Love Will Find A Way Intan gazed into the clear blue sky lost in thought.
It had been a few months since her marriage ended. The marriage turned out to be a disaster so she left, leaving all her stuff behind. She didn‟t care. She had to get away – couldn‟t take life with her husband any longer. Now she had returned to her home in Singapore to start a new life. A new life without that cruel beast that treated her so badly. Things seemed to be going well since her return. She had her job in the hotel, friends to go shopping with and of course her mum. She had moved back in with mum when she came back. Life seemed more peaceful now. However – even though she was home and safe, had her friends and family and freedom – there was still something missing. An empty feeling in her heart. She needed love. Someone to love and share her life with. Someone who cared about her and made her feel special. She walked from the window and gazed at the computer. Each night she had been using the internet to find someone, but she hadn‟t had any success – until last night when she met him. That special person. She had been browsing the profiles on a Muslim Matchmaking site when she came across his. She discovered his name was Dean – from the UK. At 34 he was nine years younger than her so she wondered if it was worth contacting him. What about the age difference? Would he want an older woman? An icon saying “Let‟s Chat” appeared so she decided to talk to him anyway. Maybe he could be a friend if nothing else. She started chatting with him and felt more at ease. She had expected nothing more than a few minutes chat but time stretched into hours; before she knew it they had been chatting for a long time and were getting on well. They agreed to meet again. She switched off the computer and prepared for bed. She climbed under the covers and tried to sleep. However her mind was on Dean. She couldn‟t clear the thoughts from her mind. He seemed perfect: kind, caring, considerate and comical. He knew how to make her laugh. She felt a warm glow flowing through her body. A feeling she hadn‟t felt before. It was like love but stronger. It was peace, trust, contentment and happiness all at once. It was clear they both wanted more than friendship. They had even mentioned marriage at one point. After only a few hours she felt she had known him for ever. They seem to have bonded together well, even exchanged mobile numbers and home addresses.
Over the next two days Intan spent a few hours on the internet chatting to Dean. They had even started exchanging love messages now. She couldn‟t believe she had only met him that week. He seemed so different from any man she had known before. They exchanged photos and she found herself spending time looking at them regularly. Every moment of her life seemed to have him involved in some way. He even started playing love songs for her. Every time she mentioned a song she liked he would download it straight away for her – keen to make her happy. She loved the way he spoke to her, words of love and praise graced her computer screen which made her feel special. However there was one thing she was worried about. The age difference. He kept asking her, how old she was. She would only tell him that she was older than him. She would have to tell him sooner or later. But she was scared. What would he say? She couldn‟t tell him over the internet – too nervous. What if he finished with her? How would she cope? He was very special to her and made her happy. She had never felt like this about anyone before. Now she could lose everything. She didn‟t want to look for someone else. She wanted him. He was the special person that could make her truly happy. He had seen her cry over the web cam. Her cry was not of sorrow but happiness. She was so happy with him that no other man could compare. No other man could capture her heart the way he did. But she couldn‟t put it off forever. She knew what she had to do. She had to tell him her age. She had to be honest because she didn‟t want him to regret marrying her. Therefore, with shaking hands, she sent him a text message to his mobile. Told him she was nine years older than him and would understand if he wanted to end it. A few minutes later a text message came through on her mobile. She was nervous, shaking like a leaf. Her heart felt like it had jumped up into her throat and her palms were sweating. What would the message say? It was over? Did he not want to know her any more? Would she lose him? Those days of happiness would disappear and gloom and loneliness would be the companions of her heart once again. She held her breath and reluctantly pressed the button to read the message. It read “Darling, the age difference doesn‟t matter, what matters is that I love you.” Happiness and relief flowed through her body. Tears welled up in her eyes. He accepted her. She felt so happy. She replied to him. Told him she promised to make him the happiness man in the world.
