What Is BDSM?

BDSM is generally thought to be a word that describes three separate but often overlapping aspects of sexuality, bondage/discipline (bd), dominant/submissive (ds) and finally sadism/masochism (sm). BDSM is a sexual orientation, which has historically been perceived as a psychological disorder in much the same way that homosexuality and masturbation were. Today, the disorder label has been removed and studies have shown that a significant segment (up to 17%, according to some sources) of today's population practice some form of BDSM and estimate that up to 58% have BDSM related interests. Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is neither sexist nor degrading. Sexism, by definition, imposes dominant-submissive roles and feelings according to gender. In the BDSM lifestyle, these roles and feelings are chosen and given in a consensual, willing manner. There is honesty to BDSM, an openness about inner needs that supersedes gender. BDSM is not fetishism. Fetishism substitutes an object for a relationship. Due to the necessity of trust, communication and exchange of power, BDSM often does incorporate relationships. The shared, dual reality of many BDSM relationships provides the participants the chance to explore every avenue of their deepest erotic fantasies Popular belief promotes the misconception that the Dominant partner or sadist always does as he/she desires, without any thought to the needs, desires or safety of the submissive or masochistic partner. While in actual practice it is the submissive or masochist which tends to set the boundaries of the relationship through the use of safewords and predetermined limits. BDSM can be dangerous; some BDSM activities/scenes are more so than others which is why it is always imperative that safe practices are adhered to. When in doubt, research...ask questions...never, ever take chances with safety. Remember, there are times when you are actually taking someone's life in your hands. Most importantly, BDSM is a uniquely individual choice. There are no dictates about what is right and what is wrong beyond safety concerns. By stripping away the standard definitions of taboo, practitioners of BDSM are awarded the chance of experimenting and enjoying a wide variety of experiences...and living out their most erotic fantasies.

Punishment

Punishment Punishment (from the Greek poine [penalty] and the Latin punio) in the ethical sense is an act of some discomfort administered to or required of a person who has committed an offence or transgression for which there was a prior knowledge of a regulation or policy defining the act or omission as a "crime" or "prohibited." Punishments can include "restitution" (i.e. repayment), being "bound" (i.e. confinement), being made to perform some "service" on behalf of the victim or community, or they may be physical, mental, or spiritual or emotional in nature. Punishments may be administered formally (ritualized, as in a trial under law) or unceremoniously (such as taking a person and swiftly delivering a spanking having been caught in the act of some ‘wrong’). In the D/s relationship realm, punishments are commonly intended as either a form of behavior modification (sanctioned by the D/M with the intention of preventing future similar acts or omissions) or as a way for a submissive to obtain "closure" on the offence (if she confesses and requests an act of closure).. Submissives often crave punishment when they have committed errors, actions, omissions, and other similar misdeeds that evidence displeasure in the eyes of Master, and therefore occasionally seek "closure" or repayment in her mind and/or with her body. When things that are unpleasurable to most people bend into total SM relationships, the term "punishment" must be redefined for that pair bond–lest the "punishment" become a "reward" and unsuitable for any form of corrective action. Our focus here is on the use of assorted punishments (to possibly cover some of the SM variations), on the ethical application of punishments, and on the subject of "closure" to the benefit of the pair bond. First, there are some words within the lifestyle that occasionally are misused or interchanged that, in conjunction with training, are distinctly different activities. 'Discipline' may be used within the lifestyle as either a noun or a verb. As a noun, its meaning is most accurately described as "control gained by obedience (by the D/M over the submissive) or training (with the submissive having "discipline" as a result of the training)"; or as a verb "to have discipline" in the form of "exercising self control." In either case it accurately justifies the behavior and thought process of a submissive person who wants to please, and has been trained how to do just that. With or having been given "discipline," the submissive will NOT need correction or punishment at every turn. Developing "full" discipline within their submissive is a primary objective of most D/M’s in training. "Correction" (adjective) means most accurately "to make right." When making a course correction in an automobile, one merely slightly or moderately applies just a bit of pressure to the steering wheel. In correcting a submissive, a D/M will often use simple verbal cues to tell a partner that another course of action is preferred. Communication is a critical component, because early in a relationship it is often the fault of the MASTER when the sub performs poorly. Corrective techniques, however mild or severe, are his domain entirely–and if he neglects making them, he has no one to blame but himself if performance is substandard. Upon noting an errant behavior, it is the D/M's responsibility to inform the sub of the problem. Even after that, repeated misbehaviors could indicate that the D/M

