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physical and emotional abuse Category: Physical punishment and abuse On Mar 8, 2009, anonymous_email wrote: !

rom an email recei"ed on 2008#0$#%&'

One thing you did not mention is abuse (physical and emotional)* +sian, ,ndian, -engali parents hit their children !or not being .uic/ thin/ers, obedient, etc* 0hen they don1t understand something, or don1t get something right, they get impatient and stri/e hard* 2eachers are li/e that there, too* 3a, they can1t teach themsel"es and get pissed !or the child not understanding* +nd being called dumb* 2hese /ind o! parent#child upbringing can be emotionally, mentally de"astating !or the child* 4ince , had a bad childhood, e"en i! my dad is so !riendly and happy about me doing my studies to be an engineer, e"en when he wants me to go to him !or help, , don1t ha"e the heart to go near him*

On May %, 2009, anonymous_email2 wrote: i /now all about this* systematic emotional and mental abuse is "ery bad* i hear about a lot o! white people complaining about how they were se5ually assaulted or abused, but i dont thin/ it compares to the /ind o! asian mental abuse that attac/s your sel! esteem and personality directly* i! that happens with white se5ual abuse, it is 6ust a side e!!ect and not directly meant to cause those problems* people who are se5ually abused mostly seem to do normal things li/e go to parties, ha"e boy!riends7girl!riends, play sports, go on holidays, and ha"e part time 6obs* alot o! asians are isolated, and dont ha"e any o! those things*

On +ug 22, 2009, ello wrote: yeah, ,1"e always been "e5ed about why my parents e"en bother with mental abuse* ,s telling me that ,1m a !ailure with no ambition going to magically gi"e me ambition8 9ell no, it 6ust builds resentment*

2han/!ully , ha"e !riends who support me, but it1s pretty annoying to get the same :you !ail: speeches all the time* Most o! the time, my parents don1t e"en bother changing the wording o! the a!orementioned speeches :P

On +ug ;0, 2009, pg wrote: 9i ello, this is Philip* , en6oyed reading your responses to se"eral o! the threads* Please email me personally at philip<pgbo"ine*net ### , ha"e some more .uestions to as/ you* 2han/s=

On Oct 9, 2009, anon wrote: Physical and Mental abuse is indeed one o! the main reasons why we hate them so much*

2he best techni.ue ,1"e !igured is simply to 6ust say :yes: (one word, .uite literally), to their responses*

,t seems that they are loo/ing !or the !ollowing /eywords, :3es, , understand: !ollowed by their rage by :3ou need to >O ,2===: or you can 6ust wor/ one step ahead and say :3es, , will do it:*

and ma/e sure you say it in a "ery calm and monotone "oice*

>oes anyone ha"e any other strategies8

On ?o" 2, 2009, ba@@a wrote: 3ehh* +sian parents ne"er seem to realise the pressure we go through because o! them, and how much we all hate the abuse they gi"e us* plus, my asian parents use bad english* true story here: :3OA MA42 +B0+34 -C PCDECC2* P#O#,#E#,#2:

yeh* they suc/ at english too*

On ?o" 2, 2009, -ruised Ap wrote: 2he +mericans1 tools o! discipline are span/ing, the scolding, and the grounding* 2he Castern 4ociety1s tools o! discipline are span/ing, the scolding, the grounding, the belt, wo/, !ist, punch, /ic/, elbow, /nee, bac/hand, chair, chopstic/, bac/scratcher, the /ali stic/, the bamboo pole, the curtain F shower rod, the screwdri"er, the cuss word, the insult, and basically e"erythin that can be used to hurt physically and emotionally* 3ou get beat and scolded, and you1re e5pected not to !eel any pain* , cried once, and , was beaten li/e a mad dog that tried to bite my parents* , was so sore that , couldn1t do anything during Physical Cducation, ne"ertheless could , hold a pencil properly* 2he +sian disciplinary system is harsh, and , don1t thin/ many %st Generation +sian parents ha"e heard o! the 8th +mendment and the laws against child cruelty* ,n !act, !or as long as , can remember, , ha"en1t heard a single :, lo"e you: !rom my parents in my li!e* CHCD* ,nstead, it was replaced with, :3ou wor/ hard in school and go to ,"y Beague, otay8: -asically, all , could really do was get high grades in honors class O?B3, (2here wasn1t a such a thing as honors PC at my school, and they yelled at me !or being stupid in PC* , seriously wanted to bash their heads in) and couldn1t e"en tal/ about being trans!erred to a non#honors class* My parents ha"e ta/en a li/ing to the phrase, :CP,C E+,B:, and they use it to describe e"ery non#+I achie"ement , ha"e, i*e: :3OA ?O GC2 +I EOD 29C B+?GA+GC +D248= 3OA GC2 >CD + O?B38 3OA >+9 CP,C E+,B=: (2he only thing going through my mind was, :49A2* 29C 9CBB* AP*:) -asically, until , can somehow get out o! my parents1 home, (,1m 2; by the way) ,1m going to be stuc/ here with more "erbal abuse and e"en more se"ere blows than in my adolescence* 4omebody* Erea/ing* 9elp me*

On ?o" 29, 2009, Hisitor% wrote: ,! you1re 2; li"ing in your parents1 house*** get out*

+lso, did someone seriously say that white people who are se5ually abused ha"e nothing to complain about8 O/ay, they may go to parties, ha"e boy!riends and girl!riends, get 6obs, whate"er, but you are in no position to assume that e"erything is ho/ey#dory !or them* 3ou really thin/ se5ual abuse is nothing compared to your problems8 , ha"e a !riend whose !ather used to se5ually abuse him when putting him to bed as a child* 9e goes to parties and does all that other :white people: stu!! but he1s ?O2 o/ay##he1s been clinically depressed !rom years along with a load o! other problems*

C"eryone has problems* ?o one1s in a position to say that their problems are much more signi!icant than anyone else1s* ,! you don1t li/e your parents dismissing your problems and telling you to tough it

out, don1t dismiss other people1s problems as being lesser than yours* 2hat1s 6ust messed up*

On >ec %%, 2009, %2; wrote: 0elll, , thin/ the physical punishment is !or those old school parents or 1uneducated1 parents* Meaning ha"ing one or more o! these characteristics: no college degree, little high school, little /nowledge o! american society, ha"e7had uneducated bac/grounds*

Personally, , ha"e not been physically punished !rom the e5treme side (but yes, a couple o! times)* 9O0CHCD, "erbal abuse cuts 0+33 deeper into my mind than does the physical punishment* Eor some reason, , barely remember the physical punishments (i was about %% years old) but , DC+BB3 remember e"en "erbal punishments when i was eight years old* , mean, c1mon= , don1t remember anything when , was se"en, e5cept that i mo"ed and had a !riend named Jessica* -ut i do remember my :inability to .uic/ly learn the times table be!ore tested during school:* +nd, ,1m not a bragging type, but , was the !irst one to !inish those times tables at school in ;rd grade* 4o i should be proud o! my accomplishments* , recently told my parents, (K& years later), but they >,>?12 -CB,CHC MC= , sho"ed it aside because they started ranting about my !ailures in high school***

Point is, "erbal abuse still hurts me* My parent1s "oices echo my mind e"erytime , start thin/ing about my !ailures* +lmost e"erytime , cry is because , !eel li/e , ha"e not li"ed up to my parent1s e5pectations* , wish they would really get a grip on what my world is li/e and stop yelling all the time* O!ten, what they say is 6ust :tal/:, and their :tal/: would consist o! e5pectations, and o!ten those e5pectations can1t be changed o"ernight* (so impatient, my parents)*

On >ec %9, 2009, waiting%8 wrote: , completely agree* 2heir methods are degrading and useless* ,t1s hard to understand how 29C3 don1t understand that the way they treat their children is e!!ecti"e and normal* ,t really disgusts me how +sian parents can be so heartless and not understanding* Personally, , don1t thin/ they should be e"en called parents as their parental neglect is so strong* +nd to grow up with such people !or years can damage the child physically, emotionally, mentally, etc* 4adly, this is something that will probably ne"er end as they are ridiculously de"oted to tradition and culture* 2hey disli/e assimilation and their ways are re"olting* Dandom: ,n the mo"ie 2he Cye, the main character could see ghosts o! dead people* +nd there was an +sian boy who 6umped out o! the apartment1s window and committed suicide* 9e /ept as/ing the main character, :9a"e you seen my report card8: +nd later, there was the mother o! the boy who was still ali"e and she /new that the main character could see her son* , thought this part was so sad* 2he boy loo/ed about %0 years old= , thought that really sent a message*

On Jan 20, 20%0, 2rinity* wrote: it 6ust happened today* my mom yelled at me* im %L, li"ed in america !or three years and 6ust mo"ed to canada* im "ery used to A4 and i 6ust hate the way my mom tal/ed to me today she had me /need on the ground and tell her :i would ne"er tal/ to u li/e an american teenage anymore*: well i did that 6ust to end the whole thing* all i did was telling her what i was thin/ing and the truth* she thin/ i was lying* cu@ what i said wasn1t what she was thin/ing* she ne"er trust me* and i ha"e enough o! her* i want to die * i was the get the hell out o! here* but then****where am i going to li"e8 then i can1t go to college and yeah my li!e is ruined***so i can1tlea"e* i lo"e my mom, but i 6ust hate her** u /now what i mean8 send me an email* yingying_trinity<hotmail*com

On Jan 2L, 20%0, Mich wrote: ,1m a senior at a pri"ate all#girls Catholic high school, so the hole in their chec/boo/ de!initely a!!ects my parents1 treatment o! me* 4urprisingly, my mother isn1t the type that says :3ou1re a !ailure i! you get an +#*: 9owe"er, these past years , ha"e been constantly abused "erbally and sometimes e"en physically* , !ound Phillip1s article right a!ter my mother has 6ust hit my sister with a wooden spoon !or not turning her homewor/ assignments in time* 9earing my sister cry almost brought me to tears as , ha"e always "i"idly remembered being hit with a wooden stic/ in the si5th grade* My mother had hit me so hard the stic/ bro/e* Bast year, my grades were detrimental and my school counselor showed much concern !or me* -ecause o! them, they con"inced my mother that , should go get pro!essional help* 2hough begrudgingly, my mother too/ me to see a psychiatrist and , was diagnosed with depression* +s said in the article, mental health is /ind o! a taboo sub6ect, and , ha"en1t been seeing my therapist !or many months now* , !igured since ,1ll be college#bound in hal! a year, , could stic/ it out until ,1m out o! the house* -asically, i! you are e5periencing any /ind o! abuse, or i! you need to tal/ to someone and your parents are the last people you1d go to, start with a school counselor* 3eah, they sound shrin/#ish and somewhat cliche, but it really is a lot more help!ul* -ecause o! my counselor , was able to restore my grades into a (somewhat) more acceptable le"el*

On Mar ;%, 20%0, cc wrote: , can somewhat relate to what the article tal/ about, but one thing that it didnMNOPOQt tal/ about is emotional and psychological abuse* My !ather cares more about my education than anything* 9e ne"er hit me, and he ne"er said that he wants me to go to an ,"y Beague schoolR itMNOPOQs all implied* C"er since , was little he would tell me that he wants me to become a doctor when , grow up, disregarding what , want to be* , 6ust went along with my dadMNOPOQs dream !or me* ?ow , am si5teen, and ran/ % in my classR , !eel ecstatic but not because , am proud o! mysel!, but , am happy that my !ather will be proud o! me* C"ery time be!ore !inals, , would worry an5iously about whether ,

would ma/e a - in that class* My dad is says heMNOPOQs o/ay with -MNOPOQs and CMNOPOQs, 6ust as long as , understand what , did wrong* Oh that seems great to hear !rom your !ather, not, because when you bring home a -, the emotional drama starts* , ha"e only one - since , started high school, and , am planning to /eep it this way* -ut when , got a -(89*S) in -iology and , showed my dad my grade, he didnMNOPOQt yell, hit, or get mad at me, but one thing made it worse* 2he e5pression on his !ace was torture, he was sad, and he told me so!tly that he was sad* 9e told me that he /nows no one is per!ect, so heMNOPOQs not e5pecting me to be per!ect either* 9e as/s why did , get a - in the class, , told him that the school ne"er allowed me to see what , did wrong on the test, so , couldnMNOPOQt learn !rom my mista/e (my school runs di!!erently)* 9e 6ust said o/ay and wal/ed away with a sad !ace, to me , !elt that , was doomed, all , wanted was to commit suicide, , !elt li/e my li!e was o"er a!ter , got that -* , was about to actually commit suicide, but then , thought o! my mom, how much , lo"e her* , thought that i! , were to die, then she would not be able to li"e without me (me being the only child)* , didnMNOPOQt commit suicide* Erom that day on, e"ery time , seem to slac/ o!! or ha"e !un, he would remind me o! the time that , got a -, it is e.ui"alent to a big slap in the !ace* , disli/e that a lot* 9e ne"er yells or physically abuse about grade, he does it by ma/ing me !eel guilty bringing shame to the !amily !or getting one -* , would pre!er the physical abuse any day than the psychological trauma that , ha"e* , am saying this because , hate my dad, , lo"e him, , wouldnM NOPOQt trade him !or anyone* +ll , wish is that he could understand how , !eel about this torture, and stop with it*

On +pr 9, 20%0, 4pyderEaerie wrote: , !eel e"eryone1s pain* , ha"e a Eilipino mother and ,ndian (Cast ,ndian) !ather* +ll my dad cares about is grades and gets mad at me !or ha"ing !riends other than my Torean best !riend who has the same problem as me* 0e are both the smartest in grade 8 and , ha"e ne"er done anything wrong (no drin/ing, drugs, se5, etc*) and yet they tal/ about me as i! ,1m the most rebellious aw!ul teenager in the world* 2hey tal/ about how ,1m nothing because ,1m not catholic li/e them (atheist) and they thin/ my grades are low (9SU)* 2hey used to and still abuse me and tell me ,1m a gigantic !ail # not technically in that wording but close #the mental abuse hurts more than physical because your body can heal but scars o! the mind can 6ar you !or li!e* 2hey always say not to compare mysel! to others yet they themsel"es compare me to my Torean !riend who1s grade are slightly higher than mine and how she goes to church and "olunteers as an alter girl* ,1d lo"e to tal/ to them about how , !eel but they ne"er let me get a word in edgewise* 2hey tell me # .uote # :0e are your parents* 3ou li"e in our house and as long as you do you ha"e to listen to us* C"en when were wrong you ha"e to listen to us*: 2hey are wrong about 98U o! the time* 2hey say they1"e been through what ,1m going through but they1re not me* 2hey don1t understand how , !eel about their abuse, they don1t understand how , cope with the stress and how , deal with ha"ing to !eel li/e a piece o! garbage when , /now ,1m not* 2hey thin/ ,1m not mature or responsible e"en a!ter all my teachers ha"e told them that and written that in their comments on my report cards* 2hey thin/ they /now me better than , /now mysel!, which is !ar, !ar !rom true* 9ell will !ree@e o"er be!ore they e"en begin to understand* +nd the only person who /nows me better than , do is my Canadian !riend who my parents don1t li/e because they don1t thin/ that anyone who is white is 1smart1 and , use the term loosely because to me there is nothing that is truly 1smart1 in the world* 4mart in the general term o!/nowing what we thin/ we ha"e disco"ered, maybe but in a broader term, not really* My parents won1t let me ha"e a boy!riend until uni"ersity when ,1m supposed to be becoming a doctor ( because parents ne"er had enough money !or that type o!

pro!ession ) and right now they won1t e"en let me ha"e a crush on boys which ma/es no sense because they can1t stop science (phermones etc)* , almost comitted suicide but then , thought o! my !riends and how they would !eel a!ter , died, one thing , /now is that my two best !riends didn1t ha"e any !riends be!ore mo"ed and met them and we became !riends* +nd the !acts are true about rebellious /ids, it1s because o! they1re parents gi"ing them a reason to become rebellious that they change*

On May ;, 20%0, de la wrote: cc, , really !eel !or you* -ut understand that your !ather is manipulating you* My mother did the same thing* 4he would CO?42+?2B3 say things li/e :,1m "ery disappointed in you: with pursed lips and an angry e5pression, or tell me how my dad couldn1t sleep a!ter ,1d bring home a report card with a !ew -s on it* 4o ridiculous* +t the time , 6ust too/ it, but i! , had more sel! con!idence (surprise= they eroded it), , would ha"e said, you /now, that1s not my problem* 2hey1re trying to shape your beha"ior through underhanded means li/e guilt trips, power plays, control and e5ploiting your desire not to hurt anyone* ,t1s twisted and it1s wrong, but you1re probably not going to be able to change them* +ll you can do is recogni@e it !or what it is and not let it a!!ect you too much*

,n short, you are ?O2 DC4PO?4,-BC !or other people1s !eelings and how they handle themsel"es* 2hat1s on your parents, and to ma/e a child responsible !or an adult1s !eelings is something no grownup should e"er do* 4ounds pretty immature on their part, doesn1t it8

Please don1t do anything rash* 3ou sound li/e a "ery mature teenager, and ,1m sure you are a great 6oy to your parents, e"en with an occasional -* +nd you will be a great 6oy to the world as well ## 6ust get beyond this stage without hurting yoursel! and you1ll be 6ust !ine*

On May %;, 20%0, Cassandra22 wrote: 9a"ing come !rom asian parents who ha"e psychologically abused me, , thin/* 2o some degree, my problems are the opposite o! those asian parents who pushed their /ids into medicine or prestigious post#secondary education* , ha"e decided ,1d rather ha"e them push me into the prestigious college, but that1s more o! a pre!erence* , ha"e siblings who are the same age and they push them, but they don1t push me e"en i! , try hard* 4ounds li/e , ha"e it easier8 ?ope* 2hey do treat me li/e , am stupid and when they brag about my siblings per!orming well, , get le!t out o! the loop* 2hey don1t tutor me li/e they ha"e !or my siblings* 2his is a 9AGC slap in the !ace about my abilities* ,t1s an indirect way o! saying , am an inade.uate child* +nd si5 years plus o! this will ha"e it1s toll*** e"en i! you don1t /now it* 0hen , get a bad grade, they are li/e :it1s o/ay*: which translates to 1you are inade.uate1* 2his wouldn1t be the case had my siblings got bad grades and they are li/e, : why didn1t you do better8: 2hey tell me to aim lower and settle !or less and less and siblings higher and higher* 0hene"er , did something they didn1t appro"e o!, my mom would be li/e :don1t you want to be a good child: :don1t you lo"e me:* ?ow that , am older, they say things li/e 1, won1t li"e !or "ery long* ,1m only

5 age=1 Guilt trip* More psychological torture* -eing an obedient child has gotten me screwed o"er in the adult li!e*

On May 29, 20%0, lala_land wrote: my parents aren1t your typical asian parents, but they do hit me physically and mentally* they can be nice one second, then condescending and moc/ing and screaming the ne5t* they do say that they lo"e me, but then they go on to say how i1m sooo ungrate!ul to them* they call me all sorts o! names, then ma/e up !or it, then yell at me some more* this is the sort o! endless cycle !or me*

their e5pectations o! me are much lower than my sister, who is "ery intellectually gi!ted, whilst i am a mediocre student who gets a"erage grades* this is why when my parents suddenly had a new!ound interest in my grades, i was utterly con!used to why they started nagging about the littlest details, such as nagging about my small handwriting to how incapable i am o! doing the simplest math problems

the constant emotional abuse i !elt has caused me to guard my !eelings, loc/ing them away and simply trying not to show any emotion to my parents, !or !ear that they would use whate"er i li/e against me* i miraculously got a boy!riend and now whene"er i do something they don1t li/e they say, :oh i! you don1t do what i say then i1m going to bloc/ the internet (my only way o! communicating with him): and :do you thin/ that boy!riend' would want to ha"e such a sloppy, stupid and disgusting girl!riend as you8:

i started to guard my emotions in si5th grade, and when we graduated middle school, (my middle school splits into two di!!erent high schools) i was surprised at how little i cared about how my !riends were going to di!!erent schools, or at how little 6oy and happiness i !elt when we went on our end o! the year trip* li!e was a numb e5istence !or me, and i !elt little emotion* i was "ery cold and indi!!erent, and the only strong !eeling i !elt was the wa"es o! resentment towards my !amily and :per!ect: little sister, who got whate"er she wanted because her grades were good and she could be :trusted:*

On Jun %$, 20%0, stressed wrote: ugh , 9+2C +4,+? P+DC?24============== i am almost about considering !oster parents because my parents are so cra@y, my dad thin/s he is so great at e"erything so i should be too i am going to try out !or the best high school in +Astraila this saturday and i! i dont get accepted it will be the end o! my li!e* literally :( my mum complains about the slightest mista/e i ma/e in almost e"erything, i !eel li/e a captured animal being harassed

i wish my parents would lea"e me alone*

On Jun 2%, 20%0, 6ing wrote: hey CHCD3O?C,i" been reading your thoughts and i /now how u guys !eel* im !rom 4OA29 +ED,C+, im %L and i ha"e asian parents who i thin/ that dnt lo"e me anymore**especially my dad*9e has a really short temper, he gets really pissed at somethin really small#when i Sgot 2 wash the dishes he called me Srm downstairs en shouted at me S not washing them straight a!ter dinner, he told me that i! this happens again he will hit me* i thin/ im depressed***i usually cry at night in the bathroom thin/ing to mysel! that im so useless and i always thin/ o! /illing mysel!* 0hen i started high school i was so angry at my dad that loc/ed mysel! in my room nearly e"eryday and i would cut my wrist, but im not doin that anymore* 3ou guys thin/ that all asians r "ery cle"er and r gud at e"erythin***well now that is not true***as S me im not gud at maths(or anythin in particular#that what my dad would say 2 me), i e"en ha" 2 ta/e e5tra lessons and 2 me that is embarrassing to me and my !amily*, ha" 2 sisters who r way older than me, who i /now that r much beta than me and they r always telling me i must do my best*2hey /now wat i am going through as a teenager and li"ing with the parents, especially my dad* My dad is always telling me that im always doing so bad at school and would always shout at me dat im stupid and all that type o! stu!!* , cant do anythin right S him, i do the most little mista/e and he either shouts at me or would hit me(i remember at % time he punched me, but not that hard on my !ace bout how bad my grades r, and i remember when i was "ery small and i did somethin wrong and my dad shouted at me and told me i! i was a boy he would has /ic/ed me li/e a dog#i thin/ that was that time i started 2 hate and ne"er lo"ed him gain* -ut now at least i ha"e my sisters S lil support, but its gonna end soon cause they r already mo"in on with their li"es** but im trying 2 hold on strong

On Jun 22, 20%0, gonna cry wrote: god* reading all o! this stu!! ma/es me wanna cry becu@ o! all the abuse that my !ather has gi"en me(mentally)* its li/e hell in my dictatorship li!e* i got a weighted gpa o! S*0 last semester and my dad said that i was going to end up li/e my no good neighbor, going to the !rea/ing na"y becu@ o! my grades, wt! is he thin/ing* now this damn semester i got a cI in ap lang but im a!raid to show him becu@ i don1t wanna deal with the shit he lays down on me* the sad part is that my gpa is still a S*0* i !eel li/e my dad1s words are going to but rape me* god it !eels good to "ent on this site

On Jun 2;, 20%0, Hincent wrote: My parents are e5pecting way too much with me, they hate my !riends, the way i li"e, my room, e"erything e"ery single damn thing* , tried to reason with them they didn1t listen so now , either ignore them, don1t listen to them, or 6ust yell at them (at one point almost punched them)* ,t is so bad, , made

a !ail sa!e plan o! trying to gi"e them an unhappy ending* ,t was to go through college and law school and become a lawyer than wait !or them to as/ !or money* , will say no and renounce my !amily name and lea"e them to drown in their debts* , don1t care what they say, ,1m !inished with them* Hincent age :%$ Cthnicity: Eilipino

On Jun 2;, 20%0, da"inci wrote: Hincent: i! you intend to change your !amily name, my ad"ice is to do so sooner rather than later* C"en i! you don1t do so legally, start using your new name as soon as possible (this will also pro"ide e5tra protection against your parents trac/ing your acti"ities)* , legally changed my name a!ter , bro/e contact with my abusi"e biological parents, and it caused me an enormous amount o! trouble to get legal documents changed and to con"ince people that , was still the same person* , thin/ that, had , started writing under a pen name much earlier, it would ha"e made it much more di!!icult !or my biological parents to cyberstal/ and harass me, which caused a lot o! negati"e conse.uences !or me*

On Jun 2L, 20%0, :( wrote: wow, reading all this ma/es me really really sad* , /now this is a thread !or physical and emotional abuse !rom +sian parents, but*** ,1"e ne"er recei"ed :abuse: !rom my parents* My parents ha"e this weird duality, where they tell me , should ha"e done V3W and they go on and on, but they also /now , wor/ hard and they1re proud o! what ,1"e achie"ed* , thin/ a lot o! people in this !orum need pro!essional help* +s long as you /now that your potential does not lie in anyone1s hands, and you can lea"e at age %8, you1ll be !ine*

On Jun 2L, 20%0, anon; wrote: 2his might seem mean7ignorant but , don1t see how you could try really hard in a class and get a CI*** 3ou >O ha"e a te5tboo/ you could study8 One !orm o! escape would 6ust to study hard and get into a good college*** 0ouldn1t that sol"e e"erything8 (!ails to see the problem)*

On Jun 29, 20%0, WWW wrote: Deading some o! the stories on this site ma/es me !eel sad, especially ha"ing e5perienced many o! the same things mysel!* My parents e5pected to play the piano per!ectly and ace e"ery e5am, ha"e good (rich7smart7good !amily) !riends instead o! who , hung out with* 2hey are also e5tremely racist* My mom used to beat me whene"er , made a mista/e playing the piano, , was & or L at the time when she bac/handed me !rom the piano bench and /ic/ed me in the stomach a!ter , !ell o!!* 4he also called

me worthless, stupid among other things* 4he also made me stand !or hours in a dar/ closet or !ace against the wall i! , messed up on an e5am* , thought about suicide many times but in the end , 6ust thought , ha"e much longer to li"e than them, and , will try my best to get my !reedom as soon as possible*

On Jul 9, 20%0, 6ing wrote: i wrote earlier en reading al this stu!! ma/es me thin/ what are these parents doing 2 al o! us no wonder we either ma/e them angry,run away or e"en commit suicide***and they watch the news and they complain 2 eachother as/ing y these /ids r ly/ this these days***

wow== yeah thats bad ha"in ur mom beat u up i! u do bad in a piano e5am*** i also play piano#my dad is always telling me how my 2 sisters did so well in school and now loo/ at u(meaning me), ruining e"erythin now, u do so bad in school blah blah blah*and i been told that nearly e"ery single day== i always thin/ o! running away** but who would i cal anyway88 seriously cant stand my parents

Jing,%L 4*+

On Jul %&, 20%0, 2om wrote: My li!e is basically ruined my parents are Hietnamese, they do not understand the needs o! a growing %L year old boy* , wor/ hard and , use to get top mar/s* -ut now , am always put down being told how stupid , am and how , bring dishonor to the !amily* 2his discouragement has made me depressed and , no longer thin/ , can achie"e the mar/s to ha"e a good !uture*

2o add to this, my younger sister disrespects me and , can1t do anything about it* 4he always gets away with it* 4eeing my parents are always on her side*

, ha"e had many thoughts o! running away, and at times suicide* , lo"e my parents and , appreciate them wor/ing hard to earn money !or my studies* -ut ,1m a!raid , can1t li"e up to their e5pectations*

Bi!e is so short , 6ust wish , could o! en6oyed my childhood more, not being put through physical and

emotional abuse* +ll , hope !or now is to !inish high school, !ind a 6ob* +nd en6oy li!e as much as possible e"en though its a bit too late*

2om, %L +ustralia

On Jul 29, 20%0, Jesse wrote: 2hese posts are ma/ing me cry* , ha"e +sian parents too* + couple days ago* , signed up!or a theory e5am because my teacher told me to* -ut a wee/ a!ter when all the money was paid* My parents decided that they don1t want me to ta/e it anymore* 4o , call the royal conser"atory o! music saying that , ha"e to cancel it* -ut yet they won1t let me* 4o my parents are pissed because apparently , didn1t tell them that , was ta/ing an e5am when my teacher emailed them !i"e times* 4o now they1re calling me ungrate!ul sayin that their wor/in o"ertime and , 6ust don1t care about money* My dad punched me in the !ace* 4o , got a bloody nose* +nd my mom /ic/ed my stomache* , was rushed to the hospital where my parents made up some story saying that , !ell* +nd now they don1t tal/ to me* , can1t deal wth my parents abuse anymore* ,1"e had thoughts about suicide*

On Jul ;0, 20%0, Binnil wrote: 2hese posts XalmostX made me cry* +sian parents***they1re not all strict and hate!ul and stu!!* An!ortunately !or me, mine are* C"eryday, e"ery single word that comes out o! my mother1s mouth relates to how a horrible, useless, and disobedient child , am* 9ow , can1t do anything, and will most li/ely !ail at e"erything , do* 0hene"er it1s report card time, , can barely breathe because ,1m so scared that ,1ll ma/e anything under an +* ,1m so scared o! my parents that when my teacher played an +pril Eools >ay 6o/e on us, , cried* 4he changed our report card grades to, li/e, a grade point less, and , was literally crying my eyes out in class* , tell mysel!, no, ,1m not useless (hard to belie"e when you1re constantly told you are), and that when , get older, ,1ll 6ust mo"e out and lea"e* Maybe send some money e"ery once in a while, but ne"er see my parents again* My mom will slap me !or :answering bac/: as well as :not answering .uic/ly enough* , ne"er ha"e a con"ersation with +?3O?C and it1s li/e ,1m scared to say anything* , get screamed at !or e"ery little thing* (3our "oice is not loud enough, you1re too short, you loo/ li/e XbeepX) 2oday, my !ather got angry at me because , told him , didn1t want to loo/ at one o! the houses he li/ed* 9e dragged me by my throat and started slapping me* 9e slapped me so hard, my nose started bleeding* 2he whole time, my mom was screaming at me and saying that , !inally went o"er the line* +!terwards, my parents ga"e me the crap tal/ that they would ne"er actually hurt me and that it was because they lo"ed me 4O, 4O, 4O much (oh, yeah, cause the blood running down my nose is considered as your lo"e888) and they would ne"er do it again i! , 6ust didn1t mention it to anybody* O/ay, sure, i! it ne"er happens again* ?e5t day: same scenario* ,1m so tired o! this, and , !eel li/e ,1m out o! options*

On +ug %S, 20%0, Jac/man wrote: 0ow* , must be a pretty luc/y guy* 4o ,1m Chinese, came to Canada ; years ago* +nd ,1m %; years old* My dad is nice, caring and "ery generous* 9e got me an iMac (holy mother#!!!!!!) and my mom was li/e what are you bill gates and she returned it* (which , didn1t really care)* 4o my mom is short# tempered, shout at me e"eryday, so goddamn sensiti"e to e"erything, but sometimes she1s pretty nice* My grades are in the range o! 90s and my mom shouts at me !or it* -ut my dad is proud o! me* 2he only reason he shouts at me too is because my mom is so !rea/ing sensiti"e* +nd tal/ about di"orces all day so my dad doesn1t wanna get her mad* Eirst , was li/e, why do , ha"e such a bad li!e88==88 -ut then a!ter reading all these posts ,1m li/e wow* My email is super6ac/@hang<gmail*com* 4end me an email i! you want*

-y the way, , play "ideo games li/e ; hours per day and study li/e %0 minutes and still get good mar/s* 4o i! you said you study %0/ hours and get li/e $0 percent* 2hen get a li!e and stop lying

On +ug %S, 20%0, Jac/man wrote: 0ow* , must be a pretty luc/y guy* 4o ,1m Chinese, came to Canada ; years ago* +nd ,1m %; years old* My dad is nice, caring and "ery generous* 9e got me an iMac (holy mother#!!!!!!) and my mom was li/e what are you bill gates and she returned it* (which , didn1t really care)* 4o my mom is short# tempered, shout at me e"eryday, so goddamn sensiti"e to e"erything, but sometimes she1s pretty nice* My grades are in the range o! 90s and my mom shouts at me !or it* -ut my dad is proud o! me* 2he only reason he shouts at me too is because my mom is so !rea/ing sensiti"e* +nd tal/ about di"orces all day so my dad doesn1t wanna get her mad* Eirst , was li/e, why do , ha"e such a bad li!e88==88 -ut then a!ter reading all these posts ,1m li/e wow* My email is super6ac/@hang<gmail*com* 4end me an email i! you want*

-y the way, , play "ideo games li/e ; hours per day and study li/e %0 minutes and still get good mar/s* 4o i! you said you study %0/ hours and get li/e $0 percent* 2hen get a li!e and stop lying

On +ug 2$, 20%0, ?ewbie wrote: Punching and /ic/ing children is a cowardly act and A?+CCCP2+-BC= ,1m in my early ;01s now and , had a tadbit o! mental abuse !rom my parents too (yes, , mo"ed away !rom my parents and "ery rarely spea/ to them)* , used to do badly in school (yes, , used to !ail a !ew sub6ects) but did e5tremely well while at uni"ersity (yes , ha"e Ph> in Cngineering)* 2o all o! you, be strong and /eep your chin up* >o not let their negati"ity a!!ect your con!idence* 3ou ha"e the power!ul to change your path* Getting straight +1s is not an accurate measurement o! success and li!e i*e* common sense gets your !ar in li!e* C"eryone is uni.ue and e"eryone deser"e to be success!ul in his or her choice o! pro!ession*

ps: 4ome o! you should seriously contact social ser"ice or school counselor i! your parents punch and7or /ic/ you or your sibling(s)*

On 4ep S, 20%0, +ly wrote: My parents are so horrible Y( , !eel li/e , ne"er /now where , stand with them***o!ten they are so considerate o! me, buying me the newest clothes and technology, but apparently it1s so , don1t get disrespected at school or something* -ut then in pri"ate it1s a whole di!!erent story***she hits me, throws me around the room, brea/s my belongings (they are 1hers1) pulls my hair, throws shoes at me, whips me with belts, threatened a !ew times with chairs and once when , re!used to stop glaring at her, she got scissors and aimed at my eyes* 2he result o! sll this coporeal punishment has been a !ew scars on my body, countless aches and bruises* ,t has been going on my whole li!e*

, !ind the worst part is that our whole !amily is so dys!unctional* My dad beats my mum (pulls her hair and throws her around, says that doesn1t count) and my mum hits me* 4o o! course dad thin/s , totally deser"e it* O! course they constantly belittle me and ma/e ne !eel totally subpar to e"erything in li!e, to them , ha"e no !riends as when they come to /now me, they !ind me 1e"il hearted and sel!ish1 and , am apparently also a party girl and a whore* +pparently because my only boy!iebe cheated on me and then my goog !riend had se5 with him a !ew days a!ter and , got ms at her, they said , ha"e no right because , was a whore also !or ha"ing a boy!riend*

?o one really belie"e me or they don1t /now how to respond, am , 6o/ing8 +m , e5aggerating8 O! course not* Deenrly , ha"e ta/en to de!ending mysel!, that is pushing her away and bloc/ing her with my arm* Just the other day , had to push her out with my !oot and she screamed and screamed at me and made my dad pull my hair* ?ow , re!use to be abused anymoreR , am %L and it is humiliating to my core* , yell bac/ at her now, , call her a stupid bitch and , don1t care what they thin/ o! me anymore* , am a good student and , ha"e a good enough social li!e # , don1t need their shit anymore*

On 4ep S, 20%0, +ly wrote: 0ow , was typing on my slow phone and , 6ust want to clear up some typos # ***result o! all this corporeal punishment***ma/e me !eel totally sub par***only boy!riend cheated on me***my good !riend had se5 with him***recently , ha"e ta/en

2o all this, , actually thin/ the worst part is the psychological damage* 2hey say ,1m a 1white eyed wol!1 , , ha"e ne"er e"er e"er heard o! them being proud o! me* %00U is e5pected* ?e"er heard , lo"e you, we ne"er tal/ about anything relating to how to li"e my li!e, how to interact with others, any problems o! the heart* , can ne"er rely on them to sympathise with me (ta/e boy!riend story)*

+pparently , will ne"er match up to what they were li/e at high school* ?ow they e"en thin/ my !inal high school grades will be terrible and ha"e gi"en up hope when in !act my grades are all + at least*

O/ay ,1"e !inished ranting now and will listen to e"eryone else1s issues*

On 4ep %;, 20%0, pa/i wrote: !or those o! you that say you study a little bit and get good grades i 6ust want to say , not e"eryone is the same , !or some it is easy , i use to be one o! those people that didnt study and got good grades but suddenly it went down hill = and i got reeli bad grades = i !eel !or all o! you , im pa/istani and cant stand it some times = i lo"e my parents i /now they lo"e me and so do yours but they need parenting s/ills = , !or those o! you that say to people i! your old enough get a 6ob and mo"e out , its not as simple as that , especialy being a !emale in my culture , mo"ing out be!ore marriage is rebellious hence they will brea/ o!! all contact !rom me a!ter /ic/ing the shit out o! me not caring about the police, now o! course a !ew o! you will be saying ring the police then , but i cant and i wont , because i li/e many other asians adore our parents and ha"e high morals !amily is e5tremely important and we wouldent want anything bad to happen to them e"en when we hate them , we dont wish bad upon them we 6ust wish we would die = heres my story , i was always an o"erweight child being constantly taunted !or my weight , my mom would not mentaly torture me to the point where i would try ma/ing my sel! sic/ , then all my siblings would ma/e !un o! me constantly and eating was imposible the /itchen was gaurded and e"en i! i went in !or water i would get told how !at i am , i agree i was o"erweight but i wasent obese i was chubby , e"en now i am o"erweight im a si@e %2#%S u/ * i would get told how ugly !at and dar/ i am ( im not acctually that dar/= in!act people mi5 me up !or being arab but the rest o! my !amily are super light green eyes beauti!ul) * when i was %S i stole some intense diet pills , i thin/ there called matabilite , as i! i wasent depressed already = now i was so depressed i constantly thought i was about to die , i cried !or no reason threw up all day tried my best to be good was always treated li/e a maid and had the worse an5iety , on the bright side i lost a bit o! weight , but they didnt care how i was !eeling or what mental torture i was going through caused by them * sorry im 6ust ranting on , but the point is , i wouldent ha"e cared i! it was 6ust beatings , i would rather ha"e had 6ust the belts rather then the emotional pain * i cried to god to ma/e me stop eating e"ery day * i bleached my !ace , i tried so hard * my low sel! con!idence brought me to the stage where any male attention made me so happy*** which can ha"e disasterous conse.uences eg being used !or se5 * im now %9 and i"e got my con!idence bac/, i"e realised im not ugly !at and not worthy o! no one , now that i" mo"ed to uni"ersity i"e realised how di!!erent the world is and how people see me through there eyes not the eyes o! my !amily*

On 4ep %8, 20%0, chibit"%0 wrote: ,1m !ourteen, tenth grader, and my parents are emotionally and physically abusi"e*!or e5ample: MNOPON ,gnoring or minimi@ing your !eelings

MNOPON Constantly critici@ing, insulting and calling you names MNOPON De!using to help you when you are sic/ or in6ured MNOPON ,solating you !rom your !amily, !riends, wor/ and community support MNOPON Controlling where you go and what you do MNOPON Chec/ing up on you constantly MNOPON -laming you !or the abuse that occurs MNOPON Playing mind games MNOPON 2hreatening to: hurt you, ta/e your children, harm(i dont ha"e children) your !amily and hurt you with a weapon MNOPON Pushing, sho"ing, throwing ob6ects at you MNOPON 9itting, cho/ing, punching, biting, slapping, /ic/ing you i got rid o! the ones that didnt apply to me*

i really need to get away !rom them* im gonna as/ my !riend i! i could stay at their place !or a while, until i can get more help* i1m loo/ing !or a 6ob so i could support mysel!* , study alot and my grades are a"erage* my parents arent satis!ied with that* there!ore i ha"e no !reedom* i cant spend time with my !riends and i cant do much things when im not in school* i resent them but i1m willing to !orgi"e them soon, a!ter i start li"ing my li!e* ps they1re asian

On 4ep 20, 20%0, %Bistener wrote: 9ey e"eryone,

, do hope you can all !ind someone to spea/ to, most o! you are still young and you all de!initely need some moral support* , was raised in a cra@y strict asian !amily too* Erom my e5perience, we ha"e an ad"antage o! li"ing in a relati"ely progressi"e western society and thus, ha"e the ability to really understand the cultures we1re e5posed to* 0hen you become an adult, prepare yoursel! well and 6ust do what you want or need to* >on1t torture yoursel! o"er your parents but also don1t !orget the "alue o! compassion* 3ou can gi"e yoursel! what your parents ne"er did* 9ow , see it is, they1re doing what they 1thin/1 is right, 6ust li/e their own parents did* 3ou T?O0 it1s not, 3OA can help be the change* Ma/e some plans !or yoursel!= 3ou ha"e a whole world out there to e5perience* >on1t let anyone ruin it !or you* 3ou li!e is only really beginning* Ma/e the most o! it= 3ou are worth e"ery e!!ing second o! it*

On 4ep 22, 20%0, 6mom wrote: +!ter reading some o! the abo"e comments, , can relate to many o! the younger generation though , am much older* My !ather, 2nd generation chinese american, used hand, belt whate"er to abuse us when punishing* , thought all /ids were disciplined this way* O! course the daily "erbal abuse was there too* My parents didn1t drin/ or do drugs, yet , would use alcohol later to co"er up pain!ul situations* Just wanted to say that , started therapy7counseling in my late 201s and e"en now , continue to go* 2he therapy helps, and i! you don1t li/e the therapist get another one because we need support o"er these situations* , appreciate e"eryone1s honestly*

On 4ep 2$, 20%0, nilpori wrote: My parents did a per!ect 6ob o! ruining my con!idence completely* +ll my li!e , heard how bad , was at e"erything* 0hate"er , did was ne"er good enough* 2hey always compared me with other people* My mom hit me i! she was in a bad mood* Most o! the time , was really con!used why , got hit* My parents hated each other, but instead o! getting a di"orce they decided to ta/e out their !rustration on me* ,! my mom hit me or dad yelled at me the other one would later as/ me what happened and , would reply :, really don1t /now:* , became "ery intro"ert* , always thought , was ugly, stupid and clumsy* , regained some con!idence a!ter , got a good 6ob e"en be!ore graduating* +ll my co#wor/ers and !riends /eep telling me how good , am at e"erything and my parent must be "ery proud o! me* -ut they are not because , am still single* My mother is upset that ,1m not getting married or ha"ing babies li/e other girls* 4o, she still thin/s ,1m worthless* 4he e"en told me that ,1m so stupid , couldn1t e"en get a boy!riend* My brother absolutely hates my parents and doesn1t communicate with them* , still ha"e this insane desire that my parents would appreciate me some day* , try to be nice to them*

Deading some o! the older posts, , do reali@e ,1m luc/ier than most people* -ut can empathi@e with your situations* , hope you would not let your parents destroy your li"es and ma/e yoursel! proud e"en i! they1re not impressed*

On 4ep ;0, 20%0, J,?G wrote: well some o! our parents ha"e already distroyed our li!es and now we can not get bac/ on our !eet because they /eep bringing us down and some o! us dont ha"e any% to get help !rom*

li/e me i cant tal/ 2 some% to help me wit all the stress and anger my parents r gi"ing me, that is y we come here and tell our stories* and to mention than5 to the people who has hope in us and telling us that we r strong, and not letting any% ruining our li"es:#)

lets !ace it#we all r li"ing in a world that none o! our parents care bout us e"en i! they do, they surely

/now how to show it in misterious ways* 0hen my !ather is always telling me the same old stu!! saying thing li/e my older sisters r beta than me and so on, i would /eep telling mysl! that wen i grow up, ill !ind a way to mo"e out o! the house and ma/e my own li!e, and wen i become a parent, ill swear to mysl! that ill ne"er treat my children the way my asian parents treated me, bco@ i! i do my children will su!!er a terrible pain li/e i do now*

hope u guys understand, co@ im %L li/e i sed beS, we dont /now wat happens behind closed doors** 6us saying, i ha"e asian parents i can not wait to get out o! the house**

On 4ep ;0, 20%0, d!g wrote: , am so pissed my Mom is such a bitch its always study study study !uc/ this im so !uc/ing tired !uc/

On Oct 2, 20%0, Gman wrote: , !eel you*

, ha"e e5perienced some o! the same thing in my li!e* , still remember when , was young and 6ust got beat !or no reason or !or some !uc/ing tri"ial thing* Come on, , was li/e 8 years old= , remember , would loo/ at the calender and see what day it was and say in my mind : , will remember this day !ore"er and they they will get paybac/:

lol

On a side note, listen, do not commit suicide* Bi!e will be better soon* , am now 20 and am a senior in college* , still tal/ to my parents but they ha"e pretty much allow me to do whate"er , want now* , still stri"e to do good in school and all, but because , want to and care about my !uture*

+lso, when , am older and become a !ather* 2he !irst thing , am going to do when my child is born is to ha"e a tattoo on my arm or chest with the word :lo"e: 2his is to remind me to lo"e my children and ne"er e"er treat them li/e my parents treated me* 2hat will be our biggest challenge* e"en now, , ha"e anger issues and , sometimes yell at my little brother and girl!riend !or little things* , ha"e searched my soul and , reali@e that most o! it was !rom my e5perience as a child !rom my parents*

4o good luc/ to all and please please li"e and be great parents to your own /ids in the !uture* :)

On Oct S, 20%0, MT wrote: God >amn********* ,1m luc/y , can run to my !riends house* Most damned asian parents are sons o! bitches who dont let their /ids out o! their house*

On Oct S, 20%0, +lice wrote: <MT 3our luc/y, my parents won1t e"en let me go outside alone, , don1t e"en /now what to do in my spare time, , can1t hang out with !riends or do anything +BO?C* 2hey thin/ , ha"e an :Obsession with the computer*: , as/ed them what should , do in my spare time, and they said Chores* 09O ,? 29C D,G92 M,?> 0OAB> >O C9ODC4, , +M + %; 3C+D OB> G,DB EOD GOO>?C44 4+TC*

On Oct &, 20%0, Chinese 9ighschooler !rom Cali wrote: 9ey, i guess most o! you ha"e it a lost worst them me* , was born here in the A*4 though my parents came to +merica* ,ts /inda strange, i lo"e them*** and hate them, well more my Mom really* One time she chased me out o! the house and i had to sleep in the par/* ?ow i got beat up and lectured !or getting a couple o! -s* My >ad is o/ay with it, but my mom is screaming at me about it* +nd she doesn1t e"en ha"e a college degree= Only reason she1s in A4 is because my >ad was smart enough to come and get a >egree* Guess ,1ll ha"e to sur"i"e a !ew more years, best luc/ to all you asians out there=

On Oct &, 20%0, Chinese 9ighschooler !rom Cali wrote: i 6ust remembered a childhood e5pierence* 2hey got mad at me(!orgot why) and started screaming* , started crying, and they beat me !or crying* 4ince when did beating a /id stop him !rom crying* +nd another thing author i thin/ you !orgot to include* ?ot sure i! you did, but comparissons* +sian parents will compare you* , remember they yelling saying my !riends stay up to midnight doing homewor/ and stu!!* +ll the while i was li/e :2hey1re !ric/ing seniors mom, im a damn Ereshmen=: >id she care8 ?ope* 4he also got me studying !or 4+2s in &th grade* 4he thought i could ta/e it in Ereshmen year, now she !ounds out i can1t and thin/s i can do it in so!tmore year* VP

On Oct $, 20%0, tr wrote: wow shes dumb as !uc/ all those years in school and they didnt teach your mom simple !uc/ing COMMO? 4C?4C holy !uc/ asian parents shouldnt e"en be allowed near children their to dumb to handle it shit

On Oct %%, 20%0, Cali wrote:

wow, i1d say get to college, ta/e care o! yoursel!, and when your mom is old***throw her in an old !ol/s home* that1ll teach her to shut up= there1s no e5cuse !or laying one !inger on a child* also, you1ll soon be able to o"erpower her physically i! you ha"en1t yet* as long as you stay mentally strong, there is no need to worry* when i was little, i would go to chinatown with my dad in 4E and all the old ladies would /noc/ me o"er and i would ha"e to literally chase my dad down because they would get in my path* a!ter high school, i1d go there and i belie"e i was % # 2 !t taller than all o! them* now it1s li/e the Ded 4ea in the bible* they part li/e the red sea when they see me wal/ing around* no one touches me* it1s pretty sweet* anyways, your mom probably /nows she won1t be able to o"erpower you !or !ore"er so i! she mentally screws you up enough, she can still control you until she does* i suggest (u dont ha"e to listen) you do e"erything in your power to stay as con!ident as you can and well it doesnt hurt to li!t weights and get an athletic body***i1m not saying beat your momma, i1m 6ust saying abusers can smell !ear*** when you stop gi"ing o!! !ear or at least stop showing it, you can tell her to bac/ the !Xc/ o!! and shut up (pro"iding your daddy won1t slap you !or saying it)* then it1s plan b: old !ol/s home :) 4ince you li"e in Cali, try going to a crowded part o! China town and standing tall* 2hey1ll get out o! your way and maybe that will be a good con!idence booster* 9ell, i1m only & !t S inches, a si@e 0, and they still mo"ed out o! my way*

On ?o" %L, 20%0, Tate wrote: 9a"en1t spo/en or been in contact with my mentally, emotionally F physically abusi"e parents in almost a decade= ,1m in my late 20s* Bi!e is so much easier F happier without their negati"ity= -ut , still sometimes ha"e nightmares that they would !ind7contact me F hurt me again* +t times , want to cut o!! all ties with my !amily, e"en my nice cousins F caring aunts F uncle !or !ear they will disco"er my new address F relay it to my parents* + long time ago , had a restraining order against them F with police protection , mo"e out o! that aw!ul house !or good when , was %8=

, will ne"er !orget how the Chinese mother badly beat me with a wooden clothes hanger in the ;rd grade because , didn1t smile in my photos* 2hey always hit me in the leg so no one would be any wiser* , ne"er had /eys to the house, e"en in high school* ,n the cold ?3C winters, , would stand outside F !ree@e until someone opened the door !or me* 2hey would yell when guys call the house*** too many other horric memories=

On >ec 29, 20%0, , hope you reali@e one day wrote: , hated my mom* 4he passed away a !ew years ago, and , wasn1t too sad* 3eah, , cried !or a !ew wee/s*** but along with those tears were anger and bitterness* , hated how she treated me* C"eryday she would remind me ,1m a worthless piece o! shit* 4he always cussed at and call me degrading names* ,t was normal !or her to hit and beat me up with her !ist, /ic/s, stic/s, shoes, clothe hangers, anything near by, e"en though , was no longer a teenager (not saying it1s o/ay to hit teens but , was too old to be getting punished li/e that, dammit=)* 4he would also spit at me too, and , hated that* Euc/ing bitch= , !eel /ind o! bad !or not being as sad as others at her !uneral* 2o be honest, li!e is so

much better without her* My li!e is a little brighter now that she1s out o! my li!e* , !eel bad !or saying that, but , don1t want to lie about my !eelings either* My dad is a !uc/ing, paranoid, heartless asshole* 9e only cares about sa"ing his !uc/ing !ace (reputation)* 9e1s too proud o! himsel! and i! anything we do will bring it down, he1ll go berser/ and threaten to /ill us, but most o! the time he li/es to tell us he wants to /ill himsel! so we can li"e with guilt and shame o! being disobedient /ids* , don1t really care too much i! he does /ill himsel!* ,1m not going to blame mysel! i! he does committ suicide* ,t1s a stupid decision he made not me* 4o go ahead, don1t thin/ it1ll e!!ect me* Our li"es might 6ust get better*

On >ec 29, 20%0, , hope you reali@e one day wrote: <Chinese 9ighschooler !rom Cali

OMG= , /now what you mean* My parents hit me and i! , cry they1ll yell at me :0hy are you crying8 +re you as/ing to get hit more8 +re you8= Ctop crying now or ,1ll hit you again= %, 2, ;===:

EACT 3OA= , wonder i! they e"er got abused, my parents* People say i! you1re raised in an abusi"e !amily, you1ll be abusi"e yoursel!* -ABB49,2= , don1t ha"e the guts to e"ent swat a !ly* , don1t e"en slap my younger siblings e"en when , wanted to throw something big at them* 4hit, , bet they got abused* 0hy the hell are they doign the same to us i! they /now it hurts physically and emotionally* -,2C9C4=

On >ec ;0, 20%0, Jessica wrote: < , hope you reali@e one day: An!ortunately, our parents will ne"er reali@e one day* 2hey1ll die still not /nowing and not understanding how we !eel*

, agree with you about parents seeing tears as some /ind o! wea/ness* 9ow can we not cry when they1re in!licting pain on us8 My mom always says that ,1m that one who did something wrong, so why am , crying8 My response: Ah, maybe because you1re hitting me8 Ob"iously, , don1t really say that* 4he would 6ust hit me again*

+nd , /now !or a !act that my parents were also abused by their parents* >on1t they /now how it !eels8 0hy would they treat me li/e that8 ,1m a!raid to ha"e children now because , might do something li/e that to them (accidentally)* -ut honestly, , would ne"er treat someone the way my parents treat me*

On Jan ;, 20%%, po/ichan wrote: , really** disli/e my parents, well not my mother but my !ather* 2oday he as/ed me what time , was going to sleep ( , had school ) and , said 9* then it was li/e* %0and he wo/e up and got angry all o! a

sudden and cursed at me in our language* #*# 9e throwed his slippers at me or he tried* then he went up to me* , 6ust standed there a!raid, then he grabbed my head7hair and pulled my away !rom the computer* 4O -ull shit* ?o 6o/e** 4ometimes , really hate being asian*** it hurts* 2hey tell me to study and get +1s well guess what* , C+?2 >O 29+2* , cant be a per!ect student* , dont care i! they beat me* , can be rebellious i! , want to* i! , die be!ore , e"en mo"e out, then so be it* Euc/ asian parents*

On Jan ;, 20%%, tr wrote: <po/ichan e5actly no matter how !uc/ing hard they push and try they C+??O2 push you beyond your limits that is !uc/ing retarded bullshit and one o! the many reasons i hate asian parents and my own EACT Pushing your /ids beyond their limits is so !uc/ing stupid a C9,B> could understand that* -ut you can always hold onto the !act that when your !inished with college or turn %8 you can lea"e your parents !ore"er and ne"er return 3OA O0C 29CM ?O29,?G====

On Jan 2$, 20%%, ?guyenman wrote: i hate "ietnamese parents my mom wont e"en let me play tennis, let alone e"en bas/etball= i get abused e"ery single !c/ing day, mentally and emotionally , am %$ turning %8, a senior in high school in te5as, and, basically, CHCD329,?G CHCD3O?C 4+,> ,? 29,4 4,2C, ,4 2DAC +?> +PPB,C4 2O MC, but one thing, years ago, i !orgot to wash dishes, and my mom made me and my younger sister ta/e o!! all o! our clothes and made us lay on the !loor* and she too/ a curtain pole and "iciously slammed us with it* we were na/ed* insane= till this day, i can ne"er !orget it* , wish e"ery single asian parents that are li/e that would one day all die out, and our generation would raise OAD /ids the right way, with ?O abuse*

Johnson, %$, +rlington 2e5as* %72$720%%

On Jan 28, 20%%, Jen wrote: 0ow ?guyenman thats insane*** i remember going thru something a lil similar YZ

On Eeb L, 20%%, ?i//i wrote: , dealt with abuse !rom my parents, primarily in elementary school* My mother was a nightmare to deal

with* 9omewor/ made my stomach turn* , remember, on one occasion, when , couldn1t sol"e a di"ision problem, my mother gathered up all o! my clothes and threw them at me, screaming at me to get out o! her house* On se"eral occasions, she wa"ed a /ni!e in my !ace and threatened to slit my throat or cut o!! my !ingers*

My older cousins and , 6o/e about the physical abuse !re.uently, but it is a dar/ sub6ect !or all o! us*

+s , grew older, the physical abuse tapered o!! once my parents reali@ed that , wasn1t a!raid to play a game o! tattle#tale to school counselors* 2he emotional abuse ne"er really went away* ,t is less !re.uent now, but it still stings e"ery time*

2hough , do lo"e my parents, a small part o! me is resent!ul* , !re.uently !eel as though my childhood was stolen !rom me*

On Eeb 28, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: anonymous_email,

:One thing you did not mention is abuse (physical and emotional)* +sian, ,ndian, -engali parents hit their children !or not being .uic/ thin/ers, obedient, etc*:

Deally8 +nd, 09,2C -,GO24 don1t hit their children= Bet me tell 3OA a true story while , was in 9igh 4chool= , /now this 09,2C GA3 that ta/e his !ather -D+?> ?C0 Pic/#Ap 2ruc/ to JO3 D,>C around with his !riends= 9e crashed his !ather1s -D+?> ?C0 2ruc/= 2he ne5t day, he shot himsel! with a shot gun right through his !uc/ing mouth and blow his brain out== Y7

