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AT THE DOCTORS

CALORIE-CUTTING DIET
DOCTOR: You are having a serious overweight problem, madam. And if you want to put down weight, you must eep a severe !alorie"!utting diet. #o $ advise you to !ut the !alories down to around %&& a day. 'AT$()T: *hat does it mean+ Can you be more spe!ifi!, Do!tor+ DOCTOR: *ell, $ mean you must eat only lean meat, toast and fruit. + 'AT$()T: ,efore meals, Do!tor, or after+

calorie-cutting diet to put down weight lean meat

!ur- de sl-bire a sl-bi !arne slab-

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT

You are too fat, madam. You ought to try losing weight be!ause obesity is very dangerous for your health. You run the ris of getting heart diseases. './0' .ADY 1lamentably2: $ now it 3uite well, do!tor, but $ am unable to follow any diet. $4m su!h a glutton that $ !an4t help eating5 $ really don4t now what to do be!ause of my vora!ious appetite. $4m afraid $4m suffering from bulimia. Could you help me, do!tor+ DOCTOR: *ell then, here4s my advi!e for you: eat as mu!h as you li e 6 7ust don4t swallow it. plump lady to lose weight lamentably cant help eating
:

DOCTOR:

doamn- durdulie a sl-bi v-i!-rindu"se nu pot s- m- ab8in s- nu m-n9n!

TOUCHING THE SORE SPOT


DOCTOR: Tell your wife not to worry about her deafness, as it is only an indi!ation of advan!ed years. 0R. ;RA)T: 0y dear do!tor, tell her yourself, please.

touching the sore spot ad!anced years

ating9nd pun!tul neraalgi! v9rst9 <naintat-

THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT

$ shall have to forbid you smo ing, drin ing, playing billiards, and eeping late hours. 'AT$()T: $ see, my wife has !ome to see you this morning. there can be no doubt to "eep late hours nu <n!ape ni!i o <ndoiala avea obi!eiul de a se !ul!a >a veni t9r?iu a!as-

'=Y#$C$A):

HE IS AS GOOD AS DEAD

Patrick had an a!!ident in the street. =e was no! ed down by a bus, and !arried home. =is wife put him to bed and a do!tor was sent for. *hen the do!tor arrived, he e@amined the patient: his head, his !hest, his limbs, he listened to his lungs and heart, but 'atri! did not spea a word. Ainally, the do!tor loo ed up and said: B$ thin he is very bad.C BOh5 0y poor husband,C said the wife. BYes, $ am afraid he is very bad, $ thin he is stone"dead.C =earing this, 'atri! said: B$4m not dead, $4m still alive.C B=old your tongue,C his wife replied. The do!tor nows better than you5C he is as good as dead to be "noc"ed down stone-dead a doctor was sent #or hold your tongue$ e !a Di mort a fi dobor9t mort de"a binelea s"a trimis dup- un do!tor ta!i din gur-5

JUST WHAT HE NEEDS !


DOCTOR 1to patient2: You need more e@er!ise, my man. You ought to ta e up 7ogging, or at least wal more, daily. 'AT$()T: That4s really too badF DOCTOR: Oh, no5 On the !ontrary, it will be very good for your shape, you4ll see. 'AT$()T: ,ut $4m a postman, do!tor5

%ust what he needs you need more e&ercise

e@a!t !e"i trebuie ai nevoie de mai mult- miD!are


ITS TOO LATE !

DOCTOR:

$f you give up drin ing and smo ing, you may live seventy years. 'AT$()T: Then, it is too late do!tor. DOCTOR: *hy too late+ 'AT$()T: ,e!ause $4m nearly seventy"three.
NOTHING DOING

You will ta e three tea spoons of that mi@ture every evening before going to bed. 'AT$()T: $ !an4t do that, do!tor. DOCTOR: *hy not+ 'AT$()T: ,e!ause $ have got only two tea spoons at home. nothing doing nimi! de f-!ut

DOCTOR:

NO COMMENT
DOCTOR:

+ 5

This powder is to be ta en every other hour, in hot water. 'AT$()T: =ow am $ to manage, do!tor+ *e have no bathroom. e!ery other hour how am to manage '( F+
%

din dou- <n dou- ore !um o s- m- des!ur!

