LOGI CAL STUPI DI TY

I NNOVATI ON by navigat ing t hr ough nonsense
( How t o dir ect t he meshugganah movies of your mind)





A Musi cal Semi nar
by Pet er Gr eenw al l

















LOGICAL STUPIDITY



INNOVATION by navigat ing t hrough nonsense



(How to direct the meshugganah movies of your mind)

BASED ON REALITY
& INSPIRED BY PROFESSIONAL BULLSHi *T! NG





by Pet er Greenwal l











LOGICAL STUPIDITY




The 20% FREE-Book


For t he f ul l , commerci al e-book vi si t
www. l ogi cal st upi di t y. com/ ebook


To or der a pr i nt ver si on of t hi s e-book,
sear ch f or t he t i t l e at www.l ul u.com



Copyright © 2007 Pet er Greenwall
UK copyright regist rat ion number (from UK Copyright Service) 265230
All e-mail enquiries t o: info@logicalst upidit y.com





Pl ease Not e: Thi s f ree e-book versi on consi st s of
edi t ed ext ract s f rom t he commerci al l y avai l abl e e-book.
As a resul t , t he f l ow (or cont i nui t y) has been di srupt ed.



Table of Contents


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 4 www.logicalstupidity.com
Tabl e of Cont ent s



Table of Contents ...............................................................................................................4
Project Overview ................................................................................................................5
Book Synopsis:...................................................................................................................6
Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS......................................................7
About the Author.................................................................................................................8
How To Use This E-book & What’s In It For You ...................................................................9
Other Keywords You May Want to Search For .................................................................... 12
Glossary........................................................................................................................... 13
Songlist ............................................................................................................................ 33
Copyright & Disclaimers .................................................................................................... 34
Terms & Conditions .......................................................................................................... 36
16 Reasons for Getting Involved ........................................................................................ 39
So What Is It Exactly? ....................................................................................................... 40
All 32 Chapters Summarised ............................................................................................. 42
1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song ............. 55
2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING................................................ 63
3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code – Dreams 'n' Aspirations.................................................... 65
4. The Two Trains of Thought – Circle & Destination ........................................................ 68
5. Mental GPS – Follow Your Fascination........................................................................ 69
6. Guessedge – Knowledge In Progress ......................................................................... 77
7. The Movie of Your Mind.............................................................................................. 78
8. Observational Innovation – Turning Jokes into Products ............................................... 91
9. Chasing the Unknown – UNcommon KNowledge you OWN.......................................... 95
10. Clintonian Metaphysics – Redefine the World to Suit You ............................................. 96
11. The Sky’s Not The Limit; Your Principles Are – Upgrade Them!................................... 101
12. The Meshugganah Matrix ......................................................................................... 105
13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath .................................................................... 106
14. Parafrazing – The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers............................................... 110
15. Pop Song Poetry – The Rehash Part of The Equation................................................. 125
16. Reframe The Mundane – Remix!ng the Melodies of Life ............................................. 130
17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells ............................... 134
18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline.............................................................. 135
19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding .................................................... 150
20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy................................................................ 158
21. Thought Accountancy – Detect, Collect, Connect ....................................................... 160
22. Misinterpreation – Creativity by Denial & Error............................................................ 162
23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION ................................................................... 163
24. How To Get Your Whacky Back ................................................................................ 168
25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders .................................................................................. 170
26. Critics – How To Use Them Constructively................................................................. 173
27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration........................................................... 176
28. Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan........................................................................ 179
29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche......................................................................... 180
30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky .............................................. 183
31. Hysterical Accuracy – The Art of Making Stuff Up....................................................... 186
32. CapitaLIES – On All Of Them.................................................................................... 187
Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements ................................................................. 188



Project Overview


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 5 www.logicalstupidity.com
Pr oj ec t Over vi ew



I nnovat ion, by t apping int o t he world’s most abundant nat ural resource - STUPI DI TY:
?· ®4☺ O 4′ w.− m# A
Conf usi on¬ I nt er nal di al ogue¬ I deas¬ St at ement ¬ Cr eat i ve expr essi on¬ Rewar d

Shit happens for a reason – so we can writ e about it , sing about it and make product s
t hat t ry t o st op it happening.


Logi cal St upi di t y is a formula for making st uff up.

Use it t o creat e innovat ive product s and services, t o creat e original rich cont ent and for
general inspirat ion and mot ivat ion.

Apply t he formula by buying t he e-book, visit ing t he websit e or at t ending a seminar.
You can also unleash your creat ive pot ent ial by wat ching a business school musical.


I ncluded in t he commercial e-book (t his is t he 20% free version):

For Busi ness: 269 innovat ive product s

For Showbi z: 61 songs, 80 short songs for you t o finish, 451 comedy sket ches, 300
st and-up sht icks, 43 TV show pit ches, 31 movie pit ches, 602 cart oons, phot o's &
illust rat ions

25 l egi sl at i ons t o combat t he lat est offensive t rends

18 new di sor der s t o t ap int o and use as inspirat ion

217 i nspi r at i on devi ces t hat were direct ly responsible for all of t he above


How do you int eract wit h t he e-book & websit e?

By using prescribed keywords, you find somet hing you’d like t o design, sing, present ,
act in or invest in, and t hen you JUST DO I T – upload your version at
www.l ogi cal st upi di t y.com. (See ‘16 reasons for get t ing involved’.)

I t ’s all about I NNOVATI ON - sharing new ideas int o exist ence, sharing profit s, mut ual
promot ion, and audit ioning for a st age show!

Or at t he very least it ’s about get t ing inspirat ion for your own proj ect s.


Book Synopsis


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 6 www.logicalstupidity.com
Book Synopsi s:




Logical St upidit y deals wit h t he psychology, t heory and pract ice of innovat ion.

The t heor y i s based on a uni que f or mul a t hat conver t s st upi di t y, t he wor l d’s
most abundant nat ur al r esour ce, i nt o cr eat i ve ener gy.

By celebrat ing your dysfunct ions rat her t han t rying t o cure t hem, Logical St upidit y
offers a unique st yle of creat ive t herapy for managing t hought s, feelings, brand names
and relat ionships. *

By making up your own answers t o everyt hing t hat makes no sense t o you, you’re
heading int o t he unknown, claiming it as your own and creat ing somet hing t hat never
exist ed before – t he essence of innovat ion.

This book helps you achieve t he above by revealing how dysfunct ion, humour, fant asy
and professional bullshit t ing all play a vit al role in t he creat ion of ART – Aut omat ic
Radical Thought s – t he essent ial ingredient s of all 1878 proj ect s in t his book. You're
welcome t o get involved by uploading your own versions at www.logicalst upidit y.com
or, if not hing grabs you, t hen use t he formula t o creat e your own songs, movies,
art works, product s and services.

An in-dept h look at how t he universal idea fact ory works, t his is an inst ruct ion manual
for using your int ernal dialogue as an invent ing machine.



* This phrase is taken from Kjell Nordstrom – professor at the
Institute of International Business.





He cites the ‘feminisation’ of society as a key factor driving change. “There is
this shift going on from West to East. Manufacturing, production, programming
will be in China and India. We will be left with managing thoughts, feelings,
brand names, relationships – stuff that you cannot touch. Feminine attributes.”








From: “Be brave, be creative, be original and get down to funky business” –
an article in The Times by Jon Ashworth (Business/Finance Journalist of the
Year 2005).




‘Funky Business’ is by Kjell Nordstrom and Jonas Ridderstrale.





Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 7 www.logicalstupidity.com
Bac k of t he Book Bl ur b:
I DEAS COME FROM COC-UPS


?· ®4☺ O 4′ w.− m# A
Conf usi on¬ I nt er nal di al ogue¬ I deas¬ St at ement ¬ Cr eat i ve expr essi on¬ Rewar d


We know t hat ideas can come from anywhere, but how do t hey select you as a t arget ?
I s it by random chance or can you do somet hing specific t o cause 'gapcident s'?
(Happy accident s where st upidit y collides wit h logic t o form solut ions & new ideas.)


Having j ust ret urned from a t our of t he universal idea fact ory (3 years of navel
gazing), I ’m happy t o report t hat t here are 217 specific t hings you can do t o ‘get
ideas’. They all involve navigat ing t hrough nonsense and posit ioning yourself at t he
Cent re Of Confusion inside a Universal Problem - The COC-UP - where mult iple fields
connect for you t o claim t he unknown, i.e.


I F YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK, YOU’RE RI GHT ON TRACK!

SO WHAT’S YOUR DYSFUNCTI ON? CRANK I T UP AND CAPI TALI SE ON I T!


How? Through R&D creat ive t herapy you’re going t o Rehash & Disguise your
frust rat ions and sell t hem using different media. So inst ead of t emper t ant rums and
anxiet y at t acks you’re going t o hang up your hang-ups as art . I nst ead of rant ing t o
anyone who’ll list en, you’re going t o set your misery t o comedy & music and bit ch
about it t o t he beat . Or if t hings aren’t how you’d like t hem t o be, t hen you’re going t o
bridge t he gap by designing a gadget .


Since you can’t find solut ions unless you have problems, confusion, disillusion,
uncert aint y, t he unknown - st upidit y - t his is what we’re searching for.


Logical St upidit y is a mapbook wit h 217 ways t o find unlikely places – which is where
all t he movies, product s, pict ures & songs in t his book come from.


Thi s book wi l l open your mi nd t o at l east 3000 new possi bi l i t i es –

or your money back!


About the Author


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 8 www.logicalstupidity.com
About t he Aut hor








Pet er Greenwall is a composer, songwrit er, sound t ech & errort hought ical engineer.
He has no official credent ials in making st uff up, which is why he’s qualified t o writ e a
book about making st uff up wit hout any credent ials. I f you believe t hat solut ions &
ideas can come from unlikely places t hen keep reading – you don’t get much more
unlikely t han t his guy.

www.logicalst upidit y.com

(See for a slight ly more professional CV.)





How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 9 www.logicalstupidity.com
How To Use Thi s E-book
& What ’s I n I t For You


" SEARCH" t he appl i cabl e keywor d or symbol t o navi gat e t o your f i el d of
i nt er est .
( Pr ess Ct r l + F or COMMAND+ F on your keyboar d and ei t her copy & past e t he
keywor d or symbol i nt o t he Fi nd box, or t ype t he keywor d i n.)
(The numbers in bracket s are t he it ems in t he Free-book, relat ive t o t he commercial
book.)


1) THE FORMULA FOR I NNOVATI ON:
Use keyword ‘sparx’ or search for O t o find 41 of 217 inspirat ion devices.

Di r ect ed at : anyone who needs a cat alyst for creat ion. That could be for solving a
problem, t o cure writ er’s block, t o generat e new ideas for new product s & services or
j ust general mot ivat ion and opening your mind t o new possibilit ies.
All devices were used t o creat e t he following:


2) NEW PRODUCTS keyword: ‘produx’ (112 of 269)

Di r ect ed at : product developers, ent repreneurs, invest ors, market ers, R&D
depart ment s. You can also search for sponsorship opport unit ies (87) using keyword
‘sponsor’. This would be a product placement opport unit y for your own product s in
t he upgraded ebook, websit e, st age show & movie.


3) COMEDY SKETCHES keyword: ‘MMovies’ or m (67 of 451)
These are t he meshugganah movies of my mind t hat now require your product ion,
so I ’m handing it over t o you. Get t oget her wit h fellow act ors t o produce and upload
your own version of my t ake.

Di r ect ed at : act ors, direct ors, writ ers and moviemakers looking t o develop new
mat erial. Search for keyword ‘dilog’ or t o find short dialogues begging for you t o
finish t hem your own way.


4) STAND UP COMEDY SHTI CKS keyword: ‘sht ix’ or - (37 of 300)
These are monologues t hat act as links bet ween sket ches and songs.

Di r ect ed at : comedians, act ors and present ers.
Learn a sht ick t hen present it your way.
You’re also welcome t o use t hem as audit ion monologues – j ust quot e t he source!


How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 10 www.logicalstupidity.com





5) COMPLETE SONGS keyword: ‘lyrix’ (61)

Di r ect ed at : singers, songwrit ers, music producers, song agent s, publishers,
managers and record companies.
45 songs are recorded, produced and ready t o be downloaded.

Si nger s – Download t he vocal version, t oget her wit h t he backing t rack, t hen upload
your own version in your own unique st yle – i.e. GET YOURSELF I N THE MI X!
Video yourself performing t he song live – from your bedroom, st udio or at your gig.
You should also upload an mp3 file for a bet t er qualit y recording.

Pr oducer s – Redo any song however you like.




6) UNFI NI SHED SONGS keyword: 'ADDsong' or e. (11 of 80)
Find short at t ent ion span songs using t he keyword.

Di r ect ed at : songwrit ers and producers looking for inspirat ion.
These are t he seeds of new songs t hat you can eit her develop int o 3-minut e songs or
produce j ust as t hey are – ADD or short at t ent ion span songs.




7) MOVI E I DEAS keyword: ‘MoviePit ch’ or w (10 of 31)

Di r ect ed at : moviemakers & producers.




8) TV SHOW I DEAS keyword: ‘TVshow’ or . (5 of 41)

Di r ect ed at : TV producers, moviemakers and act ors.
Shows will be broadcast direct ly from t his websit e.








How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 11 www.logicalstupidity.com




9) GRAPHI C ART, PRODUCT DESI GN, CARTOONS & PHOTOS (24 of 602)
Use keyword ‘PiX’ t o find all pict ures t hat require your product ion.
More specifically search for:
> = cart oon required.
'grafix' = comput er graphic required.
¤= phot o required.
® = pic from my collect ion. Use as inspirat ion t o creat e your own version.
¯ = pic from t he web t hat serves as an example. Use it as inspirat ion. I f I know t he
source, I use a direct link t o t he aut hor’s web sit e. I f I don’t know who t he aut hor is, I
use keywords and you need t o find t he images yourself:
Copy and past e t he keywords I ’ve provided int o t he ‘images’ sect ion of Google t o refer
t o t he pict ure – e.g. insert ing ‘leapdog’ int o Google images brings up mult iple images
of a sheepdog j umping over a sheep, leapfrog st yle.
I f you own t his pict ure t hen t his would be an opport unit y t o add a direct link t o your
sit e in fut ure edit ions of t his e-book.
= I nst ead of a bibliography at t he end, I ’ve insert ed cit at ions in t he body of t he
t ext so you can inst ant ly click on links or insert keywords int o search engines.
m = all movie clips are also phot o opport unit ies.




10) NEW LAWS keyword: ‘newrule’ (2 of 25)

Di r ect ed at : government s and cit izens in t he int erest of making t he world a bet t er
place.




11) NEW DI SORDERS keyword: ‘new disorder’ (15 of 18)

Di r ect ed at : myself most ly, because I have all of t hem, but you may want t o check t o
see if you have any of t hese disorders caused by various creat ive issues. Why?
Once you know you have t hem you can get t hem t o work for you. How so?


I F YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK YOU’RE RI GHT ON TRACK!


Other Keywords You May Want to Search For


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 12 www.logicalstupidity.com
Ot her Keywor ds
You May Want t o Sear c h For





Law / legal / principles (250)
Universe / exist ent ial / met aphysical / int ernal dialogue (231)
God / Religion (157)
Celeb / Heat Magazine / gossip / Big Brot her (135)
Market ing / branding (116)
Global Warming / climat e crisis (89)
Simpsons (84)
Just 4Jews – Jewish humour (75)
Schmoozing / net working (60)
Larry David / Seinfeld / CYE (47)
Fart (39)
Terror / ism (32)
Leader / ship (30)
Einst ein (16)
Evel Kneidel – The halachically incorrect Jewish st unt man (21)


Also see ‘TV shows ci t ed’ and ‘Compani es ci t ed as exampl es of i nnovat i on’ (in
t he bibliography sect ion).


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 13 www.logicalstupidity.com
Gl ossar y





Navigat ion t hrough nonsense (Errort hought ical Space Travel) involves t ravelling int o
unknown t errit ory of our t hought mosphere, which can only be done t hrough a glossary
of new words. As t his is bot h confusing and dangerous, please read t he warning
before cont inuing:




errorthoughtical space travel WARNING

Navigating through nonsense is a fast and thrilling ride requiring courage,
stupidity and your own SPQV: Self-Propelled Question Vehicle.

If you’re sane, or suspect you might be sane, you should not ride.

The SPQV is powered by curiosity, a fuel made by burning aspiration and
emotion that splits your thoughts to create emotional instability. If you have
clearly defined principles, or you know how the universe works,
you should not ride.

Be aware that as we enter undiscovered territories of insight, bright flashes of
brilliance will definitely occur.

You should also be aware that while inner space travel is just as fascinating as
outer space travelling, it's also just as dangerous - things can go horribly wrong
on re-entry back to the physical world and should you make it,
everything will be different.

For up-to-date travel information, read Chapter 9: Chasing the Unknown.

Please secure all loose thoughts and feelings as the management will not be
held responsible for any loss or damage to your current belief system.

No eating or drinking.

Enjoy the ride.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 14 www.logicalstupidity.com
Gl ossar y of Logi cal St upi di t y Buzzwor ds

Acr obuzzanym: an acronym t hat ’s also a pronounceable buzzword – e.g. FABOL –
Fashionable Adj ect ive Based On Lifest yle.

ANOI D (new disorder): Absolut ely Nowhere as a result of an Overact ive I maginat ion
Disorder.

ANSWER: t hat which makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R.
The chasing of t his unknown causes t he flow of informat ion & new ideas t o happen.

Ar t i f i ci al I nsemi novat i on: used for t hose who’d like t o have ideas but can’t .

ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells.

ASOWL TAX: Alt ruist ic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX (Carbon Offset Tax).
A syst em of t hrowing money at t he problem t o make you feel less guilt y about
dest roying t he planet (produx).

BackWor d Thi nki ng: a t hinking st yle t hat uses words t aken from t he way t hings are
and how you’ve always done t hem. The opposit e would be For Wor d Thi nki ng –
using words t aken from t he way you’d like t hings t o be. Bot h st yles are essent ial for
t he Meshugganah Mat r i x t o work.

BI AS: Belief I n A Solut ion.

Bl ockaphobi a (new disorder): fear of writ er's block.

Br eaki ng Muse: t he lat est inspiring myst ery, which could come from any source –
news, movies, realit y TV, t ext , e-mail forward, a media spect acle, facebook, et c.
What ever t he source it ’s usually addict ive, which is why you’ve become an infomaniac.

BS: Believable St ory, Belief Syst em, Business St rat egy, Bet t er Suggest ion, Bum Suck.

B

uzzkeys: new product s derived by combining buzzwords and / or keywords – e.g.
Y

ogal i ngus – a workout for your mind, body & t ongue (produx).
C

ockal abr adoodl e – new crossbreed.
B

ul l shi t – combinat ion of a bulldog and shit su.
W

r est l ebl adi ng – wrest ling and rollerblading (produx).
Ri ggl i ng – wrest ling t hat ’s so obviously rigged it ’s been choreographed t o
music. Not only t hat , it ’s combined wit h flamingo wrest ling, so you have hot
abes wrest ling wit h each ot her in oil – in t ime t o t he music (produx). b

Fongo dr ummi ng – combinat ion of finger and bongo drumming (produx).

Acr obuzzanym – acronyms and buzzwords combined e.g. FABOL –
Fashionable Adj ect ive Based On Lifest yle.
(Also see ‘Tradels’ & ‘Pop Song Poet ry’.)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 15 www.logicalstupidity.com

Car eogr aphy: choreographed caring – essent ial for leaders who need t o t urn a crisis
int o an opport unit y. See FOK-U: Façade Of Kindness & Underst anding.

Cel ebr i t uni t y: business opport unit y creat ed by celebrit ies – e.g. The PoshUp Br a™.
See Chart 2 for more examples.

CEWTBL (pronounced ‘suit able’): Common Experience Wait ing To Be Labelled.

Example 1: OOPS – I not ice my penis shrivels up when it get s cold. I s t his a
CEWTBL? YES! I t ’s so common t hat Seinfeld called it ‘Shrinkage’.

Example 2: While wat ching a movie you see an act or t hat you know you’ve seen
in somet hing else, but you don’t know his name or t he ot her t hing he’s been in.
I s t his a CEWTBL? I f so, t hen label it – e.g. ‘UFA – Unident ified Familiar Act or’.

Example 3: OOPS – The guy I 'm living wit h is not t he same guy who used t o
chase me wit h chocolat es and flowers, t each me t ennis and generally sweep me
off my feet . Now he never want s t o go anywhere or do anyt hing fun. I s t his a
CEWTBL? Yes, but it ’s already been labelled by Dr Phil – ‘The Bait & Swit ch’, so
now you have t o rename it by writ ing a song, which is how I came up wit h t he
song ‘He’s Only a Man’.

Cl i nt oni an Met aphysi cs: t he act of redefining realit y t o suit yourself. Named aft er
Bill Clint on who did not have sexual relat ions wit h t hat woman but found an alt ernat ive
use for a cigar. This is exact ly how innovat ion happens!
All t hat ’s left is t o name your new invent ion:
The Cigarildo™

– t he execut ive privilege t oy [ see book for det ails on ot her ‘execs
t oys’] .

Ot her examples:
‘This is not a bribe. This is me t aking you t o lunch.’
‘This is not t he government lying t o t he public – t his is doing what ’s best for t he
nat ional int erest .’
‘I ’m not fat . I ’ve overcome my bat t le wit h anorexia.’

COCK-UP: Collect ion Of Common Knowledge & Universal Problems.

COC-UP: Cent re Of Cont roversy inside Unipersonal Problems.

Comedi ani sm: a religion designed t o convert knowledge int o guessedge – i.e. t o
subvert everyt hing sacred & proven in order t o see t he funny side of everyt hing and
discover new places, product s & movies.

Cont expor t i ng: export ing cont ent int o anot her cont ext .

CopyOScomy: t he process of adopt ing an operat ing syst em and adapt ing it t o suit
yourself.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 16 www.logicalstupidity.com
Cr i sat uni t y: opport unit ies creat ed by crisis – e.g.

Cr i si s: Gl obal War mi ng
Opport unit y 1: show how green you are by paying carbon offset t ax or ASOWL
TAX: Alt ruist ic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX: A syst em of t hrowing money at
t he problem t o make you feel less guilt y about dest roying t he planet (produx).

Opport unit y 2: POO TAX – Personal Ozone Offset Tax: A syst em of t axing
individuals according t o t he amount of ozone t hey’re dest roying, rat her t han
unilat eral t axing.
e.g. POO met ers in aeroplane seat s could measure t he level t o which individuals
are dest roying t he ozone. That would be displayed on a met er above your seat
and you could be charged accordingly (produx).

Opport unit y 3: The Bat t erari™ – a bat t ery powered, ego friendly, hybrid sport s
car (produx).

Cr i si s: Raci sm
Opport unit y 1: a concession st and at a rock concert encouraging people t o
‘Bungee Jump Against Racism’ (produx).

Opport unit y 2: ‘Crash’ t he movie.

Cr i si s: Foxhunt i ng – it ’s cruel t o kill foxes.
Opport unit y: Foxpaint ™ – even t he mult icoloured foxes are happy (produx).
Paint ball combines wit h foxhunt ing t o solve t he foxhunt ing dilemma.

Cr i si s: Hur r i cane Kat r i na
Opport unit y: ‘st ep right up folks – t he t our of America’s great est cat ast rophe.’

Cr i t ophobi a (new disorder): fear of crit icism of any sort .

D ' n' A: Dreams ' n' Aspirat ions t hat have t o be encoded t o find your purpose.

DuMBLBI T DI LEMMA: Does My Bum Look Big I n This?
The solut ion has been found – buy t he book t o find out what it is.

EAD: Easily Amused Disorder – t his is only a disorder from t he perspect ive of ot her
people who’d like you t o curb your ent husiasm. You, however, experience t he
sensat ion of living in a sit com where you’re t he st ar of t he show!

Edi t or i al Li cence: licence grant ed t o news edit ors, script writ ers and aut hors of
cont ent t o lie or t ell t he t rut h, whichever is more int erest ing. I n accordance wit h t he
principles of t he Hippocrit ic Oat h you may:

1) Compare t he incomparable
2) Challenge your subj ect by quest ioning mot ives and t earing down dreams
3) Provide worst -case scenarios
4) GO MAAD: Use any Mult iple Angle At t ack Device
5) Ask rhet orical quest ions and split as many hairs as you like
6) Cherry-pick your edit ed highlight s
7) Or use any ot her device in keeping wit h t he good fait h of t he
Hippocrit ic Oat h.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 17 www.logicalstupidity.com
EOX!: Eye Opening Experience; t he big EUREKA!

Er r or t hought i cal Space Tr avel : t ravelling t hrough t he inner space of your mind
t hat happens by combining pseudo wit h science, or fant asy wit h fact , t o creat e
fact asies: t he act of riding rumours or j umping on your own conclusions based on lit t le
evidence in order t o find unexplored t errit ory.

Evel Knei del : Jewish st unt man who performs halachically incorrect st unt s. You’ll
have t o buy t he book t o see what t hey are.

Exi st ent i al I nnovat i on: t he act of bringing new t hings int o exist ence by t rying t o
find t he meaning of life, not being able t o, but building somet hing wit h your subj ect ive
conclusion anyway.

Name: Exist ent ial I nnovat ion.
Cat chphr ase: I f it doesn’t exist – make it !
Song: X! I nvolves j umping on assumpt ions based on very lit t le evidence and
riding t hem all t he way:

e.g. OOPS: Why does David Let t erman mock Dr Phil for pulling advice out of his
arse but not St even Spielberg for doing t he same t hing wit h his ideas?

Concl usi on: I ’m j umping t o (based on t his hairline of evidence): I t ’s expect ed
in t he movie biz - not in t he psychology biz.

Ri di ng t hi s concl usi on al l t he way:
Whet her you’re giving advice, writ ing a script , business plan, mort gage deal,
psychological disorder, pop song, press release, scient ific t heory, what ever –
t hey all involve t he same creat ive process:
t aking ownership of t he myst erious unknown, t he gift wit h which you can do
anyt hing you like. For example, t his phenomenon of Pulling Advice From Your
Ass(pirat ions) For FI Nancial Gain is called PAFYAFFI NG.

Once you’ve dreamed up a name, nat ure works in myst erious ways – as you
st art fabricat ing a st ory t o explain your name, t he evidence magically present s
it self, t o t he point where t he name brings t he product int o exist ence.

FABOL: Fashionable Adj ect ive Based On Lifest yle.
Why add value when all you need is an adj ect ive?
e.g. By hopping on t he ‘green’ bandwagon you can sell anyt hing: Dolphin friendly cars,
eco-friendly movies, ego-friendly hybrid sport s cars, organic cellphones, biodegradable
comput ers, carbon neut ral Sky TV, green Brit ish Gas, fairt rade perfume or fairt rade
lesbian pornography – where all act resses were paid a minimum of $1000 per scene,
so no exploit at ion going on here.
[ Some of t hese are already happening – see if you can guess which ones.]

FFAF: celebrit ies Famous For Absolut ely Fluffall.
I n cont rast t o role models who live out dreams t hat we couldn’t possibly hope t o
achieve, FFAFs live out our most cringe wort hy night mares so we don’t have t o. Their
role is clear: t o serve as warning beacons and t o make complet e t wat s of t hemselves
in public for our ent ert ainment pleasure.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 18 www.logicalstupidity.com

FFAF Di sor der (new disorder): t he opposit e of FOBAN is FFAF Disorder, experienced
by t hose who’ve become famous or who want t o be famous for reasons unrelat ed t o
t heir inherent t alent . Since t he fame is based ent irely on ext ernal approval, sufferers
feel t heir fame could disappear at any st age, which is why t hey feel t he need t o
const ant ly seek at t ent ion.

FI B: Fill I n Blanks.

FI Bi ng: t he act of Filling I n Blanks t o explain t he unexplainable wit h Believable
St ories, Belief Syst ems, Business St rat egies and various ot her Bum Sucks collect ively
known as BS.

Fl exi gr am: a word, phrase or pict ure t hat connect s your idea t o t he idea you need t o
connect t o. For example:
Want asee: t hat which you want asee.
Guessedge: knowledge in progress.
Chocor et t e™: chocolat e subst it ut e for t hose t rying t o quit .
£$€: London St ock Exchange.
Nat er al Thi nki ng: t hinking t hat ’s aut omat ically lat eral, which is why you don’t
have t o t hink about it . So don’t .

FOBAN (new disorder): Fear Of Being A Nobody.

FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Underst anding.
An essent ial at t it ude for effect ive leadership, market ing and product innovat ion.
(See Chart 3 for examples.)

For Wor d Thi nki ng: using words t aken from t he way you’d like t hings t o be. As
opposed t o BackWor d Thi nki ng – using words t aken from t he way t hings are and
how you’ve always done t hem. Bot h t hinking st yles are essent ial for t he Meshugganah
Mat rix t o work.

Gapci dent : t he point where logic collides wit h st upidit y t o bridge t he gap. They’re
caused by accident s and crises t hat always lead t o confusion, followed by new ideas.

Guessedge: knowledge under const ruct ion; inner knowledge creat ed by t he
rehashing & disguising of informat ion rushing in t o fill t he knowledge vacuum.

Guessedge is uploaded back t o t he t hought mosphere by way of self-expression
– e.g. personal opinion, blog, phot ograph, cart oon, song, movie, graffit i, dance,
et c.

When your guessedge is believable, ordinary bullshit t urns int o professional
bullshit and your crazy ideas st art t o sound not so crazy anymore as t hey t urn
int o market able product s.

This is t he magical moment when dreams become realit y, when t he
met aphysical t urns int o t he physical, when subj ect ivit y t urns t o obj ect ivit y and
when guessedge t urns int o knowledge t o bring about new realit ies.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 19 www.logicalstupidity.com

Hi ppocr i t i c Oat h: t he oat h undert aken by all art ist s and aut hors. I promise:
1) To make as much money as I possibly can.
2) To pret end t o follow some higher aspirat ion.
3) To be t horoughly ent ert aining as I reveal t he t rue colours of my chosen
subj ect .

By t aking t he oat h I am allowed t o lie or t ell t he t rut h – whichever sat isfies t he above
crit eria. See ‘Edit orial Licence’.

Hyst er i cal Accur acy: t he creat ive device of priorit ising ‘int erest ing’ over ‘fact ual’,
as used in movies t hat carry t he disclaimer: ‘some of t he charact ers' names and
cert ain locat ions and event s have been fict ionalized for dramat ic purposes’.

I DI OTS: I nst it ut ions for Decisions I nvolving Organisat ion & Temporary Solut ions.
I DI OTS rule t he planet .

I nsani t y Quot i ent (I Q): level t o which you’re doing somet hing so original you’re
considered insane. I Q is driven by obsessive passion following.

I nspi r ageol ogy: t he st udy of inspirat ion and imaginat ion. The st udy asks and
answers t he following quest ions:
1) Who or what is providing t he st imulus t hat ’s creat ing everyt hing?
2) How does informat ion flow from a st imulus t o a receiver?
3) How does informat ion from t he past connect wit h informat ion from t he
fut ure?
4) How and why do you act as a medium for unrelat ed ideas t o connect t o
form new ideas?
5) How do you play your part in designing t he fut ure?

i .e. How exact l y does t he cr eat i ve pr ocess wor k?

I nspi r aygi al i sm: t he art of copying ot her people’s ideas in such a way t hat nobody
not ices; t he rehashing and disguising of exist ing ideas so t hat t hey lead t o way bet t er
ideas – your own; t he direct result of evolut ion merging wit h increment al innovat ion.

I nt er pr eat i on: creat ive int erpret at ion where a new message is found in t ranslat ion.
See 'Misint erpreat ion’.

KI CK: Keep I t Complex Klut z – essent ial for Simplexit y: t he art of keeping t hings
complex enough t o make you an aut horit y, yet simple enough t o underst and.

Knowl edge Vacuum: confusing sit uat ion brought on by an OOPS: Observat ion Of
Pure St upidit y. See ‘Osknowsis’.

Lashonhaf r eude: t he int ense pleasure t aken from embellishing and spreading
gossip. (Hebrew & German origin.)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 20 www.logicalstupidity.com


Logi cal St upi di t y: "Logical St upidit y" is a formula for innovat ion t hat convert s
st upidit y, t he world’s most abundant resource, int o creat ive energy.
By defining st upidit y as t he difference bet ween what ot her people are doing and what
you t hink is a bet t er idea, you creat e a highly volat ile fuel t hat drives innovat ion.

Your desire t o narrow t he gap bet ween how t hings are and how you’d like t hem t o be
not only drives innovat ion, it also drives you crazy. Use your craziness and you’re
t apping int o t he same formula running our luniverse, where opposit e ext remes are
part of t he same process:

Nonsense: t hat which makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R

Vs.

Logic: t hat which makes sense TO YOU i.e. t he ANSWER

The answer can always be found in t he nonsense-revealing quest ion – e.g. nonsense
t o Homer Simpson: ‘Why does everyt hing I whip keep leaving me?’
Or nonsense discovered at I nt el: Why are we using men in spacesuit s t o build
microchips? What if we used robot s? Couldn’t we shrink t he size of t he chip, improve
overall performance and increase product ion? ANSWER – yes!

Bot h t he logical and t he st upid are included in t he formula since opposing forces are
part of t he creat ive process. To see bot h sides you have t o zoom a lit t le furt her out ,
t o t he point where you observe harmonious dysfunct ion or ‘t he workable cock-up’ –
e.g.

News report : Fart ing cows are blowing holes t hrough t he ozone fast er t han CO2
emissions from cars. What does t his mean? MacDonald’s, by t aking out t he
cows, are act ually doing t heir bit t o save t he planet . And you can help by
eat ing more burgers!

This is logical st upidit y on level one: idiot ic humour. But it ’s from t his vant age point
t hat you’re able t o see real solut ions t o real problems – e.g. t he use of met hane gas as
a source of energy t o run t rains, which is already happening.

Or if you’re a script writ er you might see an opport unit y t o creat e an animat ed global
warming awareness movie where a herd of cows t ake over t he world using t heir fart
power…in Cat t lest ar Ballact ica.

This is logical st upidit y in act ion, where humour plays a vit al part of t he creat ive
process.


LOI TGAN (new disorder): Lot s Of I deas That Go Absolut ely Nowhere.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 21 www.logicalstupidity.com

MADD (new disorder): Musical At t ent ion Deficit Disorder.

Meshugganah Mat r i x: inspirat ion device designed t o bridge t he gap bet ween your
crazy ideas and what t he market want s.

I t works by split t ing your t hought s in relat ion t o a specific problem so you can
break t hings down t o make more t hings up.

Just as split t ing at oms creat es nuclear energy, split t ing t hought s creat es
t hought volat ilit y, or logical st upidit y, which is t he fuel required t o propel your
SPQV (Self-Propelled Quest ion Vehicle) t hrough t he t hought mosphere.
The Meshugganah Mat rix split s your t hought s by using bot h ForWord and
BackWord t hinking. Why would you need t o t hink BackWords? To complicat e
t hings deliberat ely.

For example:
• You’ve got your t agline, now you need t he business plan.
• You’ve got an idea for a comedy sket ch, but it has t o fill 22 minut es of airt ime.
• You’ve got your punch line, now you need t he j oke.
• You’ve got t he t it le of your song, now you need t he verse & chorus.
• You’ve got t he t it le of your book, now you need t he chapt ers & buzzwords.
• You’ve got your verdict / foregone conclusion, now you need t o make t he case.
• You’ve got your sound bit e or headline, now you need t o writ e t he art icle.
• You’ve got your universal t heory, now you need t o gat her more evidence.
• You’ve made your point , now you need t o shut up and prove it .

The mat rix doesn’t only generat e new ideas but connect s all t he ideas you
already have on file by using t he KI CK principle: Keep I t Complex Klut z.
Why? Because t here’s no money in simplicit y!

• That ’s why it t akes a 70-page cont ract j ust t o say ‘don’t rip me off’.
• That ’s why it t akes an ent ire bible t o pad out The Ten Commandment s.
• That ’s why it t akes a whole newspaper t o pad out t he event s of t he day even if
not hing much happened.
• That ’s why it t akes an ent ire episode of CSI t o solve a murder myst ery.
• That ’s why it t akes a self-help seminar j ust t o say: ‘Get your shit t oget her’.
• This is why it t ook my t herapist 2 years and £4000 t o figure out t hat I have
serious issues wit h my mot her. I could have t old her t hat myself.
• That ’s why it t ook 320 pages for Edward Debono t o describe how t o keep it
simple, in his book called: ‘Simplicit y’.

Pure genius, all of it .

Why does it happen? Because t here is no money in simplicit y.

How does it happen? Simple. Keep it Complex, using Si mpl exi t y.



Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 22 www.logicalstupidity.com
Met af r i ct i on: met aphysical frict ion caused by ART: Aut omat ic Reverse Thinking – i.e.
for every t hought t here’s an equal and opposit e t hought .

Just as physical frict ion is required for human reproduct ion, met aphysical frict ion is
required for idea reproduct ion. (See ‘Paradox of Ent ert ainment ’ for furt her
explanat ion.)

Examples of met africt ion:

1) Humour always revolves around problems, night mares and dysfunct ion –
e.g. Simpsons, My Name I s Earl, Malcolm in t he Middle, Lit t le Miss Sunshine,
CNN and ot her t ragically funny black comedies.

2) Comedy t o you is offensive t o someone else – e.g. Borat ’s vict ims.

3) As dangerous and as hurt ful as it is t o laugh at ot her people’s crazy
t hought s, beliefs and act ions, t hey also make t he funniest j okes.

4) As dangerous and hurt ful as rumours are, t hey’re j ust as much fun t o
spread.

5) Privat e, embarrassing informat ion, once released = hyst erical informat ion.
For example, you wouldn’t t ell anyone t hat you once called down t o
recept ion t o complain t hat t he lesbian porn channel wasn’t working, would
you? That ’s j ust embarrassing.

6) ‘You can eat any fruit in t he Garden of Eden except t he apple.’
So what does Adam do?

7) Reverse psychology.

8) Your mot her may have been overj oyed about your birt h, but you were so
furious you screamed your head off.

9) The people you love t he most also hurt you t he most .

10) ‘Ot her people’s good fort une is upset t ing’ – Larry David, explaining t he t it le
of Curb Your Ent husiasm. And conversely:

11) Ot her people’s night mares are j oy for t he news business:
• ‘Murdered Lawyer’s Fiancée: My Grief’ The Evening St andard - 29/ 11/ 06
• ‘The mind of a killer’ (Seung-Hui Cho) Newsweek, April 30 / 07
• ‘Mot her’s anguish as t oddler abduct ed from holiday resort ’ - May 07
• ‘Maddy died in hot el room - police’ Evening St andard - 7/ 8/ 07
• ‘Brit ney in Crisis’ Heat Magazine - Oct ober 07

12) You can’t find solut ions unless you have problems and you can’t generat e
more problems unless you’re confident you’ve found t he solut ion!

13) There can be no good wit hout evil, no t riumph wit hout adversit y, no life
wit hout deat h, no success wit hout failure, no hit s wit hout flops, no
innovat ive solut ions wit hout problems and no logic wit hout st upidit y.
(Now do you get t he t it le of t he book?)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 23 www.logicalstupidity.com



Mi si nt er pr eat i on: caused by denial and error – which leads t o missing t he point
ent irely and ending up in a way more int erest ing place t han t he int ended message.
Can also have dest ruct ive consequences. There are 12 fact ors causing it , one of t hem
being Punl exi a.

MUSAFI D (new disorder): Making Up St upid Acronyms For I nvent ed Disorders.

Myst onomy: t he pract ice of labelling your confusion in order t o make it feel normal;
t he pract ice of convert ing personal problems int o product s.

Long answer: myst onomy, t he t axonomy of myst eries – t he science of
ident ifying, classifying and labelling confusion t o make it feel normal. I t works
by creat ing awareness: once you’ve got a name, it becomes easier t o manage
because t hat ’s t he only way ot hers have a chance t o ident ify wit h t he same
experience.

And once you creat e a group of sufferers all bit ching about t he same t hing,
you’ve got safet y in numbers, which leads t o an exponent ial cat ch-on because
t here’s no bet t er way t o deal wit h misery t han spreading it around a bit .

Examples:

• Why do I feel t he need t o chase supermodels and buy sport s cars even
t hough I ’m married wit h kids? That ’s a ‘mid-life crisis’.
• How do we make it cool t o be old? ‘40 is t he new 20.’
• Why do I feel depressed? That ’s ‘depression’.
• How come I don’t fall off t he planet ? That ’s ‘gravit y’.
• Why am I t horoughly bored at work? That ’s boreout , discovered and t agged
by Pet er Werder.
• Why does my penis shrink when it get s cold? That ’s shrinkage, by Jerry
Seinfeld.
• Why don’t we have bet t er-looking hybrid cars? We do now: ‘The Bat t erari’
by me.

This brings up t he point of why myst onomy is an innovat ion t ool. When you
reach a point where t here are no answers, or you’re not sat isfied wit h t he
answers t hat exist – invent your own!

Nat er al Thi nki ng: lat eral is nat ural. Wit hout t hinking we have t he abilit y t o
assemble informat ion from mult iple sources. Nat ural Thinking happens by
Osknowsi s.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 24 www.logicalstupidity.com

Obser vat i onal I nnovat i on: t he pract ice of t urning punch lines int o t aglines – i.e.
observat ions int o innovat ive product s.

Wit h observat ional humour, t he comedy comes from reflect ing realit y – e.g.
have you t ried dat ing online? Ever not ice how all 3 pict ures of your fant asy
part ner look not hing like t he one you meet ?
That ’s your OOPS: Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y – i.e. you are reflect ing
realit y.

Wit h observat ion innovat ion you go one st ep furt her and act ually change realit y
by doing somet hing about your observat ion – you invent a product t hat solves
t he problem:
I nt roducing »Fut ureFot o™ – what your I nt ernet dat e will act ually look like.

Turns out t hat t he difference bet ween humour and innovat ion is simply a mat t er
of funct ionalit y: does t he j oke product work? I f it does, your punch line
becomes a product t hat will make you laugh all t he way t o t he bank.

OI (new disorder): Overact ive I maginat ion.

OOPS: Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y – t he first st ep of t he innovat ion process. These
are quest ions t riggered by t hat which makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R and
which cont ain t he answer t o everyt hing.

For example:
• Why do people walk backwards in horror movies?
• What ’s t he speed of dark?
• What ’s t hat coming over t he hill? I s it a monst er?
• I f t his ain't love, why does it feel so good?
• How does t he creat ive process work?
• Why are we using men dressed in spacesuit s t o build microchips? What if we
used robot s? Couldn’t we shrink t he size of t he chip, improve overall
performance and increase product ion? (Quest ions asked by engineers at I nt el.)

Osknowsi s: t he flow of informat ion from a high concent rat ion (everyt hing you know)
t o a low concent rat ion (confusion).

I f t he flow is sudden you’ll experience t he sensat ion of laughing caused by an
EOX! (Eye Opening Experience).

I t ’s t riggered by Gapci dent s (accident s t hat lead t o t he discovery of solut ions)
and by searching for answers t o t hat which makes Absolut ely No Sense
What so Ev R – i.e. THE ANSWER.

By st aying curious you const ant ly creat e mult iple knowledge vacuums or
Observat ions Of Pure St upidit y (t he ‘OOPS’) int o which t hought s from different
fields have no choice but t o flow and connect , t o form new ideas, which are
hybrid molecules of informat ion t hat are no longer equal t o t he sum of t heir
part s.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 25 www.logicalstupidity.com

Par adox Of Ent er t ai nment : we’re drawn t owards t he DANGEROUS:
Disgust ing Addict ive Nat ural Gruesome Eccent ric Risky Offensive Unique Sad.

Examples:

1) ‘Oh my god, t hat is sick, disgust ing, t wist ed and offensive – I love it ! ’
2) ‘E-mail forwards are not hing but a wast e of t ime; a t ot al abuse of bandwidt h;
keep ‘em coming! ’

3) ‘This booger from my nose is a fascinat ing design. I f it were an e-mail
at t achment I would forward it t o everyone on my list .’

