Kapila 1920 – 1998 God is no friend of who don’t work. He is happy who relays less on God.

Tantra is no path, it is life. Tantra is a triangle of Freedom, Fearlessness and Wisdom. It is thrilling to see war news. But only the brave can fight the battle.

I was studying Sanskrit at Udupi. During the leave, as per the wish of my friend I visited Kerala. Relative of my friend was having a hotel business but he was also a famous Mantrik in that area. Me and my friend Ganapathi Bhatta went to their house. Kottayam is a very beautiful town. We reached there at noon. Relative Sri Ramana Pandit had built a very good house. When we reached their portico Pandit was happy to see Ganapathi and welcomed me as well. We had bath and mid day meals. I observed that Pandit was pacifying someone who came to him. After that we enquired about us. Ganapathi replied “ He is very much interested in your skills, however he is hasty enough to tell that all this is a myth”. Pandit smiled and replied it is their individual view. He was a filled pot. His voice was polite and speech was limited. Next day we sat for meals at 12 noon. When I started towards dining room, the wall clock rang 12 times. I counted them too. Ganapathi who was having a wrist watch has commented on the wall clock. He cursed his wrist watch which was inaccurate. Pandit had challenged Ganapathi about the discipline and strength comparing himself to the wall clock. We were having the meals with chit-chatting. We were five, Ganapathi, Pandit, myself a relative of Pandit and Pandit’s father. Pandit’s father was also a Sanskrit scholar. He had a medal called “ Parichaanana” the in Logic. All the others had curd-rice and got up. I was watching them getting up. But I did not feel to get up. I did not even feel that it is not manners to sit on the dining for long. I had some food in my hand. But I did not feel that I should eat it. Finally I got up, washed my hand and came out. The disciplined wall clock was showing time 3-45 p.m. Pandit has offered me a cup of coffee while he was having one. Ganapathi was smiling at me. That Night Pandit told that he used Stambhana on me. I was very curious and asked him whether one needs any preparation or can one use this at will. Pandit felt the hurry behind my question and told smiling. It depends on the quality of mantrik. It also depends on whom it is used. I can’t use it on a Siddha as I used on you. It depends on the strength of Mantrik and weakness of the other person.

I had many doubts. I thought this is his speech. I wanted to check the vidya

and whether it was spontaneous. I asked him whether you can use it on Ganapathi now. Pandit turned towards Ganapathi who was holding the book ‘Kiraataarjuneeya’. Ganapathi sat quite even without turning the pages. He also used it on a dog walking through the portico. I asked pandit. Don’t think otherwise, There are people who show magic on the roads show these types of tricks some time. Is that possible they also know this vidya ? Pandit replied why not ? Goddesss Saraswati is the child of who call upon her. So it is quite possible few of them have this vidya. After couple of days I asked pandit again whether everyone can learn this. Pandit replied that everyone can learn this who wishes so. I asked him back people say it is very secret ? Pandit replied: Scriptures say all vidyas are to be kept secret. But they also impose that don’t send one back empty handed if one is eligible. Secret means it is not to be used wherever or on whomever. Even when scriptures say it secret, there is no limit to it’s misuse. And people will also have the consequences who misuse it. I begged Pandit for this vidya. Our leave was over. Ganapathi was in a hurry to return. I asked him to proceed. I stayed back yearning for the vidya. Once I asked pandit very clearly whether he would teach me. Pandit asked me why do you need this. I replied, no just like that, if one has such vidya he can be confident. It would also help his development. Pandit replied your desire is ok. But development using this vidya is quite impossible. Person who develops this vidya cannot develop himself. One has to build a tomb of self development to learn this. I asked him is it really impossible to grow one learns this and Pandit’s reply was may be one in few thousands.

I was ready to face any consequences and asked Pandit do you think I fall if I learn this.

Pandit replied your strength is in your heart. Why do you invite a ghost of the street ? The vidya learnt with right path will last long. Why you desire the left path ? I replied, somehow I am lured by this. If my fall is predetermined ? Please teach me the vidya.

After few days Pandit took me to the nearby village. It was evening. A Brahmin was sitting on the veranda in front of the house. A shawl on the shoulder and a small cloth around the waist. Elderly face. Padit saluted him and I also followed. Pandit introduced me. That Brahmin replied to Pandit where is Udupi, where is this village? I think he was destined. He turned at me and told growing boys should not lure for these things. I replied, If it is a vidya, trying for it also quite normal. If I am not eligible, I go back. But if I am … Brahmin replied it is her wish. She only has to save you from falling and give strength of walking. He told Pandit to let me stay with him till Thursday. Pandit returned home. That Brahmins name was Bhaskara Bhatta. I stayed with him. With his behavior I came to know that he is very polite and compassionate. Once a person came to him for some solution and wanted to tell his problem but was hesitating because of my presence. He replied, this is not my home, This is temple of my vidya. There is no secrets here. If you still hesitate you can go back. Then the person explained his problem. Bhaskara suggested some solution. After he left Bhaskara told me, my vidya is not a bhootasiddhi. This also can be achieved by worshiping ghosts. There are people who have done this. In the nearby forest there is a person named Kesari Bhatta. He is expert in

bhootasiddhi. Somehow this the grace of mother. I got it from worshiping Ashwini Devathas. Mother has protected me till now. For next three four days Bhaskara tried to change my mind. But I was firm. One night I was still on the bed. Bhaskara woke me up and told to have a bath and come to the pooja room. I did so and entered the pooja room. Bhaskara was meditating. In front of him there was a lamp lit with coconut oil. There was a small silver stick getting heated on the flame of the lamp. I went inside and stood there. After some time Bhaskara sprinkled some water on the ground, performed digbandhana and asked me to sit. Bhaskar took the hot silver stick and pinned it on to my spine. It was very much paining but I did not care. Bhaskar sat in front of me and ordered to see into his eyes. If you take away your eyes I will pin them with this silver stick. I got alert and started looking into his eyes. I could not tolerate the heat of them. My eyes started dropping tears and with the heat it was also evaporating. Then I don’t know what happened. His eyes were like moonlight to me. I lost myself. When I woke up he was applying honey to my wrist and bandaging it. Looking at my curios eyes he replied it was a ‘roudhira deeksha’. This prevents many falls happening because of siddhi. This procedure is used in many maha siddhis. I was astonished and speechless. After the deeksha, I followed the instructions. I gained stambhana siddhi in just nine days. While finishing 11 days procedure, Bhaskara blessed me with his palm on my head. First three days I was in complete fast. Then I was on lime jucie , honey and water. I was chanting the nine lettered mantra given by him every day for 9,000 times. This was my ritual. On 12th day I asked him what is the ‘upaadaana’ (in return) to the siddhi. Laughing at me he replied your wickedness. He continued and told your determination and faith are the upaadaana. Your strength is helping it. I asked him I did not have faith in the mantra japa at the beginning. What is the use of chanting without faith ?

I asked him whether all these activities were really necessary for stambhana siddhi. punishes us frequently. Some actions would have worked and some would not. and puts us in a fix in front of father. So I could not see her in all females. I was puzzled how to see mother in all females and was thinking about the properties of a mother. siddhi is void. Remember your state. Oh. One of the rules of celibacy was to see mother in all females. So she is an administrative element. He replied I have seen people who acquired this siddhi without guru and initiation. mother means who is at home. This is a total activity. Your japa was active. He replied don’t get into apprehension. Remember the state of your mind. One cannot say only japa is the cause of siddhi. If your prana is not aligned with japa. Remember correctly. At the end of three days person feels his progress and continues. Be alert about what you take away. Next day I left seeking permission from Bhaskara. Protect the vidya. I can make out.He replied. capabilities and actions are different. He continued if one is determined and gets initiation he cannot be without faith. I thought it would give strength to one to progress in the spiritual path. I told please excuse me. one day you will have to surrender this. . While returning back I was thinking about the celibacy. If possible and if you find appropriate improve it. If you grow. He cautioned me. If you have little doubt I would surrender it back. Wherever you are and when you feel it useless surrender with proper ritual. My heart was heavy with thankfulness. I will not misuse this which you have granted with mercy. But their ways. I returned. Let your mind not get into silly desires.

I can now see the properties of mother. I went on place to place by walk. Silk Saree. The principal had asked for a certificate from my village. I was very violent in the childhood. I was welcomed with a police search warrant. At that time there was a movement called ‘freedom fight’ was going on. take these’. I could not remove my eyes from her feet and after a long time. Somehow I reached a temple of Shiva and slept there with hunger and tiredness. tried opening my eyes and saw feet of a female. Oh. I reached Poona. She heard it went out to get a dozen bananas from the shop and offered me. She told me again ‘Sir.When I returned to Udupi. If you offer me all bananas of prasad. could not open my lips. it suddenly flashed my mind. and had to escape from my home. O lady. When I thought about my disgraceful condition and she is a female. it looks you are from a good family. finally could see her. but to express my violent behavior. I was about to take them but somehow hesitated. When I was wandering reached Udupi and came to know that there is free food and shelter provided for those who study Sanskrit. I came to know about this and escaped from there immediately. take these’. So I was listed with the police. After some time I heard someone calling me. then went to Sholapur and came to Gulbarga by walk. I thought it may not be for me. Thus I got an entry to learn Sanskrit at Udupi. ‘Take these bananas’ she offered me. Wedding chain in the neck and Kumkum at the forehead. which I had forged and given. Mother means who gives us when we are in need even when we say no! . People around me were thinking that I was betting my life for the nation. Then I heard a repeated sound. ‘Sir. I replied her. I could not open my eyes. Young Lady with wedlock in toes. I joined it not for the nation. So I joined with a false name of Anantha Padmanabha. But Police had a suspicion that I am around Udupi and issued a search warrant. I was in a very pitiable state of hunger and tiredness. I think it was the fifth day I did not had food. it would be a problem for you at home.