?ow, tell me that i! his 4outhern DC>?CCT 0hite 2rash E+29CD do not +-A4C him because this 09,2C T,> would rather >,C than ta/e his 09,2C 2D+49 Eather1s DC+B +-A4C== [roll my eyes\

Cagle 2alon 2si (Poor Men1s Porsche)**** www*youtube*com7watch8"Y,WderdSdg&]

, should ha"e as/ed my 2aiwanese Eather !or a Porsche 928 (e"en i! used bac/ then be!ore all this O,B PD,CC 9,TC)**** www*youtube*com7watch8"Yl;VV@?pJHw8

Porsche 9%% G22 "s ?issan G2#D "s Hiper 4D2#%0 Cor"ette W0L**** www*youtube*com7watch8"Y%tnAl5+?b0s

?ow, let me tell 3OA my !irst CD+49 (only one) o! my 4POD2 C+D, 2urbo Charged Cagle 2alon (, would ha"e die i! that was Porsche 9%% 2urbo), all paid !or by my 2aiwanese Eather= , crashed my 4POD2 C+D turning a corner too !ast, which all my wheels 6ust loc/ed up= , slammed into one o! those 2elephone Poles while , was with my +sian College Eriends= My !ather is more concerned about i! my +sian College Eriends are o/ay than his ,>,O2 4O?= O! course, he ga"e me some typical +sian Parents BCC2AD,?G, but in the end, he paid !or repair o! that 4POD2 C+D and e"erything else== ^YP

On Mar ;, 20%%, Michelley wrote: ,1m hal!#Torean and , can relate to what e"eryone says here* , am 20 and , am scarred !rom how my mom treated me* ,t was physical and mental abuse* My brother also se5ually abused me* , ha"e suicidal thoughts all the time*

On Mar ;, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: Michelley,

9ow did she abuse 3OA again8 0here is 9+D> CH,>C?CC8 Bet me guess= 4he1s +4,+?= 2hat alone is +-A4C in itsel!== [roll my eyes\

3our borther must learned !rom your 0hite 2rash E+29CD= 4houldn1t 3OA report that to DC+B POB,CC= Please /ill yoursel!, and , /now that 3OA are e"en one o! our DC+B +4,+? PCOPBC== ^Y(

On Mar ;, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: anonymous_email,

+sian and 0hite Parents**** www*youtube*com7watch8"Y_l-g,,0BHiS

2DA29 is all P+DC?24 regardless o! their D+CC ha"e some !orm o! -4 CD+W3 49,2 in them= 9owe"er, , wouldn1t trade our +sian -4 CD+W3 49,2 !or another that1s e"en more -4 CD+W3 49,2 !rom 09,2C BO4CD and -B+CT BO4CD== ^Y)

-anned Commercial # Condoms**** www*youtube*com7watch8"Yno60JL#Vme]

-20, anonymous_email (or, is that same as PG), it seems li/e your +nti#+sian -,GO2 Boser P+DC?24 !orget to use their CO?>OM4 because they ha"e 3OA== ^YP

PG, what1s so o!!ensi"e about that8 ,t1s 2DA29== ^Y)

On Mar ;, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: Michelley,

:My brother also se5ually abused me*:

DCPOD2 that to a POB,CC= 2hat1s a CD,MC right there== ^Y(

Most posts here are 6ust whining and slac/ BO4CD4 that thin/ their +4,+? P+DC?24 are CH,B because they ma/e them 42A>3 9+D> at 4C9OOB== [roll my eyes\

-20, some o! 3OA are not e"en DC+B +4,+? PCOPBC= 4ome o! 3OA are 6ust bunch o! ?on#+sian -,GO24 that hated our +4,+? PCOPBC and are writing load o! -ABB 49,2 as a 9O+V to 4B+?>CD our +4,+? PCOPBC and our +4,+? P+DC?24== ^Y(

On Mar S, 20%%, 6mom wrote:

Michelley Many o! us ha"e e5perienced some type o! mental or physical abuse* , would suggest tal/ing to a therapist and don1t delay, !or the sooner the healing process will begin* , am glad you too ha"e !ound this site, 6ust ignore that idiot who ma/es no sense whatsoe"er*

On Mar S, 20%%, J*3oo wrote: ,s it worth it to slap your mother and punch your !ather8 Cause , am soo !uc/ing tempted to do so= 2hey 6ust yell, push, slap, swear, /ic/, and push me !or the shittiest reasons=(, said :, don1t /now, because , didn1t chec/ what you1re as/ing about*:) OMGGGG 9CBP MCC

On Mar &, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: J*3oo,

2he answer is :?o:* 2wo wrongs do not ma/e a right*

On Mar 9, 20%%, T2 wrote: 0hen you get a 99 on a test, parents as/, :what happened to the other point8:

On Mar %0, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: T2,

:0hen you get a 99 on a test, parents as/, :what happened to the other point8::

2hat1s not abuse= DC+B +-A4C is their -rady -unch 0hite 4tep#Eather D+P,?G their 4tep# >aughters, which is "ery typical in +MCD,C+ with people li/e Michelley and her A4CBC44 0hite# 0ashed Torean Boser MO29CD== [roll my eyes\

On Mar %0, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: T2,

?ot only did their -rady -unch 0hite 4tep#Eather are more li/ely to D+PC their 4tep#>aughters in our DC+B 0ODB>, these 09,2C 2D+49 also are "ery good at teaching their 0hite#0ashed 9al!#Torean 4ons to do same DC>?CCT F 9,BB-,BB3 -eha"iors== Y7

O! course, T2 endorsed that /ind o! +-A4C o"er our +sian Parent1s concern o"er our EA2ADC JOPDO4PCC24 based on our 4C9OOB GD+>C4, which had some correlation with 9,G9CD ,?COMC== [roll my eyes\

On Mar %%, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: T2,

9ooray !or your 0hite 2rash Parenting (stop pretend to be our +4,+?4, !uc/ing 2D+,BCD 2D+49 BO4CD)**** www*youtube*com7watch8"Y&"PnMbBr&nc

?ow, that1s how your DC>?CCT CA?24 doing their wonder!ul P+DC?2,?G in +MCD,C+ and don1t thin/ ,1m blind to those 09,2C -ABB 49,2== ^YP

-20, ,1m pretty wild as an +sian T,> growing up in +MCD,C+ playing EOO2-+BB !rom Jr* 9igh to 9igh 4chool, and my +sian P+DC?24 put up with lots o! my 49,2 all the time**** hehe= , don1t see them -,2C9,?G about it here either== ^Y)

On Mar %%, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: T2,

Oh yeah, more o! your 0hite 2rash Parenting**** www*youtube*com7watch8"YyBL2HAuD+JS

+re 3OA proud o! your 09,2C 2D+49 CAB2ADC yet8 9aha**** ,1m 6ust warming up, too== ^YP

On Mar %S, 20%%, >anneh wrote:

you guys ha"e no idea what we +sians are e5periencing**** my ass has been !uc/ing beaten since , was &* My dad would use something that , bought that is hard***and he1d whup my ass* Eor what you guys might thin/8 all i did was get a $L on a test****yeah a C wt! i was only 8 !or !uc/s sa/e and it was a pri"ate school***my mom is a bitch and she ma/es e"rything complicated with my dad* ,1m doing research on the computer and she thin/s im gaming****and usually e"ery time i do something wrong she and my dad begin to throw all this bullshit lecturing at me* :O9 3OA >O?2 0+?2 >A9 GA> JO-8: or : , 4CC >A9 % more E or > in yur grade , T,CT 3OA OA2 OE >A9 9OA4C: or you might hear them comparing you to a !riend that has straight +1s

On Mar %9, 20%%, bloody /ni!e wrote: somebody help me****i wanna commit suicide o! all what us pressuring me*****PBC+4C***i beg o! you*****

On Mar %9, 20%%, 6mom wrote: bloody /ni!e #what is going on8

On Mar %9, 20%%, +sian +merican Dule wrote: T2,

C+4C3 +?29O?3 42AP,> G,DB**** http:77www*youtube*com7watch8"Yci,o]aL48SA

Casey +nthony1s +ctions**** http:77www*youtube*com7watch8"Y-bb"-s88srC

Party Girl to -usiness 0oman # Casey +nthony1s ?ew Boo/ in Court**** http:77www*youtube*com7watch8"Y]0%M9-+-&_c

+nti#+sian 0hitey -,2C9C4 6ust ha"e so much B,EC 6ust because they ha"e so much ED,C?>4, so much 4OC,+B 4T,BB4, and P+D23 all days li/e mostly 2D+,?0DCCT4 would do in their B,EC= 2hey always ha"e such 9+2DC> toward our +sian P+DC?24 and our 4ACCC44EAB +sian People== [roll my eyes\

Oh yeah, 9asta la "ista -aby= 2DA29 hurts**** doesn1t it8 +nd, ,1ll be bac/ to tell more 2DA29 about 3OAD +nti#+sian T,?>== ^YP

On Mar %9, 20%%, de la wrote: bloody /ni!e, it gets better* , guarantee it*

On Mar %9, 20%%, !i!i wrote: -loody /ni!e, please get help = 3our li!e is important, and belie"e me nothing is worth ta/ing your li!e o"er*

On Mar 2%, 20%%, T2 wrote: bloody /ni!e, lea"e the house i! you need to permanently i! it1s too stress!ul what your parents are putting you through, but do not resort to mutilating yoursel! with a bloody /ni!e as your username says*

Go to any relati"es house that you trust and as/ them !or help in letting you stay there permanently* you let your parents win with their physical abuse (i! that was the cause) i! you commit suicide*

+s soon as you lea"e the house, it will be a di!!erent world* Please 6ust try something to ma/e it better*

0e all belie"e in you, well most o! us, can1t spea/ !or people li/e +sian +merican Dule*

On Mar 2%, 20%%, T2 wrote: :0hen you get a 99 on a test, parents as/, :what happened to the other point8:

,t1s emotional abuse, and a trigger to physical abuse, in least in my parents household, which +sian +merican Dule /new too well and then lied about it*

On Mar 2%, 20%%, T2 wrote:

+sians and white(s) since 6mom is a white person are against :+sian +merican Dule:== As, this world you try to get appro"al !rom, aar, re6ect you*

On Mar 2$, 20%%, bengali son wrote: , am %9 years old guy and my parents still gi"e me abuse* , would lea"e and mo"e out but this isnt possible because im at uni"ersity and !or me to get tuition !ee loans etc , need their signatures and other details !rom them so , need to stay with them* they control almost e"ery aspect o! my li!e, !rom clothes (not allowed to wear anything slim!it) to who , tal/ to (not allowed to ma/e !riends who are girls) and they dont let me go out so , !eel socially isolated* ,ts "ery hard* +ll they care about is there reputation i*e* what will the other !amilies say when they hear our child was ha"ing co!!ee with a girl8= they hit me* they ta/e some o! my loan money !or themsel"es* they tell other people who 1crap1 and useless i am* they say im stupid and worthless etc* i hate them and in all honesty , cannot wait to lose contact with them* , resent them so much and , pray that , will be a better parent to any /ids , ha"e*

On Mar 2$, 20%%, !i!i wrote: bengali son, you will be a better parent then them* 3ou are %98 you ha"e made it thus !ar, you only ha"e a !ew more years to go until you are out o! college, yes they control the !inances and you too but don1t you see the light at the end o! the tunnel8 3ou are in the !inal stretch use them to get your education, and then you will ha"e all the power* Only ; or S more years o! college, hang in there# education is power and the power will be yours soon*

On Mar ;0, 20%%, +rre5 wrote: My solution to when they try to physically abuse or threaten it is to show them your bigger and raise your !ist as though ur not scared o! them* 2he reason they resort to "iolence is they are bac/ed against a wall* 2hey ha"e nothing they can say which can logically push their point* 2heyre obsessed with being right and i! you can completely destroy their argument and show con!idence in that you are bigger and stronger than them then theye screwed* 2hey1re pussies at heart*

On Mar ;0, 20%%, Jen wrote: _My parents would beat the li"ing crap outta me until ,1m dead i! , did that*

On Mar ;%, 20%%, mel wrote: , read through some o! these posts and the thing is, +sian parents aren1t hal! bad* Hery o!ten, they yell at me !or random, stupid, useless things* My tric/ is to combat it with humor and a hec/ o! a lot o! sarcasm* , ha"e a :big, !at mouth: and will not !ail to argue with them e"en in the most menacing o! situations* , was playing "iolin !or L hours straight into the ne5t day at 2 am because my mom wanted

me to play well* 2hen she grabbed my bow and hit me on my side with it, crac/ing the bow into two parts* , grabbed the nearest thing (a big metal chair) and was on the !loor, holding it abo"e me, trying to de!end mysel!* +nd what did she do8 4he yan/ed it out o! my hands, yelling, :,1m gonna /ill you= 9ow dare you disrespect me li/e this=: 2hen she threw it on top o! me, the seat o! the chair also bro/e on impact (with the !loor) and my leg got a huge gash in it, re.uiring stitches#but they were too scared to bring me to the CD* , mean, +sian parents are mean, but they1re really aw/ward in social situations* +nd 4APCD ?,CC to other people*

On Mar ;%, 20%%, mel wrote: , read through some o! these posts and the thing is, +sian parents aren1t hal! bad* Hery o!ten, they yell at me !or random, stupid, useless things* My tric/ is to combat it with humor and a hec/ o! a lot o! sarcasm* , ha"e a :big, !at mouth: and will not !ail to argue with them e"en in the most menacing o! situations* ?ow don1t get me wrong#my parents ha"e "erbally and physically abused me (e"en lea"ing huge bruises all o"er my body when they hit me)* 9owe"er, it1s mostly because , ne"er !ail to agitate them and not shut up* , thin/ you guys are o"erreacting* , mean seriously8 3ou get suicidal because they are not content with you getting a 99U8 Or because they beat you with a 0OO>C? 4POO?, what, once in & years, considering how much you remember the incident8 4eriously people, this 6ust con!irms my theory that many +sians are whiny wimps* 3ou guys do reali@e that they shut up and listen once you agree and +C2A+BB3 0ODT 9+D>8 C"er tried studying !or S hours straight on e5tracurricular math8 O! your own accord8 2hen you1ll understand what resources you ha"e to ad"ance in li!e that you don1t use because you thin/ +sian parents :push too hard:*

On Mar ;%, 20%%, mel wrote: 3es, , do reali@e that what ,1"e said is probably contro"ersial* , 6ust wanted to get it straight that ,1"e been through what you guys ha"e, yet don1t agree with your sel!#pitying stances*

On +pr L, 20%%, smartan wrote: i don1t /now i really li/e my parents but they /eep lowering my sel!#esteem***they tell me that i loo/ so ugly with my haircut long and that im the least hygenic person they ha"e seen in their li!e***they say other people probably thin/ im ugly* so today my dad was 6ust about to ma/e an ugly comment and i replied**ill cut my hair tomorrow pls don1t bother me* My dad got upset and said that he doesn1t want to tal/ to me* Dight now i 6ust !eel super guilty !or upsetting my dad**what shud i do

On +pr $, 20%%, de la wrote: smartan, your dad is manipulating you* 9e1s pulling your strings, trying to guilt#trip you when he1s been doing that all along with you with the constant cutting remar/s* Manipulation comes in all !orms, and while you may !eel guilty !or drawing the line, you may !ind that you1ll need to draw that line a lot more o!ten i! you want to assert yoursel!, !eel better about yoursel!, and establish a di!!erent relationship

with your parents (which, naturally, they will try to !ight e"en though it1s a natural part o! e"eryone maturing and relationship dynamics changing)*

>on1t let your parents yan/ you emotionally li/e a dog on a leash*

On +pr $, 20%%, smartan wrote: +nd now my mom /eeps telling me to say sorry to my dad***i reli want to say sorry but i don1t no what i did wrong**and i don1t no how to say sorry

On +pr $, 20%%, +wesome person wrote: , thought , had a mean dad when it comes to grades(>oing my best, he dosn1t care), but a!ter , read this, the things , complain about seem so stupid* +lso, , got my report card today* , made honor roll but , normally ma/e high honor roll* My dad is going to /ill me* , spent ;0 minutes crying be!ore he got home* (, don1t ha"e asian parents*)

On +pr 8, 20%%, C> wrote: C5treme punishment !or less than per!ect grades isn1t e5clusi"e to +sian parents* My parents ne"er went ballistic, because , got reasonably good grades (a - was not tolerated though)* -ut , had a !riend in high school !rom ?igeria who always !elt "ery, "ery apprehensi"e about grade reports* ,magine the stereotypical strict +sian engineer !ather, now replace the word :+sian: with :?igerian: and that1s his !amily*

C"ery time report cards came he got really ner"ous e"en though his a"erage was pretty much +1s* 9is dad was the only one allowed to open the report card letter !rom school, so my !riend would literally stare at the en"elope and agoni@e o"er what his grades were, a!raid o! that - that would ruin him* , thin/ once he e"en tried to hold the unopened letter up to bright lights in the hope that he could get a pee/* , don1t /now how much yelling or punishment was in"ol"ed !or an :unsatis!actory: report card, but , /now that his beha"ior is not something a normal person with a normal parent would engage in* ?ow that , thin/ bac/, was that all really necessary8 0hat /ind o! parent puts their children through this torture8

On +pr 8, 20%%, de la wrote: smartan, standing up !or yoursel! ## not necessarily rebelling, not necessarily getting angry or in anyone1s !ace ## is part o! growing up and becoming an adult* 3es, it1s your parents, and they1"e been the dominant !orces in your li!e* -ut i! they1re always cutting you down and ma/ing un/ind remar/s,

you1re going to ha"e to say something someday* Maybe not now, but someday*

,! you can ha"e that con"ersation rationally, not emotionally, and outline the reasons that those remar/s distress you and ma/e you !eel bad and what they1re doing to you, you ha"e a better chance o! /eeping yoursel! together and ma/ing an impact with them* +nd you might not ma/e a di!!erence or change their beha"ior, but asserting your independence and your right to be treated as a human being, and not an emotional punching bag, will ma/e a di!!erence in your sel! esteem*

+lso, your mom telling you to say sorry *** there1s almost ne"er anything wrong with saying sorry* 3ou don1t ha"e to mean it (though it1s always better i! you do), but it disarms the other person* ,! you say sorry and they1re still angry, then it1s on them, not on you* ,! it /eeps the peace, e"en i! you don1t understand what you did wrong, then it1s o/ay to say sorry*

On +pr 9, 20%%, mathew wrote: i !eel !or e"erybody here* im chinese but my parents came to canada so i was born here* my dad is the one who worries about my grades but my mom is the one who constantly cusses at me at slaps me and pulls my ears till they are gonna !all o!!* , am a good student i get mostly 90U or o"er but my mom hurts me CMO2,O?+BB3 by telling me its not enough and how other people are smarter and more obedient than me* i ha"e lots o! !riends she compares me to it na/es me !eel li/e garbage* my chinese !riend is a mostly 9&U or o"er student my mom will compare me to him and use abusi"e words how i cant do crap or anything* im and a"erage north american teenish so i u no not li/e direct immigrants* i! one o! my !riends has cheap parents my mom will scream and yell at me on how much money i spend* i mean cmon i only spend on wat i need=== i am abit o! a bac/tal/er to my mom but im doing nothing wrong as im trying to stand up S mysel!* i am allowed to go to !riends houses and spend money at the mall and do sports but when it comes to 1!ace1 its going horrible, i !eel stressed and depressed* but my mom can be nice sometimes, i! i get %00U on a test she will complement but still complains how im not as intelligent as 1real1 chinese people* my dad will complement and tell me i can be a good doctor* hes !ine with me wanting to be computer engineer because i ha"e a natural talent* bac/ to negati"es* my mom beat me with a broomstc/ until it bro/e couple o! wee/s ago becu@ i my brother was playin games on the computer* it didnt hurt but she maimed my %0 year old brother on the side o! his leg which he screamed and cried on* i was tearing up there* i wanted to ta/e the broom and throw it somewhere* what really literally destroyed me was when i was practicing piano, i told my mom to see wat i did and the response was# : its too loud, wt! did ur teacha teach u8==== so much rac.uet i! i hear this song again i will brea/ you piano and stop your piano lessons==:i sat there 6ust staring at the wall* , went to a robotics competition in 6anuary and i too/ "ideo o! e"ery moment* my parents were dissapointed that in the inter"iews i hardly said anything* i didnt ta/e !ull "ids o! those== they started cussing and yelling they emotionally abused me so i was in the showering crying !or hal! an hour not /nowing i! i should /ill mysel! or try to spea/ with them i 6ust hid my emotions li/e it ne"er happened* i cant belie"e that a!ter S months o! wor/ thats all i get !rom my parents* o"erall its pretty hard trying to li"e up to my parent1s e5pectations they thin/ money and !ace is more important than ha"ing supporti"e !riends*

On +pr %0, 20%%, -yong Tim wrote: 9i, my name is -yong* ,1m currently 2&* , li"e in south Elorida and go to school !or nursing* ,1m doing pretty well now, but ,1"e had a rough li!e* 2his is my story*

, was born in 4outh Torea* , don1t ha"e too many about 4T since , mo"ed here to Elorida when , was &* , 6ust remember going to preschool and the beauti!ul winters*

My parents were !orced into marriage* , guess it was acceptable bac/ in those days* ,1m an only child* -eing a male, , thin/ they were happy, as +sians tend to pre!er males o"er !emales as children (which , thin/ is complete bullshit because i! , had /ids, , could care less i! it was a boy or a girl)* ,t was weird growing up in that en"ironment* 2hey di"orced when , was %L, but e"en be!ore that , had ne"er seen them /iss each other or show any type o! a!!ection in any way shape or !orm* , ne"er saw them celebrate a wedding anni"ersary, ne"er heard them say :, lo"e you: to each other, or e"en seen them /iss once* 2hat messed me up o"er the years* 2hat would mess anyone up* ,1m not bragging in any way as , hate coc/y and arrogant people, but , am .uite good loo/ing* , wor/out a lot, , run, and am .uite tall !or an +sian guy* -ut e"ery attempt at a relationship with a girl has been a disaster* Bi/e ,1ll start dating someone and it starts o!! great, but , usually end up blowing it* , ha"e neediness and clinging issues* ,1"e ne"er been in lo"e and the loneliness is /illing me little by little* ,1m wor/ing on it through therapy though*

2he !irst time , can remember when my dad e"er used physical or "erbal punishment was when , was around 8 or 9* My parents wor/ed in this mall running a watch store* Pretty typical +sian stereotype lol* ,t1s either a 6ewelery store, dry cleaners, or con"enience store* 4o , had a !riend who , was playing with and we had a small altercation* , didn1t /now any better* ,1m 6ust a little boy* , was 6ust a child* ,n a rage he yelled at me at the top o! his lungs :why are you so bad8=8=: 9e humiliated and embarrassed me in !ront o! e"eryone almost li/e he was trying to shame me in public* , remember his !ace was so red li/e all the blood rushed to his head* 9e grabbed my !a"orite toy, Optimus Prime, and bro/e it into a hundred little pieces right in !ront o! me* +ll , could do was cry* +ll , could do was stand there with my hands trying to wipe away the tears and sob* ,1m actually crying a little now as , write this* ,1m a grown man and it still hurts me to this day* , ne"er !orgot that day* +nd , also remember now that he threw the toy away and , tried to go through the garbage to at least pic/ up that little plane that was inside the trailer* 3eah, this /ind o! shit can traumati@e a /id*

,1"e been beaten a lot* -y my dad mostly* My mom beat me too, but not as bad as my dad* My dad li/ed drin/ing* 9e was a drun/* , thin/ he ga"e up drin/ing, but it was /ind o! too little, too late* 2he damages has already been done*

My mom ta/es "erbal 6abs at me still to this day* , wor/ with her too at the watch store to help out and ma/e a little money on the side* My bac/ was /ind o! hurting today and my mom said :0ell -yong, you are getting /id o! !at* ,1"e noticed your putting on weight*: 02E* , +M ,? CB,2C P934,C+B 49+PC* , BOOT B,TC , COAB> PB+3 PDO 4POD24* , GO2 4O M+> , 42+D2C> POT,?G 9CD O? 9CD 42OM+C9 +?> 4+,> 9O0 >OC4 29+2 ECCB8 09O14 E+2 ?O08 +?> , DCGDC2 ,2 ?O0 -CC+A4C , 42OOPC> 2O 9CD BCHCB* +?> -CC+A4C OE 29+2, 09C? , GO2 9OMC , GODGC> M34CBE ,? JA?T EOO> -CC+A4C , 0+4 4O +?GD3* 29+?T4 MOM*

Mathew ___, ,m so sorry* ,1m so sorry man* , started to tear up when , read your story* +nd , hope your little brother is o/* MO?C3 +?> E+CC ,4 OHCDD+2C>* ,24 +? OA2>+2C> 0+3 OE B,H,?G* B,EC ,4 +-OA2 -C,?G + GDC+2 ED,C?> +?> + PO4,2,HC DOBC MO>CB EOD 3OAD -DO29CD* PBC+4C, ,1M -CGG,?G 3OA, >O?12 T,BB 3OAD4CBE* GC2 09+2CHCD 9CBP 3OA ?CC>* , can1t help you as , am lost mysel!, but , hope you !ind the answers your loo/ing !or* ,t1s o/ man* 3our a good person* 3ou deser"e praise !or trying and doing so well with your music and your robotics* 3ou sound li/e a "ery smart and intelligent young man* Bet music be your escape* 2hat1s what , do* , play the guitar* ,t helps*

,1ll be chec/ing in !re.uently at this post* ,! you ha"e any .uestions or comments lea"e them here !or me and , will chec/ bac/ once a wee/* 2han/s !or listening* 0riting this out has helped me out a lot and it may help you too*

On +pr %0, 20%%, Jen wrote: Crying at the moment here* ,1m on the same page as you -yong* , ne"er seen my parents /iss or show any a!!ection towards each other* 2hey1"e ne"er celebrated wedding anni"ersaries* 2hey ne"er showed lo"e towards me, so , !eel li/e ,1m not lo"ed at all* , don1t e"en /now what lo"e it, , don1t /now how to show people , care about them* +ll the times , ha"e, , !ailed* , came o!! as not caring enough or caring too much where ,1m annoying !or w7e reason* , ha"e been seeing this great guy !or about a year and , !eel li/e , ha"e started to ruin things* , ha"e a bad habit o! being clingy and such but , cannot help it* My parents ne"er cared about my !eelings or who , am, there!ore , always tried relying on other people !or support, but what happens when you become too much8 People wal/ away !rom you* , only ha"e about 2 true !riends, and it1s so hard in general to ma/e new ones* , come o!! as weird when , am being nice to people*** so people stay away !rom me*

Money and !ace is indeed ridiculous* My parents only care about that* Mom the other day told me :>id you /now , ha"e a client at the nail salon who1s a 6ournalist who started ma/ing `80/ right away at her !irst 6ob=: -ullshit # no 6ournalist ma/es that much right away* +ll she tal/s about is money this money that* C?OAG9 +-OA2 MO?C3 +BDC+>3 JCCW= 2hey care so much about what other people thin/ o! them as well and it bugs me* An!ortunately, this had carried on to me too* , constantly worry about what other people thin/ o! me, it suc/s***

On +pr %0, 20%%, -yong Tim wrote: , guess ,1"e 6ust reali@ed that , don1t ha"e great parents, and ,1"e learned that its o/ because , am not them* 4ure, , wish , had di!!erent parents growing up, but that will ne"er change*

My mom is so annoying* , ha"e huge dreams where , want to be a nurse !or a big hospital wor/ing in the CD, then become an P+, and tra"el the world with doctors without borders* -ut does she care8 >oes she belie"e in me8 ?ope* 4he thin/s , won1t pass* 4he as/s me i! its too hard* , P+44C> 29C E,DC +C+>CM3, CM2, +?> P+D+MC>,C4* , 29,?T , C+? 9+?>BC M34CBE* 49C +B0+34 -D,?G4 AP O29CD T,>4 09O +DC C?G,?CCD,?G 42A>C?24* , >O?12 G,HC + EACT* , >O?12 0+?2 2O -C +M C?G,?CCD* , 9+HC ?O >C4,DC 09+24OCHCD* ,24 ?O2 09O , +M* ,1"e told her this a thousand times* 4he still brings it up*** +nd not to ta/eaway anything !rom engineers, but its not !or me* ,1m a people person* , want to help people* ,1m a natural careta/er and it ma/es me happy* C"eryone one else tells me its a great decision to be a nurse, e5cept my mom***

Me and girls are disasters* ,1"e ne"er had a relationship or been in lo"e* Pic/ing up girls is easy* Delationships on the other hand, not so much* ,1m sure ,1m not the only one, but my parents ne"er had the se5 tal/ with me* , /now this one is actually common, but my dad ne"er taught how to be with girls* , guess its because he1s ne"er been in lo"e either because , /now he ne"er lo"ed my mom* ,1m in therapy now and it helps, but ,1"e got a long way to go* ,! you want to tal/ some more you can email me at aemail address redacted, contact Philip to get my email address^* ,n !act anybody is welcome to email me* ,1m so happy , !ound this post* 2here are no Toreans down here in Miami* ,! there are any, they go to church* , disli/e church !or many reasons which , won1t mention why !or di!!erent reasons* -ut yeah, , /inda wishe , li"ed in B+ where there are a bunch o! hot asian chic/s Yp

On +pr %0, 20%%, -yong Tim wrote: ___ My last post was to a reply to Jen* +nd mathew, , really hope your doing alright*

On +pr %%, 20%%, !i!i wrote: -yong, 3our heart is in the right place* 3ou will ma/e an e5cellent nurse because you really want it* Once you are wor/ing in a large hospital the girl thing will happen "ery easily, because nursing is still a "ery !emale dominated !ield, you will ha"e many !emales around you* 2hey will become your !riends, you will then start to !eel "ery com!ortable around them and then you will !all in lo"e* ,n the mean time continue on with your therapy this will help you with the disappointments you ha"e already e5perienced*

On +pr %%, 20%%, 6m wrote: <byong # , can relate to the humiliation part o! your story* , was around %&#%L years old, at Macy1s

when , said, :stupid: to my mom or something li/e that, and in !ront o! e"eryone she slapped my !ace, and , ne"er !orgot the !eeling o! embarrassement* 2rying not to cry in !ront o! people* , was also pushed ( by mother) into entering the Miss 2een Chinatown, contest (years ago sad)# when the MC held the mic up to my !ace, , !ro@e#blan/# ,1m sure the whole entire chinese community was laughing inside* Eather used the belt, which , am dealing with those issues in therapy* , li/e what you said about music, anything we can do to e5press oursel"es, art, dance* , teach dance !itness, !unny how , use to get so embarrassed in !ront o! people* :09+2 >OC4?12 T,BB 3OA M+TC4 3OA 42DO?GCD: ,1"e also done the !ood gorging thing, stu!!ing down my !eelings*

On +pr %%, 20%%, -yong wrote: 2h5 !i!i* 9ehe, it1s a !ringe bene!it to wor/ with so many !emales at the same time* O! course it1s not the main reason why , want to be a nurse, but hey it doesn1t hurt*

9ey 6m* ,1"e swore on my li!e , will ?e"er e"er stri/e a child* , will ne"er put my hands on him7her* ,1ll be honest, , did ha"e some anger issues* +ctually , still do, but not as bad* , used to get into a lot o! !ights in middle and high school* -ut they were against bullies who harassed me* -ut , could ne"er e"er stri/e down a girl or child in a million years* 2hat shit ma/es me sic/ to my stomach* 2hat1s not a real man* 2hat is a coward pretending to be a man* 4o you teach dance !itness8 ,s it @umba8 Bmao* ,1"e tried it* ,ts actually harder than it loo/s* , wanted to be a better dancer when , go clubbing* 29C E,42 PAMP ,4 ?O2 + >+?CC MOHC PCOPBC= , hate 6ersey shore lol*

On +pr %2, 20%%, 6m wrote: -yong, ,1"e had issues with anger, and o! course road rage, and , am learning how to :let things go:, and not ta/e things personally* , was bullied in elementary school, so those issues are part o! my past too* ,! you belong to a gym, try the !un dance !itness classes, Wumba, latin salsa, 9ip hop, cause there are always 20 girls to one guy, and the girls really li/e ha"ing the guys there* ?o one is a pro!essional dancer, 6ust !un to de#stress= , thin/ !i!i is an nurse too#she probably has some great ad"ice in the !uture* Teep !ollowing your dreams=

On +pr %8, 20%%, iTnow9ow3ouEeel wrote: , understand all o! you* , ha"e e5perienced this mysel!* C"erytime this happens, , go into the toilet with my ipod and go on youtube* 2rust me, watch 1mychonny1 on youtube* ,t lightens your anger and puts you in a good mood* 0hate"er happens, don1t do anything wrong because what you do may put yoursel! in a worse state*

On +pr %8, 20%%, iTnow9ow3ouEeel wrote: oh***i also remembered* 2oday, , accidently restored my mums iphone S* 4he lost all her contacts and 1important study photos1* My dad bac/handed me really hard* My mum and dad hate me so bad* , go to one o! the best schools in the country and e"erytime i get a good mar/, they act as i! its because o! them* My parents are biased hate me so much* 2hey threaten me to tell my relati"es so i can lose my reputation (as !ar as my relati"es /now, i am a good, obedient smart boy)* 4eriously, asian parents treat us li/e dogs* 2hey act as i! we are dogs* ,t agree with them that we should be disciplined but it should be li/e this* My parents are ta/ing me on a 6ourney through hell and out, and once i come out, what they are going to !eel is not "ery com!ortable* Hengeance is sweet but ta/e "engeance on an asian parent and they will /ill you so bad* 4ometimes, my parents ha"e an arguement to me about me being !at (yes i am chubby but not o"erweight)* My mum is !at hersel! and she cant do shit* , argued bac/ once i really regretted it* C"erybody who is reading this, note that asian parents aren1t strong or to be !eared* 2hey 6ust want respect which they do not deser"e* , agree with the 1+ only1 rule but asian parents 6ust ta/e it to the ne5t le"el* CHCD3-O>3 GC2 3OAD4CBHC4 +? +I, -C + >OC2OD +?> C+D? MODC DC4PCC2 29+? 3OAD P+DC?24* ,! this happens, things re"erse* 2hey will respect you li/e a mother!uc/er* , a; +sians Gen 3* , a7; asian parents (note how asians is in capital and not asian parents)* :> peace

On +pr 20, 20%%, Just+n+"erageTid wrote: My parental units were pretty lenient about my grades* , sometimes got a -, but it would always be in math, and they understand that math1s 6ust not my thing* -ut when , got to high school, , was gi"en the choice that i! , agreed to be in a magnet program !ocusing on primarily math and science, then , could do marching band* , thought that since , got accepted into the program, , might be o/ay, e"en though the math would be pretty bad* Plus, , really lo"e band, and music is my passion* -ut since ,1"e been in this program, , /eep getting compared more and more to other +sian /ids, all o! whom are better than me academically* ,1"e always been an :a"erage: smart /id: mostly straight +1s in ad"anced classesR nothing really special* -ut now, e"ery time , complain or protest about how hard school is !or me, , get yelled at about how this is !or my own good and that ,1ll ha"e to stic/ with it i! , want to get into a decent college* 2hey1"e told me multiple times how ,1ll probably ne"er graduate !rom high schoolR why should , bother with college8 +nd now, ,1m going to be ta/en out o! band unless , get straight +1s, but classes li/e +P Comp 4ci and math are hell !or me* ,t 6ust !rustrates me how , was promised band in e5change !or being in a magnet program, but now , can1t do band and ,1m still !orced to be a :magnet:* +lso, my parents ha"e been putting me down more o!ten lately, saying how , dress li/e , got my clothes out o! a >umpster and how ,1m !at, etc* C"ery time , loo/ into a mirror, all , see are my !aults* , mean, , /now they1re better than a lot o! +sian parents, but they don1t respect who , am, and they want to change me into someone ,1m not to ma/e them happy* +nd now, as my !reshman year comes to an end and !inals and +P e5ams are approaching, ,1"e come to the conclusion that ,1m screwed* 4orry !or this huge, long rant* ,1m 6ust really tic/ed*

On +pr 20, 20%%, +mericans Dule wrote: >ear +sian +mericans Dule:

C"ery time , read your racist rants here it 6ust ma/es me want to go punch a wall in !rustration at your !uc/ing stupidity* 3ou group e"ery +!rican +merican as ghetto dwellers, e"ery 0hite guy as a incestuous rednec/ and e"ery +sian who complains here as a total scumbag who is secretly trying to bring down the :+sian order:* ,t1s really un!ortunate that you didn1t die in your sportscar accident* , !ind it hard to belie"e you ha"e any !riends you piece o! shit* People here who say they1re going to /ill themsel"es could1"e been dri"en o"er the edge by your cyber bullying, , hope there is 6ustice in this world and you burn in hell*

(,1m sorry , don1t ha"e a lot to contribute as , can1t relate to posts in this section)

On +pr 2%, 20%%, -yong wrote: 9ey guys, , ha"en1t been here in a while but ,1"e read the new posts* , can relate to being o"erweight* ,1"e always struggled with my weight when , was younger, but my parents ne"er really put me down !or it too much* , was always 6ust sel!#moti"ated to wor/out and play sports* , !eel that sports and running is a great !orm o! escaping*

-ut i! someone was putting me down b7c o! my weight , would 6ust remind them : when you belittle people, you are the one who is truly little :* 2hat ought to shut them up* 4ometimes people ta/e out their anger on other people* Maybe they aren1t happy with the way they loo/, or is angry at their current employment status* ,t doesn1t ma/e it right though* ,t 6ust means that they are petty and insecure*

+lso one on note, "erbal abuse is 6ust as damaging as physical abuse* 0hen someone you don1t /now says something negati"ely about you, it stings, but not badly* ?ow when your parents constantly put you down, it can ha"e detrimental and long#lasting e!!ects that hurt your con!idence* 2hey thin/ calling you !at will ma/e you want to wor/out and lose weight, but in !act it does the complete opposite* ,t ma/es the person put themsel"es down and tries to !ind com!ort in !ood7drugs7alcohol*

On +pr 2;, 20%%, -engi-oy wrote: , ha"e read much o! comments and peoples thoughts o! this topic and , understand what e"eryone is going through, my parents thin/ li!e is much easier in AT than in -angladesh and 6ust care about the !amilys reputation e*g ,1m not academically smart in sub6ects in high school and ha"en1t made to uni"ersity and my parents thin/ am stupid and dump and embarrassed about me not being in

uni"ersity instead , decided to go to college* , ha"e always been abused physically and mentally mostly physically with /ic/s,!ists,bamboo stic/s, belts !rom my dad being scared that his reputation is being damaged because o! me not being smart li/e :the other /ids: my mum ne"er abuses me she1s happy in what path , choose* ,n some way , ha"e lost all my con!idence in tal/ing to people !ace on because o! the abuse , su!!ered* my parents disli/e all my !riends as their white* , get treated li/e a pile o! shit !rom my dad especially, we do ha"e our moments li/e !ather and son in some occasions* -ut it ends abruptly due to something coming in the way* , ha"e su!!ered more abuse than my other brothers* +s , am the middle child where , recie"ed no attention whatsoe"er* 4ome o! my relati"es has told me my older brother was the %st child so he will always be remembered and my youngest brother is the last child in the !amily so he will also be remembered and be special to both my patents* ,n some parts , ha"e wanted to end my li!e so badly but can1t do it as my mum cares !or me* +ge# %8 -ac/round# -engali born in 4cotland

On +pr 29, 20%%, -yong wrote: 9ey -engali* Can1t say , /now about ha"ing siblings since ,1m an only child, but , can relate to the whippings , got !rom my dad* ,1m sure my dad regrets it now as , ha"e disowned him* ,1m sure he /nows its too late* ,! you ha"e to, get out* >on1t stay in such a negati"e en"ironment* , /now that1s easier said than done, but i! you !eel li/e that is the only way you will escape that /ind o! abuse then do it*

On May %, 20%%, bengalitruths wrote: i ne"er realy /new that anything li/e this is out on the web* but thats good co@ it helps* i used to get beatin up all the time then i was small* slippers, !ists, !oot, belt, remote control, phones, my toys, yu name it, had it all* when i was small i remember we got out !irst computer* and on the spea/er there was this hole and i accidentally put a pencil through it ** there the pencil got stuc/ inside the spea/er* dad came saw it and /ic/ed me o!! the seat* i was around $#8 at the time and i went !lying* now %8 almost %9 i dont get any abuse now* which is good* but i! am really honest*** all this abuse when i was a young since i was %$ has a!!ected me DC+BB3 -+>B3* ner"ous when it comes to 6ob inter"iews* grade wise not that e5cellent but i do try* white people dont really understand why we cant always come out to play or too hang about co@ o! what our bengali !amily is li/e* al i /now is that i! i do ha"e a child i will not abuse them or shout at them* ?O2 CHC? O?CC* also choosing a carrer path was di!!icult* lol i wanted to be a pilot* dad says o/ thats good then one day 1can yu imagine a bengali person being a pilot81 so i thot **pilot is a no* then i thot i1l be doctor* dad says brilliant but then one day 1 dont be a doctor, its distgusting* you ha"e to touch people*1 o/ so i thot maybe i1l 6oin police* dad says good choice* then one day 1 dont be that* its crap*1 now am studying architectural technology* dad says thats good and he is now supporting me*

bengali parents who are !rom bangladesh thin/ its easier here in u/ but it aint* also when it come to marriage ther probs most li/ly to loo/ !or a bride !rom b1desh* i mean common ha"e yu not seen the news these days* its a BO2 harder to get in to u/ !or a non u/ person* rather get married to a bengali person who was born here in u/* but parents thin/ yu wont get a girl in u/ who !ollows religion co@ they were s/irts and ma/e up etc* what they see on u/ t" is what they thin/ people are li/e* and so thats bengali parents !or you*

On May %S, 20%%, 6ay wrote: 0t!* Bol* , dominate my parents*

On May 2&, 20%%, Tashiro wrote: ,1m +lbert, and although my parents are asain, , am one o! the luc/y ones* 2hey ne"er do anything wrong to me, but that probably because o! a rich and color!ul history o! my !amily 2 generations be!ore* My hearts brea/s and re!orms in rage e"ery time , read one o! your stories* e"eryone /eep holding out and hope !or the best=

On May 28, 20%%, Jac/ie wrote: , /new +@n parents were horrible to children but not li/e this* 0hen , read most o! posts , !elt li/e crying but com!orted to /now that ,1m not the only depressed child in an a@n !amily* 0hen , was little , was stupid enough to thin/ that my parents said they lo"ed me but that was only because , did all the house cleaning !or the !amily while i now realised they were soooo happy about my older sister and brother o! their high score that they bragged, celebrated and bought them anything they wanted while , hid crying to mysel! 093 +M , 4OOO 42AP,>=== ?ow that ,1m older not to be racist white people say that ,1m smart but no, in!act ,1m sXXX at academic and music and CHCD329,?G* , dont /now what to be in li!e e5cept /nowing the !act that because my siblings had better education and more lo"ed they will ha"e a better !uture while , sit here struggling !or a test and waiting !or someone to scream at me how stupid i am* My sister has had her !irst year as a lawyer at uni and my brother is starting H*C*C to be a "et while in ; years i1m going to su!!er trying to ha"e a good mar/, but i /now my parent 6ust say it1s alright meaning 13ou1re stupid and hopeless, i! you get abo"e &0U ,1m be happy enough*1 >ont /now what to do*

On May 29, 20%%, 6m wrote: Jac/ie, when , compare mysel! to someone doing :better: , will !eel less than and not enough* 0e all ha"e talents, maybe hidden, that are uni.ue and may be so di!!erent than being a math wi@* , /now, the whites and others automatically assumed , was good at math#wrong= , maybe o!!, but , thin/ your parents lo"e you !or you, not your grades, you possess other gi!ts that they appreciate* 2he !act that your parents say it1s alright seems /ind* , had to learn later in li!e to stop sel! criticism and to li/e me

now* 2rust me it1s easier said than done* 2hings will wor/ out, trust yoursel!*

On Jun %2, 20%%, >a6o/erssouls wrote: My uncle threw this empty 2 liter soda bottle and crac/ed my head open with the cap when , touched it i started to cry and by the time i got to the li"ing room the blood was all on my !ace my !amily didn1t e"en ta/e me to the hospital to get stitches on it all they did was cut my hair to get to the wound and put a band aid on it=+E2CD my head stoped bleeding i !ound my uncle (he was in his teens at the time)under a bed and the ne5t day i !elt really di@@y and !aint=

On Jul 2;, 20%%, 6s.SS;S wrote: Ohh my god, my asian parents are 4OOOO !uc/ing !ull o! it==== My parents were ha"ing a !ight with each other in the car* +nd !or no good reason, my mom decided to ta/e out her anger on me* 2hat in turn made me angry mysel!, and as much as , ha"e respected them !or a BOOO?G time (it1s been up to %9 years, ,1m %9 years old right now), , too/ out my anger in response to my mom*

-ut my dad got angry at me 6ust because , got angry at my mom* 9e called me a !aggot and says he physically beats up !aggots* 9e threatened to beat me up when we got home, and , 6ust EACT,?G BO42 ,2, and , said :!uc/ you===: to my dad* 3es, , admit, that was highly disrespect!ul, especially when coming !rom a son to a parent* -ut then he renounced me as a son, saying he1s no longer my dad* +nd he threatens to /ic/ me out o! the house and says he1ll beat the shit out o! me i! , e"en s.uirm about it, or e"en touch his stu!!, e"en i! it1s an accident*

AAAGGGGGGG9999=== +sian parents are 4OOO horrible== >o they e"en reali@e the CMO2,O?+B >,42DC44 they put on us888 Ob"iously they don1t* C"en i! our parents were abused by their own parents when they were /ids themsel"es, they ha"e not been yelled by their parents !or a long time because they are now independent* 4o now they ha"e no !uc/ing idea how it !eels li/e !or a child to be emotionally abused* (+nd being emotionally abused can be 6ust as hurt!ul as being physically abused imo, especially because emotional abuse lingers practically !or the rest o! your li!e*)

On Jul 2;, 20%%, TD3 wrote: byong /im , 29+?T GO> !or another !ellow /orean* +lthough , am !emale, , ha"e pretty much been through e"erything you ha"e been through* +lthough , did not ha"e weight issues, , had issues with !riends and acne and many other miserable things* +ll my mom does is tell me how horrendously ugly , am because o! the acne* ?ot only that but /orean parents seem to lo"e comparing you to other people1s /ids and they really DC+BB3 ha"e no clue 6ust how de"astating those abuses can be* , am always told that , am 6ust an embarassment because , did not get into a top notch school* ,t is really sad, , used to be a straight + student all through out school but in grade %2, , 6ust crac/ed and lost it

because o! how my !amily was treating me* , got se"ere depression to the point where , could hardly eat or !unction* , was !ailing e"erything so , had to drop out o! high school !or awhile and that was when , nearly /illed mysel! because my mother was "iolently abusing me during the times , was not in school* Eortunately, , was able to get mysel! bac/ in my !eet and go bac/ to school and !inish that but , ha"en1t been able to get in uni"ersity or college !or li/e !our years* , !eel li/e , am a !ailure and /orean parents only ampli!y that by drilling it into your s/ull, saying you are a disgrace to their !amily name etc etc* , had no !riends and , still ha"e no !riends* 9ow my mom treated me especially is enough to ma/e me want to !uc/ing /ill something* , ha"e e"en came close to 6ust /ni!ing mysel! and random others that is how unstable , became at one point*

, can go on and on about this but , really ha"e no strength to* , 6ust had another horrible argument with my mom and thin/ing about it really ma/es me want to !uc/ing smash my !ist, hands anything possible into a wall and destroy e"erything* +ll , ha"e is hate !or /oreans now***

, will type more ne5t time when , can* Cither way, Torean parents suc/ ass and , ha"e no idea how all these other supposedly 0O?>CDEAB TODC+? T,>4 09O GC2 %00 PCDCC?2 GD+>C4 +?> M+TC4 %00 000 + 3C+D -CC+A4C 29C3 +DC + >OC2OD can e"en happen* , really really don1t* Anless you are some robot and ha"e +-4OBA2CB3 ?O 0,BB, or i! your will is CV+C2B3 the same as your !amily***, 6ust can1t see how anyone could be happy with /orean or asian parents in general* , /now a !ew /orean /ids who get along with their parents***but , really ha"e no idea how they do it*

On Jul 2S, 20%%, s/y wrote: My comments below donMNOPOQt apply to all +siansR they only apply only to the !ew who are in this !orum cursing their parents, each other, and +sian cultures, etc*

Consider some history* +sia has great ci"ili@ations, great cultures, and great society "alues* +sia has !lourished !or centuries success!ully* Curopean with their guns in"aded, occupied and looted +sia !or more than a century* Demember the Opium war against China, and the Erench in"asion o! Torea in the %800* Japan was also too/ part in the atrocity against +sians*

BetMNOPOQs loo/ at the present* 4ome +sians de"astated by the in"asion and e5ploitation by the 0est emigrated out o! their impo"erished lands and arri"ed in the 0est* An!air immigration policy has restricted only a minute number o! +sian in +merica* Chinese population is about ;*& million, Toreans is about ; million* 2hese numbers are e5ceedingly small when comparing to that o! ,rish +merican* 2here are about S0 million ,rish +mericans while there are only S million ,rish in ,reland* 2his is not !air*

+s the results o! small +sian population, +sians has no meaning!ul role models* Most +sian children grew up in !amily with parents struggling to sur"i"e on less than minimum wages, and their children ha"e no other !amily support* 4ome immigrant succumbs to mental disorder !rom their o"er#stressed li!e* 0hat we are reading here in this !orum are the symptoms o! a dys!unctional immigrant !amily, ?O2 +4,+? CAB2ADC* ,mmigrant parents with mental disorder, abuse their children whom ha"e no other relati"es to turn to !or support* 2he children su!!er* 4ince their children ha"e no role model o! their race, they get most o! their role models !rom 2H and pop media* 9ollywood is portraying +sian men as either e"il, or wea/ or gee/y* 2wo prominent e5amples, such as the popular +merican dramas on +sian: Madam -utter!ly, Miss 4aigon* -oth dramas portray +sian women being abused by +sian men and then had to be rescued by a 0hite hero* 2his is what , call the 9ollywood masturbation, and sel!#glori!ication* 2hese /inds o! stereotype ha"e de"astating e!!ects on +sian young people, who donMNOPOQt ha"e real li!e e5perience, and get most o! their idea li!e in +merica !rom 2H and pop media*

4ome stereotype o! +sian in +merican: +sian women are submissi"e and they obey their husband, while +sian men are wea/ and se5less* Eor those +sian women here, who !antasi@e that marrying out to 0hite will be a better way out, , ad"ise you to chec/ out some obser"ations* Most +sian women are marrying 0hites with this pro!ile: white male who are much older than them, bald headed, under# educated, !at, and abusi"e* 2o most 0hite male, +sian women are !uc/#partners only* , /now o! a highly educated +sian woman who married a 0hite and had two children* 2he husband dictates to her what to wear and what to eat, etc* 9er children would not recogni@e her in public as their mother* 4he li"es a li!e o! .uiet desperation* +sian women marrying out to 0hite would disappear !rom her decedentMNOPOQs memory* 9ow sad= 0orst yet the mi5ed race children would inherit all the legacy o! their 0hite past, such as, sla"ery, e5tinction o! +merican ,ndians, slaughter o! the Jews, etc* Chec/ out these statistics, hate group in +merica is increasing, currently there are o"er %000 hate groups: ;% in ?ew 3or/, L8 groups in Cali!ornia* 0elcome to the reality o! +sian immigrant li!e* 0atch out*

BetMNOPOQs loo/ at the !uture* China will be the number one economy in the world within the ne5t 20 years* +sian male is becoming the power group in the world*

On Jul 2$, 20%%, -ubbles wrote: My !ather is "ery abusi"e to me* 9e has always been abusi"e* 9e always calls me names which are "ery disrespect!ul and has ne"er ta/en the time out to ha"e a good con"ersation with any o! us(me, my sister and my mother)* 9e ne"er tal/s to us* My mother is li/e a maid to him and he has abused her "ery badly when we were young* 4he has a ner"ous disorder and gets panic attac/s because o! him* 9e instilled a !ear in all o! us !rom the "ery beginning* , can1t e"en remember when the abuse started because he has been abusi"e since my mother concei"ed me* 2hat1s what my mother says because she told me his attitude changed completely a!ter the !irst year o! marriage* 9e ne"er li/ed any woman in his li!e**he used to abuse my grandma as well* My mother was a "ery beauti!ul and educated girl but her parents arranged her marriage with my dad* 4he could ne"er di"orce him because o! society1s pressure* 4he tells me how she thought o! committing suicide so many times but

didn1t cause o! me and my sister* 9e would constantly abuse me physically and mentally* , can ne"er !orget the beatings**he would throws his shoes at me, slap continuously, pull my hair, drag me around the house with 6ust my arm and , was so tiny* , was an e5cellent student and an all rounder* , respected e"erybody and my teachers used to lo"e me* , would always thin/ why my !ather abuses me so much but , could ne"er !ind the answer* -ecause his abuse didn1t need any reason* 9e has embarassed me and my !amily time to time* 4ometimes, , !eel that , wouldnt ha"e missed out on anything i! , didn1t ha"e a !ather* , wish my mother was bit strong and didn1t constraint to society1s !alse norms* , can1t trust any man today because o! how my !ather raised me* , am 22 and still single and , don1t want to ha"e children e"er because , !eel that , would ha"e the same parenting s/ills as him* , cry e"ery night e"en i! e"erything is !ine* 2he abuse will haunt me !ore"er and , dont thin/ , can e"er !orgi"e my !ather !or what he has done to us* , tried "ery hard to !orget e"erything but e"en today he abuses me "erbally and calls me names (bitch, slut, whore)* , dont /now what he e5pect !rom me and my sister, simply because we ne"er 2+BT* My mother e5pects us to respect him no matter what* 0hy should , respect a man who has been disrespecting since , was born* Our culture tells us to respect our parents and be there !or them always* , !eel guilty !or not lo"ing him truly and respecting him but ,d/ what respect should i gi"e him* , wish , had a !ather who could treat me better*

On Jul 2$, 20%%, -ubbles wrote: My !ather is "ery abusi"e to me* 9e has always been abusi"e* 9e always calls me names which are "ery disrespect!ul and has ne"er ta/en the time out to ha"e a good con"ersation with any o! us(me, my sister and my mother)* 9e ne"er tal/s to us* My mother is li/e a maid to him and he has abused her "ery badly when we were young* 4he has a ner"ous disorder and gets panic attac/s because o! him* 9e instilled a !ear in all o! us !rom the "ery beginning* , can1t e"en remember when the abuse started because he has been abusi"e since my mother concei"ed me* 2hat1s what my mother says because she told me his attitude changed completely a!ter the !irst year o! marriage* 9e ne"er li/ed any woman in his li!e**he used to abuse my grandma as well* My mother was a "ery beauti!ul and educated girl but her parents arranged her marriage with my dad* 4he could ne"er di"orce him because o! society1s pressure* 4he tells me how she thought o! committing suicide so many times but didn1t cause o! me and my sister* 9e would constantly abuse me physically and mentally* , can ne"er !orget the beatings**he would throws his shoes at me, slap continuously, pull my hair, drag me around the house with 6ust my arm and , was so tiny* , was an e5cellent student and an all rounder* , respected e"erybody and my teachers used to lo"e me* , would always thin/ why my !ather abuses me so much but , could ne"er !ind the answer* -ecause his abuse didn1t need any reason* 9e has embarassed me and my !amily time to time* 4ometimes, , !eel that , wouldnt ha"e missed out on anything i! , didn1t ha"e a !ather* , wish my mother was bit strong and didn1t constraint to society1s !alse norms* , can1t trust any man today because o! how my !ather raised me* , am 22 and still single and , don1t want to ha"e children e"er because , !eel that , would ha"e the same parenting s/ills as him* , cry e"ery night e"en i! e"erything is !ine* 2he abuse will haunt me !ore"er and , dont thin/ , can e"er !orgi"e my !ather !or what he has done to us* , tried "ery hard to !orget e"erything but e"en today he abuses me "erbally and calls me names (bitch, slut, whore)* , dont /now what he e5pect !rom me and my sister, simply because we ne"er 2+BT* My mother e5pects us to respect him no matter what* 0hy should , respect a man who has been disrespecting since , was born* Our culture tells us to respect our parents and be there !or them always* , !eel guilty !or not lo"ing him truly and respecting him but ,d/ what respect should i gi"e him* , wish , had a !ather who could treat me better*

On Jul 28, 20%%, s/y wrote: +s +sian, we don1t ha"e to respect anyone until they ha"e earned it* Chec/ out Chinese philosophy and history* China o"er thrown abusi"e /ings all the time* Con!ucius did not teach blind obedience* -ubbles, it sounds li/e that your !ather is schi@ophenic* People normally would not li/e to admit mental disease, but the !act is that about 20 percent o! +merican population has mental disease* ,t could be higher !or +sian immigrants, due to the hardship o! li!e and lac/ o! social support* +merica is to5ic to +sian immigrants* 3ou do not need to respect your !ather, he is sic/* ,t is "ery di!!icult to get a mental diseased person to get treatment* ,! you ha"e the power to help him to get treatment, do it* Otherwise, sa"e your mom and mo"e !ar away to start a new li!e* -eaware that your mom is at ris/ o! mental disease due to abuse !rom your !ather* Bi!e is too short to do nothing* +nalysis any li!e situation with as much !act as you can !ind, as/ !or help as needed, plan and ma/e a decision according to what is right !or you and +C2* ,! you ha"e the courage to act , am sure that you will ha"e a good !uture*

On Jul 29, 20%%, BilHy>awg wrote: 9ey ,1m +sian 5) -ut yeah , understand you guys and li/e my dad is a pretty chilled guy but on the other hand my mum is a total spa@= 2oday , got angry at my sister and so , tiled o"er her pencil tin all o"er her des/ and li/e she called my mum who came in and as/ed why , did that and , told her she too/ my camera !rom my room and li/e my mum said that there was no need to tip o"er her pencils , was li/e so and then ran .uic/ly o"er to my sister and punched lightly against her arm and ran o!! bac/ to my room, my mum then came in and as/ed why1d you do that , was li/e co@ and li/e she punched on my arm so hard that it1s actually numb there now and has been to the last %0 minutes and yeah told her to get out o! my room and loc/ed the door now ,1m 6ust laying on my bed tearing up **** 2he other day , sewed up the hem o! my dress !or school co@ it was way too long li/e it was an/le length and li/e , /ept tripling o"er it and stu!! ** 0ell , did it behind my mums bac/ co@ , /new she would say no and my dad wouldn1t really care but yeah my mum as/ed why , did that then shouted at me and li/e pushed me to the ground and li/e slapped me on my arm grabbed all o! my clothes and chuc/ed it on the ground then one o! the most heartless things she could do was to get my !a"orite shirt and rip it apart li/e stretch it until it !ell apart ,1m %S and li/e yeah ,1"e ne"er been to much party1s li/e ,1"e been to % this year, ,1m not allows b! or anything but , do !ind some guys pretty hott but , 6ust don1t tell her, my dads ne"er home and would normally come bac/ home late so don1t see him much, my little sister is really smart while my otherone is 1slow1 and mum always cares about them the most, im doing alright at school Cs and -s so sorta a"erage and li/e my mums always calls me your a piece o! shit !rom the toilet or your brains a price o! shit or li/e you1"e been eating shit !rom the toilet again is that why u"e been acting so bad and stu!!

