THESIS
STATEMENT:
 All
people
have
anger
inside
of
them.
The
challenge
is
to
learn
to
keep
it
 under
control.
Cole
is
banished
to
the
Alaskan
Island
in
order
to
get
his
anger
 under
control.


In
the
novel
Touching
Spirit
Bear,
Ben
Mikaelson
shows
the
 traumatic
journey
Cole
makes
toward
learning
to
control
his
anger.
He
 discovers
his
weakness
after
he
is
mauled
by
the
Spirit
Bear,
truthfulness
 when
he
discards
the
white
fur,
and
control
when
Peter
attacks
him
by
the
 lake.
 
 Attention
Getter
 Transition
 Thesis
Statement
 Forecast
 
 ATTENTION
GETTER:

 
 Option
1:
Cole
Matthews
is
the
angriest
kid
I
know.
(too
conversational)
 
 Option
2:
All
people
have
anger
inside
of
them.
The
challenge
is
to
learn
to
 keep
it
under
control.
(just
right) Option
3:
In
the
novel
Touching
Spirit
Bear
by
Ben
Mikaelson,
Cole
Matthews
 changes
from
being
a
selfish,
angry
teenager
to
an
individual
with
more
self
 control.
(too
formal,
too
much
like
the
thesis)
 
 TRANSITION
INFORMATION:
Serves
as
a
transition/connection
between
the
 attention
getter
to
the
specific
focus
of
the
essay
(the
thesis)
 
 Embedding
Direct
Quotations
(DQ):
 1. Shorten
it
up.
Only
use
what
is
necessary.
NEVER
more
than
a
full
 sentence.
Ideally,
only
a
part
of
a
sentence.

 2. Do
not
put
DQ’s
in
the
topic
sentence.
 3. EMBED
it
in
your
writing.
It
should
be
PART
of
your
own
sentence,
 intermingling
with
you
ideas.
It
should
not
stand
alone
as
its
own
 sentence.


4. Make
sure
the
DQ
is
relevant
to
the
point
you
are
making
and
 connected
to
the
ideas
around
it.
 
 
 
 
 
 EXAMPLES
 
 Body
Paragraph
1:
weakness
after
he
is
mauled
by
the
Spirit
Bear
 
 ORIGINAL:
 After
Cole
is
mauled
by
the
Spirit
Bear,
he
begins
to
see
how
weak
and
 helpless
he
really
is.
He
has
been
injured
so
badly
he
cannot
move
himself
 from
his
location,
nor
can
he
take
care
of
even
the
most
basic
human
needs.
 Alone
and
helpless,
he
soils
himself
because
he
has
no
other
option.
“Finally
 he
gave
up.
An
absolute
and
utter
hopelessness
overwhelmed
him.
He
felt
like
 a
helpless
baby,
not
able
to
roll
away
from
his
own
filth.”

(DQ
is
too
long,
is
not

embedded,
and
has
no
page
#
citation)
As
he
lies
there,
Cole
notices
the
baby
sparrows


that
have
died
in
the
previous
night’s
storm.
“The
sparrows
were
so
frail,
 helpless,
and
innocent.
They
hadn’t
deserved
to
die.
Then
again,
what
right
 did
they
have
to
live?”
(82)
(DQ
is
too
long,
is
not
embedded,
and
is
not
punctuated
correctly)
 Cole
begins
to
see
that
the
birds’
existence
is
part
of
the
circle
of
life
just
like
 his
existence
is
part
of
that
same
circle.
Cole
now
understands
“this
cycle”
(83)

(DQ
is
embedded
and
shortened,
but
page
number
is
in
the
wrong
place.
Should
be
at
the
end
of
the
 sentence)
and
knows
that
he
is
no
different
than
the
sparrows
or
the
trees


around
him.
He
discovers
and
accepts
his
own
weakness
and
vulnerability,
 which
is
the
first
step
in
discovering
control.



 CORRECTED:
 After
Cole
is
mauled
by
the
Spirit
Bear,
he
begins
to
see
how
weak
and
 helpless
he
really
is.
He
has
been
injured
so
badly
he
cannot
move
himself
 from
his
location,
nor
can
he
take
care
of
even
the
most
basic
human
needs.
 Alone
and
with
a
sense
of
“absolute
and
utter
hopelessness,”
he
soils
himself
 because
he
has
no
other
option
(82).
As
he
lies
there,
Cole
notices
the
“frail,
 helpless,
and
innocent”
baby
sparrows
that
have
died
in
the
previous
night’s
 storm
(82).

Cole
begins
to
see
that
the
birds’
existence
is
part
of
the
circle
of
 life
when
he
asks,
“what
right
did
they
have
to
live?”
(82).
Just
like
the
birds,
 Cole’s
own
existence
is
part
of
that
same
circle.
Cole
now
understands
“this
 cycle”
and
knows
that
he
is
no
different
than
the
sparrows
or
the
trees
around
 him
(83).
He
discovers
and
accepts
his
own
weakness
and
vulnerability,
which
 is
the
first
step
in
discovering
control.
 
 Notice
that
the
direct
quotations
are
now
much
shorter.
The
citation
and
 punctuations
have
been
corrected.
Page
numbers
go
at
the
end
of
each
 sentence
regardless
of
where
the
DQ
comes
in
the
sentence.
The
quotation
 marks
comes
at
the
end
of
what
you
copy
from
the
book
whereas
the
period
 goes
AFTER
the
page
number.
Each
DQ
is
embedded
in
the
writing
so
it
is
part
 of
the
argument,
not
just
thrown
in
at
random.
Good
luck!
 
 
 


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