You are on page 1of 70

FuckingTitle by username, shortlink: aaaaa

Hungry as Fuck

the reddit cookbook

1

Compilation and design by http://www.reddit.com/user/afrael/, April 2011. Recipes have been attributed to their authors as much as possible, and for most recipes a shortlink to the original location of the recipe is provided. The shortlink consists of a five character code, which will direct you to the proper thread when typed into a web browser following the prefix “http://redd.it/”. Authors are listed as [deleted] if their reddit accounts have been deleted. Most of the illustrated recipes in this cookbook can be found in the fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuud subreddit (at www.f7u12d.com). Recipe selection was done through community suggestion at the thread with shortlink g6cet. The title of this cookbook was suggested by procrasturbater in redd.it/ebnuh. If you have any comments or suggestions for this cookbook, contact me (afrael) through private message (via http://www.reddit.com/message/ compose/?to=afrael). I’ll probably won’t do anything about it since I’ve spent way too much time on this thing as it is, but feel free to contact me anyway. I quite like orangereds :D.

2

3

Hungry as Fuck
the reddit cookbook

3

.

Without Words Spread fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuudge 54 55 56 57 60 63 64 66 69 . Bolognese MF’n Eggrolls Pernil & Tostones Mother Trucin’ Ribs.. Bitches Best steak I’ve ever made Chicken Flied Lice! Shepherd’s Pie Potato Hobo Pack Drunken Tacos 24 26 28 33 34 36 39 42 44 49 50 52 52 52 Snacks Freaking Phenomenal Brownies Microwave Cake Snow Ice Cream Bitch Rainbow Fucking Brownies Bacon Cinnamon Rolls Frosting for your Fucking Cake Lemon Squares .Breakfast Mo’Fuggin Breakfast Burritos Breakfast sludge Bacon Pancake Breakfast Sandwiches Refried beans and eggs Dependable Eggs Easy Crepes 8 10 14 16 16 16 Lunch Bruschetta Chicken Breast Grilled motherfuckin cheese Couscous Lentil Stuff Egg Noodles 18 21 22 22 22 Table of Contents Dinner This is how MEN cook Chicken Crunch Wrap Supreme motherfucking quiche Chicken Piccata Spaghetti Carbonara Fuck it..

6 .

Breakfast 7 .

8 Mo’FugginBreakfastBurritos by bambooshootz. shortlink: g0rjl .

you're not eating a burrito that is crispy and delicious.Variation by rick-victor If you don't roll your burrito. and you're also failing at life 9 . well. and then fry both sides in some oil/butter in a frying pan.

shortlink: ebnuh .10 Breakfast Sludge by freejumps.

11 .

12 .

Nestle Hot Cocoa Mix. * Why are you waiting. * The cinnamon is very important. very cheap instant coffee ($1.Protip by wisd0m I tried Breakfast Sludge this morning. I am still alive. or are you catering to emo bitches? Fuck.the hot coco has sugar.00). Did you forget the Irish whiskey. Sweet Coconut Thai. sugar and whole milk. * Sludge was all I had for breakfast and was satisfying. Notes: * The taste was too sweet for me . make some sludge. * The Chi that I used added more complex flavors and improved the sludge. 13 . I used Post Shredded Wheat ' Bran. Don't try to drink this without it. so adding additional sugar is unnecessary. cinnamon. Variation by mastertwisted What a pussy.

shortlink: fxbu7 .14 Bacon Pancake Sandwiches by cannedpasta.

15 .