,1"e actually attempt to run away !rom home but ,1m to scared to, , don1t get poc/et money any more !or doing the house wor/ and stu!! so , practically do it co@ , ha"e to and don1t get paid because o! this , as/ed i! , could go out and !ind a 6ob and again my mum screamed and shouted at my !ace who would want to employ you u price o! shit u don1t /now anything and e"erything Please help me , actually don1t /now what to do and li/e , 6ust wanna tal/ to somebody who would actually understand ****

On +ug %, 20%%, 9uynhie* wrote: Man i !eel all ur pains i get that alot ay its hard being asian and all that shit my mum 6ust recently mo"ed bac/ to "ietnam because she thin/s it better she doesnt really care what happens to me in "ietnam what so e"er* e"en tho i was born in "ietnam i"e ha"e li"ed in australia !or %; years and made heaps o! !riends o"er here and that but recently shes ma/ing me learn "ietnamese again but i don1t want to its really !rustrating learning a language yo already /now but the only problem is i cant read7write it because i mo"ed to +ustralia when i was really young Y7 sigh its really hard being an asian with these !uc/ing asian parent e5pectations and wants*

On +ug %, 20%%, 9uynhie* wrote: i! u wana email and tal/ email me at huynhie<msn*com

On +ug %, 20%%, Cat wrote: ,1m nearly in tears that so many others !eel as , do* Eor the longest time, e"en as , considered my parents1 demeaning insults as emotional abuse, , abused mysel! with the notion that , was being a whiny, ungrate!ul bitch o! a daughter*

:2here are /ids 42+DH,?G out there, and you1re complaining because you ha"e to listen to things that may or may not be true8 4uc/ it up or mo"e out=:

, now reali@e, a!ter reading the posts on this site, that there is ?O CVCA4C !or mentally (or physically=) !logging your /id in the hope that he or she will turn out the way you want* , don1t gi"e a hal!#assed damn i! the :culture: dictates it* 2his is +merica* 0e1"e been raised around white /ids who are :, lo"e you:#ed by their parents when they1re hanging up the phone* , don1t belie"e that the o"erwhelming ma6ority o! !irst#generation +sian parents grasp the pain we !eel when we see these open e5changes o! a!!ection and then come home to comments li/e :3ou1re worthless: and :, hate you*:

+nd what o! putting us down in !ront o! our +sian !riends1 parents as i! we1re dea!8 Just the other day ,

was con!iding in my !riend (also +sian) about this* 4he said, :2hey don1t mean it*: 0ell, really* Maybe someone could ha"e enlightened me sooner and spared me the in!eriority comple5 that , ha"e now* , don1t mean to sound sel!#pityingR , 6ust don1t /now how else to put it other than in blac/#and#white* Bater, , o"erheard my mother spea/ing to the same !riend1s mother o"er the phone* + direct .uote !rom my maternal unit:

:2he girls should go to the same college* -ut ma/e sure that your Cli@abeth name changed' doesn1t end up somewhere too good* Cat won1t stand a chance o! being admitted*:

,1d 6ust told her the day be!ore about my goal o! admittance into 4tan!ord* Euc/ing traitor*

O/ay, so culture dictates this* Eair enough* 2hey were raised in +siaR they don1t /now any di!!erently* -ut were they CHCD teenagers, or did the mother ship drop them onto Carth in adult !orm8 2hey must ha"e some memories o! adolescent struggles # the hormones, the angst, the desire to belong* 2hat1s not speci!ic to any cultureR it1s biology* 4cience doesn1t discriminateR at least, not in cases li/e this* 2he point is, as teenagers (, would /now # ,1m stuc/ deep in that hellhole right now), we1re already up to our eyes struggling to de"elop our own sense o! who we are* , would thin/ # and this is my personal opinion here # that that1s di!!icult enough without being constantly hounded about who we 49OAB> be* ,t1s simple mathematics* ,! we1re hopelessly lost on our way !rom point + to point -, what ma/es them thin/ that we1ll be able to locate point C8

,s it worth it8 -eating your /id into the ,"y Beague and then ha"ing them enter the real world with depression, a te5tboo/1s worth o! mental disorders, and bitterness towards the childhood they ne"er had8

, !eel all o! your painR , truly do* 9ang on # the years be!ore you mo"e out will be long, but you1ll reach !reedom one day* +nd when you do, let go o! any obligation towards your parents* 2hey don1t deser"e to clean the mud !rom your boots*

On +ug %, 20%%, Cat wrote: + side note about +sian culture:

,t1s all about so#called emotional :strength*: ,t really is* , can1t count how many times my mother has said to me, :2he thing about Chinese people is that, e"en when we !eel happy or sad, we don1t show it on our !ace* -ut we !eel it on the inside, and that1s what matters*:

2hat !lies in +sia, because you /now that what you see isn1t much o! a representation on what1s going on inside* -ut how are +merican#born, +merican#bred /ids supposed to understand that8 Eor God1s sa/e, we1re not born with the s/ills to read between the lines* ,n our early years we ?CC> to ha"e things spelled out !or us, not because we1re stupid, but because we1re not yet deep enough to loo/ beyond the sur!ace* 0hen a child ne"er hears :Good 6ob: or :,1m so proud o! you: with the emotion that such comments deser"e, he begins to thin/ that his parents are 6ust big !at liars who secretly despair at how hopeless he is*

0estern culture pri@es genuineness* ,n other words, say and demonstrate what you !eel or people will regard you as !a/e* ,n e"en simpler terms, no one gi"es a shit what you1re thin/ing on the inside i! your beha"ior doesn1t match up* +nd regardless o! what our parents in learned in China, Hietnam, Torea, or what ha"e you, they1re not there anymore* ,! they were born in +sia and can1t accept +merican culture, what1s their argument !or us being born in +merica and accepting +sian culture8

?either is superior* -ut as -en Eran/lin said, :0hen in Dome, do as the Domans do*:

On +ug %, 20%%, arcanebop wrote: My parents are masters o! the guilt trip thing* 2hey are cunning and sly in the way they abuse me* ?ow that we1re li"ing in Canada, they can1t physically beat me anymore* 4o they employ the guilt trip tactic* ,t1s rather li/e the !og o! war and -lit@/rieg tactics in 0orld 0ar ,,* Con!use the enemy (me) under the !og (continual duality in terms o! complimenting and me and ma/ing me !eel good one moment, then shouting at me or lecturing me the ne5t)* 2hen, once they lose their patience with the compliments and stu!!, there1s the continuous bombardment* 2hey list endless reasons why , should be trying harder in my education, why , should care, etc*, while 6usti!ying their standpoint by saying that i! they can do it, , should be able to as well* ,t1s "ery emotionally damaging* ,1"e always been intro"erted, but they push me e"en !urther down the hole, or so to spea/* ,1"e learned to cope with their abuse one way though* O!ten they1d lecture me and lea"e to go shopping or something, and lea"e me with something li/e :Go* 4tudy* >o math*: as well as :,! we !ind that you go on the computer, we1ll trash the thing*: ,t ma/es me not want to go on the computer OD study* Once they lea"e, what , do is go up and down the house restlessly, slamming doors shut repeatedly with all o! my !orce and pounding my !ists into their bed1s mattress* ,t1s "ery satis!ying* ?o, it1s not normal, and no, it1s not ideal, but , !ind it a 9ell lot better than trying to reason with my parents !rom my standpoint* 2hey o!ten li/e to pretend li/e they care about my opinion while running o"er it all the same* C"ery time, a lecture will o!ten begin with, or include :0e /now what you !eel li/e, we 6ust don1t want you to repeat the same mista/es we made in the past* 3ou don1t ha"e to listen to us !ore"er, or all the time, but you still need to listen*: 2he point is***they lecture me* +BB* 29C* 2,MC* 4o , ha"e to listen* +BB* 29C* 2,MC* Contradictory much8 2heir manipulation is "ery s/ill!ul, , must admit* 2hey ma/e me !eel guilty all the !rea/ing time, and in the end, either because they thin/ ,1"e had enough or they start !eeling guilty themsel"es, they ma/e up !or it in a sanctimonious, !acetious, !alse way, e*g* dining out one night or some new school materials (oh, 6oy)* ,t1s li/e they1re always abo"e me* >oesn1t matter i! it1s because ,

made mista/es, , didn1t understand something, i! they made the mista/es, or i! they didn1t understand me* 2he result is the same* 2hey win* 2he psychological and emotional war that , used to thin/ we were waging wasn1t it at all* 2hey were pulling the strings behind it all the goddamn time*

2he point about parents comparing children to others stands too* ,1ll o!ten o"erhear my parents tal/ing to other parents about either mysel! or the other parents1 children* ,!7when the other child(ren) begin to sound better, my mom (primarily my mom tal/s on the phone) starts to list things , :!ail: in* +lso, my %8#year#old cousin, who went bac/ to high school recently due to low mar/s* 9e1s a huge topic brought up in my !amily in the last !ew months* +nd , li/e the dude, but he1s being a pain in the ass indirectly, to me* My parents are always telling me not to copy him or !ollow in his !ootsteps* 2hey call him !ailure and stu!!, telling me how stressed out my aunt and uncle are* 9ello8 :4tressed out:8 0hat about me8 +nd in the end they ma/e "ague threats about what restrictions they1ll put on my li!e i! , don1t con!orm to their per!ect image o! a well#educated, well#rounded, polite, respect!ul and respectable, per!ect little boy and man in the !uture* ,t1s all pretty hurt!ul* , don1t want to sound whiny, since so many other people ha"e this issue too, but it1s hurt!ul* +nd it 6ust !eeds this well o! rage , ha"e in me* , o!ten imagine mysel! bashing my parents1 heads in* +nd the whole time, on the outside, , maintain composure* Calm* +pathy* Occasionally my apparently uncaring attitude pisses my parents o!! and in turn gi"es me some satis!action* 4tu!! li/e :0hy are you agreeing with us8: ma/es me !eel happy* 2hat they !eel a miniscule "ersion o! the con!usion they put me through*

, ha"e no !eelings whatsoe"er regarding my parents anymore* , wouldn1t call it contempt, but , do !eel li/e my hatred would be somewhat wasted on them* 4uicide is de!initely hanging around the !ore!ront o! my mind these days, e"eryday* , want to be !ree, so badly* -ut you /now what8 Matricide comes be!ore suicide on my list o! priorities* 4o i! , don1t /ill her !irst, , probably won1t pop mysel! either* , say this stu!! now, but un!ortunately, , /now that soon enough it1ll be bottled up again, both on the outside and most de!initely in my heart and mind* , can1t stay in this murderous mood all the time, i! , want to /eep my sanity*

On +ug %, 20%%, Jen wrote: , landed in the CD last night due to some misdiagnosis a doctor made, so , was ta/ing medicine , shouldn1t be ta/ing* Ob"iously this is an CMCDGC?C3= Cspecially when you can1t breathe well, you can1t swallow !ood well, and you are brea/ing out in hi"es and rashes on your chest and arms* My parents were P,44C> about this***at me* Einally too/ me to the CD* On the way there, they were screaming li/e hell saying they should ha"e let me die when , was a baby (, was born premature with health issues)* 0hen we arri"ed, mom was in the little CD room with me most o! the time, and all she was doing was tal/ crap the entire time**saying they shouldn1t ha"e too/ me to the CD and that they should ha"e let me die instead* 4he went on to tell me how depressed she is that , do not gi"e her lots o! money (, am barely !inishing sophomore year o! college, and it1s impossible !inding a 6ob nowadays**still trying but ugh)* My parents still ta/e %00U o! my !inancial aid money (, pay !or boo/s out o! my own poc/ets !rom sa"ings , ha"e !rom design wor/ (, ma/e `%00 a month 6ust barely))***yet they are still complaining and insulting me !or e"erything*

+lthough ,1"e heard these death threats all my li!e and ha"en1t been surprised by it all, it still cuts me li/e a /ni!e***

>uring the past wee/, , went to my doc appts on my own as well without their assistance or care, yet they still thin/ ,1m being ridiculous and that , should 6ust die*

On +ug 2, 20%%, 6m wrote: Jen that1s !rightening= allergies !rom medicines can be deadly, so your parents did the right thing, e"en though they were probably scared and this was their way o! e5pressing !ear* On top o! the botched medicine, the hospital bill may ha"e triggered your parents into shoc/, so they may ha"e not been prepared !or !inancial strain* , hope you are !eeling better and the medical crew !ound the cause o! your reaction* ,1m not ma/ing e5cuses !or your parents, but maybe they were !illed with !ear, a!ter all, they probably had memories o! the hospital when you a baby* 2hey won1t admit it, but , thin/ they were terri!ied years ago and didn1t want to go through the same thing* 9a"ing any allergic reaction can lead to deadly results, so hope your parents will understand this* 3ou are doing the right thing by seeing your doctor, sometimes we ha"e to rely on our own, it1s o/*

On +ug 2, 20%%, Jen wrote: Am no** they weren1t scared* My insurance co"ers %0000U o! the medical bill* 2hey had to hesitate o"er rushing me to the CD, telling me they don1t care i! , couldn1t breathe*

On +ug 2, 20%%, Cat wrote: Oh, my God* Get away !rom your :parents*:

East*

On +ug 2, 20%%, Jen wrote: , ne"er thought ,1d be so desperate !or a 6ob at 20 but today , am* -een desperately searching and applying, and so !ar nothing :Z , 6ust want to !inish college already and get the e!! out***

On +ug S, 20%%, JaniceT wrote: , totally agree about how mental health is a :taboo topic:*

,1"e been depressed since middle school, and my parents don1t care* +s long as , get all +s, o! course* My parents don1t belie"e in therapy or letting it be /nown that , ha"e a problem because it1ll ruin their image* , truly despise them and , am trying to hold on until , can get out o! the house, and away !rom such neglect!ul lunatics* , hope the best !or e"eryone # it gi"es me com!ort to /now that while we are su!!ering, we ha"e each other, e"en i! it may be behind computer screens*

On +ug &, 20%%, /ry/ry wrote: asian people I therapy Y social outcast and disgrace to the !amily*

2hat is how it was with me, that is why , !orced mysel! to become o!! o! the pills because my mom wouldn1t stop sho"ing it down my throat at how embarrassed she was o! me and that , ha"e ruined her li!e !rom de"eloping depression* Maybe i! she didn1t !uc/ing hound me and treat me li/e shit all these years and su!!ocating me with her asian ways , wouldn1t ha"e become this way*

+sian society are uneducated when it comes to mental problems because they automatically associate that with mental 0C+T?C44* +nd the reason is more than 6ust culture, but since alot o! asian countries ha"e been ra"aged by war, they will start comparing you to their parents or grandparents going li/e :you are depressed 6ust because we as/ you to do well in school and get a good 6ob8 when my !ather and grand!ather su!!ered through 0+D etc etc:

2he case is 6ust hopeless and you will ne"er ma/e them understand* 9onestly, how could they e"en compare something li/e that8 Bi!e is di!!erent !or e"eryone, and pain is also personal* ?ot to mention, 6ust because one person had it worse does not mean someone else isn1t allowed to !eel emotional pain* ,t1s not e"en a !uc/ing choice, its something that 6ust happens when one gets depressed* 4ure war is worse, but ha"ing your parents guilt trip you, manipulate you and trying to rear you into e5actly what they want you to be and calling you a !uc/ing idiot, shame!ul bastard e"erytime you try to do things your way 42,BB 4ACT4* +nd dealing with that !or 22 years is going to ma/e anyone insane*

On +ug L, 20%%, AnTnOw?_AsCr wrote: 0ow*** ,1m so glad to !ind people 6ust li/e me and my little brother*** 9e always get accused o! games and whene"er he does my mom tells him to get out o! the house or something terrible*** ,t1s not so much me anymore, but gosh my mom is 6ust so harsh on my brother*** 4he1s so dramatic and she said that when she1s dead he can go play computer games*** 9e can1t e"en 4/ype his old !riends or go on 3ou2ube without being yelled at* ,t ma/es me want to cry e"ery time , hear my mom yelling at him*** , can tell he !eels so insecure and he wants to lea"e so badly*** 4he always yells at us !or nothing and ,1"e always hated that*** 4he !a"ors either me or my little brother*** , really hate it because ,1"e been around it so much that , started acting that way and , lost a boy that , really li/ed*** 4he would always hit me and my little brother with a wooden stic/ i! he did the slightest thing* ?ow she1s all paranoid

about my brother1s hand writing*** , can1t wait till , start my own li!e*** , am ne"er treating my /ids li/e this***

On +ug L, 20%%, 6m wrote: 3ou1"e heard o! Jewish guilt8 0ell the +sians are really good at this one too* 4o i! one !eels happy or 6oyous, there may be a !eeling o! guilt because we are use to being pushed or stressed out* >on1t worry, it1s cultural and guilt can be unlearned * 4ometimes we blame our parents !or e"erything, but it maybe a cultural thing* 2rust me ,1"e been blaming my !amily !or many things, now , reali@e it1s a cultural upbringing thing, shame, guilt, getting hit with chopstic/s in public at restaurants* ,n some ways that1s what creates the discipline, structure, and achie"ement stereotype* Eeelings are not rewarded but achie"ement and discipline are "ery important* Parents rarely change, so understanding o! the culture can help relie"e some con!usion* 2he !act that we1re not alone in our situation is "ery healing* 4o it1s good to be able to e5press oursel"es* 2his is not to change the sub6ect or cure what is going on in our li"es, but stress can be helped by some !orm o! e5ercise (, became a !itness instructor# don1t o"er do it) or playing music, art, anything that can help one to let go o! stress* , /now, sounds easy, but an outlet o! any /ind is good, photography* 9ard to belie"e, but it does get better 6ust trust*

On +ug %%, 20%%, Cat wrote: , /now that , ha"e a mental disorder because , thin/ about suicide most o! the day, e"ery day* , want to ma/e my parents sorry !or all the damaging shit they1"e done to me* ,! they won1t listen to me when ,1m ali"e, maybe they1ll get their heads out o! their asses when ,1m dead*

-ut in all seriousness, ,1"e been thin/ing about tal/ing to my pediatrician # pri"ately* , /now that the doctor#patient con!identiality can be breached in e5treme cases such as suicidal ideation* 2he only problem is that my mother re!uses to let me spea/ to my doctor alone !or whate"er !uc/ed#up reason it is, and it1s going to end in disaster because ,1"e been suicidal since the Lth grade* 2his stupid all#or# nothing method o! parenting has !uc/ed my mind up to the point where , worry about being admitted to a psych ward because it1ll get in the way o! 4C9OOB*

God, all , want is a li!etime supply o! Pro@ac and some therapy* ,! it1s really that embarrassing !or +sian parents to ha"e a depressed /id, ,1ll be more than happy to scream it !rom e"ery roo!top*

On +ug %%, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: Cat,

,! you need medical attention, tell your parents your ?CC>* >on1t play guilty with them* ,! you play

guilty with them, a logical reaction !or them is to re6ecting your re.uest to show no guilty or you are pushing them away, which will de!eat your purpose* 4o !orget about what your parents ha"e done to you !or a moment* Eocus on your ?CC>* 2ry to address issues one by one* ,! your parents do not response, there are many public resources a"ailable to you*

On +ug %%, 20%%, Christy_?guyen wrote: , was brought up by Hietnamese grandparents and it was 6ust*** ,MPO44,-BC to go one night, 6ust O?C measly night without being called a !ailure in my house* ,1m the oldest o! three and e"er since , was li/e** +ble to wal/, , would get beat e"eryday* Eor stupid reasons too li/e not being able to !inish my rice, or not wa/ing up on time* My mom doesn1t seem to care i! , get beat or not* 4he e"en says that since they1re my grandparents, they ha"e the right to beat me=8 B,TC 02E MOM* ,1m scarred !rom the physical abuse* , ha"e mar/s on my body where you can see where they hit me 7: my heart is literally hurting because o! the emotional abuse put on me e"ery single day* 2hey don1t e"en let you cry when they hit you= Bi/e you1re not supposed to hurt or something= , cried once when , was 8 and boy , ne"er cried again* My mom /nows nothing about me other than the !act that ,1m a bad /id that shouldn1t be trusted* ,1"e ne"er got an , lo"e you !rom anyone in my !amily* ,1"e been called a whore, slut, bitch, useless cow e"en* ,1"e been compared to e"ery single /ind o! animal out there and it hurts* , 6ust want things to stop* , tried de!ending mysel! one time and got called a de"il grandchild* 4omeone help8 7: ,1m only %& years old and ,1"e been depressed e"er since , could remember8 Please 9CBP*

On +ug %%, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: Christy_?guyen,

,n order to get help, there is one thing that you got to do, that is, to e"aluate seriously whether there is a consistent and systematic abuse going on inside your !amily* ,t is e5tremely critical to be truth!ul to yoursel! and to anyone who would come to help you* >o not e5aggerate* Otherwise it will hurt your creditability and you will recei"e less help*

,! your assessment is that there is abuse going on beyond your capacity, contact with authority such as Child Protection +gency or school o!!icials* 2hey can help you and at least help to e"aluate the situation*

+lso /eep in mind, parents are human and imper!ect* 2hey can ma/e mista/es* ,! you can1t tell the di!!erence between mista/es and abuses, pro!essionals can help you* ,n this case, do not e5pect that pro!essionals will side with you, or you could be disappointed* Just in case that the pro!essionals are not side with you, ta/e it as a learning opportunity* 9ope!ully the pro!essionals can support your claim and wor/ out measures with your parents or /eep you away !rom parents* +lso you got to understand that your !amily could get upset i! the authority does not support your claim* 2hat is why it is absolutely

critical to ma/e an accurate and truth!ul assessment* 2ry to set your emotions aside when you do the assessment* 4o helps are there* Just act with caution*

On +ug %%, 20%%, Cat wrote: Christy_?guyen,

,1m about your age and , /now e5actly how you !eel* Erom what you1"e said , !eel that you li"e in an abusi"e home and may e"en ha"e the physical scars to pro"e it* ?ow isn1t the time to !eel guilt at betraying the people who1"e raised you* My ad"ice to you is to call whoe"er can help # Child Protecti"e 4er"ices, social wor/ers, or e"en 9%% i! you belie"e that you1re in true danger* De!use to let them dismiss your claims as o"erreacting and do whate"er you ha"e to in order to ma/e them belie"e you* , thin/ that i! you1re earnest, they1ll be able to tell and they might come to your house to in"estigate* , doubt that your parents7grandparents will abuse you in their presence, but i! the police7CP4 !ind any e"idence o! child abuse they might begin to ma/e unannounced "isits to your home* +s !or the emotional abuse , really don1t /now what you can do :7 3our best shot is to mention it i! you decide to call CP4 or the cops, but as !ar as my legal /nowledge goes , don1t thin/ that there1s any law prohibiting insults* Mention your depression too, and they1ll probably admit you to a hospital !or !urther testing, especially i! you pose an immediate danger to yoursel!*

, really hope this helped, and best o! luc/ to you* Teep your head up and don1t let them win*

On +ug %2, 20%%, ?ewJersey*+sian wrote: My parents always pressured me to be the best in school* 2hey always compared me to other asians, and called me a !ailure and stupid since , wasn1t one o! the smartest asians in school* My dad usually beat me because , got -1s or C1s in honors or +P classes* My mom didn1t beat me much, but she let my dad hit me because she supported the belie! that a person has to do per!ect in school* , actually spo/e to her that beating me only ma/es me do worse in school* 4he responded that , should 6ust do better in school then, and beating doesn1t really ha"e an impact on my schoolwor/* +nd the saddest part is that she1s a psychiatrist*

+nyways, , /now why they beat me to do better in school* 2hey want me to go to an ,"y Beague or some other pric/ college, so , can get a `%00/I 6ob* -ut the thing is, , don1t care about money* , only care about li"ing a simple and happy li!e* , /now , could do !ine by getting a"erage grades, going to an a"erage college, and getting an a"erage li!e* My parents said that i! , dont go to a top ;0 college, , would end up homeless* , thought to mysel!, then why isn1t 80U o! +merica homeless8 My dad said that i! , go to Dutgers Ani"ersity or some other :trash college: li/e that, he won1t pay !or my tuition* 2hings li/e that 6ust ma/e me thin/ that li!e is meaningless and worthless* ,1m not a stuc/ up brat* My dad has been hitting me since ;rd grade, !or small things li/e spilling my !ood or getting mar/er on my

clothes* Cach time he beat or called me trash, my hope 6ust /ept getting lower* , declared mysel! an !ull#!ledged +theist by 9th grade* ,n %0th grade, , read the de!inition !or :?ihilism:, and thought to mysel!, this per!ectly described me: Bi!e has no meaning, and morals are worthless (people, li/e my dad, 6ust brea/ them anyway)* , also gra"itated toward the philosophy o! hedonism, since pleasure was something that , rarely !elt and longed to e5perience*

,1m going to be a high school senior soon, and am "ery unsure o! where my li!e will go* , thought about suicide numerous times, but ,1m too scared o! the pain that will happen right be!ore , die and , also still ha"e !aint hope that my li!e will turn out better a!ter , lea"e and completely !orget about my parents (but , worry about how ,1m going to go to college)*

2he only purpose !or li!e is to !eel pleasure, though it should be a rule that it can only be achie"ed by legal means* ,! a person cannot !eel pleasure, he or she has no reason to li"e* , 6ust need to get away !rom my parents* , /now , can1t reason with them, since their head is completely messed up* My li!e so !ar has been a total hellhole* 0hat , learned !rom my e5periences so !ar is that there is no God, li!e is meaningless, and a li!e without pleasure is not worth li"ing* +nd , hate +sians* , do not hate mysel! (much), , hate my /ind*

On +ug %;, 20%%, s/y wrote: ?J+sian, , agree with you that there is no god, as all the world1s religions ha"e been promoting through out history* >o not spend too much time thin/ing about god, morality, or the meaning o! li!e # this /ind o! thin/ing will dri"e you cra@y* 3our !ather is probably !rustrated with his own li!e and may ha"e some degree o! mental disorder* ,t is not healthy to listen to people li/e your !ather* >o not hate +sians as a group* 2here is a whole world o! great and /ind#hearted +sians* ,t is o/ to hate your !ather !or the way that he is treating you* One strategy is !or you ?O2 to listen to him and ?O2 to rely on him* 3ou don1t ha"e to go to college to be success!ul* 3ou need to !ind what your potential is and wor/ hard to !ull !ill it* 3our potential will gi"e you happiness and meaning in li!e* ?ihilism and hedonism are !uc/ing sic/ ideas o! the 0est*

On +ug %L, 20%%, TM+ wrote: +!ter reading all these posts, , can relate to e"ery single one o! you* ,t is nearly impossible to spend one night without chaotic turmoil in the house hold* , am %& years old and both my parents were born and raised in China* , am a straight + student, and my parents will holler at me !or hours on end* 2hey call me names, o! all sorts* 4ome times , try to bloc/ them out, but the gash that emotional abuse brings is unbearable* 4o many times ha"e my parents called me ungrate!ul, trash, garbage, worthless,

and the other day my dad told me to commit suicide* 0hy has this happened8 +nd to add to this, they are e5tremely unreasonable with me, o!ten bringing pressure or rage that has nothing to do with me on to my plate* ,1m stressed as a teenage, , ha"en1t been able to spend % day !eeling good about mysel!*

, would call them ne!arious or "ile, but since they are my parents they ha"e my respect* -ut their li!e style is so detrimental to my physical, mental, and emotional mindset* +s e"eryday goes on, , !ind mysel! pushing to sur"i"e* ,1m trying to get into one o! the best high schools in +merica, and out o! sheer !rustration , 6ust want to close my eyes and let my worries !ade* My parents ha"e ne"er told me they lo"e me* ,t is aw/ward to tell them anything beyond general con"ersation* ,1"e o!ten been compared to their old days, where they slept at 2 to study*

, ha"en1t been to detention once in my li!e* , am "ery respect!ul and thoroughly respect my parents* 3et ,1m still treated li/e the most bombarding, rebellious, tormenting, thing to be ali"e* ,1"e been called a disappointment so many times, it1s starting to stic/ with me* My sel!#esteem has dropped li/e a tetherball into the ocean* ?ow , ha"e this habit o! being clingy and ha"e anger issues at times* 2he sheer !rustration o! li"ing in this household has caused this* C"erything is about going to a good college and being inter"iewed !or an `%00T I 6ob*

0hat1s li!e without rela5ation sometimes8 ,! , go on to the computer !or an hour, the conse.uences will "ary !rom studying all day or doing all the chores*

,1"e always wished to be raised in another household, or better* ?e"er be born*

On +ug %9, 20%%, ice_990 wrote: Oh my gosh, reading all these posts has de!initely made me !eel as though ,1m not alone* 3ou will all be OT, is all that , can say* , wouldn1t say my parents are the way they are simply because they1re +sian, but it has certainly been a contributing !actor* C.ually, , /now many +sian parents who don1t appear to be the same way, as well as many who are* ,1m .uite glad , !ound this site*

+ lot o! you seem to be high achie"ers* ,1"e always been someone who has had my head in the clouds* Growing up, we mo"ed !rom place to place # and my parents are doctors, so education is paramount* 2here was ne"er any way , could top them since they1re already doctors and got ama@ing e5am results throughout their li"es, either through hard wor/ or parental pressure* , ha"e ne"er done so well # as a young child and early teen people thought , was much cle"erer than , am, and this came as a massi"e blow when my results weren1t so good etc* Combine that with the !act that my parents ha"e these pre6udiced "iews, my parents1 marriage is terrible and my mum su!!ers !rom depression

and bipolar hersel! (undiagnosed but ,1m sure o! it* 2he way she beha"es at home is shoc/ing)* , 6ust want to be mysel! # they1re always so negati"e, thin/ing ,1m a !ailure at li!e* Perhaps , am* , !eel as though , ha"e endured so much physical and mental abuse growing up, but , still lo"e my parents and appreciate all that they ha"e gi"en, particularly !inancially*

,1m 2% now so , do still ha"e uni"ersity to go to i! things get aw!ul, but they1re always "ery pessimistic about my !uture which doesn1t help* ,1m not studying anything that has a clear 6ob at the end, and , su!!er !rom depression mysel!* + couple o! years ago my brother was born and he1s the only person , really lo"e in my !amily* 9e ne"er gets smac/ed or shouted at, probably because they thin/ there1s no way he could turn out worse than me* ,1m glad about that, though # , wouldn1t want him to be treated the same* , e"en get insulted about my loo/s, weight and other parts about me # not 6ust academic* , don1t !eel li/e going out or doing anything anymore, especially not when ,1m at home*

, used to !eel as i! there was no way out and ,1d be treated li/e this !ore"er, but now , 6ust put up with it* ,t1s become a part o! me and has been that way !or years* + couple o! years down the line, ,1ll be e"en more grown up and perhaps in a better position than , am now in terms o! being independent and !eeling content within mysel!* 0e can all dream* -ut , /now that my parents aren1t going to be around !ore"er, so e"en though there seem to be !ar more bad times than good, , still try to appreciate them while , still ha"e them* 2hings could always be worse, and as o! recently ,1"e 6ust tried to loo/ !or the sil"er lining*

On +ug %9, 20%%, 9eat88 wrote: ,t1s so sad that parents can do this* Deading this made me !eel less lonely* My parents always tell me ,1m useless, ugly and dumb* 2hey !ight amongst themsel"es and then they ta/e it out on me* My youngest brother doesn1t e"en try at school and is sure to !ail but the still lo"e him the most* 9e gets whate"er he wants it1s unbelie"able* ,! , want anything ,1m told ,1m sel!ish, and should buy what , need when ,1m older* ,1m %9 now and !eel my li!e has been such a waste* My parents ne"er buy me clothes apart !rom eid, ema brougt me clothes in college and now ,1m waiting !or Ani*

,1"e been loo/ing !or wor/ but there is a lac/ o! 6obs at the moment but they don1t understand this* , will be doing pharmacy but this wasn1t my !irst choice as , didnt get the grades !or medicine7dentistry* My mom always say that , didn1t get into those courses because ,1m a e"il person and that , didn1t deser"e to get in because im a bad Muslim* , don1t understand that because , always pray and do belie"e in god* 0hen , got my results they were really good my dad was so happy but my mother started mar/ing horrible remar/s to me* 4he has no .uali!ications as she dropped out o! school hersel! and has ne"er had to wor/ because she1s li"es o!! o! my dad* 4he has the chee/ to tell me that , don1t /now anything about li!e when , ha"e had a 6ob to clothe and !eed mysel!*

,1"e ne"er done drugs or dran/ alcohol, , ha"e my morals* ,1"e always been nice to e"eryone and care

about how people see me* My parents beat me i! , don1t do the chores to her standards* ,1"e done housewor/ since , was young while my mom sat on her bac/side, she is a housewi!e so , thought she was supposed to do some at least* ,1"e thought about suicide so many times ,1"e lost count* 4he beat me today because , was too ill to go out to the shops to get my younger brother some new 6eans* , was crying and then she beat me more and counted to ; saying that i! , didnt shut up shes going to /ill me* 4he always swears and threatens to /ill me, she once bro/e down my bedroom door to get me, she is strong and big so , can1t e"en de!end mysel!, luc/ily !or me my dad came and stopped her !rom /illing me* 4he did manage to smac/ my !ace, pull my hair, drag me onto the !loor and /ic/ me* 4he told me to wear hi6ab 6ust because she started wearing it B+42 0CCT and that she is embarrassed to be seen with me because , don1t wear one*

4he said that she would ring me !riends and tell them ,1m a bad person so they wouldn1t want to /now me* 4he constantly bitches about me to my other siblings, dad, aunts and nan* 4he ne"er let1s me out the house , don1t e"en ha"e /eys, so ,1m stuc/ in this hellhouse7prison* , wasn1t allowed to mo"e out to Ani howe"er my parents always threaten to /ic/ me out* My mom then contradicts hersel! when she tells me , can1t mo"e out a!ter Ani unless ,1m married because o! what people might say7thin/*

-ut , can1t wait to !inish my degree and get a 6ob so , can lea"e and stand on my two !eet* 2hat is the reason ,1ll put up with the emotional7 physical (beatings) !or now but , /now ,1m mentally scared as , always cry mysel! to sleep and , e"en ha"e nightmares where my mom has /illed with di!!erent things* +!ter ha"ing these terrors , wa/e up in a sweat it1s too scary* , hope one day i1ll be !ree o! them both especially my mom*

On +ug 2;, 20%%, 9yun#Jong wrote: , still get a lot o! "erbal abuse and used to get a lot o! physical abuse* 2hin/ e"erything through and don1t ma/e rash decisions* ,! you1re going to rebel, plan it out and ha"e a bac/up plan* 4ome decisions could change your li!e* ,! you ha"e a dad or mom that beats you, e5ercise and bu!! up in secret so when the time comes, you can ta/e them i! they try anything* Bet them see that you1re not a!raid* ,! you1re being "erbally abused, let your parents /now you don1t li/e it and you won1t ta/e their abuse anymore* ,! they abuse you !or not getting per!ect grades, show them the assignments and ma/e them try to do the wor/* + lot o! the time, parents don1t reali@e or remember how di!!icult school is* + !ew decades ago, people didn1t need to spend thousands o! dollars on 4+2 prep to get a per!ect or near per!ect score* 4tandards ha"e been blown up disproportionately and are now ridiculous* Eight or tal/ bac/ to your parents and let them /now that what they1re doing isn1t right and you won1t tolerate it* Demember to ha"e a plan* >on1t go and engage your parents i! you don1t ha"e a bac/up i! things go wrong* +lways plan care!ully because you ne"er /now what will happen* ,! you want to tal/, email me at /imhyun6ong9%<yahoo*com

9yun#Jong

On +ug 2;, 20%%, 6m wrote: 9yun#Jong, , li/ed your message about getting bu!!ed up to deter our parents* 9onestly when , was a teen , was much larger than my petite mother, li/e a !oot taller, and when she1d swing her hand or threatened to slap me , was li/e a little /id cowering in !ear, e"en later on as she became a grandmother , still cowered in !ear* , ha"e to tell you this, e"en though , was "erbally and physically abused by both parents, she treated my children when small "ery lo"ingly* >on1t as/ me why, , don1t /now= ,1m embarrassed to e"en say how sweet she was to them and not me* Just reali@ed that, , /now it doesn1t ma/e sense, but our parents maybe totally di!!erent around your own children== 4o don1t gi"e up* Eor me, the constant put downs, de!inetly a!!ects our sel! esteem, so that is what ,1"e had to wor/ on*

On +ug 2S, 20%%, yupp2% wrote: , disli/e old !ashioned +sian parents i 6ust got threatened with a /ni!e yesterday !or spea/ing my mind*

On +ug 2&, 20%%, -eegirl wrote: 0ow*** honestly , didn1t thin/ , could ha"e it as worse as , do but now my heart aches !or all o! you* ,1m in my mid ;0s and yes= , !inally got away !rom my mentally abusi"e parents* , can so relate with a lot o! what you guys ha"e said* , married a white guy who is gentle and /ind and taught me how to say # , lo"e you to my /ids* 2hroughout my entire li!e, ,1"e been called !at and ha"e been at the end o! my dad1s physical and emotional (more my mom) abuse* +nd , did ha"e two brothers but one o! them died when he was L which was 20 years ago*** but in a way , wish , was the only child because the manipulation and games my parents play trying to ma/e one /id superior than the other is ridiculous* 2ill this day, my parents are still cold and un!eeling* My mom1s e5cuse !or telling me the !rea/ing mean stu!! she says is*** :oh, our communication not good* 3ou /now , don1t spea/ good Cnglish* 9mmm** but you1"e been here ;& years8: C5cuse* C5cuse* OMG, , didn1t reali@e you C+?:2 mention :depression, anti#depressants: in !ront o! asian parents* My mom sco!!ed at me and loo/ed at me li/e , was cra@y* , guess there1s nothing wrong with her hoarding either* My one ad"ice is to***get away, li"e your li!e, DC+B,WC your parents will ne"er change, but you can* 3ou can choose not to treat your /ids the way you1"e been treated* 3ou can brea/ the cycle, but reali@e your parents will ne"er change* 3ou 6ust ha"e to learn how to deal with that !act*

On 4ep 2, 20%%, Dandom Contribution wrote: , !eel so much pain right now* My +sian parents yell about me !or e"erything, !rom simple mista/es to academics* ,"e recently accedently spilt rubbing alcohol on my mom1s laptop and now my !amily is yelling about all my past mista/es about it* 2hey ha"e been haunting me !rom the pas and , wish this would all end* ,n the !uture , will ne"er treat my children li/e this e"er*

On 4ep 8, 20%%, Jay wrote: My .uestion to you all is who do you turn to !or help8 ,s there a resource !or cantonese spea/ing psychiatrists8 My siblings and , are at our wits end and realise that it1s time to get our mum help* 2he problem is how to get help and how to get her to ac/nowledge that she1s unstable and ?CC>4 help8

On 4ep %0, 20%%, An4oAlL0 wrote: ,1m a +sian person with somewhat a somewhat bad style o! parents and a male* ,1m somewhat a a"erage + to C person in grades, cause ,1m been reading a lot o! stu!! that ma/es sense* + person who learns that !ast and easily will ha"e a "ery !ast drown7drop depending on the person* ,t goes on no matter what*Geniuses will always ha"e hard7impossible li!e to endure yet gets through* +lso , ne"er thought o! suicide****during my years o! going to school,yet still* , ha"e always thought that , should destroy my own parents, especially my dad, with his own words and reactions o"er all these years* 4ince , remember almost e"ery that happened when , was young*

+lso , use to admire my dad !or a while, until middle school where things changes !ast* , use to ha"e good grades, until somewhere o!! , still got bad grades a!terwards, , was still at home because it was agreed !or me to stay home during the last wee/*+!ter all , passed anyway* Antil , read a lot o! in# depth boo/s7manga that e5plored e"ery single thing o! the bad7the corrupted ways o! any ways o! society and Go"ernment* -e!ore high school, so , always thought that , should stand up despise these obstacles* , use to be the spoiled little brother, until then*

+lso ,1m not really sympathetic to e"enly my e"enly older brother anymore, since he was somewhere else where we li"ing as little and e5perienced a di!!erent li!e, as me and my older sister* +s time mo"ed on he mo"ed to our place !or & years, as we are his part o! original !amily* 3et , still don1t !eel any or more precisely no brotherly lo"e at all to him*

+lso , tried biting o!! more then , chew, while arguing some that , put more destruction, as my older brother e5periences says there is no community outside there to help one another, and we only help oursel"es* 2hat1 totally a lie* +lso when you snee@e it1s because o! allergies, yet , snee@e out o! nowhere, because it 6ust allergies(doesn1t really apply to me)*4till i! you snee@e and you got no allergies and no cold, so somebody was tal/ing behind you or 6ust generally tal/ing about you* 4o here1s the thing that automatically ma/es sense to me*4o here1s how it goes:,! its a old myth7thing li/e this, :,t will always come bac/ again with re"enge7etc at during any random time*:

On 4ep %2, 20%%, Taren wrote:

, saw a bunch o! comments saying that i! you study !or a long time and get a bad grade that you1re lying* Ah no* , go to chinese school and ha"e !or 8 years and , don1t understand chinese* ?o amount o! studying seemingly random lines and s.uiggles will magically ma/e me understand Chinese and teach me how to write an essay* 4ome people don1t ha"e as good as a brain as you do, o/ay8 +nd bac/ on the sub6ect o! chinese school, it1s the thing in li!e , hate the most* 2he teachers go li/e :Oh lets listen to Taren with her +merican accent* Bet1s hear the +merican read the story*: +nd , ha"e no idea what they say in class* , got by on the tests because they ga"e study guides which were practically 6ust li/e the actual test and , can memori@e o/ay, but when the 94T comes, the o!!icial chinesey test, they1re not gonna gi"e a study guide, li/e the 4+2, so ,1m doomed but i! , !ail it and ha"e to repeat that year, , might commit suicide* 2hat1s how much , hate chinese school* 2o the point o! tears*

On 4ep %8, 20%%, your_rebellion wrote: asian parents will ne"er change* u wanna /now y8 %* when we were little, we were 6ust a blan/ sheet o! paper* we didn1t /now what was right or wrong so we ha"e subse.uently 2OBCD+2C> their in6ust treatment towards us* ?ow, they ha"e gotten too used to it and can ne"er change their ways* 2* ,t1s all a cycleR they were treated the same way as well* they thin/, li!e1s un!air so my children won1t be an e5ception* my mum had nothing when she was 6ust a /id* she was the eldest and had to gi"e up all the resources (chairs, des/s etc) to her younger siblings* i! she didn1t !inish her housewor/ by the time her dad came bac/ !rom wor/, she would be beaten with a chair* now, when , 0+4 younger, she would hit me day a!ter day 6ust because i couldn1t catch on to what she was saying* ;* 2wo wordsR 29C31DC P43C9O2,C*

, !ind that many asian parents are also hypocritical* 2hey say we1re !ailures and good !or nothing but i! they1re so success!ul, why are they so many poor asian /ids8 why are they li"ing on go"ernment support such as a dole8 2hey also say they1re not comparing us to other /ids howe"er e"erytime i bring home my report, M3 parents would as/ me, what was the highest mar/8 what did this person get8

,t ma/es me wonder what asian parents want their children to thin/ o! them a!ter their supposedly :right: treatment7 9onestly, i! they still e5pect us to lo"e them, i thin/ they1re being a bit too idealistic* 2hey thin/ nothing o! us other than as mere tools to brag to their !riends eg* :oh did you /now my daughter came !irst in this piano champisonship competition8: one o! the only strong emotions asian /ids !eel towards their !amily is resentment*

On 4ep %8, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote:

your_rebellion,

:asian parents will ne"er change* u wanna /now y8:

Bet me tell you why* 2he answer is that you want them and need them ne"er to change* 3ou ha"e already had a conclusion, you don1t need a reason* 3ou will ma/e your own :reality:* 9owe"er, i! you want them to change, you should ne"er say ne"er and !ocus on yoursel! to help parents changing* 2here might be a chance i! you do it right*

On 4ep 20, 20%%, Mr*Cddy John wrote: Good >ay,

Mr*Cddy John, is o!!ering out loan to the public with a "ery low rate o! ;U* 0e o!!er out personal and business loan* +re you in debt and you need an urgent loan8 Boo/ no !urther, contact : eddyloancompany09<gmail*com -ODDO0CD4 >+2+ EODM: ?ame:##### CC?4ODC>::###### +mount ?eeded:##### Country:####### Mobile7personal Phone ?umber:###### Boan >uration:##### Degards*

Mr*Cddy John

On 4ep 20, 20%%, 4omeOne wrote:

4ometimes our parents aren1t as bad* 2hey 6ust want us to -C 4OMCO?C but without understanding or /nowing the right way to do it* , am born o! a typical chinese !amily, strict mum and dad* 2hroughout my li!e, ,1"e li"ed the way 29C3 0+?2C> me to* 2hey say turn right, , turn right, 2hey say turn le!t, , turn le!t* C"entually, , am lost* , am a bubbly, creati"e, imaginati"e, interacti"e sort o! person* -ut because o! what they want me to be*** , !ollowed and , am literally stuc/ in li!e and , am not happy with what , study, not happy with how my li!e is* ,1"e thought o! rebelling, but my "irtues stand strong because , still respect and lo"e my parents* , /now deep down they are 6ust concern and what me to li"e a better li!e than they did*

Constantly, irritatingly reminding me o! how , should li"e my li!e, gi"ing me li!e ad"ises was pain to my ear* -ut what can , do8 +t the end o! the day, they are still my parents and i! it was not !or them, , wouldn1t be ali"e and well* , ha"e to admit, , am emotionally and mentally a!!ected* , cry mysel! to sleep* , thought o! suicide* , thought o! lea"ing home* , am currently li"ing !ar !rom my parents, but stuc/ in my sister1s house in +ustralia which ma/es no di!!erence as my parents are still able to control me through her** Bi!e is a misery* +nyways the pressure on the studies they ga"e me did not help me impro"e my studies but made it worst instead* -ecause , was not happy with what , was studying which then made me constantly !ail* +!ter all the crying , did yesterday night, , decided to ma/e a change* %* , will 2ell my parents how , DC+BB3 !eel* , 6ust wrote them a letter* Betters seems to be much better as "oices seems to carry out unpleasant tones which may lead to anger and shouting* ?ow i! a!ter reading my letter, seeing how miserable , am and still they decided to lecture and ma/e me go on this unhappy path** then 2* , will get out o! their li!e* ,! my parents !ind me such a pain in their li!e* ,! they are unhappy in their li!e because o! me* ,! , am not good enough* 2hen 0hy should , continue to put them in misery8 My dad told me i! i were to try and runaway !rom home, , can 6ust !orget about coming bac/* +nd , /now he meant it* -ecause he e"en disowned his own sister whom he use to lo"e* 4o , /new, once i am out, , am out* -ut , will come bac/ to repay them what , owed*

0ell people, +ll , can tell you is this** ,! you are physically abused, badly hurt, GC2 OA2* i! you are emotionally abused, then , would as/ you to try and understand your parents be!ore you as/ them to understand you and be!ore you react harshly* 4ometimes they do things without /nowing* 2hey do not how to handle the situation and resort to all these because this is what they thin/ is right* +ll they want is you to be a high achie"er, to be able to !eed yoursel! when you get a good 6ob !rom all the pressure they gi"e you to study to achie"e* -ut i! 1till the end o! it they still do the same a!ter e5pressing yoursel!, then u need a brea/ !rom them* -ut ?CHCD !orget that they !ed you, cloth you, bathed you* 4o no matter what, you will still ha"e to repay some sort o! debt to them* Get out, li"e your li!e i! you thin/ its right, but remember to come bac/ and repay them* 2hey may be angry, hate you and re!use you when you return, but that is only an act o! CGO* -ut at this point, you ha"e achie"e what you want* 4o be happy and come bac/, now they cannot control you because you ha"e shown them you ha"e grown well and you ha"e came bac/ to repay them !or all the years they ha"e brought you up* 2hough by appearance you will still be cursed and scolded, but actually they will be happy insides and they will be proud o! you* ?o parents actually hate their child* ,ts 6ust that they do not /now how to e5press it** especially +sian parents* (o! course, don1t go lea"e and do some criminal act or some stupid o!!enses li/e drug or whatsoe"er ** that is 3OAD problem, not your parents= +nd don1t e5pect them to be proud o! you !or that= )*

On 4ep 20, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: 4omeone,

, am impressed by your understanding and empathy to parents while you are su!!ering !rom your current situation* , belie"e your positi"e attitude will help you to go through this di!!icult period o! time* , thin/ you are on the right trac/ by trying to be independent* One thing that , want to point out though is that you >O ?O2 own your parents anything or you do not ha"e to pay bac/* O! course , am not suggesting to cut o!! the relationship with your parents* ,nstead you should help them when they need but it is not a paybac/* + good relationship with parents is in"aluable* -e a little bit patient* >o not e5pect your parents can change o"ernight* Gi"e them a little bit time and room to :grow:* 9ope e"erything will wor/ out nicely !or you*

On 4ep 2;, 20%%, 4u!!ering_Tid wrote: 9ello e"eryone, all , can say is , can relate to all o! this* , am %& years old and , am about to get sent bac/ to the Philippines in a !ew wee/s* My dad di"orced my mom and she1s in the Phil* while he and my stepmom are here in the A4* 9a"ing these /inds o! parents really does cause emotional and physical pain* , too, am su!!ering !rom them* +s !irst generation immigrants, e"en the smallest things they would scold at me with their messed up teaching ways* , /now they are doing this !or our !uture1s sa/e, but their habits lea"e me cutting mysel!, plus crying e"eryday so , can be tired and !all asleep* 2he only way , cope with them is by hanging out with my closests !riends and tal/ing with them* -ut e"en that is not enough* , do !ine at school, mostly :+1s: and when i recei"ed my !irst :-:, they went ballistic/ and told me how , was gonna end up !ailing and do drugs, etc* 2hey /ept pushing this :-eing >isciplined: and whatnot crap because it is going to ma/e me a better person* , /now it does, but their habits and abuses depleted most o! my sel! esteem* Plus, no matter how much , try to reason with them, , end up getting blamed, hurted, and my own reasons being re6ected, bac/!ired, and made !un o!* 2hey are really good at re"ersing any opposition on them as i! theyre the most balanced people* , cannot e"en tal/ bac/ without being accused o! being :>isrespect!ul: and getting beat up* 4o yeah, , had put up with them !or the past & years* 0ell anyways, ,1m about to go cra@y, i really grew to !ond my !riends at school and ta/ing them away !rom me and sent me bac/ to Phil* with di!!erent people again (, mo"ed when i was %0, so i didnt established many !riends, 6ust relati"es)*******,! , had such sel! esteem, i would1"e gotten a 6ob and somehow mo"e away !rom them, while staying contact with my best !riends* +nd now, , really am on the "erge o! calling Child Protection and7or commiting suicide* +nything else , would add are already mentioned by other people on top* 0hy can1t , 6ust ha"e a normal Bi!e=

On 4ep 2S, 20%%, +mbangali wrote: , am !rom -angladesh* My whole !amily is abusi"e and bully* My mom beat me since , was a /id* , still remember one thing,i was li/e $ or 8 and i didn1t wanted to shower as it was really cold so suddenly

my mom 6ust droped a buc/et o! cold water on me and i was li/e shoc/ed,i still remember the !eeling,i !elt so insecure,cold and scared* 0hen it comes to study they are total bitch* +ll day long they are yelling me to study*its li/e the e5pect me to study e"ery second*i was a bad student as a /id but as i grown up i became a good student*i get +I but they still pull me down by ma/ing me remember about my past !ailures* , am ne"er good enough !or them* +!ter all this , still thought that my !amily is di!!erent and they are good but as , turned %$ i understood they are 6ust the typical bangali who discriminate girls* , am %8 now* +nd they lo"e my brother than me* 9e smo/es tobacco,weed,he drin/s alcohol* +nd its his habit* -ut still they ne"er say a single word to him*they tell me it1s all because o! me and i am li/e what the hec/ i ha"e to do with i! my brother ha"e all those stupid habits*instead o! blaming themsel"es !or their !ailure in parenting my brother they blame it on me* My mother calls me slut and what not* , am not close to a slut* , am %8 and "irgin*i ne"er had boy!riend ne"er been /issed* , should say my brother is the slut*but my parents are always on his side no matter what*C"eryone is yelling at me*i don1t !eel lo"ed*my mom beats me e"eryday with whate"er she gets on her side,belt,hanger, stic/,shoe,broom, spoon you 6ust name it* My mom pushed my !rom the bed two times and i !ell on the !loor /nowing i ha"e tailbone in6ury*my brother also beats me*he is a spoiled brat* 9e also threw me on the !loor and when i was crying and calling my mom,my mom instead o! punishing him she started to beat me* My dad was nice but now he also yells and me and uses abusi"e words*and my grandma she is also yelling at me, calling me !at all day long*i 6ust don1t get it,should i become a sceleton8, 6ust cant bear all this sometimes* +!ter all this i try to !orgi"e them and be happy but its li/e they are pulling me down* ,1m still trying to be strong* 2he only thing that /eeps me going is the lo"e o! God,and the thing that i can ha"e a bright and happy !uture*i 6ust need appriciation* , am !rom -angladesh* My whole !amily is abusi"e and bully* My mom beat me since , was a /id* , still remember one thing,i was li/e $ or 8 and i didn1t wanted to shower as it was really cold so suddenly my mom 6ust droped a buc/et o! cold water on me and i was li/e shoc/ed,i still remember the !eeling,i !elt so insecure,cold and scared* 0hen it comes to study they are total bitch* +ll day long they are yelling me to study*its li/e the e5pect me to study e"ery second*i was a bad student as a /id but as i grown up i became a good student*i get +I but they still pull me down by ma/ing me remember about my past !ailures* , am ne"er good enough !or them* +!ter all this , still thought that my !amily is di!!erent and they are good but as , turned %$ i understood they are 6ust the typical bangali who discriminate girls* , am %8 now* +nd they lo"e my brother than me* 9e smo/es tobacco,weed,he drin/s alcohol* +nd its his habit* -ut still they ne"er say a single word to him*they tell me it1s all because o! me and i am li/e what the hec/ i ha"e to do with i! my brother ha"e all those stupid habits*instead o! blaming themsel"es !or their !ailure in parenting my brother they blame it on me* My mother calls me slut and what not* , am not close to a slut* , am %8 and "irgin*i ne"er had boy!riend ne"er been /issed* , should say my brother is the slut*but my parents are always on his side no matter what*C"eryone is yelling at me*i don1t !eel lo"ed*my mom beats me e"eryday with whate"er she gets on her side,belt,hanger, stic/,shoe,broom, spoon you 6ust name it* My mom pushed my !rom the bed two times and i !ell on the !loor /nowing i ha"e tailbone in6ury*my brother also beats me*he is a spoiled brat* 9e also threw me on the !loor and when i was crying and calling my mom,my mom instead o! punishing him she started to beat me* My dad was nice but now he also yells and me and uses abusi"e words*and my grandma she is also yelling at me, calling me !at all day long*i 6ust don1t get it,should i become a sceleton8, 6ust cant bear all th

