man cannot see too much of human nature$I

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Chapter XVIII grand#4u)hess. t the town o% C''s'l. 1ravelling with a %riend. 9arly morning. peep through a *ey#hole. big woman and bed. 0a*ed. Ma*ing up her mind. 1itillation. Hesitation. Masturbation. On the bidet. 2rigging again. .ho is she/ t M''''n. On outs*irts o% the town. In sear)h o% a harlot. 1he beer# garden. 1he peasant woman. drin* and a win*. *iss and a %eel. tal* and a wal*. 1he )ottage. 0ein, nein. +rown legs and white thighs. %la5en motte. +oth grati%ied. "ome time after this! I was tra+elling for a while with a friend! a rich #ut mean old man$ 6e arri+ed at the dull! out1of1the1way though renowned old town of 8''s'l! in :ermany$ 6e saw the Aalace and grounds one day! and rose at day1 #reak the ne;t morning! in1tending to )ost to ''' #efore the heat of the day$ I was in a #ig room! the #ed was in the corner against the wall$ On the o))osite side of the room was a door communicating with the ad2oining room$ or a wonder I had ne+er thought of looking through the key1hole when I went to #ed$ 6hen I arose I did! and saw /it was 5uite light! though the outer1#linds were )artly closed0 a #ig room with two windows! and #etween them a large wash1hand1stand and looking1glass o+er it$ On the further side! and )laced in similar )osition to mine against a wall was a #ed! and in it a woman with dark hair$ <he door #etween us no dou#t was locked! the key was in the door on her side3 #ut so turned that it left a large hole through which I saw with ease the whole side of the room ne;t the windows and the #ed in which she laid$ I was delighted! and in my night1shirt! )ut a )illow on the floor! knelt on it! my eye to the hole! and watched the woman! my heart #eating with e;citement! and dreading each moment that she would turn the key! and sto) my +iew$ <he whole s)ectacle I shall ne+er forget$ "eemingly she had 2ust awakened$ "he )ut her arms out! laid a moment still! then threw the clothes off of her! on to the side of the #ed ne;t the wall! as if too hot /it was a sultry morning0$ (er night1dress had rucked u) all round her waist! and e;)osed her naked lim#s! and I saw the hair of her 5uim sticking u)! though she was laying on her #ack$ <hen she turned on her right side! and laid her head on her arm! her naked #uttocks #eing then towards me! * and a #ig )air they were$ <hus she laid such a time! that I thought she must #e aslee)! so rose! and #egan to dress myself! #ut fear of losing a sight soon made me cease$ Looking again! she had mo+ed on to her #ack! and soon turned on to her side! facing me! and I saw she was a middle1aged woman! strongly and #ig #uilt! with a mass of dark hair at the #ottom of her #elly$ or a minute or two she turned a#out restless! then )ut one knee u)! and felt her 5uim! and lying on her #ack ke)t her hand #etween her thighs so long! that I thought she was frigging3 #ut she took it away! looked at the finger which had #een on her
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5uim! and got u)! drew u) the #lind nearest to her #ed! looked out for a minute /the windows were closed0 3 then ste))ed #ack! sli))ed off her night1 gown! threw it on the #ed! and stood start naked! )ulled out the )ot from the #edside1stand! and )issed! got u)! looked out of the window again! and then looked at herself in the large looking1glass! cleaned her teeth! then walked #ack /start naked still0! and sat down #y the side of the #ed! felt her cunt again! left off! and after sitting 5uite 5uiet /for a minute I su))ose0 looking on the floor as if reflecting! reclined on the #ed! and )utting #oth hands under her head on the )illow! lay on her #ack naked! showing a #lack arm)it! and so for some minutes$ <hen again a knee went u)! and a hand went to her cunt$ %"he is frigging herself now!% I thought! and )erha)s she was$ .ut she ceased directly! got u)! and after )utting on her night1dress! got into #ed again! and rang a #ell$ "he had gone out of my sight in the room! I su))ose to unlock the door$ "he looked fi+e feet ten high! and say #etween thirty1fi+e and forty years old! with massi+e thighs and #ig arse! dark hair and eyes! thick dark hair on her cunt! and dark masses in her arm)its! her #reasts were large! hanging and flo))ing a#out$ <hen I heard her say something in :erman! and a female ser+ant came in! who drew the other #lind! and o)ened the 2alousies of #oth windows$ & flood of light came in! #ut no sunshine$ <hen she #rought in coffee! and ga+e a cu) to the lady in the #ed$ I heard a man,s +oice as I thought in the lo##y! and looked through my door$ It was a man1ser+ant$ Just then out came the female ser+ant! and I heard #oth were :ermans$ <he female went #ack to the room! and I to the key1hole$ <hen the ser+ant came straight towards the door that I was )ee)ing through$ %"he will sto) it u)!% thought I$ .ut I was wrong! she only took u) some articles of female clothing! and there must ha+e #een a sofa! or #ed! or ta#le on that side of the door and close to it! for to my disgust as she )ut it down! it #locked my +iew$ I heard the two women talking! and the ser+ant say in :erman! %4our :race$% Looking again through the key1hole a minute or two after! it was clear$ I e;)ect the a))arel! or whate+er it was! had sunk down! or #een mo+ed$ <he ser+ant went out I think into an ad2acent room! the lady got out of #ed! and sat on its side drinking her coffee! again looked out the window! again dro))ed her night1gown off as if hot! and stood naked to cool herself3 came u) to the glass! looked at herself! turning all round as if admiring herself! then to the #ed! sat down on the edge as if thinking! and again laid down la=ily! first )utting u) one leg! and letting the other rest on the floor$ <hen )utting the other u)! she #egan whilst lying on her #ack! to feel her cunt 5uietly! and then frig herself +igorously$ <here was no mistake now$ <he right hand with which she was o)erating was the furthest from me! #ut I saw it half hidden in the cunt wig and shaking with the unmistaka#le frigging motion$ "he was some time at it$ &t length I saw her thighs mo+ing restlessly! one went u)! then down again! then the other!
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the knees o)ened and shut! then her #uttocks ga+e two or three wriggles! 2ust as she might ha+e done had she #een fucking$ <hen all was 5uiet! and she turned on her side away from me! gi+ing the sheet a tug which 2ust sent it carelessly o+er her #ack and shoulders! lea+ing her arse and thighs fully e;)osed! and must ha+e gone to slee)$ & full hour must ha+e ela)sed since I first saw her in #ed! I looked and looked from time to time! fancied I saw #lack hair u) the chink of her arse1cheeks! #ut don,t now know if it were fancy or not$ "he was hairy enough elsewhere to ha+e had hair round her arse1hole$ My friend knocked at the door! and asked if I were ready for #reakfast! * when should he order the carriage- I wished him at the de+il! #ut was o#liged to talk with him! determined not to miss seeing all I could of the lady$ "o I told him not to order it at all! that I had #een u) all night! and much wanted an hour,s slee)$ I could not get rid of him! he would kee) at the door /I holding it a2ar0 for some minutes$ "hould he get me anything- would I ha+e some coffee- * he would ha+e it with me in my room! * and so on$ &t length he went away! I saying I would #e down in a cou)le of hours$ <hen #ack to the key1hole I went3 there still she lay$ I dressed! )ee)ing at inter+als! #ut for a long time she ne+er mo+ed$ 6hen I looked again she had seemingly 2ust got u) and was )utting the )iss1)ot #ack$ <hen she went u) to a #idet which the maid had unco+ered! and )ut water in! and straddling across it! sluiced her cunt and ru##ed it dry with a towel! and afterwards! #egan washing her neck and face$ <hat done she )ut on her night1gown! the maid came in again! and the lady sitting down in front of the glass! the maid dressed her hair$ <hat took a long time$ I grew tired of looking! so finished dressing and )acking my trunk! #ut )ee)ing at inter+als$ <he maid )ut on the lady,s sli))ers or shoes! and left the room! for I heard her outside my room talking$ <he lady again took off her night1dress and walked a#out naked! then took u) a )air of stock1 ings which were on the #ed or ta#le near my )ee)1hole and seemed to #e com)aring them with some dress or )etticoat! went #ack near to the #ed! and sat in a large armchair which was there! took off her stockings and )ut on the other )air! then )ut on her chemise! sat in the arm1chair! and )ut her fingers on to her cunt$ "he was now facing me! she )ut one thigh o+er the arm of the chair! and I saw the s)lit$ "he felt it only for a#out a minute! twiddling it gently with her finger! and then laying herself on the #ed again! her chemise on now! she frigged as hard as she could$ Directly after she #egan to dress herself! and the maid came in$ I could not stay longer from my friend! #esides the lady was dressed! and a fine #ig woman she looked$ Off my friend and I dro+e$ 6hen we had got some distance he told me that the :rand1Duchess "te)hanie of ''' with her suite had arri+ed the night )re+iously$ (e descri#ed her as a #ig! fine! dark woman! and so on$ %I should like much to see her!% I said! %let,s go #ack and lea+e to1 morrow! * it will #e all the same to us$% (e would not! and to this day I don,t know whether it was the :rand1Duchess or her sister the Arincess of ' ' '! or
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one of the ladies of honour! whom I saw frigging herself twice! #ut it was one of them$ I did not tell my friend! kee)ing such little ad+entures to myself! #ut when in the middle of a hot day our Lohnkutscher rested his horses! and we had luncheon! my friend went to slee)! and I rushed round the streets of the town to find a #audy house$ I could not! #ut I found a stout )easant woman who seemed to ha+e #een working in the fields$ "he had nothing of the a))earance of gaiety! #ut I fucked her twice on a )oor #edstead in a cottage with a tile floor! thinking of the frigging Duchess all the time$ <hen on we went to our e+ening,s destination$ I first saw the woman sitting down outside a #eer1garden on the outskirts$ I was in a sweat with walking and randiness com#ined! and had a tankard of #eer$ I looked at her! and she at me$ I asked her to ha+e some$ "he acce)ted! and had two huge glasses full$ "he said! %<hank you 4our :race!% and walked away$ "he had some field im)lement in her hand! #ut I don,t know what$ I followed and talked im)erfectly in :erman with her$ 6hen she came to a cottage! one of two in a lane /one cottage had no roof on! and was em)ty0$ I said! %It,s hot! * let me sit down$% "he nodded! and in I went$ I had #een looking at her as we came along! and she looked to me handsome3 #ut in my lewed state! )erha)s any woman would ha+e looked handsome to me$ "he had fla;en hair! and a highly sun1#urnt face and lightish eyes$ <he im)etuosity of lust alone often carries a man to his goal$ I ga+e her a kiss$ %9ein! nein!% said she! and what else I don,t know! till I found my hand on a wettish cunt! and the ne;t minute was u) her$ I had closed the door$ "he lay 5uite 5uietly with my )rick in her! till I uncunted it! so e;)ect she had s)ent$ <hen without saying a word she o)ened the door! went to the road! and looked u) and down it$ &s she did not come #ack I looked out$ "he was )ulling a#out some chemises and women,s linen which were on some #ushes! and some on a line$ "he saw me! turned away her head! and ke)t going from linen to linen! and turning it o+er in the sun! looking furti+ely to see e+ery now and then if I was looking after her$ "he had no shoes and stockings on$ Until then I had not noticed that * if she had had no arms! I e;)ect I should not ha+e cared * cunt! cunt! cunt was 2ust then all in all$ I called her$ "he shook her head! her #ack was towards me! then again she looked u) and down the road! and came to me at the door saying! %&ren,t you going-% I )ulled her in$ %9ein! nein!% said she again! %oh7 nein!% * and a lot more in :erman$ I ga+e my cock a frig! and it stuck out stiff from my trowsers$ I shook it at her$ %Oh7 nein! nein!% #ut she laughed$ I )ulled her towards the #ed! of straw I think! though on it was clean! coarse! home1made linen! and )ushed her #ack to see her cunt! #ut she got on to the #ed$ I saw the dust1stained dirty feet gradually merge into ankle and calf of a dee) mahogany #rown! and then the calf gradually grow whiter and whiter! till her thighs showed u) as white as snow$ O#stinately she )ushed down her clothes to )re+ent me seeing her cunt! and I did not$ I dare say it did not look
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too in+iting with my s)endings a#out its fla;en1colored hair! for I could )retty well guess its colour$ "o I dro))ed on to her! and fucked right off$ %"ein "ie schnell7% said she! liking the e;ercise! and murmured out her ecstasy in :erman$ I then #uttoned u) as 5uickly as I could! and ga+e her I think a <haler$ %Ich Janke Ihrer (oheit! * oh7 thank you!% said she! sei=ing my hand and kissing it$ &nd we )arted$ 6hat made that woman let me ha+e her- "he was not a gay woman! that is certain$ It might ha+e #een money! #ut I ne+er offered her any! though I ga+e her some when my )leasures were o+er$ 6as she flattered #y my wanting her! * %4our :race-% * was it my ci+ility in gi+ing her #eer- * was she randy when I met her- Many a modest1looking woman has a randy cunt when no one knows it #ut herself$ Did I make her randy #y my ad+ances * I know she s)ent$ 6as she married I wonder! * there was male linen a#out$ Many a time since when I ha+e seen :erman )easant women working in the fields! stoo)ing! 2utting out their #ums! their thick #rown naked ankles and feet showing under their )etticoats! ha+e I thought of the :erman woman I fucked! and her white thighs and #rown legs! and wondered if the other women,s were as white$ &t night we got to the town of '''! and my com)anion went to #ed$ <hen out I went! and seeking a #audy house! em)tied what remained of my semen into one or two cunts! for the frigging s)ectacle in the morning had thoroughly roused me and I could think of nothing else$ & +olu)tuous sight at that time remained in my mind for weeks$ I thought of it when my )rick was in a woman! e+en if one of the lo+eliest$ I delighted in taking a woman into my confidence! and telling her what I had seen! and when my #ody was 2oined to hers! the recollection coming o+er me! would suddenly fetch my s)erm #efore I wanted it$ &t the time I s)eak of I was tra+elling easily from )lace to )lace! without trou#le or worry! eating! drinking! and li+ing in the o)en air! and getting the chance of women e+ery three or four days only$ <hen I could fuck them e+ery two hours comforta#ly! and e+en fi+e times in a night! #ut ne+er more$ <hree times was my usual num#er! twice at night! and if I sle)t with them! once again in the morning$ I did nothing! or #ut rarely anything to e;haust myself! and was always ready for a woman$ 6hat a delightful time it was$ "oon after I returned to England$