feels good).1/2 can refried beans. brown sugar. go ahead and get creative. 16 . refrigerate what you don’t eat. Pop a couple for breakfast. Preheat oven to 400.Refried beans&Eggs by gerbal. plate.3 eggs lard. flip carefully. swirling a pan around to get a thin coat over the surface. Remove when the edges are brown. tuna and cheese. Let the batter sit in the fridge for about an hour before Here’s a fun one: Start with a non-stick muffin tin use to account for the flour expansion and bubble and a loaf of cheap. collapse. or just go ahead and use the blender. as snacks. Toss in the oven for 15-20 minutes.3 eggs scrambled with lime juice (gets rid of sulfur taste in cheap eggs) and hot sauce Eat on tortillas. and really fast if you make the batter the night before and have your fillings ready Sprinkle a little basil on top.75. cheap. marshmallows and chocolate. white sandwich bread. Peel off the crust of a piece of bread and press the remaining square into the Then.2 1/8 cups of flour (just 2 is easier to remember off the top of my head) meal came to $. buttered. Eat them later. purchased from a local tienda . Great tasting.2 cups of milk If you are feeling wealthy you can try adding . into each cup being careful not to let the egg run outside the bread cup. and you can vary to suit your mood by changing the garnishes and spices. piece of sliced ham.1/2 teaspoon salt Its what I had for breakfast this morning. Whole . Crack Then just fold. soft. it’s just a matter of pouring a small ladle’s muffin tin squishing the air out of the sides and the worth in a wide. shortlink: 8mgtt Mix everything but the butter in a bowl with a whisk. Melt a 1/4 stick of butter and brush on the edges of each cup letting the extra drizzle inside. They’re cheap. crispy bacon. When you’re done. non-stick pan over LOW bottom. Jams. You can adjust the time depending upon whether you prefer your eggs hard or softboiled.About a 1/4 cups worth of butter to grease the pan for all the crepes some chopped veggies and cheese. Delicious. bananas and fluffy at the tops. easy. hot or cold. Garnish with a torn and chopped up if need be. shortlink: 8mgtt Yummy Shit by various artists If you want to run head first to a coronary you can Here’s an easy crepe recipe I made this morning: pan fry the whole thing on the tortilla in butter or . I’ve found that kids love these things too. is lined with a bread-cup with the rough edges left then add your fillings. Vendable Egg! Easy Crepes by scissorsneedfoodtoo. . it should look like a thick cupcake cup. heat. shortlink: 8mgtt . Add 2 tablespoons sugar and 1 teaspoon of vanilla recipe for desert crepes. . peppers are particularly tasty in scrambled eggs. It’s the Dependable. flip again if you can. jellies. Dependable Eggs by tomparker. or anything else you like. Repeat until each receptacle on the tin Cook the first side for about a minute. and NOM open and deposit the contents of one medium egg NOM NOM (never typed that before.

Lunch 17 .

18

BruschettaChicken Breast by Airazz, shortlink: fuhfy

Protip by mieksemakse
Don’t forget to turn over the cutting board when cutting some more basil. And use another knife that did not touch the raw chicken. Or else suffer the consequences [Enteritis Salmonelliosis] or horrible consequences [Antibiotic resistance].

19

Variation by Rabid_Llama8
Make the bread ciabiatta bread, remove the cheese, and treat the tomatoes correctly for bruschetta, and this is dynamite. Or, instead of bread, use whole wheat spaghetti.

Variation by aerosquid
When I think of Bruschetta I do not think of 2 thin slices of white bread. Bruschetta is supposed to be THICK and grilled at least in my kitchen. I typically use french or italian bread sliced thick.

20

Grilled MotherfuckinCheese by sauceplz. shortlink: fv1mt 21 .

Add lentils. 22 . stirring occasionally.2 T olive oil . stir and sprinkle the rest of the packaged seasoning (Optional: add the tomatoes and the cilantro as you stir). Couscous is better for you than ramen noodles. 1 bay leaf Heat oil in a pot. .. Add garlic and spices and cook for another minute.2 tsp minced garlic .knorr chicken broth mix (the powder kind) I always eyeball the broth to couscous.red lentils . until lentils are tender (25-30 minutes).thyme . All proportionately . tumeric.1. too.1 onion. tomatoes.1 tsp each ground cinnamon.pistachios and chopped up cilantro. drizzle with olive oil.Couscous by noether. Place 1 egg.raisins . Stir. scramble eggs with a quarter of the packaged seasoning (Optional: add the onions)..cumin RamenEgg Noodles . . shortlink: a4eto One of my favorites for quick.5 c chopped tomatoes and juices (canned is fine). This is good for a quick lunch to go and is super cheep. Cook ramen noodles in water. oil in preheated pan.apricots (cut up) . easy and cheap: .whatever Now all you have to do is take out the amount that you want and add water.chili flakes .1 ramen noodles package Add any or all of the following: .Optional: some diced onions. Ingredients: . add onion and cook for 5 minutes. and cumin.Mix these by [deleted]. and water or stock. add the cooked & drained ramen noodles. shortlink: 8mgtt in a tuperware container. chopped .couscous . Then finally. Lentil Stuff by Onionhead. nom nom nom.1 c dried brown lentils (washed and picked over for rocks and bad beans) .1 c water or stock . . stirring. partially cover and cook. don’t add the packaged seasoning yet. Some More by these people over here This can be made in large batches. bay leaf. shortlink: a4eto You can double this recipe and make lunch for a whole week for about 5 dollars! Leftovers freeze pretty well. then drain water. look at the water required for both to get a good idea. adding additional liquid if necessary to prevent burning (should be saucy rather than soupy). diced tomatoes. If making at home..1 Egg .

Dinner 23 .

