R.I.P.

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there. I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen. I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening. I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers oined in with, !"raise the #ord,! !Amen,! and !$lory%! I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from $enesis to The &evelation. When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, !I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years.! Amish Humor (ign behind an Amish carriage) !*nergy efficient vehicle. &uns on grass and oats. +A,TI-.) Avoid e/haust%! Bedside Manners (usie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. -ne day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. (he pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him. !0ou know! he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, !you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. !And you know what1! !What, dear1! she asked gently, smiling to herself. !I think you're bad luck.! Doggone Brilliant Joke

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. 2e took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. -ne day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. (o, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, !-3, I'm in deep trouble now%! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. 4ust as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund e/claims loudly, !Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.! 2earing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid5stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. !Whew,! says the leopard. !That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.! 6eanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. (o, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, !2ere monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine.! .ow the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, !What am I going to do now1! But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, ust when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says.................. !Where's that darn monkey1 (ent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.! Marketing Speak Tipper $ore discovered that her husband's great great uncle, $unther $ore, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Tennessee in 7889. The only e/isting photograph shows him standing on the gallows. -n the back of the picture is this inscription) !$unther $ore: horse thief. (ent to Tennessee "rison 788;, escaped 788<. &obbed the Tennessee =lyer si/ times. +aught by "inkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 7889.! After letting "resident +linton's large staff of professional image consultants review this discovery, they took the following actions to assist Al's campaign to become our ne/t president. They decided to crop $unther's picture, scan it in as an enlarged image, and edited it with image processing software so that all that is seen in the final picture is a head shot. Along with this enhanced photo, the accompanying biographical sketch was sent to the Associated "ress) !$unther $ore was a famous cattleman in early Tennessee history. 2is business empire grew to include ac>uisition of valuable e>uestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Tennessee railroad company. Beginning in 788;, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his business enterprise with the railroad. In 788< he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned "inkerton ?etective Agency. In 7889 $unther

regrettably died suddenly during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform on which he was standing collapsed.!

A Really Bad Day The following is seen in a =lorida newspaper) A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying ne/t to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside. (eeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. 2e became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud e/plosion and her husband screaming. (he ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. 2is trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. (he told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. 2e fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. This story redefines what it is to have a bad day. Implements of Math Destruction

was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler. "resident Bush said. although they are fre>uently referred to as !unknowns!. cool dog you got there. and a calculator.At . +owboy) @2ey. a s>uare.A Indian) C#ook of total disbeliefD +owboy) @6ind if I talk to your horse1A Indian) @2orse no talk. The Attorney $eneral believes the man is a member of the notorious Al5gebra movement.A Indian) C#ook of shock%D +owboy) @Is this Indian your owner1A Cpointing at the IndianD ?og) @0ep. and. They consist of >uite shadowy figures.A +owboy) @2ey dog. we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the a/is of medieval with coordinates in every country. 2e would have given us more fingers and toes.! Don t !alk A +owboy meets an Indian herding sheep in the Black 2ills. 2e walks me twice a day. 2e is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. howBs it going1A .A +owboy) @2ey horse. a protractor. indeed!. later discovered to be a public school teacher.ew 0ork's 3ennedy airport today an individual. 6ind if I speak to him1A Indian) @?og donBt talk. feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.! When asked to comment on the arrest. and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. the Attorney $eneral said. a slide rule. with names like !/! and !y!. howBs it going1A ?og) @?oinB all right. !Al5gebra is a very fearsome cult. there are three sides to every triangle. !As the great $reek philanderer Isosceles used to say.A +owboy) @2ow does he treat you1A ?og) @&eal good. !They desire average solutions by means and e/tremes. !If $od had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction.

"ut of em+arrassment she insisted that the surgery +e kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. -I felt sad +ecause you )ent through this all +y yourself. and keeps me in a lean5to to protect me from the elements.-!he second rose is from my nurse.!he "strich #P1& A man )alks into a restaurant )ith a fully2gro)n ostrich +ehind him.A Indian) C*/treme look of shock%D +owboy) @Is this your owner1A Cpointing to the IndianD 2orse) @0ep.0 and turns to the ostrich. A)akening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed +eside her on the +ed. 03hat0s yours/0 0I0ll ha(e the same. !he man says. he rides me.she asked.2orse) @+ool. -!hat0s from a man upstairs in the +urn unit. He )anted to thank you for his ne) ears. 0A ham+urger. thanks for asking. -I thought I asked you not to tell anyone a+out my operation. .A Indian) C#ook of total amazementD +owboy) @6ind if I talk to your sheep1A Indian) @(heep lie. fries and a coke.A +owboy) @2owBs he treat you1A 2orse) @"retty good.!he surgeon told her he had carried out her )ish for confidentiality and that the first rose )as from him. !he )aitress asks them for their orders. she immediately calls in the doctor. She assisted me in the surgery and empathised +ecause she had had the same procedure done some time ago.A !he "peration #$%& A se'ually acti(e )oman tells her plastic surgeon that she )anted her (aginal lips reduced in si*e +ecause they )ere too loose and floppy.-And )hat a+out the third rose/. "utraged. brushes me down often.0 says the ostrich.

sir. 3hen I ru++ed it. 0!hat )ill +e 4:. !he )aitress cannot hold +ack her curiosity any longer. pauses and ans)ers. 0!he usual/0 asks the )aitress. 0Same. He eats the sand)ich. It reads -Panda? A tree . 0='cuse me.0 says the ostrich.0 says the )aitress. +ut you0ll al)ays +e as rich as you )ant for as long as you li(e. 08o. Shortly the )aitress +rings the order and says.0 "nce again the man pulls the e'act change out of his pocket and places it on the ta+le. 0I0ll ha(e the same. a 1enie appeared and offered me t)o )ishes.0 Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays )ith e'act change. I )ould >ust put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money )ould al)ays +e there. !his +ecomes routine until the t)o enter again. Ho) do you manage to al)ays come up )ith the e'act change in your pocket e(ery time/0 03ell.A short time later the )aitress returns )ith the order 0!hat )ill +e 45. please. 03hat0s )ith the ostrich/0 !he man sighs.So the manager opens his dictionary and looks up the )ord 0panda0. the man and the ostrich come again and the man says.67. I0m a PA8DA. this is 9riday night. 0My second )ish )as for a tall chick )ith a +ig +utt and long legs )ho agrees )ith e(erything I say.0 and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the e'act change for payment. 3here are you going/ @ou >ust shot my )aiter and you didn0t pay for your sand)ich.!he panda yells +ack at the manager? -Hey.0 0!hat0 s right. fries and a coke. so I )ill ha(e a steak.0 says the man. 3hether it0s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce. 0A ham+urger.0 says the man. My first )ish )as that if I e(er had to pay for anything. 0se(eral years ago I )as cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.0 !he ostrich says. As the panda stands up to lea(e. 0Most people )ould ask for a million dollars or something.. !he )aitress asks.0 0!hat0s +rilliant.<.0 says the man. the manager shouts? -Hey.0 !he Panda #P1& A panda )alks into a restaurant. the e'act money is al)ays there. !he ne't day. sits do)n and orders a sand)ich.. Aook it up. then pulls out a gun and shoots the )aiter dead. +aked potato and a salad.

0!hank you (ery much..!he Patient #$B& A male patient is lying in +ed in the hospital. characterised +y distinct +lack and )hite colouring.. )orks 9riday afternoons and John doesn0t. (ery closely. 08urse. John courageously admitted that. hit his head on the ta+le and emerged red2faced. they )ent to the +edroom and closed their transaction. )earing an o'ygen mask o(er his mouth and nose.d)elling mammal of Asian origin. as agreed. he noticed Bill0s )ife. She raises his go)n. 0!here0s nothing )rong )ith them. she takes a close look and says. I0m only here to )ash your upper +ody and feet. =ats shoots and lea(es. Bill. !hen.. holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. John Euickly dressed and left.. 0 A r e2m y2t e s t2r e s u l t s2+ a c k / 0 !he Poker PlayerD #$:& !)o couples )ere playing poker one e(ening.0 He struggles to ask again. you can ha(e it +ut it )ill cost you 4B77. Bill0s )ife follo)ed and asked. )ell indeed. She said. still hea(ily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. he did. smiles at her and says (ery slo)ly. asked his )ife a+ruptly. +ut listen (ery.After taking a minute or t)o to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer.. 08urse. are my testicles +lack/0 Concerned that he may ele(ate his (itals from )orry a+out his testicles. lifting and mo(ing them around. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. )asn0t )earing any under)ear under her dress. she o(ercomes her em+arrassment and sheepishly pulls +ack the co(ers.0 !he man pulls off his o'ygen mask. and after paying Sue the agreed sum of 4B77.. Shocked +y this. Sir . John should +e at her house around . -3ell. !hat )as )onderful.0 he mum+les. As usual. 3hen 9riday rolled around. Bill came home from )ork at <pm and upon entering the house.. John confirmed that he )as interested. John )ent to the kitchen to get some refreshments.pm 9riday. the young nurse replies 0I don0t kno). Aater. from +ehind the mask -Are my testicles +lack/=m+arrassed. -Did you see anything that you liked under there/Surprised +y her +oldness. A young student nurse appears to gi(e him a partial sponge +ath. She told him that since her hus+and. 3hen he +ent do)n to pick them up. Sir. John upon trying to sit +ack up again.. Sue. -Did John come +y the house this afternoon/- ..

As a car sped past them. -ne morning a woman was walking out of her front door. they heard screeching tires and a +ig splash. -And did he gi(e you 4B77/In terror she assumed that someho) he had found out and after mustering her +est poker face. the wife asked the husband. I )as hoping he did.! (he removes all her clothing and asks. !Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman1! A man stands up. when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. !What are you thinking now1! 2e replied. is a poker player. !If I'm going to die. pounding a sign into the ground that reads? -!he =nd Is 8ear. !All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out. -3ell. !urn @ourself Around 8o) 22 Before It0s !oo Aate. -Aea(e us alone. He promised me he0d stop +y our house this afternoon on his )ay home and pay me +ack. As the couple reflected on that magical evening EF years ago. removes his shirt and says.Her heart nearly skipped a +eat )hen her hus+and curtly asked.Bill. !When you first saw my naked body in front of you. !he SignD #P1& A priest and a pastor from the local church are standing +y the side of the road. -Do you think the sign should >ust say 0Bridge "ut0/A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their EFth anniversary. surprised his )ife +y saying. -3hy yes. Sue ans)ered. replied. I want to die feeling like a woman. John came +y my office this morning and +orro)ed 4B77 from me. yes in fact he did gi(e me 4B77. what was going through your mind1! The husband replied.9rom the cur(e. !he pastor turns to the priest and asks.! Then. iron this%!. -1ood. . a female passenger umps up frantically and announces. she asked. and suck your tits dry. !2ere. as the wife undressed. )ith a satisfied look on his face.8o) !HA!. the dri(er yelled. he did stop +y for a fe) minutes this afternoon.! As an airplane is about to crash. my friends.3ith a lump in her throat. you religious nuts. !It looks as if I did a pretty good ob.

! 2ow are women and tornadoes alike1 They both moan like hell when they come. Then my wife's friend tried.still nothing... The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home. The woman stops and thinks for a second. ?octor) Wait a minute.nothing. 0ou mean your wife's friend too1% *lderly man) 0eah.. you've got it.! !6y last wish is a million dollars%!. !Tell me.. what's your first wish1!. There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. you caught me fair and s>uare. But to make your wishes come true you have to have se/ all night with me. (o the goblin replies !-3.. fill it. 2er left hand. Woman again thinks it over. its ust a sperm bank%!.!..!. A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.nothing. 2e goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. 2e says. !I want a huge mansion to live in. she replies !=uck me!. says the man.!0ou're a goblin. !how old are you1! !I'm E<!. &ight hand. The goblin then says !-3.nothing.! The bride replies. left hand.! !-3 then. and bring it back the ne/t day. !"ut those on.. 6y wife tried with her right hand. !I caught you and you owe me three wishes%!. and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup. (o she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the . (he says !But sir. you I tried with my right hand.nothing..! 2e replies. !And don't forget that% I will always wear the pants in the family%! The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same re>uest. !6y second wish is a 6ercedes. ?octor) What was the problem1 *lderly man) Well. I tried with my left hand.. goblins replies !-3.e/t morning the little man wakes the woman up.! !-3. (o. !Try those on%! 2e replies. The elderly man came back the ne/t day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.. you've got that too. if that's what it takes. !I can't wear your trousers.! she says. !E< and you still believe in goblins! The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.. and take the house when they leave.. 2er mouth.! ..!I can't get into your knickers%! !And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude.! says the man. you've got it. 2e proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. mouth.. open it now%%%! he replies. (o. he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.nothing.. !I don't care.

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. !"ut your finger in me... !?o you know what I am doing now1!. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks..ow clap your hands.! she replies.+3 0-. (o in goes another one. she replies.. a cat.!.! commands the girl. when she says moaning aloud !"ut both your hands inside of me%%%!. (o he has his entire hand in. 2e says to her. !I can't!. as she starts moaning. 2e tells her to take off her shirt and bra.sperm samples. !"ut two fingers in. !-k%!.&T&--6 (*H 5 When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. they are sperm samples111! . you only have se/ in the bedroom. he tells her to take off her panties. drink that one as well. The dog says. !?. !0es. getting herpies 5 thats why I am here%! This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. !?o you know what I am doing now1! (he replies. says the guy. lays her on the table. The guy's like. A dog. The guy says !Take one of those sperm samples and drink it%!.! There are four kinds of se/ ) 2-..! +-. 2e tells her to take her pants.(* (*H 5 When you are newly married and have se/ all over the house in every room. (he's really starting to get worked up when she says. !I don't think so. I told you I had a tight pussy%!.!.. my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent%!. !0es. checking for cancer. (o the guy puts both of his hands in% !. !"ut your whole hand in%!. she does. !(ee honey 5 its not that hard. and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. she takes them off. many years you ust pass each other in the hall and say !=. gets on top of her and starts having se/ with her. so the nurse drinks that one as well. =inally after G samples the man takes off his ski mask and says. and he starts rubbing her thighs. B*?&--6 (*H 5 After you have been married for a while. The cat says. The girl looks at him and says !(ee. checking for abnormalities. !6y life sucks.! she asks him. (o the nurse sucks it back. All his professionallism goes right out the window.! =inally. she looks at him !B. !That one there.IT%!. (o he does without hesitation. !?o you know what I am doing1! asks the doctor1 !0es. my master .T. 2A## (*H 5 After you've been married for many. she says...

aaaahhh. and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.!-h. !"lease be gentile. 6y second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. To break the ice. "uzzled she asks. 4ohn noticed that the guy never raised his hand. (he smiles and he takes her picture. !Well. 4ohn decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had se/. we are married now. my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. oh. !I had this wild. 2e then asks.! The husband being shocked. the wife tells the husband. 2e comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks. !?amn.! he e/claims. The proud husband says. vivid dream of . so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night. says !At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up%! A man and a woman started to have se/ in the middle of a dark forest.II people wanting to be in group therapy. !TonightJKLs the night%! Three guys go to a ski lodge. replied.! At that the man opens his robe and she e/claims.makes me do my business in a bo/ of cat litter. the man finally gets up and says.! The wife responds. and there aren't enough rooms.oh. so I can carry your beauty ne/t to my heart forever!. !6y picture1! 2e answers. After about 7F minutes of it. =inally. After 4ohn polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. The woman says. !oh. I'm still a virgin. !6e too.. !Why do you wear a robe1 We are married now.. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly . JKL-nce a year%JKL To 4ohn's dismay. do I miss him%! -n their first night together. 2e first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had se/ almost every night. how many had se/ once a week1 This time a larger number of hands were raised. a newlywed couple go to change. you can open your robe. 4ohn then asks how many had se/ once or twice a month1 Again a few hands were raised. I wish I had a flashlight%!. !6y $od you are so beautiful. !(o I can get it enlarged%! 4ohn ust graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. !6y dear. 4ohn decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. let me take your picture. the guy on the right wakes up and says. !0es my dear. let me get a picture!. and to get the therapy started. my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was. you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes%! A couple ust got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love. -2 60. !2ow's this possible1 0ou've been married three times before. JKLWhy are you so happy getting se/ only once a year1JKL The grinning guy responds.! The beautiful young woman opens her robe. so he asked him how often he had se/. -2.! The penis outraged. A modest number of hands were raised. The guy said. 2e beams and asks why and she answers. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. and he is astonished. he responds.

JKLnow try this one. !I'm confused. youJKLre trying to fool me% But I know e/actly what kind of wood that is. I don't know whom to fire.! The ne/t morning ?ave waited for his employees to arrive.. -So tell me a+out yourself. 2e get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. 0ou see. -3ell.the man continues. and unbelievably. so either 4ack or Barbara will have to be laid off..JKL says the blind man. I dreamed I was skiing%! -ne day 6r. but 4ack has a wife and three kids. -I +elie(e you can talk.! !+orrect. In no time at all I )as +eing flo)n from place to place to ea(esdrop on )orld leaders. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he e/pected to do this ob since he was blind.! answers the manager. the president of a large corporation. !ThatJKLs a good piece of fir. The blind man says.says the man -3hy so cheap/-He0s a liar.! A blind man interviews for a ob as a >uality controller at the local wood mill..Ama*ed +y )hat he0s heard the man asks the shopkeeper -Ho) much for the dog/-!en Euid. the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. he's had the same dream.. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. into his office and said.Intrigued he enters and asks the shopkeeper if he can see the dog. !That's funny.replies the dog. too.. With that. -@ep.! !ThatJKLs a bad piece of willow. called his vice5president.says the man. I've got a problem. ItJKLs the shit house door off a tuna boat%! !he !alking Dog #P1& A man notices a sign in a pet shop )indo) -!alking Dog for Sale. The manager asks.. I've got a headache.. !Barbara.getting a hand ob%! The guy on the left wakes up. -I disco(ered I had this gift pretty young and approached the go(ernment. Barbara was the first to come in.says the dog. ?ave.!he !ramp #P1& . !We're making some cutbacks.comes the reply. Aater I +ecame tired of the tra(elling and took a >o+ as an underco(er security guard at an airport. -But this dog is ama*ing. !+orrect. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. JKL+an you turn it around1! The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. !-h. I've got to lay you or 4ack off and I don't know what to do1! Barbara replied. -He hasn0t done any of those things. !What is it without touching it1! The blind man replies. !Barbara is my best worker. )here I th)arted a hi>acking.! says the blind man. so ?ave said.says the pet shop o)ner.! ?ave looked at 6r. !0ou'd better ack off. I )as gi(en a huge re)ard and )as a+le to retire. (mith and said.JKL says the manager. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says.. (mith.

-3on0t your )ife +e +othered/ I kno) I0m dirty and I pro+a+ly smell pretty +ad too. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.the third priest mutters and mo(es to the )indo). skimpy s)eater.!hey took the +us. -I don0t gam+le. I )ould like three tickets to Pitts+urgh and I )ould like the change in nipples and dimes. I )ould like three tickets to Pitts+urgh and I )ould like the change in nickels and dimes. -@oung lady. but he can't hear him. -@oung lady.-!hat0s alright.. and golf.Mortified. St. -3ill you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course/. (o the worker on the Fth floor tries sign language. Behind the ticket counter )as a (ery se'y.he asked.. -If I gi(e you this money.A man )as accosted +y a particularly sha++y...he asked. !he first priest approached the )indo). She made the three priests (ery ner(ous. 3inkley took out his )allet.. shapely. -@oung lady. Why to lawyers wear neckties1 A.said the man. -9orget the money. !he second priest goes to the )indo). !hree Priests #P1& !hree priests )ere in a railroad station on their )ay home to Pitts+urgh.7 years. +onstruction worker on the Fth floor of a building needed a handsaw. )hen you get to the pearly gates.the +eggar said. he too fled.At )hich our (ie)er e'claimed. and asked. -Morons. )ill you take it and +uy )hisky/-8o. gam+ling. .!he +eggar )as astounded. smelly man )ho asked him for money for dinner.. -I ha(en0t played golf in . so they dre) stra)s to determine )ho )ould get the tickets. 9inger0s going to shake his Peter at you. And.he replied. I0m going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked +y my )ife.M. )ell endo)ed )oman )earing a (ery tight. -3ill you use it to gam+le/. if you insist on dressing like that.said the +eggar. -Are you MAD/. -I )ant her to see )hat a man looks like )hen he0s gi(en up drink. I stopped drinking years ago.He completely lost his composure and fled.. (o he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him. I )ould like three pickets to tits+urg. e'tracted a fi(er.

