Are You An Emotional Processor?

I want to talk to those people who are Emotional Processors, but you probably do not know who you are. How can you know who you are when you have never had someone reflect it to you in a loving and accepting way? And why would you want to know that you are something the world thinks of as something bad, weak, unstable or insane, and maybe even dangerous? I don't ask you to come out of hiding to the world. But I ask you to come out of hiding to yourself, so you can stop being crazy, so you can create a space for your natural processes to take place, so you can begin to be the wonderful person that you are. How can you know if you are an EP? If your goal in life is to figure out how to keep your emotions under control, you are probably an EP. If you are constantly trying to overcome depression and fight off all heavy or sad emotions that creep up on you when you're not vigilant, you're probably an EP. Mental Processors usually don't have these same kinds of problems, or not to the same degree that Emotional Processors do. A person who is primarily a Mental Processor can much more easily dismiss their painful emotions, rationalize themselves out of depression, or meditate away their fears. A true EP cannot. I have tried to explain this basic difference to many Mental Processor people, and frequently hit the same brick wall. I'm just not trying hard enough, they say. If I work harder, think harder, focus more, I'll be able to do what they do (dismiss their feelings). And no amount of explanation on my part helps them to see that there is a basic difference between them and myself. A legitimate difference, not a weakness or a failing. I don't see being an EP as a weakness. On the contrary, it has become a source of great strength. But it wasn't always so. As a child, it was extremely embarassing how sensitive I was, and how easily hurt, how easily frightened, or enraged. I longed to be "under control" and "mature" and "calm" like so many other people seemed to be. I was forever measuring myself against standards that were not only unfair, but unrealistic. I have come to accept my nature, and with much healing of old wounds, have brought much of my emotional self into the present where it should be, where it can help me live a good life. Let me describe the healthy Emotional Processor to you: We are strong, but our strength lies in the strength of our feelings and perceptions. If we are not allowed to feel, or process our feelings naturally, THEN we become weak. We are beautiful, but if we are not allowed to express our feelings to healing, we become filled with emotional waste, and THEN we become ugly and sick, and sometimes violent.

We have purpose, but our purpose is in the reflection of feelings, and if our purpose is not valued, we become unimportant, superfluous, in the way, and ultimately diminished. We are powerful, but our power must be guided by our purpose and awareness. When we deny our power or when our power is given away, it becomes destructive, to ourselves, and to others. We are capable of great love, but when we are not allowed to be who we are, our loving becomes lost in the maze of the subconscious, buried under piles of unhealed pain. We are capable of feeling every emotion known to mankind, and we are passionate in all that we feel, because our very life is to FEEL. And this is good!! We have largely not been accepted in our society. We behave in ways that we think will get us acceptance, we try to twist ourselves into pretzels, hoping to succeed in finding a place and a purpose in our culture. But we almost always eventually do something that gets us into trouble with those around us. It's inevitable. One can only twist into a pretzel for so long, and then ... it all unravels. But it's not always "negative" behaviors that get us into trouble. Sometimes it's positive behaviors, that are unfortunately judged by the world as unacceptable in some way. For instance: I know a woman who was very sympathetic, a good "ear". She seemed to really feel other people's pain and understood at an intuitive level what needed to be done. Other employees in her work arena often came to her for understanding and guidance. The management, however, didn't like her to do this. It wasn't her official job, she was overstepping her abilities (in their opinion) and was seen as undermining the authority of those in management positions, even though she was not talking badly about them or their abilities. Her employer asked her to stop having contact with other employees. Her job was no longer satsifying to her, and so she left. Here are some things most EP's do and feel: Our first response to any situation is always emotional (although we usually deny this). If a situation does not feel good, no amount of money, status or social recognition can make it tolerable (although we keep trying and trying to be happy, and usually assume our unhappiness is our own fault or failing).

