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IPC - Inter-Personal Communication

o What are Soft Skills? Soft skills refer to the cluster of personality traits Skills? Any skill can be learnt Competency? Ex. Riding a bicycle For stages that we go through while learning a skill: Unconscious incompetence As a 2 years old kid, you dont know that you dont know how to ride a bicycle Conscious incompetence As a 7 years old kid, you know that you dont know how to ride a bicycle Conscious competence When you learn how to ride a bicycle, in the initial stage you are conscious of the fact that you know how to ride a bicycle, you ride it consciously, ex. When to apply breaks how to lift your leg to get down etc. Unconscious competence When you become good at riding a bicycle, you are unconscious of the fact that you know how to ride a bicycle, you ride it very comfortably without thinking about it. Soft skills complement hard skills, which are the technical requirements of a job ... Can a computer work Without software? Proper software?

o Why do we require soft skills? Lop sided education system Hard skills half the story Changing scenario need for attitude flexibility The evolutionary environment has become revolutionary Non Linear Routinely non routine People oriented Accelerating change Transition in economic segments Change is the only constant

o We are not islands

o IQ vs. EQ o Emotional Intelligence Anyone can become angry that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not easy. -Aristotle o Five domains of Emotional Intelligence left brain & right brain 1. Knowing ones emotions self awareness Managing Emotions 2. Motivating oneself 3. Recognizing emotions in others 4. Handling Relationships o IIT education makes use of our left brain o Are technical/ job-related skills enough? Technical and job-related skills are a must, but are they sufficient for progressing up the ladder? The traditional paternalistic style of leadership has becoming pass professional managers expect their teams to be proactive and communicate openly Many professionals directly deal with their clients What sustains the contract their employers have bagged? Approachability And people skills Planning is necessary but execution is also equally important. Soft skills required to execute any idea as it involves dealing with people directly Personal life?

o What are employers looking for? Every employer seeks a different mix of skills and experience from a prospective employee But one thing they look for consistently: Soft skills! o Remember the phrase from your report card -- "works and plays well with others"? o What is the family looking for? o How do we cultivate soft skills?

Formal Training Quality of training Be your own trainer Read, read, read and practice Keep sharpening your saw Be a part of team activities NGO Observing others-modeling Feedback Ask family members or close friends to write down your best and worst traits Live consciously Keep your eyes and ears open

o Foundation of Success Total Quality TQI (TQM) o Total Quality Individual is like Total Quality Management where each and every area of your life (Ex. Family, work, social, hobbies, spiritual, health et.) must be developed to its optimum capacity for you to be a successful individual. Attitude o Factors that determine our attitude Environment Experience Education Why dont we change? o Conditioning elephant o Change is a prerequisite of learning o Change is painful o Was preparing for JEE not tough and painful? But if you had not gone through it, how would you have reached IIT? o Think about the following aspects of your life: The language you speak The kind of food you eat

The clothes you wear The newspaper you now read

o Were you born this way??? o No, you have learnt all this from your environment. Something that is learnt, can be unlearnt and relearnt. The law of mind If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you have always gotten." The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. William James- - Harvard o Various Communication skills Verbal/spoken communication skills Written communication skills Interpersonal communication skills Intrapersonal communication skills Empathy Assertiveness .. o No man is an island o We move from Dependence Independence Interdependence (it is the highest form of living) need to communicate o What is communication? Dictionary Meaning The science and practice of imparting information o Communication- Latin Communis Meaning COMMON OR SHARED o Education System Talking Reading

Writing Anything missing??? - Listening Is it not an important part of communication?

o Communication does not need excellent vocabulary or grammer o o Language is not a barrier Bottom line: Keep people interested!

o Communication Loop The basic model of I-P Communication Sender Ongoing dialogue within ourselves Intra-personal communication Receiver

Communication starts by sender sending a message to the receiver Response that a message has been received in the manner it was intended to be heard and understood o Definition of IPC o Effective IPC is Exchanging information with clarity Leaving both parties understood and feeling OK Shared responsibility for having clear communication Not only the sender, but the receiver too has to be clear for effective communication o Both the sender and the receiver must possess certain skills in the communication process for the communication to be effective o Sending messages effectively The three basic requirements for sending a message so that it will be understood are To phrase the message so that it may be comprehended Have credibility as a sender Ask for feedback on how the message is affecting the receiver

o Receiving messages effectively Paraphrase Describe your perception of senders feelings State your interpretation of senders message

o Barriers and Filters to communication Exist between the sender and the receiver What a person hears and sees tends to be selective may involve a degree of distortion he perceives what he needs or expects to perceive o Barriers Caused by Tangible/External factors Outside noises, A/C too cool, warm, telephone interruption, poor acoustics o Filters Caused by Internal factors Perception, emotion, fatigue, attitudes, ego, mind set o Barriers and Filters to communication o Carl Rogers Major filter to I-P communication is the tendency to evaluate the message being sent This filter is the natural tendency to Judge Evaluate Approve or disapprove

the statement or opinion of the other person o A small activity o Rule FOLLOW ME o Congruence Oneness of message conveyed by the tone, words and body language Any dissonance will reduce the effectiveness of communication Given the number of things that can interfere with communication, it is amazing then, that we understand each other at all Studies show one in seven chance of a message getting through as intended o Listening Two ears and one mouth We love to listen to our own voices o Listen to all the conversations of our world, between nations as well as those between couples. They are for the most part dialogues of the deaf. Dr Paul Tournier, M.D. Swiss Psychiatrist and Author