was not clear in His instructions. The communications channel must therefore be open long before using any punishment stronger than verbal warnings and mild corrective actions. Corrective (non-physical) training methods are many, and may include scoldings, corner time, revocation of privileges, denial of touch or denial of the other rewards associated with proper behavior, etc. For punishments to be effective, and ethical, the D/M probably should establish the training program to put the emphasis on positive reinforcement techniques, rather than punishment. Early in the communication process, the D/M should identify what the sub enjoys, and lavish the rewards upon her for developing self discipline in task completion, pleasures, and etc.. Doing good for no gain, while getting punished for every bad deed, makes the D/M not much fun to be with, puts relationship stress on the couple, and can emotionally damage the submissive. Physical punishments, when used in the context of typical D/s, situations (the needs of masochists and sadists notwithstanding) are a more severe way to modify behavior. They deliver a strong message that something was very wrong in a particular act or omission. Couples should spend ample time discussing what is expected, required and desired in a D/s relationship. Establishing boundaries is the best way to prevent misunderstandings, and to make both parties aware of limits, expectations, etc. The D/M with a written training plan is far less likely to be misunderstood. The D/M should remind the submissive to regularly review (at least weekly early on) the training manual (which can be modified during any stage of the relationship). This keeps all the information FRESH in his/her mind. A well-read sub is a well-trained and disciplined sub, with the added bonus that the words "I forgot" can never be an excuse. Indeed, the use of such excuses for failure to perform can themselves be grounds for punishment. The D/M will earn respect by providing consistent and prompt correction and punishment. A lack of guidance will never be an excuse, and the submissive will willingly accept (without complaint) a punishment for which she recognizes the policy for in advance. The sub will eventually be so in-sync with the D/M that she will recognize her own errors before the D/M does. She may then either correct herself, or bring the matter to you as a confession with evidence of her selfcorrection. In that case, you know your training has been effective, and your sub is completely in harmony with your will. Pleasing one another, or "mutual needs fulfillment," should be the goal of any M/s or D/s relationship. The Master who looks for every excuse to punish his one will soon find himself in the singles bars again, wondering why she left. A loving sub is not to be abused, and punishment–especially if unnecessarily harsh, unjustified based on the D/M’s own failures in instructions, etc. is tantamount to abuse. She is to be guided and made aware of your ways, and already wants to please you. The mere raising of your voice is often enough to put her in tears. She is sorry when she does not make you happy. said 3 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 0 Comments Violet Wand Violet Wand Violet Wand

