“A Bewildered State” By Paul Carlson Rough draft: scenes, dialogue and story lines Intro: Commercial starts with

“Credit Man”* showing how good his life is. The credits roll. As the commercial winds up, the film transitions to “Jessie”, a very much similar man in a life with a wife “Kathy” and a daughter “Jessica”. Several scenes are shown with “Jessie” and “Kathy” in closeness.
Jesse has a very lucrative job with his construction company. He builds houses in large subdivisions. His work is very well known and respected for his quality and craftsmanship. At this point in time, he is being considered for a job building high rise towers for one of his good friends and mentors, Jeff. * “Credit Man” is a credit company commercial depicting a man that has over extended himself.

Scene 1: Leaving for work “Jessie” and “Kathy” are shown getting ready for work. There is a lot of activity as each try and get ready around the other. They agree to try and meet for lunch as they prepare to leave the house. “Jesse” has commitments at the build site early, and then a meeting with Jeff later in the morning. Scene 2: The encounter
“Jesse” arrived at “Jeff’s” to see what “Jeff” had on his mind. “Jesse” was glad to see “Jeff”, but was very distracted by the problems at the site. “Jeff” patted him on the back and urged “Jesse” into his office. He had a lot to tell “Jesse” and was eager to tell him that he wanted him on one of the biggest projects he had taken on. “Jeff asked “Jessie” to go upstairs to estimate finishing some floor for leasing. These floors had been vacant for several months because there

wasn’t enough clientele to lease them out, and “Jeff” was hoping that bringing “Jesse” in will help out.

“Jessie” had exited “Jeff’s” office and is going to take the freight elevator because he is parked in back of the building. The elevator is broken, so he has to take the stairs. “Jessie” on his way out enters some unfamiliar corridors that have been under construction for some time, are unused and have very little traffic. He opens a door checking for an exit but enters a room instead. Realizing he is lost, he continues to check for another door that might be the exit. As he enters a room, he hears a voice. “Killer”: I’m busy. No one is supposed to be here! “Jessie” cannot see who is speaking. “Jessie”: Sorry to have bothered you. I appear to be lost. Which way is the exit? “Jessie” hears some scuffling noises, but still cannot see anything. “Killer”: Head back out that door you came in and keep going. “Jessie” heads back out the door. As he pulls the door too, he pauses. Something didn’t seem right with this situation. At this point, a maintenance man comes around the corner. “Maint. Man”(Speaking loudly): Can I help you? “Jessie”: I’m lost and I’m trying to find the exit. “MM”: Follow me and I will show you the way out. “Jessie”: Would you check out this room first… something seemed strange here. “MM” (opening door and stepping in room): Is there something I am supposed to see? “Jessie”(Looking around the MM): There was someone here a minute ago. “MM”: I don’t see anyone. There is nothing

scheduled for this part of the building so no one should be here. “Jessie”: Hmmmm. That’s odd. Okay. I need to get to the rear exit. MM Leads the way down the hall with Jessie following. Scene 3: Distraction The next day, Jessie reads in the paper that a woman had been killed in the very building he had been in. He begins to feel ill at the very thought that he may have walked in on the murder while it was being committed and did not know it. (different shots showing Jessie’s mind wandering about what he saw). Kathy notes Jessie’s distraction. Kathy: Jessie, are you okay? What’s the matter? Jessie seems very distracted and bewildered. Jessie: I’m not sure. I just read about this murder and I think I might have been there about the time it was happening. Kathy moves over to console “Jesse” thinking it might just be a coincidence. Camera pans off Jessie and fade out. Scene 4: The next encounter A couple of days later, Jessie is again downtown and goes to a large office building for a business meeting with his friend Jeff. As he goes through the office, he looks to the right and sees a distinctive looking fellow. Jessie’s impression was of the office high roller, a little on the international traveler style. Jessie proceeds into Jeff’s office for the meeting. When the meeting is over, he leaves Jeff’s office.

Jessie has a bad habit of parking behind office buildings because of being in construction. He is more comfortable going in the back ways. There are also less people to have to contend with this way. Jessie also has a poor internal directional compass when it comes to unfamiliar office buildings and tends to get turned around very easily inside them. Again Jessie enters an unpopulated portion of the building trying to find the exit. He comes down a hallway under construction that ends in several doors. He opens one of the doors and enters to see if he can go through to an exit. To his amazement, he witnesses the killer in the act of murdering his victim. There was blood on the victim, and the floor. This is something “Jesse” wasn’t expecting to see in his lifetime. Jessie is so in shock at this bizarre act that he cannot move. The killer is standing there with a victim in his arms. He has a wild look in his eye. It is at this point that the killer throws his knife at Jessie. It strikes and sticks in the door jam by Jessie’s head. This snaps Jessie out of shock, and he backs out, quickly pulls the door shut and takes off stumbling down the hallway. At the other end, he sees the elevator and hits the button, but sees that it is going to be awhile before it gets there so he takes the door to the stairs beside it and runs down to the ground floor and through the door that puts him out into the lobby. “Jesse” looked as if he had seen a ghost, and as he tried to walk his sense of balance just went to reeling from the experience. He sat down in the middle of the lobby to try and gain his composure. Some passersby stopped to check on “Jesse”, and called Security to help look after him. They got him a chair and let him set up. “Jesse”

