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Capp

AJ
Capp
AJ
Capp
TB.JI.NSCRIPTION. OF-AJ GN
  AL CAPP SHOVJ''
(programme•never aired)
My name is Al Capp and my job is getting Lil Abner into trouble in
the comics and real people into trouble on radio .... our next guest
is Alan J. \•leberman. Now Alan J. vie berman is a revolutionar:r ·
COMJVTIJNIST who doe snt like to be called Alan because it
1
s too com-
radlJ ... he prefers to be called A.J. which has an important ring to
it ... it makes him sound like an executive ...
That's for ''OU ... YOU CALL ME AJ ... !1.;r fr±ends call me Alan.
I::-see ... I see but I may be your friend before this da.:r is over ...
I doubt it.
Oh You dont know.how chummY I can become but AJ, SON, this is mY
introduction ....
AJ OkaY ... DAD
Capp ... so You let me go right through it A.G, and later if I like You
vou can call me DAD. Now let's go in there again cause I have some
very witt\' things here and I dont want anY interruptions ....
AJ
Capp
Ah OkaY ...
No'tl '
1
ou just sit there and inhale and exhale Alan ... AJ AJ SORRY Il'I
SO SORRY ...
AJ Give me something to inhale and exhale with ....
Capp I just dont happen to havR kind of inhaling and exhaling stuff
with me but there's a PUSHZR down the block ....
AJ
You left it home, huh?
Capp
... who'll fetch it in a minute. A.J.
1
s profession is goinG tlcrough
garbage, Bob D''lan's garbage to be exact, and v1e
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ll hear more about
this and inspiring young Amerikan after this message ....
No•11 A.J. as an authoritY on DYlan surel:; you know his name is Zimmerman.
AJ Of course.
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!
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-·····-- ----------------
Capp ves. Vlh'! dont .:ou call Yourself ... to be REALLY PURE, a Zimmerman-
ologist rather than a D7lanologist? It has more of an academic ring.
Jl.J \'lhY O.ont I call mYself a Zimmermanologist. Simple. it has too man'I
sYllables:,
Capp Too manY .SYLLABI,ES. A,J, has stumped me With the PURE HHITE logic
of his reason ... now You're the onl:; living Zimmermanologist .. errr
... DYLANOLOGIST.
AJ Let me correct Yer introduction first ... mY profession isnt going
through Dylan's garbage ... I:merelY did that in order to get a platform
for my'ideas because of the sensationalist nature of the media. \'ou
see I
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d been stud•cing D·,lan
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s poetr·.' via anal rtic critic ism for about
four years previous to my·going thru his garbage and I received ver:r
little attention in the press ...
Capp
AJ
Capp
AJ
·)-
Capp
No kidding ... although   studied his poetry the press paid no attention
to you. AJ I consider that ....
They were more interested in his garbage.
.... very unfair. , . and then you started to go through Dylan
1
s garbage ...
Hell I feel that the way I studied Dylan• s poetry v1as defini tly news-
worthy- because 1·1here most rock critics glossed over the lyrics and
said they were meaningless I found meaning by using the techniques
of analytic criticism.
I'm gonna read you a poem weitten by eerr Rob Dylan and it talks about
guys like you ... "Look I dont care what your daddy says, J. Edgar Hoover
is just not that good a guy .. he must have information .. " Ah some
people like Shelly, some people like Keats but does Shelly and Keats
have what Dylan has- abysmal ignorance- certainly not. J. Edgar Hoover
goes on with Dylan; " .. J, Edgar Hoover is just not that good a guy. 1:/hy
;,e must have information on every person inside the 1·/hi te HOuse that if
Ca"p the public knew about could destroy those people." So here your ideal,
(co:1.t)
AJ
Capp
AJ
Capp
Dylan, expresses utter contempt for people who gather information on
ot:-,er people ... how does he feel about you?
Dylan has mixed feelings about me ...
i'-Iixed with v1ha t?
He admires me because I'm a f'ighter ... because I do my thing ceaselessly.
By the'   J·,ow do you support yourself
0
Dylanologists aren't in trem-
endous demand ... I
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ve never said- 'Call a Dylanologist right over .. '
AJ Ypu'd be surprised ....
Capp
AJ
Capp
AJ
-.. ·
,--
Capp
JI •. J
Capp
Capp
AJ
How much did you earn this week from Dylanology?
About seven buclcs.
HovJ do you live ... are you on welfare'?
Almost ... I write for Tl·1e East Village ·)ther ... they pay about .;25 a
week 1111en they can. I v1rite on other topics ... I dont live like a
pig .. lil::e most v1::ite Amerikans do .. I live modestly in a small lo.f't on
Pm-rery. Fut let's get- baC!c to ....
NO NO NO YOU AJ Do you v1ri te ...
Cl,ay ... I
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m doing an article for ;o:squire .....
tJN GARBAGE -.
6n various famou.s personages garbage ....
GART'AGI: .... 1{•a t a STH!'GNG way to mal{e a living ....
:Eut getting back to tlca t J. Edgar Hoover t>1ing .... Did ya lmo1tr that
Jac]{ Anderson t:,rough J. Edgar '1oover
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s garbage?
Capp "e:s
AJ You knov1 Jack Anderson, dont you?
Capp Yes, yes
AJ He vrent through yer garbage too didnt he man?
Capp- That right and ah ah ah ah
AJ Found all kinds of' things about you being kicked out of' Alabama for
ahhh
Capp
fl.J
Capp
AJ
Capp
AJ
Capp
AJ
---·-·------ .. ' - - -----------· ----·-. --- --,
All this, of course, will be ·:anked right out just as I •m not gonna
mention your being arrested as a DOPE PEDDLER.
Can you prove that?
Let's get back ...
Can you even come up vrith an arrest record on that?
l'lell, if you'd like us to we will. ..
I
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d like to see you do that ... I v1as arl:'ested for sale of  
Marijuana is DOPE
!rlARIJUll:NA IS A HARNLESS SUBSTANCF.
1 Capp
But legally it
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s DOPE and you were arrested for PUSHING DOPE
\-Jell at that time .... I AJ
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;
L
Capp
\'/ell now'let•s not talk about that cause we're gonna go right back
and cut ALL of that out.
AJ Hell, marijuana or exposing :J;ourself ... Give me reefep anytime ... It
never hurt anyone ... what a way to introduce some bod;r to human sex-
. uali ty ... showing them :·our l1izened genitals .. HHAT A HA •r TO INTRODUCE
A YOUNG PE:?.SON TO SEX.
Capp I think we've had enough of AJ shall we?
!trod I think if we talk about the Dylan thing ....
:Clapp No, I have no desire to have AJ here with me in this room
Prod ·I undepstand. Thank ;/OU AJ but some other day
Capp No, I just wont have you here ....
AJ Oka:r dad.