One who tastes gets addicted to it. After walking for some more time I could see a light. “Go kiss the feet of Purana Devatha’s. court declared I was no guilty which I was not. Few days later. I was given shelter by a Marwari Family whom I met in the train.” By the time I realized what was happening. It took me out of the town. I was taken into custody and was put in jail. How can I believe you are a Brahmin? He asked me. So I appeared in front of Bijapur Police. Bijapur was my reply. a person moved away very fast in one of the ways. I approached the principal of the Sanskrit school. where is this old town? One evening I was spending time on the bank of Shipra River. if you have any tests I am ready. I was thinking about the Ujjain as described by Kalidasa in the Meghadoota. It was almost getting dark. I was thinking which way to go? If one has a head it should direct the legs or legs will take the head the way they move. I had tasted Sanskrit in Udupi. So I decided to continue my study in Ujjain and went there. From which place are you? He asked. Suddenly I heard a voice. I continued on the same path and went on for couple of hours hoping that I would find him. I did not know what to do when came out. I said. Sanskrit has a type of intoxication. there is no good place than jail. After 10 months of trial. Where is that Ujjain. He saw me along with the reference letter I had taken. I tried to follow him but he vanished in the dark. . I stayed there with Marwari family for few more days. There were two roads going on opposite sides. When reached it was a lamp lit in a small old temple. He refused me that you people south to Vindhya mountains are no…… I decided not to receive such conditioned teaching. I thought it right to spend the night there and slept in the temple.After wandering for few months I decided to surrender. For persons seeking self development. He was annoyed by my reply.

I was speechless. we should give him. She lifted me again and patted my back and told yes. There another man was standing naked. I think she just had the bath. So I could imagine mother in her and fell on to her feet. I suddenly realized about the celibacy and closed my eyes. She told “This boy looks eligible. I told my vow of Celibacy does not permit me. what is your celibacy. And I saw a naked lady there. So I can’t see you. ‘Idiot. She lifted me and asked again. Her voice rose ‘Look at me’.’ Another slap. ‘Look at me’ she ordered. you still have feminineness in you. You close your eyes and still see me in the mind? Open them. That time she turned back at me. With a feeble voice I replied. But the mind behaves in front of strong people. Now there were few more lamps lit in front of the idol.’ I again fell on to her feet and replied I can clearly see mother in you. What a beauty. If it gets spoiled just by seeing at woman. Now I had to respond. I can’t see you. Why? She shouted. I can see it. Why should we entertain? If we go on doing like this. where else can you see?” There was a paradigm shift in my thinking and I realized she would not leave me. Slowly opened the eyes. ‘See clearly do you see a woman or mother in me? Remember I can read your mind.I was awakened with some sound near the idol. I replied with a trembling voice ‘I can only see mother in females. what will be our population?” . She pulled me out of the temple. My right eye was seeing her part by part while the left eye was seeking mother in her. She came out and slapped me. Water was dripping from her hair which were long up to buttocks. So I opened the eyes. I thought right would win.” He replied “Though Bhairavi. why are you holding on to? Can you control the lust by tightening the cloth? If you can’t see mother in the woman in front of you.

One. Bhairavi put some white thing from the skull into my mouth which I swallowed. who rejects liquor. will not have Samadhi siddhi. One day I met a Maharaj from the North. who rejects the union of couple. I returned towards Ujjain. We three moved to the nearby grave yard. I split open the skull into two and kept one each in front of them. They gave me some money to return. Bhairavi asked me to take bath and come naked showing me a pond nearby the temple. Then she asked me to open my mouth. went back to the Marwari family at Ujjain. will not experience the oneness. He was very harsh and very soft at times. They also did the same. By wandering we came to a place Adavani in Andhra. Sanskrit also very little.He turned at me and asked can you consume liquor? I said if necessary. I did ‘aachamana’ with liquor and she applied ash to my body and did digbandhana. Can you eat meat? I asked are these really necessary? He replied. They continued the ritual. separated the head with knife and put back the body into the pyre again. finished the ritual and walked away. I had gone behind may so called Gurus. I came down and was roaming near Bellary. Told them I have to leave. He did not know any southern languages. Many of them were just ‘Tapsiwalas’ and rest of them were members of ganja society. one should have indifference about the things. One. The man guided us to a burning pyre. Most of them were fake. Was speaking only Hindi. After many days I realized I was initiated in Vishuddhi. Bhairavi asked me to sit. . I followed her instructions. On their instruction I pulled out the boiling corpse. put her tongue deep inside and removed. One who rejects the meat will not get Ahara siddhi.

He asked me to do achamana and showed me to the west.I remember that was the full moon day of May. idiot. Maharaj was spending six to 8 hours in meditation. I asked Maharaj to take some rest and pressed his legs for relaxation. I got awaken and when to him. Then Maharaj told her. There was a big lake outside the town. It was midnight. Another person should even give you eyes to see. See there. I could not see anything and told the same to Maharaj. I knew because it was a full moon day. you are a sadhak. . He suddenly called me. I imagined just a cot. I told Maharaj let us stay here today. come here. She placed her right palm on to Maharaj’s head and told. Maharaj did not care for me and moved forward. Cound not see any fire cot. Maharaj had a special pooja in the night. I was drowsing at the side. Beta. Then. I collapsed. your fire form is terrible. He asked me did you see her on a fire cot ? I wide opened my eyes. She was coming toward us. Maharaj was in the lake for the worship. you want siddhis. and asked me idiot. Maharaj had moved forward. Seeing that lake. Son. but your present form is wonderful. if you just wander like a donkey. salute her. Then he pushed his right thumb between my eyebrows. In fraction of a time she appeared and then again nothing. Telling that he pulled my last finger. Even the nearby things were not visible clearly. There was moon light. Maharaj told ‘every one will see as much as he is eligible’. Vahnivasini Goddess is coming. I begged for food in the town and we both had it. you won’t get anything. Saying this Maharaj washed her feet and sprinkled the water on to him and myself. lazy. Maharaj prostrated to her. I also prostrated. Maharaj told her to pardon and he will continue in his path.

While meditating you should not call like that. she came near and patted my back. I jumped up and asked him. Beta. I will sit here for some time. Whenever his breath gets fast I think he will get up now. I was pressing in my mind in all the possible ways for Maharaj to get up. In couple of day you will hear the fate of people who earned them. I thought Maharaj should get up fast. He continued : Beta. I told him I did not call you. Thus wishing. Still Not. I also slept there only. We selected a cave for our stay. But you are more than that. you should have eaten first. I knew if Maharaj sits for meditation. I thought I had no family. You pass time as you wish. If you were so hungry. Beta. as he should not have cared for me.Looking at me. After couple of days. Boy. you are lured with Siddhis. I was very hungry but as a rule I cannot eat before my guru eats. They are obstacles to the self development. she went back with the cot. Can’t he continue meditation after having food. I thought. Can’t I hear your mind. can I meditate peacefully? Then on another occasion he told me that it was his weakness. Maharaj layed down in shavasana. he takes hours. If you do so many sounds like that. Keep yourself happy even while wearing the garland of sorrow. donkey. He again busted.. I took it and came back to our place. Maharaj told me. one day mother will come and stay with you. I went to the nearby village and begged for food. One who is behind them should know at least how to control the hunger. Then he called me come let us have food. you should not go behind Siddis. What is this Maharaj. Got up and busted on me. Then I went for a walk expecting that on my return he would have got up. Maharaj. we came to Hampi. Finally he got up. I was tired. . can you grant me some? Maharaj told.

There is an iron ring in your ear. Maharaj lit firewood and placed on the ground. . take bath and come. He told me. The Man fell on to the feet of Maharaj and asked to save him. if you have repentance fall on to my feet and promise.One day I came down from the hills. See this Krutyaka. You cannot remove it easily. Go to the river. Swamiji. Let us call him “Krutyaka”. washed hands and came back. I want to forget everything. He stood at the side. When he was back. walked for some time near the river and went back. I will go down till the river. Sin. Krutyaka replied. Put some food in front of him. see the fate of his siddhi ! I could not make out anything. tear out the ear and remove. Then you will be let lived. I took some cooked rice from the bag and put in front of him. When krutyaka arrived naked. Maharaj returned. burning. I think Maharaj had soft corner for him and shouted. please save me. Tell this boy know what you did. This dog has not eaten since three days. He ate it. thirst ‘ I gave him some water from Maharaj’s pot. Maharaj sprinkled water from the pot and gave him a cloth. I saluted him. Maharaj ordered me. Maharaj was just getting out of the Meditation. Sin? Did you not know it then? Tell all the people hundred times what you have done. Why you want the sin to come on to my tongue again? Maharaj shouted. Remove it. After some time. I can’t bear this pain and burning. Maharaj called me. Suddenly a person appeared in front of me crying ‘ thirst. Maharaj. Told him. Krutyaka cried again. Krutyaka saluted Maharaj and rushed to the river. I was sitting alone.