On Oct ;, 20%%, +sian Passerby wrote:

, will be per!ectly honest, , lo"e my parents dearly* 9owe"er, whene"er , earn a - on my grades in a class7classes, ,1m always horri!ied* My !amily li"es in a !irst#story house and , should be hal!#luc/y that this stops my parents !rom screaming7yelling at me* , don1t /now i! , can consider it abuse, but , 6ust can1t ta/e the mental tolls o! their negati"e reactions toward my grades* , do raise them, but since ,1m a sophomore (%0th grade) right now and ,1"e recently earned a C on my +P 0orld 9istory class*** , don1t /now how to !ace my parents anymore* ,t1s only the !irst .uarter and , /now , ha"e a chance to raise my grades up, but , can only achie"e a high -I grade in that class i! , per!ected e"ery .ui@, test, assessment and essay during that one .uarter* 2o be per!ectly honest, ,1m terri!ied and , /now , can withstand their negati"e !eedbac/s, but it 6ust hurts real bad on the inside o! my heart* ,t !eels as though it1s crushed to pieces* My dad would be sha/ing his head in disappointment and wal/ o!! as my mom would be screaming at me o"er the phone (great e5cuse to yell at me without bothering anybody else in the house7neighbors) about how :>umbheaded her daughter isR 0hy did she e"er born out a /id li/e this8=R ,1m going to commit suicideR , don1t care what you do anymoreR , don1t own you anymoreR 3ou can 6ust li"e o!! with those assholes relati"es o! yoursR ,1m going to stop tal/ing to you and abandon you with your !ather and two little sisters: /ind o! tal/* , lo"e my mom and dad* , really do down to the bottom o! my heart where ,1ll do anything they as/* -ut such "erbal*** statements that pierces through my heart li/e icicle blades hurt so bad both emotionally and physically* 2o be honest, , almost committed se"eral !ailed suicides 6ust !rom the cause o! this* -ut , 6ust can1t bring it to /ill mysel!* +nd no, my parents always urge me to :3ou must go to 9ar"ard since ,1ll be real proudK: , hate to lea"e this /ind o! hope dangling in the garbage can* -ut getting bac/ on sub6ect with the grade sub6ects*** ,1m terri!ied to death and , /now ,1m going to ha"e to !ace it head#!irst and hope!ully ma/e it out ali"e* (, mean, a - Y S*0 on the class, li/e an + on a regular class* :;) -ut , /now !or the !act that my mom and dad won1t accept that !act either way and only want +s* , also wondered why they1re yelling at me about my grades as , continue to trend my school li!e* , understand when the grades suddenly plummet down to a letter or two is really disappointing and , would too i! , were in my parent1s position= -ut*** , 6ust don1t li/e them tal/ing about abandoning me without anyone to care !or me and committing suicide i! it e"er happens again* 0hat1s worse then ha"ing your parents commit sucide 6ust because o! a >+M? - on a class8 , don1t want to go to my guidance counselor to see/ help since my parents will ta/e on !ull#!orce at my house with me in a room pri"ately*

>id , !orget to mention our in!amous asian grading system8 +Y +"erage -Y -ad CY Crap >Y >eath EY 3ou1re EXXXXX Ap

-ut either way, ,1m not showing the grades to my parents until it !inally !inali@es and where my online teacher will physically call me and my parents anyway* , pray to god that it at least raise it to a really, really narrow + so , won1t ha"e to go through the tramatic e"ents again happening e"er since , was born* +h*** Delie"ing those multiplication times when , was in !irst grade sure does help a lot* 0ith all o! that beating and whipping , had to !ace*** ^*^

On Oct &, 20%%, gt wrote: words hurt better than a /ni!e***** and asian parents /now it and how to used it* but they don1t gi"e a !uc/ about the pressure that parents, teachers, school, tution build on us and e"ery time you try to e5plain your problem they start ta/ing about society and relati"es* i am !uc/ed up o! hearing o! other children and there achi"ments* and some day i will ma/e them reali@e the pain and su!!ering i am going through* and some times i !eel li/e relasing the monster inside me*** but i /now it will ma/e it worse* miss my childhod day although they were not so great but miss my !riends***** and some who can understand me* it ma/es me cry sometimes :((

On Oct L, 20%%, ,ndianTid wrote: Deading all these posts ma/es me so sad* Please, please hang in there= My parents too were ne"er satis!ied, but worse, because o! marital problems, my mom used to cry e"ery day and then ta/e her !rustration out on us* 4he had me belie"ing , loo/ed so ugly that nobody would want to gi"e me a 6ob, people would want to /ill me i! they saw me, etc* +ll because she could not control her mouth when she was mad, and yeah, BilHy>awg, she also told me , was a !#ing piece o! shXt* +nd that there1s no way , coulda been their /id, beco@ someone must ha"e seen their beauti!ul newborn baby at the hospital and switched it with an ugly /id* Agh* , used to draw my obituary e"ery day !or !un, hoping , would die* 2hen be!ore , /new what se5 was, my brother started abusing me in nighttime :games*: 0hen my mom !inally ga"e the birds and bees tal/, she did it so "aguely, that (a) , suddenly reali@ed that what my brother had been doing was se5ual and , !elt so sic/, (b) , thought it was actual se5 (though he ne"er went that !ar) and (c) , was con"inced at %% that , was pregnant* God, that was hell* , don1t remember much !rom that year e5cept the color blac/ and my report card shows a huge drop* -ut somehow , made it through, got the good grades, honors, etc etc* and to be honest, this is due to my mom1s split personality because though she was aw!ul when mad, she sacri!iced a lot to tutor me and ma/e learning !un*

+nyway, , had rebellion problems as a teen, used to blast music, bac/tal/, etc and , couldn1t wait to get away !rom my parents and brother* +!ter !inding out what he1d been doing, , started hitting and scratchin him i! he came near, and o! course my parents interpreted this as :0hy are you such a bitch to your sweet brother8: -yong, you ha"e some real maturity in not wanting to stoop to your mom1s le"el, and , /now u said church doesn1t wor/ !or you, but !or me God was my one li!e sa"er* +nd then, once in college it was a di!!erent world and , reali@ed all that crap about being ugly was 6ust that* , really sympathi@e with all who are hurting* Please, , hope you can tal/ to someone* Eriends, e"en on this !orum, are good, but also i! you ha"e access to a counselor, please go, and i! it doesn1t clic/, try another as someone said* , had great re"enge !antasies against my parents and brother* ,n !act, my

boy!riend in college##the !irst person , opened up to about my !amily abuse##was so mad, he said , should tell my parents what crap they were and cut o!! all ties* +t the moment it made a lot o! sense, but , had the sense o! loyalty (lo"ing and hating my parents) that others mentioned, so , ne"er !ollowed his ad"ice* ,t was 6ust as well, because remember, i! you can be hurt by your parent1s words, they too can be hurt by yours* 4omeday , would li/e to ha"e a genuine tal/ with them so they will understand how damaging their beha"ior has been (and is, they still resort to "erbal abuse when mad), but meanwhile , began praying !or our !amily* , hardly belie"ed things could get better, but slowly things are impro"ing* My parents marriage has actually gotten better, they are better companions to each other rather than pulling each other down, and things between me and them ha"e also impro"ed* ,ncidentally, that boy!riend who ad"ised me to brea/ o!! ties turned physically abusi"e and was out o! my li!e the ne5t year* , still ha"e emotional scars !rom my !amily, but 2 things ha"e helped me along## prayer and reading the -ible, and martial arts which has been teaching discipline and controlled power among other things*

On Oct L, 20%%, ,ndianTid wrote: -y the way, there is a Elannery O1 Connor short story, :C"erything 2hat Dises Must Con"erge: about parent#child relationships that has nothing to do with +sian parents, but , thin/ captures per!ectly the rising angst we o!ten !eel against our parents, especially when there is a mindset di"ide, and how something li/e that might end* , highly recommend it, and it1s also one o! her !amous literary wor/s*

On Oct 9, 20%%, Jane wrote: , am not +sian, but a lot o! my school is* 2he parents are brainwashing those /ids, seriously= C"ery one o! them is near tears with thir 9LU Physics grade* 4CD,OA4B38=8 ,1m happy with my 89U= 2hey are always tal/ing about their parents yelling at them, slapping, etc*

On Oct %L, 20%%, 5o5odanielle0L22 wrote: ,1m an %& years old asian and , was ha"ing a grown up tal/ with my dad and , tried not to yell, because all thats gonna happen is beating****my mom had to barge in and tell me to suicide* , was diagnosed with trichtillomania, OC>, and an5iety because o! all these rants !rom my parents and constantly li"ing in !ear (2 years ago my parents hit me so hard, the plastic ruler bro/e)* My mom used my problems and told me to suicide because o! my problems****heartless* , don1t /now what to do and right now , want to run away and li"e on my own but , may ha"e to wait until %$* 2 more years****help me please :( email me at i>anielle0L22<gmail*com than/s

On Oct %L, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: 5o5odanielle0L22,

2his board is less li/ely to help your situation directly* 2al/ing to your school o!!icial seems a better alternati"e*

On Oct %9, 20%%, planetmars wrote: ,1m only %2 years old* i1m an asian* my parents hits me a lot o! time* i thin/ they dont reali@e that i need some time to !igure my attitude* im li/e, i cant control my attitude* i thin/ there1s something wrong with me or my parents* i donno but i /ept on swearing* but why8= i dunno why im li/e this but its really my !ault* i! i annoy my sis or anyone, i will get hit* why cant my parents be more patient* they wont let me thin/* e"eryday i get scolded or maaybe e"en get hit by my parents* well i! they let me swear and do anything i want, i thin/ i can reali@e my mista/e* P+DC?24 +DC 9+D> 2O A?>CD42+?> A4 +BB 29C 2,MC== ,2 9AD24 + BO2=

On Oct %9, 20%%, planetmars wrote: M3 MAM JA42 9,2 MC 0,29 + 9+?GCD O? M3 D,G92 BCG==

On Oct 20, 20%%, /oney :&: wrote: 2oday my +untie bought me a 4amsung Gala5y 2ab %0*% as a early birthday present* , am turning %8 years old in January*

9owe"er*** +s shoc/ed as i was, inside my heart was !illed with sadness* 4adness that my own parents would ?CHCD buy me such an e5pensi"e gi!t* , own a cellphone worth less than `200, on top o! that it is only used !or CMCDGC?C3 DC+4O?4* My parents won1t buy me a lot o! things is that: Eirstly because i am an a"erage student, and secondly*** e"er since i was a little girl*** they ha"e ?CHCD wanted me to become ,?>CPC?>C?2* , am the only child and born in an ,?>,+? E+M,B3* My !ather is well#educated and my mother has 6ust started her study* C"ery year they spurlge money going on big holidays* 0hen i was two years old !irst trip was Ei6i, i ha"e been to +ustralia ; times ( -risbane, Melbourne and 4ydney) , 9awaii, A4+# B+, ?e"eda, 4an Erancisco, >isneyland 20,CC, Malaysia, 4ingapore, -runei twice, 9ong /ong, F 4hen@hen# china* My !riends thin/ that , ha"e li"ed a spolit, happy li!e*

2he reality is that*** , 9+D>B3 e"er spend time with my !riends, or go to social parties, or watch mo"ies* 2he reason being is that my dad doesn1t gi"e me poc/et money, so i !eel embarrassed i! i had the opportunity to spend time with !riends*4ometimes i go shopping, but most o! the time that is with my mom*

My parents ha"e ne"er wanted me to become independent because they say ,2 0,BB +EECC2 M3 42A>,C4* -ut throughout my whole %$years o! li!eK i ha"e +B0+34 been an a"erage student* , ne"er was in"ol"ed in any sports or acti"ities outside school*

0hen i was %& i started playing some computer game while they were at wor/ and had my !irst M4? accountKK so !ar that has been my only !reedom e"er since* , don1t own an MP; or music player* My parents COMPB+,? that , ha"e e"erything in my li!e# and i should be getting %00U* , ha"e always been poor in mathematics, but they >O?12 CHC? 0ODD3 that i should get a tutor* -asically i blame mysel!, that i am a disgrace to my !amilyK that one day will become BC44 succes!ul than them*

?e5t year i will be going to college, and , am in desperate need !or a part#time 6obK i want to be a ?ODM+B T,> +?> >O ?ODM+B 29,?G4* i want !reedom, !riendship, leisure time and maybe e"en start a relationship* , don1t /now why they do this to me* My dad once told me that medical pro!essional at his wor/ ha"e sons and daughters that are also indian* 2hey ha"e struggled so much to become doctors and pro!essionals, that they 0CDC ?O2 +BBO0C> 2O 0+2C9 2H, and were +BBO0C> 2O >D,HC + C+D +2 29C +GC OE 2&, and one said by the age o! 20 49C 0+4 E,?+BB3 +-BC 0+2C9 -OBB30OO> MOH,C4=* , really don1t /now what to say*** but enough is enough*

, /now my wea/ points in li!eK o"erall i ha"e ?CHCD +4TC> OD OD>CDC> M3 P+DC?24 2O 2+TC MC 4OMC09CDC OD -A3 MC 4OMC29,?GKKKK not e"er=============================================== , was ne"er a greedy child*

My greatest %8th birthday present*** would be !or them to +BBO0 me to ha"e a P+D2#2,MC JO- so i can wor/ and li"e a happy, less isolated li!e* , 0O?12 CHC? >CM+?> + C+D, i don1t made using public transport* , they say no to that**** my greatest %8th birthday present *** is death*

On Oct 20, 20%%, a* wrote: ,1m sic/ o! my mom always telling me to die* 4he1s constantly telling me how she wishes she ne"er had me and my sister* +nd then right a!ter she says such hurt!ul things to us, she goes on the phone and tells her !riends a s/ewed "ersion that ma/es her seem li/e a per!ectly understanding parent* 4he always tells me that her lo"e is conditional* +nd she see1s lo"e as gi"ing me lunch money* 4he tells me that , should be reciprocating her :lo"e: by getting good grades and trying hard* 2oday, she bro/e my door because , loc/ed it a!ter a !ight*

On Oct 2%, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: 2his news tells you: %* 9elp is a"ailable 2* 2he problem is not +sian e5lusi"e*

http:77www*hu!!ingtonpost*com720%%7%07% b 2002%*html :+le6andro Gal"an +ccused O! -eating >aughter, Gi"ing 9er Gun +nd Tni!e 2o Till 9ersel! :

On Oct 2%, 20%%, Tim " wrote: +nother Christmas coming up soon= , get all wor/ed up during the holidays because during the holidays are when we pretend to be a :normal: !amily= 9ow can , pose in pictures, smiling and pretending e"erything is alright when it isn1t= Pretend that my#so#parents say the wish , was dead on a constant basis* , re!use to pose !or those pics and the "erbal abuse begins* +nother holiday where ,1m sub6ected to mean, emotional abusi"e mind games, when they present my obedient younger sister with pricey, name brand gi!ts while ,1m gi"en thri!t store clothes with the price tag on, usually less than `9* My !amily is disgustingly materialistic and money is /ing, so this yearly gi!t gi"ing is mental punishment* 0hen , try to help with coo/ing Christmas dinner and wrongly accused o! poisoning them instead o! being help!ul* +nd when , in"ite my blac/ !riends o"er !or dinner they loc/ themsel"es in the bathroom and call the cops* My +sian parents also "ote Depublican e"en though they /now what the party stands !or=

On Oct 2&, 20%%, ?ot 4o East wrote: , ha"e been studying this topic !or a long time* ,t1s called emotional abuse* 3ou might also want to loo/ up a topic called clinical narcissism* , thin/ many o! you will see that your mothers ha"e this problem*

, am 2nd gen ,ndian#+merican* , did not really ha"e to deal with physical abuse but mental and emotional* 2he ,ndian culture puts a lot o! emphasis on :!itting into society:, so you must !ollow

customs, religion, respecting !amily, and so on* ,! you do these things, you are a :good person:* +nything else and you are a :useless: a :nothing: etc* +s a result, the entire sub#continent o! ,ndia has sel!#esteem issues as acceptance by their !amilies and communities was always conditional* Eor e5ample, your parents only lo"e you i! you get straight +1s* Bo"e to a child, a baby, should be unconditional* -ut i! you ma/e it conditional !rom a young age, you get people with low sel!#esteem because they ne"er !eel they are good enough !or anything*

C"en worse than low sel!#esteem is the !act that by gi"ing up so much control o"er your li!e to outside !orces, you ne"er truly become an adult* C"er met middle#aged +sians who still act li/e 8 year#olds8 2he reason is because cultures that ta/e decision#ma/ing control out o! the hands o! those who need to ma/e the decisions turn those people into children* 2hey stay children well into adulthood because they ne"er can ta/e control o"er their li"es*

2he worst part about all o! this though is that a lot o! young, 0estern +sian# +mericans7-rits7Canadians7+ussies7etc* get brainwashed by their parents and ne"er brea/ away !rom them* , ha"e cousins who are so beaten down that they 6ust go along with whate"er their parents ha"e planned !or them*

On Oct 2&, 20%%, ?ot 4o East wrote: Oh, one more thing* -y raising us this way, our parents are not gi"ing us the s/ills we need to be success!ul in our en"ironment* Maybe the way they raised us would ha"e made us great successes bac/ in +sia, but we are not in +sia* 0e are in the 0est* Grades only go so !ar in 0estern cultures, it1s more about creati"ity, con!idence and being inno"ati"e*

On Oct 2$, 20%%, Girl 0ho ?eeds 2o Hent wrote: ,1m a %L year old bengali girl and my parents de!initely suc/* , s/ipped ahead a grade, my G*P*+ a"erage is a S*0, , recei"ed a ;; on the 4+2, and passed my +P e5ams !or Chemistry, -iology, and Cnglish* +pparently , am still the stupidest child /nown* My parents ha"e been abusing me "erbally and physically !or almost ele"en years now* , can still remember the "ery day my dad !irst beat me* , was !i"e years old and he told me something* , said, :4o what8: and the beating began* , am emotionally unstable and always go to school co"ered up because , don1t want anyone else to see my bruises* 29+2 ,4 29C DC+B,23 OE 4OMC +4,+? P+DC?24= 4ome people complain because they were grounded !or a month* , 0,49 my parents would do that instead*

On Oct 28, 20%%, e!!ing eh wrote: 2here are dis!unctional white, blac/ and latino !amilies but its !air to say with asian parents its more o! the norm*

-e!ore i say anything, the :tiger mom: is one huge -4* Most rich people e5:bill gates, ste"e 6obs, warren bu!!et etc* >idn1t come !rom :tiger mom: !amilies* to me anybody doing this is guilty o! child, mental, "erbal abuse*

i can1t tell you !rom personal e5perience how i wished i was better o!! being adopted* , remember when i was a /id my mom compared my hand writing to another /id she said :, wish i had your /id: i !elt so bad inside* +t age ; i was sent e"eryday to a scam day care ran by two :parents:* +lthough your allowed to play with toys, i! you e"en touched the ones !rom the owner1s son you1d either %* Get sent to the basement !or the >+3* 2* 4mac/ed in !ront o! other /ids* OD ;* they call your parents and then your asian parents hits you* C"en in high school a !riend(asian) who got beat by her dad because she went out with her !riends and came home late* 2he only reason my parents stopped beating me was when i ratted them out to my guidance conseuler*

0hat more888 their always right* e"en i! they were wrong, i couldn1t tal/ bac/ to them* 2hey considered it a sign o! disrespect*

anything bad that happens, e"en i! you didn1t do it, ,4 3OAD E+AB2* !ights, getting sic/: 0hy didn1t you run away888 0hy didn1t you wear e5tra clothes88* 2hey e"en control your li!e, my dad screamed at me once !or listening to rap* My mother /eeps saying that when i !ind a career i ha"e to gi"e her money bac/ since birth* 0hich isnt -4 since most o! my asian !riends got told the same thing* my english name !or e5ample was named !rom a wealthy character in a tele"ision show who turned out to be a "illian (adam chandler7 all my children)

and i turned out how most asian /ids turned out* low with sel! esteem, sel! hate(lessened recently)* wanting to get away !rom parents*

My ad"ice !or all o! you is 6ust to a"oid your parents as much as you can* My brother comes home late !rom going out on purpose so he could a"oid mom7dad* +nd lastly the sad part is that my parents went through the same thing with their parents and !eel its o/ay to do it to their /ids* so please i! you ha"e /ids one day don1t do this to them*

On Oct ;%, 20%%, ,1m raging wrote: 3o can anyone help me with my situation8 ,m %S, li"e ,n a reliti"ly upscale community* Eran/ly, as a !rosh, , wasn1t really ready to deal with highschoolR , didn1t reali@e how to study or re"iew !or stu!! till the middle o! the !irst semester* 4o , lowered my e5pectation o! mysel! a bit* Other +sians out there, you /now what ,1m tal/ing about , hope* , stopped getting all +I* 3et my parents "iew on it is still that

without all +I on e"ery assignment, , will li"e on the street when , grow up* Decently, it1s gotten worse* My parents abuse, that is* ,n !act, ,1m writing this on my itouch bcu@ my parents smashed my `200 laptop they bout on sale* 2oday, , got an 88 on a minor assignment and my mom started hitting me* 2hen she tells me to pic/ up my laptop to put on the table* , accidentally drop it !rom li/e 2 in o!! the ground and my mom 6ust goes :oh* , guess you don1t want your laptop anymore*: 4o she decides to"go"otside and smash it* 2hen she starts hitting me because , got the third highest math grade when she !inally calms down abOut my 4s grade* ,n !act, she was screaming at me cu@ im not in !rench ; honors when theres no honors till Erench &* ,1"e thought o! e"erything yet , ha"e no idea how to get away !rom my moms oppression* My dad is in !act much better* 0hen my mom hits me, he sometimes grabs her and tells her to stop* Oh, plus, my mom also hit me today because , did not do &00 problems to study !or a math test* 3eah, &00* +nd this studying was li/e S wee/s ago* 0hen she gets mad, she screms about e"erything , did wrong !or li/e the p+st 2 months* 0hat should , do guys8 Please help +4+P*

On Oct ;%, 20%%, ,1m raging wrote: Oh, , !orgot to mention that my parents are seriously ruining my social li!e* Eran/ly, , ha"e a pretty big relationship issue that , ha"e to get o"er, yet , ha"e no one to tal/ to cu@ she li"es in another state and my parents 6ust laugh at me* ,n !act, when , told my mom , had a g! at %S, she went ballistic, saying stu!! bout how ,1m too young and how , was gunna get her pregnent and stu!!* 4o , told her , bro/e up with her, but it1s been really di!!icult at home /eeping it a secret !rom my parents* ,! they !ound out*****

On ?o" %, 20%%, asian wrote: , don1t li/e physical abuse=

On ?o" %, 20%%, moonbug wrote: ,1m %2 years old and hal! asian* , got an a# in math (o"erall grade) because i did poorly on a paper* My mom yelled at me saying , need to try harder* Bast year , was a "ery**** rebellious child, , stole money, lied* 4he /ept hitting me and grounding me !or e5tended periods o! time* ,t led me to a slight depression* ,1m always as/ed why , li/e school so much, and my answer is always :-ecause , don1t want to go home: , plan out my days seeing what , can do to ma/e me spend less time at home* ,t1s how , cope* , wish asian parents could see what they do to their children= +nother thing is my mom always tellign me to lose weight e"en though , weigh 8$ lbs and am light compared to my classmates* C"eryone says , ne"er eat because ,1m so s/inny* , wish my mom could ma/e me !eel that good but instead its always :3ou need to e5ercise and lose some weight: , lo"e my mom, but this needs to stop

On ?o" 2, 20%%, +hsrah wrote: 9ey , /now what a low o! you guys are going through* , am ,ndian, and my parents ha"e criticised me since , was in &th grade* ?o matter how hard , try, it ne"er seems good enough !or them* +ll my li!e ,

ha"e made straight +1s, won numerous awards, met the go"erner, etc* -ut it is ne"er good enough !or my parents* S*00 GP+ in an ,- course with the toughest set o! 9Bs possible, yet they don1t ac/nowledge my accomplishments* 2hey (especially my mother) say that , won1t go anywhere in li!e, , am a good !or nothing son, and that , could ne"er measure up to my twin sister (who hasn1t done a .uarter o! the things , ha"e been able to accomplish)* 2hey always encourage my !raternal twin sister and congratulate her !or her achie"ements, but ne"er me* ,t is so depressing because , wor/ so hard in school, only to be battered by my parents when , get home* ,t is maddening, and at school , always play it o!!, and e"eryone says that , am the nicest person around, but they don1t /now about this mental abuse that , go through daily* ,t !eels that , am sin/ing and no one /nows* ,t is 6ust so hard to ta/e sometimes, and it really has changed my personality*

On ?o" &, 20%%, 2iredo!abuse wrote: ,m a %S year old /orean and , /now what people here are going through* Dight now im doing horribly in one o! my classes at school and my mom isnt helping me through this at all* ,nstead she decides to call me stupid* , /now its a pretty light insult, but when it1s coming !rom someone who you were with your entire li!e really hurts* 4ometimes , e"en thin/ about suiciding, but the parents aren1t the entire reason 6ust a small part o! it* , see other white peoples li"es and can see that they are 90 percent happier then most asian people and it ma/es it seem li/e my li!e is terrible* +ldo , thin/ when people are smarter than me , !eel li/e im a waste o! li!e* 0hen my parents call me stupid or a moron , !eel li/e , really am* My parents are really nice in general but when they get mad they start to get "ery mean and , !eel li/e im being strangled with abusi"e words*

Dight now ,1ll say this strait ,m sorry i! , o!!end anyone but white people arent that great at thin/ing about waht a persons bac/round li!e might be li/e* 2he person might be depressed or 6ust plain ha"e low sel! esttem, as do ,* My parents dont understand what im going through right now and , !eel li/e ,! , told them they would call me a whiner* , really ha"e ne"er told anyone about this much o! my li!e *be5ause there was ne"er anyone to relate to* 2his is my story !or right mow and right now im being a drama .ueen because im whining to much anout this, but , !eel that !or once it1s o/ about it*

On ?o" &, 20%%, 6m wrote: , could relate to your story e"en though , am !rom an older generation* Grew up in an all 0hite community and always comparing mysel! to all the rela5ed happy 0hites* 3et i! you got to /now some o! their bac/grounds you1d !ind similarities* 2he early messages we got !rom our parents, the :3ou1re stupid, moron: will un!ortunately be in our heads !or a while, unless we can tal/ it out(good thing you are e5pressing yoursel!)* , /ept it in !or :3C+D4:* 2his site is a good place to "ent some !rustrations* Others who are going through the same issues can get some "alidation* C"en i! we mo"e out o! the house and thin/ we are :EDCC=: !rom abuse, sometimes it can carry o"er to later depression or sel! sabatoge* ,t gets better, a counselor,some therapy, group support can help* , see this site as a group support, so we are !ortunate (6ust a !ew years ago there was no internet=) can you imagine8 ?ot to side with the abusi"e parent, but ,1"e learned that our parents were brought up this way and they are doing what they /now* 4o we can unlearn those beha"iors as we get older* 2he strong, stoic, :4top

whining= -e strong= ]uit complaining=: 0e learn not to ma/e wa"es or don1t spea/ up !or oursel"es* 0e are all learning how to deal with li!e no matter what age* 2al/ing to !riends, music, art, dance, sports, e5ercise,boo/s,hobbies that we li/e can help us with stress* Teep the !aith, e"eryone can bene!it !rom these !orums* 2here1s been some outrage on the news(3ou2ube) about that 6udge 0illiam +dams belting his teenage daughter who are 0hite, this happens more than we /now* (sorry to bring that up) 6ust wanted to show that many bac/grounds can be abusi"e*

On ?o" L, 20%%, ?eo wrote: , read this a!ter reading the blog about the tiger mom which , thought was terrible* , read most o! the comments here and !eel sorry !or most o! you /ids and hope some how it got better !or you* ,! your parents are abusing you tell a teacher or a trusted adult, in this day and age its not on*

,1m ;0 now but , li"e on the other side o! the country to my mum and ha"en1t spo/en to my dad in & years* My childhood was the opposite o! the ones here, my mum ne"er showed any interest in my li!e, went out e"ery day, had boy!riends (my dad le!t her earlier and became an alcoholic)* 4he would always scream at me !or no reason to the point that e"en now as an adult , !eel li/e ,1m wal/ing on ice i! , tal/ to her so , don1t, and , get !rightened o! any slightly con!rontational situation*

,n highschool , used to act up a lot cause , 6ust wanted an adult to show me they cared about me**but instead , 6ust got detention* -ut my mum ne"er cared cause , still got good mar/s, she ne"er read my reports e"er, which were !ull o! bad comments, 6ust loo/ed at the mar/s*

My !riends weren1t any help they would 6ust say something li/e she doesn1t seem that bad cause o! course she would act all nice around them* , still hate her to this day*

2he only thing that made it better is , met someone online when , was 20 who showed me he cared !or me and supported me, we e"entually met irl and were together !or S years, but because o! the way my mum treated me , treated him the same, without e"en realising it*

2he only thing , suggest !or people here is to try stop it now be!ore it /eeps damaging you*

-tw , ha"e an asian !riend who has a white boy!riend since she was %L (shes ;0 now) her parents caught her playing computer games with him and beat her up, she ne"er told them he was her boy!riend and still hasn1t* 4ad=

On ?o" %;, 20%%, anonymous anon (*_*)7 X *X wrote: Deading through this topic ma/es me real sad* , started tearing up a!ter reading !i"e post* ^*^ ,1m pretty luc/y enough not to endure so much shit !rom my parents* , ne"er had too much pressure about education, and getting straight +1s* My dad would always 6ust tell me to get good grades and study hard* , was luc/y naturally smart, and the only time , had a hard time with school was learning the Multiplication table in %st grade* (, had to memori@e that shit !or literally hours, nonstop* omg) My mom ne"er really cared* -oth don1t pressure me into being doctors or lawyers but they 6ust want me to ma/e money*

, still ha"e so much problems with my parents* ,1m %S and , ha"e a +!ghan dad and a -angladeshi mom that are both di"orced* -oth are pretty messed up in their own way* , raised by my mom, who has a burning passion !or hating blac/ and white people* My mom would ne"er let me hang out with blac/ or white /ids, and o!ten slandered them* (Calling them names, saying that they are turning me into trash and how she should send me to bangladesh with proper /ids*) 4he also try to get me to hate my dad, calling him names telling me he is useless* (4ame with my dad, trying to get me to hate my mom) 4he1s physically beat me be!ore but only a !ew times when , was in elementary school it was always !or trying to get me to stop crying* 2he worse thing she does though is she always tries to manipulate me to hate other people* 4he also has done a lot o! other stu!! but , don1t want to ma/e my post, loo/ li/e a boo/*

,t really pain!ul bringing out all these memories, but , /now , can now relate with other people*

On ?o" %&, 20%%, ^*a wrote: ,, too, am in the same situation* My parents used physical and "erbally punishments !or me, especially when , was little* , was emotionally scarred and didn1t ha"e any !riends* People used to tease me about getting such good grades and that , was 1luc/y1* 2here was nothing 1luc/y1 about it* My parents pushed me into becoming a straight + student by ma/ing me study 2 year le"els ahead o! me to get me 1prepared1* , was ne"er in"ited to parties because my peers thought o! me as a complete and utter nerd and that , did not do anything else other than study* My parents always .uestion my !riends now and as/ about their grades, i! they aren1t up to their standards then they immediately assume that they would !ail in li!e* My parents do not listen to me or trust me enough no matter what , do to please them* C"ery report card , e"er got was about how much more mature , was !or my age but my parents still treat me as a child* 2hey yell at me i! they thin/ , am wrong or doing something wrong when , am not* 2hey constantly e5pect me to be a per!ect doctor when , grow up and to ne"er to anything wrong when , /now they are not per!ect themsel"es* 2hey are hypocrites* 1>octor, cure thy sel! be!ore thee*1

On ?o" %L, 20%%, JJ wrote: , completely understand and , !eel better as , am in the same situation* 4ome o! the things that happened between my parents and in !act what happened in my mom1s side o! the !amily has le!t

some deep scars emotionally not only to me, but to my cousins as well* , understand that +sian parents want the best !or their parents and be success!ul and happy* 2hat is true and we should appreciate them !or that they care, but how they handle the situation is "ery wrong, causes resentment, and thus shatter !amilies* My dad is o/ and he will properly correct i! my brother had done something wrong, plus he lets us en6oy oursel"es, be with our !riends and so !orth (but is still strict**in a good way) but my mom is the issue***, can1t stand her !amily one bit, e5cept !or "ery !ew o! the !amily members there, these are the only people , pretty much lo"e* 2hey were the reason why , hated going to ,ndia this time* , !elt uncom!ortable in their presence and didn1t say much unless they weren1t there* C"ery time , did though, they inter!ered too much and perhaps, ma/e a scene out o! something that probably made my mom depressed because , am not li/e that* 2his is one reason why , hate being around them* C"ery , would only tal/ with other relati"es when they weren1t present, thus gi"ing the chance to impro"e my language s/ills as well* -ut it did raise a little suspicion among them o! why , was drawn bac/* ,t1s !unny because they thin/ , was drawn bac/ because , don1t /now the language and now my mom thin/s it1s because , didn1t learn when , was younger and complains that she will be blamed since , am not li/e those people in ,ndia* C"en i! , don1t spea/ it !luently, , could manage some con"ersations with them and the lo"e they gi"e encouragement that you /ind o! want to learn* +nd , was speci!ically told that , spea/ it "ery nicely and that , should come again and stay longer so , can gain !luency* +nd , actually was loo/ing !orward to it* 2he way they ta/e it ma/es you !eel welcomed and want to be close with them, but with my mom around and e"erything it1s di!!icult because o! the way she and her !amily is, that , !elt it did a!!ect my relationship with my dad1s side* 0hen we came bac/ !rom ,ndia , got scolded !or things that they would ne"er understand* Eor e5ample, , put on a sari !or the !irst time and had someone help me, and , learned how it wor/s* 2hen , get a slamming because :, didn1t /now how to put a sari on: and ne"er too/ initiati"e to learn:* ,t1s nothing li/e that, e"eryone will e"entually wear a sari and when they !eel ready to* , was told that person mentioned it to my mom and that1s what happened* (2his person portrays a common attitude seen there)* ,t really pissed me o!!* 2he part o! ,ndia my !amily is !rom, it1s "ery hard to deal with the people there (malayalees)* +t least ,1m not the only going through it* ,n college , met se"eral mallus and perhaps ,ndians in the same position as me, one girl in !act had it much worse and now her !amily are pretty much :strangers: to each other (i! you /now what , mean)* , wish we can get together and tal/ this out, this is the only place anyone can "ent out anything and ha"e people actually B,42C? without being hampered* , tried to ma/e my mom understand but she would not listen and would tal/ o"er me* ,1"e done se"eral things, %st , 6ust respect!ully /ept my mouth shut and say nothing, thin/ing maybe she would come to her senses and reali@e it* ?o change* 2hen , was suggested to tal/ bac/, tried it, but then she hampered on me saying :, don1t /now how to beha"e and , need lots o! coaching:* , don1t beha"e li/e that !or no reason and always treat people /indly and listen to them when they tal/ to me, so ,t1s ridicuously stupid* , 6ust !elt , had to do it and plus it made me aggra"ated so , !elt , needed to !ight bac/, but , don1t thin/ , did well on that* ?ow , am 6ust going to wal/ away when she starts such non#sense* ,:m waiting so , can at least get out and be independent and learn more on my own* , learn things better and independently, not when they are around* ,1m told that e"eryone has to learn CHCD329,?G !rom their mothers, e"en i! they learn on their own it1s no good* Eor e5ample, , learned the language on my own and en6oyed it personally !or me and , secretly did impro"e it 6ust to impress relati"es !or ne5t time when , go to ,ndia, but :it1s not good: because , didn1t really depend on my mom to learn !rom it* ,t1s ridiculous and , resent spea/ing the language to that side o! the !amily, e5cept maybe one or two* , do learn things better i! , learn mysel!, , ha"e a desire to learn a lot o! things, but , wouldn1t want to learn a lot o! things !rom them* ?ot the best in!luence* Plus it1s good so , learn not to depend on my parents on e"erything (unless it1s a MA42)* ,t1s no wonder all my cousins hate them,

the ones who were married are relie"ed they get to marry so they can a"oid much contact and they are luc/y they do* , ha"e to wait longer :(

On ?o" %L, 20%%, Ma6id wrote: ps*y<hotmail*de , would li/e to than/ my sister !or letting me EXc/ her, i ha"e a small dic/ and she didn1t laugh*

On ?o" 20, 20%%, >*B* wrote: 0ell, ,1m here to "ent some anger that , ha"e on my +sian parents* Bet1s see, where should , start8 2o start o!!, yes, , was physically and mentally abused, and yes, by both parents* +s , got older(,1m %$ now by the way), there are less physical and more mental abuse(,1m li/e &19 ahaha !uc/ing short asians parents better be intimidated)* C"erytime , do something that would upset my mom, she would throw those Hietnamese E bombs(3ou /now what , mean !or all you Hietnamese out there: >u ma, di cho, and what not) and at times she would e"en threaten to /ill me, or say something li/e regret gi"ing birth to me* 0hen , was younger, , used to get whipped by anything that my mom could !ind to whip me with* , would go to school with these :strange mar/s:, my teacher would say, and my e5cuse was*** :, !ell****: ?ow that ,1m older, and e"erytime that , get in trouble(!or some o! the stupidest shit), she would always bring up something li/e :3ou don1t care about your parents= you ungrate!ul=: (and you wonder why8) or :,n my house, e"eryone is damn respect!ul=: (li/e bitch, gi"e it a rest #*#) Eor my dad, , 6ust ha"e a grudge against him* My blood would rise e"en at the sight o! him* 2he reason !or this is because o! the beating that , used to get !rom him, and all degrading remar/s li/e :3ou la@y cow: or :0atch when you go to 9ar"ard* People are going to a"oid you because you1re !ilthy: 4ometimes, during these classic lectures, , would thin/ to mysel! :3ou1"e ne"er went to collegeR 0hy would you be tal/ing to me about this8: or sometimes when ,1m in a real good mood, ,1ll be thin/ing :0hy is this +sian guy screaming at me8:(, was born in Hietnam and mo"ed to Cali!ornia at the age o! L* 4o you can say ,1m a pretty !luent Cnglish spea/er with barely any Hietnamese in me* Plus both o! my parents only spea/ Hietnamese) -e!ore , ta/e my lea"e, , 6ust want to say that it had been a great a great %8 years with you, abusi"e mommy and daddy, but there1s a time in my li!e that , 6ust ha"e to wal/ away and ne"er loo/ at your repulsi"e !ace again*

Bo"e, despicably, >*B

p*s* ,1m sorry !or my poor grammar(i! there was any)* , didn1t bother to reread this* p*s*s Good luc/ to all my +sians and non +sians out there that are being neglected and abused* , hope your parents do not share the same !ate as mine*

On ?o" 2%, 20%%, -ig-ee wrote:

, /now e5actly where you guys are coming !rom* My parents are Hietnamese and ,1"e always been yelled and beat !or no reason* 2hey were e5tremely tough on me especially when it comes to 4C9OOB= , remember getting a C once in my Math class in &th grade* , got beat with a bamboo stic/ pretty bad* ?CHCD again did , get another C*

4tarting sophomore year o! high school , had enough* , couldn1t handle all the pressure my parents were putting on me*

4OBA2,O?: , !ound out that the only reason my parents were so hard and strict on me was because they >,> ?O2 understand what it was li/e to be a /id* ,nstead o! a"oiding them whene"er , got home !rom school , decided to do the opposite* , 2+BTC> to them alot more* ?O2 about school related stu!! but my personal li!e in general* ,t was hard at !irst but you ha"e to get used to it*

, opened up by as/ing about their childhood !irst* 0hat they went through, the memories they had, !riends they hung out with* +t !irst they1ll probably tell you that they busted their asses trying to sur"i"e, but the more they tal/ the more they1ll open up about their good memories too* 2hen you can start tal/ing about your li!e and what1s going on, but whate"er you do always try to a"oid tal/ing about 4C9OOB=

3our parents will not understand because they ne"er went to school, there!ore they do not share the same type o! childhood* +s a youngster, you ha"e to try and M+TC them understand* , began to open up alot with my parents and now we are closer than e"er*

0e e"en 6o/e about all the times they almost beat me to death o"er stupid shit that1s suppose to happen in a child1s e"eryday li!e* , used to want to pac/ my bags and run away, but , was always too much o! a chic/en shit* , really hope this helps you guys* ,t might not wor/, but it1s worth a try* -ut , guarantee you, that i! you at least put in some e!!ort to open up to your parents, you will be disappointed*

, made a "ideo on 3ou2ube 6o/ing about all this with my dad i! you guys would li/e to chec/ it out* Y)

,t1s called :Debellious +sian Tid:: http:77www*youtube*com7watch8"Y$J9C$uJy&Bs

Good luc/ e"erybody

On ?o" 2%, 20%%, 6m wrote: -ig-ee# OMG , cried !rom laughing= great "ideo, "ery creati"e= glad your dad has a good sense o! humor too* 2his is a positi"e e5pression and e"eryone can ha"e !un=

On ?o" 2;, 20%%, Tiran4harma wrote: 9ey e"erybody*** My name is Tiran 4harma, and , li"e in ,ndiana, P+* Bi/e most o! the writers on this thread, my parents are +sianR they are ,ndian, my !ather !rom ?ew >ehli, my mother !rom -angalore* , would say that my situation is not ideal, much li/e any o! yours* My mom, she constantly berates me !or being stupid, !or not being li/e all o! the other :good: indian /ids, and !or being !at* Eirstly, , am not stupid# , am in the top percentage o! my graduating class, and , get many remar/s !rom my teahcers, commending me on how intelligent , am* 4econdly, the other ,ndian /ids in our town are not good# they are wealthy, spoiled, bratty, and comparati"ely stupid, and the only reason that they are :good: is because their parents don1t yell at them, or hit them* Bastly, , am not !at* , will mention that , weigh a bit more than , probably should, but that is about L years o! emotional eating piled on a!ter my parent1s ?+423 di"orce* , was sad, and no one was there !or me*

, currently li"e with my mom* Bi/e mentioned be!ore, she berates me, blames me !or her problems, and hits me with "arious ob6ects around the time* , get the !act that she wants me to succeed in school, and ma/e good grades, and ha"e !riends, and ha"e !un, but her ideal o! a :per!ect: girl is something that does not wor/ !or me* 4he e5pects me to get +1s all the time, which in all honesty, isn1t hard, but it is not always possible* , ne"er understood why, since she doesn1t display any signs o! intelligence* My dad, on the other hand, is a remar/able success story !rom a "illage in ,ndia in the %9L0s, and has ; Masters, a P*h*>*, and has "arious articles published in prestigious papers throughout the world, and he is not strict, compared to my mother*

, was reading through your articles and , noticed a regularly occuring theme# MO?C3* 2he same goes !or my mother1s !amily# all they want is money, and the more they get, the more they want* 2hey ha"e had plans !or me to become a doctor, or a neurosurgeon, or whate"er* 0hen , decided to become an engineer, they were happyR probably because they thought they deser"ed a share o! my money* ,t is ,ndian custom to loo/ a!ter elders, but why would , want to loo/ a!ter mine8 +ll they1"e caused me was pain and su!!ering* 2hey don1t deser"e anything*

2o ma/e matters worse, , ha"e a brother, an intelligent one* 9e constantly /isses#up to my mother, so naturally, she !a"ors him* Pardon me i! ,1m real, but , don1t see why , ha"e to :worship: someone 6ust

to earn a material game at the end* , ha"e some dignity* Plus, he ma/es !un o! me, along with my mother***9ell, , tell you*

+lso, my mom treats me as i! ,1m a rebellious teenager* , ha"e ne"er gone out with !riends, and my cur!ew is probably $:00 p*m*, no 6o/e here* , spend my time doing all o! my homewor/, and occasional !aceboo/ing* ,1m pretty sure that she thin/s ,1m on drugs, and that , ha"e constant se5, and that , shopli!t merchandise***8 4he also thin/s that ,1m !at, which is why she M+TC4 me wor/out at our local gym e"ery day, regardless o! the amount o! homewor/ , ha"e, or the e5ams that , ha"e to ta/e tomorrow* 4he also puts me down constantly* ,! , bring home a - on an e5am, she1ll approach the topic sa!ely, and no yelling will ta/e place* Bater in the night, she1ll scream her head o!!, and tell me that , will be wor/ing at Mc>onald1s or -urger Ting when , grow up, when my !ather tells me that , will be achie"ing great things when , am older*

+ll o! my teachers consider my mother to be a martyrR a battered, bra"e woman who escaped a man1s clutches, when , /now that that is a lie* ,1"e seen her in court* 4he was nasty* , remember my 8th grade 9istory teacher telling her that she was :commendable as a mother:, and , was li/e, :9ell no* 9e doesn1t /now what she is:* , thin/ that ,1ll be spea/ing to one o! my guidance counselors shortly, because , cannot handle a stress!ul mother, a bratty brother, and a whole schedule o! +P and ad"anced classes at one time# ,1"e ne"er contemplated suicide, though*

9ope this helps* , cried reading your stories*

On ?o" 2;, 20%%, Tiran4harma wrote: Just a side note to my pre"ious article: 0hen , see other parents with their children, , cry inside* 2hey are so nice, and the children tal/ about how nice their parents are* ,1ll admit, my parents always ma/e sure that , recie"e the best schooling, the most e5pensi"e clothing, and the latest technology, but they won1t understand when , say ,1m unhappy, or i! a sub6ect is hard and , can1t understand a thing* , go to my bathroom, sit on the toilet, and cry because , /now that , didn1t deser"e any o! this* , always loo/ to the ceiling, and as/ God why a!ter L years o! crying, he hasn1t done anything yet, through my tears* 0hen he sees me getting hit with a broom, or getting slapped, he doesn1t do anything* 4ometimes, , !eel that God doesn1t e5ist, e"en though , am not an atheist* ?o one /nows about this, but its time that they did*

On ?o" 28, 20%%, pissy wissy wrote: ,1m sure e"eryone has gotten themsel"es into a situation where i! they got -1s on their report card, then a !ew hours o! how your such a piece o! shit and why you didn1t do better, by your parents* 2hen your probably !orced to print out o"er a do@en moc/ !inal e5ams using your own goddamn printer, then

!inishing them all in a day, two tops* , ha"e no idea i! this stupid tactic wor/s on other people, but it certainly doesn1t ma/e me smarter* 4o !ar the only thing it1s been doing is grow resentment towards my parents, dad especially* My mother has a small /inder side and /nows when the abuse is too !ar, but i /now shes scared to cross sides when my dad goes on a rampage which /ind o! disgusts me !or some reason* My sister is on the same boat with my mother, since ,1m usually the one to get my ass "erbally beat down by threats o! brea/ing all my things and ne"er lea"ing the house e5cept !or school (which is /ind o! happening already) and then cutting my power to my room until he calms down* Buc/ily that hasn1t happened when i had some big pro6ects coming up* +nd they always bring up the :!uture card: when , say my grades are !ine, where they always say ,1ll wor/ as a (no 6o/e) garbage man pic/ing up shit in the par/ with the grades , ha"e* , personally belie"e my grades (mostly +1s and a !ew -1s) would get me a descent enough 6ob to get the !uc/ out o! my parent1s house and hope to ne"er see them again* , don1t e"en ha"e a !uc/ing social li!e, ,1m not that good at sports and my dad thin/s ,1ll be smo/ing pot or ma/ing someone else1s /id turn out to be a bum on the street* 0hats got me con"inced is the only reason that parents, or mine in particular want me to ha"e a high#paying career, is so they can as/ !or money whene"er they want and loathe o!! o! me* , don1t /now about you but , thin/ that1s some grade + -ullshit smothered with other shit li/e, we1re 6ust doing whats best !or you* More li/e you want !uc/ing money !rom my poc/et when ,1m older* 2he !irst thing ,1m gonna do out in the world, is get the hell out o! my parent1s house, possibly another country where i can li"e there with a !ew part#times till , can !igure mysel! out in the new world*

On >ec 9, 20%%, >emonstructor wrote: Child abuse is a nightmare we are 6ust wa/ing up !rom* 2he history o! childhood is a situation where the poor little soul goes through hell purely !or the sa/e o! adult(e#rated) concepts such as suc(/)cess, car#eer, and other bulls#hit commonly spouted by cra@y parents bent on e5tracting as much 6uice (blood8) out o! their younger ones as is (in)humanly possible* +sians ha"e a bad habit o! treating their /idsters li/e a piece o! shit* Particularly, Pa/istani parents slap, /ic/, pummel and hit their children li/e there1s no tomorrow* +nd when these sel!same children grow up into indi!!erent adults and treat their parents a little o!!handedly the result is -ollywood !ilms li/e :-aghban: with +mitabh -achan1s stupid pompous speech about ungrate!ul o!!spring* 2he -ig - !orgets that there must ha"e been some loose strings le!t behind or at least a nut or two loose in order !or such ingratitude to mani!est itsel!* ,ndia is no better than Pa/istan in its appalling children rights abuse record* My parents abused me (my mother po/ed my thigh with a sharpened pencil so that the blood oo@ed !rom the puncture, one day she !orced me to eat an apple thrown in a bin, then she hit me so hard with a slipper that it le!t me with welts on my body !or daysR as !or daddy dearest he actually had the chut@pah to hit me on my !ace with a slipper, and he also hit me se"eral times with his hands on my !ace a day a!ter , had tried to commit suicide* Erom all this you can well imagine , am obese # ;00 pounds # and bipolar # ta/ing 4erenace7Temadrin and Cpi"al today at the age o! ;8* ,t hardly comes as a surprise a!ter the horrible teenage and bitter, pain#!illed young adulthood o! lost dreams and !rustrated li"ing*) 4mall wonder that all the suicide bombers come !rom this region* 0hen you sow the wind you reap the whirlwind* ,t will ta/e a hyper#real sel!#analysis to erase the wounds and scars sustained by a generation torn and bleeding mentally, emotionally and o! course***physically*

On >ec %0, 20%%, anonimous wrote:

im 22 still li"e with my parents not because o! choice but because i ha"e no choice i! i le!t they would beat me up, pride means e"erything to my asian parents they don1t e"en care about the /ids and lo"e to them is !ood and clothes***my parents emotionally abuse us /ids and beat us up !or stupid things li/e tal/ing to a boy they e"en ma/e us !eel suicidal at times with their stupid rules****

On >ec %0, 20%%, +sian>ad wrote: anonimous,

Mo"e out* ,! your parents physically pre"ent you !rom doing so, call police !or help*

On >ec %%, 20%%, anonymous% wrote: , am so glad that , am not the only person who !eels this way7been through this* +t one point and time , almost committed suicide(my mother bro/e the door/nob and got in***+nd, the !unny thing is that , am a good /id* , don1t do drugs7 alcohol* , ha"e a car yet , always get home by ;:;0 (or later depending upon school acti"ities)* , ha"e no !riends (more li/e a.uaintance(s)), because she thin/s they are a distraction !rom my studies (e"en though , made all +1s when , did ha"e !riends she still constantly calls me stupid and ugly' )* 4omehow e"eryday she terrori@es me* , still /now , lo"e her (deep insideR li/e when she dies, , will probably cry), but right now , really 6ust want to wait until the day , get out (not !or !reedom or partying or anything li/e that , 6ust want to get away !rom her)*

On >ec %8, 20%%, 5anadu wrote: ;rd gen diaspora indian mi5ed chinese and i /now what you mean (though i dont e5perience the absolute !ull e5tent)

On >ec %8, 20%%, 5anadu wrote: and marrying a blac/ muslim is li/e the worst thing u can do

though i ha"e rebelled by !antasising about malcolm 5

no srsly i! he were still ali"e id shotgun marry him

On >ec 2$, 20%%, Mahagony wrote:

,t suc/s to be +sian* C"ery single day when my dad gets home !rom wor/, the !irst thing he says is: >id you study8 9e pays a tutors ;0 dollars a stin/ing hour 6ust to !uc/ing tutor me* My +sian parents ma/es me study at least & hours a day during the wee/end* ,1m li/e, it1s the !uc/ing wee/end, can1t , 6ust ha"e some !un and study only !or li/e two hours8 +nd i! , don1t do it, , get no dinner and yelled at !or !uc/ing %0 minutes straight* +long with my laptop being ta/en away when , didn1t e"en !uc/ing use it* ,t1s realistic that you want us to go !ar in li!e and succeed, but you don1t ha"e to /ill us* 0hat , hate about this world is, people who do absolutely nothing at all and ha"e li!e easy gets whate"er they want, yet us +sians, who wor/ their !uc/ing asses o!! along with ha"ing to deal with all this drama, get little to nothing* , personally ha"e nothing* 0hen , do get something good in li/e a certi!icate or something, they don1t seemed satis!ied # at all*

O"er L0U o! the people in this world are +sian, , truly !eel bad !or them all* ,t1s 6ust something that will ma/e our society a terrible community to li"e among* , truly wish there was a way to ma/e +sian parents reali@e that there1s more to it then 6ust going !ar in li!e, respecting elders, etc* -ut there 6ust too arrogant to, especially southern +sians*

On Jan %, 20%2, .wertypop wrote: treat your shit parents li/e you world treat shit* a!terall probably more shit than parents' they are hardly parents* in !act they are

i"e been abused since i ws !i"e years old* weather it would be with a belt, punches, or doing a controlled drowning on me* went to a !osterhome later but now i am bac/ with my parents* tbh thiings are practically the same and i too ha"e e5perienced the things you ha"e* i! your parents say things to you that ma/e you !eel similarly to some o! the !eelings presented in the posts abo"e dont let it a!!ect you * they are worse than the smelliest o! human !eces and are nothing but tools* use the tools to put you through colledge and pro"ide u with !ood etc**dont let their mental abuse a!!ect you* i /now my parents are short sighted retards li/ some o! yours and i! they decide to go usephysical !orce upon you your going to get hurt so call the cops or something* i! this isnt a option isolate yoursel! !rom your so called parents* but really call the cops* pressing three buttons on a phone and "iooolaaa* i! your stuc/ with your abusi"e parents dont ta/e any shit !rom them as you ha"e already ta/en enough* and i! you grow up and decide to ha"e /ids be a good parent !or yoursel! and your child*

so@ !or choppy sentences etc im typing this on a centry old computer* # a /id li/e you btw i am %; yrs ol* not sure why i !eel entitled to shre that piece o! in!o with u bt we

On Jan %, 20%2, .wertypop wrote: abo"e

On Jan %, 20%2, .wertypop wrote: happy new year

On Jan %, 20%2, .wertypop wrote: its up to you

On Jan 2, 20%2, /itty wrote: 9ey ,1m Japanese and , don1t e5hibit this type o! beha"ior !rom my parents* 2his isn1t only an :+sian Parent: issue* Many o! my !riends are subse.uent to bad parenting* My Dussian !riend has probably the strictest parents you could e"er 29,?T o!* 4he is literally li"ing nonstop boot camp* C"ery day !or her is cloc/wor/ and there is no :slipping up:* 4he has ne"er in her li!e got to hang out with her !riends* 4he has CV+C2B3 ;0 minutes o! !ree time to hersel! e"ery day* 4he gets straight +s and is in +P classes* 9er situation 6ust pro"es that it1s 6ust parents in general* +sian parents may be more susceptible to this /ind o! wic/ed beha"ior but please don1t thin/ our :/ind: is only sub6ected to it, and that there are always situations worse than yours* ,t1s horrible parenting and stupid !amily customs* 4ee/ pro!essional help* 2eachers, trusted !riends, lo"ed ones* -ecause, you see, parents can get away with mentally abusing their children* Physical abuse is a whole other ball game*