4) Das Crazy Sex Show?! Ot her people’s pervert ed sex lives are apparent ly
fascinat ing.

5) Double car pileup on t he highway – you j ust can’t look away.

6) A deadly virus magnified is a magnificent art work of nat ure.

7) You can’t have a hero wit hout a disast er. (Just like you can’t have war movies
wit hout wars.)

AI DS is t he subj ect of award-winning films, TV shows and musicals.

I f t he Tit anic never sank it wouldn’t have been t urned int o t he highest grossing
movie of all t ime.

I f 9/ 11 didn’t happen, if school kids didn’t murder t heir classmat es at school, if
t he American healt hcare syst em wasn’t a mess, polit ical hero’s couldn’t emerge
t o save t he day and document ary makers like Michael Moore wouldn’t have any
mat erial t o work wit h.

Dit t o for movies dealing wit h war & genocide t hat all go under ‘ent ert ainment ’.

8) The subj ect mat t er of blockbust er movies: volcano’s, t sunami’s, fires, met eor
collisions, eart hquakes, as well as man-made chaos: violence, racism,
corrupt ion, family dysfunct ion.

9) The subj ect mat t er of popular news headlines: business, polit ical, sex and
showbiz scandals.

10) The subj ect mat t er of realit y TV shows.

Par af r azi ng: t he ext reme sport t hat involves j umping on a bandwagon, adding wings
and flying it your own way. (See Chart 2 for examples.)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 26 www.logicalstupidity.com

Per f ect Quest i on: any quest ion leading t o answers t hat make Absolut ely No Sense
What so Ev R. I t ’s perfect because from t his point you’re free t o st art coming up wit h
your own answers.

Signs t hat you’ve asked t he Perfect Quest ion:

‘That ’s a good quest ion, I ’ll come back t o t hat .’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I t ’s t oo early t o say.’
‘We don’t know yet .’
‘That ’s classified informat ion / execut ive privilege.’
‘I could t ell you but I ’d have t o kill you.’
‘I t ’s not my place t o answer t hat quest ion.’
‘No comment .’
‘Shut your face.’
‘That ’s all we have t ime for I ’m afraid – t his press conference is over.’
‘I need t o pee.’
‘We have t o go t o news & t ravel but st ay on t he line.’
‘I t ’s all in my book.’
[ C ] (No words at all; j ust a st unned silence, followed by a change of t opic.)

PI FYAFFI NG: Pulling I deas From Your Asspirat ions For FI Nancial Gain. Also known
as PAFYAFFI NG: Pulling Advice From Your Asspirat ions For FI Nancial Gain.

THE 7 HABI TS OF PAFYAFFERS / PROFESSI ONAL BULLSHI TTERS:

Chase t hat which makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R: The ANSWER.

Own t he Unknown: make up your own answers and you capit alise on
confusion.

Si mpl i cat e: keep it complex enough t o be an aut horit y and simple enough t o
be underst ood.

Par af r aze ( = R&D = Rehash & Di sgui se) i.e. j ump on a bandwagon, add
wings & fly it your own way.

Know your STUBI D: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise.

Schmooze: get people t o like you so you can flirt for informat ion.

Pose l i ke a her o/ pr et end you car e: t he Façade Of Kindness &
Underst anding (FOK-U).

Pol e Spl i t t i ng Quest i on: quest ions designed t o make you answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ so t hat
you’ll inst ant ly get an opinion. Once t hat happens you’re more likely t o click a
banner ad and make a purchase – e.g.

Should Harry go t o I raq?
Did Heat her marry Paul for money?
Are you bored wit h t he climat e crisis?

Yes or no? Click here and win a plasma TV.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 27 www.logicalstupidity.com

Pop Song Poet r y: a device t o help you creat e new songs and product s by combining
2 or more samples from your favourit e influences. Here’s how it works:

1) Cut 'n' Past e words from your t arget influences ont o cards.
2) Shuffle t he cards, t hrow t hem on your desk, read t hem as t hey lie and
l i e about t hem as you r ead.

As you lie about t hem, you aut omat ically add yourself t o t he mix:

Applied t o songwrit ing you could t ake one ‘bum’ from ‘shake ya bum bum’, or
‘t ouch my bum’, t he ‘hey’ from ‘Hey Jude’ or ‘Hey Macarena’, t he ‘moon in June’
or a ‘t oget her forever’ from wherever, roll it all int o one, like a new improved
mort gage deal, and t hen:

WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER
WHATEVER I'M GOING ON ABOUT

BOOM SHICKI BUM BUM SHICKI BUM BUM
IS POP SONG SONG POETRY
EVERYBODY HEART LOVE I NEED YOU THE GIRL
DREAM KISS TOGETHER FOREVER
YOU DON’T LOVE ME LIKE I DO OOH OOH

Two t ypes of invent ions are possible using PSP: Buzzkeys and Tr adel s.


Punl exi a (new disorder): an audit ory processing disorder where t he brain searches
for alt ernat ive meanings inst ead of t rying t o underst and t he int ended meaning. This
oft en result s in a person being accused of not list ening properly. There’s no cure, but
since it ’s a highly creat ive disorder you wouldn’t want one anyway. Just follow t he
accident . When it comes t o playing wit h words, you’re a phonet ic, so follow t he songs
and sounds in your head wherever t hey t ake you. When your Punlexia impairs your
abilit y t o focus, t hen follow t he spont enudit y. By discovering new words, you’re also
discovering new dest inat ions in our t hought mosphere, which can t hen be t urned int o:

Songs: ‘I got soul but I ’m not a soldier’ – The Killers
Tagl i nes: ‘Girls j ust want t o have funds’ – Jupit er Asset Management
Newspaper s: ‘Vuj ade News – ahead of it s t ime’ (See sect ion)
Pr oduct s: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by t he Sun Newspaper (produx)
Pr oduct s: ‘Jillet t e, because you like it shaved and wet ’ (What ? I t ’s a new
wat erproof razor - produx)
Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now audit ioning: www.logicalst upidit y.com
(produx)

This is a permanent fat al error. May t he grim rapper t ake you on a wild
invent ure t o find your ERRORGENI US ZONE.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 28 www.logicalstupidity.com
Queue of I ndeci si on: t he queue t hat you st and in all by yourself for as long as it
t akes for you t o make your mind up about anyt hing. What keeps you st anding in t his
queue? Freedom of choice and weighing up mult iple opt ions:

TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE
AND YOU’LL FORGET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO
TOO MANY VOICES IN YOUR HEAD WHO DO YOU FOLLOW?
DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST WONDERING THROUGH…

(See commercial e-book for a 6-page ‘Larry David’ st yle comedy sket ch, set in t he
‘small elect rical appliances’ sect ion of a large depart ment st ore – st arring me drowning
in a sea of mult iple opt ions while t rying t o buy a ket t le.)

R&D Ther apy: creat ive t herapy t hat involves t he ‘Research & Development ’ of your
mind. R&D also involves t he ‘Rehashing and Disguising’ of your dysfunct ions by
t ransferring t hem int o a different medium. So inst ead of t hem manifest ing as t emper
t ant rums and ant isocial behaviour, you explore alt ernat ive creat ive opt ions and…

1) Writ e t hem off as script s for movies.
2) Hang up your hang-ups as art works.
3) Set your misery t o music – bit ch about it t o t he beat .
4) Develop a product – bridge t he gap wit h a gadget .

I .E. I F YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK YOU’RE RI GHT ON TRACK!

R&D t herapy doesn’t t ry t o fix your dysfunct ions because t hey’re not supposed t o be
fixed. This is nat ure’s way of creat ing t he luniverse. How do I know for sure?
Well who do you know t hat isn’t j ust a lit t le bit whacked out in some way? Exact ly.

We’re all Fluffed I n The Head (FI TH principle of psychology) but not in t he same
way:

The slight difference is known as your STUBI D: Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing I n Disguise.

The obj ect ive of R&D t herapy is t o find t hem and make t hem work for you.

Rel i gi t uni t y: business opport unit y creat ed by religion. For example:

- Kabbalah: red st ring bracelet s or holy spring wat er for £3 a pop.
- Kabbel ah Cooki es™ – Wit h philosophy from t he Zohar.
- Fal af el osophy™ – Jewish philosophy scrolls inside Falafels.
- Cher yl t he Shi kse™ – All your Shabbes needs t aken care of by Cheryl t he
Shapely Shikse.
- Tr ai f i sh™ – Our GM shellfish have fins & scales and what ’s more, we fed
t hem on our farm, so t hey’re not scavengers. That means oyst ers, mussels,
prawns & crayfish – ALL KOSHER!

See Chart 2 for more examples.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 29 www.logicalstupidity.com
RI GS: Random I dea Generat ing Sit uat ions – where all ideas come from.

Ryt hmagi nat i on: st at e of ment al freedom where you allow your mind t o flow in t he
direct ion it want s t o go in order t o make up for what isn’t t here.
Essent ial for t aking ownership of t he unknown. (YOU OWN THE UNKNOWN.)

Sel l de Junk: an everyday obj ect t hat manages t o find a market t hrough t he ARTS:
Any Rubbish That Sells. A ‘Sell de Junk’ is a sound-alike of it s pioneer, Marcelle
Duchamp, who t ransplant ed a urinal from t he men’s loo int o an art gallery and called it
‘The Fount ain’, not only proving t hat anyt hing is art , but also t hat : You can't polish a
t urd, but you can frame it , call it somet hing else and put a price t ag on it .

Si mpl exi t y: t he art of keeping t hings complex enough t o make you an aut horit y,
yet simple enough t o underst and. I t works by t he KI CK principle:

KI CK: Keep I t Complex Klut z
I f you t hink t he best ideas are t he simplest , you simply haven’t read t he t erms &
condit ions or t he business plan. The big money comes from complicat ing very simple
ideas. People in t he advice business have already figured t his one out :

• How much could a consult ant or lawyer make from t elling you j ust t o
‘do not hing’? Even if it ’s t he right advice, it would st ill have t o be broken
down int o 2 pages t o be wort h £1000.

• How long would a golf pro st ay in business if his professional assessment of
your swing was: ‘you’re shit ’? I t may well be accurat e, but t o be wort h
anyt hing it would have t o be broken down int o an hour’s wort h of advice.

• Let ’s say you were a doct or and I was running a seminar wit h t he t it le:
‘Should you t urn your pract ice int o a limit ed company?’ How could I charge
£300 if all I said was ‘no, definit ely not ’? Again, not hing wrong wit h my
answer; it would j ust need t o t ake me at least 3 hours t o get t here.

• Douglas Adams concludes t hat t he meaning of life is 42 and nobody has a
problem wit h t hat . Why? Because his answer is at t ached t o a book and
movie’s wort h of highly ent ert aining explanat ion.

How does it all work? Simple. By complicat ion. And it all happens by way of
THE MESHUGGANAH MATRI X. Now off you go t o read about t hat one.

SKI L: Specialised Knowledge of I nt uit ive Leadership.
I n t he same way t hat you can’t explain how you have access t o common knowledge,
you also can’t explain how you have access t o your privat e knowledge or SKI L.

On t he t op end of t he SKI L spect rum you have geniuses who compose
symphonies and build at om bombs and space shut t les. On t he ot her end you
have idiot savant s who can barely read, writ e or learn and yet can calculat e
numbers rapidly and figure out what day Chanukah falls in 2040. Regular idiot s
can run powerful count ries wit hout ever being t aught how t o do t his. How
exact ly do t hey know what t hey know? The same way t hat only you know how
t o do what you do best , because of t he SKI L you’ve t aught yourself.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 30 www.logicalstupidity.com
SPQV: Self-Propelled Quest ion Vehicle required for t ravelling t hrough inner space.

The SPQV is powered by curiosit y, a fuel made by burning aspirat ion and emot ion t hat
split s your t hought s t o creat e emot ional inst abilit y. You st eer your vehicle by asking 3
quest ions:

1) What do I know?
2) What don’t I know?

And t he big moneymaking quest ion:

3) What will nobody ever know?

These quest ions will t ake you t o a place in t he t hought mosphere where nobody
knows bet t er t han you, and from here you’re free t o st art coming up wit h your
own answers. How do you know when you get t here? See ‘Perfect Quest ion’.
And where exact ly are you going? To planet SCLI TMOH:

SCLI TMOH: Sources Convenient ly Lost I n The Mist Of Hist ory.
To become an aut horit y on any subj ect , all you need t o do is break t he argument at a
point where nobody could possible know what happened. This means going back t o
any point in t ime – from when you st art ed reading t his sent ence t o any point in hist ory
t hat doesn’t quit e make sense t o you. Like t he year zero: how did t he abacus and
sundial manage t o survive t he swit chover from BC t o AD? Wasn’t t here any ‘Y Zero K’
concern t hat dinosaurs or what ever would fall out t he sky? What made t he birt h of
Jesus significant enough t o st art a new global calendar? He hadn’t done anyt hing yet !
Shouldn’t we have st art ed count ing t he years aft er, say, his 3
rd
miracle? And why
didn’t we st art recount ing when ot hers performed even bigger miracles? The oil in t he
t emple was only supposed t o last for a day and it last ed for 8. Or how about Moses
part ing t he Dead Sea? That must have been wort hy of a calendar rest art , surely. The
Jewish calendar could quit e easily have set t he global st andard. So why didn’t it ?
Are t here any ot her celebrit y birt hdays we should be celebrat ing wit h a fest ive season?
David Blaine was in t hat block of ice for, what , 3 days? And t hat must have been like
his 10
t h
miracle or somet hing. The Beat les performed all kinds of miracles, like selling
more albums t han any ot her band in hist ory. Maybe John Lennon was right and t he
Beat les were bigger t han Jesus, but does t hat make him calendar wort hy? How about
Aby Tit muss? She’s famous for what exact ly? That ’s a miracle. We could be wishing
each ot her an Aby Tit muss every February t he 8
t h
. We wouldn’t even have t o change
t he t une: ‘I wish you were Aby Tit muss but fat free wit h beer’.

You see how t his works? Once you arrive on t he met aphysical planet of
SCLI TMOH, you’re free t o st art invent ing any st ory you like, because on t his
planet nobody knows for sure. As long as we don’t know where we come from,
t here will always be a planet SCLI TMOH.

SCLI TMOH and MI F (Myst erious I nvisible Forces) t oget her make up t he
met aphysical ‘connect ive t issue’ bet ween all t hought s of humans, dead or alive,
as well as plant s, animals and t hings we don’t even know about , because
t hey’re on dist ant galaxies where space, t ime, gravit y and words don’t exist .
Even t hought s from t he origin of t he luniverse are st ill ‘in orbit ’ in our
t hought mosphere. Humans are not t he only t hings capable of t hinking. I n fact ,
one of t hose t hings accident ally t hought of t his part icular luniverse, which is
why we’re here.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 31 www.logicalstupidity.com

STUBI D: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise.

We’re all a bit @£$% in t he head; it ’s j ust a mat t er of how. The slight difference
bet ween us is what makes up our STUBI D. That blessing in disguise is t he unique way
in which only you can make connect ions or screw t hings up:

• On being asked if you t ake t his woman t o be your wife, you say: ‘Comput er says
no.’
• At a cellphone shop you ask if a Bl uet oot h headset will work wit h your Bl ackberry.
• You go for anal bleaching because ‘you only get one chance t o make a first
impression’.
• On t he menu of a rest aurant called ‘Taiping’, you j ust have t o scribble ‘40p per
page’.
• At an I ndian rest aurant you order t he chicken cumin j ust so you can ask t he wait er
not t o put so much cum in.
• For some peculiar reason, you see t raffic light s as smiley faces, so you have t o fill
t hem in.

All t hese basic malfunct ions are a huge part of t he creat ive process so best you
st art paying at t ent ion t o exact ly what kind of nut case you are. For t hose who need
a lit t le help, R&D t herapy has been designed t o locat e your part icular blessing, and
channel it in a creat ive direct ion. I n ot her words: I f you’r e out of whack you’r e
r i ght on t r ack.

Thought Bomb: when accident s of any kind are analysed it causes shrapnel of
mult iple t hought s from unrelat ed fields t o collide and fly off in mult iple direct ions.

Thought mospher e: t he collect ive at mosphere of t hought s surrounding t he eart h and
emanat ing out int o all dimensions (defined by ‘XAVI ’ – omfest ival.com).

Tr adel s (see ‘Pop Song Poet ry’): product s, movies or songs derived by combining
t rademarks, labels, t it les, headlines and melodies.
For example, from St arbucks + Hoot ers you could get Hoot er Bucks – ‘hot chicks hot
coffee’; ‘t ry our S(lat t es)’. (produx)

Movies:
Pot s & Pans – a magical (gay) kit chen advent ure st arring Pet er Pot t er & Harry
Pan. (mmovies)
The Spy who shagged Ter r y Poppi ns. (mmovies)
Lor d of t he Spi der kong War s – about t he bat t le of t he uh, Spiderkongs.
(mmovies)
Snakes on Br okeback Mount ai n. (mmovies)
Dude, wher e’s my cheese? (mmovies)
Cat t l est ar Bal l act i ca – about a very clever cow who finds a solut ion t o global
warming. (mmovies)

TV shows:
Bi g Ass Cel ebr i t y (from Big Brot her, Jackass & I ’m a celebrit y get me out a
here). (TVshow)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 32 www.logicalstupidity.com




TTOI S (TOYS) : Transmission Towers Of I nspirat ion.


Uni per sonal Pr obl em: a unique personal problem t hat ’s also universal.


UTTA BS: Universal Theory of Thumb And Bum Sucking.


Vuj ade: in cont rast t o a dej avu (which is informat ion from t he past ), t his is
informat ion from t he fut ure. An observat ion t hat makes lit t le sense at t he t ime (see
‘OOPS’) but t hat you realise connect s t o a fut ure event . Just like single socks from t he
laundry – t hey need t o be st ored so t hat t hey can be paired off lat er.

Examples:

1) You can’t underst and why all t he beds in England are split in t wo. The missing
sock is revealed when you’re moving home and have t o carry one up a flight of
st airs.

2) Lisa Simpson has a vuj ade wat ching her fat her and Ned Flanders mowing t he lawn
in t heir wives' dresses aft er losing a bet . She says: ‘Why do I get t he feeling t hat
someday I ’ll be describing t his t o a psychiat rist ?’ [ This is a vuj ade t hat could t ake
30 years t o reveal.]

The final scene from ‘Dead Put t ing Societ y’.

3) You’re changing a t yre of a new car. There are 4 nut s but one is different .
Why does one nut require a special key t o unscrew it ? This is a vuj ade – you know
t here’s a reason, you j ust have t o wait unt il you get t o t he mechanic, for t he
missing sock t o be revealed – it ’s an ant it heft device. Apparent ly people go round
st ealing wheels. [ Took me an hour t o find t his out .]


Want asee: t he way you want t o see t hings based on your D 'n' A – Dreams ' n'
Aspirat ions.


Yougl e: t he search engine of your mind act ivat ed by your OOPS – Observat ion Of
Pure St upidit y.



Songlist


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 33 www.logicalstupidity.com
Songl i st


Just t o remind you t hat t his free-book is a script for a musical.

To search t hrough t he songs in t he script , use keyword ‘lyrix’. To search for a specific
song, search for ‘song # ’.


1. LABEL YOUR CONFUSION
2. FREEDOM TO LIE
3. THE KIDS ARE WISING UP
4. WAKE ME SHAKE ME SHOCK ME
5. YOUR WANTASEE
6. THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY
7. UNZIP ME
8. HE’S ONLY A MAN
9. TEARS WITH CHAMPAGNE
10. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON
11. LET THEM DIE
12. HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN
13. TWO SONGS
14. SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN
15. IT HAS TO BE FUNNY
16. JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG
17. DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY
18. BLACK NOTE
19. WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
20. THEME SONG
21. TOO MANY CHOICES
22. GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX
23. COPYRIGHT PROTECTED
24. HEY JADE
25. POP SONG POETRY
26. DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE
27. SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY
28. THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION
29. FRUSTRATION FOR SALE
30. MOANING OUT OF TUNE
31. WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY?


32. GRANDE SEMI SKIM CAPPACINO
33. CK519J
34. DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR
35. DAY BY DAY
36. SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
37. HAPPY HOUR
38. HOMES DOGS BABIES
39. THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS
40. SANITY SUCKS
41. SEARCH YOUR SOUL
42. TRUST ME
43. THIS IS ALL CRAP
44. LET THEM DIE (REPEAT)
45. ONE BIG RADIO STATION
46. YOU GET PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS
47. FLUFF YOU ALL
48. JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME
49. WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
50. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
51. CHOOSING MEN
52. MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT
53. NOW THAT I’M BACK
54. TOODALOO
55. LUNI LOVE
56. WAITING
57. YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW
58. MONEY GO ROUND THE POP MACHINE
59. WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO
60. SCHMOOZING
61. COLOUR OF CONFUSION
62. THEME SONG (FULL)



Copyright & Disclaimers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 34 www.logicalstupidity.com
Copyr i ght & Di scl ai mer s


Copyright © 2007 Pet er Greenwall
UK copyright regist rat ion number (from UK Copyright Service) 265230
All e-mail enquiries t o: info@logicalst upidit y.com


All songs regist ered wit h PRS UK.

Any part (up t o a page) of t his publicat ion may be e-mailed t o a friend, reproduced,
st ored in a ret rieval syst em or t ransmit t ed in any form and by any means elect ronic,
mechanical, phot ocopying, recording or ot herwise, wit hout any permission, on
condit ion t hat :
1. I t 's not for commercial use
2. You quot e t he websit e – www.logicalst upidit y.com
3. You quot e t he aut hor – Pet er Greenwall
4. YOU BUY THE COMMERCI AL VERSI ON OF THI S BOOK! ! Click here t o get it .

Dist ribut ed by The I nt ernet – Lulu, Amazon, Googlebooks, www.logicalst upidit y.com
and who knows where else.

E-book prepared and format t ed by Nom de Plume Writ ing Services Limit ed.
www.ndpwrit ing.com
Cover designed by Lori Kramer.

DESI GN COMPETI TI ON NOW ON!
This is a chance t o have your design on t he front cover of t he commercial e-book.
Your design should capt ure what logical st upidit y means t o you, so it ’s an open brief:
play wit h t he words, show how t he meshugganah movies of your mind t urn int o real
movies, songs and product s, or use any of t he chapt er t it les, glossary t erms or any
part of t his e-book as inspirat ion. Ent er by regist ering on t he websit e and uploading
your ent ry on t he graphics channel.

Publ i shed by MI STAKE
Seriously – t he whole t hing was a freak accident . I st art ed off writ ing a script t o link a
few songs t oget her when I accident ally st umbled on t he universal formula for
innovat ion and creat ivit y in general.

I SBN – t o follow wit h print version.



Thi s i s an edi t ed Bet a Book, t est ver si on 1.1 cont ai ni ng 20% of t he
commer ci al l y avai l abl e e-book. Many of t he i deas have not been f ul l y
t hought t hr ough, whi ch i s why:



Copyright & Disclaimers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 35 www.logicalstupidity.com




Di scl ai mer s:

1) I f you’re offended by anyt hing in t his book, it ’s all fict ion. Made up. Comedy.
Sat ire. Not for t hose who believe t here are cert ain t hings you can’t make j okes about ,
like ot her people’s ridiculous beliefs.

2) I f you agree wit h everyt hing, t hen it ’s creat ive non-fict ion; in fact it ’s my t hesis on
t he psychology, t heory and pract ice of innovat ion.

3) I f you agree wit h some of it but not all of it , t hen it ’s no different from ot her books
about creat ion.

4) While every effort has been t aken t o ensure hyst erical accuracy, most of t he bullshit
t urned out t o be t rue. This was eit her coincident al, magical or logical, and possibly all
t hree.

5) All my t hought s and feelings were correct at t he t ime of writ ing t hem, but t hat was
t hen, and I reserve t he right t o feel different ly about t hings now.
[ I n accordance wit h Art icle 7 of t he Hippocrit ic Oat h.]

6) This book cont ains codes, formulas, recipes, monologues, dialogues, blueprint s,
briefs and inst ruct ions for t he creat ion of 1878 product s, movies, songs, cart oons and
et cet eras.
Besides t he downloadable songs, not hing act ually exist s yet , which is why I ’m count ing
on you t o make & upload your own versions. As you do, be aware t hat not hing has
been t est market ed, prot ot ypes have not been built and opinions have not been
gat hered. You t herefore creat e everyt hing at your own risk. Just because I ’m t elling
you what t o do, doesn’t make me responsible. Let me put it anot her way: I ’ll t ake t he
credit but not t he blame should anyt hing go wrong.



Ter ms & Condi t i ons of usi ng t he book & websi t e

The book is designed t o inspire you t o creat e your own ideas, as well as upload your
own versions of t he creat ive briefs. To keep t he Terms & Condit ions simple: what
happens on t he websit e st ays on t he websit e! To keep it complex: see furt her det ails
on t he next page.



Terms & Conditions


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 36 www.logicalstupidity.com
Ter ms & Condi t i ons



Logical St upidit y is about providing you wit h inspirat ion for your own proj ect s.
I t ’s also about sharing ideas int o t he market place, and mut ual promot ion. I f you
choose t o follow t he creat ive briefs t hen here’s t he deal:

Our relat ionship is based on t he idea t hat you need ‘mat erial’ t o expose your t alent
and I need someone t o present , sing, act out , phot ograph, design, make or produce
t he mat erial t hat I ’ve creat ed. This is why we need t o work t oget her!

What happens on t his websit e st ays on t he websit e! You’re free t o copy, adapt and
remix anyt hing wit hout permission as long as it ’s not for commercial release and you
upload your version on t his sit e for all t o see. We can only use each ot her’s work for
promot ional purposes i.e. showreels, resumes and public broadcast on TV, radio or
ot her websit es for promot ional use. But should eit her of us want t o release anyt hing
commercially, we need t o seek each ot her’s permission. So if I want t o use your
art work for anyt hing besides t his e-book or websit e – e.g. a movie, t raining video,
mult imedia st age show, cast album, (as I plan t o do), t hen I would need t o ask your
permission. The same applies t o you regarding t he use of any of my mat erial. I f a
t hird part y want s t o use our collaborat ive effort , t hen we all need t o come t o an
arrangement .

Regarding ownership of cont ent : if you adapt anyt hing by a considerable amount , t hen
we become collaborat ors and we need t o discuss a royalt y split according t o t he
changes you’ve made. To signify t hat it ’s a collaborat ive effort , every art work you
upload should have t he following inscript ion somewhere clearly visible:
‘Tit le of t he work’ by [ your name] & Pet er Greenwall for www.logicalst upidit y.com.

I f you’re not changing t he work but are present ing it in some form, t hen t he inscript ion
should be: ‘Tit le of t he work’ present ed / illust rat ed / performed, choreographed, sung,
by [ your name] for www.logicalst upidit y.com. By get t ing yourself in t he mix you are
part ly responsible for t he magic, t herefore should t he clip, song, sket ch leave t he
domain of t his websit e, you are ent it led t o some kind of deal t hat needs t o be
discussed. But I ’m not using your precious product ion for any purpose besides t his
sit e. I f I do I ’ll ask you!

Be aware t hat t his is t he script for a document ary on t he psychology, t heory and
pract ice of innovat ion, where every clip or art work is t he product of various inspirat ion
devices. I f you have somet hing from your port folio t hat fit s t he example, t hen you’re
welcome t o upload it , but we can’t have arbit rary off-t opic clips or any copyright ed
mat erial from elsewhere.

Let 's go t hrough t he various t ypes of cont ent on offer and how you may use t hem:


Terms & Conditions


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 37 www.logicalstupidity.com
Pr oduct s: keyword t o search for [ produx] or [ ™ ]
All 269 product ideas belong t o Logical St upidit y in t he same way t hat Quiddage
belongs t o Harry Pot t er or Duff Beer belongs t o The Simpsons – i.e. while t hey might
be fant asy product s, you would st ill need permission t o creat e t hem and release t hem
commercially. An Aust ralian beer company t ried t o market Duff Beer and t hey got
t heir arses nailed. Just so you know.
I f you’re an ent repreneur or invest or, you’re welcome t o sponsor t he development of
any product you like. For furt her invest or informat ion see t he websit e.

Comedy sket ches & st and-up sht i cks (more t han 500): keywords t o search for
[ mmovies; sht ix]
For singers act ors, present ers, comedians working on comedy sket ches in groups or
solo songs, st and-up sht icks & present er links:
Anyt hing you upload is aut omat ically part of t he online clickument ary about t he
creat ive process as well as your audit ion for t he st age show and innovat ion workshops.
I f you don’t want t o audit ion for anyt hing but are j ust promot ing yourself in t he web
version, t hen t hat ’s fine. (Just say so in your upload det ails.)

Movi e pi t ches (31): keyword t o search for [ moviepit ch] &
TV show pi t ches (41): keyword t o search for [ t vshow]
Direct ed at TV producers, moviemakers and act ors of all levels.
For producers – let ’s discuss t hem int o product ion.
For act ors – follow t he dialogue and t he direct or's not es and upload your version.

Gr aphi c Ar t , Pr oduct Desi gn, Car t oons & Phot os (602): keywords t o search for
[ PiX; grafix; cart oon; phot o] t o find all pict ures t hat require your product ion.
Follow my direct or's not es and t he links t o web pages for inspirat ion on doing your
own version.

Compl et e songs (60): keyword t o search for [ lyrix]
You may perform up t o 3 songs at your gig, as long as you give me credit , ment ion
t his sit e and upload your version her e for all t o enj oy. You may eit her download t he
backing t rack or learn t he songs on your chosen inst rument .
Music producers may redo, rehash, remix & re-release t he songs by special
arrangement , or upload your version on t he sit e wit hout permission.

I ncompl et e songs (80): keyword t o search for [ ADDsong]
Eit her produce t hem as t hey are (ringt one songs or short at t ent ion span songs) or t urn
t hem int o complet e 3 minut e songs, producing t hem as you like.
Once you’re done we’ll discuss royalt y split s – based on what you did!

Desi gn your own pr oduct i on of Logi cal St upi di t y – t he musi cal
Wit h over 700 pages of script and 61 songs, t here’s enough mat erial t o cust om design
your own product ion.
I f you’d like t o t ry somet hing different for your next high school musical (i.e. ot her
t han Fiddler on t he Roof, Mary Poppins, Joseph, Grease, Jack & t he Beanst alk, et c)
t hen select t he songs and ext ract s you’d like t o do and let ’s t alk!
I f you’re a professional t heat re producer and would like t o st age a version of t his
show, again, let ’s t alk it int o product ion – fringe or mainst ream.


Terms & Conditions


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 38 www.logicalstupidity.com






The e-book has been designed t o inspire you and your own creat ive proj ect s, as well
as provide you wit h inspirat ion t o produce mine. I f you t ry t o pass any mat erial off as
your own, eit her in part or in whole, YOU WI LL BE PROSECUTED TO HALF THE
EXTENT OF THE LAW, t he ot her half coming from t rained at t ack dogs who know
where you live and will TAKE YOU OUT, for dinner, at an all-you-can-eat rest aurant for
at t ack dogs, where no doggie bags are allowed i.e. © 2007 by Pet er Greenwall.


Just t hought I ’d clear t hat up.


Go t o www.logicalst upidit y.com for furt her inst ruct ions on how t o upload your cont ent .


Check t he next page for 16 reasons why you would want t o do such a t hing.



16 Reasons for Getting Involved


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 39 www.logicalstupidity.com
16 Reasons f or Get t i ng I nvol ved



1) To promot e yourself and your t alent . (The sit e doubles as a free t alent agency.)

2) To share profit s or royalt ies of anyt hing you design, manufact ure, act in or sing.

3) Somet hing in t he e-book has inspired you t o t he point where you simply have t o
creat e your own version and share it wit h t he world – i.e.
To t urn ideas int o market able movie clips, songs, pict ures and product s:
‘Having t he vision’s no solut ion; everyt hing depends on execut ion.’ - from Put t ing it
Toget her, by St ephen Sondheim

4) To be part of a document ary about t he creat ive process t hat t races t he origin of all
ideas right t hrough t o t he final product ion – your t ake.

5) To audit ion for t he st age show. This is not compulsory! I f you don’t want t o
audit ion, t hen j ust say so in your profile.
Furt her down t he line, t he same clip you j ust uploaded becomes eligible t o be in:

6) ‘The Final Cut - What ’s your t ake?’ – a TV compet it ion for your int erpret at ion of all
t he sket ches & songs from t he book. A panel of movie expert s will decide which of
you become TV st ars.

7) ‘The Final Cut ’ – t he movie version wit h t he winning clips re-shot on a professional
budget ; i.e. your chance t o be a movie st ar. Since t he script cont ains t he t emplat e for
t he document ary, all examples and clips will updat e cont inually – t his musical
document ary never ends!

8) To be in a series of John Cleese-st yle t raining videos on innovat ion.

9) The Logical St upidit y Award ceremony for excellence in t imewast ing.
(Because many of t hese clips and pics are dest ined t o become e-mail forwards.)

10) To win Soft ware and Hardware prizes t hat enable you t o produce bet t er art works,
phot o’s, movies or songs.

But wait , t hat 's not all! You haven't spent any money yet ! Here's your mot ivat ion for
spending £20 t o sign up:

11) Free copy of t he 727 page e-book wit h roughly 2500 briefs.

12) Full versions of 45 songs from t he show.

13) Full versions of all backing t racks of t he above songs so you can sing your own
version and upload it right here.

14) Full versions of movie clips from previous versions leading up t o t his version.

15) Access t o t he online clickument ary.

16) Access t o an online seminar on innovat ion.

I NSPI RED YET? UPLOAD YOUR VERSI ON!


So What Is It Exactly?


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 40 www.logicalstupidity.com
So What I s I t Ex ac t l y?


12 THI NGS WHI CH I T I S - JUST FOR CLARI TY BEFORE WE START
( Pot ent i al i nvest or s f ol l ow t he ‘$$$’ si gns.)

1) Busi ness School Musi cal - business issues set t o comedy and music.
[ $$$: Live show, CD sales, online music downloads, ringt ones.]

2) I nnovat i on Tr ai ni ng - a formula for creat ing original cont ent wit h 217 inspirat ion
devices. [ $$$: Workshops, seminars, DVD sales.]

E-BOOK [ $$$: sales] :

3) Cr eat i ve Ther apy - how t o produce t he meshugganah movies of your mind.
(i.e. How t o t urn everyt hing driving you insane int o some kind of art or product .)
[ $$$: Seminars, DVD sales.]

4) My t o do l i st - 1878 proj ect s (movies, songs, comedy sket ches, product s)
t hat I couldn’t possibly complet e in t his lifetime, so I ’m spreading t hem around a bit .
[ $$$: Royalt y split s wit h part ners.]

5) I dea Fact or y - what ’s your t ake on my idea? Sing, act , present , phot ograph,
design, build, t ake, make, share, adapt , finish – j ust make t hem yours by get t ing
yourself in t he mix! Then split t he royalt ies – see Terms & Condit ions [ $$$] .

6) Thesi s on i nspi r ageol ogy - t he st udy of inspirat ion:
The effect s of dysfunct ion, st upidit y, humour and bullshit t ing on t he creat ive process
and t he flow of informat ion.
How and why gapcident s happen – i.e. how unrelat ed ideas choose you as a way t o
connect t o form new ideas.

WEBSI TE:

7) Tal ent show & audi t i on si t e for t he musical and movie document ary.

8) Cl i ckument ar y (int eract ive web document ary) on t he creat ive process.

9) Tal ent Agency - be spot t ed revealing your t rue colours.
[ $$$: Agency fees.]

10) Soci al net wor ki ng for t echies t o pair off wit h t alent .
(Or product ion people t o hook up wit h performers, because t echies are t alent ed t oo.)

11) Adver t i si ng Agency [ $$$] - t he client ’s brief goes out t o all t he ‘creat ives’.
The agency runs on 3 principles:
1) Millions of heads are bet t er t han one t iny t eam.
2) Best idea wins: Everyone pit ches and t he client decides who get s t he cont ract .
3) No port folio, showreels or resume required – can you handle THI S j ob? (produx)


So What Is It Exactly?


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 41 www.logicalstupidity.com




12) ADVERTI SI NG OPPORTUNI TY

There are plent y of spaces reserved in all 5 format s for your product . [ $$$]
Search for keywords [ sponsor] [ produx] [ ™ ] t o find t hose product s you wish t o
sponsor or produce yourself. Bear in mind t hat t he best ideas are in t he commercial
e-book.

There are also product placement opport unit ies for t hose companies whose st rat egies,
slogans and product s have been used as examples of a part icular t ype of business
innovat ion. There are over 100 companies (list ed at t he back of t he book) enj oying
free advert ising in t he e-book, but should t hey wish t o keep t hese product s in t he
upgraded versions, st age show and innovat ion workshops, t hey may want t o consider
sponsorship deals:

I n exchange for product placement , sponsorship is needed for prizes for each
innovat ion cat egory: best product , movie, cart oon, song product ion, vocalist , comedy
sket ch, present er link, et c.

For furt her invest or and market ing informat ion, check www.logicalst upidit y.com




All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 42 www.logicalstupidity.com
Al l 32 Chapt er s Summar i sed


1 LABEL YOUR CONFUSI ON
GI VE I T A NAME, GI VE I T A CATCHPHRASE, GI VE I T A SONG – THE ART OF
BRANDI NG

What exact ly is t he ‘it ’ t hat you’re naming?
‘I T’ is a myst ery feeling t hat ’s difficult t o describe.
‘I T’ as in ‘it doesn’t work like t hat ’.
‘I T’ as in ‘j ust do it ’ – t he Nike way.
‘I T’ as in ‘Screw it , let ’s do it ’ – t he t it le of Richard Branson’s book.

This book looks at everyt hing t hat needs t o be screwed in order t o do what you need
t o do. The creat ive process st art s wit h t he ident ificat ion and labelling of a myst ery –
anyt hing t hat makes no sense t o you.

2 THE HI STORY OF PROFESSI ONAL BULLSHI TTI NG/ PAFYAFFI NG:
Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirat ions) For FI Nancial Gain

3 CRACKI NG YOUR D ' N' A CODE – DREAMS ' N' ASPI RATI ONS
…and t he creat ive applicat ions – e.g.

• ‘I wish my crappy car was a sport s car’ and
VROOM! – ‘Pimp my Ride’ comes along.

• ‘I wish t here were biscuit s t hat could help me digest food,’ and
POOF! – we have digest ive biscuit s.

• ‘I wish I was younger’ and
YOUTH! – ‘40 is t he new 20’ becomes an advert ising cat chphrase.

• ‘I wish I was free t o follow my dreams and creat e t he world I want ed’ and
FREEDOM! – ‘Just do it ’ becomes a t agline.

I NNER SPACE TRAVEL / ERRORTHOUGHTI CAL ENGI NEERI NG
4 THE TWO TRAI NS OF THOUGHT – CI RCLE & DESTI NATI ON
Our t hought mosphere is mapped out like The London underground – t here are circular
argument s t hat spiral t o nowhere but are useful for t ransport t o dest inat ion
argument s. But what ’s different about t he t hought mosphere is t hat it ’s
mult idimensional – at any point you’re free t o hop on your own t rain of t hought t o t ake
you t o a place nobody’s ever been before – your want asee, t he way you want t o see
t hings. These are t he t rains t hat lead t o innovat ion…

5 MENTAL GPS – FOLLOW YOUR FASCI NATI ON
Ment al GPS works by following your fascinat ion. Learn t o use it and you’ll get swept
away on a current of creat ivit y. Coming up: How do we ‘get ideas’? How do t hought s
t ravel and how do t hey t urn int o at oms? What happens when informat ion from t he
past connect s wit h informat ion from t he fut ure – via you?


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 43 www.logicalstupidity.com
6 GUESSEDGE – KNOWLEDGE I N PROGRESS
How t he universe runs on subj ect ivit y – i.e. your personal BI AS: Belief I n A Solut ion.
Why do we bot her t o make or say anyt hing at all?
Where does t he desire of self-expression come from?
All can be explained by way of t he t hree desires of guessedge or self-expression:

1) To figure t hings out on our own.
2) To express t hat t hing t o someone.
3) To be right / accept ed / have your ideas validat ed.

Am I right ? Sure I am. Now pay me.

Only once your guessedge is validat ed can it become knowledge, and t here’s usually a
pay cheque involved. So how much are your opinions wort h?

7 THE MOVI E OF YOUR MI ND
What ’s showing on yours and how are you direct ing it ?

ART – Aut omat ic Radical Thought s – comes from having serious creat ive differences
wit h ‘t he big producer in t he sky’ but you can’t walk off t he set , and t his is what t he
int ernal st ruggle is all about .

The script you’re given is hyst erical or highly dramat ic but you can’t act it out because
it would be frowned upon, t oo embarrassing, offensive, not PC or you’d get arrest ed or
killed. So what happens? All t he really dramat ic and funny t hought s get cut and all
t he polit e bullshit comes out inst ead.

So, what we’re going t o do is get inside t he edit ing room of your mind, find all t he
scenes t hat you cut , and put t hem back t oget her so you can writ e your best mat erial.
As we examine 15 movies of my mind, you get t o see how you would have direct ed
t he same scenes.
Okay, one of t he movies is a porno…

8 OBSERVATI ONAL I NNOVATI ON – TURNI NG JOKES I NTO
PRODUCTS
How t o t urn punch lines int o t aglines:
Use your sense of humour t o accept t he t hings you cannot change; your product
development skills t o change what you can; and t his chapt er t o know t he difference.

Turns out t hat t he difference bet ween humour and innovat ion is simply a mat t er of
funct ionalit y: does t he j oke product work? I f it does, your punch line becomes a
product .

THE ‘EASI LY AMUSED’ FORMULA FOR I NNOVATI ON:
Expl or e t he f unny si de of ever yt hi ng ¬ t ake not e of what you l augh at t he
most ¬ conver t t he punch l i ne i nt o a pr oduct ¬ l augh al l t he way t o t he
bank.


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 44 www.logicalstupidity.com
9 CHASI NG THE UNKNOWN –
UNCOMMON KNOWLEDGE YOU OWN
Your search for solut ions is fut ile unless you express t he problem as a quest ion, and all
quest ions revolve around t his one:
What makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R?
The ANSWER will magically appear when you get t he quest ion right ; did you not ice
t hat ?
This chapt er cont ains inst ruct ions for using your SPQV – Self Propelled Quest ion
Vehicle – essent ial for navigat ing t hrough nonsense.

10 CLI NTONI AN METAPHYSI CS
I F YOU CAN’T CHANGE I T, REDEFI NE I T TO SUI T YOURSELF

Clint onian Met aphysics is named aft er Bill Clint on who redefined t he t erm ‘sexual
relat ions’. I n his mind t here was no sex – he had merely found an alt ernat ive use for
a cigar.
This is exact ly how redefining realit y leads t o new invent ions. So wit h t his in mind,
we’re changing t he world by redefining everyt hing in it …

11 THE SKY’S NOT THE LI MI T; YOUR PRI NCI PLES ARE –
UPGRADE THEM!
I t ’s easy t o st ick t o principles, especially if you’ve had some code hammered int o you
all your life. But can you abandon t hem when you realise t hey don’t apply anymore?
Much harder t o do.

Just as laws (universal and man-made) need t o upgrade t o move wit h t he t imes, so
t oo do your principles. But how does upgrading t hem lead t o innovat ion?

I n t he bat t le bet ween your principles and realit y, somet hing has t o give: you’re eit her
going t o have t o upgrade your principles or redefine realit y and change it . Eit her way,
innovat ion is involved.

Here are t he 21 rules for rule breaking, or 21 ways t o rise above t he limit at ions of your
principles in order t o innovat e…

12 THE MESHUGGANAH MATRI X
Where all your crazy ideas int ersect wit h t he market t o bridge t he gap bet ween life as
it is and life as you dream it .

The obj ect i ves:
1) To assimilat e t he problem as part of t he solut ion.
2) To improvise new product s over exist ing market s.
3) To improvise new melodies over popular chord pat t erns.
4) To improvise spont aneit y over t he daily grind.
5) To get you out of your comfort zone.

