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2007/2008
Matthew Lee Knowles
1. Take off all of your clothes, put them back on again.
2. Phone a pizza delivery service, ask they if they deliver to the moon.
6. Have a drink in a pub by yourself, you must exit in a way which draws attention to you.
10. Make a journey that lasts between five and ten minutes.
11. Go into a shop and ask a till worker to change any note into equal coinage.
13. In the morning, draw a simple shape on the back of your hand and leave it there fore the whole day.
21. Take a handful of coins and arrange them into similar piles.
23. Masturbate.
25. Eat something which you would normally worry about eating.
28. Watch a previously unseen film and stop it about twenty minutes from the end. Watch the end one week later.
34. Write down something you hate about you, place it in an envelope and post it to yourself.
36. Think about the number seven. Say it aloud six times.
37. Spend some time looking at the lines on the inside of your hand.
41. Silently depress the letter n on a computer keyboard and hold it for twenty seconds.
42. Read a magazine, spend a long time reading the first page, less on the second,
less on the third and keep doing this until you get to the end of the magazine.
43. Hold a hair from your head over a naked flame and let it burn.
45. Say out loud as many colours as you can think of as quickly as possible.
48. Cover as much of you face as you can manage with post-it notes.
49. Give one person a packaged condom, with an elastic band wrapped around it.
50. Wrap yourself and at least one other friend in cling film.
55. Variation: Imagine you are the two year old girl.
63. Tell someone you love them, when you really don’t.
64. Go into a shop and buy something then leave, returning within the next hour to buy the same thing again.
68. Do something that makes fifty-one percent of the people you know happy.
70. Stand on the side of a road, if a car stops to let you cross, kindly refuse and continue standing.
74. Be yourself.
79. Jump so high in the air that you burst through the ozone layer and dance with the stars.
81. Drop a bouncy ball in a large open space and follow it. Repeat as many times as you wish.
82. Pick up an object and place it in one hand. Close both hands. Guess which hand the object is in.
97. Listen.
99. Disconnect a kettle from electricity, flick the boil switch and wait for the water to boil.
111. Fight.
113. Say out loud all the letters of the numbers nought to ten, at the rate of one number per second.
115. Be fabulous.
117. Take a piece of paper, cut out a large section of the middle, place over yours or someone’s head.
120. Open up a jar of something, eat it, clean the jar and fill it with your own excrement.
133. Choose a word for every letter of the alphabet, find a word that rhymes with each word.
Take the first letter of each of the seventy-eight words and arrange into a sentence.
134. Place a chair on a table and place a piece of paper on the chair.
Walk around the table, place another piece of paper on the chair, walk twice around the table,
take one of the pages, screw it up, walk three times around the table.
142. Get on a bike, without your hands touching the actual bike.
145. Touch the material you are reading this sentence from.
146. Comb your own hair, first slowly then speeding up.
150. Use a walking stick, rely and depend totally upon it.
151. Observe what is in front of you, mentally capture it and twist your head as far round as you can.
152. Place your hand over a surface where you can see the resultant shadow.
Hold your hand four centimetres away and very slowly bring it down.
155. Choose any word, say it out loud, making it last for one minute.
156. Construct a hexachordal rotational transposition array and explore the possibilities.
157. Make a stack of coins, as high as you can until it falls over.
162. Extract one of your lungs and a year later, do the same with the other.
167. Have a conversation with another person. Each new sentence must begin with the next consecutive letter of the alphabet.
170. Be.
171. Be not.
172. Listen.
173. Do.
174. Make a line, follow it.
179. Cover one side of a small piece of white paper with enough small/thin lines to eradicate the whiteness.
Display so that both sides are clearly visible, a reminder of peace and unity.
181. Freedom.
182. Tense your entire body as much as possible for seven seconds.
193. Wander.
Write something new for each of the 1440 minutes - you should not sleep.
