I am my own Lolita

part I

Matthew Lee Knowles October 2009

My life, my loins, my sin, my soul, my arms, I not, my age, I was, my father, I am, my very, I was, my style, I am, my mothers, my fathers, my immediate, me later, my father, I was, me in, my father, I grew, me the, me everybody, me elderly, me like, my father, me expensive, me out, me to, me don, I adored, I overheard, me and, my cheerful, I attended, I played, I can, my thirteenth, I first, my little, my organism, I had, my father, I needed, me in, I had, I remember, I did, I knew, I see, I see, me therefore, myself in, my junior, my aunts, I loathed, I talked, I doubt, I wanted, I should, me its, I lost, my adult, my aunt, my aunt, I remember, I sitting, I was, my knees, my darling, I leaf, myself was, my life, my excessive, I try, I surrender, my past, I am, I also, my youth, I felt, mine long, mine in, me thus, I have, my phase, me now, I kissed, I saw, my hand, I and, me her, my wrist, my face, mine then, my darling, me feed, my heart, my throat, my entrails, my passion, I believe, my senses, me and, me ever, I broke, my youth, I look, me in, my sanitary, I was, me my, I planned, I was, I am, I switched, me I, I sat, I published, I composed, I will, mine entitled, I launched, me throughout, my arrest, I found, me for, I took, I had, I wish, I propose, I substitute, I would, mine and, I should, I was, my little, me I was, my own, I think, I can, my life, I was, I found, my adult, my existence, I had, I was, I never, I was, I am , I derived, I had, my pollutive, my world, I was, mine both, me through, my senses, I rationalise, my twenties, I did, my body, my mind, my body’s, I was, me psychoanalysts, me with, me the, me at, I would, myself that, me remind, I me already, I am, I am, I sat, me and, I dissolved, my book, I shared, my chameleonic, me in, I obtained, my blood, I could, my balcony, I would, me race, my lone, I had, me on, my rack, me for, I had, me alone, my pubescent, my mossy, me forever, I have, I stole, I had, I not, my voluptas, I learned, I remember, me at, I accosted, my chest, I liked, my loins, I asked, I tried, my lowered, I might, me up, I asked, I was, I deduced, I examined, I said, I do, I linger, me she, me a, I asked, me at, I could, I noticed, my mouth, I planned, I planned, I let, I had, my last, I find, my humiliating, I gave, I

forget, I had, my own, I caught, I sorry, me with, my brief, me one, me to, I pushed, my criminal, me the, me what, I was, me in, me to, I judged, I shook, my determination, I had, I was, I went, I thrust, my gift, I was, I do, I decided, me that, me if, my degrading, my way, my fathers, my striking, me to, my quest, my choice, me for, me from, me into, me repeat, I was, my case, I know, I could, I chose, me of, my cold, I been, I might, my grim, my choice, I realized, I told, I was, me to, me it, I fell, I never, I on, I took, I had, I touched, I had, I derived, I stuffed, I felt, me we, I working, I appealed, me mad, I did, my fantastic, me an, I came, me I felt, my life, I had, my fat, I informed, I decided, my patiently, my side, I let, I translate, I imagine, my life, me I confess, me superhuman, I ushered, I quietly, me not, I had, me alone, my comfort, I demanded, I repeated, my question, me and, I shouted, my fist, me as, I do, I still, me rather, me she, I had, my helpless, I can, me on, I think, I put, I remember, I have, I think, I told, myself I now, I decided, I would, my mountain, I cannot, I had, I and, my chair, my newspaper, I sat, I had, I ought, my part, I stomped, my English, I noticed, me as, I wildly, I daresay, me a, my mind, I ransacked, my search, I dashed, my natural, I am, my wife’s, me a, I had, me one, my informant, I tried, I hope, I am, my lawyers, I was, I transcribe, I was, my dear, me rock, I notice, my pen, my Lolita, I have, my voyage, I at, I eagerly, me it, I welcomed, I had, I was, me a, I put, I look, I see, my excruciating, me by, I got, I was, me let, me to, I went, my work, me some, my favourite, I was, I shared, I am, I had, I understand, I was, my health, I suppose, I felt, me the, me than, I left, I fondly, I noticed, my friend, I was, my various, I soon, my twenty, I learned, me add, my return, I had, I owe, my complete, I made, I discovered, I won, me potentially, my case, I stayed, I was, I added, I cast, I could, I had, my work, me again, I mean, my scholarly, my active, my uncles, I spend, I said, I exchanged, I was, I would, me at, I alighted, new expensive, my veins, me a, my coming, I was, me I was, my chauffer, I swore, myself I would, my spine, I tipped, I might, my hotel, I do, I pressed, me in, me