The met hod: PUT A LI TTLE BLACK NOTE I N YOUR LI FE (see lyrics)


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 45 www.logicalstupidity.com



13 EDI TORI AL LI CENCE & THE HI PPOCRI TI C OATH
Allows you t o LI E OR TELL THE TRUTH, WHI CHEVER I S MORE I NTERESTI NG

Changing your mind as oft en as global uncert aint y dict at es, has become t he key t o
effect ive leadership. Take t he oat h and you’ll be able t o manipulat e t he fact s t o suit
your argument , and when you realise you’re wrong, change your argument t o suit t he
fact s.

As a consumer of news you’ll learn how t o read bet ween t he lines of news and
market ing spin.

As a news edit or, j ournalist or aut hor, t he Hippocrit ic Oat h allows you t o lie or t ell t he
t rut h, whichever is more int erest ing, as long as you promise:

1) To make as much money as you possibly can.
2) To pret end t o follow some higher aspirat ion.
3) To be t horoughly ent ert aining as you reveal t he t rue colours of your chosen subj ect .

Edit orial licence is grant ed under t he following t erms & condit ions of t he cont ract :

I , t he consumer of news and ent ert ainment media, give you, t he aut hor, permission t o
simplify event s of t he world t o make it easier for me t o underst and. By ‘simplify’ I
mean:

1) Polarise my t hought s – don’t give me more t han t wo opt ions.
2) Give me inst ant perspect ive.
3) Make me laugh; ent ert ain me.
4) Keep me in t he loop; make me feel like I ’m part of somet hing big.


I , t he aut hor of cont ent , am ent it led t o simplicat e everyt hing in order t o achieve t his –
i.e. keep t hings complex enough t o be respect ed as an aut horit y while simple enough
t o be underst ood. I can use t he following met hods t o achieve t his:

1) Compare t he incomparable.
2) Challenge my subj ect by quest ioning mot ives and t earing down dreams.
3) Provide worst -case scenarios.
4) GO MAAD: Use any Mult iple Angle At t ack Device.
5) Ask rhet orical quest ions and split as many hairs as I like.
6) Cherry-pick my edit ed highlight s.
7) Or use any ot her device in keeping wit h t he good fait h of t he Hippocrit ic Oat h.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 46 www.logicalstupidity.com

14 PARAFRAZI NG – THE EXTREME SPORT FOR CREATI VE
THI NKERS
Jump on a bandwagon, add wings & fly it your own way

PARAFRAZI NG = R&D = The art of Rehashing & Disguising ot her people’s ideas in
order t o find your voice – e.g. Frankenst ein t urns int o Dracula, t hen Wolfman Jack,
Michael Jackson followed by Adams Family, Buffy t he Vampire Slayer, Marilyn Manson
and event ually Sponge Bob Square Pant s.

Parafrazing is based on

1) EVOLUTI ON
We need t o st eal ideas in t he same way t hat t hey need t o be prot ect ed.
I n nat ure, t his bat t le for survival is called evolut ion. I n business it ’s called innovat ion.
Eit her way you’re involved, so you may as well learn t he process.

2) EI NSTEI N’S THEORY OF CREATI VI TY:
‘The secret of creat ivit y is knowing how t o hide your sources’ – seriously, he act ually
said t hat .

3) THE I TCHY & SCRATCHY PLAGI ARI SM CASE:
Roger Myers: ‘Your honour, you t ake away our right t o st eal ideas; where are t hey
supposed t o come from – her?’ [ looks at Marge]



15 POP SONG POETRY – THE REHASH PART OF THE EQUATI ON

PSP is a device t o help you creat e new songs, product s and movies by combining 2 or
more samples of your favourit e influences. Here’s how it works:

1) Cut 'n' Past e words from your t arget influences ont o cards.
2) Shuffle and t hrow t he cards, read t hem as t hey lie and
l i e about t hem as you r ead.

Examples:
Coffee shop: Hoot erBucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’ / ‘t ry our Slut t es’.
Fit ness program: Yogalingus – a workout for your mind, body and sexlife.
Movie: Pot s & Pans – t he magical (gay) kit chen advent ures of Harry Pan
& Pet er Pot t er.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 47 www.logicalstupidity.com

16 REFRAME THE MUNDANE – REMi X!NG THE MELODI ES OF LI FE
Whereas PSP changes t he form, reframing changes t he cont ext . This is about t urning
raw foot age int o mat erial by focusing on edit ing and present ing – e.g.



SUBSTANCE = Raw Footage = Old Life STYLE = Material = New Life

1) A comedian turns an encounter with an air hostess into a comedy routine
2) A psychologist turns the same event into a psychological disorder
3) A playwright turns the conversation directly into a play
4) A businessman turns one of the sound bites into a ringtone
5) An artist turns the seat and the window into an art installation
6) A stylist turns the messed up hair into the ‘just got out of bed’ look
7) David Blaine turns being bored to death into a PR stunt
8) Dido transcribes the minutiae of her day into a pop song
9) Simon Cowell turns regular wannabees into pop stars
10) A chef turns regular ingredients into a gourmet meal
11) Nicky Greenwall (my celebrity sister) turns any Reuters feed into
showbiz news
12) Richard Quest (CNN) turns anything into news


WORLD EXCLUSI VE BI G REVEAL: The 6 st ages of t he cycle of innovat ion and how
solut ions can be found in unlikely places – demonst rat ed by t he invent ion of 18 new
product s.


17 6 BRANDI NG STRATEGI ES USED I N THE ARTS:
ANY RUBBI SH THAT SELLS

Branding is t he science of get t ing people t o change t heir mind from ‘yes but what
would you act ually do wit h it ?’ t o ‘I got t a have one of t hose now! ’

We’re going t o look at 6 ways t o do t his:

1) The Name: why add value when all you need is an adj ect ive?

2) Fashi on: if you can’t change t he way you look, t urn it int o a fashion.

3) Pr i ce Tag: you can’t polish a t urd, but you can put a price t ag on it .

4) Soundt r ack: don’t say it ; sing it – bit ch about it t o t he beat .

5) Tone of Voi ce: how t o t urn anyt hing int o news, by using DRAMA I N YOUR VOI CE.

6) Technol ogy: t he cooler t he gadget t he less you care about t he cont ent .



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 48 www.logicalstupidity.com

18 RHYTHMAGI NATI ON & DOODLI NG TO THE DEADLI NE
HOW TO SET YOUR MI ND FREE TO DESTROY CONTEXT

Most sounds we hear are heard out of cont ext – we don’t see exact ly what ’s causing
t he sound, and as a result we have t o fill in t he gaps and guess what t he sound could
be – e.g. if you hear a bang out side, it could be a gunshot , exhaust backfire or
fireworks. This is how sounds become audio t riggers t hat connect you t o past and
fut ure event s.

REVEALED: How visual and audio t riggers creat e gapcident s – happy accident s where
logic collides wit h st upidit y t o creat e new ideas.

19 FOK-U – THE FAÇADE OF KI NDNESS & UNDERSTANDI NG

A quick seminar in effect ive leadership – i.e. PR and Spin.

I n order t o t urn global problems int o polit ical and market ing opport unit ies you need
t he right at t it ude.

I gnorance is not accept able, apat hy is expect ed, but act ing as if you care is essent ial,
which is why you need t o learn t he art of CAREOGRAPHY – choreographed caring,
where you’ll learn t o:

Act AS I F t he cust omer is king.
Act AS I F not hing is a problem and you’re having a nice day.
Act AS I F your boss is not a complet e asshole.
Act AS I F your st aff/ st udent s/ cit izens are all special.
Act AS I F you know what you’re doing.

How t o pull t his off? THE 10 STRATEGI ES OF HI GHLY EFFECTI VE PR & SPI N:

1) SMI LE FOR YOUR SALARY (SEE LYRI CS)
2) GET COVERAGE OF YOU CARI NG - THE MORE YOU GET, THE MORE YOU CARE
3) DON’T GET NASTY ON EVI LDOERS - SHOW NASTY
4) LEARN YOUR ESP’S: EMOTI CON STOCK PHRASES
5) USE FABOLS: FASHI ONABLE ADJECTI VES BASED ON LI FESTYLE
6) BE SEEN THROWI NG MONEY AT THE PROBLEM
7) PROMOTE AN I MAGE OF HEALTH & FI TNESS
8) RAI SE AWARENESS WI TH A ROCK CONCERT
9) SPONSOR WORLD PEACE EVENTS
10) USE ‘I MPROPER USE’ WARNI NG LABELS


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 49 www.logicalstupidity.com

20 MEASURI NG YOUR MOOD USI NG R&D THERAPY
R&D creat ive t herapy is about Rehashing & Disguising your frust rat ions and t hen
selling t hem t hrough different media. This can only happen by measuring your mood:

The physical world has scient ific measuring devices, business climat e is measured by
market indices, but how do we measure mood? That ’s where art comes in – j ust as
we have t he colour spect rum or t he sound frequency spect rum, so t oo do we have t he
human emot ion spect rum, or moodomet er. Zoomed all t he way out , it ’s j ust as vague
as hot , mild and cold – i.e. Woohoo! ! ☺ What ever © & FU! ! ®

But by get t ing inside t he meshugganah middle and measuring t he spaces bet ween
your t hought s, you creat e more det ailed awareness pixels, and t he more you have, t he
bet t er t he qualit y of your life. How so? Each pixel of emot ion you ident ify t ranslat es
int o a line of conversat ion, a line for a song or a script , a business plan, a j oke, a
comedy sket ch, a brush st roke on a paint ing or a feat ure on a piece of soft ware or a
sport s car.

This is why R&D t herapy doesn’t t ry t o fix your dysfunct ions, because t hey’re not
supposed t o be fixed. This is nat ure’s way of creat ing t he luniverse. How do we know
t his? Well who do you know t hat isn’t j ust a lit t le bit whacked out in some way?

We’re all fluffed in t he head but not in t he same way: The slight difference is known as
your STUBI D: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise.
The obj ect ive of R&D t herapy is t o find your STUBI D and make it work for you.

The met hod used: CRI TI CI SE, ANALYSE & CAPI TALI SE

21 THOUGHT ACCOUNTANCY – DETECT, COLLECT, CONNECT
And t hen report on PNN – your Personal News Net work.

Did you ever wonder why exact ly t he same amount of news happens every day
regardless of what happens in t he world?
That ’s because t he news is a business, where report ers have t o be fed and where
column space and program slot s have t o be filled. This is why you’ll never see a news
headline of NOTHI NG MUCH HAPPENED TODAY, because if not hing serious happens,
t here are always backup headlines t o run, like ‘Gordon Brown & Tony Blair t o remain
friends’ or ‘Posh goes shopping wit h Kat ie’.

Newsflash: you’re also in t he news business. What ’s going on wit h you is j ust as
import ant or as t rivial as world headlines. To pract ice 't hought account ancy' you need
t o become t he edit or for ‘My Life’, a news program broadcast on PNN, your Personal
News Net work. At t he end of every day you need t o present a 10-minut e highlight s
present at ion of your news. So what ’s going on wit h you?


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 50 www.logicalstupidity.com


22 MI SI NTERPREATI ON – CREATI VI TY BY DENI AL & ERROR

By missing t he point ent irely you oft en end up discovering way more int erest ing places
t han t he int ended message – i.e. new messages are found in t ranslat ion.

REVEALED: The creat ive and dest ruct ive effect s of misint erpreat ion and t he 12 fact ors
causing it .

The t hought mosphere works j ust like t he virt ual world of hyperlinks – you’re always
only one let t er or sound away from a foreign dest inat ion t hat could be way more
excit ing t han t he int ended one. By allowing yourself t o roll wit h t he accident , you’re
likely t o discover gapcident s like fact asy, spont enudit y, hyst erical accuracy and various
ot her comical react ions.

This is t he upside of being a lit t le bit st upid and a bad list ener – you never have t o t ry
t o screw t hings up – it happens aut omat ically. Especially if you, like me, have
punlexia, an audit ory processing disorder where your brain searches for every possible
alt ernat ive meaning t o t he int ended one.

So how do you cure it ? You don’t . Just like many ot her anxiet ies, neuroses, phobias,
dysfunct ions and disorders, t here are no cures, and even if t here were you wouldn’t
want t hem because t his is what makes you uniquely creat ive and fascinat ing.

When it comes t o playing wit h words you’re a phonet ic, so follow t he songs and
sounds wherever t hey t ake you. When your punlexia impairs your abilit y t o focus,
t hen follow t he spont enudit y.

By discovering new words, you’re also discovering new dest inat ions in our
t hought mosphere, which can t hen be t urned int o:

Songs: ‘I got soul but I ’m not a soldier’ – The Killers
Tagl i nes: ‘Girls j ust want t o have funds’ – Jupit er Asset Management
Books: t he same t it le is also a book by Susanna Blake Goodman
Pr oduct s: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by t he Sun Newspaper
Newspaper s: ‘Vuj ade News – news ahead of it s t ime’
Pr oduct s: ‘Jillet t e, because you like it shaved and wet ’
(What ? I t ’s a new wat erproof razor.)
Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now audit ioning at www.logicalst upidit y.com


This is a permanent fat al error. May t he grim rapper t ake you on a wild invent ure t o
find your ERRORGENI US ZONE.


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 51 www.logicalstupidity.com


23 REVEALED: THE 3 TYPES OF DI SI LLUSI ON

1) Type 1: Hopelessly deluded D 'n' A (Dreams ' n' Aspirat ions).
2) Type 2: D 'n' A crushed or being crushed by realit y – you’ve set t led int o
comfort able numbness.
3) Type 3: D 'n' A achieved, but it ’s a big ant iclimax – so now what ?

You need R&D t herapy t o UNLEASH YOUR POW: The Power Of What ever



24 HOW TO GET YOUR WHACKY BACK
Or how t o find your STUBI D: SPECI AL TALENT FROM A UNI QUE BLESSI NG I N
DI SGUI SE

STUBI Ds are evident at an early age but usually get diagnosed as ‘ant isocial behaviour’
and snuffed out by Rit alin before t hey’ve had a chance t o be discovered and
unleashed.

This is a great pit y because all kinds of lucrat ive careers are being snuffed out before
t hey’ve had a chance t o get going – e.g. a pat hological liar, wit h a lit t le nurt uring could
make a brilliant lawyer. Kids who play wit h guns and fail t heir music exams could be
rappers. Dest ruct ive kids who break ot her kids' t oys and t hen give out advice on how
t o fix t hem could be management consult ant s. Those who love t he sound of t heir own
voice but don’t have much t o say could be radio DJ’s. Hopelessly deluded kids could
have been speech writ ers for Blair, or if t he delusion was more serious, for Bush.

So where did your nut case go and how can we get it back? This is what R&D t herapy
is concerned wit h: what ’s your basic malfunct ion and how can you use it ? How is it
t hat only kids and old people can say what ever t hey like? Well now you can t oo!
We’re going t o examine 5 met hods t o get your whacky back:

1) Sing a whacky song.
2) Regression.
3) Trial & Error.
4) Soul Searching.
5) Medit at ion.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 52 www.logicalstupidity.com
25 CREATI VE ANXI ETI ES & DI SORDERS
Don’t get cured – get inspired by all of t hem.
You do not need any kind of t herapy t o cure you of phobias, anxiet ies and disorders –
t hey exist for a reason – t o keep you alive and inspire you. By describing t he
sympt oms over your chosen medium, you inst ant ly connect wit h your audience by way
of safet y in numbers – i.e. you become t he voice of millions of people who’ve all been
suffering in silence from t he same t hing. Now see if you’re one of t hem, as I reveal
my t op t en anxiet ies… (You can find t hem under ‘new disorder’ in t he Glossary.)

26 CRI TI CS – HOW TO USE THEM CONSTRUCTI VELY
THE CREATI VE POWER OF NEGATI VE I NSPI RATI ON FROM REJECTI ON
For every crit icism t here’s an equal and opposit e react ion…
Tracy Emin oft en has rocks t hrown t hrough t he window of her art st udio. What does
she do about it ? She uses t hem t o build more art works, which is t he obj ect ive of t his
chapt er: t o help you ident ify t he signs t hat you suck and t hen use all t he rocks t hrown
at you as inspirat ion for more art works.

Big-t ime sucking is an honour awarded t o you by ot hers. I t ’s not somet hing you can
decide on your own, most ly because you’re always t oo far up your own ass t o be able
t o t ell. The digit al revolut ion is part ly responsible for t his:
Af f or dabl e t echnol ogy – made you t hink you’re a musician, moviemaker or graphic
art ist . Wor ki ng i n i sol at i on – t he preoccupat ion wit h your own t hought s combined
wit h a cert ain frequency of your comput er fan made you st art hallucinat ing t hat you’re
bet t er t han t he combined creat ive out put of U2, St even Spielberg, Shakespeare and
Michelangelo, and t hat j ust because it t ook you a year t o get your mast erpiece on
myspace, t he whole world would be int erest ed in what ever you had t o say. Not
necessarily. You soon found out t hat you’re very much alone and you suck. And in
case you st ill haven’t found t his out , t his chapt er goes t hrough all t he signs t hat you
suck and how t o use t hem as inspirat ion. I t also goes t hrough t he 6 import ant
reasons for sucking:
1) Ret al i at i on ener gy for building more art works.
2) You’re part of t he wheel of pr ogr ess – you’re t he one pushing t he envelope.
3) Compar at i ve f unct i on – how would anyone know what was good if you didn’t suck?
4) Fi r st dr af t is out t he way.
5) Tot al cr eat i ve f r eedom.
6) The chal l enge – anyone can make it wit h nat ural t alent , but can you make it
wit hout ? This requires a skill-set t hat no universit y or music school can offer:
1. Producers have t o be slept wit h or framed.
2. ‘Wardrobe malfunct ions’ have t o be choreographed.
3. Marriages, t ans and int elligence all have t o be faked.
4. Offspring or adopt ed babies have t o be given t wat ish names.
5. Rumours and porn videos have t o fabricat ed and spread on t he I nt ernet .
6. Pict ures of you get t ing your t oes licked on privat e yacht s need t o be published.
7. Ego’s have t o be st roked, somet imes licked.
8. Journalist s have t o be lunched.
9. Audiences need t o be t old what t o t hink.
10. Visit s t o rehab have t o be coordinat ed around gig schedules.
11. Top t en list s have t o creat ed and sent t o t he press. Tyres need t o be slashed if
not print ed. Seriously. I ’ve spoken.


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 53 www.logicalstupidity.com

27 USI NG RELATI ONSHI PS AS A SOURCE OF I NSPI RATI ON
How t o t hink inside t he paradox of love in order t o use your part ner as a cat alyst for
songs, movies, art icles & product s.

St ep 1: Ask quest ions t hat result in ‘not hing’ answers:
‘What ’s up?’
‘What ’s going on?’
‘What ’s wrong, honey?’
‘What ’s t he mat t er?’
‘What can I say t o make it bet t er?’
‘What do you mean by t hat ?’

St ep 2: Ask quest ions t hat have ‘everyt hing’ answers:
‘What ’s it going t o t ake t o make you happy?’

St ep 3: I nsist on specific examples and act ually list en t his t ime. Don’t t ry t o t hink of
anyt hing t o say; you need t o focus all your at t ent ion on j ust list ening, which will t ake
every bit of concent rat ion you have. I f you have t rouble list ening or remembering t he
exact lines she uses, t hen use a Dict aphone, but don’t get caught .

St ep 4: At anot her t ime and place (so t hat you’re calmer and can t hink rat ionally)
examine all request s and complaint s, t aking part icular not e of t he knowledge vacuum
bet ween bot h ext remes. You will now find yourself in t he int erpreat ion zone, t he
Cent re Of Confusion inside a Unique Problem (t he COC-UP), deep inside t he paradox,
which is why it ’s called t he meshugganah middle.

This is where you find pure inspirat ion as you begin t o piece all t he nonsense t oget her
– e.g. how come she’s inst ant ly reminded of everyt hing she needs t o t ell me only
when I t urn on t he TV?
How is it t hat she can handle t he bikini wax, t he boob j ob, nose j ob, t ummy t uck,
colonic irrigat ion, bot ox, pierced t ongue, nipples & clit and yet she’s not prepared t o
t ake it up t he ass because it hurt s?

What ’s up wit h t hat ? I ’ll t ell you: OOPS – Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y, or t he Origin
Of Planet s & St ars.

I have no idea who st art ed circulat ing t hat t ext but I do know t hat it comes from t he
very cent re of t he paradox, t he source of all life, t he cat alyst of all creat ion – t hat
which makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R – The ANSWER t o everyt hing!

There’s no need for int ergalact ic space t ravel t o solve t he myst eries of t he universe
when you can find t he same myst eries deep inside t he meshugganah middle. All you
have t o do is ask t he right quest ions and set your answers t o dialogue and music.
Which is what we’re going t o do wit h various st ages of t he relat ionship…


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 54 www.logicalstupidity.com
28 TAPPI NG I NTO THE COLLECTI VE TRASHCAN
Proact ive shmoact ive – you can’t ‘j ust do it ’ and t here are plent y of reasons why you
can’t . Tap int o t hese reasons and you’re inside t he collect ive t rashcan of rubbish t hat
unit es us all.

29 FI NDI NG THE NI CHE WI THI N YOUR NI CHE
You know what you’re good at and you know what makes you money. You don’t need
t o t hink out side any boxes if you merge all t he boxes you love, t o creat e a new box
j ust for you. This is about finding your USP (Unique Sales Point ) and UFP (Unique
Failure Point ) and capit alising on bot h wit h a lit t le R&D: Rehash & Disguise.

30 SCHMOOZI NG: THE PROACTI VE APPROACH TO GETTI NG LUCKY
OR ‘THE ART OF FLI RTI NG FOR I NFORMATI ON’ (WHI CHEVER YOU PREFER)
No mat t er how amazing your product is, at some point you’re going t o have t o get
connect ed t o t he people who can make it happen for you. This is why you need a
crash course in Schmoozing 1a, t o examine t he fine lines bet ween:
• Having chut zpah and being a dickhead.
• Bumlicking and Brown-nosing.
• Flirt ing for business and Flirt ing for romance.

We’re also going t o examine t he t wo essent ial t ypes of schmoozing:
1) I mpul se Schmoozi ng:
Used on people who you feel need t o be met – based on your gut inst inct .

How do you meet someone who looks like someone you need t o know?
This is t he dilemma James Blunt writ es about in ‘You’re Beaut iful’:

‘I SAW YOUR FACE IN A CROWDED PLACE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO’
I f he had known about I mpulse Schmoozing he would have known exact ly what t o do.

2) Tar get Schmoozi ng:
For when you know who t he right people are t o meet and where t o meet t hem.
Met hod: The STALK & POUNCE and t he 3 essent ial poses you need t o learn.

31 HYSTERI CAL ACCURACY – THE ART OF MAKI NG STUFF UP
OR ‘EXI STENTI AL I NNOVATI ON’ - I F I T DOESN’T EXI ST, MAKE I T
‘Now rich in book, movie & product ideas’

How ot hers have made a fort une from PI FYAFFI NG:
Pulling I deas From Your Aspirat ions For FI Nancial Gain.

And how you can do t he same. (Download t he whole chapt er her e free! )

32 CAPI TALI ES – DYSFUNCTI ONAL NI GHTMARES = FI NANCI AL
DREAMS
You’ve been crit icised and analysed so all t hat ’s left is t o CAPI TALI SE, by going ahead
and making t he meshugganah movies of your mind. Change your mind as oft en as
you like, j ust voice your confusion along t he way, because it ’s all going t o change by
t omorrow…


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 55 www.logicalstupidity.com
1. LABEL Your Conf usi on -
Gi ve i t a Name, Gi ve i t a Cat c hphr ase,
Gi ve i t a Song



O SPARX 1


( SONG 1 - openi ng pr oduct i on number ) [ LYRI X]



And what exact l y i s t he ‘i t ’ t hat you’r e nami ng?

‘I T’ is a myst ery feeling t hat ’s difficult t o describe.
‘I T’ as in ‘it doesn’t work like t hat ’.
‘I T’ as in ‘j ust do it ’ – t he Nike way.
‘I T’ as in ‘Screw it , let ’s do it ’ – t he t it le of Richard Branson’s book.


We’re going t o look at everyt hing t hat needs t o be screwed, in order t o do what you
need t o do.



1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 56 www.logicalstupidity.com
What , t o you, makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R? What ever it is, give it a name:

> Okay, how come I don’t fall off t he planet ?

Gravit y. I saac Newt on has already labelled t hat myst ery so it ’s not myst erious
anymore. Choose anot her one:

> Okay – who or what is providing t he st imulus for t he creat ion of everyt hing?

That would be ‘God’ – labelled and defined different ly by various aut hors.

> Why does my penis shrivel up when it get s cold?

That ’s shrinkage by Jerry Seinfeld.

> Why do I feel depressed?

That ’s depression. I t will do t hat t o you.

> Why do I feel t hat t he only way out of it is t o chase younger women, when I ’m
reasonably happily married?

That ’s called a mid-life crisis.

> So how can we make it cool t o grow old in a yout h-obsessed societ y?

40 is t he new 20.

> Why am I t horoughly bored at work?

That ’s boreout , discovered and t agged by Pet er Werder. And t his is what innovat ion is
all about – discovering somet hing t hat was always t here and giving it a name. I s any
of t his helping you? Do you feel bet t er knowing t hat you’re not alone wit h your
problems?

> Act ually, yes I do. Thank you. How does t hat work? New myst ery: how does
labelling your confusion make it feel bet t er?

That ’s called myst onomy, t he t axonomy of myst eries – i.e. t he science of ident ifying,
classifying and labelling confusion t o make it feel normal. How does it work? By
creat ing awareness: once you’ve got a name it becomes easier t o manage because
t hat ’s t he only way ot hers have a chance t o ident ify wit h t he same experience.
Once you creat e a group of sufferers all bit ching about t he same t hing, you’ve got
safet y in numbers, which leads t o an exponent ial cat ch-on because t here’s no bet t er
way t o deal wit h misery t han spreading it around a bit .
Did you know about myst onomy? How could you, when I made it all up? I t ’s all
guessedge! But if you believed me t hen it ’s knowledge. This is how t he syst em works
– so t hat ’s t he game we’re playing here. Go ahead – ask me anyt hing! Then see if
you can figure out whet her my answer is guessedge or common knowledge t hat ’s j ust
not common t o you. Why don’t you t ry a personal myst ery? Give me a problem t hat
you t hink is unique t o you:

> Okay, how’s t his one: a friend of mine j ust made a move on t his girl I was t hinking
about asking out , and now t hey’re t oget her. He knew I was int erest ed! What do you
call t hat ?


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 57 www.logicalstupidity.com
Dude, you were gazumped by a bet t er offer! That ’s girlfriend gazumping. Happens
oft en, especially in propert y, which is where t he name comes from. Why would you
t hink t hat problem is unique t o you?

> Because it ’s never happened t o me before!

Maybe not t o you, but it ’s a universal problem t hat ’s j ust never been named. You j ust
t apped int o a unipersonal problem – unique and universal at exact ly t he same t ime,
also known as a CEWTBL (pronounced ‘suit able’): Common Experience Wait ing To Be
Labelled. Those are t he kind you’re looking for but you’ll never know if t hey’re
common t o anyone else unless you name t hem! I f you want t o break t hrough t he
knowledge barrier and t ake ownership of t he unknown, you’ve got t o name it .
So what else is bugging you, my met aphysical friend from my int ernal dialogue?

> Why can’t t hey make bet t er-looking hybrid cars? Why do we have t o drive
shoeboxes t o fight t he climat e crisis? What if we had hybrid sport s cars? Wouldn’t
more people be encouraged t o drive t hem and isn’t t hat a solut ion t o global warming?

YES! But you’re t oo lat e – we already have t hem. There’s t he Tesla Roadst er, The
Velozzi and The Bat t erari. But you’re asking t he right quest ions. These are t he same
quest ions t hat would have led t o t he creat ion of t hese cars.

I nnovat ion begins by not icing new myst eries and t hen giving t hem names. By making
up your own answers you t urn quest ions int o st at ement s and bring new t hings int o
exist ence. So now all you need t o do t o t urn your guessedge int o knowledge is t o go
ahead and act ually make a Bat t erari because it doesn’t exist yet ! The ot her t wo cars
exist but The Bat t erari is all yours.

> What do I call t his met hod of innovat ion?

Name: Exist ent ial I nnovat ion.

Cat chphr ase: if it doesn’t exist – make it !

Song: t his is where you need t o elaborat e; it doesn’t have t o be an act ual song. So
here’s t he deal:

X! involves j umping on assumpt ions based on very lit t le evidence and riding t hem
all t he way, gat hering more evidence as you go. Once you’ve dreamed up a
name, nat ure works in myst erious ways – as you st art fabricat ing a st ory t o
explain your name, t he evidence magically present s it self, t o t he point where t he
name brings t he product int o exist ence:

OOPS(Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y)¬ name¬ cat chphrase¬ song (or synopsis)

logo¬ full st ory¬ business plan¬ product ¬ advert ¬ market ¬ $$$

> PiX/ grafix: X! logo t o be designed, somet hing t hat involves a ‘?’ t urns int o a ‘! ’ ,
like a @

Try it as a flash animat ion.


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 58 www.logicalstupidity.com

Let ’s use t he Bat t erari as a case st udy of Exist ent ial I nnovat ion:

The OOPS: why can’t we have a sport ier looking hybrid car?
(They have t hem, so come up wit h a different answer.)

Name: t he Bat t erari Test ost erona.

Cat chphr ase: ‘lose t he power, keep t he st at us.’

Song: elaborat e, by saying why your bat t ery / hybrid sport s car is different . St art by
j umping on an assumpt ion based on what lit t le evidence you have, and t hen ride it as
far as it will go:

Since you can’t drive above 30 MPH in most cit ies and t his is a cit y car, we clearly
don’t need t o worry about speed and power. What we need is an ego-friendly car t hat
st ill capt ures all t he feelings of a sport s car when you drive one – i.e. you want an
at t ent ion-seeking device. You want t he noise, t he vroom, t he compensat ion for t he
small penis. I t all has t o be t here.

So how do we do t hat ? The Bat t erari has massive base bin speakers under t he
bonnet , connect ed t o t he accelerat or, so t he car st ill screams ‘look at me’ wit h every
rev. There’s j ust no carbon emission. Win-win. [ produx/ climat e crisis Pix/ grafix]

Now what about t he pict ure¬ st ory¬ product ¬ business plan¬ advert ¬ market ?

That ’s where you come in. Design it , upload it , let ’s see it ! That ’s what t he websit e is
for – t o design all 1878 ideas int o exist ence.

Okay so we’ve est ablished t hat t he creat ive process st art s wit h t he discovery of a
myst ery or OOPS. Luckily we have an infinit e supply – as much as we know, t here’s
infinit ely more t hat we don’t , and t rying t o find out what we don’t know is t he essence
of innovat ion. How so? Because what we don’t know we can invent , and t hat ’s what
t his book is about .

St ep one: Find a myst ery.
St ep t wo: Answer it yourself wit h a name, cat chphrase, song and business plan.

For example, any quest ions you have about dinosaurs should end in answers like Dino,
Roborapt or, Barney or Jackoffasaurus, t he lesser-known species. They were big, loud,
annoying and lived in Memphis, where t hey went on sit coms and game shows. They
became ext inct by moving t o France. And t hat 's t he st ory of t he Jackoffasaurus
according t o Mat t St one and Trey Parker, creat ors of Sout h Park.

How did t hey do it ? No mat t er how many answers t here might be t o a myst ery,
t here’s always one more you can add t o t he mix – yours. Your myst ery may be
common knowledge t o ot hers but not t o you, so what you’re labelling is your own
st upidit y, or OOPS: Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y.


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 59 www.logicalstupidity.com


That , in a nut shell, is t he creat ive process. Selling happens when your part icular brand
of st upidit y t aps int o t he st upidit y of ot hers, which is when it becomes logical:

What was t he deal wit h Jesus? Who killed him and why? Mel Gibson’s ANSWER t urns
int o The Passion of The Christ . And what if Jesus had a daught er whose bloodline
survived in Europe? Now t here’s a genius assumpt ion based on a hairline of evidence.
That answer t urns int o The Da Vinci Code and t his t ime t he logic is supplied court esy
of Dan Brown. Sout h Park had Jesus and Sant a bat t ling it out for cont rol of t he
holiday while The Simpsons t old it t heir way. Mont y Pyt hon set t he record st raight
wit h Life of Brian. Even The Bible j umped in wit h yet anot her version of what really
happened.

So who’s right ? Who’s t elling t he t rut h? Who cares! The answers are int erest ing so
we buy t hem. The less we know about t he subj ect , t he easier it is t o fabricat e a
plausible and highly commercial answer:

What do we know about dragons & pixies? Not much. Perfect – t hat can be t urned
int o Lord of t he Rings. What don’t we know about wizards and wit ches? Enough t o
Fill I n t he Blanks wit h Harry Pot t er. The myst ery of t he I ce Age is at least t wo
animat ed movies wort h, and solving t he Alien myst ery t urns int o ET and X-files.

Do you see what ’s going on here? They’re all coming up wit h t heir own logical
ANSWERS: Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R – which is why it ’s logical – NOW SI NG!

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY
(short song goes here)

So what ’s confusing you, and more import ant ly – can you come up wit h your own
answers?
• How is it t hat men are so different from women? That t urns int o ‘Men are from
Mars’ by John Gray.
• Why would women even need men if t hey have a Rabbit ? That becomes an
episode of Sex in t he Cit y.
• What makes women happy? That ’s an art icle in The Sunday Times magazine.

So far we’ve seen where disorders, art icles, books, TV shows and movies come from.
What about songs? How have songwrit ers been using exist ent ial innovat ion as a
songwrit ing t ool?

All t he lonely people, where do t hey all come from?
What ’s t hat coming over t he hill? I s it a monst er?
Where did I go wrong along t he way?
Where do broken heart s go?
Who’s gonna drive you home t onight ?
Why?


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 60 www.logicalstupidity.com



Not ice how you don’t even need t o come up wit h answers if your quest ions are
rhet orical enough. There’s no resolut ion – t hey j ust set t heir confusion t o music, and
you could do t he same over your chosen medium, which could t ake t he form of a
product or service. How do you t urn myst eries int o product s and t hen sell t hem? This
is t he j ob of market ing – t o make you aware of myst eries, t hereby creat ing massive
problems t hat only you can solve:

Do you have any idea how many t hings can go wrong wit h your healt h, family, house,
car, pet or holiday? Are you covered for bird flu? Monkey pox? What if a robber
shows up in your garden? Here’s how we can st op t he worry… int roducing [ your
insurance product ] .

Did you know t hat your area is a high-risk post code for ident it y t heft ?
Here’s how we can solve t hat one…

Do you know t hat if t he pipe carrying wat er int o your house burst s, you’re responsible?
And did you know t hat it ’s happened t o 1.5 million homes? That ’s right – t here is
somet hing t o worry about – but for £16 a year you can go back t o t he blissful st at e of
ignorance you were in before we t old you t his.


Do you know how many germs are on your cut t ing board or t oilet seat ?
‘GermBgone’ can solve t hat problem. [ produx]

Do you know t hat t he blue fluff you find in your navel causes flat ulence?
Get rid of it wit h FLUFF-OFF. [ produx]

Do you know how much rat poo is on your can of beer? Of course not ! How could
you, if we never t old you? That ’s why all our beer cans are now rat -poo free.

Do you know how many babies it t akes t o produce one bot t le of baby oil?
I nt roducing Baby Oil Zero – ‘no babies used in our product s’. [ produx]




WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY
(t hat same short song again)


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 61 www.logicalstupidity.com


So what new, logically st upid myst ery are you unleashing on t he world?

Hey! Let s st art a girl band who sing in t he shower!

Great – what ’s t he name, cat chphrase and song?

Name: The Showeroke girls. [ produx]

Why?

Because t hey sing Karaoke songs in t he shower.

That makes absolut ely no sense – PERFECT! What ’s your cat chphrase?

They’re hot , t hey’re wet , t hey’re semi-naked…give it up for t he Showeroke girls!

Why must t hey only do Karaoke songs? What if t hey sing originals as well?

That will be a different band called ‘Girls on Tap’. [ produx]

Okay, so where are t hey? I nnovat ions don’t only have t o be new, original and useful,
t hey also have t o exist – t hey can’t j ust be ideas.

Fine. Audit ions are now happening at www.logicalst upidit y.com.


And what ’s t he song?


SONG 48 JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME . [ LYRI X]

WE’LL MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD NAUSEOUS
WITH THE BUBBLEGUM SONGS WE WRITE
AND THEY’LL BE REALLY CATCHY TOO
SO YOU WON’T SLEEP SO WELL AT NIGHT, LIKE

JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME AND WE’LL BE US HAPPILY

YOU KNOW I’M CLUELESS BUT I’M KEEN
DON’T YOU LIKE MY HAPPY LITTLE CUTE FACE?
AND I’M BARELY SEVENTEEN
WITH A SNAPPY LITTLE CATCHPHRASE, LIKE…


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 62 www.logicalstupidity.com
I have anot her slight ly more serious quest ion:
OOPS: Why can’t you st udy creat ivit y as a school subj ect ? I f it doesn’t exist , make it !
Name: I nspirageology. * [ produx / educat ion / syllabus]
Cat chphr ase: t he st udy of inspirat ion & imaginat ion.
Song: coming up as soon as I can make it up by breaking it down:
1) Who or what is providing t he st imulus t hat ’s creat ing everyt hing?
2) How does informat ion flow from a st imulus t o a receiver?
3) How does informat ion from t he past , connect wit h informat ion from t he fut ure?
4) How and why do you act as a medium for unrelat ed ideas t o connect t o form
new ideas?
5) How do you play your part in designing t he fut ure?
i .e. how exact l y does t he cr eat i ve pr ocess wor k?

I ’m going t o answer t his, not by looking it up but by making it up. Why?
- To prove t hat t he formula for innovat ion act ually works.
- There’s not enough informat ion available, or perhaps t here is, but t he research
is t oo scary, and
- The less informat ion about what you really want t o know, t he easier it is t o
fabricat e a st ory.
- Guessedge is always more excit ing t han knowledge.
- This is a musical – I ’m in showbiz, not t rue biz, so I don’t have t o be right !

SONG 2 FREEDOM TO LIE . [ LYRI X]
AM I REFLECTING THE TRUTH OR MAKING UP FANTASY?
I DON’T THINK THAT I HAVE TO DECIDE
THAT’S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY
THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT SHOWBIZ, NOT TRUEBIZ

SO I GOT THE FREEDOM TO LIE
REFLECTING MY WANTASEE
FREEDOM TO LIE
THAT’S THE NATURE OF THE BIZ
FREEDOM TO LIE
REFLECTING MY FANTASY
FREEDOM TO LIE
I NEVER HAVE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS

COS WHEN YOU DIGITIZE OR PHOTOSYNTHESIZE
OR JUST THROW IT ALL TOGETHER
IS IT MAGIC OR TECHNOLOGY?
PROPOGANDA, POP MUSIC, POLITICS
OR MERELY MY OPINION?

SUCH A FINE LINE BETWEEN MY MEMORY
OR IS THIS MY IMAGINATION?
MY FORTY GIGABYTE IPOD MEMORY
OR IS THIS MY IMAGINATION?


2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 63 www.logicalstupidity.com
2. The Hi st or y Of Pr of essi onal
Bul l shi t t i ng / PAFYAFFI NG

(Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirat ions) For FI Nancial Gain)



I f unexplainable t hings st art happening around you, like burning bushes, plagues or
climat e change and t here’s no CNN around wit h ‘dist inct ive j ournalism t o bring clarit y
t o confusion’, t hen somebody needs t o st art coming up wit h answers fast . This is
when t he first leaders appeared t o explain all myst eries.
They knew how t o t ake advant age of t he demand for explanat ions where t here was
not hing but confusion. The leading t hinkers would get t oget her for a game of
Balderdash, and t he one who could come up wit h t he most Believable St ory (BS)
would be vot ed in as t he leader.
I n t his BS would be writ t en a set of guiding principles t o live by.


Not hing has changed. To t his day t he world is st ill run by I DI OTS: I nst it ut ions for
Decisions I nvolving Organizat ion & Temporary Solut ions.


Leadership, whet her it ’s from t he field of business, polit ics, psychology, j ournalism or
script writ ing is st ill about being able t o fill in t he gaps bet ween missing informat ion.
Really good leaders have always been elect ed and rewarded because of t heir abilit y t o
creat e and sell Believable St ories, Best Sellers, Belief Syst ems, Bet t er Solut ions,
Business St rat egies and various ot her Bum Sucks collect ively known as BS.
When t heir st ories are no longer believable – i.e. when it becomes obvious t hat
delusion has set in – t hey get vot ed out t o make way for a new set of delusions, or
Bet t er Suggest ions…


SONG 3 THE KIDS ARE WISING UP . [ LYRI X]

THE KIDS ARE WISING UP
THE GENERATION GAP IS GONE
THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU CAN TELL THEM
THEY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON

THE PARADIGM IS SHIFTING
ROLES ARE REVERSING
BOUNDARIES ARE CRUMBLING
STEREOTYPES ARE SHATTERING


2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 64 www.logicalstupidity.com


Religion, a popular source of belief syst ems, began t o sound delusional when it
couldn’t account for t he complexit ies of t he modern world and t he variet y of moral
dilemmas t hat result ed – e.g.
‘Thou shalt not covet your neighbour’s wife’. Really? What if she’s hot and clearly
asking for it and your own wife has lost int erest ing in covet ing? And what if her
husband was quit e excit ed about wat ching you covet his wife? We clearly needed new
leaders who could come up wit h answers t o modern dilemmas – ent er Oprah, Dr Phil,
Jerry Springer and t heir disciples.

Consumerism came t o t he rescue t o offer Bet t er Suggest ions for living, like ‘go
shopping’, t he sacred t ext coming from The Argos Cat alogue. Wit h over 2400
product s t o choose from t his really was creat ed by divine inspirat ion – t he maj or
difference being t hat everyt hing you read was t rue, provided it was in st ock. And t o
make sure it st ayed t rue, it would be updat ed on a regular basis, t o move wit h t he
t imes. The script ures couldn’t compet e wit h t his kind of flexibilit y.

I ndeed ‘go shopping’ (t he message t o t he American public direct ly aft er 9/ 11) would
provide t he solut ion t o all kinds of world problems, most ly because it filled t he spirit ual
gap previously filled by religion: t he sensat ion of feeling more alive really did come
from a new car or a new pair of shoes.
At t ending t he synagogue of Sex and t he Cit y and list ening t o t he powerful sermons
from Carrie Bradshaw and her disciples really did move you deeply in your soul.

But consumerism needed t o go furt her t han j ust spirit ual uplift ment . I t also needed t o
deal wit h t he guilt of being privileged in a world so full of povert y. How could it be
okay t o complain t hat your seared t una st eak was overdone when everyone’s st arving
in Africa? Somet hing also needed t o be done about t he guilt . While religion offered
t he pray-as-you-go syst em t o hit t he alt ruist ic spot , consumerism came up wit h t he
pay-as-you-go syst em. The campaign was simple:
Throw money at t he problem and you could make it go away and clear your
conscience at t he same t ime. All t hanks t o t he int roduct ion of Carbon Offset or
ASOWL t ax – Alt ruist ic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX.

Global warming? No problem – t hrow some t ax at t he problem and your conscience is
clear. Wit h ASOWL t ax you no longer have t o feel guilt y about how much CO2 is
coming from t he exhaust pipe of your 4x4 or 747, not when you’re paying for ot her
people t o t ake care of t he problem.
Not t hat anyone can, but when you’re at an awareness-raising rock concert at
Wembley, it really does feel like you’re making a difference. I n fact , t he ASOWL t ax
syst em is t he solut ion t o all global problems…


Buy t he book t o f i nd out how!


3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code - Dreams 'n' Aspirations


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 65 www.logicalstupidity.com
3. Cr ac k i ng Your D ' n' A Code –
Dr eams ' n' Aspi r at i ons

…and t he cr eat i ve appl i cat i ons – e.g.

‘I wish my crappy car was a sport s car,’ and
VROOM! – ‘Pimp my Ride’ comes along.

