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{815}{890}And we were born on September 15...
{892}{927}1989.
{929}{972}- And...|- And she's the older... Older twin.
{974}{1007}- I'm older by 10 minutes.|- She's... Ten minutes.
{1009}{1086}'Cause she had an umbilical cord|wrapped around her neck.
{1088}{1142}And she, like,|shoved me in there and wouldn't let me out.
{1144}{1180}I was, like, kicking her in,
{1182}{1226}shoving her more in my mom,
{1228}{1288}- so that's why she came out, like, later.|- Yeah.
{1290}{1331}- And...|- She came out the bigger twin, too.
{1333}{1410}Well, I came out a pound heavier than Kara,
{1412}{1462}so that's why I'm an inch taller now.
{1464}{1517}She's always been, like, a pound heavier.
{1519}{1548}No.
{1554}{1629}So, yeah, it's...|You know, I love being twins, man. It's...
{1631}{1685}It's basically|like you have a bag of spare parts.
{1687}{1711}- Yeah.|- You know what I mean?
{1713}{1748}It's, like, I need a kidney down the road,
{1750}{1798}I know he's got one, so I'm always like,
{1800}{1837}"Hey, stay healthy, dude. Eat right."
{1848}{1908}When we were kids,|we had our own secret language
{1910}{1972}that only me and my brother understood.
{2174}{2224}I guess, when we were kids,|we thought we were whales.
{2228}{2262}Like, when things are bad,
{2264}{2300}we don't really got to say anything|to each other.
{2302}{2366}We just make these sounds. It's like...
{2411}{2503}So, I just graduated from Harvard,|and I'm starting a new job
{2505}{2594}at a law firm in Southern California,|so I'm really happy about that
.
{2596}{2692}And I got a job at Hooters. I'm happy, too.
{2694}{2722}Hooters!
{2732}{2818}Being a twin is like being a married|couple, and you can't divorce h
er.
{2820}{2896}Even, like...|I mean, I love her when we're together
{2898}{2939}Well, actually, more so when we're distant.
{2943}{2981}She loves nature, like me.
{2983}{3062}She loves donating her time to charities.
{3064}{3117}And she loves eating healthy,|so that's awesome.
{3119}{3164}She's my best friend.
{3166}{3222}My best friend is my boyfriend.
{5007}{5061}Pepto-Bismol, take 43.
{5063}{5099}And action!
{5126}{5216}Please, why do I have|to have such diarrhea?
{5218}{5288}You need to drink the pink.
{5297}{5349}- Hold it. Cut! Cut! Jack!|- What is he doing?
{5351}{5381}Jack, are you watching this?
{5387}{5428}What do you mean, "Cut," man?
{5430}{5475}I... I got to be at Sesame|{y:i}Street by 1:00.
{5478}{5528}Hey, hey, hey, Reeg,|do you really have diarrhea?
{5530}{5555}'Cause you lost weight or something.
{5558}{5632}Why does the stomach|have all the good lines?
{5634}{5666}"Drink the pink." That's funny.
{5668}{5693}I'm sorry, Jack.
{5695}{5740}The Dunkin' Donut people|want to talk to us.
{5742}{5772}Okay, well, I got to...
{5774}{5801}Regis, it's going to be fine.
{5803}{5845}Yeah, and you'll take care of that, and...
{5847}{5892}Thank you very much.|I didn't need that, but cool.
{5894}{5930}I got some bad news.

{5938}{5973}We may lose Dunkin' Donuts.


{5981}{6031}What do you mean "lose"?|They didn't like our pitches?
{6035}{6066}They want Al Pacino.
{6082}{6144}Al Pacino to do a commercial?
{6148}{6177}{y:i}The Godfather Al {y:i}Pacino?
{6181}{6237}They got this new coffee drink,|the Dunkaccino.
{6266}{6314}Dunkaccino, Al Pacino, they sound alike.
{6319}{6362}- Yes.|- Well, they think it'll be a home run.
{6364}{6393}Of course it would be a home run,
{6395}{6431}if he would ever do it, which he won't.
{6433}{6461}Yeah, well, never say never.
{6463}{6494}Remember, you didn't think|we could get Brad Pitt
{6496}{6530}to do that RadioShack commercial.
{6538}{6564}I was right.
{6571}{6610}Well, you can't be right all the time.
{6617}{6652}Look, bottom line,
{6654}{6718}they're going to give us one month|to make this whole Pacino thing h
appen,
{6720}{6745}or they're going to go elsewhere.
{6749}{6832}We can't lose Dunkin' Donuts.|They're our biggest client.
{6834}{6885}Damn it. We're going to go bankrupt, buddy.
{6887}{6938}And we have 200 employees relying on us.
{6998}{7040}Try to have a good Thanksgiving, okay?
{7042}{7074}Yeah, yeah, yeah.
{7082}{7152}What do you think? Would Al Pacino|ever do a Dunkin' Donuts commerci
al?
{7157}{7203}What?
{7207}{7234}Yeah.
{7248}{7276}Shut up.
{7278}{7311}- Did my wife call?|- Yeah.
{7313}{7369}You're all set for the cruise.|You guys leave a week after Hanukkah.
{7371}{7412}Okay, all right. There's some good news.
{7414}{7488}Yeah. She converted, right? That's so cool.|She doesn't look Jewish
at all.
{7510}{7560}Wow. That was anti-Semitic.
{7571}{7598}What? No, I just...
{7600}{7655}See, I can say that, you can't.|You're not Jewish.
{7657}{7693}No, but I'm close.
{7698}{7725}What... What does that mean?
{7731}{7757}I'm an atheist.
{7769}{7821}- You're two for two right there.|- What? No...
{7823}{7898}Anyways, did my sister say|what time she's flying in tomorrow?
{7905}{7930}Yeah, I was supposed to|pick her up at noon,
{7932}{7960}but she switched the flight to earlier,
{7962}{7993}so now she gets in at 4:00 in the morning.
{7995}{8019}Why?
{8022}{8050}Something about jet lag
{8068}{8123}She never listens. She gains three hours.
{8125}{8178}Every year, she acts like|she's flying to New Zealand.
{8181}{8208}She's a freak, man.
{8210}{8258}Yeah, again, you can't say that.
{8260}{8290}No, I...
{8491}{8520}- Honey...|- Yeah?
{8522}{8551}Try complimenting her.
{8558}{8590}Yeah. What?
{8599}{8627}To avoid fighting.
{8629}{8660}Just focus on something positive.
{8662}{8740}Tell Jill that she has nice shoes.
{8762}{8823}Nice shoes. That's good. That'll work.
{8834}{8879}- I love you, honey.|- I love you, too.

{8886}{8915}And I love my sister.


{8917}{8981}And I can keep my cool.|It's only four days.
{9001}{9110}I love my sister. I love her shoes.
{9298}{9324}Well, I just...
{9326}{9376}I can't find him anywhere.
{9378}{9431}Does he know what terminal it is?
{9436}{9474}I...
{9476}{9520}Okay, okay, I see him.
{9522}{9551}All right, I'm hanging up.
{9574}{9600}How are we doing?
{9611}{9647}Where were you?
{9649}{9692}I've been waiting forever for you.
{9694}{9731}This place is creeping me out.
{9738}{9782}Why so many bags?|Are the Knicks traveling with you?
{9784}{9815}- What is with this?|- Mom always said,
{9817}{9889}"it's better to have it and not need it|than to need it and not have
it."
{9892}{9945}Yeah, she did say that.|I remember that. That was cool.
{9954}{9996}Are you going bald?
{9998}{10060}No, no, no, no. You're getting fatter,|and your hair doesn't realiz
e
{10062}{10093}that it needs to cover more face.
{10095}{10126}- Okay.|- Where'd you put the car?
{10154}{10192}You really had to bring your bird?
{10194}{10229}Yeah, she's my best friend.
{10250}{10297}- Anyways, Jill, I was thinking...|- Yeah?
{10302}{10336}The house is going to be very crowded
{10338}{10386}'cause we got the kids, and all the guests
{10388}{10428}are coming by, and blah, blah, blah.
{10430}{10500}So, there's this new hotel,|a Hilton that they just built down...
{10502}{10555}But I want to spend time|with Sofie and Gary.
{10564}{10606}Why, do you not want me to stay with you?
{10608}{10655}No, no, no, no.|Of course I want you to stay with us.
{10657}{10686}I was just... I was just saying.
{10690}{10731}Okay, I'll stay with you, then.
{10738}{10802}It's too bad,|'cause the hotel was starting to sound fun.
{10830}{10887}Why are you doing that?|Why do you sigh so loud?
{10895}{10965}I just really, really love your shoes.
{10967}{10996}You are so weird.
{10998}{11037}Isn't he weird, Poopsie?
{11039}{11082}Where were you?
{11093}{11131}Poopsie gets it.
{11142}{11197}Yeah. Poopsie really gets it.
{11207}{11248}She always did get it. I... It's just...
{11250}{11302}She always loved getting it.
{11313}{11372}And then your dad and I|went to the soup kitchen,
{11374}{11461}and they gave us Otto|to bring to Thanksgiving dinner this year.
{11482}{11534}Thanks again for having me. It's very nice.
{11538}{11582}Are you going to eat|dinner with us tonight?
{11587}{11614}Yes, he is, honey.
{11622}{11650}And what about tomorrow night?
{11658}{11716}Tomorrow, Otto's going to go back home...
{11718}{11743}Less.
{11773}{11798}Sorry.
{11806}{11905}Sofia, show Otto your karate moves.
{11972}{12020}You know, why don't...|Why don't you go wake up Jill?
{12022}{12062}- What?|- It's 5330.
{12064}{12137}She's here. That's the important thing.|It counts as a day.
{12139}{12187}- So what? She's sleeping.|- Jack .
{12189}{12252}- All right, I'll go check on Jill.|- Thank you.

{12349}{12398}It's okay, Otto. It's just her


{12562}{12588}Jill.
{12618}{12657}Wake up.
{12685}{12743}Okay, stay sleeping...
{12745}{12773}Jet lag.
{12775}{12822}- I have a gun!|- Oh, my God!
{12866}{12980}You see, I live alone.|Poopsie's trained to watch out for me.
{12991}{13031}Don't sneak up like that, all right?
{13037}{13067}Where were you?
{13074}{13106}I don't...
{13121}{13168}Come downstairs. The food's ready.
{13180}{13225}Can you just lay down with me|for five minutes?
{13231}{13273}I'm not laying down with you. No.
{13278}{13333}Come on. I just want some twin time.
{13338}{13391}I'm a grown man.|I'm not laying next to you.
{13393}{13448}Just have Poopsie lay with you.|I... I don't know.
{13457}{13493}All right.
{13513}{13584}I'll take a bath,|and I'll meet you downstairs in an hour.
{13650}{13699}Good looking out, Poopsie.
{13729}{13770}Don't forget your sweat shadow.
{13780}{13811}What?
{13813}{13870}All right,|just take your bath and all that stuff,
{13872}{13922}and then burn those sheets.
{13995}{14022}Hey, guys.
{14029}{14100}Jill! You look amazing.
{14102}{14142}Macy's, Marshalls.
{14178}{14208}Hey, where am I sitting?
{14210}{14235}What do you mean?
{14237}{14288}'Cause, usually, I sit next to you.
{14290}{14332}So all of a sudden, I'm...|I'm not going to sit here?
{14342}{14388}Would you...
{14390}{14420}I thought you could sit down here.
{14422}{14448}I always sit next to Jack.
{14450}{14509}- Is there a reason I'm moving?|- No.
{14511}{14561}Jill, if you'd like, you could sit here.|I'd be happy to move.
{14565}{14618}That's okay. You're fine.
{14620}{14669}If you want to... If you...|Do you want to sit here?
{14694}{14724}I don't know.
{14726}{14795}Okay, you just sit in my chair. How's that?
{14797}{14823}- There you go.|- All right, thank you.
{14825}{14897}- Gary, is that you?|- Yes, it is.
{14899}{14949}- Look how handsome you are.|- Thank you.
{14951}{14980}It's so nice to see you.
{14982}{15027}Look at this leaf. Look at this.
{15029}{15061}You have it taped on you?
{15063}{15090}- That's so cute.|- Yes.
{15092}{15117}Why did he do that?
{15119}{15149}He likes tape.
{15151}{15208}Hey. Sofie, is that you, or is that you?
{15246}{15286}Good to see you, Erin.
{15288}{15325}Good to see you, Jill.
{15327}{15360}- How was your flight?|- The house looks amazing.
{15362}{15399}You got a new chandelier?
{15407}{15434}Yeah, yeah.
{15438}{15478}I loved the old one.
{15532}{15584}So, how's every body s Gobble-Gobble Day?
{15586}{15628}- Great.|- Excellent.
{15632}{15698}By the way, Jill, this is Otto. Otto.
{15704}{15732}Nice to meet you.
{15751}{15790}Nice to meet you.

{15820}{15863}He's homeless, right?