standing, I stood, my brow, I realize, I think, I had, me into, I was, I became, me what, I would, I knew, my settling, I could, I was, my room, I inspected, my utter, I did, my bed, I firmly, myself as, I pretended, my wistful, me to, I and, I see, my sleeve, I think, I confess, I assure, I lips, me show, I followed, my room, I’ll go, I’ll settle, I noticed, I groped, I had, I was, my Riviera, me over, my aging, I had, I were, I recognized, I saw, I had, I had, I find, my glance, me of, my aches, I passed, my adult, my soul, I checked, my dead, my Lolita, I want, my discovery, my tortured, I have, my judges, I know, I went, my knees, my lips, my Lo, my lilies, I said, I speak, me actually, I remember, I wrote, I jotted, I copied, my smallest, I moved, I now, my abject, me on, my god, I had, my picture, I sat, me so, me in, I must, I know, me a, my microscopic, me state, I might, I kept, I was, me might, me from, my entrée, I took, my intense, my pipe, my darling, my sweetheart, me wanted, my manhood, me the, my beauty, me showing, my eyed, I looked, my lust, my newspaper, me attain, I planned, me and, I spend, I were, I have, I am, I knew, I came, I do, I really, I can, I pressed, my approaching, me out, my heart, my life, my child, I experienced, I would, I cannot, my own, me when, I am, I close, my eyes, I see, I composed, I tore, I describe, I might, I were, I am, me insane, my Lolita, me to, me by, my twelve, I out, I used, my mock, I warm, me she, my turn, I launched, my arctic, me a, I shot, I was, I spoke, I gestured, mine to, my lap, I had, my glowing, I dared, I chuckled, my own, my tremors, my rapid, I treated, I laughed, myself to, my hand, my nymphets, I knew, my clothes, I was, I think, I stayed, me should, I went, I was, I would, I wanted, I would, I could, my incipient, I was, I just, my limbs, my room, I was, my cold, my face, I heard, my indefatigable, my door, I was, I had, I wonder, my academic, I were, my textbook, I shall, I stay, my darling, my darling, my life, my bride, I quote, I ever, me with, I was, me to, me the, I attempt, my dreams, I hold, I aim, I press, my only, my foe, me with, I had, I had, I heard, I had, I wrote, my room, me without, I had, my fatal, I was, my innocent, my knee, my bared, I felt, I knew, I could, I knew,