IT IS NO JESTING MATTER

Voice on telephone: B'lease !ome at on!e, do!tor. 0y little boy has swallowed a ra?or blade5C DOCTOR: Don4t pani!. $4m on my way. ,ut what have you done so far+ GO$C(: $4ve used my ele!tri! ra?or. it is no %esting matter a ra)or blade m on my way so #ar nu"i nimi! de r9s <n asta o lam- de ras vin imediat p9n- a!um

THE HIGHT OF THE TEMPERATURE


0R#. *OOD 1speaking to the doctor over the telephone 2: *ill you !ome to )o.HI, do!tor. *illie has got a temperature. DOCTOR: $s it high+ 0R#. *OOD: Only on the se!ond floor, sir.

IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE


DOCTOR

1after examination2: $ have some good news for you 0iss ,rown, do!tor5 $n that !ase, 0iss ,rown, $ have some bad news for you. asta e !u totul alt!eva, atun!i se s!himb- lu!rurile

0rs. ,rown.
YO/); .ADY: DOCTOR:

it ma"es all the di##erence

PUZZLEMENT
'AT$()T:

$4ve got a pain in my left leg. DOCTOR: Don4t worry. $t4s 7ust old age. 'AT$()T: $n that !ase, why doesn4t my right foot hurt, $4ve had it 7ust as long. !e got a pain in my le#t leg !e had it %ust as long
H

m- doare pi!iorul st9ng <l am tot de at9ta timp

A NULL AND VOID STIMULUS


'#YC=$ATR$#T: $ thin we !ould relieve this apathy and depression of yours a little, by introdu!ing more stimulus into your life. Aor instan!e, what sort of so!ial !onta!ts have you. YO/); 0A) 1gloomily2: Gery few. $ 7ust sit at home most of the time F '#YC=$ATR$#T: You don4t go out with girls+ YO/); 0A): $4m afraid not. '#YC=$ATR$#T: *ouldn4t you li e to+ YO/); 0A): $ !ertainly would5 '#YC=$ATR$#T 1briskly2: Then why on earth don4t you+ YO/); 0A) 1even more gloomily2: 0y wife is against it.

a null and !oid stimulus to sit at home

un stimul nul Di neavanit a fi !a?anier, a sta pe l9ng- !as-

FOR REASONS OF HEALTH

Your husband is suffering from a severe mental illness, madam. You should have arranged for him to see me long ago5 'AT$()T4# *$A( : ,ut, do!tor, when he was in his right mind he wouldn4t see a psy!hiatrist at any pri!e5 #or reasons o# health long ago to be in his right mind at any price din motive de s-n-tate de mult timp a fi <n toate min8ile !u ni!i un pre8 > !hip

'#YC=$ATR$#T:

FLOATING IN A SEA OF DOUBT

B0y do!tor insisted that $ !ame to see you,C the patient told the psy!hiatrist. B;oodness nows whyJ $4m happily married, se!ure in my 7ob, lots of friends, no worries.C B=mmm,C said the psy!hiatrist, rea!hing for his noteboo . BAnd how long have you been li e this+C to #loat in a sea o# doubt

5 + 5 5

a nu Dti !e s- !read-, a fi foarte nedumerit and how long ha!e you been li"e this( Di de !9nd vi se <nt9mpl- asta+
I

IT TAKES ALL SORTS TO MAKE A WORLD

A middle-aged woman entered a psy!hiatrist4s !onsulting room, leading a angaroo. B$4m worried about my husband, do!tor,C she said. B=e eeps thin ing he4s a angaroo5C it ta"es all sorts to ma"e a world mare"i gr-dina lui Dumne?eu

TOTAL CONFUSION

A woman met an old friend in the psy!hiatrist4s waiting room. B*hat a !oin!iden!e5C she !ried. B*e must have a !up of tea together5 Tell me are you !oming or going+C B$f $ new whether $4m !oming or going,C replied her friend sombrely, $ wouldn4t be here, would $+C to "now whether one is coming or going a Dti !e s- fa!iJ a fi !apabil sg9ndeDti limpede