We feel guilty a lot and can be pretty easily kept in our place and role by others using guilt as a weapon against us. We assume guilt for those who are unable or unwilling to assume their own. We often feel everyone else's feelings, and often take responsibility for everyone's feelings. We feel the truth of what is going on in a situation where there are intense feelings, although often those around us deny the truth. Then we doubt ourselves and think we are crazy or mentally incompetent. Often EP's are "put away" by people who do not want to know the truth. We feel passionately - but we are constantly suppressing our feelings, which leaves us depressed, bored, and without energy. We can be triggered into "acting out" our emotions (which is usually destructive) unless we hold down our feelings with an iron fist. When we have ourselves in control so that we cannot be triggered, we feel numb and lifeless. How we feel about something is more important than anything else, although we usually deny this and try to use our logic to "decide" how we're going to feel. Decisions made from our heads, however, are invariably disappointing and unfulfilling. There is an underlying sadness most EP's have in our culture, that we try to hide and never acknowledge and do not understand. We often feel out of place in the regular world and do everything we can to be "right". Most of us have had feelings and thoughts of being adopted, different, an alien, crazy, and that there is something wrong with us. We are usually dissatisfied with our jobs, our relationships, our appearance, our lives, but don't know what to do about it. We try to fix it by changing our careers, our relationships, etc., but what happens is that nothing is fixed, we don't feel any better, we're no more accepted than before, and others begin to see us as flighty and irresponsible. We get angry at something or someone, but suppress this anger and often don't do anything about it until it boils over and becomes a huge issue, usually at something or

somebody else entirely. And we often are so disconnected from the anger, that we don't even realize what's happened. We are often victimized regularly without even realizing it, because our very existence is a kind of abuse - the abuse of not being able to be one's self, and be accepted/loved. We keep trying desperately to do something about our emotions - we try all the intellectual tools and often feel like a failure because we can't succeed within the mental framework. We have stress-related physical pains. We have a stream-of-consciousness self-talk about how wrong we are, how stupid we have been, and a constant inner voice reminding us how bad we are.

These aren't all the behaviors and images we present to the world; some are extremely more violent and deviant. But people who are not allowed to feel and process their feelings as they should ... get crazy. If fully accepted and allowed to behave naturally, the EP would probably: 1. Experience 2. Feel a response 3. Process the feeling 4. Evaluate after processing 5. Feel again 6. Think about how to proceed/change 7. Feel a response to the possibilities 8. Make a decision to act Instead what usually happens is we are pressured to: 1. Experience 2. Judge and cut off our feeling response 3. Evaluate the facts and think about what to do 4. Make a decision based on logic The life we live, based on a gross misunderstanding of who we are and how we need to process, is either constricting and dull, leading to boredom, depression, and lifelessness, or it's a life lived outside the mainstream, outside society's rules. Many people choose this kind of radical life, alone or banded together in small groups, and they often tell themselves that they are perfectly happy. But the truth is, large parts of themselves are still yearning for acceptance, and are angry at the society that shuns them. And staying away from the Mental Processors is not a final solution. We all

need each other, we each have gifts to offer each other, the MP and the EP, as well as the Heart people and Body people. Isolation due to lack of acceptance heals nothing. We need to find acceptance for all the ways of processing, for all types of people. Understanding Who We Are In our struggle to understand who we are and where we stand in the world, we devise systems and structures, umbrellas for us to stand under, banners to wave and identify with. Words, labels, roles -- all can be useful on our journey to our Core Self, as long as they don't become frozen and restrictive. And as long as they are not used as a weapon to pigeon-hole others, or to play better-than. There are many, many ways to look at who we are. We have, on these pages, attempted to give some of the ways that we've found helpful. This next offering is intended as another vegetable to add to the pot, making our stew here richer and more textured. It is simply offered as another way to understand who we are and how we work. What is Your Primary Processing Mode? Understanding our primary processing mode is one very important way we can add to our understanding. If we know - and accept - how we process, where we primarily find our life source, then we can proceed in life from a solid base. We will, hopefully, spend less time trying to be something we are not, and more time learning to work with who we truly ARE. Each of us has within us the four elements described below: mind, emotion, heart and body. And within us, all these elements are always striving for balance. However, we each began our existence in creation in one or another of these birthplaces, if you will, and that is our primary processing mode. This is where our life source springs from, where we feel most comfortable (when accepted and not being pressured to be something else). This is the place where we can connect most strongly with our power center, and develop our core. It's also helpful to understand what your primary processing mode is, so that you can identify the areas where you are out of balance, and more carefully understand WHY you are out of balance. One of the hardest things in the world is to see and identify our own patterns. MENTAL PROCESSORS The Mental Processor views the world primarily through the mind. Thought is their natural medium, and "figuring it out" is their greatest thrill. They evaluate all experiences FIRST through their mind. If they are in balance, they will communicate with their emotions as well, they will ask and listen, and incorporate the emotional response into their process.

