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Part Three: Communication

73

TI J'"OHAAI WINDOW
The- Johtu.j Wi..uow IS
The. Ope-n Area
ComW1Orl drena
Q

(Joseph Luft & Harry Ingham)

c.ommun'lC<:ttton 'and humaYi reiafiCfJ5 medd de\/dopecl. by Joe LLlN and Harry In.gMWI. TYtey sa.!j +here are .four area& In Dur pev=cnaltt0. I
15-H1eI I~bw

we. shar-e. certl~"u,aspectq,


ot bW'Sdves wtH1 of-hers.

where..

TYre. B(,M Area isolLr bhYd


spot ~heYe.we.are-una~ ofceri-alVi aspedr3 of-l>Lt~lves

ldohf-Know

-'.. ... .._..-. ....~.-~- .l kwJw


YwKnow
~ ~

This develops frust.

OpBJ

BLlt-JD
'l1>u kntJtv
Idbn'f-l.crIllN

(;r t>-t o#te~'

P,erc~oV\S

1he.. Ht~

we. cooceal ~ of ourselves wh 1Cl1 wedon'tV\tl rrt oftte-rs

A~ i$ wher..e..-

HIDDal
I
I

U~~

__ ~l~.U!. ~~0a ~' _ The U..,kV'lOWVl Area '15-fL.1e. seat of all ow- r~rU6ed
mew)Orie.~ , feel I'i1gs, des('("d;
needs
I

of us. We-m~ hurroH1ers

We hide,. beL'und Wla.sks.

10 J<VlOW.

'rOOtbTtb1ow Yot(~btcw

w~id1mafj

e~~$/

HteWt5e!veg,

I ~ uV\COtlscilx.ls;

unelf>eded

be-lrlavlour. we. need to\~ ,


~~
IY\VthVl~--H1~

For- sound 'Vt-kvptt'SCtlaf reto.tttm5 1-eaWl W't1< aVId CD~afton,


J

Ared, ~rftcu/tlY{y (a) 'ReduCiVl-9 +he.- H-i~ Area. -H-tro~


(t,)

+t1e. scie- ofthe.--Op.V\

by

~pprcpnaf~ seJf'-dlSCtC8-tfe:

+0

ReduCl~+he-

Areo. -IturoU8~ 1e-edbaclc -ProWl otVtu&, ~oV1eS-f{~SWe+heIr- perup-f-toVlS about us.


B(I~

74

Human Relations & Interpersonal

Communication

T~E JO"'A~' WINDOW (1'


( The Opetl A re~ )
(1 J<now)/'Bos--I 5, ~ou know now : I feel about not getHYJB

,
:

(You Know)
_

<m
1..
Q

;...' the promotion.)


-----------------/

- - - - - -- - ; )'ts _, and I'm sorry. / : You fed disappointed 1/


,--- - -- - - - -

---7
/
/.

~. :...:;..
' f

: because you feel ~ou I should have got+he


I
I
\

1/
/1
"

,
I

,-----------

promat'Ion.

//

Snaring oUr"+rue~hb
based
011

atJd feerlt1gs/

o../evelling wHh oH1e"S" la~s +hefoundation feY' a healthy relationship

mutual trust.

Part Three: Communication

75

THE 30HARt W'NOOW ( The Bt ind At'ea )


(others Know)
~

'Z,
--,

,,---------, // You're cunlgant \


/",_ ~~d ~~~:e~~~~}
'lo.. '1:,

I'

--------

: 1'mcon-hderrt
-----

~.

"" ~and seff-assured. .. ...) ,


-- ---'"

"'y----- ---.... ,
: IOlire Cl

U:
\
\\

real "I ( Ijus+ love +0 lb. usyooa~, L. -' I I h f I : elp people // : mindIng oI+ter : improve. / ,-----I Reoples } business. ...../ ,

,-----

- - -----7

//

~ to

-_/

-"'"

We m0l,j no/- be aware of our own mu lis and weaknesses or ofhers' true fhoughts ond feeliYl9s alnrf- us. Feedho.ek -from oftte.t.s helps TO reduce C>r' remove -these \'bl,"nd spofs., -H1ereby improvin.g COVrHllunication.