(cooked motherfucker! Goya works fine. lemon zest into a mortar and pestle and grind the fuck out of (one lemon’s zest) . so the internal small holes on the skinny end of each leg and put temperature. So now you OK. (Yes now you fucking lazy fuck what you want the fucking chicken to burn? God. I guess I have to fucking tell you the right way to measure 4. till the chicken has 45 minutes or so left to cook. you don’t. What are you some kind of retard? Rule of thumb: you wanna cook this bastard Just work it in there. Then sprinkle some fucking baking powder on that fucker.) cut into quarters. fresh black pepper (Be a it (Jesus fucking christ.. Be a fucking man. Now. cut up some fucking red bliss fingers over ice. Now. for god fucking sake throw out the nasty shit the temperature? Fine. (WHAT? You don’t have a fucking meat thermometer? Fuck me. shortlink: b7b0w Fuck 98% of the suggestions on here. ) Get yourself some fucking rosemary. 5.. Dumb ass. there usually chicken fat? Put them in their own pan.) put the rosemary in your fucking hands and mash Garam masala powder if you have some. or watch BBC World News America (my second You may have to loosen the skin some with your choice) while this shit cooks up. NOW.crank up that really want that shit all slimy and rubbery? No. Once the it up until it starts to smell good and breaks into butter is soft. You can also cut around 45 minutes per pound. WORK it OK jerkoff. Heat up your goddamn oven to like 350 fucking degrees and throw that motherfucker in there. say when it’s at 160. Pour yourself a new glass of whiskey. No. This is the kind of shit that most have a bird with some potentially delicious flavors people won’t tell you: When the bird is like 97 mingling under the skin. Go ask that cute girl with some of the mixture in there. No fucking oven to like 425 and stand the fuck back for at least 15 minutes. You wanna let that sweet. Prepare a and some more salt and pepper and throw that shit mixture of roughly 1/2 stick of butter.. Now smaller pieces ) you have a paste. joint. but do you percent done. Work that shit under the skin of yer bird through the you fucktard. work the skin loose by sticking your fingers in there and GENTLY prying that shit from the meat. you don’t have a MAN buy a pepper mill). buttery skin crisp up right? Crank that shit son. Open a bottle of decent whiskey. Women will never respect you and you’re going to starve to fucking death come the apocalypse. Throw this shit on the potatoes and throw them in the oven.in that case just frying pan is perfect. Save that shit for dessert. Not a bad start. this guy. and some nice well ground fucking mortar and pestle do you? Fuck me. fingers or a long plastic thing. Then sprinkle some fucking salt and fresh pepper. the glasses down the hall) is around 170. salt. OK just chorizo. and the lemon you zested fucking leg you sub literate moron. now you can leave this shit sizzling for awhile and go jack off or play guitar (my suggestion) in there. some fucking tarragon. 24 . and coat those fuckers with olive oil. A cast iron is a smallish hole there anyway. Instead of twiddling your dink while you wait for 1. 2.. Don’t throw the potatoes in what google is for bucko. This is how MEN cook: DO this: Pat down the skin of that fucker with some paper towels till it’s fucking dry. 6. Don’t try and do it on a crushed peeled garlic. Stick the thermometer about they put in the cavity and throw in a few cloves of halfway into the breast. Pour yourself 3 the shit to finish. those shits are (don’t know how to zest a lemon nancy boy? That’s always hotter because they are fucking sticking straight up. Pay attention.This is How MenCook by electric_sandwich. Actually.. mix in the rest of yer ingredients. not in the same pan as the chicken 3. No you may NOT smoke a fucking potatoes. Don’t mess around with this third world bachelor bullshit. Massage it. DON’t Break the goddamn skin.. Pour yourself a new glass of whiskey.what you want them all covered in small hole you cut by the ass.

(no one wants that shit dry!) 25 . Cook this for a bitch and she will give you blumpkins every night of the week for the rest of your life. and 160 is safe anyway. Protip from nevesis Don't cook internal to 170!! Take out at 160 in the breast. You NEED to wait at least 10 minutes before you cut that fucker up otherwise all the fucking juices are gonna dribble out and sit there is the bottom of the pan. by now that shit is smelling so fucking good the entire building is droooling and about to call dominoes because they are too fucking dumb and self loathing to cook this shit for themselves. I’ll bet you would just start immediately carving that bastard up right? Idiot.OK. Pull that fucker out of the oven and just look at it. It will hit 170 while it rests. There.

shortlink: ful4a .26 ChickenCrunch Wrap Supreme by subx1.

Variation by ImputrescibleUndead I do this with bacon and scrambled egg and only one wrap folded like an xmas present. 27 .

shortlink: fw117 .28 Motherfucking Quiche by pegothejerk.

29 .

30 .

31 .

Protip by vapulate Check the pie crusts for cracks before pouring liquid eggs over them and plopping them into the oven 32 .

shortlink: fv3xk 33 .Chicken Picatta by Simmerian.

shortlink: g1ilk .34 SpaghettiCarbonara by by RenegadeDoppelganger.