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Chapter XIX Clapped, and re%le5ions thereon. Change in taste %or )ondition o% pudenda. Change again. Later on in li%e. On bri)*s in a hail#shower. n un*nown !uarter. little lady. :"ou )an(t )ome home.: 1he bri)*s. 1he hail#stone )anny poli)eman servant %or a )hange. Se5ual )harms o% servants. Catherine. stumble on the stairs. well# timed visit. 7n)haste !uestions, and )haste replies &reliminaries. Con#summation. 7gly sto)*ings. 1he dining#room table. <hen I again took the ladies, fe+er! and was again o#liged to ha+e recourse to surgical a))liances to kee) my urethra o)en$ <his suggested some serious re1 fle;ions! and in a degree modified my ha#its with women in one )articular$ I had delighted in a cunt with its natural 2uices in it! and disliked one recently washed$ I could find out one when too clean! though I could not detect one which had #een recently washed and rinsed with astringents as well$ I did not know much a#out the chemical aids ladies used! though I had heard of such things! indeed had heard of most things! and ha+e )ut into cunts which felt to me like a nutmeg grater! though I then did not know the cause$ <he e;treme delicacy and sensiti+eness of my )rick1ti) made me I e;)ect discriminating! and susce)ti#le of se;ual )leasure in the highest degree3 and I had found that it was greater in a cunt in its natural state of slimy lu#ricity$ (ence my choice of that condition$ 9ow thinking it would gi+e me greater immunity from cla)! I #ecame +ery careful in in+estigating! and insisted on the am)le washing of e+ery cunt #efore I took cock1e;ercise$ I #egan to look at cunts carefully! e+en after washing! and #efore I would )ut into them3 #ut either my gland had #ecome less sensiti+e! or what is more likely looking at my age! that my lust was so strong and im)etuous! that I did not after the washing mark the difference in the lu#ricity! e;ce)ting at times$ &#out this time also! I cannot tell why! I #ecame in1different to looking at the cunts! and es)ecially at the o+erflow of what I had left in coition u) those )a)hian cham#ers$ I had e+en at times a dislike to looking! and would withdraw my )rick from her into my hand! roll off the lady! and turn my head away from her 5uickly$ &ll this was so entirely contrary to what had #een my custom! that it is worth noting as illustrati+e of my character and taste in se;ual matters! from time to time during my life$ H&fter some years my sensiti+eness returned$ I had really ne+er lost it! and I re+erted to my former taste in this )articular of co)ulation$ Lu#rication! and e+en an e;cess of lu#rication! of the right sort! #ecame a#solutely needful to my )leasure$ I add this now #efore it goes to )ress! and many years after the foregoing was written$I
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<he ne;t thing which ha))ened to me and is worth telling! was 5uite early in s)ring$ I was going home from a )arty 2ust at midnight$ &t the 2unction of two streets I saw a +ery little woman! #idding a man good night! and kissing him in the street$ It was done 5uite in a modest! affectionate way$ I )assed them$ & few seconds afterwards I heard the feet of the lady coming 5uickly after me$ "he seemed to #e )retty as she )assed me #y a street1lam)$ "he took no notice of me! #ut I hailed her! for I was lewed$ %My dear I wish you would gi+e me a kiss like the other man$% "he looked round and laughed! #ut walked on$ I saw she was game$ %I,ll gi+e you a glass of wine for a kiss$% %(ow much is that-% said she$ %& shilling$% %:i+e it!% said she sto))ing$ %<hen you will let me ha+e a feel!% said I$ %4ou want enough for a shilling!% * and she went off 5uickly$ %"to)! * don,t run off! * half1a1crown$% "he laughed! hesitated! and then we turned down a side1street! and u) against a wall I felt her cunt$ I had to stoo) to get at it! she was so short$ I was 2ust in the mood for a woman! and en2oyed the feel$ It was a tight little cunt! and a young one I knew from the small 5uantity of hair on it$ I felt it for two or three minues! whilst she remained 5uite 5uiet$ %I,ll frig you!% said I! %here is the money$% "he took it$ %Let me feel your cock then!% said she$ "o I turned half round! took her round the waist con+eniently and #egan frigging! and she laid hold of my )rick which had got 5uite stiff! and which I had 2ust e;truded from my trowsers$ %I shall come soon!% said she! %do it to me! * let,s go to some house! and do me )ro)erly! * oho7 lea+e off7 * I shall s)end! * let,s go somewhere!% * and she )ushed my hand away$ Just then came near to us a )oliceman$ I dro))ed my great1coat o+er my cock! and let fall her )etticoats$ (e must ha+e known what we were a#out! #ut took no notice$ %& )recious1 ly cold night!% said I to him$ %&ye it is! sir$% %(ere is a shilling for a glass when you,re off duty$% (e thanked me! and was soon out of sight round the corner! ne+er looking #ack$ It was a #itterly cold night! though not free=ing$ <he wind was #lowing a gale and dark clouds most of the time hid what moon there was3 #ut it showed e+ery two or three minutes for half a second! and then all was 5uite dark again$ <he streets were deserted! the )u#lic1houses closed$ I #egan frigging her again! again she felt my )rick unasked #y me! again she suggested my ha+ing her$ %I don,t want a )oke!% I said$ %and I,+e no more money$% %9e+er mind the money! * let,s fuck!% said she randily$ I #egan to want to )ut my )rick u) her! #ut didn,t much like risking it! so I ceased frigging her! and with resolution drew my cock away from her fingers! for she was mani)ulating it +ery ra)idly! and dro))ed my great1coat o+er my o)en trowsers$ %6hy won,t you-% said she$ It was all she said$ I walked on with her to a lam)1)ost! sto))ed under it! and looked well at her$ "he I then saw was +ery )retty! and I #egan to long for her$ %I,ll go home with you! * is it far-% %Oh7 you can,t go home with me$% %:o to a house then$% %I don,t know one! I ha+e only 2ust come to li+e at this side of the water! * don,t
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you know one-% I was out of my #eat! and did not know a house$ <he more I talked and looked at her! the more randy I got$ %I,ll #et the man you kissed has #een home with you$% "he laughed out$ %6ell that,s true enough! #ut he is my #rother$% It had struck me from the manner in which it was done! that it was not a fucking1friend she had kissed$ 9early close #y where we were standing they were re#uilding the front garden1wall of an em)ty house$ .ricks were stacked against it in the street! a hea) of ru##ish was close #y the #ricks$ %Let,s fuck here!% said I$ 6e were #oth a little timid! #ut the )lace seemed deserted! so we tried$ (er #ack was aginst the wall! #ut so short was she3 that though I #ent my knees! and she almost ti)toed! I could not get into her$ My )rick when I #ent it down ran )ast her cunt towards her #um1furrow$ <hen I mo+ed her nearer to the em)ty house! )ulled down three or four #ricks from the edge of the stack! and )laced others! so as to lea+e a good footing and le+el! and which stood her u) si; inches or so /a con+enient height0! and we fucked with much gratification$ "he was +ery randy! so was I! and we were soon in se;ual ecstasy$ 6hilst fucking! huge hail1stones! as #ig as fil#erts! #egan to fall$ <hey rattled on my hat! hitting hard! and #ounding off on to the )a+ement$ "uddenly I felt a chill at the root of my )rick1stem$ %Oh7% said I as we #oth felt its chill$ & hail1 stone had got #etween our #odies! and sto))ed us for an instant! #ut we #oth guessed what it was! and finished our )leasure$ <he hail1stone must ha+e 2ust lodged #etween her motte and my #elly3 it was chilly and melting! and still held in the mingled hair of our )ri+ates when I )ulled my )rick out of her$ & hundred thousand )eo)le might ha+e #een fucking in the o)en that night! without such a thing ha))ening to them$ It amused #oth of us mightily$ %9o#ody would #elie+e it if I told them!% said she$ %9or if I do!% said I! %#ut I shall tell some one$% %"o shall I!% she remarked laughing$ "till we talked together$ "he had #een gay she said! #ut had #een ke)t #y a commercial tra+eller for a year * a good fellow$ <hey had only 2ust come to li+e u) there$ <he landlady thought they were married$ Of course she could not take me home! #esides her friend might return$ (e was in the woollen trade! and was often away a week or ten days! she ne+er knew when he might return$ (e knew her #rother well$ (e had now #een away ten days! and she hadn,t #een fucked for that time$ "he was lewed! and she wanted it! #ut if any #ody had told her half an hour ago! that she was going to do it with me! she would ha+e said they were mad$ "he could not tell what made her let me feel her! it certainly was not for half a crown$ My +oice and manner was nice! and when I felt her it made her randy at once$ "he had ne+er #een felt in a )u#lic street #efore$ Just then the )oliceman came round again! took no notice of us! and )assed out of sight$ One solitary man )assed us walking ra)idly$ I was getting cold standing! I kissed her$ %(ere is another glass of wine!% said I gi+ing her another hall1crown /she had not asked me0$ %<hank you!% said she! %e+ery
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little is useful$% I turned to go! and then turned #ack$ %I should like to do you again!% said I$ %I,m ready!% said she! %come on! * let me )iddle first! * you ha+e made me so wet$% %9o don,t do that$% %.ut it,s all running down my thighs$% %I like that$% <he idea stiffened me$ "he mounted on the #ricks again! and we had another most lo+ely fuck! * she was at the e;act height for me$ %4ou,+e en2oyed the fucking!% I said$ %4es! I ha+en,t had it for ten days$% %.ut you ha+e frigged your1 self-% %9ot once!% she said! %though I sometimes do when my friend,s away$% &gain we talked of fucking$ "he seemed to like talking as much as I did$ (er friend was a strong man! and did it as often to her as any woman could want$ "he would not gi+e me her name or address! or say where I could meet her$ "he )issed! and with her hand washed her cunt with her )iddle$ It was )ossi#le her friend might #e home when she returned! though not likely! she said$ %&ren,t you 2ust a lewed man!% said she as we kissed and )arted$ "he would ha+e let me do it again if I could$ 6hen we )arted she ran off like mad! and I saw her no more$ "he was +ery nicely and 5uietly dressed in silk! and seemed a su)erior sort of )erson of her class$ It was a most )leasing! most gratifying incident$ "uch accidental co)ulation I ha+e always found most delicious! * and I ha+e had scores$ <hen I had had so many gay women! that I wanted a change in the class$ I en2oyed their lu#ricity! their skilled em#races! their )assionate fucking when they wanted it themsel+es! and liked me /I had had many such0$ 4et I was tired of their lies! tricks! and dissatisfied! money1gra##ing! money1#egging style$ I wanted a change! and #egan to look out for a nice fresh ser+ant$ I ha+e now had many ser+ants in my time! and know no #etter com)anions in amorous amusements$ <hey ha+e rarely lost all modesty! a new lo+er is a treat and a fresh e;)erience to them! e+en when they ha+e had se+eral! and few ha+e had that$ <hey only get the chance of co)ulating once a week or so! they are clean! well1fed! full1#looded! and when they come out to meet their friend! or gi+e way with a chance man on the sly! are ready! yielding! hot1arsed! lewd! and lu#ricious$ <heir cunts thro# at the first touch of a finger! and moisten! and they s)end freely and co)iously$ 9o women,s cunts are wetter! than a young healthy ser+ant,s is after the first fuck on her night out$ 9o one will take more s)unk out of a man! and gi+e more herself than the lass who says! %I couldn,t get out #efore! * I,m sorry you had to wait! * I must really get #ack #y ten$% (ow they kiss in silence! * how they feel the first lunge of the )rick u) them! * what )leasure they 5uietly show! * how they lo+e you! and die as your hot s)unk s)urts! and their cunt li5uidi=es$ "o I longed for a ser+ant! and soon found my chance$ I su))ose all men do if they set their mind u)on women! for there are thousands of cunts waiting to #e fed! and ready to o)en to o))ortunity and male im)ortunity$ 6e were +ery friendly with a nice family! a widow with three daughters! li+ing in 5uiet comfort at ?'''''$ <hey only ke)t two ser+ants$ <he )arlor1maid was