76

Human Relations & Interpersonal

Communication

TH JOf-lARI WINDOW (6'


(The Hrdden Area)
(I Know)
~
"

,----------,
I ,,------

(You 1A>nT Know)


_

/ I'll do ANYTHING ~ f- toru ou'l).-"5' :J L.JVV. I",


I

. ,---------

--'/

nanks,Ah Kow. /' f I knowI can 1/

-rI_ I

./

~al~~5 -trustHDUi/ '- -- - - - - - - -

8 I-i,din9 our true thoughts or feelings we keep otners - bl (rid 1'-10 our real siiuahoo. This lnfum affecls +l1eir- behaviour -IoNards us. as #1e!:j carl respor0 oYl/!:j +0
I

whn--I-hey cat') 'see ~'We vreed +0 "level w ifh oU1ers -ItrtOtlgh appropriate self-disclo5:.tre.
I,

Part Three: Communication

77

rUE J'OJ.4ARfWINDOW (4'


(T~e U}']k..,own Area)
/

.. ------ -.,.-~,

" Itsjustnotme! \
" I efonl know what ~ /---;- --- - - - - -" made me shout :" 1-1-s s-fmV1ge

", atfhe
,---

cusfomer. /,'
-- -- - -

I .1.

all ... ,ghtJ Ive- ,. k I never hown uou I I


\ 10

--------

lese. ~eur coot. }


--'"

"Q

S~!iln9 or doiY1{J +hings wl1 i


oitiers

In -the L{t1conscicus level of cur t'YliVld but which M9-4surface In une)(pecied ~Bs. CanftvnhVlg
dl'Rreuft or

usua"!jdue+O unconscious needs Or motives #tat- Iie buried


IS

by surprise

en catch us and

5up~ssln.91i1em reduces -I11e- I,ikelihaxl of unconscIous repression and +Y1e.lr-

+han

unpleasant

SitlAafr0fl5

"n 'if~r-aH1er

ne8atlve- effect-5.

78

Human Relations & Interpersonal

Communication

T~ET~REE FACE5 OF COMMUNICATION


NON.ASiE~'VS ASSErrtVi AGwRE&StV5
I

r'M NOT O.K. YOU'RE O.K. I LOSE


YOU WIN

l'M O.K.
YOU'RE O.K.

I'M O.K.
. YOU'RE NOT O.K.

1 WIN YOU WIN

I WIN
yOU LOSE

6USMtSSlON

OOOPERATION DOMINATION

Part Three: Communication

79

NON-ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
(Non-Verbal)
o
o

Down cast

C!JeS

Slumped posture o Helpless gestwes o Clasps Cl nd unclasps hands repeafed/!:j


o stM1ds a
aWCl!j
o

-~(
"
"
~

( Verbal)
./' - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - "-

~hatever. ~
/5

say, Bos5,

'I

1'

----------------

o.k.

WIth

me.

/
.

d isfrmce

speaker

from-+he

So~ about-H1e mess, dear.", \ \ I'll clean it up h9ht away" f " Oh, 1'm dead tired ~ I
\

f-ies"1fa..rr speedJ

,'. _-----------------...

-----------

-----

./

: I'm ol1l~ ~ woman. So afvaid ~ ~J donL/- have- much -to contribute. "

1m

......

,----- -- - -- --- -- ---_/

The

purpose of nDYI-assertive communication is to W~r1 approval or ac~eptance, or to aVoid +rouble b0 puf+ing on~seJf down, .
J J

submrf-h~9-to oth~ro surrendering our le9"rfimate rlSJhts, accephng a lose-win situatIOn. SU01 behaviour encourages oJfjer people to take- advantage aFus.