‘I wish t here were biscuit s t hat could help me digest food,’ and
POOF! – we have digest ive biscuit s.

‘I wish I was younger,’ and
YOUTH! – ‘40 is t he new 20’ becomes an advert ising cat chphrase.

‘I wish I was free t o follow my dreams and creat e t he world I want ed,’ and
FREEDOM! – ‘Just do it ’ becomes a t agline.

‘I wish I was a punk rocker wit h flowers in my hair,’ and
I nt ernet Sensat ion on MYSPACE! – Sandy Thom has a massive hit .

‘I wish I could do t he same, but I have not hing much t o say. I wish I could be
inspired in some way…’

O SPARX 3: DESCRI BE THE SYMPTOMS OF THE PROBLEM THEN WI SH I T AWAY

SONG 4 WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
. [ LYRI X]
I WISH I HAD SOMETHING TO SAY
THAT WOULD MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK AND GO ‘WHAT? NO WAY!’
BUT I GOT NOTHING, ZIP
HAVEN’T EVEN GOT A CLUE
AS I’M THINKING, TALKING TO YOU
I’M JUST MAKING IT UP AS I GO ALONG
SO I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE CATCHY PART OF MY SONG
THAT GOES SOMETHING LIKE

IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE PLAY ON
I AGREE, BUT NOT THE SAME OLD SONG
CHANGE THE RHYTHM
PLAY ME A WHOLE NEW MELODY
LET ME DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT
TO CHANGE IT ALL AROUND

WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
I NEED A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVENLY INSPIRATION
WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW…


3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code - Dreams 'n' Aspirations


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 66 www.logicalstupidity.com


O SPARX 4: JUMP TO A CONCLUSI ON BASED ON LI TTLE EVI DENCE


O SPARX 5: WHAT’S THE BI G GLAMOROUS I DEA?

D ' n' A makes you STUBI D: Specially Talent ed from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise.
Once you know your Dreams 'n' Aspirat ions, you’re awarded all kinds of special t alent s,
like how t o:

1. Think fast
2. Make connect ions t hat only you can see
3. Remember what you need t o remember
4. Forget what you can happily forget
5. Run your life based on what you want t o believe –
not what people like you are supposed t o believe
6. Fant asize: O SPARX 6: USE FLEXI GRAMS TO FANTASI ZE

• How t he human mind has unlimit ed t hought capacit y.

• Why we’re like ant s – we’re building some kind of ant hill like we know what we
need wit hout a clue as t o what we’re building.

7. Use your SKI L: Specialised Knowledge of I nt uit ive Leadership

• How do you know what you know?

• What ’s your idiot savant index? Geniuses and idiot savant s have access t o
privat e informat ion t hat makes t hem do cert ain t hings brilliant ly and ot her t hings
idiot ically. So do t he rest of us! We’re all special cases.


What kind of exclusive informat ion do you have access t o and how can you use it ?


3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code - Dreams 'n' Aspirations


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 67 www.logicalstupidity.com



Wher e does t he f uel f or i nnovat i on come f r om?

Your want asee is your own collect ion of ideas based ent irely on t he way you want t o
see t hings. I t ’s pre-programmed by your D 'n' A – Dreams ' n' Aspirat ions, which
come from your ancient past .

When your D 'n' A doesn’t happen for various reasons beyond your cont rol, you
become st ressed out , causing ART – Aut omat ic Radical Thought s, which are
DANGEROUS: Depressing Angry Non-Generic Exclusive Risky Out rageous Unique
Sad.

The negat ive t hought s working against your posit ive D 'n' A creat es a volat ile fuel,
essent ial for innovat ion. The bat t le bet ween t hese t wo forces is what your int ernal
st ruggle is all about , and t he only way t o deal wit h it is t o follow your want asee:



SONG 5 YOUR WANTASEE . [ LYRI X]

IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU FIND IN YOUR ANALYTICAL MIND
THINGS THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW
DON'T NEED TO SEE
AND DON'T YOU WISH THERE'D BE SOME MEDICINE
THAT WOULD TAKE THE PAIN AWAY?
WELL HELLO THERE IS

IT'S YOUR WANTASEE
THE WAY YOU WISH THAT THE WORLD COULD BE
THAT'S YOUR WANTASEE
THE WAY YOU REARRANGE REALITY
SO MUCH MORE THAN A POINT OF VIEW
IT’S THE WHOLE WORLD ACCORDING TO YOU



Let ’s get int o t he int ricat e det ails of how it all happens:


4. The Two Trains of Thought - Circle & Destination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 68 www.logicalstupidity.com
4. The Two Tr ai ns of Thought –
Ci r cl e & Dest i nat i on

Our t hought mosphere is mapped out like The London underground – t here are circular
argument s t hat spiral t o nowhere but are useful for t ransport t o dest inat ion
argument s.

But what ’s different about t he t hought mosphere is t hat it ’s mult idimensional – at any
point you’re free t o hop on your own t rain of t hought t o t ake you t o a place nobody’s
ever been before – your want asee, t he way you want t o see t hings. These are t he
t rains t hat lead t o innovat ion…
A want asee is your own t rain of t hought , but no mat t er how original it is, it has t o
come from anot her t rain t ravelling on a circular line of t hought , called a SCLI TMOH:
Sources Convenient ly Lost I n The Mist Of Hist ory…
These are t he argument s and assumpt ions learned by OSKNOWSI S t hat are so old it ’s
impossible t o t race t he source. They’re not good, bad, right or wrong. They’re simply
‘common t hread’ argument s t hat connect minds t hrough ‘common knowledge’.
Just like t he circular t rain lines (or t he Nort h Circular / M25) t hey carry passengers in
opposit e direct ions and nobody t ravels for more t han a half circle before exit ing for
t heir dest inat ion, unless t hey don’t know how t he syst em works, in which case t hey’ll
go around in circles forever.

I n t he t hought mosphere you can’t st ay on t hem for t oo long because t hey spiral t o
nowhere (even et ernal bliss will get boring aft er a while), which means t hey’re only
useful for t ransport t o want asee or for ‘finding yourself’ t rains of t hought t hat t ake you
t o ‘innovat ion’ dest inat ions.

Opposit e direct ion circular argument s connect everyone, which is why t hey make up
t he basic plot s of horoscopes, movies, advert ising campaigns, self-help books,
conference t it les or advice in general:
Gr ow up and get r eal Di scover t he chi l d wi t hi n
Set t l e down Li ve i t up
Save & i nvest Li ve l i ke t her e’s no t omor r ow
Bal ance / moder at i on i s t he key t o l i f e Li ve f ast , di e young
Just do i t Just get someone el se t o do i t / Del egat e!
I t ’s your f aul t I t ’s not your f aul t
You’r e a wor t hl ess pi ece of cr ap i n t he cosmos You’r e t he cent r e of t he uni ver se
I gnor ance i s bl i ss I nf or mat i on i s ever yt hi ng
Go wi t h t he f l ow St and up f or what you bel i eve
Thi nk i nsi de t he par adox Thi nk out si de t he box
Be your sel f Be somebody el se
That ’s j ust t he way i t i s I t doesn’t have t o be t hi s way
Good t hi ngs come t o t hose who wai t Get what you want NOW! But you got t a
want i t !
You can’t cont r ol t he past or f ut ur e I t ’s not about NOW – i t ’s about t he f ut ur e!
so l i ve f or NOW
These are j ust some of t he circular argument s you would have t o use as t ransport t o
your exit t hat leads t o a dest inat ion of your choice.


5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 69 www.logicalstupidity.com
5. Ment al GPS –
Fol l ow Your Fasc i nat i on

Ment al GPS works by following your fascinat ion. Learn t o use it and you’ll get swept
away on a current of creat ivit y.

Coming up - answers t o BI G QUESTI ONS:
• How do we ‘get ideas’?
• How do t hought s t ravel?
• How do t hey collide t o form ideas?
• How do t hought s become at oms?
• How does simult aneous t hought happen bet ween people in different part s of t he
t hought mosphere?
• How coincident al are coincidences?
• I s t here a limit t o what we can t hink?
• How exact ly is t he flow of informat ion in our t hought mosphere relat ed t o t he
myst erious forces running our luniverse?
• What happens when informat ion from t he past connect s wit h informat ion from t he
fut ure – via you?
• Just how close is insanit y t o genius and what happens if we erase t he line?
• Who or what keeps sending me messages and why t o me? I know t hat t he event s
of my dreams and t he real world are t he courier service but who’s t he sender?
Who’s providing t he script for our dreams and t he st imulus for our ART (Aut omat ic
Radical Thought s)?
w
Fr om: t hest imulus@luniverse.com
To: pet ergreenwall@physicalworld.com
CC: god@met aphysicalworld.com, you@whereverUR.com
Subj ect : The answer t o your quest ion
Dat e: NOW

How am I going t o answer all t hese quest ions?
By making up answers t hat are based on realit y, but inspired by professional
bullshit t ing – creat ive non-fict ion, calculat ed guessing, pseudo science, fant asy
t heories. I t ’s t his combinat ion of logic and st upidit y t hat makes t hought navigat ion
possible.

To break t hrough knowledge barriers, it ’s vit al t hat we send reconnaissance part ies of
t ravel writ ers int o dangerous unknown met aphysical t errit ory t o gat her vit al combat
int elligence. For t hose int erest ed, I ’ve organised such a part y and if you’re brave and
st upid enough you’re welcome t o come along.

I f not t hen skip t o t he next chapt er and wait for t he rest of us t here.

I f you’re insane enough t o follow me on t his invent ure, t hen go back and read t he
warning on Page 12 and let 's go:


5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 70 www.logicalstupidity.com



O SPARX 8: CHECK YOUR I NSANI TY QUOTI ENT –
YOU MI GHT BE A GENI US


‘I f you're t he only guy out t here doing somet hing, everybody quest ions your sanit y’
- Paul Moller, who’s st ill t rying t o invent t he VTOL personal sky car aft er 40 years.

This is t he kind of ‘insanit y’ I ’m t alking about . The kind caused by obsessive passion-
following. The kind t hat St eve Jobs spoke about at t he D5 conference wit h Bill Gat es
(31/ 5/ 07):

‘What we do is so hard t hat any rat ional person would give up. Those who are
successful love what t hey did so t hey persevered. The ones who didn’t love it quit
because t hey’re sane. Who would want t o put up wit h t his st uff if you don’t love it ?’



SONG 31 WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? . [ LYRI X]

LOVING YOUR LIFE IS ALL YOU NEED FOR SURVIVING…




O SPARX 9: ERASE THE LI NE BETWEEN GENI US & I NSANI TY –
USI NG GOOGLEDASH





5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 71 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 10: MONI TOR YOUR I NTERNAL DI ALOGUE ®4☺
Talk t o your imaginary friends / dysfunct ions, t hen t ranscribe t he conversat ion.
(But get a Bluet oot h headset if you’re going t o t alk out loud in public places.)



mMMovies dilog wMoviePitch ‘Voices’
Sketch title: Dysfunctional Inspiration -‘My dysfunction wants 20%’

The script for this movie is a direct transcription from my
internal dialogue that just happened a few seconds ago, so it's
based on a true story:

The scene - a conversation booth in Starbucks. I’m writing on my
laptop and other people in my booth are doing the same. A Voice
Over reads my thoughts as I write them.

VO: All creators - scientists, philosophers, scriptwriters =
inventors of any kind must have had dialogues with the
metaphysical (metalogues) before revealing any of their
discoveries. And what’s more, these conversations could have
carried on for years before they came up with things like ‘I
think, therefore I am’, ‘big bang’, ‘atoms’, ‘gravity’,
‘telephone’, ‘satellite navigation’, ‘beer in a can’, ‘sliced
bread’, ‘bread with the crust taken off’.

How long did they keep silent about these discoveries before
talking about them? Who was Einstein talking to when he first
came up with E = mc
2
? Is the only difference between genius and
insanity a matter of decibels?

[Cut to a shot of someone sitting alone, talking loudly on a
Bluetooth headset, using his hands and getting worked up.]

With Bluetooth earpieces getting smaller, how do you know who’s
insane and who’s on the phone?

[Cut to a shot of people on laptops, instant messaging from
myspace and other social networking sites.]

What makes it okay to talk to your imaginary friends on myspace,
but not to the imaginary characters you create for your movie
script, cartoon or painting?

[Cut to a shot of a child speaking to her doll, clearly lost in a
moment of imagination.]

Why is it okay for kids to talk out loud to imaginary friends,
but not adults? What does it mean to have ‘a healthy
imagination’? What are we supposed to be thinking about? And
why can’t we always control what we think about? Even more
importantly - who exactly am I talking to as I write this?
There’s nobody here and yet I’m talking to someone, because this
Voice Over you’re listening to wasn’t around when I wrote this,
was it? And nor were you. So there’s definitely an internal
stimulus providing the entertainment. Who’s there? Yes, YOU!
Whose thoughts are these that I find so entertaining? If they’re
mine, then is this a form of narcissistic personality disorder?
Could I be schizophrenic? Or is it just regular multiple
personality disorder? I tell you what... All of you disorders
can discuss this amongst yourselves and I’ll just take notes.
How’s that?


5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 72 www.logicalstupidity.com

[At this point the people sitting in my conversation booth
become my various dysfunctions (D1- D4), and I have it out with
them.]

D1: Brilliant.

D2: Thank you.

D3: Hey, that was my idea!

D2: No it wasn’t. I thought of it first.

D1 (to me): Are you getting this?

ME: Absolutely, every word. In fact I’ve been taking notes
since we started. Where do think this whole book comes from?

D1: But I didn’t say you could!

ME: I don’t need your permission; as my dysfunctions you’re my
muse. That’s your job - to inspire and entertain me.

D2: Oh you think this is funny, do you? You think all your
disorders are a big joke, don’t you?

ME (laughing): Well actually, yes I do. Did you hear that?
That was me laughing. That’s how I know it’s funny. Would you
rather I took you lot to therapy, because I will you know. My
whole family says I should go.

D4 (sings): They tried to make me go to therapy; I say NO NO
NO.

ME: Not funny. That’s it, we’re going to therapy.

D3: No No NO, no therapy, please! Remember what happened last
time.

ME: Exactly, so let's not go there. I’ll just keep
entertaining all my thoughts.

D4: You mean us.

ME: Yes, you guys...and you’ll carry on entertaining me, just
as you do. And we’ll work together to write a book about
innovation. What do you say?

D1: Yeah whatever.

ME: What do you mean 'whatever'?

D1 & D3 together: We don’t care what you...sorry, go ahead.

D1: I was just going to say that we don’t care what you write
about because, either way, we’re going to be involved. You’re
nothing without us, which is why we want commission.

ME: Commission? What are we talking here?

D3: 20%.

ME: Fuck that! No personality disorder ever got 20%. The
standard is 10.



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 73 www.logicalstupidity.com


D4: There’s loads of us to feed here.

ME: Well just how many disorders have I got?

D2: Everything that’s known about...you’ve got ‘em all, my
friend. Plus at least another 10 you invented yourself, you
twat. Why did you do that? What were you thinking? You don’t
think there’s enough of us?

ME: I needed more inspiration. Okay look, 15%, no more.

[All the dysfunctions turn back into real people, reading and
sitting at their laptops.]

Real person: Excuse me? Did you ask me something?

Me: Uhm, no, I didn’t say anything.

D1: 20% or we all shut the fuck up and you’ll have nothing to
feed off.

ME: Okay, okay, 20%.

D2: Plus a credit in the book and freeze frames on the rolling
titles when it’s made into a movie.

ME: No freeze frames. That’s just for the producer, the
cinematography, the director...

D4: And who do you think is directing the movie of your mind?
Huh? Who do you think came up with the whole dysfunctional idea
in the first place?

ME: I thought I got that from Larry David.

D2: And who do you think gave him that idea? Huh? That was
me! His MPD!

ME: Well just how many people are you working for here?

D3: The entire film industry.

ME: What?

D3: I have loads of clients, and not just scriptwriters either.
You should see my resume - I’ve worked for religion writers,
philosophers, scientists, murderers...

ME: Murderers? You mean you might make me do a Cho Seung Hui
just so I can express myself?

D3: Actually, I don’t do those anymore. That would be Freddy.
He was responsible for that one, sick bastard.

ME: Who’s Freddy? Where’s Freddy?

D4: We fired him. Creative differences.

ME: Well, how do I know he won’t come back? How do I know you
guys won’t go nasty on me?

D1: Oh we definitely will if you don’t make us famous.



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 74 www.logicalstupidity.com

D3: We want fame, lots of it. We want to live forever in books
and movies, and we want freeze frame credits. We’re tired of
working the backroom of your mind, never being acknowledged, all
our best takes getting cut.

ME: Okay, I’ll give you freeze frame credits. Who are they?

D4: I’ll give you a list.

D2: I want mine big, like ‘BASED ON IDEAS BY PETER GREENWALL’S
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER’.

ME: No way! That’s just embarrassing. I’m not doing that.
Isn’t it enough that I mention you all in the book? Like in
the ‘acknowledgements’ section?
How about I just transcribe this conversation and that way
people will know it’s you doing all the thinking, not me.

D3: Freeze frames or we go on strike!

ME: Okay, okay! Hey, did I mention that I love you guys?
Thanks to you I can fill a whole book without doing any research
or talking to any real people, did you know that?

D4: Of course we knew that. But you should still get a
girlfriend. People are starting to talk.

ME: Why? You’re like the best friends I ever had.

D1: Okay, now you’re starting to scare me, and I’m your
dysfunction. You can’t live your whole life with us. You need
real friends, and a family of your own. Get a life!

ME: But you guys piss me off just like a real girlfriend and a
real family!

D2: Dude, you seriously need to get a life. We’re not your
family.



Now see, t hat back and fort h wit h my dysfunct ions you j ust wit nessed didn’t j ust
happen overnight .

I t t ook years t o figure out how t o use my int ernal dialogue as a st imulus for creat ion,
and now you can do it t oo.

Every t ime you hear yourself saying somet hing like ‘t his is doing my head in’ or ‘I can’t
cope’, ‘I ’m heading for a breakdown’, et c., is really a t ime you should be saying ‘we
need t o t alk’, which is when you have it out wit h your ‘people’, and t hen t ranscribe it
like I j ust did.



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 75 www.logicalstupidity.com




I ssues = mi sal i gnment = i nnovat i on oppor t uni t y ®4☺




The int ernal dialogue is t he source of all quest ions, like: are t hese voices you j ust
heard normal or are t hey t he ones t hat make you cert ifiable? How different are t hey
t o t he ones t hat give inst ruct ions t o humans t o kill t heir fellow humans, or t o creat e
religions and scient ific discoveries?

I f shrinks were around t o send t he first invent ors t o loony bins, would we have missed
out on religion, science, philosophy, feng shui, t ennis, t elevision, kit chen t iles and all
ot her man-made wonders of t he world?

I feel a movie coming on, t riggered by t he following cont radict ion: if anybody t oday
claims t hey’re being spoken t o by God, t hey’d be considered t o have serious
psychological problems, so how did Moses & Co get away wit h it ? What ’s t he
difference bet ween now and t hen?

Why can’t I claim t hat my book of creat ion was inspired by t he word of God? Why is
nobody updat ing t he Bible wit h more addit ional words from God? Why has t he cat got
God’s t ongue all of a sudden? Or is He t alking t o many, but nobody’s brave enough t o
admit it ?

This is where R&D t herapy comes in t o help – you get t o answer all your rhet orical
quest ions yourself by set t ing your confusion t o music, product s and movies. So
where’s t he movie in t his misalignment ? Here it is…



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 76 www.logicalstupidity.com



mMMovies dilog wMoviePitch Moses in Therapy


The scene - God has recently completed the universe, seen that
‘it was good’, mostly, except for one colossal error: He forgot
to install a belief system in mankind that would maintain peace
and harmony between all His creations. Figuring the best way
to install the belief system would be by word of mouth, he
opens a dialogue with a few chosen prophets to see who could be
trusted to spread His word around. After an intensive
interviewing process involving IQ tests and the ability to
slaughter animals, the selection is narrowed down to a final
cut of 12. One of the prophets, Moses, is not happy with what
he’s been asked to do, and seeks professional help to deal with
his issues with God. This is where we pick up the action:

Put the writers of religions in therapy and have them battle
through their issues with their psychologist, psychiatrist,
psychoanalyst, Dr Phil, Jerry Springer (‘God talks to me’),
psychic healer or whichever counselling method you know most
about, because you’re going to ask the questions. Whatever
field of therapy you choose, assume that it was just as
advanced back then as it is now. Also assume that smoking
cannabis was the most popular recreational activity at the
time. Now start questioning, assessing, diagnosing, treating
and rehabilitating various kinds of mental illness – it’s all
up to you to cure your patient by explaining what the voices
are and how they should be interpreted, thereby changing the
course of history in the process.
Choose any prophet and text you like, creating your own
subheading under the title of ‘[name of messenger] in therapy’.

NOTES: Be very careful which questions you choose and how you
frame them.
In the interest of global safety and security, prophet Mohammed
is off limits for this project. Also note that you’ll be
slightly safer questioning your own Belief System than the BS
of others, but not by much.
Always bear in mind that it’s a fine line between curiosity,
comedy and blasphemy. Think Bruce & Evan Almighty, South Park,
Simpsons, Life of Brian or any of your favourite authors who
have put religion on trial without a Salmon Rushdie ordeal.
We’re all dying to see your take. Remember that your ‘fiction’
disclaimer will protect you! Now get creative and upload your
version.




6. Guessedge - Knowledge In Progress


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 77 www.logicalstupidity.com
6. Guessedge –
Know l edge I n Pr ogr ess

How t he universe runs on subj ect ivit y - i.e. your personal BI AS: Belief I n A Solut ion.
Why do we bot her t o make or say anyt hing at all?
Where does t he desire of self-expression come from?
All can be explained by way of t he t hree desires of guessedge or self-expression:

1) To figure t hings out on our own.
2) To express t hat t hing t o someone.
3) To be right / accept ed.

Am I right ? Sure I am. Now pay me.

Only once your guessedge is validat ed, can it become knowledge, and t here’s usually a
pay cheque involved. So how much are your opinions wort h?

Guessedge expl ai ns why:

Adam t ook a bit e of t he apple.
The chicken crossed t he road.
Not hing beat s genuine self-help.
We like st ories, braint easers, quiz shows, gambling.
We like social net working – e.g. facebook, myspace, yout ube.
We like int eract ive media – news opinion polls, vot ing on X-fact or & Big Brot her.
We don’t like manuals or asking for direct ions.
The most popular books of all t ime (such as The Bible or t he I kea cat alogue) don’t
have bibliographies.

Why? Because being int erest ing is more import ant t han being accurat e.
Why? Because we’re aft er hyst erical accuracy; not hist orical accuracy.
Why? Because guessedge is more excit ing t han knowledge.
Why? Because subj ect ivit y runs t he universe:
Only one person can break t hings down and see connect ions like you can. The
universe somehow knows t his, which is why it has sneaky ways of get t ing you t o
express yourself via t hese t hree desires, which is why we discuss t hem in det ail.

The only way t o t urn guessedge int o knowledge is t o t hrow it up and wat ch it fly:

SONG 6 THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY . [ LYRI X]

IT’S A HIT OR A FLOP OR IT’S OVER THE TOP
OR IT SUCKS AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY
IS IT HIP IS IT HOT
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT
UNTIL YOU THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 78 www.logicalstupidity.com
7. The Movi e of Your Mi nd

What ’s showing on yours and how are you direct ing it ?

ART – Aut omat ic Radical Thought s – comes from having serious creat ive differences
wit h ‘t he big producer in t he sky’ but you can’t walk off t he set , and t his is what t he
int ernal st ruggle is all about .

The script you’re given is hyst erical or highly dramat ic but you can’t act it out because
it would be frowned upon, t oo embarrassing, offensive, not PC or you’d get arrest ed or
killed.
So what happens? All t he really dramat ic and funny t hought s get cut and all t he polit e
bullshit comes out inst ead.

So, what we’re going t o do is get inside t he edit ing room of your mind, find all t he
scenes t hat you cut , and put t hem put t hem back t oget her so you can writ e your best
mat erial.


15 Movi es of My Mi nd – how would you direct t hem?

1) Explode your overload on people who freak you out

Three movies you’re going t o direct in order t o explode your overload:

a) Expl ode your over l oad – t his is a general freak-out at someone for a specific
reason.

b) Cel ebr i t y Chi cken – yes, you have celebs who irrit at e t he @£$% out of you.
But faced wit h a real live encount er, would you t ell t hem t hat t o t heir face?

c) Cel ebr i t y Rol e Rever sal – you need t o be an act ual celebrit y for t his one.



mMMovies dilog ‘


Do I know you?’

(The Paul McCart ney sket ch, t hough feel free t o subst it ut e a celeb of your choice.)


mMMovies -shtix dilog
2) Mot ivat ional speaker hell
If I start saying things that don’t make sense, and then to make
it worse I start repeating myself, what are you going to do?



mMMovies
3) Life-t hreat ening sit uat ions: The DuMBLBI T Dilemma:
‘Does My Bum Look Big In This?’ The solution



7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 79 www.logicalstupidity.com


The porno movie of your mind (male direct or): 5 sket ches:



mMmovies viz dilog -shtix
4) Honest y is t he key t o a good relat ionship, but if t hat doesn’t work...



mMMovies viz dilog -shtix
5) The Swedish Aupair - what ’s your angle of approach?




mMMovies dilog -shtix
6) I sn’t she j ust edible? (picking up yummy mums 1a)



mMMovies dilog -shtix
7) The Gat ecrasher
The problem with gate crashing a party is that you don’t know
who’s attached to who, which makes it difficult to hook up
with anyone. You can’t go around asking people if they’re
single, so you have to fire off loads of questions and fake
interest in answers until you hear something like ‘yeah I was
just telling my boyfriend that...’ which would be your cue to
get a drink at the bar. It would be so much easier if you
could just make a short speech:

[Tapping on glass.] ‘Listen up, people. I have an
announcement: I gate-crashed this party, which automatically
makes me the mysterious guy, as in ‘ooh someone that’s not
from the crowd you know, exciting’. Now here’s the deal. I
came here looking to hook up with someone...like tonight,
possibly even take things further if things work out. So to
save us all time, energy and embarrassment, by show of hands,
who of you lovely ladies are single? I said lovely ladies, so
you, you and you can put your hands down. No not you, you’re
okay...the girl behind you. Yes you...could put your hand
down please. Excellent. Now if you could all hold that pose
while I take a picture for future reference...don’t move.
[Click.] Terrific, thanks for your time, carry on
socialising.’
Not going to happen, is it? Meshugganah movies like these
have to get cut from real life and redirected to Wedding
Crasher / Dumb & Dumber type movies. (Possibly even ‘Curb
Your Enthusiasm’ if George Costanza made a guest appearance.)
This is your chance to shoot it your way. Just do it!





7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 80 www.logicalstupidity.com



mMMovies dilog
8) Unzip Me – The porno movie of her mind (for female direct ors)


SONG 7 UNZIP ME . [ LYRI X]

YOU WANNA WHAT ME?
DID I HEAR YOU CORRECTLY?
DON’T LET YOUR MOUTH WRITE CHEQUES
THAT YOUR BODY CANNOT CASH
RATHER GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD
COS THAT’S ALWAYS HARD
WHEN I NEED IT TO BE
AND I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TONIGHT
FOR YOUR TESTOSTERONE
MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARING ON ME

SO UNZIP ME BABY
SET ME FREE
LET ME SHOW YOU ROUND MY BODY
YOU’RE GOING DOWN
YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME X 2

BABY LET ME WRAP MY LEGS AROUND YOU
LEMME FEEL YOUR BODY ROCK TILL YOU HEAR ME SCREAM
GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME X 2
UNZIP ME BABY SET ME FREE
VIVA LA BEAVER FEVER
YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME
UNZIP ME BABY … YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME





mMMovies viz
9) The wave and run – how t o avoid st op & chat s




7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 81 www.logicalstupidity.com

mMMovies -shtix dilog
10) How are you doing?
What if you were to answer the checkout person properly?

‘I’m good thanks, and you?’ Bullshit. You’re far from good.
Let's take a look at what’s going on with you:

Well actually you know, I’m not having such a good day. I
have my mother-in-law staying with me, making me buy all these
things that I wouldn’t normally buy, and giving me advice on
how to run my life; telling me I don’t know how to discipline
my children properly, and that they eat badly. So here I am
buying things that I know they don’t like. I mean look at
these things – carrots, celery, leeks. THEY’RE ALL GOING TO
DIE! ‘Granny you killed the kids.’ Are you happy now?

And just like that, you’ve created the parody title of a new
movie. All because you unloaded your ART instead of
suppressing it all with: ‘I’m good thanks’.
The movie of your mind started in drama and ended in a real
movie; a comedy based on the universal theme of grandmothers
who create havoc in families when they come to stay.
wMoviePitch: Granny you killed the kids.




11) Your principles vs. t he Ten Commandment s



mMMovies -shtix
12) Winning t he lot t ery (in your mind)



13) Brainst orming – why some ideas are t oo ridiculous

It’s inevitable, the leader of the brainstorm session will
eventually say: ‘Come on guys, no idea is too ridiculous.’

What happens? You think of ideas so ridiculous you’d get
fired if you suggested them. Like this one: ‘Since every
suggestion we come up with only means more work for the same
salary, how about we all stop making suggestions and you just
double our salaries?’

So it appears there are some ideas that are too ridiculous -
the really good ones - the stuff that’s too hot for release,
or if they do come out it’s around the water cooler, and they
make everyone laugh, right up until someone says: ‘No, but
seriously...’

O SPARX 12: WATCH OUT FOR THE PHRASE ‘NO, BUT SERI OUSLY…’
Start monitoring all conversations that end with ‘no, but
seriously’, ‘jokes aside’ and ‘you can’t possibly do that’.
You’ll find your best ideas in conversations that explore the
absurd.


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 82 www.logicalstupidity.com


-Shtix
14) Laught er – t he cause of The Big Bang
O SPARX 13: MONI TOR KEY MOMENTS OF LAUGHTER



-Shtix 4Just4Jews
15) The Day of At onement – more evidence t hat st upidit y is beyond our cont rol

Just because we seem to be able to direct the movie of our
mind, doesn’t mean we’re any good at it.
We still make huge embarrassing mistakes that will have to be
accounted and apologised for at some point. In fact,
stupidity is so out of control that all religions have a way
of dealing with it: everything can be rectified by confession
and asking for forgiveness, i.e. atonement.

As far as my religion goes, the opportunity comes in the form
of Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement, when we ask for forgiveness
for exactly the same mistakes we make every year - apparently
we just don’t learn.
That in itself is the cause of more internal struggle: how
can I apologise like I mean it when I know I’m coming back the
following year to apologise for exactly the same mistakes?
How can I expect God to take me seriously when I’m back for
the 28th time? (Pre bar mitzvah doesn’t count.)
Every year I manage to find a new way to break every rule in
the book. That makes me either highly creative or a
pathological nutcase. What the hell is wrong with me? In any
other court of law I’d be locked away forever on my 3
rd

offence!
Nevertheless, Yom Kippur is very good for creative therapy,
because at least once a year you’re forced to reflect on
exactly how stupid you’ve been, and to openly admit that:

1) We are not producing the movie of the mind - we’re clearly
having Automatic Radical Thoughts.

2) Our interpretation of the script will always make us do
stupid things.

3) We can’t be trusted to apologise on our own - it must done
at an official gathering in synagogue, with others who are
just as guilty of doing stupid things like you, or else it
won’t count.
(You can tell who’s done the stupidest things - they’re the
guys punching their chest the hardest in the Al Chayt
section.)

That’s how seriously out of whack we are. It’s this wackiness
that you need to focus on as it reveals your STUBID, which
needs to come out. How do we do that?



7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 83 www.logicalstupidity.com
RELEASI NG THE MOVI E OF YOUR MI ND: your di scl ai mer wi l l set you f r ee

THE ARTIST & BUSINESS DI SCLAI MER – The lie t hat prot ect s you

1) THE ARTIST DISCLAIMER -sht ix

The formal version of ‘relax, I ’m j ust kidding wit h you’ is called ‘t he art ist disclaimer’.
You see it at t he end of movies or sit coms and usually it goes somet hing like t his: ‘any
correlat ion bet ween t his movie and realit y is purely coincident al’.

This lie has been designed t o prot ect t he art ist , who can now expose t he t rut h t hrough
t he genre of ‘fict ion’ simply by giving fict ional names t o real charact ers from t he art ist ’s
life.

Examples:

Disclaimer: Scot t Adams has no connect ion t o t he charact er of Dilbert . That boss was
never his and what ’s more, he’s never met any of t hose colleagues before.
LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

Disclaimer: The fict ional charact ers in t he Simpsons do not represent t he st ereot ype of
every group or cult ure in America or t he rest of t he world. We have no idea why
mult iple layers of humour t ranslat e int o every cult ure across t he globe. I t ’s j ust a
cart oon, okay? LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

Disclaimer: Zapiro’s cart oons are not relat ed t o real event s in Sout h Africa.
LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

Disclaimer: ‘Logical St upidit y’ is a fict it ious comedy musical. Anyt hing t hat t urns out t o
be t rue is purely coincident al. LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

The art ist disclaimer is t herefore a very import ant lie, since it allows you t o t ell t he
t rut h. This logically st upid device is t he ult imat e way t o expose cont radict ions, see t he
funny side of everyt hing, dest roy all cult ural barriers and expose all kinds of st upidit y
in yourself and ot hers. What kind of st upidit y? Xenophobia, homophobia, sexism,
racism, what everism wit hin your belief syst em or ot hers. I f you’re a comic genius like
Sacha Baron Cohen you can do it all in 3 charact ers:
Borat , Ali G & Bruno.

The art ist disclaimer is also t he most effect ive way t o release your alt er ego or sub
personalit y. You do it nat urally every t ime you role-play, speak in a st range voice or
put on a foreign accent . But if you want t o become a professional bullshit t er you’re
going t o need t o define your charact ers. That means you’re going t o need an Ali G,
Vicky Pollard, Lou & Andy, t he boss from ‘The Office’ or a ‘Dilbert ’ t o express your
frust rat ions at work. But t hese are all t aken, so make up your own!

You could st art by calling your charact er 'M. Barass'. Now every t ime you do, say or
see somet hing embarrassing, writ e it down and let M. Barras say it for you, so you
don’t have t o embarrass yourself.

What ever charact er you choose, your disclaimer will always prot ect you!
(t erms & condit ions apply)


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 84 www.logicalstupidity.com



2) THE BUSINESS DISCLAIMER -sht ix

The business disclaimer comes in t he form of Terms & Condit ions (T&C) and has a
dual purpose:

1) To make your product ‘kosher’.

2) To give your cust omers ideas t hey would never have t hought of had t hey not read
your disclaimer or warning. For example:

The use of Yahoo groups t o t rade naked pict ures of yourself or your ex-
girlfriend is st rict ly forbidden. You may also not use a webcam t o show your
willy t o anyone.



Knowing t hat your disclaimer will always prot ect you, gives you t he freedom t o sing:

ADDsonge . from WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE; WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY

YOU KNOW IT’S A RUSE
SO MANY LIES
AND THEN YOU BECOME THE VERY THING THAT YOU DESPISE / ADMIRE

DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK RIDICULOUS DOING WHAT WE DO
OH BUT WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT REVENUE

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 85 www.logicalstupidity.com




O SPARX 15: YOU GOTTA GET GOOD @ GUESSEDGE

ADDsonge . GOT TO GET GOOD AT GUESSING

Before we get going on how t o get good at guessing, be aware t hat you’re doing it
already – every t ime you’re forced t o make sense of somet hing t hat doesn’t make
sense. For example:

You’re t rying t o follow direct ions but you can’t read your writ ing, or t here’s t raffic.
You’re t rying t o follow a recipe but you don’t have all t he ingredient s.
You’re doing paint -by-numbers but you don’t have all t he colours.
You’re t rying t o assemble an I kea flat -pack, but you’re having t rouble, because:
• You have a few myst erious part s or missing part s or you’ve already used t he
part s for somet hing else.
• The manual is j ust not right .
• You’re j ust a lit t le bit st upid.


Wit h all sit uat ions like t his, you’re going t o have t o go wit h an informed guess. You
can never learn from mist akes, because each mist ake you make is unique.

When you can’t phone a friend and you can’t look it up on Google, you’re forced t o use
guessedge.

Now t hat you know you’re doing it already, here are 4 warm up exercises t o prepare
for t he ProBull League: Professional Bullshit t ing League, ot herwise known as
PI FYAFFI NG: Pulling I deas From Your Aspirat ions For FI Nancial Gain.


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 86 www.logicalstupidity.com




mMMovies -shtix dilog

O SPARX 16: PLAY TOUR GUI DE
Imagine you’re an actor working a part-time job as a tour
guide for a London sightseeing company, catering exclusively
for Japanese tourists. They understand English but they know
nothing about London or British Culture. With a wild
imagination like yours there’s no possible way you could play
it straight. Off you go...

¤PiX: London Eye with caption: ‘London’s Big Bicycle Wheel’.

...and on our left, across the Zambezi river, is the Big
Bicycle Wheel. Constructed in 1999 under the code name
‘London Eye’, it was designed to encourage more cyclists to
commute, not only to promote a healthier London but also to
solve the congestion problem.
st
On the 31 of January 2003, Sally Newyear, a big beautiful
woman who got tired of feeling guilty about not cycling to
work, decided to blow it up, but her plot was foiled and to
this day we celebrate New Years Eve with a fireworks display
over the Big Bicycle Wheel.
This is why Big Beautiful Women in London don't celebrate New
Years Eve but BBW day the next day, where they get together
with their families for picnics in parks that have views of
the Big Bicycle Wheel. It didn’t take long for BBW to become
the international symbol for not having to cycle anywhere,
because the wheel doesn’t go anywhere either.
Other cities soon followed the example, choosing various other
big beautiful round things to celebrate their freedom day -
balloons, stadiums, globes, etc. And if they couldn’t find
anything, then the sun would do just fine, and if there was no
sun then the moon, and if neither were visible because they
were inside, then a massive round plate of food would do the
job. You probably haven’t heard of this because BBW is not
that big in Japan...

[Director notes - feel free to play tour guide with any
tourist attractions wherever you live. Or play tour guide to
a visitor/new recruit of your office/house - any story you can
make up that your tourist would never know the difference.]




7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 87 www.logicalstupidity.com
mMMovies -shtix dilog
O SPARX 17: PLAY I NTERPREATI ON ( CREATI VE I NTERPRETATI ON)
Also known as ‘what is it?’ or ‘what the F£$%^ does the artist
mean by this?’

>PiX/Cartoon: A finger painting signed ‘Van Gogh – adult’.
>PiX/Cartoon: A Dali painting signed ‘Dali – sane person’.

Go to a modern art gallery. Instead of reading the
inscription at the bottom explaining exactly what technique
and inspiration the artist used, make up your own.
To help you do that, you can sing this reggae song:


ADDsonge . - REGGAE GROOVE

WHAT IS IT PUPPYDOG, WHAT IS IT? X 2
WHO’S THAT? WHAT’S THAT? WHAT’S THAT WHO?
WHATEVER DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

Then read the inscription or take the tour and compare your
answers. If yours are way more interesting, then well done -
that’s good guessedge! If you feel confident you could pull
it off in front of people without cracking yourself up, then
you’ve just created a job for yourself as a tour guide of any
art gallery. To build up your confidence, start practising on
American tourists, then move on to little children, then
Japanese tourists, and eventually work your way up to the
European and English, but try to avoid groups of art students.

[MMovies: ‘anything is art’]
The aim of this exercise is to prove that Marcell Duchamp was
right - anything is art.

At your local modern art gallery, see if you can gather a
crowd around you just by staring at ordinary objects in a most
contemplative manner, e.g. an air conditioner, emergency exit
door, broom closet, pile of stacked chairs, a viewing bench,
an escalator, etc. Now, as you stare at each object, think up
a new name, e.g. ‘Fully clothed people descending an
escalator’. Write your new interpretation on an A4 sheet and
stick it over a portable sign, which you must now place next
to your art installation.
Try to avoid being seen by the security guards as you do this.
Watch in amazement as crowds begin to gather. Try to engage
in conversation with curious onlookers. Tell them you’re the
artist and ask them what they think of your new work. Capture
all the interviews on video.
If you’re not into the added adrenalin rush of possibly
getting caught, then arrange consent for the entire shoot, as
an art or filmmaking student.


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 88 www.logicalstupidity.com


If you find it difficult to get permission, then you can still
make your point by labelling ordinary objects outside the
gallery - e.g. if there’s a fountain outside you could call it
‘The Urinal’, and persuade a few kids to go pee on it. When
you’re politely asked to leave then start relabelling objects
of nature - e.g. trees, plants, squirrels. Ask curious
onlookers what you think ‘the artist formerly known as God’ was
trying to communicate when she designed these various artworks
running around with labels on them.
These are just guidelines for creating new life by redefining
old life.
Other things to note for your movie:
If you’re not going to take on the role of the artist when
talking to camera, then whoever you are you’re an expert in
your field, and your inserted title should reflect that - e.g.
‘Your name’, ‘Dr/ professor/expert of Interpreation, Institute
of Logical Stupidity. You’re free to make up your title or
field of expertise, but stick to a similar theme so it’s clear
that you’re working on the ‘anything is art’ sketch.
Once you’re done, post it on www.logicalst upidit y.com where it
becomes eligible for the main movie.



mMMovies -shtix
O SPARX 18: PLAY ‘FOUND I N TRANSLATI ON’
Get yourself into an interpreting situation. For example:

1) Write your own subtitles for foreign films or operas.
2) Translate what technical help desk personnel are trying
to tell you.
3) Film animals in a zoo and translate what they’re saying
to each other.
4) Film people socializing at a cocktail party. Now pretend
you’re an expert lip reader and translate their dialogue.
5) Sabotage the rolling scroll bar that shows the subtitles
at a live Italian Opera, like ‘La Traviata’ and insert
your own hysterical English translations. Get loads of
reaction shots from the audience.
6) Translate any situation where communication is clearly
going on but you have no idea what’s being said.

Just do it!



7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 89 www.logicalstupidity.com
mMMovies -shtix dilog
O SPARX 19: PLAY PREDI CTABLE ( ‘BEAUTI FULLY TYPI CAL’)
Do you ever push people’s buttons just to see them react the
way you expect them to react? Do you ever wonder why you ask
people questions when you know what their answers will be?
Hey, me too! This is the way I enjoy learning - by
continuously testing my ability to predict outcomes I can make
accurate judgement calls.

Turns out Forest Gump was right about life being like a box of
chocolates, but for the wrong reason: you do know, more or
less, what you’re going to get if you just read the menu under
the lid of the box where each chocolate is explained in great
detail. That menu is called ‘hindsight’.

Let’s say you have a production meeting coming up for the
early stages of a new project. You know it’s going to involve
brainstorming, but what else can you safely predict?
The visionary (usually the boss) will say something like
‘anything’s possible’, mostly because he doesn’t have to do
anything.
Finance will say ‘no’ because it’s out of the budget.
Lawyers will say they want to take a closer look at it.
Management will just want to know the names of everyone
involved so they can blame someone when the whole thing goes
tits up.

And that’s keeping it general! Now try predicting the answers
of people you know. Start with easy questions and then move
on to a few curve balls that you can safely predict answers
to, e.g. ‘mom, I think I might be gay, what are we going to do
about it?’ or ‘mom, I’m going to need an operation on my knee,
just letting you know’.

Before asking the question, tell the camera what you think the
answer is likely to be - e.g. for the gay question: ‘well we
need to bring in the authorities; we have to talk to the
rabbi’, and for the operation question the answer is likely to
be: ‘if I had listened to doctors I would have had a hundred
operations by now. What you need is to take glucosamine
sulphate tablets for your joints and not play so much tennis.
You’re not 20 anymore. Take it easier’.

Or similar words to that effect. Try to capture the answer on
tape just to see how close you were. How will we know if
you’ve staged it? We won’t, but you will, and the object is
to get good at predicting outcomes, so you’re only fooling
yourself.
But as your audience, we won’t know, so if you can’t make
predictions, at least make it look like you can.