On Jan 8, 20%2, ebc wrote: Antil this wee/ , thought that , was luc/y enough to ha"e +sian parents, who doesnt beat their /ids seriously, at least they ha"e ne"er beaten me since ,1m the girl* 0ell, then it happened a!ter all* , wanted to go out this wee/ although ,1"e a signi!icant e5am ne5t wee/* 4ince ,1"e choosen a .uite hard study at college, it1s o/ !or them when , don1t pass e"ery sub6ect at %st attempt (my parents are not that strict about grades, +7-7C(sometimes, depends on the sub6ect) are acceptable)* +nd , /now , won1t pass this e5am anyway so*** My mom got e5tremely mad a!ter hearing my plans that she started to yell at me and smash ob6ects* , was so shoc/ed that , ga"e in a!ter some time but remained sitting to stare at her angrily* +ll o! a sudden she dashed against me and beat me up with her hands and !eet li/e a !ury* , was and ,1m still shoc/ed, traumatised, disappointed but mostly hurt inside and outside a!ter this* C"erytime it comes to my mind , can1t stop the tears* , ne"er ha"e imagined that sth , see and read about in the media could happen to me too***and that done by my own mother* ?ow she 6ust doesnt understand why ,1m a"oiding her and don1t tal/ to her anymore* 4he e5pect me7us to be bac/ to normal again* , tried to e5plain to her this physical punishment issue, that one isn1t allowed to beat the /ids, no matter what etc* -ut she 6ust doesn1t get it* O/, she did apologi@e !or in6uring me but she de!ends it with: i! she wouldn1t ha"e done that , would ha"e gone out and neglected my study, and , need e"ery minute !or ma/ing progress in my study***bahblahblah (,1m sure you1re all !amiliar with

these /ind o! phrases)* 3es, , admit it was !oolish o! me to go out be!ore e5ams and maybe it1s really good that she stopped me***but li/e that8= 4ometimes ,1m a stubborn child so ,1m hard to stop, when , planned sth* 4o now she thin/s that she taught me the lesson that , should ne"er try to go out be!ore e5ams again as long as , li"e under her roo! by punching and cursing me* Eor me, howe"er, it1s not about this going#out, at some points she is right* ,t1s about the beating#part, !or me* ,1m deeply hurt inside and , don1t /now how long ,1ll need to be able to !orgi"e her,e"en though she apologi@ed* 2his side o! her really scared me to death* 4he 6ust doesn1t get it* +re +sian parents so emotionally damaged7unaware8

On Jan 9, 20%2, Doo wrote: Cbc , thin/ it1s "ery easy to sympathise with someone but not !ully understand the e!!ect things ha"e on them without e5periencing it yoursel!* ,t1s "ery easily done, you can thin/ yeah it happened to them and , !eel bad !or them, but then you !orget it thin/ing it won1t happen to you*

One thing you will understand !airly .uic/ly is don1t try to teach them what1s right and wrong, shut up, apologise and let them calm down* Dun away and use studying as an e5cuse to ma/e them lea"e you alone* 0ell that1s what ,1"e been doing !or a while now and ,1m %L :)

On Jan 9, 20%2, ebc wrote: 0ow, it seems to me that :than/s: to their education strategy you1"e all become .uite strong personalities* , guess ,1m on my way to that direction too*** -ut !or me this process starts, in comparison to you, !airly late* ,1m already %8* Ps*: shutting up doesn1t really wor/ in my case* she 6ust doesn1t stop complaining that , don1t !eel li/e tal/ing to her anymore* she wants us to be !riends again blahblahblah*** that1s so bugging*

On Jan 9, 20%2, Doo wrote: Cbc ,t1s o/ay, di!!erent people :adapt: in di!!erent ways and time* ?ot all parents are e5actly the same either* Eor you to ha"e gone a good deal o! your li!e with alright parents, 6ust remember how luc/y that seems in comparison to those whose parents ha"e dictated their !uture !rom the day they were born*

, hope you stay strong and become a good person in the !uture (not saying ur a bad person or anything now lol) , thin/ people with harsh parents are more mature than those their age, not cos they want to be or are naturally, cos o! their home en"ironment which !orced them* , !ind it sometimes annoying when my !riends moan about how mean their parents are !or grounding them, compared to mine, they actually ha"e a li!e* -ut , got to remember they don1t actually /now what it1s li/e to ha"e strict, pressuring parents and that1s not their !ault*

3ou will become someone independent and will hope!ully learn !rom this !or a better !uture and relationship with your /ids*

On Jan 9, 20%2, Day6/ wrote: Bet1s see**** ,1m pretty much ha"ing the e5act same thing, but my parents don1t stop a!ter an hourR they1ll call me up multiple times to bring up the e5act same sub6ect* One day , 6ust got so !ed up***** ,t1s li/e drin/ing water* 3ou /now how to do it and it1s not a problem* , hear her shouting at me e"eryday and it1s become li/e eating and drin/ing* ,1m not saying that ma/es the !eeling o! my mom being an asshole any better*but it1s sad**** 9ow many times that you ha"e tO do or listen to someone !or it to become a habit* , really !elt with the ones who wanted out****** , 6ust can1t sur"i"e on my own so , can1t lea"e this damn house* , really 6ust thin/ about dying*** , !eel li/e it would be so much easier than this bullshit o! a li!e* 4aying shit about me is so damn encouraging* , de!ine !ly want to wor/ harder when , hear that shit #*# 2he only thing , loo/ toward is getting the !uc/ out o! this house * Currently %L +nd wants to get the !uc/ out o! this shit hole* , read an article that it1s not child abuse but >iscipline* EACT 29+2 49,2 49C >OC4?12 /now what it1s li/e to be !uc/ing beat== +nd wow my mom came into my room !or the Sth time in a row to bitch* ,1m so !uc/ing tired* 2he main reason , want to die is to !uc/ing haunt her till she dies* 2hat1s how , show my hate !or the bitch* , Can1t call her mom #_# 0ell , 6ust want to get out o! this hell hole and li"e my own li!e* 4he says , li"e my own >+M? li!e* 4he ma/es me do whate"er the !uc/ she wants and says that ,1m li"ing my li!e8 ,! , could li"e my own damn li!e , wouldn1t be in the same Continet as the bitch

On Jan %0, 20%2, Doo wrote: , don1t call it li!e, , call it a dictatorship in which we are robots that aren1t allowed to ha"e opinions or !eelings* C"en ,1d , committed suicide it wouldn1t ma/e a di!!erence* C"ery con"ersation with my dad is an argument, and ,1m so used to it that it 6ust goes through one ear and out the other* -ut , as/ mysel! why should , put up with this8 -ut , dony /now the answer* 2hing is , can1t rebel, ,1m !inancially dependent on my parents #*#

On Jan %2, 20%2, +@nBi!e wrote: , !eel li/e i can relate to e"erybody here, i ha"e thought countless times o! .uitting the world because i am !ed up with my parents always telling me how i will ne"er go anywhere in li!e, i will be homeless when i grow up, and how my attitude towards school should be grate!ul and i should embrace it***i do all my homewor/ and i study !or all my tests, when i ma/e a - on a test they tell me that i didn1t study enough e"en though i tried my best* 0hene"er i begin to ha"e a little !un my parents remind me that i dont put enough e!!ort and i ha"e to go abo"e and beyond e"erybody else to pre"ent mysel! !rom li"ing on the streets, teetering !rom a - to an + to them means i am doing bad and i slac/ too much, when i said school was tiring, my parents began to as/ me what am i going to do because i am not doing anything with my li!e and how i only play games, i thin/ they should be .uiet until they ha"e been in my shoes and e5perienced what i e5perience e"eryday***

On Jan %2, 20%2, Bi!e4uc/s wrote: the only moti"ation i ha"e is to get the hell out o! this house and grow up and come bac/ and stic/ my middle !inger up high, too bad its still a !ew years away***cant do that yet w7o being able to support mysel! %00U

On Jan %;, 20%2, Doo wrote: Please don1t thin/ o! re"enge against your parents or see a !uture getting bac/ at them* 0hat /ind o! a Person does that ma/e you8 0hat your parents put you through is not right, and i /now how much you want to get away !rom it all* 4eriously , do, cos , ha"e the !ull pac/age when it comes to +sian parents* -ut they can1t see li!e and education as rela5ed as we can because o! how they were brought up* 2ry reading this thing called :understanding +sian parents: on this site* ,t may change how you "iew your parents and the reasons !or why you want a di!!erent !uture* 3ou want to do well in the !uture not !or them, but !or yoursel! :)

On Jan %S, 20%2, .@89 wrote: i ha"e a !riend**a best !riend i e"er ha"e**how i can say it: his !ather is not a good !ather, sometime his !ather do something bad at him, so in early childhood he is /inda de"ious /id, but then he meet his sal"ation, + cartoon, yes= he !ind his happiness there, i thin/ e"eryone already /now about the PXXXMon and >XXXMon, yup, this animation !rom 6apan, since then he change, he start to draw, buy comic li/e >XXXXXball, then he became ota/u, later, he became a !riend with me, then we became closer, then i started to /now about his childhood, a!ter i hear his story, i thin/ his see/ sal"ation, so he can sur"i"e, there is 2 people in this world, the one who desperate to li"e and the one who scare to li"e, so which one are you8

On Jan %&, 20%2, 2he4py wrote: ugh**** , am actually hal!#blac/, hal!#asian, and it does suc/ to ha"e an asian parent sometimes, though , do /now that they are loo/ing out !or me* ,ts e"en worse when they1re arrogant, belie"e me* My mother lo"es to en!orce rules on me, and is essentially 6ust a la@y person in general* 4he always berates me !or my grades, 6ust b7c , messed up during my !reshman year in high school (i1m a 6unior now, and am recei"ing all +1s and % -I)* +nd the way she tells me to do something is so oppressing and condescending (e5* Bi/e, :3ou may (action to be e5ecuted):)* +nd many times, she ne"er than/s me, and , ha"e to as/ her* ,t 6ust suc/s actually, and though its in my best interest, it 6ust annoys the crap out o! me* +nd 6ust imagine what she says when she yells at me (hint: ,1m part blac/, so its /inda easy)*

On Jan %9, 20%2, 6ustanotherstory wrote: ,1m 6ust here to share my e5periences and tell you guys a bit about mysel!* ,1m currently %$, in high school* My parents ha"e ne"er beat me, ne"er caused me physical trauma* -ut their "erbal abuse is worse than any harm they can cause to me physically* ,t1s worse than any !orm o! rape, no pain can measure up to what psychological trauma they cause me* ,1m not here to blame them, it1s not their !ault !or being raised in China, where the society causes it1s youth to grow up close minded and teaches people compassion is a show o! wea/ness* , can1t remember a time when , was truly happy, perhaps happiness 6ust aren1t meant !or some* 2hey tell me on a regular basis that ,1m a !ailure, that they 6ust want be to get out o! their house, that why can1t , be li/e other Chinese children and bring home 9&s in e"ery course* 2hey may not mean it, but o"er time, it grows on you, and e"ery time , hear them say that a little bit o! me dies inside* 2hey ha"e ne"er once told me they lo"e me, nor ha"e they e"er held me close and com!orted me when , had a bad day* ,t !eels li/e they only care about my grades, ne"er anything else* ?o, ,1m not dumb, , do not ha"e a mental de!iciency* My ,] is well abo"e a"erage, my teachers tell me , ha"e great potential, that , will be able to do anything , set my mind to* +lmost* +t school what people see is a happy, attracti"e, intelligent male, albeit rather shy* 0hat most o! them don1t see is care!ully hidden behind a mas/ built on years o! lies* , want to be a girl* , ha"e since ,1"e been ; years old* ,t was only until recently that , learned male to !emale transitions are possible that , embraced the sli"er o! hope , one day may be what , truly am (, /now, sound cheesy, deal with it)* , guess you can say ,1m a realist* My only regret is that , told my parents* 2hey remained silent, they didn1t get angry, only disappointed (Chinese people pre!er sons o"er daughters)* ,1m not particularly masculine, , disli/e sports, hated the way my male !riends would always insult each other, and are repulsed by the way humans treat animals (not to mention each other)* My parents hated it* 2hey /eep telling themsel"es that :it1s 6ust a phase: and :he1ll grow out o! it: and told me to /eep telling mysel! that :,1m a boy: and e"entually ,1ll stop wanting to be a girl* 2hey worst part is when they put a hea"y emphasis when calling me :son: and say stu!! li/e :oh how great it is to ha"e a son: with !alse sincerity* ,t /illed my little sli"er o! hope and , became really depressed* ,1d rather pre!er to be

physically raped then su!!er the mental abuse , was recei"ing* +t this point my grades began slipping, , would at times lapse into depression where , become uninterested in e"erything* , o!ten lie in bed at night and wonder :why me8:* 0hy this mis!ortune ha"e to !all upon me* 0hat did , do to deser"e this8 2his usually ends with me crying mysel! to sleep* -ut my parents didn1t care* +t school and in public , ha"e to /eep mysel! !rom crying when , see a couple hugging and /issing and /now that , will ne"er be that girl* , would ne"er ha"e a guy hold and cuddle me and tell me that he lo"es me* 0hen , get home , would go up to my room, slam my door and lie on my bed and cry* -ut my parents didn1t care* +ll they cared about were my grades* ,t doesn1t matter i! ,1m stuc/ in the wrong body, it doesn1t matter i! ,1m depressed, hell, it wouldn1t e"en matter to them i! , got cancer, or got into a car accident* +s long as , brought home 9&s* ,t /illed me* My depression would grow worse and worse and , began cutting mysel!* , hated my li!e* , hated my parents* , hated this stupid society , li"e in* C"en in a country li/e Canada such close#mindedness and abuse e5ists* C"en i! , will only be able to li"e !or %0 years as a !emale, ,1d trade my li!e !or it* , began to ha"e suicidal thoughts* -ut e"en in my miserable li!e , ha"e one bright ray o! sunshine in it* My 9 year old sister* , lo"e her more than anything in the world* ,1d gi"e my li!e !or her* 2he thought o! being able to see her e"eryday ma/es me happy* 2o see her innocent smile, undiluted by the e"ils o! society and the /ind o! parents we ha"e /eeps me !rom /illing mysel!* -ut one day, that smile will !ade, she will be corrupted* Out parents will crush her hopes and dreams 6ust as they ha"e crushed mine* , donMNOPOQt blame them, they donMNOPOQt /now any better* , hope , will be strong enough to be around until then to /eep her sa!e and happy* Gi"e her the li!e , ne"er had or will ha"e* Or perhaps , will be strong enough to lea"e her and this li!e behind*

2han/s !or reading that* , 6ust want you to /now that whate"er troubles you ha"e is nothing compared to what , ha"e su!!ered* 2hat you ha"e a !uture, li"e, breath, laugh* Cn6oy it* Perhaps one day a!ter ,MNOPOQm gone, my sister will be able to read this and understand* 3ouM NOPOQre always in my heart*

On Jan %9, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <6ustanotherstory , can relate to that* Eor a period o! time, , wished , had been born male because , thought ,1d be more "aluable to my parents as male since ,1m the oldest o! all my siblings*

On Jan 20, 20%2, Doo wrote: , too wanted to be a boy when , was younger, , !elt my parents would be more proud o! me and let me socialise more* Plus it1s li/e they are trying to con"ert me into a boy by persuading me to not li/e girly things, wear 6eans all the time, no s/irts7dresses and absolutely no boys in my li!e*** 0hich /inda hurts cos it suggests they dont accept me !or who i am and constantly remind me the di!!erence in treatment between male and !emale*

On Jan 22, 20%2, Jee@louiseV> wrote: 9iya, 0ell today is Chinese ?ew 3ear C"e and !or my !amily we are great procrastinators o! cleaning because e"eryone is so busy* 2his entire wee/end was spent scrubbing !loors, washing toilets, etc* 9owe"er, my mom made e"erything in my li!e a total rec/ li/e she has been doing !or years* ,ts the wee/end and o! course , won1t wa/e up at !i"e in the morning to help clean* ,1m in college and , wa/e up at si5 e"eryday 6ust to ma/e it to college which is an hour away !rom my home* , ?CC> 4BCCP=

Continued ##^ ,n any case, the !irst thing she does is yell***at me, sister, dad, e"en the dog, which is a scarred little Pomeranian* 2his goes on !or hours* 4he blames whome"er is closer to her about how things need to be clean, how we ma/e it dirty, that we bro/e e"erything*

,n !act, she and my dad is the type to drop o!! things in random places and lea"e it there !or months* 2hey loose it and yell at my sister or me to go !ind it***i! we ta/e to long they yell louder* One time my dad yelled at my boy!riend and blamed him !or stealing this 6ade bracelet he /ept downstairs* 9owe"er, a !ew months later, he !inds it in his room* AG9===

Continued ##^ 4o a!ter a whole day o! cussing at her under my breath, , e5plode* 4he was currently yelling at me because my boy!riend, whom , had not seen all wee/end, wanted to ta/e me to go get something my mom had as/ed to buy a !ew wee/s ago* 4he thin/s the only use o! a boy!riend is a chue!!er and !or money* My boy!riend tells me that this would gi"e us a pri"ilege to ma/e her :happy: (which is impossible) and !or us to get at least an hour together* 2his in turn ends up with her screaming her head o!!* 4he e5claims that my boy!riend can go buy whate"er she needed by himsel! and that , did not need to go* +gain, she thin/s o! him as a :pi@@a deli"ery boy: (actual words), that his only e5istence is to deli"er and pay* , tell her that , need to go with him because he had 6ust sent money to his own mother so that she can go to ,ndia* 0hat my mom said ne5t P,44C> MC OEE***:4o what1s the point o! dating him i! he doesn1t ha"e money*: ,t wasn1t a 6o/e, it wasn1t something that any one could laugh about* +nd here is the part , blow up***/inda* , calmly (, swear on my li!e) told her that

she did not need to yell at any one, especially on the day be!ore Chinese ?ew 3ear* 4he went upstairs, screeched at me, and too/ my phone and my laptop (0+,2 EOD ,2) and when , started telling her its no use yelling on Chinese ?ew 3ear C"e, she pulled me, pushed my down the stairs, , hit the banister, she again pulls me attempting to push me down the second !light o! stairs, hits me7/ic/s me, and pull my hair* 2han/ god my sister started to yell at her too and stopped my mom !rom /illing me* , am 20 and a!ter so many years o! getting yelled at, the only thing , can do is yell bac/ !or only so long be!ore , start cowering and crying* 4he continues to yell at me howe"er, stating that , will ne"er be able to see my boy!riend e"er again blah* 0e ha"e been together !or !our years and she has used that e5cuse e"ery single day* 0hat also ma/es me mad is that my dad !ound nothing wrong !rom this* , was trying to e5plain to him that she did all those things, but he in turn blamed me !or my predicament* 4igh***li!e is hard when it comes to +sian parents*

, do not drin/, smo/e, do drugs, or party* , get decent grades too* -ut li/e most people said be!ore in the older blogs, it doesn1t matter* 0e can do the best we can do, but that is ne"er enough* , once got an +I in a hard class, but in turn my dad said, :0hy didn1t you get +II8: My parents treat me li/e dirt* Bi/e , chose to drin/, smo/e, do drugs, and party* , thought countless times when , was as young as eight whether or not to /ill mysel!* 0hat /ind o! /id at eight thin/s about /illing themsel"es8 +pparently one who has parents li/e mine* 2he only ad"ice that , can gi"e to those who ha"e !aced situations li/e mine is to /eep mo"ing !orward* Eind a !unny little blog thing li/e this one and 6ust "ent* 2here are millions o! other people 6ust li/e us* +lso, go to a counselor* Just tal/ it out with them* ,t is good to ha"e someone who wants to listen to you and not critici@e you !or how you thin/* +nd !or those whose parents ban them !rom ha"ing a social li!e or a boy!riend7girl!riend, ha"e one any way* , was banned, but , went ahead and had one anyway* , met a guy who lo"es me and gi"es me the care that , need whene"er my parents yell at me* +ctually, , still ha"en1t told him about today, but , de!initely will since , /now he will be there !or me* ,! , had listen to my parents , would ha"e ne"er met my soulmate* 3es, , mean soulmate, he gets yelled at and used by my parents, but he is one o! those strong ones that understand its them and not me and will tough it through until the "ery end* 2he thing is, it will end* 3ou will grow up, li"e your li!e and decide the person you want to be* C5* My parents want me to be a pharmacist***, changed my ma6or to business without telling them* 2hat1s the power o! growing up*

On Jan 2;, 20%2, carolinecQdcef wrote: im asian* my mother and !ather do not hit me they are lo"ing and /ind parents that care !or me* my mum and dad disli/e parents that hurt there children* they thin/ it is wrong and in!luences them to be "iolent to there /ids when they are older* i! i do something ob"iousley i will get shouted at but the only hit that i would get would be a tap on my hand which did not hurt me and they /new it would not hurt* im grate!ul to ha"e parents li/e this* not all asians parents hurt their /ids, dont get me wrong alot o! them do, but not all parents are the same*

On Jan 2S, 20%2, candyapplesDsweet wrote:

i am %% years old and am in the Lth grade * the worst grade i ha"e e"er got is a $&U* remember that* today i came home with an 8%Uscience .ui@* i* was* in* hell* no, i !elt worse , yes , but this one 6ust stang a little bit more* i! i got anything lower they would be on my case* my brother mentally and sometimes physically abuses me* when my parents yell at me i cry* not because ,1M sad but bcu@ im not good enough !or them* i had it since Sth grade, when my bro entered high school, i ha"e considered suicide* but then i thin/ o! e"erybodyR my parents(they still lo"e me ), my best !riend, my cousins, my secret (/inda) boy!riend* they would be sad* and i am hindu and i acti"ely belie"e in god* i wonder, i! i did commit sucicide, would i go to hell8 my parents lo"e me, i /now* and trust me, i /now how to ma/e my dad (sorta) !orgi"e me* but my mom ta/es !ore"er to paci!y, but still, i /now they lo"e me* i am ugly and !at,or apparently so i only thin/ it*im healthy weight, wich to me is E+2=== so i! ur considereing sucide, >O?2 do it, thin/ about the ones u lo"e and who lo"e you*

On Jan 2S, 20%2, ^a wrote: , got one bad grade on a math .ui@ and my dad !rea/ed and compared me to all his other indian !riends1 daughters who are so smart and ugghhhh pissed******btw# reading all these problems ma/es me !eel better and helped me stop crying****than/s

On Jan 2$, 20%2, wish!ul wrote: , !eel li/e all o! us should band together and lead a re"olt against our +sian parents* C"eryday, it is mental and physical abuse* , !eel li/e , am not good enough and should 6ust disappear* ,1m 6ust not per!ect an so sorry that , am not* My grades, my loo/s, my weight, my height, the way , write, the way , sit and stand, and e"erything else about me, they hate* , am the oldest o! three and it seems li/e , 6ust get all o! the abuse* , get !ine grades, , loo/ a"erage and healthy, and , act healthy* ,t1s always me, oh how they hate me* 0ords always comes with blood and scars* -amboo stic/s !rom China, meter stic/s, belts, shoes, te5tboo/s, umbrellas, and whate"er they can get their hands on, are all used to hit me or to chuc/ at me* 2hey ha"e me /neel in !ront o! them while , get battered by them* ,t ne"er ends, it happens e"eryday !or hours* On top o! that, my parent don1t e"en recogni@e that what they are doing is considered abuse* 0hen , try to tell them that it is, this is what the say, :+-A4C8== 29,4 ,4 +-A4C8=== 29,4 ,4 >,4C,PB,?C== ,E , >O?12 >O 29,4 29+? 3OA1BB ?CHCD -C PCDECC2=== ,E 29,4 ,4 +-A4C, 093 >O?12 3OA GC2 OA2 OE M3 9OA4C +?> >,C8=== 9A98== 093 >O?12 3OA GC2 29C COP48=== 9A98==: , seriously ha"e been thin/ing about contacting the police, but , am not sure i! they will belie"e me* 0hen they are outside o! the house, they act all sweet and lo"ing to complete strangers* 2he put on what , call a :mas/:* 2o them, , am nothing but a test animal so that my siblings could ha"e a better !uture* ,! they had to /ill someone, , would be !irst on their list* ,! , li"e to the age o! when , am able to get a 6ob, , will ha"e to spend the rest o! my li!e gi"ing money bac/ to them !or all the money they spent on me* , ha"e !riends but , ha"en1t told anything to them, e"en when , would go to school sobbing* , am a!raid that they will lea"e me i! , told them something troublesome, and that they will thin/ that , am cra@y because my parents seem li/e angels to them* 9ow , hate being +sian*

On Jan 2$, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote:

<wish!ul , understand that you1re only saying it, but count me out* Most o! our parents are at least in their S01s by now* ,t1s pointless to try and ta/e re"enge* 0hy don1t you thin/ about itR they ha"e, gi"e or ta/e, S0 years le!t to li"e* 0hy should , waste another S0 years o! my li!e trying to ta/e re"enge when , already wasted S8 ,t1s 6ust wasted e!!ort, wasted energy* ,n the end, you1re the one who will get hurt the mostR you1ll be the one to su!!er more than your parents* 3ou1re already miserable, why would you e"en consider actions that will add to your pain as an option8 +nd wouldn1t ma/ing them su!!er put you at the same le"el as your parents8 0ouldn1t it ma/e you the 4+MC as your parents8

On Jan 28, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: MeiMei-ear,

?ice perspecti"e= Bi/e it*

On Jan 28, 20%2, bandit wrote: +s with many o! you, , too ha"e su!!ered !or many years* ,1m a "ictim o! my +sian parent1s abuse, "erbal and emotional, which is such a sad !act* Just as one would thin/ parents are there to nurture and guide a child into the harsh reality o! li!e, my parents made my li!e a li"ing hell* 2hey ma/e li"ing out on my own with li!e1s toughest choices loo/ li/e such a !rea/ing wal/ in a par/* ?othing can be harder than to li"e with my parents or be their child*

My biggest mista/e is to return to my home country a!ter , graduated in +ustralia and wor/ with my parents* ,1"e really regretted that choice , made* ,1"e been stuc/ here !or nearly $ years, $ "ery miserable years*

2hey controlled who , am, how , loo/ed, what , said or did, who my !riends were, what , ate, what , wore, what , studied, where , wor/ed, what car , should dri"e, how much , should spend, what , should do with my sa"ings*** C"erything* , was the obedient one, got good grades, !ollowed all o! their orders and , got screwed !or nearly ; decades o! my li!e* My 2 sibblings got away with e"erything* , got really !ed up and started to do things to change things !or the better, to ta/e control o! my li!e*

, managed to !orce my way out o! the !amily home a!ter much drama and struggles a couple o! months ago* 2hey made it "ery di!!icult !or me* , got ganged up on and bitched about behind my bac/ !or ma/ing an adult choice to li"e on my own*

My mum still constantly blac/mails me emotionally with the guilt trips "ia te5t messages* , 6ust delete them immediately without reading any o! it* , don1t do things that ma/e me unhappy now* , !ocus on the positi"e things*

2he abuse has not only le!t me psychologically scarred, ,1"e lost a huge part o! my childhood to their demeaning and controlling beha"iour* ,1m see/ing pro!essional help !rom all o! the abuse ,1"e recei"ed* ,1"e made concrete plans to emigrate so that , would ne"er see them again*

Eor those o! you who are contemplating suicide, don1t do it* ,t1s not worth ta/ing your li!e* 3ou ha"e the power to ma/e a change !or yoursel!*

Boo/ at it !rom an ob6ecti"e point o! "iew, no matter how angry or depressed you !eel about it* 2hin/ straight and !ind ways to be happy, e"en i! it means lea"ing them !or good* 4tay ali"e and ma/e the right choice !or yoursel!* >o it !or you*

, wish you all good luc/* 0e1re not alone* 0e1re all on the same boat*

On Jan 29, 20%2, Con!usedFabused wrote: My youngest memory as a child is my mother screaming at me that she wished , was ne"er born***what a way to scar your child* , thin/ that one o! the biggest things that a!!ected me as a child was my weight* Constantly being told your 1!at1 and 1ugly and 1no one will marry you1 !rom the age o! S has seriously !uc/ed me up* , hate e"erything about mysel! and my image* , remember as a child not eating because o! my weight and crying my eyes out to my teacher* My earliest memory o! physical abuse was always !or menial things= , remember me and my sister hiding under the bed or in a wardrobe right at the bac/ and /eeping iur breath in while our parents loo/ed !or us to beat us* , cant remembe how many tine i pac/ed my bags to runaway* My Mum is o/ sonetimes but she !lips li/e a switchanc beats us the worst= 9er !a"ourite weapons o! choice the bamboo stic/, wooden spoon, shoe, hanger, "acuum cleaner and the worst the plastic bit o! the balloons !rom macdonalds* My parents didn1t e"en care when we told them the imam !rom the local mos.ue se5ually mollested me and other girls who attended* ,nstead they withdrew me !rom lessons* -ut let him teach at the mos.ue and pri"ately at our home and other homes* , will always hate my parents !or that* 2hey didn1t help stop a disgusting crime* , was %2 what could , ha"e done88 -engali parents where and are always worried about what people in the community thin/* , hate that trait in +sian communities= 0hy can1t we 6ust do things !or oursel"es8 My patents ha"e slways compared me and my siblings to other children in the comunity* 1why can1t you be li/e this persons daughter thru get ama@ing grades or li/e this persons son81 , get so angry because that person

daughter or son is the same one that drin/s li/e an L0yr old alcoholic, ta/es drugs and has se5 and illigimate children running around= >ouble standards !or double !aced people= , spent my early child hood trying to good by them by achie"ing well bug as soon as , started a#le"els , was doomed* , too/ biology and chemistry because my parents wanted me to be a doctor* 2his decision !uc/ed up any chance o! me getting into Ani* >o you /now why8 ,t1s because , too/ sub6ects , /new , was not e5ceptionally good at and !ailed* Opening that en"elope at college was the scariest thing !or me* , had reta/en and wor/ed my ass o!!, opening the letter , /new immediately , didn1t7couldn1t gO home* 0hen , did there was shouting and screaming and constant remar/s about being a !ailure* , hated Ani it wasn1t what , wanted to be doing with my li!e and dropped out* , returned home with a game plan* , was going to do an apprenticeship in child care and wor/ my way up to be a 2*+* 0ithin the !irst wee/ , was being snidely attac/ed by my dad, 1she doesn1t ha"e a 6ob or an education1 , ha"e been trying so hard to get a 6ob e"en a wee/end 6ust so , can get out o! this hell hole !or a couple o! hours* , want to get away !rom the constant remar/s about being a bum and uneducated* , can1t e"en lea"e this place because that would mean abandoning my siblings* My dad has always had this way o! thin/ing that as long as you li"e under his roo! you ha"e no choice to ha"e a brain o! your own* 2he other day , had my !irst and !ull on argument with him* 4omeone had called the house about unsuran5e blah blah and he !lipped and started swearing at the poor person* , went cra@y at him* 9e thin/s he is is so high and mighty* Auuurgh he was li/e these people who are cold callers are the lowest type o! people* , was so angry* 2here is 6ust constant bic/ering and !ighting within this house and u hate ur* My mum blames me !orte way my sisters act and do you dare say 1their hour children your the ones bribing them up1 it1ll be a smac/er in the !ace* , hate this ,1m %8 , hate my parents but can1t lea"e my sisters and brothers* My L yr old brother hates my mum and already has sel! esteem and trust issues* , ha"e practically bought him up and i can1t bare to see him go through what i ha"e* , try to ta/e as many beats as , can !or him* , remember my dad smashed him around the head, it was so scary= , 6ust needed to get this shut o!! my chest* My sister su!!ers !rom depression because i! my parents* , hate my -engali parents and , "ow that , will ne"er cause so much pain to my own children* , bought /ittens because u needed something to lo"e me unconditionally and now they are screaming !or me to get rid i! them* , don1t want to as , li"e them* +nd i! they go , don1t /now i! , can /eep my sanity= Otherwise it1s one step closer 6umping o!! a bridge*

Eemale %8 -engali parents

On Jan ;%, 20%2, pwnedYb wrote: ,1m sorry but what would parents understand8 C"eryone says +sian are smart, but that1s a lie* 2he parents can1t e"en ta/e care o! a child, !or God1s sa/e* ,t1s li/e as soon as something they don1t li/e something personally, they beat you into a bloody pulp* on top o! that, screams and yells o! how horrible their li!e is because o! their children are added* 9onestly, they will 6ust treat their children li/e dirt* +s long as they will get money !rom their children in the !uture they will /eep their children in their house* My parents still scream bloody murder at me (!or no reason) and ,1m 20* C"eryone, 6ust hope that you can get through li!e until you can get a 6ob, you can li"e without seeing your parents* Oh damn +sian parents* Oh and wish!ul , would gladly 6oin your re"olt*

On Jan ;%, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <pwnedYb De"enge isn1t the answer* 0hen you ha"e children o! your own, ,1m sure the last thing you want is !or them to turn on you* >on1t do to your parents what you wouldn1t want your !uture /ids to do to you*

On Eeb %, 20%2, bloodchains wrote: , can relate to most o! you guys* 2he physical and emotional abuse, i! they can really be considered abuse, came !rom my mom* pwnedYb, , can really relate to you when you said they want money !rom you* ,1m 2S and still li"es with my parents* 2hey constantly nagged me to get a 6ob so , can help them with the !inancial problems* , 6ust got a 6ob as a cashier in a Torean supermar/et (,1m not Torean though), so now they can !inally ta/e the money that they wanted !rom me* ?ot all o! it, but still a pretty big amount* My mom /eeps saying that it would be more e5pensi"e to li"e by mysel!* 0ell, ,1d rather lose more money but gain complete !reedom rather than hearing my mom scream and shout e"ery morning because my ;#year#old niece, which she1s ta/ing care o!, does something she doesn1t li/e* -ut , thin/ she1s doing to my niece what she did to me and my siblings: shout at us when we do something wrong, try to hurt us physically and "erbally (although she can1t really hurt my niece due to the !ear o! getting in trouble with law en!orcements), and 6ust mess us up as a person* , really wish , can get a high#paying 6ob so , can get out o! here already* An!ortunately, my 6ob right now only pays minimum wage, so , can1t really do that right now* , really belie"e that it1s gotten to the point where it1s no longer healthy !or me to li"e with my mom* My dad is 6ust the .uiet type, and he1s sort o! subordinate to my mom* -ut , also noticed that my mom /eeps telling my dad what to do and her opinions about e"erything, as i! she1s always right* , don1t /now how my dad can stand her, and it1s a miracle they1re still married and that my dad still hasn1t laid a hand on her*

4o yea, that1s my rant !or now, and , hope we can help each other get through all o! this*

On Eeb %, 20%2, as//s wrote: hhh

On Eeb %, 20%2, please help= wrote: , am %S years, and this topic, i1"e always wanted to tal/ to people about* Eor a long time, my parents ha"e been tal/ing about my grades, and how well i must do in class* My mother is asian, and my !ather is english, both e5tremely /een on my !uture* 0ell, thats what they say* , always ha"e the impression that they don1t care about my !uture, and my li!e* Eor the past !ew years at school, , ha"e been wearing ma/e#up* ,t1s not !ull on, !oundation, concealer, it1s more o! 6ust mascara* , thin/ it helps me an aw!ul lot, and brightens my eyes up* , li/e it,

and , ha"e a habit o! putting it on, e"ery day !or school* , don1t put chun/s on, 6ust a little to lengthen them and help me loo/ awa/e* , go to a girls school (parents OD>CD4) so im not doing it !or girls*** , ha"e regular !all#outs with my mother, but we mostly patch it up when , say im sorry, and it is my !ault most o! the time !or being e5tremely stubborn* 9owe"er, it hurts me sometimes when its my parents !ault but i get the blame (mother is +B0+34 right)* 2he last wee/, i !ell out with my parents again, and my mother seemed to (stupidly) thin/ that i! she too/ my mascara away !rom me, , would listen to her more, and because it was the school policy* , was well aware o! the school policy, but peer pressure seems to get the better o! me*** so comes my !ather, sic/ and tired o! all the silly moaning my mother says to him, and decides to come at me, beat me, and tell me that , wasn1t aloud anymore ma/e#up* One#sided con"ersation goes: :3OA B,HC ,? OAD 9OA4C A?>CD OAD CO?>,2,O?4, +?> 4O 3OA >O 09+2 0C 4+3, 3OA COMC 4M+BB A?>CD 29C 9OA4C, +?> 09C? , 4+3 ?O M+4C+D+ , 4+3 ?O M+4C+D+*: he said this li/e he1d said it to me many times be!ore, so i 6ust nodded and complied with his re.uest* 9owe"er, today , was wearing it again, and i dont /now how it happened* , had it in my poc/et and i 6ust wanted to wear it again, so i did* , did not /now what was coming !or me* My mother screamed and shouted at me to get out o! the house, and that i was stupid and useless, and she didn1t care about my !uture* 4he called my !ather, and it was almost li/e she was tal/ing behind my bac/ as she said the words to him* 2his hurt me, so , 6ust did what she said, and decided to lea"e the house* -ut be!ore , le!t she stopped me and as/ed what , was doing* +ll , said was , was doing what she wished !or* 4he slapped me hard across the !ace, and soon , got so angry , 6ust couldn1t bottle my !eelings* , had to scream bac/ at her, but i didnt /now what to say, so it was all about how she hated me and treasured my sister more* ?ow, my !ather will come bac/, and beat me, and i1m scared* im scared it will hurt, and hell /ic/ me out* , dont want to lea"e, but , 6ust want it to be bac/ li/e the old days, where , could put mascara on, and we were a happy !amily* please, please help* 0hat can , do to ma/e it better8

On Eeb %, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: please help=,

9ere are a !ew suggestions:

%* 2*

4top any actions that could pro"o/e your parents to ma/e !urther mo"es* 4ee/ !or a pro!essional help* 2ell (not order) parents that you need it*

;*

,! they ignore, tal/ to school o!!icials to e5plore other options*

9ope things will get better soon=

On Eeb S, 20%2, Please 9elp Me= wrote: , am %L years old and am currently in year %2 at school* My !ather grew up in a poor area as a child and always tal/s about how he has wor/ed his way up to success* 9e now holds .uite a high position and is recognised internationally* -oth my parents are indian and e5pect me to do my best* , get along really well with my mum and !ind , can tal/ to her about alot o! things, but its my dad who scares me* C"er since i was a small child, he would beat me and "erbally abuse me (only i! i did something bad o! course), but , am still mentally scared !rom these e5periences o! his punching, /ic/ing and saying the most hurt!ul things to me*

One o! the sub6ects , am doing is +d"anced maths, because , want to do engineering at Ani"ersity and My !ather has told me that ,! i am ha"ing any di!!iculties, that its !ine i! i as/ him !or help* 3esterday, , went up to him and he got "ery angry that , could not understand some o! the .uestions that he tried to e5plain* 9e then went o!! and told me how EXXXed up , was and how he /nows that ,m going to do .uite badly in my sub6ects and mess my !uture up*

, am actually beginning to get .uite worried because , do ta/e school seriously, but ,ts so hard with a !ather li/e mine and im an a"erage student***

+ny /ind o! ad"ice would be great= 2han/you

On Eeb S, 20%2, EMB wrote: , am a %; years old asian girl that li"es in Canada* My parents (mostly my >ad) always slaps me only because i made a little tiny mista/es, ,t ma/es so Maaaad* +sians parents always !ind a way to crush my con!idence or li/e when i got an %00U in my math test their are li/e aa3eah, o/ay Good Eor 3ou***^^ +nd then in Chinese 2est 89U, 2hey Erea/ing 3ell at me aa 3our so dumb^^ and shXts li/e that * My dad >oesnt understand that i 9+++2C 29+2 42AP,> C9,?C4C CB+44===== , told them once and what did they do*** 4B+P ,? 29C E+CC=== EMB= 2hen they say that i! you dont go to chinese i wont let you play bas/etball ne5t year (bas/etball is the thing that i BOHC the most) or buy things**** +nd i say aaO/ !ine^^ 2hen 2hey yell at me !rom saying o/ !ine*****but then when i dont answer they

!rea/ing scream a me****4o hard to understand***, always though o! running away or maybe suicide sometimes*****-ut then i thin/ i! i run away where should i go and what about the money and !or suicide i thin/ about my !riends****+nd yes im more attached to my !riend than my dad because they re always here !or me when i ha"e some hard times* My dad said this once and still do aa0hen i hit your going to die^^ 4omething li/e that (translated !rom Cantonese) 0hen they told me this when i was L or $ years old i was li/e scared and didnt get the die part until i turned %0 i got the die part and thats when i thin/ed o! suicide****-ut now, , dont care when they say that to me and i replied aa yeah when slap me then i die Eine /ill me^^ My younger sister does that say that too* i guess we arent scared to die* +nd i always said to mysel! that when im going to ha"e Chllds, im going to lo"e and treat them right and not to hit them or do something bad* Oh and theres one time too my sis and me got into i !ight i /inda hit her but not really hard then my dad yell at me aa 0hy the hell are you guys hitting eachothers, 3ou share the same blood=^^ +nd , tell mysel! aa 2ss, the same blood8 yeah we share the same, 4o what8 you tell us not to hit eachother because o! that, Cant you remember that we also ha"e the same blood and you hit us, >ang it^^ +nd im starting to say bad words and ending saying EXc/ you to my dad behinds his bac/8 oh i would really li/e to ha"e ad"ice to how to get my anger out (li/e when i !eel li/e im going to e5plode at the moment) without them hearing me scream or hit someone or something*

2han/ you= +ctually im /inda glad to hear that im not the only person that is going through this, because i always wanted to share this with ppl that went through this too, +nd it always !eels good to say this outloud*

On Eeb S, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <EMB 2ry going !or a wal/* ,n my case, , usually don1t lea"e the house without permission !rom one o! my parents* 4o when , say :,1m going !or a wal/: and lea"e without anyone saying it was o/ !or me to lea"e, they /now they went too !ar* ,t1s also healthier to wal/ o!! your anger instead o! screaming or ##!or some people## acting out "iolently* 2hen come bac/ when you1"e calmed down*

On Eeb S, 20%2, whats lo"e8 wrote: , !eel all your pains , ,m asian as well im Japanese* im 2% my !ather and my brother are "ery abusi"e to me* ,! i do stupidest thing they go all cra@y insult me saying im hopeless and stop blaming +>>* i didnt do well i got a > in math and they went all cra@y and wanted to /ill me* -ut the most my own older brother who is "ery abusi"e* my !ather saying i ha"e to listen to him screw that* My own brother e"en threatened to /ill me i! i dont lsiten to him or run away !rom him or run away !rom home* 9e put a !rea/ing /ni!e in my !ace=== cu@ he mad about that i didnt do

some stupid pu@@le that !uc/ing ridiculous* My !ather and brother are too hard and "erbally , physically and mentally abusi"e* they calling me handicapped or retard, you cant sur"i"e on your own* ?obody cares about you no one, only your !amily* people who says they care about you are liars they !eel sorry !or you only !amily cares about you* 2hat pissed me o!! alot* 2hey thin/ im a !ailure and they try to control my !rea/ing li!e telling me i ha"e to do this do that* screw that* , do whate"er i want with my li!e* , dont care what they thin/ e"en i! it /ills me= My own !ather not stopping my brother !rom him abusing me* my brother uses weapons to beat me* , really hate being asian sometimes !or all the strict crap i ha"e to deal with* 2heres more but i rather not e5plain it* -ut i !eel !or you all out there*

On Eeb &, 20%2, 2ired wrote: 0hile , may not su!!er to the e5tent that these other posters ha"e, , can certainly say that ,1"e had my !air share o! tears and pain*

0hen , was younger, say ; to S years old, my parents began hitting me !or the most stupidest o! reasons* , clearly remember when , was S years old , was hit !or stamping an easter egg stamp on my hand* 9owe"er, when , grew older they realised hitting me would not wor/ anymore* 2hen the mental and emotional abuse came* 0hen , was $ years old , contemplated running away* 0hen , was 9 years old , was contemplating suicide* 2hey say things li/e 13ou1re trash, but since you1re my daughter ,1ll put up with you*1 and 13ou1re ugly and !at, so why bother getting nice clothes81* 2hey compare me to e"ery child which they see, and degrade me without thin/ing about the di!!erent parenting techni.ues*

2hey seem to li/e my sister a lot more, e"en though she acts out the most* 0hen she does something wrong, they1re automatically mad at me too* 4he got `S00 worth o! Christmas gi!ts this year* , got nothing*

,1m %& years old this year, and , can1t wait to die*

On Eeb &, 20%2, when will it end8 wrote: My parents always tell me what a !ailure , would be when they see my report card* 2hey don1t

understand how hard , try and e"en i! , get a really good grade they wouldn1t say something nice* 2hey don1t understand that they were once li/e us, teenagers too* My mother always blames me !or something not my sister or brother* 4ince my brother and i ha"e to share a laptop, , ha"e limited time to do my homewor/* Bi/e today, this is what happend, , wasn1t done with my homewor/ and my brother had the laptop !or a long time and , my mother didn1t e"en bug to tell him to gi"e the laptop* My mother as/ed me what homewor/ i had and why i didn1t do it all this wee/* , told her that , didn1t ha"e the laptop all this wee/end and my sister didn1t let me use the internet* , told her that i! i as/ my brother to gi"e me the laptop, he doesn1t listen to me unless it1s my parents* My !ather got pissed and he started shouting at me that , shouldn1t tal/ bac/ to my mother and what , !ailure i am* , told my mother all about in a really calm way but my dad doesn1t understand anything and he has short temper* 9e didn1t e"en as/ me !or help on my homewor/ or e"en to as/ my brother to gi"e me the laptop* 9e shouted at me and made me do %00 sit ups standing and holding my ears* 2hey treat my brother better than me e"en better than my sister who is the eldest* My brother rarely gets blamed because my mom usually sa"es him* ,! , do something wrong in!ront o! guests, my mom would go tell my brother how stupid i am, and ma/e !un o! me and also tease me* 4he doesn1t /now that that is not the way to treat your son, you ha"e to tell him to do better ne5t time* My 4outh +sian parents undertand that shouting, blaming, or cursing at me is not the right way to manage something* 2his only puts me in tremendous pressure in school* , can1t !ocus in class, my eyes loo/ li/e i am on drugs* +nd here i am, my brother !inally ga"e me the laptop, !inishing my homewor/, and writing what happend today and yesterday* +?> PBC+4C DC+> 29,4 ,24 ,MPOD2+?2

On Eeb &, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: !ml, 2eenage year is always di!!icult !or e"eryone* ,t is the time when your body is growing rapidly, and your emotion is surging !rom concerning about children stu!! to adult stu!!*

3our !ather is probably su!!ering !rom a bad immigration e5perience, stress out, not getting what he wanted at wor/, and !eeling li/e a loser and powerless* 9is children is the only people that he has power o"er*

2he only ad"ice that , can gi"e you is not to challenge your !ather, 6ust agree with him "erbally* 3ou can disagree with him in your own mind*

One thing that people li/e your !ather EC+D most is con!rontation with people* 9e would bac/ o!! when con!ronted by people !rom outside the !amily, but within the !amily, he acts li/e a /ing* 2here!ore he stri/es at you when you tal/ bac/*

-e respect!ul to your parents, but not their bad beha"iors* Demember, parents#children#parent# children relationships are the same* ,! you curse your parents, your !uture children will curse you the same way, because you are a model to them* >o not thin/ too !ar ahead* Cn6oy your childhood*

-e an independent thin/er, ha"e a realistic dream !or your own li!e* 3our li!e is your own to create* >o not curse your li!e # , would suggest you not to use the EMB user name, becuase it is degrading to your li!e* 3our li!e is what you create, and not your parents1*

On Eeb &, 20%2, de la wrote: 4/y, that was a pleasure to read*

On Eeb L, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: Eor once, , li/e what s/y wrote*

On Eeb 8, 20%2, CCiB wrote: 2hat was beauti!ul* ,t really cheered me up* Maybe my li!e isn1t hopeless***

On Eeb 8, 20%2, 5way%0% wrote: 0ell, now , /now that ,1m not the only one with the worst parents in the world* , always hear my parents screaming at my !ace, hurting me both emotionally and physically* 2hey would always tell me to get good grades, and i! , did, they would be nice and /ind to me* -ut when , get straight +1s (sometimes +I) they would still hurt me* Once, my dad stopped my "ideo games due to my bad grades (not that bad, it was only once)* 9e told that i! , good grades he would let me play* , ha"e been getting good grades !or the past !ew months, but he still acts the same* 4ometimes, , had the intent o! /illing them* * * * 2rust me, this only the beginning to my problems with them* C"en when , cry to mysel! they start beating me*

On Eeb 8, 20%2, +mber wrote: , understand a lot o! your pain, e"en though , am white* , ha"e been through a lot o! stu!! too, as it

would seem by my own !ather, o!ten times abused 6ust because , was the only girl in my house* , can distinctly remember ha"ing a loaded pistol held to my chest when , was in Sth grade, because , had said , would rather li"e with my mother in the case o! di"orce* My mother used me as a sponge to all o! her anger, especially when they di"orced, o!ten beat with about anything* My brother1s e"en treated me bad because that1s how they saw e"eryone else treating me* -ut , ha"e a point* , read earlier that someone said, that abuse !or a white person is nothing li/e the abuse !or an +sian person* , understand we don1t ha"e the same standards as you* , wasn1t held to the e5treme standard o! an :+ I: or !ail system, but it1s li/e abuse is abuse, no matter which way you turn it* 3ou can 6udge the le"els o! abuse o!! o! the color o! someones s/in* 3ou ha"e to support these people, e"eryone, e"ery color in their time o! need, because we all ha"e emotions li/e you* 0e all hurt and hate* 0e all cry and hide oursel"es* , am 22 now* , ha"e come to terms with e"erything that1s happened to me* , lo"e my mother and my !ather now, e"en though they are not together* , still lo"e them* , !orgi"e them !or their transgressions, because , /now , don1t ha"e to be them* Dight now, it may seem li/e the end o! the world and li/e there isn1t a light, but you can be li/e those people who !all and ne"er stand again or you can ta/e this and become a better person* 3ou are beauti!ul with all o! your !laws, e"ery mista/e you ma/e, e"ery time they ridicule, abuse, spit, yell, you 6ust remember that you don1t ha"e to do this* 3ou don1t ha"e to let them ma/e you !eel li/e this* 4ee/ the help you need, con!ide in someone close to you, !ind lo"e in all the right places* ,! you can1t lea"e the house, understand that there will be a time when you grow strong, and you would need to stand beneath their roo! any more* >on1t end your li!e o"er something so insigni!icant as this, because truth!ully, the lasting e!!ects may seem long, but you ha"e the choice to decide how long*

On Eeb 8, 20%2, +mber wrote: XX 3ou can1t 6udge the le"els o! abuse o!! o! the color o! someone1s s/in*XX

On Eeb 8, 20%2, +mber wrote: XXwon1t need to stand under their roo!XX

On Eeb 8, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: +mber,

Eantastic comments and ad"ices* 2han/s !or the contribution*

On Eeb 8, 20%2, OEEC?4,HC= wrote:

you guys are so mean* i am indian and ha"e asian parents, and yes, they do disipline me* but asians are not all mean and abusi"e* you guys are so racist* my parents are great people and you guys are mean*

On Eeb %0, 20%2, Mahagany wrote: 3ou1re parents aren1t as bad as others, OEEC?4,HC=

On Eeb %%, 20%2, !uc/you/im wrote: Bi!e is horrible* My "ietnamese mother is diabolicle* , will not go into details but the abuse has damaged me beyond hope* 2rauma reprograms your entire being* 2he constant 4et ups and manipulation* Crode you1re sel! worth* 3ou will grow up not being able to stand your ground and will end up compromising your integrity * 2he whole world will detect your !ears and wea/nesses* >e"elope the courage to be hated and wal/ in sel! belie! and remember to ne"er belie"e negati"e things about yoursel!* , ha"e terrible news !or you, it wont e"er change* 3ou must trust only yoursel!* Bi!e is so "ery short Cradicate 3oursel! !rom unhappiness and li"e your li!e* >on1t ha"e guilt about your parents1 sacri!ices they are supposed to sacri!ice or go to 6ail* Protect yoursel! and get the !uc/ out o! the house and de!end your happiness be!ore its too late* 9ead these words and learn to hold on to rational reasoning* +nd loo/ out !or double speach and double binds, they play mind games on you to /eep you under control* Ase your parents as tools to catapult yoursel! into the li!e you want to li"e* My mother is a !uc/in bitch * , ga"e my li!e and money because , yearned !or her acceptance and appro"al but she is so !uc/ed in the head the she uses me as a scapegoat !or all problems* Euc/ her and all those sic/ bitches who want their children to su!!er* Euc/ you e"il bitch*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, wisssydom wrote: +sian mothers are truely scum* >on1t accept curses* Bi"e your li!e and mo"e !rom one accomplishment at a time* >on1t e"er see/ appro"al e"er* +nd most importantly don1t e"er reward bad beha"ior e"er* Create those b oundries around yoursel! and rmember that you ha"e to gi"e yoursel! what you need*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, An/nown wrote: 2wo words: 2iger Mom

On Eeb %%, 20%2, saminthapagna<gmail*ca wrote: +!ter read all this it brought me to tear*no matter how big or small the abuse it that1s scar o! the li!e time , slept on the street ate !oog in the garbage can and not e"en !i"e years old wheree"er , go people laughed beceause*, was na/ed during in %9L0 at saigon Hiet#?am 2hen suddenly , mo"ed to Boas , ne"er /nown who my parents are ,, !ound mysel! with in a !amily than the nigtmare o! my 6ust about to beginning got beaten up most , remember a big hand slapt at my !acebarely *se"en or eight,a!ter many ran away and many suiced attempt but , 6ust don1t die *+t %9L9 , wal/ into the army camp told them ,1m =S there , had !ound mysel! a home a bed a descent meal ,com!ort and a warm and /ind heart !rom the soldier all o! them li/e !ather brother to me ,in tha army my goal is died so , "olunter go to the !ront line the carbine is bigger than me between the army and the 6ail * %9$&,, ne"er point the gun to the ennemies and stil ali"e ,until , 1m still su!!ered ,but to be honest , don1t e"en , should blame or hate or lo"e*it1s the way o! my li!e*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, 6ee@louiseV> wrote: , /now this is an open site, but i don1t thin/ people that post things about how there parents aren1t that bad and they are asian should post it here* 2here was a time , did get mentally abused and pushed down stairs by my mom, but a!ter reading all those other post about how others ha"e the same issue , started to !eel better* ?o o!!ense, but i! anyone who wants to say how great there asian parents are, don1t do it here* 2o me this is a place to "ent* ,t1s not a place , want to go to to here about how great other asian parents are* 0C +BB +DC?12 29+2 EOD2A?+2C 2O 9+HC 29O4C :T,?>7BOH,?G: +4,+? P+DC?24* :My parents are asian and they don1t do that***2hey 6ust lo"e you and they put a roo! o"er your head***: Puh#lease* 3es, , ha"e a roo! o"er my head, !ood, etc, but it does not gi"e them the right to hit me, drag me by my hair and push me down the stairs* ,t is not right to insult the way , !eel about things and how , want to li"e my li!e* +gain, ,1m 6ust saying that others that ha"e a per!ect li!e with there parents should re#thin/ about putting there per!ect li!e on posts li/e these* Most o! us come here to "ent and share the pain* 0e did not come here to listen to others and how great there li!e is with their asian parents*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: 6ee@louiseV>,

0hat do you !eel i! a poster says this is the board !or praising +sian Parents only and , don1t want to hear any "ent8 ,! you want to recei"e !airness, you got to treat others !airly*

,n addition, people who ha"e been trying to bring some balance to this board are actually trying to help people li/e you* 2hey can choose to wal/ away and lea"e you alone a su!!ering li!e* 2hey can 6ust en6oy their li!e* ,t will not hurt them in anyway* 2hey are actually doing you a !a"or, which you are unable to appreciate at this point* -ut you should at least let other people to ha"e a !air chance to spea/* ,t is up to you to recei"e them positi"ely or negati"ely* 3our li!e will re!lect your choice*

+lso , don1t belie"e there is a per!ect li!e* People who thin/ that +sian Parents aren1t that bad are not necessary ha"ing a pre!ect li!e* 2hey 6ust ha"e a positi"e "iew* 2hey 6ust re!use to let the negati"es ta/e the control* 9owe"er, what you are suggesting is to let the negati"es ta/e o"er the board and intensi!y negati"es by !eeding each other* ,t is sel!#destructi"e to the least*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, s6esawhore wrote: -e authentic and truth!ul* +sian mothers are supreme cunts e"il and "indicti"e* ,! you don1t agree with your moms "iews she will slander you and when you do agree with her she will bac/trac/ then ma/e you out to be the bad guy* -e impeccable in what you say* 4ay what you mean and mean what you say 0e are not psychics constantly deciphering the deeper meanings o! communication* >on1t e"er agree to anything 6ust because it ma/es li!e easier* +sian mothes are e"il and bitter to the core* 2hey want to rid* 2hemsel"es o! pain by dumping it on you* Mom you are a !uc/in lunatic bitch*!uc/ you and your past hardships* ,! you didn1t want children then you shouldnt ha"e laid down and spread your legs li/e the !uc/en slut you are* Euc/ you clipping your toenails in public and tal/ing with your mouth!ull you classless bitch* Euc/ you

On Eeb %%, 20%2, mngall wrote: 3ou /now what8 Euc/ that mon/ey asian bitch* , can1t wait !or her to be in a nursing home that asian whore* +busing me and tellng me to die alone* Euc/ you and your past bitch*!uc/ you* , hope your asshole e5plodes you e"il bitch* Euc/in pic/ing your nose with your pin/y !inger thin/ing no one is watching* 3ou loser* 3ear a!ter year being put down and abused Euc/ you you retarded bitch*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: 9ey, let1s cut bac/ on the swearing and be a little more ci"ili@ed*