explained what he just saw. He told them where he thought the murder was taking place. The Police was called just in case it was a prank. A small crowd has gathered and just lingering trying to figure out what is going on. A squad of officers shows up along with a detective. They go upstairs with the Security officers to investigate the scene. Shortly the detective comes back and approaches “Jesse”. Two uniformed officers stand on either side of “Jesse”.” Jesse” looks up at the detective with a questioning look on his face. Detective: What is your name? Jesse: Jesse < last name later> Detective: May I look at your shoes? Jesse: Yes Sir.. I told the Security officers what happened…….<he trails off> Jesse holds each shoe up for the detective to see. Detective:Mr<name later> :We have a murder scene on our hands, and some evidence that puts you at the scene. There’s blood on your shoe that looks like it matches the print at the scene. Would you stand please? “Jesse” stands up. Place your hands behind your head.” Jesse” looks puzzled. I’m placing you under arrest for your protection as well as our officers. We’re going downtown to sort this out, and you can give your confession to me there while they investigate the scene. The officers handcuff “Jesse” and escort him out to the waiting police car while the onlookers gather around in curiosity.<fade out> Scene 6 “Release” <for camera> “Jesse” is later in the property room being “politely” released after finding “lack of evidence “to hold him, but is kept “under suspicion” because he is the only person they have evidence of

being there. He was unable to describe the killer because of everything that went on and his mental state. As “Jesse” comes out to meet his bewildered family, he has this feeling of relief that he has not been found the killer!, at least not for now! What “Jesse” doesn’t realize what awaits him is that he is about to fall off the “Golden Chariot of Life” as he walks his family walks out to parking lot<fade out> Scene 7 “At Home” “Jesse” takes a couple of days off to decompress from this harrowing ordeal. He’s still trying to wrap his mind around all the activity, and make sense of it. But, it turns out to be more than he can handle. On his 2 day at home he is puttering around the house. “Kathy” just kind of leaves him to himself to work things out. She has trouble fathoming the depths to which this has taken “Jesse” so far. About midmorning,” Kathy” needs to do some shopping and “Jessica” is going to help. “Kathy asks “Jesse” if he would like to go. He mumbles some thing about not wanting to and continues about his puttering. “Kathy” thought this a little strange since “Jesse” is not one to “putter” so much, but leaves him to it thinking it might help him. About 2-3 hrs have passed, “Kathy”, and “Jessica” returns with loaded arms. “Kathy” gets the door open ready to call “Jesse” to help. As the door opens “Kathy” stops in dismay. She sees “Jesse” stark naked, sitting on a fish tank with a “Where’s Waldo” book and a handful of mashed potatoes! <Camera only sees an angle shot. Not Head –on! > Jessica: Mom! These bags are getting heavy! Why
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are you just standing there? Kathy: Jessica, Stay where you are! “Kathy is trying to keep “Jessica” from going around her and seeing her Father. Jessica: Moooom! I’m dropping the bags! “Jessica” looks around her mom to see her Father. <camera focuses on “Kathy”, and “Jessica”<fade-out> <fade-in> “Jesse” is in an undershirt, and boxers with a bathrobe on and house shoes, as orderlies escort him to a waiting ambulance.<slowly fadeout><Hal-J bit is played here> <fade-in> “Jesse” is seen being evaluated, and checked in. <go to black> Scene8 At the Rehab <Scenes show “Jesse” being kept quiet and cared for> On his 2 day he gets to walk down the hall and set in the courtyard, He picks up a paper that is left there and sees that a woman was murdered in the very building he was in. He drops the paper, begins crying and drops to his knees in anguish. <As the scene fades out, you see orderlies running to the courtyard to tend to “Jesse” Scene 9 Leaving Rehab After a week and a half of heavy therapy, and mild medication,” Jesse” is released from Rehab. After a day or so of rest at home, “Jesse” decides that he might go back to work to help put his mind on something else, and maybe help get his head “squared” back up on his shoulders. < some shots and scenes can show “Jesse” getting back to work, although a few people can be shown looking at him with skepticism. ><The next scene goes to the crime
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scene where some evidence is found and logged. The “detective” looks at the evidence and gets a look on his face that he has a good idea it’s “Jesse’s”.> The next day officers arrive at “Jesse’s” home to take him downtown for more questioning. Dialog: There is knock at the door just after “Jesse” gets home. It’s the Detective. “Jesse” answers it. Detective: I’m sorry to have to do this to you “Jesse”. We need to ask you some questions, and we have to go downtown to do this. We have more evidence linking you to the scene. Jesse: <again feeling that sinking feeling>:I told you I didn’t kill her! I thought you proved it!!??? Detective: Let’s go downtown and talk about it there. “Kathy” has been looking on all this time in bewilderment. Up to this point she didn’t think “Jesse” capable of any such deed. “Jessica” had been watching from a distance disbelieving that her Dad could do anything so vile! She could not speak, because the circumstances kept overshadowing her belief in her Dad. All she knew was her instinct. “Kathy “ watched as her husband was again taken downtown on the same murder investigation. “Kathy” was also concerned because “Jesse’s” job, her family, and her lifestyle were in question if ” Jesse” did have anything to do with this. Doubt began to creep in to her mind. Scene 10 At the station ( as the interrogation is filmed, it fades from one scene to the next as “Jesse” answers as series of questions by the detectives. Occasionally we here an answer from him)