Since most of us are not in balance, what we mostly see is Mental Processors who shun their emotions, and ridicule or dominate the emotions of others. And yet, the MP is the most respected and highly regarded type of person in the western culture. The MP has the ability to completely sever mind from emotion. Since emotion is not their primary source, they often don't feel the imbalance or lack of feelings in their lives, and in fact, are relieved when "emotional" people or situations are removed from their sphere. And given that most of our society currently supports the view that mentalizing is the superior way, they never imagine that their world view might be missing something. On the positive side, the Mental Processor has the ability to envision and dream with great clarity and detail. They can hold to the purpose, standing on the prow of the ship, urging us forward with the goal always in view. They can also be dogged in seeking answers to problems, and can analyze a situation to a pinpoint. Juggling possibilities, imagining future outcomes, casting into the wide realm of what has not yet come to be, creating images that excite and inspire, all these are gifts of the Mental Processor. Common patterns for the Mental Processors: Judgment / Superiority / Better-Than / Less-Than Power Patterns - Dominator, Controller Worship / Guru / Shark EMOTIONAL PROCESSORS The Emotional Processor views the world primarily through the emotions. Feeling is their natural medium. They evaluate all their experiences FIRST through their emotions. If they are in balance, they will communicate with their mind as well, they will ask and listen, and incorporate the thought response into their process. The Emotional Processor doesn't have the ability to sever themselves from their feelings. They may try, and may be able to set up a pretty good mask and cover story, but the truth is, their emotions are their life source, and they cannot ever get very far from them. This is a source of shame in our present society, where being too sensitive or too emotional is seen as a sign of weakness. In fact, the EP is the least accepted of the processing types, and many EP's spend their lives trying hard to be something other than what they are. The Emotional Processor brings zest and joy to living, and a childlike quality of wonder and innocence. They also bring intuition and the ability to know the truth from a deeply feeling place. In a healed state, each emotional response to each situation would be appropriate and real to the now. Anger would be shortlived and purposeful to what's going on. Unfortunately, we are not in balance, nor wholly healed, and so what we usually see is people responding from their backlog of unhealed emotions. This means we respond to the now from the past, with feelings that don't belong to the current situation. Common patterns for the Emotional Processors: Self-Hate