<mngall 9ow does your mom li"ing in a nursing home change anything8 0ould it change the !act that you

were hurt8 0ould it change the !act that you1re bitter and !ull o! resentment8 3ou1re wasting your time because the past won1t change* 2he best thing you can do !or yoursel! is to ma/e the best o! your current situation and wal/ towards a better !uture*

On Eeb %%, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: MeiMei-ear,

Great logic= 2han/s !or /eeping the rational tal/s=

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 6ee@louiseV> wrote: , understand that negati"ity is a bad things, but its time to let people "ent***i! they want to cuss and say things let them* +ll that pent up anger needs to be released, this is the best way* 2al/ing it out is better than 6ust /eeping it and doing something regrettable* Other people shouldn1t complain i! others are cussing or not* 9onestly, some people would go cra@y or e"en more depressed i! they didn1t let steam out*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: Apon deeper re!lection asian mothers actually do get away with a lot o! abuse C5press yoursel! lets all say !uc/ you -itch=

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: 6ee@louiseV>,

2he issue is not about letting the negati"e emotions out* , am !or it* 9owe"er, you ha"e to release the negati"es in a healthy way* 3ou ha"e no additional rights or pri"ileges to hurt, bash, or degrade others 6ust because you are angry*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: < little mon/ey, child o! scum, child o! whore, child o! e"il cunt, it is silly and cowardly that you mas.uerade my writing in the abo"e two posting* it shows who you are* , am glad that you are happy now*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: < little mon/ey, child o! scum, child o! whore, child o! e"il cunt, , gi"e you permission to mas.uerade my writing* the more you write, the more , /now about you* Please spell my name correctly*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 6ee@louisV> wrote: 2his is the issue here* 0hy can1t we 6ust spea/ our mind* 2he reason why most o! come to this lin/ is 6ust to "ent* +sian>ad, you are the reason why this post is loosing "alue to me* , get yelled at enough by my own parents that , don1t need another person , don1t e"en /now critici@ing the way , belie"e in things* , don1t need another person reading what , write and telling me , should and shouldn1t do* Deading these post how other people !ace the same thing ma/es me !eel li/e ,1m not alone* 2hey may say a lot o! cruel things, but , !or one can see eye#to#eye with these people* 2his post helped me a!ter , got hit and thrown down the stairs by my own mother* +gain, , don1t need another asian mom or :dad: going around and critici@ing how others are, write, and how they "ent*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: 6ee@louisV>,

3ou got it totally upside down* , did not stop you spea/ing* 3ou were suggesting to stop others spea/ing* Just get your !act straight, dude* 3ou don1t need another person to point out you are :na/ed:* ,t does not mean no one can point it out* 4orry i! you want to hang out with :na/ed: people, it is your choice and , will /eep calling you out*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 6ee@louisV> wrote: 0hat the hell do mean by na/ed8 +pparently, you don1t /now what the word :na/ed: means* ,t1s not impressi"e to ma/e up you own lingo, :dude*: 0hat are you &8 , am me, and you are you* Just lea"e me alone* ,ts bad enough that your acting li/e a :dad*: , came here to get away !rom that*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote:

6ee@louisV>,

Cmperor with no cloth is :na/ed:* +ccusation with no substances is :na/ed:*

2his +sian>ad will stay here !or a while* 4orry you can1t get away i! you /eep being :na/ed:* ,! you thin/ , am acting li/e a :dad:, you will meet :dad: e"erywhere and ha"e nowhere to hide*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 9ope!ully*** wrote: 0ow, reading your guys1s rages is aw/ward* C"eryone needs to calm down* Jee@louisV>, you need to /eep your cool when others say good or bad things about you* ?ot e"eryone is going to agree with you* 2hat is 6ust li!e* Just learn !rom your e5perience with your own parents* ,! they say many bad things about you, it doesn1t mean its true* >on1t let petty things li/e that get in the way o! your li!e* +siandad, you need to stop bugging Jee@louisV> too* 3ou both ma/e "alid points, but its no use bic/ering to each other* Deading Jee@louisV> post ma/es it seem li/e she has a hard li!e already* , don1t belie"e the way you come out helps e"eryone* 2ry being more encouraging* ,! you don1t belie"e in something one says, you can say your piece, but also loo/ at how there li!e is and see what they see* 2here is no point in bic/ering amongst oursel"es* Go out and see the sun*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: 9ope!ully***,

3ou are misunderstanding what , am trying to do* , don1t /now 6ee@louisV>* 4o there is nothing personal* 9owe"er , did want to use this opportunity to demonstrate the point o! !airness and openness*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 9ope!ully*** wrote: +sian>ad,

, do not thin/ that Jee@louisV> really cares about the points o! !airness and openness* Jee@louisV> was 6ust spea/ing her mind* 0hether what she says is right or wrong in your opinion, , lea"e that up to you, but , see her point in saying your somewhat o! a dad the way you respond to comments* >o not

try and gi"e lessons here on !airness and openness* People here are not really trying to recei"e pointers* 9owe"er, , do commend you on trying to teach others to ta/e things in a positi"e way* Just try to remember that what some people need is not a mentor, but 6ust someone who will listen*

9aha, and your !unny, , don1t thin/ anyone /nows anyone here* 0hich is the point* 0e all 6ust strangers with the same story, but we all understand each other1s pain*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: 9ope!ully***,

Bet me ma/e it clear again* 2he argument was not really directed at 6ee@louisV>* 0hether he would ta/e my point is less important to me* +s , said be!ore, , do not e5pect e"eryone will listen to me, or it is not my concern*

,! you and 6ee@louisV> 6ust want to ha"e listeners here, you can ignore the :preachers:* 4top preaching Y stop "enting* 2hat was the issue* BetMNOPOQs play !airly*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, 9ope!ully*** wrote: +siandad,

Bet me ma/e it clear to you again* Just chill out* 2here is no point on being so serious* ,1m trying to loo/ through both o! your perspecti"es* -asically, lighten up* Deading your past posts are a little too much in some occasions* Boo/ through other1s perspecti"e and li!e* 3ou can say how you !eel, but don1t discourage others at the same time* 2hese people already ha"e it rough in their li"es* , /now you don1t necessarily care i! they listen too you, but at the same time what you are saying may hurt them*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: 9ope!ully***,

3ou /ept misunderstanding* , did not discourage anyone including 6ee@louisV>* -ut , did discourage negati"es* People who ha"e rough li"es do not ha"e the e5tra rights or pri"ilege to gain un!airness or to promote un!airness* ,! trying to be !air is hurting someone, so be it* 2hey deser"e the hurt and it is

what they as/ !or as well as hope!ully they can learn a lesson !orm it* ,! this is too much !or you, chill out*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, asianmom wrote: , thin/ 4T3 is schi@ophrenic* 0eirdo

On Eeb %2, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: asianmom,

Bet1s not ha"e the personal attac/s and !ocus on the points* 4T3 also made many good points and some actions are logically the same as many others*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, newhope wrote: +buse is not lo"e* Bo"e doesn1t hurt* +sian parent should lead by e5ample* Bo"e your children* , only agree with my mother to ma/e things easier but inside me , ha"e lost all respect !or her Eear is a !orm o! control* +merica is a wonder!ul country* +sian moms whom always loo/ to the past !or e5cuses o! their beha"ior are wea/*don1t engage in disempowering thoughts Cngage in thoughts that empower you !orward to the ne5t step in li!e

On Eeb %2, 20%2, shane"iet wrote: Jee@louisV> has e"ery right to !eel the way she does* +buse is not lo"e= 4tay strong= God lo"es you*

On Eeb %2, 20%2, bichon!orMe wrote: Ceeew / , thin/ 4T3 may be an asian mother* 9er rhetoric certainly resembles typical head games the asian parents play* , agree with the !act that people need to li"e in truth and not be a!raid to "ent* Henting on this board is healthy* 2a/ing anger out in real li!e is most certainly not* Practice sel! control on your children that ta/es a tremendous courage and strength* >on1t destroy your children1s psyche* +sian parents need education*

On Eeb %;, 20%2, nyPearl wrote: >e!initely= +sian mom1s need to practice sel! control* 2hey are "ery wea/* Bo"e God* Boo/ to him !or

strength* +nd when you grow up separate yoursel! !rom the brainwashing and !orge your own path* +sian mothers are !ull o! turmoil which stems !rom deep rooted trauma but that1s not your concern* +buse is against the law

On Eeb %;, 20%2, hara6u/ugirl wrote: 4tay strong asian brothers and sisters* 3ou are not alone= Jee@louisV> , agree with you* Please hold your head high* -e !irm and ne"er allow them to brea/ you* O"er time when you stay !irm consistently you de"elope personal power* -ut this ta/es guts* 3ou are not alone=

On Eeb %;, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <6ee@louiseV> ?ot all parents are bad* Just li/e how some /ids are 6ust plain cruel*

<9ope!ully*** ,t helps to ha"e a parent on this !orum who is actually reasonable, especially compared to mine* +sian>ad1s suggestions are practical and logical, much better than :3OA1DC 0DO?G= ,1M +B0+34 D,G92 -CC+A4C , +M 3OAD E+29CD7MO29CD=:

<newhope 3ou can1t ha"e light without shadows*

On Eeb %;, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: MeiMei-ear,

2han/s !or the !air assessment and comment* Bi/e 4T3 said you are one o! the most sensible posters here* , want to add that i! a person has problems with reasonable and logical discussions7debates, he7she will ha"e serious problems with parents since parents and /ids are not e.ual* Many people here !ailed to understand this*

On Eeb %;, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 0ithout piss there cannot be shit

On Eeb %;, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 2he coward who mas.uerade as my writing is an unwanted piss and shit* 2here can be piss and shit at the same timeR it is call diarrhea* , /now who you areR you were probably born while your mother was ha"e a diarrhea* +sian Power= EO- immigrant is out !or the count*

On Eeb %;, 20%2, hairBim wrote: My goodness this hatred and "enom is cra@y* >on1t let your parent ma/e you that way Bo"e is the answer*

On Eeb %;, 20%2, ,diotic!use wrote: 9ey guys, i undestan ur pain* ,m always in the top !i"e o! my 6unior high, but my parents punish me and yell at me e"eryday* 2hey wont let me e"er use the internet e5cept !or school, i cant play any games( no i dont only mean "ideo games, i mean bas/etball, soccer, etc*) today i brought home all +s and e"en was student o! the month* 2he , my mom was loo/ing through my bac/pac/ and !ound a test !rom geometry (i e"en s/ipped a grade !or math) that was a -* she instantly started swearing at me in chinese and was hollering at me e"en on the way to my piano class* 2hen she starts tal/ing to my dad a!ter i got home about sendig me bac/ to China or to homeschool, -CC+A4C , GO2 + -* seriously, im not e"en /idding* , told then im in the top !i"e !or the 4C9OOB, but they start screaming about how americans are trash, !at la@y and stupid* 2hen, they start yelling at me and ma/es me coppy this chinese passage ten times, it too/ me 2 hours* , rlly dont /now what to do, i"e complemented suicide be!ore, the only thin holding me bac/ is my school !riends* , rlly dont wanna get sent to some military school or china, i! any o! u ha"e been in my shoes be!ore, can u pls tell me what to do8

#6ihan_yin<yahoo*com

On Eeb %;, 20%2, de la wrote: !use, suicide is ?CHCD the answer* 2o anything*

,t always gets better* ,t may not be at the pace you want it to be, and in the !orm you want it to ta/e, but something will brea/ your way ## you1ll meet a mentor, or a lo"e interest, or some career or !ield o! study or hobby that capti"ates you* ,t might ta/e until a!ter you are able to lea"e your parents1 house

and control* -ut good things will happen !or you*

3our time is coming* Just be patient*

On Eeb %S, 20%2, cQd/hmer gurl wrote: ,t1s ama@ing how ,1"e got the same problem li/e most o! you* , desperately need to get out o! all this mess* My parents are mentally abusing me and , 6ust couldn1t cope with it any longer* My mother sometimes physically hurts me and my !ather would threaten me by grabbing a hammer, acting li/e hes going to stri/e at me* 0hen , was younger, , was staying calm, trying to be good as , could* -ut now things aren1t the same* , o!!icially bring my anger out* 0hene"er they yell at me, , will yell at them bac/* 4ometimes , would get "isions o! how , should /ill my parent1s* 0ell /illing them won1t sol"e anything, and , would be sent straight to hell* , cannot stand hearing their "oices, splattering and blabbering about all /inds o! atrocious things* 0hy are they so good at gossiping about others8 no wonder all o! our !amily members mo"ed out o! this pathetic house, and nobody e"er "isits us* My little sister and , are the only ones le!t with them two* ,1m trying my best to study as much as , can to pass all o! my e5ams* , want a better !uture, and my boy!riend is waiting !or me out there* Please God, don1t e"er let him lea"e me MNOQOd

On Eeb %S, 20%2, +iman wrote: , /now what you guys mean, im !rom a pa/istani culture and , !irst got beat when i was about L because , li/ed a boy in my school=8 li/e 02E88 now , get beat and yelled at with hurt!ul words li/e go to hell, because , dont get good grades, well screw that= , belie"e e"eryones di!!erent and no matter how hard , try , still !ail at school= 0CBB 9CBBO88 mom n dad*** -C+2,?G MC +?> 3CBB,?G 0O?2 9CBP=== ^:( God , cant wait till , mo"e out****

On Eeb %L, 20%2, ihatemyli!e wrote: ,1m a Hietnamese high school student and , cant stand my !amily, all they care about is my grade, that1s basically it* 4ince the day , was born, they will slap me, span/ me i! , did anything that against their rule* 9ere1s a e5ample: 0hen , was a /id my aunt usually bring us all sort o! di!!erent candy and chocolate !rom another countries, , ate all o! it and sa"e the last piece o! candy in my !ridge, , also ha"e a problems where , li/e to open the !ridge door allot and , ne"er put the stu!! where it belong my dad told me not to do it cause it waste money, so one day , decide to eat my last candy so , open my !ridge door to ta/e it out but , decided that ,1m too !ull and not in the mood to eat it so i put the candy where it belong so i open the !ridge and put it bac/ in, my dad saw me open the !ridge and misunderstood and thought that , was opening it !or !un, he come yelling at me why , ne"er listen to

him and slap me, , try to e5plain to him but he say i! , say another word he would span/ me* ,n my entire li!e , was ne"er able to e5press my !eeling or ha"e the right to tal/ what , !eel is right and without being hit, slap, span/ or threaten by my dad i! , was tal/ing bac/ to him* ,! , got a bad grade on my report card, my parent would rage on why i !ail in li!e so much and why , dont lo"e them and shit* 0CBB EACT 29CM, BC2 29CM 2D3 GO,?G 2O 4C9OOB 0,29 + -A?C9 OE 0+??+ -C -,2C9C4 29+214 +B0+34 -O29CD,?G 3OA ,? CB+44, +?> ,E 29+214 ?O2 C?OAG9 2D3 GO,?G 9OMC +?> B,42C? 2O 2 +44CBO0? T?O0 ,2 +BB 29,?T 29C3 9+HC 29C D,G92 2O CO?2DOB 3OAD B,EC JA42 -CC+A4C 3OA B,HC A?>CD 29C,D DOOE* M3 P+DC?2 9+HC +?3 C+DC +-OA2 , ECCB OD M3 4,42CD ECCB,?G, O?B3 09+2 0C GC2 O? OAD DCPOD2 C+D>, 29,4 ,4 -+4,C+BB3 M3 09OBC B,EC, -+> GD+>C Y ?O EDCC>OM, GOO> GD+>C Y 42,BB ?O EDCC>OM* CHC? ,E , -D,?G 9OMC ; + M3 P+DC?2 42,BB ?+G +-OA2 3OA 9+HC 2O >O EACT,?G -C22CD* , GO2 ; EACT,?G +1s 09+2 29C EACT >O 3OA 0+?2 MODC8 ?O M+22CD 09+2 M3 GD+>C ,214 +B0+34 2S7$ OE 42A>3 2,MC* EACT 4OMC2,MC , 0,49 , COAB> DA?+0+3 2O 4OMC ?,CC E+M,B3 OD C+BB 29C COP4* GO> 3OA >O ?O2 T?O0 9+BE OE M3 B,EC, +2 BC+42 4OMC OE 3OA 9CDC 9+HC 4OMC EDCC>OM ,? 3OAD B,EC, 29C O?B3 DC+4O? M3 B,EC ,4 0OD29 B,H,?G D,G92 ?O0 -CC+A4C OE M3 MOM +?> M3 >DC+M4*

On Eeb %L, 20%2, /elly wrote: 9ey man, , /now it1s hard* , went through the same hell and while words do "ery little !or you current emotional state** maybe this will gi"e you some hope* , had to deal with the same shit that you parents made you go through*** it1s not !air , /now* ,t1s ridiculous how much they pressure you to do this and that without any regards to your !eelings*

2he only thing that got me through was to !inish high school to the best o! my ability* Eind a part time 6ob to get out o! the house and college will be much better* 0ish you much luc/*

On Eeb %L, 20%2, Trono/ wrote: 0ell, , guess all +sian Parents are the same* , remember my childhood was sweet and, sarrow* My >ad is a short#temper /ind o! person, there!ore he would do somethin1 that he1d intended to be good, 6ust to come out the opposite* , ha"e read some o! the posts and, , must tell you guys that* 4tood up !or what you belie"e in, i! they punch, /ic/ etc at you* Just throw it bac/ and tell them :9a"e you e"er thought about, what it1s !eel li/e to be treat li/e this8 >o you thin/ 6ust because ,1m :+sian:, ,1m suppose to be :Altra#,ntelligence li/e other8 9a"e you e"er thin/ about me, when , was still a baby8 Or am , 6ust a sub6ect, !or you to harass* 9a"e you e"er put a single :Eaith: in me8 >o you thin/ these :-eatin: will ma/e me any smarter8 , am who , am, not a puppet waitin1 !or your command* >is#own me i! you want, call me a dis#grace, insult me* -ut in the end o! the day, ,1m still your own blood* +s/ yoursel!, are you e"en human or not8 +s human, we treat each other the way we want to be treat* 3ou treat me li/e shits, ,1ll treat you bac/ the same way to show you what1d it !eel li/e:* 3ou got to stand up and tell them what you belie"e in, not what they belie"e in* ,! ya want to discuss about this, !eel !ree to hit me up at "hoang%99&<gmail*com or add ms to M4? : asianSli!e20%0<li"e*com

Cheers

On Eeb %$, 20%2, Teep4miling wrote: ,1m %% years old, and be!ore anyone starts yelling at me to get o!! this website or anything, ,1m typing to "ent my !eelings* Just now, my dad blew up at me and yelled at me* 9e was as/ing a .uestion and apparently , didn1t gi"e a clear answer so he nearly smashed my bedroom door o!!* 9e yelled at me and , started crying, then he sighed as i! my crying was troublesome to him* My parents are +sian, and they1re truly nice people* -ut my dad**** 9e ne"er physically abuse me* -ut he did mentally* 9e tells me , need to be per!ect at school* 9e yells at me !or not practicing piano o!ten and threatening to ma/e me .uit piano, then goes on to lecture me about how ,1m not doing piano !or him or my mom but !or me* 9e lectures and yells, one day , got a - plus on my report card and he screamed at me all the way on the car ride bac/ home* 9e sighs o!ten, and ma/es me do math wor/sheets during summer "acation* 9e compares me, and he blames me, ne"er himsel!* ,1m too scared to say anything bac/, all , can do is cry, and when , do(, can1t help it) he starts yelling louder !or me to stop* , can1t remember the last time he hugged me or said anything nice to me e5cept :3ou are so smart=: 9e e"en !orgot my birthday once* , !eel li/e my childhood was robbed and sometimes , cry* , wish that , could1"e been born to a better !amily* My classmates always tal/ about the nic/names their parents gi"e them and the !un trips they go on* ,t ne"er happened to me* , e"en considered suicide, but , need to /eep li"ing !or the sa/e o! my little brother and mom* , actually en6oy school, because that when , can be my real sel! with my !riends* 2here are so many things i would scream at my dad i! , could, because i! , did he would only scream louder* 9e has an e5plosi"e temper* , !eel so scared and upset, , /now this abuse may seem wea/ to some o! yours but it has sha/en and depressed me immensely* 2o e"ery one on this site, my sympathies :(

On Eeb %$, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: Teep4miling,

4orry to hear your di!!iculties* 3ou are really young and got be really care!ul how to see/ !or the help* 2his board may not be good !or you due the o"erwhelming negati"e in!luences*

9ere are my suggestions:

%* 4it bac/ and thin/ honestly and truth!ully about your situation* ,! you truly conclude there is an abuse going on inside your house, don1t hesitate to contact school o!!icials, child protection ser"ice, trust adults !or needed help* +t your age, you are not resource!ul enough to handle the situation by yoursel! and you need e5ternal assistances* 3ou got be care!ul about using the word :abuse:* 2his

word has been abused on this board* Most so called :abuses: here are not abuses*

2* 2al/ to your parents and tell them you ha"e been ha"ing negati"e thoughts* 3ou need a pro!essional help* +s/ parents to hoo/ you up with pro!essionals* 2ell the pro!essionals about your situation truth!ully* 2he pro!essionals can wor/ on both you and your parents*

;* 4ee/ing !or e5cessi"e sympathy could be :addicti"e:, which could ruin your li!e badly* 4tay away !rom this board* Boo/ !or some positi"e role models* Dight now Jeremy Bin is a sensational !antastic story* 4earch !or his stories* 3ou can learn a lot !rom him* +gain, you are young, good in!luence can really guide you to a good li!e while negati"e in!luence can screw up your li!e badly* 4o be care!ul*

Teep smiling=

On Eeb %$, 20%2, Teep4miling wrote: +sian>ad

2han/ you so much !or the suggestions :) , !eel much better now, and your words ha"e really brought my mood up* Perhaps there isn1t true abuse going on in my house, my dad 6ust has a bad temper* Compared to most o! the posts on this board, my idea o! abuse is !ar to innocent* -ut truly than/s, , will stay optimistic and loo/ on the bright side* +nd yes, , ha"e heard o! Jeremy Bin* 9is story is incredibly inspiring=

2han/ 3ou=

On Eeb %$, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: Teep4miling,

3ou are welcome= Glad to /now you are !eeling better* 3our dad is a human and will ha"e emotions and ma/e mista/es* 2ry to communicate with him about your !eelings* Bi!e will ha"e ups and downs* JeremyMNOPOQs team lost tonight* 9e had many down days in the past* -ut he did not choose a sel!# destructi"e path* ,nstead he wor/ed e5tra hard and , belie"e he is way stronger than he loo/s li/e* 9ope you will be stronger and o"ercome the di!!iculties* , li/e your screen name, which is inspiring too*

Teep 4miling=

On Eeb %8, 20%2, tr wrote: <Teep4miling +n e"en better .uestion is what the XFUX is wrong with your >ad* ,m not sure i! , understood what you were saying but this isn1t your !ault its your >ads* 0ho the !uc/ brea/s a door down8 People with !uc/ing mental illnesses thats who* 0heres your Mom in all o! this8 >oes she gi"e a shit8 , dont e"en ha"e any suggestions !or you because this is !uc/ing retarded* 0hy did your >ad e"en bother to spawn i! he was 6ust going to be a !uc/ing asstard* +ll these retarded ass parents , swear they piss the shit out o! me to no end* 9umans li"e !or what %00 years and then we !uc/ing die, we dont need to spend the 20 years o! our li!e with stupidass dictatorli/e parents* , JA42 0+??+ , 0+??+ >O >+M?,2, , dont gi"e a shit i! , dont get a college degree or ha"e any !uc/ing money, , 0+?2 2O -C EACT,?G EDCC MO29CDEACTCD GO>>>* , dont gi"e a shit i! this sounds insane this is retarded* 2his is a !uc/ed up planet, with !uc/ed up people, and , am sic/ o! li"ing in this god!orsa/en world, with these god!orsa/en people* ,m !uc/ing sic/ o! this board and hal! o! these !uc/ing people* ,m through with this board you will ne"er hear !rom me again !uc/ this place* ,n !act im done with this board im ne"er posting or coming to this website e"er again* 2heres so much !uc/ing negati"ity and bullshit on this board* 4ince im ne"er coming bac/ here e"er again, ,m gonna spea/ my mind about what , thin/ about your >ad* , thin/ hes a !uc/ing asshole moron, , thin/ hes a lousy Eather* , dont thin/ he deser"es to be a human being , thin/ he deser"es a stic/ 6ammed so !ar up his ass that it pierces his heart* +nd shame on your mother !or allowing your Eather to be such an abusi"e a#hole* +nd heres on last thing be!ore , go* 4hame on society !or all the bullshit parenting that goes on* +nd im going to a big EACT 3OA to all the lousy ass abusi"e parents on this planet , hope you all burn in hell* 2hats it and smiley i! theres one piece o! ad"ice , will gi"e you is this, li"e li!e how 3OA want to li"e it and pursue 3OAD happiness, !uc/ your >ad* +nd !uc/ this goddamn !orum* Bater people im out o! this place, , hope you all do the same* ,m getting on with my li!e*

On Eeb %8, 20%2, lt wrote: ,1m an %8 Hietnamese girl* 2he things that ,1"e put up with in my household is slowly brea/ing me apart* ,t1s the point that , don1t want to li"e her* 3et my little sister is holding me bac/* 2han/s -uddha that ,1m lea"ing to college soon* , will become something despite what ,1"e been told by my parents*

,1m the oldest, and , understand that alot is e5pected* +nd , try my hardest to do these e5pected things, but what , do, is ?CHCD enough* ne"er* , ha"e a little brother which is %;* 3et he does things , cannot* 4pea/ing Cnglish in the household is basically !orbidden* 3et he does it* +nd when , gi"e an answer such as : 3eah*: , get bitched at !or hours* Just li/e last night*

Bast night was the last straw !or me* ,t1s to the point , want to get up and lea"e* Go to another !riends* My dad as/ed me a simple .uestion* , ga"e a simple answer* 9e didn1t hear me, , said it again* 9e got

mad and yelled at me to spea/ louder* , turned and said : 3C+9* : simple right8 9e didn1t say anything until my mom said : you grow up and you thin/ you can spea/ to us li/e that8 : 2hat1s what triggered my dad* 0hen she mo"es, he does* 9e says to me : Bearn to shut the !uc/ up* , don1t want to hear 1 yeah 1 or any bullshit coming out your mouth* 0e raise you to grow up and this is how you treat us* 4o disrespect!ul* C"en in the morning when , drop you o!! to school, , don1t hear a bye* : ,1"e learned o"er the years to /eep my mouth shut* 3et it1s hard at times when , /now that they1re wrong*

3et my brother tal/s bac/, spea/s Cnglish, doesn1t do anything in the house* , coo/, , clean, , ta/e care o! my little sister to the point she sometimes calls me mommy* -ut they say , don1t do anything* , can1t wait to lea"e to watch them need me as much as they e"er will because /nowing my brother, he won1t do most then hal! o! the things , do*

On Eeb %8, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: Teep4miling, +t %%, your childhood is not lost* 3our are at the beginning o! your youth!ul li!e*

3our !ather must be a "ery sad and sel! pitying person* 9e may be secretly en"y the opportunity that you are ha"ing, which he will ne"er ha"e* 9e has problem e5pressing emotion* 9e is li"ing his li!e through you*

9a"ing the s/ill to play the piano is a gi!t that will stay with you !ore"er* Music is healthy !or your mind, and it will soothe you during di!!icult time* , suggest instead o! !ighting your !ather on piano practice, embrace the piano gi!t* +s/ your piano teacher !or a short piece o! music that you li/e and can play to cheer you up when you are sad* 0hene"er you !eel sad, instead o! crying, play your happy piano music*

Eeel sorry !or your !ather, not anger* 2hin/ what you can do to help your parents be happier # perhaps play a happy music8

On Eeb %8, 20%2, Pi@@aboy%; wrote: 9ello, , am a %S year old Pa/istani* ,t1s not easy being raised in such a strict 4outh +sian !amily* My parents constantly annoy me about my grades e"en i! it is, !or e5ample, a 9$* My parents constantly annoy me and say that , am a disobedient, low#li!e, stupid bit*ch* 2hey will phisycally abuse me i! , do not listen to them* , am thin/ing about mo"ing out by the time , am %8, but in my culture i! you mo"e out be!ore you1re married you will get shunned by society* Please help me= , am sure any Pa/istani, ,ndian, 4ri Ban/an, or -angladeshi can relate to this=

On Eeb %8, 20%2, Pi@@aboy%; wrote: ,n school and in Pa/istan, my peers respect me as my great grand!ather (8) was one o! the /ings that ruled the subcontinent on ,ndia (Mughal Cmpire) and brought ,slam to ,ndia (3es, one o! the Mughal /ings made the 2a6 Mahal)*

-ut at home it1s way di!!erent* My parents hit me and my mom is 4chi@ophrenic* My mom and dad were !orced married and my li!e is li"ing hell with them !ighting o"er e"ery single petty thing li/e how my mom didn1t iron the clothes right* ,t really suc/s*

On Eeb %8, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <Teep4miling 0hat 4T3 said about being able to play the piano !or the rest o! your li!e simply because o! your lessons now is true* , .uit & years ago but , can still read music sheets and play as i! , were still ta/ing lessons* +nd li/e 4T3 said, it1s more en6oyable when you play songs that you li/e*

On Eeb 20, 20%2, JJ wrote: _+bout the piano aspect it is so true*

, too/ /eyboard lessons actually when , was younger (and than/!ully we weren1t harshly !orced into it, but was o!!ered to try it out instead), but the class ended as the instructor came down with an illness and couldn1t dri"e anymore (also he li"ed e5tremely !ar away)* ,t1s been almost %2 years since , stopped ta/ing /eyboard lessons, howe"er, , do remember a great amount o! it still and am interested in getting in"ol"ed in it !urther* , ha"e !ound a lot songs that , admire that you can play on piano7/eyboard and , really want to play them*

On Eeb 20, 20%2, JJ wrote: Pi@@aboy,

3ou /now what8 ,E you get shunned out by society, then let it be because then at least you don1t ha"e to deal with the hell anymore* +lso mo"e out to a di!!erent country where you get some sense o! peace and can build your li!e* 3ou can still en6oy your culture as well without being crippled on* ,1m indian and it1s similar* ,

didn1t ha"e it as e5treme as you, but , /now where you are coming !rom*

On Eeb 22, 20%2, daisy %0% wrote: e"eryone should 6ust smile and en6oy their day bc i ha"e small boobs

On Eeb 2;, 20%2, stresssedd wrote: indian parents suc/*** i got a pair too=== im old enough**** buhh nooo thy gota spoil m li!e**** wish u wer educated n wudnt treat us li/e crap=== i soo !eel li/e slapin you with da pain you m/ m goo thru** n silly me respectin you no matter wat i do don/ey wor/ buhh in return i gt beaten n abusd wit all sort o! name*** !ull o! shit=== !eel ashamed im 2;***

On Eeb 2;, 20%2, JJ wrote: _0e should get together one o! these days and tal/ about it along with anyone else in the same place* , don1t thin/ all ,ndian parents suc/ though, ,1"e met many who may be strict (but it1s !or a good reason) but liberal and understanding* ,t1s the hypocritical ones , can1t bear to stand and un!ortunately , got stuc/ with in that group*

On Eeb 2S, 20%2, 22 wrote: 9ey ,1m 2; and an engineering student that1s about to graduate* ,1m Hietnamese and , 6ust thought ,1d share my thoughts and !eelings hope!ully to inspire others* 9a"ing +sian parents is***uni.ue in the wrong way* ,! your parents aren1t assimilated then chances are you1"e been raised the :same way: as e"eryone else has in this !orum as , ha"e* 2he physical and mental abuse does ta/e a toll* , ha"e great grades and e"erything (s/ills, athleticism, creati"ity) , thought my parents would want but still it1s ?CHCD C?OAG9* 2hey1ll continue to drill you until you lose sight o! who you are* +nd when you do gi"e up because you1"e reached your brea/ing point, they won1t relent and will continue to abuse you* 3ou may end up a ner"ous wrec/ without any sel!#con!idence and be blamed !or it===

+sian parents seem to belie"e in the motto :i! it doesn1t /ill you then it will ma/e you stronger*: 2hey1re "ery wrong though, because in the end what they end up with is a resent!ul child who is "ery unhappy and with poor per!ormances in all aspects o! their li!e* 0hat , would strongly recommend is !irst accepting that you ha"e abusi"e parents and learn to protect yoursel! MC?2+BB3* 4top blaming 3OAD4CBE !or any !aults your parents ha"e pointed out because there is a good chance its minor* Most +sian parents are pessimists at heart and do not see the good side to most things, so it is to your ad"antage to bloc/ out what they say and rea!!irm all o! the good things in your li!e to yoursel! including .ualities about yoursel!* +t the end o! the day you /now what your strengths and wea/nesses are better than they do, there!ore you don1t need a!!irmations !rom your parents* Bearn to be independent and pursue any goals that ma/es you happy* 4ee/ out mentors who can help you

achie"e those goals (psst***+sian parents thin/ they /now e"erything so don1t bother as/ing them because they will !eed you !alse in!ormation***,1"e spent countless o! hours reresearching what they say and its mostly baloney mi5ed with lies)

+sian parents do not /now what it means to be happy* 2hroughout their li"es they1"e been spoon !ed this weird idea that becoming an engineer or a doctor will ma/e you happy* +nd that i! you ha"e a !amily and /ids right away with this "ocation you will be "ery happy* 2hat1s ne"er the case* 3ou need to !igure out !or yoursel! what 3OA want to do !or the rest o! your li!e and please 3OAD4CBE !irst be!ore all others including your parents* 0hen they1re long gone and its 6ust you and you1re !amily how and what are you going to teach your children8 0ill you spew the same garbage your parents will8 >o you want your children to !eel the same way you1re !eeling now8 ,1m a trained engineer, but the thing that ma/es me happiest is inno"ating and being an entrepreneur= 2elling my parents this made them e5plode= -ut you /now what8 2elling them that ,1m going to li"e my li!e the way , see it made me so happy (, hope you1ll all ha"e this moment one day)7

Bong story short, ,1m dating a wonder!ul girl who is not asian and who thought it was absolutely ridiculous the way my parents ha"e raised me* 9er parents were the polar opposite o! mine and let me tell you she is a thousand times happier, has more !riends, is more outgoing, and not to mention a much better per!ormer in li!e then , am* 4he is li"ing proo! that the :asian:7tiger mom way o! parenting does not wor/* , loo/ at e"ery asian person at my school now and 6ust /now that the ma6ority o! them are miserable and will ne"er be at their best because we all ha"e been raised7trained the same way* , would emphasi@e the word trained because there isn1t a better word to describe how most are e5periencing their parent1s lo"e right now* ,t1s wrong***accept it and mo"e on* -rea/ the mold and !ree yoursel!* 0a/e up now because when you wa/e up later it will be too late*

, 6ust wanted to lea"e a .uote that1s helped me a lot* +nd it will de!ine eastern "alues "s* western "alues "ery clearly*

MNOPOg4uccess is not the /ey to happiness* 9appiness is the /ey to success* ,! you lo"e what you are doing, you will be success!ul*MNOP

Casterners pursue success while 0esterners pursue happiness* ,n the end it1s the pursuit o! happiness that will ma/e you better o!!=

Cheers

On Eeb 2S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote:

22, Hietname has been !uc/ed by the 0est !or more than a century* the land o! Hietname was poison by +gent Orage* 3ou are dead wrong to belie"e about your parent: : 2hroughout their li"es they1"e been spoon !ed this weird idea that becoming an e3our parents are trumai@ed,ngineer or a doctor will ma/e you happy:*

4pea/ !rom history, not lac/ o! /nowledge* 3our engineering education is gi"en by your parents* 4how some appreciation*

On Eeb 2S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: gi"e your parents a brea/* i! they actually abuse you in a criminal way, call the police and ha"e them loc/ed up* a!ter all they gi"e, and you ta/e* +s/ yoursel!, when was the last time you show some appreciation8

On Eeb 2S, 20%2, 22 wrote: +ppreciation to an abusi"e parent isn1t possible* ,t only rein!orces their negati"e beha"iours* +!ter all that you gi"e and you ta/e8 #4T3 0hat does that mean8 Parents are suppose to pro"ide a sa!e home so that their children can grow up and be !unctional members o! society, that is unconditional lo"e* 0hen , de!ine !unctional as many sociologists do it is a happy citi@en who contributes !ully all o! his or her abilities !or the better good o! society* ,1m spea/ing on behal! o! e"eryone here who are aware that they may ha"e psychological trauma or aren1t aware o! it yet by their abusi"e parents which in turn limits their abilities* 4T3, i! you thin/ that 6ust because parents pro"ide, they can do whate"er they want to their children then you are wrong* +nd this type o! thin/ing is e5actly how most Castern parents !eel= +n e5cerpt !rom my li!eR my Mom and >ad gi"es me a place to sleep at night so they thin/ they ha"e to right to dictate what , can read, what , can study in school, what , can practice as a hobby, and what !riends , can ha"e* 2hese actions brea/ basic human rights e"en i! there is a belie! in an adult7%8I age legal de!ined independence*

My dad !ought in the Cambodian Ci"il 0ar and my mom is a homema/er* 2he two call themsel"es Christians but practice Castern child rearing techni.ues which when compared to 0estern non# authoratarian techni.ues ma/es it hypocritical* 2he "erbal abuse and physical abuse is not a simple :slap: to rein!orce good beha"iour, but !ull out contrarian punishments* 2o sa"e their !ace, and to ma/e someone the way they :!eel: should be by these actions is utterly wrong* >on1t use the whole parental P24> e5cuse on me, because it1s comple5* -oth my Mom and >ad are well educated* 2here

is one spouse who may ha"e P24> and the other who doesn1t but is stuc/ in an abusi"e spousal relationship that can1t be resol"ed* 2hat doesn1t mean , should be than/!ul !or their :engineering: gi!t as you put it* 2he schooling in my present country ga"e me 90U o! my !unctioning /nowledge when they1"e only set %0U o! my !oundational /nowledge* 2hese were my e!!orts and there!ore are my own results*

, do celebrate Eather1s day and Mother1s day but , !ocus on only their good beha"iours* , do not howe"er submit to their abuse which is what ,1m recommending to e"eryone* 2hey will always be your parents, so running away and ne"er seeing them again is a recipe !or disaster* Just bear it out until you are independent and get yoursel! your own home* Ma/e rules, so that they aren1t allowed to come to your place to abuse you more* My greatest !ear will be when , ha"e my own children and they get a "isit !rom their grandparentsR possibly recei"ing the same abuses that , ha"e recei"ed* 3ou see, normal children should ne"er ha"e this !ear*

,! anyone wants to tal/ to me please !eel !ree to post on this !orum because ,1ll be monitoring it* , really want to help e"eryone out here because , /now how e"eryone is !eeling lonely and are con!used about their parents* , /now that you1"e probably /ept all o! this secret !rom your 0estern !riends as well because you can1t bear to lose them too= ?ormal children with normal parents don1t !eel the way you do and it is a hea"y burden* -ut, you will come through= Dead, read read= Eind sel!#help boo/s centred on the the ability to negotiate and deal with di!!icult people* Eind boo/s that can help you understand human social beha"iours so you ha"e academic re!erences as to what your parents are doing wrong and what they are doing right* Bearn to lo"e yoursel! without their a!!irmationsR it1s un!air that you1re stuc/ with bad parents but all it re.uires is some more wor/ on your part*

God -less,

22

On Eeb 2S, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: ,n my case, my mom wanted to decide my ma6or !or me* , had already decided what , wanted since high school though* , stood by what , thought would be good* 4he e"entually appro"ed, although , was going to go with the ma6or , had chosen either way* Just a !ew days ago, , was telling my mom about how there were a lot o! re.uirements !or trans!erring and how , may ha"e to spend an e5tra semester at community college, ma/ing it 2*& years* 0hat do you thin/ her reaction was8 :29C? 2+TC MODC CB+44C4== 3OA1DC + COMPBC2C E+,BADC=: or something along those lines8 ,! that1s what you thought, then you1re wrong* 4he understood that there1s only so much , can do in one semester, one year* 4he told me that this was my education and , should see how , can ma/e things wor/* :,! you couldn1t !ul!ill all the trans!er re.uirements in 2 years because you weren1t able to ta/e all the classes you needed, then spend more time to !ul!ill those re.uirements:* ,1m only ta/ing re.uired classes, no

:!un: classes* -ut , wasn1t !orced to* My mom e"en told me to :ta/e easy classes: and to not ta/e too many classes at a time e"en though we don1t ha"e to pay !or anything (, ha"e a grant)* On top o! that, she had absolutely no education here at all* 4he too/ in what she /nows about the Cnglish language and li!e here through my siblings1 and my eyes* My dad had no problem with my ma6or to begin with* 9is ma6or was !orced on him, so he understood per!ectly well that it 6ust doesn1t wor/ that way* 9e also had another !riend who ma6ored in the same thing as me be!ore 6oining the war in Hietnam* 9e !illed my dad1s head with positi"e things about my ma6or, which ga"e him e"en more reasons to support me* ?ot +BB :+sian parents: are horrible* +nd it1s not because they1re +sian, otherwise we1d be screwed too* +lso, , thin/ simply putting in an e!!ort will be enough to ma/e a di!!erence, e"en i! it1s only a little* 2hin/ing bac/, the reason , ne"er really got e5actly what , wanted was probably because , didn1t try hard enough* Or simply that , 6ust didn1t want it that badly* 4o , thin/ that i! something is really important to you, you should 6ust stand by it and try to ma/e your parents see that it1s important* +nd , mean DC+BB3 try* >on1t 6ust tell them you want to do something, then storm o!! shouting :, 0,49 3OA 2D,C> 2O A?>CD42+?> MC=: when they don1t agree with you* 2hat isn1t e!!ortR you1re not trying hard enough*

On Eeb 2S, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: Comparing this passed year to the years be!ore, things ha"e gotten better* ,1m more in control o! my li!e now than , was a year ago* 4tep up and show that you1re responsible enough to be the one controlling your li!e* 4how them that you also ha"e a reason !or it, that there1s something you want out o! your li!e and not :because it1s my li!e so , should be able to do what , want:* +s true as it may be, ,1m pretty sure many o! you ha"e !ound that this doesn1t wor/*

On Eeb 2&, 20%2, JJ wrote: _Good ad"ice* 2hing is it1s soo di!!icult to change parents1 perspecti"e since they only loo/ within !our walls and not the bigger picture*

On Eeb 2&, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: MeiMei-ear,

Great ad"ice and than/s !or sharing your e5perience*

JJ,

3ou ha"e no rights and responsibility to change parents1 perspecti"e* 2he best you can do is to in!luence them or you will set up !or disappointments*

On Eeb 2&, 20%2, JJ wrote: _4till di!!icult especially since they won1t hear o! it*

On Eeb 2&, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: JJ,

, understand it is di!!icult* ,t is hard to in!luence your bosses, your teachers, or your !riends too* -ut you can choose to change them or to in!luence them* Eocus on building your s/ills rather than the results* 2hen you will !eel much easier*

On Eeb 2$, 20%2, 6enne_2$28 wrote: gosh, i /now the sentiment* when i was younger** i was also in rage li/e this but actually, in the !uture** i reali@ed it bring me good things in li!e* until now that im approaching ;0s in couple o! years) they still act li/e im a highschool girl** cheers= asian parents are li/e that** hehehe**

it1s cool actually in the long run** co@ you become success!ul no matter what* it all depends on how you ta/e it

ta/e it as a challenge** o/ay8

On Eeb 2$, 20%2, asianS8 wrote: , am the barrier between a !antasy world and the real world* 4o my 6ob is to prepare you !or the real world*, will do e"ery thing to protect you !rom the real world when your hands are small and you are not able to protect yoursel!* , am your parent*-ear with me as this time too shall pass and then you will !ind yoursel! on the other side and will be strong to protect your own children*

On Eeb 2$, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <JJ

,t may be di!!icult* -ut which is more pain!ul8 2he way things are now or the result o! your own hardwor/8

On Eeb 28, 20%2, China 4orrows wrote: i ha"e +sian parents and#man#they are li/e a bombs 6ust waiting to e5plode= my childhood was hell* instead o! letting me attend preschool and /indergarten li/e other /ids my age, mum decided to loc/ me up and !orce me to study my older brothers te5tboo/s when they were in school* she made me memori@e them and hits me with a bunch o! rulers when i didn1t answer her .uestions accurately o! !ast enough to her li/ing* my dad is always o"erseas so i don1t meet him much* i always suspect my mum hits us out o! pressure !rom the society but she drin/s a lot on wee/ends and o!ten come home drun/* mum usually hits my brothers and me e"ery time we get less than 90U on a test or e5am, hand in homewor/ late and when we don1t get an + in our reports* 3OA +DC 4OOO A4CBC44= OAD ?C,G9-OAD14 T,>4 GO2 %42 PB+CC ,? 29C,D CB+44= +?> 3OA C+?12 CHC? GC2 +? +8 this is what mum always say, or >O 3OA 0+?2 2O C?> AP B,TC 29O4C 9OMCBC44 PCOPBC OA2 29CDC O? 29C 42DCC248 , >,>?12 P+3 3OAD 4C9OOB ECC4 4O 3OA C+? EBA?T CHCD3 4,?GBC 4A-JCC2= GO>= i can1t wait until i am old enough to get out o! the house*

On Eeb 28, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: China 4orrows, 3our parents are 6ust happen to be +sian* 3ou ha"e a absentee !ather, and a alcoholic mother* 3our mother is sic/, and she needs help* 3our !amily is a good e5ample o! a !ail immigration e5perience* -y saying 1 i can1t wait until i am old enough to get out o! the house1 shows that you lac/ humanity* >on1t 6ust !eel sorry !or yoursel!* 3our !amily is sic/, thin/ about how you can help*

On Mar %, 20%2, Bets_2al/ wrote: , ha"e Hietnamese parents and , /ind o! stumbled across this site* Call me what you will, but ,1m not loo/ing !or attention* , 6ust want to share my story and see i! anyone has had the same e5periences , ha"e had*

, remember when , was in second grade, my mom said that that !or e"ery mista/e , ma/e on a wor/sheet would be a :hit: !rom the :stic/:* 0ell, one day, , brought home my papers and , made a total o! ele"en mista/es* 4o that night, she whac/ed me ele"en times* , don1t e5actly remember i! ,

had bruises or not, but , remember thin/ing that , wished , wasn1t li"ing*

4o !rom then on, , started hiding my non#one hundred percent papers* ,t went pretty well !or a year, then in third grade, my mom !ound some o! the ones , had !orgotten to throw away* 4he as/ed me i! , hid them !rom her and , as/ed her i! she was going to hit me* My mom said no, so , told her the truth* 2hen she went on this rampage and started hitting me hard with a stic/* , remembered , cried so much, my sister and her !riend had to come o"er to my room*

My mom then struc/ a bargain and said that e"ery time , bring home a one hundred percent paper, she would gi"e me ten cents, and ta/e ten cents away i! , had as little as one mista/e on an assignment* 4he also said that i! , were to run out o! money, it would be the end o! me*

, was thrilled, but that all changed when , ran out o! money* , started to hide my papers again* ,t wasn1t until spring she !ound out again* , remembered she was yelling at me and e"en called the police to ta/e me away* , was crying alot that day* , told her to stop but she said that in order !or her to let me stay in the house, , would ha"e to let her hit me and not tell anyone* (-y the time this happened, the school was suspicious my mom was physically harming me, so they told me to tell them i! my mom hit me)

, didn1t want her to hit me, so she got a sac !ull o! my e"eryday clothes and told me to !ind somewhere else to li"e* 2hen she held the door open !or me to lea"e, so then , did* ( , was running o"er to my !riend1s house, so , wasn1t that worried at the time*) -ut she called me bac/ to say bye to my baby brother*

2he rest o! what happened that day was all a blur* +nd same with the rest o! my elementary years*

0hen , was twel"e, , got interested in a dar/ band called C"anescence* 2heir music really spo/e to me ( , /now, lame) but then , went through this stage where , couldn1t !eel anything but sorrow* 2his went along !or about a month when my mom as/ed me why , was being so anti#social, , told her it was because , was depressed* 4he yelled at me !or saying such :ridiculous: things* , guess it was 6ust a stage because , grew out o! it*

0hen , got older, , got pretty interested in ma/eup (, was %S, rela5) and , remember this one !ight with my dad that i! , e"er loo/ed li/e a :streetwal/er: again, that he would /ill me* +s , got older, the punishments were more se"ere*

Just yesterday, , was !orced down on to my bed and had my dad beat me with a broomstic/* ,t le!t a couple o! bruises and welches, but no biggie* 0hat really got to me was that both my mom and my dad were yelling at me, then they were arguing o"er who got to hit me* (-y the way, the whole !ight was because , had a missing assignment in Erench) 2hen they told me that i! , e"er do :bad stu!! again:, they1ll beat me until , bleed and send me to a !osters home* ,t was a pretty bad day*

O"er the past years, , can1t help but wonder why my parents e"en /ept me instead o! handing me o"er to a !osters home* 4ure they /eep saying shit li/e :,t1s because we lo"e you: when , as/ them why they hit me so much, but , don1t actually belie"e them* 2hey ha"e ne"er told my they were e"er proud o! me and ha"e ne"er been there !or me when , was down because my !riends were !ighting or whate"er*

+ll o! my other cousins are number % in their school and whatnot, but my mom1s !amily has been a !amily o! :!ailures: li/e my brother and my sister* 2hey both dropped out o! college so now the attention1s on me to get superior grades and gi"e them money when ,1m a pharmacist* +ll my mom wants to do is brag about how much smarter her children is than my aunt1s*

, am now in college and , am "ery happy with mysel!* , am in the medical !ield (surprisingly) and , ha"e big goals !or mysel!* , plan on mo"ing !ar away !rom my parents* O? the bright side, my mom now has someone to brag about to her sister*

, guess , grew up pretty well, , had a house to sleep in and !ood and water, but*** , loo/ bac/ at my younger days and , wonder why didn1t , do anything to pre"ent the emotional scarring my parents did to me* C"en today , still wonder whether my parents really lo"ed me or not* Or whether they 6ust /ept me so that , could be the :pri@e: o! the !amily*

+nyone out there who ha"e been through what , ha"e been through8

2han/s, it1s been great reading all these stories* Teep !ighting a;

On Mar %, 20%2, auss%e wrote: email abuse two is a pussy

On Mar %, 20%2, aussie$diamond wrote: email 2 response is a pussy*

On Mar ;, 20%2, ?ini wrote: Bet1s_tal/

, can "ery much relate* ,1m also Hietnamese and had it similar* Bi/e what you mentioned, , was a top student who got "ery good grades, and my parents li/e your mom, acted "ery superior and smugly put down other parents1 children because they were not li/e us or weren1t in the top ran/s* , was h% in my school and at times !ell a bit below and then end up being se"erely beaten because , slipped a bit and then yelled at how per!ect , must be so that , won1t be shamed by others* C"en i! , respect!ully tried to e5plain to them that it is not really so, they would beat me !or being :disrespect!ul: because to them children must listen e"erything what parents tell them when the parents themsel"es are "ery ignorant* 2his started when , was S years old, and bac/ then , didn1t reali@e it, it was when , was older that , begin to understand that this all was complete bullshit and such nonsense* , had so much pressure, stress and so !orth to be this :per!ect traditional Hietnamese girl: that , had planned on committing suicide at times to get away !rom the horrible !amily , had and all the pressures and stress because it was 6ust too much* , don1t thin/ they wanted children to lo"e and nourish to contemplate on their own happiness, but 6ust use them as trophies and show them o!! to other people how they are better than them and that other people are 6ust less and lame because they are a bit di!!erent* +ny /ind o! ppl who thin/ li/e this is "ery much mentally ill or perhaps should be shunned !rom this world* 2his is why , 9+2C hypocrites=

Growing up , was /ept in my parents1 bubble* 0e were !orbidden to do anything :!oreign:, meaning we were !orced to li"e the traditional Hietnamese way and this was the most !atal mista/e they made, especially li"ing in today1s world* C"en bac/ in Hietnam, it1s all changed and the younger generation themsel"es are not con!ined to this traditional homogenous culture that our parents and grandparents had li"ed, but they would ne"er e"en loo/ into it and understand* 0e were only allowed to spea/ Hietnamese at home and e"ery time we slipped in a Cnglish word, we would get beaten because to them, we must spea/ the language :per!ectly: (2his was the start o! my resentment to Hiet culture as a whole)* 0e also could not watch any Cnglish 2H or learn about other cultures because they are :corrupted: cultures**only Hietnamese is the best culture* 4o , did miss on the 0alt >isney that , cherish now and all these childhood things that little /ids li/e* Hietnamese 2H was nothing to me, no well rounded shows that gi"es perspecti"e or anything interesting* Only lo"e mo"ies and dramas where there is only !ights and gossip* , guess it was a good thing though that because , hate Hiet entertainment, , didn1t watch any 2H at all and !ocused more on my studies* , was also !orced in a harsh way to learn Hietnamese coo/ing, doing laundry my mother1s way so , can be the most ideal :housewi!e: and whene"er , o!!ered a more con"enient way, , would be slapped or /ic/ed because it1s not the proper way* 2ell me, is it bad to o!!er other new ideas and try it out8 Eor them, they didn1t want anything, 6ust only :Hietnamese:* +ll these did not !orm any good relationship, 6ust hatred and resentment*

+lso my siblings and , weren1t allowed to ma/e !riends with anyone who was not Hietnamese* , was also told not to ma/e !riends e"en with classmates who were not Hietnamese* , listened to them being the :good: daughter and it1s one thing , regret the most, because it had hurt me in the long run as , begin to see my classmates en6oy doing CC acti"ities and going !or dances at school, reali@ing that , had to miss out on it because :Good Hietnamese /ids: don1t do these things* , had no childhood at all and didn1t get a chance !or good sociali@ation to learn about the world, 6ust being beaten to con!ine to my parents1 wants and stupid desires to ma/e their /ids into good and per!ect Hietnamese /ids who do no wrong, as well as showing pride and arrogance, which , absolutely disgust*

My parents themsel"es won1t mingle with anyone other than Hietnamese people* 2hey would !loc/ together and start comparing /ids and gossip and bac/ stab on the /ids who were not li/e me :the per!ect girl: or my siblings who were also :per!ect:* ,t1s !unny because on my street, all my neighbors /now each other well and come !rom "arious ethnic bac/grounds, 9ispanic, Torean, ,ndian, +merican, Curopean etc and once a year during the summer they would in"ite the whole street !or a bloc/ party where e"eryone CVCCP2 us on the street would go and ha"e a great time bonding* 4o while they are en6oying themsel"es, my !amily is stuc/ at home, learning to be superior per!ect Hietnamese people* ,t was li/e a ?a@i camp* My neighbors at times try to get to /now us, but my racist parents would grab us and whis/ away telling them we don1t :ha"e time: to tal/ and /now each other* +!ter se"eral times being !riendly with my parents, they ga"e up and no longer in"ite us nor do they regard us when they see us* , !eel so bad as it was a loss in opportunity to /now them and bond with them*

+s , neared college, , made sure , would get a scholarship in a school that was e5tremely !ar !rom my parents* , mentioned my e5periences in another post, but again, , learned a lot and on my own and /now what1s better !or me* +nd !rom what , learned in college, , used them now with my own !amily and belie"e ,:m much happier than , was when with my parents*

+lso will say that the marriage phase was the hellish phase , e"er went through, but luc/ily , !ought and got my way and , can say that ,1m glad , did because had , married in Hietnam, , would ha"e been depressed* My parents labeled me as corrupted and !ailed since , didn1t listen to them* , wrote a lot, so will maybe tell so in another thread*

,1m married with /ids now, and ,1m so happy with my li!e and my !amily as , don1t ma/e contact with my parents that much anymore maybe once in a while or so* ,t1s great to share these !eelings*

On Mar S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: , !eel sorry !or the Hietnamese,

2hey were ensla"ed and tortured by the Erench !or almost %00 years* 2he sla"es o!ten emulate the cruelty o! their masters* 2he Hietnamese parents depicted here is a good e5ample o! traumati@ed sla"es mentality*

On Mar S, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: -oth ?ini and Bets_2al/ , ha"e Hietnamese parents too and they arent as bad* my mom is 29C 0OD42, though* +long with my grandma, she will 42+DC at you when you do anything* +lso, she1ll hit my dog so hard !or no reason , can hear it &00 !eet away* +lso, my mom has a "ery short temper, and li/e other /ids that are +sian#+merican but still act +merican, she thin/s ,1m +>>,C2C> to the computer* , play less than an hour on the wee/ends* 4he says , ha"e bad grades when , ha"e PCDECC2== CVCCBBC?2== on my papers* all my grades are abo"e 90U* C"erybody, /eep !ighting* 3our e!!orts will not be useless in the end* ,m also Hietnamese*

On Mar S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: Euc/ all asian mothers those demonic bitches* -e your own person* >o no reward bad beha"ior= Euc/ you mom=

