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Case 1:06-cr-00615-RJD Document 353-1 RIed 02/05/14 Page 47 of 262 PageD #: 2516

Dear Honorable Judge Deane. I was told by a friend here that pain is a blessing. At first I was shocked to hear such a statement. I think I now understand its true depth, that pains give one such clarity of ones self; that only comes with true suffering and the true acceptance of responsibility. My actions yield a pain that will transcend two generations of our family, and affect countless people. My sympathy, and choice to support LTTE set a chain-reaction, with result that were unimaginable as when I decided sell the cell phone to Thani. My arrest yielded an untold amount suffering. I was detained and when my brother Jagen heard about what happened, he tried to leave Sri Lanka during a time where the government was having a standoff with the LTTE. My brother did not care, he needed to save and see after his younger brother, and he was shot, and died right after. Now my parents not only had to.deai withparting with their youngest son, they. had to mourn their oldest. For seven years, the shadow of consequence hung over our heads. We could not eat sleep or go about out days without the heavy weight of doom to come. I have never witnessed my parents suffer so much, nor my mom shed so many tears. My wife, even during her pregnancy, had to come over and over to the court and tojail to bail me out, every time my case changed, or my bail expired. Ive have been told by doctors that the stress during pregnancy, may have caused my son to be born with only one working kidney. My choice tohelprnyfrhmds and the LTTE killed my brother. I killed my brother. No forni of punishment is as great as this. I live with this punishment everyday.


Case 1:06-cr-00615.RJD Document 353-1 FUed 02/05/14 Page 48 of 262 PagelD #: 2517

One moment keeps haunting me over and over. My son

accompanied my

wife on her only visit. Because of the type of charges we were granted non-contact visit. When my wife gave my son the phone to talk to me, he tore himself away from my wife, crying and screaming, Why daddy does not want to hold me. My son did not speak to me ever over the phone for almost a year after. Your Honor, how could my apology show this sorrow? Your Honor when I write to tell you how sorry I am, my words cannot carry the depth of my sorrow. I cry everyday. I beg God, to let me be there for my family. This was my fault, my mistake. I have to live for the rest of my life. Every time I look at my sons face or call his name, I will remember; every time I visit my brothers kids, I will stand in the corner waiting in fear for when one of them will finally scream, MY DAD DIED BECAUSE OF YOU. Whenever I hold my mother, I wonder what does she feel, would she wish that it was me. Remorse has been carved in the depth of my heart. All I have left is to say sorry for this Your Honor, thank you for your patience, and I hope your forgiveness will be stepping stone for my family and my forgiveness to myself.

Very sincerely

Piratheepan Peter Nadarajah