(“Jesse” has also been handed a folder of the investigation where they have found more evidence, but it doesn’t prove, or disprove anything from the last interview.) Detective: We found a spot of blood that matches your blood type. It was on the doorframe, and a smear on the woman’s dress that looked as if something had been wiped on there. Jesse: (he ponders the statement for moment and reaches up to his left ear): I’ve been wondering why my ear had a mark in it! That must have been when his knife grazed by me and hit the door! Detective: But we never found the knife! Jesse: He must have gotten the knife back and wiped it on her dress to get rid of the evidence, and maybe pin it on me since I saw him. Detective: This is starting to sound a little far fetched. Do you think you can describe the killer now? Jesse: I’m pretty sure I can. This has been a real shock to me and I guess I didn’t want to remember him. Detective: Jesse, keep in mind that what we have right now is circumstantial. If it came down to it, I’d have to try and prosecute you on what I have, and it wouldn’t go down very good for you. The detective suspects that “Jesse” is telling the truth, but he has to go with what’s in front of him. < a clock starts to move forward as time marches on. > Another detective is in the room also and is getting frustrated that they aren’t making progress. He walks over to the table and slaps both hands on the table trying to shake “Jesse” into a confession. The Other Detective: <in a raised voice>How do you

explain that we only found your fingerprints at the scene? < he is getting agitated. He wants to wrap up this investigation, close a case for his files, and his jacket> We have enough right now to convict you! Why did You do it? Can you tell me that? Detective takes the Other by the arm: C’mon. Let’s go into the hall. Both detectives go into and down the hall a short distance to discuss the evidence. “Jesse” is left alone for a few minutes to ponder his future. He’s not a jail person. He’s tried to lead a model life, keep his family in a quality lifestyle. He loves his family and would never do anything to bring harm to them. “I have an ideal life. How did I wind up in this situation that looks bad on me? How do I get control of my life back?” thinks “Jesse”. While he is thinking, he looks out a window to see a person walking through the squad room that looks like the killer! He gets up to get a better look. Yes! It looks like him! “Jesse” goes to the door. At last, a chance to clear himself. He just needs to catch this person. “Jesse” opens the door and steps out to see, Yes!, It is him! Jesse: Stop him! Stop that man! <”Jesse” takes off running> It’s the killer! Don’t let him get away! <Jesse is yelling! > “Jesse” sprints through the squad room after the killer. Unfortunately, the squad goes after “Jesse” because he was in interrogation, and could be escaping. The killer meanwhile was not seen by detectives and makes good HIS escape by going into a stairwell. As “Jesse” makes it to the hallway to get to the stairwell, officers and detectives tackle him, roll him

over, and get him handcuffed. “Jesse” goes into a panic: He’s escaping! The killer’s escaping down that stairwell! Don’t let him get away! The officers pick “Jesse” up to put him on his feet, but he struggles with the officers. NOOO! He went down the stairwell! He’s getting away! I didn’t do it! It was him! It was all the officers and detectives could do to hold him now.” Jesse” was going into full panic now. A call was made to the “psyche ward” That he was coming back. A young officer had entered the hallway at this time. Squad Captain: Did you see anyone in the stairwell, Son? Young Officer: No Cap’n. I looked up, and down the stairwell and didn’t see a soul! Squad Captain: Thank You. You’re dismissed! He gazes at the stairwell………<fade out>

Scene 11 Back at Rehab
Fade in: “Jesse” is shown in a room, in a straight jacket in a semi-fetal position. Fade out

Scene 11 con’t
3 days later
“Jesse”, in a bathrobe, looking the worst for wear , is out on one of the patios with the “detective”and looking at some folders. “Jesse”: (looking apologetic and subddued). “I’m

sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like I did. I saw the killer!……..( He trails off) Detective: (He puts a hand on “Jesse’s” shoulder). “Jess, We’re finding all of this hard to believe. You say you saw the killer. We looked in the hallway and came up empty. We went to Jeff’s office. He said he’s never seen this man and definitely not an employee!” “Jesse”: “I saw him! (in an outburst) He was at the back desk on the phone! ( Jesse catches himself, and checks the attendants. His outburst has their attention) ( quietly to to the Detective) He was there!!” Detective: I’ve asked the Dr. to release you on your recognazance,……Provided you don’t lose it again!” Now go home and be with your wife and daughter. This is on me! “Jesse”: I don’t know about that. My wife isn’t real sure about me anymore. She’s afraid that I might go off on her.I love her, and my daughter, and wouldn’t do anything to harm them. Rather, I’m trying to get my life back and it’s not working.(“Jesse” hangs his head) Now she’s afraid of me…..(He takes a deep breath and looks up) Thank You , Detective! ( at this point “Jesse is so pulled down by all of the events that he can’t get his excitement built up) They get up together and shake hands. The detective picks up his folders and walks down the path to get out. Fade out. Fade in: We see”Jesse” taking a stroll through the main Lobby and Visiting area later. As he is walking through, he sees a familiar face across the way. “Why, it can’t be”

he thinks to himself. He starts walking over to get a better look, and to his amazement, it is! Halleluyah! “Jesse”: (Starts yelling at anyone) Stop that man! Stop him! Yes! That one ! He’s getting away! By this time the orderlies only saw “Jesse” and didn’t get to see the Killer because he had just made his exit from the room. The Killer had a lab coat on and discarded it as he rounded a corner to escape. He went through a door about the time “Jesse” had caught up to the labcoat. “Jesse” stopped to pick it up and was tackled by the orderlies. The exit door had just shut when “Jesse” hit the ground . Some people had seen the Killer, but he wasn’t to be found. “Jesse” struggles to break free but the orderlies were on the job. He was quickly tranqualized. It doesn’t take very long the tranqs do their job and “Jesse” is again carried off to his quarters to be jacketed.