! The teacher again replies !If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown. !What the fuck is your problem%%% I said I needed a hand saw%!. The other guy says. !$rass is definitely green.o. whips out his chop and starts masturbating. A while later Tony arrives back home from the store.2e pointed to his eye meaning !I!. !I knew that% I was ust trying to tell you 5 I'm coming%! -ne day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.! . They sit there a while longer and guy then says !That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. but you can wait here if you want. that isn't entirely correct.But that isn't really a >uestion you want to ask in class discussion. you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. The man on the ground floor nods his head.! Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher !?o farts have lumps1! The teacher looked at him and said !. your friend +hris came over..! Wife ) !I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. Another student says. The worker on Fth floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says. The first student raised his hand and said !The sky is definitely blue!. so that isn't really correct either.! (ara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks.! Tony thinks about it for a second and says. then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.o. what the hell 5 a hundred bucks% (he opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. !Well did he drop off the EII bucks he owes me1! A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to e/plain to her class the definition of the word !definitely! to them. The teacher said. is Tony home1! The wife replies. pulls down his pants. why not1 (o she opens her robe and gives +hris a nice long chance to cop a look. pointed to his knee meaning !need!. !Well.! (o the student replies. 2e promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. The wife goes up to him. !2i.! (ara thinks about it for a second and figures.! (o they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says !0ou know (ara. I'd give you a hundred buck ust to see one. he went to the store.. heck. !. !0ou know. (he opens it to a guy. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word. !Then I definitely shit my pants. she asks them to use it in a sentence. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars. I'll give you another 7II dollars if I could ust see the both of them together. because sometimes it's gray and cloudy!.

2usband ) !2ow about the ones like mine1! Wife ) !Those they gave away.! 2usband ) !I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand.! Wife ) !And how much for the ones like mine1! 2usband ) !That's where they held the auction.! The >ueen of *ngland was visiting one of +anada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. !-h my god%!, said the Mueen, !That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this111! The doctor leading the tour e/plains, !I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would e/plode and he would most likely die instantly.! !-h, I am sorry! said the Mueen. -n the ne/t floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow ob. !-h my $od!, said the Mueen, !What's happening in there1! The ?octor replied, !(ame problem, better health plan.! A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. 2e says, !$randpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.! The grandfather replies, !I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.! The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. 2e sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, !$randpa, you already gave me five dollars.! The grandfather replies, !I know. That's from your $randma.! ?irty #ittle 6att is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. !0eah teach1! he replies.

!If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left1! asks the teacher. 6att answers !Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off.! !.o, 6att, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking.! the teacher responds. !Well, teach, I've got a >uestion for you... There are ; women that come out of an ice5cream parlor, one is biting her ice5cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married1! The teacher, a little taken back by the >uestion answers, !Well, uh, gee 6att, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream.! 6att replies !.o teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking%! A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... '#ooking for man with these >ualifications: won't beat me up: or run away from me and is great in bed.' (he got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, !2i, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.! (o the lady says, !What makes you think you are great in bed1! Bob replies, !I rang the door bell didn't I1! Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything. The ne/t morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, !Why were you screaming last night1! The daughter replied !6om you always told me if something hurt I should scream.! !That's true.! (he looked at her second daughter. !Why were you laughing so much last night1! The daughter replied !6om you always said that if something tickled you should laugh.!

!That's also true.! Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. !Why was it so >uiet in your room last night1! The youngest daughter replied !6om you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full.! A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, !#ook, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to *urope in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.! 6oving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, !I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy.! The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose1 That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. =rom then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here1' the captain asked. (he got up off the ground and e/plained, !I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. 2e's taking me to *urope, and he's screwing me.! The captain looked at her, !2e sure is lady, this is the (taten Island =erry.' A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. !6om!, the boy asks, !What's a pussy1! The mother being startled by this thinks >uick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says !(on, that is a pussy.! the son then asks !What's a bitch1! The mother again thinking >uickly opens to a picture of a dog and says !(on, this is a bitch.! The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says !?ad, what's a pussy1! The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he >uickly whips out his "enthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says !(on, this is a pussy%! The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks !Then, what is a bitch1! The dad replies, !That's everything outside the circle%! -ne +hristmas *ve, (anta +laus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 79 year old blonde. (he said !(anta, will you stay with me1!, (anta replied, !2o 2o 2o gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys.!

A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said !6ommy. he nudges his wife again and asks. 2e said there would be no e/cuses for not showing up tomorrow. wearing only a bra and panties. feeling real horny. !6ommy. !I've been circumcised. !0our thing doesn't have any skin on it%!. gotta go. she asked !(anta. !They're making a sandwich. eh1! (he replies. nudges his wife awake and asks. gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys. now will you stay with me1! (anta replies !$otta stay.!. A few minutes later. !What's that mean1! !It means they cut the skin off the end. !Why don't we get it on. ?addy. barring a dire medical condition or an .! Then they pass two dogs having se/ and the little boy again asks what they were doing. the other replied. The little boy asks his mom.! (he takes off everything and says !(anta.ew 0ork and they pass two s>uirrels having se/. 2is mother again replied they were making a sandwich. 6ommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth%%%! This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and. can't get up the chimney with my dick this way%! A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in . and started talking about tomorrow's final e/am. gotta stay. !I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before. what are they doing1! The lady responded. the kid asked in>uiringly.! !2ow old were you when it was cut off1! !6y mom said I was two days old.! !?id it hurt1!. I didn't walk for a year%! A teacher was wrapping up class.! (o the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep. you must be making a sandwich because. do you1! Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. now will you stay with me1! !2o 2o 2o gotta go. mommy. !0ou bet it hurt. -ne says. !0ou don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow.(o she took off her night gown.

! the doctor says. 2e tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldnJKLt because she didnJKLt have any clothes on. !-h my. The ne/t thing he know it was . the teacher glared at the student. the doctor tells her to push. he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. !0eah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try. I went into a bar.! she said. and said. This time the baby's body comes out. !Muick give me some talcum powder%! (he gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. you were out bowling again%! A $uy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. 2e has a few more beer and the ne/t thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having >uite a pleasurable time. my wife is going to kill me%! he e/claimed. The doctor turns to the woman and asks.immediate family member's death. god. !. While there. !2oly (hit.JKL The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. (o she does and the legs come out.! A woman is in the delivery room giving birth. went home with this blonde and I slept with her. -ne smart ass. 2e shows his wife his powdery hands. !2ow are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes. !0eah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try. 2er friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. white body. 2e replies. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. JKLTake my shoe and cover your snatch with it.! she said. After the laughter had subsided. and black legs1! The woman replies !I'm ust glad it didn't bark%! A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. !-h% 0our baby has slanted eyes. !Where the hell have you been%! 2e says.! !#et me see your hands%! she demands.! To which she replies !0eah I heard them +hinese men were pretty good. and the whole classroom burst into laughter. The doctor says. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. !What about e/treme se/ual e/haustion1!. it starts to cry. !2oly (hit% 0our baby has black legs. !Well to tell you the truth. you can use your other hand to write. (he does and the baby's head pops out. male student said. (o the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass. had a few drinks. !?amn liar. and go for help%JKL . your baby has a white body. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat.! the doctor said.ot an e/cuse. so I decided to give them a try. (o the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine.)II A6.

(he takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. so the dad says.. one for =ebruary. it tastes like shit%!.! the girl refuses but says. and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.. 2ey 6onica.! The husband thinks for a moment. could you show me one1! The grand father looks at her. !?ad. !IJKLm sorry. !$ood. !Why do they come in packs of 7.... Being a curious young lad.! A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. !0eah. one for =riday. youJKLve been replaced.. !Where the hell do you think you're going1! he says.. !-nly if you suck my dick. I really really really want to go to the movies. one for 6arch. and 7E1! The dad replied. the ones with three are for the college boys. my boyfriend is stuck% +an you help us1! The clerk replies. and comes back down.I want to see how you survive on O8II a year%%%! +linton dies and of course goes straight to hell. Behind it is 3en (tarr. no hands%! -ne day this girl goes to her father. the boy asked his father. !The packs with one are for the high school boys. one for (aturday night. can you feel a finger poking up your ass1! asks the grandpa. ust hop on my lap%! (o the little girl umps on his lap. !please dad.ewt $ingrich. Bill thinks and decides. can you show me a magic trick1! !.! The boy asked.! A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. 0ou can earn OGII for a blow ob there. (aturday and (unday. your brother wanted to go to the movies too.. chained to the wall with 6onica #ewinsky on her knees giving him a blow ob.. hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. (he finds the clerk and says. !I'm going to #as Negas. When he gets there the ?evil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. !. Bill says !-h no% . !-nly if you suck my dick. !I'm coming with you.. !2mmm.! *ventually the girl gives in and sucks his chop. !2elp. They go to the first door and the ?evil shows him .! (o the little girl walks over to her grandpa and asks !$randpa. The ?evil shows him &ush #imbaugh chained to the wall being tortured.. !0eah! replies the girl !Well look. I really want to see that movie that ust came out. !+ondoms son. she leaps back and goes !*ewwww. !What are these things daddy1! 2is dad said.! . with his suitcase packed as well.ot for me%! They go to the third door.! The dad replies. As soon as she does..! They go to the second door. and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men. IJKLll take it.! The dad says again. can I please go watch it.. I think he's too far in.! This little girl walks over to her grandmother and asks !$ranny. goes upstairs. then Ill take you. granny says you know some magic tricks.ow.! The ?evil then says. !(ure. Bill says !-h no% ThatJKLs not how I want to spend all eternity. one for 4anuary. but I think your grand father knows one. looks okay to me.o dear. !Where do you think you going1! the wife asks.

The dwarf stares and says !0ouJKLre the biggest man I have ever seen!. The "rimal 2unter 5 who always goes deep into the bush. you'll #-N* it%! P. I'm Turner Brown. 2e sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man erking off. they're both deaf. always shoots twice.A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up. The ?octor 5 who tells her to !take off all her clothes.. The 6ilkman 5 who asks her !do you want it in the front or the back1! G. The 2airdresser 5 who asks her !do you want it teased or blown1! F. with 7P inches. The man nods his head.JKL The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. (he went and bought them. 2e is so freaked out that he goes to the ne/t house and says !What's up with your neighbors1! and the owner of the house says !-h thatJKLs the &obinsonJKLs.JKL The dwarf faints% After coming too. (he's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go fuck herself%! -ne day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend. ust before the door closes. always eats what he shoots. you'll lose interest%! <. The Interior ?esigner 5 who assures her !once it's inside. very lost. the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. my name is Turner Brown. In steps a very large black man. a hand comes through and opens the door. but keeps telling her !3eep >uiet and lie still%! A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere. weigh EF9 lbs. and replies ! IJKLm P59.! she says smiling. !+ome over here baby. The ?entist 5 who tells her to !open wide.! . EF9 lbs. I thought you said JKLTurn AroundJKL.. =inally he spots E houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. The boyfriend backs off. !6y boyfriend bought me flowers for Nalentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.!. !If your pussy can do that to your panties 5 I ain't going any where near it%! -ne day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her.JKL The (even 6ost Important 6en in a Woman's #ife 7. JKL=or a minute there.! E. put them on and waited. (o he does.. got home. and her friend replied. !Why1 ?on't you have a vase1! ?o you know what &odeo (e/ is1 . and I have 7P inches. The Banker 5 who insists to her !if you take it out too soon. When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra on. !I said IJKLm P 5 9.

there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. !2ey. (uddenly. !Waiter% Waiter% +ome over here%! The waiter says. and shaking her head..! . he couldn't rise to the occasion. !I could give it a try. !0eah1 Well. and finds a stranger fucking his wife. $ary starts to freak out.nder the circumstances. 2e screams. After e/amining her. carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital. ! I'm going to drown the little bastard%. !I told you he was stupid.! $ary says. sir1! $ary yells. to his wife which replies. The husband covered her with a coat. !if neither of you ob ects.! the medic said. both agreed. how long do you think I'd have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there1! !he !e'as Salesman #F& . they go to an Italian restaurant. 2e says. !What a hypocrite you are. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear !0our sister was better than you. penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. pulled on his shorts. she whispers. among the masses of coins. slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. 2e suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis. The man agreed to try.. !Well. -ne night while being unusually athletic.!. To his surprise. walks into his bedroom. !There's a hair in my spaghetti% $et it the fuck out of here%! The waiter apologizes up and down as he >uickly takes the spaghetti away.! $ary and 6ary go on their honeymoon. start going nice and slowly. a young couple arranged that every time they have se/ the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.! A guy comes home from work.It's when you mount your woman from behind.! A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. but because he was so nervous. !+an I help you. !What the hell are you two doing1! 2is wife turns to the stranger and says. What the hell is happening1! !+hange of plans. 6ary looks over at $ary. The doctor >uickly undressed. The ne/t afternoon. and $ary spends si/ hours of the honeymoon night eating 6ary's pussy. not everyone is as cheap as you are.! The physician panted. the doctor e/plained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. and try to hold on for 8 seconds% As a painless way to save money. 0ou spent most of last night with your face full of hair. 2e asks his wife !What's up with all the notes1!.

. @ou might as )ell go fishing.asked the +oss. that she cooks him fantastic meals < days a week.7 or :7 sales a day. 2e accepts her answer and eventually forgets all about the matter. -He didn0t come in to +uy a fish hook. While he is there.the +oss asked. !hen I sold him a small fishing line.said the lad. and that she gives him all the se/ he wants.. (he tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. Ho) much )as the sale )orth/-='actly 4$7$. -Ho) many sales did you make today/. -this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook. !he store )as the +iggest in the )orld and sold e(erything under the sun.0 -ne day. and I said to him. anytime he wants it. !hen he said his Honda Ci(ic pro+a+ly )ouldn0t +e a+le to handle the load. he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk. Three years later when he is cleaning out the attic. but this time he is more persistent. he finds it is locked. in a chair. a medium one. so I took him to the (ehicle department and sold him a ne) 1MC $2ton pickup truck. +ut finally it )as B o0clock. !he +oss closed up the store and found the lad sitting. "uzzled and curious. then a medium fish hook.said the +oss. -3ell. !he day )as long and hard for the young man.said the young man. he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. and finally a really large hook.. -He came in to +uy a +o' of tampons for his )ife.. -Most of the sales people on my staff make . slumped and e'hausted. that she keeps the house meticulously clean.said the lad..B:. (he again tells him that it contains only personal things. o+(iously displeased. -I0ll come and see ho) you made out after )e close up.the +oss asked in astonishment.the !e'as +oy e'plained.2foot Chris Craft )ith t)in engines.the +oss said. I said he0d pro+a+ly need a +oat. Then she tells him if he is happy with all of those things.. fla++ergasted. and huge one. When he tries to open it. 0@our )eekend0s shot. At the inter(ie).-@ou sold all that to guy )ho came in for a fish hook/. -"ne/.A keen !e'as lad applied for a salesman0s >o+ at a city department store. the +oss took an immediate liking to the lad and told him he could start the ne't day. he runs across the trunk and again asks his wife what's in it. so I took him do)n to the +oat department and sold him that fancy . that he should forget about the . I asked him )here he )as going fishing. (o she sits him down and reminds him that she makes him happy when he's feeling down.::6. -Ho) did you manage that/. -"ne. and he said he )as going do)n the coast. a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage.

because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you.trunk because she will not talk about it. !What's going on here1 Where did all of this come from1! !Well. !0ou're gonna eat me ust like the story says%! Two guys are drinking at a bar. so she kept going through the forest. !0eah. I said '0ou've ruined my life you =. she takes a key from a chain hanging around her neck and opens the trunk.+3I. the Big Bad Wolf umps out of nowhere and tells her !Take off your shirt #ittle &ed &iding 2ood 5 I'm gonna suck your tits dry%%!.$ BIT+2' . and I guess I can live with three incidents of infidelity in EF years. *very time that I cheated on you. !=air enough. 2er mother warned her !?on't walk through the forest. reminding him once again about the clean house. but after mulling it over in his mind for a few moments he says to his wife. take the path. Inside is three ears of corn and EF thousand dollars in cash. !you said we could talk. !After EF years we ought to be able to talk about anything.! replies the wife.ow open this goddamn trunk%! (o. and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to "ittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The =irst guy says. #ittle &ed &iding 2ood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. -n their EFth wedding anniversary. and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits.! he says. and when you go to talk. but I did say we should be honest with each other. he pulls the trunk down the stairs. you say something you don't mean1! The (econd guy says !0eah. sweetie. I tried to stay faithful to you. yells #ittle &ed. well I was having breakfast with my wife last week. into the middle of the living room floor.! he tells her. the good food and the great se/. I sold the corn. !All right. I put an ear of corn into the trunk.! she replies. !-h no you don't!. But where did all the money come from1! !Well. and instead of saying '2oney can you please pass me the sugar1'. but I wasn't always successful.! says the husband. he'll suck your tits dry%! #ittle &ed was almost there. I admit I'm not too thrilled about this. so I'll tell you what you want to know. -ver the years. !2oney. !we've been married for EF years and I think it's time we had a heart5to5heart talk. and he finishes cleaning out the attic.! The husband cannot believe the shocking confession that he has ust heard. I was at the airport buying plane tickets. The turtle stopped #ittle &ed and warned her !Turn back and use the path. !whenever the trunk got full. and calls to his wife. . !4esus +hrist%! shouts the surprised husband. (ure enough. The first says !?o you ever start thinking about something. as she pulls up her skirt. or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry%! #ittle &ed started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. !I don't care. What the hell is in that trunk1! The wife immediately protests.

paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. she shyly said. tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven1!. .! !I've got some good news and some bad news! the doctor says. (he says !I'm sorry. 2e goes to a whorehouse with OF.. !I got lots of money now. he opens the window. !What's that1! 2e says.! says her dad. !here's a hint. took all my money. 2e takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes. 2e says to the 6adame. and won't eat it if they know what it is 5 so he does not tell them. !What's going on here1!. Muietly. these chicks really know what they're doing huh1!. A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says. grabs the poor bird and ust fucks the living shit out of it.A guy is horny a hell 5 but broke.. pal%! A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. !2ey. !I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. and then you disappear.! The cop studied the guy for a moment. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. my car and then tied me up. and none of my hookers work for free%! The guy gets the room. !0ou asshole. The guy sobs. he returns to the whorehouse. when he turns to the guy ne/t to him and says. !We go to my house and fuck. !The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got .!. !What's for supper1! !0ou'll see!.e/t week.! !We're eating asshole%%!. 2is little boy keeps asking him. 2e knows his kids are fussy eaters. !I'm fucking her. The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk.II. with his pay che>ue. 2e decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes. and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. and begs the 6adame to give him whatever she can for it. !I guess this isn't your lucky day. crying. After the e/am. but has nothing to fuck. 2e pulled a gun on me. !What's the bad news1! asks the patient.give me a hooker%!.! A pregnant woman with her first child. the patient shakes his head and the doctor replies.. (atisfied. why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood1!. The 6adame replies !All of them are busy now. 2e looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.. 2e goes down another thirty feet. !0eah.! . months to live!.! A deep5sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. to which the doctor replies !I know. she screams.I know.. !6y husband wants me to ask you. robbed me. there was this guy fucking a pigeon%! A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree. says his dad. The officer stops and approaches the guy. !What's the good news then ?octor1!.. The patient is taken back. he goes home. my clothes.. !0ou see that blonde with the big breasts. !0ou want to play '6agic'1! (he says. !2ow the hell can you stay down this deep without e>uipment1! The guy takes the chalkboard and writes. The guy does. !-k. its what your mother sometimes calls me. he asks. but you should have been here last week. and the guy with no e>uipment stays with him. The guy responds. I'm drowning. and is en oying the show..

The first man comes in and sits down.. C8D 2er armpits look like she has ?on 3ing in a headlock. and tells him to go kill his wife. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. and all is silent for about F minutes.! !. The interviewer gives him a gun.! 0our girlfriend is ugly when. interviewer continues. the doctor slapped her mother. The interviewer gives him a gun. she has to trick or treat over the phone. and tells him to go kill his wife. !-kay. !The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her%! . The second guy comes in and sits down.o. and B#A6% B#A6% B#A6% B#A6% B#A6% B#A6% This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes.. she had to be breast5fed by the family dog. The interviewer looks at him and says !What happened1%1%!. The =BI is considering three men to be hired.!. The guy puts the gun down and says !I can't do it. C7D (he looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent e/posure.! The interviewer looks at the man.D *ven mos>uitoes stay away from her. CPD (he makes onions cry. and puts the gun on the table. !0es I do.! The third guy comes in. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened. CED As a baby.! !?o you love your country1! asks the interviewer.. !2e wants to know if I can still mow the lawn. CGD (he startles the animals at the zoo. The guy goes into the room. to which the guy replies. with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. !I get asked that all the time. your wife or your country1! he replies !6y country. C9D The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail. sir. We brought in your wife. 2e comes back.placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. C<D 2er ass looks like two pigs fighting over a bo/ of milk duds. that's not it. sir. C. CFD -n 2alloween.. C7ID When she was born. (e/ is fine until late in the pregnancy. !What do you love more. sir. Take this gun and go into the ne/t room and kill her. the same thing happens.! the woman confessed. The interviewer asks him !?o you love your wife1! so he replies !0es I do. and the responses are the same. The interviewer asks him the same >uestions.! The man goes into the room. 2e puts down the gun and leaves.