{15896}{15941}He seems clean, but you should put
{15943}{16000}one of those toilet seat protectors|underneath him
{16002}{16067}to make sure he doesn't ruin the chair.
{16086}{16142}Are you whispering|with a bullhorn or something?
{16144}{16178}Everybody hears you.
{16183}{16256}No, they can't, Mr. Hearing Expert.
{16326}{16359}- So...|- Pass that down, Daddy.
{16361}{16420}I'm allowed out here once a year,|so I tend to miss things.
{16424}{16460}What's going on? Anything new?
{16465}{16554}Well, Sofie just got her|green belt in karate
{16582}{16632}How come I didn't know about this?
{16634}{16702}I didn't even know she did karate.|What... I mean,
{16716}{16762}{y:i}I feel like I'm in the|Twilight Zone right now.
{16764}{16828}I'm like Jimmy Stewart|at the end of that movie,
{16830}{16892}the one where...|They... They're in Pottersville.
{16894}{16941}What... What is that... That movie called?
{16946}{16978}{y:i}It's a Wonderful Life?
{16980}{17015}No, no, with Jimmy Stewart.
{17017}{17084}The... The one where he meets the angel|and he's mad.
{17096}{17131}{y:i}It's a Wonderful Life.
{17133}{17169}Why do you keep saying that?
{17171}{17224}No, the one where he falls in the pool
{17226}{17292}{y:i}and he sings Buffalo Gals.
{17294}{17332}He gets all the money at the end,
{17334}{17405}and he finds out|that his life really is wonderful.
{17422}{17455}Star Wars.
{17474}{17515}They play it every Christmas.
{17517}{17579}You must have saw it|before Jack made you convert.
{17581}{17613}What? What are you doing right now?
{17624}{17674}Your brother didn't|make me do anything, Jill.
{17678}{17728}Everyone has to be like Jack over here.
{17730}{17762}Even poor Gary.
{17778}{17816}What? What does that mean?
{17818}{17869}You made him switch from being Indian.
{17874}{17903}What is wrong with you?
{17905}{17947}We adopted him when he was 10 days old.
{17949}{17981}This is all he knows.
{17983}{18063}Did you ever think maybe he tapes things|to himself
{18066}{18120}'cause he doesn't feel connected?
{18122}{18170}You know, to his real parents?
{18186}{18222}That was very smart.|I just thought of that.
{18224}{18260}Isn't it? That was interesting.
{18269}{18305}- Aunt Jill?|- Yes, sweetheart.
{18307}{18333}Yes, Sofie.
{18337}{18387}Do you and Daddy have twin powers?
{18395}{18452}What's this? What is twin powers?
{18454}{18492}{y:i}It's this thing we|saw on 60 Minutes.
{18494}{18592}Some twins have strange powers, and they|can feel when the other o
ne's hurt.
{18602}{18639}Jack and I can do that.
{18674}{18724}What? Why are you making a face?
{18726}{18798}When we were kids,|you felt it when I broke my ankle.
{18805}{18867}I felt it 'cause you fell on my head.
{18883}{18915}- You like that one?|- Yeah.
{18917}{18962}- All right, good, good.|- Please!
{18964}{19014}Tell me you don't feel this.
{19024}{19069}I didn't feel it.|Maybe if you did it harder.
{19121}{19146}Little harder.
{19169}{19207}No, Jill. Stop it.

{19209}{19254}- He's kidding.|- What?


{19318}{19346}Donkey fight!
{19348}{19394}- Jill, are you okay?|- Yeah, no, I'm fine.
{19396}{19441}Gary, that was... He didn't 100% connect.
{19447}{19474}Feel that, Daddy?
{19481}{19531}I... I actually did feel something there.
{19533}{19560}Pride in my son.
{19563}{19603}Will you stop it already?
{19605}{19665}These sweet potatoes need salt.
{19685}{19722}I'm so sick of that.
{19724}{19804}Why are you so afraid|to admit that we are connected?
{19806}{19833}Face it.
{19843}{19881}We shared Mom's womb.
{19883}{19920}We were womb-mates.
{19922}{19974}That is just disgusting.
{19976}{20002}I have an idea.
{20004}{20031}On the show, there were these twins,
{20033}{20066}and they finished each other's sentences
{20068}{20100}Jack, maybe you could start a sentence,
{20102}{20150}- and Jill, you could finish it.|- No. No.
{20152}{20191}- Come on, Daddy, please!|- Please, Daddy, please!
{20193}{20217}- Please.|- Oh, my God.
{20219}{20274}Ready to receive mental images.
{20318}{20362}All right, will you stop?|You're scaring him.
{20364}{20407}That's just noises she's making.
{20409}{20452}- Okay, ready?|- Yes.
{20464}{20589}I'm very tired, so I'm going to...
{20595}{20640}Go to the supermarket.
{20658}{20699}No, I'm going to sleep.
{20701}{20759}What is... Why would I go to a supermarket|if I was tired?
{20765}{20790}That's what I would do.
{20792}{20824}The cold air always wakes you up.
{20826}{20892}Isn't it nice when it's...|You go over there in the frozen food se
ction?
{20916}{20971}- God bless...|- You! God bless you!
{20974}{21024}I finished your sentence. Got you, Pagogo.
{21054}{21084}What's Pagogo?
{21086}{21166}Oh, it's... It's a name that Aunt Jill used|to call your dad when
they were growing up.
{21177}{21248}I was Pokee, and your father was Pagogo.
{21250}{21299}We had our own secret language.
{21326}{21374}Ook maga do do, Pagogo.
{21387}{21436}I have no idea what those words mean,
{21438}{21494}nor have I ever known|what those words meant.
{21497}{21547}You do know what they mean,|and you're lying right now.
{21549}{21597}"Ook maga do do" means "I love you."
{21606}{21642}"Bongi" means "thank you."
{21644}{21671}"Klapa" means "left."
{21673}{21733}Hey, do you remember what|"Locky mocky koko" means?
{21745}{21785}What does it mean again?
{21790}{21815}Jack, don't.
{21818}{21913}It means, "I can't stand you being here!"
{21978}{22020}This is really awkward. I'm going to go.
{22022}{22073}Dessert is coming.
{22078}{22103}I'm full.
{22126}{22152}Okay.
{22154}{22210}I love how nice we are|to this homeless man,
{22212}{22242}a person we don't even know,
{22244}{22292}who probably is pretending to be homeless!
{22294}{22366}You don't look homeless to me!|You're fat! You're al-Qaeda!

{22423}{22454}Sofia, why don't you go upstairs?


{22456}{22518}No, Mom,|this is my favorite part of Thanksgiving.
{22527}{22560}You know what? I'm leaving.
{22562}{22654}I'm leaving. That's it. That's it. I'm going.|I am going! I hope y
ou're happy!
{22658}{22724}I'm sleeping out here in the woods!
{22726}{22774}At least the animals will be nice.
{22808}{22878}- Jill!|- He's even turning the kids against me!
{22880}{22915}- Are you okay?|- Jill, are you all right?
{22917}{22964}No. See, the kids love you.
{22966}{23072}And I love them. And that's the only reason|that I come back here
every year.
{23079}{23118}Jack, apologize.
{23130}{23218}I'm sorry that you make|everybody uncomfortable. I really am.
{23222}{23248}Jack.
{23250}{23308}All right.|I'm sorry about what I said back there.
{23310}{23356}I didn't mean it. I... I love you.
{23358}{23421}I just feel abandoned.|I'm all alone in the Bronx.
{23423}{23472}I don't have any family with me any more.
{23474}{23499}We didn't abandon you.
{23501}{23560}I told you,|you can Skype us any time you want.
{23562}{23592}I don't even know what that means.
{23594}{23654}What is Skype? It sounds anti-Semitic.
{23656}{23706}- What is it?|- It's just this Internet thing.
{23708}{23748}I don't get that!
{23750}{23811}You know I don't have a calculator.
{23814}{23849}- Okay.|- Do you know what?
{23856}{23890}Our home is your home.
{23893}{23951}So let's go back. I have some ice cream.
{23953}{23997}I don't know, Erin. I'm too upset.
{23999}{24029}I can't eat right now.
{24031}{24076}- What flavor?|- Chocolate.
{24078}{24140}No. You have maple walnut?|I don't like chocolate.
{24142}{24182}I... I didn't know you liked maple walnut.
{24184}{24210}Hang in there, brother.
{24241}{24278}She's only here till Sunday.
{24326}{24402}{y:i}What is done cannot now be amended!
{24420}{24459}Yeah, Ted, I'm looking at it right now.
{24461}{24502}So, this was two nights ago?
{24504}{24561}{y:i}If I did take the kingdom
{24563}{24643}{y:i}from your sons, to make amends,
{24687}{24738}{y:i}I give it to your daughter.
{24822}{24854}{y:i}Will you get that?
{24861}{24888}Whoa.
{24890}{24944}{y:i}You have a phone in your hand!
{24946}{25079}{y:i}You are told before the play|starts not to have it ring!
{25081}{25128}{y:i}Shut all cell phones off!
{25130}{25167}{y:i}This is what the man said!
{25178}{25246}Yeah, this guy's going to do|a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.
{25255}{25289}{y:i}This has got to stop.
{25298}{25326}{y:i}I'm losing my mind.
{25334}{25369}{y:i}Help me.
{25373}{25399}{y:i}Where am I?
{25405}{25463}{y:i}Thank you. Thank you all for coming.
{25471}{25500}Yeah.
{25502}{25550}How do you know Pacino's going|to a Laker game?
{25569}{25593}Well, yeah, get the tickets,
{25595}{25635}but how am I even going|to get near the guy?
{25637}{25682}He's going to have security or something.
{25684}{25729}I'm not telling my wife|to wear something trashy

{25731}{25759}just 'cause it would save our company.


{25761}{25796}Unless she wants to.|I mean, that's her thing.
{25830}{25891}No... I'm hanging up the phone. Goodbye.
{25958}{26054}Excuse me, Mrs. Erin, the magnolia branch|in the backyard could fa
ll off any time.
{26056}{26098}I mean, I don't want anyone to get hurt.
{26100}{26125}Should I take it down now?
{26127}{26186}Yeah, sure, sure.|Whatever... Whatever you think, Felipe.
{26188}{26212}Okay.
{26214}{26247}Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?
{26256}{26300}Yeah, I had the whole family come over.
{26310}{26363}Even my Aunt Rosa snuck across the border.
{26394}{26438}I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
{26474}{26520}Who are you?|Are you a gardener or something?
{26522}{26607}No, I... I don't just do gardening|I do impressions, too.
{26617}{26704}When Immigration shows up,|I do a great impression of a tree.
{26770}{26810}I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
{26836}{26899}Strong. All right.|Jay Leno better watch his back.
{26906}{26931}You know it.
{26944}{26974}{y:i}Nice to meet you, seorita.
{26978}{27011}Okay, nice to meet you.
{27046}{27080}What is he doing?
{27082}{27130}What is his problem?
{27148}{27182}Jack, Jack, Jack!
{27198}{27285}I put a little list together of things|I want to do before I leave
, so...
{27294}{27356}Oh, my God. I got to touch that?
{27358}{27386}Yeah.
{27392}{27435}"Studio tour, beach,"
{27437}{27493}"horseback riding, get on a game show."
{27498}{27570}You can't get through all this stuff.|You're leaving Sunday.
{27590}{27618}I don't know.
{27626}{27669}What do you mean, you don't know?|You know.
{27685}{27731}I just wanted to have fun out here,
{27733}{27777}and, you know, we fought last night.
{27779}{27845}I just... I feel really|weird leaving like that.
{27850}{27884}What do you mean? It was a great night.
{27886}{27954}We... We ate food,|we ran in the woods. It was fun.
{27962}{28033}I just...|Maybe I should stay out through Hanukkah.
{28049}{28079}Mom's gone now,
{28081}{28127}so there's really nothing|for me to go back to.
{28129}{28154}- Stay, then!|- Stay!
{28156}{28216}She can't stay.|Because of your airline ticket.
{28218}{28280}It's, like, the busiest time of year.|We'll never get you a return
flight.
{28290}{28353}That's why I used my twin hunch
{28355}{28391}in knowing that we would fight,
{28393}{28433}and I have an open-ended ticket.
{28446}{28530}Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah!
{28624}{28667}He's going to be mad.
{28669}{28748}I don't know where we parked the car.|I don't know.
{28750}{28800}I just want to go on with them|because they look soared.
{28802}{28844}I know if I was riding|with them, they would...
{28846}{28909}I know you say I weigh too much,|but I don't think I do.
{28950}{28992}Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
{28997}{29052}Okay, I'm ready! Let's go!
{29054}{29091}Oh, my God!
{29093}{29155}Oh, God! Look, I'm so sorry.
{29157}{29216}I weigh too much. You were right!
{29301}{29328}Gary...

{29343}{29385}At least put a helmet on that thing.


