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The Art of Saying No

Leadership 3/11/2013
http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2013/03/11/the-art-of-saying-no/

Travis Bradberry, ontrib!tor : " !se emotiona# inte##igence to boost #eadership performance. $ohn %a#braith&s ho!se'eeper was a whi( when it came to saying no. )ne day in 1*+, the noted economist was ta'ing a nap when -resident .yndon $ohnson ca##ed his home. /0e&s ta'ing a nap and has #eft strict orders not to be dist!rbed,1 his ho!se'eeper to#d the -resident. $ohnson rep#ied, /2e##, "&m the -resident. 2a'e him !p.1 0er response3 4 simp#e: /"&m sorry, 5r. -resident, b!t " wor' for 5r. %a#braith, not for yo!.1 Then she h!ng !p. 6esearch from the 7niversity of a#ifornia in 8an 9rancisco shows that the more diffic!#ty yo! have saying no, the more #i'e#y yo! are to e:perience stress, b!rno!t, and even depression ;three things that hinder yo!r emotiona# inte##igence<. 8aying no is indeed a ma=or cha##enge for most peop#e. 4nyone who s!ffers from the stress that comes from over commitment can get he#p themse#ves by fo##owing these simp#e strategies for saying no. 1. Find your yes Before yo! can become good at saying no, yo! have to 'now what yo!&re saying yes to when yo!&re saying no. >o! see every opport!nity that yo! pass with a no is rea##y saying yes to something e#se ? something that yo!&d prefer to do or something more important to yo! in the #ong r!n. >o! can&t hope to say no when the press!re is on !nti# yo! 'now for s!re what yo! rea##y want. 2hen yo!&re fee#ing press!re to say yes and ac@!iescence fee#s easier than ta'ing a stand, =!st thin' of yo!r yes. "f =oining the -T4 f!ndraising committee means spending even less time with yo!r chi#dren, foc!sing yo!r attention on this fact wi## embo#den yo! to say no and 'eep yo!r priorities straight. 2. Sleep on it Aven if yo! fee# #i'e saying yes ;and certain#y if yo!&re having do!bts<, as' for a day to thin' abo!t it before providing an answer. "t&s going to be m!ch easier to say no once yo!&ve had time to considera## of yo!r commitments and whether the item in @!estion is a rea#istic addition to yo!r sched!#e. This wi## a#so give yo! a chance to come !p with the best way to say no. 3. Sandwich the no between two yeses

8andwiching a no between two yeses ens!res that yo!r no wi## be more pa#atab#e. "t&s a#so a great way to e:p#ain that to which yo! are a#ready committed. 9or e:amp#e, if yo!r boss as's yo! to wor' on the wee'end, b!t yo! have fami#y commitments yo! cannot brea', e:p#ain these commitments to yo!r boss ;the first yes<, how that prevents yo! from coming in on the wee'end ;the no<, and finish by confirming yo!r commitment to the company and yo!r wor' ;the fina# yes< by as'ing if there are other ways yo! can contrib!te that don&t re@!ire yo! to come in that wee'end. 4. Ma e sure you!re actually saying "no# 5a'e no mista'e abo!t it, no is a powerf!# word that yo! sho!#d not be afraid to wie#d. 2hen it&s time to say no, yo! need to avoid phrases #i'e /" don&t thin' " can1 or /"&m not certain.1 7sing #imp phrases instead of saying no wi## often be considered a yes. 2hen it&s time to say no, =!st say noB $. %e prepared to repeat yourself "f yo! say no and the other party p!shes bac', the best thing yo! can do is repeat yo!rse#f. This is m!ch easier to do when yo! recogni(e beforehand that it is often necessary. "n some cases, yo! may have to repeat yo!rse#f more than once. "f yo! offered any e:p#anation with yo!r origina# response, yo! can repeat this e:p#anation or =!st say no again. Con&t bac' yo!rse#f into a corner by trying to e:p#ain yo!rse#f f!rther. "t is yo!r right to say no to any re@!est, and yo!&## often need to be firm in order to have yo!r intentions !nderstood. &utting These Strategies to 'or 8aying no to a new commitment honors yo!r e:isting commitments and gives yo! the opport!nity to s!ccessf!##y f!#fi## these commitments. 8aying no can certain#y open doorsD for e:amp#e, when $ohn %a#braith wo'e !p from his nap, the first thing -resident $ohnson wanted to 'now was the identity of the woman who to#d him no. 4fter he fo!nd o!t $ohnson said, /" want her wor'ing for me.1

Travis Bradberry, ontrib!tor : " !se emotiona# inte##igence to boost #eadership performance. 5ore by me: 5y boo': Amotiona# "nte##igence 2.0 Amotiona# "nte##igence ertification Amotiona# "nte##igence Training