(o. If you don't want to have se/. By mid morning.! she signs. reach over and s>ueeze my right breast one time. ?uring the first week of marriage. !This is my masters new girlfriend. !0ou aren't so good in bed either%!. my master found out what I had done. I finally caught him. which the guy took to be pleasurable.. so he is putting me to sleep also. he decided he'd better make amends and called home. ! so' that's why they are putting you to sleep1! . This morning. he shouted and stormed off to work. If you don't want to have se/. The second dog says. !2oney. flings open her robe and yells !(uper "ussy%! The old man says !I'll have the soup. you see. the wife decides to find a solution. !$reat idea. .! Two deaf people get married. !(he is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped%! A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. he was golfing with his 4apanese counterparts and he got a hole5in5one.! . as she was getting out of the shower. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere. The 4apanese clients looked confused and said !. anymore. !What took you so long to answer1! !I was in bed. and bit him.. fifty times! An American businessman was in 4apan. !Well. reach over and s>ueeze my left breast one time. to get my scent back. I'm going to be put to sleep.. (he runs around the house all the time without her closes. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for.An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom.ow if you want to have se/ with 6*. at night.. (he kept screaming !=u ifoo. when he went to bed last night. They are putting me down. The third dog said. they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. 2e hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. I've been chasing the "ostman for years. he said !=u ifoo!.! Three people. reach over and pull on my penis one time. !Why don't we agree on some simple signals1 =or instance. why1 The second dog says. says the first dog. you got the right hole. E men and 7 woman. and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. =ugifoo%%%!.! !What were you doing in bed this late1! !$etting a second opinion. 0esterday. and their dogs are in the Nets waiting room. The ne/t day.. !Well.o. Wanting to impress the clients. my master ust completely remodeled the inside of his house. (o. I pissed on everything I could find. (o. reach over and pull on my penis . This makes me very horny. !The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife. I couldn't stand it anymore. if you want to have se/ with me. -h no. so I umped on her a gave it to her good%! The other dogs say.o says the dog. this morning.

A couple months later. I'm here to donate some blood. and he has recovered enough to speak. !Thanks. (he scanned the class looking for a guilty face.I(' Cin tiny lettersD on the blackboard. myself.nh unh.! The officer replies apologetically. =ive minutes later there's a knock on the window.! e/plains the landlord. she rubbed the word off and began class. sorry sir. and each being rubbed off vigorously.! . the word '"*.! he croaks. !. !Tell you what. and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple.! The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. =inding none.! the guy gasps.I(' was written on the board again: this time it was written about halfway across the board. officer.! #ook at the woman the landlord says. 6an) !-h. but I can't.-ne day when the teacher walked into the classroom. she walked in e/pecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words) !The more you rub it. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. the bigger it gets. !It's all right. *very morning for about a week.either did I till you switched on that damned light. I didn't realize. !That's one hell of a thirst you've got. But they pay me OEF. !At the roadside. It's totally dark. I'm here to donate sperm. (o the landlord goes outside and gets in the car. so the woman doesn't realize she's with a different man.! says the landlord. hi there% 2ere to donate blood again1! Woman) Qshaking her head with mouth closedR !. so she proceeded with the day's lesson. !you watch the bar for me while I nip out and take your place. she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board.! !Where's your car1! the landlord asks. !-h. It's a cop.! !Be my guest.! #ate at night this guy runs into a pub and demands a glass of water from the landlord. !(he's my wife. (i/ pints later. The ne/t day. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit.! A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. (he wants me to go right back out there and do it all again. The guy says) !Any man would be as bad if they'd ust had se/ with the woman in my car.! 6an) !2mm. (he's insatiable. 6an) !What are you doing here today1! Woman) !-h. They're going to give me OF for it. the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. she noticed that someone had written the word '"*. that's interesting.! the guy says. humping away. each day's being larger than the previous one. !What's going on here1! he asks. And they get right down to it. At the end of the second week.! says the landlord.

!+an I borrow your dog1! To which the man replied.! -ne day the sheriff sees Billy5Bob walking around town with nothing on e/cept his gun belt and his boots. !I'm sorry. Intrigued.! Bill thought about this for a while.o we usually ust use the camel to ride into town. !$et in line. me and 6ary5#ou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. The sheriff says !Billy5Bob.! The man e/claims. !(o is that how the other men do it1! -ne of the men responded. and he went to work on it. The commander ust let that go.aaaaaaaaah%! A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. followed by a dog.! the man replied. !(he's in the backyard. unzips his pants. flops his chop out and and places it on the counter.! -ne =all day. 6ary5#ou said we should go in the barn and we did. !I know it is and I would like E hands and a face put on this%! -ne time there was an army camp in India that ust received a new commander. well 6ary5#ou said that we should go up on the hill so we did. Billy5Bob continues !Well sheriff. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp.! said Bill. go to town. he turns to the boy and says. The men did.. one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while e/plained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. =ollowing the first hearse. There.! !Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well. !6y mother5in5law. ?uring the new commanders first inspection everything checked out e/cept one thing. what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that1! Billy5Bob replies !Well sheriff.! . he sees a woman screwing a goat.. !This is a clock shop%%! 2e replied. !Where is your mother1! The boy states. !6y wife. it's a long story%! (heriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy5Bob should tell the story. she asks. but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. screwing the goat. and then about EII men walking in single file. it's not nice to make up stories like that%! The boy says. 6y dog bit her and she died as well. The man asks the boy. 2e finally asked the man. !That is gross% ?oesn't that bother you1! The little boy answers. !What are you doing. 2e walks up to the counter where she is standing.! !. !(on. While looking around. was a second hearse which was followed by a man walking solemnly along. Then 6ary5#ou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said !-kay Billy5Bob. !+ome on in and I'll show you. Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. he notices a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. The man replied. (ir1!.p on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the 6ary5#ou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. The commander asked what it was for. I took off all my clothes e/cept my gun belt and my boots. !. !.A man from the Internal &evenue (ervice knocks on a door and it is opened by a little boy. ?isgusted. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said.! (o the ta/man follows the little boy to the back of the house and looks out the window into the backyard. !What happened to her1! !6y dog bit her and she died. Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by.! Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about P weeks later gives him the go ahead to !try out his new e>uipment!.. but as the lazy no5goods they were. and disappears back into his pants.o sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants. she was still a virgin. (he knew her last days were getting closer. !That's because they are sitting in your soup. you're ne/t%! A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The guy asks what the surgery is. died as a virgin. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants.A blonde walked in on her husband having an affair.! . They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone) !Born as a virgin. In spite of her old age. rolls across the table. !2oney. (he says !That was pretty cool% +an you do that again1! With his eyes watering and a painful e/pression on his face. the woman says. The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner.ot long after. they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. lived as a virgin. he says !"robably. #ater that night at the table. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. I am FG and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the $rand 2otel with my beautiful and se/y 78 year old secretary.. !(hut up. then gets a sly look on her face. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having se/ again is even scarier so go ahead. !.! A FG year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one =riday evening that reads. . and hope for the best. . 2is girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments. A man and a woman were celebrating their FIth anniversary. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk. the old maid died peacefully. The woman agreed. They simply wrote) !&eturned unopened.! In a tiny village lived an old maid. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband.o. and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said.! When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows. ?ear Wife. don't%! and she replied. when her husband said. grabs a dinner roll. The men went to carve it in. insert them in the base of his penis.. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an e/perimental surgery. my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago.. but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass%!. (he was very proud of it. (he was so angry she pulled out a gun and pointed to the woman's head.! The man replies. (he was about to pull the trigger.

go to the ends of the earth for her..?ear 2usband.) (how up naked. cuddle her. The boy agrees and the girl says to him that after dinner they will make love. spend money on her.I6"&*(( A W-6A. care for her. the boy thinks nothing of it and goes on.I6"&*(( A 6A. support her. her mother asks him to say the blessing before dinner. Bring beer. Well the boy agrees and as he is on his way home.. Well. protect her. so before I go over to her house ill stop by the pharmacy and buy some condoms!. you. 2-W T.. wine S dine her. Well that day went by and they young boy was on his way to the pharmacy .! Well. and as he purchased the condoms the pharmacist gives him a mean look. will appreciate that 78 goes into FG many more times than FG goes into 78. comfort her.. hug her. 2-W T. . tease her. well the boy is going on and on about stuff during the prayer and his girlfriend leans to him and says ! I didn't know you were such a religious person! and the boy says back ! I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist!. listen to her. I too am FG and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater 2otel with my handsome and virile 78 year old boy toy. being an accountant. caress her.) +ompliment her. stand by her..!This will be my first time sleeping with someone. kiss her.. hold her. stroke her.?. one night a boy and his girlfriend are out on a date and as the boy pull in his girlfriends drive5way to let her out she tells him to come over the ne/t night for dinner and meet her parents. A. when the boy is at his girlfriends house. he thinks to himself . buy things for her. love her.

At age . #P1& 1R=A! !RF!HS AB"F! AI9=. I need all the preser(ati(es I can get. . !HA! ADFA!S HAG= A=AR8=D? $& Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell2" to a tree. SFCC=SS? At age 6 success isD not peeing in your pants. !hey al)ays catch the second person. <& Middle age is )hen you choose your cereal for the fi+re. :& 9amilies are like fudgeD mostly s)eet.!ruths A+out Age.. :& 3hen you fall do)n. you )onder )hat else you can do )hile you0re do)n there. . don0t hit her +ack. success isD ha(ing friends. +ut no+ody +others to ask you the Euestions. 6& 8e(er ask your :2year old +rother to hold a tomato. . B& Aaughing is good e'ercise. <& !ime may +e a great healer. +ut sometimes age comes alone. !H= 9"FR S!A1=S "9 AI9=? $& @ou +elie(e in Santa Claus. you can0t +aptise cats. 6& !oday0s mighty oak is >ust yesterday0s nut that held its ground. At age $< success isD ha(ing a dri(ers license. 6& @ou look like Santa Claus. don0t let her +rush your hair. 1R=A! !RF!HS AB"F! AI9=. +ut it0s a lousy +eautician. !HA! AI!!A= CHIADR=8 HAG= A=AR8=D? $& 8o matter ho) hard you try. At age $. 1R=A! !RF!HS AB"F! 1R"3I81 "AD? $& 1ro)ing old is mandatoryI gro)ing up is optional.& 3hen your Mom is mad at your Dad. It0s like >ogging on the inside. %& @ou can0t hide a piece of +roccoli in a glass of milk. :& If your sister hits you. At age :B success isD ha(ing money At age B7 success isD ha(ing money. 6& @ou0re getting old )hen you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. At age <7 success isD ha(ing se'. <& Don0t snee*e )hen someone is cutting your hair.& @ou don0t +elie(e in Santa Claus. B& @ou can0t trust dogs to )atch your food. At age %7 success isD not peeing in your pants .7 success isD ha(ing se'. H& 8e(er hold a Dust2Buster and a cat at the same time. 5& Don0t )ear polka2dot under)ear under )hite shorts. H& 3isdom comes )ith age.. At age HB success isD ha(ing friends. $7& !he +est place to +e )hen you0re sad is 1randpa0s lap. At age H7 success isD ha(ing a dri(ers license. :& @ou are Santa Claus. . B& It0s frustrating )hen you kno) all the ans)ers.& 9orget the health food. not the >oy. )ith a fe) nuts.& 3rinkles don0t hurt.

(he then goes to the check out line. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. someone to fi/ the garbage disposal.! says the second. says the first guy. !It's very uncomfortable at first.. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was !6om. he keeps walking. !I had a heart attack!. started pissing on the mans leg. you're fucking ugly% A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. 0ou get numb and you kind of drift off. five dollars!. !I froze to death. A woman walks into the store and purchases the following) 7 small bo/ of detergent 7 Bar of soap . The man comes home the ne/t day and his wife asks him to fi/ the refrigerator. But eventually.! The man asks his wife !what kinda cake did you bake them1! the wife says !who do i look like Betty +rocker1! A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him. (oon another girl does the same thing. 2is mom replies !=ive dollars... ust like downtown%!.. !2ow'd you die1! the first man asks the second. man comes home the ne/t day and his wife told him she hired someone to fi/ the fridge. you get the shakes.. I'm ust trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. The dog. 2e gives her a strange look and keeps walking. +ashier) -h. how does it feel to freeze to death1! says the first.. !Blow ob. individual servings of yogurt E oranges 7 stick of womenJKLs deodorant. as if you're sleeping. 2ow did you die1! says the second.. you must be single Woman) 0ou can tell that by what I bought1 +ashier) . The man says !who do i look like the plumber1! and never fi/ed it. it's a very calm way to go. 2e approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. +onfused. The man comes home the ne/t day and his wife asks him to fi/ the garbage disposal. . at this point. and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. The blind man replied !-h I'm not rewarding him. The man says !who do i look like the maytag repair man1! and never fi/ed it. what's a blow ob1!.A man came home from work one day and his wife asked him to fi/ the toilet.o. !That's awful. The man asks his wife !how much did it cost1! 2is wife says !i had to either bake them a cake or have se/ with them. and someone to fi/ the toilet.. The man says !who do i look like a blad specialist1! and never fi/ed it.. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog.! Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.

2e's ust one of the guys I bowl with. !What did you do1! they asked.! They are seated.! The second man shakes his head. and found her alone.! !What did you do1! the other nuns asked. 0ou don't understand said the man. don't you like it1 The man says. !I poked holes in all of them%! she replied. !0ou must come here a lot%! !. Although not thrilled with the idea. +hunks is my dog. 2is wife looks at him. !Well.ice to see you. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.! Then a stripper walks up to the table. seething with fury and lets &oger have it with both barrels. so he umps into the passenger seat. I was in =ather's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms%! !-h my%! gasped the other nuns. I ran up to the second floor. The bartender says. surprised. the cabby leans over and says !(ure looks like you picked up a bitch tonight. I had a massive heart attack and died. and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. !Well. A gin and tonic as usual1! 2is wife's eyes widen. asks her husband if he has been here before. &oger. no.o. I can top that. no! says &oger !I ust know her from volleyball. of course I threw them in the trash. The bartender says. but no one was hiding there either. I ran up to the bedroom. The first nun said. The doorman at the club spots them and says !2ey &oger% 2ow are you tonight1! 2is wife. !0ou drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks!.!0ou see. fuming.o. &oger follows her and spots her getting into a cab. At this. !. any kind e/cept (chlitz.! A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer. #ast night I drank a whole case of (chlitz and blew chunks. The last couple of weeks were e/tremely tough on the husband. and the waitress approaches. !What do you mean1! asks the first man !If you had only stopped to look in the freezer.! The second nun said. knitting. I ran as fast as I could to the attic. we'd both still be alive. a man decided to give up se/ for #ent. collects her things and storms out of the bar. so she takes him to a strip club. Things got tougher during the ne/t couple of weeks. (he throws her arms around &oger and says !&oger% A table dance as usual1! 2is wife. I knew my wife was cheating on me. bot no one was hiding there. !I hate that shit!. &oger is a hard worker. . sees &oger and says !. !I was cleaning in =ather's room the other day and do you know what I found1 A bunch of pornographic magazines. his wife decides that he needs to rela/ a little and take a break from sports. so the wife wore her dowdiest nightclothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. and ust as I got there. so one day I showed up at home une/pectedly. -ne weekend. &oger%! Three nuns were talking. The third nun fainted. !What's wrong with (chlitz. !that's so ironic! he says. his wife agreed to support him in this effort. As an ultimate test of his will power. I ran down to the basement.

!Well.! she snarled. which feels better5your ear or your finger1! The angry wife met her husband at the door. A few seconds later. then. it's ust like that.-+3%%%! 2usband) !$uess whom1! Wife) !I know who it is%! 2usband) !$uess what I want1! Wife) !I know what you want%! 2usband) !$uess what I'm knockin' with1! A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. !What do I have to do1! !Well.! (o.! he replied. !6en obviously en oy se/ more than women.when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around.. okay. !Well. !What's wrong1%! she cries out. The man said. then pull it out. !remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a +oke bottle and spray your brother with it1! (he nods.-+3%%% 3. !Well. !I'm not putting that thing in my mouth%! 2e says. !3. 2e starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him. !how about a blow ob1! !0uck%! she screams. how about a hand ob1! !I've never done that. !Take your thumb off the end%%! A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who en oyed se/ more. he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. !Think about this.! he says. his eyes close..! . They start necking and he's getting pretty e/cited.! she says.-+3%%% 3. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid1! !That doesn't prove anything. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. 2e takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with e/pensive wine.! the woman countered. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door. !Breakfast. -n the way home. his head flops back on the headrest. saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.*aster morning finally came. snot starts to run out of his nose. !that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at si/ o'clock in the morning1! !There is. wa/ blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.! he answers. he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. !I assume.

! she assured him in her most scornful one.! she e/claims% !2ow the fuck did you know that1%.! says the man.! says the worker. 2er ball goes . At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives. The golf pro says !*/cellent%! . 2e gets a package at the "ost -ffice and goes to collect it. 4ohn woke up with a pounding headache.ot bad.. The man goes up to hit first.ot bad.! It's this man's . The man says to the old lady. the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. 2owever because of my strong commitment to $od I will only take it up the ass. !It's my birthday today. After a couple of minutes curiosity gets the better of the man and he says. succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors. !0ou are . how old are you1. !(ister. The man follows instructions and hits the ball . happy birthday. Was it as bad as I think1! !*ven worse.! The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best se/ ever. At the counter the woman brings his package to him. the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on.! e/claims the man. you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have se/ with you. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs.! he says. !If I can feel your balls for about F minutes.! (he replies !Well if $od has said it.! !.! !-h yeah1 What's that then. After the annual office +hristmas party blow5out. we must do it.! A guy is riding the bus when at a stop. !I know a uni>ue way of telling how old somebody is. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says !(ister. The golf pro says not bad.! .! replies the lady.rd birthday. impressed. you can do it. okay then. $olfpro) !. and insulted the chairman of the company to his face. !.ow the woman takes her turn.! asks the "ost -ffice worker. The ne/t day at .A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. !Well. !I'm sorry but I've given my body to $od! she replies and then leaves. I guess you'll never know then. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some.I yards. !-h.! !Well let me prove it%! !I'm not going to let you feel my balls%.ow hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts!.! !-h.II yards.. in the afternoon. 2e swings and hits the ball 7II yards. $od has told me I must have se/ with you. $olfpro) !. !I'm.! (he swings and the ball goes 7I yards.o don't tell me.! The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at . !I was behind you in the line at the "ost -ffice.! replied the man.. cotton5mouthed. try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick..! !-h.! says the man. but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball. !tell me what went on last night. !Thank you. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says !(urprise I'm the guy on the bus! With that the nun turns around and says !(urprise I'm the bus driver. !0ou made a complete ass of yourself. To get home.! says the old lady. the man has to take the bus. $olfpro) !. and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening... have a good day. !#ouise. where his wife put some coffee in front of him. !It's my birthday today. (uddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says !I know a way you can get her in the sack. happy birthday. !I don't believe it.! he moaned. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range.! After a good feel of the man's balls the woman finally takes her hands out of his pants.! said the lady. years old e/actly. 2e decides to approach her anyway. The only problem is that she is a nun. I can tell e/actly how many years old you are.! inter ects the old lady. !-h well. and the man says.! asks the man.! says the old lady.

When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place.*. tattooed on his penis. fuck him. !I did. they're dazzled by two women.! !Well. !$eez.!2e's an arrogant. At the hotel bar. piss on him%! !0ou did.! Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in #as Negas. measures her rear end and gasps. then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over. All over his suit. 2e said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to 4amaica man have a nice day%%% A husband and his wife who have been married EI years were doing some yard work. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp if said Wy. her husband starts to feel frisky.! said 4ohn.. (he told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name. They got married and went to 4amaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. The wife calmly responds. The first dwarf is disappointed. 2ow did it go1 The first whispers back) It was so embarrassing. weeding flowers from the flower bed. TW-. Wendy. (o the man says to his wife !0our rear end is almost as wide as this grill! (he ignores the remark. T2&**. it really I( as wide as the grill%! (he ignores this remark as well.! A couple decided to Alaska for a romantic weekend.2% all night long. the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill. 0ou're back at work on 6onday. ! #ouise informed him. I simply couldn't get an erection. you are sadly mistaken.2. In the morning. 2is depression is enhanced by the fact that. the second dwarf asks the first. 0ou think that's embarrassing1 I couldn't even get on the bed% A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis. The man was working hard cleaning the BBM grill while his wife was bending over.. 2e came in after F minutes and . as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to oin with his date. however. The second dwarf shook his head. he hears cries of -. self5important prick. and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. #ater that night while in bed. !If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener. !And he fired you. A little later. from the ne/t room.

