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TREATING HER AS A QUEEN

Mr. Rwanzo Godfrey
The KEY RING is a monthly publication by the Kampala Baptist Church Men’s Ministry that seeks to provide an avenue where men can share knowledge and understanding of the word of God, experiences, encourage one another as the older men also perform the act of ‘paralambano’ to the younger men. Our prayer is that the Lord will speak to you through these publications.

Issue 21-January 2014

Also when the year is ending, we sit together and we evaluate each other’s performance in the year. I also tell them to evaluate me as well whether I have done my part as their father because they are all stake holders and whatever affects me affects them. 4. Christ loves the church in spite of all the weaknesses in it, He also seems to expect men to love their wives in the same way; how is this possible in an ordinary man’s life? Like a church, once the leadership fails to understand its congregation, it’s a source of failure of that church and the same thing applies to marriage. It is one thing to marry but also one thing to understand who you are marrying. Some of these things actually amuse me as a married man. We all have different strengths and in marriage every person will give a very different picture on the way they handle their marriage. However, to stand strong in marriage, it is only God who gives you His grace to show a pleasant picture of marriage. You cannot love a lady 100% as the Lord loves His church but because of the grace you can persevere. Sometimes situations attack you and feel like you should run away from this home! But you still persevere because if God has not run away from you then why would you run away from your marriage? The other thing is that if I know that I prayed for this marriage, should I think that God made a mistake to give me this woman? Something could happen to stop this marriage if it wasn’t by His might for me to marry but if He accepted it to happen then He did not make a Their Children mistake. I therefore continue to unceasingly ask for His grace to sustain my marriage . It is not true that you are always at peace in marriage unless one of you behaves too superior and the other chooses to just keep silent in return and always do as told. In life, no matter who you are, your attitude can change because you have a desire to be satisfied, a desire to be informed and so on. Sometimes as a couple, we get involved in disputes not because any one intends to fight the other but because both of you are fighting to develop and where there is development, something has to be broken and dust will go up. We cannot fix marriage issues depending on our natural abilities but God gives us His grace. 5. If you are given a chance to counsel this young man who has just got into marriage and struggling to love his wife; which words would you not miss telling him? In every step you take, you think about the consequences that might arise, the moment you fail to foresee this just know that your marriage is in trouble. Things like telling lies to your partner, failing to defend your partner could all make your marriage breakdown. You should be able to develop a marriage language especially when in public, you should try as much as you can to be gentle with her and show her care. Never yell at your partner in public no matter what happens but instead listen to her when she speaks to you, know that she is a lady and she confides in you for problems that trouble her. God did not make a mistake by bringing you together and before Him you are accountable for every decision you make. If you have any disappointments, just get to your knees and report them to God. You know that good things don’t end, you loved and married her so continue loving her unceasingly. Know also that at some point she will begin to fade because she is human and she grows every single day that passes, coupled with birth which will weaken her body and you need to be there and offer her all the support she needs. Always pray for your marriage, don’t get tired of prayer and always pray for each other together with joined hands. Use whatever God has given you in a wise way and avoid misunderstandings as much as you can because whenever there are wars many things are wasted i.e., time, finances and other resources and tensions also keep rising and then the devil capitalises on that to see you fail.

1.Who is Rwanzo before and after marriage? Rwanzo is a born again man, who loves God with all his life. I grew up in a protestant home worshipping God with all my heart. I got saved around senior two. I have three degrees and I thank God because I achieved at least one before marriage and then I proceeded even when I got married, my dream did not stop. I used to be a social person, often engaged in youth activities here at KBC and other churches. I used to hangout with youth from UCC who were of great help to me and those from KBC. I was very active in camps, mobilizing youth and I also found myself gifted in counseling and still feel it in me so am trying hard to develop it. I grew up fearful of actions which would bring me embarrassment because I was a leader. At school I was in charge of religious affairs, a disciplinary prefect and so on. So I grew up with that picture that I should never bring disgrace to the name of the Lord as well as avoiding those embarrassing Godfrey and his wife Liz scenarios and especially when it involves many people. After, of course, when you get married things change whether you want it or not and you adjust; you may not necessarily change but you adjust. I used to be consistent at attending over night prayers but not any more (not because my wife stopped me). Also there is a difference when you marry and you get children without spending a lot of time together say 2 -3year before parenting. Life hasn’t been bad in marriage but you have to grow up, like it or not. The circumstances which build marriage will make you adjust, like it or not. 2. The media is awash with marriages breaking up in their infancy, what is your take as a married man on this matter? It is really absurd because no one would love to end up in those papers but the common factor of all these scenarios is that people date badly. People don’t have an agenda while dating. You can hear someone saying “we have been dating for five or six years” but immediately after marriage, they divorce! So what have you been doing in those five years? Why didn’t you anticipate the possibilities which could affect your marriage to that level while you were still dating and deal with them? You need to find the cure and also seek relevant counseling. Find appropriate time to sit and evaluate yourself without being too much of a man and also the other party not being too much of a lady. Both of you are in an institution and you are builders. You were not born married but God has purposed you at some point to marry someone, you come together in that institution and build it. But also as men , God gave us more responsibility and the position to make sure we keep watch so that your marriage does not just collapse anyhow. For example Adam was instructed to keep the garden of Eden, his mistake was that he did not understand the instruction nor did he ask God what He was trying to mean. When God told him to go and guard the garden, he should have walked around and tried to be strong - look out for enemies who could be on their way to attack you so that you can be able to prevent it earlier other than just being ready to retreat. For Adam, he was just there and the enemy entered and even started a conversation with Eve. It is the same image I want to give for marriage, the moment you don’t keep watch; the devil is at the door waiting to enter and hold any conference which will drive your marriage in any direction he wants. 3. Are there situations in your marriage where you felt challenged to continue being faithful to the vows you made? Yes, prioritizing, for example, has been a struggle in my marriage, I think I’m a “perfectionist.” I really want to know what I am doing now and what I am doing next and yet my wife also has different priorities. So what I may have as a first priority, she may have it as a third on her list and vice versa. We have tried as much as we can not to allow things which may bring regrets into our marriage and we are still managing very well I should say and are grateful to God for that. What is helping us actually is the fact that I vowed not to be too much of a man, when you become too much, people start hiding information from you; at my home no body sleeps before I come back – even the youngest – they want to update me. My daughter is always the first as soon as she sees me, she starts her narration of what her day at school was like and then the boy.

Never yell at your partner in public no matter what...

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