He killed a crow and decorated my head with its feathers. son of a Landlord of nearby village. but because of the lure I stayed. He removed a ‘just buried’ corpse and took it to a tamarind tree nearby a stream. Krutyaka asked. I kept having liquor till evening. Krutyaka started: Salute to Maharaj’s feet and salute to the fortunate who listens this. Maharaj pardoned him and Krutyaka went away. I gave water and told ‘ very horror full’. When we were back he did not talk. No sir. Next day we took batch. To satisfy myself I wanted to learn vasheekaran. I saluted to his feet. Pushed a spoon in its mouth and placed a lemon in the spoon. I pulled each and every woman I lusted. He continued. At around 11 in the night. He tied it upside down to the tree. The man shouted ‘Jai Bhadra Rudra Kali’ and hugged me. He took the lemon and some hair from the corpse. What I did afterwards is more horrorful. tied it to my shoulder and declared me siddha. Applied its blood onto my body. the families affected by me are using magic for revenge. He chanted a mantra and beaten the corpse five times with a whip. He went to the stream to take bath and asked me to do so. we went to the nearby grave yard. I started chanting the mantra and beaten the corpse continuously. After some time. We had liquor and meat. Afterwards he handed over the whip to me. .Maharaj shouted again to tell his story. One day the Maharaj identified me and took away my siddhi. I was fed up of enjoying them and started selling them for money. That magician’s house was very dirty that people like me could not stay. The lemon fell from the spoon. The magician agreed to teach me and the next day was the new moon. I think it was nearing 3 in the morning. No Demon would have done the sin what I did. I was a womanizer. Had tasted many by the strength of money. Somehow I am alive because of grace of Maharaj. I heard of a black magician and went to him. See the series of misfortune. this is not horror. ‘Some water please’. From then on.

After Gopi Geetha. I came searching for a shelter to a Samarth Mandir. trutiryugaayate twaamapashyataam” His voice attracted me. Even I was feeling like Gopi. I wide opened my eyes. I went very near to the bhajan. The soil cannot be wet just because it is raining. Swami started the Bhajan. My destiny took me away towards north. Murali mukunda smeravaktraaravinda. A sage of Chaitanya tradition also had come there with his small troop.Maharaj decided to stay for some more time in Hampi. Swami had arranged Bhajan followed by Pooja. “Atathiyudhbhavaanahni kaananam. I saw at my chest. For some time I had lost the track. I think it is from Krishna Karnamrutha. Swami was not singing. it was Gita Govinda. vasati vane vanamaalee Gopee peenapayodhara mardana chanchala karayuga shaalee” I tried to come out of the song for a moment. When I read them as a study. I had no likes for these swamis. now again hearing his voice. For believer’s it is a Jyotirlinga. kathaya madhurasajne. but could not. it was the parted Gopi singing. “Dheerasameere Yamunaateere. “Ayi. had no feeling of it. By wandering I went to a place called Parali. maddashaam nandasoonoh” . Swami was singing with the feeling from the heart which I could make out. That day was the birthday of Lord Krishna. My search did not stop. I had read all these songs many times. Swami was singing the Gopi Geetha. Soil should have the capacity and preparation to hold the water in it. A new eligibility came from hearing the self experience of the Swami.

. Swami concluded. “Maabheermandamano vichintya bahudhaa yaameeshvaramyaatanaa Yaameenaprabhavanti paaparipavah swamee nanu shreedharah Aalasyam vyapaneeya bhaktisulabham dhyaayasva Naaraayanam Lokasya vyasanaapanodanakaro daasasya kim na kshamah” (O.Swami brings his flute towards his eyes requesting it to tell the fate of Gopi to Krishna. terror and horror? So. I had seen bhaktas but did not see bhakti until now. my mind was thinking about it. God is beautiful. I also had the same experience. How can the god be in the indecent. Is he not capable of removing worries of a servant. I did not see Radha in his dance since I did not have the eyes to taste the dance. When I closed the eyes I was feeling it. After completing the whole pooja. Krishna is the lord who can destroy all your worries. worship the beauty and the presence of God in it. Finally. don’t get afraid by thinking in many ways. Then again Geeta Govinda: “ Lalitalavanga lathaaparisheelana komala Malaya sameere” Now Swami danced like Radha. pray the Narayana who is easy for Bhakti. I was wide open to his songs. a powerful and acceptable medium is required. For the energy to manifest. When I opened eyes. I thought it was a futile attempt of explaining his one pointed experience and the effort behind it. His presence is there in the beauty. Idiot mind. Swami gave a small speech to the gathering about bhakti. I opened up my heart and fully enjoyed his Bhajan. Not being lazy. when he does it for the worlds?) Swami touched his forehead to the feet of the idol.

Swami. You have only experience of beauty. Swami. When you don’t have experience of horror. God who pleases by beauty also gets pleased by the horror. you told God is in beauty. Not so” the Person continued. why not horror? In my opinion this is our assumption. Swami asked : you are talking things against the experience. you have emotional weakness towards horror. but he is not there in horror is your inference. It may be your experience that god is in beauty. The person continued. “Not so. If God likes the beauty. so. he cannot be away from the horror. If the beauty is made by God. The crowd did not tolerate the interference. There is a tradition that proves god is in beauty. how can you say I am talking against the experience? I interfered. please excuse me. We went to a nearby room. It doesn’t have support of experience. you also ruled that God is not in terror and horror. We think that beauty is liked by god and want to please him through it. “I want to come with you. Now he reached near Swami. He continued. Can you demonstrate such an experience? The person surprised with my voice and continued. If God is omnipotent and omniscient. let us go to a separate room and discuss”. horror is also.“Not so. . He replied. Not so” a strong voice was heard from the gathering. Swami told ‘You see these people don’t have interest in such discussions. They started shouting against the person. please permit me” I asked them and they permitted. Moreover.

Saw the place where we decided to meet. ok consolidate all your courage. or at least has courage. I knew that it is enough. come to Paithan on the new moon day next week. I replied. One who considers past is most valued. The Sun finally set. You have seen the energy of beauty of Swami. I did not just hear it.Yes you are right. his present is very light and future is misty. For the one expecting the future. Thus. or show me you have courage. Horror also can give a similar energy. He gave me many instructions and broad view of what are we going to do. I have courage. If one doesn’t have the things that pull him back. He saluted Swami and called me out. There is always a tug of war between time and the mind. the person appeared and hugged me. I could think of it. But there is also eligibility for the experience. Will you show me? I will follow you” I asked him. We are born and brought up in a certain tradition and we are physically and mentally tied to it. I was surprised and asked him how did you know? He replied. the present is too long. One who wants to travel on time should remove the weakness of sticking to space. catching the essence by the root of sound is also a sadhana. I was pushing the day expecting the night to come early. . Within few minutes. Excuse me. While going he asked me “will you come no? God bless you”. “I agree. I came to Paithan on the new moon day. The person was happy. It is not shastra which is against experience. If you are interested. when you told you have courage. I saw your courage. You have courage. But did not know how? Because of my pushing. He asked me. He disappeared. He continued. Beta. he can see what I am telling.

but could not see its origin because of darkness. So I decided to keep myself alert and not get into his mesmerism. So. I am. I am pleased with your words. I am I. Be in this old hut. Did you not gauge my voice? I asked him. I heard the mantra. I am the big. Once you hear my Mantras. “Aardram Jvalati Jyotirahamasmi Jyotirjvalati Brahmaahamasmi Yohamasmi Brahmaahamasmi Ahamasmi Brahmaahamasmi Ahamevaaham maam juhomi svaahaa “ The wet it burning. It was getting dark. He told. come to me. . I am the big. I moved towards the grave yard. I heard the mantra. Another was burning. He told me. I am the big. I remembered I had to go naked. I am the light. Whoever I am. Then he instructed me in detail what is to be done in the night. removed my cloths at the gate of the yard. I heard the mantra. I saw four people carrying a corpse to burn in the grave yard.I thought you would not come. I sacrifice meself. One pyre was almost finished. After long time. I thought we all carry our corpse for a lifetime. After long time. The mantra was mesmerizing me. He hugged me again. The light is burning.

I have become more alert now. He collected ash from the pyre and started applying on to my body. I knew its meaning. he asked me to do the achamana. There were two broken skulls full of blood in them. Don’t be afraid. He placed his palm on my head and chanted a sholka. He had made two seats in front of the pyre. Some raw flesh was on a leaf. “Tadvishnoh paramam padam sadda pashyanti soorayah” All the wise men look for to the exalted feet of Vishnu I knew the Mantra. Came a round around me and placed his left leg on my head. and liquor on a dried skull. He saw me with sharp and peaceful eyes. I realized it is gaining full speed. Manage yourself and move ahead. When he applied the ash. My mind started gathering momentum. I was taken away by the power of Mantra. Before I had to close my eyes. When I was thinking about that. Taking the liquor from the skull by a broken bone. Don’t reject. Now he put a red flowered garland on my neck. my mind is boiling oil. But I did not experience the pull of it. I saw the items around me. Don’t be overwhelmed. Some broken bones. He asked me to sit in one of the seats.I came near the burning pyre. After this he sprinkled some liquor on to my body. Now he continued the mantra. Now he applied kumkum by his thumb in between my eyebrow. Alas ! I had an experience of something is applied to my body. Don’t be confined. Now I can see the person near the pyre. I think he was following a particular process while applying the ash. I thought that much force was not required to apply it. With the power of mantra my mind started concentrating. The blood was clotted due to the cool breeze. . It was reflecting by the speedy breathing.

Fearlessness be my force to proceed. He asked me to join my palms and poured the clotted blood in it. I felt as if I am chanting. I opened my eyes and saw him. we came to another part of the grave yard where the corpse is buried. When I chanted. but could not. He supported me and asked to take some rest. When he chanted. Chanting the mantra he asked me to offer the blood into the fire. it is still more from inside. I was trying to come out of the mental state expecting it mesmerism. He spread few flowers brought by him and asked me to dig the grave. After some time. Fear be the samit ( wooden stick) and be into ashes in the firepit. He was asking me to chant these words as my prayer. It was turning brown and taking a solid shape. . He directly brought me to a grave.I thought I am taken to a new world. I came to a state where I could not balance myself. He asked me to get up and chant the Mantra. I am ready I am matured I have culminated my mind I need power I don’t misuse it Your are the source of power Give me Give me Give me He was asking me to repeat this. There were fresh flowers on it was showing that it is a fresh corpse. Unbelief be the animal of sacrifice. Belief be the offering in this ritual.