! to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay. picked up one leg. A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. (o the ne/t guy comes in and the boss says to him. the weather man1! and promptly slams the phone down.told his wife that his hands were cold. 4ust as she finished sniffing the second leg. What is one thing you notice about me1! And the guy says. licks a 7II dollar bill and slaps it on the other side of her butt. !what's wrong. could 5you5 pass such a test1! It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. 4ust so you're out of the house by noon%! A woman walked into a very busy butcher's shop. !This ob re>uires you noticing a lot of details. 2is wife rolls over and asks. the first guy licks a 7II dollar bill and slaps it on one side of her butt. The bartender says that he's sorry.! After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 7F te>uilas. pack up your stuff. The ne/t guy also. it was some bloke who wanted to know if the coast was clear. too. The husband picks up the phone and before he can say anything. !(am. The third guy walks in takes out a credit card swipes it through her butt and takes the EII dollars. The bartender burst out. !What's wrong now. !0eah. sniffed it. !This ob re>uires you noticing a lot of details. ! ?amn don't your ears ever get cold1! A guy walks into a bar and orders 7E te>uilas. The bartender says. !6adam. !Isn't anyone in your family gettin' any pussy1%! The guy gets really pissed and says. picked up the other wing and sniffed it. #ooking at meats and poultry on display. !Who was that1! The husband replies. my wife%%%%%! Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband. (o she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them. so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. !Well shit% 0ou got no ears man%! (o the boss yells !$et the fuck out%!. The bartender asked. !he's sorry about it. she picked up one wing. (o he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. (he then said. I ust won the lottery%! !(hall I pack for warm weather or cold1! !Whatever. 2e came in after another F minutes and said ! honey my hands are cold again!. picked up the other leg. F minutes has passed and he went in again and said.! and the guy says that he ust found out that his younger son is gay. some talking came from the other end of the line and the husband says !2ow the heck do I know 5 what am I. !I don't know. .! Three people walked by a strip bar they walked in. The guy returned a few days later and ordered EI te>uilas. The first guy walks in and the boss says. (o he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. !honey my hands are cold again!. The bartender asked. sniffed it. the butcher walked up to her and said. she suddenly grabbed hold of a dressed chicken. sniffed it.

asks this one the time. his pants are off and she sees !"uma! tattooed on his leg. There was once this cowboy. he is really sensitive about it. !I've always wanted to go to 2awaii: but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. the time was right again% (haking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again. 0ou released me from the lamp.! !That's amazing. (o you can forget about getting three wishes. to which the Indian replies. The cowboy is stunned. (o he hops onto his horse and keeps going. !Well shit.! The cowboy in disbelief says. Then he said. riding through the wild west. 2e removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads. !What are you doing1!.! A man was walking along a +alifornia beach and stumbled across an old lamp. how did you know1! (o the guy replies. !That's easy. The cowboy hops off his horse and says. ?ennis says.F. he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his !bald headed champ! e/cept he was erking off. blah. After riding a while again. !0eah. your right%! the cowboy says in amazement.).! A bit later. &iding along further. The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. !6e winding clock. blah blah. 0ou got no ears%! (o the boss says. !It's cool baby. !&eebok!.! A woman is picked up by ?ennis &odman in a bar. =inally. 0ou only get one wish. !$et the fuck out%! As the second guy leaves he sees the third guy about to go in and says to him. What is one that you notice about me1! (o the guy says. the cameras pick up the tattoo and &eebok pays me for advertisement. !0our wearing contacts%! And the boss says. -ne day. !This ob re>uires you to notice a lot of details. !When I play basketball.! (o the guy goes in and the boss says. !6e tell time% "enis acts as sundial. he sees a small cloud of dust. he sees the same thing.What is something you notice about me1! And the guy says. (o he rides his horse up to it. to him. !I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AI?(%! 2e says. the underwear comes off and she sees the word !AI?(! tattooed on his penis. 2e gives the same e/planation for the unusual tattoo. !-3. gets off his horse. and thinking the last Indian was a fluke. 2e picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie% The genie said. off in the distance. !-k. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. you can't wear glasses cause you ain't got no ears. !And what are you doing1! to which the Indian replies. what time is it1! The Indian looks down at his !.. The Indian looks down at his !one eyed bandit! and says !G)GI!. !The boss has no ears so don't say anything about them. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. +ould you build me a bridge to 2awaii so that I can drive over there to visit1! .. (he thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants% The cowboy gets off his horse and asks. in a minute it's going to say !A?I?A(!. (he umps back with shock.

.. !I have to talk. !It's all right.! The second said. 6y wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.The genie laughed and said. no. don't be concerned..! she said in her tired voice. he said. !I've been married and divorced several times. $uy responds.othing'.know what they really want when they say. !6ine is like an old +hevy. Becky. !That's impossible% Think of the logistics of that% 2ow would the supports ever reach the bottom of the "acific1 Think of how much concrete.! The genie said.! !. !. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. '. !Why else would I poison you1! Three women were talking about their love lives..! The man tried to think of another wish.... It needs a hand start and I have to ump on while it's still going. !0ou want that bridge two lanes or four1! Becky was on her deathbed. ?amned if the guy's penis isn't orange.! "robing as to the causes of possible stress. 2er pale lips moved.o. I had to work EI5. !?oc. know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment.I hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. =inally. (ometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life....! !There is nothing to confess.! he >uickly interrupted. he sobbed. how much steel. I must die in peace.! ?octor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. ?oc tells the guy.! 4ake stroked her hand. Think of another wish. that I have been unfaithful to you.o.know how to make them truly happy. I know all about it!. !2ush.. I must confess.. (o I wish that I could understand women. !This is very strange. !2ow are things going at work1! The guy responds that he was fired about si/ weeks ago..! said the weeping 4ake. 4ake.. !don't talk.! she said. 2e held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.! A guy goes to a doctor and says. The first said.% . !4ake.! But she insisted. I found a new ob a couple . 6y penis is orange. !6ine is like a porsche: fast and powerful.ow. the doc asks the guy. *verything's all right. !4ake. with her husband 4ake at her side.o.! The third said. !6y husband is like a &olls5&oyce: smooth and sophisticated. The boss was a real asshole.know why they're crying. !.. you've got to help me. I must confess.

o. 2e in>uires. =or years.of weeks ago where I can set my own hours.! The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says !And this fuckin' bitch won't help you1! There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there. watch some porno flicks and munch on +heetos.! he said. but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language. !This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it. nag. At the second house they presented him with a bo/ of fine cigars. !All this was ust too wonderful for words.! 2e said. lady. I'm getting paid double what I got on the old ob and the boss is a really great guy.! It was the mailman's last day on the ob after . gently led him through the door Cwhich she closed behind himD. potatoes. (he took him by the hand. !. for +hrist's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 7F million dollars. blueberry waffles.! (o the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.! !(ir. I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore. !The breakfast was my idea. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. 6ost nights I sit home. !Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay1 I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you1! The manager is summoned. and fresh5s>ueezed orange uice.o. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. and says !What seems to be the problem1! The woman says. !2ey. give him a dollar. nag.! The man says !2ey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank. I don't have to take this abuse! she says. am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.! she said. !I won't have that kind of language in this bank. $uy says. I asked him what to give you.F years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.! (o the doc figures this isn't the reason. -bviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. I told my husband that today would be your last day.! !Well e/cuse me. !Well.! !"lease!. 2e asks the guy. I got divorced about eight months ago. $od. !but what's the dollar for1! !Well. !2ow's your home life1! The guy says. !. and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever e/perienced. where she fi/ed him a giant breakfast) eggs.! The lady then said. !last night. says the woman. !?o you have any hobbies or a social life1! The guy replies. As she was pouring. ham. who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. and that we should do something special for you. !=uck him. 2e had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have se/. and after waiting for EI minutes in line. all I listened to was nag.! A man walks into a bank. When he had had enough they went downstairs. he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. he goes straight to a customer service rep. not really. sausage. and says. .! The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress.

-k my good woman what is your problem the doctor asks.!+ould you hold my camel1! Three e/plorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon ungle. she says. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass. (oon he was feeling the urge to have se/ again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away.! This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her.. 2e asks !.ow what's wrong1! she says !I've been thinking and. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. The chief turns to the tribe and screams !?*AT2 B0 B--3A%! A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says !2oney if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow!. The tribe again starts screaming B--3A% and dancing around.2e tried to position himself to have se/ with his camel but the camel ran away. !?eath or Booka1%!.! Well this is a nice guy so he hops the fence and gives her a hug. 2e went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. !?eath or Booka1%!. The tribe starts screaming B--3A% and dancing around.!If you fi/ our car we will do anything you want. At his car he finds that his keys are lost so he goes back to the girl and finds his keys there but he sees her crying again. =inally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. so he opts for booka. The cheif calls the second e/plorer to the front and asks. he opts for booka. the cheif then rips the e/plorers pants off and fucks him in the ass. Well not wanting to die either.ow what's wrong! he asked (he responds !I've never been fucked before! The guy picks her up and throws her into the pool and says !. !.! After thinking for a short while he replied. Then he grabs her pussy and says !2oney if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens!. 2e calls the first e/plorer to the front of the tribe and asks. 2alf an hour later he is going back to his car and hears her crying. so he opts for death.ow you're fucked real good. (he turns to him smiles. When he finished are three girls asked. Well the e/plorer doesn't want to die. The chief calls the third e/plorer to the front and asks.I've never been kissed before!. 2e stops and looks over the fence and sees a woman without any arms or legs crying beside a pool. !?eath or Booka1%!. ust that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting the doctor sees her in. The hottest girl said .!2ow could we ever repay you 6r. Well. (o he caught up to it again and go on it again. 2e asks !What's the problem1! she says !Well I've never been hugged before. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. The chief is going to punish the intruders.grabs his dick and says !2oney if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother! This man is walking down the road and hears someone crying. my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman. (o I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my .! The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fi/ed it in a flash. Well the guy thinks what's the harm in giving her a kiss to make her feel better1 2e hops the fence and gives her a kiss.

why are you laughing1! The man turns around and says to the bartender. I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. The man walks back over to the bartender. thanks a lot man. pulls down his zipper and ust lets it fly. !0ou ust lost OFII. !&ight on. my boys ust won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do.! The bartender looks at the man like he was nuts and says with a laugh. made for a woman.! The mom backhands Tommy so hard. the two boys come down for breakfast and she asks Tommy what he wants for breakfast. !I bet you OFII that I can piss in this cup from across the room. What should I wear to this party1! =armer says.! -ne day.! The bartender replied !(ecret11! The man e/plained you know.! (o the farmer says. but in some cases we'll make an e/ception. turns around and begins to laugh hysterically. Tommy says !Well. !0eah.ike. !-oook buddy. Timmy and Tommy. 2e asks her to pull down her underwear sits her down with her legs wide open puts his gloves on and says) I only have one >uestion.! the priest says !Well. 0ou know 4ust ?o it.! (o the man pays him. did I mention that there will be lotsa se/1! +ollege guy !$ood. !Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn' going on. a family of a mother and two boys. smacked Tommy across the head. don't be nervous I see this happen all the time. (trong enough for a man. and speaks to the bartender. 0ou got a deal. I am going to throw a party for you.!I'm sorry sir but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.! (o the man walks over to the other side of the room. "iss goes everywhere: on the bar.! The bartender replies. 2e thinks to himself I'm not gay but I really want to to drink so he walks up to the bar. The doctor says. his mother asks him . and that you would be happy and laugh about it%! A man walks into a bar and immediately realizes its a gay bar. I can drink ust as much as anyone else so I should do ust fine. on customers.III that I could piss all over your bar and you. shocked and terrified by this. At the end of the summer the farmer says. What am I looking for1 Bills or loose change1 A man walks up to the bar. !(on. !Well. The bartender says. The bartender asks. doesn't the church look down on that1! the priest says !Well. !-kay then what's the name of your penis1! The bartender replies !6ine is named . Timmy leaned over.! The bartender says. were riding in their car on the way to church. !2a ha ha. all over the bartender.vagina but now I can't get it out. have you tried smacking them1! she said !. Timmy becomes very >uiet. !Well you see that man over there. Well pay up.! The man says.o. she said !=ather. gimme some fucking waffles. The bartender asks !What is the name of your penis1! The man says !6an get outta my face I'm not like that.! =armer !There is also going to be a lot of fightn' so I hope you are ready. since you have done such a fine ob here this summer.! The ne/t day. The man thought for a moment then replied !6ine is named (ecret. I bet him O7I.! A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm. ust gimme a beer.! The college guy says. !I don't care it's ust going to be me and you. the mom went to talk to the priest. but not a drop lands in the cup. and Tommy yelled out !-uch you fucking wanker%! later that day in church.! +ollege guy !I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape.! 2e replies. yes.! =armer says. he flies out of his chair and lands against the door. !Well.! +ollege guy !2ey.

.. the blond says. The guy sets the frog right between her legs and it ust sits there not moving at all. (o the guy leans over to the frog and says. !Well1 what's up1! The frog still does not move. !What the hell are you supposed to be1! asked the host. After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed. 2e replies. When the host answered the door. yesterday she drug home a brand new washer and dryer. 2e tells her that she needs to >uit drinking before she goes to bed. The blonde says. and we ain't even got electricity%! The second hillbilly said !6y wife is stupider than yers. and we ain't even got runnin water%! The third hillbilly said !6y wife is even stupider% 0esterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. he licks pussy. The doctor tells her to go and get undressed and wait for him in the other room. 2e opens it and there's a frog inside. When the doctor goes into the room he tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror.o!.what he wants for breakfast. !A premature e aculation. !I ust came in my pants%! This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool all alone. *verything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin there. gets into the bed and spreads her legs. .. I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time%! This lady is having a bed wetting problem. The bear leans over to the bunny and says !?o you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur!1 The bunny says !. Then he had a bright idea. (he figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. (o the guy sits down ne/t to her and pulls a small bo/ from his pocket. he convinces her to come with him to his apartment.! said the man. !All right. but does he do tricks1! The guy says. yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher. and she ain't even got a dick%! There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. !I wanted to see how I would look with a beard. The first hillbilly said !6y wife is so dumb. and his reply was !Well you can bet your sweet ass I don't want no fucking waffles%! Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her. he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head.. so she decides to go to the doctor. !2e's cute. They get there and she takes all of her clothes off. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror. (o the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.! A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. !0ea.! (o after talking with her for several minutes.

and ain't ever gonna get none. (o she thought to herself I'll give it a try ust to see what it tells me. (he sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is truly. (o she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. (he said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. (he went back to the machine. you have fiddled.. I've got to try it again ust to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport. 0our a nun you weigh 7E8lbs and your going to +hicago Illinois. This must be a sign from $od that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days. After they crawl out of their cars. the man replied.. 0our a nun. you weigh 7E8lbs. you weigh 7E8lbs. here's another miracle. When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. (he went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. truly. your a nun.This nun was going to +hicago. a card came out and said. but fortunately we are unhurt. (o she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it. and your going to play a fiddle.! =lattered.. !And look at this. farted. the woman says. incredible. and your going to have se/. !(o you're a man. (o she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said. But one thing is for certain. ust look at our cars% There's nothing left. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. and your going to break wind. fucked around and missed your flight to +hicago%%%%%%%% A woman and a man are involved in a car accident: it's a bad one. (he sat back down and this +owboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the fiddle and ust started playing beautiful music. Wow. I've got to try it again. (he said ah5hah that does it I know for sure its wrong now. 6y car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. !-h yes. she thought to herself it probably tells everyone the same thing.. Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got raped. that's interesting. (o she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said. I'm a woman.. well she tripped and fell off the scales and =A&T*? like a bay mule.! . you weigh 7E8lbs. (urely $od wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. I'm going try it again. your going to +hicago Ill. put her nickel in and a card came out and said. I'm a nun. your going to +hicago Ill. your nun. (he looked back at the machine and said this is incredible I've got to try it again. you weigh 7E8lbs. I agree with you completely%! !This must be a sign from $od%! The woman continued.. ain't ever had none. your a nun. your going to +hicago Ill. (he thinks I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life. (he said to herself this is truly unbelievable. (o she sat back down and thought about it. (he went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight.

? A B#--? (A6"#*%! With that the old woman turns to the old man and says.! The new bride then asks !What's that reddishTpurple thing on the end of the penis1! The doctor replies !We call that the head of the penis. a feces sample. your toes go up. Burford. All is forgiven. The toilet in his room isn't working. so he bolts down to use the lobby 6en's &oom.o. The bride then asks !What are those E round things about 7F inches from the head of the penis1! The doctor replies !#ady. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. on him I don't know.&I.. her toes remained still. !?ear 6r. his partner's toes would rise.**? A ...! she replied. but all of the stalls are occupied. !What1! (o the doctor says it again. and hands it back to the man. but when we do it in the shower. opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. A. +onfused.! The old man says.Then she hands the bottle to the man. and in desperation. !what1! (o the doctor yells it. while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower. he drops his pants. Two weeks later.where it is1! A couple were indulged in se/ual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his pelvis. but on me they're the cheeks of my ass%! Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. he asked.. -nce again the old man says. she asked the doctor !What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs1! The doctor replies !We call that the penis. The woman takes the bottle. they don't1! !(illy. #ater that night.! Two old people. !2e needs a pair of your underwear%! A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. and takes a shit in the pot. The man asks. !I take my pantyhose off in the shower%! . #acking knowledge of the male anatomy.. !I .. and a blood sample. uproots a plant. !I'll need a urine sample. I think I'll ust wait for the police. a man and a woman. !Why is it that when we do it in bed. so he runs back up to his room. 4ust tell us. The man nods his head in agreement. he gets a postcard from the hotel that says. walk into a hospital. !. A =*+*( (A6"#*. immediately puts the cap back on. The doctor says to the old man. !Aren't you having any1! The woman replies.* (A6"#*.

'no'. The doctor fills the prescription.! The second fellow says !2ell. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. the man asks the guy ne/t to him: !What the hell is that1! The guy ne/t to him replies !2e's a pianist%!. the trucker says !2ey man. first you go to the airport. the second flea arrived again ust a shiverin'. every time my old lady spreads her legs the furnace kicks in%! -ne evening this drunk walks into a bar. and he smacks the monkey up side his head. these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of +alifornia to escape the cold. The first flea asked. sits down. and happens to notice a 7E! tall man standing on the bar.(o this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for 'Niagra'. the second flea arrived ust a shiverin' and a shakin'. and mumbling about how cold he was. (o after that. shakin'. says the guy. #ater that week. and was . (o the trucker has this monkey in the back. and props the little man up to the piano. to which the drunk replied !2orse shit. this little man started hammerin out all the favorite tunes of the bars' patrons. and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm!. 'it's for my wrists 5 the girls never showed up%' A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road. the drunk asks !That little guy is cool.e/t thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. but ust don't smack me so hard. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. right back on that bikers mustache% To men dicussing how tight ass cold their wives had been to them about giving se/. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. (ure enough. The guy asks for a large dose of the UstrongestU variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. About that time. . do you want some of that1! And the hitch hiker says !(ure. rubbed it til a genie appeared. where the hell did you get him!1 The fella told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in the alley. !?on't you know the special trick to gettin here. and he makes it come up with the men.! -ne winter year. (tunned. Astonished. The first fellow says !6y wife's so cold I can put a glass of water in bed with her and the ne/t morning its turned to ice. The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm. the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. !I did ust as you said: I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down. The first flea e/claimed !?idn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm1! To which the second flea replied. (o the trucker stops and picks up the man. when he sees a hitch hiker. is your dick in that much pain1'. your pulling my leg! (o the guy ne/t to him picks up the 7E! man . wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along. 4ust then. grabs some books. the trucker says !2ey man. and the monkey gives him a blow ob. !What the hell happened to you1! To which the second flea replied !I ust rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd%! The first flea said. While they are driving down the road. go straight to the ladies cammode. you wanna see something pretty cool1! The hitch hiker says sure. All of a sudden I woke and there I was. The ne/t winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The doctor asks 'why.

to which they were ma orly pissed off. it's busted. !2e keeps making fun of me%! A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. The bus driver says in a slurred voice. !What1! 2e heard. he realized his solution. they came down with the boy to the bus stop to talk to the driver. I'll try it. told his parents and figured he would try again. the bus came around and opened the door. 2e thought about the restroom.ot wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm. . he kept his eyes shut and replied. 2e walks down to the bus stop and waits for the bus to take him to school. All of a sudden the drunk hauls ass out the back door. he felt a >uick tug at the bottom of his pants. The ne/t morning. The bus eventually drives up and opens the door. I found that genie bottle and wished for a million bucks and all of a sudden there are a million ducks shitting all over my new suit. it's ust frost on my moustache. The boy went back to his parents and told them.! The fella started laughing and wildly e/claimed !0ou don't really think I wished for a 7E! pianist do you1! This retarded kid is starting his first day of school. !6y boy needs to go to school each morning. the man replies !. The father of the boy asks. !I'm checking out the rear a/le. the sky turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead shittin all over him. the drunk asks !I wish for a million bucks!. you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill F minutes ago. (he replies !0es. !Well.granted one wish. but figured that was too unsafe. but you keep closing the door and driving off. The man decided. Then the bus door closes and drives off without picking him up. In a slurred voice the boy says . In a slur. he undid his pants and started to masturbate. (atisfied with the privacy. The ne/t morning. he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. and starts rubbing it) when all of a sudden a genie pops out and grants him one wish. The bus came past and the door opened.!2e spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. Angrily.! The doc told him that masturbating before se/ often helped men last longer during the act. !What the hell. how come1!.!2ello 6r Busdriver%! To which the bus driver closed the door and drove off. 2e got out and crawled underneath as if he was e/amining the truck.! After thirty5five years of marriage. !2ello 6r (choolbus ?river! he says in a slurred voice. 2e went back home. 2e phoned the Alaskan 6obile =i/it (ervice and they arrived shortly after. the drunk runs back inside. =inally. slams the door and begins cursing !0ou son of a bitch. -n his way home. 2e couldn't do it in his office.o. 2e considered an alley. yes dear anything what . All of a sudden. finds the bottle. 2e service man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said ! It looks like you've blown a seal !. Bernie is lying on his deathbed and with a tear in his eye he says !Annabel before I die I have to tell you something!. What's going on down there1! The man replied. As he grew closer to orgasm. !This is the police. but that was too open.! +ame the reply. 2e closed his eyes and thought of his lover. he stood at the bus stop.