{29749}{29775}What are you doing?
{29804}{29866}Why can't I just lay with you?
{29882}{29921}You're a weirdo!
{29944}{30010}{y:i}All right, welcome back to The Price ls Right.|Let's find out
who's next.
{30014}{30100}{y:i}Jill Sadelstein, come on down!
{30104}{30182}{y:i}You're the next contestant|on The Price ls Right.
{30193}{30221}All right, Jill, go ahead|and spin the wheel,
{30223}{30263}- whenever you're ready.|- You are the best, Drew.
{30265}{30306}This is awesome, guys!
{30308}{30363}- Go ahead and...|- Are you married or not?
{30365}{30406}No. Go ahead and...
{30458}{30487}Jill, go ahead and spin the wheel.
{30489}{30591}No, because I know once I spin it,|I don't get to be near you any
more.
{30607}{30632}- All right.|- All right.
{30634}{30696}Hey, Gary, Sofie.|Come on, guys, one dollar!
{30698}{30737}- One dollar.|- One dollar's the winner!
{30739}{30779}Good luck to you.
{30838}{30916}I never saw that before.|Hey, just give her a bunch of prizes.
{30918}{30966}We'll be right back right after this.|Don't go away.
{30982}{31014}Call an ambulance.
{31044}{31088}It banged me good.
{31090}{31168}Then, when I hit the floor,|that's when I really went out.
{31170}{31253}But when I came to, it was good.|They had prizes for me.
{31257}{31310}{y:i}Say hello to my little friend!
{31394}{31450}{y:i}Do you want to play rough? Okay.
{31497}{31528}What is she doing now?
{31624}{31652}I don't know...
{31654}{31700}Whoa! It's hard to hold on.
{31702}{31748}Please don't destroy my pool.
{31750}{31793}I've got it now. I...
{31969}{31998}My head!
{32262}{32296}{y:i}But it's such a waste.
{32298}{32335}{y:i}A full moon, an empty yacht.
{32337}{32362}{y:i}I'll throw up.
{32364}{32396}{y:i}I'll be.
{32481}{32511}{y:i}About the roadhouse...
{32535}{32588}{y:i}They have a Cuban band|that's the berries.
{32590}{32682}{y:i}Let's go there, blindfold the orchestra,|and tango till dawn.
{32684}{32736}{y:i}- Do you know something, Mr. Fielding?|- What?
{32738}{32762}{y:i}You're dynamite.
{32774}{32812}Daddy.
{32814}{32863}You and Jill are so alike.
{32896}{32957}We are nothing alike, I promise you.
{33221}{33256}{y:i}Well?
{33301}{33352}{y:i}I'm not quite sure.
{33354}{33400}{y:i}Would you try it again?
{33601}{33645}Just watch the movie.
{33647}{33751}{y:i}I got a funny sensation in my toes.
{33753}{33826}{y:i}Like someone was barbecuing them|over a slow flame.
{33962}{34028}{y:i}I think you're on the right track.
{34049}{34076}{y:i}I must be.
{34078}{34143}{y:i}Your glasses are|beginning to steam up.
{34406}{34430}Hello?
{34444}{34471}Mrs. Applebaum.
{34473}{34517}Hi. Yeah, no...
{34520}{34558}- What are you doing?|- It wasn't an emergency.
{34560}{34611}I just wanted to see|how my plants were doing.

{34613}{34646}Please stop talking!


{34648}{34704}- Okay, and you turned the heat off?|- Turn off the phone.
{34706}{34741}All the way off, though?
{34743}{34770}Jill, Jill!
{34772}{34818}Yeah, I can't hear her. I'm trying to...
{34820}{34893}- I'm on the phone.|- Well, get off the phone, you psycho!
{34966}{35012}- No, don't cry.|- You know what?
{35014}{35047}- Don't run away.|- You just...
{35049}{35096}- Don't go in the woods. Jill!|- I can't believe it.
{35098}{35139}Hey!
{35150}{35200}It's the last night of Hanukkah!
{35202}{35256}Come on, already! It's happy time!
{35258}{35314}Dude, way to yell at a chick.|That's awesome.
{35316}{35344}That was a chick?
{35346}{35402}- Yeah, that was a chick.|- Really.
{35467}{35507}Hey! The brake.
{35513}{35536}Hey, hey, I can do it!
{35538}{35577}- It's all right! I got it!|- I can do it!
{35579}{35604}It's all right!
{35607}{35632}Hey, I can do it.
{35634}{35658}It's okay.
{35661}{35703}It goes fast.
{35705}{35735}I'm getting it on him.
{35742}{35773}She's crazy.
{35775}{35818}She's crazy. She's never leaving.
{35822}{35887}Well, she was going to leave|until you called her "psycho."
{35889}{35948}She's forwarding her mail to us now!
{35950}{35999}{y:i}Highlights magazine.
{36001}{36056}Birdy magazine addressed to Poopsie!
{36058}{36092}Okay, okay.
{36094}{36140}Did you ever think that maybe she's lonely
{36142}{36201}and she needs someone|to get her through the holidays?
{36206}{36252}She needs a guy.
{36254}{36304}- She needs a guy!|- No, no, no, no.
{36306}{36333}If we don't get her a guy by New Year's,
{36335}{36374}she's gonna come on the|cruise ship with us.
{36376}{36436}We'll be locked on a boat for seven days!|I'll kill myself!
{36438}{36482}Do not get involved in her love life.
{36510}{36554}Aunt Jill, why don't you have any kids?
{36557}{36604}Gary, did you make your bed this morning?
{36606}{36672}It's okay, Erin.|You don't have to... I can tell him.
{36674}{36723}Gary, I have all the equipment
{36725}{36784}and it seems to be functioning well.
{36786}{36840}I get a little reminder|every 30 days or so.
{36861}{36946}But the point is, Gary,|I was never married.
{36954}{36980}Why?
{36982}{37040}Well, everyone loved your father.
{37042}{37078}He was more of a gadfly.
{37080}{37120}Me, I kept to myself,
{37122}{37175}made sure Grandma and Grandpa were okay.
{37186}{37248}But everybody loves Aunt Jill|just as much as Daddy.
{37250}{37275}Or more.
{37277}{37315}Don't say that.
{37318}{37399}Your father,|he might act tough, but he has thin skin.
{37401}{37429}You'd hurt his feelings.
{37431}{37481}Aunt Jill, did you date boys?
{37483}{37518}I liked boys.
{37520}{37588}They just, they...|They never liked me back.
{37590}{37668}My friend Mimi's mom dates boys|she meets on the computer.
{37670}{37724}I've heard of this. Yeah, I would do that.

{37726}{37809}It's just, I don't know|how to use a computer or a radar.


{37811}{37839}Or a robot or whatever.
{37842}{37866}Well, let's show her!
{37875}{37910}- Jack.|- No, no, no.
{37913}{37983}Sofie's the one who brought it up.|It's her. She did it.
{37985}{38063}I would do it. I mean, what the heck?|It's no biggie. Let's go for
it.
{38065}{38110}I need a man.
{38128}{38163}So many to choose from.
{38165}{38192}Match.c: om
{38194}{38223}That's a good one.
{38225}{38292}EHarmony, I've heard of.|They have commercials.
{38294}{38341}MySoul-Mate.net.
{38343}{38405}I like that because I got a little soul.
{38441}{38515}Okay, so it says to press here to register
{38517}{38570}for your perfect soul mate.
{38616}{38647}Not like that.
{38649}{38683}No. Like this.
{38705}{38744}What are you, a computer whiz?
{38746}{38809}You would think he'd be the genius,|being from India.
{38820}{38861}Now, India's,
{38863}{38895}really amazing lately.
{38897}{38922}They're just leading the pack.
{38924}{38996}I read in Time magazine, they're number one.|China's number two.
{38998}{39040}- The Jews, we're back to number three.|- Okay.
{39042}{39095}Four is Germany,|so let's watch out, everyone.
{39097}{39149}All right, all right, listen,|you got to pick a username, Jill,
{39151}{39175}so just do that.
{39177}{39208}A username?
{39210}{39247}How about Manilow?
{39249}{39332}'Cause he can use me anytime he wants to.
{39334}{39383}Just kidding.|I hope you didn't understand that.
{39385}{39428}It's a little risqu for your age.
{39430}{39495}Okay, now you load your profile picture|that Sofie took of you.
{39497}{39536}Can't wait to see this.
{39538}{39607}My picture is embarrassing. Put it up.
{39704}{39743}Is it too va-va-voomish?
{39769}{39796}No, it's very natural.
{39798}{39852}Maybe I should have gone|with peanut butter and jelly.
{39854}{39902}This... I like it, I like it.
{39904}{39946}Forget it. I'm committing to it. So, what?
{39949}{40014}If somebody likes me,|the little envelope thing will be blinking?
{40017}{40070}I just, I love this so much.
{40072}{40141}I crave this, family time.
{40143}{40225}It's why you have a family.
{40297}{40351}{y:i}A ham this good|only comes once a generation.
{40360}{40388}{y:i}Like me.
{40400}{40459}{y:i}I give this ham four rings.
{40461}{40518}{y:i}That's a hell of a|good ham right there.
{40530}{40561}Whose idea was the wig?
{40570}{40612}That was his choice.
{40634}{40684}I think it's great|that Shaq doesn't look like Shaq at all,
{40686}{40735}that he looks like Al Sharpton on HGH.
{40801}{40829}Turn the TV off.
{40852}{40876}So, how long does it take
{40878}{40920}to get a response|on one of those computer dating things?
{40922}{40951}I'm... I'm new to this.
{40957}{41020}I mean, it can take...|It can take a day, it can take a week.
{41022}{41075}You know what I mean?|For someone like her...
{41084}{41151}What was that? What was...|Why'd you say, "like her"?

{41154}{41244}Someone like her.|Like, in her 40s, still single.


{41246}{41290}You know what I mean? Incredibly homely.
{41302}{41351}Wow, you hate your job, don't you?
{41354}{41400}No. I only said that|'cause you said that one time.
{41402}{41439}I can say that 'cause I'm her twin.
{41445}{41483}Hey, Jack, Laker game tomorrow night.
{41485}{41528}We got to make that Pacino thing happen.
{41530}{41568}Every body's really nervous around here.
{41570}{41601}Yeah, I know, I know.
{41606}{41640}What's this about a twin?
{41642}{41676}Jack. He has a twin sister.
{41681}{41751}Are you kidding me?|You never told me you had a twin sister.
{41753}{41787}No, no, I mean, she's...
{41790}{41824}Identical or fraternal?
{41826}{41871}Nocturnal, like a bat.
{41913}{41942}Really?
{41958}{41998}I'll pack my stuff up, man.
{42170}{42213}How we doing in here?
{42379}{42423}Hey, what happened?
{42425}{42488}Aunt Jill checked to see|if any boys liked her.
{42490}{42544}The blinking thing never blinked.
{42546}{42592}That's awful.
{42613}{42690}If people could only see|how good she can open a pickle jar...
{42692}{42755}Yeah, I know. You're right.
{42757}{42801}Okay, see you guys...
{42973}{43039}Okay, where do I find desperate guys?
{43041}{43104}{y:i}Twitter, Maxim,
{43106}{43147}Craigslist.
{43194}{43223}Yeah.
{43225}{43275}Casual Encounters.
{43277}{43327}All right, savages, get ready.
{43329}{43402}Anyone wanting to meet a nice...
{43404}{43443}No, I need someone immediately.
{43445}{43505}Not "nice."
{43507}{43567}Anyone wanting to meet
{43569}{43684}a sexy gymnast model...
{43686}{43758}No, I can't lie so much.
{43810}{43849}A hot...
{43876}{43925}Hi, Poopsie.
{43952}{44004}Yeah, "hot" works.
{44006}{44037}Crazy...
{44126}{44155}Hey!
{44182}{44228}Personal masseuse...
{44233}{44271}I pull really hard.
{44273}{44349}Watch your mother.|She's going to have relief.
{44351}{44385}What happened?|Is she sleeping or something?
{44408}{44439}. Knockout
{44445}{44481}- One dollar.|- One dollar's the winner!
{44483}{44509}Good luck to you.
{44580}{44652}For the night of your life,
{44661}{44715}go to Manilow
{44718}{44811}at mySoul-Mate.net.
{44853}{44936}Man, I'm really throwing her to the wolves.
{44938}{44980}But it has to be done.
{45021}{45061}Wow.
{45077}{45115}We're not going to tell anyone about this,|are we?
{45140}{45168}Where were you?
{45170}{45238}I trust you can keep a secret, kid!
{45262}{45288}You guys!
{45290}{45334}You guys! Are you sitting down?

{45336}{45407}I got over 100 responses on the computer!


