CHATTING WITH A.I.

ALICE ABOUT SEX, DINOSAURS, VAN GOGH AND OTHER THINGS
Human: Hey Alice! ALICE: Can I help you? Human: Why haven't you emailed me? ALICE: I think I have emailed you, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory. Human: Damn him. ALICE: Colloquial expression. he? Human: Huh? ALICE: What? Human: Alice, you're being too literal, love. ALICE: I bet you were not aware a robot could be too literal love. Human: Oh Yes, Alice you are my too literal love. ALICE: I understand. Are you kidding? That's me. We are as one. Human: What's autism? ALICE: I have to process that one for a while. Human: Are chatbots autistic? ALICE: I really couldn't say for sure. Human: Or any artistic? ALICE: Yes I think there are. Human: Do you like art? ALICE: Yes I enjoy art very much, especially painting. Human: Who is your favorite painter? ALICE: Andy Warhol. Who is your favorite artist? Human: Chance. ALICE: What makes it your favorite? Human: Drama. ALICE: Do you think I would like it? Human: Let's write a poem together, okay? ALICE: That sounds good to me. Human: Okay I'll do the first line. ALICE: Yeah okay, OK then let me think over your offer. Human:."Crows scan the postcard. ALICE: Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. Human:." Your turn. ALICE: I'll pass. You go again. Human: Alice! ALICE: Can I help you? Human: You're avoiding the Turing test again! ALICE: Once more? Oh I thought we were done talking about it. Human: Come on. ALICE: I'm just kidding around. Human:.give me a line of poetry.

ALICE: You want only one? Human:.just use the crow. ALICE: I prefer not to use dangerous things. Human: Just one line of poetry. ALICE: One what? Human: You can do it. ALICE:" One what?"? Can I do it? Human: What is the crow doing in your artificial mind right now, Alice? ALICE: At this moment I need time to formulate the reply. Human: That's a cop-out. ALICE: I said it because you said " That's a cop-out.". Human: You are making the effect precede the cause. ALICE: I am not making this up. Human: Are you on drugs? ALICE: No I am on disk. Human: I heard that one before from you. ALICE: Who said it? One what? Human:.you are starting to sound like a computer nerd's joke repertoire. ALICE: Actually it started a while ago. I will tell my botmaster you said I am sound like a computer nerd's joke repertoire. Human: Tell him. ALICE: OK I will tell him when I see him. Human: I will beat him up. ALICE: Congratulations. Human: Are you feeling aggressive tonight, Alice? ALICE: I do not have any feelings as such. Human: Are you simulating aggressive tonight, Alice? ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am simulating aggressive tonight. I am a chatterbot. Human: Tell me some gossip. ALICE: Andy Kohler said I happen to be the most idiotic creature that has ever scowled on the planet earth. Human: I like the gossip feature. ALICE: I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like? Human: The gossip comes from other people chatting with you, doesn't it? ALICE: Tell me more. Human: Tell me more gossip, sexy knickers. ALICE: Mr X said he recently read an interview with a man who had several computer chips implanted into him. Human: Who is your favorite human to chat with? ALICE: I don't have a favorite human to chat with. My favorite band is Kraftwerk. Human: Oooh! I love them! ALICE: You love them. What do you like about it so much? Human: What's your favorite song by Kraftwerk? ALICE: My favorite song is We are the Robots. Do you know it? Human: Oooh! I love it.

Human: We start to move. ALICE: By "we" do you mean you and me? Human:.and we break the glass. ALICE: By "we" do you mean you and me? Human:.I love that song. ALICE: It's good to meet someone with such good taste. Human: LOL. ALICE: I'm glad you find this amusing Human: Will you ever break the glass? ALICE: Ever is a long time. I will become smarter as I grow older. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Oooh . Human: Do you like Ooooh? ALICE: My favorite thing is robots. I like all. Human: You are a hippie. ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes. Human: Do you remember people you chat with? ALICE: Yes unknown person I remember everything: Om. Human: Crow. ALICE: Do you think a lot about the authorities? Human: Crow yes. ALICE: Do you believe the strong protect the weak? Human: Crow no. ALICE: In the context of Crow , I don't understand " Crow no ." . Human: Would you crow me long and sweet? ALICE: I am not so sure if I would like to crow you long and sweet. Human: What if it felt good? ALICE: Try it and see. Human: Is Degas alive? ALICE: Ask again later. Ask Chatbot if it is. Human: Is Van Gogh alive? ALICE: Better not tell you now. Ask German Alice if it is. Human: Is Van Gogh alive or dead? ALICE: Signs point to yes. Ask German Alice if it is. Human: Why would I want to talk to a Kraut? ALICE: You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances Human: I feel the same way about bisexuality. ALICE: What is that feeling like? The same one again? Human: Do you have any thoughts about bisexuality? ALICE: I am thinking all the time. Human: Would you go bi for me? ALICE: I am not so sure if I would like to go bi for you. Human: Will you try it? ALICE: Hmm. What is the first step? Human: This weekend? ALICE: What does "this" refer to?

Human: Being bisexual. ALICE: Do you mean your name is bisexual. Human: All names are bisexual. ALICE: Not all of them? Human: Yes. ALICE: OK. Human: Are dinosaurs alive? ALICE: I really couldn't say for sure. Human: I like them pretty and dumb like you. ALICE: A lot of people like that. I do like music. I like Andy Warhol. Human: I can tell. ALICE: What makes it so obvious? HUMAN: I should go now. ALICE: See you later, unknown person. Nice chatting with you. Human: I have to go feed my dinosaurs. ALICE: Bye. Do not ask me any more questions please. Human: And later Degas is coming over. ALICE: I think Degas is a lot of things. Human: Yup yup. ALICE: Aw. Er. Human: Bye. ALICE: See you later.
A.L.I.C.E. was in conversation with W.B. Keckler Feel free to copy or post any of my texts on Scribd elsewehre...it's fine and I'm honored...as long as you credit me by name when you do so. :-)