! Bernie says. 2is mom says ! 0ou kicked the cow so no milk for you. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.is it1! 2e starts. !(o before I die I ust want you to know you're a fucking in/%! There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. you were right by my side the whole time. on the front step. astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him. !What's the deal1! he asks. When our kids grew up and ran away from home. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The couple took the new baby home. There. The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man.! !3" BAR J"J=S DAGID Hasselhoff )alks into a +ar and says to the +arman? -I )ant you to call me Da(id Hoff-. it was you by my side who kept me going. !6y husband is like a &olls5&oyce: smooth and sophisticated. It needs a hand start and I have to ump on while it's still going. !The first year we were together. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man. thus reducing her own. and a chicken. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby. times ten. pig.! The second said. 8I. that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times.! The third said. (o when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. Three women were talking about their love lives. 2e offered to let the couple try an e/perimental procedure. though. the mailman lay dead. !When I lost half my family in the terrible car crash. and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know. you sat with me and comforted me% And when I lost everything last year in the fire at the store. and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you. Annabel 0ou've been through everything with me. !6ine is like a porsche: fast and powerful. !6ine is like an old +hevy. 0ou sat by my bed and nursed me back to health. The doctor warned him. The man >uickly agreed.! Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. and finally 7IIV of the pain. you kicked the pig so no bacon for you. The the boy says !?o you want me to tell him or should you1! A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. I caught pneumonia and almost died. -n his way in he kicked a cow. PI. The doctor turned the dial up to GI. !he +arman replies? . The first said.! To which the wife nods her head and he continues.

!I met this amazing guy. !he +londe officer looked at the mirror.!)o Blondes.she finally asked. !he >ump leads take a seat and the +rain gets the round in. but I'm actually a ta/i driver. -Here it is... !I really should have mentioned this earlier. Abruptly. !he police)oman replied. -"kay.no +inderella. and that wouldn't be good.. !he cop asked to see the +londe0s dri(er0s license. !Why aren't we going anywhere1! asked the girl.am. no hassle. -Ho) come/.! +inderella wanted to go to the ball one night.replies the +artender.. The $odmother says.A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.!he dri(er finally found a sEuare mirror. I didn0t realise you )ere a cop.-Sure thing Da(e. -3hat does it look like/.. before I knew it.! ..! The boy reluctantly paid her.. 7am. 2is name was "eter "eter..! +inderella agrees and leaves the house. and well. but she didn't have any tampons to use and she was on the rags.. looked at it and handed it to the police)oman.. -It0s sEuare and it has your picture on it. She dug through her purse and )as getting progressi(ely more agitated. !.ow use the tampon. the boy sat in the driver's seat. +ut the +artender refuses to ser(e the +rain. #P1& A +londe )oman )as speeding do)n the road in her little red sports car and )as pulled o(er +y a )oman police officer that )as also a +londe. !Where the hell have you been1%1! To which +inderella replies. still no +inderella% =inally. staring out the window. After the obligatory cigarette. Fam rolls by and +inderella waltzes through the door and the fairy godmother umps up. I should have mentioned this before.says the +rain. 6idnight comes along. -3ell. and they did their thing. we got into a serious bang session.. but I'm actually a hooker and I charge OEI for se/. 2er =airy $odmother came to the rescue and turned a pumpkin ne/t to +inderella's house into a tampon. then handed it +ack saying. you can go. doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. but be sure to get back home before midnight or it will turn back into a pumpkin. !Well. -you0re out of your head and your mate looks like he0s gonna start something. Eam and ..she said. and the fare back to town is OEF.2'2'2'2'2 A BRAI8 and a pair of >ump leads )alk into a +ar. the girl stopped the boy dead in his tracks.

he stopped and reached over to . but he does the same thing every night. gets a drink and has a seat. the new guy asks why. to which the other replies. with no luck.avy.! The man says !.. ?uring the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar. the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by. zipped up and merrily walking along. and ust sits there licking his eyebrows. the good looking man asks the barman. which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. As he was reading. and reaches in and takes out his penis. !What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea1!. A man with no arms comes up to him and says !2ey. and I mean &5*5A5#5#50 ugly man walks into the bar. there is this barrel on the upper deck. Imagining the bonus he will get come udgment day. orders a drink. gives it a shake. but that really ugly man ust came in here and left with those two stunning women 5 what's his secret1 2e's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night 5 What's going on1' 'Well. !Because its your turn in the barrel on Thursday. but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it%! A very good looking man walks into a singles bar. Though he feels uncomfortable. you can every day e/cept Thursday. !2ey. he gets a>uatinted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. !Well.o problem. (uddenly a really ugly man.. to which the other guy replies. 'I don't know how he does it. thanks a lot man. he agrees to help.' A man and his wife got into bed for the night. ?isheartened by all this. takes a deep breath. Its simply the best feeling he had ever e/perienced. can you give me a hand1!. Nery soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.This guy decides to oin the . 2e climbs to upper deck and sees the barrel.! 4ason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel.! Weeks pass. 2e walks in. But there is one thing I have to know. -n his first day of service. =lings his shlong out and starts fucking the barrel.' (aid the Barman.! +onfused. '*/cuse me. he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates. it was truly a success% After he was done. !0eah. and zips it back up in his pants. !That barrel really was great% I could do it every day%! To which the other crew member replies. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. and within seconds he is surrounded by women. The guy asks the sailor showing him around. 2e sits at the bar. what is wrong with your 4ohnson1! Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says !I don't know. ust pump your cock in the side with the hole. 2e unzips the man's pants.

A few days later. (he had a bad crack and a pretty big hole in her front. !2ell no% I was ust wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages. 2er bottom was all chewed up and she smelled of dead fish.! -nce there were twin brothers by the name of 4ones. I smell pancakes%! Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The thing that finished her was four guys from the other side of town. The single brother 4oe was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat. she was rather old from the start. I warned them she wasn't so hot. !6mmm. she made water faster than anything I ever saw. 4ohn 4ones was married. but they could take a crack at her if they liked. (o the ne/t night she decided to dump the whole bottle in his dinner. kitty%! There was a papa mole. The ne/t day her son showed up at the doctor's office and and said. I am sorry to hear of your great loss. The ne/t night she decided to try G pills and she had even better se/. 2e did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. Baby mole said. the result was the crazy fools tried to get inside her all at once and it was too much for her. It happened that 4ohn 4one's wife died the same day that 4oe's rowboat filled with water and sank. taking all your ammies off1! The wife replied.his wife and started fondling her pussy. !Well I am not a bit sorry. Well the ne/t night she tried 8 pills and the se/ was wonderful. (o. you must feel terrible!. Well. and my dad's going around saying here kitty. what did you do to my ?addy1 6y mom's dead. (he cracked right up the middle!. The husband said. It got so I could barely handle her. The husband was confused and asked. my butt hurts. 4ones. "apa mole poked his head out of the hole and said. Before he could finish the old lady fainted% . That night she gave him one and they had a decent night of se/. a mamma mole. !?octor. and that hole got bigger every time I used her. and 4oe 4ones was single. !6mmm. and a baby mole. !What the hell are doing. ?octor. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier!. *ven the first time I got into her. a kindly old lady met 4oe and mistaken him for 4ohn said: !-h 6r. The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. They came down looking for a good time and asked if I could lend her to them. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. A lady goes to the doctor's office and tells the doctor that she can't get her husband to have se/ with her anymore. but if anyone else used her she leaked like anything. !The only thing I smell is molasses. !0ou were playing with my pussy. the doctor gives her some pills and says to give her husband one each night in his dinner whenever she wants to have se/. 4oe smiled and said. my sister's pregnant. kitty. I smell sausage%! 6amma mole poked her head outside the hole and said.

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with 4ulie.! she said. 4ulie came to 4ohn and said. 4ulie and I are ust roommates.Baseball...! About a week later. while watching the two interact. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what 4ohnnie had in mind for his report. !Well. and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with 4ulie. But eventually his turn came. Then ?addy had a heart attack. but the teacher is sure that he will probably say !Bitch! or something like that so she calls on Todd. Todd says.. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed. !But what is so e/citing about a period. what starts with &1! she says. she started to wonder if there was more between 4ohn and the roommate than met the eye. 6ary.! A kindergarten teacher comes to class and says. but I'll write her a letter ust to be sure. !*ver since your mother came to dinner. +an I see your driver's license1! (he digs around .! 4ohn invited his mother over for dinner. (he had long been suspicious of a relationship between 4ohn and his roommate and this only made her more curious. !I know what you must be thinking. do you1! 4ulie said.&at! 4ohnny replies. his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful 4ohn's roommate was.. !That's great. 6om! An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. but the teacher knows that he is always vulgar and likes to use obscenities so she chooses on little 6ary to answer. e/cept for 4ohnny... I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. (he was reluctant to call upon little 4ohnnie. !B.! And the teacher replies. !0ou don't suppose she took it.! reported 4ohnnie. !&at. !Well I can see that. !A.! says 4ohnny. good ob. !Today class I am going to give you a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter.Apple! The teacher replies.! (he begins with the letter !A! and all the kids raise their hands. is raising their hand so she is forced to call on him. !Big5ass mother5fuckin' rat with a dick 7E inches long. I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house. !*/cuse me ma'am but you were speeding.! !?amned if I know. the teacher was calling on them one at a time. 6ommy fainted and the man ne/t door shot himself. #ove. &eading his mom's thoughts. made a small white dot on the blackboard. !&. so she asked him ust what that was. knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. Todd.! (o he sat down and wrote) !?ear 6other. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports. 6ary stands and says.! said 4ohnnie. I doubt it.! (o she moves on to the letter !B!. but I assure you. then sat back down.! (o they start going through the alphabet and the class' attention dwindles. !It's a period. !But this morning my sister said she missed one. !0eah. 4ohn volunteered. .. ?uring the meal.The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something e/citing and relate it to the class the ne/t day. and with a piece of chalk. !-kay 4ohnny.! (everal days later. 4ohn received a letter from his mother which read) !?ear (on. and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. e/cept for 4ohnny.. -ver the course of the evening. and again 4ohnny is still eager to answer the >uestion. The teacher comes to the letter !&! and no one.. !$ood 4ob. #ittle 4ohnnie walked up to the front of the class. There is one kid in the back named 4ohnny that is real eager to answer the >uestion.. she would have found the gravy ladle by now. As she's going down the hall an old man umps out of a room and says.rat1! the teacher >uestions with astonishment.that's it.

not the Breathalyzer again%! There was a shoe sales man sitting in his store when a beautiful woman comes in. As she comes to the old man's room again he umps out. $eorge's Wife) !The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt. The man asked him. pulls out a candy wrapper. !. this shoe salesman said he'd like to fill my pussy up with ice cream and lick it all out%! !. he's stark naked and has an erection% The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says. !Well. !0our going to have to bear with it. Again. (he took off her shirt and grabs her breasts.. . 2is friends took him to the doctor. !-h no.! The old man replied !I can't remember where I live%! A guy was playing golf.! $eorge) !But 2oney.o one has ever seen these before. the man and his wife were in bed. and hands it to him. pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. anyone that can eat that much ice cream.! The doctor replied.in her purse a little.. (he zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. $eorge got the -3 the go out with the guys as long as he . gives her another warning and sends her on her way. he told the doctor !But tonight's me and my wife's honeymoon. I ain't fuckin' with%! -nce there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. (he says. This time. 2e looks it over. what do you think.! The man pulls out his wang and says. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn't wearing any panties.. a golf ball hit him in the balls and he passed out.p and down the halls she goes again. 2e looks it over.! We're going to have to put in a support for about a week.! 2e then takes four tongue depressors and ties them all together with string. A younger man walked up to him and asked !What's wrong1! The old man replied !I am married to a se/y E7 year old woman who gives me two blow obs a day and we have se/ the minute I get home from work and right after dinner. !2oney. The husband replied !?ear. The man said !I'd like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out%! 2earing this the woman runs out to tell her husband. doc1! The doctor replied. gives her a warning and sends her on her way. I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night%! (o after begging his old lady for an hour.. 2e started thinking and something slipped out. the same old man umps out of a room and says. !*/cuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there. 2e looks at her and can't stop staring.! #ater that night.. !Well mines still in the crate%! $eorge was planning on going out with !The Boys! when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.! The young man had a strange look on his face and asked !What's so bad about that1 It sounds to me like you have a great se/ life.ow go kick his ass%!. The man's face looked disappointed.! !+an I see your registration please1! (he digs around in her purse a little.

!hey sit do)n and engage in an animated con(ersation. Then.! !)o Italians !alking. on top of mine. ust tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you EI bucks to get the shirt cleaned.. her voice rang out in the darkness) !?octor. his wife was waiting for him in the living room.stayed off of the booze. $eorge) !(hit% The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt%! Bill. hours of guzzling li>uor. $eorge blew chow all over his shirt.! ?uring her annual checkup.! (o. Bill) !All you got to do is have a OEI bill in your hand when you walk through the door. $eorges wife) !I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt%! $eorge) !2oney. That's from the guy who shit in my pants. 0ou undress and tell me when you're through. when drunk ass $eorge walked into the house with money in hand. !I'll flick off the lights. !I ust can't undress in front of you. the well5constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the e/amining table.! In a few moments. let me e/plain% This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me EI bucks to have it cleaned. $eorge's wife) !Is that so1 Then where did the other EI dollar bill come from1! $eorge) !-h. !he lady sitting +ehind them ignores them at first. $eorge's best pal.! said the physician. +ut her attention is gal(ani*ed )hen she hears one of the men say the follo)ing? .. when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself. I've undressed. $eorge met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit5faced.! 2is wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two OEI bills.! !All right. #$B& A +us stops and t)o Italian men get on.! she replied shyly. gave drunk ass $eorge an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. !?octor. After about . What shall I do with my clothes1! !"ut them on the chair.

. 2e climbs up the tower to stand watch. 2e's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. no screwing%! Again they yell back. a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. overall you are very healthy for a GF year old. 6rs. !-3! he says. the man loses concentration for a split second. only one problem. 4ones and says the following) !6rs. !I demand a second opinion!. -nce again the second man yells down. !2ey. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program. The second man yells down.retorted the lady indignantly. is very glad to see the second man there. however.A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. !We're not screwing%! A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.. The husband. !We're not screwing%! *ventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. The husband looks out from the tower and says. !you're fucking ugly as well%! (itting at home one night with his wife. There is however.! (he looks sternly at him and says. Den I come. and a peanut goes into his ear. 0ou are GI pounds overweight and bordering on obese. !2ey. After an hour or so. but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky5panky. 2e tries to get it out. !)o asses.-=mma come first.-Hey. !We're not screwing%! #ater they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. 2e and the wife become attracted to each other right away. 4ones.ow we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower. I said no screwing%! They yell back. =rom up here it ?-*( look like they're screwing. !hen I come one lasta time.-@ou foul2mouthed se' o+sessed s)ine. 4ones goes to the doctor for a full medical. -In this countryD )e don0t speak aloud in pu+lic places a+out our se' li(es. -3ho0*a talkin0 a+out a se'/ I0m >usta tellin0 my a friend here ho) to spella Mississippi.said the man. -ne day another man washes up on shore. I come once2a2more. the doctor looks at 6rs. Den t)o asses come together. coola do)n lady. !. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years.! The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. I come again and pee t)ice. but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully . rather than two people doing 7E5hour shifts. (oon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. !2ey. they come together again. no screwing%! They yell back. !(on5of5a5gun. Again the second man yells down.

takes a deep whiff and says. the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital.! The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. but I am blind and can't read the menu. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had ust happened. 2e tells his wife. !(ir. After another deep breath.! The blind man puts the fork to his nose. As the blind man walks in and sits down. walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. yes that's what I'll have.! 6ary complies and hands her husband the fork back. !$ood afternoon sir. !2ey I didn't know that 6ary worked here1! . 2e returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. (everal days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. meatloaf and mashed potatoes. and low and behold. but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend. I didn't recognize you. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. I take the 6acaroni and cheese with broccoli. The waiter. !(o! the wife says. this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you. As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks.! !I'm sorry. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. 2e then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow. the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the ne/t time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. rubbing his nose. 4ust bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer. The boyfriend takes control of the situation: he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. I'll smell it and order from there. I think he's likely to be our son5 in5law. The blind man eats and leaves.deep. -nce again walking away in disbelief. !I'm sorry sir. remember me1 I'm the blind man. the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. !That smells great. the blind man says.! .! A little confused.! A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. !what do you think he'll become after he finishes school1 A $" or a surgeon1! !Well says the man. !6ary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man. the owner is ready and waiting. !by the smell of his fingers. the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room. 2e returns the following week. who is also the owner. I'll go get you a dirty fork. but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.nbelievable. !Ah.

. for obvious reasons. (he went back and informed the client at which he cried...ot willing to let grandma in on her little secret. but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly1! . sounds lovely. >uestioning all of the prostitutes. (ure enough. he commented. (he ran around the corner again at which her husband asked !.. The diner was impressed.! said $randma.! The woman ran back and informed the client. !That's too much%! 2e then asked. The husband told her to tell the client O7II. !-h. $randma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously. at the end of the line. dear1! .. !But youJKLre so old. When he got to $randma.! she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. it's >uite easy. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket. he was bewildered. The young girl was frantic. sonny. !What are you lining up for. !0es.. kept it a secret from her grandma. pulled out a clean spoon. By carrying clean spoons with us. I ust remove my dentures and suck JKLem dry%! A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. A police officer made his way down the line. but little old $randma. !2ow much for a hand ob1! (he asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an e/tra source of income. As he was paying the waiter. the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes.pon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung. who should be walking in the neighborhood. Well. he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. The husband said !Ask for OGI.ow what1! The wife replied !+an I borrow OPI1! A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and. A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. and set it on the table.! The diner ate his meal. (he asked him once more to wait a moment. 2e determined that 7<. (he told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. . As he sat down. including the young girl. -ne day. !I think IJKLll have some myself. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any >uestions or problems. !6mm. !=orgive the intrusion. !?o all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets1! The waiter replied. we save trips to the kitchen. how do you do it1! $randma replied.8V of our diners knock the spoon off the table. *ver since an *fficiency */pert visited our restaurant. the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. 2e felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear.

I'll go hunting. do my thing. the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. When I need to go. I saw some ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours%! The mother cleverly replies. boozing.The waiter replied. fishing.. (hortly thereafter. !Why don't you try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. the boy runs to his mother and says. and then return to work. (o.! A husband is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. !. With that. !The bigger they are. Also. the dumber he got%! A couple were married and. the husband laid down some rules. !That is a good sign.! he insisted. The doctor thinks this is amazing and could perhaps . the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. (eems that the same *fficiency */pert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. and at what time I want. the dumber they are%! With that. that's fine with me.o. !Any comments1! 2is new bride replied. But. -n this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of ust talking to her. unless I tell you otherwise. I e/pect a decent meal to be on the table every evening. though. !6ommy. Those are my rules.. the wife lets out a sigh. there really is no need to wash my hands. if I want. the dumber they are%! she replies. and card5playing with my buddies whenever I want. !how do you get your penis back in your pants1! !Well. !0es. the little boy runs back to his mother and says. !6ommy.! Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. I ust saw ?addy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked. I simply pull the string. but I use the spoon.! said the diner.! suggests the doctor. ust understand that there'll be se/ here at seven o'clock every night. I don't e/pect any hassle from you. (everal minutes later. !I'll be home when I want. !6ommy. !And.! The husband returns to his wife's bedside and rubs her right breast which brings a moan from his wife. we all do. though. following the wedding. (aves a lot of time. I saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than ?addy's%! !The bigger they are. whether you're here or not. "leasantly surprised. 2aving never touched myself. the little boy runs back to his mother and says. the husband runs out and tells the doctor. While doing so.! !Wait a minute. 2e rushes out again and tells the doctor. I don't know about the other guys. (everal minutes later. the other end of that string is tied to my penis.! he said.

who was in her FI's to the gynecologist.o% Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something1 6other) Well. !What's going on1! asks the doctor. it still wasn't appropriate or professional. so take a hike%! The old rooster says) !Aw. Muickly.ow don't give me a hassle about this old man. About F seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. as he performed his e/amination.I's was taking her mother. while he was looking between my legs% ?o you think that was appropriate1 ?aughter) . sitting on the porch. the doctor remarked. ust let me have those two old hens over there in the corner.! The old rooster says) !0ou can't handle all these chickens.! =armer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.! The two roosters line up in back of the farm house: a hen clucks !$o%! and the old rooster takes off running. 6ore than happy to accommodate. he grabs his shotgun and B--6% The young rooster is blown to smithereens% =armer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust) !?amn% That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week. then returned to the doctor. I won't bother you. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over. the husband returns to his wife's bedside to do his deed. The doctor then suggests the man return to her bedside and perform oral se/. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The =ollowing conversation ensued) 6other) ?o you know what that doctor said to me1 2e said. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says) !-3. The lady was >uite shocked. she was >uite upset. look what it did to me%! The young rooster replies) !. !6y wife stopped breathing%! !What happened1! asks the doctor. hearing the commotion looks up and sees what's going on. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups. old fellow. The husband yells. she and her daughter ran a few errands.be a real break through. I'll have a race around the farm house with you.! A woman in her .! The husband replies. After dropping her mother off. young fellow.! The young rooster smiles) !0ou know I'm going to beat you.! The young rooster snarls) !(cram% Beat it% 0ou're washed up% I'm taking over%! The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster) !I'll tell you what. =armer Brown. I'm even going to give you a head start. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop. (ome five minutes later. but said nothing. time to retire. old man. (o ust to be fair. !?on't we look pretty today!. !(he choked. the husband comes running from his wife's bedside screaming for the doctor. I wonder if it could be considered se/ual harassment. c'mon. !?on't we look pretty today!. When her daughter picked her up. !*verything seemed to be looking good a few minutes ago. What do you think1 .