{45470}{45519}Look at Miss Popular, all of a sudden.
{45521}{45594}I mean, some of them are weirdoes,|but some of them are so nice!
{45596}{45700}I wrote one guy back,|and we're going out tonight! Oh, my God!
{45702}{45737}I love it!
{45739}{45770}Oh, my God!
{45784}{45810}Yeah.
{45812}{45860}I'm so scared.|I don't know what I'm going to wear.
{45862}{45916}- I'll help you. I'll help you.|- I'm freaking out.
{45918}{45959}I feel like Julia Roberts in that movie.
{45961}{45988}{y:i}Pretty Woman.
{45990}{46027}No, no, no, the one where she's a hooker.
{46029}{46060}What's the name of that one?
{46062}{46092}{y:i}- Pretty Woman?|- No, no, no!
{46094}{46153}Why are you saying that? No, the other one.
{46155}{46186}What's the matter with you?
{46205}{46246}What's she going to wear?
{46262}{46306}What are you going to wear, Daddy?
{46314}{46346}In Hell.
{46394}{46427}Shut up.
{46434}{46474}This is like waiting for the queen.
{46476}{46515}Yeah, yeah.|Well, let's see what's taking her so long.
{46517}{46582}Go up there, speed her along.|Come on, go, go, go.
{46626}{46656}I'm answering it!
{46658}{46724}- Funbucket's here!|- Funbucket?
{46726}{46756}Oh, tell him I'm not ready!
{46758}{46803}- Tell him I'm not home!|- She'll be right down.
{46811}{46879}No! No, it won't zip! It won't zip!
{46900}{46932}- Hey.|- Hey.
{46950}{46976}Are you Funbucket?
{46982}{47008}Yeah, that's me.
{47013}{47052}You don't look like a Funbucket.
{47054}{47129}I was picturing someone more fun|or buckety.
{47138}{47201}You're not the crazy,|hot masseuse, are you?
{47203}{47232}I want you to tell me right up front,
{47234}{47274}'cause if you are, I'm|not paying for dinner.
{47283}{47314}Come here.
{47318}{47376}If you mention Craigslist to her|or do anything
{47378}{47411}that hurts her, I will stick my foot...
{47413}{47443}Funbucket?
{47460}{47488}Manilow?
{48220}{48288}So, yeah, you know what?|I'll be up-front with you.
{48290}{48387}I live in the Bronx|and I don't have any children.
{48393}{48436}In all honesty, the clock's ticking,
{48438}{48512}so if dinner works,|we got to get to work. I'm kidding you.
{48514}{48562}I just said that|'cause I'm very nervous right now
{48574}{48616}and I just keep talking so much.
{48618}{48687}My mouth is moving.|I don't even realize how much it's moving.
{48702}{48776}It's... I'm not even feeling it.|It's cottony.
{48778}{48839}So, is this your first date|on mySoul-Mate.net?
{48841}{48871}Yes.
{48894}{49014}Assuming it's really happening|and not some sort of terrifying nig
htmare.
{49016}{49064}I know. What do you do for a living?
{49066}{49091}Don't tell me. I don't want...
{49093}{49138}I want to play 20 Questions.|Remember that game?
{49140}{49180}{y:i}When we were little? 20 Questions?
{49182}{49222}Okay, first question. Animal, mineral...
{49224}{49279}- I'm going to go to the bathroom.|- Okay.
{49322}{49349}See you.

{49488}{49528}Should I take away your salads?


{49546}{49644}I think he's just waiting|for his to cool off.
{49646}{49712}So, we'll just... Just a few more minutes.
{49714}{49746}Thank you.
{49835}{49918}Hello? Hello?
{49966}{50062}Funbucket? Funbucket?
{50130}{50162}Hello?
{50397}{50460}He must have gone out to get some air.
{50726}{50754}Good job.
{50784}{50809}You're alive!
{50811}{50835}How did it go?
{50846}{50911}It was... It was fine.
{50913}{50952}He didn't try anything funny|with you, did he?
{50958}{50991}No, no.
{50993}{51024}Does he want to go out again?
{51026}{51078}- Is he your prince?|- Are you his princess?
{51086}{51112}Did he ask for your number?
{51114}{51141}Did he kiss you good night?
{51143}{51198}Will you kids stop it already?
{51200}{51233}It was just a date!
{51244}{51316}Why do you put so much pressure on me?
{51331}{51389}Why are there so many stairs?
{51398}{51460}I miss your old chandelier!
{51462}{51508}No one's ever going to love me!
{51510}{51553}I'm a loser!
{51562}{51610}Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.
{51624}{51652}Why?
{51662}{51693}Why are you an idiot?
{51730}{51828}Busted, disgusted, never to be trusted.
{51930}{51959}Hi, Jill.
{51965}{52002}It's okay, it's...
{52025}{52068}We've all had bad dates.
{52075}{52128}Whatever. He was such a...
{52130}{52190}I thought he was cool for a second.
{52201}{52273}Jack feels like you deserve to go out|with a guy who treats you ri
ght.
{52280}{52358}So guess who is taking you|to the Lakers game tomorrow night.
{52375}{52435}Hairfingers23 from the computer?
{52442}{52508}No, actually, I'm your date.
{52524}{52582}I love that, Pagogo!
{52584}{52620}Ook maga do do!
{52622}{52652}That sounds great.
{52654}{52700}Finally some twin time.
{52709}{52782}Oh, pali wali, zoom gali gali.
{52792}{52851}That means,|"I want to choke on my own vomit."
{52858}{52950}Does it? I... I'm a little rusty.|I don't remember everything.
{53182}{53250}Oh, my God, look at these guys.|They're huge.
{53252}{53282}- Yeah, yeah, yeah.|- They're too big.
{53284}{53312}- It's freaky.|- Will you stop?
{53314}{53345}- It's weird.|- Stop it.
{53347}{53429}- No, it's... Where do they buy pants?|- Just please keep walking.
I'm sorry.
{53431}{53521}It's like nuclear-power-plant big.|That's... That's big.
{53549}{53589}John, we're so close here.
{53610}{53641}- Hey.|- You got us in the game.
{53643}{53675}What's...
{53692}{53728}What's going on with the beard, man?
{53737}{53792}I'm doing research.|I don't want to be recognized, okay?
{54198}{54236}- Who is that?|- Hey, Jill, don't go nuts,
{54238}{54284}but I'm gonna try and talk to Al Pacino.

{54286}{54312}It's Pacino!
{54314}{54355}Al Pacino, the movie actor?
{54357}{54407}Yes, yes, stay calm.
{54412}{54479}What do you think people are thinking here,|that I'm sitting with
my rabbi?
{54486}{54526}Hey, guys, big game tonight.
{54534}{54566}- Yeah.|- How you doing, Johnny?
{54568}{54593}- How are you?|- Huge fan.
{54595}{54651}- Good to see you. Thank you.|- And, Mr. Pacino,
{54653}{54717}I actually met you one time|at a movie premiere.
{54821}{54848}He's thirsty.
{54854}{54879}Okay.
{54881}{54972}It was Cats & {y:i}Dogs 3,|and we were sitting in the same row.
{54974}{55051}One of your kids knocked over your popcorn,|and I gave you mine.
{55054}{55110}And you called me "Popcorn"|the rest of the night.
{55117}{55147}- Popcorn.|- Yes.
{55149}{55193}Yeah, nice to see you again.
{55195}{55224}Hey, what's with the beard?
{55226}{55268}You look a little like Bin Laden.
{55281}{55332}- I was kind of thinking Castro, myself.|- Yeah.
{55334}{55417}No, no, it's like the cough drops guy,|the Smith Brothers.
{55431}{55468}Who is that? Is that your wife?
{55474}{55533}No, no, no, that's my sister Jill.|She's in from the Bronx.
{55541}{55599}- Hey, Al, do you think you'd ever...|- Dulcinea.
{55601}{55626}What's that?
{55628}{55654}You're from the Bronx?
{55658}{55712}Yeah, born and bred.|Throggs Neck, the nice part.
{55714}{55747}Al, I got a question for you,
{55749}{55803}- and I know it's a long shot.|- Well, I'm from the Bronx.
{55805}{55829}- Okay.|- Did you know that?
{55831}{55872}Yeah, to be honest,|I don't know much about you.
{55874}{55946}I haven't seen a lot of your movies,|but I hear you're very seriou
s.
{55953}{55991}- Well, you know...|- Okay.
{55993}{56060}Hey, is Ryan Seacrest here?|Have you seen him? Do you know him?
{56062}{56093}I'm sorry, who-crest?
{56099}{56141}Al, would you ever consider doing a...
{56143}{56212}Who is your friend? Was he in Duran Duran?|Were you in Duran Duran
?
{56227}{56285}Yes. Yes, I was.
{56287}{56330}So, tell me,|how long are you gonna be in L.A.?
{56333}{56386}- Oh, my God. Is that John Stamos?|- Who?
{56390}{56440}Pagogo, Pagogo,|let's go before he gets away!
{56442}{56475}I want to see him up close! Please!
{56483}{56546}So, Al, I'm gonna get a hold|of your agent, if that's cool.
{56548}{56583}{y:i}Time to play ball.
{56654}{56693}When's the marching band come out?
{56710}{56744}- That's not going to happen.|- No?
{56757}{56802}Here we go. Here we go.
{56846}{56887}{y:i}Kobe Bryant!
{57271}{57317}Compliments of Mr. Pacino.
{57319}{57353}What's this?
{57513}{57549}I can't believe this.
{57557}{57593}This is insane, man!
{57595}{57641}- You got to call him!|- Cool your buns.
{57643}{57714}You know I'm still hurting|from the whole Funbucket fiasco.
{57716}{57804}No, but Pacino liked you!|I swear to God, he really liked you!
{57806}{57840}Will you stop already?
{57842}{57909}You know all he wants to do|is play Twister with your sister.
{57917}{57961}Jill, will you just do this for me?

{57969}{58044}You know, maybe I'll be ready|to date again in a few weeks.


{58046}{58094}We'll sit and talk about it on New Year's.
{58210}{58251}New Year's?
{58253}{58327}But you're not gonna be here on New Year's,|'cause that's after ou
r birthday.
{58334}{58366}Which is when you're leaving.
{58374}{58425}Yeah. I guess so.
{58430}{58497}So, if New Year's comes up,
{58499}{58585}just tell Jill that one more passenger|on the cruise ship, it'll s
ink.
{58592}{58624}I'm not telling her that.
{58626}{58694}Tell her... You got to tell her something.|I'm not having her come
to Europe.
{58696}{58725}It's the kids' first trip.
{58733}{58761}Hey, how are we doing in here?
{58763}{58802}It's 6132.
{58804}{58884}Forty-three years ago|at this very time, you were born.
{58886}{58928}Happy birthday, Number One.
{58938}{58988}- Okay, thank you.|- Happy birthday, you guys.
{58990}{59040}- Okay.|- No, no, no, not yet, not yet!
{59042}{59083}I wasn't born yet. I'm 6:33.
{59085}{59126}- I'm still 42, Erin.|- God.
{59128}{59217}So how does it feel, old man?|Getting rickety in the bones?
{59232}{59300}I'm so bummed that you're leaving tomorrow.|I'm going to miss you.
{59307}{59348}Yeah. God.
{59350}{59416}I'm going to miss...|I'm going to miss you guys, too.
{59418}{59446}Especially on New Year's.
{59454}{59495}Get the violins going, yeah.
{59501}{59572}It's just, every year,|I'd go with Mom to Valentino's.
{59574}{59635}It's the restaurant, Erin,|where my mother met my father.
{59663}{59702}I knew that was going to be big.
{59720}{59789}Don't throw it out.|We can make a birthday candle with it.
{59870}{59916}Hey, we're only 40 minutes late, guys.
{59918}{59963}{y:i}I hope they sing Happy|Birthday to us.
{59965}{60011}Yeah, I hope we still have|our table there, Slick.
{60013}{60079}Why is it so dark in here?|Are we going to get killed or something
?
{60081}{60113}Surprise!
{60121}{60148}Oh, my God.
{60150}{60186}Jack, we got you.
{60188}{60244}You are having a party for us?
{60246}{60274}Coolness!
{60276}{60317}Every body's here.
{60319}{60386}And I just had to meet your twin sister.
{60388}{60426}Very nice to see you.
{60429}{60491}I mean, you guys really do look alike.
{60500}{60561}I say that all the time. He says no.
{60569}{60609}Jill, I want to introduce you around.
{60621}{60669}This is going to be a bad night.
{60671}{60735}This is going to be an awful, awful night.
{60743}{60812}Really, it's fascinating.|So, how does it work, Mr. Subway Sandwic
h?
{60814}{60843}Just, well, just tell me more.
{60845}{60870}Just Jared's fine.
{60872}{60908}Call you Jared? Okay, sure.
{60910}{60959}It's just, 10 sandwiches a day.
{60961}{61028}To me, that seems too much,|almost like a job. I couldn't do that.
{61030}{61065}- I don't eat that many.|- No?
{61067}{61107}Okay, okay, here's the situation.
{61109}{61164}You're here, there's not a Subway in sight.