35 .

and nothing else. Toss it in the bowl with everything I said magnificent.Fuck it. Bolognese by [deleted]. there is more than chicken and beef out there!”. Put the bone in it with marrow showing. Oh. Done? OK. We snatched the to operate someone. Cut Our setting was intimate. just Get three big bones of veal. The product we served was hand earlier.. two tablespoons of your best olive oil. now you have the right fucking garlic. The present governor of California came on a weekly OK. Kill it yourself for all I care. no sugar. so there is may stock: 36 . one of our recipe. enjoy if you find these recipe attractive. Just don’t . Watch your fucking hands like you are going picked at three in the morning. Not that “made in China” shit that composed 90% of what in your supermarket (I’m not shitting you. meaning super thin. Half a cup of tomato paste. The secret of all good French and Italian sauce – and why you guys get heart burns all the time in the US – is a good stock. Forget it. Add a pinch of rock salt. now. and in 2001. (the ingredients should read: “Tomatoes”. My father had three restaurants in France. just Just don’t do Heinz).. Usually neck bones are the best. So for those grammar Nazi. “you know. like cowboy style. please go suck a dick. 450 F. Spaghetti alla Bolognese Anyway. You can send a nice thank you letter to the FDA if you wish).. 90% of the garlic you find in your store are now made in China. find the darn thing. Pick a large Aluminum or stainless steal bowl. Italian girl comes in your house and suddenly want Because I love reddit. nothing else. with its skin. most restaurant is fucking you by doing cheap beef stock you wouldn’t want to see how it is made. Put it in the oven. black pepper grounded coarsely and fresh thyme. One of them visited by a French president himself. and you’ll tell her. they called us “top notch”. some gorgeous stuffs.. Yeah. Oh. The house should smell like an joint in time before the economic collapse. shortlink: 968bk Ok. two cloves. until those bones are done. Cut it basis and may other folks. the kind to make a grown man cry. Don’t even read further if the thyme is not fresh. You can go on. Six whole pepper seeds. Two branches of celery only. Our cuisine was 4 buds. Half of it grown with human waste. A huge bunch of curly parsley. Put the content of the bowl in a cast Iron pot for us. In the US. because English is my second language. a lot. I don’t care how you learn how to read. the cashier will ask you what the hell my dear reddit: this is. These recipe will You should stay on this so don’t do anything else need passion and work. no salt. chefs were too lazy to do the trip to the early morning markets. I get Veal stock: them all the time even in the shittiest store. half a pound of Crimini/ Italian brown mushrooms. in case some redditors come fronting with their supposed cooking talents. my grammar sucks. once a week I will give you to have sex. Two large white onions. One time. Cook 35 minutes. Now set the oven like it is hell inside.. Peel 4 large carrots. Not for the faint of heart. We ruled LA for three years and sold the darn with no enamel. Those are out there. Two nice leeks. Now mix the whole goods from big restaurant names because their thing in the bowl with your hand. Usually they have Italian name. nicely like uncle Pauli. Here’s my first recipe for you Not the stuff you buy with food stamps. also. I opened a restaurant with a friend in studio city in Los Angeles that made the Zagat twice. but are in fact only home cook housewives hidden within a bacon smell in order to lure you: I grew up in restaurant business. guaranteed.. Our restaurant was facing the Louvre and got free advertising on French national radio because it was that good. cut the leeks along the length and clean it thoroughly (sand love to stick on those). Cut them only in half. “best personal restaurant in Los Angeles”. OK. for the sake of clarity. no Fresh vegetables kept their best in their backrooms less. half a lemon get some darn veal bones. you have fresh thyme? OK. Fuck you if you want to hate. Later on. Mexicans filet makers loved us. Now get some real garlic. in 2000. Fresh fucking thyme.