7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 90 www.logicalstupidity.com




Once you start getting the easy ones right, you’re ready to move
on to people you don’t know that well, but choose slightly more
appropriate questions. Keep monitoring predictions vs. outcomes
and eventually you’ll figure out your opponent’s argument before
they do.

This system is used by lawyers who need to predict their
opposition’s line of attack - e.g. if the law is on their side
they’ll argue the law, and if it’s not then they’ll argue the
facts.
Once you’ve learned to figure out answers before you’ve even
asked your question, that’s when you’ve mastered the art of good
guessedge! This is where you experience the same joy an
attorney must feel on a successful cross-examination, i.e. when
he exposes the contradictions of an eyewitness.

My prediction is that eventually you’ll stop getting annoyed
with predictable answers and start loving your ability to
predict the future, which is the object of the exercise.




ADDsonge .YOU’RE GETTING GOOD AT GUESSING [ soundbit e song 5, alt ernat e
version]


Right t hen, we’re ready t o st art observing new t hings int o exist ence.



8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 91 www.logicalstupidity.com
8. Obser vat i onal I nnovat i on –
Tur ni ng Jokes i nt o Pr oduc t s


How t o t urn punch lines int o t aglines:
Use your sense of humour t o accept t he t hings you cannot change; your product
development skills t o change what you can; and t his chapt er t o know t he difference.

THE ‘EASI LY AMUSED’ FORMULA FOR I NNOVATI ON:
Expl or e t he f unny si de of ever yt hi ng¬ t ake not e of what you l augh at t he most ¬
conver t t he punch l i ne i nt o a pr oduct ¬ l augh al l t he way t o t he bank

Wit h observat ional humour, t he comedy comes from reflect ing realit y – e.g. have you
t ried dat ing online? Ever not ice how all 3 pict ures of your fant asy part ner look not hing
like t he one you meet ? That ’s your OOPS: Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y – i.e. you’re
reflect ing realit y.

Wit h innovat ion you go one st ep furt her and change realit y by doing somet hing about
your observat ion – you invent a product t hat solves t he problem. I nt roducing: -


»Fut ur eFot o™ - what your I nt er net dat e wi l l act ual l y l ook l i ke

¯produx: Age progression soft ware for dat ing sit es
PiX/ grafix/ logo: ‘FF’ t o be insert ed inside t he ‘fast forward’ icon

»FF is t he essent ial soft ware for all dat ing sit es. I t works out t he average of all
phot os and t hen adds on 5 years t o give a forecast phot o of what you can expect .
Works wit h up t o 93% accuracy, but t hat increases t o 98% accuracy if mot her and
fat her-in-law phot os are supplied.

Predict ion phot os can be produced for any point in t ime and it has ‘realit y’ and
‘fant asy’ feat ures.
I t can also predict what your children will look like, wit h up t o 94.6% accuracy.
Check t his out :
¤PiX: Merging of any t wo phot os t o give a predict ed phot o of what offspring will
look like.

How does it work? Same as age progression soft ware used t o find missing children
and fugit ives – i.e. it ’s t he same soft ware used for a different purpose wit h a few
addit ional feat ures.

Ot her possible names: Phot oMedi at or ™ Pr edi ct aPi x™ Phot ol epat hy™
Fl ashFor war d™ Fast For war d Fot os™ Fot o4Cast ™ Vuj ade Pi x™ FFPi x™





8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 92 www.logicalstupidity.com



mMMovies -ShtiX SPITBALL



Observational humour:
Ever notice how many people spit and blow their noses in the
streets? It’s disgusting!
It’s become impossible to walk in the streets of London and not
notice it.
You gotta keep ducking so you don’t get hit.

O SPARX 23: ‘I F YOU CAN’T CHANGE I T, NAME I T’
(Search for ‘if you can’t change it’ for more examples)

So let’s name the different types of spitting:
The Finger Bloz: one finger on one nostril and blow, tilting
head forward and sidewards as if to disguise it.

The tongue twirler: this is the guy who’s so proud of his
spitting technique he wants to see how far it goes and where it
lands. It’s usually followed by a thumbs-up if the target is
hit.

The boomerang: comes back and hits you in the face; common with
cyclists.

The ‘forgot my window was shut’: common with motorists. Doubly
embarrassing if you also forget that you have passengers. Even
more embarrassing if you’re the passenger.

The noserunner: just dribbles everywhere, requiring sleeves and
hands to wipe away.

Innovation goes one step beyond humour by inventing something to
deal with the problem. Presenting:

The all day tissue dispenser.
¯PiX: Search images for ‘all day tissue dispenser’ to find a
picture of a woman blowing her nose on toilet paper from a
roller dispenser strapped on her head.
This device is from: ‘101 Unuseless Japanese inventions - The
art of Hindgut’
by Kenji Kawakami


Naming your observations into existence is the first step
towards getting your invention to catch on - e.g.
¯ Search for a power point presentation called ‘fart-study’.





8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 93 www.logicalstupidity.com
mMMovies -shtix



BIKINICAINE™ novacaine for painless waxing produx/beauty

Observational humour:
Ever notice how your partner complains how painful bikini
waxing is? Ever wonder if that pain is proportional to the
pain of her monthly maintenance bill?

You know there’s a better joke in there somewhere, but for now
it doesn’t matter; you’ve isolated the problem: bikini waxing
is painful. This causes a metalogue or OOPS, like:
Why can’t they just rub something on the bikini zone to make
it less painful? Now where you have seen that done before?
EOX! Dental & blood test injections!
[®PiX: Pic of cream being rubbed on injection zones for blood
test]
EOX! Apply the same anaesthetic creams for painless waxing!

Now play with the words - novacaine, anaesthetic, bikini, wax,
Brazilian, and you’ll get to WaxiThetic, BraziliaNova,
WaxiNova, NovaWax, Novakini, WaxiCaine, BikiniCaine.

Innovation: BikiniCaine - novacaine for painless waxing


Turns out t hat t he difference bet ween humour and innovat ion is simply a mat t er of
funct ionalit y: Does t he j oke product work? Turn BikiniCaine int o a real solut ion and
humour t urns t o innovat ion.

And if it doesn’t lead t o a direct solut ion, it could easily lead t o you seeing your ASS -
Accident al Spin-off Solut ion. Let me explain t his anot her way:

Humour is t he equivalent of using public t ransport in our t hought mosphere. I t carries
many people t o dist ant st ars, from which new views of ot her worlds are possible – e.g.
we’re using humour as public t ransport t o get t o t he st ar of BikiniCaine. While
st anding on BikiniCaine, we can see ot her st ars t hat were previously invisible from
eart h – e.g. you might be able t o see t he st ar of MexiCaine:

mMMovies -shtix

MexiCaine™ – because hot food should only hurt once
æprodux/food&drug - relief in the loo after eating hot food.

Do you like spicy food but not the after effects?
MexiCaine works when and where you need it most – later.

MexiCaine™ - you need it like a pain in the ass


And j ust like t hat , you’ve discovered a new st ar t hat could only be seen by t aking
public t ransport t o t he st ar of BikiniCaine. That was me driving t he SPQV. Now let 's
hop on t he bus driven by Larry David. (Buy t he book, you cheap bast ard, and I ’ll t ell
you about it ! )


8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 94 www.logicalstupidity.com





Case st udy – using observat ional innovat ion t o creat e a song.
Met hod: O SPARX 180: DETECT COLLECT CONNECT


DETECT wi t h OOPS: Obser vat i on Of Pur e St upi di t y:
The guy I 'm living wit h is not t he same guy who used t o chase me wit h chocolat es and
flowers. This guy never want s t o go anywhere or do anyt hing. He’s boring!

COLLECT: Does anybody el se have t he same exper i ence?
I s it a CEWTBL? (Common Experience Wait ing To Be Labelled.)
YES: I n fact it ’s so common t hat it ’s been called ‘The Bait & Swit ch’ by Dr Phil.

So we know we’re ont o somet hing here. Now all t hat ’s left is t o:

CONNECT: Al l your exper i ences t o Dr Phi l ’s i dea t o cr eat e your own song.



SONG 8 HE’S ONLY A MAN . [ LYRI X]


And t hen anot her case st udy t hat leads t o:


SONG 9 TEARS WITH CHAMPAGNE . [ LYRI X]


9. Chasing the Unknown - UNcommon KNowledge you OWN


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 95 www.logicalstupidity.com
9. Chasi ng t he Unk now n –
UNc ommon KNow l edge you OWN

Your search for solut ions is fut ile unless you express t he problem as a quest ion, and all
quest ions revolve around t his one:
What makes Absol ut el y No Sense What so Ev R?
The ANSWER magically appears when you get t he quest ion right . Did you not ice t hat ?

This chapt er cont ains inst ruct ions for using your SPQV – Self Propelled Quest ion
Vehicle – essent ial for navigat ing t hrough nonsense.

Wit h your SPQV you can break t hrough t he knowledge barrier t o reach a point where
nobody knows bet t er t han you. This is where you’re free t o st art making up new
t heories t hat bring new product s int o exist ence. This chapt er deals wit h t he process of
asking THE PERFECT QUESTI ON, and t he signs of knowing when you’ve asked it :



The top ten ways of knowing you’ve asked the perfect question:

1) ‘That’s a good question, I’ll come back to that.’
2) ‘I don’t know.’ / ‘It’s too early to say.’ / ‘We don’t know yet.’
3) ‘That’s classified information / executive privilege.’ / ‘I could tell you but I’d have
to kill you.’
4) ‘It’s not my place to answer that question.’
5) ‘No comment.’
6) ‘Shut your face.’
7) ‘That’s all we have time for I’m afraid - this press conference is over.’
8) ‘I need to pee.’
9) ‘We have to go to news & travel, but stay on the line.’
10) [ C ] (No words at all; just a stunned silence, followed by a change of topic.)


SONG 10 NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON . [ LYRI X]

YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT WE’RE MAKING IT UP
THE ONLY THING WE’RE CERTAIN OF
ALL THAT’S CLEAR
WE DON’T KNOW WHERE WE COME FROM OR WHY WE’RE HERE
SCIENCE DOESN’T PROVE A THING
IT ONLY SAYS HOW
BUT IT NEVER GOES AS FAR AS WHY
AND THERE’S A REASON
AND THAT’S WHERE I COME IN
TO REMIND YOU TO COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION
[ Chorus: ]
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON
YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT WE’RE MAKING UP



10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 96 www.logicalstupidity.com
10. Cl i nt oni an Met aphysi c s –
Redef i ne t he Wor l d t o Sui t You

Clint onian Met aphysics is named aft er Bill Clint on who redefined t he t erm ‘sexual
relat ions’. I n his mind t here was no sex – he had merely found an alt ernat ive use for
a cigar. This is how redefining realit y leads t o new invent ions, so all we need t o do
now is name it :
‘THE CI GARI LDO’ – endorsed by Bill Clint on. [ produx]

I t all works by t he l ogi cal st upi di t y cycl e of i nnovat i on:

1) Ever y l ogi cal r ul e / l aw encour ages a new wave of st upi di t y
( or i nnovat i on)

E.g. Rule by hot el: Don’t st eal our t owels.
People st eal t owels anyway so t he hot el has t o come up wit h a new innovat ion.

But how does refining coming int o t his?

For every t rut h t hat emerges, a lie is divert ed somewhere else.
E.g. From your perspect ive you’re not st ealing a whit e fluffy bat hrobe from t he hot el,
you’re ‘t aking a souvenir’, but t o t he hot el it ’s st ealing – meaning t hey require some
kind of invent ion or rule t o st op it , like a policy of paying deposit s for room and pool
t owels.
But what kind of invent ion might come out of it ?


mMMovies >PiX/grafix The Springback Towel™ produx/hotel biz
Anti-theft device for hotel towels

A towel is attached to the towel rail by a retractable chord
that snaps it back like a tape measure. For cheap motels only!


2) Ever y new wave of st upi di t y or i nnovat i on encour ages a l ogi cal l aw

So let ’s look at 5 offensive t rends and how t he government might int roduce new laws
t o cont rol t hem:

1. Cel l phone Rage
-Sht iX / MMovies viz

Ot her people’s cellphone conversat ions are becoming more offensive t han second
hand smoke – e.g. ‘I ’m on t he t rain. WHAT? Yeah, I ’m on t he t rain. WHAT? SPEAK
LOUDER, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I ’M ON THE TRAI N.’

And if you t hink t hat ’s annoying, it ’s about t o get a whole lot worse, now t hat you’re
going t o be able t o use your mobile on planes: ‘I ’M ON THE PLANE! WHAT? I ’M ON
THE PLANE! ’

How do we get round t his problem? Government legislat ion:


10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 97 www.logicalstupidity.com






mMMovies viz -shtix dilog DECIBEL DANCE

The ringtone dance: ‘you answer, you dance – your call’
Which falls under the government legislation of Decibel Dance
(newrule).

If your phone rings in a public place you will be required by
law to do a dance in time to your ringtone before taking the
call. Only the brave will take calls, but your fellow
passengers won’t mind after you’ve made a complete twat of
yourself. If it’s a song that already has famous choreography
(e.g. YMCA or Greased Lightning) then you should stick to that,
but otherwise your dance should say something about your
personality.

[Demonstration goes here – send your clip to
www.logicalst upidit y.com]

Designed to improve passenger and human relations in general,
the new legislation will be monitored by conductors who could
ask to see your dance if they notice any cellphone activity, or
if they hear any sound coming from your headphones.
At the discretion of the conductor, passengers may be required
to continue their dance until their destination. Furthermore,
parking attendants, security guards, in fact anyone wearing a
uniform, will be given authority to check your dance – e.g. you
could be asked by an air hostess to perform your dance on a
plane or a checkout girl at the supermarket when your phone
rings. But probably the biggest reason for the rule is to deal
with loud music blaring from car stereos: traffic wardens can
ask you to pullover to see your dance!

For help with the choreography of your dance you may want to
refer to one of the dances from ‘evolution of dance’ on youtube.
Great going, Judson Laipply!
You were part of the inspiration behind this new proposed
legislation.




10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 98 www.logicalstupidity.com

2. Technol ogy I ncompet ence

The t echnology impaired who can’t use an ATM, change t heir ringt one, send a t ext
message or e-mail will event ually become such a burden on societ y t hat somet hing will
need t o be done – (new rule proposed) .

3. Gl obe War mi ng Ego Fr i endl y Vehi cl es (new rule proposed)

4. The Gl obal Bor edom Cr i si s (new rule)

Out go viewer discret ion warnings like ‘st rong language, violence or scenes of a
mat ure nat ure’, and in comes t he new ‘YAWN’ rat ing syst em. For example:

YAWN WARNI NG: All t he best gags are in t he t railer you’ve j ust seen.

YAWN WARNI NG: Brad Pit t is impossibly good looking and should not be used as a
reference point for speed-dat ing, or however you go about finding a part ner t hese
days. Same applies t o Angelina Jolie. Enj oy t he movie.

HARD CORE YAWN WARNI NG: May cont ain up t o 8 minut es of mindless dialogue
before any sex act ually t akes place.

For Musicals:
VOMI T WARNI NG: Act ors may break int o song for no apparent reason and wit hout
dance rout ines feat uring leggy showgirls.

VOMI T WARNI NG: Cont ains people walking around wit h animals on t heir heads for
t he ent ire @£$%^ show.

For any revival or regurgit at ion of previous cult ure:
NOSTALGI A WARNI NG: That was t hen; t his is now – you’ve moved on.

Not hi ng f r om l ast cent ur y may be r egur gi t at ed in any format , not as a musical,
not as a PlaySt at ion game, not as a movie wit h St eve Mart in or even Keanu Reeves
playing t he lead role. There will be no remixing, remast ering, reviving, rerunning,
reunit ing, re-ent ering or reheat ing of any sort . That includes sequels and prequels –
so St ar Wars is finally over. The campaign will be backed by t his music video:
SONG 11 LET THEM DIE . [ LYRI X]
[ Sweet nost algic melody, covering any period from last cent ury]
TAKE ME ON A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE
TO REMEMBER HOW THINGS WERE
WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND HAVING FUN
BRING BACK THE SONGS OF YESTERYEAR
[ Deat h met al int erj ect ion]
LET THEM DIE
LET THEM ALL DIE
THEY WERE GOOD FOR THEIR TIME
BUT DON’T BRING THEM BACK
IF YOU HAVE TO SEE THE SHOW
TAKE OUT THE VIDEO
LET THEM DIE


10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 99 www.logicalstupidity.com
5. FFAF CULTURE

FFAFS are celebs who are Famous For Absolut ely F@£$ ALL.
The only t hing sadder is a Wannabe FFAF – kids who don’t see t he point of living
unless t hey can be famous. This is serious! A 2-part government sponsored campaign
is required:

1) ‘St op encouraging kids who clearly have no t alent ’ – TV ad (see script for det ails).

2) FTV – Flopst ar TV is a dedicat ed TV channel showing what life is like for t he 99%
of bands and solo art ist s who don’t make it – e.g.

SONG 12 HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN . [ LYRI X]
HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN I WAS THERE
FILLING OUT THE HOLES IN CONVERSATION
BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS OR MAYBE EVEN KARAOKE
OR JUST PUSH THE BOSSANOVA BUTTON AND WATCH THEM ALL BOOGIE

I’VE PLAYED BASS ON A BOX IN AMSTERDAM I WAS A CLOWN
STAND UP CABARET ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND
YOU PROBABLY SAW ME THERE
IN COVENT GARDEN SQUARE
IMPERSONATING ALL THE PEOPLE PASSING BY
THESE ARE THE SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO X 3

Present er: ‘You’re t uned t o FTV all day – non-st op videos of no-hit wonders from t he
99.6% of bands who don’t make it . Coming up next , yet anot her band you’ve never
heard of. Been t oget her for over 20 years, t hey’re now in t heir lat e t hirt ies and st ill
t rying t o make it . Here t hey are, t aking t he world by not even a lit t le cloud cover…it ’s
CAN’T GET SI GNED…’

SONG 13 TWO SONGS . [ LYRI X]
[ ROFR t o Jack Black]
DON'T PRETEND YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE
WE'RE THE UNDISCOVERED UNDERDOGS FROM NOWHERE
AND WE ONLY GOT
TWO SONGS
AND THIS ISN'T EVEN ONE OF THEM
TWO SONGS
AND THIS ISN’T EVEN ONE OF THEM
TWO SONGS
AND NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE HELL WE ARE
YOU CAN HEAR WE'RE SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF ABOUT SOMETHING
WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IT IS BUT YOU CAN HEAR IT'S SOMETHING HUGE
SO BANG YOUR HEAD LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
JUST LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND OUR FRUSTRATION OF COMING UP WITH
ONLY…


10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 100 www.logicalstupidity.com


Summar y

By upgrading your principles and redefining t he world as you’d like t o see it , you can
creat e new realit ies in t he meshugganah middle:



SONG 14 SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN . [ LYRI X]

SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN MAKING UP THE RULES
AND FOLLOWING THEM
THERE’S A PLACE WHERE INNOVATION CAN TAKE PLACE
IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO QUESTION THE ASSUMPTION
AND COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION
YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND AS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY

SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN EVERYTHING WE KNOW
AND WHAT WE’RE STILL LOOKING FOR
THERE’S A PLACE WHERE INNOVATION CAN TAKE PLACE
IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO QUESTION WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION
YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND OF EVERYTHING THAT’S GONE BEFORE
YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND AS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY

SEE THE MAGIC IN THE MIDDLE
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE MYSTERY
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE WAY THAT IT COULD BE
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE NEW POSSIBILITY
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE LET ME TRY ANOTHER WAY
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE RIP IT UP AND START AGAIN
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE RHYTHM OF THE REPETITION
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE

PARADIGM SHIFTING
ROLES ARE REVERSING
BOUNDARIES ARE CRUMBLING
STEREOTYPES ARE SHATTERING, SHIFTING



11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 101 www.logicalstupidity.com
11. The Sk y’s Not The Li mi t ;
Your Pr i nc i pl es Ar e – Upgr ade Them!


I t ’s easy t o st ick t o principles, especially if you’ve had some code hammered int o you
all your life. But can you abandon t hem when you realise t hey don’t apply anymore?

Just as laws (universal and man-made) need t o upgrade t o move wit h t he t imes, so
t oo do your principles, which is why we examine THE 21 RULES FOR RULE
BREAKI NG, or 21 ways t o rise above t he limit at ions of your principles in order t o
innovat e.

We also look at how man-made laws inspire new invent ions – by t hinking of loopholes
around t he law.

O SPARX 42: USE THE LAW AS A CHALLENGE TO FI ND
I NNOVATI VE LOOPHOLES

Challenging aut horit y by quest ioning assumpt ions can lead t o innovat ive product s:



mMMovies viz -shtix
Pavlov™ - The leashless dog leash produx/dogbiz ~

The inspiration for this comes from reading a sign in a park in
Toronto that said:

‘All dogs must be on a leash of no more than 2.4m.’

The challenge is on: isn’t there another way to keep your dog
close without a leash? Research tells me that there are
wireless devices to keep your dog in an unfenced yard and there
are also radio controlled shocking devices used for corrective
training. But there are no leashless dog leashes, which is why
they’re coming out!

How does it work? Ultrasonic audio transmitters attached to the
collar of the dog would trigger an annoying frequency only
audible to dogs, and only if the dog crosses the maximum range,
which is variable and controlled by a wireless device attached
to the dog walker. Dogs would quickly learn to stay within the
maximum range, hence the name: Pavlov - the leashless dogleash.

And what’s more, multiple dogs can be walked with one device,
meaning no more entangling mess for New York dog walkers:
¯Search images: ‘dog walkers’





11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 102 www.logicalstupidity.com


mMMovies viz -shtix
DWDS™ (PR dudes): Dog Walker Dogs produx/dogbiz ~
Why can’t dogs walk other dogs? If they can be trained to lead
blind people then they must be able to take other dogs for
walks.
¯Search images: ‘dog walker’
This funny pic would become a sensible solution if turned into a
business of dog walking dogs. Poop scooping? Still working on
that one!



mMMovies viz -shtix
FETCH™ - The robot ball thrower for dogs produx/dogbiz ~
Feel like chilling out in the park while your dog works out?
Let Fetch the robot entertain your dog for hours. Observe as
Fetch throws the ball and your dog retrieves it, collecting a
chocolate treat from an automatic dispenser after each
retrieval.
Try it uni or multi-directional and on different distances. If
your dog likes swimming, then use it at the sea or near a lake.
Fetch will sound an alarm if the ball is not retrieved within 1
minute, or a time specified by you. That would be your cue to
start looking for your dog.
FETCH™ - man’s second best friend


See ‘Kosher Food’ for more examples.


So when a law, or your own principle, doesn’t make sense t o you, your mind
aut omat ically t ries t o compensat e for what ’s missing. Mine t ends t o go t owards
humour. Where does your mind go?

SONG 15 IT HAS TO BE FUNNY . [ LYRI X]

WHERE DOES YOUR MIND GO WHEN IT’S TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT
ISN’T THERE?
WELL MINE GOES TO FUNNY
AND IF YOU PISS ME OFF I’M GONNA BITE YOU WITH HUMOUR

TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS, AMBIGUITIES
I’M NOT ALL THERE, BEYOND REPAIR, BUT I DON’T CARE
MY FRUSTRATIONS HAVE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE
SO IT HAS TO BE FUNNY
WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE?
MY QUICK FIX THERAPY



11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 103 www.logicalstupidity.com
Also in t his sect ion:

THE SECRETS & LI ES OF THE UNI VERSE: ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE

HOW EVERYONE GETS A TURN TO BE SOME ASSHOLE
Why ‘some asshole’ is responsible for upgrading t he operat ing syst em of t he luniverse.

HOW TO TURN A GOOD I DEA I NTO A BAD I DEA - DI SCUSS I T WI TH
SOMEONE

Even if you’re not running a count ry, do you realise how many cover-ups you’re
involved wit h on a daily basis? I f you t hink you’re not , t hen st art count ing t he t imes
you hear or see any of t he following st at ement s, whet her t hey’re from you or ot her
people:

‘I could t ell you, but I ’d have t o shoot you.’
‘What happens in here, st ays in here.’
‘Can I t ell you somet hing, but do you promise not t o t ell anyone?’
‘Can I be honest wit h you?’
‘Who’s going t o know t hat ?’
‘Nobody has t o know t hat .’
‘You didn’t j ust t ell me t hat .’
‘I didn’t hear what I t hink I heard.’
‘I don’t want t o hear t hat .’
‘For t he record, you didn’t j ust see what you t hought you saw.’
‘Who have you t old about t his? How many people know about t his?’
‘Do you t hink you might be able t o keep quiet about it t his t ime?’
‘This message is confident ial and for t he addressee only. You may not disclose t he
cont ent s t o anyone ot her t han t he addressee.’
‘Do you realise what will happen if anyone finds out ?’

Once you’re part y t o exclusive or sensit ive informat ion, at some point you’re going t o
have t o lie. We don’t realise t hat we do it all t he t ime because we even lie about what
we call lying – it get s redefined as ‘get t ing t he st ory st raight ’. Now st art count ing t he
t imes you hear any of t he following:

‘What st ory are we going t o t ell t hem?’
‘How do we explain t his t o t he kids?’
‘What are we going t o t ell your mot her?’
‘What should we t ell t he press?’
‘What do we say if anybody asks?’
‘What excuse should we use t o get out of going t o t heir wedding / bar mit zvah /
funeral?’
‘What ’s our st ory for t he account ant s / shareholders / cops / lawyers / wit ness st and?’
‘How do I make my denial sound plausible?’

Honest y i s ver y sel dom t he best pol i cy!


11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 104 www.logicalstupidity.com


HOW LI VI NG THE HAPPY LI E SETS YOU FREE



>PiX/cartoon: caption ‘Ralf found facebook flirting so much
easier than reality flirting.’
We see a woman sitting alone sipping a cocktail at the bar,
listening to the request of an approaching man, whose speech
bubble says: ‘Uhm, I was just wondering if you wanted to add me
as a friend.’



SONG 16 JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG . [ LYRI X]

WHATEVER YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN
SHE’S ANYTHING YOU WANT HER TO BE
SHE GOT A PULLDOWN MENU WITH POINT AND CLICK
SHE’LL BE YOUR USER FRIENDLY BABY
THAT’S ALL SHE’LL EVER BE

CYBERVIXEN, THE NICKNAME I KNOW
DIDN’T WE GO DIVING IN MEXICO
SO LITTLE MISS MODEM LETS DO JAZZ ON JUPITER
DIGITAL DAMSEL WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?

DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY
WE ONLY KNOW WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW
AND SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE

JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG
AND THAT’S ALL SHE’LL EVER BE


Or perhaps you prefer t his version:

. SONG 17 DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY [ LYRI X]




12. The Meshugganah Matrix


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 105 www.logicalstupidity.com
12. The Meshugganah Mat r i x
– Where all your crazy ideas int ersect wit h t he market t o bridge t he gap
bet ween life as it is and life as you dream it .

The obj ect i ves:
1) To assimilat e t he problem as part of t he solut ion.
2) To improvise new product s over exist ing market s.
3) To improvise new melodies over popular chord pat t erns.
4) To improvise spont aneit y over t he daily grind.
5) To get you out of your comfort zone.

The met hod:
SONG 18 PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE . [ LYRI X]
IF YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN THE KEY OF C
PLAYING ALL THE WHITE NOTES, VERY BUSY
BUT OH SO PREDICTABLE
WORK SLEEP TV
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES ON WEDNESDAY
NIP TUCK ON SUNDAY
AND HEAT MAGAZINE ON TUESDAY
YOU CAN HEAR IT’S TIME TO
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE
OOH SCARY
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE
OOH SCARY
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE
NO, NOT THAT SCARY!
GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD LIVE A LITTLE DANGEROUSLY
THE NEXT TIME YOU GO BACK TO C
YOU’LL BE SO HAPPY JUST TO BE HOME
FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD
YOU'RE HOME YEAH
FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD
YOU'RE HOME YEAH
NOW YOU’RE THINKING ’BOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE...
IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE PLAY ON
I AGREE BUT NOT THE SAME OLD SONG
CHANGE THE RHYTHM
GIVE ME A WHOLE NEW MELODY
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW
DON'T BE AFRAID
JUST KEEP IT RADIO FRIENDLY
RADIO FRIENDLY ALWAYS
NOW LET ME HELP YOU FIND YOUR BLACK NOTE
I CAN HELP YOU FIND YOUR BLACK NOTE
THERE'S YOUR BLACK NOTE
NOW GO AND GET YOUR BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE


13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 106 www.logicalstupidity.com
13. Edi t or i al Li c enc e & The
Hi ppoc r i t i c Oat h

Allows you t o LI E OR TELL THE TRUTH, WHI CHEVER I S MORE I NTERESTI NG.

Changing your mind as oft en as global uncert aint y dict at es has become t he key t o
effect ive leadership. Take t he oat h and you’ll be able t o manipulat e t he fact s t o suit
your argument , and when you realise you’re wrong, change your argument t o suit t he
fact s.

As a consumer of news you’ll learn how t o read bet ween t he lines of news and
market ing spin.

As a news edit or, j ournalist or aut hor, t he Hippocrit ic Oat h allows you t o lie or t ell t he
t rut h, whichever is more int erest ing, as long as you promise t he following:

1) To make as much money as you possibly can.
2) To pret end t o follow some higher aspirat ion.
3) To be t horoughly ent ert aining as you reveal t he t rue colours of your chosen subj ect .

REVEALED: Why we’re programmed t o lie and how t his makes us creat ive.
I t ’s all due t o

THE PARADOX OF COMPLEXI TY

Life is so complex t hat we have t o break it down int o bit e-sized chunks in order t o
process it . But t he more you break it down, t he more pieces you have, so t he more
complex it get s.
I n ot her words:

SONG 19 WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN . [ LYRI X]

NOTHING IS EVER AS EASY AS YOU SAY IT IS
NOTHING IS EVER AS SIMPLE AS A CATCHPHRASE
BECAUSE WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
YEAH WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN

THEN NOTHING IS LIKE IT SEEMS
AND EVERYTHING IS LIKE IT IS
SO YOUR GENERALIZATION WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE
FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW
WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
YEAH WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN THEN… [ repeat from t he t op unt il underst ood]


13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 107 www.logicalstupidity.com




I ncluded in t his paradox is a sub-clause t hat says:

‘That was t hen and t his is now – everyt hing’s changed.’

This law makes people say st upid t hings like: ‘I f I only knew t hen what I know now…’
You couldn’t possibly have had any kind of now knowledge back t hen, because now
hadn’t happened yet . That ’s why you didn’t buy Microsoft shares when t hey were $1,
because t hat was t hen and t his is now.

The upside of t his paradox is t hat you can keep changing your mind because your
disclaimer will always prot ect you – ‘All t hought s, feelings and fact s were correct at t he
t ime of going t o press’.


SONG 20 THEME SONG . [ LYRI X]

THAT’S WHY I’M GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW
EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW
UNCERTAINTY IS ALL THAT WE KNOW
HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU
THERE’S NO REASON FOR MY SONG
BUT SOMETHING BABY DARLING
SAYS I’M GONNA MAKE IT UP AS I GO ALONG



13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 108 www.logicalstupidity.com






Edi t or i al l i cence is grant ed under t he following t erms & condit ions of t he cont ract :


I , t he consumer of news and ent ert ainment media, give you, t he aut hor, permission t o
simplify event s of t he world t o make it easier for me t o underst and. By ‘simplify’ I
mean:


1) Polarise my t hought s – don’t give me more t han t wo opt ions.
2) Give me inst ant perspect ive.
3) Make me laugh; ent ert ain me.
4) Keep me in t he loop; make me feel like I ’m part of somet hing big.


I , t he aut hor of cont ent , am ent it led t o simplicat e everyt hing in order t o achieve t his –
i.e. keep t hings complex enough t o be respect ed as an aut horit y, while simple enough
t o be underst ood. I can use t he following met hods t o achieve t his:


1) Compare t he incomparable.
2) Challenge my subj ect by quest ioning mot ives and t earing down dreams.
3) Provide worst -case scenarios.
4) GO MAAD: Use any Mult iple Angle At t ack Device.
5) Ask rhet orical quest ions and split as many hairs as I like.
6) Cherry-pick my edit ed highlight s.
7) Or use any ot her device in keeping wit h t he good fait h of t he Hippocrit ic Oat h.


13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 109 www.logicalstupidity.com
Let ’s t ake t he first point :
O SPARX 76: POLARI TY GI VES CLARI TY

PiX/Cartoon: ‘Does he love me? Yes or no?’
We see an angry bunch of flowers staring at a girl who’s about
to start plucking petals.
One of the flowers screams: ‘He loves you! Now piss off and
leave us alone.’

There are only t wo t ypes of people in t his world – t hose who divide people int o t wo
t ypes, and t hose who don’t . Do you believe t his – yes or no? Why only t wo groups?
Because t hat way it ’s easier for you t o decide which group you belong t o. You’re
eit her wit h me or against – decide!

Should Harry go t o I raq?
Are you bored wit h t he climat e crisis?
Does penis size mat t er?
I s t here such a t hing as free will?
Click here t o win a plasma TV.
Did Heat her marry Paul for money?
Should prost it ut es be given government prot ect ion – yes or no?
Should foreign prisoners be freed wit hout being considered for deport at ion?

HELP! CONFUSI NG! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE LEADI NG QUESTI ON!
Translat e t hat int o a simple choice I can underst and:

Okay, how about t his t hen: I s Tom Cruise gay? Yes or no?

Oh t hank you! Now it ’s all clear – yes Heat her married for money, Harry should go t o
I raq and prost it ut es need prot ect ion. Now, where’s my plasma TV?

So why do we like polar quest ions?
SONG 21 TOO MANY CHOICES . [ LYRI X]
TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE
AND YOU’LL FORGET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO
TOO MANY VOICES IN YOUR HEAD
WHO DO YOU FOLLOW?
DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST WONDERING THROUGH

IMAGINATION FLEW OUT THE WINDOW
FOR INSPIRATION I PLAY NINTENDO
SO IF YOU SEE ME STARING AT THE SCREEN
IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE…

EOX! Why don’t we have limit ed choice supermarket s t hat only st ock t he t op t wo
brands of each product ?

2per mar ket ™ – You’ve got t wo choi ces
produx/ food&beverage/ ret ail/ limit ed choice supermarket t o save shopping t ime

Now t hat we have t he j oke, we also have a new business, based on t he idea t hat
limit ed choice allows fast er decisions, which would dramat ically reduce shopping t ime
for cust omers and reduce shelving space.

Coming up: The ‘Queue of I ndecision’ sket ch [ MMOVI ES]



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 110 www.logicalstupidity.com
14. Par af r azi ng – The Ex t r eme Spor t
f or Cr eat i ve Thi nker s


Obj ect i ve: To Jump on a bandwagon, add wi ngs & f l y i t your own way
[ See ‘Chart 2’ for examples]



>PiX/Cartoon/photo/video
Caption: YiddishKite™ – fly it your way
4Just4Jews
We see a rabbi paragliding. The paraglider canopy is designed
to look like a tallit, which is a prayer shawl with tsiztzit
(fringes). The rabbi is sitting in the harness and controlling
the direction of the kite. On the tallit is written:
YiddishKite™ – fly it your way [see more on yiddishkite]



PARAFRAZI NG = R&D = The art of Rehashing & Disguising ot her people’s ideas in
order t o find your voice – e.g. Frankenst ein t urns int o Dracula, t hen Wolfman Jack,
Michael Jackson, followed by Adams Family, Buffy t he Vampire Slayer, Marilyn Manson
and event ually Sponge Bob Square Pant s.


Parafrazing is based on:


1) EVOLUTI ON
We need t o st eal ideas in t he same way t hat t hey need t o be prot ect ed.
I n nat ure, t his bat t le for survival is called evolut ion. I n business it ’s called innovat ion.
Eit her way you’re involved, so you may as well learn t he process.

2) EI NSTEI N’S THEORY OF CREATI VI TY:
‘The secret of creat ivit y is knowing how t o hide your sources’ – seriously, he act ually
said t hat .

3) THE I TCHY & SCRATCHY PLAGI ARI SM CASE:
Roger Myers: ‘Your honour, you t ake away our right t o st eal ideas; where are t hey
supposed t o come from – her?’ [ looks at Marge]



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 111 www.logicalstupidity.com



So what makes Parafrazing legal?


You’re always changing t he original t o suit your personal t ast e. Let me explain…


SONG 23 COPYRIGHT PROTECTED . [ LYRI X]

YOU CALL ME MR. MAGINATION
I’M A GENIUS IN YOUR EYES
BUT IT’S JUST A VARIATION
OF THE SAME OLD SONG IN DISGUISE

I’M ALWAYS REARRANGING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY
WATCH ME CHANGE THE PRESENTATION OF A CLICHÉ
NOW IT MAY BE YOUR BELIEF
THAT I’M JUST A COMMON THIEF
SO LET ME TELL YOU WHY I’M NOT:

I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE TO USE
OTHER PEOPLE’S POINTS OF VIEWS
BUT WHAT IT WAS AND WHAT IS NOW IS NOT CONNECTED
IF I REVISE IT I DISGUISE IT
THAT’S MY WAY TO LEGALISE IT
NOW IT’S MINE AND COPYRIGHT PROTECTED

SOMEONE ELSE MAY HAVE SAID IT
THAT MAY BUG YOU IF YOU LET IT
BUT WHAT IT WAS AND WHAT IS NOW IS NOT CONNECTED
IF I REVISE IT I DISGUISE IT
THAT’S MY WAY TO LEGALISE IT
NOW IT’S MINE AND COPYRIGHT PROTECTED


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 112 www.logicalstupidity.com



PARAFRAZI NG I S ALSO BASED ON:

PAFYAFFI NG - Pulling Advice From Your Ass For FI Nancial Gain, where originalit y is
achieved t hrough CONS and FI BS:

1) CONS: You have t o separat e t he CONt ent from t he CONt ainer t o get t he
CONcept , in order t o reframe in anot her CONt ext .

2) FI BS: Fill I n t he Blank Spaces t o make it yours.

The song, wit h choreography, will explain all:

SONG 22 GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX . [ LYRI X]

SEPARATE THE CONTENT FROM THE CONTAINER TO GET THE CONCEPT
NOW GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX
TO CHANGE THE CONTEXT
FILL IN THE GAPS


Let ’s break it down: Separ at e t he cont ent f r om t he cont ai ner t o get t he
concept .

That means separat e t he JI ZZ FROM THE GENERI C:
(‘Jizz’, as in t he birding t erm, meaning ‘inst ant ly ident ifiable charact erist ic’.)
i.e. separat e:
The t rademark from t he generic.
The Coke from t he cola.
The Kellogg’s from t he cornflakes.
The Ford from t he 4 x 4.
The sauce from t he sausage.
The buzzword from t he buzz.
The essence from t he ice-cream.
The pollen from t he flower.
The melody from t he harmony.


Now, wit h t he t rademark or t he melody removed, you’re left wit h t he concept , t he
syst em, t he groove, t he harmonic st ruct ure, over which you can improvise your own
product or melody:


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 113 www.logicalstupidity.com



SONG 24 HEY JADE . [ LYRI X]


HEY JADE, LET GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW
TAKE AN OLD SONG AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN
IT MIGHT NOT BE BETTER
BUT YOU KNOW IT’S YOURS
AND YOU KNOW YOU’VE AVOIDED
ALL THE COPYRIGHT LAWS

HOW DIFFICULT CAN THIS BE
TO FIND THE COMBINATION
TO REWRITE THE MELODY
THERE’S ONLY 12 NOTES TO CHOOSE FROM
WHATEVER I DO IT WILL SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU KNOW
BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU
IT’S MY VERY OWN

THIS IS A SONG YOU KNOW BUT YOU CAN
REWRITE THE MELODY
IT’S NOT THE WAY IT HAS TO BE
THIS IS MY SONG NOW
LET GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW SO I CAN
CHANGE THE PARADIGM
SOMETHING SOMETHING HAS TO RHYME WITH
MY SONG NOW


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 114 www.logicalstupidity.com
CHART 2 BANDWAGON MESHUGGANAH MATRI X

CPT: CURRENT PREVAI LI NG TRENDS / OPI ’S: OTHER PEOPLE’S I DEAS

CPT MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing I n Disguise
Songs:

Hey Jude
MR. MAGINATION
HEY JADE
POP SONG POETRY
All t he best lines from your
favourit e songs rolled int o one

Songwrit er

TV:
Simpsons (Bart ) Ai Caramba pizza Domino’s Pizza
Simpsons (Flanders) Fun-diddly-onion rings Domino’s Onion rings
(Sponsor op)
Real i t y TV:
Bi g Brot her + Jackass
+
I ’m a Cel ebr i t y get me
out ahere =

Bi g Ass Cel ebr i t y™

TV producer
TV show
X-fact or + Fear fact or = XXX Fear Fact or ™
Erot ic dances / act s performed
on / for j udges
TV producer
Jackass Evel Knei del ™
Pulls off st unt s considered
highly dangerous in t he Jewish
communit y
Jewish st unt guy
4Just 4Jews
TVshow
Movi es:
Harry Pan
+ Pet er Pot t er in
Pot s&Pans™
Harry & Pet e’s feigela kit chen
advent ure
Script writ er
mmovies
Lord of The Rings,
Spiderman, King Kong,
St ar Wars,
Babe - pig in t he cit y
Spiderpig

Lor d of t he Spi der kong
War s™
Homer Simpson

Script writ er
mmovies
Eyes Wide Shut Jaws Wired Shut
Homer get s his j aws wired
Simpsons



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 115 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 112: JUMP ON A CELEBRI TUNI TY*
* Business opport unit y provided court esy of a celebrit y.

How do you do it ? Wat ch t he news! Wat ch Big Brot her! Read t he gossip mags!

CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing I n Disguise
News – ‘Chant elle wins
Celebrit y Big Brot her.’

Chant elle is a Paris
Hilt on look-alike, so
Travelodge Hot els
j umped on t he
celebrit unit y t o creat e:

Chant elle Travelodge

Travelodge
(Sponsor op)
News – ‘Brit ney Spears
shaves her head.’
Celebrit unit y:
Brit ney Shears doll
¯ Search images: ‘Brit ney
Shears doll’


BoXo St ock Cubes™
‘So good t hey’re wort h fight ing
over’

Oxo St ock Cubes ¯PiX
(Sponsor op)
produx/ food
BB Reci pes™
– for limit ed shopping
boodget s
Big Brot her Celebrit y Cook
Book
– recipes from t he BB house,
including ‘Chicken al a Shilpa’

Jamie Oliver
mmovies
produx/ books/ print ed mat t er


News – ‘Jade Goody
loses her t emper wit h
Shilpa Shet t y.’ (Causing
an int ernat ional race
row and a wonderful
celebrit unit y: )

Bi g Br ot her

JayGoody Doll:
JAYDOLL™
Push various but t ons for
soundbit es from t he fight ,
as well as gems like:
‘How comes Eskimo’s don’t
freeze?’

Toy company
mmovies
produx/ t oys
>PiX

News – ‘Kinga Karolczak
becomes famous for
mast urbat ing wit h a
wine bot t le on Big
Brot her.’