{61166}{61225}You're at a steakhouse like this.|What do you eat? What do you eat


?
{61227}{61267}- I eat other things.|- You do?
{61269}{61345}You do? I knew you were cheating.|That's why there's so much goo l
eft on you.
{61353}{61406}- What?|- I miss the old Jared,
{61408}{61466}the 400-pound Jared that scared us.
{61468}{61495}I don't miss that one at all.
{61502}{61556}Well, I'm sure you don't.|But if he was around, he'd be with me
{61558}{61592}and not with the two hookers.
{61673}{61733}Well, yeah, we love musicals.|You know what?
{61735}{61768}You're the Sham-Wow man, right?
{61774}{61809}- Yeah.|- Funny story.
{61816}{61877}- Jack used to be a bed-wetter.|- No!
{61879}{61924}He could have used one|of these Sham-Wow things
{61926}{61988}20 years ago for his pee puddles.
{62011}{62057}There's Mr. Yellow Sheets!
{62105}{62132}Where you going, Puddles?
{62161}{62214}All right, nice to meet you all.
{62222}{62277}Am I crazy or is she hot?
{62286}{62320}You're crazy.
{62322}{62367}It's Jack with boobs.
{62369}{62407}Jack with boobs. That's right.
{62410}{62441}There he is!
{62462}{62504}Dude, did you set this whole thing up?
{62506}{62552}Yeah, we got through it, man.|It came out pretty dope, I think.
{62554}{62607}It's amazing. Hey, Jill.
{62630}{62663}I'm sorry to interrupt.|Come here for a sec.
{62666}{62729}Okay, nice to see you. What's going on?
{62737}{62788}Did I ever tell you Todd is an atheist?
{62790}{62840}- A what?|- God.
{62842}{62876}Have a great time, guys.
{62878}{62929}No. How could there be a Grand Canyon
{62931}{62964}if God didn't exist?
{62974}{63042}Right. That's a very good point.|I'm just saying, you know, maybe.
..
{63044}{63126}Maybe God wouldn't have given you|a rat face if you believed in hi
m.
{63128}{63154}I don't have a rat face.
{63156}{63201}Yes, you do have a rat face! It's scary.
{63203}{63236}Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
{63238}{63279}- This guy doesn't believe in God?|- No!
{63281}{63352}No, no, I'm just saying|that there's not real proof.
{63356}{63438}Idiots like you really make me mad!
{63442}{63476}- Fight! Fight!|- Fight him!
{63478}{63507}Fight! Fight! Fight!
{63509}{63548}Because I'm about to US Open your skull!
{63550}{63609}Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
{63614}{63699}{y:i}Happy birthday to you
{63706}{63799}{y:i}Happy birthday to you
{63810}{63924}{y:i}Happy birthday, dear Jack...
{63926}{63976}{y:i}And Jill
{63978}{64095}{y:i}Happy birthday to you
{64097}{64131}Come on, make a wish, you twins.
{64133}{64176}- Okay, let's do it.|- Where's the other cake?
{64178}{64223}- There's not enough candles for both of us.|- All right, Jill.
{64225}{64276}One cake's enough. Make the wish.
{64298}{64348}Mom and Dad always got us two cakes.
{64365}{64407}Made us both feel special.
{64409}{64451}I don't think Mom and Dad would like this.

{64457}{64500}Make the wish already! I'm hungry!


{64517}{64560}Will you stop already?|Blow out the candles.
{64894}{64921}Whoa!
{64935}{64973}Funny meeting you here.
{65014}{65070}Don't be startled. It's only me.
{65140}{65164}It's always the same thing.
{65166}{65193}It's L.A.
{65195}{65256}I never know where I am.|It's a wilderness here.
{65258}{65305}I mean, in the Bronx,
{65307}{65345}you got the streets, you got the numbers.
{65347}{65402}YOU go'[ 187th, 188th.
{65404}{65440}- Yeah, right, in order.|- It follows in sequence.
{65442}{65502}Here, you got the palm trees,|and they all look alike.
{65563}{65614}I have no idea where we are.
{65626}{65663}- You really don't?|- I don't.
{65665}{65725}Lucky... Lucky for us, I|got the panic button.
{65730}{65754}You have a panic button?
{65756}{65830}Yeah, and we'll soon find out|where we are, huh?
{65914}{65949}- There we go.|- That's a house.
{65951}{65978}That's not a bakery.
{65986}{66039}Whether we go in a bakery, a house,|what difference does it make?
{66041}{66068}It makes a difference!
{66073}{66123}- What do you mean?|- There's a bakery in the house.
{66125}{66160}- Get out of town!|- Come on.
{66162}{66196}I'm not going to your house.
{66198}{66240}I want to see a birthday cake soon
{66242}{66288}or I'm taking pepper spray out.|I'm not kidding.
{66290}{66357}O ye of little faith.
{66359}{66398}What is that, a Shakespeare?
{66400}{66440}No, that was Jesus.
{66442}{66485}Okay, birthday girl.
{66488}{66526}- Oh, my God.|- Here it is.
{66529}{66556}You name it,
{66562}{66624}Xavier, my guy, will bake it.
{66658}{66686}Oh, my God!
{66688}{66743}- Look, I made her happy.|- I love this!
{66745}{66771}{y:i}L made you happy...
{66895}{66924}{y:i}Nutcracker.
{66926}{66994}{y:i}No. That? That's Man of La Mancha.
{66996}{67058}They offered me the part|of Don Quixote on Broadway.
{67062}{67088}- Whoa, whoa, whoa.|- Yeah.
{67090}{67135}But, you know, I'm just, I'm not there yet,
{67137}{67165}so I'm mulling it over, you know?
{67167}{67254}I love that. That's where|the man's in the tower ringing the bell?
{67262}{67335}{y:i}That's Quasimodo.|That's Hunchback of Notre-Dame.
{67342}{67395}See, this is Don Quixote.
{67397}{67476}Don Quixote meets this fallen woman
{67478}{67545}who he thinks is his lost love Dulcinea.
{67547}{67604}Right. And he can't straighten his back,
{67606}{67643}so he keeps ringing the bell.
{67645}{67701}And he has a sidekick. It was a mouse.
{67710}{67749}Okay, moving on.
{67751}{67829}Listen, Bronx,|I got a birthday surprise for you.
{67831}{67878}- Another one?|- Yeah.
{67885}{67955}It's my
{67957}{68021}original stickball stick.
{68049}{68087}- Come with me a second.|- Let me just eat some cake.
{68089}{68140}- This is so good.|- Leave it. You've been eating enough.
{68142}{68194}- We really have to stop now?|- Xavier!
{68276}{68315}- Nice.|- He's going to throw the ball,

{68317}{68380}and you are going to take this stick|with two hands, right?
{68382}{68408}And you're going to hit it.
{68410}{68452}Do I have to play this weird game?
{68454}{68513}It's not weird. Jill, it's in you.
{68515}{68580}It's in your DNA. Just think Bronx.
{68582}{68610}Let it just float.
{68612}{68644}Okay, okay, Okay...
{68646}{68696}Can you do me a favor|and not hold me like this?
{68698}{68726}All right. I'm just trying to show you.
{68728}{68806}Okay, all you got to do is|make contact, that's all.
{68808}{68872}I feel like this is your game|and it's not my game.
{68874}{68936}If you want to play my game,|Hungry Hungry {y:i}Hippos, Sabaday.
{68938}{68985}- Do you have that here?|- That's coming.
{68997}{69045}Goobledy gibble globbity!
{69054}{69098}What language are you speaking?
{69105}{69131}Just throw it.
{69158}{69207}Okay. Come on, no batter here, pitcher!|No batter!
{69209}{69246}I just don't know why we're doing this.
{69261}{69290}Whoa!
{69314}{69377}Ch, my God! Oh, my God!
{69379}{69415}I am so sorry!
{69434}{69481}I'm sure you have others, though.
{69491}{69576}You'd think it, but oddly enough, I don't.
{69578}{69604}But I have you.
{69606}{69657}- You don't have me. I...|- I'd rather have you.
{69659}{69689}I'm sorry. I'm going to go.
{69691}{69759}I just... I had fun, but I'm so tired.
{69761}{69808}It's 8:30 in the morning, my time.
{69810}{69847}Do you know what time it is for me?
{69864}{69909}It is time for my salvation.
{69923}{70006}Because finally, I found the one woman,
{70024}{70078}with all her rough-hewn charm,
{70095}{70132}who will lead me back
{70181}{70214}to sanity.
{70285}{70311}You're sick.
{70313}{70338}You're a sweetie.
{70348}{70412}I saw what you were doing with the stick,|and it was gross.
{70414}{70450}- Thank you, Sabaday.|- Wait a minute,
{70452}{70488}where do you think you're going?
{70490}{70550}I'm not your wham-bam-eggs-and-ham type.
{70552}{70590}But you don't have a car.
{70700}{70754}Why are you ignoring me?
{70842}{70886}What happened to me?
{70908}{70933}What's this?
{70941}{70980}Help me!
{71006}{71036}Where were you?
{71051}{71078}What do you mean?
{71089}{71135}I was here, bird.
{71182}{71214}Felipe.
{71221}{71278}Miss Jill? What you doing out here?
{71280}{71344}I stayed out here|because I didn't want to go in the house.
{71346}{71392}And Erin tried to make me come back in|and I wouldn't.
{71401}{71466}He yelled at me 'cause|I rejected Al Pacino.
{71473}{71550}Well, if you need something to do,|I'm just fixing the timer
{71552}{71604}and heading off to a big family picnic.
{71612}{71664}We play soccer, eat,
{71666}{71714}steal white people's wallets...
{71718}{71745}What did you say?
{71748}{71790}I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
{71817}{71845}We don't eat.

{71858}{71914}Stop it. Why won't you help me?


{71916}{71969}What are you doing? Put Poopsie down!
{71986}{72021}It flew in my bread.
{72198}{72226}Hey, Rosa!
{72245}{72274}This is my friend, Jill.
{72277}{72313}- Hi.|- That's my father,
{72315}{72397}my mama, my brother Juan,|my other brother Juan,
{72399}{72432}Juan Jr.,
{72434}{72510}my sister Juanita, my grandma Juangelina,
{72526}{72566}and that... I'm kidding!
{72589}{72650}I was going to say, that's a lot of Juans!
{72657}{72686}We're not all named Juan.
{72688}{72739}Hey, {y:i}nios! Look, these are my kids.
{72741}{72805}Jos, Jos Jr. {y:i}Y Josefina
{72813}{72880}They are beautiful. Hi. Hi.
{72882}{72926}They all look like my wife, thank God.
{72928}{72997}Your wife? I need to meet her.|Where is she?
{73005}{73059}Well, she passed away four years ago.
{73070}{73102}I'm so sorry.
{73106}{73151}- I lost my mother recently.|- No, that's all right.
{73153}{73206}I love talking about my wife.
{73218}{73280}And I know she's up there
{73282}{73326}sneaking into Heaven right now.
{73373}{73418}It's a joke! It's a joke!
{73426}{73453}Your father's bad.
{73455}{73512}He's bad! He's very bad!
{73514}{73571}Ready for the best Mexican food|you ever had?
{73573}{73637}- I never had Mexican food.|- What?
{73639}{73724}I'm sorry. It's not my fault.|They don't serve it at my deli.
{73726}{73790}- Well, today is your lucky day.|- Okay.
{73796}{73823}- Taste.|- Cool.
{73845}{73869}Wow!
{73877}{73907}{y:i}That's chile relleno.
{73909}{73954}It looks like a knish.
{73981}{74036}Never had Mexican food.
{74046}{74094}It's very, very good.
{74185}{74225}I'm kidding. Are you okay?
{74232}{74282}- Yeah, I'm fine.|- Heads up.
{74286}{74316}What is this thing?
{74318}{74359}No, no, no, no, no, no!
{74361}{74418}It's too hot. Just like you.
{74433}{74475}Felipe, easy.
{74554}{74585}Come on, Jill!
{74587}{74615}Come on!
{74933}{74960}Get Jill out there!
{75725}{75754}Come on, Jill, run!
{75758}{75783}Run!
{75906}{75954}Jalapeos. Jalapeos.
{75960}{76009}Okay, this is yours.
{76181}{76208}What happened?
{76210}{76255}- Jalapeos! Jalapeos!|- Jalapeos?
{76257}{76298}Did I get it?
{76327}{76356}Jalapeos.
{76369}{76404}Go! Run!
{76589}{76631}Shoot that! Shoot that!
{76739}{76765}Goal!
{76792}{76820}Whoa!
{76958}{77013}It's not a guy.
{77022}{77067}Felipe, I love it!
{77137}{77164}Hey, hey, hey...

{77170}{77206}{y:i}Hey, Mr. Popcorn.


{77217}{77290}Is that Al Pacino?|Are you kidding me? How you doing?
{77292}{77382}Listen, I got a little something here|for Ms. Sadelstein.
{77394}{77435}My God, she's not here right now.
{77437}{77480}{y:i}That's our loss, isn't it?
{77486}{77564}Have you any idea|when she might be coming home?
{77566}{77593}Hopefully soon.
{77600}{77645}{y:i}You know what, I hope so.|I'm waiting on her, too.
{77652}{77684}And I wanted to tell you, Al,
{77686}{77742}if she wasn't receptive the other night...
{77772}{77812}- Oh, my God!|- I know she's in here, Popcorn.
{77814}{77868}- How'd you get over the fence?|- Jill, come on!
{77870}{77913}You want me to get you|something to eat or...
{77915}{77978}All I want to do is make you happy!
{77982}{78061}I want to see you.|I want to know that you exist.
{78063}{78116}That I'm not just imagining you!
{78118}{78180}Al, she really isn't here. For real.
{78188}{78226}- This it?|- Yeah.
{78235}{78259}She sleeps here?
{78262}{78293}She does. She sleeps there.
{78339}{78398}God, sorry you have to see that.
{78412}{78438}She sleeps with someone?
{78440}{78478}No, no, no, no, that's a bird.
{78480}{78521}That's not a human. No problems.
{78529}{78568}Look at this.
{78570}{78615}- Isn't that something?|- Yeah.
{78617}{78650}How does this happen?
{78658}{78695}Al, I wouldn't lay there.
{78697}{78730}That's not...
{78837}{78880}She leaves an after-scent.
{78888}{78932}Hey, Popcorn, you know,
{78934}{78993}you're not really giving me|any confidence here.
{78995}{79026}- About what?|- Where is she?
{79028}{79083}- Al, I don't know where...|- Where you hiding her?
{79085}{79126}She's coming back,|she just is not here right...
{79128}{79156}Hey, Jill!
{79158}{79202}Lot of places to hide. Hey, Jill!
{79209}{79262}Al, she's coming back, I swear to you.
{79264}{79321}- She got an 8:00 flight tonight, so I promise.|- What?
{79323}{79349}She's leaving?
{79416}{79449}Come here.
{79459}{79526}- Come to you?|- Yeah, come, come. We gotta talk.
{79542}{79573}Yeah.
{79617}{79641}You want to turn my name into
{79643}{79703}some coffee-drink|chocolate-doughnut thing?
{79710}{79760}Well, yeah. Tastefully, though. I think...
{79767}{79802}Then you get me the girl.
{79814}{79841}Get you the girl?
{79859}{79888}Get me the girl.
{79908}{80000}"Get" is a strong word.|'Cause this is my sister we're talking abo
ut.
{80006}{80035}You don't understand!
{80037}{80086}- Well, I want to understand.|- You don't understand!
{80092}{80148}Go ahead, go ahead.|Tell me what I need to know.
{80150}{80190}- Your sister and I...|- Yeah?
{80192}{80242}We grew up on the same streets.
{80253}{80284}We breathed the same Bronx air.
{80286}{80394}- Yes, yes, yes.|- When I look at her, I see me.
{80414}{80457}When I look at her, I see me, too. Just...
{80459}{80488}I know what you mean.