80

Human Relations & Interpersonal

Communication

AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION
(Non-Verbal )
o ~aVlds
o
o

(Verbal)

on hips

Glarin9 look Shakes fist


Points -f'inger

o Bangs desk, door


o TU'01S

face away

o o o

Closes e!je5 Shouts


Boycotts others

o Ridicules

The

purpose of Clgqres51ve commuVlicahon "IS +0 int,:midate ~+0 assert Dne:S su~riorifl1 and "Importance
I

while putf-wg others dOVVVl ; to ~eel sel-f- (nterest ~ +he. expense of ofl.1ers crea+lng a wIn-loSsrfuahon resulti~ (11 hurt feelit19s .
I

1
Part Three: Communication 81

AS6E~fV COMMUNICATION
(Non-VerbaJ )
o
o

1~ (Verbal)
- -/

Erect posture Firm gestu.res


,I

- --

------

understand "

You.~

aV\9Y~

-~-, \ beca~ I

/
I
I

o DI"reet

e~e conl-aci

o ~ands in 6pen pes ition

1\ .... 1'

~------------------~
I

~ou -H1ivtk !:l0u./re not- ~e+f1n9.+he / llUQlit~ of servIce ~oure fX1~'ng ;' for. ,
,

\ I admIt my mIstake

but I teel
-

\ {hat you should not- have \ In fr-oYit of all +he guests. \'- ...:...._- - - -- - - - - - - - -

reall~ c~.I+iGised me

I :

-- -

--

The purpose

of assertt"ve .commuVlication

cooperation DVI Q. 0051.5 D( eq,u.alit.0 ; s~ek mutual beraefit and a Wln- win 5 ifuafloYl I respechng each

+0

is to

.seek

ofhers leg'r+irna+e ri.9 his.

Part Three: Communication

83

EFFECTIVE FE.EDBAC~
Don't 8eAbstmet
" Whlj are ~
'--- --- ---t,

'0
- - ---,

,-- - -----------alwa,ys

Be SpecrAc
- --, "
-_/

\ saselfjsh and u~rafrVe?:

--- -

: You dotl't really bofhet: ~ : do !Jou, abllJt what I :


: #rink or how 1 fed? J
l,' - -- - - - -: - - - - -\
\

, ------------ --,
/

: M ~DU wentoh WI#' !:JDu..-wo ..k : l even ~ ;+~n!f urgent. )


~ -- - -

r We Yesterda~was our btiSfest peri<Xi,: really needed ~ou -fo help


'-------------------- - -- - -- -- - - ---------'
..... \

,---

----

-- - - - -

OC:1f,1

(I was deepl~ hurl wht~ ~ou : bouEht #lat e,([XrtSive., nem t wifftout eVf.n asking my view.
'------------

:
I

: You:re rtallH Ut19tz:rlttuC, ; m~~ me for9rarrt~, : ~ as If I donrevetl exist. :

--------------

...

(1 'k>k" ~~
\

: done for!:pu, but


.. _----------

;r +r~bie~ qd-~i;:
!jOU d,crn't

so :
,

\_-- ---- -------Criticising

: much as sa!:), ",hank

--------

!:J0u".

-k>deal w.rth

in absfraet ferf115 does not ~Ip to {mprove -+he- sttuatiOt'l. Le:H-it1g +-he person KV10Wspec.. tfJcaf~ how his/her beViQviour affecfs us enables #te person
anotHer petson

+he behav'Cur

IYl q,ue5f'1Ot1 .

84

Human Relations & Interpersonal

Communication

EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK ,~)


Donr Focus onthe Person
: You must be cra~. No per.son . I in his rl9Yrt m',nd would have ,,'" ] doVlesuch a stupid #1/"n9.,,":''';
--------------' , , I I I

~~

-------------------

"

~....

Focus onthe Behaviour ,.... ... ----------- --------,


Confnmting your boss when

\
'\
\'
\

he. Was Qlreaa~in 5uch a bad : .mood certain Iy wasn't a wise :


" " thing

,, You're as devoid of feelings J.J.'


I
I

f How hearties.? can yaI gel- ?


\ lJou
\~

. -----------------

"

as, fie Impersonal compuier ~'


work
on

" I

" It hurts

me wheVi !dDU dDn't " ~t15Utt me on an impovfflvrt

to do. ./ ------------------'..---------- - -- - - ---- --,


\ 15.sue .such as +his.
'-------------------'"'

'r

:
I

------------

.. .,.,.