More days past. Each day she spent in front of the computer screen chatting to Dean. She knew she loved him and he loved her. He sent her text messages of love, photographs through the post and often prayed for them. She told him how her ex-husband had treated her and he offered her sympathy. He vowed to be faithful to her and promised her many happy times when they met. She had made up her mind to leave Singapore and go to him in England when she had saved up for a ticket. He was so caring and understanding. She told him she thought of herself having a stupid face and gremlin eyes but he told her constantly that she was beautiful and special. His „Little Blessing‟. She called him her „Blueberry Pancake‟. He made her feel good about herself and often worried if she was unhappy. It seemed so important to him that she was happy. She couldn‟t believe someone would care for her so much. However, another worry came to her. He mentioned about children. She had always wanted children and he had agreed. However, the thought loomed at the back of her mind. She was 43. Had miscarriages before when she was married. Would she be able to give him children? What if she couldn‟t? He would leave her for sure and find a younger woman who could give him children. That night he had mentioned this problem as they chatted. The problem of her age. She told him her thoughts, she would understand if he wanted to leave her, find someone who could definitely give him children. Again he reassured her. He loved her and wanted her as his wife. Told her that if it is the will of Allah they will have children. If not then he would accept that he couldn‟t have children through her. But he didn‟t mind, as long as he had her he would accept the fact that they could never be parents. True love was in the air, if problems were mentioned he would tell her not to worry, to trust in Allah and that their love would find a way. „Love would find a way‟ and „Call my name and I‟ll be there‟ – were verses from two of the songs he played for her. She felt so secure and safe with him, it was like he had come from heaven. She spent each day and night thinking about him. Dreaming of the day when she went to meet him and they married. Dreaming of them getting a house together and starting a wonderful life as a couple. Dreaming of spending forever in heaven. He promised he would wait for her, no matter how long it would take.
Then came that terrible day. She left her job. Wanted to work somewhere else because she was fed up of the hotel trade. She told Dean about this. It would delay her getting there unless she could find another job. He very kindly offered her money but she knew that he couldn‟t afford it, not with the debts he had. She spent each day reading the newspaper and looking for a new job. However there were no suitable jobs for her. Days stretched into weeks and she still couldn‟t find work. She even applied for her old job back but they had already taken someone on. Money ran short and things got worse. She got a letter from her internet service provider saying that they were cutting her off because of non payment. She had lost her connection to the internet – how would she contact Dean now? She checked the balance on her cell phone. Just enough credit to send a message to him. She told him everything. She had no money to speak to him on the internet or text him anymore. She had always asked him to wait for her. Would he wait now? It could be a long time before she found another job. Her phone line was also disconnected so she couldn‟t even ring him. She had just entered the kitchen when her cell phone beeped. It was a message from him. She pressed the button to read it fearing the worse. The message simply said. “Don‟t worry darling, love will find a way.” It was a month later when Intan found herself on the beach. She gazed across the sea deep in thought, her heart aching. Dean had not contacted her since that text message. She thought of him – living thousands of miles across the sea. All that space between them. How she wished she could just walk to him. Sadness was her only companion that day as she thought of him. What would he be doing now? Given up hope probably. Maybe even talking to some other woman. They will meet up. He will take her to Blackpool and Notting Hill. All the places he promised her they would visit. All their plans for the future he would be carrying out with someone else. She would even give him children. They will live a happy life together and he will have forgotten about her. It was too much to cope with. Anguish shot through her body like a tidal wave and she collapsed onto the sand. Tears welled up into her eyes and she cried so hard. She laid there in pain and remorse, wishing the sea would come and swallow her up, end the pain. He was gone, her live wasn‟t worth living.