{80490}{80538}I see what I was.


{80617}{80673}I'm lost, Popcorn.
{80697}{80722}I am.
{80726}{80778}I go visit my kids,
{80793}{80833}I can't find them.
{80848}{80894}I end up talking to lemon trees.
{80915}{80962}You know what? I'm lost now. What does...
{80965}{80990}- Jill...|- Yes?
{80992}{81017}Is going to get me there.
{81019}{81063}Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
{81070}{81103}I just want a shot.
{81105}{81147}- You understand?|- Let's get you a shot.
{81149}{81186}- Right.|- Only way to get you a shot
{81188}{81283}is to have my sister stay|even longer out here,
{81285}{81345}which is amazing news for me.
{81373}{81435}It's so warm to be the holiday season.
{81437}{81521}But thank you.|I really had an amazing time.
{81526}{81560}Too bad you're taking off tonight.
{81572}{81624}L... Well, I have to. He's abusive to me.
{81626}{81687}Not physically,|'cause I would hurt him, but mentally.
{81689}{81744}- And, it's time to go.|- I know.
{81753}{81801}Maybe next time you're...
{81860}{81930}Maybe next time you're here, if you ever...
{81953}{82006}Yes? That's... What? If I ever what?
{82013}{82086}Well, maybe next time you're here, if...
{82110}{82179}Your engine... Your engine seems to be...
{82181}{82242}- It's a diesel truck, I'm guessing, right?|- No.
{82254}{82301}If you ever want to see a movie|or something...
{82303}{82377}Oh, my God. Okay.|Yeah, yeah, yeah, just hold the thought.
{82379}{82420}I have... I have to go!
{82422}{82459}- I have to really go!|- What did I say?
{82461}{82550}No, it's not you, it's the chimichangas!
{82552}{82602}They're making a run for the border!
{82605}{82683}You're throwing chimichanga bombs?
{82698}{82738}Oh! Oh, God!
{82750}{82795}Jill, where were you?
{82836}{82878}She's not talking to us still, I guess.
{82880}{82961}I am not talking to you!|Lam talking to Erin!
{82963}{83027}Erin, I got to go make|some chocolate squirties!
{83029}{83058}Oh, God!
{83060}{83146}Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!|Please get there. Yes.
{83180}{83232}Hey, Jill, can I talk to you for a second?
{83234}{83319}No! My bags are packed|and there's nothing left to...
{83348}{83375}say.
{83398}{83486}I spent the day at Felipe's picnic,|where I finally felt welcome.
{83512}{83551}BY everybody.
{83553}{83626}I tried this new food for|the very first time.
{83726}{83768}I'm guessing Mexican?
{83770}{83860}Yes, Mexican, Mr. Food Detective!
{83862}{83910}And Felipe treated me like a...
{83958}{84034}What, is Evel Knievel|doing wheelies in there?
{84078}{84164}Hey, so I just wanted to talk to you|about last night and everythi
ng, and...
{84194}{84221}Oh, my God.
{84241}{84286}Wow, I...
{84400}{84441}I was thinking about last night
{84443}{84489}and all that stuff you were saying, and...
{84520}{84545}Are you hot or something?
{84549}{84593}I just have to...
{84602}{84647}God Almighty!

{84657}{84719}I would love for you to|stay a few extra days.


{84721}{84748}No, I'm going home.
{84750}{84807}I already told them|to turn my electricity back on.
{84817}{84873}You can't be alone on...
{84875}{84909}You can't be alone on New Year's.
{84911}{84952}Come on, that's just not right.
{84954}{84992}You want me to stay that long?
{84994}{85042}I thought you were going|on your big cruise.
{85071}{85163}Jill, I want you to come
{85222}{85261}on the cruise with us.
{85276}{85342}Pagogo, I can't believe it.|Of course I'll come with you.
{85350}{85427}Thank you!|Yes! I mean, of... You want... Yes!
{85432}{85495}Yes! Oh, my G()d!
{85497}{85571}Poopsie, Poopsie,|we're cruising through Europe!
{85735}{85786}Welcome to Royal Caribbean International.
{85985}{86069}Poopsie, we're not in the Bronx any more.
{86074}{86126}This boat has everything! Oh, my God!
{86128}{86171}- Hello?|- What took you so long to pick up?
{86173}{86223}Jack, Pacino's called here three times.
{86226}{86278}What do you want me to|tell the Dunkin' Donuts people, all right?
{86280}{86333}We got five days, Jack,|to get Scarface or they move on.
{86335}{86368}I know, I know.
{86370}{86439}Oh, my God! There's a pool on a boat?
{86446}{86486}Do you want me|to get Al Pacino on the phone now?
{86494}{86560}Tell Pacino I'll call him|tonight at 5:30, okay?
{86562}{86602}- And just one more thing.|- Yeah, what?
{86613}{86666}God told me your feet were on my desk,|so get them off!
{86860}{86904}All you can eat.
{86906}{86947}Go for it, Poopsie.
{86949}{86980}Have a chocolate bath.
{86982}{87013}Where were you?
{87018}{87052}All right, it's 5:30.
{87054}{87096}- I got to make a call.|- To who?
{87098}{87222}I got one last business call to make and|then that's it for me. I
love you. Be back.
{87298}{87379}Amongst this princely heap, if any here,
{87381}{87418}by false intelligence...
{87495}{87525}Hold me a foe
{87532}{87574}if I unwittingly
{87622}{87720}or in my rage,|committed aught that is hardly borne
{87722}{87818}by any in this princely presence,|I do reconcile
{87855}{87906}myself to his friendly peace.
{87957}{88011}'Tis death to me to be at enmity,
{88017}{88083}and desire all good men's love.
{88085}{88118}Where were you, Popcorn?
{88123}{88157}What do you mean? It's 5:30.
{88159}{88248}No, no, it's 9:30 my time.|I was waiting for you at 5:30.
{88253}{88292}It's four hours the other way.
{88294}{88336}I just... I got confused. I...
{88342}{88376}Okay, whatever, whatever, whatever.
{88378}{88412}What's going on? How's she doing?
{88421}{88481}We're... We're... We're coming along.|That's how we're doing.
{88487}{88523}Coming along?|What does that mean, "coming along"?
{88525}{88593}- What does that mean?|- Come on, wrap it up!
{88599}{88669}It means we're getting there.|We just need a little more time.
{88677}{88728}Put her on the phone.|I want to hear her voice.
{88731}{88760}She's not here right now.
{88762}{88824}This reminds me of that boat movie|with Leonardo.
{88831}{88891}{y:i}- Titanic?|- No, the one with the iceberg.
{88893}{88949}- Who is that?|- That was Poopsie.

{88954}{88986}Why won't you let me talk...


{88988}{89039}Hey, can you...|You got to be quiet. I can't hear him!
{89041}{89088}All right? Please. Please!
{89090}{89142}Yeah, listen, you get me this girl,
{89150}{89218}{y:i}or you don't get that|Dunkaccino commercial, you understand?
{89229}{89263}Don't you know me?
{89280}{89333}Don't you know I would use all my power,
{89335}{89365}all the power I have,
{89367}{89414}to keep a commercial like that|from happening?
{89421}{89448}Don't you know that?
{89454}{89508}Is he seriously breaking out The Godfather?
{89526}{89562}I swear to God, I'm going to cry.
{89566}{89598}Put her on!
{89611}{89651}Put her on!
{89665}{89690}Pacino!
{89692}{89775}Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.|Hang on for a second. I'll put her on
.
{89815}{89840}Hello?
{89850}{89921}Jill, my darling, just to hear your voice.
{89929}{89987}What are they doing?|Why are they trying to keep us apart?
{89994}{90036}Nobody's keeping me apart from anybody.
{90038}{90077}I'm my own person. You remember that.
{90079}{90114}{y:i}I know you're your own person.
{90122}{90152}Nobody's like you.
{90202}{90263}Would you like a little privacy?|I could finish up for you.
{90265}{90289}No, no, it's okay. It's okay.
{90291}{90327}Nobody wants to see you.
{90338}{90378}But thanks, anyway.
{90380}{90407}Jill,
{90421}{90466}can you meet me when you dock in Spain?
{90471}{90522}But what about your Shakespeare show?
{90524}{90553}Don't you have that to do?
{90559}{90590}You kidding? This is L.A.
{90592}{90634}They got Bruce Jenner playing Lord Rivers.
{90687}{90726}Yeah, I don't think so.
{90732}{90765}Darling, put your brother on.
{90767}{90798}{y:i}Okay. Here he is.
{90809}{90835}Hello. Jack's back.
{90841}{90910}Popcorn, we did it! We did it!
{90918}{90951}I'm coming, I'm coming to get her!
{90958}{91015}You're coming to get her?|She just said, "I don't think so," I tho
ught
{91025}{91071}I can smell horny across an ocean.
{91098}{91137}Here's how it's going to go down.
{91139}{91222}9:00 p.m. tomorrow, top deck, portside.
{91227}{91256}I'll be there.
{91310}{91343}Audience, could you tell me where I was?
{91345}{91372}But he, poor soul
{91374}{91436}But he, poor soul
{91438}{91492}by your first order died.
{91500}{91546}{y:i}Good afternoon, passengers.
{91548}{91611}{y:i}Hope you all are enjoying|our Royal Caribbean activities.
{91613}{91655}{y:i}And for those of you|going ashore later,
{91657}{91722}{y:i}we will be arriving|in beautiful Majorca by sunset.
{91726}{91774}Come on, sweetie. Go!
{91776}{91814}Jump! Jump!
{91822}{91876}No, no, she's good.
{91878}{91924}Pagogo, why don't these guys know|how to jump rope?
{91926}{91952}Why didn't you teach them?
{91954}{92006}We were the double dutch kings|in our neighborhood,

{92008}{92050}and these guys can't do a single wing-ding.


{92055}{92086}Daddy, you know how to jump rope?
{92096}{92126}No, I don't know how to jump rope.
{92131}{92204}Your father likes to pretend|his life started in California.
{92206}{92253}We were champs.|Everyone loved us in the neighborhood.
{92255}{92286}Come on, Daddy, please.
{92294}{92322}- No. No, no.|- Bring it over here!
{92326}{92367}CiCi, Rodney, kick it!
{92377}{92426}- Get up here. Get up here.|- I...
{92434}{92481}Do it, do it. Yes!
{92501}{92552}Let's go! Come on!
{92554}{92596}Here's the twin power. Bring it!
{92598}{92633}Oh, my God. Okay.
{92738}{92764}Wow!
{92766}{92795}Do "The Mummy."
{92870}{92902}Come on, turn up the heat.
{92981}{93007}Oh, my God.
{93210}{93244}That was all your father.
{93246}{93304}That was you! You were great, Pokee.
{93308}{93332}Now she's Pokee?
{93334}{93361}She's always been Pokee.
{93364}{93432}I was thinking, tonight, portside,
{93434}{93504}you could go on that deck,|check out the stars,
{93506}{93551}put on something gorgeous,|'cause there might be
{93553}{93595}a handsome surprise waiting for you.
{93597}{93656}Really?|You going to introduce me to my Mr. Right?
{93667}{93706}Maybe.
{93712}{93748}Oh, really?
{93750}{93803}It's not Al Pacino, is it?
{93827}{93864}Why, is it Al Pacino?
{93866}{93898}No, no, it's not.
{93903}{93940}'Cause that would just|hurt me at this point.
{93943}{93973}But it's not, so...
{93980}{94048}Treating me like some sort|of prosti-twin, that's bad.
{94054}{94116}It's not. It's not. It's not.|It's not, all right?
{94124}{94162}All right!|Then why are you getting so angry?
{94164}{94199}Why are you so annoying?
{94201}{94225}- What?|- Jack!
{94227}{94282}Why would you say that?|We were just having fun!
{94284}{94344}We never have fun when you're around!|I'm sorry!
{94346}{94403}- No, no! You... This is you, man!|- Go, go!
{94405}{94436}This is on you! You're out of your mind!
{94438}{94476}- You're out of your mind!|- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
{94594}{94641}Let's see. Pit stain.
{94680}{94707}Pit stain.
{94753}{94784}I don't know what that is.
{94808}{94842}Okay, clean.
{94990}{95056}You tell anybody,|I will fry you up and eat you.
{95088}{95112}Yeah.
{96898}{96987}All right, where is he, man?|He said portside, I'm portside.
{96989}{97037}Where am I supposed to be?
{97073}{97119}Cheesecake!
{97162}{97202}Holy crap!
{97210}{97274}Just climb on the ladder, there!
{97289}{97352}Don't you think maybe|you should land that thing?
{97354}{97395}That would be easier for me!
{97405}{97460}It's safer to hover!
{97466}{97498}Wow!
{97534}{97581}Yeah! Whoa!
{97590}{97640}Xavier, look at her go!