On Mar S, 20%2, JJ wrote: _, agree with :being your own person:, but how about you go a little easy with the swearing8 ?ini, Teep Eighting and +sian>ad, your words o! wisdom is such an eyeopener because ,1m annoyed with my mom again* 3esterday mom 6umped at me because :, don1t /now how to do laundry* , ha"e done the !amily1s laundry numerous times and , still get critici@ed !or not doing things the :traditional way: and then get compared to others when they themsel"es aren1t li/e that* , mean , do it a bit di!!erent but , guess it1s not proper, e"en when the clothes come out s.uea/y clean* +lso when , help cut "egatables , always wash them and , got ridiculed !or not washing them saying , don1t /now nothing, and then , get slammed because , ha"e to wor/ with the mother and learn to be per!ect, something li/e you ?ini* ,! she1s gonna start stupid shit li/e this, she1s not getting anything !rom me and plus , reali@ed ppl who act li/e this shouldn1t get any help at all* Most o! all, , /now it1s best to rebel because i! , con"ey to these things otherwise she and my cra@y maternal !amily is going to ta/e complete control o"er me that it1s going to be too much* , reali@ed this when , went to ,ndia last !all and it is because o! this cra@y !amily that , was withdrawn**my mom thin/s it1s because , don1t /now the language so then can1t sociali@e p!!!!== , can spea/, but not !luently, but that does not mean , can1t sociali@e, , ha"e mingled with other people there, but behind their bac/s otherwise they are going to start stupidity which , also noticed* 2his is the last time ,:m going on "acation with them e"er again* 2his is what we get !or getting !uc/ing cra@y ass hypocrites* 4eriously , would rather learn things on my own then learn things !rom her and be 6umped on* ?o matter how many errors , ma/e, ,1ll learn e"entually* +nd last but not least, ,1m only stic/ing with wise people, not hypocritcal people who bac/stab and act critical o"er e"ery little thing* 4orry but , needed to "ent*

On Mar S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 2he posting immediately preceeding JJ1s is a imposter o! 4T3* 2his imposter must be writhing in pain a!ter reading my comments on the Hietnamese* Good !or you coward*

On Mar S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 2hat imposter show e"erything* , admit , am an asian mom* 2he unhappiness last !ore"er* EOmother out !or the count bitches=

On Mar S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: Euc/ing cursing* 4top using bad language you coward* -itch=

On Mar &, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: JJ,

4ince you seemed more reasonable, , belie"ed your story more* , tend to belie"e your mom is more controlling* ?ow let1s !ace it, you can1t change her (much)* 9ow about changing yoursel! in a more producti"e way8 9onestly, you are showing the similar characteristics as your mom, which is controlling* 3ou try to control the way how you would cut the "egetables* ,s it worth !ighting8 0hat i! you 6ust let it go and let your mom control8 Eor e5ample, , ha"e been reticulated all the time on this board !or my Cnglish s/ills* , let my opponent ta/e the upper hand on the issue e"en though , debated hard on other issues* ,t won1t hurt me in any way* ,! you would disrespect e"erything that your mom said, she would !eel more insecure or worthless and would control you more* ,t is not smart o! your mom1s part* -ut you don1t ha"e to play into her game* Pic/ your battle wisely* Aphold your core "alues and let the rest o! game plays out by itsel!* ,! you can do this more, you will !eel less to "ent and your mom would loss the reasons to control you more* Gi"e it a try* ,t may not help* -ut it won1t hurt at least* -y the way, we are social :animals:* 3ou can1t completely :being your own person:* Otherwise you ha"e to accept the !act that your mom is being her own person*

On Mar &, 20%2, TumaPanda wrote: My parents are always arguing* 2hey yell at each other that they hate each other and that they wished that they ne"er got married* 2hey stay married because o! me and my brother* , sometimes wish that they could get di"orced* , /now it1s wrong, but , can1t help it* 2he way they belittle each other and "erbally and physically abuse each other ma/es me sic/* ,t ma/es me wonder i! there is

such thing as happy +sian couples because , as/ my other +sian !riends and they ha"e similar problems*

0hen they1re in a bad mood, they o!ten put their negati"e emotions into me* 3esterday, my mom yelled at me !or being stupid and unreliable* 4he complains that , always want :ha"e !un: and that , ne"er study when , spend most o! my days upstairs in my room studying nonstop* , only go downstairs to chec/ my computer(they don1t trust me with the computer) and to eat* , o!ten loc/ mysel! up in my own room to study, read, draw, or listen to music* ,t1s the only way to bloc/ out the chaos in my house*

+!ter , did bad in chemistry(, passed, but , didn1t get an +), my parents called me a !ailure and o!ten remind me about my !ailings* 0hene"er they insult me, they somehow relate it to my chemistry grade and then tal/ about how much o! a !ailure , am and that , am a la@y person that can1t be trusted* , also got yelled at this morning !or wanting to ta/e a class outside o! my ma6or(it was !or my GC)* , told my mom that , had to ta/e it as a GC* My mom was then o/ with it, but she didn1t apologi@e !or her mista/e or e"en admitted that she was wrong* My parents ne"er admit that they ma/e mista/es or say that they1re sorry* 3et they e5pect me to always apologi@e !or my mista/es* , now spam people with apologies because , !eel li/e e"erything , touch i! my !ault*

On Mar &, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 4T3 ,MPO42CD, 2he more you mas.uerade my writing, the more you show me that you are writhing in pain* ?ow, , /now that you are a nobody* ,t1s o/ to continue hiding li/e a mouse, , /now that you ha"e tremendous !ear* , B,TC ,2*

On Mar &, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: JJ you can !ight your own battles* 4ometimes you can* -y your tone o! "oice, you sound li/e a ;0 year old that1s smart and wise* >on1t let them ta/e ad"antage o! you* 3ou are 3OAD O0? PCD4O?* 3OAD MOM C+? ?O2 -O44 3OA +DOA?>* 4he may now, but you may get paybac/ later on* Tarma will always get its way, whether you belie"e in it or not* 3ou 6ust need patience* + lot o! it*

On Mar &, 20%2, JJ wrote: , thin/ the main issue ,1"e been ha"ing is , don1t /now how to !ight my own battles properly, though , had some success in certain issues by 6ust wal/ing away where she reali@es she has crossed the line and then stays .uiet the rest o! the time**does not wor/ all the time though*

+sian>ad, ,! you are trying to say, 6ust listen to my mom and do it the way she wants, , will tell you , ha"e tried that in the past numerous times where , 6ust ga"e in to satis!y her* , thought doing that would 6ust ma/e her cool down and ta/e things a bit easy and thus become more calm***instead it did the opposite where e"ery command , obeyed she got to the point where she became e5tremely controlling o"er the littlest things, li/e what , must wear, how to do my hair, and e"en what to eat what times* +nd also a!ter doing this, whene"er she gets mad at my dad, !or some reason she ta/es her anger at me when , ha"e nothing to do with the issue* 9appened twice already* ,t1s li/e i! doing this, it would gi"e her the idea that this is how to ma/e me the way she wants me to be, not what , am mysel!, and i! , am not me, it1s going to hurt me in the !uture**no doubt* , guess it is !eeding her that that beha"ior is acceptable and will wor/ to ma/e :per!ect: children who are "ery traditional and are better than others, "ery similar to what ?ini said about her !amily*

My maternal !amily compare people and gossip and become o"er critical that it1s not e"en !unny, along with the ne"er ending !ights on unnecessary things* 3ou ha"e to see it to belie"e it* -elie"e it or not, this /ind o! attitude and beha"ior is the reason why my maternal !amily is brea/ing down slowly* My cousins who are married or who are grown and ha"e their own place don1t li/e them one bit and ne"er bother with them anymore* My mom thin/s the reason why they ne"er call or anything is because they :li"ed in +merican culture: and in +merica no one calls anyone where as in ,ndia e"eryone calls and /eep in touch****both these !acts are completely !alse* +s ?ini said, it is how you !orm the parent#child bond in a good manner that will /eep parents and /ids close, not dictating their li"es and control them to ma/e them the way you want* :Culture: plays no role in it*

4he told me that , should ha"e grown up in ,ndia millions o! times when she e5plodes because in ,ndia /ids are "ery disciplined and this and that***again !alse to some e5tent (,! she had gone out more she would /now better)* 2hen she whines and complains :oh these /ids in ,ndia are this and that:**in +merica and e"erywhere else they are no good* ,t applies to a lot o! things , do* 4o 6ust because , li"e a bit di!!erently, go to church, lo"e God and worship in a di!!erent manner, and am a bit broad minded and try to loo/ things at the bigger picture, ,1m not good8 ,t1s li/e saying , must be narrow#minded and hypocritical li/e them, which in today1s world will put you in a disser"ice*

+s !or being cultural, her (and her !amily) way o! introducing culture is 6ust !orcing us to brea/ away !rom it rather than cherishing it* , absolutely 9+2C> ,ndia when , went last and completely withdrawn mysel! in their presence, because again they will start acting on top o! me and will ne"er gi"e a peace o! mind* 4he and also one o! my aunts ha"e made scenes (, lost all !or respect !or her as well) where it seemed as , ha"e no worth and compared me to /ids* , was made uncom!ortable, which also resulted in a !ew emotional scars that , was gi"en on my last trip as well* 2hat trip , actually really lo"ed and !elt so close to my relati"es and had ne"er wanted to return home, but it was a!ter returning !rom ,ndia that my mom started random hell and lashed at me numerous times to start acting "ery traditional and get rid o! my old personality, +merican culture and so !orth and compared me to the /ids in ,ndia saying , must be li/e them e5actly***what rubbish tal/ she ma/e* 2he !act , was so uncom!ortable made unable to ha"e a proper bonding !or those relati"es , actually do lo"e and really

wanted to /now* ,! , tried, they will no doubt start something that will ma/e me loo/ bad rather than 6ust lea"e me alone and learn to adapt to the place mysel!, something that , would ha"e strongly pre!erred to do* , !elt it had /illed my relationship with some relati"es in ,ndia due this ridiculous beha"ior, and , don1t thin/ , can get it bac/ because o"er there people will start gossiping (which is "ery common) and perhaps bac/ stab as well*

2he part o! ,ndia where , am !rom, superiority comple5 and so !orth is common* +nother reason why , li/e ?ini1s post is because , can relate to this issue* 2he land where my parents hail, anything :!oreign: e5cept mo"ies and entertainment, which is o/, is bad* C"en the acceptance rate o! outsiders is not "ery high and outsiders themsel"es had "ery bad e5periences when tra"eling there* +nd , actually learned not too long ago that the people that my !amily descend !rom are not well li/ed by other ,ndians nor people abroad (e"en those o! the same caste o! the part where my !amily is and li"e abroad, ha"e not too many good things to say to them)* , am not a!!ected by it too much because , /now they are "ery clueless about the modern world and how it really is* 4o it does not bother me i! they critici@e or 6udge because they do it with e"eryone who is abroad (cu@ they thin/ they are better), but , will say , ha"e a lot o! resentment and hatred towards that culture a!ter ha"ing some desire a!ter the !irst trip to get close with it (per!ecting the language and /eeping in touch with !amily whene"er possible)*

?ow , don1t deal with it much and i! , engage into the e5pectations o! my maternal !amily, they are going to control my li!e, !orce me to marry in ,ndia, which is ?O2 a good thing to do and li"e my li!e !or whate"er !amily , am married to and others* , will also ha"e to gi"e up so many things , en6oy and cherish and be stuc/ in one bubble* , ha"e much closer connections to other ,ndian regions, especially the ?orth and 2amil ?adu, due to the sincerity and bonding , had !ormed with a !ew o! my !riends1 !amilies and the !ilms that , really lo"e* ,n these areas where they are !rom, it1s ob"ious they are more modern and understand better the new changes and li!estyles that are common among many across the world (e5cept the region o! where my !amily is !rom) and use these changes while still cherishing their culture* 2hey /now using the old traditional ,ndian ways will not wor/ in this time o! period* 0ish my ethnicity would be li/e that, but they are still in %8&0 and act li/e they are in %8&0*

2hat said, the ad"ice !rom my wise cousins and also !rom here (well the smart ones) help me reali@e that , can brea/ !rom this and li"e the /ind o! li!e that , /now will ma/e me happy* ,n !act today, my doctor who is ,ndian and !rom ,ndia, but is "ery open#minded and e5tremely /nowlegeable about the world, had this discussion with me and she had similar things, saying how today1s world is changing with new ways and adaptations that the older generations (,ndians particularly) won1t go !or it and will re!use to e"en try to understand it* 2he best she told that , can do is li"e my own li!e and do what is right !or me* 4he told me only , /now what is right !or me, my capabilities and /ind o! li!e that will suit me, not my parents or anyone else* +nd i! they can1t accept it, then it1s too bad* +s !or now, , will learn to bear with it until , am completely on my own and also not try to ta/e it too personally which , ha"e done a lot in the past, but reali@e , can1t, especially since ,1m 6oining the healthcare !ield and ,1m gonna ha"e to deal with a lot o! issues much worse :p* Bo"e my mom and , don1t e5pect her to change and e5pect her to be hersel!* -ut , !eel the way she is ta/ing some things is not being hersel!, but rather

she is trying to get something out o! it, li/e some sense o! sel!#pride or to satis!y the e5pectations !rom the people bac/ in the ,ndian region where she is !rom (because they critici@e wayy too much about ppl abroad***we1re not good people and a bunch o! !ailures)*

On Mar &, 20%2, ?ini wrote: JJ,

3ou are a GOO> person* Just because you are uni.ue in a di!!erent way does not mean you are bad in no means* Guess your !amily and their !riends belie"e e"eryone must be the same and ha"e the same thin/ing* Tind o! li/e my !amily* ,t1s actually good to ha"e people with all sorts o! personalities and character* 2hat1s one beauty o! di"ersity :)* 2hat was a "ery long post, but , read it and can agree with many o! the things said* >o !ollow the ad"ice o! many who tried to help you* Bi/e one poster said, don1t let them ta/e complete ad"antage o"er you* , ha"e done this mysel! and ,1m much happier than , would ha"e been* 9owe"er, do ta/e the good things they share with you and incorporate it when building your own li!e* +nd !or embracing your cultural bac/ground, , completely understand because , ha"e been there too*

0hen , was younger, , spo/e Hietnamese !luently, e"en could read and write, but the way , was treated made me despise it that , abandoned it all* , ha"en1t uttered a single Hiet word in %& years and spo/e Cnglish only, along with 4panish and some Japanese that , learned in a basic course occasionally* ?ow that , ha"e my own /ids, , ha"e a small desire to reconnect with it and ha"e .uic/ly regained my !luency in spea/ing Hiet, along with starting to get bac/ my ability to read and write a!ter not associating with it !or a "ery long time* , also would li/e to share this culture with my own /ids but again, ,1m not going to sho"e it in their throats, rather let them embrace and e5perience it themsel"es* Tids are better o!! being connected to another culture through their own disco"ery and e5plorations than ha"ing parents push them into it* 3our parents should ha"e done that, but didn1t, and that was a !atal mista/e on their part* 0hen on your own, try to sho"e the past aside and mo"e on and do things 3OA en6oy* Maybe then you will be com!ortable in re#connecting with your culture and ,1m sure you will* , lo"e learning about new cultures and , agree we should introduce it to our children, but it needs to be done in proper and e!!icient manner, not !orcing them into it, or beating them to con"ey**that will ob"iously cause them to mo"e away !rom it*

Good luc/* , /now it will be "ery hard, but it pass* 9a"e been there mysel!*

On Mar &, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: JJ,

Bi/e , said, you should pic/ up your battles wisely* , did not suggest gi"ing in on e"erything* ,! you thin/ !ighting with e"erything wor/s !or you, then do it* 2here is no per!ect solution only a better solution* ,1d suggest you to ignore the comparing and gossipy* ,t is their problem* 3ou don1t ha"e to ma/e it your problem*

3ou don1t ha"e to change your parents1 "iews o! the world* ,! you want to e5ecute your "iews, try to be independent as much as you can especially in !inance* O! course you will be more responsible !or your choices* 3ou ha"e to compromise i! you are a dependent o! them* ,nsisting on changing them is the dead end in my opinion*

3ou don1t ha"e to lo"e your relati"es* -ut you do need to learn how to interact with them* 2his is an important li!e s/ill* 3ou may not li/e your bosses, teachers, classmates, etc* -ut you still need to /now how to !unction properly* 9+2C is not a good solution*

Despect others1 culture which you may percei"e as !lawed but has the reason to e5ist !or a while* ,! some traditions are indeed less optimal, they will adapt o"er the time not o"ernight* -e patient and you don1t ha"e to loo/ down on them*

, li/e what you said :not try to ta/e it too personally: which is the right thing to do* ,! you belie"e in yoursel!, it does not matter i! others "iew you as a !ailure*, am not critical o! you* +ctually , thin/ you are on the right trac/* 3ou are paying attentions to and thin/ing o! the issues, which is "ery admirable* 3ou 6ust need to sort them out in a consistent way !or yoursel!*

On Mar L, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <JJ ,t1s li/e that on my dad1s side o! the !amily* 9is siblings want money and more property (our house) because they thin/ they are entitled to it !or the simple !act that they1re related by blood* 2hey1re waiting !or the day my grandmother passes away ## not saying they 0+?2 her to, but e"eryone dies e"entually ## so they can ta/e a big chun/ !rom her assets* Deally, !irst !ighting o"er who has the best7worst children, and then !ighting o"er things that don1t e"en belong to them* My mom has other plans though* 2hey can argue and !ight all they want because she re!uses to gi"e them what they want and is planning to gi"e e"erything (her share) to my siblings and me* My dad1s side has been saying things li/e my mom has no share because she is Chinese and they are Hietnamese !or years* My dad doesn1t agree with them though*

On Mar L, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote:

JJ, 6ust because you can1t !ight your battles doesn1t mean you don1t /now how to* 3ou will learn how to e"entually* 3ou might thin/ you need someone to show you how, but , ha"e !aith in you that you will learn how to li"e 3OAD O0? li!e* 3ou are pushed around now, but , /now soon, soon, you will not 9+2C as +sian>ad said and you are GOO> as ?ini said* , actually belie"e in you, ,1m not trying to disappoint you* , am not your cruel, ruthless mom* +sian>ad, the DC+B 4T3, ?ini, TumaPanda, and MeiMei-ear are trying to help you the best we can, and there should be more 6oiners* C"eryone agree8 +lthough they are an older generation, they 0,BB be more annoying, as , said with my grandma* , don1t thin/ you will gi"e up, and our little group with +sian>ad, 4T3, ?ini, TumaPanda, along with MeiMeibear, will help as much as you want, and we will try our hardest not to /eep you disappointed* >on1t gi"e AP=

On Mar L, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: 0hen , said older generation, , meant your parents*

On Mar L, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 2hey are all bitches* and , B,TC ,2* 2hose imposters writhe in pain shows so much about them* Euc/ asian mothers

On Mar L, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: yup yup 4T3 you agree that we1re trying to help JJ8

On Mar L, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: ,1ll also admit ,1m a ten year old* ?ow , bet e"eryone thin/s ,1m a useless brat who 6ust tal/s nonsense* +lthough , am Hietnamese, , !eel li/e a 6er/ now* 4orry, guys* Cat1s out o! the bag now* , am probably not helping*

On Mar 8, 20%2, trisha:)==5o wrote: hey, this ma/es me !eel li/e im not the only one** so i did this maths e5am the other day and ye i thought i went alright, i got it bac/ and i got %87&0***** so im pretty much going to die ** and i ha"e to tell my parents or i wont ha"e a chance to mo"e down a maths class (which is the le"el o! maths i should be doing, but instead im doing the hardest one** and !ailing)** my dad said :i want to see your mar/s or ill call the school: so i ha"e no choice** but its not the mar/ that is ma/ing me stressed and worried, its the mental abuse im probably going to get** when my dad sits with me to go through maths, i dont really understand him because he has his own way o! tutoring which ma/es no sense to me at all, so when he springs a .uestion on me randomly (when im totally con!used ) ** i try to contain mysel! 6ust in case i get it wrong** and i try and !igure the answer out** so i end up getting it wrong** 29C? -+M he

starts shouting at me, i literally can recall e"eryword while im typing this, he shouts so loudly and i begin to cry, i try to stop, but he /eeps shouting saying 142OP CD3,?G, OD ,BB 9,2 3OA1, and i ha"e to wal/ away and get a tissue and try to contain mysel! once again while being utterly a!raid o! getting hit* and this has happened numerous times* so now that i 9+HC E+,BC> M3 CV+M= im not sure how im going to tell him** i hope it goes well and he gets o"er the dissapointment .uic/ly, but 6ust the thought o! telling my parents upsets me, and i !eel li/e the biggest !ailure* great now i"e started to cry, what are some good stratergies8 5o5

On Mar 8, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: trisha:)==5o,

9ere is a strategy that you may consider* 4it down with you dad and let him /now you are not happy with the per!ormance and will ma/e the e!!orts to impro"e (not the lip ser"ice)* 3ou can also as/ !or the resources such as tutoring, boo/s, multimedia etc* +s/ him to gi"e you some time to ma/e the di!!erence* 2hen you put the real e!!orts in* Most parents will be o/ i! you truly (not !a/e ones) ma/e the e!!orts and results are not the best* Ma/ing e!!orts see/ing !or unwarranted supports will mostly waste time and be !ruitless or ma/e the situation worse*

On Mar 9, 20%2, the eclectic wrote: oh god i can de!initely relate to what people are saying*im %$ and li"ing with my asian parents who ha"e abused me both mentally and physically*my !ather was un!aith!ul to my mother so she "ent her !rustration by hitting me on little things*i got hit by an iron, hangers ,belts and whate"er she !ound at the time*my !ather doesnt hit me now but has twisted my arms and slapped me on countless occasions *i ha"e e"en been slammed against cupboards and re!rigerators*my mother constantly calls me ugly ,a !emale sna/e and e"en says she wishes i was dead*in their de!ense i am a little irritating and ha"e a tendency to be sarcastic*they say im e"il although i pray, !ast and e"en co"er my head*in addition i ha"e ne"er been in"ol"ed in se5 drugs or anything li/e that *to top all o! that sometimes she e"en stops tal/ing to me and then i ha"e to apologi@e because she is the mother and im the daughter*as a result i"e turned into a opinionated narcissistic bitch who li/es to ma/e !un o! others and o!ten disrespects her parents*i constantly bic/er with them ,call them names and threaten to /ill mysel! i! they e"er hit me again*both o! them are doctors btw but they dont e5ert pressure on me !or e5celling in academics*howe"er im still an + grade student ,the national spelling bee champion and ha"e been best in class !or si5 consecuti"e years*the !unny thing is my mom thin/s my success is due to her support*i sometimes hate mysel! !or being disrespect!ul to them but my pent up acrimony and resentment ha"e made me into a careless insensiti"e 6er/*pl@ i want to let go o! my childhood ans start a!resh what can i do

On Mar 9, 20%2, pandabear wrote: 9ey guys,

,1m an Chinese girl who1s in her second year o! uni"ersity* ,1m the youngest in my !amily and my older siblings are all males *** and are all doctors* , guess , should be grate!ul that ,1m not the oldest in the !amily because , don1t get as much pressure !rom my parents, but ha"ing said so, , still !eel as though my parents abuse me emotionally at times and , 6ust don1t /now what to do about it*

-eing the only daughter in the house, my mom e5pects me to help her do the chores around the house as well as the coo/ing* 0hen , as/ why she doesn1t as/ my dad or my brothers !or help, she1d say :2hey1re boys, but you are a girl*: 0hene"er she says that, , can1t help but !eel in!erior to males and , hate it= Once , was so angry that , 6ust re!used to help her out *** oh man, my mom was so pissed o!! that day that she started swearing at me and said stu!! li/e :3ou1re an ungrate!ul bitch= >on1t !uc/ing e5pect me to help you out in the !uture with anything=: C"ery time , hear those things, it hurts, so , usually ca"e in and help her out* , don1t want to, but , !eel li/e , ha"e no choice*

0hen , told my parents that , didn1t want to pursue a career in medicine li/e my brothers, tried !or wee/s nagging me to become a doctor, then they !inally decided to gi"e up because my parents came to belie"e that since ,1m a 1girl,1 that it was e5pected o! me to be dumber than my brothers* +s much as ,1d li/e to pro"e them wrong, , can1t, because by doing so, ,1d ha"e to become a doctor and essentially choose a career that , don1t li/e* ,! , were to say that , am not dumber than my brothers, they1d as/ why , didn1t become a doctor* +dditionally, because o! this idea, my brothers ha"e started to treat me li/e trash too* 2hey1d e5pect me to clean up !or them and run errands !or them because they were :too busy with something important*: 4eriously, who gi"es them the right to say that what , am doing at the moment is less important than what they1re doing8= 0hen , con!ront my brothers about this issue, they1d 6ust brush it o!! and say that ,1m o"er thin/ing things*

Decently, , decided to go and get a 6ob because , was tired o! ha"ing my parents help me pay !or my schooling* 4ure, , am "ery grate!ul that they1d be willing to help me out, but at the same time it really restricts me !rom studying things , actually en6oy studying because , !eel as though , am wasting away their money* , !eel e5tremely pressured to per!orm well on e"ery course too because , don1t want to waste my parent1s money by !ailing a course **** ultimately, , 6ust hate this !eeling= ?ow that my !ol/s !ound out that , was wor/ing, they1re telling me that what , am doing is worthless and that , should be !ocusing on my schoolwor/* 0hen , ignored them, they1d say something li/e :you should1"e at least got a 6ob as a waitress # they get tips and ma/e more money than the 6ob you ha"e right now*: , swear, my parents 6ust !ind any aspect o! me they can get a hold o! and ridicule it* C"en though waitresses might ma/e more, they ne"er stopped to consider the 6obs that are a"ailable at the time !or me* 2here were no waitressing 6obs when , was loo/ing !or a 6ob=

?ow that one o! my mom1s !riend1s daughters are getting married, my mom is starting to nag me about getting a boy!riend # but the !unny thing is, 6ust two years ago, she1d tell me that , should ne"er get a boy!riend and that , should !ocus on my schoolwor/ only* , was also restricted !rom wearing any

ma/eup* 0298 ?ow, she1s telling me that , should learn to put on more ma/e#up and lose weight so ,1d loo/ more attracti"e* 9earing her say that really hurts my sel!#esteem and , 6ust don1t /now what to do*

+nother issue that bugs me is that my parents would always tell me that , should be studying* 0hen they catch me watching 2H or 6ust simply going !or a stroll in the par/ with my !riends, they1d say that , should go home and hit the boo/s* 4eriously, , am not a robot who can study 2S7$ *** and e"en when , +M studying or when , am on summer brea/, they1d say that , should study some more= 0hen , am studying away !or my e5ams and turn down !amily outings, my parents would critici@e me and say that , should1"e studied ahead o! time, or as/ why , don1t ma/e time !or them anymore, OD 6ust simply say that it is e5pected o! me to be studying so hard !or these e5ams because , am *** a!terall *** dumber than my brothers and need all o! the studying time that , can possibly get*

2o be honest, , !eel su!!ocated right now because , can1t be who , am* 9ec/, , e"en ha"e problems being mysel! because , ha"en1t gotten the chance to e5plore who the real me truly is* Perhaps ,1m 6ust o"erthin/ing things and , really am what my parents say , am* , don1t /now* ,1m 6ust e5hausted !rom ha"ing to stay in this en"ironment*

On Mar %0, 20%2, JJ wrote: _0e1re in the same boat* ,t1s not only you* 2he only thing you can do is be yoursel!* 0hen in college, go out a lot and ma/e !riends* 3ou will learn a lot about this world and learn new ideas that allow you to become open minded and see the bigger picture o! things* ,1"e done this and this is the only place , can share my !eelings because , tal/ about this with my !ol/s, ,1ll probably be smashed in the window* Our parents ne"er had that and while , understand they grew up li/e that, , don1t thin/ they should en!orce their hypocritical "iews on their children because it will do no one any good* +t least they should try to understand us, e"en i! they don1t agree with it (and we should respect them !or it)

On Mar %0, 20%2, JJ wrote: +nd also !or those who commented on my posts*

2han/s !or all the ad"ice gi"en and di!!erent "iewpoints* , appreciate it and in !act and learning to ignore such !alse statements my parents (mom speci!ically) ma/es* +nd , agree with the criticism and ignoring it* ,1"e been told criticism is not good to do and at times it does ma/e my mom depressed when someone proudly shows their /id is li/e this or that, ma/ing e"eryone else loo/ li/e scum* ,t annoys me li/e hell when someone sho"es li/e their /id is better than the rest o! us***gotta lo"e arrogance right8 2oday she1s tal/ing about how an uncle who mo"ed to ,ndia went there because /ids abroad will not turn out to be these goody good traditional ,ndian /ids* , don1t /now how true that is, but , can say my uncle better not guarantee that because it oh so changing* 4o yes e"eryone born and

brought up abroad are :corrupted: because they ha"e a di!!erent outloo/ in li!e that is not accepted in the ,ndian society my !amily is !rom* , had to laugh in secret because ,ndia (including there) is changing rapidly, a new mentality is coming !orth and these youngsters growing up there are not gonna be li/e how the older generations were* 2here are new adaptations o! change coming along and !unny these older generations don1t reali@e it* ,1d lo"e to their reactions when they !ind out, which they will later* +nd !or one note**it does not matter where you raise your /ids, corruption is e"erywhere and /ids will be e5posed to these bad things anywhere they go, i! people can1t accept, don1t ha"e /ids at all* +s a parent you must /now how to be positi"e in!luences on your /ids to /eep them away !rom the bad, not hounding them to be li/e this or that li/e my parents did*

On Mar %0, 20%2, JJ wrote: +nd one more thing to mention,

TeepEighting,

+s a %0 year old, , thin/ you are already wise enough :)* 9ere we will help you become a good human being and help you see/ the proper way to grow and !lourish into a uni.ue indi"idual*

On Mar %0, 20%2, ?ini wrote: <JJ

4ame with Hietnam* ,t1s not li/e the olden days anymore and yet these older generations re!use to see/ and understand times ha"e changed* , e5tremely rage when they compare the :goody good: Hietnam /ids to abroad born and raised Hietnamese /ids* ,t1s complete bullshit because e"en in Hietnam, se5, drugs and so !orth is "ery common**you can1t pre"ent your /ids !rom being e5posed to this* C"en now there is dating going on (though some prohibit this, /ids in Hietnam are still doing it behind their parents1 bac/s**had a relati"e who did this too**ha=)* Probably this why we ha"e this generation gap seen all o"er the world today* Tids today, no matter where they are will grow up a bit di!!erently !rom the older generations* -ecause o! globali@ation, new ideas and aspects o! certain things ha"e come into mind !or a new suitable li"ing and independence as well* 4ure we can learn about our culture too, but again li"ing in a e5treme homogeneous culture is not possible anymore because o! this new world we are in* +nd , agree, i! these narrow#minded hypocrites cannot accept that and want their /ids to grow up in this cultured traditional per!ect way li/e they see, they better not ha"e /ids at all because it1s %00U not happening*

On Mar %%, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote:

<pandabear ,t1s li/e that here also* , don1t thin/ it1s a bad thing to help out when , ha"e time, but the ine.uality is what bothers me* 0hen , as/ why my brother doesn1t need to help around the house, my mom tells me the same thing* :-ecause he1s a boy*: 2his is noticable e"en !or "isitors* ,1"e had !riends as/ me when they came o"er why my brother doesn1t ha"e to do anything e5cept go to school and study, why he gets to loc/ himsel! up in his room all day playing 0orld o! 0arcra!t, Beague o! Begends, Maple 4tory, etc* , ha"e to go into his room, get the dishes !rom him, and then wash them* 0hy can1t he 6ust bring them out on his own at the "ery least8 +nd i! no one goes to get it !rom him, he 6ust lea"es them sitting somewhere on his des/*

On Mar %%, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: _ 9al! buried in a disarray o! boo/s and papers ne5t to his computer*

On Mar %S, 20%2, Mc+n@-oi wrote: My parents are leading me to depression 2_2 wish i could 6ust tell them to shut the !uc/ up e"ery # time they lecture me, oh wait a minuet, i do BOB yeah there1s that one stage in li!e where you don1t care about getting abused or shouted at anymore, you 6ust simply stand up !or what you belie"e is right* -ut in the end i lose the war and end up sitting there listening to their pathetic lectures :; but its not so bad, cause the ne5t morning they will !orget about it*** only !or a short while though :)

On Mar %&, 20%2, Hiolin and Chip wrote: ,t1s not that bad* , mean*** my parents hit me when , was younger but , got used to it* , was sad about it but there wasn1t anything that , could do* ?ow my mom and dad are easily agitated* EA>GC* 4uicide: nah* -ut their disappointed loo/s wor/ better than any physical abuse* :P

On Mar %$, 20%2, Mc+n@-oi wrote: +9+ yeah those stares they gi"e you 6ust lowers your sel! esteem :;

On Mar %$, 20%2, Jacob wrote: -ut ha"e you guys e"er thought about what 3OAD parents went through when they were 3OAD age8**, mean, sure i1"e been in metal or physical and etc, but we should ta/e the time to understand why8**

On Mar %$, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: my mother 6ust chuc/ed all my maths practice maths papers at me 6ust then and said that she doesnt /now why she ga"e birth to an idiot li/e me* it ma/es me !eel li/e an idiot and right now, i !eel li/e a bitch !or witin this bout my own mom* but sometimes it get to be a bit 2 much* she wants me 2 be the best at maths when that isnt e"en my best sub6ect* hell she wants me 2 be top at e"rything im so pissed riht now cu@ i wor/ed on those papers !or li/e three hours and they1re now all out o! order nd i probs ha" print them all o"er again* sometimes i thin/ she doesnt e"en care about my achie"ements* im in +us and here there are special s/ls that u ha" 2 do a test to get into* im goin to one o! those s/ls right now and e"en though it is literally 20metres away !rom an awesome shopping centre, not allowed to go* im %S btw*

she doesnt allow !aceboo/, twitter not e"en a !uc/in gmail acount* im so pissed* its li/e social suicide* at s/l, im always listening and stu!! and always do my homewor/ e5cept she ne"er ac/nowleges that* i got ; b1s in my report last year and she got all pissed # but i actually also too/ S wee/s o!! s/l cu@@ my grandpa died and i had to go 2 india*

im onl in year 9 and she e5pecs so much* hell im already studying !or my 94C thats in yr %2 and im not allowed to go to concerts or the mo"ies with my !riends

i !eel so isolated and !ail help me pl@ somebody

On Mar %8, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <curry_girl 3ou1re not alone* ,t used to be li/e that !or me* My mom didn1t li/e people coming o"er to the house and wanted to /eep me in while my dad was paranoid and didn1t want me hanging out somewhere with my !riends other than at our house***my parents had con!licting "iews on the sub6ect and , ended up not being able to meet with any o! my !riends outside o! school* 2hings are better though* Teep in mind that with !reedom comes responsiblities* ,! you can pro"e to your mom that you1re responsible enough, she1ll most li/ely gi"e you more space, more !reedom*

On Mar %9, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: than/you so much* you dont /now what this means to me* to /now that this happened to someone else out there gi"es me so much hope* how did it end up !or you8 what i ur situation now8

i 6ust had to spend ; hours on maths alone today e"en though i ha"e a !ew other assignment due tomorrow* i hate how my mum is always so !ocussed on maths and nothing eles* i !eel li/e im li"ing her dream e"en though it sounds really cheasy :) i 6ust hope she doesnt read this* i will try and pro"e to my parents sthat im responsible !rom now on though* im tring really hard to get !aceboo/ or at least a gmail to /eep in touch with my old s/l !riends* its hard :( hope!ully ill !inish those other assignment now* im tired and really annoyed* my parents are a bit o"erprotecti"e in my opinion*

as u can tell, im /inda o"er the pre"ious incident* i"e realised that my mum is 6ust trying to help me* i 6ust wish she didnt 6ust diss all the other sub6ects i do so easily though

On Mar 20, 20%2, +nonymous wrote: Cnough with the :asian parents this: and :white people this: ,t happens to all di!!erent /inds o! races*

On Mar 20, 20%2, ?ini wrote: CurryGirl,

, !elt your pain* , was ne"er allowed to go outside anywhere and play with my !ellow neighbors as well* , really didn1t ha"e any !riends in school because my parents didn1t want me to sociali@e with people who weren1t Hietnamese since they had some :de!ect: 5_5, and the only !riends , had were the /ids o! my parents1 !riends who also went through similar obstacles* +nyway, what , did was , accepted it, was /ept in my bubble and when , went !ar out to college away !rom my parents, , bro/e my bubble and , tried to rebuild my childhood* , made a lot o! !riends through college that , still /eep in touch with and started to be !rom this "ery .uiet shy girl to a more outgoing and open girl* ,t1s important to get on with mainstream society, howe"er with parents who are "ery traditional and don1t mingle with other people besides those !rom their own culture don1t see or re!use to see/ this, and it can hurt them in the long run, especially i! they ha"e "ery bad racial attitudes towards others*

+nyway, try not to ta/e things too personally* , used to be li/e this and cry e"ery night and !elt li/e a loser whene"er my parents 6umped at me and hurt me, but as , grew older , reali@ed , can1t 6ust sit there and cry and must de"elop thic/ s/in* ,1m no longer a!!ected my parents1 harsh words or criticisms , get !rom the Hiet community because what they say has no importance or should not matter* Teep in mind, this younger generation is %05 smarter than our parents or grandparents were, e"en though they

do ha"e some good points in which it1s good to listen to* +s one said be!ore, it1s their problem, not yours* 3ou ha"e the right to ma/e your own choices and e"en i! your parents don1t li/e it, they will probably see how it1s bene!icial !or you later on* Eor me, , didn1t listen to my parents because , /now the way they want me to li"e won1t help me at all, and plus it1s no longer applicable anywhere e"en in Hietnam because now Hietnam has changed + BO2* ,! my parents /new that, they would be more unhappy* , 6ust did my own thing and my parents now call me :corrupted: !or not marrying in Hietnam* ,1m "ery happy though and could care less i! ,1m :corrupted:* ,1m still "ery much settled, and happily married with /ids* , wouldn1t ha"e it any other way* 9ad , did what my parents told, , /now !or sure , would be e5tremely unhappy and depressed*

Teep your head and good luc/ :)

On Mar 22, 20%2, >ream 9igh wrote: +ye, you wouldnt belie"e what happened yesterday* My sister recei"ed an E in language arts(,ts the beginning o! the semester and her !irst assignment was missing) so my dad was beating the poop out o! her*B,TC JCCW >A>C= , was crying because when my dad gets mad he usually ta/es it on me !or some reason* +nd he was about to hit her with the door= 9e almost /illed me !or getting and +# on a "ery important test* +#1s are still good right* +nd i hate how he always says : 3ou guys should be proud to ha"e a dad li/e me****i wor/ so hard to !eed you * 3ou see8 3ou ne"er see me rela5*=: ,t 6ust really bothers me , you /now8 +nd he spends more than ; hours on the computer watching :stu!!: and he always has the t" glued to his !ace*

please, i need help* im %% , !eel li/e a prisoner in here and whene"er i get home !rom school,it !eels li/e heXX * :(

+d"ice8

On Mar 2;, 20%2, tr wrote: +h dream high don1t you !uc/in lo"e it it1s li/e a ne"er ending stream o! !uc/ing bullshit* 4o let me tell you how it is, in the simplest o! terms your dad is a !uc/ing idiot* +!ter reading all these stories , ha"e to the conclusion that all +sian parents are !uc/ing retarded and ha"e peanut si@ed brains* Only a race o! ignorant dumbasses can !uc/ up parenting this bad* ,! your dad has enough time to sit on his ass !or ; hours a day then he is a la@y dumbass* 2ell him that say dad you are a la@y coc/suc/er please die* Bol , can already tell what /ind o! mindset your dad has he1s 4O a!raid that i! you and your sister don1t get an :education: your li"es will be a meaningless piece o! shit, you1ll be on go"ernment wel!are !or the rest o! your !uc/ing li!e* -ecause his li!e was shit in Torea or where"er the shit he came !rom he automatically assumes your li!e will be shit* 9is 6ob also suc/s ass and he1s prolly miserable as !uc/

and rather than !i5 his own li!e, mind u his peanut si@e intellect he !uc/s with you and your sisters li!e* Bet me tell you, , mo"ed the !uc/ out right a!ter , turned %8* +nd my parents were telling me , was gonna be a !ailure but did , care8 Euc/ no , ga"e them the middle !inger and wal/ed out* ?ow , wor/ at Mc>onalds, too/ a student loan and sent mysel! to a community college* ,1m 0+3 better o!! now then be!ore sure , ha"e to wor/ a 6ob and balance college on top o! that shit and then ill ha"e to pay all my damn loans o!! later* but atleast , don1t ha"e 2 spawns o! 4atan !ollowing me around anymore*

On Mar 2S, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <>ream 9igh My dad was li/e that e"en when my mom was pregnant* 0hen he1s watching 2H and you bother him, he gets DC+BB3 mad* 2ry doing things !or yoursel!* , learned that by not bothering him when he1s watching 2H is better, not only !or me, but !or e"eryone in the house* +nd i! you need help with anything, as/ someone else unless its an emergency and no one else can help you*

On Mar 2S, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: +nyone who says that +BB +sian parents are retarded is !uc/ed in the headR it1s 6ust as dumb ass !or someone to say that +BB +sian /ids on this !orum are retarded*

4OMC o! the parents who are being "ented by their /ids here, desert the cussing* 0e need to correctly label themR those parents are o"er#stressed, cultureless immigrants who cannot ma/e it in their old countries* 2hey "ent their !rustration on their childrens* , don1t care i! they ha"e a Ph>R education 6ust gi"e them a s/ill to wor/, but not the wisdom to handle li!e*

2he people who cuss only their own parents are !ine, becuase it will become a "icious circle: cra@y immigrant parents abuse their childrens, cra@y immigrant children cuss their parents, then the cra@y immigrant children1s children cuss them in return* ,t1s ine"itable*

Eor those who use the word +BB to label all +sian parents are the most retardedR becuase they don1t understand that there is no attribute applies to e"erything* 2here are more than a billion +sians* 4ome are good and some are bad, but not +BB*

On Mar 2S, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: i agree with you 4T3 howe"er, when we say things about asian parents, one must recognise that we r not labelling all o! the, only the people we ha"e been e5posed to in our society, !amily, culture***etc*

to the people out there who ha"e helped me, than/you* i ha"e now mo"ed on !rom that problem nd am aiming high in my li!e to get a degree in medicine in uni (my own choice ?O2 my parents)* than/you and remember that li!e is not 6ust about that %0min period in ur li!e that was %00U blac/* remember those %hr periods that were %00U awesome and get on with ur li!e= :)

On Mar 2&, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: curry_girl, Congratulation= Go !orward and be success!ul* >on1t abandon your heritage, inspite o! your parents*

On Mar 2&, 20%2, JJ wrote: +men to the two abo"e posts*

, !inally reali@ed that though it1s hard sometimes to belie"e it* Bi/e again, you can1t 6udge this on e"ery +sian parent, e"en many who immigrate elsewhere do change their thin/ing and aren1t as bad* One o! my aunts is /ind o! li/e that now though she can be a pain* 4o no, ?O2 e"ery patient is retarded or e!!ed up in the head*

On Mar 2L, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: than/s peeps= i ha" now !inished my assignments and am studying !or my !rench e5am ne5t wee/= wish me luc/=

:) curry_girl

On Mar 2L, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: Good luc/, curry_girl=

On Mar 2L, 20%2, JJ wrote: Good luc/ CurryGirl= , /now you1ll do well= :)

On Mar 2L, 20%2, ?ini wrote: Good luc/ hun* Teep us posted*

On Mar 2L, 20%2, ?othing2o>o9ere wrote: Euc/, , remember when , was around in grade & (, was probably 9 or %0 at that time) , had a mind o! my own, , thin/ about mysel! and my !eelings around that age already* My mom would use to****Asually hit me on the head, hit me here and there, "erbally abuse me, saying shit li/e :, am so unluc/y to ha"e you: +nd o! course comparing me to the other :success!ul, and obedient: children7cousins* +nd she1d tell me to go eat shit or get out o! her house and ne"er come bac/ BOBBOBOBOBB*

, !uc/ing laughed my ass o!! so badly now when , thin/ about it, but yeah bac/ to the topic, e"er since my mom really went o"erboard with me emotionally with her nonsense and physical abuse, , ratted her out to my school1s counselor* Y> 9onestly , didn1t e"en care at that time i! , will be ta/en away or be put into a new home, but a!ter that she pretty much triggered my limit, , 6ust poured all my emotions out to my counselor* +nd course my school called my mom in and tal/ed to her, and a!ter that incident, she ne"er laid a !inger on me* Yo

, /now the whole :Just suc/ it up and stay .uiet: or :ignore it, he7she will shut up once you nod and say yes yes , understand: -ut honestly that shit gets repetiti"e and it will lose your patients* ,1"e suc/ed it up !or years now, and , can honestly say that it was worth ratting her out, she still o! course gi"es the occasional ranting and bitching here and there, but ?O0 , 6ust tal/ bac/ and say all her ranting and complaining is :in"alid:

, don1t /now how today1s generation deals with their +sian parents, but i! you1re really at the limit o! wanting to hurt yoursel! or getting depressed, don1t hold it in, don1t hold bac/, i! you really need help, tal/ to someone who you trust* ,t1s ?O2 worth it to protect yoursel! or your :parents: who physically and emotionally abuses you, you ?CC> a healthy li!e to li"e* >iscipline is good to straighten up a /id, but honestly***Cmotional and physical damage is really not right*

4omeday when the +sian parents /eeps up with his7her act*****2heir /id is going to go !uc/ing nuts or there will be a certain trigger that will ma/e them 0+?2 2O T,BB 29C,D P+DC?24, that or suicide* +sian parents i! you1re reading this(2hat1s i! you can read this*** Bawl@), don1t !uc/ing get yoursel! /illed by abusing your /id "erbally and physically, because e"entually your child7children will be at their limit where they 6ust want to put a bullet in your !uc/ing heads, and don1t abuse or hurt your /id to the point where they want to /ill themsel"es*** , am proud to be an +sian, but , am ?O2 proud o! my culture or my traditions* Yi

On Mar 2$, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: ?othing2o>o9ere,

, hope your message will not be misinterpreted or misunderstood* 3es, it is appropriate to report to school counselor or child protection ser"ices or police i! a /id belie"es parents are abusing* -ut /illing parents !or whate"er reason is out o! the .uestion* 9ope it is not what you are promoting*

On Mar 2$, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: to ?othing2o>o9ere its good that u tal/ed 2 the counseller and e"rything but, i thin/ u need 2 tone it down a bit* e"ry% here1s been thru the same thing* dont 6ust tal/ to the teacher cu@ u wanna screw her !or treating u bad* e"ry%1s human and she1ll probs end up with something negati"e in the end anyway (loo/ up /arma, it helped me :)

On Mar 2$, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: btw, not 6udging u or anything, but y aren1t u proud o! ur culture I heritage8 im 6ust curious, im not trying 2 accuse u or anything

On Mar 2$, 20%2, 6m wrote: <?othing# Good !or you, !or getting the courage to say something to a counselor* +t least mom, is aware o! what is appropriate and what is not* 4he too is learning how to deal with her beha"ior* , gi"e you credit !or ta/ing a healthy action, rather than turn anger and hurt towards yoursel! and others* , had carried around alot o! shame when , was in school, because my !riends (e"en some cousins) didn1t ha"e abusi"e parents, so this shame and guilt went on !or years* ?ot to ma/e e5cuses, but maybe some women (moms) could be going through hormonal changes (menopause)* +nyways, the !act that you didn1t sel! destruct by /eeping these !eelings in (usually results in depression) shows how this can be positi"e and will help others who are going through similar situations* Teep us posted=

On Mar 28, 20%2, ?othing2o>o9ere wrote: ,t1s not about /illing the parents, the point is the parent1s attitude and constant abuse will PA49 the child to wanting to T,BB his7her parents, loo/ at what happened to some o! the /ids who committed suicide 6ust because o! bad grades and constant pressure, their parents push them to where they want to 9AD2 themsel"es* ,1m JA42 pointing out that, i! they are in that certain +DC+ or !eeling where they can1t ta/e it +?3MODC they 9+HC to report it to someone who C+? help them* ,t1s not about

misunderstanding, or misinterpretation, it1s about the /ids who ha"e the D,G92 to protect themsel"es*

0e were all 2OO young to e"en /now that we had the right to protect oursel"es* Just don1t let :honor: or :traditions: get in the way o! wanting to protect yoursel!, and don1t be +49+MC> o! it, e"ery child deser"es a happy and healthy li!e without constant "erbal and physical abuse* Most +sian parents lac/ o! education, and lac/ o! ethics and morals, and o! course they1d "entilate on their children who did nothing wrong and 6ust wanting to satis!y and ma/e their parents proud o! them, doesn1t matter i! the parents had a hard li!e bac/ in their OB> home country, or OB> traditions*

,t1s the P+DC?214 DC4PO?4,-,B,23 to PDO2CC2 their children, they1re suppose to protect their children !rom harm, !rom the bad things that !ear them, gi"e them com!ort and assure them that they will protect them* Parent1s are ?O2 suppose to harm their children, or in!lict harm and threats on them, they1re suppose to PDO2CC2 their children !rom all that, and sadly it1s them who are doing those /inds o! shit to their /ids* Yi

<curry_girl ,1m not too proud o! my culture or my traditions, since it1s mainly based o!! o! no sympathy or passion, education and honor comes !irst be!ore anything else* ,t1s basically ha"ing to !ollow the old school ways !rom be!ore that , was "ery unpleased with* -ut now , 6ust !ollow my own path, and do what ma/es me happy*

2han/s !or the replies* YP

On Mar 28, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: ?othing2o>o9ere,

Tilling parents !or :abusing: you is wrong*

Dationali@ing such /illing is wrong*

Promoting such rationali@ation is wrong*

2here is no point !or you to pro"e in this regard* 2he /illing is 6ust out o! the .uestion*

3our original post is not 6ust about protecting /ids as curry_girl also pointed out* Go bac/ to read your original post again* 3our posts show that you ha"e .uite a !ew misperceptions about your :new school: un!ortunately*

On Mar 28, 20%2, +ngry9& wrote: My dad1s a egotist and he gets !rea/ed out by small things li/e when the wind1s too big and it1s blowing things away, he1ll !rea/ out and literally scream !or somebody to close the window li/e a small /id,

0hat happened really pissed me o! and it1s not the !irst time such case happened* %) 9e as/ed me to clean the toilet, nothing1s wrong so i did it* 2) +!ter bathing he came out and claimed that i did not clean the toilet at all ( our "iew1s di!!erent ) ;) , e5plained to him what i did and our di!!erent point o! "iews on cleaning the toilet calmly and seems to me he did not listen to what i said clearly with his ignorance acting up there!ore did not regonise what i did* , did not clari!y mysel! because he told me to shut up whereas his o"er there saying hurt!ul words* 2hen he goes on about what e"ery parents will use to threaten their children li/e con!iscating and stu!!* +ny idea how to hit my words hard in his head8 9e 6ust don1t listen* +nd i /now the 1suc/ it up and shut up1 thingy i1"e been doing it all along but now it1"e crossed the limit i can1t ta/e it any longer

On Mar 28, 20%2, ?ini wrote: :,1m not too proud o! my culture or my traditions, since it1s mainly based o!! o! no sympathy or passion, education and honor comes !irst be!ore anything else* ,t1s basically ha"ing to !ollow the old school ways !rom be!ore that , was "ery unpleased with* -ut now , 6ust !ollow my own path, and do what ma/es me happy*:

On hating your culture and traditions, let me put it this way:

?othing2o>o9ere,

3ou are right about doing what ma/es 3OA happy* ,t is your li!e and , /now you ha"e dreams and goals that you want to achie"e be!ore your time on Carth ends* >on1t let anyone stop you !rom doing

them, and yes e"en your parents* 9owe"er, culture and tradition does not re!lect on how a person will be or should be* ,! being pushy, arrogant, and showing no sympathy is part o! your culture, don1t ta/e in those things* ,! people ridicule you or critici@e you !or not being this, 6ust cuss their asses o!! and don1t let it a!!ect you* Cn6oy the uni.ue things, li/e celebrating the holidays, watch the mo"ies, eat the !ood**etc* -elie"e me, learning and engaging in another culture is a rewarding e5perience* 3ou don1t ha"e ta/e in e"ery aspect !rom that culture and you don1t ha"e to be per!ect in it, but try to !ind a !ew things that will interest you* +nd en6oy it li/e a new e5perience, >O ?O2 !orce yoursel! or let anyone !orce you into it* Otherwise it1ll not be en6oyable*

2his is what happened to me and li/e you, , hated Hietnamese culture so -+> that a!ter , ha"e gone to college, , ditched e"erything* , stopped spea/ing the language and ne"er spo/e a word o! it, despite being !luent in spea/ing, reading and writing, or dealt with anything Hietnamese !or many years* , pretty much !orgot e"erything* My siblings did as well* , was !orced to li"e li/e a traditional Hietnamese girl as a child, and my siblings and , would get beatings, e"en !or silly things or when someone else1s /id appeared to be better than us* 0e had too many restrictions and my parents were beyond racist that we were not allowed to sociali@e with anyone other than Hietnamese* Pretty sad right8 -ut they paid the price at the end when our !amily ended up in pieces and my siblings nor , /eep in touch with our parents that much anymore, maybe li/e once or twice a year we get in contact with them, but that1s it* 2he pain they ga"e us caused resentment and hatred* , still ha"e those !eelings and it1s going to be a long time until , completely heal and !orgi"e them since they still bash me once in a while and calling me :corrupted: !or not !ollowing the strict traditional way*

,n college, , went !ar away and , got rid o! my Hietnamese ways and became more modern and western* , made !riends with a lot o! classmates o! all di!!erent bac/grounds, , became more sociable than , e"er was li"ing with my parents and , tried to ma/e up !or my childhood by 6ust en6oying college li!e, and at the same time, wor/ing and studying hard to earn a degree and get a good 6ob as a !inancial analyst* ,t was one o! the best phases o! my li!e*

, met my husband in college, who is hal! Hietnamese and comes !rom an incredible lo"ing !amily, completely the opposite o! my !amily* 2his was one o! the hardest phases as my parents tried to !orce me to marry in Hietnam but , rebelled and did my own thing, and , don1t regret it one bit* ,1m attached the hip with them and my mother in law is one o! my best !riends* My parents hate my husband because he1s only hal! "ietnamese (they only li/e pure Hietnamese people and hate the rest o! the world) and also hate his !amily because they are more modern and not o"erly traditional than they are and at times badmouth my in#laws* My in#laws /now o! my past and always tell me how courageous , was to get out o! that /ind o! li!e* , am glad , did, because i! , had not, , surely would ha"e been depressed and probably would ha"e committed suicide as the burden was 6ust too much*

,1"e got two /ids now and , en6oy my li!e to the ma5* Couldn1t as/ anything better* My parents and some o! their people !rom the Hietnamese community get together and tal/ trash about me being :corrupted:, but , learned not to gi"e a damn* +nd also since ,1m "ery happy , ha"e a small desire to

reconnect with Hietnamese culture in a positi"e and en6oyable way and am sharing the heritage with my /ids who thin/ it1s neat* , regained my !luency in spea/ing the language and so !orth* -ut ,1m not going to hound them to !ollow the culture li/e my parents did, but rather let them embrace it on their own* ,n the !uture also, , would lo"e to ta/e them to Hietnam :)* +nd ,1m en6oying Hietnamese culture now because my parents are no longer with me and , don1t ha"e to !ace their burdens, but rather en6oy it on my own while li"ing the western li!estyle* 2his can also happen to you* Cn6oy the cultures and traditions on your own terms, and pre!erably when you parents are not around to hound you on it* -elie"e me, it1ll open you up and you1ll lo"e it :)*

On Mar 29, 20%2, curry_girl wrote: ?ini1s story is a per!ect e5ample o! embracing your heritage in a positi"e way* i lo"e indian !ood and !ashion (and you gotta lo"e the cheesy bollywood :P) but i thin/ you need to ha"e a certain le"el o! maturity in order to accept some parts o! it and re6ect the e5treme aspects o! it*

i am %S and 20%0 was the !irst time in 8years that i had been to ,ndi* in this trip i learnt a lot about how to li"e a happy, indian li!estyle and i also learnt that the negati"e aspects are not e"en accepted by most modern nati"es* o"er the past 2 years i went to india ; times and in all three times a learnt di!!erent things about the culture* one must /now that e"ery culture7religion7li!estyle7tradition isn1t per!ect and that e"eryone has a uni.ue perspecti"e on things* culture is meant to be an idea to which many people add thei indi"idual thoughts and personalities # o! coursde this is my perspecti"e and other people may thin/ di!!erently*

pl@ tell me what you thin/=

On Mar 29, 20%2, @ara /han wrote: i1m an indian girl*i !ailed in my math !inal e5am* so what8 so my mom isn1t tal/ing to me* m in $th grade= i study in a school that has an i*c*s*e syllabus, and lemme tell u, ,24 9+D>== loo/, m sorry !or what i did, but i couldn1t ha"e dun any better* my parents dont get physical with me, but they gimme a lot o! mental stress*** i really thin/ m gonna suicide or sumthin i! they dont promote me* pray that i dont, guy@, please=