Celebrit unit y:


The Ki ngaRude™
The wine bot t le you can ride

Sex Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
produx/ sex t oy


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 116 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing I n Disguise
News – ‘David Guest on
I ’m a Celebrit y uses
cat chphrases.’
‘I need sugar’ or
‘I don’t do dishes’
T-Shirt
produx
Mini Driver Mi ni Dr i ver ™ Mini
produx/ model of car
Alan Carr The Al an Car r Poof Mobi l e™ Car company
produx/ model of car
Posh The PoshUp br a™
‘Made from Fearne Cot t on’
(Source – The Sun: ‘Chanelle’s
in a Posh Up bra’)
Bra company
produx/ beaut y/ fashion
Al Pacino Al ppucci no™ St arbucks
produx/ beverage/ coffee
(Sponsor op)
Shakira Shaki r awor s™
Sout h African singer who looks
and sounds like Shakira but
has heavy Afrikaans accent
mmovies/ produx/ pop st ar
Various celebs giving
direct ions
Cel ebNav™ Sat nav
produx/ gadget / sat nav
(Tom Tom Sponsor op)
Never -endi ng t r ends:

I nt ernet dat ing [ Flirt omat ic.com]
Mobile phone dat ing
Mobile phone operat or
Karaoke Shower oKey™
Wor ds on t ap™
You like singing in t he shower
but you can’t remember
t he words
mmovies/ produx/ gadget / t oy
iPod The new Ford iPod
I t ’s an iPod on Wheels
Car Company
New car t hat comes wit h an
iPod
(Sponsor op)
Crazy frog Cr azyLar ms™
Tunes t hat would scare any
burglar away
Car or house alarm
produx/ securit y
(Sponsor op)


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 117 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing I n Disguise
World cup fever Foot ball fanat ic pizza Domino’s Pizza ¯PiX
Dinosaurs Barney, Dino, Roborapt or
Dinosaur Sket ch
Jurassic Park
Jackoffosaurus

Thesaur us MS™
The clever dinosaur t hat
changed it s name t o survive in
t he comput er world

Cart oons & t oy t ie-ins
Mont y Pyt hon
Spielberg
Sout h Park

Microsoft / Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
produx/ educat ional t oy



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 118 www.logicalstupidity.com
RELI GI ON
O SPARX 113: RELI GI TUNI TY: Use your r el i gi on as a st i mul us f or
i nnovat i on

Here we t ake our inspirat ion from Coca Cola who found Sant a in t he meshugganah
middle zone bet ween Jesus and Coke:

CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing I n Disguise
Christ Sant a Coke
(Sponsor op)
Many ot her s f ound t hei r cr eat i ve space i n t he meshugganah mi ddl e zone t he
same way:
Christ Passion of t he Christ
The Da Vinci Code
Life of Brian
The Bible

Mel Gibson
Dan Brown
Mont y Pyt hon
Based on an original idea by
God but inspired by various
aut hors
keep goi ng…
wMoviePit ch: Opus Gay
Based on t he t heory t hat
Christ & all his disciples were
gay, so no bloodline anywhere

Script writ er
mmovies/ dilog
East er Bunny
East er Parade
???
Sidney Sheldon…
keep goi ng…
wMoviePit ch: Dur acel l
Par ade
feat uring t he meshugganah
East er bunny
(Sponsor op for Duracell)
mmovies/ dilog/ scifi
East er Bunny ¬ Mad Mar ch Har e ¬ Spr i ngt i me ¬ The Pr oducer s ¬
wMoviePit ch: Spr i ngt i me f or
Bush i n I r aq
A het erosexual romp wit h
George, Condy and Dick



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 119 www.logicalstupidity.com
Now j ust as Coke creat ed Sant a, so t oo are t here plent y of religit unit ies t o sell your
product – e.g. bot t led wat er is sold as Holy Kabbalah wat er for £3 a bot t le, and red
st ring for £18 a bracelet .

Let ’s look at ot her ways t o use religion as a market ing t ool:

CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing I n Disguise
Kabbel ah Cooki es™
philosophy from t he Zohar
free wit h every ‘RavBerger’
Bakery
produx/ kosher food/
4Just 4Jews
(Sponsor op for Rav Berg)


Kabbalah + Fort une
cookies:
Fal af el osophy™
Jewish philosophy scrolls
inside Falafels
produx/ Falafel deli/
kosher food/ 4Just 4Jews

Christ mas '12 days of Fit ness'
Sign out side gym
Gym owner
(Sponsor op)
Christ mas Music Xmas i n I sr ael ™ t he album
By Evel Kneidel, who loves
Jewish music j ust as much as
he loves Xmas
Feat uring Havana Ji ngl e
Bel l s
(Cuban mix) ADDsonge.


produx/
music genre/ 4Just 4Jews

From a news report j ust in: Rabbis in Jerusalem have figured out a way t o play Soduko
on Shabbes, using magnet s, because writ ing is forbidden on Shabbes. Yet anot her
religit unit y:

CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing I n Disguise
Shabbadabbaduko™
Soduko you can play on
Shabbes
(Uses magnet s inst ead of
writ ing)
>PiX: produx/ brain t oys
4Just 4Jews
Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
Shomr e Shabbes
Games™
Shabbes friendly games for
t he whole family
mmovies/ produx/
exec t oys/ 4Just 4Jews




Shabbes + Soduko
SoJewku™



The braint easer Just for
Jews
>PiX: produx/ exec t oys
4Just 4Jews



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 120 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing I n Disguise
Shabbes Goys™
For Jews who are Shomre
Shabbes but st ill want t o do
regular t hings

produx/ kosher service/ scifi
‘Let t he Shikse do it ! ’
Cher yl t he Shi kse™
All your Shabbes needs
t aken care of by Cheryl t he
Shapely Shikse

produx/ kosher service/ scifi
4Just 4Jews
‘Ask about Shomre Shabbes
Shagging deals – it ’s a
mit zvah! ’







Shabbes
ADDsonge .
‘Let me be your Shabbes
Goy’
Non-Jewish girl who
expresses her feelings for
her Jewish boyfriend

Gay Jewish Weddings Gay Gezunt er hai t ™
The Rabbi Business
Specializing in gay Jewish
Weddings
Jewish dat ing sit e for
Jewish gays and lesbians
4Just 4Jews
>PiX/ mmovies/ produx/
wedding biz/ dot com/ scifi
Jew t he Cud™
Kosher Bacon
‘All our GM pigs chew t he
cud’
Jewish pig farmer /
Jews who like bacon but feel
guilt y about eat ing it
produx/ kosher food/ rest aurant
4Just 4Jews
JewSeaFood™
Tr ai f i sh™
Our GM shellfish have fins &
scales and what ’s more, we
fed t hem on our farm, so
t hey’re not scavengers.
That means oyst ers,
mussels, prawns & crayfish
- ALL KOSHER!


>PiX/ grafix
produx/ kosher food/ rest aurant
4Just 4Jews






Kosher
Sosher Kushi ™
Kosher Sushi
Rest aurant 4Just 4Jews
produx/ kosher food


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 121 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing I n Disguise
Masal at ov™
Kosher I ndian Rest aurant
Hinj ew: Hindu who grew up
Jewish
Jewindu: Jew who grew up
Hindu

– (less likely, but point
is bot h would eat I ndian food if
it were kosher)
produx/ kosher food/ Just 4Jews
Kur esh Cohen’s Kosher
Del hi ™
produx/ kosher food/ rest aurant
4Just 4Jews
Chopped l i ver Jal f r ezi ™ produx/ kosher food
4Just 4Jews
Per i shwar i Chal a Br ead™ produx/ kosher food
4Just 4Jews









Kosher
Kosher Fr i dge™
A game t eaching kids about
t he laws of Kashrut .
The game consist s of t wo
fridges for milk and meat .
Various meat , milk and
parev product s have t o be
packed int o t he t wo fridges.
There’s only one way
everyt hing can fit – t he
kosher way.
Can you figure it out ?


4Just 4Jews
produx/ kosher t oys
Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
Tumul Di ck™
– t he wildest ride of your
life
4Just 4Jews Sex Toys™
produx/ sex t oy/ exec t oy/ scifi
(Sponsor op)
>PiX/ grafix




Kosher Sex
PesachDi ck™
(Mat zah balls included)
I t ’s Kosher for Passover and
comes in a Mat zah Box
(for privacy)

produx/ sex t oy/ scifi
4Just 4Jews
>PiX/ grafix


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 122 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAI LI NG TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBI D:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing I n Disguise
Kosher Sex Chut zpahDi ck™– who
came up wit h t his? How
dare t hey?*
* t ranslat ion: ‘I want one.’
>PiX/ grafix
produx/ sex t oy/ scifi
4Just 4Jews
Sex Toy company
(Sponsor op)

Kosher Clot hing YeHoody™
Jew t alking t o me?
EdgeWear for rebeligious
kids
For religious rebels
Si mchaRobi cs™
Simcha dancing as a serious
workout
Fit ness Company/ scifi
4Just 4Jews





Kosher Exercise
‘Fi t ness f or Fr ummi es’
Guys get your gear from
shvet zing.com (e.g.
spandex wit h Tzit zit built in)

And girls get your sheit les
from funkysheit le.com
(designed especially for
workout s)
Be mor e You-i sh:
Fr ummi e can be f unky
4Just 4Jews





4Just 4Jews
And whi l e we’r e exer ci si ng…
Mind, Body, Spirit
+ Combinat ion of
religions
Tai Kee Ji t so Quando
Di sco Yogal i ngus™
Way more t han j ust mind,
body & spirit ; t his one
improves your oral sex life
t oo
Fit ness expert / sex
t herapist / t heologian
Spa Biz/ Guru biz

Keep mixing it up and you’ll event ually get t o t he ult imat e combinat ion:

TAIKEE JITSO QUANDO DISCO YOGALINGUS X2
KABBALISTIC HINDU CHRISTO MUSLIM
HOT STONE AROMA THAI THERAPY SING!


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 123 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 113: RELI GI TUNI TY: Use your r el i gi on as a st i mul us f or
i nnovat i on

This inspirat ion device led t o t he following:



mMMovies .TVshow -shtix YIDVID
EVEL KNEIDEL and his halachically incorrect stunts 4Just4Jews

Disclaimer / Warning:
These are all highly dangerous stunts you should not attempt
unless you have loads of chutzpah. Kneidel is a professional
stuntman who also happens to love being Jewish.
It’s from Jewish laws & customs that he’s found THE ANSWER:
Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R, from which all material comes.

Do not attempt these stunts unless you’re prepared to deal with
the consequences of asking serious questions about Judaism. For
each of these clips, you’re going to play the role of Kneidel.
Before getting into the role, you need to figure out what
question your action statement asks. If you don’t like the
question, then don’t do the stunt, or find another stunt to ask
a question you’d like to ask.

Kneidel is so proud of being Jewish that he wants to fly the
flag of Yiddishkite as high as possible, in fact literally,
which is exactly why he invented the YiddishKite:

mMMovies vid -shtix
The YiddishKite™ fly it your way
produx/exec/toy/sport/advertising 4Just4Jews

The YiddishKite is a kite designed to look like a massive flying
Tallis Gadol - a large rectangular garment with fringes (see
pic).

Anyone interested in designing, producing and flying this
product should also include the following text on the tallis:
YiddishKite – keep it flying.
www.l ogi cal st upi di t y.com

The same way that ‘YiddishKite’ can be advertised on a kite, so
can any logo or website.
New business venture: KITEVERTISING™ / www.WebsiteWithWings.com™
/ Wings4Webs™ / WebWings™ / KiteSites™ / FlySite™

- airtime for
your website
Get your site on a kite

produx/dotcom/kite biz



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 124 www.logicalstupidity.com


Here are 4 out of 17 of Evel Kneidel’s Halacha defying st unt s.
I ’m keeping t he best ones for t he paid version of t he book, so you might as well buy it .



mMMovies -shtix dilog 4Just4Jews
1) Goy Ride
Dressed in orthodox clothing on Shabbes, Kneidel cruises down
Golders Green main road (or similar) in a Hummer (or similar)
with reg plate ‘Evel Kneidel’.
As rap music blares from the windows he nods his head to the
beat and offers rides to everyone coming from synagogue,
spreading the message that ‘We’re supposed to rest on The
Sabbath, not work. Walking is working. Get in the car!’

[Director’s notes: Organize a few ‘plants’ to jump in. We’ll
need plenty of reaction shots, so you’ll have to shoot from
inside a rap mobile with tinted windows.]

mMMovies -shtix dilog 4Just4Jews
2) ‘Let the Jew through’
Evel cuts to the front of various queues saying, ‘Jew coming
through; excuse me, sorry, let the Jew through. We don’t queue
for anything. Sorry, not part of our religion. Out of my way.
Hello? A little respect here. Make way for the chosen people.
Thank you.’
(Only attempt this stunt in the Diaspora, i.e. anywhere besides
Israel.)

mMMovies wMoviePitch -shtix dilog 4Just4Jews

14) ‘The Afiko Man’
This is a movie pitch available in the e-book.

mMMovies wMoviePitch dilog 4Just4Jews
[produx – it’s a real place, not just a movie!]
15) Gucci Pooch Dog Rehab™


You’d think that life was stress free as the pampered pet of
the jet set, but it’s not. And only pet psychologist Dr
Jewlittle knows how to deal with their petty anxieties and
neuroses – by taking them back to their wild dog roots at the
Gucci Pooch Boot Camp...




15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 125 www.logicalstupidity.com
15. Pop Song Poet r y –
The Rehash Par t of The Equat i on



O SPARX 103: POP SONG POETRY

‘To st eal f r om St even Wr i ght i s pl agi ar i sm. To st eal f r om many comedi ans i s
r esear ch.’ – Pet er Gr eenwal l


PSP is a device t o help you creat e new songs, product s and movies by combining 2 or
more samples of your favourit e influences. Here’s how it works:

1) Cut 'n' Past e words from your t arget influences ont o cards.

2) Shuffle and t hrow t he cards, read t hem as t hey lie & l i e about t hem as you r ead.


Examples:

For a new Coffee shop: Hoot er Bucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’ TRY OUR S( LATTE) ’S
(produx)

Fit ness program: Yogal i ngus – a workout for your mind, body & t ongue (produx)

Movie: Pot s & Pans – t he magical (gay) kit chen advent ures of Harry Pan
and Pet er Pot t er (mmovies)



POP SONG POETRY was originally a device used for writ ing songs by rehashing your
favourit e lyrics. For example, you could t ake a ‘hey’ from ‘Hey Jude’ or ‘Hey
Macarena’, a ‘shiki bum bum’ from somewhere, a ‘moon in June’ and a ‘t oget her
forever’, roll it all int o one, like a new improved mort gage deal, and t hen
GET YOURSELF I N THE MI X! Just sing what ever! So here we go:


15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 126 www.logicalstupidity.com
SONG 25 POP SONG POETRY . [ LYRI X www.. MUSI CVI Dw.]
WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER
WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER I’M GOING ON ABOUT

GIRLS IN POP SONGS ONLY COME FROM THE PLACE WITH WHICH THEY RHYME
THAT'S WHY THINGS HAPPEN IN JUNE
LIKE HER RED LIPS OF DESIRE
THEY RHYME WITH MOON
HER MOONLIGHT AND FIRE

THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN
WE'RE DOING POP SONG POETRY
SO DRIVE MY CAR AND LOVE ME LIKE YESTERDAY
YOUR LOVE IS A ROSE
LIKE AN EAGLE IN THE SKY
THAT'S GETTING ME HIGH
AS A MEANINGLESS METAPHOR
THAT MAY NOT DESCRIBE WHATEVER

WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER
WHATEVER I'M GOING ON ABOUT

INVISIBLE ROBOT FISH CLIMBING UP THE WALL
IT'S NOT ABOUT A GIRL WHO GOT AWAY
IT'S NOT ABOUT A WOMAN AT ALL
IT'S ABOUT FLOWERS IN THE RAIN
AND THE PEOPLE IN THE CITY
STOP THINKING - USE YOUR BRAIN
SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY
THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN…

NAH NAH NAH NAH
I’M DOING POP SONG POETRY
BOOM SHICKI BUM BUM SHICKI BUM BUM
IS POP SONG POETRY
EVERYBODY HEART LOVE I NEED YOU THE GIRL
DREAM KISS TOGETHER FOREVER
YOU DON'T LOVE ME LIKE I DO OO OO I’M DOING
POP SONG POETRY

NAH NAH NAH NAH
I'M DOING POP SONG POETRY
I'M STUCK FOR TIME SO THAT'S WHY I'M CHANGING KEY
THAT'S ME I'M DONE I'M RUNNING LOW ON POETRY
BUT I KNOW THE DJ'S GONNA FADE ME ANYWAY
SO I THINK I'LL JUST END IT HERE


15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 127 www.logicalstupidity.com



PSP works on t he principle of EDI TED HI GHLI GHTS:
The best bit s of anyt hing will aut omat ically be int erest ing.

This is based on:

Camer a/ Par t i cl e t heor y
-Sht iX

The ‘point a cam’ or camera/ part icle principle is in fact part of Einst ein’s quant um
t heory: he observed t hat part icles behave different ly when t hey’re being wat ched.
I ndeed t hey do; t hey st art pulling funny faces, saying funny t hings, fight ing wit h each
ot her, blowing t hings up, ordering t roops int o foreign count ries t o blow t hings up,
eat ing road kill and maggot s, driving nails t hrough t heir t est icles, and j ust generally
act ing weird.

Nobody knows I ’m an idiot yet because I don’t have a camera following me around.
But if I did and you edit ed all my ‘best bit s’ t oget her, I ’d be a buffoon j ust like all t he
ot her celebs you love t o hat e / make fun of. I can’t wait t o prove t his t heory!

Just as Bush and ot hers in t he limelight reveal loads of ‘human nat ure’ when being
filmed, so t oo do animals reveal animal nat ure: March of t he Penguins is about
penguins j ust being penguins.

I t ’s a fascinat ing document ary, part ly because t hey really are fascinat ing, and part ly
because you need t o film t hem for a year and shoot over 120 hours of foot age t o
capt ure t he magic in an 80-minut e document ary. That ’s nearly 4 t imes t he average
15 minut es of fame we humans get , which is why penguins are nearly 4 t imes as
fascinat ing as most of us can ever hope t o be.
Unless of course you apply t he camera/ part icle principle when creat ing your own
document aries, which is what you’re about t o do now:


I f you st ill don’t believe t hat film foot age is proport ional t o fascinat ion and fame, and
t hat point ing a camera or microphone at anyt hing or anyone will cause it t o do
somet hing int erest ing, t hen here are a few ways t o prove it on your own, by making:


15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 128 www.logicalstupidity.com



O SPARX 110: EDI TED HI GHLI GHTS, THE DOCUMENTARY


The following are mini document aries you’re going t o make t o demonst rat e
camera/ part icle t heory – i.e. t hat t he best bit s of anyt hing will be fascinat ing.

Cue t he example video consist ing of edit ed highlight s of 3-second clips of X-fact or
or ‘Brit ain’s got t alent ’ cont est ant s – not ice how t he edit ed package is always bet t er
t han t he unedit ed version?

Now over t o you. Here are 3 out of 22 document aries you can make.
(Buy t he book for t he rest .)



mMMovies viz .TVshow -shtix
1) A day in the life of me
PNN: Personal News Network / ‘Best Bits’

Get a camera crew to follow you around.
Edit all your best bits together over an appropriate soundtrack.
Watch in amazement at the incredible day you just had.






mMMovies -shtix

2) March of the Turds

Shove a tiny camera up your bum. Call it: ‘The March of the
Turds' – a colonoscomentary in the style of ‘Inside Britain’s
fattest man’.

‘But is it entertainment?’ you ask.
Yes. You'll find watching people who are queuing up to see it
highly entertaining.



15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 129 www.logicalstupidity.com


mMMovies .TVshow dilog -shtix ‘Press Junkie’
3) Press Junk Kit
How to interview anyone to make them fascinating

Interview anybody for 4 minutes – e.g. your builder on his tea
break or a plumber who comes to repair your boiler. Why 4
minutes? That’s the time given to any journalist doing a press
junket – an interview with a movie star to promote their latest
movie. It’s kept short because there could be up to 50
journalists doing the same interview in one day. They’re
usually given all kinds of perks to say nice things, which is
where the name media or junket whores comes from.
But the point of your experiment is to prove that an interview
with any regular person can be way more fascinating than a movie
star junket. To do this you’ll have to ask your subject ‘junket
style’ questions – e.g.

What’s it like working with a director as famous as British Gas?
Which co-worker was the most fun to work with?
How did you prepare for the role?
Does your character relate to the role of plumber? How so? (If
not, then why not?)
What was the easiest / hardest / most fun / most boring part?
I notice you showed a lot of bum cleavage. Is that expected of
everyone in the biz? Did it feel weird at first getting into
that, or were you a natural?
Do underwear companies pay you extra to do that?
What other kinds of product placement goes on in your business?
What does the future hold for your relationship with British
Gas?

That should be enough to fill 4 minutes, but if not, then refer
to more press junket questions.

Edit the best bits together and compare it to a real press
junket. Which is more fascinating? If you can’t decide, then
upload it and we’ll all decide for you.

[Director’s notes: You can substitute plumber for anyone who’s
not a movie star, e.g. a cab driver, carpenter, dentist,
proctologist, shrink, sky repair guy. You don’t even have to
wait for them to come over. Next time a telemarketer phones
you, say you’ll answer their questions if they answer yours.

Also refer to more press junket questions. These are just a few
that come to mind.
If you have the time and budget, you could make it even funnier
by doing it in the style of the biography channel, or VH1’s
‘behind the music’, except it’s about a very ordinary person.]



16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 130 www.logicalstupidity.com
16. Ref r ame The Mundane –
Remi x !ng t he Mel odi es of Li f e


Whereas PSP changes t he form, reframing changes t he cont ext . This is about t urning
raw foot age int o mat erial by focusing on edit ing and present ing. For example:


SUBSTANCE = Raw Footage = Old Life STYLE = Material = New Life

1) A comedian turns an encounter with an air hostess into a comedy routine.
2) A psychologist turns the same event into a psychological disorder.
3) A playwright turns the conversation directly into a play.
4) A businessman turns one of the sound bites into a ringtone.
5) An artist turns the seat and the window into an art installation.
6) A stylist turns the messed up hair into the ‘just got out of bed’ look.
7) David Blaine turns being bored to death into a PR stunt.
8) Dido transcribes the minutiae of her day into a pop song.
9) Simon Cowell turns regular wannabees into pop stars.
10) A chef turns regular ingredients into a gourmet meal.
11) Nicky Greenwall turns any Reuters feed into showbiz news.
12) Richard Quest (CNN) turns anything into news.


WORLD EXCLUSI VE BI G REVEAL: t he 6 st ages of t he cycl e of i nnovat i on

How solut ions can be found in unlikely places – demonst rat ed by t he invent ion of 18
new product s.
(The product s are explained in det ail in t he e-book.)

2) Sat nav
You’re t he capt ain of a ship. On arrival in Hawaii, you hire a car and get hopelessly
lost . You t hink t o yourself: how is it possible t hat I can find an island in t he Pacific
Ocean but not my way back t o t he harbour? Why can’t I have sat ellit e navigat ion in
my car? EOX! You’ve j ust invent ed it , or figured out how someone else might have.

Following on from Sat nav…


mMMovies eprodux

3) PayNav™

Automated satellite billing for parking, toll roads and other
restricted areas.

Buy the book for 2 pages on how it all works – why we’re not
doing this is beyond me!



16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 131 www.logicalstupidity.com
4) Gr eenWal l Car d™ – use your green point s as cash.

5) Cr edi t Car di o Gym™ – burn calories, not fossil fuels.

6) Rechar geGar age™, Locker Char ge™, Car di oChar ger ™,

Hour Of Power ™ –
ways t o t ap int o working out energy.



mMMovies
7) GoogleNav™ & GoogleNav Tourist™
produx/satnav software/mobile phone

– personal tour guide for your mobile phone – wherever you are!




8) mMMovies -shtix ¤pix/tourist photos
e´produx/climate crisis/dotcom/tourist footage



www.never goanywher e.com™

- better than being there, because
you’re not

2 pages of detail.



mMMovies viz -shtix
13) Personal Cocaine Dispenser™ – PCD BOX
produx/gadget/joke okay?/not real/scifi

You’re listening to your boyfriend’s latest CD in the studio.
It’s so awful you feel you need to do a line of cocaine before
you can say anything positive. As you search for a flat surface
you get your EOX! A Pete Doherty CD box!
And just like that, you invent ‘the PCD BOX’ – Personal Cocaine
Dispenser.
Cleverly disguised as a CD box, the straw secretly slides into a
slot inside the cover just like a PDA pen.
Order now and get the limited silver edition signed by Kate
Moss.

For the source of this idea ¬ ¯Search images:
‘kate moss doing cocaine’

Or, how about a parody poster / T-Shirt involving Calvin Klein,
featuring Co Kaine1 – just sniff it. >PiX [produx]
(Or should it be ‘smell & sniff’.)
(Surely by now enough time has passed for Kate’s cocaine bust to
be officially funny?)



16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 132 www.logicalstupidity.com




mMMovies viz -shtix
16) Last Rides™ – trash your old car the fun way
produx/sport/betting/car destruction/red letter day

You’re devastated to hear that your favourite old banger is
going to need repair work costing more than the car is worth.
You know you have to trash it, but you can’t bear the thought of
dumping your sentimentamobile at the crushers; you’d rather
crash it into a wall or something. Eureka – EOX! Wouldn’t it
be great if you could give it one last ride on an obstacle
course involving a few brick walls?
Or wait, even better, how amazing would it be to have a red-
letter day at the amateur stock car racing track, right next to
the car crusher, and take home a video of the whole thing?!
And if you’re too much of a woos, then hand it over to others
who’d happily pay for the privilege.
Or even watch trained professionals racing your old banger
against others. You could even take bets and turn it into a day
at the races, with a vested interest in your car!
You even get to take home your compacted car, or part thereof,
as a coffee table.
(produx/furniture/recycling/climate crisis solution)



mMMovies -shtix

17) Demolition Therapy™ – Therapeutic Damage To Property
produx/therapy/car & building demolition biz

At the end of a day of destroying cars, you notice how terrific
you feel. EOX! Demolition Therapy uses positive destruction to
de-stress and manage anger.
Explode your overload by trashing cars and buildings.
After a crash course of using demolition equipment used on
demolition sites, overstressed high-powered execs or office
workers would be qualified to perform a useful demolition
function while simultaneously exploding their overloads.
Win-win.
(Sponsor op)




16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 133 www.logicalstupidity.com

Aft er st udying t hese 18 case st udies, a pat t ern emerges t hat sheds light on t he
innovat ion process:



What do all these EOX! connections have in common?

1) Nobody tried to invent anything; they’re all gapcidents – accidents where a gap
was found.

2) They all come from RIGS: Random Idea Generating Situations.

3) There was a desire to solve a mystery, i.e. aspiration – the ‘A’ and fulcrum of
PIFYAFING – Pulling Ideas From Your Aspiration for FINancial Gain.

4) That desire was expressed as a rhetorical question to the metaphysical
(metalogue), as in
‘what’s up with this?’ or ‘why can’t I have satellite navigation in my car?’– i.e. all
metalogues revolve around that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R.

5) All metalogues were answered by a connection, or EOX! – the melody of life.
(Be on the lookout for the phrase: ‘…so I thought to myself…’)

6) The EOX! always connects information from the past with information from the
future – two or more different worlds – simply because you were at the right place
at the right time (i.e. the centre of an intersection of completely unrelated ideas).
1


7) It’s not only your specific mystery that was solved, but a universal mystery as well,
which is why you’re rewarded with a tremendously good feeling. This is how you
can identify an EOX!
If you don’t actually laugh out loud when you have one, then they have exactly the
same feeling as laughter.

[See ‘Laughter – the cause of The Big Bang’ for more info.]



See ‘How t o get yourself int o unlikely places’.


I t ’s no coincidence t hat Parallel Universe Theory and Previously Unconnect ed ThingZ
are connect ed by t he same acronym; t here’s only one PUTZ who can see t he
connect ion bet ween t his universe and t he one you’re act ing as an ambassador for –
and t hat ’s you.

1
For more about intersectional innovation read ‘The Medici Effect’ by Frans Johansson



17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 134 www.logicalstupidity.com
17. 6 Br andi ng St r at egi es Used i n t he
ARTS: Any Rubbi sh That Sel l s



Branding is t he science of get t ing people t o change t heir mind from ‘yes but what
would you act ually do wit h it ?’ t o ‘I got t a have one of t hose now! ’



We’re going t o look at 6 ways t o do t his:


1) The Name: why add value when all you need is an adj ect ive?

2) Fashi on: if you can’t change t he way you look, t urn it int o a fashion.

3) Pr i ce Tag: you can’t polish a t urd, but you can put a price t ag on it .

4) Soundt r ack: don’t say it ; sing it – or at least put a soundt rack under it .
(I f you’re a musician, t hen bit ch about it t o t he beat .)

5) Tone of Voi ce: how t o t urn anyt hing int o news, by using DRAMA I N YOUR
VOI CE.

6) Technol ogy: t he cooler t he gadget , t he less you care about t he cont ent .



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 135 www.logicalstupidity.com
18. Rhyt hmagi nat i on &
Doodl i ng t o t he Deadl i ne


HOW TO SET YOUR MI ND FREE TO DESTROY CONTEXT



Most sounds we hear are heard out of cont ext – we don’t see exact ly what ’s causing
t he sound, and as a result we have t o fill in t he gaps and guess what t he sound could
be. For example, if you hear a bang out side, it could be a gunshot , exhaust backfire
or fireworks. This is how sounds become audio t riggers t hat connect you t o past and
fut ure event s.



REVEALED: How visual & audio t riggers creat e gapcident s – happy accident s where
logic collides wit h st upidit y t o creat e new ideas.


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 136 www.logicalstupidity.com
DOODLI NG TO THE DEADLI NE appl i ed t o songwr i t i ng

O SPARX 153: MI ND THE MAP – DO NOT BEGI N WI TH THE END I N MI ND
The obj ect ive: t o get horribly lost and discover places t hat nobody’s ever been t o
before.

Just as event s and shapes t rigger images, so t oo will any squiggle you draw, and t his
is how you’re able t o creat e elaborat e doodles while you’re on t he t elephone. I f you’re
at a piano, any chord you play will make you t hink of not es wit hin t he chord. So j ust
as you t end t o want t o finish people’s sent ences off for t hem, when you hear t hree
not es, you’ll want t o finish off t he st at ement .

Try it : wit hout looking at t he keyboard, play any t hree not es. Now complet e t he
st at ement you’ve j ust made. Just keep doodling and event ually it will st art t o look like
somet hing; t hen fill in t he gaps, and songs will magically appear. Don’t decide what it
is unt il it ’s done. And even t hen, reserve j udgement – let ot hers decide what it is.

For lyrics, do exact ly t he same. Just say everyt hing you’re feeling, like what you need
t o get your song going: ‘I need words t o make up phrases…’

SONG 26 DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE . [ LYRI X]

I NEED WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES TO MAKE UP VERSES TO MAKE UP THE CHORUS

Now st ar t t hr owi ng out some r andom musi cal phr ases:

SWING TIME MOVE TIME, GROOVING TO THE BASSLINE
LICKING OUT THE CHOPS TO THE BEAT BOX
THE RIFF THE LINE THE FILL THE STAB
LICKING OUT THE CHOPS TO THE BEAT BOX

Keep goi ng; r epeat l i nes t hat wor k wel l :

IT’S ALL GOT TO GO TOGETHER
JUST LIKE THE NOTES OF A MEASURE

I NEED WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES TO MAKE UP VERSES TO MAKE UP THE CHORUS

What el se do you need?

AND ALL I NEED IS THE GROOVE
JUST THE RHYTHM
A COUPLE OF WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES
AND WATCH ME GO
WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE
WITH MY UNINTENDED PHRASES
WHO KNOWS WHERE I’M GOING
PUTTING DOWN THE GROOVE TRACK
LICKING OUT THE CHOPS
FIX IT IN THE MIX
PUTTING DOWN THE RHYTHM TRACK
WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE
IT’S GOT TO GO TOGETHER
WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING DOWN THE RHYTHM TRACK
IT MUST BE JUST ABOUT SWING TIME MOVE TIME, GROOVING TO THE BASSLINE…


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 137 www.logicalstupidity.com
RHYTHMAGI NATI ON – your t empoment al r hyt hm
O SPARX 145: LET YOUR MI ND DESTROY CONTEXT BY LETTI NG I T
FLOW I N THE DI RECTI ON I T WANTS TO GO


mMMovies viz -Shtix
10) Sonic Intelligence

Sounds are attached to events for a reason – they tell you
things you need to know:

[audio FX of reversing truck]

This is the unmistakable sound of a reversing truck. There’s a
reason this sound goes with this reversing truck - to warn you
that somewhere very close to you is
A GREAT BIG REVERSING TRUCK – GET OUT THE WAY!

Or if you’re a guy and you’re taking a pee in the dark, sounds
have the same function as lights on a runway - they give you
vital positional information:

[sfx] This is the sound of the pee hitting the centre of the
bowl, giving you centre position, and telling you to move
slightly off because there’s no need to wake everyone in the
house.

[sfx] This is the sound of the side of the bowl telling you that
you’re on course; stay where we you are.

[sfx] This is the sound of the magazine rack telling you to move
back quickly to centre position.

[fart sfx] Too much pressure, relax a little.

[cat screeching sfx] This is the sound of the cat you didn’t
realize was in there, and [sfx of door scratching] this is the
sound of the cat in a rush to get out after being pissed and
farted on.

This is how we use sounds to give us useful information to tell
us what’s going on, where we are and where we’ve come from,
which is why we like music so much: it connects you to specific
thought frequencies that take you back to happy or sad memories,
making you want to ‘play it again, Sam’.
The opening riff from Aha’s ‘Take on me’, Vanhalen’s ‘Jump’,
‘Final Countdown’ and ‘Eye of the Tiger’ will instantly connect
you to all kinds of memories from your past – where you were and
who you were with.
---
But now, thanks to the ringtone mix of every sound that ever
existed, you have no idea what’s coming at you: a vicious dog, a
cow, a lion, a wild cat, a pneumatic drill, a toothbrush, a car,
a fart.
They should be warning messages, like ‘there’s a cow on the bus,
move!’ or ‘warning – someone just farted, move away’.
But no. Now we have no idea what’s going on. And if you think
this is confusing, spare a thought for the blind. One can only
hope there are no pedestrian crossing ringtones:



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 138 www.logicalstupidity.com




mMMovies viz -shtix
‘Sound FX Blind’

Show a blind man setting off to cross a busy intersection on
hearing a pedestrian crossing ringtone, but do not show him
getting run over. Use a professional stuntman for that.



So why is all t his confusion necessary?


Sounds out of cont ext = BI G REVENUE! The sound of a simulat ed scoot er st art ing up
superimposed over an animat ed frog = crazy frog remix = £40 million wort h of logical
st upidit y.


This kind of revenue forces you t o see all kinds of ot her sounds in a whole new
cont ext , so t hat ’s exact ly what we’re doing in t his chapt er.


Sounds provide messages from dist ant worlds t elling you how t o FI B: Fill I n Blanks.
For inst ance, a t rain’s hoot er or a doorbell will give you 2 or 3 not es, which is all you
need t o connect you t o a t une you already know:


This doorbell [ sfx] provides t he first t wo not es of a popular Brazilian foot ball ant hem,
connect ing you wit h all kinds of world cup memories. [ demo]


This means t hat if you’re a composer of music, it aut omat ically makes you finish off
t he ‘st at ement ’ on your own. For example:


4 bees buzzing around a flower, in harmony wit h t he vacuum cleaner and your elect ric
t oot hbrush, and you might j ust hear a D maj or 7 flat t ened 5
t h.




18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 139 www.logicalstupidity.com


A dove cooing can connect you t o t he opening riff of a new song:
List en t o how t he sound of a dove cooing crossfades perfect ly wit h t he opening riff of
‘New York, New York’. [ soundbit e demo]

I n t he next movie I ’m going t o show you how t o use a nat ural sound, like t he
squeaking brakes of a bus, as t he st art ing point of a new composit ion:




mMMovies/viz/produx/album/band/artist/inspiration device for
composing music

‘Brakes & fills’ by BusTop 40 - music inspired by street sounds
ADDsonge .

Picture this: A trumpet player is busking near a busy bus stop.
He’s not playing any standards but improvising his own melodies
over funky backing tracks coming from a boom box connected to a
laptop. As each bus approaches he uses the notes played by
squeaking brakes as the starting riff for a new melodic
direction. He continues with the same piece until the next bus
approaches, which is also his cue to change the backing track.
Connected to his laptop is a microphone which he uses to
encourage anybody walking past to say, rap or sing something -
just a few lines of whatever they’re thinking about.
So not only does he use squeaking bus brakes as inspiration, but
vocal melodies as well. Then he moves on to all street sounds –
some as inspiration for improvisation and some as samples,
recorded and inserted rhythmically into the music. So, for
example, car hoots would be part of the mix.

He hands out cards giving his website where all live productions
are available to purchase, and he sells his CD’s from a trumpet
case which is also used for tips.
The top CD shows the title: ‘Brakes & Fills, by BusTop 40’.
An assistant of his teaches the choreography for the ‘The
Squeaky Brake Dance’ to the people waiting at the bus stop. The
whole thing is videod and available for all to see on youtube
the same night.
Search for BusTop 40 as soon as it becomes available – i.e. as
soon as it leaves the metaphysical thoughtmosphere and enters
the physical world – i.e. as soon as my guessedge becomes
knowledge – i.e. my regular bullshit becomes professional
bullshit – i.e. my dreams come true.






18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 140 www.logicalstupidity.com




‘Brakes & Fills’ was inspired by the sound effects choir on the
Honda commercial.

I wondered: What if, instead of the choir replicating sound
effects with their voices, they transcribed them into tones,
intervals and rhythms and then used them as the starting points
of new melodies? And what if you could do it ‘on the fly’?
And what if it was done by a busker feeding off sound effects
from the streets?

That wonder was just a wonder uploaded to the thoughtmosphere,
until I cycled past a bus whose brakes sounded like a really
loud melodic bird song. EOX! That was the connection I needed
to complete the sketch of ‘Brakes & Fills’, a play on ‘Breaks &
Fills’, which are building blocks used in music production.
Now over to you, either to create this sketch or adopt the same
system into your world: mMMovies Busking for Birds

What if you were a clarinettist and did the same thing in a
forest of birds?
What if you transcribed bird song melodies into actual melodies
and recorded them?
And how would the birds appreciate their songs being plagiarised
and adapted? Would they change their tunes to match your new
version? Where do they get their song ideas from? Who’s
teaching who here? Only one way to find out:

Dream it up, then just do it...

Honda – the power of dreams
[Sponsorship opportunity]






18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 141 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 146: PLAGI ARI SE NATURE!
The above movie is designed t o demonst rat e how nat ural sounds can be used as
inspirat ion for musical pieces. To use t his device, carry a digit al recorder wit h you and
st art recording t he sounds of nat ure and machines. When you get back t o your st udio,
eit her import t he sample direct ly int o your music soft ware program or play t he closest
represent at ion on a musical inst rument . Use each nat ural riff as t he st art ing riff for a
musical piece, filling in t he gaps as you hear t hem. Consider t he sounds and rhyt hms
of print ers, cars st art ing up, engines idling, bird calls…go wild!

The sound of a car st art ing up combined wit h t he fact t hat you’re st art ing a new
relat ionship, leads t o an EOX! A car st art ing up effect can be used t o symbolise a
relat ionship st art ing up:


ADDsonge . LET’S TRY TO GET THIS THING GOING [ car st art ing sfx]

This is how sounds t rigger t hought s t hat get us t o see t hings from ot her worlds.
A t hroat clearance can do t he same t hing. [ sfx] Remind you of anyt hing?
Well t hen, how about t his one? Sfx of t hroat clearing t hat resembles t he famous
scoot er effect from t he crazyfrog ringt one. Put t hat over a beat and you have t he
Crazy Frog ringt one and £40 million!

Now inst ead of a t hroat clearing scoot er sound, let ’s do t he same t hing wit h anot her
nat ural human sound. [ fart sfx] Removed from it s nat ural cont ext and insert ed over a
hip-hop backbeat , it becomes t his:
ADDsonge . www. PUT A NEW FLAVOUR IN THE ATMOSPHERE (FART SONG)

Rhyt hmaginat ion means allowing your mind t o go where it want s t o go; so inst ead of
calling it ‘Fart Song’ we’ll go for t he lyric: ‘Put A New Flavour I n The At mosphere’.
I only not ice t hese t hings because my STUBI D t ells me how t o connect t hings
musically. Your STUBI D t ells you exact ly how t o connect t hings and what you have t o
do t o complet e t he pict ure.

Pl agi ar i se nat ur e!

>PiX/cartoon/grafix ‘The sig nature of God’
A gorgeous sunset with multiple colours in the sky. The
reflection of the sun on the ocean makes up the ‘g’, there’s a
copyright on the sun, a trademark on the moon, which together
looks like God’s signed the sunset.
Something like this, only a lot prettier: g©d™

God doesn’t seem t o be t oo prot ect ive over His int ellect ual propert y, as long as he get s
a ment ion in your t hank you speech. This means t hat all divine colours, aromas,
flavours, t ext ures, operat ing syst ems, rhyt hms and melodies are up for grabs. I n fact ,
j ust t his morning, I was woken up by a rat her ent husiast ic dawn chorus of bird songs,
which were not far off being radio-friendly pop t unes. The problem was t hat t hey
weren’t singing as a group, but rat her as a bunch of soloist s compet ing against each
ot her. Where have I seen t his before? EOX! Pop I dols & X-fact or, except all t he
cont est ant s were singing at t he same t ime. That ’s what led t o t his sket ch / movie
pit ch:


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 142 www.logicalstupidity.com

mMMovies dilog wMoviePitch

FLOCK IDOLS - ‘The search is on for the nest big thing’
Other names: Dawn Chorus, Tweet Factor, Get the Flock Out of
Here, What the Flock?!

The scene: The Aviary, London Zoo. Various birds are
auditioning for a panel of bird judges:

Simon Owl: More interested in trying to wit and to woo the
contestants than judge them.

Sharon Oztrich: Does her best to be as diplomatic as possible
but can’t help laughing out loud when things get really bad.

Louis Belch: A long-tailed tit who’s more interested in
outwitting Owl than judging the contestants.

All aspects of TV talent shows should be parodied: the
background on the contestants, the long queues stretching into
the streets to get into the aviary, the waiting, the audition
itself and the breaking of good or bad news to bird families
waiting anxiously outside.

Two categories:
Dawn Chorus - a capella groups doing their signature bird songs.
Solo artists - doing their versions of popular songs, backed by
a live band of birds.

It’s the early elimination rounds of Flock Idols and we’re
listening to the solo artists:

The girls:
Holly Woodpecker – sings ‘When Doves Cry’
She does this amazingly complex drum solo by tap-dancing on the
snare drum while pecking on the hi-hat. Also flies between the
other drums to create incredibly complex rhythms. Unbelievable.
You gotta see this.

Shakira Terry (a secretary bird with big breasts) – sings
‘Whenever, wherever...we should flock together’

Peacock Teza (gorgeous bird who knows how to use what she has to
get where she needs to go) – song to be decided

Mandy Duck (from a duck pond in the aviary) – sings (to someone
throwing bread) ‘Why does bread suddenly appear every time you
are near?’

Weather Fukawai (Asian bird with a song that sounds like her
name)

Cuckoo Potty (complete nutter who’s all over the place – chirps
a thousand words a minute and flies off on tangents, literally)
– sings ‘Dilly Moggy Whacky Bazarro’, one of her own
compositions, even though it’s against the rules

Amy Birdhouse (a gorgeous flamingo with tattoos and an
outrageous birds nest of a hairdo) – sings ‘Birdbath’:
They tried to make me take a birdbath, I say NO NO NO
They tried to make me take a birdbath, I won’t GO GO GO


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 143 www.logicalstupidity.com

Flock of Seagulls – bunch of teenage yobs squawking loudly out
of tune but in time to ‘Acceptable In the 80’s’ (Calvin Harris).
They have some amazing choreography worked out but are stopped
halfway through when they’re told they should be in the groups
section

Robin Titmouse (a transpecies birdmouse who’s had wing surgery
in a desperate attempt to be accepted as a bird) – sings
‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’

Before we introduce the guys, we go into ‘You’ll never find
another Dove’, a duet sung by two gorgeous, white doves
(original by Michael Buble & Laura Pausini)

The guys:
Homer Pigeon (works as an extra and stunt bird in movies / most
dangerous stunt was getting shot out of a tree by Bart Simpson
in the Mother Bart episode)
– sings ‘Home’ by Michael Buble

Guinness Fowl (fowlmouthed punk rocker) – sings ‘Firestarter’

Yatsu Sushimi (Japanese robin) – sings ‘Everybody was Earthworm
Fighting’

Avner Crowsky (orthodox Jewish crow with a long beak) – sings
Hassidic songs

Vic Vulture – sings ‘Eat You Alive’ by Limp Bizkit

Robbie Cockpecker (very camp gay robin) – sings ‘Fly me to the
moon’

Johnny Baldeagle (American crooner with a voice like Michael
Buble) –sings ‘Come Fly With Me’

Repeter Parrot – sings repetitive club tracks and then repeats
everything Simon Owl says, so all his insults fly straight back
at him.