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a well1grown wench a#out twenty1one years old! fleshy and round! dark1eyed! dark1haired! fresh1coloured and healthy1looking$ "he o)ened the street1door$ "he had not #een there long #efore I ti))ed her a shilling occasionally! and one night kissed her at the street1door! which she took 5uietly$ 9e;t time I )inched her #um! she ga+e a su))ressed s5ueal! and then my letch for her came on$ &s usual I had luck$ 8alling a day or two after! I made a smutty remark! and )inched her thigh outside her clothes$ It was day1time! and risky$ "he was flurried #y it! #ut made no noise! and running u)stairs to deli+er my message to the lady in the drawing1room! her foot sli)t on a loose stair1car)et! and she fell on her knees on the stairs! the car)et sli))ing with her! and a stair1rod rattling down$ <he calf of one of her legs was e;)osed #y this nearly to her knee$ <his was at the #ottom of the flight and close to where I was standing$ I )ut my hand on her calf and )inched it$ ?eco+ering herself she shook her head at me! went u)stairs! and came down with! %6ill you walk u)! sir$% U) I went! whis)ering as I neared her! %I saw your thigh% /which was a lie0$ "he ga+e me such a look as she closed the drawing1room door$ On lea+ing I said! %I wish I had )ut my hand higher$% "he ga+e me a sulky look as she closed the street1door$ <o get at her I took to calling fre5uently on my friends! and often saw 8atherine! and ti))ed and kissed her whene+er she o)ened the door$ If sure that no one was near! I whis)ered smutty dou#le entendres to set her thinking a#out cock and cunt! and ru##ed my #elly u) against hers when I caught and kissed her$ &t length I got her to take a walk with me one "unday night$ <hen #eing near gardens! at a 5uiet )lace I )ut my hands u) her clothes! felt her thighs! #ut missed her cunt$ "he ran off home! I after her! #ut without catching her! and thinking from her manner that I had made a muddle of it$ & day after! I called at the house in the afternoon! a time the family would usually #e out! taking some De+onshire cream with me as a )resent to the lady! #ut really as an e;cuse for calling$ %Out! * are they- * this must #e ke)t in the cool! or it will soon turn sour$% %:i+e it me! sir!% said 8atherine$ %9o! I,ll gi+e it to the cook myself$% %"he,s out!% said >it$ (ere was an une;)ected chance$ %I,ll write a line to Mrs$ ' ' '!% said I! ste))ing in! and I #egan a note$ <he girl waited$ 6hen I had written it! I asked if Miss Lucy /a daughter0 was in a hurry to get married /she was engaged0$ >itty didn,t know$ %6hat do they marry for! >itty-% %<o #e hus#and and wife!% said she$ %.ut what do they go to #ed together for$% "he didn,t know$ %4es you do$% %Oh7 don,t #other$% I had #egun kissing! and had got her to kiss me$ %<hey kiss! >it! like this! and feel each other all o+er! and then * what do they do then-% %I don,t know$ %I,ll tell you$% %Don,t want to know$% %6ell I won,t tell! * sit down$% I )ulled her on to the sofa! for she had got familiar! * a woman soon does if you talk smut$ 6e sat and chatted till my randiness made me reckless$ %I,ll tell you what they do when they are married! and in #ed$% %I won,t hear$% %4ou shall! * they fuck$% I
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had her #y the waist! and she could not esca)e me$ "he made a +ery slight attem)t to do so! #ut I held her tightly whilst I let out my #audy talk$ 6hat else I said e;actly :od only knows! #ut it was all a#out newly married cou)les$ %(e )ulls u) her night1gown! feels her cunt! ru#s his )rick against her thigh! )uts it in her cunt! Nc$% >it ke)t saying! %I won,t hear! 11 I won,t hear!% )ut #oth hands u) to her ears! #ut did not mo+e away from me$ I )ulled out my )rick red hot! %<hat,s what he sho+es u) her cunt! * and oh7 :od! don,t they ha+e )leasure! * let,s )ut this u) your cunt! >it$% %9ow don,t!% said she! starting u)! #ut not mo+ing away$ I )ulled her down to a sitting )osture again! and with a dash got my hand u) her clothes$ "he cried out! and )ut #oth hands down /they all do that0 on to her thighs on my hand! wriggled to get away and for some minutes struggled! and cried$ %It,s a shame! * you shan,t$% %Let,s fuck$% %I won,t now! * I won,t! * oh7 dear!% * #ut I e;hausted her$ "he was half sitting! half leaning on me with fingers )inched tightly #etween her thighs! so that I could not get a good feel of her cunt3 #ut my forefinger was well #etween its li)s and on her clitoris titillating! and making her randy$ "he seriously! now #egging me to lea+e her alone! I swearing I would fuck her! gi+e her )leasure! )romising #onnets! clothes! money! and e+erything else! and uttering all the +olu)tuous words my imagination could muster$ 9ature hel)ed me$ "he could hear no longer the friction on her clitoris! her +oice fell to a whining tone! she #reathed short! %Oh7 * do * now * lea+e off * do!% she whined out in #roken utterances$ %>iss me!% said I! %and I will$% "he )ut her mouth to me! and kissed me e;citedly$ I held her head to mine! sho+ed my tongue in her mouth and frigged harder$ 6ith a sigh and a so#! %Oh7 I c * hant * # * hear it!% her thighs o)ened$ %Oh7% she howled loudly and shar)ly as my finger sli))ed on to the )rick1hole entrance$ .ut now 5uite o+ercome with +olu)tuous sensations! she was nearly s)ending$ I )ressed her #ack on the sofa! )ulling u) her clothes$ %Oh7 don,t!% she said faintly$ I )ulled u) her legs on to the sofa$ %Oh7 don,t!% #ut with e;citement and lewedness she made no further resistance$ I co+ered her ra)idly! and with one strong lunge #uried my )rick u) her! fucked her for a minute! and s)outed a deluge of hot s)unk into her cunt$ Just as I finished I heard her sighs of )leasure! and felt her sym)athetic #um1mo+ements$ Under the e;citement of fresh cunt! I ke)t u) 8atherine a long time! laying on her! kissing! endearing! and en2oying her$ &t length it #egan to shrink! I )ut my fingers down to feel #etween our cou)led genitals! and cunningly I looked at them to see if there were signs of a +irginity! * there were none$ %Let me get u)! * oh7 do$% I got off her 5uickly! she )ulled her clothes down! and sat u)! I #y the side of her$ .oth were 5uite 5uiet! I 5uite sur)ri=ed with the 5uickness and ease with which I had won her )erson$

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%6asn,t it nice- * didn,t you like it-% %9o!% said she! %it was a shame!% and she was going away! #ut I caught hold of her$ %Let,s do it again$% %9o! no! * oh7 let me go!% she cried! #ut she let my hands go u) her clothes$ I felt the s)erm all o+er her thighs! as I thrust my hand u) #etween them$ %I must go!% said she3 #ut fiercely )ushing her down without her struggling! I was soon u) her! and again we fucked$ "he took my )rick u) her with the greatest )leasure$ <hought I as I )ulled out! she had had more than one )rick there! I felt sure of that$ 9othing is so delicious as the intimacy esta#lished #etween man and woman #y a fuck$ 6hen once he has moistened a woman,s cunt with his s)erm! they seem to ha+e known each other for years$ 4ou may know a woman socially! closely3 li+e under the same roof for years with her! know her ha#its! when she eats! drinks! slee)s! and )iddles! and she may know as much a#out you3 #ut if you are caught looking u) her )etticoats as she goes u)stairs! there will #e a row3 and a hint a#out the make! sha)e! Nc$! of any )art of her #ody #etween her ankles and arm)its! must not #e referred to$ 4ou really know nothing a#out her that is +ital! and you and she are +irtually strangers$ & 5uarter of an hour #efore I could not feel >itty,s knee without a struggle! now I lay smoothing her #ackside with my hands! wriggling my shrinking )rick in her! talking soft #audiness! and she lay listening to it! kissing me in return! her arse as 5uiet as if it were a lum) of lead$ <here is an end of all things$ %Oh7 if the cook should come #ack!% said she! %she,s no #usiness out! and won,t #e long$% %Damn the cook! * isn,t feeling nice-% %4es! * #ut let me get u)$% % eel how my )rick,s in you! and I,ll get off$% "he felt it$ %4ou,+e got #lack stockings!% said I! noticing them for the first time! as I once did with Ma#el years ago$ %4es! * don,t you like them-% %9o$% On the narrow sofa I could not lay #y her side! so I dro))ed outwards! and off of her! #ut lewd still I )ut my hand on her cunt 2ust as my )rick came out of it$ It was gruelly! #ut there was no #lood$ %6ash!% said I$ %I,m going!% * and she left$ I wished to see her cunt when she had come #ack! I had not e+en had a glim)se of it$ "he let me feel it! still wet from the washing$ I saw her thighs! her motte! #ut the crack she ke)t her thighs closed on$ <hen re1turning to the sofa! kissing! and feeling her cunt! the time )assed$ 6e talked a#out the family! #ut talked much more a#out fucking! that eternal su#2ect! until I had twiddled her 5uim into a fe+er$ <hen tonguing her! %Let,s do it again!% said I$ %Let me go and see to the kitchen1fire first!% said she$ <his took )lace in the dining1room$ "he wasn,t gone long$ 6hen she came u) she was a little coy$ %9o not again!% * as she stood with her #um against the dining1ta#le! with my hands round her thighs$ %9o! no! the cook may come in at any moment$% .ut I )ut my hands round her #um! and lifted her u) with some effort suddenly on to the ta#le$ I ha+e done so with other women$ "he fell #ack on it$ I looked at her thighs! and in a 2iffy my )rick was into her$ I saw
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the dear girl,s face as she s)ent$ %4ou will think of this as you lay the cloth for dinner!% said I still holding her thighs o+er my arms! my )rick still u) her$ <he #ell rang$ %Oh7 good gracious! it,s cook$% Out came my )rick$ %Oh7 how do I look- * will she notice anything- * is my hair all right #ehind-% "he was all right! and down1stairs she ran to let the cook in$ I #uttoned u)! and directly almost rang the #ell! and u) she came$ %8ook,s not noticed anything!% said she in a whis)er$ <hen with the cream downstairs she went! and returned$ I had a ra)id feel! and went off! agreeing to meet her out on "unday$

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Chapter XX Catherine at a baudy house. My anatomi)al studies. Catherine(s hymen wanting. Her e5planation. Servants in bed. 1he sham#)o)* used. ,amahu)hed. Catherine with *id. )harming widow. 1he ball. 1he )ab home. -apid per#suasion. t 6'''s Street. :4on(t rumple my dress.: Cunt in %ull dress. ginger#)oloured motte. 1he tipsy )oa)hman. Catherine, and widow alternately. 1he widow en)einte. -emedies. Catherine goes home. 1he widow marries. Indis)riminate womaning. <hat day I took her to my fa+orite house$ It was a#out fi+e in the afternoon$ I,m sure she had ne+er #een in one #efore from her curiosity$ %Undress! and let,s go to #ed!% said I$ Aersuaded at last! and cree)ing on to the #ed in her chemise$ %Let,s look at your dear little cunt!% said I! for I was curious a#out the +irginity$ I knew how a 5uim recently #roken looked! I had #roken many! had studied them! and recently had #een a#road! and at an anatomical museum! had seen models of the hymen and of its ragged slit when #roken$ "he refused$ %4ou,+e #een fucked #efore last <uesday!% said I$ 9o she ne+er had! * how could I tell- * I was cruel$ %Let me see then! * if you don,t I,ll go away! and see you no more$% "he didn,t care if I did! * she hadn,t asked me to meet her$ .ut gradually she yielded! and I saw a )retty 5uim looking as if it had only recently #een #roken! so 2agged was the orifice$ I was )u==led! knowing that I had not #roken it$ <hen all #ut naked! we fucked with all the delight which nakedness and randiness without fear of #eing disco+ered! could gi+e a cou)le$ 6e fucked oursel+es out! and left at nine o,clock$ <hen came the difficulty in getting at her! which is one of the draw#acks with ser+ants$ "he could not get out often and was one "unday out in the morning! the ne;t at night$ "o we arranged that if the family was out! and the cook were also out! she should )ut a card u) angleways in the window! 2ust a#o+e a wire1 #lind /they used in that house to )ut a card u) to gi+e notice to some tradesmen if wanted or not0$ <he ladies usually took their walk at a#out the same hour daily! the cook diso#ediently often then went out! and I went in when I saw the card! #ut it was +ery risky$ I ha+e gone in! fucked her! and #een out of the house in ten minutes3 and I liked the e;citement of the intrigue for a little time! for the change from women who )ulled u) their clothes! directly I was in the #ed1room with them! was )leasant$ I had her against a wall! and against a tree in the Aark! and got her on one holiday for some hours in a #audy house$ On my hinting that she had had some1thing stiff u) her 5uim! #efore I )ut anything there! she denied it$ (ow did I know- * would any man know if a girl was +irgin or not- <hat 5uestion she )ut to me e+ery time! and when I said %yes!% she whim)ered$ <hen she )ut
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the 5uestion to me in +arious indirect ways! and was e+idently in a great state of an;iety a#out it$ 6hat if a man did not look- *if he had not felt first with his fingers! would he know- 6hilst in #ed together! and I kissed her! and titillated her 5uim! I got the grounds for her an;iety out her$ "he was engaged to #e married! and feared her young man would not #e decei+ed! for she knew she was #roken$ 6hat should she say if he found it out when married- * her fellow1ser+ant! a widow! told her she had had se+eral men #efore marriage! and her hus#and had not found out the want of +irginity$ "he used to slee) in the same #ed with that ser+ant3 they got from talking to feeling! and then to frigging each other$ Did I see any harm in that9o I did not! I told her$ Encouraged she then told me more$ One night her fellow1ser+ant )roduced something like a man,s thing! and )ut it u) herself! saying it ga+e her more )leasure than frigging$ &nother night! when >itty was made o+er1randy #y talking! and feeling each other! she let the woman )ut the thing u) her$ It was u) her #efore she was aware of it almost! and did not hurt her much$ "he s)ent! it ga+e her )leasure! #ut she was #leeding! and she cried$ %It was a dildo!% said I$ >itty had ne+er heard the word! the cook called it a sham1cock$ I comforted the girl! and told her I had heard that women managed to hum#ug a hus#and on the marriage1night$ %.ut I,m afraid I,m in the family way!% said she$ <hat was annoying news to me$ %Let,s fuck as much as we can then #efore your ne;t monthly time my dear!% * and we did$ &fterwards she told me all a#out the lewed tricks the two women )layed together$ <he cook had gamahuched her! and always wanted to do it$ >it liked the )leasure! #ut had ne+er done it to the cook$ "uch confidences I always got after a time from women$ I know they will lay in my arms! and tell me all a#out themsel+es after a little$ I don,t know how much to #elie+e of this tale of >itty,s! #ut write it 2ust as she told it to me$ I think it true$ "he was a nice girl$ I greatly en2oyed fucking her! and oh7 didn,t she7 #ut in a few weeks I had had enough of her$ During that time I ne+er touched a gay lady! and had 5uite a dislike to their ready +olu)tuousness3 #ut it #ecame +ery difficult to get a grind with the girl! which was annoying$ "he had asked to go out as often as was )ossi#le! #ut the family was much at home! through wet weather! and I wanted a s)end daily$ .ut I think I should ha+e continued longer my attentions e;clusi+ely to her dark1haired motte! had chance not thrown 5uite a different coloured article in my way$ I was out at a dance$ & +ery )retty! 5uite light! fair1haired woman whom I had known some time was there$ "he had #een a widow a#out three years! had three children! was a#out thirty years old! and was soon going to marry again$ "he #ore an e;cellent +irtuous character among our mutual friends$ I had since her widowhood once or twice! when a little warm! dro)t a dou#le entendre! #ut she ne+er took it u)! and I had not thought a#out ha+ing her! nor indeed much desired her$