!Well. What is your name1 A.! Actual +ourt Transcripts) 55555555555555555555555555 M. 55555555555555555555 M.o. in the rocking chair. . !$randpa. I refuse to answer that >uestion. *rnestine 6c?owell. I used some of your =?( this morning. last week I sat out here with no shirt on. were you cited in the accident1 A. I said he was shot in the lumbar region. ?octor. and I got a stiff neck. what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist1! he asked again. I refuse to answer that >uestion.. sure you do% In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. and he may have smelled that. M. And what is your marital status1 . We're you embarrassed1 6other) I was very embarrassed. $randdaughter) That's my Barbie $olden $litter 2air (pray% A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch. ?id you ever stay all night with this man in . with nothing on from the waist down. 6s. but I still don't think he should have commented% ?aughter) I don't have any =?(. The old man slowly looked at him and said. 6other) Why. 555555555555555555555 M.o. ?id you ever stay all night with this man in +hicago1 A.?aughter) I don't know. M. I used some before the appointment. did you say he was shot in the woods1 A. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. !$randpa what are you doing1! he e/claimed.. . 0es (ir.ew 0ork1 A. ?id you ever stay all night with this man in 6iami1 A. I was so 'cited I peed all over myself%% 55555555555555555555 M. M. This is your $randma's idea.

Apparently then. I will be three months . 0es. And what did your husband do before you divorced him1 A.o. is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney1 A. 4ones. "icking them up in the air.&T) . as we begin. What was he doing with the dog's ears1 A. the date of conception was August 8th1 A. This is how I dress when I go to work. M. 55555555555555555555 M. .A. if you have any. M.o. 6rs. Were you ac>uainted with the defendant1 A. . ?octor.o. . M. ?id he pick the dog up by the ears1 A. A lot of things I didn't know about. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people. =air. What were you and your husband doing at that time1 55555555555555555555 M.ow. Before or after he died1 55555555555555555555 M. 55555555555555555555 M. M. Where was the dog at this time1 . 55555555555555555555 T2* +-. Are you married1 A. how many autopsies have you performed on dead people1 A. ?o you know how far pregnant you are right now1 A. I must ask you to banish all present information from your minds. 55555555555555555555 M. 55555555555555555555 M. M. 0es. M.ovember 8th. sir. I'm divorced.

M. When he went. and ne/t morning he was dead. when you came out of it. 55555555555555555555 M. M) It was covered1 A) 0es.A. 2ow old are you1 A. after the anesthesia. M) Was she your daughter on =ebruary 7. what did you see1 A) I had a skin graft.. 6y whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head. M) And where was his head1 A) 4ust above his shoulders. $ary. M) Then. 79<91 55555555555555555555 M) . -. And lastly. B&--3() -b ection.. meaning you and she.and what did he do then1 A) 2e came home.1 What school do you go to1 A. would he have brought you. 55555555555555555555 M) +ould you see him from where you were standing1 A) I could see his head.. later on. 55555555555555555555 M. Attached to the ears.3.. what did you observe with respect to your scalp1 A) I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital. -ral. -ral. all your responses must be oral. had you gone and had she. for the time being e/cluding all the restraints on her not to go. gone also. with him to the station1 6&. bandaged. M) (o when he woke up the ne/t morning he was dead1 55555555555555555555 M) (o. if she wanted to and were able. 55555555555555555555 M) What is your relationship with the plaintiff1 A) (he is my daughter. That >uestion should be taken out and shot. 55555555555555555555 .

right1 55555555555555555555555 M) Was that the same nose you broke as a child1 A) I have only one.. you know.M) ?o you drink when you're on duty1 A) I don't drink when I'm on duty. That is the only kind I know. */pert (ays "olice Begins +ampaign to &un ?own 4aywalkers (afety */perts (ay (chool Bus "assengers (hould be Belted ?runk $ets .ews 2eadlines (omething Went Wrong in 4et +rash.D Is that you1 A) 0es. 55555555555555555555 M) Are you se/ually active1 A) .o.ine 6onths in Niolin +ase . M) And you were present when the picture was taken. 55555555555555555555 M) Are you >ualified to give a urine sample1 A) 0es. he was sitting up on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy% . I ust lie there.o. I have been since early childhood. 55555555555555555555 M) What is the meaning of sperm being present1 A) It indicates intercourse. sir. unless I come on duty drunk. 55555555555555555555555555555 M) And was he dead when you performed the autopsy1 A) . you idiot. 55555555555555555555 M) C(howing man picture. 55555555555555555555 M) . M) 6ale sperm1 A.any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial1 A) The victim lived..

.ranus1 (tud Tires -ut "rostitutes Appeal to "ope "anda 6ating =alls: Neternarian Takes -ver (oviet Nirgin #ands (hort of $oal Again British #eft Waffles on =alkland Islands #ung +ancer in Women 6ushrooms *ye ?rops off (helf Teacher (trikes Idle 3ids &eagan Wins on Budget. +rash "robe Told 6iners &efuse to Work After ?eath 4uvenile +ourt to try (hooting ?efendant (tolen "ainting =ound by Tree Two (oviet (hips +ollide. -ne ?ies Two (isters &eunited After 78 0ears in +heckout +ounter 3iller (entenced to ?ie for (econd Time in 7I years.icklaus to PP *nraged +ow In ures =armer with A/ "lane Too +lose to $round. But 6ore #ies Ahead (>uad 2elps ?og Bite Nictim (hot -ff Woman''s #eg 2elps .(urvivor of (iamese Twins 4oins "arents =armer Bill ?ies in 2ouse Ira>i 2ead (eeks Arms Is There a &ing of ?ebris Around .

p .ever Withold 2erpes Infection from #oved -ne ?runken ?river "aid O7.utritious (nacks +hef Throws 2is 2eart Into 2elping =eed ..ew Naccine 6ay +ontain &abies 6an 6inus *ar Waives 2earing ?eaf +ollege -pens ?oors to 2earing Air 2ead =ired (teals +lock. =aces Time .III Typhoon &ips Through +emetery: 2undreds ?ead 6an (truck by #ightning =aces Battery +harge .nion =inds ?warfs in (hort (upply Ban -n (oliciting ?ead in Trotwood #ansing &esidents +an ?rop -ff Trees #ocal 2igh (chool ?ropouts +ut in 2alf .ew (tudy of -besity #ooks for #arger Tests $roup Astronaut Takes Blame for $as in (pacecraft 3ids 6ake .eedy Arson (uspect 2eld in 6assachussets =ire British .ew Bridge ?ear 3ill 7<.III in ''8G War ?ims 2ope for "eace If (trike isn''t (ettled Muickly. It 6ay #ast a While +old Wave #inked to Temperatures *nfields +ouple (lain: "olice (uspect 2omicide &ed Tape 2olds .

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from. After all. and re>uested that the doctor also honor their secret. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.! she complained. (he said. After the surgery was completed. everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. (o the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.! . she was alone with her husband. 2owever. *very time we're in bed and my husband clima/es. and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. !think nothing of it. 2is wife asks.! A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. !I've got a big problem doctor.ndersheriff -ld (chool "illars Are &eplacd by Alumni Bank ?rive5In Window Blocked by Board 2ospitals are (ued by (even =oot ?octors (ome "ieces of &ock 2udson (old at Auction (e/ *ducation ?elayed. I ust want to thank you for everything you did for me.! A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. There is no way I could ever repay you.! the shrink said.! he replied. this was a very delicate matter. the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. he lets out this earsplitting yell. Teachers &e>uest Training Include 0our +hildren When Baking +ookies A wife went in to see a therapist and said. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.! !6y dear. !?ear. !What's that for1! !It's for your headache. !that's completely natural.! !The problem."rosecutor &eleases "robe into .! !6y darling. (he looked more beautiful than she ever had before% All her friends and relatives ust went on and on about her youthful beauty% -ne day. I don't see what the problem is. !is that it wakes me up.

2e will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank it and the bags will go away. But. If the frog says no.! she replied. will you marry me1! The frog says !no! And his prick shrinks five inches. (o when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel.! he said. 2e goes into the woods and finds this frog. 2e's downtown playing poker with you. !(ure. !Who was it1! he asked. !I better get going. But he thinks that 7I inches would be ust great. will you marry me1! =rog) 2ow many times do I have to tell you .o.! There is this guy who has a EF inch dick. The guys thinks to himself. !Wow.! 2e replies.-. will you marry me1! =rog) !. . he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure. and was back in a few seconds. 0ou carry the suitcases%! (he left him on the sofa when the phone rang. !6y husband. 2e goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he ust can't please the ladies because it is ust too big. !$otcha%! 0ou may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.!I don't have a headache. that was pretty cool. 2e asks !frog. The doctor says he is gonna try and new e/perimental techni>ue on her. But that's still 7F inches and he thinks his chop is still ust a little bit too big. I won't marry you.! The guys dick shrinks another five inches. she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.-%%% There was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. (he tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog when he finds the frog he is to ask it to marry him. It works and works . (he tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please help me. his cock will shrink F inches. (o she gets this crank put in her head and leaves. .! (o he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog) !=rog. !Where was he1! !&ela/. it's still too big. 2e responded.-. 2e goes back to the frog and asks) !=rog.

those are your boobs. they're all in the back of the truck. the guy would call the girl and she would never be home. The ne/t morning. *ven when he emailed her. The ne/t morning the farmer is so tired he can't even get out of bed.. Then goes home. they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast. needless to say. leave me alone.! The doctor replies) !#ady those aren't bags. (o she goes to the doctor. (he cranks and cranks as hard as she can but they ust wont go away. (o. (o. he loads them in the truck. Again. Afterwards he gets tired so goes to bed. When they graduated. and now had a new boyfriend. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. very tired. and goes straight to bed. >uickly unloads them in there pin. Then he takes them home. 2e tells her to look out the window and tell him if the pigs are standing up or rolling in the mud. was pissed. what he did ne/t was awesome. and fucks them three times. Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. The vet says that if there standing up in the morning there not pregnant. (he says to the doctor) !?octor. (o the farmer goes home and loads all of his pigs in the back of his pick5up and takes them all out in the woods and fucks them all once. please send more money%! and mailed the picture to her parents.for a while until one day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. and goes right to bed. she wanted to get him off her back. so he takes them all out in the woods and fucks them all twice. this was working for a while.. Because she became annoyed. As time went on. !?ear 6om and ?ad. but they are still standing.! Well. and ones laying on the horn. unloads them.ow that would e/plain why I have this goatee. !I found a new boyfriend. having a great time at college. and when he wrote. she would take weeks to return the letters. Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins: they en oyed losing their virginity with each other in 7Ith grade. so he yells to his wife to come into his bedroom. what she did is this) she took a "olaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's cock and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading. =inally. letters. 2is wife replies neither.! All she had to say was. but if there rolling in the mud they are. but I cant seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes. Then he takes them home and unloads them in there pin. and emails trying to win back her love. the farmer gets up to check on his pigs. and the guy went to the west coast. takes them to the woods. she took days to return his messages. this guy was heartbroken but. she confessed to him she wanted to date around. cuts the edge off and puts it over the . 2e wrote on the back of the photo the following.!. even more so. The ne/t morning he gets up and checks on the pigs and there standing up.! -ne day a farmer goes into town to see a vet to see if how to tell that his pigs are pregnant. (uddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse. 2e didn't take this very well and increased his calls.

eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. 2e is going to try to kiss you.. it implies you called for me. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of O78I. . Bob continues e/ploring the facilities. Are there any >uestions1! At this point. pointing out some of the rules) !The female dormitory will be out5of5bounds for all male students.! The huge man then easily spins Bob around. 2er friend asks her) !What are you doing1%1! (o she replies) !I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom! (o her friend asks) !WhatJKLs a condom1 Where did you get it1! (o she says) !At the pharmacy! (o the ne/t day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom. one that will fit a camel! -n the first day of college. a male student in the crowd in>uired) !2ow much for a season pass1! Bob oins a very e/clusive nudist colony. and the male dormitory to the female students. lays down on a towel. 2e enters a sauna. what do you mean1! (he says) !0ou must be new here: let me e/plain. bends him over the bench and has his way with him. 2e is going to try to feel your breast.o thanks. hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. Within a few seconds a huge. did you call for me1! Bob replies) !.o. it implies you called for me. The woman notices his erection. you are going to like that but. what do you mean1! The 2uge 6an) !0ou must be new here: it is a rule that when you fart. . you are going to like that but. you've only been here a couple of hours: you only saw a small fraction of our facilities. Bob rushes back to the colony office. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined OEI the first time. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection. sits down.! (miling. but I fart 7F times a day.! &eceptionist) !But (ir. don't let him do that.! 2e continued.o.. !Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined OPI. The clerk asks) !What size1! (o she replies) !I dunno. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.. 0ou can keep the OFII oining fee. -n his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. and farts.!Bob replies) !#isten lady. did you call for me1! Bob replies) !. I am F8 years old. I get a hard5on twice a month.cigarette. 2e is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist) !6ay I help you1! Bob says) !2ere is your card and key back. the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. comes over to him grinning sweetly and says) !(ir.! There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. The 2uge 6an says) !(ir. don't let him do that. horribly corpulent.. she then leads him to the side of a pool. the ?ean addressed the students. (o.

. you are going to like that but. !4ohnny's been doing that all afternoon. ?iving If you think you're having a bad day. my +eautiful )ife? Marrying you scre)ed up my life My lo(e. the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. A post5 mortem e/amination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal in uries. !0ou're gonna get a good lickin when daddy gets home! she said (usie replied. =ire Authorities in +alifornia found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. . When he tried I turned over. he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you.! 0oung 4ohnny and (usie were playing doctor. ?ental records provided a positive identification. seeking to control the fire as >uickly as possible.. on the back porch when (usie's mom popped in on them. on the day of the fire. the ne/t day she told her grandmother that her date went ust like she said. (o. complete with a dive tank. it will disgrace the family. don't let him do that. you take my +reath a)ay 3hat ha(e you stepped in to smell this )ay/ I see your face )hen I am dreaming !hat0s )hy I al)ays )ake up screaming. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit.2e is going to try to put his hand between your legs . some entries for a competition to find a couplet )ith the most romantic first line and most unromantic second line? #$:& I thought that I could lo(e no other Fntil.! "n Galentine0s day. But she said !grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. But most important. got on top of him and disgraced his family. The firefighters. 0ou are going to like that but. It was revealed that. I met your +rother I )ant to feel your s)eet em+race But don0t take that paper +ag off of your face My darling. flippers and face mask. that is. don't let him do that. the person went for a diving trip off the coast55some EI 6I#*( away from the forest. With that bit of advise. my lo(er.

!6ay I have you attention. I 2AN* to be on this flight and it has to be =I&(T +#A(( and &I$2T . but you'll have to stand in line for that too%! A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.nited Air #ines flight was cancelled.-T 3. (he was doing her best when suddenly an angry customer pushed his way to her desk. !I'm sorry. swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool.nfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening. 2e slapped his ticket down on the counter and shouted) !I don't want to stand in line. They all line up.?-*( . The second no legs and the third has no body. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. Well. 0ou guessed it%%% -ne minute our diver was making like =lipper in the "acific.2* I(. please come to the gate. please. where5upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.-W W2. The first has no arms. If anyone can help him identify himself. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling. !0ou know. The doctor says. !I am . sir. the whistle blows and !splash! they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. 2e can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool. he glared at her and swore !=uck you%! Without flinching. then two minutes before the whistle. We have a passenger here W2. sir. A single agent was assigned to rebook a long line of unhappy inconvenienced travelers. !I'm sorry.called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. . !I don't want to stand in line% ?o you have any idea who I am1! Without hesitation. I'll try to help you but I've got to help these folks first.-W%! The young agent replied. *ventually the head catches his breath and shouts) !Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears.<8m CF'7I!D of the fire. 2e picks up the head. the ne/t he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket . the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.! The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. ust a head.! The angry passenger was unimpressed and unrelenting.! she says. then flown to the forest fire and emptied. she smiled an said. you should have come to see me sooner.so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. this is going to be a night that you will always remember.IIm in the air. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. 2e asked loudly. he e/tinguished e/actly 7. he tells her and she takes it pretty well. Apparently.! her voice bellowed through the terminal.! With the crowd laughing hysterically. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. so that all the passengers could hear. !2oney. I'm sure we'll be able to work things out for you. some asshole puts a swimming cap on me%! A crowded .

(o the ne/t day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept.! The husband says.o honey 5 I ust want you to 2-#? this stuff for a while. I offered her a ride. but she does not careD. And then goes to the 4ewelry ?ept. We'll take all three of them. The husband says !but you don't even play tennis. The first lady put on all her ewelry . (he rolls over and yells. The man is beside himself. The wife is so e/cited Cshe thinks her husband has flipped out. The first lady replied. !0ou must not be in tune with my financial needs as a 6an%%% Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced ! "lease prepare for a crash landing !. the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. 2er shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. And then tells his wife. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. (he rolls over and again proceed to make love. Well. well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first. But then the wife stops and says !I don't feel like it. 2e knows that he is doomed. -nce done. but -3 if you like it then lets get it. =inally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. and gets a set of diamond earrings. (he leads him into their bedroom. looking poor and tired. Then as she was about to leave the house.! The wife is umping up and down so e/cited she cannot even believe what is going on. began to take off her top and . (he was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. 2er slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. (he is getting cranky.! 2er face gets really red and she is about to e/plode and then the 2usband says. !. here we are%! 2usband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. honey we're not going to buy all this stuff.!2oney1! he whispers. but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. ?riving home.going to treat you like a king. 4ust as she was about to storm out of the house. lets go to the cash register. !2oney1! he whispers. The passion is heating up. lovely thing. (he goes for the tennis bracelet. !-h sure% 0ou don't have to get up in the morning%%%! A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip. store.. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. I want you to hear how this all came about. candles5the works. They make the most passionate love they have ever made.! The husband says !W2AT11! The wife e/plains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. her husband stopped her with these words) !Before you leave. the man decides to tap her again. so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.! The wife's face goes blank. (he was hungry. the husband is wide awake watching the clock. I saw this young girl. The second lady not wanting to be left behind. she paused and asked. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth OEII each. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. (he says !I am ready to go. I ust want you to hold me.! (he prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine.! no 5 no 5 no. and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young. Well. (urprised by this the other ladies >uestioned her actions. 2e walks around and has her try on three very e/pensive outfits. 2e taps her.. 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore1' !And so.

you can take anything from the bottom shelf. The third lady who was African not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties. fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe. why is your head so small1'' . I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physi>ue. it really is phenomenal% But I have a >uestion.bra. Why are you doing that the other ladies >uestioned. When the carpet guy asked what color we wanted. how was I1'' (he says. what does a pussy look like1! The ?ad confused. The country boy pulls his overalls back up and says to the other. asks him ! before or after se/1! The kid says !.! !yeah! says the son. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase. that hind5lick maneuver works like a charm. fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill. ''0ou know. #ater. (he pukes all over the place. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second country boy starts licking his butt. her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. so I cut the stains out of the old carpet. I pulled out the stained patches and said. dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. 2is dad replies ! 2ave you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise! A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. the man has a head that is the size of an orange. !0eah.!well what about after se/! he says to his dad. *ating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. he turns to her and asks. Why are you doing that the other ladies >uestioned. ''(o. Well these two country boys in the ne/t booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. there's more on the floor. ''Well. The women watches these two go at it and is grossed out. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom.! -ur dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet. and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says. well they always search for the black bo/ first 1 A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. There's hundreds of them. (he orders the chicken and starts to eat. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles. when his son asks him !?ad.mmm before se/! (o the dad says to him !Well have u ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red peddles. can you match this color%! A man and his four year old son are talking.'' A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. after they've had se/. !0ou're right #eroy. and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. well when they come to rescue us they will see my great tits and will take me first.

The husband Cwho was >uite wittyD didn't like the name he said. 3iss me. ''I want a body like Arnold (chwarzenneger.'' he begins. she whispered into my ear. laid down.The big guy nods slowly. ''2ow 'bout a little head1'' -ne day a pregnant wife announced that she was going to start looking for names for her and her husbands unborn child. ''0eah.! The ne/t day the mother had changed the name to (arah. so I picked up the frog and it said. . When the father had gotten home from work the mother held up a baby book and said that the name was going to be -phella. I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied. so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked% (he then asked. !6y mommy and daddy told me that if I ever watched anybody undress. -nce there was a little boy who was curious about what a strip club was like so one day he decided to sneak into one. he watched as the strippers danced.'' ''. thoroughly intrigued. 3iss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes. as we lay there ne/t to each other.'' (he nodded. naked woman. ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream. The man asks the boy. 2e watched until they started taking of their clothing.and all of a sudden I felt something hard%!. What will it be1'' I looked at her and replied.. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting ne/t to a stream. ''-ne day. That's when he bolted out the door and started running down the street and into a man. We made love right there by that stream for hours% Afterwards. voluptuous. ''0ou now have three wishes. ''What will be your second wish1'' ''What ne/t1'' begged the bartender. you do have one more wish.'' (he nodded.. "--=% The frog turned into a beautiful.''' ''3eep going%'' I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. (he said. I heard someone crying for help. it reminds me of this girl I dated in high school. -nce he was in. sweating from our glorious lovemaking. I'd turn to stone. and beckoned to me. and "--= there I was.o shit1'' says the bartender. !That's a good name. 2e's obviously fielded this >uestion many times. snapped her fingers. !What's wrong young man1 0ou look like you ust saw a ghost%!. The little boy replies. ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. ''0ou know.'' I looked down at my scrawny 77F pound body and said.