me do, I cannot, my learned, I suspect, I cannot, me perhaps, my ape, my scribble, my limpid, I guessed, my white, I am, my web, I listen, my chair, I sit, I tug, my outflung, I satisfy, myself by, I suppose, I glide, my nymphet, I thought, my half, I’ve eaten, I scuttle, my room, my breakfast, my landlady, me toothlessly, I tried, I please, I have, me cornered, I laboriously, my large, my Lolita’s, I’m coming, my fair, my side, me hoping, I would, I jerked, my knuckles, I not, mine and, I held, I prayed, I have, I found, I know, I am, me this, me almost, I can, my dolorous, I am, my Lolita, I long, my arms, I enjoy, my explanations, my room, me her, I don’t, my manly, I am, my romantic, I seasick, I have, I lay, I thought, I was, my darling, me so, I planned, my lake, I talk, I would, I had, my wrist, my sunglasses, my nymphet, I swallowed, me with, I had, I am, me a, I rode, my heart, I still, I suspect, I began, my arms, I slowly, I must, I seemed, I moved, I was, I had, my real, I was, my eyes, my morning, I stretched, my arm, my recumbent, my hand, my lap, I love, my hot, me and, me leaving, me with, my being, I knew, I wanted, I had, my life, my wary, I had, my pathetic, me than, my enjoying, I had, my life, my awkward, me again, I was, me as, I would, mine to, me on, me that, my actual, my landlady, me while, my Lo, I arrived, my room, my good, I gleaned, I had, my old, me there, I had, my white, I now, my hair, I want, my learned, I am, I want, my lawyer, I have, me main, my darling, I had, my heart, me and, I produced, my heart, my abstract, I had, I faked, my head, my temple, my cheek, I peered, I was, I whisked, me caught, my lap, I was, I also, I managed, my masked, I performed, my own, my patter, my distant, I cautiously, my lap, I recited, my Carmen, my little, I kept, I was, me might, my being, me to, I had, my live, I stroked, my left, me to, my gagged, my glancing, I felt, I lost, my tense, my senses, I entered, my body, my innermost, I felt, I could, I watched, my controlled, my consciousness, I had, I was, my self, I was, I kept, my charmin’, my Carmen, my happy, I gasped, I swear, my huge, my muscular, my moaning, I crushed, I was, me as, I wiped, my forehead, my royal, my little, I swept, I may, my recollection, I don’t, I ever,

my Carmen, my little, my charmin’, I killed, my Carmen, I am, I guess, I had, I strolled, I spent, my experience, I felt, myself I had, I delicately, my ignoble, I was, I had, my own, me and, I had, me from, I a, myself in, me again, I prayed, I adore, me was, I qualify, my venereal, I intended, I was, my pains, I liked, I liked, I was, I was, my darling, I had, my grim, I had, I had, I think, I am, I confess, I left, I dreaded, I am, me contact, I think, I say, I said, I too, my lair, my plan, my existence, I knew, I could, I was, me to, I regretted, my private, I simply, me of, I thought, I want, I told, me into, I see, I guess, I managed, I said, me desperate, I crawled, my arm, I have, I may, I knew, I had, I also, my own, my blood, I could, my Lolita, I afford, I disguise, myself as, my tent, I could, me I rolled, my Lolita, my sweetheart, my heart, me out, I hitched, my pyjamas, my arms, my palpitating, I heard, my darling, my hand, I had, I held, I marched, I wrapped, me but, I had, my composure, I became, me softly, me she, my automatic, my shaking, I love, I mistook, my dear, I asked, I was, I am, I have, I saw, I am, my life, my dearest, I am, I am, I shall, I do, I do, I know, I am, me and, me you, I like, I am, my confession, I am, my letter, me then, I found, I know, I won’t, I am, me as, I do, mine forever, my little, me rave, my dearest, I have, I know, me a, my poor, my senior, my dearest, my request, I could, I owe, me if, I present, I remember, I remember, I have, I more, I would, me see, I say, my own, me to, my first, my second, my shoulder, me take, my time, I did, I came, my daze, myself still, myself that, I got, I cannot, I may, my mind, my mind, I cannot, me repeat, I had, my dimness, my darkness, I know, my Humbert, I had, my way, I am, my tormentors, I had, I confess, I wish, I might, me at, me in, my boyhood, my tale, I destroyed, my room, my hair, my purple, I felt, my lips, I imagined, I would, my troubles, I would, I conjured, I could, myself bring, I did, my sonorous, myself to, I had, me swaying, I saw, myself administering, I swear, me you, I would, I shattered, I was, my nature, I might, me consort, me from, my legal, I was, me has, I have, my style, I kept, me but, mine is, I have, my