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On the night in 5uestion a strong letch for her came o+er me! )erha)s I was o+er1fed and heated$ It was a +ery warm night for early s)ring$ I danced with her se+eral times! and at inter+als asked her if she did not feel frightened in #ed #y herself! and other suggesti+e 5uestions$ "he )arried them #y e+asi+e #ut rather warm re)lies! and we in fact egged each other on! #oth getting randier and randier I e;)ect$ &t last I said in the middle of a 5uadrille something +ery strongly suggesti+e$ "he re)lied that if it would not look strange! she would lea+e off dancing with me at once$ .ut I ke)t on the same sort of 2oking! and warmed her u) till she re)lied much in the same s)irit$ "he must ha+e #een awfully lewed #y the time the 5uadrille was finished$ I did not take her into su))er! #ut was near to her! drank to her! and ke)t looking at her! and she at me$ <hen I danced again with her! hugging her in a walt=$ &#out half1)ast one in the morning we were #oth in the hall lea+ing! and her carriage had not come$ "he got tired of waiting! and would wait no longer! so had a ca# called$ 9o she would not gi+e me a seat * of course not$ I left! and walked on! lea+ing her in the hall$ It was a lo+ely night$ I intentionally did not go out of sight of the house! and when the ca# neared me! #oldly called to the man to sto)! on seeing the lady inside$ %9ow do gi+e me a lift! no one will know or can say anything!% * and into the ca# I got with her$ "he did not resist! though she o#2ected$ I can,t tell e;actly the order of what followed! it was all ra)idly done$ 6e must ha+e #een #oth stewing in lust! she )erha)s worse than me! from not ha+ing had a )rick u) her for three years$ In a minute I was kissing! in another my fingers were on her cunt! in another her hand clas)ed my )rick! and I was entreating her to let me ha+e her$ 6e were crossing London! and I suggested a house$ "he was in a state of +olu)tuous silence$ %Oh7 * no * oh7 * n * ho!% was all she said as I kissed! frigged! and entreated her! not heeding her refusal$ %8afe de l,Euro)e!% said I to the ca##y! who turned his horse,s head! and dro+e there$ "he had consented in a )assi+e manner$ &t the 8afe we got out! I drew the hood of her cloak o+er her head$ Off went the ca#$ 6e sto))ed in the cafe1lo##y! and directly the ca# was gone I walked her into J'''s "treet close #y! and u) into a room I had occu)ied a hundred times$ In a minute I )ushed #oth hands u) her clothes! feeling her #um! thighs and cunt$ %Let,s fuck my lo+e! let,s fuck$% I ne+er minced words at that stage! and was kneeling on the floor feeling her! whilst she stood in silence )ermitting it$ %<ake off your dress lo+e$% %Im)ossi#le! * how can I fasten it again% %<he cham#ermaid will$% %Oh7 don,t let her come in! and see my face$% I )ulled her to the #edside! and threw her #ack$ %Oh7 my head1dress * what will my maid think if it,s undone-% In my fierce lust I thought of nothing #ut fucking her! #ut she was in #all1dress! a feather in her hair! 2ewels round her neck! #racelets and ornaments a#out her e+erywhere$ (er fears were wise$ (astily I )ushed )illows under her #ack to kee) her head u)$ %Don,t rum)le my dress$% %I won,t$% %Oh7 don,t get me with child!% said she as I )ulled u) her clothes$
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%9o I,ll not s)end in you% /I had said that when in the ca#0$ <he ne;t second I saw a )air of lo+ely )lum)! white thighs and a sandy1haired 5uim! my )rick was u) it! we were #oth wrought u) to the highest )itch$ %>iss me dear$% %O * h * o kiss me!% said she$ I was fucking u)right #y the #edside! for fear of deranging her clothes$ 9ow I closed on her! thrust my tongue into her sweet mouth! and forgetting all a#out dress or children clutched her tight! and s)ent u) her! and she with me$ It,s delicious when one,s )assion has #een cooled in a woman! to hold her thighs u) round you as I did those of Mrs$ O$ I ne+er saw a woman lay so tran5uil with eyes closed so long$ "he was a lo+ely sight as she lay with diamonds! and gold! and feathers! her full #reasts showing nearly to her #u##ies o+er her satin dress3 silk stockings on her )lum) legs! white satin #oots on her feet! all u)on her of the cleanest and richest$ My cock at length #egan to dwindle! I felt the moisture running onto my #alls! and cooling round my )rick where her cunt1li)s closed round it! and then she o)ened her eyes$ %<ake care of my clothes$% %(old your thighs well u)! and I will$% I )laced my hand under my )rick! drew it out! and caught the s)erm which followed it$ "he rose holding her cunt! and rushed to the #asin like mad$ I )oured out water$ %4ou,+e got me with child!% said she$ %9onsense$% %4ou ha+e! * you ha+e! * I,m sure you ha+e!% she re)lied as she s5uatted! washing her cunt$ &fter a long slo))ing she rose looking confused! then in the glass to see if her head1dress was all right$ %I,m frightened!% said she! %I,m sure I shall #e with child$% %9onsense$ %I,m )erfectly sure!% * and she sat down in a thoughtful state$ %Oh7 why did I let you get into the ca# with me$% I dro))ed on my knees in front of her! my )rick still hanging out$ I felt grateful to her for her sacrifice$ I ha+e always liked a nice woman more after I ha+e fucked her than #efore! and she looked such a lo+ely #londe though of a colour I did not admire$ <hen I found a lot of our s)ending had dro))ed on my #lack trowsers$ :etting a towel to cleanse them! thinking of the moisture and its cause! I stiffened! and my cock stood in front of her like a #ows)rit$ %Let,s do it again$% %I must go! * I must get #ack!% * #ut I had had neither a feel nor a sight of her charms$ In my rutting fury I had dri+en my )rick u) her directly I felt her nakedness$ 9or had she in her maddening want of )rick im)eded me$ 9ow #oth were inclined for the soft +olu)tuous amusements! that gentle e;amination #y sight and touch! those delicious kisses which are nearly as nice as the crisis that follows them$ "he was o+ercome! and yielded readily! s)ite of her an;iety$ 6ithout coyness! yet with )erfect modesty! she let me see her charms$ "he was #eautifully made! with thighs of da==ling whiteness! * most light1haired women ha+e! * her cunt well 1co+ered with hair of the colour of dark ginger! had darkish red! and largish nym)hae showing through it$ & )rettier light1 haired cunt I ne+er saw$ <he slight aroma from it! mingled with the )er1fume
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of her moist skin! of flowers! clean linen! and silks! dro+e me wild again$ 9e+er #ut twice #efore I think ha+e I seen a lo+ely! modest woman in e;5uisite clothing! e;)osing her charms to me! and #oth the others had dark1 haired cunts$ %Oh7 let me see you from a distance!% said I retreating to the other side of the room to look$ "he laid e;)osed! #ut I could not wait to comtem)late long$ Dro))ing on my knees again! I #uried my tongue in her cunt! tickled it in ecstasy! kissed! smelt! and licked slightly her 5uim all o+er$ <hen at the edge of the #ed again! )lacing )illows for her head! and folding u) her dress a#o+e her na+el! so as not to rum)le it! I fucked her$ .oth em1#races must ha+e #een done in a 5uarter of an hour$ My e;citement was intense$ 6ith her it was almost a wedding1night! and she was o+ercome with se;ual )leasure$ %<he mischief,s done!% said she as she washed again$ I laughed at her! #ut she )ersisted$ (er first child was #orn nine months to a day after her marriage$ <hey would ha+e had more than three children had they not taken )recautions to )re+ent them$ "he told this to me ra)idly whilst )re)aring to lea+e$ "he was of a #reeding nature! and all her family were$ "he )ressed me to lea+e at once! #ut I was mad a#out her$ I longed to get )ictures5ue +iews of her hidden charms! surrounded as they were #y lace and 2ewels$ (er coach1 man was her an;iety! * was he drunk- * had he gone to fetch her or not! and when7 * what if he had gone! and returned home! * found her not returned* what should she say- 6e were )u==led! #ut arranged that her ca# was to ha+e #roken down! and she had difficulty in getting another! * a lame story! #ut the #est we could com)ose$ &gain I wanted her$ %Oh7 think of me! * think of the conse5uences! *let me get home$% I had #een furiously frigging my )rick whilst talking! ho)ing to make it stiff! knowing that nothing )ersuades a woman like a stiff1stander$ Many a woman will say! %no! no!% till she sees the red1ti))ed cunt1sto))er ready! and then can say it no longer$ It has #een my e;)erience with women of the modest class$ (er cloak was on! the hood well o+er her head$ %Let me ha+e you$% %&nother day )erha)s! #ut let us go now$% I ke)t on frigging myself$ %Let us do it again! * look it,s stiff! * we shan,t #e fi+e minutes$% %Oh7 yes we will$% %One look then at your cunt! at those lo+ely thighs again!% said I frigging on$ Dro))ing on my knees! )uffing u) her clothes! I #egan kissing her motte$ 9othing makes a modest woman more randy than a man looking at her nakedness! the idea of it stirs her lust$ <hen my tongue )layed on her lo+ely little clitoris! she fell #ack on the #ed! then I arranged her head! and gamahuched her for a minute! and then )ut into her$ Once my cock seemed inclined to shirk its duty! #ut I dro+e it u) her fast and furious! her cunt cli))ed! my s)unk shot u) it! and we had co)ulated again! #ut I was a long time at it$ "he s)ent again$ <hen without either of us washing we left$ I had a four1wheeler! and she dro+e away! #ut not from the #audy house door$ %Aay him well!% said I$ I called the ne;t day! how we looked at each other7 * a lady was with her$ %<hink!% said she to her! as though for her information! %how my coachman
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ser+ed me last night$% <hen she told the lady that on getting home in a ca#! she found him slightly ti)sy! #ut )utting in the horses to the carriage! and swearing she had told him three a$m$! and not one a$m$! * she would dismiss him$ (ow I #lessed that ti))ling coachman! * all was safe$ :entlemen ne+er +isited at her house without their wi+es! her and children were always )resent or friends with her! she was most )articular in her conduct$ "o I wrote asking her to meet me in the .''l'''t'n &rcade$ "he did meet and )romised to go with me$ %Once! only once mind! * at some hotel in the day1time! to a house of another class! ne+er$% "o I took a sitting1room and #ed1room at the ''' hotel! and sle)t there one night as a #lind$ "he came the ne;t day! and I had a lo+ely three hours with her$ I gamahuched her! * #ut not till she s)ent$ I ne+er ha+e #een a#le to say why I at times did this to a woman when I )assed scores o+er$ "he had ne+er #een cunt1licked #efore$ I had her se+eral times afterwards! and did the same$ &gain I took her to my house in J'''s "treet! telling her that it was a, sort of )ri+ate hotel$ Aerha)s she #elie+ed it! )erha)s not! #ut she came a few times there$ 6e neither entered nor left together! and she asked no more 5uestions a#out the house$ I was thus ha+ing her and 8atherine alternately and my mind took a +olu)tuous twist$ 6hen I was with >itty I would think of Mrs$ O,s fla;en1 haired cunt! and fancy I was fucking her$ 6hen u) Mrs$ O$ I thought that >itty,s #lack1haired motte was twisting and twining with my )rick,s surroundings$ <hen the two got mi;ed in my +olu)tuous imagination! and I felt as if I were in #oth cunts at the same time$ "o I en2oyed the two females immensely! #ut for a short time only$ Mrs$ O$,s courses came on! they did so one afternoon when I was stroking her$ %<hank :od!% said she! and she ne+er let me ha+e her afterwards$ I ha+e kissed her! and she me! slyly shown her my )enis! ha+e felt her 5uim! #ut she could not #e )ersuaded to more$ "ome months afterwards she married! and has had se+eral children since$ "he is ali+e now as I write this$ "he asked me to a+oid s)eaking to her as much as I could! when she was married! if e+er we met at friends, houses$ /I did meet her se+eral times for years afterwards! #ut ne+er #y look! or otherwise! showed any intimacy with her$0 I knew a little of her second hus#and! #ut as on her marriage they did not send us cards! we did not +isit them! which was as it should #e$ &fter her fucking she used always to say! %Oh7 what madness! what wicked madness of me! to let you do this$% I lost >ate nearly at the same time as I lost Mrs$ O$ "he was im)udent to her mistress! who dismissed her! and she went home$ I ne+er heard if she married! or what took )lace after$ "he was in lodgings for a#out a week #efore she returned to the country$ During that time I took her to J'''s "treet nightly! and had delight in shagging her in e;actly the same way at the #edside as I had Mrs$ O$ I told her I had a lady on that #ed with ginger1