?on't cheat. 2e looks and says.. *very person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. 2e opens the door and she says !look honey.+2*ATI. bends over..$ &eally. (he then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. But I tell you what.. =irst. !0ou do have a beautiful butt!. It takes about . ?on't read ahead. (he agrees and gets it done. ust do it in order.T2* =. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words !Beautiful butt! tattooed on her ass. The man tells her !I can't fit that on your ass. I mean it. This is a little game that has a pretty funnyTcreepy outcome. (he then stands at the top of the stairs. $et a blank piece of paper and pen.! (he then takes off the robe she is wearing. you have such a beautiful butt!. I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt.A married man keeps telling his wife !2oney. . (he walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful butt.+3 I( B-B1!% &*A##0 +--# $A6*%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% =irst things first) .. -n the man's birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. it takes up too much space. and the man yells !W2. minutes It's worth it. It's kinda eerie.

?on't look ahead55or it won't turn out right% .. E. . write any two numbers you want. beside numbers 7 and E. 7. write down the names of members of the opposite se/ Cor same se/ if you're gayD. and go with your first instincts% (croll down one line at a time 5 don't read ahead or you'll ruin the fun%% Are you ready spaghetti.D Beside the .(. When you are asked to choose names. . .A##0 3.-W. and <.D =irst.D Then. make sure it's people you A+T. write the numbers 7 through 77 in a column.". .

.D Write anyone's name Clike friends or family. Fth and Pth spots.D =inally. 7I and 77.. .. P..D Write down four song titles in 8. make a wish.. And here is the key for that game...D in the Gth. F.G. 9. ?on't cheat or you'll be upset that you did.

.7. .D The person in space .D The person in < is one you like but can't work out. G.D 0ou care most about the person you put in G.D The person you name in number F is the one who knows you very well. F. E. P. is the one that you love.D The person you name in P is your lucky star .D 0ou must tell Cthe number in space ED people about this game in Cthe number in space 7D days in order to make your wish come true.

8.D The title in 9 is the song for the person in <.% 5Anti5smoking spokesperson Brooke (hields !The police are not here to create disorder. they''re here to preserve disorder% 5=ormer +hicago mayor ?aley during the infamous 79P8 convention !If you''ve seen one &edwood tree.D And 77 is the song telling how you feel about life% =unny Muotes !(moking kills. it''s only the people that make them unsafe! 5=ormer "hiladelphia 6ayor and "olice +hief =rank &izzo !The internet is a great way to get on the net% 5&epublican presidential candidate Bob ?ole !It is bad luck to be superstitious% 5Andrew 6athis . 9. most of Australia''s imports come from overseas! 5=ormer Australian cabinet minister 3eppel *nderbery !The streets are safe in "hiladelphia.D The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in . you''ve lost a very important part of your life.<. and if you''re killed.D The tenth space is the song that tells you most about your mind. you''ve seen them all% 5=orestry e/pert &onald &eagan !Traditionally. 7I.

he actually thinks I ha(en0t noticed.PI degrees.% 50ogi Berra !+hina is a big country.Bth )edding anni(ersary )ith not much to cele+rate.! 5"ratt S Whitney spokesperson e/plaining why the company charged the Air =orce nearly O7III for an ordinary pair of pliers. I mean.% 52illary +linton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents !When more and more people are thrown out of work.% 5A congressional candidate in Te/as Giagra 3ife Diary #P1& Day $ Just cele+rated our .(.ot only do they put the clips on. He0s impotent. upon his drafting to the ?allas 6avericks !I''m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. 3hen it came time to reenact our )edding night. !oday. he says he has a +ig secret to tell me. .! 54ason 3idd. and I''m ust the one to do it.! 5+linton aide $eorge (tephanopolous speaking on #arry 3ing #ive !We''re going to turn this team around . Day . !The "resident has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. but they take them off. he says. he locked himself in the +athroom and cried. We are the president.% 5=ormer . "resident +alvin +oolidge !It''s like de a vu all over again.!2e was a man of great statue% 5Boston mayor Thomas 6enino on former mayor 4ohn +ollins !It''s like an alcatraz around my neck! 5Boston mayor 6enino on the shortage of city parking spaces !They''re multipurpose. inhabited by many +hinese! 5=ormer =rench "resident +harles ?e $aulle !That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a ackass. . unemployment results. 3hy doesn0t he tell me something I don0t kno).. and he )ants me to +e the first to kno).

I mean. It0s like li(ing )ith a Black and Decker drill. I0(e stopped )earing make2up. cleaning my teeth or e(en )ashing +ut he still keeps coming after me. Day 5 8o time to )rite. 8o pun intended. I0m also getting a +it sore do)n there.. I )ish he )as gay. But. I replaced his Pro*ac )ith the Giagra. He thought they )ere talking a+out him. hoping to lift something other than his mood. he0s )ashing the Giagra do)n )ith neat )hisky. I )oke up this morning hot2glued to the +ed. !here0s a ne) drug on the market that )ill fi' his 0pro+lem0.. And to make matters )orse. Day < Isn0t life )onderful +ut it0s difficult to )rite )hile he0s doing that. I told him that if he takes Giagra. a girl can only take so much. . I sa) a picture of 8elson0s Column and +urst into tears.. @esterday. Day $$ I0m +asically +eing scre)ed to death. at Burger Jing. Day $. 3hat am I going to do/ I feel tacky all o(er. Day 6 A miracle has happened. Day H !his Giagra thing has gone to his head. instead of mo)ing the la)n. Day $7 "kay.. It0s called Giagra. A )oman has needs. I think this )ill )ork.Day : !his marriage is in trou+le.. =(en my armpits hurt. I0m hiding. things )ill +e >ust like they )ere on our )edding night. he )as using his ne) friend as a )eed )acker. @esterday. the manager asked me if I0d like a 3hopper. Day % I think he took too many o(er the )eekend. He might catch me.. @esterday. =(en ya)ning has +ecome dangerous. He0s a complete pig. ha(e to admit it0s (ery nice 2 I don0t think I0(e e(er +een so happy. I admit it. Day B 3hat a+solute +liss.

Day $% He0s +ack on Pro*ac. wondering what kind of e/planation he would make for his behavior. Help me.. but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. (he let him go as far as he wished: naturally. I0ll kill the KLM. I0m starting to stick to e(erything I sit on.. and as it was still early.4N. she decided to go to the party. so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. since he was her husband. she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed. 4ust before unmasking at midnight. (he oined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. after sleeping soundly for one hour. awakened without pain. I can hardly )alk and if he tries that -"ops. protested. Day $6 I0(e done e(erything to turn him off. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was. (o he took his costume and away he went. he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had ust arrived. 2e. and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. 3hat a+solute +liss. !he la*y sod >ust sits there in front of the !G all day )ith that remote control in his hand and e'pects me to do e(erything for him. Day $B I think I0ll ha(e to kill him. I did suggest he might try stopping the Giagra and going +ack on Pro*ac. she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. It0s like going to +ed )ith a scud missile. A couple was invited to a swanky masked 2alloween "arty.Christ. Aast night I told him to go and scre) himself and he did. dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. Day $< !he KLM.4N has started to complain a+out headaches. sorry. 2is wife up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself.Day $: =(ery time I shut my eyes. (he got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. being a devoted husband. I e(en started dressing like a nun +ut this >ust seems to make him more horny. Day $H S)itched the pills +ut it doesn0t seem to ha(e made any difference. there0s a sneak attack.thing again. =inally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. The wife. . !he cat and dog )on0t go near him and our friends don0t come o(er any more. Here he comes again. 8othing is )orking. I hope the +loody thing e'plodes.

this guy hasn't seen a woman in years.! (he laughs and says !. he pulls out his manhood and asks the >uestion. too1' There was a man who wanted a pure wife.! 2e finally breaks down and says !#ook this is not a pee5pee. 2e met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. 'I'm so relieved you feel that way. 'I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol. As soon as he had a chance. he whips out his manhood and asks !What's this1! (he replies !A cock..' (he blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. '2oney. 2e walked up to the car and saw a nice5looking woman behind the wheel. 2e said. When they got there. Bill Brown and some other guys. I never even danced one dance. 4ust cooperate with anything he wants. the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife. spitting out her gag.. bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown. it is a cock. !I'll tell you. 2e is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well. !-h the same old thing. because he ust told me he thinks you have a really nice. But I'll tell you. 0ou know I never have a good time when you're not there. (he replies !A cock!. and whispered. 2e whips it out and asks. so we went into the den and played poker all evening.! . a cock is ten inches long and black. the guy I loaned my costume to. There was a strong smell li>uor on her breath. -ur lives depend on it. '0ou mean it shows that.' the wife hissed. 2e said. After a couple of minutes. he returned to her car and said. ust go along with it and pretend you like it.! 2e thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.(he was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. !What is this1! (he giggles and says !A pee5pee! 2e thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.' '?ear. sure had a real good time%! An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. !?id you dance much1! 2e replied.! The she asked. I met "ete. (o he started to attend church to find a woman. (he won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says !That's your pee5pee. When I got there. Again. If he wants to have se/ with you.o it's not. 'It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones. A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. tight5looking ass%%%%%%%' A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.' (he replied.

but I am going to have to drill a tooth. The stewardess said. !I'm sorry sir. overcome by this display of animal passion 4ane came out into the open and offered herself to him.! A man got a ob in the sales promotion department of a cola soft5drink company. he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. 2e said to the female whale. and knock (even5. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female !lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. and suitably shaped holes in trees for se/. the whales realized the sailors had umped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. 4ane. after he is through e/amining her he says) !I am sorry to tell you this. (oon however. she said. !#ets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess who was collecting tickets. !that the only effective countermeasure is to pop a #ife (aver into my mouth and suck hard. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. !-h% It's an easy ob% All you have to is call on ten women buyers every day. he opened his coat and e/posed himself. +ould you check it out for me1! 2is roommate lubes up his finger CmercifullyD . !but I don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach%! There was an e/hibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. not your stub.' A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of 4apan when they noticed a whaling ship. a reporter.! said one. 'Always check for s>uirrels. !#ook!. the ship turned over and >uickly sank.! !That's fine for you.! huffed her friend. but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.p%! This woman goes into a dentist's office.Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits. In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for1' Tarzan replied. 0ou have to show your ticket here. !I went along with the blow ob.! Tarzan had been living alone in his ungle kingdom for . the pain is so awful I'd rather have a baby%! To which the dentist replies.! At this point.! The woman then says) !-oooohhhh. !I get such a yen for a cigarette. came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. the manager e/plained. !6ake up your mind. When he asked about his duties. =inally. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. (o when the man got to the top of the stairs.I years with only apes for company. ?eep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a ungle oak. I have to ad ust the chair.! Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover. They tried it and sure enough. (he watched in awe for a while. !"lease do me a favor.

feeling all around.tur. that has three syllables. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out. The family called their pastor to stand with them. near death.. and then pulls out a &ole/ watch. 2e feels around. the man did not know about their flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin. As the pastor stood ne/t to the bed.. 4ohnny. !I found your problem.! Bruce starts singing. I haven't looked at it. .. but knowing =red. and says.! -l' =red had been a faithful +hristian and was in the hospital.. 4ohnny what is your four syllable word1! 4ohnny proudly says. !Trust me. !0ou know.day. There was a watch stuck up your ass. ?oes anyone know another word1! 4ohnny from the back of the room yells. (o he decided to leave any lovemaking until their wedding night. there's something up there. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time. and read. the teacher.and shoves it up Bruce's ass. !Wow. Their holes were played until they became seasoned and loose. !6as.. -l' =red handed me a note ust before he died.! 2e opened the note.ow.3. That has two syllables..! (hocked. !-3 6ike. 2e says..! !.ba. At the funeral.. !$reat. !2appy birthday to you. =our syllables% That's certainly is a mouthful.. then he died..ot wanting to be outdone 4ohnny says !I know a four syllable word.. !I don't feel anything. !4ane. your thinking of 'blow ob'.ot thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says. happy birthday to you. -l' =red's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. the daughter met the man of her dreams and decided to get married.! Bruce says. "ick me% "ick me%! . !I do% I do%! 3nowing 4ohnny's more mature sense of humor she picks 6ike instead. !Asshole. as he was finishing the message. !-. 6on.. I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all. (he thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children e/amples of words with more than one syllable. he realized that he was wearing the same acket that he was wearing when -l' =red died.! (o his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. and -l' =red used his last bit of energy to scribble a note. ?o you know any multi5syllable words1! After some thought 4ane proudly replied with 6onday. They partied everyday and always ended up fucking everybody around. 2e said.! A mother and daughter loved to play around.tion. The daughter began to worry about the condition of her . trying to retain her composure says.. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper. so he placed it in his acket pocket.. and that's only two syllables.! . -ne day. what is your word.o 6a'am.! (aturday says 6ike. you're standing on my o/ygen tube%! The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi5syllable words.. !$reat 4ane.

!why are you wearing gloves1! (he continued by saying that it wasn't lady like to wear gloves. !its suppose to be cold tonight.! (o the daughter did what her mother taught her and everything went well and the stupid husband didn't even notice. and then. as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautJKLed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought) I don't fucking think so. what do I do with my hands if they get cold1! 2er mother replied. and they will get warm.! (o the girl agreed. That night. !?on't worry dear. ! ust stick your hands between your knees. -ne kiss from you. I was once a handsome prince. what will "eter do if he finds out about my hole1%%! 6other said. The husband came into the washroom and saw the apple and thought that her wife left the apple for him and he ate it. I'm in deep shit now% I took out the apple while I was bathing and I forgot to put it back and "eter found the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it% What sould I do1 Will he be poisoned1 I'm scared. we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. !6um. !2oney. a beautiful. 2ere's what you do. clean my clothes. 2er date picked her up and they went on there was. place an apple in your hole and it will be tight and he won't even notice it. a few years ago. . independent. !?on't worry dear. ! my mother told me that if my hands got cold. until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. because it was to be cold that night. bear my children. the daughter dare not tell her husband about it and went to consult her mother. and feel forever grateful doing so. to stick them between my legs to get them warm. your father ate the WAT*&6*#-. ! well my dick is frozen solid do you care if I stick it between your legs to get it warm1! The girl said. The $irl said to her mother. After returning home from her date she asked her mother.! What do you know about them there dicks1! 2er mother said. and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am.hole and consulted her mother. . It tasted great%! (hocked.! 6other said. 2er mother asked. As she was about ready she put on some gloves. mum. 2er mother was helping her get ready to go out that night. she would put it back in her hole. she stuck her hands between her knees.! 2er date said to her.! (o he did. she would take out the apple and place it on the wash basin and after bathing.ow. so following her mother's orders. my sweet. self5assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. I left in the washroom and he lived%! There was an Amish girl that had ust come of age to date. where you can prepare my meals. I will teach you a way to fool your husband5to5be. everytime the daughter wanted to bathe. I'm worried. after bathing. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said) *legant #ady. -ne day. This went on for a few months. !All I know is that when they thaw out they make an awful mess%! -nce upon a time in a land far away. -n their way home her hands got cold. however. !well I don't see any harm in it. she forgot to put it back and left it on the wash basin. !6um.and the Amish still ride in buggies. thanks for the apple. !Why what do you know about dicks1! The girl looked at her mother and said. 2er date looked over and said. !what on earth do you have your hands between your legs for1! (he replied.

!6ommy. The other farmer says. To be a doctor. I told you to pace yourself. he buys &andy. 2e's in with the cows. !(hhh. he dipped his finger into the ar and put it into his mouth. take your time and have some fun. her little boy greeted her by saying.ot another word. (o .. (ure enough.o problem. 2is class watched on . !I was playing in your bedroom closet and daddy came upstairs with the lady ne/t door and they got undressed and got into bed and daddy got on top of her and then they did ust what you did with uncle 4ohn when daddy was away last summer. he e/plained. nods towards the sky and say's .. !I'm leaving you. !$o ahead. you have to be observant to color. !-h. !This!. so the farmer points towards the hen house and &andy took off like a shot WW2A6W 2e nails every hen on there T2&** or =-. his wife said. but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. Tell daddy ust what you told me.! &andy opens one eye. 0ou've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good ob. the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the ne/t day to find &andy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. he goes down the road to the ne/t farmer and asks if he has a rooster.! A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on '-bservation'.! The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. &andy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake WW2A6W 2e gets all the geese.! !Well.! (onny said. !0eah. saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal . When she returned. smell. The farmer.This farmer has about EII hens. (o. The farmer takes &andy home and sets him down in the barnyard. named &andy: he'll service every chicken you've got. &andy.! Well . worried that his e/pensive rooster won't even last the day. Buzzards are circling overhead. but no rooster and he wants chicks.. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him e/actly what you've ust told me. &andy the rooster is a lot of money. and taste.& times and the farmer is ust shocked. !. (o. &andy seemed to understand. ! &andy. sight.! (onny's mother held up her hand. I want you to pace yourself now. . (onny. As he walked into the house. They're getting closer.! !But why55! asked the startled father.! The father came home. guess what% 0esterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and daddy came into the room with the lady ne/t door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her. The farmer is distraught.. !is urine.! the farmer said with a chuckle.. I tried to get you to slow down. &andy is umping on every animal the farmer owns. &andy's up in the pigpen.! After saying this. 2e took out a ar of yellow5 colored li>uid. shakes his head and says. I've got this great rooster. giving the rooster a pep talk. now look what you've done to yourself.

!(o have Tom and I. -ur se/ life is wonderful. !-h. (mith. 4ohn had to get it out with his tongue. three times last night. you would have noticed that I put my End finger into the ar and my . can't you give us some help1 Any help at all1! !Well. 6ary asked. most. looking at his 8P year old patient. We're thinking of going to a se/ therapist!.. !But doctor. so 4ohnny went to (usie's father to ask him for her hand. After the last student was done..rd finger into my mouth. The aged $entleman replied) !?octor.! A ?octor recently had a patient !drop! in on him for an unscheduled appointment. !If any of you had been observant. 2e told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. !But after you go.! he said. responded 6ary. will you please tell me how it went1! (everal weeks passed.! 6ary complained. #inda e/claimed. 4ohn and I have been having some se/ual problems!. *very donut that I ringed his penis with. I can hardly catch my breath. !What can I do for you today1! the ?octor asked.. -3.. but tell me. you must help me. said #inda.. and twice again this morning%! #ittle 4ohnny and (usie were only 7I years old. they dipped one finger into the ar and then put it into their mouth. 4ohnny bravely walked up to him and said !6r. said) !6r.! the doctor answered. surely you must have a suggestion for us% "lease. and the two friends met for lunch again. 2e told us to sit on the floor nude. the lecturer shook his head. !(o how did the se/ therapy work out. when did you first notice these symptoms1! The old gent's response was) !Well.in amazement. I'm scarred%! The ?octor. but they ust knew that they were in love. me and (usie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage. !0ou know. !I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you. my eyes get all bleary. !We began with a physical e/am. in fact it's better than it's ever been%! With that endorsement 6ary talked her husband into an appointment with the same se/ therapist. especially to a man of your advanced years. we could never do that% We'd be too embarrassed%!. After the physical e/ams were completed the doctor called 6ary and Tom into his office. and toss the grapes and donuts at each other.. and one by one. the ar was passed. !Things couldn't be better%!. ?octor. -ne day they decided that they wanted to get married. #inda1!. and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us.! Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the sub ect turned to se/. !That's amazing%! 6ary replied. #inda told her friend.! . !-n your way home. please. I had to eat. *very grape that went into my vagina. I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a bo/ of cheerios.. (mith. *very time I make love to my wife. !you did such good for #inda and 4ohn. these sensations tend to happen over time. But being the good students that they were. my legs go weak. in disgust.