Scene12 The Killer returns
That evening we find “Jesse” in a room very much like a hospital. He was hooked up to monitors, had a couple of i.v.’s in him . He was still groggy from the tranqs the orderlies

gave him in the lobby but he was feeling rather relaxed. A nurse and an orderly came into the room, the nurse to his bedside , and the orderly parked at the door. The nurse smiled at him as she went about checking monitors, and i.v.’s and then picked up his wrist to check his pulse. “Jesse” looked over at what appeared to be a “sideof-beef” well over six foot tall glaring down at him. “Jesse”shut his eyes hoping this “apparition” would go away, but figured it had to be the drugs playing tricks on him. He opened his eyes again to find that it was partly the drugs. His attention snapped to when he realized the nurse was speaking to him . “Are you allright?. Is everything ok? The Nurse asked. “Jesse”: I’m fine . The nurse puts his wrist down. Her and the orderly proceeded to leave the room, and as they left the nurse gave “Jesse” a smile, and a wave of her left hand over her shoulder. “Jesse” decides to take a nap and take advantage of the relaxed feeling that the drugs had given him. He had just gotton off the sleep and was jarred awake by the fact that there was a hand over his mouth and someone whispering in his ear. Killer: You have been a nuisance to me up to now. You know, if you were to just go ahead and have a nice little accident, right now, it would solve everyone’s troubles. The Killer takes his hand off of “Jesse’s” mouth to adjust the i.v.’s ,and the monitors. Say a word and your dead now! The police might not

know what look like, but you do and I know you can identify me! The Killer had taken enough time that he knew the drug overdose would take effect shortly. He turns and exits the room. “Jesse” goes to get up. He grabs the “Call” button and pushes it. He screams … AAAAGGHHHH! The Killer is here!! Someone! Help! Someone help me!! He goes to get up snd stand, but the drugs have taken their toll on him, and he is unable to walk , much less stand. He tries to remove the monitor leads, and i.v’s, but got a reeling wave that overpowered him. He sat back on the bed to compose himself. The drugs prove to be too strong, and he then blacks out from there. Camera Fades to Black as if seen from “Jesse”s eyes

can take

Scene13 Kathy has had all she

Back at home a week and a half later:

Kathy:”Jesse” , I can’t take any more of this! I can’t keep “Jessica” in this situation , and I can’t stay init either. “Jesse”, your truck has been repossesed, and our house is in jepordy.(She sighs a sigh of frustration). I love you dearly!, but you aren’t the same man I married……… (She pauses a couple of seconds),…Until you get over this……. insanity …..,or as the Doctor put it, …obsession, your never going to get any better! ( There is a long pause as she gets up and turns a way , then turns back to “Jesse”) I don’t know how you ever came to be in such insanity, or stepped down to losing your mind, but it scares the hell out of me! I always thought you had your head on straight, but your on the downhill run to losing everything you’ve worked hard for, including us! I never thought you could do ANYTHING that the doctor and the police told me about! (“Jesse” is looking at “Kathy” at amazement and disbelief. This whole time he hasn’t been able to come up with an answer, because he is still searching for the truth to help clear him). Your not the type. It’s never been proven otherwise. Not fully. I’m going to take “Jessica”to my mother’s. I hope you can get these issues resolved. (She looks at “Jesse” with a distant look.) I miss our life together, and my life with my husband! I really hate to have to do this, but you are a stranger in my house , and in our lives. ( With that, “Kathy” gets up and walks out of the room) Fade Out.

“Jesse” has left his house

SCENE 14 Downtown

and decided to go for a walk. Everything up to this point has overwhelmed him including “ Kathy” leaving. He figures a nice long walk might help get him some perspective. “Jesse” starts to think that “Kathy” may be right. In his mind, everything that has gone on has been about the Killer! “True, but if I can find this Killer, then I should be able to get my “Lathy” back , along with my life!””Jesse” is out of sorts because everthing he has tried to do up to know has made matters worse, not to mention made “Kathy” leave and that hurts worst off all! “Kathy may be right though, this IS an obsession, but…..IF I don’t do SOMETHING, everything I have worked for will be gone and nothing to show for its loss but a derilect mental patient, and I’m NOT mental because all of this is real and no one believes me! “Jesse” has been going over all of the things that has brought him to this point. He had been wrestling with what to do and why this was going on, and the fact that “Kathy” left that he didn’t realize where he was until he started bumping into people. He was downtown! He had been in a fog for quite sometime and come out of his fog, at rush hour – going home time! People were awash around him and he was trying to get his bearings. He had trouble trying to fathom that he was downtown in the first place! “Jesse” decides that the best thing is to just find the flow and just go with it. His situation frustrates him even more.

He puts his hands in his pockets and goes on about his walk amongst the throng. What “Jesse” hasn’t recognized also at this point is, that his dress and demeanor has taken it’s toll and he has become dressed like a “shelter person”, looking rather shaggy and scraggly. People have taken a step away from him as they walk. “Jesse” keeps walking. He began getting back into his train of thought, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. It was at a moment not long after he had realized where he was that the crowd had stopped. “Jesse” had stopped too and came back to reality, but….something was out of place. Something he had not experienced before. He started to look around as the crowd was parting. He was trying to figure out what this strange feeling was when he focused through the crowd and saw the most beautiful , and attractive woman he had ever saw in his life. WOW! “Jesse” thought to himself. Wait a minute! This is not like me! I love my wife , and it’s not like me to get off on staring at other women!” “Jesse” was bewildered. He doesn’t normally look or even pay attention to other women, but this one for some reason had his attention! She WAS beautiful! “Jesse” was mesmerized by the whole situation. He was trying to fathom this new sensation when something else crept in to his thoughts. Something……like someone else was watching too, and it just overpowered him. A new sensation had come over “Jesse”, and he had this powerful urge to turn around. He turned and started looking in the crowd. There was someone in the crowd watching very intently,