l - FOR SOME STRANGE reason,.
'f AI Capp decided to in\'ite A. J.
t Weberman to be his gqest o
- pilot for a new radio s _
was taping several wee s ago. I
heard a tape of the interview and,
although Capp seemed to have _-
formatted the show as a Joe Pyne
bait-the-guest A. J. cer-

thumbscrew methods.
Capp began by introducing A. J.  
as a "revolutionary com- watc
munist," and kept referring to and
i him sarcastically' as a me ,
l and inspiring Stre
1 young American." As Capp's Sil
1 heavy-handed snidery droned on ,
and on, A. J. grew impatient to fiih
get into his standard Dylan-the- cart
ripoff artist rap. Capp egged him sine
on: "Mr. Weberman's hobby is his
1
going through people's garbage," The
and Weberman retorted that the cho
precedent for reportorial trash
- collecting had been set by colum-
,. nist J acl5; Anderson. "Anderson

.i- garbage," A. J. claime . n
ld ·went through yours too. That's
he where he found out about your·
s- being arrested for exposing your-
st self."
er Capp, the righteous defender of
t I right-wing morality, countered ir-
is relevantly with a vague threat:
ng "We won't mention that on the
show, just like we won't mention
Mr. Weberman's Michigan arrest
ne for dope peddling." Somehow, A.
>m J. didn't feel that the fact he had
once been busted for selling grass
he would destroy his image or ca-
•e- reer. " How can you compare
selling a harmless drug with child
·e molesting? A nice way to in-
td troduce young kids to sex,
of showing them your wizened geni-
a- tals. "
"I think we've had enough of
Mr. Weberman," Capp broke in,
.gs and the interview came to an end.
hn A. J. had broken the unwritten
ar- talk-show rule that a guest must
at never confront his host per-
co, sonally, and that confrontation
lly and baiting only go so far.
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