200. Using chalk, or coloured tape, create a small enclosure around your person: you may never exit this pen.
203. Find the relationship between the following four sets of numbers: 40/73+131/186+262/339+1079/1898
204. Write the word ‘cunt’ in the middle of a piece of paper, surround it with reasons why some find it offensive.
210. Explode as many party poppers as you can at the same time.
211. Stand naked in front of a full length mirror and spend some time looking at yourself.
212. Telephone a friend, preferably a relatively new friend, to tell them the time.
213. Send a large amount of money to a hippopotamus (If you do not know of one, send it to yourself.)
214. Take a sheet of material with the word FLUXUS printed on it; drip a large amount of candle wax on to it.
215. Take four or five medium sized biscuits in your hand and eat as if they were an apple.
221. Photocopy a complete set of piano pieces (Chopin etudes, Beethoven sonatas) and carefully cut out every single bar.
222. Create a profile on an internet networking site. The name should be “Event222/530”
223. Run as fast as you can, for as long as you can, until your breathing is highly erratic.
228. Place your glasses on top of your head; convince yourself they are lost and try to find them.
229. Look around you, find a small cross and focus on it.
230. Think of a word that rhymes with sticker, use it in a sentence about your friends.
231. Look for someone with very long hair; watch what they do.
232. Ask anyone to name any phobia: you must exercise that phobia for a whole day,
or intensely for one hour. If the hour, then the phobia must be intentionally fuelled.
233. Think about how many grains of sand there are in the world.
234. Think about how many blades of grass there are in this world.
236. Make a cup of tea (milk, one sugar) lift the teabag up by the corner, until the bottom section is
about two centimetres from the meniscus of the tea. When it has finished dripping, drop it back in.
237. Make a sound, if you are happy with that sound - make another. Keep going until you make a sound you are unhappy with.
238. Try something for two minutes, if you find it boring try it for four minutes, then eight minutes.
239. Scream.
243. Take the vowels and consonants out of your name, then pronounce it out loud.
244. Using a mobile phone send the following text to at least one person:
“By receiving and reading this text you have performed event #244. Thank you.”
247. Page four: 2006. Page ten: 1950. Page fifteen: 1665. Page eighteen: 1925.
248. Be hypnotised.
249. Imagine all the worse things, creeping in and standing icily around your bed.
252. Enter a restaurant, either alone or with a companion; order nothing. Say very little.
257. Make up a five digit number and say it once a day to a friend, for a week. Do not explain.
258. Acquire a copy of ‘Red on Maroon’ by Mark Rothko and a copy of ‘Rothko Chapel’ by Morton Feldman.
Place a burning candle in front of the print and listen to the music, at nine pm, with the lights off.
261. When on the phone to a business (the bank, phone company, electricity/gas etc) play some hardcore porn in the background.
262. Take a £1 coin, look at the date and add the numbers together, then triple the product. This may be the age you die.
263. Fill a large plastic bottle with water, make tiny holes around the bottom third of the bottle. Suspend it at eye level and watch it empty.
265. See how many sounds you can make with your mouth.
266. Visit an S ‘n’ M club and get involved, as much as you possibly can.
268. In one sitting, listen to pieces of music written in 1600, 1650, 1700 through to 1950 and 2000.
269. Write out the alphabet at a rate of one letter per five seconds.
273. Kick a stranger hard, then apologise profusely and give them a relatively generous sum of money.
278. Plan to go from A to B, use as many buses as you can to achieve your destination.
279. If you see a person wearing glasses, tell them you like their glasses.
If there are no glasses in the equation, tell the person they would look good with glasses.
281. Find a ‘No Entry’ sign and cover up the first four letters and move away.
282. Attend the funeral of someone you never knew and either laugh or cry uncontrollably.
284. Immerse a keyboard instrument in water and freeze. Use a hammer to break away at the ice.
286. Page turn for a pianist, turn the pages too early or not at all. Do not tell the pianist what you plan to do.
287. Variation: Tell the pianist in advance what you plan to do.
292. Watch a stand up comedian, do not copy their jokes and pass them off as your own.
293. Eat something, which is not chewy, but give the impression it is extremely chewy.
294. Go into a gay pub and timidly ask a barman, “is this a gay pub?”
295. Use the word ‘incongruous’ as many times as possible in one day.
297. Give human characteristics to your kettle. How do you feel when it boils?
298. Stop a chugger on the street, make them sign up to your list.
301. Write down ‘Shakespeare’ in as many ways you can think of.
304. Randomly select a month, then date. When the date arrives, stay in bed all day.
307. Place about twenty small dots on a page and draw lines between as few or as many as you like.
308. Tell a joke in extremely bad taste, amongst people you know will not appreciate it.
310. Variation: Laugh uncontrollably throughout telling, so that anyone listening will not hear the joke.
311. Be strict in what you do, restrict what you hate, constrict the blood flow of a loved one.
312. Find two people talking to each other, go and stand near them, unannounced.
316. Take a sheet of card and slowly move it across a burning candle,
without letting the paper get too hot or burn. Declare the paper ‘total art.’
318. Draw any shape, then add any two shapes near it. Turn your page ninety degrees. If it looks like a car do it again, if not, stop.
319. Hold a baby, rock it gently in your arms; if it cries, soothe and calm it to sleep.
320. Fill your mouth with saliva, open your mouth and let it dribble out down your chin.
321. Apply makeup to your face, whilst on a rough train or bus ride: there must be people there to witness you.
326. Three envelopes are numbered one to three. Each should contain a small piece of poetry. Offer three friends to choose one each.
334. Place a thin white object near a yellow line, next to a large red item.
341. Make a crisp sandwich without eating any of the crisps, or licking your finger, before the sandwich is finished.
342. Enter into a competition; if you win you win, if you lose you lose.
343. Give yourself a paper cut, sixty seconds later do it again in exactly the same place.
344. Sing the highest note you can think of then think about the lowest note - but do not sing it.
345. With some friends, form a line, keep checking your watches, stamping your feet and making impatient vocal sounds.
346. A person walks down a street and claps. They observe birds singing, people moving and items being sold.
They ask a question and patiently listen to the answer. They enter a pub or café and order a glass of water,
without drinking it. They leave and find a green area where they sit, stand or kneel -
348. Walk quickly around a group of people in the entrance to a theatre or concert hall.
349. Judge the protein level of a post-biscuit biscuit and if you see fit, eat it.
350. Choose a nationality, different from your own and behave characteristically.
351. Eradicate the world of money, bringing back communication and social interaction.
359. Serve popcorn for free, do not speak, rely on your body language.
361. Keep count of the number of persons who get on and off a bus or tram carriage.
363. Superglue a banknote to the ground, move away - do not stay to watch anyone attempt to pick it up.
364. Touch the persons hair, in front of you, without them realising.
368. If you see a sign that has fallen over, pick it up.
372. Take three to ten different coloured pens, hold them in the hand you are less used to writing
with and spell your full name on a piece of A3 paper. Place this in a public place.
373. Fill a large, strong plastic bag with cans of lager, bottles of whiskey and vodka - and clippings of human hair.
374. Place two chairs together, balance an empty glass bottle between them, stand behind with a hand on both.
Each word should be like a nail being pounded into a coffin of someone not yet dead.
“My fruit bowl is full of flowers, fruit is banned from my fruit bowl, only flowers are allowed in my fruit bowl.”
376. The colour of blood. The colour of money. The colour of heat. The colour of envy. The colour of the sky.
377. Tell a joke about a duck. Now tell a joke about a goat and then a horse. Now tell ten jokes about a duckO
378. Choose two words. Begin chanting one word and slowly, gradually turn the first word into the second.
379. Rub two bricks together, for three to five minutes a day, everyday, for six months.
Have a six month break, then repeat. You may use the same bricks or choose new ones.
380. Work out 100 different positions you can create with one hand.
381. Observe a bottle travelling from side to side on a bus, ship or boat.
382. Go into a supermarket and only buy items that have been reduced in price.
388. Bite the last apple with your blood stained fingers.
389. In a taxi.
390. Place a packet of salt in the middle of a seat. Lift it up, tear a section off, quickly. Replace it.
393. Talk to someone, go red, feel yourself turning red, go even redder, feel yourself turning crimson,
turn a thick, congealed blood colour, feel this happening, walk away.
396. Don’t eat, if you get hungry, don’t eat, if you feel hungry, don’t eat, if you feel hungry, don’t eat, don’t eat, don’t eat.
397. Watch a performance of contemporary dance, with dancing, lighting and original music.
Afterwards, in the bar, make some very intelligent comments about how they did not go well together.
398. You stand in a wasteland, surrounded entirely by nothing. You wait, in a black hole. Time. Time. Time.
In a wasteland, you stand, nothing surrounding you. A black hole. Time time time.
The wasteland surrounds (you are nothing) entirely. The whole black. Timetimetimetimetime.
402. Walk around a town or city, find the letter ‘a’ on a poster or sign and touch it with a finger.
404. Watch Samuel Beckett’s ‘Waiting for Godot’, whilst following the script.
406. Variation: Burn a bible or any other highly religious book in a public place.
407. Run faster than a car trying to outrun a bullet from a gun.
408. Shave off half of your hair from one place (head, genital area, chest etc.)
409. Place a speck of tippex on a two pence coin and leave it in a public place - repeat as you wish.
414. Build a small wall out of bricks and cement, leaving one brick out so there is a hole.
419. In a public place, with not too many people, draw the frame of a game of noughts and crosses on a piece of
paper and show it to someone, offering them a pen without saying anything. If they so wish, play a game.
420. Take a small plastic cup - slowly squeeze the top together, it is your choice whether you break the cup or not.
421. At the beginning of ‘Waiting for Godot’, convince yourself that Godot will actually turn up.
422. Have a new bathroom or kitchen fitted in your house, keep it clean and tidy.
423. Place a car on your eyeball, lift it up. Place a car on top of that car.
Take away the first car and let the second car drop onto your eyeball.
424. Listen to the sound of a door being opened, listen to the sound of a dog barking.
425. Do something which you know will change your outlook on life.
426. Find a person reading a newspaper, draw your attention to the main article header
you can see and imagine a correlation between this title and the reader.
428. Observe two people sat within close proximity. Imagine a bridge linking their knees together.
429. Count the number of people around you at any given point.
432. Detach your legs, give them to someone who might use them better.
433. Open your mouth as wide as you can, remove all your teeth with a pair of pliers, collecting all the blood.
Remove your gums, tongue and lips. Burn your genitals and pour the blood
through the fingers of one hand, reciting the lyrics of any song by the Spice Girls.
434. If other people are waiting behind you, to get off the train - do not press the button to open the door.
436. With four crotchets, four quavers and thirteen demisemiquavers, make a rhythm.
437. Variation: You may include any numbers of rests of any duration at any point.
438. Make a list of ten essay titles. You should not write the essays.
439. In a garden in December, January or February, pour a cup of hot coffee into a plastic bag.
444. Put your fingers into an orange or apple - as you would do with a bowling ball.
445. Collect your inner thoughts onto a piece of paper. Cover it with thick black paint. Look at it as often as you can.
448. Create fire by rubbing a stick into a piece of wood; rotating it quickly in-between your hands.
449. Sit with a friend on a pebble beach, watch the waves turn into the coastline, pummelling the cliffs.
Listen to the birds arguing and the water conversing with the sky. Taste the salty spray in the air.
451. Discuss the subject of ‘adults with child like mentalities’ among a group of equal numbers of men and women.
452. Brush you teeth with an electric toothbrush. After about ten seconds let go of the brush and freeze for at least sixty seconds.
453. Place a hand on a wall, close your eyes, feel around for impurities.
Take time to feel as much as possible and imagine what it might look like.
Listen to a person making a phone call in another room, trying to fill in their silences with your own comments.
455. Using a lamp with an on/off switch in the wire on the floor, trick a friend into thinking you have paranormal abilities.
456. Hold your right thumb as far in your left armpit as possible and stretch out your little finger as much as you can.
457. Be naked in a bed, look at your body and be astounded by the dazzling beauty you see before you.
onto a strip of cling film, for about five to six minutes. After this, wrap up the product using more
cling film and shape into an oblong. Keep this as long as you wish, you can freeze it if you so wish.
460. Cover the surface of a chair with eggs and sit on them.
461. Set off a fire alarm by either holding burning materials underneath or pressing the test button. Enjoy the sound.
462. Two persons in a room. Person A tells person B some very bad news, person B laughs uncontrollably.
Person A repeats the news. Person B calls person A a liar. Person A sits down and repeats the news,
directed into the air. Person B laughs violently, sadistically and uncontrollably and pronounces
Both persons stop suddenly, shake hands and discuss how they think that scene went.
466. Variation: Wear more socks on one foot than the other.
467. Get on a train and get off at the next stop to wait for the next train going in the same direction. Continue
your journey like this until you reach the final destination. Write about what you see, not what you feel.
471. Order and consume a chocolate martini. If you liked it, repeat until you do not like it anymore.
474. Walk for five steps with your hands in your pockets, then an immediate five steps with your right hand out,
down by your side, then a further five steps with your left hand out down by your side.
For the following five steps return your right hand to your pocket and then after another five steps return your
left hand to its starting position. After those twenty-five steps walk freely without counting, then,
when you are ready, repeat with six, seven steps etc until you reach your destination.
475. Observe a man eating a sandwich, a football match, a delivery, a green building,
476. Create two objects, blue and green. Place them against a brown backdrop.
478. Spend time looking at clouds, imagine what they might taste like.
479. Make a very deep hole in the ground, throw some jam in then urinate down it.
480. A person holds their mouth in terror. Whenever they remove their hands, an unbelievable cacophony of horror escapes.
484. Touch your tongue on your top lip, leaving it there as long as you wish.
487. Observe two planes passing diagonally in the sky, creating an x shape with their vapour trails.
488. Walk across a field, pass over a style and walk through another field.
489. A child’s bike, a playground, a bloody mutilated body under the train.
494. Listen out for birds singing, when they are finished, go out and congratulate them and take them out for dinner.
an opera singer strides past, a lawyer cries and darts in and out with blood stained hands.
502. Squeeze a bar of soap in your hand until it turns into a diamond.
504. When you see a bus, separate out the numbers on the front and count up to them in your head (214; 2,1,4; [1,2] [1] [1,2,3,4])
506. Walk into a card shop and buy the least funniest card you can find.
507. Pluck hairs from your body, collect and burn them.
509. In a room, bring everything together into the centre and arrange it in an aesthetically pleasing way.
510. Do A between 09:30 and 09:31. Do B between 09:32 and 09:35. Do C between 09:35 and 09:37.
Do A1 between 09:37 and 9:39. Do C1 between 09:39 and 9:41. Do B1 between 09:41 and 9:44.
Do A1 B1 between 09:44 and 9:45. Do A between 09:45 and 09:50. Do B between 09:50 and 09:55.
512. Fake a heart attack in front of a CCTV camera, if someone comes to help, immediately act fine, as if nothing has happened.
513. Put your fist in your mouth and keep it there until the tide goes out.
514. Train to be a teacher, get a teaching job in a school, be taunted and bullied by the pupils,
do not get paid handsomely, be stressed and worried, feel like you are getting nowhere,
be physically abused by staff and children alike, commit suicide by shooting yourself in the head.
515. Join the army, become an insignificant, become a faulty bullet proof vest, become brainwashed
into thinking that you're providing a wanted and important service, cry and shake at night
feeling guilt for the millions dead through your war, be fooled by governmental glorification,
ruin lives, be shot dead, be sent home in a box, receive a posthumous bravery award made
out of water and rice paper, be forgotten as quickly as the previous day.
do not let them move around in peace, hurt them mentally and physically
creating a vat of pain which will stay with them for their whole lives. Die a long, excruciatingly painful death.
518. Listen to the wind and write down what you learn.
521. In the dust and muck of a white van write, “Don’t clean me!”
522. Set an alarm on your mobile phone to go off when you are underground, answer it like a normal call.
523. If you make someone laugh, they don’t have to pay.
527. Seat yourself in a position to observe passing buses or cars. Make eye contact with passengers.
528. Choose a number between one and eighty-eight. Every time you hear this number you must squawk loudly.
529. Make any one sound in ten minutes and twenty-eight seconds.