plate on top of the cheese. That’s all right.. You will just miss on something extraordinary.. Toss with Half way until brown put the anchovies with the sauce in a way the pasta does not swim in it. a mere four days. Toss in it one full garlic clove minced.. Start with one nice big onion cut in small cubes in Deglaize. 12 again.. Now it is smelling like fucking heaven ingredients you cook stays genuine in flavor.. Now you have your stock that took you a whole fucking Saturday to do.. it’s a veal stock. . It has not cholesterol. the stove. Serve with a burgundy or but then things starts to transform and the smell a top notch Californian Pinot noir. put a pinch of the darn thing. their taste. their soul. crush four canned anchovies in a need to be this fucking “red” like corporate food small bowl. after a dozen try. I know. open a big can of magnificent crush tomatoes and toss it in the sauce. the onion and mix. Have the girl feeding you. but wants you to believe.. but it does make a hell of a it. anyway. Now the wine is almost absorbed. equal parts. Add a cube of unsalted butter. but you can keep on reading. Hold her up a bit pricey but it kept on going until 400F before by pouring more wine in her glass and come back to burning. do half beef half pork. the sauce does not Meanwhile. Anyway. Put your dick on your hear. You don’t need it. Keep the liquid. liquids everything they had. yes. Whatever.. Now. you’ll smoke and the US corporate food hates it and never uses it later. Now some oil infused with it. The latter kills the taste of alcohol and leaves the warm taste of the wine intact.... Boil for a hour. Grape seed oil is also full cup of veal stock. In other words. and has no taste. Cover saute the onion in a large. and Crispy Italian becomes amazing. stock three days top. Simmer for four hours. Cooked your develop beautifully everywhere.. the more Cook 20 minutes more on low fire. grounded veal and grounded pork. If you want to add great quality mushrooms. Kill the fire. now the fishy smell should be gone. I forgot something... You don’t regulations that if you break them causes the state want to stop the cooking process by pouring cold wine on the meat! So heat up the wine just 4~5 inspectors to close your joint! minutes before doing this.. or difference in the deepness of the overall taste. not a pork stock. Cook for 30 minutes. just. that oil is from the Gods.Now. Red. no polyunsaturated fats. If you can’t find ground veal. you’ll understand) I promise you: you will never feel nor taste it. here’s the time. All right. if you don’t tell anyone. Not olive oil.. Put all this in two gallons of water in a very large pot. Bolognese and even better sex. I know this well: these are the Have this cup of wine hot on the side. Add one full tablespoon of salt. You starts developing into an inconvenient crust at the can save it for two weeks. The largest the pan is. So it must be good. Keep it covered. For 4 persons? Try half a pound of each. everything. Taste it. it will smell with fresh grated dry Italian cheese on top. Beef stock can be saved bottom it is time for the wine to come singing. they are When all the meat seems cooked and the proteins pointless to eat. Those vegetables and meats have given to the same with black pepper. Mix a bit. maybe you’ll find out bread. I know you American won’t like it.. inch minimum. even if they still look good. well. and you are ready Now pour the how wine on the meat and toss a to have that Italian chick on Sunday for a great pinch of coriander in it... Chicken Dry! One full cup to start. So all the Open it up. Yes.. yes. I mean large a pan. it’s just like a natural MSG that. the water can evaporate and the brown crisp can Kill the whole thing. full of ammonia. put your grounded beef. Do it. Don’t ask why.. an Italian (and French) thing.. Cut some horrendous in the first minute. Mix well on full fire. OK. spaghetti the heck you want it to be done. to add more tomato paste (hey. Throw everything else... add a grape seed oil. like some bad parley thin and reserve for the final touch on the smelly socks. Add a nice bunch of big basil leaves in no one will notice. It’s and the Italian girl is really all over you. Mix well.. Now your veal stock is ready. Cover.i know. ok?). Fish stock only two days. Remember. 37 . Toss the bone inside with a good piece of smoke pork belly or a nice piece of bacon (but not too big as to overpower the veal.

. melted duck fat. Rookie mistake. or pour some from the pot. you may put HOT stock 3/4 the way up the container. Or keep the seeds.Grapeseed oil is great for high temperature roasting or searing. your stock will be on the stove at least 4 hours and up to 6. If you sterilize plastic containers. A chest freezer a loads of quart and pint sized containers is ideal. . Why all this processed bullshit? You want to spend a day making veal stock and then you use crushed tomatoes? Get a can or two of real San Marzano tomatoes and run them through your food mill to get rid of the seeds. This way your stock won’t be murky and if you need to make double consomme at some point this makes it easier and a better tasting end product. 38 . BTW. Once frozen this will last theoretically forever. That’s a real recipe.Roast thinly sliced garlic at 450 for 35 minutes? Enjoy your blackened garlic crisps that will make everything taste bitter and terrible. Rookie. but Bolognese calls for onion sauteed in olive oil.Veal stock with pork in it? Veal stock with tomato paste in it? This stuff goes into the Bolognese sauce when you're making THAT. .Half a lemon? Why would you put the bitter-ass lemon pith (the white part) in? If you want the flavor. about 1/8 to 1/4 inch. but for best taste a few months. Beef stock is quite often 5-6 hours. check out FXcuisine’s Serious Ragù Bolognese. not the store bought). use olive oil. 186 tops. Let come to room temp.Coriander? Fuck that. Just use whole real tomatoes without that Calcium Chloride shit that makes them keep their shape.Curly parsley? Seriously? That shit is bullshit.Crushed tomatoes? My god. I don't care. Let a layer of fat. This guy has read high quality recipes. . or rendered washed lard (made at home. Protip by rebel You might want to add that you don’t want your veal stock to ever “boil” completely. not into the stock. juice the lemon and take the rind off and put it in. If you don’t have enough fat to “seal”. The flavor of the olive oil matters. Signs this is bullshit: .Protip by jupiterjones These two recipes are bullshit. Chicken stock starts to taste funny after 4 hours. but does not remember them. You know . butter.the stuff with flavor. Crush those bitches in your hands (your clean hands) as you put them in. If anyone is interested in a real recipe that isn’t written by a rookie and actually describes the way Italians might make it. The fat layer can be removed if you desire during thawing process. . Real cooks and real Italians use flat leafed italian parsley. rise to the top. gently stack in freezer. . There are several rookie mistakes listed here. etc.