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coloured hair on her cunt$ %& light1haired thing like that must look +ery ugly! * doesn,t it-!% said she$ 9ow I ne+er gamahuched >itty! nor thought of doing it to her! and yet I did it to Mrs$ O$ 6hy to one! and not the other I ne+er could tell! when I thought of my selection$ I was glad #oth liaisons had terminated$ <he %family way% annoys me always and I su))ose #oth women s)oke the truth$ Mrs$ O$ was frantic when her monthly )eriod a))roached! and there was nothing to show for it$ %My :od if this should cause my marriage to #e #roken off!% etc$! and I could not marry her$ * "he had always liked me she said$ :ood :od what madness had come o+er her on that unfortunate night! when she let me get into the ca# with her$ "he took howe+er her fucking readily enough as long as her courses sto))ed$ 6e ne+er were actually in #ed together! though we were undressed! and on it$ 8uriosity! o))ortunity! and a randy cock and cunt #rought the affair a#out! * I e;)ect there are many such cases$ I ha+e at J'''s "treet when (annah was mistress! seen once or twice! ladies come in fine e+ening dresses! hiding their faces! and going u)stairs with gentlemen! and once she told me that a lady came there! stri))ed herself naked! co+ered her face with gau=e! and then was fucked #y men she got for her3 #ut she ne+er would tell me who the men or the lady were$ >itty took her %family way% more coolly$ "he had not her courses on! e+en when she left! #ut she had #een to some woman who ga+e her something! sure she said to set her to rights! though it would make her +ery ill$ "o she resol+ed to take it when at home with her mother in the country$ I ga+e her ten )ounds at )arting! and the fullest ad+ice I could! as to her #eha+iour on her wedding1 night! and fucked her 2ust #efore she got into the ca# to de)art$ "he met me under the )ortico of the (aymarket <heatre! lea+ing her ca# with her #o; outside close #y$ "he was #ehind time! and I thought she had hum#ugged me$ I had 2ust only time to throw u) her )etticoats! ha+e a last look at her male1 cage! and )lug it$ <hen looking at my watch I dou#ted if she would catch her train$ Off she went with my s)unk in her cunt$ I had her ad1dress! and she a )ost1office where she could write to me! * #ut neither of us did write$ <hen I took to indiscriminate whoring! and ha+ing for the time )lenty of money! soon tailed a#out three do=en of the finest women of the &rgyle set$ I was surrounded #y them so soon as I showed myself there! * they were the )almy days of the &rgyle$ /I don,t think I ha+e said that (annah had #een dismissed from J'''s "treet$ I ha+e ne+er seen her since$0

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Chapter XXI Camille the se)ond. Stripping. 1he divan. Co)*#washing. Camille(s ante)edents. 2a)e, %orm, and )unt. Mode o% )opulating. vari)ious. 2ree %u)*ing o%%ered. ,abrielle. Cunt, %orm, and %a)e. Minette. My daily dose o% do5ies. t M''g''e. Lodgings at the green#gro)er(s. Louisa the red#haired. 1he lodging#house servant. 1he shop#boy. My %riend(s daughter. &iddling, and presents. Loo(s bum pin)hed. 1he servant *issed. stro*e on the sands. .ith Loo on the bea)h. Cha%%, and )unt#ti)*ling. de)laration o% love. 1he virtuous servant. "ince I had finished with 8amille! her sister Louise! and the rench artistes in letchery whom she introduced to me when I was twenty1one years old! I do not recollect ha+ing gone with a rench woman e;ce)ting when a#road! my tastes ran on my own countrywomen$ 9ow in the year ED''! a year of national im)ortance! and one in which strangers came from all )arts of the world to London! I was to ha+e a rench woman again$ 6as it for the sake of change only! or #ecause they were more willing! salacious! enter)rising! and artistic in Aa)hian e;ercises- * was it my recollection of ha+ing that when I did not want it- * I cannot say$ &t 5uite the #eginning of the month of June! a#out four o,clock in the afternoon! I saw a woman walking slowly along Aall1Mall dressed in the nicest and neatest way$ I could scarcely make u) my mind whether she was gay or not! #ut at length saw the 5uiet in+itation in her eye! and slightly nodding in re)ly! followed her to a house in .y "treet! "t$ James$ "he was a rench woman named 8amille$ I named my fee! it was acce)ted! and in a 5uiet! e+en ladylike way she #egan undressing$ 6ith a neatness unusual in gay women! one #y one each garment was folded u)! and )laced on a chair! )ins stuck in a )in1cushion! etc$! with the greatest com)osure! and almost without s)eaking$ I liked her e+en for that! and felt she would suit my taste$ &s each )art of her flesh came into +iew! I saw that her form was lo+ely$ 6hen in her chemise! I #egan undressing! she sitting looking at me$ 6hen in my shirt! I #egan those e;5uisite )reliminaries with this well1made! )retty woman! feeling her all o+er! and kissing her3 #ut my )ego was im)atient! and I could not go on at this long$ "miling she laid hold of my )rick$ %"hall we make lo+e-% this was in the #ed1room$ %4es$% %(ere! or in the salon-% %I don,t like a sofa$% %Mais ici!% said she )ushing the door o)en wide! and )ointing to a )iece of furniture which I had not noticed! though noticea#le enough$ In the room was a sort of settee or di+an! as long! and nearly as wide as a good1si=ed #ed3 so wide that two )eo)le could lie on it side #y side$ It had neither head nor feet! #ut )resented one le+el surface! co+ered with a red silky
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material! and a +alance hanging down the sides$ &t one end were two )illows! also red! and made flat like two #ed1)illows$ %<here! on that!% said I at once$ I ne+er saw any di+an or )iece of furniture like it in my life since! neither in #rothel! nor in )ri+ate house! here or on the 8ontinent! e;ce)ting once when 5uite in the e;treme East of Euro)e$ It was a #la=ing hot day$ %"hall I take off my chemise-% %4es$% Off she took it! folded it u)! and took it into the #ed1room$ %<ake off your shirt$% Off I drew it! and we #oth stood naked$ "he laid hold of my stiff )rick! ga+e it a gentle shake! laughed! fetched two towels! s)read one on the di+an for her #um! laid the other on a )illow for me! went #ack to the #ed1room! )oured out water in the #asin! then laid herself down naked on the di+an with her #um on the towel$ I kissed her #elly and thighs! and she o)ened them wide for me to see her notch! without my ha+ing asked her to do so$ <o )ull it o)en! ha+e a moment,s glance at the red! kiss and feel her ra)idly o+er! mount her! fuck and s)end! was only an affair of two or three minutes! so strongly had she stirred my lust for her$ I laid long u) her! raising myself on my el#ow to talk with her whilst my )rick was still in her sheath$ &t length it sli))ed out$ :ently she )ut her hand down! and caught it! taking off the e;cess of moisture$ Delicately she raised the towel! and )ut her hand on her cunt! and saying with a smile$ %Mon Dieu! it en a asse=!% went to the #ed1room! I following her$ "he wi)ed her cunt with the towel! half s5uatting to do so! then rose u) 5uickly saying! %"hall I wash you-% I had #egun! #ut the offer )leased me$ I ha+e no recollection as I write this! of any gay woman ha+ing made such an offer since the first rench 8amille! me$ If she #e a cheat! and only uses the money to e;1tort more! #e it so$ * I know my woman! and ha+e done with her henceforth$ 8amille was a woman of )erfect height! a#out fi+e foot se+en! and #eautifully formed! had full! hard e;5uisite #reasts! and lo+ely legs and haunches! though not too fat or hea+y$ <he hair on her cunt! soft and of a +ery dark chestnut colour! was not then large in 5uantity! #ut corres)onded with her years$ (er cunt was small! with small inner li)s! and a )retty nu##ly clitoris like a little #utton$ <he s)lit of her cunt lay #etween the thighs with scarcely any swell of outer1li)s! #ut had a good mons! and was altogether one of the )rettiest cunts I ha+e e+er seen$ I am now #eginning! after ha+ing seen many hundreds of them! to a))reciate #eauty in cunts! to #e conscious that there is a s)ecial! a su)erior #eauty in the cunts of some women as com)ared with others! 2ust as there is in other )arts of their #ody$ "he had )retty hands and feet$ (er skin had the slightly #rown gi)sy tint found in many women in the "outh of Euro)e$ I ne+er saw a woman in whom the colour was so uniform as in her$ rom her face to her ankles it was the same un+arying tint without a mottle! e+en in any cranny$ It had also the most e;5uisite smoothness! #ut it neither
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felt like i+ory! satin! nor +el+et! it seemed a com)ound of them all$ I ha+e scarcely felt the same in any other woman yet$ <hat smoothness attracted me at first I e;)ect! #ut it was only after I had had her se+eral times! that I #egan to a))reciate it! and to com)are it with the skin of other women$ "he had with that! a great delicacy of touch with her hands$ (er face was scarcely e5ual to her form$ <he nose was more than retrousse! it #ordered on the snu#$ "he had small! dark! softly twinkling eyes! and dark hair3 the mouth was ordinary! #ut with a set of +ery small! and #eautifully white! regular! teeth$ <he general effect of her face was )i5uante rather than #eautiful! #ut it )leased me$ (er +oice was small and soft! * an e;cellent thing in a woman$ /"uch was the woman I ha+e known for thirty1one years! #ut of whom there is scarcely anything to #e told$ 9o intrigue! nothing e;citing is connected with her and myself$ I cannot tell all the incidents of our ac5uaintance right off as I do those of many of my women! who a))eared! )leased me! and disa))eared3 #ut she will #e noticed from time to time as I had her! or sought her hel) in different erotic whims and fancies! which took hold of me at +arious )eriods$ I write this now finding that her name a))ears in my manuscri)t a long way further on$ "he was moreo+er a most intelligent creature! clean! so#er! and economical! and sa+ing with a good )ur)ose and o#2ect! to end alas7 for her in failure$0 I ne+er had a more +olu)tuous woman$ 9aked on that di+an! or on the #ed when the weather was warm! I had her constantly during that summer$ I know nothing more e;citing! than the tran5uil! slow! measured way in which she laid down! e;)osing her charms3 e+ery attitude #eing natural yet e;citing #y its #eauty and delicate salacity$ "he always seemed to me to #e what I had heard of Orientals in co)ulation$ "he had the slowest yet most stifling em#race$ <here was no +iolent energy! no hea+ing u) of rum)! as if a )in had 2ust run into her! nor +iolent sighs! nor loud e;clamations3 #ut she clung to you! and sucked your mouth in a way I scarcely e+er ha+e found in English women! or in rench ones3 #ut the &ustrians and (ungarians in the use of tongue with tongue! and li)s with li)s are unri+alled in +olu)tuousness$ .eyond a +olu)tuous grace natural to her! she had not at first the facile ways of a rench courtesan! they came later on$ I saw the change! and from that and other indications feel sure she had not #een in gay life long #efore I had her$ I could tell more of her history! #ut this is a narrati+e of my life! not of hers$ /I ha+e destroyed some )ages of manuscri)t solely relating to her$0 "he soon got a good clientele! )icked u) English ra)1idly! dressed richly! #ut ne+er showily! and #egan to sa+e money$ "he made affectionate ad+ances to me which I did not acce)t$ &fter a time she used to )out at what I ga+e her! and got greedy$ "o one day saying! %Ma schere! here is more! #ut adieu! * I
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don,t like you to #e dissatisfied! #ut cannot afford to come to see you!% * she sla))ed the gold hea+ily down on the ta#le$ %&h7 mon Dieu! don,t say so! * come! * come! * I am sorry! * you shall ne+er )ay me! * come when you like! * I did not want you to )ay me! #ut you would! * come! * do come! * that lo+ely )rick! * do me again #efore you go! * don,t go! * my maid shall say I ha+e not come home!% /she e;)ected some man0! * and she ne+er )outed a#out my com)liment! till many years afterwards$ I su))ose that ha+ing had this charming fresh rench woman! made me wish for another3 for s)ite of my satisfaction and liking for her! I made ac5uaintance with another rench woman! as unlike 8amille as )ossi#le$ (er name was :a#rielle! a #old1looking woman with #ig eyes and a handsome face! +ery tall and well1made! #ut with not too much flesh on her #ones! with a large! full1li))ed! loud1looking cunt in a #ush of hair as #lack as charcoal$ I ne+er told 8amille a#out her! and think it was the great contrast #etween the two which made me ha+e her$ <hat woman also seemed later on to ha+e taken some sort of fancy to me$ "he had all the ready letchery of a well1)ractised rench harlot! I saw it from the way she o)ened her thighs! and laid down to recei+e my em#races$ &#out the third +isit she #rought water! and made me wash my )rick! on which the e;udation of healthy lust was showing whitish! #efore she let me )oke her$ I liked her cleanliness! #ut to my astonishment no sooner were we on the #ed! than she re+ersed herself laying side #y side with me! and #egan sucking my )rick$ I had no taste for that )leasure! nor since a woman in the rooms of 8amille the first did it to me! had my )enis #een so treated that I recollect! though I had made ladies take it into their mouths for a second$ I o#2ected$ %Mais si! * mais si!% * and she went on$ My head was near her knee! one leg she lifted u)! showing her thighs! which o)ened and showed her #ig1li))ed cunt in its thicket of #lack hair$ "he )layed with my )rick thus till e;)erience told her she could do it no longer with safety! then ceasing her suction! and changing her )osition! I fucked her in the old1fashioned way$ <he amusement seemed not to ha+e shocked me as much as I thought it should ha+e done! and it was re)eated as a )reliminary on other days! without my e+er suggesting it$ &fter I had had my first )oke! the delicate titillation of the mouth seemed +astly )leasant! my )rick then #eing tem)orarily fatigued #y e;ercise in its natural channel3 #ut I felt annoyed with myself for relishing it at all$ I had not o+ercome )re2udices then! though e+idently my )hiloso)hy was gradually undermining them$ 6hy! if it gi+es )leasure to the man to ha+e his )rick sucked #y a woman! who likes o)erating that way on the male! should they #e a#used for en2oying themsel+es in such manner- & woman may ru# it u) to stiffen it! the man always does so if needful! * that is 5uite natural and )ro)er$ 6hat wrong then in a woman using her mouth for the same )ur)ose! and gi+ing still higher! more delicate and refined )leasure- &ll animals lick