Guilt and Blame Fear Patterns, Paranoia Victim Patterns HEART PROCESSORS In the 1980's we became aware of two additional types of people, or ways of processing information, thanks largely to the Right Use of Will material. The first of these is the Heart Processor. The Heart Processor views the world primarily through the heart. Love is their natural medium, and their greatest joy is balance and a feeling of togetherness. They evaluate all their experiences FIRST through their heart. If they are in balance, they will communicate with their mind and emotions as well. Heart people are in a unique position in the universe. They are standing in the middle, between mind and emotions, in the doorway as it were. They have the ability to ask and listen for input from both, pass that input back and forth between the two, and incorporate both thought and emotion into their process. Generally we find Heart Processors in the middle of fights, trying to support everybody, trying to soothe feathers and make everybody be friends again. Since love is their life source, they desire love to be all around them. It's difficult for these people to take a stance or hold firm to any one point of view. Because they naturally stand in the middle where love resides, they are always trying to see all points of view. However, because they also want love to reign, they have tended to slide to the Mental Processor point of view, largely because of the conflicts and "negative" stuff that can come from an unhealed Emotional Processor. What the Heart Processor needs to allow in themselves is the free expression of their own emotional parts, and to know that letting these parts cry will bring them to healing and a return to love in a natural, unforced way. And that's what they're truly after, the birth of love. Common patterns for the Heart Processors: Self-Hate Variations on The Martyr The Betrayer (Coming Soon) BODY PROCESSORS The Body Processor views the world primarily through the body. Physical reality is their natural medium. They evaluate all their experiences FIRST through their bodies. If they are in balance, they will communicate with their mind and emotions as well. Body Processors are sometimes healthy and athletic... but not usually. Body processors have large physical appetites. They are the people who "live large" and do

things in a big way. And this can be a problem in itself, if there are no checks and balances to keep the person healthy. Body Processors are also prone to additional problems that we call the trickle down effect. Since we are not yet whole and in balance, we often see Body Processors overwhelmed with imbalances in the mind and emotions. These imbalances often reach war proportions that break the heart and cause a buildup of poisons and toxins in the body. Body holds all our frozen judgments and unhealed emotion and cannot help but eventually manifest what it is holding. Illnesses have their root within. This is true of everyone, but Body Processors usually manifest this in larger ways than other people, or sooner than others. They may become bogged down and unable to function. They may become heavy and lethargic and depressed. They may become manic resorting to constant exercise and diet in order to try to feel ok. They may become thrill-seeking adrenalin addicts, trying to use adrenalin as a way to cope with the heaviness piling up in their bodies. Or they may become addicts of one substance or another. All of these are simply ways that Body Processors are trying to feel well. They also need to know that allowing full expression of emotions, and listening to heart and mind, will free up a lot of their confusion. Body Processors are also operating under a heavy judgment in our society because of the confusions we hold around sexuality. Body Processors are naturally very sexual, and have high sexual needs. When caught between the restrictions of religion and family and the sex-without-love extremes of pornography and prostitution, the Body Processor can become confused and trapped in a vortex, trying to get their needs filled in ways that will never be fulfilling. Common patterns for the Body Processors: Addictions The Body Royal (Coming Soon) Need Patterns HOW CAN YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? We each have all these elements within us, to some degree. And each of us is divine, regardless of how we process. The mind people have a close connection to the divine source of mind, Father or spirit. The emotion people are closest to the divine Mother, who rules the soul. The heart people are closest to the heart of divinity, the love source, manifested as the Christ Consciousness. And the body people are manifestations of the combined energies of all the others, living demonstrations of creation in action.