It was heavy. are you scared? I don’t think so. I thought I cannot press my mind anymore. I started now using only my hands. Two cups made of leaves touched my hand. Fair. You bathe this idol in the nearby stream and bring it to the place of worship. I brought it to the stream. Now he asked me to remove the mud from the corpse here and there. He asked me. That was a boost to my energy. I used both my hands to took it out from the grave. He had told it an Idol. After some time he brought a plank of wood and gave me. He asked me to fold its legs into Padmasana. I was instructed not to make any new scratches to the body. How to make a corpse to sit? I searched for two bamboo sticks tied them as a cross with a thread to make a support to its neck. Only then I knew it was a female. Soon the corpse was quite visible. . O young man. Now the corpse came to a state where one can say it is sitting. After some time I felt something touched the plank. Alas. He asked me to put my hand in the armpit and make it to sit. Now I will go to the place of worship. stars are more brilliant. How? I forcefully folded both legs and brought it to a shape. It was very slow. After the midnight. Now he said. I knew for sure I would not get it but still stretched my hands searching for it. Washed the body as well. Washed the hair thoroughly. O young man. One with turmeric and another with kumkum. But I had to do the task. Beautiful girl. I did it and made it lay on the ground. Bangles of its straight hands behind me were making scary sound. I took it on my shoulder and moved to the stream. So I made to sit on a support and poured water on it. Now I thought not applying kumkum to its forehead is a lack.I started with my hands. Now my work was faster. you have to make it sit. I applied both and brought it to the place of worship. I could see her with the light of stars.

there is darkness all around. He prostrated in front of the idol for long time.He asked me to take some rest. Cleaned with a cloth. Now he told digbandhana “ Apasarpantu ye bhottah ……” I thought he himself is horrorful than bhootas. Put the garland around its neck. Applied fragrance to it. He spent lot of time for this. Soon on the mountain of my heart Let the moon rise with the brilliance of your feet. Neat the hair and decorated with flowers. Now there was enough light of fire. I have no one for rescue. Ammbaarunoti paritopyayamandhakaaro naatmaanavema mama kinto kulam cha desham Sheeghram madeeya hrudayodaya parvataagre shreemaanudetu tava paadamayookhamaalee O Mother. Fixed ornaments on the ears and the nose. Again applied turmeric and kumkum. I was observing him. so I can see it clearly. Offered some flowers. Now he sat for invoking the goddess in the idol and chanted the mantra “Devyaah praanaah iha aagatya sukham chiram thishthantu svaahaa” Let the life of Devi come here. he started the worship. What a beauty! Should have been worshipped when alive. Light like from a torch from his eyes into the idol's eyes. While I was thinking. He asked to me come and take my seat. He started the pooja on his own way. . Why not by us? What is the difference between a woman and a corpse ? Only few can see corpse in a woman while others still see the woman in the corpse. be happy and remain for long. is being worshipped when dead! I thought corpse is used by medical students for practicals. " Pardon all my mistakes ". Poured the blood on to the feet of idol. Now the decorated idol was looking very beautiful. but still does the digbandhana. I came to the side and sat. He salutes the idol ‘ Kshantavyo meparaadhah’.

Now there was a smile on the lips of the idol. Now he continued the fire ritual offering blood and flesh into it. decided to stay in a village. They were not open. After some time I thought he emptied his energy. The eyes are open! I saw it before. did not get much by going behind the Gurus. I came out of the grave yard and wore my cloths to enter the civilized world. So. To be double sure. Aapanmahogra-visharaashi-nimagnametam Deenam tvadeeya charane sharanam prapadyam Uddhartumamba karunaa-paripoorna-chitte Vittesha-mitra-kulanaari tavaiva bhaarah I could not refrain from touching my forehead also. which was easier than digging. Now he closed the grave. Then he gave me the prasad which I have accepted. We came back to the place of worship. Suddenly the neck of the idol bent to a side. I did not know what to do. my hands touched her closed eyes. he told and walked away. he managed to get up. Now he touched his forehead onto the feet of Idol. the eyes were closed. What do you feel? I was speechless. So he rested on the ground in Shavaasana. . If mother desires she will make us to meet again. After some time.Now I saw the idol. while washing her face. Asked me to take the idol to its original place. He chanted many prayers in from of the idol.

Once they become your likings they start working.) This is supported by Patanjali with the Sutra “ Sah poorveshaamapi guruh kaalena anavacchedaat”. one will not become full. just following them becomes like running around a pole which takes you nowhere. as he is not limited by time. . If one is determined and able to overcome fear and other inhibitions. as long as they remain Guru’s instructions. · One agrees that there is something bigger than him. The next thing I learnt. · One is sure that it will not allow him to remain small. they will not work. while S(he) includes he and (God)dess includes the God. I also learnt that physical Guru is not an absolute necessity. he never forgets to add the Sutra “ Yadabhimata dhyaanaat vaa” means “or by meditating on what you like”. the devatha reveals herself. In either case one accepts the following seven steps.I had no Guru. (Deva)tha includes Deva. The reason is. Have you ever thought of not having a Guru can be a blessing? I was now free to explore on my own. Why not use your own likings to work? “Manah pootam samaacharet” Do what your mind likes. means the God is Guru of even the ancient. He is firm that he cannot be unsuccessful. (Note : The Word devatha in Sanskrit is used in female gender. When you have Guru’s instructions. but takes him forward. so did not have any instructions to follow. though it may sound strange to you. that the God is not absolute necessity for one’s growth. Surrender is the basis of his life. · One continues with the task till it is complete. · Without giving out oneself full. Though Patanjali says “Ishwara Pranidhaanat vaa” means “or by surrendering to the supreme God”.

One who is disturbed even with the small things is not fit for Tantra. One should expand it as much as possible in order to invite all possibilities.· His development is a small part of a big development. · One will come to know his progress. one should always keep happy. Then my attention went to being indifferent towards good and bad. Experimented further with arresting the dreams. I was very angry that all my writings of many days went waste. I also experimented with black & white dreams and colorful dreams. I did not know at some point in time. The next experiment was with the dreams. · Experience of one’s progress is not for pride. To be successful in the progress. but for further speed. A cat came near and spilled the inkpot. I further tried emptying my mind. Suddenly it stuck my mind whether I can be angry whenever I wish. One day I decided to keep myself awake thinking about whatever power I had. Started making many experiments with the mind. That was quite difficult. Person with a narrow mind is not fit for Tantra. First I started to dream. His strength is for the weak. His awareness will help him. went into sleep. I also learnt that celibacy has no special impact on ones development. . I took it as a challenge and trained my mind to get into sleep or keep myself awake whenever I wish. Further I tried my experiments with the silence. Then tried to dream the continued part of the previous dream. I started experimenting with the emotions to express themselves whenever I wish. As an alternative I tried concentrating on a single thought. I started exploring myself. One day I was writing something.

whether God is there are not. After few months. Government should do everything. It wants the rights. It was a pass time instead of playing cards. the Surya use to rise. Even if it is bad for nation. For the chief of the village. No Sir. Except that only relaxing. If one can control the mind. When I thought of relaxing. I asked him to come up and sit with us. Surya was one of them. For time pass we were talking. If this is a sickness. Knowing this. denying the truth is also another fashion. spirituality was a fashion. I want the clear cut answer. Like thinking everything is Gods wish and making no efforts to improve. Mind means like people who are not eligible for democracy. Sir. This sickness of spirituality is not only in towns. When I was doing this. I was living in a temple outside the village. few more have joined. I was begging for food in the village whenever I was hungry. They also don’t have courage. he can manifest his wishes. but not the responsibilities. it is in villages also. No patience. one evening everyone left.When I was doing all these I was sure that all the powers and what not is manifestation of mind. Every day after the sunset. He was coming to me. is God really there? I played safe “What do you do with that? Don’t get into these things. it is the answer for everything. I realized he wanted the answer. I asked him why? He asked me. no mind for research. He politely refused it telling he is ok to be at far. . there was lot of disturbance in the mind. Surya was still there. Tell me. I had to enforce curfew on mind many times. He persisted. Both the show-off spirituality and denying it upfront have harmed us. They are just for talking. there is a call for strike for what it wants. Because of this towns and villages have lost their creativity and hardworking. Because. I also wanted to know if there was something beyond the mind. After few days.

If I do this much God will appear. Sir. yes God is there. You should throw them out one by one. you did not see God. Which God? How to think? His very basic questions. Is it not? He asked me and went away. OK. I don’t know how to think. Then you will know what else is left. who else is greater than you? his reply. Next arrow at me. Can you empty your mind? I asked him ? How to empty the mind ? Another basic question. Ok then think of me. How to think of him? Another tough question. He told me. He went away. there is happiness and sorrow in our life. You should not be like that. When there is happiness our face expands. He went back puzzled. I will do this. you should be alike. See. After few days he appeared again. It brought happiness. Then show me ! If I do what will he be visible? If you follow my instructions. Then you can empty your mind.I told him. I taught him various ways he was happy and went away. what great thing. I did not see God. One day he appeared. I replied. See you told your cow gave birth to a calf. have you seen any great person ? I asked him. Next day he appeared little early. When there is sorrow it shrinks. . You should remove the cow and associated things from your mind. Can you do this? Oh. In happiness and sorrow. I did not see him for few days. I don’t know how to control it. “Think of the God” I told him a remedy. you will see him. Sir. yesterday my cow gave birth to a calf.