On Mar 29, 20%2, +sian>ad wrote: curry_girl,

, thin/ you ha"e a growth mindset, which is wonder!ul*

@ara /han,

Calm down yoursel!* Eocus on the math !or a moment* 2ry to use your parents as a resource to help you on the math* Getting angry at parents and yoursel! won1t help you on math !or sure* ,! other /ids in your class can pass the math, so can you* ,! you ha"e truly tried your best and still !ailed, tal/ to your teachers and parents to get some pro!essional e"aluation*

On Mar 29, 20%2, JJ wrote: 9ey Curry_Girl, ,1m ,ndian too and it1s the same* Can1t resist the samosas or masala dosas :>* +s !or -ollywood, you are right as the !ilms nowadays that are made in this current generation are complete crap* 2he genre is always the same**BOHC and where the !ormat is the same old same old the guy chases the girl, run around trees and sing songs**ugh= +lso many o! them are copies !rom 9ollywood and other regional !ilms* ,t gets boring a!ter a while* 9owe"er a !ew !ilms really stood out li/e 2ar Wameen Par**lo"ed that one :)* , now watch more o! the olden !ilms !rom the $01s 801s and 901s as many o! them still seem classic and also li/e to watch 2amil mo"ies too as they too are "ery popular* 3ea, call me weird lol R)

, guess ?ini put some com!orting words in* , ha"e a lo"e7hate relationship with ,ndian culture depending on the situation, but what she said about en6oying it on your own terms and not caring what other thin/ seems to be true as , tend to lo"e ,ndian culture more when my parents are not around to nag and be annoying about it* , respect my culture, but there are times , 6ust want to be distant !rom it*

On Mar 29, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: ?othing2o>o9ere is a !rea/* ,n any ci"ili@ed society, e"en serial murderers don1t get the death penalty* 9ow the !uc/ can you e"en mention about /illing parents* 2he only crime that your parent did was not to ha"e aborted you at birth* 4ure they may be psychotic according to your one#sided "iew, being psychotic doesn1t desert to be /illed* , bet that you e"en a!raid o! /illing a mouse* -y posting this /ind o! shit here only shows that you are e"en more !rea/y than your parents* 3ou should come clean about your !ear and sel!#hatred*

Go pic/ a !ight with someone outside your !amily, someone who can really wants to hurt you, and see how it turns out # you !uc/ing shitty coward*

On +pr ;, 20%2, Tenny wrote: ,! , e"er got less than an + on a test or assignment, my mom would !orce me to ta/e o!! all my clothes and then she1d whip my bare penis with the buc/le end o! a belt* 2his was !rom age & up through %8* 2his abuse is real and happens all the time* +sian parents are the worst*

On +pr ;, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: 9ey guise ,1"e !inally gotten o"er it and i thin/ that im better now* ,1"e read the comments, and ?ini, ,1m really glad that you1re li"ing a nice li!e now* Wara Than, please, beg to us you wont DC+BB3 commit suicide* , mysel! ha"e wanted to, but i remembered, ,1ll miss out on the good stu!!* 3ou wont always be sad and disappointed* ,! you1re sad, tal/ to us* 0e ha"e common sense* C"eryone1s helping* My own parents piss the crap out o! meh too* +nd curry_girl, , COMPBC2CB3 agree with you* , am %0 mysel!*

On +pr ;, 20%2, TeepEighting wrote: +nd JJ, than/s !or the comment* ,t ma/es me !eel BO+>4 better*

On +pr &, 20%2, Gintamaroc/s wrote: My parents are annoyingly o"erprotecti"e* 2hey thin/ that they1re doing the right thing 6ust because it1s !or the good o! us* 9ence , o!ten retaliate and was tic/ed o!! by their stupidity* >uring these times, my mom slaps me or e"en punch my !ace* ,1m not e"en allow to sha"e7reshape my eyebrows (,1m a girl btw) to the e5tent that my dad calls me 1ugly1* 4o now, , 6ust lur/ in my room to pre"ent !ights*

+dults percei"ed that punishing your child can aid them to reali@e their !aults* 0CBB, 29+214 CDDO?COA4B3 42AP,>*

,1m a!raid that when , became an adult and ha"e a boy!riend, my parents will still control my li!e* C"en so, , will not become li/e them when ,1ll be in their position*

9ere are the the things that my parents do: when ,1m with a guy !riend, they thin/ that he is my boy!riendR they would not allow me to in"ite !riends at home especially boysR not allowed to wear shorts when , go to a sari#sari storeR gets paranoid and disturb my classmates1 houses when ,1m an hour lateR always trying to snea/ in my room to see i! ,1m chatting with some guy*

4CD,OA4B3 ,1M 4,CT +?> 2,DC> 0,29 29CM* 2hough ,1m than/!ul that they let me study in a good school and eat three times a day(more than)* ,1m a third year high school studentR %L years oldR asianR !emale +?3 COMMC?24 OD +>H,CC +DC +PPDCC,+2C>* , 6ust need help with you guys* :)

On +pr L, 20%2, +J0 wrote: , am 6ust sic/ o! my parents* 2hey are both Chinese and both did not e"en graduate !rom high school yet they act li/e they are superior than me in e"ery way* +lthough, , am on then computer .uite a lot, mostly studying about bodybuilding or doing homewor/, they constantly scream at me to get o!! and do homewor/ when usually, that is what , am doing* , am currently a sophomore in high school and ha"e begun li!ting weights last year* 0ell, , put on a lot o! muscle and guess what* -oth my dad and mother always call me !at now* Cspecially my >ad, is this because he !eels the need to put me down to /eep his reign o! superiority8 -oth my mom and dad wor/ at a Chinese restaurant li/e many %st generation Chinese and come home "ery late so due to this , am "ery solitary and , coo/ my own dinner and lunch* ,n !act, the only thing my parents are here !or is basically, to !und my education and to scream at me* My mom also constantly says that she regrets gi"ing birth to me and says, :0hy am , so unluc/y to ha"e gi"en birth to a monster:* 4he has no understanding o! how the human mind wor/s and emotions so she can1t e"en comprehend how this ma/es someone !eel about themsel"es* , sometimes e"en thin/ up suicidal thoughts in my head but , always push it out* Bi!ting weights is the only way to get this anger out that my parents ha"e gi"en me*

On +pr L, 20%2, +J0 wrote: 0hy did my post get deleted8

On +pr $, 20%2, MeiMei-ear wrote: <+J0 ,n this society, it1s natural !or males to want to ha"e big muscles* Cspecially i! they want to be the :dominant: male* Considering this, your dad probably !eels that his authority is being undermined*

On +pr $, 20%2, tr wrote: -ecause they are !aggots

On +pr 8, 20%2, 0ow wrote:

0ow, these stories ha"e made me !eel better* ,t1s weird with my !amily because my dad cheated on my mom, which was ne"er told to me but , /now it* My dad "isits e"ery month and has a good 6ob, and he is a "ery chill person* My mom rages at e"erything, which is what , belie"e is the cause to their di"orce that was ne"er o!!icial* Physical, mental, emotional abuse, , got it all, which is pretty common !or us* , !eel that many parents lac/ empathy, and +sian parents especially* 0hen , ha"e children, ,1m going to ma/e sure that , raise them the best way (when , was %% , read a boo/ on parenting, still remember it) to ma/e them good people that li"ed a happy li!e* ,1m still going to carry the good grades things on to my children though, , !eel that is a good thing* , will learn through e5perience what my boundaries are though*

<GintamaDoc/s , /now, it1s so hard ?O2 to retaliate, but the best philosophy is 29C31DC +B0+34 D,G92* , /now, they1re wrong alot, but in order to li"e a more peace!ul li!e, you always need a cool head* , try to ha"e a cool head, but it1s hard as hell* , tend to ignore 99U o! the crap my mom says, which helps alot* +nd trying to get them to bend to the modern ways is hard, but there are a !ew loopholes, li/e some parents accepting +sian boys (ridiculous right8 Bo"e who you want, hard when you1re an +sian* My mom implies she doesn1t li/e it when , date girls that aren1t +sian, which /ind o! pressures the relationship*)*

0hew* Guess , let o! some steam*

On +pr %0, 20%2, ccancandi wrote: loo/ing at all o! your posts my parents arent nearly as bad as some o! yours but sometimes i 6ust want to /ill mysel! !rom all o! the pressure* i dont really tal/ to my parents because i ha"e a negati"e image o! them, my dad used to hit me and scream at me !or :bad: grades (below an a #_____#) and my mom is so annoying and nagging* My dad used to hit me and scream at me more o!ten but he1s better now and only erupts about once per month* 9e says i ha"e attitude problems when , really dont and he tells me a bunch o! horrible things li/e he doesnt consider me to be his daughter any more and that he /nows that ill grow up to be a !ailure* 2hey ne"er thin/ im good enough e"en when i study my ass o!! e"ery day* ,m %& now, and be!ore when i was %2 on the !irst day o! school he slapped me across the !ace so hard that my nose started bleeding* 0hen he yells at me he does it !or the entire day saying really hurt!ul things and he pushes me to the grounds and slaps and hits me* My mom 6ust ignores it cu@ shes a!raid o! him* Aggghhh sometimes i 6ust want to shoot him and i !eel horrible !or thin/ing that but i do*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Mc+n@-oi wrote: don1t worry :) 6ust a !ew more years till u mo"e out :>

On +pr %0, 20%2, %dustpelt wrote: , hate them so much*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote: <curry_girl , thin/ it would help i! you spell right*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote: <%dustpelt 3ou !"c/tard*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote: 3ou are all !"c/tards who can1t spell right*

On +pr %0, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: 3our a !uc/tard*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote: 3our mom is a !"c/tard

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote: ideot

On +pr %0, 20%2, %dustpelt wrote: 0ho1s not spelling right now8

On +pr %0, 20%2, %dustpelt wrote: Joe is an idiot*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote:

wel your a !"/ing !"/tard

On +pr %0, 20%2, %dustpelt wrote: 2here isn1t e"en a word called :!"/tard or :!"c/tard:*

On +pr %0, 20%2, 4T3 wrote: ,n any ci"ili@ed society, Joe would ha"e been aborted*

On +pr %0, 20%2, Joe wrote: 0ut the EHCT is ronng with ur !ace, ur mom is aboting !at, iguna /illl !at !c/ yr !cee

On +pr %%, 20%2, id/** wrote: my parents are so ugh*** they don1t lemme hang out with !riends F they don1t e"en lemme tal/ with them li/e what the hell8 do they thin/ their cool or something doing all that shit , well guess what bitches i got news !or you , your punishment methods +DC 2O2+BB3 ,?CEECC2,HC , goddamn yo li/e what the hell am i not allowed to ha"e !un8 shit i got li/e bad ass grades last year and they were so stupid about it (got all >s F Es F shit ) well now im trying my best to bring it up F my grades went up li/e alot (now i get li/e +s F -s ) but noo thats not !uc/in enough !or them i ha"e to ha"e PCDECC2 grades , bitch this is reality not some o! your stupid !airy tale world sheesh* id/ what their deal is , its depressing a!** sometimes i 6us wanna run away , #________# they ha"e li/e bi polar issues and shit sometimes they get mad at ?O29,?G F i! u tal/ bac/ or cuss at them and shit ur gonna be hella sore the ne5t day * i thin/ asain parents should GC2 + CBAC*

On +pr %%, 20%2, %dustpelt wrote: , hate my mom* , am doing my homewor/ on my computer and she comes o"er and goes li/e :09+2 +DC 3OA >O,?G===========================: 4o ,1m li/e, :Am, my homewor/8: and she1s li/e :093 >,> 3OA CBO4C 29C P+GC8=8=8=8=8=: so ,1m li/e :0hat page8: and she1s li/e :9O0 +M , 4APPO4C> 2O T?O0 3OA CBO4C> 29C P+GC====:

Jee@ , hate my mom

On +pr %%, 20%2, ************** wrote:

<%bustpelt yoo , that shit be happening to me all the time=

?otice: On +pril %2, 20%2, , disabled posting o! new comments on this !orum, since the amount o! constructi"e new posts has decreased by too much* Please email me i! you would li/e to try to get in touch with other posters* +lso let me /now i! you can thin/ o! a better !ormat !or pro"iding an outlet and ad"ice without all o! the noise* , hope this !orum has been help!ul during its ; years o! e5istence= 2he +sian /ids and parents discussion !orum is created and maintained by Philip Guo (philip<pgbo"ine*net)*

Please read and participate at your own ris/R , am not responsible !or the content or conse.uences o! any materials posted on this !orum* X-e!ore reading this article, please ta/e a moment to re"iew this caution statement: ,t is important, when spea/ing about any group o! people, to /eep certain cautions and principles in mind* Please read care!ully the numbered items !ound ne5t*

Cautions to Obser"e when Considering Cultural ,n!luences on Bearning 4tyle, -eha"ioral Patterns, and Halue Orientations*

>iscussing jcultural di!!erencesk and the in!luences o! onels heritage on learning style pre!erences, beha"ior patterns, and deeply#held "alues is !raught with ha@ards* +t any moment, we are 6ust a !ew syllables away !rom in!licting "erbal sel!#in6ury and perhaps unintentionally alienating oursel"es !rom those with whom we wish to connect* ,n order to pre"ent stereotyping and o"ergenerali@ing (or on the other e5treme, denying that cultural di!!erences e5ist which !ails to recogni@e and honor the characteristics that gi"e a group their sense o! peoplehood) we need to remember that:

%* +ll beha"iors are !ound in all cultural groups*

2* 4ome beha"iors are demonstrated more so in some cultures than in others, but the !irst point still applies*

;* ,ndi"iduals within a particular culture display the traditional traits and cultural mar/ers o! that group to "arying degreesb !rom jnot at allk to je5clusi"ely and intenselyk* 2hese "ariations can be due to ethnic group di!!erences with the larger culture, socio#economic status, degree o! acculturation to the mainstream society, gender, religion, and myriad other !actors*

S* ,! a student displays a beha"ior that is common and accepted within his7her cultural group, it should be "iewed as ja di!!erencek !rom the ways o! the mainstream society that are promoted in the schoolsR ?O2 as a jde!iciencyk or jdisorderk*

Culturally >i"erse Childrearing Practices: +busi"e or Just >i!!erent8

4ource: 2om Mc,ntyre F Patricia 4il"a (%992)* -eyond -eha"ior, Holume S, issue %, pages 8#%2*

+bstract: 2his document describes childrearing practices that are sometimes !ound among certain cultural7religious groups* ,t does not o!!er 6udgement on those practices, only in!ormation* 2eachers are urged to protect the health, wel!are, and sa!ety o! their students*

?orth +merica1s public schools are becoming increasingly culturally di"erse* 2his means that teachers will o!ten instruct students !rom cultures other than their own* ,ndeed, at the turn o! the century, 9&U o! the teaching !orce will be o! Curopean# +merican bac/ground (9enry, %990), while one#third (Grossman, %990) to one#hal! (0ilson, %988) o! the school#age population will be !rom a non# Caucasian minority group* +lready, +merica1s 2& largest school systems ha"e a minority ma6ority (?ational ,n!ormation Center !or Children and 3outh with 9andicaps, %988) and non#urban areas are also e5periencing cultural shi!ts (+lston, %99%)*

0e educators, li/e nearly all indi"iduals, tend to be :ethnocentric:* 0e truly understand only our own personal culture or bac/ground* -ecause o! our un!amiliarity with other groups, we are li/ely to "iew the culturally based beha"ior o! other groups as being in!erior to our own* 2his outloo/ also applies in situations where teachers obser"e the childrearing practices o! culturally di"erse !amilies*

Apon !inding what appears to be e"idence o! physical or emotional harm to their students, educators !ace di!!icult decisions about what constitutes correct action (Mc,ntyre, %990)* 2hese decisions are made e"en more comple5 when one considers cultural di!!erences in child treatment* 0hile abuse and neglect o! children has been documented in most cultures since the dawn o! ci"ili@ation (9aase F Tempe, %990), careta/ing practices which are accepted and appropriate in one ethnic group are o!ten "iewed by those !rom other groups as being :wrong: or abusi"e*

Eor culturally di!!erent !amilies in +merica, disciplinary practices which are accepted within their original homeland or ethnic group, may appear to indi"iduals !rom the ma6ority culture to be odd, bac/ward or cruel* 2hese misunderstandings occur because while parents the world o"er are e5pected to pro"ide sustinance, super"ision, discipline and mental stimulation, they "ary in the ways they meet their obligations* >i!!erences in social, cultural, religious and moral "alues result in "ariations in what is "iewed to be :proper: childrearing*

Cultural >i!!erences in >iscipline 2he lac/ o! /nowledge that most educators possess regarding both child abuse (Mc,ntyre, %98$) and culturally di!!erent childrearing (Garcia, %9$8R Mc,ntyre, %992) creates !ertile ground !or mis6udging the appropriateness o! parental practices* 2eachers who adhere to the disciplinary practices o! the ma6ority culture may !ind themsel"es "iewing culturally di!!erent practices as being abusi"e* 2his would mean that use o! culturally di"erse childrearing practices places parents at greater ris/ !or being reported to agencies in charge o! handling abuse and neglect reports* + !ew o! these practices and the reporting dilemmas they cause !or concerned educators are addressed below*

#+ no"ice teacher in a poor urban school district is distressed when upon see/ing ad"ise !rom colleagues regarding discipline, is told by them to use physical punishment* 2his coincides with the ad"ise o! the students in his class who tell him to :9it mem upside the head:* ,n !act, physical punishment is more accepted in the low socio#economic classes (Gollnic/ F Chinn, %990R 9orton F 9unt, %9L8R Pers/y, %9$SR 4pinetta F Digler, %9$2R 9anna, %988), and educators who teach these students are more li/ely to appro"e o! corporal punishment (Mc>owell F Eriedman, %9$9R -auer, >ubanos/i, 3amauchi F 9onbo, %990), perhaps belie"ing that one must :use what they /now:*

#+ teacher phones a student1s parents to in.uire as to how that pupil came to ha"e welts on his body* 4he is gi"en a religious de!ense based on the biblical boo/ o! pro"erbs that promotes the use :the rod:* ,ndeed, Eundamentalists, C"angelists, and -aptists respond more puniti"ely in disciplinary situations than people who are a!!iliated with other ma6or religious orientations (9yman, %988)*

#+ teacher is concerned when told by his student that she is made to /neel on uncoo/ed rice when she misbeha"es* Apon bringing this to the attention o! the administration, he is told that this is a common disciplinary procedure among low#income 9ispanic !amilies !rom the Caribbean islands*

#+ Hietnamese#+merican pupil as/s her teacher i! he /nows why a newly arri"ed Hietnamese student has a pierced ear* 2he teacher responds that he is not aware o! the reason and would li/e to /now more* +ccording to the pupil, it is not uncommon !or traditional Hietnamese !amilies to tie a misbeha"ing child1s ear to a door/nob as punishment*

#,n the !aculty lounge, a teacher hears that a student o! her1s has been loc/ed out o! his house* +n +sian#+merican colleague mentions that this is a common disciplinary practice among 4outheast +sian !amilies* ,t is meant to shame :+mericani@ed: children who ha"e not met traditional !amilial e5pectations and obligations (-empechat F Omori, %990)*

#+ newly certi!ied teacher accepts a position at a school near an ,ndian reser"ation* 4he is appalled by the apparent lac/ o! guidance pro"ided by a number o! the parents o! her ?ati"e +merican students* Bi/e many teachers !rom the mainstream culture (4wisher, %990), she belie"es that the parents are neglect!ul and letting their children :run wild:* 4he is unaware that among many tribes, non#inter!erence, e5cept in times o! danger, is the guardians1 policy (>e"ore F 4chlesinger, %98$R ?ational Geographic 2ele"ision: 2he ?ew ,ndians, %990)* +dditionally, many clans and tribes assign a great deal o! the childraising responsibility to relati"es, especially the grandparents (>e"ore F 4chlesinger, %98$)*

#+ teacher wrestles with the issue o! whether to report a poor student1s parents who are, in her mind, neglect!ul* 4he is aware that in low income areas, early independence with limited guidance or training is the norm (9orton F 9unt, %9L8R Miller, %9&9), as is the use o! inconsistent and harsh physical punishment whereby children are taught to obey rather than reason (Earrington, %98LR 9anna %988R 4tac/, %9$S)* 9owe"er, these practices "iolate her belie!s regarding proper childrearing*

#+ teacher is told by the parents o! a poor, urban blac/ youth to :whup: (paddle) him i! he misbeha"es in class* 2he use o! controlling and puniti"e child treatment is more li/ely to occur in the low income blac/ culture (9anna, %988R 4tac/, %9$S) and may e"en be "iewed by the child as a sign o! caring and a!!ection (Dosen!eld, %9$%R 4il"erstein F Trate, %9$&)* 2he middle#class oriented beha"ior management techni.ues that a"oid the e5pected swi!t physical punishment may actually cause an5iety !or the youth (9anna, %988R 9arrison#Doss F 0yden, %9$;)*

#+ student1s parents promise to impro"e the school attendance o! their adolescent child* 2he ne5t day he arri"es at school beaten about the head and upper torso* Cuts, bruises and swelling are e"ident* 2he parents become angry when con!ronted by the instructor* ,n their minds, they accomplished the tas/ as/ed o! them* 2he teacher was unaware that due to the physicalness o! low income disciplinary practices, parents might possibly abuse their children in response to re.uests !or their assistance in dealing with non#compliant school beha"ior (9anna, %988)*

+lmost all cultures promote appropriate child beha"ior "ia the use o! negati"e rein!orcement (i*e* the threat o! punishment !or misbeha"ior)* 2he +merican middle#class culture is one o! the !ew that uses positi"e rein!orcement procedures while limiting punishment (Grossman, %98S)* 0hen deemed necessary, a mild span/ing may be administered, although a more !re.uent practice is to isolate the misbeha"ing child, withdrawing lo"e and a!!ection !or a period o! time (Grossman, %98SR Miller, %9&9)* 2hese ma6ority culture parents percei"e their methods as being more humane than those that incorporate physical punishment* 9owe"er, other cultural7ethnic groups o!ten "iew the dominant culture style as being more cruel* 0hile some culturally di"erse guardians may use .uic/ly administered physical punishment, they would ne"er hint at an emotional separation !rom their progeny that might create !eelings o! re6ection in the child*

Eol/ Medicine Practices 2he ways in which "arious cultures treat !amily members who ha"e !allen ill can also bring about reports o! abuse* 2ime honored !ol/ medicine practices, "iewed as irrational, ine!!ecti"e, and insupportable by western medical standards, are strongly belie"ed by many members o! culturally di!!erent groups* Eor e5ample:

#+ teacher calls a 9ispanic student to her side upon seeing his reddened and crusty eyemargins* Apon in.uiry, the student tells how his mother places petroleum 6elly on her children1s eye areas when they ha"e di!!iculty sleeping* 2his practice is belie"ed to promote slumber* 2he teacher, e5plaining and critici@ing this practice to colleagues in the school lounge, is in!ormed by a Batino peer that this is a common home remedy in some 9ispanic cultures*

#+ teacher is concerned about a ring#shaped burn on the body o! one o! his students* ,n response to his report o! suspected abuse, the casewor/er in charge calls bac/ to in!orm the instructor that this resulted !rom a !ol/ medicine healing practice /nown as :cupping:* 2his practice is common in some Cast +sian (0ei, %98;) and Castern Curopean countries* Cupping in"ol"es lowering a ceramic cup, turned upside down with a candle underneath, down to the s/in o! the a!!licted area o! the body* + suctioning e!!ect results which is belie"ed to draw out aggra"ating substances* + "ariation o! this practice in"ol"es igniting alcohol#soa/ed cotton which surrounds a piece o! bro/en glass in a cup* 2he cup is then turned o"er onto the s/in, perhaps lea"ing a burn and7or a puncture wound*

#+n +sian#+merican teacher, aware o! the limited /nowledge base among her non#+sian colleagues regarding Oriental !ol/ medicine treatments, presents a short in!ormational session at a sta!! meeting* 4he describes how pinching, scraping, or :coining: (i*e* rubbing a coin into an a!!licted area) can lea"e mar/s and s/in abrasions that might be mista/en !or e"idence o! abuse*

#+ student reports to her teacher that her brother is e5tremely ill, being nauseous with wrenching pain and e5treme tenderness in the lower right abdomen* 4he also says that her Christian 4cientist parents are praying !or a cure rather than ta/ing him to the hospital, e"en though they suspect an appendicitis* +lthough they are aware that they are re.uired by state law to report this practice when they engage in it, they are !ailing to ma/e this disclosure*

# + preschool teacher in a low income blac/ community notices that one o! her pupils is ill and has a se"ere rash* Apon in.uiry, she disco"ers that the student1s !amily has already attempted to treat him with !ol/ remedies o!ten !ound in these homes (4tac/, %9$S)* Bye or detergent was added to the youth1s bath water to treat his rash* Eor his stomach pains, he dran/ :persnic/ety:, a pungent brew made !rom tobacco and added to the child1s mil/*

#+ no"ice teacher, newly assigned to a school in a low income 9ispanic area, is perple5ed by the odd smell emanating !rom a lethargic student* 9e is told by his team leader to read a boo/ on 4anteria* 4anteria, a blend o! Catholicism, +!rican spirit worship and !ol/ medicine practices, is common in these communities (Canino, Hele@ F 4toltberg, %98$R Gon@ale@#0ippler, %989)* >epending on the indi"idual1s country o! origin, it might also be /nown as Bucumi, Macumba, Candomble or 4hango* Eor ill children, animal sacri!ices, or the wearing o! certain colors, beads or potions may be prescribed by a priest /nown as a :Centro: or :4antero: (Canino, Hele@ F 4toltberg, %989R Gon@ale@#0ippler, %989)*

2a/ing +ppropriate +ction 2he disco"ery o! non#standard disciplinary or !ol/ medicine practices places the educator in a di!!icult position* 0ith the present#day emphasis on cultural tolerance, educators should respect practices and "alues di!!erent !rom their own* 9owe"er, the teacher1s sense o! personal and pro!essional responsibility in protecting one1s charges !rom abuse must remain intact* Considering that all !i!ty states re.uire educators to report e"en suspected abuse or neglect, the teacher may !eel obligated to !ile a report !or !ear o! losing one1s teaching license should he or she !ail to noti!y the proper authorities*

>etermining whether a culturally di"erse childrearing practice is maladapti"e is not an easy tas/ !or those outside o! that particular culture* 2he proper plan o! action is o!ten unclear* 9ow then should a concerned, empathetic instructor respond8 + number o! suggestions are o!!ered below*

+ll teachers o! culturally di"erse students should underta/e study to gain in!ormation about child abuse, and increase their /nowledge o! the cultural practices and traits commonly !ound in their pupils1 homes* 2his allows us to ma/e more accurate assessments o! the a"ailable e"idence, and pre"ents misunderstandings* + number o! in!ormational sources are a"ailable* ,n addition to te5ts and articles on these topics, colleagues or community leaders !rom the "arious cultural groups can be contacted

!or more in!ormation* Cnrollment in college courses is another option, although one must be cautious and selecti"e* 2eacher training programs, in general, ha"e !ailed to include in!ormation on child abuse (Mc,ntyre, %98$) or cultural di!!erences (Garcia, %9$8R Mc,ntyre, %992)*

,! concerned about one1s obser"ations, but unsure o! whether the e"idence is indicati"e o! abuse, the educator (or school social wor/er) should underta/e an in"estigation* 2his in"ol"es spea/ing with the pupil and7or parents about disciplinary7!ol/ medicine practices, and ascertaining whether the guardians understand appropriate childrearing in accordance with their culture1s e5pectations* 2he degree to which physical and emotional nurturance, clothing, shelter, sa!ety, security, and health care are pro"ided, e"en i! it is in a manner di!!erent !rom what is accepted by one1s own culture, should also be assessed* 9a"ing a colleague or community leader !rom the parent1s culture present can be o! "aluable assistance in ma/ing 6udgements* ,! disciplinary or !ol/ medicine practices appear to be o"erly puniti"e or hurt!ul, the educational pro!essional should respect!ully e5plain the law regarding abuse to the parents and in!orm them o! the courses o! action a"ailable to and e5pected o! educators in these situations*

0ith regard to discipline, teachers should remember that a certain practice that would cause emotional scars to children o! their own culture, might not be "iewed by children !rom another culture as being e5cessi"e, demeaning or traumatic* ,! the disciplinary practice is common in their ethnic group and is "iewed by parent and child as re!lecti"e o! concern and caring, than it may not be abusi"e* 2he teacher should there!ore attempt to determine whether the pupil has a healthy sel! concept and !eels "alued by his !amily*

,! the decision is made to not !ile a report o! abuse, obser"ations and perceptions should still be documented in a personal noteboo/* ,! suspicious happenings continue, but e"idence is still not con"incing enough to support the !iling a report, they should also be documented* 9owe"er, i! concerns appear to ha"e +?3 "alidity, the educator should submit a report o! abuse* Demembering that educators must report e"en suspected abuse, :better sa!e than sorry: is sage ad"ice in these situations*

Conclusions >ue to the changing demographics in our schools, educators are li/ely to be instructing students raised in ways di!!erent !rom their own upbringing* 0hen teaching culturally di"erse students, instructors should underta/e the tas/ o! ac.uiring a cultural /nowledge base* 2hey should also /eep an open mind and engage in a sel!#e5amination o! their own belie!s regarding discipline, childrearing practices, and abuse* +ll this helps one to !ul!ill one1s pro!essional responsibilities in a culturally sensiti"e manner*

De!erences

+lston, >* ]uoted in B* +rmstrong, Census con!irms remar/able shi!ts in ethnic ma/eup* Cducation 0ee/, ;72079%, p*%* -auer, G* -*, >ubanos/i, D*, 3amauchi, B* +*, F 9onbo, T* M* (%990)* Corporal punishment and the schools* Cducation and Arban 4ociety, 22(;), 28&#299* -empechat, J* F Omori, M* (%990)* Meeting the educational needs o! 4outheast +sian children* >igest* ?ew 3or/: CD,C Clearinghouse on Arban Cducation, ,nstitute !or Arban and Minority Cducation, 2eachers College, Columbia Ani"ersity* Canino, ,*, Hele@, C*, F 4tolberg, G* (%98$)* Desearch and clinical issues in studying 9ispanics: +n o"er"iew, with an emphasis on Puerto Dican children* 4imon -oli"ar Desearch Monograph 4eries, ?o* %* 2%9#2;2* >e"ore, 0* F 4chlesinger, C*G* (%98$)* Cthnic#4ensiti"e 4ocial 0or/ Practice (2nd ed*)* Columbus, O9: Merrill* Cducation 0ee/, %%728790* p*;* Earrington, >* (%98L)* ,n J* Tau!!man (%989)* Characteristics o! beha"ior disorders o! children and youth*(Sth ed*) Columbus,O9: Merrill* Garcia, D* (%9$8)* Eostering a Pluralistic 4ociety 2hrough Multi#Cthnic Cducation* -loomington, ,?: Phi >elta Tappa* Gollnic/, >* F Chinn, P* (Cds*), (%990)* Multicultural education in a pluralistic society (;rd ed*)* ?ew 3or/: Merrill* Gon@ale@#0ippler, M* (%989)* 4anteria: 2he religion* ?ew 3or/: 9armony -oo/s* Grossman, 9* (%98S)* Cducating 9ispanic 4tudents: Cultural ,mplications !or ,nstruction, Classroom Management, Counseling, and +ssessment* 4pring!ield, ,B: C*C* 2homas* Grossman, 9* (%990)* 2rouble#Eree 2eaching: 4olutions to -eha"ior Problems in the Classroom* Mountain Hiew, C+: May!ield* 9aase, C*C* F Tempe, D*4* (%990)* 2he school and protecti"e ser"ices* Cducation and Arban 4ociety, 22(;), 2&8#2L9* 9anna, J* (%988)* >isrupti"e 4chool -eha"ior: Class, Dace and Culture* ?ew 3or/: 9olmes F Meier* 9arrison#Doss, P* F 0yden, -* (%9$;)* 2he -lac/ Child* -er/eley, C+: Medallion* 9enry, 0* -eyond the melting pot* 2ime, S79790, p 28* 9orton, P* F 9unt, C* (%9L8)* 4ociology (2nd ed*)* ?ew 3or/: McGraw#9ill*

9yman, ,* +* (%988)* Climinating corporal punishment in schools: Mo"ing !rom ad"ocacy research to policy implementation* Paper presented at the 9Lth +nnual con"ention o! the +merican Psychological +ssociation, +tlanta, G+* Mc>owell, C* F Eriedman, D* (%9$9)* +n analysis o! editorial opinion regarding corporal punishment: 4ome dynamics o! regional di!!erences* ,n ,*+* 9yman F J*9* 0ise (Cds*), Corporal Punishment in +merican Cducation (pp* ;8S#;9;)* Philadelphia: 2emple Ani"ersity* Mc,ntyre, 2* (%98$)* 2eacher awareness o! child abuse and neglect* Child +buse and ?eglect, %%(%), ;;#;&* Mc,ntyre, 2* (%990)* 2he teacher1s role in cases o! suspected child abuse* Cducation and Arban 4ociety, 22(;), ;00#;0L* Mc,ntyre, 2* (%992)* + primer on cultural di"ersity !or educators* Multicultural Eorum, %(%), L#$ F %2 Miller, 0* (%9&9)* ,mplications o! urban lower class culture !or social wor/* 4ocial 4er"ice De"iew, ;;, 2;2#2;S* ?ational Geographic 2ele"ision 4pecial* (%990)* 2he ?ew ,ndians* ?ational ,n!ormation Center !or Children and 3outh with 9andicaps* (%988)* Minority ,ssues in 4pecial Cducation: + Portrait o! the Euture* 0ashington, >*C* Pers/y, -* (%9$S)* Arban health problems* ,n B* Golubchic/ F -* Pers/y, (Cds*), Arban, social, and educational issues* >ubu.ue, ,+: Tendall79unt Publishing* Dosen!eld, G* (%9$%)* 4hut those thic/ lips= + study o! slum school !ailure* ?ew 3or/:9olt, Dinehart, and 0inston* 4il"erstein, -* F Trate, D* (%9$&)* Children o! the >ar/ Ghetto: + >e"elopmental Psychology* ?ew 3or/: Praeger* 4pinetta, J*J* F Digler, >* (%9$2)* 2he child#abusing parent: + psychological re"iew* Psychological -ulletin, $$, 29L#;0S* 4tac/, C* (%9$S)* +ll our /in: 4trategies !or sur"i"al in a blac/ community* ?ew 3or/: 9arper F Dow* 4wisher, T* (%990)* Cooperati"e learning and the education o! +merican ,ndian7+las/an ?ati"e students: + re"iew o! the literature and suggestion !or implementation* Journal o! +merican ,ndian Cducation* January, ;L#S;* 0ei, D* (%98;)* 2he Hietnamese re!ugee child: Anderstanding cultural di!!erences* ,n >* Omar/ F J* Cric/son (Cds*), 2he bilingual e5ceptional child, (pp* 20L#2%%)* 4an >iego: College#9ill* 0ilson, D* (%988)* -ennett notes impro"ement o! schools in past & years but paints blea/ portrait o! A*4* education in report* 2he Chronicle o! 9igher Cducation, &7S788, p* + 29*

Deturn to the cultural7gender issues table o! contents 9T Girl 2al/ 2+BT,?G +-OA2 9O?G TO?G14 CAB2ADC +?> 4OC,C23 i -3 J,? 0O?G

9OMC +-OA2 B,?T4 CO?2+C2 +DC9,HC4 Culture City Bi!e Eood Guys and Girls Banguage Dandom 4tories Guest Posts Better to Deaders 9OMC n CAB2ADC n ,4 9O?G TO?G E+49,O? >,EECDC?2 EDOM TODC+ E+49,O?8

,s 9ong Tong Eashion >i!!erent !rom Torea Eashion8 -3 J,? 0O?G O? M+3 22, 20%% o ( ;; )

2o most peoplels eyes, +sian !ashion seems to be more jcutek than western !ashion, meaning that +sian people use more colors in their out!it or that they li/e clothings with more patterns* +mong the +sian !ashion, 9ong Tong !ashion and Torean !ashion can ha"e some distincti"e di!!erences and also similarities too, !rom e5cessi"e lo"e o"er s/inny 6eans, layering, use o! colors, to the parts o! body they li/e showing*

4/inny Jeans Ee"er , ha"e to say that both 9ong Tong and Torean girls lo"e s/inny 6eans* ,tls "ery common to see girls wearing s/inny 6eans on the street, usually paired with a loose top so that their legs would loo/ much longer* 2his might ha"e to do with both 9ong Tong and Torean girlsl desire to ha"e a pair o! longer legs because o! the appearance o! tall, long#legs western girls on most !ashion and beauty maga@ines and tele"isions*

-e!ore the rising o! +sian models, western modelsl dominance in most o! the !ashion and beauty media in 9ong Tong and Torea played an important role in de!ining the standard o! a nice out!it* -ecause the tall western girls can pull o!! more out!its due to their height, +sian girls li/e 9ong Tong and Torean girls ine"itably try to ma/e their legs loo/ longer which has led to the e5cessi"e emphasis o! being s/inny in both 9ong Tong and Torea* ?owadays, it seems that those attracti"e girls in 9ong Tong and Torea are those tho are s/inny and ha"e long legs*

Bayering Generally, Torean girls do more layering in an out!it than 9ong Tong girls* ,t can be due to Toreals being a temperate country while 9ong Tong being a sub#tropical region* 2he a"erage temperate in Torea is lower than that o! 9ong Tong, especially during winters, Toreals temperate can be as low as #;0 degree Celsius* 9ong Tongls lowest temperate nowadays is only around 2#& degree Celsius in winter* 4o it ma/es more sense !or Torean girls to do more layering on their out!its to /eep them warm and be more creati"e on styling themsel"es*

Ase o! Colors Torean girls in general use more colors in their out!its than 9ong Tong girls, part o! the reason might be that Torean girls do more layering to /eep themsel"es warm in the winter, so they can ma/e use o! the mi5 and match o! more colors to create a special color scheme !or their out!its* ,t also create more "ibrancy !or the old winter* +nother reason might be the !act that Torean girls are more white than 9ong Tong girls so they can en6oy a wider selections o! color that match their s/in tone*

Torean girls li/e layering and put more colors into their out!it Parts o! -ody De"ealed +s told by my !riend who li"es in Torea, Torean girls are not a!raid o! re"ealing their legs not 6ust by showing the bottom body shape through wearing s/inny 6eans but also actually showing the legs themsel"es* C"en at wor/, Torean girls would wear short s/irt or dress with s/y#high heels without being considered inappropriate* 2hey are also con!ident to show their body cur"e by wearing tight dresses, but i! they show the upper part o! their body li/e shoulders or breasts, that is considered as

nasty*

+s !or 9ong Tong girls, they li/e showing their legs through wearing s/inny 6eans, but itls a less popular norm to actually show their legs and wear super high heels at the same time* +t wor/, 9ong Tong girls wear more conser"ati"ely 2hey barely wear short s/irt because that is considered inappropriate* 9ong Tong people separate wor/ !rom li!e* 0or/ is wor/, li!e is li!e* 0hen the wee/end comes, 9ong Tong girls can go cra@y and wear "ery se5y dress that re"eal a lot o! parts o! their body p legs, shoulders, breasts etc* ,n !act, itls not that they are a!raid o! showing their shape, itls that 9ong Tong girls pre!er to show their con!idence and body shape to someone or in the occassion that is worth showing*

Torean girls are not a!raid o! showing their legs (,mage: !rom my original post on 6inwong*com) ,mage sources: http:77!armL*static*!lic/r*com7&2887&L8$;$0$S%_d$2SSc!edS_@*6pg

Date this: 4hare this:

Date 2his

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Poc/et 4hare on 2umblr Cmail Print Bi/e this: Bi/e Boading***

q 9ow a Einance Guy Gets a 9ong Tong Girl0hy 9ong Tong People Bi/e Bining Ap8 r Categories: Culture

2ags: 9ong Tong Eashion, Torean Eashion

DCB+2C> +D2,CBC4 0hy jMade#in#Chinak 2ags are +lmost +bsent in 9ong Tongls 4upermar/ets 2he 4nea/y +mateur Cameramen 0hy 9ong Tong People +lways 2a/e Pictures o! Eood 9ow People Judge Others in 9ong Tong 0hy 9ong Tong Destaurants 4er"e 9ot 0ater, ,nstead o! Cold 0ater 0hy 9ong Tongers are 4hamed !or Getting Ereebies ;; replies r

@enli!e!rugal May 22, 20%% o 9:&$ pm 2his is a !airly accurate comparison !rom what ,l"e seen* 9ere in the A4+, Toreans tend to dress to impress while the Chinese (mainlanders, 2aiwanese, etc) tend to be conser"ati"e* C"en when the Chinese women are out shopping here, they are still conser"ati"e in terms o! what they wear (or at least what ,l"e seen they wear)*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2;, 20%% o %2:%; am 2hatls true* -ut , thin/ the Chinese in the A4 are a lot more open compared with the Chinese in Mainland China or 9ong Tong* 9ere in 9ong Tong girls barely wear tight t#shirt (though they li/e really tight 6eans)* , donlt see their con!idence in showing their upper body shape*

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@enli!e!rugal May 2;, 20%% o L:28 am ,ts an interesting comparison* , donlt thin/ there is a right or wrong, 6ust uni.ueness*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2;, 20%% o $:28 am 2han/s* 2here is no rights or wrongs here* C"eryone is biased at some certain points*

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Beya%2; October %, 20%% o %2:%; pm 2his article is really "ery wrong because , li"e in 9ong Tong and it really disgusts me to see girls in "ery small shorts that 6ust co"ers their ass* , mean they loo/ really slutty but they dont realise it* 4ometimes u cant e"en tell whether they r wearing shorts, i mean they are shorts are so small that is barely "isible when they are wearing t#shirts

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Jin October ;, 20%% o %2:%L pm 2han/s !or your comment* 3es there are a lot o! girls wearing short shorts, but what , re!erred to was the comparison between 9ong Tong girls and Torean girls* ,lm not sure when was the last time you "isited 9ong Tong, maybe short shorts was a hit at that time* -ut generally spea/ing, my !riends who li"ed in both cities told me that Torean girls are more prone to e5pose their legs than 9ong Tong girls, e"en at wor/*

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@enli!e!rugal May 2;, 20%% o 8:&8 pm 2hat is e5actly true* C"eryone will ha"e a bias, albeit a di!!erent one depending on their "iews o! things* ,t ta/es a certain element o! respect to be able to get along with the biases o! others*

,n all actuality, , /inda li/e the !act that 9ong Tong girls seem to be a little more conser"ati"e (or not as con!ident) with their bodies as it can be percei"ed as being more modest* , personally !eel that many guys tend to o"erloo/ the modesty aspects when it comes to women* , tend to !ind mysel! gi"ing praise to a girl when she dresses in a way that doesnlt re"eal hersel!* An!ortunately it seems that a girlls loo/s and appearance matter more than personality in todayls times (or in many social circles)*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2;, 20%% o 9:&9 pm , thin/ that 9ong Tong girls are not really that conser"ati"e, but , thin/ that theylre either too conser"ati"e or too open* 9ong Tong girls separate dressing codes by occasions, people treat wor/ "ery seriously here (we wor/ o"ertime all the time), but there are certain groups o! 9ong Tong people p li/e those who studied abroad and came bac/ p being "ery open* 4o , would say 9ong Tong peoplels !ashion is "ery e5treme* -ut in general, those conser"ati"e ones !ollow the big trend and e"ery one dresses li/e the same*

3es , li/e being biased, , thin/ this is one o! the most en6oyable things in my li!e because that ma/es li!e !un*

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@enli!e!rugal May 2;, 20%% o %0:%& pm 2hatls a shame* 2o each their own , guess* , thin/ there has to be some sort o! middle ground between being to conser"ati"e in terms o! what one wears and the openness that others ta/e in terms

o! their wardrobe* ,t might be interesting to discuss something about the !ashion that 9ong Tong girls ta/e be!ore settling down and a!ter settling down (ie those that married " those that ha"enlt)* 2hat may be an en6oyable read*

, guess ,lll ha"e to come to 9ong Tong and learn some more things about the culture there* , had heard that many 9ong Tong people did wor/ o"ertime in some !orm or manner but its good to hear that !rom a local as well* 0hile a good wor/ ethic is essential !or 6ust about anything, it is also 6ust important to be able to ha"e some !orm o! brea/s in order to continue being producti"e*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2;, 20%% o %0:2$ pm , thin/ 9ong Tong people wor/ too hard they barely ha"e time to taste their li!e* , hope that they could en6oy the moment a bit more than 6ust thin/ing about the stoc/ prices and interest rates*

3es, come to 9ong Tong, itls !un to see there* 2here are a lot o! di!!erent groups o! people because o! the changes o! economy, political status and population structure* ,tls a complicated yet dynamic city*

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Going29T May 2;, 20%% o 9:;S pm , really li/ed reading your blog = ,lm going to li"e in 9ong Tong as an e5change student ne5t year and itls interesting reading about how it is inappropriate showing legs, etc* 9ere were , li"e in 4candina"ia (north Curope) it is normal to wear short shorts or tan/ tops* ,t would be cool i! you maybe could write about 9T !ashion in general or something similar so , would /now what to bring when , go there* , de!initely /now to bring lotls o! s/inny 6eans=

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/

May 2;, 20%% o %0:0% pm 9i there=

,tls not inappropriate to show legs here* ,n !act, a lot o! girls li/e showing legs* 0hat , said is that the degree o! showing legs is less than that o! Torea* 9ong Tong girls wear shorts all the time, really, all the time* -ecause itls so hot (and humid) here, i! you wear long 6eans in the summer, itls going to /ill youb

-ut s/inny 6eans is a big hit, itls an all#time !a"orite o! 9ong Tong girls*

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@enli!e!rugal May 2;, 20%% o %0:S2 pm , will ta/e you up on that* 9ong Tong seems to be a "ery !ast paced city to be a part o!* 9a"ing been to 4eoul, the thing , li/e was the constant amount o! things to do there* Toreans are also "ery similar in a lot o! their wor/ ethic* Many o! the older Toreans e5pect their /ids to do well in 6ust about anything they do* +nyway, loo/ !orward to continuing to discuss things li/e that in the !uture=

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2;, 20%% o %0:S& pm , thin/ most +sian culture in"ol"es parents e5pecting their children to !ollow what they did and do e"en better* 2here are 6ust loads o! interesting stu!! to tal/ or 6ust loo/ around here in +sia*

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@enli!e!rugal May 2;, 20%% o %0:&2 pm C5actly* ,t happens sometimes with +merican parents, but those seem to be the e5ception (at least in

my area)* 2hat something good about their parenting (may not be right) but there is that e5pectation o! ha"ing to do well* 4ome o! the +sians , ha"e interacted with are the most polite and smartest people out there*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2;, 20%% o %0:&& pm 2han/s !or your in!o* , thin/ parents ha"ing e5pectations is normal, but those e5pectations o! parents in +sia are somewhat an inherited norm, they ha"e e5pectations !or the sa/e o! ha"ing them*

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@enli!e!rugal May 2;, 20%% o %0:&9 pm 3ou are "ery welcome*

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Craig May 2L, 20%% o $:S% am One thin/ , !ound in Torea: 3ou can identi!y Torean styles o!ten by the tops*

Torean girls li/e to wear long, baggy topsR theylll o!ten add a belt to them, to show o!! their waist* -ut this is a trend thatls "ery ob"ious when these girls go abroad*

2he second picture you pro"ide is typical*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2L, 20%% o $:S8 am 2he looser the top they wear, the slimmer their legs will loo/ with their s/inny 6eans* 2hatls "ery +sian typical too*

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Craig May 2L, 20%% o $:&2 am One thing: 2heylre more com!ortable showing their chest (breasts* 2hey ad"ertise them more*

3ou mentioned this more obli.uely (upper body shape)*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ May 2L, 20%% o 9:;0 am My !riend told me that showing breasts or shoulders is nastyb , thin/ that now they are more aware o! their beauti!ul body shape and want to show more*

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Craig June 2, 20%% o %2:;9 am 4o i! they want to show it o!! more, b which , noticed p are Chinese women unaware o! it8 , canlt imagine that*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ June 2, 20%% o &:S2 am , thin/ that girls generally show o!! their legs by showing con!idence and attracting men* 3ou donlt need to show o!! anything i! you li"e in a one#man world*

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Margaret June ;, 20%% o %%:2& am 3ou hit the nail on the head with this article= ,lm Torean but grew up in a %00U western society so there are many things that , canlt agree with* , donlt !ind it particularly appealing that Toreans li/e to wear minis/irts with stilettos to wor/* 2hey also dress as i! theylre going to go clubbing7partying !rom day to night* Girls wear tight mini dresses with s/y#high heels to church where , li"e= Hery inappropriate*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ June ;, 20%% o %2:29 pm 2han/s !or your comment Margaret*

, thin/ that girls lo"e !ashion too much in Torea* +s one o! the readers said, j!ashion is the /ing in Toreak, wearing mini#s/its has become a norm and when e"eryone does it, itls no longer appealing, maybe thatls why you thin/ itls nothing special* -ut Torean !ashion is "ery classy and chic =

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Alic/McGee June L, 20%% o %2:&S pm j2his might ha"e to do with both 9ong Tong and Torean girlsl desire to ha"e a pair o! longer legs

because o! the appearance o! tall, long#legs western girls on most !ashion and beauty maga@ines and tele"isions*k

Our primiti"e ancestors did not ha"e birthdays, calendars or accurate time /eeping and so they in"ol"ed instincts to select wi"es based on the ma5imum number o! !ertile years !or breeding* Men who pre!erred young wi"es had more children and passed on their genes more than men who were attracted to ;0#year old women*

+round %2 years o! age, young girls hit a growth spurt which causes the arms and legs to grow !irst be!ore the torso catches up* 2his gi"es young teenagers relati"ely long legs compared to their !ull adult si@e* 9igh heels, especially when combined with a short s/irt, elongate the leg and mimic the proportions o! young teenagers* 2hat is why women li/e to show o!! their bare legs*

9owe"er, girls will show o!! any !eature that gets the attention o! the most attracti"e men* 2he cur"e o! a shoulder mimics the cur"e o! the breast or buttoc/s* 0hen !lirting, women will o!ten tilt their head to loo/ at a man o"er their bare shoulder as this is se5ually suggesti"e in an innocent way*

Girls who ha"e large breasts will o!ten wear tight tops but co"er their legs because the thic/er s/eleton that o!ten goes with large breasts ma/e the legs loo/ too chun/y and so short7old* -reasts droop and sag with age, especially large breasts* + %L#year old with large, gra"ity#de!ying breasts is ad"ertising her high le"el o! estrogen combined with many !ertile breeding years*

Bong sil/y hair Y good immune system Y !ertile* -ig eyes Y high estrogen Y !ertile* Pale s/in Y less built#up sun damage Y youth Y !ertile* Eull lips Y high estrogen Y !ertile* ,n white women, blond hair Y youth Y !ertile (blond hair dar/ens with age)*

0estern !ashion models undoubtedly in!luence loo/s in the rest o! the world but on a super!icial le"el* 4e5ual attraction triggers are similar across all races* Bong legs are se5y because they ma/e women loo/ younger* 2his is true !or white, blac/ and asian women*

-aring long legs is also an instinct and !ashion only comes into it by deciding how long heels and hem lines should be or wether mini#s/irts or short shorts are in !ashion this season*

,n a country where men ha"e high cultural power, Torea !or e5ample, women will compete aggressi"ely !or the attention o! the most attracti"e men by dressing in a "ery se5y !ashion and staying

a slim as possible* 4loppy +merican women can a!!ord to dress in trac/ suits and !lip !lops because they ha"e such high "alue in their culture relati"e to the men*

9ong Tong women donlt ha"e as much pressure as Torean women but cross the border to 4hen@hen and you will see nothing but long, super s/inny legs because men ha"e more cultural power on the mainland than in 9ong Tong*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ June L, 20%% o %:09 pm 2han/s !or your insight!ul comments*

0hen it comes to showing o!! girlsl body, it has to play with proportion, wearing mini shorts7s/irts can easily create "isual e!!ects o! ha"ing long legs and all girls need to do is to buy some mini s/irts which costs nothing compared with plastic surgery* ,n the end, girls only show o!! their body to get peoplels attention p there is no need to e"en dress up or show o!! any part o! your body i! there is no possibility o! the body being noticed by others* People dress up to !eel good because i! they !eel good, itls easier to impress others no matter !or women or men*

, agree that men pre!er pale s/in 7 long legs 7 blonde hair 7 big breasts because it con"eys the message that those women with these !eatures are more !ertile and can gi"e birth to babies with good genes* , read a lot o! articles ha"ing the same "iews as yours*

Menls cultural power is bigger in cities that womenls status is lower than theirs* Men embrace superiority in nature, itls not hard to see men showing more con!idence when they go to those cities in emerging countries* 0hen a country is well de"eloped li/e the A4, women are gaining more cultural power and it e"entually dri"e men away* 3ou can see there are thousands and thousands o! people migrating to +sia !rom Curope and +merica e"ery day*

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Alic/McGee

June L, 20%% o 2:&0 pm j0hen a country is well de"eloped li/e the A4, women are gaining more cultural power and it e"entually dri"e men awayk

2he same thing is happening in 9ong Tong* 9ong Tong men !lood across the border to get themsel"es younger, hotter girl!riends who !ind these men "ery attracti"e too* C"eryonels a winner, e5cept !or the enormous number o! ;0#something single 9ong Tong women who will ne"er marry because they canlt !ind a 9T guy they li/e* , remember seeing a statisic that 2 9T men marry !or e"ery % 9T women nowadays*

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Jin < 9TGirl2al/ June L, 20%% o 2:&& pm 2han/s !or the stats*

2hatls true that lots o! 9ong Tong men are marrying younger and less#educated Mainland Chinese women because men ha"e more superiority than marrying those highly#educated 9ong Tong women*

,tls also true that 9ong Tong women are gaining concerns o"er loo/ing !or boy!riends because the number o! (a"ailable) men is getting less and less*

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Powered by 0ordPress*com he Hietnamese +o >ai

2he +o >ai is the most recogni@able traditional dress seen in Hietnam, and though western style clothes are popular, this beauti!ully styled out!it is still acti"ely worn throughout the country during 2et, at wor/, to weddings, and other national celebrations* 2he word +o >ai means uBong >ress,l and is a two piece garment* 2he bottom part consists o! loose pants that reach the an/les* 2he top is a tight !itting tunic with long slee"es and a high collar with two panels that !loat loosely down the !ront and bac/*

2he +o >ai is !amously /nown to uco"er e"erything, but hide nothing,l and it per!ectly accentuates the long, lithe body possessed by Hietnamese women* 0hen choosing to wear the +o >ai it pays to ha"e a similarly shaped !igure*

9istorically the +o >ai is belie"ed to come !rom China, when the newly crowned /ing ?guyen Phuc Thoat decreed in %$SS that the Ming Chinese style o! dress would be adopted by all his sub6ects* 4ince then, both men and women ha"e worn di!!erent "ariations o! the +o >ai* ,t has ne"er been an o!!icial ceremonial dress, and has always been used an e"eryday out!it*

?ow, with western !ashions popular in Hietnam, the once ue"erydayl +o >ai are now only worn at special occasions and by o!!ice sta!! in companies that re.uire it* ,t has e5perienced a re"i"al in recent years, and its e5tremely common now to see women na"igating tra!!ic on bicycles and motorbi/es, e5pertly li!ting the long panels away !rom greasy spo/es and gears*

Men no longer wear the garment as much as women do, con!ining it to traditional weddings the normal photo shoots popular with Hietnamese all o"er the country*

2he "ariations in colors o! this uni.ue national costume is ama@ing: high school girls wear white ones, !emale cabin crew on Hietnam +irlines wear red ones, and ban/ employees wear ones matching their companyls logo* ,tls also common !or older women to wear +o >ai to be made o! a "el"ety material and accented with a rope o! pearls*

2he style o! todayls +o >ai remains close to the anti.ue originals, and hasnlt changed "ery much in the last %00 yearsR howe"er in the last thirty years changes ha"e been made to the pleating and the lengths o! the collar*

Many Hietnamese designers are now reinterpreting the +o >ai, e5perimenting with new materials, decorations, and adornments* Many o! their studios can be !ound in 4aigon and 9anoi, with prices ranging up to se"eral hundred dollars !or one o! their creations*

Eor !oreign women tra"eling in Hietnam, +o >ai ma/es e5cellent handmade sou"enirs* 4hopping !or material in 4aigonls -en 2hanh mar/et is a good e5cursion and you will ma/e !riends along the way by as/ing !or suggestions and tailors to recommend* ?umerous tailors can be !ound in 4aigon, 9oi +n and 9anoi that speciali@e in ma/ing e5cellent +o >ais* Most o! them can ma/e the out!it in 2S hours or less* 0hat better way is there to remember your !antastic trip to Hietnam8 3oulll be reminded o! the beauti!ul country e"ery time you put your +o >ai on*