But we have forgotten our divinity, and we have judged some ways as more worthy than others. When your natural mode is suppressed, judged, and condemned, you do one of two things: you try your best to be whatever will get approval, or you rebel and act out in angry ways against the judgements. We have a world of evidence to support this. But when the pain of judgment and suppression reaches an intolerable level, we break. We are like a balloon filled to overfull, and we literally explode into bits. These parts, no matter how they combine or live, are always seeking healing. All "bits" are seeking wholeness and home. They ... WE... won't feel truly right until we get ourselves back together. What we need to understand about fragmentation is that we are all victims of it. We have all been fragmented, we are all a "bit". And some of us, many of us, are carrying "bits" that may or may not belong with our original self. What does this mean? It means it may be difficult for some to identify their primary mode. And for a time, it will be necessary for all of us to focus on emotional healing, no matter what our primary processing modality is, so that we can know who we truly are. How can you determine what your source truly is, and who you truly are? Notice. For a time, just watch yourself. Put your point of consciousness to work being observer. Try to identify when you are acting from different parts that have a different way of working. Follow your desire. If given a choice of doing a crossword puzzle or going for a brisk walk, where would your desire lead you? The difficulty here is that we all carry judgments that say one type of activity is better than another. Try to notice where you are judging, and set the judgments aside. Then see where your desire would like to go. What can you leave behind? It's very difficult for us to see ourselves clearly, and sometimes we have to turn the mirror upside down. Instead of looking at what you do, look at what you don't do. Ask the question, what things can I easily set aside? The key word here is EASILY. Can you easily ignore physical pain? Does it require only a little effort for you to separate yourself from hunger or sexual desire? Then you are probably not a body processor. Can you easily push your feelings aside? Are you able to control your rage or fear with little effort? Then you are probably not an emotional processor. Allow for change. Be flexible. This is a lot easier to say than to do. Our sense of personal identity is one of the most fragile constructs we foolishly depend on. We want to believe it is solid and sturdy, and when the floor falls out from under one illusionary "self" or another, it can feel like we're dying. One of the reasons we cling to the images and illusions we use to define our "self", is BECAUSE we don't have a

connection to our inner core, to know who we truly are. We are broken and fragmented, and we feel lost and alone without the rest of our family of essence. Work toward becoming whole. Work with your personality from the outer layer to the inner core. As you cry all your pain, whatever is there, essence that belongs to you will become a part of your core, and it will become clearer and clearer where you feel most comfortable, which processing mode you most naturally fall into. And you will be able to live a more centered life. Problems Facing the Emotional Processor VALUE... Some of our most valuable people are being lost. People cannot survive and function if they have no sense of their own value. There is a fundamental difference between an Emotional Processor, and a Mental Processor. But the difference is not one of VALUE. It's merely a difference of how experiences get processed. The Mental Processor views the world primarily through the mind. Thought is their natural medium. They evaluate all experiences FIRST through their mind. If they are in balance, they will communicate with their emotions as well, they will ask and listen, and incorporate the emotional response into their process. The Emotional Processor views the world primarily through the emotions. Feeling is their natural medium. They evaluate all their experiences FIRST through their emotions. If they are in balance, they will communicate with their mind as well, they will ask and listen, and incorporate the thought response into their process. If a person is an E.P., and knows intuitively who he is, he will identify his personal value by what the world and those around him think and believe about emotions. If his belief says that emotions should be denied, suppressed, controlled virtually out of existence, he will believe not only that he should suppress the primary part of himself, but that he himself should be abolished. This belief is operating at a core level, and is experienced by the individual at a very early age. The E.P.'s value is in question at a fundamental level. And since, as long as he lives, he cannot abolish his emotions or satisfy the requirements of his family and society to BE less emotional, he responds to the wishes of the world by trying to abolish himself. He can do this in small destructive steps, or all at once and completely. Fight or Fall If we look further into the problem, we can see that some E.P.'s fall into more of a yin pattern of submission, where they truly are trying to destroy themselves. Some, however, fall into more of a yang pattern of fighting. These are the E.P.'s who cause problems in the world and seem to outpicture everything the M.P.'s expect. They can