don’t force me. So I provoked him to perform the pooja. When he told this I understood the gravity of the situation. One day he lost one of his children. I had arranged the idols. Surya. I had hugged him. how can I touch the God. Surya told his wife. But she is a mother. He begged at me. then only will Surya shine. bathe the God. His wife was crying like anything. now my mind is listening to me. Surya will expand. I cannot! Telling this he collapsed. fragrance. Such a determined Surya could not succeed. I also knew that one day I have to smash them. Surya proceeded. I knew if they grow. Found a tear on his face. I tried him to convince in many ways. You continue the pooja. How can she control herself? Surya buried the child. I knew Surya had his own imaginations about the God. If you feel sorry for Surya. I told him. flowers and all the other items. Sir has told we should be alike in happiness and sorrow. you are a human. don’t cry. Sir told to be alike in happiness and sorrow. Sir. One day I arranged for a worship of God by Surya. He shouted at the mind. You idiot. Sir. He happily agreed. Who you want to be? . I cannot touch the God. you could be an eligible trantrik. Surya everyone is equal in the eyes of God. But you are weeping! He slapped himself again and again. But I found a hesitation in him.He came again happy after few days. I asked him. But his inhibition did not allow him to proceed. No one is inferior or superior. If you are indifferent. lights. Sir.

but did not know how it came to them. Don’t hang on here. There was an old fig tree. The oldest is the hut and the newest is the garden. a man appeared. He doesn’t even talk. I am from this village. my son was bitten by a snake and the sage saved him. I offered him to provide food everyday but he refused. there are lot of robbers here. After a mile there is a stream. Now I thought I am ready for another adventure. I am taking my cart. go away he told me. I did find a very few of them who knew how to transfer it. They were unaware of repeating it for another person. If anyone troubles him. I asked him if any sages are around. He thought I am asking about sages for food. Soon I reached the stream. He will not meet anyone. Hence started hunting Gurus. When the sage arrived here. but I was happy to find one. Of those. and a very old hut near to it. Since it is day time. He told me. When I went nearby I found a beautiful garden in front of the hut. After waking few miles. I told. But they were very greedy. Near to it there is a sage. How can he be an angry man who grows such a beautiful garden? When I reached near the garden. I want to meet the sage. few had some power. What are you doing here? He asked. Finally he agreed for a cup of milk that too as long as I wish. he will curse them. which I can say I found none. So I came here to keep the milk for him. I found a person with a bullock cart. I found very few. . In other words it was an accident for them. Started walking early in the morning to avoid the Sun. But he is very angry and will not feed you.I cured myself taking some time in the village. They earned it by effort of decades and how could they give it away just like that? One day I was walking to Jagannath Puri.

He came near the garden and sprinkled water from the leaf cover onto the plants and looked at them. Even I saw at the flowers in the garden. thus I spent some time. How is this possible? Sky has fallen on the garden. Happiness and curiosity in the mind. only darkness. I saw the closed door with despair and saw the garden again. Golden hair. How the light flashes when you press the switch. The enclosure pooja over. Once at the hut and again at the garden. They were fresh even under the hot sun. All blue! Then after some time. a person came out. Peaceful eyes. He plucked some of them into the leaf cover. Sun was in a hurry to set. Went inside the hut and closed the door. I heard mantras of avarana pooja from the hut. Now It was noon. All flowers started turning white and soon the whole garden was white. I saw at the sky.I hold him that I take some rest under the fig tree and then go away. Fresh flowers of various colors. I sat under the tree and saw the garden. saw them again. beauties are in their original color! Which I neither heard in literature nor seen in the magic. The sun was about to set. This also was another kick. After some time. saw with my bare eyes. Then silence for some more time. picked the milk pot. the whole garden is as before. Attractive personality. I had left the ground and was floating with my mind. The door of the hut opened. When It was silence in the hut. The person opened the door and stood in front of the garden again. The flowers were returning to their original colors here and there. Even the beard and mustache are golden. All flowers were turned blue! The garden is full of only blue flowers! That was a kick to my mind. When I was thinking about this. A small cover of leaves in hand. . But did not care me even I was visible. I was waiting for this. Prayer for some time. I saw at the hut expecting someone to come out. How much ever I think. no Light. I saw him with full of my eyes. What a scene! I rubbed my eyes without a belief. He repeated the procedure of the noon.

In the night for long time I was waiting at the gate. but increased my curiosity. Moorkha” “Idiot” . How is this possible? Why is he doing this? Is this not something wonderful? If such a power is there. Though it had rained. I saw him. Oh. The person also opened the door and came out. Many thoughts in the mind. In the early morning he offered the lights (Mangalarati) to Maha Bhairavi. He uttered the disdain words “gaccha. This is just not Light! Even the flowers are golden! The garden is full of golden flowers! The golden man entered the golden garden. He took a stick from the fence and stroked me very hard. Now I could not resist myself. my head was still hot In the morning the sun opened eastern door and appeared. I prostrated him and held his feet. I took my body through the gate and held his feet. He pushed me from his legs and moved away.The person walked into the garden plucking the flowers and chanting baliharana sookta. I want to meet him. When he came to the gate. Whenever there is silence in the hut. I was wet in that big rain. I spent the night without sleep at the gate. Go” The touch of his feet did not give me any special effect. lot of thoughts in my mind. So I pulled the eyes from him and looked at the flowers. Now his whole body is of gold. gaccha” “Go. He shouted “Shatha. but we can use it for many other things. Opened the gate and entered inside. I did not see any person growing to this level. Morning sun was pouring golden showers on him. But my eyes were running towards flowers. Now lot of clouds gathered in the sky and soon emptied with showers. I was listening the mantras from the hut which gave me the warmth. Is not the power meant for use? Not few. He was already with golden hair and beard. None of my senses worked except the ears. He was coming towards the gate plucking the flowers. . I did not leave his feet. He was spreading few flowers here and there for digbandhana. let this be a waste. More respect and regards towards the person.

I thought I will see the blue flowers again. Tell me what you want? He asked.My head was bleeding. Plucked the flowers and went in. I thought he will be pleased by the bloodshed. Sir. At his return. At the sunset he came out again. Sir. I was in a very strong mental state that he must accept me. At noon he came out again. I can read your mind. This curiosity is not good. I went slowly and sat near the hut. I appreciate your persistence. Yesterday he was mountain of diamond. I am a spider tied myself in this web. But this time all were red. I was waiting for his return to the garden. He asked me to sit near him. The blood alerted me. He invited me into the hut with his eyes. I replied. I was standing seeing his back for long. My mind is very much curious about the changing of colors. You showered kindness on me that is enough. Don’t lure for this. excuse my rude behavior. I begged. I was feeling he will not reject me. All blood red! He did not care for me. I got up. I was waiting for his return in the evening. Don’t stretch your palms for these type of things. . He entered the hut. He spread two flowers at the corner and asked me to sit. Now ocean of honey. he saw me and asked. You still die here ? I thought I am saved. Don’t you know one should not trouble the decent? I was speechless. Kindly tell me the secret of this. What do you want? He asked me. I was happy about my head bleeding. Not able to come out. At the midnight he finished the worship and came to me. Now I saw the flowers of pink color. I did not want anything. I am holding my breath here. He sat on the mat. I replied. You should grow.

So was resting on a rock beside the river. I did not open up senses and told him It is no good for me. man cannot live without it. Be in the open. His development stops. Once used. If you are wise. I don’t want anyone. From then this has become a habit for me. this is also very addictive. I decided today I will not meet anyone. you will cross the siddhis. Got you. One gets this as part of Saavitra Siddhi by making samyama ( holding on + concentration + absorption) on the light in the eye. Then only you will have new life. He went inside. Like all other siddhis. . he told. I don’t remember the name. I came through the garden out of his path. I cannot live without this. This is a siddhi called Suryavijnana. It is good that I met you. He appeared. That day I did not walk for long. My reply. Worked out. A place in the face of Mahanadi River. I wanted someone. but I did not see him. Then I asked him Is this possible for everyone. So you go away. One guy came and sat next to me. Anyone can do mistakes. I am happy. But I wanted a nearest one. Used once for fun.He continued. I keep myself away. Don’t get into these things. I was away. I am not the one you want. But one should learn from others mistake. May she bless you. Using this liquor one loses his strength. He goes on using this. My mind was peaceful. Or else you will be jailed. I was also of your age that time. He replied. I tried. Don’t be in jail. I will not go. You are growing man. I was wandering. He was silent for long time. Even when my guru told not to lure for this. I came for that.

You need initiation. “Do you know Tantra ? Have you walked the path? Who is taking you through?” My questions. He had got much regards towards his Guru. “ you are not from here?” “You are also not” his reply. Excuse me sir. his reply. he assured. . He is very soft. Will tantra give strength to me? Will I be eligible for it? You are very strong than me. Now I wanted to talk. Then only will he succeed in tantra. His reply. He was very emotional. If soft is bad. ‘ vajraadapi kathoraani mrudooni kusumaadapi ‘ Great men are harder than diamond while softer than flower. “I am a newbie in Tantra” I suddenly got up. hard is also equally bad. which he will use for his growth. I will take you to my Guru. Both escaped from their homes but lost each other. He told some of his things. One day he smelled his Guru is nearby. He could not get the girl he loved. But he was telling there is something called bhakti. you only guess. He is also of my age. My name is Vamacharana. OK. He saluted guru and introduced me. I asked him. He accidently got into Tantra. He took me to his guru Bhagavati Sharana. What do you do? I asked him. Bhagavati Sharana told me about Vamacharana.Then I saw his face. Actually tantra calls to reject emotions. He should become hard. You have a good place in tantra. Why are you interested in it? I can see you are not a tantrik. Are you right or left in Tantra? I asked. Then we talked for long. Let it go. Very handsome.