Shaggy Blackbird (rapper) – rap song to be decided

Simon: What was that?
Blackbird: That’s my courting solo, it works every time.

mMMovies:
Turkey Masala: Before Turkey’s audition we see a short
flockumentary about his family who was killed in the British
Xmas persecution of 2004. Masala managed to escape, and stowed
away in a passenger cruise liner bound for India where he now
practises yoga and works for the Turkey Rights Organisation.
He’s using Flock Idols as a platform to campaign against
Thanksgiving, Xmas and bird flu culling persecutions around the
world.

His band, The Vegans, are booked to perform with other animals
at LIVESTOCK, a rock concert raising awareness about animal
conservation. [See notes below]



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 144 www.logicalstupidity.com

SHOWTIME:

MALE VO: Live from The Aviary, London Zoo, it’s Flock Idols: the
search for the nest big thing. [Cue theme music]
[Cue opening production number - ‘Your Love Keeps Lifting Me
Higher’, featuring The Fabulous Flamingo Girls backed by Nando’s
Chicken Dancers doing the chicken dance. The two songs should
be cut, superimposed and blended together.]

VO: Please welcome your host for the evening: Afrikahn Peng
Wahn.

Afrikahn: [Chris Rock doing shtick] Yo yo, mah main flock, wsup.
I just flew in from The South Pole and boy are my wings tired.
[Audience laughter] Well I would have flown, but all the
flights were booked up. [Laughter]
I’m kidding, I’m not from Antarctica - I’m from Robben Island,
South Africa...
[A few other penguins in the audience whistle and applaud]
Oh, I see I have a few of my South African brothers out there.
Good job we’re black AND white, huh? [Laugh] Talk about the
best of both worlds. But we don’t get to fly though. That
sucks big-time, let me tell you. I walked into a travel shop
the other day because the sign on the window said: ‘Fly now, pay
later’. [Laughter]
I said, ‘I’m here for the deal in the window.’ They said,
‘Great, where do you want to go?’ I said, ‘What’s it to you?’
[Laughter] They said, ‘Okay what date would you like to fly and
when would you like to return?’ I said, ‘Listen here, you don’t
seem to understand me. I want to fly wherever I want to go and
whenever I like, you got that?’ [Laughter]
They couldn’t help me, so I walked out. Saw another sign in a
shop that said: ‘£20 free airtime voucher...for all phones over
£50’. [Laughter] I thought: ‘Great, I’m done with swimtime,
gimme some of that airtime, baby.’ [Laughter] ‘Forget the
phone, just hit me with an airtime voucher and let me pay as I
go...without any contractual obligations.’ [Laughter] ‘I want
it all!’ They said, ‘Sorry, offer not valid for penguins or
ostriches.’ [Laughter]
It’s just not fair, we don’t get no airtime. Fish gotta swim
like a bird’s gotta fly, am I right? [Huge ‘yeah’ from the
birds perched on branches above him]
Oh, easy for you to chirp, isn’t it? Way up there in the
expensive seats. [Laughter]
What I’d only give for that birds-eye view. [No laughter]
Birds-eye view? Hello? You don’t like that one? Never mind,
move on...
So I’m living in the zoo now, on a tiny island in the penguin
pool called Chris Rock. You may have heard of it? [Cut to
confused reaction-shot of birds not getting the joke] Yeah, I
just waddled over here from CHRIS ROCK in the penguin pool - man
is it good to be out of that verkakte place. Look at this
place, I feel like I’ve died and gone to the Canary Islands.
[Laughter]



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 145 www.logicalstupidity.com


[sfx of a whistle coming from the production manager, stage
right]
They’re flapping their wings here, telling me I gotta get on
with the show.
[Looks again] What’s that you say? Go to the water queue? Why
would I do that? I’m not thirsty. What? Oh, you want me to go
the autocue? Gotcha. [Mumbling under his breath] African
Jackass. [Straining his eyes to read] Welcome to the very
first episode of Flock Idols, the search for the nest big thing.
Oh please, who writes this stuff? NEST BIG THING? [Massive
scream from production backstage: JUST READ THE AUTOCUE!]
Okay, okay! Jeeze, keep your feathers on. [Goes back to
autocue]
Please welcome our first celebrity guest: Beep Beep the
Roadrunner –

[Beep runs on, faces the audience, gives a ‘beep beep’ then runs
off]

Afrikahn: What the flock was that? That’s not an act? That’s a
one trick pigeon. [Laughter] What do you say we bring her back
for a proper song? [Big YEAH from audience]

Flamingo Girls:

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah, bring her back
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah, bring her back

Roadrunner enters with microphone, joining up with the Flamingo
girls:

Baby, you can fly me far
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby, you can fly me far
And maybe I'll love you

All together:

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep YEAH

Afrikahn: Well what do you know? The beep can sing after all.
Still freaks me out though – that some very ordinary looking
bird can be famous for a two-word catchphrase, and you know they
have to be fowl words, right? Or why else would they keep
beeping them out? [Laughter]
You wanna know what they are? [Looks around like he’s going for
a big reveal] I’ll tell you, because she told me backstage.
[He mouths two words which are censored by regular beeps]
[Laughter]
How’s that, huh? Famous for saying [beep sfx] and [beep sfx].
[Laughter] That’s what I call a one trick pigeon.



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 146 www.logicalstupidity.com



[Reading from autocue] And now...won’t you please give it up
for your favourite celebrity ducks, who just recently came out
the oak tree. [Looks at audience] As if we didn’t
know...Donald & Daffy.

Donald & Daffy sing:

Start spreading your wings, we’re leaving today
We want to be a part of it – New York, New York
These vagabond wings are longing to stray
Downtown to the village, where everyone’s happy and gay

Afrikahn: We’re gonna take a short break, but don’t fly
anywhere.

Commercial break - campaign designed to curb bird deaths on
roads:
Pigeon 1: ‘Hit me at 80 and I’ll look like this.’
[Cut to squashed bird in road]
Pigeon 2: ‘Hit me at 50 and I’ll look like this.’
[Cut to another squashed bird]
Pigeon 3: ‘Hit me at 10 and I’ll look like this.’
[Cut to another nasty squashed bird pic]
Bird to cam: My fellow flock - roads are for cars; we have wings
– use them for flying!

Afrikahn: Later on we have my brothers flying in from Warner:
Tweety and Sylvester. I know what you’re thinking, and we got
it covered. Sylvester will be surrounded by heavily armed Eagle
security guards at all times. But before we start swinging any
cats around, let’s bring on the contestants.

[Contestant section goes here]

The show closes with all the birds doing a funked up medley /
superimposed mix of ‘Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep’, ‘We believed we
could fly’ and ‘We’re Flying The Flag for The Birds’ (Britain’s
Eurovision 2007 Song Contest entry).




18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 147 www.logicalstupidity.com


ROFR FOR FLOCK I DOLS

ROFR (Right of First Refusal) goes t o The Bi r d Par k – i.e. Brad Bird of Pixar and Nick
Park of Aardman.

Next in t he pecking order would be Dreamworks in associat ion wit h Nando’s Chicken.

And t hen comes you lot .
I f t he above lot don’t get back t o me wit hin [ a t ime t o be specified] , t hen it ’s open t o
all budding digit al animat ors, wherever you are, by way of I nt ernet collaborat ion. This
is your chance t o show what you can do.
I ’m hoping for t he st yle of Pixar’s most hilarious ‘For t he Birds’, a snippet of which can
be viewed at www.pixar.com/ short s/

Sponsorship opport unit y for Pixar, Aardman or Dreamworks, or if t hey’re not up for it ,
t hen we’re doing it anyway. So who’s in? Calling all animat ion art ist s and invest ors
who’d be int erest ed in funding t his. To discuss Flock I dols int o exist ence go t o
www.logicalst upidit y.com.

FLOCK I DOLS – The search for t he nest big t hing.

Spin-off idea t riggered by Turkey Masala:



mMmovies viz wMoviePitch: LIVESTOCK

– the rock n roll Wildlife

A Spinal Tap style rockumentary with live footage from the
original LIVESTOCK of March 2003.

Organised entirely by animals, the concert was arranged to raise
awareness about endangered animals, and to campaign against
animal cruelty and being eaten by humans.

Contains backstage footage never released before and includes
interviews with all performers.

Other possible taglines:
The wildlife are running the show
Welcome to the wildlife
Don’t let the wild life become extinct – support LIVESTOCK
Cook with love, not animals
The animals are revolting



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 148 www.logicalstupidity.com
THE GAPCI DENT: THE HAPPY ACCI DENT WHERE LOGI C COLLI DES
WI TH STUPI DI TY

O SPARX 147: FI B t o FI NI SH: Fi l l i n bl anks t o f i ni sh i t of f

i .e. conver t t he acci dent i nt o a gapci dent by get t i ng your sel f i n t he mi x
(also see ‘Crisot unit y’ – convert ing global problems int o opport unit y)

‘Zur i ch – because change happenz’ [ Sponsorship opport unit y for Zurich]
There’s a very good reason why change happenz – t o show you t he link bet ween crisis
and opport unit y – you have t o find t he connect ion and fill in t he gaps yourself.
We can’t j ust react t o t he changes t hat life brings; we have t o come up wit h innovat ive
ways t o make change happen.
Accident s are nat ure’s way of reminding us t o keep changing our minds.

Gapcident s are caused by Thought Bombs
FLOCK I DOLS is an example of a gapcident – a freak accident t riggered by nat ure, t hat
I j ust followed as far as I could go. How did t he accident happen? A hopelessly out of
synch dawn chorus collided wit h my knowledge about X-fact or & Pop I dols, result ing in
a massive t hought bomb – shrapnel of t iny t hought s from unrelat ed fields colliding and
flying off in mult iple direct ions. I j ust happened t o be in t he right place and t ime t o
act as a cat alyst t hat det onat ed t he bomb in t he meshugganah middle. Once you
have t he framework for your collision, t he mat erial writ es it self. Let ’s have a look at
how t his works:

The mechanics of t he gapcident
An accident in t he physical world is a complet ely planned for gapcident in t he
t hought mosphere, since it t riggers OSKNOWSI S: You have an inst ant low pressure
zone of informat ion, or a knowledge vacuum, which result s in a massive and sudden
flow of informat ion from mult iple sources rushing in t o fill t he empt y space. The result
is a Lit t le Bang causing laught er or a react ion of surprise such as WHAT?! ?! or WHAT
THE??! !
I f it ’s massive enough, it can cause a Big Bang similar t o t he one t hat st art ed t his
universe, but if not it ’s j ust a t hought bomb t hat causes press conferences or ideas like
FLOCK I DOLS.

Once I ’d set up t he collision bet ween X-fact or & Flock I dols, everyt hing I know about
X-fact or, Pop I dols, pop st ars and pop music inst ant ly st art s pairing off wit h everyt hing
I know about birds, and t he knowledge vacuum begins t o fill wit h hybrid molecules of
informat ion (i.e. comedy mat erial) t hat are no longer equal t o t he some of it s part s. I n
t he physical world t his can be likened t o t he way t hat t wo at oms of hydrogen combine
wit h one at om of oxygen t o form a new mat erial called wat er.

While comedy ‘mat erial’ it self cannot be seen or heard, j ust like wind, it s effect s can –
e.g. t he sight s and sounds of laught er can be measured and felt .


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 149 www.logicalstupidity.com
GAPCI DENTS: Acci dent s t hat make you FI B - Fi l l I n Bl anks

Gapcident s happen for a number of reasons:

1) A number of random, dysfunct ional or accident al event s t hat line up in such a way
t hat you see t he connect ion bet ween all of t hem.
2) A single event leading t o an EOX! (Eureka moment ) which is an illuminat ed
connect ion t hat t ells you exact ly how t o fill in t he gaps.
3) A t rigger from one of your 5 senses t hat reminds you of somet hing else.
4) An out of cont ext event t hat act s as a RI G: Random I dea Generat or, which is
not hing more t han a message from your parallel world reminding you t o describe t o
your fellow aliens in t his common luniverse what life is like on t he ‘planet ’ you come
from.
5) An accident al discovery, way more int erest ing t han what ever you were looking for
– like what happens j ust about every t ime you Google somet hing.

Gapcident s are t he aft er effect s of accident s, and lead t o discovery, invent ion, answers
and solut ions. We’re not j ust t alking about t he accident al discovery of penicillin here;
we’re t alking about t he creat ion of everyt hing. The cycle of innovat ion involves a
6-st ep process: >PiX/ grafix showing t his.

Cycl e of I nnovat i on: We di dn’t st ar t t he f i r e; i t was al ways bur ni ng si nce t he
wor l d was t ur ni ng. Here’s how we keep st oking t he fire:

+ @ ?O? @ CÆ @ ×M!!! @ A @ +
1 2 3 4 5 6
accident ¬ thought bomb ¬ conference ¬ solutions/new laws/ ¬ gapcident ¬ new accident
products
>PiX/ grafix: ‘accident s t o gapcident s’
[ See ot her references t o ‘cycle of innovat ion’ & ‘solut ions can be found in unlikely
places’]

Press Conferences:
Accident s of any sort , nat ural or man-made always lead t o Q&A Thought Bombs,
designed t o split t hought s mult iple ways for t he purposes of growt h – e.g. Virginia
Tech campus shoot ing result s in a t hought bomb press conference: How could t his
happen? How could we let it happen? How can we make sure t hat t his never
happens again? How safe are schools? Who was Cho? What series of event s led t o
t his ment al st at e? Who were t he parent s? How do st udent s deal wit h t his?

The invest igat ion will reveal all kinds of informat ion t hat will provide numerous
answers, speculat ions and debat e t hat will lead t o bot h product and legal innovat ion.
And t herein lies t he paradox of t hought bombs caused by any kind of drama or
t ragedy:

* The par adox of t hought bombs
Tragic accident s t hat cause grief, sympat hy, shock, out rage and anger also unit e
people for t he purpose of progress and innovat ion – i.e. t hings are going t o be made
bet t er t o ensure ‘t hat accident s like t his will never happen again’. And t hey never will,
because accident s are different each t ime, but we will find t emporary solut ions t hough.


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 150 www.logicalstupidity.com
19. FOK-U: The Faç ade Of Ki ndness
& Under st andi ng



A quick seminar in effect ive leadership – i.e. PR & Spin.


I n order t o t urn global problems int o polit ical and market ing opport unit ies, you need
t he right at t it ude.
I gnorance is not accept able, apat hy is expect ed, but act ing as if you care is essent ial,
which is why you need t o learn t he art of CAREOGRAPHY – choreographed caring,
where you’ll learn t o:


Act AS I F t he cust omer is king.
Act AS I F not hing is a problem and you’re having a nice day.
Act AS I F your boss is not a complet e asshole.
Act AS I F your st aff / st udent s / cit izens are all special.
Act AS I F you know what you’re doing.


The seminar includes The 10 st rat egies of highly effect ive PR & Spin:

1. SMI LE FOR YOUR SALARY (SONG 27)
2. GET COVERAGE OF YOU CARI NG – THE MORE YOU GET, THE MORE YOU CARE
3. DON’T GET NASTY ON EVI LDOERS – SHOW NASTY
4. LEARN YOUR ESP’S: EMOTI CON STOCK PHRASES
5. USE FABOLS: FASHI ONABLE ADJECTI VES BASED ON LI FESTYLE
6. BE SEEN THROWI NG MONEY AT THE PROBLEM
7. PROMOTE AN I MAGE OF HEALTH AND FI TNESS
8. RAI SE AWARENESS WI TH A ROCK CONCERT
9. SPONSOR WORLD PEACE EVENTS
10. USE ‘I MPROPER USE’ WARNI NG LABELS



Let ’s have a look at t he 1
st
and last st rat egies:


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 151 www.logicalstupidity.com
1) O SPARX 158: SMI LE FOR YOUR SALARY
Whet her you’re t he boss who needs t o show dominance and influence, or whet her
you’re part of t he st aff and need t o act as if you care, t he ult imat e all-in-one package
comes from humouring t he syst em – i.e. Smi l e For Your Sal ar y.
SONG 27 SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY . [ LYRI X]
I DRAG MY BODY OUT OF BED
TAKE MY COFFEE IN THE CAR
SPEND AN HOUR IN THE TRAFFIC
AND WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR
THAT’S YOUR MARKET
THAT’S YOUR TARGET
IT’S WHATEVER THEY THROW MY WAY
I’M GOING NOWHERE
I’M STUCK ON GROUNDHOG DAY

BUT YOU SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY
YOU FOLLOW THE MAN AT THE TOP
YOU’RE FREE TO DO EXACTLY AS THEY TELL YOU

YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN
NOT WITH YOUR UNDERCOVER PARKING
AN OFFICE OF YOUR OWN WITH YOUR NAME ON THE DOOR:
SUPER HERO WHOOP DEE DEE
SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY…

OH I COULD MAKE LIFE EASY YEAH
BUT THEY DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH TO CARE
I ONLY KNOW WHAT THEY TELL ME
AND THAT CHANGES DAILY
AND THOUGH I DON’T THINK THAT IT’S FAIR
WHEN YOU NEED TO AVOID
BEING UNEMPLOYED
YOU PUT UP WITH THE CRAP THAT THEY GIVE YA
AND YOU SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY…

[ Ext r a br i dge f or t he ext ended r emi x ver si on]
SO YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION
WON’T YOU PLEASE WRITE IT DOWN
WE REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS PLACE BETTER FOR ALL OF US
OR YOU CAN JUST SHUT UP AND DO WHAT YOU’RE PAID TO DO
DON’T INTERFERE WITH ANYONE
DO YOUR JOB JOIN THE TEAM
NEVER SUGGEST ANYTHING, JUST
SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY…


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 152 www.logicalstupidity.com


10) USE ‘I MPROPER USE’ WARNI NG LABELS


Double whammies! Not only are you seen t o be act ing responsibly, you’re also giving
your t arget market ideas t hey might have missed had t here been no warning at all.
These ideas will make up t he bulk of your business – e.g.


10. This phot ocopy machine may not be used for body part s.
9. This Pet e Dohert y CD may not be used as a cocaine dispenser.
8. This Celine Dion box set may not be used for clay pigeon shoot ing.
7. Do not use our BB gun t o shoot birds or Dick Cheney.
6. Do not use t his elect ric t oot hbrush for any ot her purpose.
5. Do not launch fireworks from your backside - t he weirdo’s of Jackass are t rained
st unt men.
4. This Superman cost ume does not enable you t o fly.
3. Do not use P2P soft ware t o download music for free.
2. The use of Yahoo groups t o t rade naked pict ures of yourself or your ex-girlfriend
is st rict ly forbidden. You may also not use a webcam t o show your willy t o
anyone.
1. You may eat all t he fruit in t he Garden of Eden except t he apple.


The law of Logical St upidit y says you can bank on people doing t he exact opposit e of
your advice, t hereby keeping you in business.


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 153 www.logicalstupidity.com
Summar y of FOK–U
There is only what is. That which should be doesn’t exist , and yet t rying t o reach it
and showing t hat you're t rying is t he essence of bot h innovat ion and leadership: even
if t here’s no heaven we st ill have t o act as if t here is one or we’re all complet ely
£@$%^ screwed.

So, as a leader or innovat or, you have t o keep finding ways of showing t hat you care.
Be happy t hat your effort s are fruit less, because achieving your end purpose would
also defeat it :

What would happen if t he wishes of t he UN and all beaut y pageant cont est ant s came
t rue at t he same t ime and world peace broke out ? GAME OVER! Or t o quot e Marge
Simpson when she realised she was wrong act ing as a moral guardian:
I guess one person can make a difference, but most of t he t ime t hey probably
shouldn’t .

Wit hout a const ant supply of problems, insanit y and st upidit y, t here’d be no cause t o
fight for:
Call off t he Nobel peace prize and all charit y event s – t here's no famine or povert y.
Now t he rich and famous really would have not hing t o do.
No need for part isan polit ics – everyone agrees.
Cancel all cont ract s for mult ibillion dollar arms deals; everyone’s get t ing along.
No need t o invent remot e cont rolled robot s t o rescue inj ured or abduct ed soldiers –
t here’s no war.
Forget t he ent ire media, from CNN all t he way down t o t he gossip mags – t here's
peace in t he Middle East and Brad & Jen are st ill t oget her playing happy families.
Comedians would have t o get real j obs – nobody’s doing anyt hing st upid.

The by-pr oduct of al l t he i nsani t y of t he wor l d i s i nnovat i on:
The wor l d t ur ns, not despi t e of al l t he pr obl ems, but because of t hem, and
t hi s i s what t he Logi cal St upi di t y f or mul a f or i nnovat i on i s based on.
SONG 28 THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION . [ LYRI X]
ISN’T IT LOVELY THAT NOTHING IS SIMPLE?
THAT EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON SOMETHING
SO I’M BEING VAGUE BUT I’M AWARE
WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SPLITTING HAIR
AND IF YOU FOCUS ON THE BLUR
YOU’LL FIND YOUR LIFE IS THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION
OH ISN’T IT LOVELY,
THAT IT HAPPENS TO BE OUR FAVOURITE SOURCE OF INSPIRATION
CONTROVERSY IS WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR
OUTRAGEOUS CONTRADICTION, LIKE [ guit ar solo]
CAN YOU IMAGINE NO RELIGION
AND WE WERE ALL BORN THE SAME COLOUR?
THERE WOULD BE SILENCE
BUT YOU KNOW YOU PREFER THE NOISE
CONTRADICTION, THE CHAOS, THE NOISE
WE FEED OFF SOME KIND OF CONTROVERSY
GETTING ALONG IS A FALLACY
BITCHING, COMPLAINING IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 154 www.logicalstupidity.com
Now t hat you have t he FOK–U at t it ude, let ’s t ackle world problems using t he
meshugganah mat rix:

USI NG FOK-U FOR I NNOVATI ON
HOW TO CONVERT GLOBAL PROBLEMS I NTO OPPORTUNI TI ES

CHART 3 GLOBAL STUPI DI TY MESHUGGANAH MATRI X

(Product s in [ ] act ually exist . For more det ails on any of t hese product s, do a search
on t hem.)
GLOBAL
STUPI DI TY
MESHUGGANAH
MI DDLE
WANTASEE

WORLD CRI SI S WORLD
CRI SATUNI TY =
SOLUTI ON
OPPORTUNI TY
ASOWL TAX
Alt ruist ic Sense Of
Wellbeing & Love
‘Throw some money at t he
problem’

Government legislat ion
produx/ legislat ion/ newrule
eclimat e crisis

Produce more EFE’s – ‘Eco
Friendly Everyt hing’ labels:
Ego Fr i endl y Vehi cl es™
BATTERARI ™

2x2™


Sport s car co.
produx/ hybrid car
eclimat e crisis
Same company t hat brought us
t he 4x4
Ambuhear se™
I f it doesn’t make it in t ime it
slows down and swit ches t o
bat t ery
Commercial car co.
produx/ hybrid car
eclimat e crisis













Global Warming:
Recycling businesses
News: Xmas cards are
get t ing recycled as t oilet
paper:

Rol l er Car ds™
‘Cut t he crap – wit h roller
cards’
Adapt aCar d™–

pass it on
Keep a digit al copy, t hen
change t he det ails t o suit t he
new occasion




Card biz
produx/ recycling card company
eclimat e crisis


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 155 www.logicalstupidity.com
Global Warming
cont inued
[ Global Warming I n Act ion
Tours]
Warming I sland, Greenland
US Tour Company
Bet chart Expedit ions
Food wast age The Doggi eBag™
2
nd
Hand Buf f et
‘all you can eat for a pound’
‘dogs welcome’
produx/ recycling rest aurant
eclimat e crisis
Aids The Pi nk Rot amol a Phone
designed t o eliminat e AI DS
in Africa
Phone company

Povert y [ Fi ght Pover t y] T-Shirt company
[ Bungee j ump agai nst
r aci sm]
Simpsons: ‘Homerpalooza’
Concession st and owner at
awareness raising rock concert

Racism
Cr ash t he movie Paul Haggis, screenwrit er


Violence / hat red
Obscene language
Feaux Rappacci no™
‘So mild you could play it in
St arbucks’
Uses swearanisms
(spoonerism swearing):
YOUR MOTHERFIRE WAS A
FUTHA MUCKA
YOUR FUSH FICKER WAS
PHEASANT PLUCKER
Songwrit er
produx/ music genre
Children cruelt y Baby Oi l Zer o™
No babies used in our
product s
Oil Co
produx/ j oke product
Animal cruelt y
Foxhunt ing
Pai nt Fox™
‘even t he mult icoloured
foxes are happy’
Paint ball company
produx/ sport &rec/ t oys/ gadget
Campaign: ‘Leave t he t una
alone’
Tuna-f r i endl y dol phi n™
Fishery
produx/ food/ fishing/


Overfishing: breaking
news from t he fut ure:
‘Tuna are more
int elligent t han
dolphin’

Sust ai nabl e Sauces™
Using sust ainable sauces will
ensure t hat t here’s plent y of
fish in t he sea
produx/ food
I nhumane killing
met hods
Si l l y Cow™ meat product s
‘All cows died of t heir own
st upidit y’
(e.g. t rying t o j ump over t he
elect ric fence)
Cat t le farming
produx/ food


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 156 www.logicalstupidity.com
Exploit at ion of women
(feminism)
Fai r t r ade l esbi an
por nogr aphy™
‘all girls paid a minimum of
$1000 per scene’
Porn producer
produx/ adult movies
Healt hy Eat ing
[ t raffic light labelling syst em]
Red= bad, green= good,
amber= not sure
Supermarket
eclimat e crisis
[ Biodegradable Bags]
Car r ot & Cel er y bur ger ™ MacDonald’s
produx/ food
eclimat e crisis
Pi zZer o – t he di et pi zza™

your pizza biz
produx/ food
[ Coke light / Zero] Coke





Obesit y
Junk food
Wheat grass healt h kick:
[ The Lawnmower ™]
Based on an idea by Homer
Simpson
Bar / drinks company
produx/ beverage/ alcohol
Gol di l ocks Por r i dge produx/ food Disney
Mi ckey Mi ner al Wat er produx/ food
Bugs Bunny Car r ot St i cks produx/ food Warner bros.
Looney Lemonade produx/ beverage


News: ‘Disney bans
j unk food at t heme
parks’
Use t hat news t o
creat e healt h product s
under license from
Disney
Tummi Bugz™
effect ive weight loss t ablet s
‘Wit h added Salmonella3’
‘Drop 4 j ean sizes in 4 days’
Pharmaceut ical co.
produx/ healt h&beaut y/ drug/ j oke
Alcoholism Red Nose Beer Day
Prize for t he reddest nose
Campaign by Beer co.
produx/ beer commercial
Terrorism Osama Shoot i ng Range™
‘OSAMA TIME AND THE
LIVING IS SCARY
HESBOLLA JUMPING AND
THE SECURITY ALERT IS
HIGH’
Rifle range owner
produx/ sport &rec
Songwrit er
(see song)


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 157 www.logicalstupidity.com
Wher e i s Osama? Video game programmer
¯produx/ soft ware/ game=
Tour a Bor a Ter r or Tour s™

Touring Company/
produx/ t ourism
Holiday resort s
(Seriously – it ’s happening)
Osama si ngi ng ‘My Way’ comedy sket ch
[ Unment i onabl e Dani sh
Car t oon about pr ophet
Mohammed]
Polit ical cart oonist




Terrorism
cont inued
Jerry Springer sat ire:
[ My daught er is dat ing a
t errorist ]
GWJOKES.com
Bird Flu ¯Search images ‘Bi r d f l u
hi t s Di sney’

Hurricane Kat rina [ Tour of America’s Great est
Cat ast rophe]

Tour company
(Seriously- it ’s happening)
Ot her t hr eat s t o wor l d peace:
Boredom YAWN ‘been-done-t o-deat h’
rat ing syst em
Government legislat ion
produx/ legislat ion
The Ri ngDance™
You answer , you dance!
I t ’s your cal l
The Compulsory 8-st ep
dance before answering or
making calls on your phone
OPMC
Ot her People’s
Mobilephone
Conversat ions:
present ing t he
icebreaker t o ease
passenger t ension:
The Deci bel Dance™


Government legislat ion
produx/ legislat ion/ mobile phone

The CASH Crisis
Global Corrupt ion,
St upidit y & Hypocrisy
Crisis
produx/ legislat ion t o st amp it
out
John St ewart , Let t erman,
Conan, O’Brian, Jay Leno, et c.
Logi cal St upi di t y
Awar ds™
for excellence in Time
Wast ing
YOU
produx/ award ceremony




20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 158 www.logicalstupidity.com
20. Measur i ng Your Mood Usi ng
R& D Ther apy

R&D creat ive t herapy is about Rehashing & Disguising your frust rat ions and t hen
selling t hem t hrough different media. This can only happen by measuring your mood:

The physical world has scient ific measuring devices – business climat e is measured by
market indices. But how do we measure mood? That ’s where art comes in – j ust as
we have t he colour spect rum or t he sound frequency spect rum, so t oo do we have t he
human emot ion spect rum, or moodomet er. Zoomed all t he way out , it ’s j ust as vague
as hot , mild and cold – i.e. Woohoo! ! ☺ What ever © & FU! ! ®.

But by get t ing inside t he meshugganah middle and measuring t he spaces bet ween
your t hought s, you creat e more det ailed awareness pixels, and t he more you have, t he
bet t er t he qualit y of your life. How so? Each pixel of emot ion you ident ify t ranslat es
int o a line of conversat ion, a line for a song or a script , a business plan, a j oke, a
comedy sket ch, a brush st roke on a paint ing, or a feat ure on a piece of soft ware or a
sport s car.

This is why R&D t herapy doesn’t t ry t o fix your dysfunct ions, because t hey’re not
supposed t o be fixed. This is nat ure’s way of creat ing t he luniverse. How do we know
t his? Well who do you know t hat isn’t j ust a lit t le bit whacked out in some way?

We’re all fluffed in t he head but not in t he same way: t he slight difference is known as
your STUBI D: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise.
The obj ect ive of R&D t herapy is t o find your STUBI D and make it work for you.

The met hod: CRI TI CI SE, ANALYSE & CAPI TALI SE
How do you capit alise? By recycling all your emot ional sewage as commerce in a
process called:
SONG 29 FRUSTRATION FOR SALE . [ LYRI X]

LET ME SELL YOUR SONG OF REVOLUTION
IT DON’T MEAN A THING IF ALL YOU CAN DO IS SING
SO IT’S UP TO ME AND THE MARKETING
TO LET THE PEOPLE KNOW SO THEY DO THE RIGHT THING
IMAGE IS EVERYTHING ALL IN THE PACKAGING
NEW BIG THING NEW
SYNERGY MARKETING
ALL IN THE PACKAGING
NEW BIG THING YOU
START A CONTROVERSY ANY PUBLICITY
THROW IT UP
MAKE A SHOW OF IT
WITH A MEGALOMANIA FEVER HYSTERIA
WRAP IT UP
PUT A BOW ON IT
LET ME SELL YOUR SONG OF REVOLUTION


20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 159 www.logicalstupidity.com


O SPARX 170: BLAME SOMEONE OR SOMETHI NG


IS IT GETTING BETTER OR DO YOU FEEL THE SAME?
WILL IT MAKE IT EASIER ON YOU NOW YOU GOT SOMEONE TO BLAME?
U2 – One


Well act ually, yes – blaming not only makes t hings easier, it ’s an essent ial inspirat ion
device. For example:


LIKE A SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU’RE TO BLAME
YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME Bon Jovi


So who or what are you going t o blame?


SONG 30 MOANING OUT OF TUNE . [ LYRI X]

Blame your girlfriend:

I WAS DONE WRONG I WAS CHEATED ON
COS YOU SPUN A WEB SO STRONG
SO I BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING

Now blame your massive ego:

I LOVE THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE
I COULD LISTEN TO ME EVERY DAY
IT’S JUST AS WELL I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SINGING ABOUT
COS I GOT NOTHING TO SAY

I’M JUST MOANING OUT OF TUNE YEAH


21. Thought Accountancy - Detect, Collect, Connect


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 160 www.logicalstupidity.com
21. Thought Ac c ount anc y –
Det ec t , Col l ec t , Connec t

And t hen report on PNN – your Personal News Net work.


Did you ever wonder why exact ly t he same amount of news happens every day
regardless of what happens in t he world?
That ’s because t he news is a business, where report ers have t o be fed, and where
column space and program slot s have t o be filled. This is why you’ll never see a news
headline of NOTHI NG MUCH HAPPENED TODAY, because if not hing serious happens
t here are always backup headlines t o run – like ‘Gordon Brown & Tony Blair t o remain
friends’ or ‘Posh goes shopping wit h Kat ie’.

Newsflash: you’re also in t he news business. What ’s going on wit h you is j ust as
import ant or as t rivial as world headlines. To pract ise t hought account ancy, you need
t o become t he edit or for ‘My Life’ – a news program broadcast on PNN, your Personal
News Net work. At t he end of every day you need t o present a 10-minut e highlight s
present at ion of your news. What ’s in it ?


O SPARX 179: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP STORI ES ON PNN?


SONG 31 WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? . [ LYRI X]

LOVING YOUR LIFE
IS ALL YOU NEED FOR SURVIVING
BUT YOU NEVER DO
THAT’S WHY GETTING THERE
IS ALWAYS MORE FUN THAN ARRIVING
COS YOU NEVER DO
SO YOU’RE GONNA MEASURE YOUR LIFE
YOU’LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU’RE DOING
WHEN YOU TAKE MY ADVICE
AND ASK YOURSELF EVERY DAY:

DID YOU LEARN? DID YOU LAUGH? DID YOU LISTEN? DID YOU HAVE ANY
FUN?
WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY?
WHY SHOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE GETTING ANYWHERE?
WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY?


21. Thought Accountancy - Detect, Collect, Connect


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 161 www.logicalstupidity.com

O SPARX 180: DETECT COLLECT CONNECT

THI NK OF YOUR LI FE AS A GAME OF TETRI S Sponsorship opport unit y for Tet ris

Think of your life as a game of Tet ris where all problems t hrown at you – e.g. t he
cont ent s of your inbox – are t he shapes flying at you. You need t o find a way t o t wist
all t hese problems in such a way t hat t hey line up t o form neat rows, leaving no
myst erious spaces. You score point s for using problems as part of t he solut ion, and
ext ra bonus point s for lining up four rows of problems in such a way t hat t hey all
disappear inst ant ly.

Exact ly how you t wist t he fact s t hat you’re present ed wit h, depends on your STUBI D:
Special Talent from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise. My STUBI D is t hat I ’m wired for
rhyt hm, so I process everyt hing musically. This means t hat if I ’m sent on a mission t o
St arbucks wit h a specific order, like ‘a grande semi skim cappuccino wit h an ext ra
shot ’, I ’ll have t o t urn it int o a song so I don’t forget it . Any ot her incoming
informat ion will be lined up according t o some kind of rhyt hm:

SONG 32 GRANDE SEMI SKIM CAPPACINO . [ LYRI X]
WITH AN EXTRA SHOT…DON'T FORGET THE SHOT

O SPARX 183: COLLECT Awar eness Pi xel s
Just as account ancy involves t he collect ion of receipt s t hat record who paid what and
how much, t hought account ancy involves t he collect ion of t hought s wit h opinions
about t hem. The t wo t oget her make up your awareness pixels on your PNN: Personal
News Net work.
Let ’s t ake a look at how awareness pixels form t he basis of songs:

SONG 33 CK519J . [ LYRI X]

I WAS TAPPING ON THE DASH - fact
LOST IN THE GROOVE - fant asy
I SAW THE CUTIE IN THE CAR NEXT TO ME - fact
OH WOW (she’s gorgeous! ) - fant asy
AND SHE WAS BOPPING ALONG TO THE SAME SONG - fact
I THOUGHT, HMM COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO ME - fant asy
LET ME TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOU - fant asy
BUT THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED GREEN AS I GOT HER REGISTRATION - fact

CK519J IS ALL I KNOW ABOUT THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY - fact & fant asy =
fact asy


22. Misinterpreation - Creativity by Denial & Error


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 162 www.logicalstupidity.com
22. Mi si nt er pr eat i on –
Cr eat i vi t y by Deni al & Er r or


By missing t he point ent irely, you oft en end up discovering way more int erest ing
places t han t he int ended message – i.e. a new message is found in t ranslat ion.

REVEALED: The creat ive & dest ruct ive effect s of misint erpreat ion and t he 12 fact ors
causing it .

The t hought mosphere works j ust like t he virt ual world of hyperlinks – you’re always
only one let t er or sound away from a foreign dest inat ion t hat could be way more
excit ing t han t he int ended one. By allowing yourself t o roll wit h t he accident , you’re
likely t o discover gapcident s like fact asy, spont enudit y, hyst erical accuracy and various
ot her comical react ions.

This is t he upside of being a lit t le bit st upid and a bad list ener – you never have t o t ry
t o screw t hings up – it happens aut omat ically. Especially if you, like me, have punlexia
– an audit ory processing disorder, where your brain searches for every possible
alt ernat ive meaning t o t he int ended one.

So how do you cure it ? You don’t . Just like many ot her anxiet ies, neuroses, phobias,
dysfunct ions and disorders, t here are no cures, and even if t here were, you wouldn’t
want t hem, because t his is what makes you uniquely creat ive and fascinat ing.

When it comes t o playing wit h words, you’re a phonet ic, so follow t he songs and
sounds wherever t hey t ake you. When your punlexia impairs your abilit y t o focus,
t hen follow t he spont enudit y. By discovering new words, you’re also discovering new
dest inat ions in our t hought mosphere, which can t hen be t urned int o:

Songs: ‘I got soul but I ’m not a soldier’ – The Killers
Taglines: ‘Girls j ust want t o have funds’ – Jupit er Asset Management
Books: The same t it le is also a book by Susanna Blake Goodman
Product s: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by t he Sun Newspaper [ produx]
Newspapers: ‘Vuj ade News – news ahead of it s t ime’ [ produx]
Product s: ‘Jillet t e – because you like it shaved and wet ’ (What ? I t ’s a new wat erproof
razor – produx)
Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now audit ioning at www.logicalst upidit y.com
[ produx]


This is a permanent fat al error. May t he grim rapper t ake you on a wild invent ure t o
find your ERRORGENI US ZONE.


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 163 www.logicalstupidity.com
23. Reveal ed: The 3 Types of
DI SI LLUSI ON
1) Type 1: Hopelessly deluded D 'n' A (Dreams ' n' Aspirat ions).
2) Type 2: D 'n' A crushed by realit y or put on hold because of j ob perks you can’t
ignore.
3) Type 3: D 'n' A achieved, but it ’s a big ant iclimax – so now what ?

You need R&D t herapy t o UNLEASH YOUR POW: The Power Of What ever
Let s have a look at Type 1:

O SPARX 186: JUST HOW DELUDED ARE YOU?

You want t o win t he lot t ery, but you’re not even buying t icket s.
You want t o be a supermodel, but you look like t his: [ pix]
You want t o be a singer, but you can’t sing.

So what happens? You now have FOBAN: Fear Of Being A Nobody.
Now use it ! What ’s going on wit h you?
SONG 34 DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR . [ LYRI X]
I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR
IF IT’S OBVIOUS I’M SORRY
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO HURRY
TO THE POP TOP 40 GO ROUND
I GOTTA BE ON THE TOP POP 40 GO ROUND

DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK RIDICULOUS DOING WHAT WE DO?
OH BUT WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT REVENUE, REVENUE
WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY

Type 2: D 'n' A crushed by realit y or put on hold because of j ob perks you
can’t ignore

This is where I t ake a few pages t o t alk about my j ob as a sound and light t echnician
working for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines:

You’re get t ing paid t o do a j ob you love doing, you’ve got your own cabin serviced
daily, you’re cruising t he Caribbean, you’re mixing wit h showbiz people, lunches at
Carlos ‘n’ Charlies, free shoot ers from t he t equila girls, bike riding, cat amaran
snorkelling, BBQ’s on privat e islands, t ennis wit h a different pro on each island every
day and t opping it all off wit h t he midnight buffet on t he pool deck followed by
dancing t o t he Caribbean band. This had t o be t he life!

Or was it ? Why did I have t his permanent feeling t hat I should be doing somet hing
else wit h my life? Why did t he fun have t o end?

This is t ype 2 disillusion: you’ve got higher aspirat ions t han your current j ob, but
you’re t rapped by t he realit y of bills t o pay or incredible j ob perks or bot h, and it all
means t hat your big dreams get put on hold. Two ways t o deal wit h it :


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 164 www.logicalstupidity.com

1) GET OUT! Break out of your comfort zone and follow t he bigger dream. Done
t hat .
2) Turn t he sit uat ion int o a movie by describing event s and your feelings at t he t ime.
Would like t o do t hat :


Dilog wMoviePitch ‘The Head Set – the show behind the show’

It’s called ‘The Head Set’ because that’s what we were – the
sound, light and video techs running the shows by talking on
headsets.
Since the shows all ran like clockwork, mostly, we’d talk about
all kinds of other things besides sound, light, sets and video
cues, and it’s from this angle that all the backstage antics of
showbiz life at sea are revealed:

‘Comms’ would stand for running commentary and we’d comment on
everyone in the audience and on stage – cruise directors,
magicians & jugglers, comedians, diva singers throwing the
biggest tantrums backstage, dancers getting seasick, the
musical director losing it with the drummer for losing the
click track, the singers losing it with the horn section for
blowing too loudly on stage, all of us horndogs perving at the
dancers, the follow-spot guy getting pissed off because ‘hey!
that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about’ - it was all
happening on the headset techie network! And we haven’t even
started on the ‘Who’s Doing What To Who’, which is where that
song comes from.
All is about to be revealed!



O SPARX 187: WHERE DI D YOUR DREAMS GO? WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?
SONG 35 DAY BY DAY . [ LYRI X]
I’M AN EXTRA IN A MOST CONFUSING BORING B MOVIE
IS THERE ANOTHER PART I COULD PLAY?
HAVE A FEW MORE LINES TO SAY
COULD YOU MAYBE CHANGE THE SCENERY?
COULD YOU GIVE ME A SHOT AT THE LEAD?
I COULD PLAY THAT PART I SWEAR
IF YOU’D ONLY LET ME OUTA HERE

Perhaps you really want ed t o be an archit ect , but you set t led for int erior designer, or
selling door handles in B&Q. Maybe you want ed t o be a breakfast DJ, but you had t o
set t le for t he guy who gives t he t raffic report s. Maybe you want ed t o be a rock st ar,
but you had t o set t le for music publisher, music lawyer or sound engineer. What was
supposed t o happen BUT didn’t ?


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 165 www.logicalstupidity.com




SONG 36 SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO . [ LYRI X]


I'M STILL SINGING MY SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
I'VE BEEN ON LARRY KING LIVE IN MY HOLLYWOOD MIND
I'VE BEEN INTERVIEWED BY OPRAH IN THE SHOWER
BUT HERE I AM STILL SINGING SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
YEAH HERE I AM I’M STILL SINGING MY SONGS
THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
THERE WAS GONNA BE THE BIG ONE
TO TAKE ME TO THE MONEY
OH BUT THIS ONE YOU HAVE TO DO FOR FREE
SO I DID
BUT IT DIDN'T
SO HERE'S TO ALL THE GIGS I DID NOT GET
HERE'S TO EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND THE FASCINATING PEOPLE I NEVER MET
HERE'S TO MISSED OPPORTUNITY
I WAS GONNA MAKE I WAS GONNA DO I WAS GONNA BE
I WAS GONNA TRY I WAS GONNA BUY I WAS GONNA SEE
THE WORLD WAS MINE
SO HERE’S TO ALL OF MY SONGS
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM
THESE ARE MY SONGS
THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 166 www.logicalstupidity.com

And while wait ing for your songs t o become hit s, you ended up at t he Holiday I nn bar.