HE STOKE HOME
C=$.D '#YC=$ATR$#T : )ow, $ want you to !lose your eyes and imagine some parti!ular authority figure, let us ta e for e@ample, you lo!al poli!e !onstable. Right+ ,OY: Right. '#YC=$ATR$#T: *ho does he remind you of+ ,OY 1puzzled2: )obody 6 7ust himself. '#YC=$ATR$#T: Come, !ome. Don4t fight it. Are you sure he doesn4t ma e you thin 6 7ust a teeny bit perhaps 6 of your father. ,OY: Yes. Yes 6 very mu!h. '#YC=$ATR$#T 1triumphantly2: $ thought as mu!h5 )ow why do you thin that is+ ,OY: *ell 6 he is my father5

to stri"e home police constable dont #ight it %ust a teeny bit thought as much
K

a lovi > a nimeri <n plin agent de poli8ie nu te <mpotrivi doar foarte pu8in am Dtiut eu

AT THE DOCTORS One day a man rushed into a do!tor4s surgery. The do!tor was busy with another patient, and the do!tor4s assistant as ed the hurried man to wait in the waiting room. The man didn4t listen and wal ed in. B$4m sorry do!tor,C he said, Bbut $ must spea to you urgently.C The do!tor as ed him if he had a temperature and told him to get undressed. #he e@amined him and told him that there was nothing the matter with him. B$ now that, do!tor,C said the man, B$ 7ust !ame to tell you that your house was on fire, but you didn4t give me time to spea .C there was nothing the matter with him nu era bolnav

PRACTICE ALWAYS HELPS


DOCTOR:

You !ough more easily this morning. 'AT$()T: $ have been pra!tising all night.
A FAIR FEE

A lady is at the dentist4s. *hen the do!tor has finished she as s him how mu!h she has to pay. The do!tor tells her the sum. BOh, but this is three times the money you usually ta e5C the lady protests. BYes, madam. You shouted so mu!h that my two other patients have left.C
HES FOUND HIS MATCH
#/R;(O): $f $ !onsidered an operation to be ne!essary, would you have the money to pay for it+ 'AT$()T: .et4s put it the other way, do!torJ if $ didn4t have the money to pay for it, would you !onsider the operation to be ne!essary+

to #ind ones match lets put it the other way

a"Di g-si naDul s- lu-m lu!rurile invers

SHE MISSED HER TIP


L

An old lady is trying to get a !onsultation without paying the fee: BDo!torC, she as s, Bwhat do you do when you have !aught a !old+C B$ snee?e,C the do!tor answers. to miss ones tip to catch a cold a da !hi@, a lua plasa r-!i
THE DOCTORS REVENGE

A do!tor was mu!h annoyed by his patients4 habit to stop him in the street and as him medi!al advi!e free of !harge. At last he de!ided to put a stop to this pra!ti!e. One day a patient stopped him and e@!laimed: BOh, do!tor, $ am so glad to see youJ $4ve su!h a severe pain in !hest.C The do!tor showed great !on!ern and said: B#hut your eyesJ now show me your tongue.C Then he went away, leaving the patient standing in the street with his tongue out. #ree o# charge to put a stop to show great concern gratuit a pune !ap-t a se ar-ta foarte <ngri7orat

KILLING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE

Do!tor, $4m afraid $4ve brought you on a long 7ourney. Oh, don4t worry about that. $ had to visit a neighbour of yours, so $ thought $4d ill two birds with one stone.
DOCTOR:

'AT$()T:

to "ill two birds with one stone

a <mpuD!a doi iepuri dintr"o dat-

IT ISNT WORTH THE TROUBLE

Do!tor, how !an $ live to be a hundred+ ;ive up smo ing, drin ing and going out with women5 'AT$()T: And will $ live a hundred years then+ DOCTOR: )o, but it will seem li e it.
DOCTOR:

'AT$()T:

it isnt worth the trouble to gi!e up no* but it will seem li"e it

nu merit- osteneala a renun8a nu, dar o s- ai impresia !- o str-ieDti

IF RABBITS DRANK

Two days after a leading do!tor announ!ed that whis ey, salads and se@ were the se!rets of long life, a newspaper !arried the following headline: IF RABBITS DRANK, THEY WOULD LIVE FOR EVER.