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each other,s )ri+ates! why not we- In co)ulation and its conse5uences! we are mainly animals! #ut with our intelligence! we should seek all )ossi#le forms of )leasure in co)ulation! and e+erything else$ 6ith these two women I was satisfied till towards the end of &ugust! #oth of them trying to make me see them much$ :a#rielle for some fancy of her own took to calling me Monsieur :a#rielle$ I did not see her nearly so often as 8amille! #ut one or other I saw al1most daily! 8amille generally #etween luncheon and dinner! :a#rielle after dinner$ I ha+e seen #oth on the same day! and then #oth were fucked3 #ut I usually co)ulated #ut once daily$ I was in good health! and one daily emission of semen ke)t me so! and seemed as needful to me as slee)$ I had much lewed )leasure in com)aring mentally their two cunts! their #eing a most striking difference in the look of the two$ I was so amused with them that year! that I would not lea+e till near "e)tem#er$ <hen! %4ou,+e sto))ed all the long days! and the hottest weather! when I wanted to #e #y the seaside! * and now I won,t go at all$% I was glad of it! and without waiting for change of intention in that 5uarter! had my things )acked u)! and without delay! took myself off to the healthy! #ut +ulgarish town of M''g''e$ It was a )lace where I e;)ected a little fun! a few kisses from healthy li)s! and a little intrigue )erha)s! and the chance of getting some young healthy! unfucked cunt$ I know )retty well now that with town1women out for a #rief holiday like most of those who go to M''g''e3 that idleness! #etter air! more and #etter food than they are accustomed to! heats the cunts! and makes many a modest one long for the male! and discontented with her middle1finger$ I had not #een at my hotel a day! #efore I met an intimate friend with his wife and eldest daughter! * a girl of fourteen$ (e had taken the u))er )art of a house o+er a sho)! #eing a man of #ut moderate means! and intended to ha+e #rought two other children! and a maid! #ut something )re+ented that$ I liked #oth him and his wife! and at his suggestion went to occu)y one of his rooms! and li+e with them /)aying my share0$ I found the rooms were o+er a greengrocers! which I didn,t like! and think I should ha+e cried off! had I not seen that the ser+ant was a healthy! full1fleshed #itch! and I thought there might #e a chance of )rodding her! like "ally on a )re+ious autumn$ <he house newly #uilt! and e+idently for lodgings! was #igger! more comforta#le than most of its class! and had a side or )ri+ate entrance1door! o)ening on to a )assage se)arated from the sho) #ut with a door into it at the end where also was a kitchen with a #ed1room o+er it! and a water1closet! all looking into a little garden with one or two trees in it$ <he sitting and #ed1 rooms o+er the sho) were occu)ied #y my friend and wife! and of two rooms a#o+e! one was mine! and one his daughter,s3 the attics the landlady and the ser+ant I thought occu)ied$ <here was also leading out from the staircase! the #ed1room o+er the kitchen which my friend had also hired! to a+oid ha+ing strangers in the house with them$ <his was entered from the staircase1
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landing! as was the lodgers, water1closet! a con+enience which few such houses had then$ <he sho) seemed flourishing$ &ny one going in at the )ri+ate door could not fail to see the whole of the sho)! down to a small )arlour ha+ing a window on to the garden$ <he first thing I noticed was a strong! healthy! red1cheeked! saucy1looking girl a#out si;teen years of age! with a curly #ut dishe+elled head of dee)red1coloured hair! * a +ery unusual and )eculiar dee)1red! and #ut rarely seen$ <he girl standing at the sho)1front stared hard at me when I arri+ed! and nudged a #ig #oy a#out fifteen years old who was hall1sitting close #y the girl! u)on a sack of )otatoes$ <he girl called the woman of the house %&unt$% "he attended to the sho) I found when the aunt was away /cooking chiefly when so0$ <he #oy took home the goods )urchased! and left nightly after closing the shutters$ ?ed1(ead sle)t in the attics o+er me! and took off her #oots at times as she went u)stairs! so as not to make a noise o+er the lodgers, heads! * the aunt sle)t there also$ <hey two eat in the kitchen or the sho)1)arlour$ I was at once cheery with the ser+ant! #ut it did not )romise much$ <he red1 haired one /another Louisa! and called Loo0! )leased me! though I did not like her hair$ "he s)oke so loud! laughed so heartily with customers! took chaffing! lifted such hea+y weights! and mo+ing het haunches! that I longed to )inch her$ "he looked so hard at me /and also my friend0! when we )assed the sho)! for she was generally at the door! and often outside it! goods #eing )laced there! * that I made u) my mind she had 2ust come into the first lusts of womanhood! and was )retty strongly in want of a man$ In a day or two I was #uying fruit two or three times daily$ %>ee) the change Loo /I hear that,s your name0! * it will #uy you some ri##on$% %Oh7 thankee sir!% * and she )ut it 5uickly into her )ocket without hesitation$ Em#oldened I ga+e her half a crown$ %>ee) the change! and you shall gi+e me a kiss for it$% Into her )ocket it went$ "he looked 5uickly towards the #ack of the sho)! * there was the #oy$ "he slightly shook her head$ %I can,t!% said she in a low +oice! taking the change out of her )ocket and tendering it to me$ I winked! )ushed out my li)s as if kissing! and left the sho)! lea+ing her the change$ <he #oy was out of sight somewhere when I was #uying the fruit$ .etween ele+en and one o,clock she was mostly alone! her aunt in the kitchen! the #oy out! and the same for an hour or two in the afternoon$ Unfortunately those were the #athing and )romenading hours! so there was difficulty in getting at the girl uno#ser+ed! #ut nothing stood in my way when cunt1 hunting! and ne+er had$ rom always thinking how! and where! I all my life ha+e got my o))ortunities with women$ I also found that of an e+ening! her aunt 2ust at dusk went out at times to get! I heard her say! a mouthful of fresh air$ <hen the girl was alone with the #oy till he left$
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&#out the fourth night! the #oy had left! Loo was alone in the sho)1)arlour! my friends u)stairs$ I went out /as I said0! to ha+e a cigar! and a stroll! #ut when 2ust at the #ottom of the stairs the sho)1door in the )artition o)ened! and Loo a))eared$ %(ist! * hist!% said I$ "he sto))ed! I caught hold of her! and kissed her$ %Oh7 don,t! * Mary /the ser+ant0 is in the kitchen$% I kissed again$ %Oh7 don,t$% %4ou owe me a kiss$% %Oh7 not here! * go to the front1door!% said she$ I did$ "he came there! 2ust outside the door! #ut u) against it! she kissed me! and went ra)idly #ack$ %I,ll wait for you as you go to #ed!% I said! and did so with sli))ers off$ &#out half1)ast ten she )assed my #ed1room$ I heard Miss ' ' ' ' mo+ing a#out in the room o))osite to me! #ut on the landing I )inched Loo,s #um hard! * +ery hard as she )assed$ "he winced! and )assed on +ery 5uickly! shaking her head and smiling! candle in hand$ I )ut my head down shamming to look u) her clothes$ 6e were intimate already! I had #egun dou#le entendres which she took! and I #egan to think that the fresh1looking! saucy one! young as she was! knew a )rick from a cucum#er$ <hen I found that the ser+ant went home each night to slee)$ I hadn,t #een at M''g''e a week #efore I wanted female assistance! and )icking u) a casual! and thinking of my intention! ga+e her fi+e shillings to show me a #audy house or two! which she did$ One! a +ery 5uiet one! was in the old )art of the town! o+er a china1sho)$ Aarting with the woman I strolled on to the #each! and met her there again! and felt her cunt! I sitting on a seat! she standing #y the side of me$ My cock stood! and I ga+e her money for a )oke$ It was not a dark night$ %<here is sand low down!% said she! %no one will notice us when we are lying down$% .ut a fear came o+er me! * I told her so$ %6ell I,+e got your money! and if there was anything the matter with me! I,d hardly ask you to ha+e me! * I,m here e+ery night! and li+e u) at ' ' ' with my mother$% <hen near to the wa+es! she laid on her #ack on the soft dry sands! and I fucked her! and en2oyed her +ery much$ %(ow do you wash your cunt-% %I )iddle now! and wi)e it with my handkerchief! down there /nodding her head0 * there are rocks and )ools of water! * I,m going to wash it there! * I always do after gents!% * and she went off to do it$ 9e;t day #uying something! %8ome Loo! and kiss me in the )assage$% %I can,t * he,ll #e going out at half1)ast ele+en$% E;cusing myself from accom)anying my friends! I was at the lodgings at that hour$ <he ser+ant a#o+e had then all the #eds to make! and the aunt was cooking$ It was risky! yet I had a #rief talk with Loo in whis)ers in the )assage! and kissed! and hugged her! and told her I had fallen dee)ly in lo+e with her$ I had not #egun smut! #ut her #old manner made me wonder why I had not$ <hat afternoon I o+erheard a 5uarrel #etween her and her aunt! and saw Loo wi)ing her eyes$ Loo said to me when
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I told her what I had heard! that she wished she,d ne+er come! and would sooner go to ser+ice$ I noticed also! for I was dodging in and out all day! and listening in the )assage where I could hear much said in sho) and )arlour! what seemed to me a +ery familiar manner #etween the girl and the #oy$ One day he took her round the waist$ "he! seeing me enter the sho)! )ushed his hand away and #o;ed his ears$ (e stoo)ed! )ulled her )etticoats a little way u)! and then suddenly a))eared +ery #usy$ E+idently she had gi+en him a hint$ It annoyed me! and I wondered if the #oy had felt her$ I did not 5uite gi+e u) ho)es of the maid! who looked fi+e1and1twenty$ I kissed her! and ga+e her a little )resent for cleaning my #oots nicely$ "he took that fairly well$ <hen I felt for her notch outside her clothes$ "he re)ulsed me +iolently! and with a look which I didn,t like$ "o for a time I desisted! #ut re1 commenced! and at length kissed her e+ery time I got her alone$ My friend,s daughter caught me at it! and her father s)oke to me$ (e didn,t mind! #ut his wife did! * I must take care! * it wouldn,t do to let a young girl see that game going on$ 9othing more was said! #ut I noticed that he and his wife looked after me$ One night when we were walking out alone! he said! %4ou want that woman! * and a damned nice woman she looks! * if my wife wasn,t here I,d try to get her my1self! * #ut for :od,s sake don,t let either of the ladies catch you! * it won,t do$% <he young lady,s room was o))osite to mine! and such was my insatia#le desire to see females in desha#ille or nude! that it )assed through my mind to #ore a hole /which I had done at foreign hotels0 through her door! to s)y her$ I could ha+e done so! #ut I did not! though I could not restrain myself from listening to hear when she )iddled and a few times succeeded$ <hen I thought of her )iddle and little hairless cunt! which ga+e me such )leasure! that I 5uite felt a liking for the girl! #ut not se;ually! and #rought her )resents which )leased #oth her and her )arents$ In a fortnight I had often kissed Loo! and )inched her #um till she said it was #lue$ I told her I should like to slee) with her! for I lo+ed her! * this was on the first night she got out for a walk at dusk$ I had heard her aunt say she,d kee) a tight hand on her! and I found Loo was fast almost to a gallo)$ 6e walked and sat down on a #each1seat$ %(ow can you lo+e me- * you,re married! * Mary heard Mrs$ L''g saying so$% %I ne+er said I wasn,t! #ut I hate her! and do nothing to her! and lo+e you$% %Oh7 gammon!% she re)lied$ I had now a little changed my o)inion a#out the girl$ "he wanted to know the meaning of my %doing nothing!% was free in manner! and any delicate smut which I #egan using she answered frankly to$ %Oh7 I knows what you means well enough! #ut don,t you go on like that$% I concluded she had #een #rought u) with coarse )eo)le who s)oke of all their wants! and acts o)enly! so that the girl saw no harm in such things$ "he had only #een with her aunt that summer$ "he told me of her relati+es! and where they li+ed in
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9orthum#erland! * there was a large family! * #ut that was all I could get out of her$ %4er don,t want to call on em!% said she laughing$ &ll was soon finished with the ser+ant$ One morning I waited indoors in ho)es of getting at Loo! and s)ied the ser+ant as she #rought a slo)1)ail to the closet which as said was close to the #ed1room o+er the kitchen$ 6hen she came out I asked her into that room which I had ne+er entered #efore$ %8ome here! I,+e something )articular to tell you! * come$% ?eluctantly she came in! then I kissed! and gradually getting to the unchaste! got my hand on to her cunt$ %.e 5uiet! * you shan,t! * oh7 don,t! * Mrs$ Jones will #e u) to see if all,s right$% %9o she,s out * oh7 what lo+ely thighs! * what hair on your cunt * don,t make that noise$% "he resisted hard! and )ushed down her clothes! at first s)oke in su))ressed tones! then louder$ %4ou shan,t! * oh7 you wretch! * I don,t want a dress! * you shan,t! * oh7 oh7 lea+e off! *I,ll tell Mrs$ Jones! * I will$% I desisted for a moment! #ut only to )ull out my )rick$ "he had taken u) the slo)1)ail looking +ery angry$ 6ith )rick out I rushed at her! she #anged the )ail down! I )ushed her against the #edside! and got my fingers on to her cunt again$ %Let me ha+e you$% %Oh7 * you * shan,t! * I,ll call$% %I,ll say that you asked me in here$% %4ou liar! you #east! * I won,t! * oh7 hi7!% and she cried out so loudly that I desisted$ %I won,t sto) here any longer! and I,ll tell Mrs$ Jones$% "he went out of the room crying and nodding her head furiously at me$ <here will #e a row! thought I$ Later on I offered her two so+ereigns$ %Don,t say anything! * you,ll only lose your character if you do! * I,+e done you no harm$% Indeed I rather funked the affair$ "he took the money without a word! and )ushed me off when I tried to kiss her! and I ne+er got at her again$ <wo days afterwards she left! * she was only a weekly ser+ant$ I don,t think she e+er told a#out me! * she said she didn,t like the )lace$