MF’n Eggrolls by Sucka27. shortlink: fz712 39 .

40 .

41 .

Adding the cost of the Garlic. Corn oil up a few cloves of Garlic. Green plaintains are usually like 5 for a In my neighborhood in Brooklyn. CRANK the stove up to 400 degrees. Your rice is done. Add a pinch of Cayenne pepper so you remember that you have a set of cojones. Smash up a clove of garlic. Salt that shit all over the outside and crack garlic. but remember to not rest it on the Dump in your can of beans bean juice and all. Bring that fucker home and get Slice up the plantain into ~1/3 inch thick slices. A five pound Pernil should give you meat for at least a week. Grind INSANE. A package of hot dogs at $2. Now After an an hour and a half. Slice in skin side up and WAIT. holes. glistening fat. Get that shit some pepper. This takes a bit of practice. Don’t be shy blanco. olive oil smokes too easily. out a long. you have another ghetto sofrito. Congratulations. 5 lbs breaking the plantain. Throw some salt in there. Then buy 5 or so pounds remainder to roughly coat the outside of the pig. This will give you an orgasmic. This pig died so that you may eat. Now hot! Throw in your bacon grease. Throw in one cup of rice. You have to wait this part out. Set that You should be at around 150-160 degrees. Throw the onions and garlic into the pan and fry them till the A warning: The smell is going to drive you fucking onion gets glassy. You are a growing lad. of Carolina rice. Throw the pork turn the heat down to simmer and lid that shit. some olive oil or butter into a HOT pan. Sazon and a small onion and you still eat a tasty. that will make your pork rinds taste like year old carboard comparison. sweet pig juices will dribble the fuck out. and some oil. shortlink: cidla Take a lesson from the Puerto Ricans. first of all. Farm work is some pepper in there for good luck. Now shit on simmer. That’s right. a few bulbs of RUB IT.. jab it with a meat you have a ghetto sofrito. You need to wait at least ten minutes otherwise all those sweet. relatively healthy meal for less than $1. No? Pour In a pilon (that’s a mortar and pestle gringo) smash around half an inch of oil into a frying pan. fuck eating lips and assholes. Dick around on reddit until the water is boiling. Throw minutes a pound. salt. Set 2 cups of water to boil. Take a plantain and run and has offal and all sorts of vile shit inside. Millions of Take your knife and stab some holes in the pig. SAVOR IT OK.Pernil & Tostones by electric_sandwich. some fucking pepper on there. Set the bacon aside and save that lovely. Toss in half a the best cure. that shit up. Grind it up GOOD. thermometer. Throw the beans comes the fun part. WAIT. but DON’T carve it up. should do nicely. Set your oven for ~300 degrees. much tastier option that has kept Edit: Forgot the best and cheapest fucking recipe!!! millions of starving boriquas alive for generations: TOSTONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PORK SHOULDER. Pork shoulder is fucking dollar! Here’s my mom’s recipe: 79 cents a pound. You should get at least 2 meals out of one can of beans. and a box of Goya Sazon. and if your lucky you can get black beans 2 for $1. Twist us have managed to survive in one of the most the knife around so the holes get nice and wide. Win. 79 cents. Fuck me. CARESS IT. take some of your sofrito and stuff it into the Find a supermarket that has black beans on sale. Now. Throw them into a bowl of ice water. expensive cities on earth with recipes like this: Now.. SAVOR IT BROTHER. works best. You need MEAT At 170 ish? Pull that fucker out. You have a fry daddy? You’re golden papi. some sazon. thin knife. a knife down the side and split the skin off without Buy yourself a nice meaty pork shoulder. packet of Sazon and stir till you get a paste. some. You just made Pernil. There is a much. a bag of onions. Stir bone. 42 . hearty. Use the Buy as much as you can. or you will get a bad reading.50 is more than double the price Fry up some bacon. It’s going to take like 45 up a small onion. ram it in there. crispy skin on top.

Throw them in the freezer for 10 minutes.Take your sliced up plantains out of the ice water and drain them or even pat them with a paper towel till they’re dry. here is where you become a MAN: Get yourself a flat bottom glass and a cutting board or a plate. Fry em up until they just turn golden. Throw some flour on there. You may need a spatula to get them off the board.. Now.. Smash the plantains with the cup. Fry em AGAIN until they are golden and crispy Make all three of these things together and you have an incredibly delicious and cheap meal! Photo’s by Shipyaad 43 .

shortlink: g4ksb . Bitches by Sucka27.44 MotherTruckin’ Ribs.