“Jesse” felt, and he was scanning now. Scanning for this person who gave him this strange feeling. There was a person that walked through his field of view, and as they walked out, there he was! The Killer! “Jesse” goes to move through the crowd to get closer to the Killer, but as he does the Killer vanishes! What the…??? “Jesse” moves through the crowd to get to where the killer was. He has gone, and left no trace for “Jesse” follow. He turns back to look where the woman was and her bus was leaving. She had gotton on to a Park& Ride bus to go home. He just this moment realized that the Killer was stalking this young lady! He had to warn her! This is why he had all those strange feelings! “Jesse” worked his way through the crowd once more to find out where the bus went. He found out that it went to the wharves area where that Park& Ride ends. His first thought, get on the next bus and go catch this woman and warn her about this person! He goes to get on but the driver tells him it’s a Dollar. Oh No! He searches his pockets on to find just lint. He backs off the bus to let others on. He curses to himself. He turns around to start asking for a dollar. Well! After his little fit, and the way he is dressed, not many people were willing to even look for a dollar. As the bus fills, the driver looks at “Jesse”. All he could do is look back with a blank look. The Driver shuts the door and leaves. “Jesse” was motionless for a minute. It starts to drizzle on him. He looked up to see a Transit Cop standing a few feet away rocking on his heels looking at him. “Jesse” stalls for

just a second, and then proceeds to sprint through the crowd in the direction of the bus, all the time trying to keep it in sight. It motors on through traffic and heads for the freeway. As it gets too far ahead to keep up with, “Jesse” stops to recover his breath for a moment. He has a little fit of frustration in his spot he stopped in. He looks up to see people staring, and walking way around him. He just looks at the people and growls at them lowly. I’m Not crazy!!!!

Scene15 The Train Ride
“Jesse” walks away from the crowds to figure out to how get to the wharves area. He knows where they are. They aren’t far, maybe 10 to…15 minutes at best, but this is rush hour, and it is usually a longer ride! Hey!! I might still have a chance! He starts thinking of what he can do to get there. He can walk! Nah! Take too long! Running isn’t much better! Hitch a ride? Nah! They would never pick me up ! I need to do SOMETHING out here , because I’m getting WET!!!! While he is pondering his situation, he hears a train coming through the area. An idea struck him! If that train is going the right way, I can catch a ride on it, and maybe make it on time! “Jesse” again sprints then direction of the train whistle. He makes it a few blocks to find out that it IS going his way! “Jesse’s” mind goes to work I just need to get out of sight for a few minutes and jump on board!.He runs behind some bushes and waits for a car he feels

comfortable with. He finally catches one toward the back of the train. He hangs on for dear life. The hand rails are slippery from the drizzle. He realizes that the train is only going a bout 20 mph. but he could fall off if he’s not careful. For a train, 20 mph is pretty fast too! As he gets his footing to hold on,he starts thinking about this very lovely woman that he knows is being stalked by the killer. “Jesse” is now getting very nervous because the train isn’t moving as fast as he would like. While he is holding on and riding, a familiar feeling starts to come over “Jesse”. Wow! It is a sense of reality that he hasn’t felt in a long time now! With the sense of urgency and the hope that he can catch this woman to warn, and possibly save her life, “Jesse”is starting to feel a little bit human for the first time in weeks! With all of this on his mind, “Jesse” has to come back to reality when the train starts to slow. He looks and sees that he is coming into the wharves area. He figures he had better jump off before any railroad people see him. He finds a bush to run behind until the train passes. He looks across the wharves area and sees a bus on the freeway coming into the area, but it is going to opposite direction, which is the way ”Jesse” needs to go. He starts heading across the myriad of tracks, and docks to get to his destination. He is going to have quite a walk ahead of him, and he needs to hurry!

Scene16 The Wharves
“Jesse” is making pretty good time across the tracks, and the docks to get to the PARK & RIDE. It’s getting dark though and “Jesse” is afraid he is too late. He is trying to keep his hope up because the rush hour tends to make the traffic take longer and the bus could be late. He finally makes it to the Park & Ride are to see that the lot is mostly empty. A bus had just left and the few that got off were leaving when “Jesse” arrived. He looks around and doesn’t see anyone , and anybody that had been working around any of the docks were gone. All was pretty much quiet. The lights of the city were starting to shine in the advancing darkness, and reflect off of the wet pavement now. You hear the occasional steam whistle moaning from the surrounding factories. “Jesse” takes in the industrial quietness. He knows that he is ok, but it’s not a good idea to be hanging out in wharves area after dark. The lights went out at the lot and “Jesse”didn’t want to be swallowed up by the darkness. He decides that he had better head back to his side of town after seeing that the gorgeous lady that he saw was nowhere around, and probably got off somewhere else. He took a moment to watch the last of the sunset on the horizon. It was on his path back toward the railyard , and avoiding puddles in the dark, that he passes one of the wharves that just looks alittle out of place. He knows it’s been there for ages , but it still is a bit odd to him. Something tugs at him about this particular building. He has that same feeling that he had when he was downtown.