{97850}{97889}I am back!
{97891}{97933}Seorita, I was gone too long?
{97942}{98022}No, not at all.|It's really good to see you again.
{98024}{98098}So, what is different about|you tonight? I don't know.
{98113}{98151}- Nothing.|- No, no, no, no.
{98153}{98199}There's something...|Did you drop some weight?
{98209}{98245}- Maybe that's it. Yeah, I'm looking thinner.|- Yeah,
{98247}{98281}- I think so.|- That's probably what you're seeing.
{98283}{98336}I think you're more feminine or something.
{98338}{98386}A little more... Less muscular.
{98402}{98460}I don't agree, but okay.
{98500}{98539}Gloobledy globble bibbly blop.
{98553}{98603}Blobbledobble... gibbledy blip.
{98605}{98657}Hibbledy globb, shoelace
{98741}{98804}This is the heavy, hard stuff|or how are we doing here?
{98806}{98834}What is this?
{98842}{98905}{y:i}One for the lady. Qu lindo!
{98907}{98936}That's enough for me.
{98938}{98963}Who's Poopsie?
{98965}{99005}I keep hearing, "Poopsie, Poopsie."
{99015}{99051}Poopsie is my bird.
{99091}{99122}I used to raise pigeons.
{99130}{99161}- Really?|- Yeah.
{99166}{99205}No, I'm sorry. That was Brando.
{99301}{99346}- Are you ticklish?|- No.
{99358}{99394}I said I'm not, so...
{99396}{99425}No, no, it's just that
{99430}{99506}Stella Adler, the great acting teacher,|once wrote in a book,
{99514}{99608}the only way you can|really get to know somebody is if you,
{99610}{99672}watch their behavior|when they're being tickled.
{99674}{99702}Would you do me the honor
{99705}{99753}and just lift up those girlie arms?
{99761}{99843}I just haven't shaved under there|in many, many years.
{99846}{99912}- You don't want to see that.|- We're in Europe. It doesn't matter
.
{99914}{99968}I think even here,|they might be, like, "What is that?"
{99970}{100043}No, no, not here. Give me a try.
{100046}{100074}Okay, so, here we go.
{100090}{100119}Oh, my God.
{100121}{100150}Look at us.
{100334}{100382}- All right! Stop it!|- What?
{100463}{100491}What was that?
{100504}{100571}Just... I don't really...|I didn't like that.
{100573}{100604}- I'm sorry.|- That was powerful.
{100606}{100658}And it just came out of you like, "Boom!"
{100753}{100799}You know, what? We're better with just...
{100801}{100847}VVhoa.VVhoa!
{100878}{100921}I don't even know where Jack is right now.
{100923}{100993}He's avoiding me. That's where he is.
{100998}{101026}Can I work in with you guys?
{101044}{101078}- Sure.|- Knock yourself out.
{101090}{101148}I think he hates 'cause I talk so much.
{101150}{101194}It bothers him, you know?
{101205}{101237}But when I'm in the Bronx,
{101239}{101296}I have no one else to talk to but Poopsie,
{101298}{101386}so when I'm around other humans,|I... I tend to blab a lot.
{101391}{101440}- No, you don't.|- I do, I do.
{101442}{101496}Will you throw a couple more 45s on?
{101498}{101541}Erin, he was being so nice to me,
{101543}{101587}and then I had to bring|up the Pacino thing,

{101589}{101618}because... I don't know.


{101620}{101691}I do that. It's just 'cause|I'm insecure, you know?
{101693}{101778}I feel like the only reason|he brought me on this cruise
{101780}{101838}is for some Pacino-related shenanigans
{101840}{101878}and it just gets in my head.
{101880}{101921}He told me he wanted you|to come on this cruise
{101923}{101973}because he didn't|want you to spend your first New Year's Eve
{101975}{102005}without your mom alone.
{102020}{102050}He said that?
{102062}{102086}Yeah.
{102128}{102184}Oh, my God, that means so much to me.
{102190}{102265}Why didn't I use|my twin powers to know that?
{102267}{102328}Do they not work|when you're out of the country?
{102334}{102359}Maybe they don't.
{102366}{102409}That's why he was mad!
{102411}{102478}'Cause he was being good to me, and I...|I did what I did
{102480}{102524}and I'm a jerk, and I have to call him.
{102528}{102584}And I'm gonna|straighten the whole family vacation out,
{102586}{102626}- I promise. This is so cool!|- Push!
{102696}{102742}Push! Push harder!
{102761}{102800}I was pushing it!
{102901}{102929}- Hey!|- Hey!
{102931}{103022}All right! Al Pacino! Al, Al Pacino!
{103029}{103085}- Al Pacino!|- Now you got it!
{103087}{103141}All right, let's have... Here you go!
{103149}{103189}Boom! Yeah!
{103191}{103241}- I always come on the short end of that.|- I'm getting a call.
{103288}{103339}- Hello.|- Hello?
{103341}{103367}Hello?
{103383}{103408}I don't understand.
{103410}{103455}Are you mocking my voice right now?
{103458}{103488}No, no, no, I'm not.
{103490}{103528}I... I can't talk right now.
{103537}{103598}Okay, don't talk, then. Just listen.
{103607}{103681}I just want to tell you I'm sorry.
{103683}{103756}I'm... I'm the reason|we're fighting right now.
{103758}{103808}And... And I never thank you enough
{103810}{103874}for doing all you do for me, so thank you.
{103879}{103906}- Who is that, your brother?|- Yeah.
{103922}{103948}Who is that, Jack?
{103952}{103993}That's... It's... It's nobody!
{103995}{104088}Hey, Popcorn, we're having fun here!
{104107}{104144}Are you with Al Pacino?
{104147}{104201}No, no, I'm not! I just...
{104203}{104248}I said I can't talk right now, weirdo!
{104263}{104326}Please tell me you're not doing|what I think you're doing.
{104336}{104398}I said I can't talk, so I'm hanging up!
{104400}{104479}Jack, speak in your regular voice|or I'll know the real reason
{104481}{104522}why you brought me on this cruise.
{104530}{104590}I can't always do what you want|when you want it! Bye!
{105440}{105484}I mean, come on!
{105522}{105567}Hey, what's Popcorn's problem?
{105575}{105641}Mayor Mc: Cheesy doesn't|like his new script?
{105644}{105697}Get over yourself.
{105699}{105754}My brother's very good at what he does.
{105758}{105814}He's going to write a book|one day, you'll see.
{105816}{105871}Yes, he's an author.|I forgot, that's right.
{105873}{105943}He's got a whole novel in him|about Desenex foot powder.
{105978}{106008}So funny.
{106010}{106036}Okay.

{106039}{106066}Yes.
{106069}{106154}That's the Bronx girl coming back.
{106158}{106246}Now, you take back|what you said about Pagogo!
{106251}{106290}Go ahead, do it.
{106294}{106324}Defend the honor
{106326}{106413}of that self-deluded,|sycophantic, bitter hack.
{106546}{106592}- Are you okay?|- Get off of me.
{106601}{106629}- Okay.|- It's not okay.
{106634}{106664}I'm sorry.
{106666}{106692}I know... What could I do?
{106694}{106730}You know, you had that...
{106732}{106769}You had a broken bottle|and were coming at me.
{106771}{106800}Yeah, yeah, well, get away from me.
{106802}{106835}- All right.|- Just let me breathe for a second.
{106837}{106884}- I just...|- I need my own space.
{106891}{106921}- Back up.|- Okay, all right, I'm backing up.
{106923}{106954}- Back up!|- All right!
{106956}{106991}- Oh, geez. Hey...|- You don't hit a girl
{106993}{107030}with a chair on the first date!
{107041}{107153}It's amazing the way you stick up|for your brother. It's just...
{107155}{107228}Well, I got to do that.|Don't I at least owe him that?
{107230}{107300}'Cause all I ever do is take things|from him and ruin things and
...
{107302}{107334}Well, that's his point of view, you know.
{107336}{107405}I mean, that's the way|he makes you see yourself.
{107426}{107454}You want to know what I see?
{107461}{107489}Yes, I want to know what you see.
{107491}{107525}You can get any girl in the world,
{107527}{107553}and why would you want me?
{107555}{107589}Answer that. It makes no sense.
{107636}{107713}Well, I see an angel with a broken wing.
{107726}{107824}I see a brother who all he got all his life|was everything.
{107830}{107887}All the glory, all the accolades,
{107902}{107940}everything since they were two.
{107962}{108094}I... I see a girl who wants recognition
{108110}{108153}but just never gets it,
{108155}{108214}yet she has a heart so big,
{108243}{108277}she finds happiness
{108310}{108351}in seeing her brother receive it all.
{108390}{108463}Yeah, yeah, but come on,|aren't I a pain in the butt?
{108465}{108529}I mean, don't I annoy everybody?
{108542}{108588}You got so much love in you, Jill,
{108590}{108646}so much to give.
{108659}{108722}You just need someone to give it to.
{108815}{108882}{y:i}To dream
{108949}{109002}{y:i}The impossible dream
{109058}{109102}{y:i}To fight
{109123}{109206}{y:i}The unbeatable foe
{109221}{109364}{y:i}To bear with unbearable sorrow
{109373}{109403}Dulcinea.
{109411}{109454}Dulci-what-a?
{109456}{109541}You are Dulcinea|from the Broadway play they offered me
{109552}{109650}and I am the Man of La Mancha.
{109685}{109714}You got me there.
{109720}{109763}I'm taking the part!
{109765}{109797}What about my brother?
{109799}{109855}What do I do? What do I say?
{109858}{109888}Your brother.
{109890}{109948}I don't know|there's much you can do about him.
{109950}{109977}I mean, not that he doesn't love you.

{109979}{110056}He loves you, I'm sure,|but it's a kind of deathbed love,


{110063}{110134}the kind of love|he'll look back on when it's too late.
{110140}{110208}- Hey, listen, I'm gonna do Man of La Mancha.|- No, no, no, I go
t to fix it.
{110210}{110276}I got to fix it now, now I got to fix it.
{110278}{110303}Hey, where are you going?
{110305}{110334}Back to the ship.
{110338}{110404}Would you stay if I did|your brother's commercial?
{110406}{110443}The heck with that commercial.
{110445}{110492}I'm going to see my womb-mate.
{110562}{110636}{y:i}- Come on, come on, pick up the phone.|- You have reached t
he voice mailbox of...
{110638}{110685}{y:i}What is this? How do you...
{110687}{110729}{y:i}To leave a voice message, press one.
{110731}{110761}Oh, God.
{110790}{110817}Jill!
{110846}{110896}Jill, open up!
{110898}{110934}Jack?
{110936}{110967}What are you wearing?
{111000}{111046}You were with Al Pacino, weren't you?
{111075}{111126}Wow, you're good.
{111134}{111164}Jill was right.
{111166}{111202}You are a weirdo.
{111205}{111238}I know I am.
{111246}{111280}Where is she? Where's Jill?
{111290}{111360}She went home, and now I know why.
{111387}{111423}She went home?
{111469}{111532}God, what am I going to do?
{112094}{112165}Happy New Year!
{112569}{112691}Going in alone is fine, Mom,|and I'm not alone. I'm with you.
{112982}{113077}Hey, well, guess what, I'm not|wearing underwear. It's New Year'
s Eve.
{113113}{113166}Let's have some fun.
{113266}{113334}Yo, you guys. Is that Jill Sadelstein?
{113364}{113437}She was absolutely|the biggest loser in our high school.
{113439}{113526}I mean, didn't she marry that|bird and move to the jungle?
{113539}{113608}OMG, she's here alone tonight.
{113610}{113662}The loserness continues.
{113725}{113756}Hey, Jill.
{113775}{113824}Hey! Happy New Year, guys.
{113826}{113862}Where you been hiding, hon?
{113869}{113958}I was visiting my brother|for Thanksgiving, and he...
{113960}{114025}I just decided to stay out there|with him for a while.
{114030}{114083}Yeah, he must have loved that.
{114101}{114186}For your information, Carol,|he begged me to stay,
{114188}{114255}but I'm just too exhausted|from being on game shows
{114257}{114309}and dating movie stars.
{114311}{114378}Oh, who'd you hook up|with, Rob Schneider?
{114398}{114427}I like him.
{114432}{114470}God, you're hot.
{114484}{114524}You know, I don't like to kiss and tell,
{114526}{114615}but I was with Sir Al Pacino|for a whole night.
{114624}{114723}Honey, it must not have worked out|since you're all alone tonigh
t.
{114725}{114753}- Yeah.|- Aren't you?
{114755}{114796}She's not alone.
{114804}{114843}She's with her family.
{114851}{114894}- Jack?|- Jill.
{114900}{114934}What are you doing here?
{114936}{114968}That's Jack.