become violent, a pot bubbling over with rage, and because they believe they have no value or place in the world, they don't care about the world or who gets hurt by their actions. Knowing What's True E.P.'s can feel what others are feeling. They will often know what people are feeling better than they do, especially if the feelings are being denied. However, if the E.P. can be made to believe that all the feelings they "sense" are their own, or are an abberration, then the E.P. can be made to doubt their perceptions and feel crazy. Functioning in Public One of the biggest challenges for the Emotional Processor in our current society is how to get along in situations where one's natural way of functioning is unacceptable. The E.P. child at home before the age of 5 or 6 can be nurtured and allowed to cry. He will naturally and spontaneously express his feelings, and the only challenge for parents is guiding the child to develop his spirit/mind to gain balance. By this, I don't mean overriding the child's emotional expression, or cutting it short to "explain" situations. Giving information or rationalizations before the emotions are completely done expressing is actually putting a stop to the natural process. But waiting until the tears have stopped by themselves, and then talking with the child, perhaps even asking the child to re-evaluate the situation, is appropriate and helpful. But what happens when the E.P. child starts school? They will find out, the hard way, that most of the world does not like them. For the E.P., this is how the judgments against their emotional nature are received, as stated above. They hear "stop being such a baby" from their teachers, and "crybaby!" from their peers, but their hearts receive the words as judgments not on their behavior, but on who they are. Their experiences at home - being allowed to cry and express - can not prepare them for the ridicule and pressure of their peers at school, nor the rigid structures they now have to walk within, enforced by both teachers and the system at large. There is no escaping the pressures of this system. I watched as my brothers and cousins started school and were completely smashed down by it. For these sensitive boy-children who had been used to crying whenever they felt hurt or angry or frightened, starting school was a terrifying experience. Children can be exceptionally cruel to each other. There is no comparison in the adult world to the cruelty of children on a playground. The sensitive ones, who cannot help but feel, are usually the ones left out, the ones most tormented by their peers. Some may learn to put on a stiff face, pretend they don't care, and only collapse into tears of hurt and rage when they reach the safety of home. Some may never learn coping skills. Some just crawl through their school days, crying at the drop of a hat, teased, hated, never finding acceptance with either peers or adults.

An interesting side note -- my youngest brother's response to his peers was to turn in rage on my mother. He blamed the emotional healing process for making him a "wimp", and refused for many years to have anything to do with crying. He became tough, learned to play the macho game at school, and at home as well. He began to express the view that we women were secretly man-haters, who wanted to emasculate him and all men, and that's why we did what we did. This was a pretty angry viewpoint for a 12 year old, but he was always precocious. Perhaps he was not a natural Emotional Processor. It's possible that his natural mode is mental/spirit. In that case, perhaps the experiences he had as a child growing up in a household where emotional processing was accepted might make him more balanced in the long run, if he can get past the rage he felt during that most crucial time - when he was developing his masculine self-image - when he received such ridicule and pressure from his peers for being able to cry. Finding (*Giving*) Acceptance What we need to know is that people who are Emotional Processors are valuable and important in the universe. Without these people, creation would be dry, sterile, uncreative, unimaginative. A world of lock-step computers, controlled and dead. The extreme Mental Processors might imagine that this kind of world would be more desireable. They might fear the E.P.'s lack of control and the seemingly chaotic world of wild emotions. But what they fear is unhealed emotion. This is a problem that can be solved, only if the M.P. will look at the problem for what it is, and stop judging the E.P. people. Judgments hold a reality frozen in place, and stop change from happening. And lip service given to emotions on the surface of things will not be enough. ACTUAL acceptance is needed. A Word To the Mental Processor: There is nothing wrong with being an M.P., there is no greater or lesser value on being an M.P. vs. an E.P. -- only believing makes it so. And we have believed that E.P.'s are less-than for a long, long time. It's time for you to take the step to find real acceptance for people who are fundamentally different from yourself. Not wrong. Not less-than. Just different. It's time for you to see, really see, that the E.P. way of healing is different from yours. At the bottom levels of perception, an E.P. will know if there is real acceptance for their feelings or if the acceptance is only lip service. So if you are seeking to heal with an Emotional Processor, start with listening. The biggest problem the Mental Processor has, which stems from having always been in a position of dominance and "rightness": They don't know how to listen. They only know how to dictate and tell others what to do, what is wrong, what should be, etc. etc. Learn to listen. No amount of mental or spiritual wisdom is as valuable as this one piece of advice I give you. Stop thinking you know all there is to know, and just listen.

As you listen, feel all the feelings that you have against the E.P., find all the reasons you don't want emotions to express freely, all the judgments you have about the process of tears. Once you heal those, you will find true acceptance for the process of emotional healing and open the door for healing with others.