“Jesse” is up on higher ground and looking down toward the door of this building that is pretty much hidden in the dark , except for a light hanging down over the front door and shining over it. It has this “noir” feel to it. “Jesse” has an eriee feeling about this place, but he can’t explain it He stands for just a moment. He is getting ready to continue his trek, and he stops. A lone figure has come into view out of the dark and heads for the door on the seemingly vacant building. This person doesn’t seem to be dressed for a job here. He has a long coat on. His hair looks wild in the shadows. There is something very familiar about this figure! The figure turns to look around and “Jesse” gets just a glimpse of the person. Something about that face……hmmmm. “Jesse” ponders for a moment and decides he is seeing things. In an instant, “Jesse”s mind jumps! That’s the killer!!!!!!!!! Now “Jesse” doesn’t know what to do. He wants to go in after the killer. But he doesn’t want to walk into a trap either. Should he go to the police? @#$^&!!!!!! What evidence does he have? The killer could be gone by the time they arrive too!! “Jesse” weighs his options. They want evidence. Well, I will just have to get them some! He decides that he will go into the building to see what he can find out. “Jesse” scrambles down the bank of dirt and eases up to the building. He looks around and feels his blood pressure going out of sight! He is scared beyond belief. Man, if I disappear in here, no one will ever know I was here. I’ve got to get some kind of evidence to clear

myself!!!

Scene 17 The Confrontation
He opens the door very cautiously as to not make any noise! He opens the door with trepidation. He could be very wrong about the fellow he saw. He eases in trying to find where to step quietly. He eases the door to, and surveys the surroundings. He is in a storage area. His eyes adjust, and he sees a path toward an area that is lit. He is trying very hard not to trip over anything that would give him away. What if I’m found to be in here? What if I really saw someone that just resembled him? I have to know! “Jesse” crept ever forward to the lit area. He thought to himself that an abandoned building wasn’t anything, except the electric wiring was fairly up to date. Being in construction for as long as he was, he thought it a bit odd, unless someone plans to use it one day, or, was already using it!!!. There were miscellaneous tables, and machines, and cabinets in disarray and covered heavily in dust. He heard voices now. He eased around to see who it was in here. You could hardly tell that anyone was here. Who was going to look in an abandoned building ? “Jesse” looked around in the lit area and saw some “things” spread out on a table, and hands that were rummaging through them. He couldn’t see who the hands belonged to. He heard someone washing their hands in water. AH-HA! There were two people in here! #$%%@!!!!!! He is going to have to be extra careful now! He looks to see who is

washing their hands. The figure turns to look at the “hands”. It’s the Killer!!! “Jesse” goes to jump at him! He stops himself. What am I doing? He’s killed who knows how many people and hasn’t been caught? He decides he needs to wait and listen for something to use as evidence. The killer starts talking about this woman, and about what a nuisance she was. Killer: It’s a shame . She was sooo attractive, but man did she put up a fight!” Jesse’s” blood ran cold. Nooo! he thought. He’s already killed her and there was nothing I could do! “Jesse” just froze, just went numb with disbelief. He almost fell back into some buckets and gave himself away. It shook him back to reality. He bristled at the thought of the Killer doing his “deed”, and the past encounters he’s had with him! At this point the Killer made some off-color joke about the young lady, and “Jesse” couldn’t take it anymore. He burst out of his hidey-hole, at the Killer, and stops. Jesse: WHY?? YOU didn’t have to kill that lady!?! The Killer was shocked but not surprised to see “Jesse”. Killer: Well,Well, and Well, Look at what the cat tried to bury!………… Yes I did! I’m rather disappointed though. She was too easy…….no fight at all!(as he taunts Jesse). “Jesse” noticed the Killer was to nonchalant, and cool, when he talked about his last victim. Red flags went off in “Jesse “that let him know that this was a dangerous situation that he was into now! It

told him that the Killer wasn’t afraid to kill any one at all. “Jesse” was having the same feelings as when he came up on the first murder. It was a raw and unbridled feeling,..something so sobering, and something reaching so deep into the human psyche that it should never have to be experienced any human. Here was an individual, that killing to him was like drinking water comes natural to anyone else. It was (sic) “natural”. “Jesse” wanted to vomit at this point. “Jesse” wasn’t overly religious, but he was starting to understand the religious implications now. The “God” of whom he had listened to, and about in church was starting to make a lot of sense, and this “individual” was not of a religious “God” that we all now, but of something very dark and evil. It started to make sense of why he was able to move around with out many people seeing him! “Jesse” was in a panic , and felt ill now too. The Killer was talking up his last foray abut his last victim, and “Jesse” was feeling like someone was pouring gunpowder in his veins! Very similar to being overdosed on caffine! The Killer looks over at the other “figure” in the room and continues his “story” non-chlantly. Killer: This is easy for me! It’s like a fetish….A hobby, if you will! It’s what I like to do! “Jesse” turns and tries to see this other “figure” in the room after he hears a shudder come from this person. “Jesse” thought a boulder had been dropped on him when he saw that it was “Orville”, the attendant from the psyche ward! “Jesse” is struck and frozen with fear because he knows that he is now stuck between a killer and a

very large person that can do him a lot of harm by himself, and quite possibly his family too! “Jesse”’s mind immediately went to “Kathy”, and “Jessica”. Killer: (speaking to “Orville”) I find it REAL interesting that this fellow should show up here,(as he reaches for a knife),Don’t you Orville?. Yeees(rubbing his chin)…It IS interesting! You have managed to show up at a lot of places that I have been, but yet the Police have never been able to catch me! (he plays with the knife). Tell me something!? Are the Police here? Are they hiding, perhaps behind you? Or maybe just outside? Are you wired? Ah, yes! Maybe they are waiting to hear a confession, hmm? Jesse: I’m not wired.(forcing himself to speak).. and there are no police……… Killer: Well then why are you here? hmm?…(before “Jesse” can speak)……Orville! Did you send him here? “Orville” had been quiet up to now. Orville: No I didn’t! This is between you and him! I just kept an eye on him like you asked. The Killer was looking a little more serious and concerned now. Killer: I know you didn’t fol…..( he trails off)AAHHHH!!! The Girl!! You were trying to get here to save the Girl! How noble of you! Hmmm… You must have seen me walk in .( The Killer lights up). As the Killer revels in his own amazement, “Jesse” notices on the table that there are prescription drugs, and paraphernalia , some white looking powder, money. “Orville” sat at the other end, while the Killer was in an open area. “Jesse” now getting even more nervous, squeaks out a question, Are you drug dealers too?