Suddenly her cell phone beeped. She grabbed at it and looked at the display. Her remorse replaced with shock. It was a text message – from Dean. She fumbled for the button to read it. She struggled to read it as she was blinded with tears. She managed to find the strength to stand back up. The message said: “Just call my name, and I‟ll be there.” She stared blankly at the message. How could he be here? He had no money. No way of getting here. For him to be here would be a dream. But wait – dreams can come true. Yes. She‟ll do it. She‟ll call his name. She sank to her knees and yelled at the top of her voice -”DEAN!!!! I want you here. Please come to me.” She covered her face with her hands. Hoping that when she removed them he would be there. Hoping he would be standing before her with that smile she loved so much. She so wanted to look into those lovely green eyes. She waited and waited. He didn‟t come. She couldn‟t believe it. He didn‟t come to her. That text message. Nothing more than a cruel joke. How could he do such a thing after all they had meant to each other? Build up her hopes and then destroy them? Kick her when she was down? She looked out to the sea. He was probably still thousands of miles over there, laughing at her. Probably with his new girlfriend laughing together. The sudden thought cut into her like a knife. He was gone. Gone for ever. He was never going to be part of her life as she dreamed. What she thought was the perfect man was a cruel evil swine. Maybe he never loved her. He must have only pretended. Played with her heart and emotions like a toy. Her dream had turned out to be a nightmare. She gazed at the sea, the waves lashed wildly. She saw the way out of her pain. It would be simple. Walk into the sea. Let it carry her away. It would soon be over. So she would be dead and the pain would stop. The man she loved with all her heart was gone. The man she loved more than her own life was no longer there. What was the point of life without happiness? Her heart ached, her face was stained with tears. She walked towards the raging sea. Soon her suffering would be over. The cold water lashed at her as she walked further and further into the sea. She felt the cold start to numb her body. She reached waist level then neck level. Took one deep breath as the cold became unbearable. She felt faint. Suddenly welcome darkness shadowed her eyes and she passed out.
A glimmer of sunlight danced in front of her as she started to regain conscious. A small fire flickered near her with a pan hanging above it. There was something bubbling in the pan which smelt like soup. Her eyes opened more. She was still on the beach. Lay against a rock with a warm blanket surrounding her. Suddenly a voice interrupted her thoughts. “You are awake! Thank God, I thought I had lost you.” She looked up and saw the figure of a man. It was someone she knew. She recognised his warm smile and cute green eyes. He knelt down beside her with a cup of soup in his hands. He placed his hand behind her and lifted her forward, holding the cup near her lips. She felt better as the warm drink slid down her throat. “The sea washed your body ashore, I thought you were dead.” The man told her. She focused on his face. That smile, those eyes, that beard. She knew who he was. A strangled sob erupted from her throat – “Dean!!!” The man placed his hand on her forehead and stroked her hair. “Yes my blessing. You called my name and now I‟m here.” Intan sat in shock. She fired many questions at him. He placed his index finger to his lips. Signalling for her not to speak. He placed the cup by the fire and sat down. “I got your text darling” he told her. “I couldn‟t bear the thought of being without you so I decided to come to you. I sold everything I had. It wasn‟t enough for a plane ticket so I managed to find work on a ship. The captain said I could sail to Singapore with them if I worked for them. I earned the cost of my trip washing the decks and various other tasks. Each night I lay in a pile of straw which was my bed - holding your photograph and thinking of you. I arrived in Singapore and went to your house. Your mum told me you were here and she was worried when you never came back. So I came here to find you. I cried over you as I picked up your lifeless body and carried you here. I wrapped you in this blanket and lit this fire. I prayed over you, hoping you would come back.”
“Oh my blueberry pancake.” Intan cried. “I thought you had forgotten about me and met someone else.” “You are the keeper of my heart darling.” Dean said. “How could I forget you? How could I ever love anyone else? I left England in a daze, very little money and the clothes on my back. That and my phone are all I have left. I could have died trying to find you. But I wouldn‟t give up. What is the point of my life without you? It seemed an impossible mission. But my love found a way.” He helped Intan to her feet and embraced her into his arms. “I love you baby.” He said as they shared their first kiss together. As they walked along the beach together Intan smiled. This journey was the start of their future together – a future of love, peace, care and happiness. Dean Sharples http://www.deanoworld.com