Then you may find your path and grow big. Vamacharana returned. Should not see me. Bhagavati Saharana sat in padmaasana and asked Vamacharana to sit in front of him. Wrinkles on his forehead. I didn’t know who was Devipada. Take him with you. Bhagavati Sharana told. . Vama. Even the donation is not wealth. You asked to initiate your friend. Devipada told him. Vama asked his Guru to initiate me. Now there is smile on Vamacharana’s face. borrowing is not wealth. One should grow from the donations. Again wrinkles on Vamacharana’s forehead. Vamacharana was trying. Vama.Bhagavati Sharana was happy to hear me. After long time I knew I really had sat quiet. but doesn’t need one. He asked again. Devipada asked me to sit quiet. Bhagavati Sharana turned at me and asked me to see Devipada. Vamacharana tried. Should only see me. Be firm. I thought I sat quiet. He chanted the mantra: Ambitame Devitame Nadeetame Sarasvathee …………… He instructed Vamacharana now you should only hear the mantra. Vamacharana took me to him and requested to initiate and left me there. Now you should not hear mantra. your preparation is not enough. After some time he withdrew his hand. Look at my eyes now. He placed his palm on Vamacharana’s head. Bhagavati Sharana told.

you would get good health. I like you. Is it true ? Guru said yes. They also eat meat is that true ? Yes Guru said. One is rule while another is exception. I heard in tantra they consume lot of liquor. Yes. Both of you will grow. Question mark on Vamacharana’s face. We wandered for many days and after six days found the camp of Bhagavati Sharana. He rejects the ineligible initiated and accepts the eligible uninitiated. Even if you steal and eat fruits. you become strong without knowing it as an exercise. Guru praised him. That was a ritual of shaktipata for the week. Sir. May she bless you. Devipada told. I think his name was Omprakash. Everyone had freedom to ask whatever one wants. there is free sex. He blessed us. whatever the power of your path. OmPrakash stopped him. is that true ? Guru said. Once Omprakash left. Without being strong. I am unable to follow it. We were eight members. how can one rescue others or the society? . You are a good boy. One should use them and become strong. Devipada replied. Please permit me to leave. Sir. If one slips there is a helping hand. One can learn without going to school. Omprakash. Take him with you. there is meat. What else required for one to spoil himself and the society. Tantra is a place for brave. Guru is a double edged sword. He asked. I cannot walk this path with my head up. There is liquor. He thought I showed arrogance at Devipada.Vamacharana was angry on me. He is Svayambhu (self made). If you run long and drink milk. There were lot of tests. it is also there. Guru told. There is something more. You both be together. School is a place to learn.

Should not come to near human habitat.Omprakash is really a good boy. He told Vaishali. You are our leader now. Likes jokes. We should take you on our heads. Ten folds of courage and determination. We participated in the Srikrama that night. Is it inconvenient for you to be with me? Hard Vaishali asked politely. We have started with fire in our pocket. She asked me. Guru first called Vaishali. Vamacharana and Vaishali. On the same day. A group of four people. That too I am very happy to be with a good girl like you. The session ended. I congratulated her. . No trouble. She asked why? I replied because you asked! I am happy to come with you. From then we should have been in forest for four months. Moreover. I knew Vaishali just for a week. I have joined you three. she told. Vama is very soft. Young age. Of the seven people Guru divided us in two groups. you should congratulate me. after midnight. She is pet of Bhagavati sharana. Day and night. She went and saluted him and sat near to him. Grow together. Attractive personality. while you are very hard. Yes. It is great that he withdrew from spoiling others. I have lot to learn from you. Very beautiful. We were hearing the alerts. we should have started naked. He applied kumkum on her forehead and purified the body with liquor. Another group of me. It is not great to be alert before one is spoiled. She is friendly. I replied her. Vaishali. We were sitting near the lake of the camp.

Now it was turn of Vamacharana. Cruelty in another.Vaishali. Guru himself removed the cloths of Vaishali. Hundred salutes to your beauty. you bold girl. We should wander in the forest during day time. Mine also over. Lot of tears! Guru told. we would have been running around. We should have left the path and walk towards the forest. Some time Vamacharana was sitting separate for mantra japa. Then he was at her feet. Be eligible in Mandalas. There were no daily rituals told to us. Today I have removed the old ones (Nirmalya). Be Bhairavi. Vaishali awakened. Vaishali was already walked the path and moved long. Two days. Then he got up and hugged vaishali. Mercy in one hand. That is the way of Tantra. New values have taken me to the new path. I have dressed you with silk saree for many times. empty mind is devils workshop. which was not really required. I was really alone. Either let them escape from it or get spoiled by providing a roof to the devil. Vamacharana had intentions to grow. If there is nothing. When both are together. We were very energetic. be successful. In that I have seen your beauty of worlds. . He touched the feet of Vaishali. O mother. I wanted you to be soft like this. He blessed her. four days. Vamacharana told somewhere the owl is making sounds. Some times Vaishali wanted to sit alone. My baby! When Guru called. We crossed the lake and proceeded. We were very alert. There was a rejuvenation to my life. If they were told. We saluted and started from there. Vaishali touched his feet for long and then stood up. even a week over.

It was raining heavily. so was resting my head to the tree. I asked Vaishali. We wandered the whole day and at night sat below a tree. I felt laughter and shyness together. I am no female. Come on. don’t forget why we came here. before that you are no male. I had much respect at Vaishali’s words. Out of the sleep he was confused and asked why are you pulling me? Do you die if sleep next to me? She asked. Wherever we find water. Vamacharana slept at far. Don’t lose the sight of earning and start losing. . See it bitten me. Vaishali slept at my left. Vama is sitting in the river. If not near after going little far we use to get them. Few days we could not get anything. In the rain it is better to be away from the tree and came to an open space. I and Vaishali were sitting under a tree with our bodies touching for the warmth. Got up. I stopped her ‘Then why did you got up?’ See this bad ant. went and started pulling him.We were wandering talking many things. Did you protect me from the ant? she returned it to me. Vaishali suddenly got up. Vamacharana. What a big rain was it? Lightning and thunder. I think the water level should have risen. I don’t know what the time is. She suddenly remembered Vamacharana. If someone says hungry. I did not get the sleep. “ How bigheaded are you ? You keep yourself awake to protect us? Who are you to save us? How egotistical are you? She was shouting. I was mad about the clean mind of Vaishali. One day Vamacharana was sitting on a rock in the river for meditation. That night we sat and slept together. we use to take bath. Let me see him. She showed her thigh bleeding. then start to hunt the fruits. I still laugh at our mental state on the first day.

we go now” and we started to move. It was still raining. We have spent many days in the forest. She is another synonym for freedom. Can’t you stop imagining these things? Who are you to save him? I understood my slip. We had the water. You will fall with this and not able to grow. Vaishali blew and the fire caught up. One day we heard sound of footsteps of human. In the light of lightning we collected some wood and put it together. Suddenly a six feet man with camera and gun in the hands appeared in front of us. She pocked her finger in the middle to make a point. We saw water springing from the yantra. We followed the foot prints of animals for water but could not get it. Keep quiet. After some time Vamacharana returned. This is her conviction. “We did not want that”. You disappointed me. Vaishali is a lioness. I think we came near to the human habitat. there was no rain for two days. Vaishali called us to a ground and asked to sit. . Held her palms together. We asked Vaishali is this a siddhi. One day we could not even find a source of water. She drew a square and a ciricle in it. Vaishali observed this and told us. Here I have to mention another incident. We should go back into the forest. She told no. Are you not thirsty? Come drink the water she asked us. Rules are made by us. Had you given a single moment. Even in the rainy season. We did not respond.Vaishali replied. We are not made for rules. He told us very softly. “But I wanted” “May be. I would have caught you three in my camera. She will not be lost in the jungle of rules. Did I see heavenly couple? He asked us. it is the power of understanding yantra. Vamacharana started dancing in joy imagining Vaishali a sidda lady. closed the eyes and opened the lips.

Vaishali begged him for the answer. She replied. golden hair and beard. One day I lost in the forest and reached Devanand’s hut. I must see him. This is also a sentiment. there is a sage with name Devanand about 10 miles away from here. I returned and saw him. I tell many things about Devanand. I told her. Vaishali jumped back. Are you a hunter? I asked the man. I can show you that. Now it is his turn. I replied. In the path of tantra. Sir. “Yes I hunt men” he replied. Vaishali. you are blind”. But if you don’t want to walk with me? The man hesitated. While walking he told how he met Devanand. but I am in a current now. It’s ok. Friends. I will take you till the forest house. We must go to him. Yes friend. Where is his hut? Vaishali asked. My Guru told me about Devanand. But eyes are always closed. But thought we naked may cause inconvenience to you. Is he blind? She asked. I will manage. You also agree there is a place if I swim along it. “Is he really blind?” The Man told yes. He was a police officer and hunting for the robbers in that area. He directed me to a nearby stream to fresh up and drink water. “If you don’t see him. She replied. . we should not be sentimental. Vaishali told us. Do you want to see him? He asked. Attractive face.Anyway you go. Devanand told me. you lost the way I believe. why do you take trouble? I have revolver.

I am blind. you may not know them. There is no surprise in the friendship of these animals. See now. I am no expert in that. Today my eyes are filled baba. This blessing. There was no limit to my surprise.Oh man. Baba. But see these kids. He just told me that one of his friends granted him special power of smell. but I know how to show you the way. After many days a met a person who had come in touch of my friend. you can’t see an example of burning the . the leopard is sitting under the tree spreading its front legs. I have no interest in it. The man replied. In police language they are 24 parts gold. See the deer playing with it. “Did he tell about his sadhana ?” I am a police officer. But I had asked him. Vaishali interrupted. They are no humans. does revolver show you the way? At times it may not even protect your life. They want to see the friendship of animals I told them on the way. Devanand recognized the police officer. Their mind control is very big. the girl in the middle! What baby? Has Nirmalananda placed his palm on your head? He has touched your forehead and arms ? Vaishali rushed to him and caught his feet. I am happy. I was sure he was blind. In the human species. who are these three kids? Why they don’t have cloths? Oh. My guru was telling many things about you. O daughter. Even I don’t know the way. Please bless me to be successful in my sadhana. See there. Have you come now? Are you thirsty? Oh. transferring power etc only Nirmalananda knows. Who are other two? Are they your friends? Sir. Devanand replied. two hares came and sit on the leopard. I stared at his face. All this is the power of Devanand. they came to meet you. After some time we reached the hut.