45 .

46 .

47 .

48 .

shortlink: fuhw2 49 .Best Steak I Ever Made by Sucka27.

shortlink: fwwr5 Chicken Flied Lice by bambooshootz. shortlink: fwwr5 .50 Chicken Flied Lice! by bambooshootz.

” :D Variation by Jace11 and bambooshootz Is it safe to assume that if i want pork fried rice. And I think maybe fish sauce and lime juice is more of a thai thing. Always cook whimsically! It makes your food much better when you feel it! Variation by ingotanarchist You can also substitute chicken with spam and have yourself a delicious Hawaiian delicacy :D Variation by bambooshootz I guess you could add a couple of diced carrots. it’s some tasty shit! 51 . And change whatever you want. but if you’ve got no conception of how much garlic is enough. this is “Too Much.Protip by flynnski That is a *fuckton* of garlic. But whatevs. Not that I disapprove. i can just substitute chicken for pork? Yes.

you seriously CANNOT fuck this up. shortlink: 8mgtt Cook some onions and garlic in oil a bit. but I made delicious shepherd’s pies. tastes awesome. I just put them in a bowl with warm like to think that’s what the beer is for. it becomes a soggy Set oven to broil. shortlink: a4eto Dinner Instructions by some internet people Buy frozen. diced potatoes with chopped peppers already included in the bag. Chicken them other toppins are good. or oil.5 packets of instant gravy (the powder kind where you mix in water to make it yourself) ... Add half a stick of butter. Also. it doesn’t matter. the fat melts and the beef cooks in it (this is why you don’t get 80/20. cooking time varies with load. They’re incredible.1 box of instant mashed potatoes (100% natural. CANNOT fuck this up. The recipe is EXTREMELY flexible with adding different things. but that’s just water.. taste good. high heat). cooking things for different amount of time. Close up the tin foil Drop the beef in a pan. you don’t need any butter so it is a self-contained steamer. Once the beef is THOROUGHLY cooked but usually about 25 minutes. and Make sure you’re pretty drunk so you forget to turn some of these ingredients (like the box of mashed the fucker at some point and pretty much burn some potatoes) are reusable. Mix that shit in. they fill you up. Get a pan. You can make this stuff in any order. modifying it. different kind of cheese? Put it in. I used something like a 13” by 8” and it made pretty good pie. Drunken Tacos by mdeckert. Potato Hobo Pack by [deleted].I peas/corn. and (this is important) about half a cup of beer on top. and You have other veggies? Throw them in. the above makes at least six solid servings for about $15. Put it in a 400 degree oven for like half an hour. add fatty ground beef and lots of chopped hot peppers.. Chicken god damn tortilas into greasy crispy shells.1. Also make the mashed potatoes. But the BEST part is: . and put ‘em through a colander when they me. and one bag will make at least three meals. desired seasonings. 90/10 is good but don’t get 80/20 imo) . Don’t eat them too many meals in a row or shepherd’s pie loses its magic. but even this very simple one is delicious: . cooking over low heat won’t dry it out like a bag of diced potatoes for like $2. Then spread your mashed potatoes over the top.1. and maybe sprinkle some cheese over them.You of the meat. salt and pepper (plus chives and fresh herbs and whatever other crap is in the garden that seems reasonable). It’s delicious. spread it. They taste fucking (beef carries lots of germs and crap. toss in some 1/4” cubed potatoes and keep frying. Got a bitch. It lasts many meals.5lb ground beef (I used 93/7. yeah. 52 . take your time outstanding. While you’re waiting for that to finish. Pour some of the potatoes onto a piece of tin foil. And deep fry them instead of beef? Cook it up. Fry it real hot. Then put a layer of your peas/corn. Spread the beef along the bottom. shortlink: a4eto There are many recipes available. defrost the Addition of vegetables and other stuff is optional . cheese. Yeah gravy with ground turkey? No problem. Pour in gravy. Seriously. My girlfriend and I added a little bit of asiago cheese. expensive but fucking good.Shepherd’s Pie by [deleted]. throw it in. Yougurt with cucumbers. weren’t frozen anymore.1 bag of mixed veggies (I used peas/corn) . lasts like 3 of these pies) I hate cooking and can’t cook worth a damn. you can get it’s done. mess). and since potatoes are very high on and cook for a while over low heat even if you think the satiety index. Drunken tacos are the shiznit. tomatoes.

Snacks 53 .

