From: Jane Doe <ms.janedoe1975@yahoo.

Cc:;;;;; bertol;;;;; grehll@;;;;;; lytch@;;;;;;;
Sent: Sunday, April 5, 2009 5:01:37 PM
Subject: An Open Letter to Steve Korch from his victim
Steve Korch:

i hate what you did to me.
you led me to believe i could trust you.
you encouraged me to write for you.
you beseeched me to accept Christ.
i saw what i thought was a man of God.
you stole my innocence.
you betrayed my trust.
you raped my soul.
and then you lied about it.
you only cared about yourself.
when i asked you on may 12 2006 what you remembered about me,
you said "absolutely nothing"
i don't believe you.
you think you could fool ruthie?
i saw your face light up on june 24 2005 at the depo when you were handed the photo of
me on the beach at age 16. you turned to look at me immediately with that grin on your
face. brought back good memories for you??
you bet you remembered.
you remember me.
16 but not worldly.
sweet spirit.
long light brown hair.
size 7.
braces on my teeth.
i've wondered sometimes....
is that what made it more exciting for you?
it made me more of a child.
did it give you a thrill to corrupt a child by kissing her with such passion?
i've always wondered...
had you been thinking about it before that night of april 2nd 1975?
were you just waiting for a moment of opportunity?
why did you pick me?
you'd been youth minister there for two years and were a "righteous" man;
why did you prey on ME??
that night you kissed me....what were you thinking as you drove home to your WIFE?
did you feel guilty? did you feel shame?
or did you feel exhilarated?
do you have any idea how much SHAME i felt?????
you took me home that night and I wrote in my diary about it.
i never told anyone. never. anyone. ever.
and that sunday at church it was the "man of God" steve that everyone saw.
they had no idea.
just as i had no idea that the abuse would escalate.
i remember my shock the first time you unzipped my jeans in your office.
you were standing, leaning against the side edge of your desk, kissing me, embracing me.
i was frightened. i didn't understand. i didn't know what to do and so i didn't stop you.
you physically HURT ME, steve.
did you even care?
you knew i was a virgin. or heck, maybe you didn't and you wanted to find out.
did it give you a thrill to be the first man to touch me?
i'm sure it did, because you were SICK.
you were in a position of power and authority over me,
and you abused that position in the sickest way possible.
and what did you think about as you drove home THAT day?
how did you look ruthie in the face and act normal?
did you re-live and enjoy thinking about what you got to do to me that day, april 7th,
it was amazing how you just fooled everyone at Bible study two days later...
acting like the goofy, fun, Godly youth minister the youth group loved so much.
if they only knew.
when i went missing on may 5th 1975, what did you think?
did you make the connection it had something to do with what you did to me that day?
were you afraid you'd be found out?
i saw the police car there at the church that night.
what were they asking you?
and then it was the next day my mother found my diary and they interrogated you.
i doubt they told you all the details that were in my diary,
and i know you lied to them.
how lucky you were the D.A. listened to my parents and didn't file charges
how lucky you were the church covered it up and no one knew what you had done
how lucky you were you got to graduate from Biola just weeks later
how lucky you were you got accepted to attend Western Seminary because they didn't
how lucky you were you got ordained and were able to be a pastor at several churches
and how lucky you were to get hired by Western Seminary in 1999 because they didn't
and once they DID know what you had done, they kept you employed and tried to
cover it up!
yet the church that ordained you admitted in 2006 that if they had known what you had
they would never have ordained you in 1980 or had you be their pastor
they suggested to you that you step down from public ministry and you've chosen not to.
it's all about a cover up for you, isn't it?
it's not about accountability.
it's not about doing the right thing.
it's not about making amends to the woman whose life you shattered.
as you know, i buried the pain for 30 years
i have only recently been able to deal with what you did, and it's an on-going process.
i pay a therapist $100 per session trying to understand why you did what you did
and how to "make it better" so i have a desire to live.
talk to any sexual abuse victim out there and they will tell you:
the pain never goes away.
and that is why I am writing my book, in hopes it will help me heal.
you are trying to silence anyone who talks about your sin,
but your victim cannot and will not be silenced.

below is a rough draft of chapter one of my book, to give you an idea of what I will be
saying. there is much more i have written.