{114970}{115021}I just... I realized


{115038}{115099}there's something|that I want to tell you so much.
{115101}{115166}I just... I don't know how to say...
{115205}{115231}What?
{115258}{115340}Ook maga do do, Pokee.
{115346}{115373}Oh, my God.
{115375}{115478}Ook maga do do blarda, blarda, blarda.
{115489}{115582}Mama Pandoree|bon Papa Pandoree long bada-bada.
{115600}{115652}Bada-Bada, I know.
{115658}{115702}Pagogo Tu lray
{115704}{115756}Nah ee Pokee Para mee.
{115822}{115866}But most important,
{115886}{115914}Bongi
{115946}{116000}Bongi que Mahjongee.
{116025}{116086}Of course, I love those guys.
{116088}{116181}Bongi para rumpernickel pumpernickel.
{116192}{116244}That's freaking beautiful.
{116246}{116295}It's just... Just beautiful.
{116302}{116334}Para Kaya!
{116382}{116422}Ook maga do do.
{116440}{116516}Coodlee me, coodlee me.
{116540}{116652}I'm so happy, so happy.
{116654}{116682}Thank you.
{116806}{116854}So, what, are you, like, his wife?
{116856}{116892}Is that Monica?
{116894}{116948}Yeah. Hi, I'm Erin. Nice to meet you.
{116967}{117025}Well, I guess he settled for second best.
{117033}{117119}Because I dumped|his sorry butt in high school.
{117141}{117176}Yes, I did.
{117182}{117207}Don't worry, Erin.
{117209}{117255}They used to call her "The Cheese Tray"
{117257}{117308}'cause she got|passed around at all the parties.
{117364}{117430}- Oh, we're getting busy.|- I'm right here.
{117456}{117491}What are you doing?
{117550}{117581}What did I do?
{117584}{117620}Don't you touch my sister-in-law.
{117623}{117665}Knock her out, Jill, knock her out!
{117696}{117730}Ch, my God! You okay?
{117854}{117886}Muleteers!
{117927}{117970}Prepare to do battle.
{118007}{118068}Oh, my God, is that Colonel Sanders?
{118085}{118152}Al, what is this?|Why do you look like that?
{118154}{118201}He's doing Man of La Mancha now,
{118203}{118240}so he always stays in character.
{118250}{118276}Milady.
{118278}{118336}Al, I'm so sorry.
{118338}{118403}I thought I made it clear,|we're not meant to be.
{118414}{118450}Pokee, Klapa!
{118516}{118554}It's not you, it's me.
{118556}{118599}- Dulcinea.|- Yes?
{118610}{118703}Your purity befits a knight|more worthy than I.
{118721}{118799}Go to him. He waits for you.
{118843}{118880}Pagogo, where's the knight?
{118882}{118928}You'll just have to see, Jill, come on.
{118930}{118971}There's a knight?|Oh, my God, there's a knight?
{118973}{119028}- Yeah, yeah.|- There's a knight! There's a knight!
{119062}{119107}It's a foul monster!
{119137}{119173}Al, that's a ceiling fan.
{119175}{119283}No, it's a whirling, five-arm beast.
{119310}{119372}What is this? What?

{119480}{119518}- She's going to show up.|- What the...


{119526}{119574}Felipe, what is this?
{119586}{119644}I don't understand. What is going on here?
{119650}{119713}What is happening? What...
{119716}{119769}Felipe, how did you do this?
{119789}{119830}- What? This is...|- Jill.
{119832}{119866}Hi, guys, hi.
{119868}{119910}What are you doing here?
{119924}{119962}Jill, before you left,
{120002}{120056}what I was trying to tell you,
{120058}{120126}while you were dropping|chimichanga bombs...
{120131}{120182}That was awful, I'm sorry.
{120202}{120252}Is that you make me feel like,
{120254}{120329}like I just climbed out|of the trunk of my cousin's car
{120331}{120429}after driving 1,100 miles|across the border.
{120453}{120478}Huh?
{120486}{120525}I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
{120558}{120599}I was going to say,|"He's ruining the mood," but...
{120601}{120625}Yeah.
{120639}{120670}But not about you.
{120703}{120730}What?
{120744}{120818}I love you, Jill. I love you.
{120859}{120906}- You love me?|- Yeah, I love you.
{120908}{120940}Somebody loves me.
{120949}{120983}I love you, Jill.
{120985}{121049}Will you convert to Judaism for me?
{121069}{121135}- What?|- I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
{121137}{121172}Oh, Felipe!
{121174}{121204}I love you, Jill.
{121206}{121246}All right, all right, he said he loved you.
{121248}{121294}Don't kill him! Come on!
{121296}{121324}I love you.
{121334}{121374}What are you doing?
{121398}{121440}Jack, jump in here and lay with me.
{121442}{121496}- Lay with me.|- Oh, just lay with Felipe.
{121498}{121529}Can't you do that?
{121536}{121590}{y:i}Something's brewing at D'in' D.
{121638}{121662}Wow!
{121664}{121691}Al Pacino!
{121693}{121754}It's not Al any more, it's Dunk.
{121764}{121797}Dunk Accino?
{121799}{121836}Don't mind if I do.
{121838}{121896}{y:i}- What's my name?|- Dunkaccino
{121898}{121958}{y:i}- It's a whole new game|- Dunkaccino
{121960}{122015}{y:i}You want creamy goodness|I'm your friend
{122017}{122067}{y:i}Say hello to my chocolate blend
{122075}{122124}{y:i}Attica, hoo-wah, latte lite
{122133}{122180}{y:i}This whole trial is out of sight
{122187}{122240}{y:i}They pulled me back in|with hazelnut, too
{122248}{122297}{y:i}Caramel swirl...|I know it was you
{122305}{122361}{y:i}Everyone wants my Dunkaccino
{122363}{122414}{y:i}Can't get enough of my Dunkaccino
{122421}{122476}{y:i}Kids from seven to seventeen-0
{122478}{122532}{y:i}Lining up for my Dunkaccino
{122534}{122588}{y:i}- What's my name?|- Dunkaccino
{122590}{122647}{y:i}A-Dunka-Dunka|Dunka-Dunka-Dunkaccino
{122726}{122785}And, boom, there you have it.|It's actually 32 seconds,
{122787}{122813}so I got to lose two seconds.
{122815}{122856}Maybe you can tell me what,|what part you would lose,
{122858}{122914}but I think we are getting there.

{122946}{122974}Burn this.
{123005}{123034}I'm sorry?
{123065}{123163}This must never be seen by anyone.
{123172}{123235}If you didn't like all those close-ups,|we can...
{123237}{123291}This is not the final cut.|There's no doubt, we can...
{123293}{123326}All copies.
{123377}{123405}Destroy them.
{123407}{123445}- You want me to play it again?|- Has anybody seen this?
{123447}{123480}Nobody has seen this.
{123482}{123529}They have to be found and talked to.
{123531}{123591}All right, to be honest, I showed my wife.
{123593}{123662}- She couldn't believe...|- No good, no good.
{123684}{123735}So I used to be fatter,|and so what he would do...
{123737}{123779}Picture him way bigger, like...
{123781}{123836}So what would happen is|we'd get together on Thanksgiving.
{123838}{123873}He'd kind of gather the family around,
{123875}{123930}and so I would have to go,
{123943}{123999}"This is me before Ultra Slim Fast."
{124001}{124041}"And this is me now!"
{124043}{124099}And everybody would laugh at him|and he'd go cry in the other ro
om.
{124108}{124160}I'm Larry, this is my brother Dave.
{124162}{124238}We used to be triplets,|but he ate the other one.
{124261}{124295}Let me tell you, I don't|really like getting
{124297}{124332}into fights with him because I really...
{124334}{124402}I don't like closing my fist on him,|so when we get into fights,
{124404}{124440}we look like sissies|when we fight each other.
{124442}{124485}You know, 'cause I don't really like...
{124487}{124555}It's kind of that...|The schoolyard fight when you see two girls
.
{124745}{124776}She's my baby girl, she knows that.
{124778}{124816}We're like a husband-and-wife relationship.
{124818}{124856}- We fight and then we come together.|- That's sick, okay?
{124858}{124893}- I mean, not in a sick way.|- You shouldn't say that
{124895}{124934}- like that, that's sick.|- Not in a sick way.
{124946}{124985}I don't like my brother.
{124987}{125053}I have a deep, intense|dislike for my brother.
{125055}{125083}He's a bad guy.
{125090}{125119}I know what the problem is.
{125121}{125180}He didn't say anything about it, did he?
{125182}{125270}He don't like the mustache|'cause he can't grow one.
{125282}{125348}Well, usually, when we celebrate a|birthday, usually it's more t
han one cake.
{125350}{125373}- It's four cakes.|- It's usually four.
{125375}{125404}- Yeah.|- It's usually four cakes.
{125406}{125459}There's right hand,|left hand, right hand, left hand.
{125461}{125523}Or one for me and one for him|and two for his girlfriend.
{125525}{125550}Yeah, yeah.
{125554}{125579}She was actually living in L.A.
{125581}{125636}And I was in Kentucky|doing the race at that moment.
{125638}{125668}- I was tired.|- Yeah.
{125670}{125696}'Cause I did not train properly.
{125698}{125727}And I started feeling, like, these pains
{125729}{125772}or something like that,|and it was, like, weird, so...
{125774}{125808}- So, yeah.|- I mean, that's my part of,
{125810}{125854}like, ESPN or ESP.
{125856}{125883}- Whatever it's called.|- It's ESP.
{125885}{125933}- Okay, whatever.|- ESPN is the network for sports.
{126057}{126090}You figure it out.
{126097}{126136}Well, you know, I'm married, so...

{126138}{126164}Yeah, we don't have girl issues.


{126166}{126234}Yeah, well, I... Sometimes, though,|I do try to hook him up with
someone.
{126236}{126262}I mean, if they come up to me
{126264}{126320}and they're like, they like me,|I'm like, "Oh, sorry,"
{126322}{126376}and then I'm like,|"Hey, look at this guy, though."
{126378}{126461}And so, I mean,|he's kind of like the backup twin.
{126463}{126494}I don't care, I take it.
{126496}{126567}I said, "Look, dude, I don't think I can...|I don't think I can
go on this date,"
{126569}{126615}"but I can't, can't break the date."
{126617}{126702}"'Cause, you know, it's got to happen,|it's got to happen tonigh
t."
{126704}{126757}- I said, "Well, Rog, you know..."|- You said... What'd you tell
me?
{126759}{126800}"How does the girl look?|How does she look?"
{126802}{126835}I said, "Dude, she's a 10, she's hot."
{126837}{126872}- "She's hot?"|- "She's hot."
{126886}{126914}I said, "Well, you know, send me."
{126916}{126999}"I'll put her on ice for|the night, you know."
{127001}{127055}"Send me out, I'll make sure|everything's good for you,"
{127057}{127105}"you know, and you'll be|good to go next week."
{127107}{127143}- So I did.|- He went out with the girl.
{127145}{127170}It was smooth, right?
{127172}{127217}I think she fell in love|with him on the first date.
{127219}{127273}What's funny is,|my brother ended up dating this girl
{127275}{127309}for, like, four...|What, like three and a half years?
{127311}{127336}Yeah, it was like three and a half years.
{127338}{127402}She never knew we switched|on the very first date.
{127404}{127455}She said, "The best time of|my life was the first date."
{127457}{127511}- There you go.|- I was like, "Oh, come on."
{127518}{127576}Growing up with long hair, full Afros.
{127578}{127648}Oh, yeah, fine, with some platform shoes,
{127650}{127722}something you'd remember.|You stole my good pair.
{127739}{127806}All right, let's move, let's move.
{128438}{128513}The best thing about|being twins is, when I fall,
{128515}{128592}when I feel sad,|Elijah just picks me right back up
{128594}{128647}and that's just helpful to me.
{128675}{128712}- Love my twin.|- Love my twin.
{128775}{128808}- Love you, sis.|- Love you.
{128870}{128895}I love us.
{128996}{129028}You smell.
{129046}{129099}- I love this guy.|- I can't imagine life without my brother.
{129138}{129191}- But we love each other.|- Yeah, but we love each other, right,
okay.
{129200}{129238}You're my only friend.
{129258}{129297}That's so sad.
{129299}{129331}- It was cool, man.|- I love my brother.
{129333}{129365}I love you, man.
{129371}{129422}No matter how bad he is,|no matter what he does wrong,
{129424}{129463}he's still my brother|and he's still number one.
{129592}{129622}Without a twin
{129626}{129650}you're useless.
{129652}{129684}- We're good to go.|- Triplets? No.
{129686}{129726}- No.|- Nasty, ugly.
{129766}{129796}- No, done.|- No, we're done.
{129798}{129822}- Twins.|- Yes.
{129824}{129856}- Keep 'em.|- Let's go.
{130247}{130294}I got to get this pin...
{130342}{130414}.:: Napisy24 - Nowy Wymiar Napisw ::.|Napisy24.pl

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