I've made these in half an hour in some ovens. They do continue cooking when you take them out of the oven. I don't know how to do the conversions. I should have mentioned that the time depends on your oven.ok...it has to be the kind wrapped in foil or paper. shortlink: g2fy7 54 Agghh.Freaking Phenomenal Brownies by thenerdening.. because the consistency will be all wrong. but then what's the fun of putting ice cream on a cold brownie? .. One stick [of butter] is eight tablespoons. Four sticks make a pound. or 1/2 a cup.. There's one cup of butter in the recipe. and more like 40-45 minutes in others.. Does that help? edit: This recipe will not work with tub butter or low fat butter.technically you're supposed to let them cool completely before you cut them.

3 minutes and 40 secs for 800 . SO fucking good. Plus. MicrowaveCake by ontology. Much softer and more cakey. and I used three tbsp butter instead of the oil. shortlink: ftitn 55 Protip by blizzard30 3 minutes on 1000W.. but I replaced the 2 tbsp of cocoa with 1 tbsp cinnamon..Variation by bioguy741 I just made it. Variation by andersonimes Tip: This is a little chewy as-is.. Substitute half of the flour with wheat flour. you know. more fiber? Edit: whole wheat flour is what I meant.. seems like.

It’s still yummy though. Correction by TheVulture Yeah just realized I put the wrong picture on there for panel 3. I do this every year and love it. . not stuff scooped into a bowl (have a bowl outside overnight). shortlink: fupt4 56 Variation by tsumnia At least where I’m from you want to get freshly fallen snow.Snow IceCream Bitch by theVulture.

shortlink: fukv4 57 .Rainbow Fucking Brownies by subx1.

58 .

Variation by beastmole Put peanut m&ms in them. 59 .

shortlink: fumtj .60 Bacon Cinnamon Rolls by ibrewbeer.

61 .

62 .

Frosting for your Fucking Cake by Kaielll. shortlink: ftmgl 63 .

shortlink: futgs .64 Lemon Squares -Without Words by Tipps.

Words by GavinMcGimpsey 1. 4. Mix two cups sugar. Stir in one half cup fresh squeezed lemon juice. 8. spreading evenly. Put the mixture into a glass baking dish and spread evenly across the bottom. Beat four eggs until smooth. Place the baking dish in an oven heated to 350º F (175º C) and bake for fifteen minutes. sprinkle the top of the lemon bars with powdered sugar until lightly coated. Not on the chart. 2. I'd imagine you want to let the dish cool before adding the sugar and cutting into bars. 65 . Note: cooling isn't taken into account. and a teaspoon baking powder. a quarter cup flour. 3. 5. 7. 6. Bake at 350º F (175º C) for half an hour. Pack down using the back of a measuring cup. but it's necessary: Using a shaker. all the way to the edges. and mix with one cup of melted butter and one cup of sugar. Finely crumble two cups of graham crackers. Pour the lemon batter into the baking dish. Stir mixture into eggs.

illustrated by pled. shortlink: fuuxu .66 Spread recipe by japaneseknotweed.

67 .

so I guess I shouldn't complain. 3) you need some sort of 24 hour time-elapse between go away and come back (otherwise.. 2) mix the stuff in gently. I mean. You won't care because you're a guy and guys are pigs. three technical things 1) not too much of the honey/walnuts. the way people imagine blowjobs is actually about 100 times less awkward/more graceful/more powerful and visually compelling than the way we look when we're actually doing it. right? Also. right? While oral sex IRL. If anyone takes the picture literally. but she's wearing something nice and will hate you and then you won't get laid. Finally. Hell. I might just offer. OK. figured no one on /r/ would know. oral sex in the mind is this sensuous sculpture of intertwined lips and limbs. Half of the attraction is what's left unsaid.. I didn't even BOTHER with that first time around. looks like an awkward partially-evolved quadruped with its pale butt in the air trying to stuff some weird deep-sea creature in it's mouth. But most authors have issues with what their editors/art departments do. Whereas. 68 . they'll end up with sludge. I liked the original two-tier structure: cheese gets you laid. and PS: you get MAJOR points for having cheesecloth in the house. as an author. either way. organic ingredients upgrade you to a blow job too. And then one social/emotional values commentary: The feed-her-your-dick pic is a little blatant. So I kinda miss that option. if any guy tried to "feed me his dick" w/out me offering to taste it first myself. if a guy gave me a nice glass of wine and a cheese/cracker tray and told me he'd made it just for me. Oh. That stuff needs to drain for ages. be careful what you ask.Protip by japaneseknotweed Wow. otherwise the cohesiveness of the yogurt/cheese will break down and you'll get sludge and see above. that bit's REALLY good). which will ooze off of the cracker and onto your/her clothes. I'd bite that sucker off.

ffffffuuuuuuudge by ontology. shortlink: ftj1k 69 .

go and make some fucking food you lazy asshole The End 70 .