o Dialogue Collective monologue o Cappers Role Demo - LISTENING SKILLS How often, when you are having a conversation, do you use Cappers? You dont know what we mean? We will listen and see if one of the caps that we have, fits! o Radha: Hi there Rama! Youre looking down in the dumps, whats the matter? o Rama: I had an accident with the car last week. o Radha: Oh I am sorry, were you hurt? o Rama: No Im fine, just shaken up a bit. o Radha: Hows the car? o Rama: Pretty bad Im afraid. You see I hit a car coming out of a side road and I was driving at 70. o Radha: Dont worry so long as youre alright. As I always say you can replace a car but if you hurt yourself thats a different matter. You remember when Jaya hit that wall in the snow last year? She was so lucky, she could have been killed. Im sure its the fact she WASNT wearing a seat belt that saved him. She threw herself to one side across the passenger seat just before she hit the wall o A little boy passenger in the other car was quite seriously injured when Ramas car collided. Although Rama is outwardly very calm, she has cried herself to sleep the last few nights and desperately needs someone she can talk to. o What is Active Listening? o Carl Rogers: Listen without judgment and then reflect the statement then check if you have understood o Components of active listening Suspending Judgment Clarifying Paraphrasing Summarizing Reflecting Feelings Using Attending Skills o Suspending Judgment

Keeping an open mind and focusing on achieving and demonstrating an understanding of the other persons complete message and real feelings before expressing your point of view or making judgments

o Clarifying Checking out the exact meaning of the senders words by using an open or closed ended questions o Paraphrasing Stating back to the other person in your own words your understanding of what they have said o Summarizing At the conclusion of a statement reflecting back in a concise manner the major points of the total message o Reflecting Feelings Describing what you understand the other persons feelings to be o Using Attending Skills Attending skills are verbal and nonverbal behaviors They indicate to the speaker that you (as listener) are tuned in and are receiving the message Physical attending SOLER Behavior Specifically physical attending means: Facing the other Squarely this is the basic posture of involvement It says, I am available to you Turning to the side lessens ones involvement Maintaining an Open posture crossed arms and crossed legs are often signs of lessened involvement An open posture is a sign that the helper is open to what the client has to say to him and open to communicating directly to the client It is a non-defensive position Leaning toward the other This is another sign of presence, availability, or involvement In your everyday environment, note how often people lean toward one another naturally as a sign of involvement Maintaining good Eye contact

Look directly at the other person There is a difference between staring a person down and working at eye contact, which is facilitative of deeper involvement Watch two people (or watch yourself) intensely involved in a conversation. Their eye contact is almost uninterrupted. The interaction is so important and so engaging that they do not reflect on just how much time they spend looking directly at each other

Remaining relatively Relaxed relative relaxation says : I am at home with you

Egan: If one faces the other squarely, maintains good eye contact, keeps an open posture, and learns forward during the interaction, he is involving himself in a way that puts a demand on both himself and the other person o An experiment involving attending-lvey and Hinkle (1970) At a prearranged signal, six students in psychology seminar switched from the traditional students slouched posture and passive listening and note taking to attentive posture and active eye contact with the teacher in the nonattending condition. The teacher had been lecturing from his notes in a monotone, using no gestures, and paying little or no attention to the students However, once the students began to attend, the teacher began to gesture, his verbal rate increased, and a lively classroom session was born. At another prearranged signal later in the class, the students stopped attending and returned to typical passive students posture. The teacher, after some painful seeking for continued reinforcement returned to the behavior with which he had begun the class - in the nonattending condition. The teacher paid no attention to the students and the students reciprocated. Simple attending changed the whole picture.

o Attending is a manner of being present to another; listening is what one does while attending o The face and the body are extremely communicative. Even when two people are silent with each other, the atmosphere can be filled with messages

o Mehrabian (1971) reports on research he and his associates have done in the area of nonverbal behavior and on inconsistent messages such as like/dislike o Is there a systematic and coherent approach to resolving the general meaning or impact of an inconsistent message? There is. Experimental results show:

o Total liking equals 7% verbal liking plus 38% vocal liking plus 55% facial liking o Thus the impact of facial expression is greatest then the impact of the tone of voice (or vocal expression) and finally that of the words o If the facial expression is inconsistent with the words, the degree of liking conveyed by the facial expression will dominate and determine the impact of the total message o Both nonverbal behavior bodily movements, gestures, facial expressions and paralinguistic behavior tone of voice, inflection, spacing of words, emphasis, pauses should be listened to. You must respond to the total message and not merely to the words o As Mehrabians research illustrates, nonverbal and paralinguistic cues can contradict the overt meaning of words. For instance, tone of voice can indicate that a verbal no is really a yes o The high-level communicator, since he listens to all cues and messages, is ready to respond to the total communication of the client o Listening to the clients verbal behavior Effective attending makes the communicator an active listener He not only hears the words and sentences but also hears the ways the words and sentences are being modified by nonverbal and paralinguistic cues What is he listening for? Feelings and content. He wants to know about the experience and behavior and feelings of the other person.

o Nichols and Stevens - Harvard Business Review Speech: 125 words per minute Understand: ?????? >400 words per minute Word Lag (Spare Capacity) Capability of receiving-Amount of data transmitted

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o Problem we face as a receiver/listener We are capable of thinking faster than the speaker can talk o We can listen to what someone is saying and think about something else at the same time o Problem with listening is that we have spare time in our thinking processes o Use of spare time determines the extent of our listening effectiveness o Easy to get distracted, specially if the speaker talks slowly or says something that stimulates another thought o It can be an asset to the listener he can attend to the non-verbal cues that the speaker gives while listening to the words themselves

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