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Chapter XXII Loo on the bea)h. 1he shop#boy( sattempt. Caught at the water#)loset. *nowing one. 1he gay sister. Su))ess despairs o%. Over the )hina# shop. ;irginity slaughtered. lone in the lodgings. 1he bed#room on the stairs. &o*ing li*e bla3es. gamahu)he. unt at mar*et. Clever dodges. 0a*ed in bed. Homage to &riapus. +elly to belly. +elly to bum. She on he. 1he hand#glass. m I with )hild/ I leave M''g''e. Se!uel. I had no one now #ut Loo$ "he had gone out one e+ening without lea+e! and met me$ (er aunt scolded$ I got +ery warm in my hints and words$ "he laughed at them! #ut still I hesitated! she was such an odd! unusual girl$ I did not know what to make of her! and my failure with the ser+ant made me cautious$ It was slow I found #eing always with my friends! the lady didn,t like my taking her hus#and out of a night without her! so though dining with them I went out #y myself! #ut usually came #ack 2ustwhen the sho) was #eing shut u)! to catch Loo! * e+en if I went out afterwards$ <he night after the new ser+ant came! I left my friends at a concert! and went home$ Entering I heard +oices wrangling! and stealthily cre)t as near the )artition1door as I could$ Loo and the #oy were scuffling$ One second I couldn,t hear a word! the ne;t minute e+erything$ %Don,t! * lea+e off! * I won,t let you!% * then a chair or something made a noise$ %Oho!% cried she! * %shan,t$% %I,+e felt it! * ain,t it hairy-% chuckled the #oy 5uite loud$ &nother scuffle$ %I,ll tell aunt! * don,t! * oh7 the lodgers will hear$% &gain a scuffle$ %Oh7 * now * you * shan,t$% %8unt!% %Oh% * %Arick!% * a sla)$ One of them #anged right u) against the )artition! something dro))ed! and all for a moment was silent$ I mounted the stairs out of sight! and listened$ <he door o)ened! the two came out at the same moment! and the ser+ant! who had not gone! came out of the kitchen$ %I dro))ed the candle! and couldn,t see! and 2um)ed agin the door!% said the #oy$ %4ou,re a stu)id clumsy!% ,said Loo$ <he #oy went out of the house like a shot! the ser+ant and Loo into the kitchen$ (e,s #een feeling her cunt! * )erha)s she him! * the little #itch had #een fucked! thought I$ & day or two #efore I made a hasty offer to take her to London for a week! * would she go- * %Oh7 won,t I 2ust! * I,m longing to see London$% <hen! %(ow can I get away- * aunt would tell father$% 9o she could not$ %<ake a walk with me when the sho) is shut u)$% .ut the aunt rarely let her go out in the e+ening! nor in the day! e;ce)t on "undays$ Aut u) to it #y me she told her aunt she would$ %6e,ll go out to1gether!% said aunt! * #ut it rained a little! aunt said it would s)oil her clothes! and would not go$
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9e;t night the aunt was out! the girl had the sho) shut directly it was dark! and s)ite of aunt came out to meet me on the #each$ I told her what I had heard$ "he admitted the #oy had tried to feel her! #ut had not succeeded$ %.ut I heard him say it was hairy$% %(e,s a liar$% %I don,t #elie+e you,+e got any hair there!% said I$ %Oh7 ain,t I though!% said she laughing$ %Let me feel$% <hen in the dark! little #y little! I man1aged to feel a fat )air of thighs! and the ti) of a cunt$ "he sat 5uiet! at last kissing me! and I her$ One of her legs was o+er the other! so that my finger could only 2ust rest on her clitoris$ <hen she felt my )rick$ It was a lo+ely hour I )assed on that seat #y the shingle$ I whis)ered in con+ersation! %)rick!% * %cunt!% * %fuck!% * that magical triad$ %Oh7 I knows what yer means$% %O)en your thighs now!% %there then! * oh7 you hurt!% * and she got u)$ %4ou wicked little de+il! let me$% I thought her cunt seemed o)en enough$ <here was a row when she got home! #ut she cheeked her aunt #oldly$ 9e;t morning I went to the closet! some one was there! and wanting to #og #adly I went down to the closet in the yard! )ulled o)en the door shar)ly /it was not #olted! and there stood Loo with )etticoats u)! showing #oth legs nearly to her #ackside$ "he was 2ust turning to seat herself$ %Oh7% she shouted dro))ing her clothes$ %Oh7% said I #anging the door to! startled as much as she was$ I went off! #ut an hour afterwards #ought some fruit! * no one was in the sho)$ %I saw your #um$% %4ou didn,t!% said she without a #lush$ %I did$% %It was no fault of mine if you did$% %"how it me now! * there is no one here$% %"han,t$% "he really #lushed! and sat down! #ut could not contain herself from laughing$ I showed her my )rick! and was nearly caught doing so! #y some one entering the sho)$ "he got out another night to walk with a female friend whom the aunt thought Loo could #e trusted with$ Directly clear of the house! that girl went off with her lo+er! * fi+e minutes later I was with Loo on the #each$ It was moonlight$ (ow I cursed the moon! then luckily hea+y clouds hid it$ 9ow I talked a#out co)ulation o)enly$ "he knew all a#out it she said! and at last admitted laughing that she had felt the sho)1#oy,s )rick$ %9o!% no other man,s e;ce)ting 5uite small #oys! * she had felt those$ %Let me do it to you! 1 1 why not-% %I would! #ut I am frightened! * su)1)ose I had a child$% I told her how I would )re+ent her ha+ing one$ 9o! she was frightened$ 6e felt each other well$ (ow I restrained myself from frigging :od only knows3 #ut we were only a#out an hour gone$ 9e;t day I felt her 5uim in the sho) and again as she went u) to #ed! and showed her my )rick$ 6hat risks I ran! and how I esca)ed7 (ad my friend o)ened his door! or the girl o))osite o)ened hers! I must ha+e #een caught$ I found she did not like #eing in the sho)! did not like her aunt! and soon after said she would go away with me to London! if I liked /I,d now offered to kee) her0$ <hat #othered me! I had only 2ust got rid of a woman! and did not want another$ %.ut in London you,d come to grief! * )erha)s go on the town! and
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#e misera#le$% 6ell she didn,t care! she wouldn,t sto) with her aunt! didn,t want to go home * had had enough of them$ "he had a sister who was gay at ''''! who told her she was +ery 2olly$ <he murder was out! her cheek and frank acce)tance of #audy suggestions! her knowledge of fucking! were due to her gay sister$ &t once I said! %6hat,s the good of sitting here #y the sea where we may #e known- * let,s go and ha+e a chat and a glass of wine in a house$% %9o$% %6hy you know you,+e #een fucked! Loo!% said I angry! not mincing words now! and #elie+ing she was shamming for a )ur)ose$ %I,ll take my solemn oath on any .i#le! I ain,t had it done to me!% said she earnestly! * #ut I didn,t #elie+e her$ <here were constant 5uarrels now #etween her and her aunt! * we heard them u)stairs$ Mrs$ L''g! my friend! com)lained of the noise$ <hen I found that Loo had #een sent there #y her father to kee) her away from her gay sister$ &ll this time my friends had ne+er noticed my goings on with the girl! all ha+ing #een done #y us two with such stealth$ &fter that night I talked o)en smut to her! and felt her! and she felt my )rick on e+ery o))ortunity$ 6e discussed fucking! and getting with child! as if we were married$ "he a girl of si;teen would look me in the face! and laugh a#out it without the sign of a #lush$ It was the most e;traordinary state of things I e+er ha+e e;)erienced3 #ut matters sto))ed there$ & month nearly had )assed! I had shagged the woman /already named0 on the sands two or three times! to kee) myself from fist1fucking! and liked the no+elty of the )lace3 #ut I was +ery lewed on Loo$ "he liked the s)ooning! and liked my feeling her cunt! #ut! %9o! I,m frightened! * I won,t go anywhere with you! * I won,t let you do it$% %I fucked a girl on the sands! as you would not let me!% said I in 2ust those words$ %Lor you didn,t$% %I did$% "he #ecame 5uite silent$ My friends were now lea+ing$ %I,m going away with them Loo! as you won,t meet me$% I said that on two successi+e days$ "he made no re)ly$ "unday came$ %8ome out this e+ening$% %I,m going to church with aunt$% %6ell! meet me instead$% "he did! and I got her without any trou#le to the china1sho)! and fi+e minutes after that! we were sitting close together! her hand round my )rick! I titillating her clitoris! our mouths glued together! s)eechless$ Oh7 those lo+ely fi+e minutes$ (er thighs and #um gently mo+ed$ %Oh7 don,t$% %:et on the #ed! Loo! * don,t #e foolish! * we,ll feel each other #etter there$% "he rose$ %<ake off your gown! you will rum)le it$% "he took it off in silence! and got on to the #ed herself without hel)$ 6e laid down$ %6hat a lo+ely fat #um you ha+e$ * I must kiss it$% I loosened my trowsers$ %<here now! let my )rick 2ust touch your #elly! * feel me$% My fingers sli)t along her cunt! and I tried to )ut one u) it$ %Oh7 you hurt$% Is she +irgin- <hen without any resistance I laid on her$ "he sighed! her thighs o)ened! I ad2usted my )rick! gras)ed her #uttocks firmly! and thrust$ %Oh * ohoo7 * #ar7% one loud cry only$ I had shattered it in three or four hard thrusts$ "he was a +irgin! and a tough one$ My s)erm was filling her cunt the ne;t minute$ "he had meant fucking some
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hours #efore! I am sure of it! and almost fancy now! that she had made u) her mind to ha+e it done to her! long #efore that "unday$ 8oming to my senses! %Did you like it * did it gi+e you )leasure-% %9o it hurt!% said she with )erfect tran5uility$ I laid still! kissing her! nestling u) her my stiff )rick! )ut my fingers down! and found them red$ I had )ut a towel on the #ed! and now )ushed it under her #uttocks! and uncunted! * I thought soiling her linen might cause her difficulty$ or a moment to my delight! I saw the unusual sight of a +irgin cunt 2ust fucked! and then )ushed the na)kin #etween her thighs$ %4ou ne+er ha+e had it #efore!% I remarked$ %I told you so!% she re)lied$ "he laid still till I sug1 gested her washing$ &s she washed! %4ou,+e made me #leed!% and she laughed$ <he affair did not seem +ery serious to her$ <hen we talked! I saw her cunt! and fucked her twice more! * the second )oke I sto))ed in the middle$ %Don,t you feel )leasure now-% %Oh7 yes * oho! ah7% "he did not get home till )ast ten o,clock$ I went home first$ (er aunt rowed her in the )assage$ 6alking with a friend! * walking with a friend was her only re)ly$ My friends heard the row in the )assage! as well as I! and ne;t morning re1marked! they were afraid that sho)1girl was gi+ing her aunt much trou#le! * Mrs$ L''g said she looked an im)udent min;$ <hen came that delicious time when a cou)le #oth on heat scheme how to fuck on the sly$ It seems to me the most delicious gratification of se;ual )assion! when it is done thus successfully$ <o kiss! and finger your )ri+ates! whis)er as you )sas! gi+e signals to each other! cunt in one,s mind! cock in the other,s3 to think all day when! where! and how the co)ulation is to come offG to watch this one who is in the way! scheme to get the other out of the way! hatch e;cuses for getting out of the house! tales a#out where you ha+e #een! and reasons for coming in late is delightful$ I lo+e the secret 2oys of success in decei+ing! the )assionate fuck here! there! anywhere! 2ust as the o))ortunity offers3 the ra)id s)end from genitals in which from thinking constantly of it! with lewed desire for hours! the s)erm and se;ual 2uices ha+e #een accumulating! ready for mingling$ I had all this with Loo! ha+e had it with many other women since the age of si;teen! and know nothing in life so soul1 a#sor#ing! so delicious$ 9e;t day we felt each other in the sho)! on the stair1 case! and going u) to #ed$ 9e;t day )romised to #e unsuccessful for us! #ut I was so lewed that I was ready for any risk! 11 she much the same$ 6e could think of no )lace! till suddenly! %<here is the #ed1room on the stairs! * it,s em)ty! * no one will think of your #eing in there$% I went in the e+ening to a #a=aar with my friends! left them there3 and then sli))ed into the house! and into the #ed1room uno#ser+ed$ <he ser+ant had left! the aunt went out! and Loo sli))ed into the room$ "he had left the #oy in the sho)$ I fucked her 5uite in darkness on the #ed1 side! * the #oy thought she had gone u) to her #ed1room$ I sat )atiently half an hour! then u) she came! and we did it again$ 9early another hour and again she came! and was fucked$ %4ou ha+en,t washed your cunt! ha+e you-%
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%9o! * ought I-% said she$ %Isn,t fucking nice-% %Oh7 ain,t it 2ust7% <he 1#oy wondered at her kee)ing the sho) o)en so late$ %<he #ed /a feather one0 will show!% said I$ %&s I come down in the morning! or directly <om,s gone! I,ll set it to rights!% said she$ or the rest of the time of my ac5uaintance with this red1haired damsel! my dodges and de+ices to get her were mostly like those with little "ally! already told of$ <he circumstances were nearly the same$ & sea1coast town! a lodging1 house! a landlady! a young lady an;ious to get her cunt #uttered! a man in full health! intent on #uttering it for her$ 6ho could under those circumstances )re+ent co)ulation<he ne;t night she went out without asking lea+e! and I had her in the china1 sho)$ %My darling let,s look at your cunt$% "he o)ened her thighs 5uite freely$ %Does it look much different to what it did-% "he had #een trying to look at it in the glass! #ut couldn,t see! * she hadn,t a hand1glass$ %.ut it feels 5uite different!% she remarked$ 6e fucked like #la=es for a cou)le of hours$ <here was a great row! and threats of the aunt a#out her a#sence! when she got #ack$ "he was #iggish! almost a woman in form! #ut with girlish e;)ression in face$ E;ce)ting for that she looked eighteen$ "he had large thighs! a fat #ackside! and nice )lum)! #ut little #reasts$ (er flesh was #eautifully white$ "he had a )retty cunt! a +ery fully1de+elo)ed clitoris! and the hair on it was more carroty than that on her head$ I had ne+er yet seen a regular carroty cunt! #ut there was not much hair! * in that res)ect it looked si;teen$ <he edge of the s)lit hymen was well 2agged! any one could ha+e seen that it had not #een s)lit u) long$ I looked at it till the e;ce)tional letch sei=ed me$ I tickled the clitoris with my tongue till she ga+e a sigh! then the idea of gi+ing her full )leasure enchanted me$ I closed my mouth on it! and licked! and licked! and thrust my tongue in and out! till she writhed$ %Lea+e off! * oh7 * it,s dirty! * oho7% My 2aws ached! my tongue was weary! I thought it was im)ossi#le to finish her! till with a strong effort! gliding my tongue o+er her clitoris! with all the ra)idity that fatigue would let me! her thighs o)ened! and with a low yawling! half1moan! half1sigh she s)ent! clutching my hair s)asmodically! and her thighs ni))ing$ I don,t know how long I had #een o)erating on her! and wonder why I did not fetch her sooner$ I ne+er did it to her again! and can,t account for this sudden letch! * I ne+er can gi+e reasons for gamahuching one woman! and not another$ 9e;t day my friends left! I stayed! and hired their two rooms! and the odd #ed1room! * the old landlady said she could not let them together$ <he weather was getting cold! no other lodgers were e;)ected! the sho)1#usiness fell off$ <he landlady ne;t day asked if I would mind her waiting on me! as she and her niece could do all I wanted! unless other lodgers came$ <hough delighted I said in a dissatisfied manner that I e;)ected to #e )ro)erly cooked for! and waited u)on3 that I didn,t like )ersons a#o+e their )ositions a#out me! and so on$ Oh7 she,d take care! and her niece