One of the safer electrical devices used in S&M play is the violet wand. Violet wands are definitely one of the most desirable toys available. They are incredibly versatile, providing many different levels of intensity, technique and sensations. They can provide an incredible range of sensations, from lush tingles to sharp shocks to simulating the feelings of burning and cutting. You will be limited only by your imagination. Statistically, violet wands are the safest electrical sex toy next to vibrators, and you can do a whole lot more with them. They pretty much feel like a jolt of static electricity and the spark jumps to your skin. But violet wands are adjustable, so it can go from erotic tingles that feel like you are in an alka-seltzer bath, with the sparks fizzing lushly over your skin, all the way up to sharp shocks. There is a wide range of physical sensations you can achieve, depending on the setting, technique used and accessories, so they can feel like soft bubbles or like a knife cutting. Violet wand electricity is of sufficiently high frequency that it does not affect the human body, in the same way that high frequencies of sound cannot be heard. This high frequency, combined with other factors such as the specific "resistance" of human skin (eletrical resistance as measured in ohms per meter), make it possible to play with violet wand electricity. What most people know about using violet wands is merely the tip of the iceberg! Not only can you use them to touch directly to someone (Direct Application), but there is also Indirect Application as well as Reverse application. And there are an infinite number of effects that you can achieve by combining those three basics. Direct Application As with all toys, test its effects on yourself before you begin, so you become accustomed to its ranges and effects and comfortable with controlling it. Violet wands can create sensations that range from gentle tingles and barely felt vibrations, to sharp shocks. Unless you want the violet charge to arc to certain areas of the body, remove all metal jewelry in contact with the skin of your subject. Leave metal where you desire a more intense sensation to occur. Nipple clamps, piercing rings, chains and anything metal will draw the charge to it, and conduct the charge more intensely into the skin. Apply the charge directly to your subject, experimenting with control settings, different electrodes, and distance from the skin to achieve different sensations. The farther you hold the electrode from your partner's skin, the sharper the shock will be felt. You can also experiment with different attachments to insert directly into the violet wand. To increase resistance, and thus spark 'bite', dust a little talcum powder onto the area(s) you will be playing with. Manufactured objects that fit into the wand can be used to achieve different sensations. Indirect Application One of the wonderful characteristics of violetwands that can be used to great effect, is their ability to conduct their charge through one person to another. The charge can pass entirely through a human body, even more than one, because humans are primarily made of water which is 34% salt. This can be highly conductive to electricity. Applying the violet

wand directly to someone, have them touch someone else. The charge is transmitted through the first person and to the second. Playing a lovely diffusion of neon purple rays over someone's reddened skin, and having them rake their fingers to transmit the charge over a second person's skin is only one of the ways this can be affected. Any body contact, from touching, spanking, or stroking will transmit the charge to the second person. Tongues get a bit numb when they are used in this way, but the sensations of being on the receiving end of an electrically charged tongue can be incredible. A most fascinating way of employing this trait of violetwands while playing, is in acting as the conductor of the charge yourself. If you hold the wand's electrode firmly in one hand, you can use your other hand to touch your play partner to transmit the charge to them. Your fingertips will emanate sparks as you contact your subject (though not in the same strength as they come directly from the wand). when you are part of the circuit, the charge passes through you and you will not feel it. Your play partner will definitely feel it, however, as your fingertips, your tongue, even your toes, can be used to transmit the violetwand rays. If you have metal on your body however, such as a watch, piercings, or rings, you may feel the charge being attracted to the metal where it comes in contact with you, depending upon the settings you choose. To take this effect another step further, if you pick up a conductive toy such as a mylar flogger or a Wartenberg pinwheel while you are holding to the violetwand's electrode. You can then use the toy as an extension of yourself and transmit the charge of violet rays. In this way you are part of the circuit and any backlash of flogger tails will not effect you. The possibilities here are limitless..aluminum combs, knives, metal slappers, ball chain, chain mail..anything conductive can be held in your hand to transmit the charge to your play partner through you. Chill your chain mail, ball chain flogger, or shock whip. Use it with Indirect application for cold metal PLUS hot sparks. Reverse Application Use a body contact pad and attach it to your partner rather than yourself. Either have them lie down, stand, or sit on the body contact pad, or duct tape it to their body so that there is a good contact between the pad and their skin. You can also duct tape the mushroom electrode into your subject's hand if you don't want to bother with a body contact probe. Then turn on the wand. Your partner will be electrified from the inside out! When you touch your subject with a metal object such as a mylar flogger or wartenberg wheel, the charge of the violet wand will arc through their body and shock them from the ..inside... This method gives you the best freedom of movement with a violet wand. To take this a few steps further, wire the body contact pad into your metal rack, cross, or the chains that your subject is bound with. You will be able to torment them with electricity from ALL directions, when you play with your mylar floggers, fingernail talons or pinwheels. A fascinating way of employing the violet wand with a body contact pad is during knifeplay. Hold the electrode in one hand or use a body contact pad to become part of the circuit. Pick up a knife or a metal letter opener in your other hand. When used on a partner, the sensation will feel like cutting. These are only some of the

techniques that can be used, and with a little imagination, the possibilities are nearly limitless.