One day I met him. I am from a place from Karnataka. I thought I should have talked to him. When I asked for the name who crossed 3/4th of a century. I was thinking about the blind yogi. You told me their height. we were given cloths. You catch their photo as well. Hundred salutes to them. takes batch twice a day. The moment we had cloths. But this deer in the middle (Vaishali) objected to it. Now for eight days he did not eat anything. I was tired and walking slowly. I also thought it useless to know the name. I reached Cuttack in a short cut. Sir. but was very tired and hungry. But Devanand refused and asked us to leave. When I met him on the way. The police officer also left us. I was 50 years younger to him. we had to part each other. . he was angry. I did not know where they went. What is this Karnataka? His Sanskrit was powerful. There was no surprise he could “see” the things through smell. He asked me back. Vaishali wanted to stay in the ashram. I wanted to take their photo.lust and living with love. When Cuttack was 20 miles away. He was fast and overtook me. If he gets water. "I have not decided" my reply. So I looked at him with despair. But it had a mix of prakrit. I felt bad being so friendly for 4 months and leaving suddenly. Where are you from? I replied him in Sanskrit. Police knows only the opposite world. He went ahead. Our Guru had ordered that our minds should be free from sentiments. Where are you going? He asked me. turned back and asked me in Hindi.

” . I have given it to all who came to me. in life one will be very happy who uses the God less. I appreciate your efforts. He told many things about him. you read only few books. But there are few even don’t know they are going. Some reach the destination but still wonder where else to go. After some time he asked me. Did I tell you to believe in God? You deny God. Rahul was quiet. He had taken out all from his mind. He doesn’t give up his beliefs. He had spent three decades in the Himalayas. He said. that would be a great help. Once I told him. but I teach you to read all the books. Ask people to worship and enjoy their earnings. you want the summary or the whole text? He told ‘full text’. You have faith in the subconscious but stuck to your logic and intelligence and deny it. he got Buddha deeksha. When I earned the power or gave it. “Atha Siddhanjana Manjooshaa………. What shit you read from all the books. Rahul was firm. But till now I did not live without power. Rahul. That too intelligent people like you should never. You kept cheating people. You created God and cheat people. He was many days with me. you told something about reading? O Man. Once he met Rahula Sankrutyayana in the Tibet. One should not challenge things. I did not see the need of any god. People anyway get cheated. Rahul. In the peak of Himalaya near Tibet. Rahul was an intelligent fool. but don’t have courage in every cell of yours. But if you stop cheating them. O Man. He had a passion for reading.Many people are like you in the world. Okay. I also thought if a person like him comes to my way is good and started.

Take out the other book ‘ Kaaya kalpadruma’ from your bag. Please control the speed. I can’t bear it. I cried. He stopped me. saw the title ‘ Kaaya kalpadruma’ and kept back in his bag. Rahul did not believe me. a page is enough. I did not have doubt in it. He was applying some ointment on to it. The sage gave you the book and woolen cloth at around two o’ clock that day. My mouth is small. But I did not know how. Not even the book. One day he asked me. He sat making me to sit in front of him. How can I tell the speed of the mind? My body could not cope with it. . I replied. Where are you from? How did you learn this? Leave it. Wrinkles on his face. O man. I would have given it to him. Because he thought he was more intelligent. I was with him for many days. Now go and sleep. I was reading it continuously for five to ten minutes. I did not feel that I did not know. Being with people like you is enough. You should grow in many angles. He opened the book. Still increased. What do you want? I don’t want anything else. May be for 15-20 minutes. leave the connection with body. I could not tolerate any more. You are a boy with good mind. You got it from the sages of Sango mutt three days before. I was keeping quiet. All these things were in about three hours.He suddenly opened the book from his bag. After much time I slept on the ground. A book about it is enough. It was true to some extent. Speed of my thinking increased. Had he asked me for the power. There were bubbles on whole of my body. Please stop. I heard a sound from a distance. The world doesn’t need power. removed the thread and opened. I understood. He told me. I shouted. give me in small spoon. I was thinking about power.

But there are much help from many people. Now there is power in words and mind of Vamacharana. May Devi bless you with abundant power”.. It showers on those who ride the lions coming against them. It is told in the Kaalayaaminee Tantra. He only taught me how to speed up the mind. I was leaving the bank of Mahanadi Rivier and walking inside. I wished him “ Ok. I thought it was his freedom. he was not there. Power does not come to those who go behind it swinging the tails like dogs. He told me “ On the coming Ananga Trayodashi. Do I have power? Yes I have! Can I expand it? I myself have to work it out. “See. I learnt how to speed up the mind. you all are pets of your Gurus. When I got up in the morning. Moreover you are bound with sampradaya like initiation etc. Sometimes giving to the other also expands our horizon.I went and slept. there is a mandalaaraadhana near Udayagiri “. I had no surprise he had gone away. Big mind should expand further. I think he was very happy to see me again. What is courage? Is it of the Lion? How much is it with the lion? Man has bigger mind than lion. Lion’s courage should accompany the mind. Vamacharana joined me. So there would not be invitation for the uninitiated like me”. Same thought in my head. Why do you talk like a third person? Don’t you participate in it? He asked. . He told me many things what he did during these days. because of the tiredness I went into deep sleep. I replied.

while many rejected me as egoistic. at a height. A small stage with a shape of half circle for the members to sit. On the left. In front of it is the Shyaamaa peetha. The members should get energized by the Mantracharya and come in front of the fire pit. Enclosing it. It ensures the inevitability of participating in the Mandala. Prasad coming searching one is a sign of height in the tantric world. You have a friend it seems. upasaka should touch his thumb to the tip of the knife and offer tilak of blood at the forehead of Shyaama and proceed further. We reached there one day in advance. . Now I was bound to accept the invitation. I knew the techniques of ten mahavidyas by reading. Some level place here and there. doesn’t know surrender etc. He is also invited. In the middle the Fire pit. fruits. Acharya has accepted you as a member. is the seat of Shyaama. You are invited. There is a sharp knife set. seat for the Mantracharya. Udayagiri is very near to Bhuvaneshwar. Then it was a place of dry hills. It was time at the night. Right side of it is a Mahapeetha. Do achamana. But this is the first time I am participating in a Mandala. The enclosure of five metals was eye catching. After the meditation. Then the Upasak should come to the front. On this trayodashi. This is the ritual. Recite the Shyaaamaa meditation aloud or in the mind. I had both acceptance and rejection among the Tantra Gurus. there is Ananya Shyaama Mandalaaradhana on the banks of Brahmani river.After some time a Man came on the horse and asked for vamacharana. “I have a message from Acharya Chandrachooda. Various flowers. Many accepted me as eligible. This is the Prasad” He gave it to Vamacharana. See Man. I knew that few modifications to Shyaamaa Krama make it Ananya Shyaamaa Krama. The Yantra was very traditional. He introduced himself as Shailendra Chaudhuri. We all were waiting for Acharya Chandrachooda. There are many caves there. Then offer frangrance and flowers to Shyaama. offer flowers to the fire and wear tilak. I applied the kumkum to myself. He applied the kumkum to himself and gave to me also.

liquor in the golden cup.The arrangers announced. Vamacharana was 12. We took it. chanted sthala shuddhi sprinkled the perfume on the seat and around and sat. On the elevated seat someone brought Shyaamaa and made her to sit.” First a senior member entered the Mandala. She is young of sixteen. We all heard this before entering the mandala. Everyone saluted to the idol of Shyaama. There were golden plates with flowers. announcement started from the north triangle. . We did the achamana. My number was 11. When we stood in a queue outside the mandala. at least one should experience coming out of shortcomings. There is an opinion about the Mandala in the Kaula Niryaya Chandrika. kumkum on a leaf were kept in front of every member. “I enter with my right foot in this field of energy for the Bliss. I offer my success and failure at the feet of Shyaama There is no failure for the determination. and two more members. Sambananda will manage the mandala. purification of hands and body. All of us entered the mandala and stood at our seats. With her beauty. One should overcome the shortcomings by efforts of the self or by transfer of power by a Kaula. Let it be like diamond. a spoon. The announcement was repeating for every member. Another man from Southern triangle came and placed silver cups containing perfume in front of us. Upasakas please occupy their seats and facilitate the worship. if one is not sure of acquiring the power. if power is not acquired. Mandalaradhana also supports him. A person himself is responsible for acquiring power or losing it. In the mandala. Let Devi bless me. the mandala got illuminated. Acharya could not make it. what is the use of such worships? He should avoid them. My determination is strong. Let it be the diamond. due to unavoidable reason. But after the mandala.