chapter 1: innocence stolen

anaheim . march 1975. i was a naive, sweet 16-year-old dealing with depression. i did
not love myself. i had thoughts of suicide. i remember running my father's razor blade
over my wrist to see if it was sharp enough if i decided that would be the way to end my
life.. i was a junior in high school and missed my mentor terribly - my english teacher
from my sophomore year who had seen my troubled soul and reached out to me - but was
now spending a year at stanford university.

my sister had started dating a christian guy from school and going to his church in
orange. she gave her life to christ and was going to be baptized. she asked me to come.
she knew her sister was deeply depressed; she wanted me to find the joy she had. i went
with her. that day i met the youth minister, Steve Korch, and his wife Ruthie. him - 25
years old, very charismatic and outgoing; her - very warm and a sweet spirit. i liked them
both immediately.

my sister had talked about me; they knew i wasn't a christian, and they invited me to
come to the youth group events. i went. roller skating on a friday night. bible study on
wednesday night. day trip up to the snow in the mountains on a saturday. sunday
morning church service and sunday evening youth group meeting. all the while sharing
with me about Jesus and telling me they were praying for me. no one had ever told me
that before.

march 22 1975. gave my life to christ. steve and his wife were thrilled. they wanted to
celebrate. it was spring break; two days later they took me out for a full day of fun
together. my first time to balboa island. i felt loved; accepted. but the issues i'd been
dealing with still troubled me and i didn't have my mentor there to talk to. so i talked to
steve. he counseled me in his private office in a trailer on the grounds of the church. i
was a baby christian; he became my spiritual leader and confidante. i trusted him.
sometimes i had trouble saying what i was feeling, so he encouraged me to write it
instead. and so i did.....i poured out my heart and soul into words on paper.....and shared
it with steve.

april 2 1975. alone with steve and he suddenly kissed me. i was shocked. i had never
been kissed. i didn't date. i was a virgin who had never even had any sexual thoughts at
all. he was married. he was my trusted youth minister in a position of power over me.
that day he stole from me the experience of a first kiss from someone who loved me,
something i can never get back.

i didn't tell anyone.. the next counseling session with him he went further. he touched
my breasts and put his fingers inside my vagina. i was terrified. i didn't know what to do,
what to think. still i didn't tell anyone, but i wrote about it in my diary. the sexual abuse
continued, on several occasions. i asked him one day "why?" and he said he didn't
know.. this was the man who had led me to the lord and here he was violating my trust
and stealing my innocence.

may 5 1975. i gave steve a 12-page letter i had written, where i poured out my heart
about what i was feeling about life, about many things. he read it. then he molested me
again. this time he went further. for the first time he exposed himself. he put his erect
penis right next to my vagina and said something about just wanting to hold it there. he
stopped just short of committing statutory rape. then he threw me out of his office. i
began wandering, in a daze. i can see myself walking across an open field near the
church, so traumatized and for the first time grasping how much this man i had trusted
had hurt me. i felt like a piece of discarded trash. i was probably in shock, looking back

i wandered to the orange mall about two miles away. i went in the women's lounge in the
bathroom in sears and sat on a little couch. and sat there. staring at a wall for hours.. i
couldn't move. i wasn't just in emotional pain, but also in physical pain from what he'd
done to me that day. some women that came in looked at me and asked if i was okay.
they didn't know what a traumatized young girl they had in front of them. yes, i'm fine, i
answered with a nod of my head. if they only knew......

the store closed at 9 pm. a part of me knew my family must be worried. i was
scared about how much trouble i would be in, the questions that would be asked. but in
my traumatized state of mind i could not bring myself to go home. i had taken the bus
after school to the church. my family would have seen my purse where i left it on my
dresser....known i had come home from school and then left. but no one knew steve was
counseling me.

after sears closed i walked back to the church in the dark. back across that empty field.
hungry, thirsty, tired. when i got to a short wall separating the church property from
another smaller church, i looked over to steve's office and froze. his car was there. and
so was a police car. they're here because of me, i thought. i have to hide! and so i went
over to the smaller church, went inside its unlocked doors, curled up under the large
podium and went to sleep. two hours later when i woke up, i went back to the wall to
make sure the police were gone, and then went back to the church where i was harmed.
all the members had keys, and i let myself into the sanctuary. at the back of the sanctuary
there was an audio equipment area tucked away. i went into the hidden area, curled up
again and went to sleep