artistic, me now, my story, I can, I made, I told, my mastery, I was, I had, me her, my sock, I realized, I hung, I would, I am, I am, I inspected, I also, I was, my natural, I would, my indifference, I could, my Lolita’s, I could, I did, I had, my favorite, my energy, I decided, myself with, I loathed, me and, I almost, I attempted, mine did, I was, I lurched, I kept, I could, I happily, I had, my Lolita, me from, I was, I think, my breast, I witnessed, I saw, I had, me that, I had, me from, I managed, my reader, I knew, I would, my soi, I discovered, my mistress, me about, my relations, I could, my mind, I said, my tribute, I believed, me had, I not, my family, I countered, me if, my fathers, I did, I knew, me as, I thought, I entered, me on, me appeared, my rattles, I who, I threw, me what, I had, I told, I had, I was, I hinted, I had, I said, my promotion, I experience, I thought, I laid, my hands, I recognized, my expensive, I would, I had, I would, my nymphet, my sense, I kept, myself as, I wielded, my brand, I could, I had, I might, I was, I tom, me for, my nightly, I tried, I bayed, I simply, my poor, me with, I consumed, my ham, my solemn, my small, my money, my manliness, my marrying, I loved, I had, my wife, I did, my chair, I mentally, I had, I could, me she, I had, I moved, me resilient, my neglected, me the, me how, I remember, I wish, I imagined, I had, I never, my life, my past, me to, my loves, me insult, my past, me tell, my marriage, I also, I had, I presented, I made, my life, I confessed, my glib, I drew, my characters, I was, my mirth, I never, my Lolita, I felt, I had, my child, me that, me a, my Lolita, I thought, my loving, my trying, me from, I deceived, my saporous, I crossed, I lost, my new, I’m having, I wish, me there, I had, I am, I said, my health, I have, I have, I would, I said, I intended, I asked, my cheekbones, I take, my wife, I I just, I have, I said, I had, my sunglasses, I had, I took, my mood, I would, I want, I could, me my lighthearted, me was I dared, me she, I had, my darling, I held, my monstrous, me but, my feelings, I might, I could, me my dear, I disagree, me be, me yourself, I could, myself away, I had, I might, I would, I broke, me would, I said, I have, my way, me to, I remember, me magic,

I sat, I walked, my Charlotte, I sat, my wife, me follow, I thought, I on, I hope, I could, I knew, I also, I was, I merely, I watched, I knew, I had, my captive, I say, I would, I might, I permit, myself to, I just, myself do, me a, my ear, I just, I turned, I could, myself drown, I realized, I make, myself put, I could, I could, myself no, I could, I to, I to, I still, me all, my life, I might, my gentle, I was, my poor, me in, my perfect, me she, me heavily, I shall, me she, me as, she showed, I almost, my lake, I even, my wrist, I once, I told, I expect, me a, my habit, my displeased, I tried, my silence, I would, my former, I had, my window, I could, I can, me that, I had, I might, I dared, my wife’s, I could, myself in, me with, I have, me with, I swallowed, my spoonful, my lips, I have, I had, my hands, I was, my smiling, I replied, I can, I doubt, I would, I controlling, I happen, I have, my darling, I really, I am, me to, my afternoons, my work, I gladly, me to, I meekly, I may, I say, I ignore, I cannot, I love, I am, I am, my side, my trousers, I was, I must, me with, I told, I resolved, my advantage, my book, my former, me since, I was, my lap, my Lolita, me in, me tell, my father, I had, I said, I have, I said, I was, me one, me so, I was, my chair, me with, my first, I think, I know, I remember, my temple, I answered, me on, my lodging, I adored, me to, my idleness, I checked, I had, me a, I kept, I improve, I think, I went, I wanted, I had, I had, my lovely, me I would, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I barely, I thought, me when, I said, my insomnia, I try, my attention, me photographs, I saw, me play, me something, I love, I had, my part, me mention, my last, I thought, I saw, my past, I had, I had, I left, my wife’s, I contentedly, I turned, I knew, my ignition, I knew, me as, I rolled, I had, I had, myself and, I opened, me wearing, I first, my hand, I repeated, my hearty, my legs, my fair, I’ll scream, I think, I am, I did, I went, I stood, I walked, my diary, my pocket, I started, I wanted, I rearranged, my respiration, I opened, I walked, my life, I said, I went, I set, me viciously, I removed, I bumped, I poured, my pin, I walked, my elbow, I have, I said, I placed, I answered, my wife, I pushed, I rushed, I have, I