Shyaame Sangeethamaatah parashivanilaye ………………. The prayer was expanding the horizon of our feelings. he should be able to create momentum and speed to his feelings. Sambananda started the beginning of pooja from his seat. Feeling like it is not big. but we were floating with the prayer.On the elevated seat someone brought Shyaamaa and made her to sit. please receive them and apply to your hair and all over the body” There was offering of self along with the things in the prayer of Sambananda. He got up from his seat. Sambananda prayed. ……Snaanam te parikalpayami janani snehaattvamangeekuru. The prayer was forcing everyone to meditate. No one else was chanting the prayer. Sambananda continued the pooja. Sambananda’s prayer was strong enough to reach the provinces of mantra. Janani champaka tailamidam puro …………… “ Mother. Everyone saluted to the idol of Shyaama. there are various perfumed oil in front of you. and shaking the spine of every member. the mandala got illuminated. . another part of the mind gains the momentum and speed. If one does not do this. With her beauty. If one has to make his mind strong. She is young of sixteen. One who experiences it is successful in the pooja. Sambananda was successful in creating such feeling in each of the members. Members were about to meditate on the shyaama in front of them. while the feelings start pulling it to the opposite.

please accept this” Then he chanted various hymns. Bahubhiragaru dhoopaih …………… This is neither just dry chanting of the mantra. He continued the pooja which made an energy and bliss to flow in our bodies. Did not see him happy. After some time. Sambananda continued. made the shyaama to bathe. golden bangles. We again made achamana and started the japa. applied kumkum to her forehead.. We bent our knees to ground and carried the plate of lamps on our head. . Savinayamatha datvaa ………. and other ornaments. Manjeere padayornidhaaya ruchire ………. Sambananda was pulling our hearts with his sound while making us to sink in the woship with his act. With comb. After sarvalankara pooja. He made her to wear silk saree and blue blouse. Necklace. nor the excuse of manasa pooja. who cannot perform the pooja physically.“ O mother I bathe you with various holy waters. neated her hair. His each act reached the extreme of the Idol worship. He continued. Before that did not forget to make her wear bra of the special cloth. lamps were placed in front of us . This continued with the meditation. there was some rest. I looked at vamacharana. spelling tantric mantras. diamond earrings. His every act was creating a new feeling in our hearts and was removing the dirt from our feelings. We were unblinking our eyes. He really dried the hair with fragrant smoke.

Now it was my turn. What a scene! When we see. The pooja concluded and the mandala was dissolved. He did not had a fix in his life like this. your sadhana is successful. offer flowers to her feet and apply blood tilak on her forehead. Took it out of the mandala. Again fall into the feet of devi. We each one move in the queue to Devi. Even the Shailendra who donated it cannot take back. He felt all his blood is dried. No one can take the articles used for the pooja including silk saree or golden cups. Now it was vamacharana’s turn. Moved from the other side of the stage." With slow move. Hence you cannot attend any mandala for next four months”. Gouri’. "She is not shyaama. One lamp fell on my thigh. Everyone left. his thought. Ritual started. Applied the blood tilak and collected the Prasad. the experience is as if we are blessed by devi. On my plate. No blood. I was hearing only my sound (that is of sambananda). I came back to vamacharana. ‘ Man. he touched his wrist to the knife and fell down uttering ‘Gouri. Oh. Sambananda was singing. what fell on my thigh is his. Let your merciful look be on me. . I ignored it and continued. Body of hot blooded young man became cold.“With respect I have kneeled down with the plate of lights on my head. I was tired physically. A type of drowsiness. I was feeling only myself. When there was another rest. Touched his index finger to the knife. When we get up. Will not the blood come out if a sharp object touches the body? another thought. Sambananda came to me. Now the last part started. Alas ! no blood ! Now he got tensed. vamacharana came and touched his thumb to the knife. but very happy mentally. I saw at vamacharana. There is only one lamp in his plate. Slowly he moved to the knife. I saw the idol again in that light. After some time. so I may not get blood with the touch of the knife. while I wave the lights near your lotus face three and a half times “. Sambananda shouted at him. both the lamps were burning peacefully. We were moving our necks with the plate of lamps. taken down the plate of our lamps. With force. Sat in a place and tied his hand with cloth. But the interest you shown in vamacharana is against the rule. Idiot. Beautiful shyaama idol. I performed all the ritual. No movement in his body. devi will grant the Prasad. O Mother.

vamacharana made me to sit in the Guru peetha. If you cross the ego of participating in mandala.After some time vamacharana gained consciousness. We both came to Bhairavi. Vamacharana fell on her feet. what is the intension of your word? Bhairavi told him. See what happned last time. see. . He thought it is the sign of siddhi. your worship has reached her. Each of his act was showing the perfectness of a great tantric. She blessed him with the rosary hand. one day even Acharya Chandrachuda may accept prasad from you. she has forgiven all my mistakes. O mother. Son. Vamacharana held her feet for long. Vamacharana was keeping in mind his failure. he told me. Vamacharana performed upasamharana. Vamacharana concluded the ritual and came out. We only two were there in the graveyard that time. dont participate in Mandalas nor now. I thought devi has blessed vamacharana. On the night during the pooja. Peace of early morning spread everywhere. Vamacharana asked her back. One white clothed lady came from the east and stood outside the digbandhana. But dont be in a hurry. see the light of her flame in my eyes!. if you want your future to be peaceful. we successfully completed the rohoyagakrama of Dakshina kali. His determination and the invocation on the corpse peetha. I followed other tantriks for some days and joined back vamacharana. We could now clearly see the face of each other. Her arrival brought new happiness in him. Many days passed. I saw his eyes. On the banks of Brahmani river. He knew that today’s shyaama was his love Gowri. He was always with Varaahee meditation . So he did not get the feeling of goddess in her throughout the pooja. vamacharana attained bhava Samadhi. Be matured. She blessed him. He told me the whole happening with sorrow. I am very happy today. After completing the pooja. Bhairavi told " son. now continued with intense efforts. He was very unhappy of being unsuccessful in the mandala. they were shining with flames. On the uttara mandala that night. East became red.

You may feel bad. even the blessings of great people can turn in to curse. I saw him. But if I don’t try for the power. Breath was stopped.___ We wandered for few days and came to Konark. Vamacharana came back to me. take time.Even I saluted to Bhairavi. You should correct some basics within you. he agreed my participation. Acharya Chandrachuda arrived. Discuss bhairavi's order with your guru. I told him. Dear. I also told him. you achieved it just by lying down on the floor. After the worship of lamps. She blessed me. I went near to him. His body was ice. He was little away from my seat. One side Lalitha was pulling me.. Stop collecting the water in a vessel having holes. In view of the holiness of the mandala. Mandala started. Met Acharya Chandrachuda in the Surya temple. Next friday there is Lalithopasana. how would it come to me? If I am unable this time. I took his body outside the mandala. During a rest time._.. He was flat on the ground. I know all these things. without which you wont get what you want.. but after lot of persuasion. I cannot participate._. Vamacharana discussed Bhairavi's words with me. he announced. She is a siddha. What to do now? I suggested Bhairavi is not an ordinary woman. (before achamana). May she bless you. __. if there is no eligibility.. Introspect yourself. What others could not achieve their legs up-head down.. Everyone can attend. you are assuming that your roots are firm. But please listen to my words. I could not concentrate on vamacharana.. seing the new leaves and flowers. Even Chandrachuda repeated Bhairavi's words. We were 24 members. . As per the Bhairavi's order.. Friend. That night Vamacharana discussed with me. but order of my guru is pulling me to the mandala. while from other side friendship with vamacharana.

sometimes I got sleep. thrown the underwear also. let the liquid which I consumed for purification turn in to poison. Now I am alone. I wanted to come out of it to live a normal life. . I thought I am stuck in a web designed by myself. I threw out my bag. let Devi take Arati (lamp offering) of my five lives (pancha praana) and grant me panchatva (dissolution in five elements). So I decided for that. All the elements and beings in the world have their own freedom. I performed the rites for his body and prayed peace to his soul. they were letting me know day. Let my siddhis have no effect on them. Because I gave freedom even to my senses. At the start only he could not concentrate. Let them behave as they like. his haste. Lalitha put Prasad of mandala into his pyre. At the time of lightning the lamps.Finally mandala was dissolved. wrong thinking. I slept on a place where my legs are at height and head is in a slope. There are yogis who can stop the blood circulation! Vamacharana gained it but did not use in the right way. sunset etc. I declared myself. other times I was observing myself. I thought for long and decided that association with tantriks is no wisdom. sunrise. It is a stage in the life of sadhak to perform a vishvajit (give away everything as Demon king Bali did). he made sankalp with a feeble voice. Today if I don’t attain Samadhi. At the time of avarana pooja. I was sorry for my friend. weakness of craving for power and ineligibility made him to take the decision. He had a very powerful mind. night. who was next to vamacharana explained the whole thing. He killed himself just by the sankalpa. I started observing myself. Chandrachuda came to me and told "Vanchitosi" " You lost the experience" Chandramohana Soori. It was clear that he died because of his own sankalp. I had lost the holy belt long ago. I found a place for that ritual in the Kapothagiri hills. I was having an ego of a great trantrik and attained several siddhis.

I knew how. There were no things that were pulling me. I found an unwanted phenomena. Gangadhar who was examining him tells “All parts of his body including heart were functioning normally. This is his life. There was water and fruits at a hands distance from me. He had come to Bangalore for a medical check up. People say he was a great tantrik. His heart had stopped. Now I lead a normal life of farmer. A week back he had visited an elderly relative. News papers read he died because of heart attack. and people coming to meet me is my world. But to those who liked him.When I gained my awareness again. saw around. the grass in the hill was burnt except where I slept. He is my Guru. No signs of heart attack. His reply “That is how it is". My brother who became my friend. I am only the keyboard operator with a not so good English. I knew my mind used them without my knowledge. So I decided all of them to let go. I understood this is a deed of my siddhis. . No one knew his death. This is his style. Because of the fire. their families. Dr. End of October 1998. The relative told. The sthambhana I acquired at childhood and Annapurnasidhi I gained in deep forests. some say he is a model farmer. He is an elephant found by the blind. Now I was light. Eyes were open. People around there objected him. Who was sitting on the bed lye there. Even after two hours of efforts it did not return. Attack was not to his heart. Kapila is no more. Others say he is a man of good heart. I am counting my days. Then how did he die? Doctor says don’t know. Kapila replied who knows may be I am counting faster than you. After many days I came down. my friend who became my brother.

. even to tantra. Freedom was his breath. He is around us since Guru is not limited by time. He did not walk on others path. He was not tied to any school of thought.His tantra was swatantra. What he walked was a path. He had courage to question the traditions. but bad that we did not make use of him. his tantra and his mantra. It is good that he was our contemporary.