Killer: You really ARE here by yourself , aren’t you?( he looks at “Orville”) A meaningless little man , trying to be a hero. A pathetic little man that has stumbled into something of which he has nooo idea of what is really going on, and (he pauses and smiles), well, your death will be meaningless because the cops think you did it all! Jesse: It hasn’t been proven!..The killer cuts him off Killer: Circumstantial evidence will be enough if I disappear. “Jesse” was starting to get terrified now. He also noticed that “Orville” was starting to get a little antsy also. “Jesse” had no plan to save himself. He knew that if he died here that his family would be in peril, and he would be a “prime “suspect in all the cases. “Jesse” didn’t want to leave that kind of legacy for his family. “Orville”, thinking his drug business is jepordy, reaches over and starts to count it , and put it in his pocket. Killer: ( very abruptly) What are you doing? Jesse: I’m curious. You seem to be smart and educated. How did you manage to hook up with small time here? “Jesse” uses his thumb to point over his shoulder to “Orville”. It seems beneath you to stoop down to his level, unless it’s the drugs that you are all about here. Just a cheap drug dealer that uses his own drugs for recreation then killing people for your highs . Something in “Jesse” encouraged him to try and get the Killer off balance. “Jesse” could see that his remarks really insulted the killer. The Killer rushes “Jesse, slams him against a support column, and hold the knife had been playing with,

and holds it to “Jesse”s throat.. He starts to rotate the knife and move it down from “Jesse”s throat to his heart. “Jesse” tries to dissuade the Killer. Jesse: the Police have your likeness on file. Killer :(perterbed) So? They have no evidence! But, they have you! All I have to do is plant a little evidence on you and voila’! The Killer smiles. “Jesse” eyes the table and sees “Orville packing money in his pockets. “Orville” reaches over to grab some drugs. At the same time the killer sees “Jesse” looking past him. The Killer explodes that quickly, and “Orville” see the knife that was at “Jesse’s” throat is now between his fingers before he can pull the drugs back to him. He stand motionless. The Killer turns back to “Jesse”, his eyes wild. “Jesse” knew that the great moment was approaching. He hears a loud bang. In another swift, and continuous motion, the killer nails “Orville” with deadly accuracy from a second knife that he had planned to use on “Jesse”. The Killer had been shot, but it only served to make him more concentrated on “Jesse”. “Orville” meantime slowly sank to the floor. “Jesse” manages to find a piece of pipe to attack the Killer with. The Killer now turns picks up a piece of pipe and focuses his attention on “Jesse”. The Killer stops for a moment while he stares hard at “Jesse”. The Killer” holds the pipe in the air and makes a lunge at “ Jesse”. “Jesse” backs up as far as he could. But the support column stops him. He takes his pipe and holds it up to try and protect himself from the onslaught of the Killer . It was at that moment that everything went to slow

motion. The Killer seemed to take several minutes to approach. The pipe in the Killer’s hand seemed to come up slowly to assault position . “Jesse” braced for the ineveitable. He heard an explosion just then. The killer stopped for a split second and flinched. He went to move on “Jesse” again with all murderous intent. He drew back to strike “Jesse”. “Jesse” tensed up while he held his pipe trying to get ready for this murderous madman to assault him, knowing this could be the end. The Killer went to strike, but his movement was still slow and deliberate. His arm moved forward toward “Jesse”. There was another explosion , a .boom if you will. “Jesse” could dare take his eyes off the Killer. The Killer was about to deliver the blow, and just froze right it front of “Jesse” His heart stopped while the Killer just stood frozen in what seemed like an eternity. The pipe slowly slips out of the Killer’s hand to the floor. The killer then slowly leans toward “Jesse” and slowly falls against him. His hands drop down and he slowly slides to the floor in a heap. “Jesse’s” heart starts beating and he starts gulping air to regain his senses. He stares at the Killer in shock and disbelief that he was almost another victim in this bizarre scheme of what could have gone on for who knows how long. “Jesse” looks over at “Orville”. “Orville” was dead from the knives thrown at him with deadly accuracy. It was fate to “Jesse” that” Orville” had just enough life left in him to get his revenge. “Jesse” was getting his composure back now and

was assessing the situation. The shock was still heavy on him. The Killer , and “Orville” were both dead and neither one could harm him or his family anymore. Unfortunately he was in the middle of a murder scene, and was still a suspect because this wouldn’t clear him. DAMN! There are 2 men. A table full of drugs and money! One was connected to the Looney Bin where “Jesse” had his stays. The other , the Police have nothing on! Both are dead! Omerta! No one talks! “Jesse” is still alive and on the scene!