SONG 37 ( r epeat of 12) HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN . [ LYRI X]


Type 3: The Treadmill of D 'n' A

D 'n' A achieved, but it ’s a big ant i-climax – so now what ?

‘BUT I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR’ – U2

Why not ? Are you sure t he dreams you were chasing were yours?


SONG 38 HOMES DOGS BABIES . [ LYRI X]

HOMES DOGS BABIES AND SECOND WIVES
HOMES DOGS BABIES AND FOUR WHEEL DRIVES

WELCOME TO THE WORLD, DO YOU LIKE THE STORY SO FAR?
DID YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR CALLING COULD BE? I DIDN’T THINK SO
TRY BUY SEE DO
MAYBE HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOO
BETTER GET A JOB TO GO WITH THAT DEGREE
ARE YOU STILL RUNNING ON THAT STORY?

WELL COULD THERE BE ANY WONDER THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
WHEN IT’S ALL BEEN CHOSEN FOR YOU

FUNNY HOW IT SEEMS THAT EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVED IN
ISN’T TRUE ANYMORE
NOT EVEN YOUR RESUME WILL DO ANYMORE
DOES YOUR RELIGION DO ANYMORE?

WELL COULD THERE BE ANY WONDER THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
WHEN IT’S ALL BEEN CHOSEN FOR YOU

IT’S ALL A LITTLE HAZY WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOING
HOMES DOGS BABIES AND SECOND WIVES
HOMES DOGS BABIES AND FOUR WHEEL DRIVES


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 167 www.logicalstupidity.com


So what ’s t he solut ion?


O SPARX 191: WHAT ARE YOU CHASI NG AND WHY?


SONG 39 THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS . [ LYRI X]

SOME PEOPLE NEED TO GET A CUP O' COFFEE JUST TO GET THEM GOING
NOT THIS LOONY
I NEED MY DAILY FIX OF COMEDY AND HOPEFULLY I’LL BE OKAY
I GET HIGH ON MONDAY MADNESS
I GET OFF ON THE FRIDAY FREAK OUT
THE MONEY THE YACHT THE JET THE CAR
IT ALL MEANS NOTHING
THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS IS WHAT GETS ME GOING
SO JOIN ME ON THE TREADMILL
IT’S FUN TO BE A RAT
IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY
BUT THAT’S WHERE THE PARTY’S AT

WHEN YOUR LIFE BECOMES A COMEDY
MY OWN SITUATION COMEDY
AND I AM THE STAR OF THE SHOW

TIME TICKING AWAY PUTTING A DEADLINE ON ME EVERYDAY
BUT I DON’T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN IT ALL
I’M ALWAYS TAKING THE PISS SERIOUSLY WEIRD
I’M A FREAKSHOW
IT’S ALWAYS THE FUNNY SIDE I SEE WHEN THEN THERE ARE
TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS, AMBIGUITIES
I’M NOT ALL THERE BEYOND REPAIR BUT I DON’T CARE
MY FRUSTRATIONS HAVE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE
SO IT HAS TO BE FUNNY
WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE?
MY QUICK FIX THERAPY



24. How To Get Your Whacky Back


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 168 www.logicalstupidity.com
24. How To Get Your Whac k y Bac k

Or how t o find your STUBI D: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing I n Disguise


STUBI Ds are evident at an early age, but usually get diagnosed as ‘ant isocial
behaviour’ and snuffed out by Rit alin before t hey’ve had a chance t o be discovered
and unleashed. This is a great pit y because all kinds of lucrat ive careers are being
snuffed out before t hey’ve had a chance t o get going – e.g. a pat hological liar, wit h a
lit t le nurt uring, could make a brilliant lawyer. Kids who play wit h guns and fail t heir
music exams could be rappers. Dest ruct ive kids who break ot her kids' t oys and t hen
give out advice on how t o fix t hem, could be management consult ant s. Those who
love t he sound of t heir own voice but don’t have much t o say, could be radio DJ’s.
Hopelessly deluded kids could have been speech writ ers for Blair, or if t he delusion
was more serious, for Bush.

So where did your nut case go, and how can we get it back? This is what R&D t herapy
is concerned wit h: what ’s your basic malfunct ion, and how can you use it ? How is t hat
only kids and old people can say what ever t hey like? Well now you can t oo!
We’re going t o examine 5 met hods t o get your whacky back:

1) Sing a whacky song.

SONG 40 SANITY SUCKS . [ LYRI X]

SANITY SUCKS, BELIEVE ME
I’D RATHER BE CRAZY
SANITY SUCKS
I’D RATHER BE
CUCKOO POTTY BATTY DOTTY
BARMY LOOPY GUGGA FLIPPY
DILLY MOGGY WHACKY BAZARO

2) Regression.
3) Trial & Error.
4) Soul Searching.

SONG 41 SEARCH YOUR SOUL . [ LYRI X]
WHAT WILL YOU FIND?
YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL
BEYOND YOUR MIND
GO AHEAD LOOT BACK TO FIND THE PATTERN
BUT YOU’RE MOVING
IN UNPREDICTABLE R汆NDOM FASHION


24. How To Get Your Whacky Back


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 169 www.logicalstupidity.com


5) Medit at ion.


SONG 42 TRUST ME . [ LYRI X]

FORGET ABOUT MEDITATION
THAT SELF-EXAMINATION IS A LIE
WHAT IS TRUE? THERE IS NO YOU
YOU’RE NO CLOSER TO SOLUTION
JUST THAT FINAL DESTINATION WHEN YOU DIE

IT’S NOT MY PLACE TO GIVE ADVICE BUT IT’S THERE IF YOU LIKE IT
FEED OFF THE CHAOS, EMBRACE IT DON’T FIGHT IT
THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE LIVING INSIDE YOU
AND ALL OF THEM ARE TO BLAME
IT’S PATHOLOGICAL, THE REASON FOR THE WAY THAT YOU ARE

SOMEWHAT CONTRADICTORY
BUT LEAVE ME AS A MYSTERY
OR THE MAGIC DISAPPEARS AS YOU BREAK ME DOWN
SO DON’T DO IT
TRUST ME
AND WHAT I’M WEARING ON THE DAY
YOU CAN TRUST ME
FOR YOU CAN SEE WHAT I BELIEVE
TRANSPARENCY
LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE INSIDE OF ME
TRUST ME FOR ALL OF WHO WE ARE


25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 170 www.logicalstupidity.com
25. Cr eat i ve Anx i et i es & Di sor der s


O SPARX 193: USE YOUR PHOBI AS – THRI VE ON THE FEARFACTOR

You do not need any kind of t herapy t o cure you of phobias. Phobias are designed t o
keep you alive.

There’s a reason you’re scared of snakes, spiders and st ingrays – it ’s relat ed t o your
fear of dying. This is why fear exist s – t o keep you alive and sane. This explains why
I have Ther aphobi a – fear of t herapy of any sort – whet her t hat comes in t he form of
privat e sessions or self-help seminars. I ’m t errified of spending £1856 on anyt hing
t hat promises t o cure my fears. And t his is not a fear I wish t o confront , because t hat
fear will keep me happily cynical and £1856 richer, j ust by doing not hing. Wit hout a
fear fact or of some sort you would have not hing t o t hrive on.

Fears t ell you everyt hing you need t o know, like what j ob you should be doing – which
you can figure out by process of eliminat ion: if you’re scared of flying, you probably
shouldn’t be a pilot . I f you’re afraid of wat er, life saving is out . You wouldn’t choose
t o go int o mot ivat ional speaking if you were scared of public speaking or falling in love
wit h yourself. And you’d probably want t o st ay out of polit ics if you were scared of
coming across as delusional.

This is how your phobias send you clear messages as t o what you should be doing.

My fascinat ion wit h fear comes from t he creat ive perspect ive: all fears, anxiet ies and
phobias can and should be used t o work for you, not against . How do you use t hem?
Describe your sympt oms and how you wish t hings could be bet t er. You don’t even
have t o go as far as t he part where you overcame. Yes, it ’s embarrassing t o reveal all
your deepest darkest fears, but t his is what audiences relat e t o t he most . I f you don’t
believe me, t hen st udy t he lyrics of hit songs, or Oprah’s Book Club reading mat erial.
So, wit h t his in mind – here are a few of my anxiet ies set t o music:



1) Cr i t ophobi a How do you use it ? Describe t he sympt oms:

SONG 43 . [ LYRI X]

THIS IS ALL CRAP, THIS IS ALL CRAP
I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT
IF I WASN’T SO EASILY DISTRACTED
IF I WASN’T SO LAZILY PROCRASTINATED



25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 171 www.logicalstupidity.com


2) PCO: Previous Cult ure Overdose

Ext reme sensit ivit y t o any t ype of old cult ure t hat ’s been blat ant ly regurgit at ed as new
cult ure. Just t he t hought of being dragged along t o see any revival or back cat alogue
musical drives you



3) MADD: Musical At t ent ion Deficit Disorder

How t o use it : become t he enemy, t hen kill it off.

SONG 44 LET THEM DIE . [ LYRI X]



4) Bel i ef I nt ol er ance

You accept not hing t hat anyone t ells you.

I t st art s off not believing complet ely unbiased news report s, self-help guru’s and
polit icians, and can event ually end up wit h not believing scient ifically proven t hings –
like t hose washing powder commercials wit h microscopic diagrams showing you
exact ly how t he dirt is removed. I f not t reat ed it can develop int o:

Acut e Bel i ef I nt ol er ance: You don’t allow any media int o your life at all, believing
t hat everyt hing is a massive globalisat ion conspiracy for large corporat ions t o
manipulat e your mind and t ake over t he world.

How t o use it : become t he enemy.
I magine you’ve j ust been made CEO of Fizer Macdonald’s & Turner and you’re facing
t he press. What do you have t o say?


SONG 45 ONE BIG RADIO STATION . [ LYRI X]

YOU DON’T OWN YOUR OPINION
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK
WE’VE TAKEN CONTROL OF YOUR MIND
ALL YOUR SENSES ARE OURS NOW…


25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 172 www.logicalstupidity.com

5) Bl ockphobi a Fear of writ er’s block

O SPARX 3: ‘DESCRI BE THE SYMPTOMS OF THE PROBLEM THEN WI SH
I T AWAY’

SONG 4 WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
. [ LYRI X]

6) Over act i ve I magi nat i on


7) LOI TGAN: Lot s Of I deas That Go Absolut ely Nowhere


8) MUSAFI D: Making Up St upid Acronyms For I nvent ed Disorder
can lead t o you get t ing


9) ANOI D: Absolut ely Nowhere from Overact ive I maginat ion Disorder


10) FOBAN: Fear Of Being A Nobody (new disorder)

Descr i be t he sympt oms:

Repeat SONG 34 . [ LYRI X]

I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR
IF IT’S OBVIOUS I’M SORRY
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO HURRY
TO THE POP TOP 40 GO ROUND
I GOTTA BE ON THE TOP POP 40 GO ROUND…

Repeat SONG 13 TWO SONGS . [ LYRI X]



And let 's not forget FFAF Disorder: Famous For Absolut ely Flufall.
The opposit e of FOBAN, FFAF Disorder is experienced by t hose who’ve become famous
for reasons unrelat ed t o inherent t alent . Since t he fame is based ent irely on ext ernal
approval, sufferers const ant ly seek at t ent ion, usually making complet e t wat s of
t hemselves in public for our ent ert ainment pleasure.


26. Critics - How To Use Them Constructively


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 173 www.logicalstupidity.com
26. Cr i t i c s – How To Use Them
Const r uc t i vel y


The cr eat i ve power of negat i ve i nspi r at i on f r om r ej ect i on


For every crit icism t here’s an equal and opposit e react ion…
Tracy Emin oft en has rocks t hrown t hrough t he window of her art st udio. What does
she do about it ? She uses t hem t o build more art works, which is t he obj ect ive of t his
chapt er: t o help you ident ify t he signs t hat you suck, in order of obviousness…

1) Physical
2) Verbal
3) Rej ect ion let t ers
4) Reviews

Then we’re going t o use all t he rocks t hrown at you as inspirat ion for more product s
and songs. Using various devices we’re going t o arrive at :


SONG 46 PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS . [ LYRI X]

YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC BUT THE DRINKS ARE FREE
THAT’S THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE HERE
WITH YOUR POISON IN THE PEN
YOU’RE A DICTAPHONE RAT
YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC BUT I’M OKAY WITH THAT
BECAUSE YOU GET PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS
SO THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO TRY TO BE
AND I GET LAID BECAUSE I’M FAMOUS
SO THAT’S WHAT I’VE GOT TO TRY TO BE
SO GO AHEAD TAKE ME IN CHEW ME UP SPIT ME OUT
IT’S SO MUCH FUN TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY


SONG 47 FLUFF YOU ALL . [ LYRI X]


SONG 48 JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME . [ LYRI X]



26. Critics - How To Use Them Constructively


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 174 www.logicalstupidity.com

SONG 49 WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE . [ LYRI X]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SONG?
WHY THE WHOLE PRODUCTION?
IT SOUNDED SO MUCH BETTER IN MY BEDROOM

MY SOUL IS NOT FOR SALE
AND THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW THAT I’M REAL
YOU CAN TELL BY THE FACT THAT I’LL NEVER SELL OUT

HE PUT THE ENVELOPE IN MY HAND
HE SAID THAT’S FOR YOU AND THE BAND
IT WAS GREEN IT WAS MINE
I SAID WHERE DO I SIGN
TO JOIN YOU ON THE TOP 40

I REALLY LOVE WHAT YOU DID TO MY SONG
WHAT AN AMAZING PRODUCTION
IT WAS GREEN IT WAS MINE
I SAID WHERE DO I SIGN
TO JOIN YOU ON THE TOP 40 MONEY-GO-ROUND

YOU KNOW IT’S A RUSE, SO MANY LIES
AND THEN YOU BECOME THE VERY THING THAT YOU DESPISE

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY



Big-t ime sucking is an honour awarded t o you by ot hers. I t ’s not somet hing you can
decide on your own, most ly because you’re always t oo far up your own ass t o be able
t o t ell. The digit al revolut ion is part ly responsible for t his:

Af f or dabl e t echnol ogy – made you t hink you’re a musician, moviemaker or graphic
art ist .

Wor ki ng i n i sol at i on – you may feel like you’re connect ing t o people but ult imat ely
you’re an isolat ed screen st arer – your only form of human cont act coming from virt ual
hugs and pokes.


26. Critics - How To Use Them Constructively


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 175 www.logicalstupidity.com

The preoccupat ion wit h your own t hought s, combined wit h a cert ain frequency of your
comput er fan, made you st art hallucinat ing t hat you’re bet t er t han t he combined
creat ive out put of U2, St even Spielberg, Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and t hat , j ust
because it t ook you a year t o get your mast erpiece on myspace, t he whole world
would be int erest ed in what ever you had t o say.
Not necessarily:


®PiX/ phot o: ‘I nnovat i on101 has 0 f r i ends’
(This is a pic t aken of my myspace friends sect ion)


You soon found out t hat you’re very much alone and you suck.
And in case you st ill haven’t found t his out , t his chapt er goes t hrough all t he signs t hat
you suck and how t o use t hem as inspirat ion.
I t also goes t hrough:

7 i mpor t ant r easons f or sucki ng:

1. Ret al i at i on ener gy for building more art works.
2. You’re part of t he wheel of pr ogr ess – you’re t he one pushing t he envelope.
3. Compar at i ve f unct i on – how would anyone know what was good if you didn’t
suck?
4. At l east peopl e know about you! That means t hey’re aware of your exist ence –
way bet t er t han nobody knowing about you at all!
5. Fi r st dr af t is out t he way.
6. Tot al cr eat i ve f r eedom.
7. The chal l enge – anyone can make it wit h nat ural t alent , but can you make it
wit hout ?
This requires a skill set t hat no universit y or music school can offer:

• Producers have t o be slept wit h or framed.
• ‘Wardrobe malfunct ions’ have t o be choreographed.
• Marriages, t ans and int elligence all have t o be faked.
• Offspring or adopt ed babies have t o be given t wat ish names.
• Rumours and porn videos have t o fabricat ed and spread on t he I nt ernet .
• Pict ures of you get t ing your t oes licked on privat e yacht s need t o be
published.
• Ego’s have t o be st roked, somet imes licked.
• Journalist s have t o be lunched.
• Audiences need t o be t old what t o t hink.
• Visit s t o rehab have t o be co-ordinat ed around gig schedules.
• Top t en list s have t o be creat ed and sent t o t he press. Tyres need t o be
slashed if not print ed. Seriously. I ’ve spoken.




27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 176 www.logicalstupidity.com
27. Usi ng Rel at i onshi ps as a Sour c e
of I nspi r at i on

How t o t hi nk i nsi de t he par adox of l ove i n or der t o use your par t ner as a
cat al yst f or songs, movi es, ar t i cl es & pr oduct s

St ep 1: Ask quest ions t hat result in ‘not hing’ answers:

‘What ’s up?’
‘What ’s going on?’
‘What ’s wrong, honey?’
‘What ’s t he mat t er?’
‘What can I say t o make it bet t er?’
‘What do you mean by t hat ?’

St ep 2: Ask quest ions t hat have ‘everyt hing’ answers:

‘What ’s it going t o t ake t o make you happy?’

St ep 3: I nsist on specific examples and act ually list en t his t ime. Don’t t ry t o t hink of
anyt hing t o say; you need t o focus all your at t ent ion on j ust list ening, which will t ake
every bit of concent rat ion you have. I f you have t rouble list ening, or remembering t he
exact lines she uses, t hen use a Dict aphone, but don’t get caught .

St ep 4: At anot her t ime and place (so t hat you’re calmer and can t hink rat ionally)
examine all request s and complaint s, t aking part icular not e of t he knowledge vacuum
bet ween bot h ext remes. You will now find yourself in t he int erpreat ion zone, t he
Cent re Of Confusion inside a Unique Problem (t he COC-UP), deep inside t he paradox,
(which is why it ’s called t he meshugganah middle).

This is where you find pure inspirat ion as you begin t o piece all t he nonsense t oget her
– e.g. how come she’s inst ant ly reminded of everyt hing she needs t o t ell me only
when I t urn on t he TV?
How is it t hat she can handle t he bikini wax, t he boob j ob, nose j ob, t ummy t uck,
colonic irrigat ion, bot ox, pierced t ongue, nipples & clit and yet she’s not prepared t o
t ake it up t he ass because it hurt s?

What ’s up wit h t hat ? I ’ll t ell you: OOPS – Observat ion Of Pure St upidit y, or t he Origin
Of Planet s & St ars.

I have no idea who st art ed circulat ing t hat t ext but I do know t hat it comes from t he
very cent re of t he paradox, t he source of all life, t he cat alyst of all creat ion – t hat
which makes Absolut ely No Sense What so Ev R – The ANSWER t o everyt hing!

There’s no need for int ergalact ic space t ravel t o solve t he myst eries of t he universe
when you can find t he same myst eries deep inside t he meshugganah middle. All you
have t o do is ask t he right quest ions and set your answers t o dialogue and music.
Which is what we’re going t o do wit h various st ages of t he relat ionship…


27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 177 www.logicalstupidity.com
General flirt ing:
SONG 59 WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO . [ LYRI X]

I nt ernet flirt ing – His perspect ive:
SONG 16 JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG . [ LYRI X]
Bot h perspect ives:
SONG 17 DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY . [ LYRI X]

1
st
Dat e leads t o regular dat ing and event ually moving in. Man get s a lit t le t oo
comfort able t oo quickly and t he honeymoon is over – Her perspect ive:
SONG 8 HE’S ONLY A MAN . [ LYRI X]

Man left wit h serious doubt s about his choice:
SONG 50 WHAT WAS I THINKING? . [ LYRI X]

Since t his is t he 5
t h
t ime t his has happened, she’s concerned about her abilit y t o at t ract
men:
SONG 51 CHOOSING MEN WHO NEVER LOVE ME . [ LYRI X]

Man left t hinking he should have st uck wit h his first love:
SONG 52 MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT/ SONG 53 NOW THAT I’M BACK [ LYRI X]

Man experiences 3-mont h it ch and is desperat e for a change of scenery. .
Added t o t hat , t here’s a pregnancy scare:
SONG 54 TOODALOO . [ LYRI X]
SHE’S NOT FEELING WELL IN THE MORNING
I SAW HER SEARCHING FOR A CALENDAR
COULD THIS MEAN, I’LL BE SEEING
A LOT MORE OF THIS GIRL THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD
OH DEAR, WHAT DO I DO NOW?
SHE’S LOVELY BUT NOT REALLY MY CUP O’ TEA
I COULD SURELY DO BETTER, SO COULD SHE
I THINK IT’S TIME TO TELL HER THAT SHE’S ONLY TEMPORARY
TOODALOO SO LONG GIRL
I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU SO I WROTE IT IN A SONG
AND THIS IS IT, I QUIT
I’M OUTA HERE
IT’S NOT YOU IT’S ME
I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY
DON’T YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND LIKE A PUPPY DOG
DON’T YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND AT ALL
LIKE A POODLE ON A STRING
YOU’RE A PRETTY LITTLE THING
BUT BABY YOU DRIVE ME UP THE WALL
WITH YOUR TAKE ME SHOW ME BUY ME DO ME
TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME EVERYDAY
WELL I DON’T HAVE TO ANYMORE
WE’RE GOING TO GET ALONG JUST FINE DEAR
NOW THAT YOU WON’T BE GETTING IN MY WAY
TOODALOO…
OUR LOVE DIDN’T FLY OUT THE WINDOW
IT WASN’T THERE TO BEGIN WITH
BUT I’M SO GLAD THAT I MET YOU
BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT I’M NOT LOOKING FOR
TOODALOO…


27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 178 www.logicalstupidity.com

So who’s t o blame? Bot h part ies! Solut ion: I nnovat ion in romance –
here’s how t o keep it fresh:

SONG 55 LUNI LOVE . [ LYRI X]

YOU GOT ME CUCKOO POTTY BATTY DOTTY
BARMY LOOPY GUGGA FLIPPY
DILLY MOGGY WHACKY BAZARRO

IT’S THE WAY YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR
THE MESSAGE YOU LEAVE ME IN MY UNDERWEAR
IT’S THE WAY YOU WAKE ME UP
AND I DON’T MEAN WITH COFFEE
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO THAT TELL ME

WE GOT A LUNI LOVE, THAT’S WHAT WE GOT
WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE, BABY YOU CRACK ME UP

AND WHEN I’M DOWN YOU’LL BE THE CLOWN
I NEED TO HAVE AROUND
WHEREVER WE GO IT’S A TRIP TO THE ZOO
I’M LIVING IN A HELIUM BALLOON
THAT’S GETTING ME HIGH
ON WEIRD WHACKY WONDERFUL YOU

WE GOT A LUNI LOVE, THAT’S WHAT WE GOT
WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE, BABY YOU CRACK ME UP

YOU GOT ME GIGGLING AWAY
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
JUST THINKING BOUT WHAT YOU DID THE NIGHT BEFORE
YOU’RE SO TRIPPY YOU’RE SO FLIPPY
YOU’RE SO WAY BEYOND REPAIR
YOUR ELEVATOR DON’T GO TO THE TOP FLOOR

WE GOT A LUNI LOVE, THAT’S WHAT WE GOT
WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE, BABY YOU CRACK ME UP

FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY WILL KEEP US YOUNG FOREVER
FUNNY WILL BE THERE TO SAVE THE DAY
FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY YOU DON’T HAVE TO TRY TO BE BABY
YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR MESHUGGANAH CABARET


28. Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 179 www.logicalstupidity.com
28. Tappi ng I nt o The
Col l ec t i ve Tr ashc an



Proact ive shmoact ive – you can’t ‘j ust do it ’ and t here are plent y of reasons why you
can’t .

Tap int o t hese reasons and you’re inside t he collect ive t rashcan of rubbish t hat unit es
us all. For example, office gossip, j unk mail and everyt hing making you wait .
What ever it is, it ’s also making everybody else wait , so describe t he sympt oms of your
pain and you’re


SONG 56 WAITING . [ LYRI X]

WAITING FOR THE BUS TO COME
OR THE PLANE TO GO
WAITING FOR THE FISH TO BITE
OR THE SNOW TO SNOW
WAITING FOR A YES OR A NO
OR THE PHONE TO RING
WAITING TO HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY
WAITING FOR MY SPECIAL SOMEONE
TO JUST POP INTO MY LIFE
IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN THAT WAY

WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO BEGIN X 3

AND THE NIGHTS TURN INTO DAYS
BACK INTO NIGHTS, JUST ANOTHER PHASE OF MY LIFE
JUST WENT BY IN A FLASH
WHAT WAS THAT? THAT WAS YOUR LIFE, YOU’RE HALFWAY THERE
IT’S DOWNHILL ALL THE WAY TO YOUR ROCKING CHAIR
WHAT WAS THAT?


29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 180 www.logicalstupidity.com
29. Fi ndi ng The Ni c he
Wi t hi n Your Ni c he



You know what you’re good at , and you know what makes you money. You don’t
need t o t hink out side any boxes if you merge all t he boxes you love, t o creat e a new
box j ust for you.

This is about finding your USP (Unique Sales Point ) as well as your UFP: Unique
Failure Point , and t hen blowing t hem way out of proport ion:

There are issues in defining what you do – you’re going t o use all t hem:


1) The Label Par adox:

How do you st ick a label on what you do when you do so many t hings?


2) The Par adox of Cust omer Sat i sf act i on:

They only like what t hey know, yet t hey’re drawn t o what ’s new and different .


3) The Par adox of Nonconf or mi t y:

JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE I WANNA BE DIFFERENT
BUT EVERYBODY ELSE JUST WANTS TO BE LIKE ME

We all t hink we’re all different , but we’re not :

Sony – ‘Like no ot her’
Nat ionwide – ‘Proud t o be different ’
Virgin – ‘We t urn radio on it s head’


29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 181 www.logicalstupidity.com



But no mat t er how different you t hink you are, t here’s always some kind of label t hat
covers what you do.


Except for me – t here’s no label for what I do:




SONG 57 YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW . [ LYRI X]

SO THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR
SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
BUT A LABEL IS TOO EASY
AND IT STOPS YOU LISTENING TO ME
IT’S ABSURD TO USE A WORD FOR WHAT I DO

I AM GENRE DEFYING I'M NOT PART OF ANY SCENE
I SEE NO REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T PLAY THEM ALL
SO PLEASE DON'T PUT ME THROUGH
YOUR PIGEONHOLE VENDING MACHINE
WHEN THE ONLY THING I AM IS COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL

MAYBE IT’S POETRY MAYBE IT’S PROSE
MAYBE IT’S SOME KIND OF MUSIC NOBODY KNOWS
BUT I WILL NOT BE TAKEN PRISONER
BY THE LABEL THAT YOU GIVE MY CONFUSING MIX OF FUSION CABARET

IS IT FUNKY HOUSE HIP HOPRA?
AFRICAN ZULU BHANGRA?
IS IT RAP OR RAVE OR HEAVY METAL REGGAE?
WELL TOMORROW I'M MOVING ON WITH A WHOLE NEW THING
I'M DOING TECHNO TRANCE COUNTRY OVER BIG BAND SWING

BUT YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW…



29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 182 www.logicalstupidity.com


So what ’s t he solut ion t o t he label dilemma?


MAKE I T THE SAME BUT DI FFERENT

How?

1. Find your USP.
2. Exaggerat e it way out of proport ion.
3. Remove one ingredient .
4. Find your UFP: Unique Failure Point – t hen use it .
5. Have it all! Combine everyt hing you love, t o creat e a ‘uniche’ in t he

Meshugganah mi ddl e
Too nar r ow



Too broad
‘Here’s a song for all black
Republican lesbian veget arian
pot smokers out t here…lemme
see who you are…’
‘All t he part y people in t he
house, let me hear you
say: yeah.’


Find t he meshugganah middle zone:

Her e’s one f or al l t he l esbi an par t y peopl e i n t he house


You can find t he meshugganah middle by combining t he boxes you love, t o creat e a
new box j ust for you – e.g. if you love pop, rock, reggae and j azz, you don’t need t o
choose. Here’s how you can have it all!



SONG 58 MONEY GO ROUND THE POP MACHINE . [ LYRI X]



30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 183 www.logicalstupidity.com
30. Sc hmoozi ng: The Pr oac t i ve
Appr oac h t o Get t i ng Luc k y
or ‘t he ar t of f l i r t i ng f or i nf or mat i on’
( whi chever t agl i ne wor ks best f or you)

No mat t er how amazing your product is, at some point you’re going t o have t o get
connect ed t o t he people who can make it happen for you. This is why you need a
crash course in Schmoozing 1a, where we’ll examine t he fine lines bet ween:

Having chut zpah, and being a dickhead
Bumlicking, and brown-nosing
Flirt ing for business, and flirt ing for romance.

We’re also going t o examine t he t wo essent ial t ypes of schmoozing:

1) I mpul se Schmoozi ng:
Used on people who you feel need t o be met – based on your gut inst inct .

2) Tar get Schmoozi ng:
For when you know who t he right people are t o meet and where t o meet t hem.
Met hod: The STALK & POUNCE and t he 3 essent ial poses you need t o learn.

O SPARX 214: USE THE SI TUATI ON, NOT A CHAT-UP LI NE

Case st udies:
1) At t he gym.
2) I n t he supermarket – st anding in t he Q of I ndecision.
3) I n t he supermarket – st anding in line at t he checkout .
4) I n t he depart ment st ore – perfume sect ion.
5) Wait ing at t he carwash.
6) Random st reet encount er.

HEY THAT’S A PRETTY LIL PUPPY YOU GOT THERE LADY
WANNA GET A CUP O’ COFFEE?
NO? OKAY, AT LEAST I SAW YOU SMILING

WHEN YOUR EYES MEET ON A BUSY STREET
OR WAITING FOR THE ELEVATOR
TALK TO THE GIRL COS YOU NEVER KNOW
IF THIS IS YOUR MOMENT IN TIME TO MEET


FLI RTI NG FOR I NFORMATI ON
I f you want t o know how you fit int o any organizat ion, you’re going t o have t o
underst and t he complex net work of relat ionships going on above you and below you.
So forget your resume; it ’s not what you know, it ’s not even who. I t ’s knowing who’s
doing what t o who…


30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 184 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 213: FI ND OUT WHO’S DOI NG WHAT TO WHO

SONG 59 WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO . [ LYRI X]
THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE AROUND HERE
AND IF YOU LISTEN TO THE STORIES AT THE BAR
YOU’LL GET THE PICTURE PRETTY QUICKLY
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY SHE GOT THE JOB INSTEAD OF YOU
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THINGS HAPPEN THE WAY THEY DO, FIND OUT
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

NOW ISN’T THAT CHERYL OVER THERE ALL OVER PETER
AND SHE’S ONLY ON HER SECOND MARGARITA
SHE’S THINKING WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HIM LOVE ME

OH HONEY FOR A START YOU COULD BE A BOY
THIS LADY REALLY DOESN’T HAVE MUCH CLUE AS TO
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

MEET MISS LUCY, SECRETARY
GOSSIP QUEEN AND SO SHE SHOULD BE
COS SHE’S GOT THE DISH IN THE ZOO
SHE’S OUR FRIEND COS WE ALL WANNA KNOW…
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

JACKIE, BAGGAGE, DIVORCEE
SHE’S IN FOR A FLING VERY SEXY
SHE’S ALSO GETTING DRUNK AND JEALOUS IN THE CORNER
I SEE HER DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH MY LAWYER
MY LOVELY EX WIFE
TRYING TO CONTROL MY SEX LIFE
SHE’S GOT TO MAKE IT HER BUSINESS TO KNOW
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

FLYING TO THE MEETING
ON THE PLANE YOU MEET SUE SHE SAYS
‘CALL ME HERE’S MY NUMBER LOVE TO SEE YA’
SO WHAT DO YOU DO? IS THIS CONFUSING?
WHEN YOU’RE SO HAPPILY MARRIED AND SO IS SUSAN
DON’T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT
WHO MIGHT BE DOING WHAT TO WHO

HOP ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
THERE’S SO MUCH LOVE FOR EVERYBODY
EENI MEENI MINIE MOE
GRAB SOMEBODY THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO
YOU’VE GOT TO LOVE IT WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU


30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 185 www.logicalstupidity.com
Summar y of Schmoozi ng:

SONG 60 SCHMOOZING . [ LYRI X]
PARTY OF THE YEAR, A DAZZLING AFFAIR
ANYONE WHO’S ANYONE WILL BE THERE
SO YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE LIST
DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO MISS
OUT ON ANYTHING
SO HERE’S WHAT YOU DO
PUT ON YOUR POSING FACE
LOOK LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE
LOOK THE DOORMAN IN THE EYE AND SAY HELLO
THE MAITRE DE WILL UNDERSTAND
WHEN YOU SAY YOU’RE WITH THE BAND
WHATEVER, WHO WILL EVER KNOW?

ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE
HEY YOU'RE MISTER COOL
SCHMOOZING BY THE BALDERDASH BOOGALOO
ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE
HEY YOU’RE MISTER COOL
SCHMOOZING BY THE BAR
WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?
30 (20, 10) SECONDS AND I’M MOVING ON SPEAK X 3

IT’S NOT WHAT YOU ARE THAT HOLDS YOU BACK
BUT RATHER WHAT YOU THINK YOU HAVEN’T GOT
KEEP THAT IN MIND, IT’S AMAZING WHEN YOU FIND
YOU CAN LOOK THE PART EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT
BUT BE YOURSELF
AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS
THEN BE SOMEBODY FASCINATING
WHAT YOU SAY AND WHAT YOU KNOW DON’T HAVE TO BE RELATED
WHEN YOU JOIN THE CONVERSATION
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DO
AT THE HEY-LOOK-AT-ME-IT’S-A-PARTY
JOIN THE WAM-BAM-BAFFALO-JAM TELL-THEM-WHAT’S-A-HAPPENANG
BALDERDASH BOOGALOO

ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE
HEY YOU’RE MISTER COOL
SCHMOOZING
WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?
30 (20, 10) SECONDS AND I’M MOVING ON SPEAK X 3


31. Hysterical Accuracy - The Art of Making Stuff Up


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 186 www.logicalstupidity.com
31. Hyst er i c al Ac c ur ac y –
The Ar t of Mak i ng St uf f Up




OR ‘exi st ent i al i nnovat i on’ - i f i t doesn’t exi st , make i t
‘Now rich in book, movie & product ideas’



How ot hers have made a fort une from PI FYAFFI NG:
Pulling I deas From Your Asspirat ions For FI Nancial Gain.



And how you can do t he same.


32. CapitaLIES - On All Of Them


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 187 www.logicalstupidity.com
32. Capi t aLI ES – On Al l Of Them
DYSFUNCTI ONAL NI GHTMARES = FI NANCI AL DREAMS


You’ve been crit icised and analysed, so all t hat ’s left is t o CAPI TALI SE, by going ahead
and making t he meshugganah movies of your mind. Change your mind as oft en as
you like, j ust voice your confusion along t he way, because it ’s all going t o change by
t omorrow, t hat ’s why…


SONG 62 THEME SONG . [ LYRI X]

I’M GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW
EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW
UNCERTAINTY IS ALL THAT WE KNOW
I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU
THERE’S NO REASON FOR MY SONG
COS AT THE END OF THE DAY
THERE ISN'T AN END OF THE DAY
(YOU’VE GOT TO COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION)

BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING TO SING
AT THE END OF A SHOW
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE WONDERING?
SO HERE IT IS
YOUR THEME SONG TO FOLLOW:

GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW
EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW
I’M JUST KIDDING WITH YOU
THIS IS THE SONG TO TAP YOUR TOE TO
THIS IS THE SONG WE’RE SINGING:

IT'S A HIT OR A FLOP
OR IT'S OVER THE TOP
OR IT SUCKS AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY
IS IT HIP IS IT HOT?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT
UNTIL YOU THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY


Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 188 www.logicalstupidity.com
Bi bl i ogr aphy, I nspi r at i on &
Ac k now l edgement s
( t oo di f f i cul t t o separ at e)

Compani es ci t ed as exampl es of i nnovat i on

3M – post it s I TV
Aardman Animat ion Argos Jaguar – ‘because gorgeous is wort h it ’
Aer Lingus Jeep
American Airlines Jewish Film fest ival UK
Apple John Lewis
Argos Kellogg’s
Bank of Scot land Lexus
BBC M&S
Blockbust er MacDonald’s
BMW Max Fact or
BP Microsoft
Braun Mit subishi
Brit ish Airways MSN messenger
Brit ish Gas Nat ionwide – ‘proud t o be different ’
Brit ish Government Nike – ‘j ust do it ’
BT Broadband Oli online clot hing
Bud light Orange – t oget herness campaign
Calvin Klein Oxo
Carlsberg Pixar Animat ion
Carphone Warehouse Porsche
Channel 4 Redbull
Cit roen – robot car ads Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines
CNN Shell – bendy st raw ad
Coke Sky TV
Domino’s Sony Ericsson
Dreamworks Sony Playst at ion
Duracell Sout h African Airlines
Ford SPCA
Gillet t e St arbucks
GlaxoSmit hKline Tet ris
Golden Palace Casino Tom Tom Sat nav
Google Travelodge
Guinness –
‘good t hings are wort h wait ing for’

Virgin
Holiday I nn Vodafone – ‘make t he best of now’
Honda – ‘t he power of dreams’ Volvo
HSBC – ‘t he world’s local bank’ Yahoo
I kea Yout ube
I nt el Zurich Bank – ‘because change happenz’
And qui t e a f ew mor e, but t hese ar e j ust of f t he t op of my head


Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 189 www.logicalstupidity.com

TV shows ci t ed

Abbey House
America’s funniest videos
Big Brot her
Brot hers & Sist ers
Curb Your Ent husiasm
Desperat e Housewives
Dr. Kat z
Dr. Phil
Everybody Loves Raymond
Fear fact or
I ’m a celebrit y get me out a here
Jackass
Jerry Springer
Lifest yles of t he Rich & Famous
Malcolm in t he Middle
MTV
My Name is Earl
Nip Tuck
Opera
Pimp My Ride
Seinfeld
Sex and t he Cit y
Simpsons
Skins
The Sarah Silverman Program
Weeds
X-fact or

Magazi nes & Newspaper s quot ed (all references cit ed in body of t ext )

Cit y A.M.
Evening St andard
Heat Magazine
London Lit e
Mail on Sunday
Met ro
New Scient ist
Newsweek
Observer
The I ndependent
The Sun
The Times
Time Magazine



Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 190 www.logicalstupidity.com

BI BLI OGRAPHY

The I nt ernet – volume 4, 5, 6 & 7: all references marked by ¯ and
Email forwards
The Sky TV Guide
The Argos Cat alogue, lingerie sect ion
The free cooking magazine you get from M&S
I nst ruct ion manuals for kit chen appliances
Weekly horoscope for Leo, March 24 2005 (I forget which magazine t hough)
The Torah and The Haggadah
Loads of signs, not ices, disclaimers, and labels on bot t les & packages
All kinds of magazine art icles – from New Scient ist , all t he way down t o Heat Magazine
Finger paint ings from Rayno Greenwall Cohen, my nephew
The cat chy bit s of every song and TV ad embedded in my subconscious
The mad post man who t alks loudly t o everyone, regardless of whet her t hey’re list ening or not
Some philosophy from t he men’s loo in Hampst ead Heat h
A conversat ion I overheard at t he barber, and t hen a similar one on t he 82 bus, and st ill lat er
from a passerby on a cellphone. They were all saying t he same t hing. Weird, huh?
BT broadband help desk, Scot land branch
Telemarket ers very kindly informing me of t he lat est upgrade deals – Bangladesh branch
The birds out side my window singing t heir dawn chorus – good advice but bad t iming
My mot her – bad advice but good t iming
George Bush going on about t he answer t o t errorism
Clint on going on about t he answer t o Aids (somet hing about abst inence! ?) Rich
Homer Simpson going on about mmmmm donut s
Vicky Pollard going on about not hing specific
Richard Branson going on about ‘screw it , let ’s do it ’
Nike going on about ‘j ust do it ’
Larry David going on about all t he yelling in his family, t he 40 years of misery, becoming a rich
prick aft er being a poor shmuck and being able t o work wit h complet e freedom – since money
and success never concerned him. (Well I ’m st ill in t he poor shmuck phase and ready t o t ry
being a rich prick)
Ricky Gervais going on about Creat ionism in Animals
Scot t Adams going on about t he absurdit ies of t he workplace
Jonat han Shapiro (Zapiro) going on about t he weirdness in Sout h Africa
Einst ein going on about relat ivit y and quant um mechanics
Newt on going on about his 3rd law – t he one about act ions and react ions and opposit e forces
Heisenberg going on about uncert aint y and t hat you can’t really be sure of anyt hing. But how
did he know t hat ?
David Gest going on about needing some sugar and ‘I don’t do dishes’
Woody Allen going on about how life is divided int o t he horrible and t he miserable
John St ewart going on about all t he cont radict ions and hypocrisies in American polit ics
St eve Jobs going on about t he import ance of loving what you do
St even Wright going on about depression – t hat it ’s j ust anger wit hout ent husiasm
Sacha Baron Cohen going on about t he dangers of indifference and fight ing it t hrough Borat ,
Ali G & Bruno
Paul McCart ney going on about his memory being almost full

Many of t he ideas in t his book come from imaginary conversat ions I had wit h all of t he above.


Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 191 www.logicalstupidity.com
Ther e wer e al so r eal conver sat i ons wi t h r eal f r i ends:
Avi Azulai, Rut h Solomon, Sara-kai Friedgood, Cole Van Dais, Kipley Went z, Vicki Davis,
David Curt is, Gerald and Daniel Reinders, Candida Fridman and 40 ot hers who’ll have
t o buy t he book t o find out how t hey fit in. (Sorry, but it ’s t he only way you guys will
buy t he book.)

Cameo appear ances by f ami l y:
My mot her – Shirley Kellner, sist ers – Dr. Linda Greenwall Cohen, Dr. Gillian Brock
and Nicky Greenwall. Wit h ext ended family cameo’s feat uring: Mark Ledger,
Evon Greenwall, Dr. Henry Cohen, Andrew, Joseph, Edward and Rayno Greenwall
Cohen.

And mul t i pl e i magi ned and r eal conversat i ons wi t h my f avour i t e comedi an
and advi sor :
My fat her, Ryno Greenwall (1935-2002) – who always encouraged me t o ‘go for it ’ and
who gave j oy t o all who knew him, most ly by showing us t he bright er and funnier side
of life.

O SPARX 217: DRAW UP A CREDI T LI ST
Draw up a list of rolling credit s for t he product ion known as ‘my life’.
By accident , leave out a few people, get t heir t it les & credit s wrong and roll t hem in
t he wrong order. Wat ch t he sparks fly! I nspirat ion from all direct ions…

PROJECT PROGRESS REPORT:
St art dat e: 31/ 08/ 04
Proj ect mission: rewrit e ‘FLOPSTAR’
PROPOSED FI NI SH DATE: end of 2004
Get hopelessly sidet racked and t hen:
1
ST
DATE OF COMPLETI ON: 27/ 11/ 06
Pages: 328, Word count : 99875 (Proj ect name: Rehash & Disguise)
2
ND
DATE OF COMPLETI ON: 23/ 3/ 07
Pages: 411, Word count : 120 508 (Proj ect name: Logical St upidit y)
3
RD
DATE OF COMPLETI ON: 1/ 6/ 07
Pages: 607, Word count : 198 348 (17095 more t han The 1
st
Test ament )
4
TH
DATE OF COMPLETI ON: 23/ 9/ 07
Pages: 735, Word count : 250 297

New pr oj ect mi ssi on: do a scal ed down 20% f r ee ver si on
5
TH
DATE OF COMPLETI ON: 11/ 10/ 07
55062 words out of 258053 = 19.5%
Mission complet ed at 02: 05 – t hat ’s it , I should get some rest , good night .


©2007 BY PETER GREENWALL

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful