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Volume 47 - Issue 18¸ February 26, 2014 theeyeopener.

com @theeyeopener Since 1967

Got Music?
No program? No problem! Students are doing it for themselves. P8

Pay up before you throw up P7

Not a hub of power P3


Wednesday Feb. 26, 2014

See for information on Board Candidates.

Angela ALIMI Stephanie AMYGDALIDIS Vladimir BUBLIK Shelly CAMPBELL Joshua D’CRUZ Martin FOX Noah GEIST Alfred LAM Geoff LOGAN Melissa PALERMO Divya SHARMA Hania SIDDIQUI Joseph VUKOVIC Yannick WALCOTT Tyler WEBB



See for information on Senate candidates.

Voting starts Monday, March 3, 2014, at 8:00 a.m. and is open until Thursday, March 6, 2014, 4:30 p.m. It will be available 24 hours a day with the exception of 2:50 a.m. - 3:40 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time).

Paper Ballot will be used for designated Administrative Staff and Teaching Faculty who do not have access to computers or on a Leave of Absence.


Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014



CESAR president resigns before term ends
Shinae Kim resigns from CESAR’s executive board one day after illegal lockout claims are made
By Ramisha Farooq
Continuing Education Students’ Association at Ryerson (CESAR) President and director of membership Shinae Kim has resigned from her position — one day after the Ontario Labour Relations Board (OLRB) was informed of an alleged illegal lockout. A complaint, which was filed by Canadian Union of Public Employees (CUPE) Feb. 12, alleged that CESAR was engaging in an “unlawful” lockout of its two CUPE 1281 members. The lockout, initiated Sept. 30, was legally resolved Jan. 31 when a new collective bargaining agreement was put into place. However, when CUPE 1281 asked CESAR executives how and when they would return to work, they received no response. They also wrote a number of letters and emails to Kim over the course of two weeks again without receiving any response. The employees also attempted to return to the CESAR office on Feb. 7, only to find the office locked. Upon hearing of CUPE 1281’s application to the OLRB, CESAR’s lawyer, William Hayter, announced Kim’s resignation from the CESAR executive board in a press release sent out Feb. 19. According to a CUPE representative who wished to remain anonymous, the union was unofficially informed of Kim’s resignation Feb. 13. Upon reviewing the application, the OLRB sided with CUPE 1281. The OLRB has said that CESAR should not only provide instructions for employees on how to return to work, but also should provide backpay to employees for the period they were illegally locked out. CUPE 1281 President Saira Chhibber is very pleased with the OLRB verdict. “Our members have been keen to get back to work in order to offer valuable services to students and the OLRB decision is clearly a step in that direction,” Chhibber said. “We hope students will have a more functional and accountable CESAR executive in the near future, as they have in the past.” As Chhibber was never in contact with Kim during the course of the lockout, it’s still unclear what the back-to-work protocol is for the locked out employees. At the time of publication, CUPE 1281 has yet to receive any instructions from other CESAR staff. CESAR locked out its two fulltime workers on Sept. 30 after weeks of unsuccessful discussion between CESAR executives and their staff on the topic of wage increases to a “cost-of-living standard.” One of the two full-time workers had allegedly been on a wage freeze since 2010, but preferred not to be quoted. During the initial negotiation period between the two parties, the two remaining full-time unionized office staff were presented with a choice: either accept a “zero per cent agreement” or face a potential lockout. Threatened with the idea of an unfair labour practices hearing with OLRB, CESAR returned to the bargaining table Jan. 28 after a long hiatus with a new bargaining agreement put in place Jan. 31. Chhibber did not comment specifically regarding Kim’s resignation but hopes CESAR can now move past the lockout. “It’s always the hope that employers act with accountability and in good faith so I hope that we see that with CESAR moving forward,” Chhibber said. Ryerson Students’ Union President Melissa Palermo wasn’t able to make an official comment on Kim’s resignation, but said that it’s important that students be adequately represented. “I hope students are able to re-


Shinae Kim was elected CESAR president in May 2013.

ceive the representation they deserve,” Palermo said. Michael Forbes, manager for media relations at Ryerson, says the university is aware of the issue, but CESAR is a corporation that’s separate from the university and is independent with its own governance structure and bylaws. A source working for CESAR, who wished to remain anonymous, said that Ryerson president Sheldon Levy has been notified. “This is a unique and complicated issue and the university is monitoring the situation with the best interests of our students in mind,” Forbes said.

CESAR’s office remained closed on Tuesday though it is not yet clear why. However, over the past few days, volunteers and a single frontdesk worker were present in the office. CESAR continues to provide members with their services. CUPE 1281 filed the original complaint to the labour board last October. The application was pending until both sides worked out an agreement at the board’s office. Kim has been president since May 2013. Repeated attempts at contacting Hayter and Kim have been made, but both refused to comment.

Sockets suck: where is the power?
Student space is being further limited by the lack of power sources around campus
The Hub is a dining hall, and a space on campus that is commonly used by students to work, study and unwind between classes. All the outlets in the north Hub work. However, the space is regularly used for special events, such as the Involvement Fair hosted by RU Student Life last semester. None of the outlets located on the desktops work — outlets that are specifically meant to be used by students to charge laptops and phones. “A lot of people come to do work here with their electronics and they rely on that,” said first-year nursing student, Baljinder Mann. “If your phone or laptop is dying, you need a power source and the library can be so packed sometimes.” Ryerson has come under fire in the past for the lack of student space provided on campus. They hope to address this problem with the completion of the new Student Learning Centre on Yonge and Gould streets, which is set to open by January 2015. The Ryerson Students’ Union president, Melissa Palermo, said that she has personally encountered outlets that don’t work around campus, such as in classrooms. “I think with a lack of student space, it’s important that students can study where they are. Generally we’re living in a time when folks use electronics to do their schoolwork. It’s important to have access to those things,” she said. Anthony Sistilli and George Badea, both first-year computer engineering students, have sat at the desks where outlets do not work. Sistilli said that he has experienced the outlet problem in the Hub before. He pointed out another outlet he deemed the “culprit” of the last attempt he made to charge his laptop. “It’s terrible,” Sistilli said. “People have work to do and videos to watch.” Badea agreed. “If we come late, there’s no way we’re getting a charge because they’re all taken,” he said. Many programs, such as computer engineering, rely heavily on students’ technology. “I have to charge my laptop and my phone — most of my work is on my laptop, if it dies I won’t be able to finish my work,” Badea said. Campus facilities have received calls and emails regarding the issue and say it can be caused by too many devices being plugged in at once which may cause the breaker on an electrical panel to trip. “We have experienced this type of electrical issue in the past, however, the problem is not chronic,” said Daniel Neri, manager of maintenance and operations via email. Other areas that students have pointed out where outlets have been on the fritz include the engineering building, the ground floor of the Rogers Communication Centre and multiple floors in the library building.

The Eyeopener investigates:


More than half of the power outlets in the Centre Hub cafeteria do not work.

By Sierra Bein
Student space at Ryerson is slim and flawed. More than 50 per cent of outlets in the Centre Hub, a prime student space, don’t work, leaving students more limited than before. After investigating a number of student complaints about the num-

ber of working power outlets, the Eyeopener found that 14 out of the 24 outlets in the Centre Hub cafeteria do not work. The Eyeopener took a phone charger to each visible outlet in the Centre Hub and tested them one by one. The results showed that eight wall outlets, two located on a pillar and on four desks, do not work.



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014

Need Editing Help? I am an experienced copy editor, able to assess and quickly edit student papers for typos, misspellings and syntactical errors. I’ll check that your citations are accurate, and your writing polished. I offer free evaluations and quick turnarounds. Get It Write! Contact: johannaskelly @ 416.483.0809
Editor-in-Chief Sean “Glorious Leader Kim Jong” Tepper News Ramisha “Oppressed” Farooq Dylan “Subservient” FreemanGrist Associate News Sierra “Enslaved” Bein Media Behdad “Shooter” Mahichi Online Lindsay “Surveilence” Boeckl John “Where is He” Shmuel General Manager Liane “General Mao” McLarty Advertising Manager Chris “Money Laundering” Roberts Design Director J.D. “Propagandist” Mowat Intern Army Luke “Secret Police” Peters Jacob “Debt Collector” Dalfen-Brown Vanessa “Copy Editor” Ruperto Contributors Dasha “I LOVE PUGS” Zolota Sydney “Erinaceous” Hamilton Beza “Salopettes” Getachew Tamara Alex “2012” Heck Daniel “Muppets” Melfi Jacob “Tyrotoxism” Cohen Rob “Tilly Talent” Foreman Olivia “HotPlay” McLeod Julianna “U1” Damer Angela “One line queen” Serednicki Keith “The Joker” Capstick LAtifa “Hannibal” Abdin Kayla “Norman Bates” Goodfield Chayonika “Kreuger” Chandra Laura “Terminator” Woodward Emily “Voldemort” Theodore Hanys “Agent Smith” Ahmed Pamela “Juicy J” Johnston Erin “Acid Wash” Hesselink Michael “Slap-that” Grace-Dacosta

Kyle “Easy-A” Edwards Daniel “Rancid” Rocchi Josh “Bad-Ass” Beneteau Daniel “No-Money” Morand


Features Sean “Groveling Loyalist” Wetselaar Biz and Tech Badri “Please Help” Murali Arts and Life Leah “Enforcer of the State” Hansen Sports Shannon “Shackles” Baldwin Communities Nicole “Torture Artist” Schmidt Photo Natalia “Freedom Fighter” Balcerzak Jess “Rebel Commando” Tsang Associate Photo Farnia “Ambassador” Fekri Head Copy Editor Allison “Hasn’t Seen Sun” Tierney Elkin

The Eyeopener is Ryerson’s largest and only independent student newspaper. It is owned and operated by Rye Eye Publishing Inc., a non-profit corporation owned by the students of Ryerson. Our offices are on the second floor of the Student Campus Centre. You can reach us at 416979-5262, at or on Twitter at @theeyeopener



Fun Jake “Diplomatic Immunity” Scott

Back by popular demand, this week’s Annoying Talking Coffee Mug: is PRETTY FUCKING ANNOYED. Look I know this a university and you lot are all: learning, stretching your wings and experimenting with how to apply theoretical to real life. But sweet baby jebuz, what is it with student groups that are the *leadership*? News flash you whiny monkeys, laws are freakin’ laws. They are not based on your ice cream wishes of rainbow sparkling unicorn kittens. And here’s another kicker: they have been around for awhile, hell they are even on the internet! So the next time one of you self-important jackanapes wants to threaten us with lible or defamation it would be super awesome if you knew what the fuck you were talking about. Instead of opening your maw and letting your ignorance slide out for everyone to see.

Join Ayn Rand Institute analyst Rituparna Basu for a discussion and Q&A on why Canada’s medical system is ailing and what’s really needed to fix it.

Rams coach strikes gold for Canada

Tuesday, March 4 at 7PM
Earth Sciences Building, U of T 5 Bancroft Avenue Room ES1050
More details at:


Ryerson’s women’s hockey head coach (back left) won a gold medal as an assistant coach for Canada’s women’s Olympic hockey team in Sochi, Russia. Check out this week for a full Q & A and video with Rye’s gold medalist.

Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014



Psychiatric evidence debated in murder trial
No forensic psychiatric assessment of Farshad Badakhshan will be conducted
By Jake Scott and Dylan Freeman-Grist
A man who plead that mental illness was the reason he killed Ryerson student Carina Petrache has not had an accurate psychiatric assessment, according to Crown attorneys. Farshad Badakhshan stands accused of murdering Petrache in July 2010. Badakhsan admitted in court that he slit Petrache’s throat and stabbed her several times before he proceeded to light both himself and Petrache on fire. Badakhshan is pleading that he is not criminally responsible for his actions due to mental illness. The defence in the case submitted their own psychiatric summary of Badakhshan on Feb. 18, a move that the Crown argues was done intentionally late to confuse the jury on the psychological condition of Badakhshan. The Crown argued that a twomonth break in the case should be granted so a full psychiatric summary can be completed. A full assessment must be completed by a licensed forensic psychiatrist. “This is a case that calls out for a comprehensive assessment,” said lead Crown attorney Jennifer Stanton, noting that the tragic nature of Petrache’s death demanded a thorough understanding of her killer. Stanton noted that Badakhshan has a history of informing friends that he could rely on his mental illness to “get away with anything.” Although Judge Michael Dambrot agreed the defence’s summary was not to be considered a full psychiatric assessment, he denied the Crown’s request, citing that it would be an unnecessary burden on the jury to extend the trial. Dambrot granted only a two-week break in proceedings to allow the Crown to produce a counter to the defence’s psychiatric filing. Stanton argued that the ruling left the Crown with a “spectacularly unrealistic” time frame to counter the defence’s filing. She argued that after an “informal counseling of experts” the earliest the crown could get a forensic psychiatrist to compile a full assessment was April. The trial, which began in January, has seen a medley of forensic experts testify over the past two months as well as residents who lived in the same building as Badakhshan. Witnesses on the stand recounted both Badakhshan and Petrache wrapped in flames in the burning Annex area building. The trial resumes March 3.

Take the Alumni Expo Challenge to win prizes!

CESAR members call election at general meeting
By Sierra Bein
The Continuing Education Students’ Association of Ryerson held their General Members Meeting (GMM) in Oakham House’s Shadd Room on Feb. 25. The meeting went forth without their former president, Shinae Kim, whom officially resigned Feb. 19 after the end of an illegal lockout of two full-time CESAR employees. The situation that CESAR students are left in after Kim’s resignation was the biggest topic of discussion among members attending the meeting. “I went home Friday morning, Shinae calls me — she has resigned,” said Latisha*, a part-time staff student and staff member at CESAR. According to a student speaker, the GMM wasn’t allowed to move forward because not all members were notified that there was a meeting taking place. The meeting wasn’t supposed to proceed because not all potential members were present. Some members present at the meeting want a interim executive board elected immediately. Currently, there are four vacant positions on CESAR’s five-member executive board. A motion was put forth at the meeting proposing that CESAR have an election at the GMM so that vacant positions are filled immediately. However, several members stated that because few students were present, an election wouldn’t be appropriate. The motion carried and the 23 members present initated an election at the GMM. At the time of publication, the election had not concluded. Check out for full coverage.

Alumni Expo
Students Today, Alumni Tomorrow
Celebrate the road to graduation as you become Ryerson alumni
March 5 POD, upper Hub, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. March 10 ENG, 3rd floor, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. March 12 TRSM, 7th floor, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.
get involved • get connected • build your network
@Ryerson_Alumni | | #alumniexpo



Wednesday, Feb. 24, 2014

News Bites
Bouncy castles not so safe, Rye study says
A new Ryerson study shows that children are more likely to get injured in inflatables than on mechanical amusement park rides. According to the study, 42 per cent of amusement park-related injuries took place in inflatables with more than half of the children aged 15 and under. Roller coasters accounted for 20 per cent of injuries. Kathryn Woodcock is a professor at the School of Occupational and Public Health. She says the reason is that mechanical rides are designed with safety in mind while inflatables give the impression of safety. Statistics were collected from 100 hospitals in the U.S. In Canada, amusement park recording is under provincial jurisdiction, so there are no national statistics on amusement park-related injuries. Woodcock says this could change.

Search is on for next viceprovost
John Isbister, Ryerson’s vice-provost of faculty affairs (VPFA) has announced he is stepping down from his position on July 31. As the VPFA for Ryerson, he was responsible for overseeing the school’s strategy in terms of hiring and retaining professors and instructors. He was also in charge of negotiating on behalf of the school on matters involving Ryerson’s collective agreement with faculty. Isbister has been at Ryerson since 2010, moving from a position at Laurentian University as the dean of humanities and social sciences. Mohamed Lachemi, Ryerson’s provost and vice-president academic noted in a press release though Ryerson Today that Isbister would be taking an administrative leave before returning to teach at Ryerson.

Cash for condos
By Farnia Fekri
Ryerson will be receiving up to $1 million in donations from the developer of a downtown condo. The Easton’s Group of Hotels have promised Ryerson $1,000 for every suite sold up to a maxmum of $1 million according to Reetu Gupta, vice-president of sales, marketing and strategic development at the Easton’s Group. Gupta expressed the group’s happiness at contributing to a “beautiful, established university with great history.” “Wealth and success can come and go, but knowledge is the one thing that cannot be taken from you,” Gupta said via email. “We at Easton’s Group genuinely believe this and so supporting Ryerson was a great fit.” Dundas Square Gardens is going to be a 47-storey tower at the corner of Dundas and Jarvis streets, which is scheduled for completion in spring of 2018. The condominium’s proximity to Ryerson University open doors to potential buyers. “To such a large company, a million isn’t a lot,” said first-year civil engineering student Ammar Khan. “But the availability of more scholarships encourages students to work even harder to get that money.”

Toronto developer, Easton’s Group, has agreed to share its profits to help Ryerson expand its faculties


Dundas Square Gardens will be replacing the Hilton Hotel at Dundas and Jarvis streets.

But the entire donation might not be used for scholarships, Adam Kahan, the vice-president of university advancement, said. Kahan said the money will be given to a faculty at Ryerson with a smaller portion being used for scholarships. “The faculty will determine how the money is used,” Kahan said, maintaining that a small amount could be used for scholarships. “We’re still discussing which faculty the money will be given to.”

He said the funding from the Easton’s Group comes with no strings attached, but the CEO and president of Easton’s, Steve Gupta, will have something named after him in honour of the donation. Donations such as these are made frequently. “Every week there are funds from major corporations,” Kahan said. “Every gift is important to the university no matter how small or how large.” The tower will be replacing the Hilton Hotel on Jarvis.


Students addressed in budget
New federal investment for schools may skip over Rye
By Keith Capstick
The federal government announced a new initiative that will see $1.5 billion in research funding over 10 years dedicated to attracting talent and building international networks. The Canada First Research Excellence Fund will distribute funds to Canada’s post-secondary institutions annually, beginning with $50 million in 2015 and capping at a maximum of $200 million in 2024. Ryerson will be able to use any money it receives to improve its educational facilities, purchase new equipment and continue to expand locally and internationally. The initiative also includes a $46-million annual increase in research grants targeting natural sciences and agencies like the Engineering Research Council. “The new Canada First Research Excellence Fund will help our post-secondary institutions become among the world’s best while creating jobs and opportunities and improving the lives of Canadians,” Minister of State Greg Rickford said. The Excellence Fund is part of the federal government’s 2014 federal budget. They hope to bolster the global reputation of the country’s education system. It is still unclear as to how the government plans to divide the money among institutions. Some Ryerson students are worried that larger universities will affect the way that the money is distributed. “I think they should have a distribution plan to allow smaller universities like Ryerson to not get overshadowed by schools like University of Toronto,” said Dana Ongaro, a second-year business management student at Ryerson. “The way this sounds, it seems like they’ll be trying use those big schools to gain a global reputation.” Other students are adamant about the practical implementation of the additional funding. “The money should be given to the unique industry-focused programs that allow students to develop their skills and flourish on a national and international level, regardless of the affluence of the school,” said Steven Duffy, a second-year environmental and urban sustainability student. The 70 per cent of direct funding to universities from federal agencies goes to the the 15 most research-intensive institututions in Canada, 40 per cent of that sum goes to Canada’s top five schools. “Reputation seems to play a big role in the choices students make for school and I wouldn’t want to see that continue,” Duffy said.



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014



Taxi “vomit fee” coming to Toronto
By Kayla Goodfield and Behdad Mahichi
Intoxicated students flail their arms late at night over the weekend, as the roads fill up with cabs throughout the entertainment district. But before even entering a cab, you can now be denied the ride. Ryerson University students, along with all Torontonians, will be facing new regulations on the streets and in the taxis of downtown Toronto. Taxi drivers in the city will soon be allowed to request a $25 “vomit fee” before passengers enter the vehicles. Refusing to pay the fee could result in being barred from a taxi. After a three-year review of Toronto’s taxi industry, city council made the decision on Feb. 19 to keep fares the same, but to add new regulations. “That doesn’t make sense that you would have to give the money upfront,” said first-year photography student Jesse Sarkis. “It should be that the cab driver can charge up to $25 dollars if, and only if, you puke in the cab.” The “vomit fee” law will be implemented on July 1. If requested, the payment must be made up-front in cash or using a debit or credit card before entering the vehicle. Then, if there is no issue, the fee will be refunded to the passenger at the end of the ride. “We are not trying to take money from students, but it’s not fair to us for them to not pay,” said Ashra Bhuiy, 54, a driver for Crown Taxi. Targeted towards intoxicated passengers who vomit in taxis, this payment will assist in cleanup fees. However, some taxi drivers still claim it won’t cover all their losses. “[The fee] is too low. I think, actually, it [should be] around $50,” said Hassan, a driver for Diamond Taxicab. “After that, we have to clean it up and it takes 40–50 minutes to clean.” The reforms aim to create greater stability and trust between the driver and the passenger. There are reported instances where taxis have refused service for short-distance fares, which according to the city bylaw, is illegal. According to CTV News, in 2008, a group of undercover female police officers disguised as clubgoers ran an investigation on this claims. They ended up being refused a ride home because their destination was too close to the Entertainment District. “We, as police, enforce whatever the law has been and we will abide by laws,” said Victor Kwong, Toronto Police media relations officer.

Passengers may now be charged a new fee upon entry if a taxi driver deems it necessary
“But laws still have exemptions and these exemptions are that if the cab driver has fear for safety and not being paid, then they don’t have to pick the customer up. However, it is against the law for a cabbie to turn down a fare that is too short.” “This law is put in place to help give people a safe ride home.” The reforms passed at city hall shed light on an industry that has gone untouched for years. “If I felt like I was going to puke, then I would agree to this payment,” said Davida Houston, a third-year radio and television arts student. “Otherwise it’s just awkward to get the money back from the cab driver, so I would wait for the next cab instead.”

New Taxi Rules
Licensing — The new Toronto Taxicab Licence (TTL) will ease leasing regualtions for backup drivers. Snow tires — Taxis will now be required to install snow tires annually during the months of December through March. Security spoil fee — A $25 deposit can be demanded prior to boarding if the driver is concerned about an accidental mess. The fee will be returned if the passenger does not spoil the cab by the end of the ride. Made-in-Ontario — The city will standardize all Toronto taxi vehicles to be one specific car model, with parts manufactured in Ontario to support the local economy. Accessibility — All taxis must be fully accessible to wheelchairs by 2024.


Reforms passed at city hall for the taxi industry, such as a soiling fee, will be implemented this summer.

Ryerson’s library is now considering letting students pay overdue library fines with PayPal
By Chayonika Chandra
The Ryerson University Library & Archives (RULA) is considering a way to make paying library fines convenient by using PayPal, an online payment service. Currently, RULA accepts Interac, MasterCard, cheques, OneCard and cash payments when fines are paid in person. Payments are also accepted over the phone if students can provide credit card information. “We are currently investigating how other libraries are handling this issue and we are seriously considering setting up an account for the library,” said Kelly Kimberley, head of borrowing and lending services at Ryerson Library. “[However], there’s a lot of work that would go into doing that — more than just setting up a PayPal [account].” Hao Bai, a Ryerson student, voiced her concern about commuting back and forth to pay library fines on SoapBox, an online forum for student ideas. She’d like to see the library consider “some online way to pay the fines,” especially for commuters who live far away and have to come to campus. The library said that they are aware of this popular concern and will be upgrading in the near future. The library currently uses RAMSS as one of the methods of payment, similar to how tuition fees can be paid. The OneCard system doesn’t have the capacity to accept payment online. “We are in the long process of purchasing a new integrated library system, probably in the next couple of years,” Kimberley said. “The new integrated library system would most certainly be chosen based on a number of important things to students but one of them would be to accept online payments of fines.” Final marks can be withheld if fines are not paid by the end of the year. Students who opt to use a PayPal account will be charged a fee for every transaction made. Kimberley said the charge may be passed on to the student, as opposed to the library absorbing the cost. “One of our goals is to serve the majority of the students and the majority of the fines that we collect are usually $0.50. Most people come in person to make the payment because students don’t want to use their credit card over such a small amount.” Kimberley said that if the library were to try to change something right now with their current system, they would use a lot of resources and it would just be a short-term gain. “If we weigh it with our limited resources and what we need to do with them to meet students’ needs, putting that much cash toward online fine-payment isn’t in the majority of students’ best interests.” All funds that the library collects through fines go into a university account. If RULA wants to get its own bank account for its funds, they will need to get university approval first. “Students have to commute down to Ryerson for classes regardless. As a formal institution it is weird for students to pay through a third-party transaction

Library fines making their way online
website. It should formally be on the school records,” said Dorie Chang, a third-year business student. “If there’s a problem with a transaction, [the solution] wouldn’t be secure. Proving the problem could be harder for students.”


Students may soon be able to pay library fines online instead of in person.



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014

t’s early evening on Jan. 25 and there’s a big crowd at the Virgin Mobile Mod Club near College and Ossington streets — around 500 people. Then Mohammed Yassin takes the stage. Yassin’s Ryerson-grown band, Beaudifulhors, lives for live performances, but they don’t usually play venues this size. Yassin steps up in front of his four bandmates and takes the mic centre stage. He does something that has probably been done thousands of times in that exact same spot — tells the audience to pump their fists as the band plays. To his surprise, they do. They all do. “People in the back, back of the room — where all the cool people hang out and don’t do shit — when they were pumping their fists, I was like ‘Oh, okay. We’ve got something here,’” Yassin says. It’s not the first time an audience has gotten into Beaudifulhors’ unusual style of music — a blend of hip hop, rock, funk, jazz and blues, which Yassin has been told to refer to simply as “alternative” — the band’s members pride themselves on their performance skills. But it was the first time Yassin had played a crowd that size, and for him it was a turning point. Today, Yassin says the possibility of a career in the fickle music industry is more real than it’s ever been, something the third-year sociology student would never have expected. Yassin and Beaudifulhors are


By Sean Wetselaar and Dasha Zolota
part of a new wave of Ryerson musicians — connected, driven and talented students who are working towards a music career in unconventional ways. Ryerson may not have the advantage of a formal music program, but that hasn’t stopped the rise of musicians that, by-and-large, have taught themselves everything. Ryerson isn’t the centre of music that the University of Toronto (U of T) or York University might be and its music scene is still in its infancy. But it’s assuredly on its way. he growth in musical groups at Ryerson is due in no small part to the creation of a new campus group — Musicians@Ryerson (M@R), which was founded in fall 2012 to give the school’s musicians a chance to network and play events together. “They made a network, that’s what they did,” Yassin says. “They connected all the artists and I’m finding more and more people that have more and more diverse talents.” Eli Vandersluis, a musician and the founder of M@R, created the student group with the intention of combining the community aspect of school life and the common interest in music. It originally started when the engineering student decided in his second year to start a Facebook group for him and his friends. Since then, through mostly word of mouth, it grew to what is now over 600 members. M@R features two weekly events (an open mic at the Ram in the Rye and either a jam session or industry guest speaker) and acts as an intermediary to help musicians land gigs. “Ryerson is a really culturally diverse university. But unfortunately, there was nothing really towards musicians or music in general,” Vandersluis says. “Sure, there’s a lot towards the arts, journalism, photography, all different types. But there wasn’t really anything for music, so I figured if nothing was going to happen, then I’m going to start this group myself.” n an apartment towards the north end of Dufferin Street, second-year politics and governance student Zack Henderson lays down the bars to a song he’s been working on. Henderson has been working on his first EP since December as a solo artist with a new Toronto label — Dungus Records. Right now, he’s working out of its owner, Dave Silani’s, apartment. It’s the first time Henderson has had the benefit of studio-quality sound in his recordings and when he listens back to what they have, he says it feels like his music has come a long way. like U of T and York, but that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. “It’s a different kind of music scene,” he says. “This is more what you would listen to on your iPod, more original content... Those people [music students] are going to go into something completely different than what people are aiming for here.” But the structure of a formal music faculty has its advantages. Amir Zadegan, a third-year music student at York, says his time there

Though Ryerson isn’t known as a traditional hub for music in th a new generation of campus musicians is looking to shake


Ryerson is a really culturally diverse university. But unfortunately, there was nothing really towards musicians or music in general
Like Yassin, Henderson is largely self-taught, though as a solo artist he’s sometimes even more isolated. He says he had a “lonewolf” mentality in his early days, but today embraces the help of Silani (who’s playing drums on Henderson’s EP) and the like. “You need people to help you,” he says. Henderson says the scene at Ryerson is different than schools has given him a great foundation. This has helped him write songs that are a far cry from York’s focus on classical and jazz. Zadegan sings a mix of R&B and pop that he calls the “singer-songwriter genre.” York’s music program, a fouryear university degree, lets students specialize in one instrument and gives them classical training


Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014

student can complicate the issue. This has been particularly true for Yassin who is involved with the Sociology Student Course Union’s executive along with a new student group — the Poetic Exchange — on top of his studies, Musicians@Ryerson and the band. “It does make it tough,” Yassin says. “This semester in particular is very stressful.” The one exception to this rule may be radio and television arts (RTA), which has a curriculum


ent here, a lot of untapped talent. It’s terrific.” n a slightly ramshackle, fadedred-stone, industrial-style building near Front and Sherbourne streets, Yassin meets with Beaudifulhors. The band meets here once a week at a venue called Rehearsal Factory, which rents out practice rooms for $15–25 per hour. It’s a Sunday, which Yassin likes to take off as a “nothing day,” but lately it’s been the only day everyone is free. Every member of Beaudiful-


I feel [the music scene] is bubbling. We’re all starting to get it, I feel... there’s a lot of talent here, a lot of untapped talent. It’s terrific
that some students integrate into their prospective music careers. One such student is recent RTA graduate Chris Hau, whose most notable work is a viral video of himself singing, playing guitar and surfing at the same time, which was featured in December on Good Morning America. Hau says he was able to create music videos for himself while he was in school, including one that was part of his final-year project. “So [music] didn’t necessarily take a back seat,” he says. “It was a side seat.” Hau says that because he did RTA, he can produce his own videos and create professional quality content himself for a fraction of the price it would normally require. He estimates that he could produce a music video that might cost one of his peers upwards of $5,000 for under $500. “I have no overhead to create my own content, which is amazing,” he says. Ryerson attracts a different kind of musician than the traditional music behemoths, Hau says, with more focus on producers and students that are willing to try to make it on their own steam. But he predicts more and more successful musicians will graduate from RTA. “I think we’ve learned how to do it all ourselves — it’s just time,” he says. “It’s like anything — quality rises to the top.” Hau says that Musicians@Ryerson is a step in the right direction, but that the scene the university community is still developing. “I think it’s really in development,” he says. “I don’t think it’s there yet. I don’t think people feel like there’s music going on.” In the year since Hau graduated, M@R has grown exponentially. Today it has over 600 members, making it one of the largest campus groups at Ryerson. Yassin says that much of Ryerson’s music scene is due to their work. But he agrees that Ryerson’s community has a long way to go. “I feel it’s bubbling,” he says. “We’re all starting to get it, I feel... there’s a lot of talhors is a student, with the exception of keyboardist Sean TrudeauTavara whom recently graduated, and fitting rehearsals (usually three to four hours) into their schedules is a constant challenge. But that doesn’t mean they take any less pleasure in these weekly meetings. They’ve just added a sixth member, Sal Maio on guitar, moving former guitarist and bassist Trudeau-Travara to keyboard and the band is excited about the new sound they’re producing. From the beginning, Beaudifulhors has been a “jam band,” Yassin says, and they get a lot of their new music from random synergy in rehearsal time. “I keep all our recordings,” Yassin says. “So I’ve listened to stuff we did in our first month when we were rehearsing for that first gig and we didn’t even know our name... listening to those days where you’re just jamming and then listening to the jams we had last month, the progression is just incredible.” The future is uncertain for Beaudifulhors — though Yassin and Trudeau-Tavara hope to see an EP release within the year — and Ryerson’s music scene is in a similar position. Yassin hopes one day to see something like a one-day music festival run exclusively from Ryerson acts, but the scene is miles from that point. But compared to the state of music at Ryerson in the recent past, it’s come a long way — musicians are connecting who may never have met and Ryerson groups are increasingly being given opportunities to perform. The band has started headlining monthly showcases at Annette Studios (about a five minute walk from Runneymede station) and since then, they’ve begun getting more attention and playing bigger shows like the one at Mod Club. Yassin says strangers even have started recognizing him occasionally in public. Nothing in the music industry is set in stone and Yassin is the first to admit his eggs aren’t all in one basket but, “With all this stuff coming towards us, it’s like ‘Why not?’”

he post-secondary world, e up the status quo
in it. The first two years of the program cover exhaustive music theory and gradually open up into more specialized courses like jazz guitar or jazz vocal. But Zadegan notes that the program “is really selective in terms of Jazz or classical. And that isn’t necessarily tailored to everyone.” But today’s music industry cares little for the education of a prospective artist and as Yassin notes, “Music theory is great, but it doesn’t get you gigs.” Today’s music students seem more interested in growing their online brands and increasing their presences on social media rather than chord progressions. However, Zadegan says learning traditional chord progressions has helped to teach him good songwriting. “I’m gonna say that the best thing that I’ve been getting out of being in this program is just being around other musicians,” Zadegan says. “You really don’t need to take a course to get into the music industry... If I want to be a lawyer, I need to go to law school. But for music it’s really

just your own experience. Somebody might go to school and be ready to perform and some people might never go to school and just perform around the city until they’ve been at the right place at the right time.”


lege. “That program is great,” he says. “I want to do that after I [am finished at Ryerson].” Dylan Hennessy graduated from the one-year intensive music program at Seneca about a year and a half ago. He says the program differs from other programs because it doesn’t dilly-dally teaching you to be a musician — “They sort of take you with the assumption that you are already a good musician.” The program is split into thirds. The first segment focuses on traditional schooling like theory and songwriting and the next works on business, including instruction on earning grant money to support

I think we’ve learned how to do it all ourselves — it’s just time. It’s like anything — quality rises to the top
York’s community of musicians is well-established and the school hosts regular events on and around campus for the students to get a feel for performing. Zadegan says some of the upper-year classes — like R&B ensemble (in which students get together and create a musical group) ­ — have helped take his singing to the next level. But though York produces students who are experts in their chosen instrument, Yassin says the real strength of music programs lie in teaching students to produce and market their own music — like the independent music production program at Seneca Colyourself as a Canadian musician. The final segment is technical and teaches skills like recording your own music “so you can kind of be an all-in-one kind of package,” Hennessy says. “So that you can do all the jobs that are necessary on your own.” ne of the challenges of the model would-be Ryerson musicians face is the balancing act between their chosen field of study and their extracurricular passions. If an up-and-coming artist’s biggest commodity is the amount of time they can commit to the highly competitive music industry, the lifestyle of a full-time




Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014

Do-it-yourself success in a dress
Third-year graphic communications student earns big by building a brand through YouTube
By Beza Getachew
Third-year graphic communications management student Lauren Riihimaki sits cross-legged on the ground with a black t-shirt spread out in front of her. “Today, I’m going to show you how to make a skull cut-out shirt. All you’ll need is a shirt, scissors and something to draw on it with,” she says. She pulls out a pair of scissors and before long, fabric scraps cover the floor. “Okay — and that’s it,” she says, modeling the final product for her viewers to see. With 142 videos uploaded on YouTube, Riihimaki’s channel, LaurDIY, has accumulated over 12 million hits. A quick YouTube search of the do-it-yourself (DIY) acronym will retrieve countless instructional videos showing viewers how to create various at-home projects. Riihimaki’s DIY tutorials focus mainly on home decor, fashion and beauty. With over 352,000 subscribers, Riihimaki has built up a solid following since she started making videos in 2012. Last year, she signed a contract with the fashion and beauty web video network StyleHaul, which requires her to release at least one video per week. “There’s a huge business side [of YouTube] that no one knows exist — it’s crazy,” Riihimaki says. Riihimaki makes enough money producing videos that she could drop out of school and live comfortably off her earnings. She’s been interested in arts and crafts ever since she was a little girl. It’s a hobby that she never grew out of. “My parents were always buying me a new craft book or kit. That’s what I did in my spare time,” she says. Her channel has opened doors to major opportunities. This past summer, Riihimaki’s videos caught the attention of American magazine, Seventeen. The publication asked her to be one of five college ambassadors for the school year, which entails giving readers monthly tips on beauty, fashion and surviving university. As a former subscriber to Seventeen, the offer came as a surprise to Riihmaki. “I was like, ‘Seventeen is contacting me? Someone from Seventeen actually knows who I am?’ It was a huge shock,” Riihimaki says. With over 35,000 Instagram followers and 10,000 Twitter followers, Riihimaki has utilized social media platforms to successfully create her own personal brand. “I’ve never had a passion like this before,” Riihimaki says.



Lauren Riihimaki makes DIY fashion, beauty and home decor tutorials for YouTube.



Building a better future
Rye engineering students build devices for people with disabilities
By Sydney Hamilton
A group of Ryerson students sit in the campus library with numerous papers and pencils sprawled out in front of them. They review their design plans before heading to the “dungeon” of Kerr Hall — also known as the Engineering Student Design Zone — to begin building devices geared towards helping students with disabilities. The club, Devices for Disabilities, consists of 15 engineering students who meet from week to week to discuss, brainstorm and construct these devices in collaboration with disabled students. “As an engineering student, this is of particular importance [because] our profession is based on serving the community. It is important to give back,” Stephen Jones, an engineering graduate student involved in Devices for Disabilities, said. “The nature of disability can be highly varied, so individuals can benefit significantly from personalized devices.” Edmond Farah, a third-year economics student, started the group at Ryerson less than two years ago in collaboration with Jones. Devices for Disabilities currently caters to a small number of students, but continues to expand. “This was a fantastic opportunity to not only serve the local community, but to help develop and share technical skills within the Ryerson Engineering community,” Farah said. “Not a lot of people know about it yet, [but] it’s growing every day.” The Ryerson club is just one cog in the machine. It’s affiliated with Tetra Society — a group with over 45 chapters across North America that aims to help people with disabilities. The students involved are in the midst of a variety of different projects including creating cup holders for wheelchairs and bags that can attach to walkers. But the club doesn’t just help students with disabilities. It’s also a positive way for engineering students to build their skills and gain experience while paying it forward. “I love the model of this group,” Jones said. “It is an ideal way to improve community involvement and transfer skills amongst technical students.”







Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014



RTA grads team up with Jim Henson Company
Mark Bishop and Matt Hornburg, co-creators of Marblemedia, are serving as executive directors of a new children’s show
first live-action preschool series [in which the] main character is a puppet.” They first started Marblemedia in Bishop’s dining room in 2001. Since then, the company has grown into a successful content creation platform specializing in television and new media production. “We developed it with Marblemedia and after the development was completed, we decided to go forward,” said Patricia Ellingson, TVO’s creative head of children’s and parents’ media. “Now we’re in the various outlines and script stages, as well as casting.” Bishop and Hornburg’s involvement with the production of Hi Opie! began when the Jim Henson Company reached out to marblemedia, said Bishop. The iconic company had been working on the concept with Barbara Slade, a writer for Angelina Ballerina and Rugrats. Bishop first presented Hi Opie! to TVO as a draft concept. The importance of the values highlighted in the show and its relevance to Ontario families is what motivated the station to move forward with the concept, Ellingson said. “The show takes place in a kindergarten and is set up in a way that is based on the new Ontario all-day kindergarten program,” Ellingson said. “It’s really about playbased learning and emphasizes that play is the platform for inquiry and exploration.” The show will emphasize social skills as well as math, science and literacy skills. Learning to share, waiting your turn and communicating feelings are important lessons for children to learn in preparation for Grade 1, according to Ellingson. “All of those things in the allday kindergarten program are really the springboards for the story ideas that you’ll see in the series,” Ellingson said. The Jim Henson Company is creating the expressions and design of Opie from their own production studio. “The process of creating his look with different fabrics and foams, as well as developing his facial expressions, has been a remarkable experience for us,” Bishop said.


The star of Hi Opie! will make his first appearance on screen in the coming year.

By Daniel Melfi
Two radio and television arts alumni have paired up with the creators of the Muppets to produce a new children’s show for TVOntario (TVO). Mark Bishop and Matt Hornburg will serve as executive producers for Hi Opie!, which centres on a five-year-old character named Opie as he enters full-day kindergarten. The show is co-distributed by Marblemedia, the company Bishop and Hornburg co-founded after graduating from Ryerson. According to Bishop, it’s currently in its

pre-production stage. “We are in the midst of designing our set and our writing team is working on creating heartwarming adventures for Opie and his classmates to embark on,” Bishop said. Opie goes through the intellectual and emotional experiences of a child entering full-day kindergarten for the first time. With his realchildren classmates, he takes on the adventure of going to school. “When we were first presented with the premise of Hi Opie!, we instantly knew it was the project for us,” Bishop said. “[It’s] our

A gateway to Ryerson
Design group aims to connect Ryerson’s campus to downtown Toronto
The competition focused on revitalizing areas of Ryerson’s campus that are currently underused. Eight projects were originally entered into the competition, hosted by the crowdsourcing site Projexity. Three projects were chosen as finalists after a public vote. A panel of four judges selected the winning project on Feb. 10. Fourthyear students from the School of Interior Design and the School of Architecture headed the design project, called Urban Gateway. Helen Xie, an architecture student and team member, said the challenge was designing the site in PHOTO COURTESY HELEN XIE a way that respected and celebrated The Urban Gateway redesign aims to the existing bike mural painted on revitalize Ryerson’s Victoria Lane. the side of the Victoria Building. The team worked on creating a By Leah Hansen space that would make the laneway A group of Ryerson students will (which is between Bond and Victobe redesigning the Victoria Lane in ria streets) the centre of attention, the coming months after winning a while strengthening the relationship between the university and the comrevitalization competition. munity. “Ryerson is really part of the city fabric and we were trying to identify what is Ryerson’s identity,” Xie said. “How do you tell when you’re actually on the campus as opposed to when you’re just walking in downtown Toronto?” The team worked on addressing issues such as the safety of the laneway, portrayal Ryerson’s identity, and the promotion of bike use on campus. “Our entire idea is around this concept of connecting the Ryerson campus to the public and creating a gateway to the campus,” Xie said. “We want to encourage more bicycle usage in that laneway and we also want to invite the community into the space and for them to appreciate the innovative side of Ryerson University.” With files from Nicole Schmidt. For the full story, visit



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014

Rye at the Olympics and soon Paralympics
By Pamela Johnston
It’s pretty fair to assume that the majority of Ryerson students spent some of their break watching the Winter Olympics. But before Sunday’s early-morning men’s game, Ryerson gathered to watch the women’s hockey team win gold — all the while cheering on one of their Ramily’s own. Ryerson women’s hockey head coach, Lisa Haley, served as an assistant coach for the Canadian women’s hockey team in Sochi, Russia. “I think it’s pretty cool to be able to say, ‘My coach is over in Sochi… coaching Team Canada,’” Rams goaltender Emma Crawley said. The country watched as the Canadian women’s hockey team stunned the Americans with a 3-2 comeback victory for their fourth consecutive Olympic gold medal. But part of the Ramily got to see the win from behind the bench. “Who can say that they have a coach who went to the Olympics and [won] gold?” Rams team captain Janella Brodett said. A student photographer with the Ryerson Rams, Winston Chow, was also at Sochi — stationed inside the Canadian Olympic House — while business management graduate Leslie Bradshaw was there as part of the International Olympic Committee. Figure skater Kaitlyn Weaver, who finished seventh in the Olympic ice dance with partner Andrew Poje, is also connected to Ryerson. She and Evan Kosiner, a radio and television arts graduate, co-founded the Digital Media Zone startup Skate To Great — a not-for-profit organization that pairs new and used skates and other skating equipment with disadvantaged children and at-risk youth across North America. Although the Winter Games have come to an end, Ryerson will play a part in the Paralympics, which are set to take place March 7–16 in Sochi. Ryan McKenna, a third-year journalism student and writer for the International Paralympic Committee, will be heading to Sochi on March 3. He will be covering ice sledge hockey for the duration of the games. “I’m very excited, but very nervous,” McKenna said. This will be


Many people have been representing the school at Sochi and while the Winter Games are over, Rye at the Paralympics is about to begin
his first time travelling internationally to report on sledge hockey and the furthest he’s ever travelled in general. McKenna has been covering international sledge hockey since February of last year. Although he didn’t know much about the sport before he started the job, he said sledge hockey is something he’s always been interested in. “Honestly it’s exactly like hockey... [but] a lot more fun to watch,” McKenna said. “If you’re looking for a really fast, exciting, hard-nose game, sledge hockey is sometimes even more exciting — if not [always] more exciting — than ablebodied hockey.”


The bronze beauties of figure skating
By Shannon Baldwin
Ryerson’s figure skating team may have won three gold medals at the Ontario University Athletics (OUA) Championships, but it was the team’s bronze medals that made history. In the last 24 years that Ryerson has had a figure skating team, Feb. 14 marked the first time the Rams have medalled for overall performance at the OUA Championships. The two-day-long event was hosted for the first time at the Mattamy Athletic Centre on Feb. 13 and 14. Ryerson medalled in 10 of the 15 categories. Fourth-year retail management student Alysha Gjos won gold for her senior silver solo free skate performance and third-year food and nutrition student Lisa Makeeva won gold in the gold free skate. Makeeva also won a silver medal for her senior similar pairs routine with her partner Katherine Bilinsky, a fourth-year accounting-business management student. Gjos won her second medal by placing silver in intermediate similar pairs free skate with her partner Julia Withers. Second-year new media student Karen Urquhart and first-year public health and safety student Julia Withers also won gold medals for their gold creative dance. Withers is a rookie to the team and this was her first year skating with Urquhart. *Check out for video coverage, photos and in-depth articles about some of these athletes.



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014



Sweet end to a successful three years
Enactus Ryerson concludes three years of developing and implementing entrepreneurial projects in Kenyan village
By Angela Serednicki
After working in Dago, Kenya for three years, Enactus Ryerson will pass the reins of Project Dago to the residents of the village. The student-run organization, which creates and implements business ideas to sustain positive change in the world, will send nine students to Dago in July. The students will ensure that residents are able to sustain five initiatives created by Ryerson. These include a financial literacy workshop, a microloan program, a beekeeping cooperation, a cyber café and solar panels. The project’s co-manager, Heather Norris, said the trip will focus on implementing a plan to ensure community members can take over the programs Enactus created in 2011. “We want to pass on the torch,” she said. Norris said that teaching financial skills is essential because “everyone is an entrepreneur by necessity.” In most families in the area, the men stay home and farm while the women sell the produce. Many

A history of Enactus
2005 – Students In Free Enterprise (SIFE) is formed at Ryerson. A branch of an international non-profit organization, SIFE implements business ideas to create positive change in the world. 2007 – StartMeUp Ryerson is created out of SIFE. This program has helped young entrepreneurs start their businesses through funding, resources and mentoring. 2011 – Project Dago is unveiled. 2012 – SIFE is rebranded as Enactus Ryerson as part of a larger name change. 2014 – Enactus begins Project North. The team will work with a community in Nunavut to build two greenhouses to alleviate high costs of food in the north.


An Enactus Ryerson member assists local Dago women at the cyber café.

residents know short-term financial planning and are eager to learn alternatives. This was the case for Heleda, a widowed mother. After participating in the financial literacy workshop and microloan program, she now runs a successful hair salon. “[I] was a burden to the community but now I can make it by myself,” Heleda said in a pre-recorded interview. She earns enough money to send her kids to school and employ two other workers.

“We target the women because they’re the backbone of the community,” Norris said. So far, 40 microloans have been issued. Ninety per cent of women were able to reissue the full payment of each loan. During a visit, Enactus members noticed village men burning beehives. The students saw the potential of this resource and created the Dago Beekeepers’ Association. The men were given the tools and resources to learn how to bee-

keep, extract, bottle and sell the honey. Once they saw the project’s success, they realized its worth and “changed their thinking to focus on long-term gains,” Norris said. Enactus has also installed solar panels that power the Internet café (also an Enactus project) and the local orphanage. Enactus plans to use Dago as their model for future projects. New expansion plans are not yet finalized, but potential locations include Tanzania and Uganda.


Voice your opinion!
First- and fourth-year students were recently sent an email asking for your participation in an important student survey. The National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE) measures Ryerson’s performance and helps improve the quality of the student experience. Please check your @ryerson email account for my letter and more details. We want to hear from you. This is an opportunity for you to provide input and ensure we have an accurate picture of student life. I urge you to complete the survey promptly. You will join students from universities across Ontario who are also participating in the survey, which focuses on five key characteristics of a university education: • academic challenge • active and collaborative learning • student-faculty interaction • enriching educational experiences • a supportive campus environment

Win an iPad Air!
Complete the survey and you’ll be entered to win one of two iPad Air tablets (32GB Wi-Fi and cellular capable) to be won at Ryerson! Your opinion matters. Thanks in advance to each of you for being part of this exciting initiative.

Sheldon Levy President



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2014

The Little Pugmaid

Another damn ‘doku
Well, reading week was a blur. Please don’t read so loud, my head is pounding! Damn. Anyway, how about a $20 giftcard to... um, Loblaws? Yeah, they have Aspirin and shit. Drop this off in SCC 207 outside the Eyeopener office. Name: Student #: Phone #: Email:

These are based on fact!

By Jake Scott




Voltage Pictures has been watch- Your parents will find that copy of Five-hundred-twenty-five-thouing your downloads and will liti- Love & Sex you keep under your sand-six-hundred minutes. How gate. Seriously, Google it. bed and use it as a “marital aid.” long it takes me to write these. Taurus Virgo Capricorn


A hoard of angry ninjas will track You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Don’t fear the reaper. Fear his you to a remote island and assault Don’t trust them, strangers can be brother, Jeff. That guy is a stoneyou with improper haikus. cold asshole. dangerous. Gemini Libra Aquarius Everyone knows that deep down, you really like Nicolas Cage. Especially Season of the Witch.

The good weather is indicative of Pucker up! Your classroom crush your impending doom. Your sun- wants a smooch, but not on his/ ny, brisk doom. her face. No, nowhere near the face. Cancer Scorpio Every Olympic gold medal win you witnessed will be punctuated by Netflix will mix up the episodes stepping on Legos. for House of Cards and you will watch the finale with no context.

Pisces Venus and Mercury have aligned this month to steal your kidneys.




Wednesday Feb. 26, 2014