Scene18 “Jesse” heads back to Town
“Jesse decide that he needed to leave this place before the Police, or anyone else shows up. He heads out of the building into the dark, back toward the train yard to get a ride back to town. Still no money, and the prospect of losing his wife over this just overwhelmed him at this point. Even though this was over now, he still had to put his life back together. “Jesse” managed to catch a train heading back to town. He jumps off at a good location and starts the journey home. It starts to rain again. Great! “Kathy” was on his mind now, and how to get his life back. “Kathy” and “Jessica” WAS his life! They were the most important thing to him. They are all he lives for! “Jesse’s” making his way through the rain. He stops

at a crossing light to wait for traffic. He looks up and sees a familiar vehicle. Hmm…I know that car from somewhere. “Jesse” observes for a minute. Through the rain covered windows he saw a figure that looked familiar to him too! It was “Jessica”! She was looking out at him with both hands on the glass to see out. “Jesse” froze. The light turned green for the car. As it turned, he could see “Kathy” at the wheel , and the car loaded with boxes. A load of bricks had just landed on “Jesse”. “Kathy” was leaving and taking “Jessica” too. He never had a chance to say good bye,or to really explain to “Kathy” what had just happened to him. With the Killer now dead, there is no evidence of what really happened to him, or the victims. It was a bizarre twist of fate that came into “Jesse’s life and turned it inside out. In the background you hear a news announcer report that 2 men were found dead in a warehouse in the port area, in asuspected drugs deal. In other news,,,,,,,,,(fade) Camera begins to pan back as “Jesse strolls down a derilect looking street. As it pans farther back , you see a mission, with a preist standing at the door. Overhead , there is a sign.(Either Jesus saves, or God Listens) Pan all the way back and fade out.

Paul, You said something about 15 pages. Have you actually written a portion of this in screenplay format? You have a complete storyline in that you

have a beginning, middle and an end. Some general thoughts: Too many “J’s”; Jesse, Jim, and Jessica; an audience likes to identify with the characters, good or evil; the names need to allow for that. A great deal of the story line relies on thoughts and emotions to relate what’s going on with the main character. Where that is fine if you're writing a novel it is something that has to be related visually in a screenplay, if you can't see it you don't write it. There are ways to do this for example “His face reflects his level of anxiety” or “His body language shows his heightened level of nervousness”. It’s the actor’s job to portray this, but that’s why we call them actors, and the director’s job to see that they do. The reason for the anxiety or nervousness has to have been depicted (shown) in the events, or related in the dialogue, leading up to the moment. Flashbacks can be used to depict unknown events that happened hours, days or even years earlier, but unless it is absolutely necessary that should be avoided. How large is the town he lives in? I find it difficult to envision him leaving his home for a walk and winding up downtown in any reasonable amount of time. Unless the Killer was allowing Jesse to find him I find it a stretch that they would just bump into each other on the street, but it could happen. That’s what

movies are made of. The entire story is shown through the eyes of the main character, Jesse. It is said that for a first time writer telling a story this way is a safe way to go. It keeps you from having to tie everything back to core story. The problem is that you only know what is going on in his, or her, presents. That makes side bar events that add texture to the story, impossible to include except through dialogue. That’s not a good way again show, don't tell. The theme is one that has been used many times, someone is falsely accused and has to prove their innocents; “Enemy of the State” with Will Smith or “The Fugitive” with Harrison Ford, but in both cases, and in many more, the main character shows some strength of character in proving their innocents. Jesse doesn't do this. He’s reactionary, which makes him going into the warehouse alone in the end not "out of character", but a lot of what he says comes off as pleading. He does show persistence in his effort to pursue the truth of his innocents and at the end he makes an effort to defend himself against the Killer. However it is only through luck that he survives. The vast part of the story is about Jesse losing everything and that’s okay, but an audience watches a movie to get away from reality and to find something to root for. This ended on a very down note. Jesse fell to the bottom and stayed there and where as that occurs in real life I don't want to spend two hours in a movie and come out feeling worse

than when I went in (“Leaving Las Vegas” for example, so they do make them). I think a better ending would have gone something like this. The police detective was actually following Jesse around. There was the coincidence of him being present at the crime sites, but without any real evidence to tie down his guilt, the detective felt there was something missing. Either way he would catch the real killer or catch Jesse in the act. In the end the shot that kills the Killer comes from the detective having been there long enough to overhear the conversation. A news headline announces the death of the Killer and Kathy and Jessica return to Jesse thus ending on an up note. Ending it the way you did is an unexpected twist, but it is also very disappointing. There is nothing to tie the real killer back to the other events and Jesse is still a suspect forever. Even in the stories where the hero defeats the monster, but the last scene is the unknown egg hatching, which means it "ain’t" over, the hero still sort of wins to fight another day. If you haven't begun writing this in screenplay format a good reference are the books by David Trottler and I strongly suggest you purchase a piece of software designed to format the screenplay for you. I use Final Draft, but there are others. General Information:

I'm not sure how much you know about writing a screenplay so here are some general rules. A feature length screenplay needs to be between 90 and 120 pages. Your core story will have to be expanded to get it to script length that falls between 90 and 120 pages. Don't go over 120 pages. Unless you are being paid to write it what you are writing is a “Spec. Script”. It is a series of master scenes. The master scene is made up of three parts; a scene heading, action/description and dialogue. You never begin a scene with dialogue. You never include camera calls. That is reserved for a shooting script. Each paragraph of action/description should be four to five lines long only. Try and reframe from long dialogue segments. That is called a monologue and should be avoided. Dialogue is not conversation, but it has to sound like conversation. Dialogue is designed and timed and is there to relate specific information or feelings. Conversation is random and may or may not pertain to what is going on around you. I hope some of this helped. Ray

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