should, me with, me by, I got, my trouser, I know, I have, my first, I was, I slept, I hastened, my pocket, I assumed, I cannot, I thought, I had, me I made, my dearest, my worse, I shall, my gleanings, my hands, I was, I might, me company, me to, I showed, I had, I had, I was, I returned, me then, I tried, I would, me life, me when, I had, I made, I completely, I drive, I broke, I pleaded, I said, I could, me sobbing, me she, I was, I see, I am, I see, I did, I impersonate, me to, I feared, I must, my reasons, I re, I had, my pin, my hand, mine mine, mine Lolita, my arms, I would, I stood, I was, I immediately, my part, me indeed, me a, I had, my wife, my stepdaughters, my grotesque, my stepdaughter, I looked, my visitors, my wife, my view, my hand, me to, I accepted, I thanked, my soul, I had, I had, I could, my own, I not, me out, my torpor, I wept, I wept, I looked, I was, I had, my knuckles, I went, my bags, I do, I have, I have, my appearance, my gloomy, my story, me with, I now, I care, me she, me judge, my alarm, she left, I stood, me by, my lips, me a, me all, I was, me I would, I was, I could, I was, my way, me still, I ever, I could, I imagined, my nudity, my scheme, I would, I travelled, my anxiety, I could, I might, I had, I decided, I had, I pulled, I flipped, myself for, I drove, me when, mine Holmes, me that, I care, I said, me tomorrow, my coins, me with, me laugh, my having, I did, I proceeded, my girl, I have, me swimming, I loathed, my guides, I had, I thought, I could, I could, I did, my breastbone, my heart, I did, my lap, I was, my computation, I examined, mine turned, my knowledge, I had, I intentionally, I had, me I realized, I was, I moved, I sensed, me from, I chose, I bought, my purchase, my day, I recalled, my liberation, I located, I could, my voice, I decided, I was, my readers, me when, I tell, I had, my telegram, I put, my broodings, I had, me oh, my throbbing, I rob, myself of, me be, I am, I must, my calendar, I can, I did, I was, me it, I had, I had, I had, I would, my fancy, my impatience, I foresaw, I attempted, I was, I left, I reached, my car, I mean, me retain, my impatient, my trembling, my pounding, I was, my back, I felt, my head, I heard, me she, me with, me her, I had, I might, I overtook, my