' .'

we fInd offensive.

on Hte 5~c;f,c behaviour

If we need +D cvrficise SOW1eOf1., we shoo Id focus

ca/l{Ylg or charade,,assassination.

We should not "atta ck/' t11eperson b0 resorring +0 Ylame-

Part Three: Communication

85

EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK ",


Don't be Destructive
:~V ,ou're really usele5s. Even
r m~ six-yea~ old
I \

--------------------7,-"
kid can do a beHerJob fflaVltnisl
----""" ,/

Be Constructive -, - --- ---- ----- - - ---, ,


" The letfer would look moye
profess'lonal'lf
I

/"

" /1 ,. "1
,/
J

it were more- :
r
.

,------------

,.

sra~ffiere ! ,.' ,----------------_/

Don4--tell me you're not coming home agaiVl for d,nner. .You 're spend"V19 50 much t1me aftfte office you m(ght as well just

----------------

r :
:

\ even/0 spaced out. \_--------- - -- ---, \\

--' ,'------------------,
: T0e ch i1dyeJ1
aVld 1 rea IItj

"
I

, mIss !j0u. We haven't had

,
:

: di."ne... at nome+oge+Ytev--H1is I enfr re- week. Can lpA do

t 5Ome-thing
\

: :

abeutThis?
- --

,----------

-----

"

Positive, con.strucftve commeVltsor sugge5+i~ns do more to I.mprove QV1undesirable sl+uation.


tnQVI

ne.qaf-ive destrucfive remarks cl"'i+ic;sm~.


I

O~

86

Human Relations & Interpersonal Communication

EFFECTIVE FfOSAC~(4'
Don't Infer Motives
has been extra : Y1ice +0 +he 005S of late. I I suspect she's working
I

,---- --------- ---"

Focus on Observations
\I
I I

M i85 _

: for a promotion.
I

,
/

.9taHiV19 back late +0 hel F.' / I ~ +J1e b05S finish Htis ruSh
1
I

------------ ----I ~ofjce Miss _ has been

------------------~
,----------------

I
\

,--------_/
,..------------

Job.

"

,,--

, about me , .'.
WITe.

into trouble. 111at 5 why : : .You said all +nose-things: :


IVI

You wtntl-ed +0 get me


front

I
I

-',

huvt'" ", : w~eVl ~ou men+;pVl~ a II th~ \


suypr'lsed and
I
I
\

" Iwas
ftllVlgs

of

trlCJ

I
/

rn YY1SJwlfe5

presence.

I
I

~------------------Itlferr"/V19.

: They were meant fa be


confidential.

,
I

~----------

- ------

Oy ascribi~g ~in;sfer .c>v ulterior motIves, behind o+ner.s' behaVIOur IS unfair and unconstruchv8.

Give others +he, benefit of +he doubt.

Part Three: Communication

87

EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK
Don't be Jud9emenllJ1
I
I

(4)
:
I

: qet itri,gJ1f ? AVld ~alre " I ~~FJO.'e.a+0 be a q,ualified /


I

~--------------------You're lousy! Catl't ~ou ever "


etf9lt1eer!

'\

Be Descriptive - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --"
\

Your negligence has caused


-H1e rnacl1i118 -10 break dDwn. T"';5 i-? goina -to set us

'.._-------

------ -~..

.. /

"

\ back by at lea st a week.


\

:
I

,-----------

----

~----------------, ( What kind of dad are tJOU~'1


I

weak uou dare nof. I \ ,disc"p/tne your own chlld?.J ..


..

