THE DAILY COW INTERVIEW WITH MR.

WYDER
DAILY COW: Rumor has it that you look like a cow. What do you really look like? DAVID WYDER: I'm 53 years young, a white/male (Swiss on my father's side and Dutch on my mother's side). I'm 5'11' and weigh about 145 pounds. I have brown eyes, brown hair with male pattern baldness, ten fingers, ten toes, one nose, two ears, two nipples, two horns, a hairy chest, and a busy penis. I am deaf in one ear, wear glasses, speak English with a deep, sexy voice and walk sideways. DAILY COW: Whatever possessed you to do a zine about cows in the first place? DAVID WYDER: I don't know why. People ask me this all the time. Many years ago I discovered zines through Mike Gunderloy and Factsheet Five. I sent away for some and discovered the wacky world of self-publishing. One October day I was reading the NY Daily News and started converting some of the articles into cow stories. Then I started clipping cow pictures and something in their eyes spoke to me and inspired me to write. The first issue was crudely done on an electric typewriter back in November 1988 and I haven't been able to stop since. DAILY COW: Who are some writers who have influenced you over the years? DAVID WYDER: Not necessarily in any order but I like Charles Bukowski, Hunter S. Thompson, Stephen King, Dave Barry, George Carlin, Dostoevsky, Henry Miller, Tom Robbins, William Burroughs, Mary Baker Eddy and Emily Dickinson. DAILY COW: Do you have any other interests or passions in life besides cows? DAVID WYDER: My other interests include gambling (playing the slots!), sex (fucking is the force that drives the world), baseball (love those Yankees!), reading (I've never been unhappy with a book in my hands), and I like to play basketball but don't get outside that much anymore. DAILY COW: Who do you love? DAVID WYDER: I've been in love for the past 22 years with a wonderful lady named Ernestine Francies. She udderstands me! DAILY COW: What organizations, civic groups, religions, or political parties do you belong to? DAVID WYDER: I belong to the Church of the SubGenius,The Church of Euthanasia,The Holy Church of Moo and a lapsed member of the Christian Science Church. I also belong to the Literary Guild, Columbia & BMG record clubs. I'm pretty much of a loner. My 1st grade report card noted "doesn't play well with the other children." This has carried through in my adult life. I've always been my own best friend. Politics is boring... DAILY COW: How do you support yourself? DAVID WYDER: With a soiled jockstrap and a prayer! In reality, the last 26 years I have worked as an Administrative Secretary with the Passaic Board of Education. Eleven years in the Food Service Department and the past fifteen years at the high school in the MediaCenter...Work sucks the creative life out of me and makes me a very dull and dispassionate person. I enjoy what I do but don't enjoy the environment in which I do it. Before that I held jobs as a custodian, printer, warehouseman, grass

cutter, poet, druggist and beer drinker. DAILY COW: How do you go about creating each issue of the zine? Does it take very long? DAVID WYDER: Very slowly! First I type all the contributors pages, fuss endlessly about the layout and search my vast archives for a picture that will fit each page. I go to my files and complete all the general pages (Kale, Alfalfa, etc.) with stuff I've gleaned since the prior issue. At this point half of the issue is done and I have to get down to brass tacks and let that crazy cow inside of me take over and do some original writing. The cover story, cow news, cowmercials, etc. usually take about six to eight hours each to complete. When it's finally done I do all the copying on my trusty Canon PC6-RE copier, collate, staple and mail out over 100 copies to interested bovine folks all over the world. Then I redo portions of the issue in html and put it up on my web site. I work on the zine 365 days a year! Each issue is like a giant 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle that takes forever. Today it feels like I'm pregnant and way overdue! DAILY COW: When will you put out your final issue? DAVID WYDER: After completing each issue I always say to myself that this will be the last one but I can't stop! I get a deep feeling of satisfaction after each issue is put to bed. The lack of comments from folks who get the zine and mostly poor reviews do tend to balance out that good feeling but this zine is really just done for me. If others like it, that's great. I'll never stop doing it as long as I still enjoy doing it. If the labor of love were lost and the scent of money took over that surely would spell the end of this zine. But don't worry cow fans none of the media conglomerates is knocking down my door to buy this zine... DAILY COW: Any closing thoughts? DAVID WYDER: Every day can't be sunshine, blue skies and green grass so learn to enjoy the rain, gray skies and pavement. One of my favorite quotes of all time is by Buddha: "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it-even if I have said it-unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."