Lolita, my Lolita, I let, my hand, I had, me slapped, I said, I said, me something, I call, my mummy, I think, I’ll vomit, I look, I missed, I did, I’ve been, me anyway, my mummy, I slowed, I have, me yet, I glimpsed, my arms, myself go, myself realize, I had, I touched, mine so, I felt, I knew, I was, I might, I was, me happen, me her, my legs, me for, I said, I want, I’ve never, I know, I think, me of, I insist, me are, I’ll tell, I must, I joined, I was, I saw, I must, mine I fill, my life, my duty, I am, I am, I am, I do, I know, I simply, me later, me whisper, I will, my fragile, I could, I asked, me the, I rejoined, I wonder, I said, I kissed, me with, me you, I murmured, I’m rather, I’m also, me oh, my Lolita, I want, I felt, I would, I applied, I were, I could, my way, me although, I had, I had, I could, my inexperience, I had, I hankered, I immediately, my haste, I noticed, my predecessor, I was, my vulgar, I unlocked, I cleared, my throat, my features, my garbled, I said, I mean, my little, I unscrewed, my fountain, me and, my kid, I believe, my static, I said, my wife, I suppose, my best, I wrote, me magician, me some, I was, I placed, I’ve asked, I’ll use, my darling, my dahrling, me just, I said, me and, I am, I have, I am, I say, I opened, my sweat, my coat, I tried, I sprang, I wondered, I stood, my waiting, I muttered, I might, me quite, I heard, my breath, my Lolita’s, my dear, I am, I meant, I produced, I look, I can, my behaviour, me I glanced, myself that, my palm, I had, my empty, my open, I expected, I said, I had, me in, me faintly, me to, I had, I tell, I tell, I’ll leave, I’ve been, I pocketed, me allow, me to, I had, my Lolita, I had, myself that, mine, it, my hot, I would, myself into, my nymphet, my beauty, my happiness, my only, I did, me explain, I was, I was, my policy, my motto, I Jean, I first, my having, I really, I made, I still, me by, me a, me a, I regret, I should, I had, my secret, I should, me by, mine she, mine the, my fist, my fist, my pocket, mine in, I had, I had, my philter, I foreglimpsed, me its, my pocket, I wandered, I needed, I drifted, I had, I king, I neatly, I had, my sensitive, my elbows, I asked, my wife, my Lolita, me in, I seemed, my clothes, I had, my knee, me through, me and, my pyjamas, I

waited, I heaved, myself onto, my narrow, my stone, me as, I learned, I had, I realized, I had, I lay, I decided, I might, I moved, I had, I touched, my wretchedness, my book, me I shall, me try, me trembling, my own, I almost, I had, my nymphet, I did, I would, I wait, my head, my left, my left, I lay, my back, my viler, my bed, my cerebellum, me then, my insomnia, my wake, me and, my burning, my tentacles, I managed, my ravenous, I felt, my cheek, me across, I held, my embrace, I know, I re, my impossible, my shoulder, I had, mine while, I had, I started, I had, my pillow, I moved, my glimmering, I thought, my thoughts, my consciousness, my shuffling, I caught, myself drifting, me that, me under, I would, me than, I dwell, I insist, I am, I crept, I reached, my goal, my ecstasy, I still, me to, I would, I regained, I lay, me and, I miserably, I had, I dared, myself to, I am, me upon, I feigned, I just, me by, I felt, me and, I knew, my side, I gave, I gently, my delirious, me conclude, I had, me her, my dissolution, my ear, my mind, me as, I realized, I answered, I did, I took, my lips, me you, I answered, I shall, I perceive, my life, me while, me with, mine pride, my strange, I feigned, I could, I am, me on, I have, I have, my Lolita, I been, I might, me list, I am, my present, I would, I feel, I fail, I have, I am, I cannot, I deprive, I was, me the, me everything, I think, I have, I especially, me her, I asked, I explained, I recalled, my daughter, I wanted, I was, I said, I got, I was, I imagine, my reader, I am, I think, me and, my temples, me her, I had, I begged, me Lo, mine hurtling, I gave, I had, I’ll be, I said, I were, my dear, I would, my poor, I was, I finished, my age, my Lolita, my Swiss, me was, my wife, I settled, I knew, I braced, myself and, I was, my nerves, I did, my little, I attempted, I asked, I then, I smacked, me remind, my patient, I shook, my shoes, I wondered, I were, I had, me no, my benefit, I asked, I asked, my back, I had, me be, I felt, my appetite, me from, I found, I want, I said, I thought, me started, I suggested, I glanced, me you, I was, me I ought, me oh, I had, my vile, me an, my windshield, me so, me some, I want, I said, I swung, I call, my mother, I want, I answered, I bought, mine and.

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