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should wear a ca)$ "oon after she returned$ 6ould I e;cuse the ca)! * her niece would not wear one3 * she added that the girl had gi+en her father lots of trou#le! and now ga+e her trou#le! * and she should send her home$ (ow I laughed in my slee+e3 the ser+ant left! the sho)1#oy remained! a charwoman came for an hour daily! and the landlady! Loo! and I were alone in the house at night$ I got lots of trou#le! sending the landlady out to #uy this and that$ 6hene+er I wanted her out of the way I sent her to #uy something$ I ke)t her hard at cooking! and did not care what it cost to get her out of the house! nor did she! for she got )rofits$ 6hen she was out u) came Loo$ In a trice I had her on my #ed! and shagged her$ <he landlady laid the cloth! my #eefsteak was #urnt! and I grum#led$ "he was +ery sorry$ <hen she laid the cloth an hour #efore my meal! so that she might cook$ I wasn,t going to ha+e a ta#le1cloth on in the room all day! * I should dine out$ Oh7 she was so sorry$ %:et a ser+ant then$% 6ell she would! * #ut would I mind her niece without a ca) laying it- %9o! let her!% 11 and u) came Loo$ 6hat a lark7 the woman was cooking whilst I was )ulling u) Loo,s )etticoats! sla))ing her #ackside! kissing her motte! she laying the cloth$ <hen I sli))ed into my #ed1room$ <hen knock! knock! %4our dinner,s on ta#le sir$% In I went$ %I see the young woman has laid it all right$% %4es sir! I,ll see that she does$% I rang! and u) came Loo$ %& #ottle of )ale ale$% <he sho)1#oy fetched it! Loo cleared the ta#le! and had a glass of ale! her aunt had gone out to #uy me something so we fucked$ & randier little #itch ne+er had a )rick u) her$ &t a late dinner it was the same game! and Loo,s cunt had another seminal li#ation$ 6hat a 2olly day7 Is it my luck! or my cle+er maneu+ering- I think that latter! for I ha+e had much )ractice in this sort of thing$ or a week! twice a day! and mostly three times I had the girl$ "he ga+e me hints when to get her$ %&unt will go out at such a time$% %6here will the #oy #e-% %In the sho)! * I,ll tell him I must #e in the kitchen! * he dare not lea+e the sho)! * if he goes in1to the )arlour e+en! aunt would send him a#out his #usiness! * he )uts any money he takes down on to the counter! till aunt takes it$% <hen u) ski))ed Loo directly she thought it safe! got on to my #ed! and almost )ulled her own )etticoats u)! so longing was she for the )rick$ Directly afterwards! and often with her carroty 5uim unwashed! off she went$ I grum#led a#out her want of attention to her aunt! to kee) u) the dece)tion$ <he old woman let out a#out the girl #eing a wild one! and gi+ing her trou#le! and then for a cou)le of days the woman attended to me herself! and I had no )oke$ %&unt goes to market herself to1morrow!% whis)ered Loo grinning$ During the season a relati+e went to the market for her$ &t si; o,clock ne;t morning off aunt went! Loo )artially dressed! let her out$ <he #oy was to ha+e #een there to o)en the sho)$ (e entered #y the )ri+ate door to do so! and Loo had cunningly told him to come later$ <he lock was always #olted #ack when the
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door was o)ened in the morning! so that lodgers could let themsel+es in and out$ <he lass omitted this! and there were we in the house alone and secure! I in #ed ready$ U)stairs she ran like a hare! %Aull off all your clothes! * yes! naked$% %9o I won,t!% * the only o#2ection I e+er heard her make$ .ut I stri))ed her and myself! and in a minute we were #oth start naked in my #ed together$ 6hat a delicious cuddle we had on that chilly morning7 <hen I gratified my eyes! ne+er ha+ing seen her naked #efore$ & little reddish hair was 2ust showing in her arm)its$ & kiss on her )retty little #reasts and her red1haired motte! a )ee) at the ragged! 2agged o)ening of her cunt$ I knelt o+er her! and she kissed my )rick! * ne+er #efore! and she did it with such delight$ <hen ouf7 in tight li#idinous naked em#race our genitals cou)led$ Oh7 what a di1+ine fuck it was! * luckily with a towel under her #ack1side! I don,t s)oil sheets! and gi+e trou#le now! * I deluged her cunt$ E+erything is nice to )eo)le in co)ulation$ %Aut your hand down darling! and feel my )rick in you$% %Oh7 isn,t it wet7% %Do you like fucking naked in #ed-% %Oh7 yes! it is nice! * do married )eo)le do it naked-% <hen lying cou)led! nestling our #ellies! talking of fucking! instructing her /half the delight of ha+ing a +irgin is in instructing her in li#idinous acts! and in1stilling into her mind ideals of co)ulation0! kissing! tongue1sucking at inter+als$ 6e )assed a time$ %8an you feel that my )rick,s getting smaller in your cunt-% %4es it is$% %Do you like the feel of the s)unk in it-% %Oh yes I do% /a 5uestion I ha+e )ut to all my +irgins #efore! #ut e+er fresh it comes0$ % eel my )rick now it,s out$ Isn,t it small7% %4es! * I shall try to make it stiff$% %Do lo+e! * let me look at your cunt$% <highs wide o)ened I saw the offering my )rick had left there$ %6ould you like to see your cunt now-% %4es! * #ut it looks nasty! don,t it-% %9o dear$% I stiffened$ %Look lo+e! look at my )rick$ * let,s fuck #efore your aunt comes in! * get u)! * kneel! * there! that,s it!% * and then with her white! smooth! hard #ackside against my #elly as I knelt at the #ack of! her! I had another glorious fuck in her smooth! s)erm1lu#ricated +ul+a$ %6hat am I doing dear-% %Oh7 * ah7 * a doin it to me * ah% %"ay flicking$% % uck * hing! * ah7 ah7% 6e are 5uiet! I am #ending o+er her! hands 5uiet on her #uttocks! motionless all #ut in the last thro##ing of my )rick! and the gentle cli))ing of her cunt round it! as my e2aculation finished$ My )rick ke)t in its channel! her #um close into my #elly$ 6hat delicious tran5uility! and soft #audy dreaming$ %Is it nice this way dear-% /the first time I had done it so0$ %Oh7 yes! do married )eo)le do it this way e+er-% & silence$ %(ow long,s aunt #een gone- * oh7 that,s the #oy ringing$% %Don,t mo+e Loo! * my )rick,s stiff yet$% & )ause$ %Oh7 I,d #et1ter! * he,ll kee) on a ringing! * what a nuisance$% %Let him ring$% %Oh7 take it out! * he might tell aunt! * and I,+e got to dress$% Out I )ulled it! she dressed /a frock o+er her chemise0$ %I shall tell him I fell aslee)$% <hen she let him in! and again came to me$ 6e
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kissed! felt each other,s genitals$ %Don,t wash your cunt! Loo! and we,ll do it again at #reakfast$% Off she went! dressed )ro)erly! and lighted the kitchen1 fire$ 6hen she #rought my #reakfast! %I wish we could slee) together$% %"o do I!% she re)lied$ %6e,d slee) naked$% %4es!% said she grinning! #ut we ne+er did$ 6e could not manage a )oke till after luncheon! and then did it on the sofa! #ackside to #elly again! #ecause it took so long to make the feather1#ed look s5uare! after we had rum)led it$ (ow 5uickly she rum)ed u) to my )rick7 * how gloriously she fucked7 "he was made for fucking! and lo+ed it$ I guess that in a year or two! when full1grown! it will take a strong man to do all her carnal work$ (er e;act age was si;teen years and one month the day I #roached her$ 6e were #aulked all the ne;t day! for the aunt at1tended to me! #ut the ne;t morning went to market$ <he #oy,s mother was ill! so Loo told him he might come late! and again in #ed naked we strummed$ I )ut her on the to) of me$ Li#idinous de+ices! )layed with the young lass! )leased me fifty times as much as with an accom)lished courtesan$ %&re you coming Loo-% %4 * hes! y * hes!% * our sali+as were mingling$ %Do married )eo)le do it like that-% said she as she lay on the to) of me after her s)end$ I had e+ery meal at home! and had cooking and things fetched at inter+als all day long! to get the aunt out of the way$ <o my annoyance she said she must get a ser+ant! for it was too much for her$ %6hy don,t you make your niece do more-% %"he don,t like waiting /all arranged0! * the girl,s a rare trou#le to me! and to her )oor father3 #ut I must send her home$% %&s you like! #ut I am not likely to dine at home so much$% 9o ser+ant was got! * one would ha+e s)oiled all! * so I did not lose my lass$ E+ery other morning the aunt was away for a#out two hours! and did not know the #oy came late /he was glad to come late0! for the sho) was always o)en #efore she returned$ 6e lost no time! my )rick was in Loo,s cunt fi+e minutes after her aunt went out! and generally in it a 5uarter of an hour #efore she came #ack$ .etween our carnal e;ercises! she with only a frock on lighted the kitchen1fire! and let the #oy in! stri))ing and getting into #ed with me like lightning #etween those )erformances$ "he now kissed and toyed me most lasci+iously directly she got into #ed$ One morning I lent her a hand1glass! and hel)ed her to ins)ect her cunt$ "he contem)lated it with great satisfaction$ I )ointed out to her the edges of the ru)tured hymen! * it almost looked like a cock,s1com# on each side! she said$ %I wonder if I,m in the family way!% said she one day 2ust after we had fucked! and whilst she was taking away my #reakfast things$ "he had had no sym)toms! no sensations that she knew of! #ut she wondered! * she would know #y the following Monday$ On Monday she was all right! the redness showed! and for three days she was untouched$ <hen we resumed our
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fornication! and for nearly a month more carried on this sweet little game of co)ulation! and I #elie+e unsus)ected e;ce)ting #y the #oy$ It was close to 9o+em#er! all +isitors were gone! and I told her then that I must lea+e! and then for the first time she showed an;iety a#out her future! and shed tears$ .ut from con+ersation! though she had now got +ery close! I firmly #elie+e she had made u) her mind to turn strum)et$ (er aunt and she 5uarrelled daily$ &unt was always threatening to send her home! she threatening to run away$ I urged her going home! and one morning feeling uneasy a#out her! I ga+e her twenty )ounds in so+ereigns$ <hat set her crying +iolently /she had ne+er asked me for a farthing0$ &s I could not take her to London /which it was im)ossi#le for me to do0! )erha)s she,d go home$ %If you don,t go home! stay here! * you,re handsome! * you,ll get a sweetheart! and marry if you,re careful! * he won,t find out what you,+e done$% Only common sho)1)eo)le s)oke to her she remarked with a toss of her head! as if she thought them not good enough$ <wo of her monthly )eriods had )assed since I first had her! without signs of )regnancy$ I felt 5uite comforta#le a#out that! and after a hea+y day,s fucking! and three hicks on the last morning done with great risk! to my astonishment she suddenly cried #itterly! and 2ust #efore her aunt came home! )ut her #onnet on! went out! and I ne+er saw her more$ <he aunt was in a state of an;iety when I left! and so was I! the girl #eing so )eculiar in character$ I feared she would come to London! #ut I ne+er saw her! if she did$ <he following s)ring! #eing a#out twenty miles from the town! I went there )ur)osely to en5uire$ &s I saw the aunt in the sho) I went in! and #ought something$ <he aunt knew me! smiled! and asked if I were coming to M'''g''e again$ %6here is your niece-% said I casually$ %Oh7 gone home * or somewhere$% &fter a )ause! %"he ga+e my )oor #rother lots of trou#le$% I asked one or two fishing 5uestions! #ut learnt nothing further$ I am con+inced that she turned gay! and would ha+e done so whether I had had her or not$ "he was made for much fucking! was ready for it! waiting for it$ I #elie+e she often had felt the sho)1#oy,s )rick though she denied that$ "he admitted once ha+ing done so! #ut they were always scuffling$ It is funny that I should so soon after I had a lady with a ginger1coloured motte! ha+e fallen u)on a red1haired motte$ Liking neither of the colours I yet much en2oyed #oth women! #ut Loo far #etter than the other! owing to her youth! freshness! and ine;)erience$ .ut each woman as she succeeds another! seems fresh to me! and #rings her own )eculiar charms and en2oyment$ <he delights of women are ine;hausti#le$ /I was alone nearly all this time at M''g''e! the season was o+er3 what ac5uaintances I had had left! and these notes were written )artly whilst there! and the rest soon after! for I had 2ust then strongly on me the desire of
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EKD

VOLUME 4

descri#ing the incidents of my )ri+ate life! and writing them ga+e me the greatest )leasure$ <he account of my doings with Loo the red1haired! are word for word as I then wrote them$0 E9D O VOLUME OU?<(

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