No wonder kids nowaaa!ls 9n:M1 up wild. Are. ~DU 50

,- - - -- - - - -- - - - - -- - - ... , " When JDhn deliberately -#ttew I


\ h;~ sat1d\:Vlcn o.-,-the.fJooy, ~
\ (;uue.tI~pl,*ed,ttuR rnsfeaa
\

------------ - ...~_..

or : \ ~pYlwranctlng YI 1m and. I \ ;nsisli~ he picked ituph,mse.r. I

-- ------- -------

-_/

When commenting
OYllt.

be~avlbur rafher+han evaluattn9 or passin9 judgemerrt

1ikely to be accepfed if we desci,be

on of-~Y5'

behavlwt: it is

row

mDre we see-H1e

88

Human Relations & Interpersonal Communication

EFFECTIVE FEfDBAC"(6)
Don.t Seek One &lui-ion
/'
I

Explore Alternati'A3s
..,,"
,)

) getOYlwi#r it. L - --- ---- - -,

: #t;s m atfer. So leis


."

---------- - ---, A51 see It, -#teres " onl~ one wa~ +0 resolve ~

we ca~comeup wtfh t,________________ oH1er posslod ,tie..s. , See


if

: furilJer exporation. Mea~wh'I~,(efS;


I
\

( You ..idea rs cerlain(~ \'\.Ortn

------------------

- "

: Why waste, time look,~ ) ~ for OI-her solution9 ? I : r bel ieve we've af read!:J got r ~ ) , a real winner here. ~
...

,"'----------------,
_--- - -.. -- ---------

~------------------,
I

,I

'"

i 1 do have an idea +Vtat WI ight "/ ~ work. However, I(l value I

\ our ideas.

(jour inpA in 111is maHer. Perhaps we could even comDw~


, I/

,---------- " -----""


V

./

Itt decisjon~makit1g and problem-solving, it helps +0 share views a V1d consider variou5 options {Ylstead ofjumpU19 at+l1e first aHmcfrve solution orinsisfing on OUY way.

Part Three: Communication

89

EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK' 7'


Avoid (tAli or None"

Allow UMore or Less)


I

rOt-c~r;;l'~ behind ~~: mean


I HOU I ---------------

but -thal- doesnt I : ~ must agree with every l

+hiVlg

say or do.
"

:
I I

,
\'
\

\
\

'--------------~---; r----------------,
We snould meet Merlams :
relltUest tor final'lcia I help
I

"' 'I

\ air +Yte way or not offer:


\ ~---any Qssisfance arall.
J

~ Wh"d~ we may hot be in : ~tne positIon fo meet her I


I

wt1atever we I ~can offerwill be a demoh-l reqpesf


fulll1,
I

1------ - - - --

sfmHon of our sup{X)f't. .... :


"', I /
Y

absolute black or white. tJot perm'dfitl9 an~ difter~nces would be COYlsidered Qtl imposH1Ononolfters basic r!9ht5.

W~en d;~CU5Sjl1g issues of a subjective nature, it he!ps to view #t"ngs IVl Terms of shade!!> of 9rey ra#terfttan IY1

90

Human Relations & Interpersonal Communication

EFFECT'V FEEDBACK (S'


Share Ideas
(One,-~mP'J~~ " to me. You've got-tote a vety succeSsful motivation : \ tou.<lh wjH1 ~ourworkeV5,! : progra~vne -tOY Hs staff. Would : \ orffJe;y'11 cllYnb all o\r I I you be InfereBted to ffnd out I ~ \ ~ou . ) t What#1e~ are doing ? :

/N~~ CdDUju~tli~--'l

I:

h~b~~-~~~i~-:
----J
I

\,

----------------"

"---------------

: 'r-~tro~9Iyt1d;'~~~--ID -- -'i (My -e~;e~ie;~ ~ th~-;u~~h;-ng -':


I ~
I

s:a~in:~~~ :~ri: ~:9ge~o= ~r- - - -'\i1j--'


considemnon is usuat(!1 betfer received .fhan advisiYlg or telling othets WHat-is v-i~htorgood
"'"' for them.

allow m~ childrevr .fotnlk : back-fo me#te way you do, / \ well, fralse'ls

dISCipline. your d1Jld~.ftom: QYl early age. I would never

I somethmg wronq. However: to : get the.cl:tifd +0 ao some#11Vl,g


lT10re

may stop a chHd from dOing

~ (
~I

effech"e.