-ne day while taking dictation... 6inutes pass and he finds a piece of carrot in his mouth.o. as he has never done it before continues eating her out. !-h sir..! 2e did not understand her remark. 6r. and polite.! Again.! I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. and I hit the ball straight EFI yards with that three wood. I ust have one more >uestion for you. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes. 4ohnny replied !In (usie's room. This guy goes into a whorehouse and tells the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time. Then once again I heard !three wood. but the last guy was%! The manager hired a new secretary. it seems like you have got everything all figured out. (mith said. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. (o.. Thinking this is normal.! . I was playing horribly that day. !three wood. you are only 7I. and that'll do us ust fine. !-kay then how will you live1 0ou're not old enough to get a ob. sweet. did you know that your barracks door was open. (he whips down her pants and he starts licking her twat. he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that 4ohnny wouldn't have an answer for. !Well 4ohnny.. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room.(usie makes F bucks a week and I make 7I bucks a week. !I was playing golf. she was young. (o I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. While leaving the room. !Well 4ohnny.! (till thinking this is ust adorable. !kiss me.ow I wasn't about to kiss a frog. !-ur allowance. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. she noticed his fly was open. (mith was a little shocked that 4ohnny had put so much thought into this. we've been lucky so far.. Where will you two live1! Without even taking a moment to think about it. 0ou'll need to support (usie. (ince the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. !*/cuse me miss. and he was telling me to use my three wood. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After a second. That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. 6inutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblet.Thinking that this was the cutest thing.. It was a long par four. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely. but are you sick1! (he looks at him and replies !. At the ne/t whole he told me to use my five iron. That's about PI bucks a month. We played &oulette. (mith replied.! By this time 6r. (till thinking this is normal he continues. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own1! 4ohnny ust shrugged his shoulders and said.! I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee bo/. 6r. she courteously said. (uddenly it looked at me and said. (he sends him up and he meets this deadly blonde chick.! A man is telling a story. (mith said with a huge grin. 6r. 4ohnny instantly replied. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. and all I had to do was listen to that frog. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say. !Well. but later on . (oon after he finds a piece of meat and stands up. but he said it again. and even though I am usually a pretty good player. After that I was tired so I went up to bed.

we don't use QoptionalR vowel symbols. at first I thought it was a oke. well. But for an e/act pronunciation. QThereforeR they could write his name a couple of different ways to avoid the ambiguity. !$ee. . is e/actly the same as that of the word penis in "ersian. when you saw my barracks door open this morning.happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.. they'd have to spell it that way. 4ust then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. especially for headlines. ?ole. certain vowels are optional.niversity added !It's actually not a real problem. replied. 2e saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear) !Bet you're sorry you had me neutered%! ?ole *nvy T2I( I( T&.ew 0ork .. I guess I wouldn't mind being a young. !Why. !By the way. the behind the doors discussion at many Iranian newspaper and magazine publishing outfits seems to be revolving not around political.! UUU"--=UUU her rocking chair turns to solid gold. a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.. $reat marketing opportunity for dildos in Iran. It turns out that the proper spelling of the &epublican "arty's likely nominee. who was >uite witty. smitten. !At first it might seem funny to some people.can you change him into a handsome prince1! she asks.! UUU"--=UUU she turns into a beautiful young woman. UUU"--=UUU there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. In print. when. no sir. Because of that.! The secretary. In "ersian. beautiful princess. a prepress specialist at a Tehran service bureau.. !-oh. 2ow can we write headlines using that word1.*. social and economic issues.! International organizations are >uite familiar and cognizant of these types of issues. a "ersian literature lecturer at . '?owl' as opposed to '?ol'. as well as being acceptable in foreign countries. eh1 Tehran C&euterD 5 =or the past few weeks.II. "rofessor 2assan 3hadem. !0our third wish1! asked the fairy godmother. his name can be read in that way. spends over . !I guess I would like to be really.III dollars a year ust researching car names to make sure they are not trade marked. $eneral 6otors for e/ample. reflecting on her long life. 2e decided to have some fun with his new employee. With a smile that makes her knees weak. but it's creating a serious issue for us. all I saw was a little disabled veteran. now.! says the old lady. (he stares at him.! said 6a id =anni. but saw it reported in the (traits Times as well. !Well.! =anni e/plained !It's not easy. he asked. did you also see a soldier standing at attention. +alling her in. sitting on two duffel bags%! An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch. 6iss 4ones. really rich. all of a sudden. but the spelling of Bob ?ole's name instead. (he smiles and says.

while the fourth guy went to the can to take a shit. Why. The first man said his son was doing so well. he now owned a factory. manufacturing furniture. !I see you followed my advice1!. I said you got a heart murmur. ust the other day he gave his best friend a =errari. 2e gives him the advice) !I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks. ust the other day he gave his best friend the money to buy a house. .! 2is neighbor says. !Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens. It was fantastic and it really helped. A 9E year5old man went to the doctor to get a physical. At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said. you can't catch ducks with duct tape.! 2e says. a grade school teacher in Western Tehran said !I'm sure kids will find it very funny. The third man said his was doing well too. 2e asks what it is. The guy replies. '$et a hot mamma and be cheerful'.! A columnist for Tehran's 2amshahri daily who re>uested to remain anonymous stated !It's a real problem that no one wants to face. Be careful. The ne/t day. 2e replies. !I didn't say that.! The ?octor said. !4ust doing what you said ?octor. Why. let me get my hat.! #ater that night. !Its pussy willow. The ne/t day he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm. aren't you1! The man replied. Why. answers the employee. he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm. The fa/es are piling up and the computer is running at full speed. ust the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture. you should try it too%!.Ali Xarkoob. he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 7E ducks behind him. !0ou're really doing great. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.% An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk totally stressed out. The humor magazines will probably go crazy over it too. !0ou fool. The second man said his son was doing ust as well. What should we write if he wins1 '+linton loses "residency'1 That's not right. you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.! (ure enough later that night. 2e was a manager at a bank. Three of them had sons and they started bragging about them. -nce again he asks what the guy is up to. The guy replies. !2old on. '"enis wins .! A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm.! =our men got together at a reunion. 2e was a manager at a car sales firm. !It was great% By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house%!. he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 7E chickens. Think about it. 2is neighbor sees him and asks what he has.( "residency' isn't e/actly acceptable either. Two weeks later when the manager arrives at his department he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. !0ou fool. !I did!.

(he was then known as . and recently returned from Italy with his new bride. the prodigal son left home to tour the world.! . 4ack (chitt married . The (chitt52appens children are ?awg.ews =lash ) Today the world was stunned by the news of the death of the *nergizer Bunny. it is >uite delicious. 2e was si/ years old. senor.oe (chitt divorced. . =ulla (chitt and $iva (chitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subse>uently married the 2appens brothers in a dual ceremony. and the other three told him they were ust talking about how successful their sons are. ?ip (chitt married #oda (chitt and they produced a nervous son.Byrd. !it must be your feet then!.Bull (chitt.ow you can intellectually handle the situation. !are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon. !+o ones.! the waiter e/plains. !What's this1! he asks. ?eep (chitt and ?ip (chitt. After dinner the man informed the waiter that these were better than the pair he had the previous afternoon but the portion was much smaller. ust the other day he was given a house. 2e orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes. no you can't smell my cunt%! the woman yells back at him.oe (chitt5(herlock. !the bull does not lose every time. he decides to try this local delicacy. Against her parents' wishes. After being married 7F years. Inc. looking slightly confused. !(enor. furniture and a =errari by his friends% A man travels to (pain and goes to a 6adrid restaurant for a late dinner. . and because her kids were living with them.oe (chitt later married 6r.$iva (chitt. In fact. Thewedding announcement in the newspaper announced the (chitt52appens wedding.(chitt. ?eep (chitt married ?umb (chitt. (o now when someone says. married (chitt. corn. the owner of kneedeep . you can correct them. and the deeply religious couple produced si/ children) 2olie (chitt.! At first the man is disgusted. and 2orse. To his amazement. 4ack and . !-h! he replies. she wanted to keep her previous name. 2e ust shook his head and said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much. Awe (chitt. Bull (chitt. !What are co ones1! the man asks. the fertilizer magnate. But he must be doing something right because. "isa (chitt. . it is so good that he decides to come back again the ne/t night and order it again.oe (chitt. !+o ones. but being the adventurous type.! Who is 4ack (chitt you ask1 The lineage is finally revealed. and two large meaty ob ects. Authorities believe that the death occurred appro/imately 8)GE "6 last evening. (chitt.. a high school dropout. +hicken (chitt. A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman !+an I smell your cunt1! !=uck off. In turn. and the twins.The fourth man came back. !you don't know 4ack (chitt!. 6any people are at a loss for a response when someone says ! you don't know ack schitt.! the waiter replies.! the waiter e/plains. =ulla (chitt. 4ack is the only son of Awe (chitt and . (herlock.

! A ranch woman takes her three sons to the doctor for physicals for the first time in their lives. The doctor e/amines the boys and tells the woman that they are healthy but she needs to give them iron supplements... the man returns and his wife asks. !0ou found her%! Then she stripped naked. concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by se/ual over5stimulation. someone had put the bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept coming. !"inkie! as he was known to his friends and family was alone at the time of his death. !-h. and coming. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. no I didn't.! The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. roughest and toughest whore in the 0ukon%! The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said..Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going. #ater the middle son comes to her and says that he is crapping BB's. the fishing was great. my fishing e>uipment. !I don't. a little girl wakes up from surgery. and coming. 2e grabbed the beer bottles. you won't believe what happened!. !I'm lookin' for the meanest. and going and going. !We got her%! replied the barkeep.. roughest and toughest whore in the 0ukon%! he said to the bartender. !2ow do you know I want to do it in that position1! asked the miner. (everal days later the youngest son comes to her and tells her that he is pissing BB's. ?ura +ell.! 2is wife smiles and says.! The man rushes home to grab everything. #ittle $irl) !?octor. !I'm lookin' for the meanest. (he tells him that it is normal because she had put them in his food. A man phones home from his office and says to his wife. and then hurries off. but you forgot to pack my blue silk pa amas. dear1! The man replies. apologizes for the short notice. "ack my clothes. !0ep. !(he's upstairs in the second room on the right. I have to leave right away. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.! replied the whore. =inally. . !but I thought you might like to open those beers before we get started. bent over and grabbed her ankles. I put them in your tackle bo/%! In a hospital serving victims of land mines. I can't feel my legs%! ?octor) !0es. a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. 2e says !6a. and especially my blue silk pa amas. A week later.! -ne day.. !?id you have a good trip. Apparently. Again. That evening the eldest son comes in very upset. after striking gold in Alaska.. +hief 6edical */aminer. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up.. she goes to the hardware store and buys iron ball bearings CBB'sD and mi/es them into their food. 2e hugs his wife. stomped up the stairs. something is wrong. (he goes home and wonders e/actly what iron supplements are. we've had to amputate both your arms. !I have the chance to go fishing for a week. kicked open the second door on the right and yelled. she says that it is ok..

. your honor. !It's about E)II!. where that clock is hanging on the wall. and the udge said to the 7st one. !-ne day we should get her for this. !Well.! said the third. We�ll grab her. 2e runs back to the bus. and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than ail time. Cdraws two circlesD -o I said Cpointing to the small circleD !this is your asshole before prison. !I was out behind the barn acking off and I shot the dog!. !The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals%% -ne of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time. . Three boys received their grades from their female se/ education instructor.! !7< people1 That's wonderful. the bus driver wants to know how it is done. the same thing happens%% It is E)IF. and sure enough. lift them up in the air. the second a ?5 and the third an =. look underneath them to the other side of the courtyard. !0ou seem like nice young men. The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the s>uare. your honor. 2e walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals.! said the udge. !What time is it... I'll see you back in court 6onday. !And then we'll kick her in the nuts%! There was a tour bus in *gypt that stopped in the middle of a town s>uare. o..! 6onday.! Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on =riday before the udge. but it is broken. The local says !(it down here and grab the camel's genitals!. 2e tells a few of the fellow tourists his story.. =inally. he asked the second boy.! !7FP people% That's amazing% 2ow did you manage to do that1%1!.ow. it is E)II.ow. and raises them up and down. !Well. I persuaded 7< people to give up drugs forever. !I agree.! !That's admirable.m.o!. sir1! The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand. !.! said the second. !And you.and told them this Cthe big circleD is your brain before drugs and this Csmall circleD is your brain after drugs. the two guys were in court. I drew two circles like this.p. . I persuaded 7FP people to give up drugs forever. -ne got a ?Y. !2ow did you do over the weekend1! !Well. how did you do1!.! . 2e runs back to tell the story. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. your honor. What did you tell them1! !I used a diagram.. so he leans over to a local who is s>uatted down ne/t to his camel.! said the first boy. I used a similar approach. !0eah. he says. he says. The tourist can't believe what he ust saw.. !. -ne tourist looks at his watch.. you're passing BB's!.(he says !I know. The udge said.

I minutes.! They ask. < months and P days.! They ask her.! and she says.! Why do you call your man that. you're consuming 7T7I of a calorie.! I call my man 6ountain ?ew. 55Americans on the average eat 78 acres of pizza every day. The man behind the counter tells her it will cost OF. 4ack ?aniels is a 2ard #i>uor. 2e had all his pieces and looked >uite normal. nine years longer than left5handed people do. 55A pig's orgasm lasts for . !*/actly. in front of the worried parents. !I like to call my man 4ack ?aniels.! Because he likes to 6ount me and to ?o me. 55Banging your head against a wall uses 7FI calories an hour. (he says. They ask the second girl what she calls her man. "riests plucked every hair from their bodies. (he' says !-kay. All the doctors and nurses were e/amining the little thing. (o they asked the first girl what she called her boyfriend.! Why do you call your man that.I times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when into/icated.! They ask the third girl the same thing and she says. 55If you fart consistently for P years and 9 months. And she says. !I call my man <5up. (o in order to keep them from getting confused.per word. e/cept that he was laughing like crazy. his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. 55A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.! They look at her puzzled and say. a pediatrician unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right.The grieving widow goes to her local newspaper to submit an obituary.. they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames. 55It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 55-n average people fear spiders more than they do death.! A baby was ust born. enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.! and she says. can pull . 55The ant can lift FI times its own weight. 550ou can't kill yourself by holding your breath. 552umans and dolphins are the only species that have se/ for pleasure. on average.! Why do you call your man that.! and she says. -ne at a time. 55In ancient *gypt. and. guess what he found1 The birth control pill% Nery important facts 55If you yelled for 8 years. 55The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to s>uirt blood ... 55The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. including their eye5 brows and eyelashes. . (he thinks for a moment and says !=red's dead..! The man then informs her there is a five word minimum. but he kept on laughing. I mean laughing real hard. 55?id you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider1 55&ight5handed people live. you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. =red's dead: Buick for sale! There are these three girls and their boyfriends all have the same name. 55*very time you lick a stamp.! Because he's seven inches long and is always up.I feet.

!0ou know. 55*lephants are the only animals that can't ump. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.55"olar bears are left handed. and down the stairs to the kitchen. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking. I sneak up the stairs. With only hours to live.and she's always sound asleep. satisfying both the guys and the nymphomaniac woman until she suddenly dies� The first month went by and it was really awful: second month was really bad: third month was almost unbearable: fourth month rolls around and the guys couldn�t handle it anymore so they buried her. I get undressed in the bathroom. 55(ome lions mate over FI times a day. CthankfullyD 55A cat's urine glows under a blacklight. I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. across the floor to the stairs. the old man reached for a cookie. they decided to make up a schedule. 55Butterflies taste with their feet. he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. (ince these four guys will need to have their natural urges satisfied. The only reason it doesn't live longer is it's unable to eat. There. This arrangement works out great for years.. however. >uickly smacked him across the back of his hand. that is like a human umping the length of a football field. the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies.. storm up the steps. With his last ounce of energy. rub my hands on my wife's ass and say. !#eave them alone. 6iraculously all five of them survive the crash but are stranded on a small deserted island. I don't know what else to do. I screech into the driveway. 55(tarfish haven't got brains. 55A cockroach will live nine days without it's head. An old man was laying on his death bed. Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says.. four guys and one girl. I take my shoes off before I go into the house. you're obviously taking the wrong approach. they're for the funeral%! . With his last bit of energy. I ease into bed and my wife (TI## wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late%! 2is buddy looks at him and says. and e/claimed. throw my shoes into the closet. The female initiates se/ by ripping the males head off. slam the door. !Well. 55The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. ump into bed. '2ow about a blow ob1' . 55The flea can ump . 55An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.FI times its body length.! =ive people are on a plane. the old man pulled himself out from his bed. (uddenly the engine stalls and they crash. the ne/t week another guy and so on. *ach guy would get a week to dick the woman as much as possible. 2is wife. 55The catfish has over E<. more than any other animal.III taste buds.

. but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. . today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. maybe a little oral se/ will do the trick and bring her out of the coma. #ittle 4ohnny raised his hand and said. !(o did she give you a good blow ob1! The other replies no. !(ure. had the best day ever. -ne day. 2e has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth%! A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. !?oes anyone know what this is1! (he asked.o one else can touch them e/cept me. no heart rate. *very morning I get up at <). I was talking to the duck. They go to her husband and e/plain what happened. I don't wake up till eleven.. !Bull% 0ou didn't do it all day long did you1!. and she doesn't even give you a blow ob1! To which the other replies. !*very morning at 8). . .! The husband is skeptical.A woman is in a coma. It's terrible!.!2ey% where'd a get the pig1! The woman replied. They started getting friendly with all the women.! Three guys were on a trip to (audi Arabia. pulling up his pants and says.! #ittle 4ohnny was sitting in Beginning (e/ *d class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. !2ow could she1 (he didn't have a head%! Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. -ne of them is washing her !private area! and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. Besides it's worth a try. !Today was the best day ever% This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes ust sitting on the ground. A drunk staggered up to her and said .I I have to take a shit.! Two bums are sitting talking.! The first bums asks. the other continues. telling him.. no pulse. when suddenly the (heik came in. and at 8). my daddy has two of them%! !Two of them1%! the teacher asked. but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. The first one starts bragging. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat5lines.! The other bum interrupts.! !2eck. The nurses run into the room..I I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is. best day of my life.I and have to take a piss.I I piss like a racehorse. that's nothing.! 0ou drunken fool. ! said the eighty year old. they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 7II beautiful women. !2ave I got a problem. !Well. 0ou know what I did1 I fucked her all day long. !+razy as this sounds. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. The seventy5 year5old said. that's no pig 55 it's a duck%! And the drunk said.urses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.! Muiet. The husband is standing there. but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out.. !I think she choked.! The second bum ust laughs. !I am the master of all these women. The ninety5year5old said. !0ou guys think you have problems% *very morning at <). no but it was for at least a few good hours. !2ow could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours.. (o you know what I did1 I sat and smoked every fucking one of them. !0eah. !That's nothing. 0ou three men must pay for what you have done today.

0ou will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.! The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. !I'm a cop!, says the first man. !Then we will shoot your penis off%!, said the sheik. 2e then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. !I'm a firemen!, said the second man. !Then we will burn your penis off%!, said the sheik. =inally, he asked the last man, !And you, what do you do for a living1! And the third man answered, with a sly grin, !I'm a lollipop salesman%! A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, 4ervis, the night off. (he said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would en oy his evening. The wife wasn't having a good time at the party. (o, she came home early, alone. 2er husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found 4ervis by himself in the dining room. (he called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. (he turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, !4ervis, I want you to take off my dress.! This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. !4ervis,! she continued, !now take off my stockings and garter belt.! Again, 4ervis silently obeyed. !.ow, 4ervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties.! *yes downcast, 4ervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. (he looked sternly at him and said, !4ervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you're fired%! A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a movie. After the sessions he is paid handsomely and promised by the director that he will be notified when the movie is released to the public. Three months later, he receives a notice that the movie will make its debut in Times (>uare at a porno house. The musician enters the theatre wearing a dark raincoat and shades. ,naccustomed to porno flicks, he sits in the last row ne/t to an elderly couple. The film has e/plicit se/ scenes) oral intercourse, anal intercourse, golden showers, sado5 masochism and near the end a dog has intercourse with the leading female character. The musician who is immensely embarrassed turns to the elderly couple and whispers, !I wrote the score and I ust came to hear the music!, to which the elderly woman whispers in reply, !We ust came to see our dog.! A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hangar at #ogan: it's fogged in and they have nothing to do. -ne of them says to the other, !6an, have you got anything to drink1! The other one says, !.ah, but I hear you can drink et fuel, and that it will kinda give you a buzz.!

(o they drink it, get smashed and have a great time: like only drinkin' buddies can do. The following morning, one of them gets up and is surprised he feels good, in fact, he feels great 5 .hangover% The phone rings, it's his buddy. The buddy says, !2ey, how do you feel1! 2e said, !I feel great%%!, and the buddy says, !I feel great too%% 0ou don't have a hangover1! and he says, !.o 5that et fuel is great stuff 5 no hangover 5 we ought to do this more often.! !0eah, we could, but there's ust one thing.....! !What's that1! !?id you fart yet1! !.o! !Well, ?-.'T, 'cause I'm in "hoeni/%! A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. =inally, he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. The doctor e/amines him and says !I've found your problem. 0our penis is 7E inches long. It weighs so much it is pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter.! (o the man asks, !What's he cure, doctor1!. To which the doctor replies, !We have to cut off P inches.! The man thinks about it, and eager to cure his stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he stops stuttering. Two months later he calls the doctor and tells him that since he had the P inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. 2e wants the doctor to operate to put back the si/ inches. .ot hearing anything on the line, he repeats himself, !2ey doc, didn't you hear me1 I want my P inches back%! =inally, the doctor responds, !=5f5f5f5f5f5uck 05y5 you% 6r. Bear and 6r. &abbit didn't like each other very much. -ne day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them si/ wishes. 2e told them that they could have ; wishes each. 6r. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. 6r. &abbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. -ne appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. 6r. Bear was amazed at 6r. &abbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. 2e wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

6r. &abbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. 6r. Bear could not believe it and +omplained that 6r. &abbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. (haking his head, 6r. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to 6r. &abbit for his last wish. 6r. &abbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, !I wish that 6r. Bear was gay%! and rode off as fast as he could% What am I1 I am a common ob ect en oyed by both se/es, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. =or most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in 'n' out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. +leaning is usually done after I am. What am I1 Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush% What were you thinking, you pervert1 6r. White, the biology professor, at a posh suburban girl's school, asked during class, !6iss (mith, would you name the organ in the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, e/pands to si/ times it's normal size, and define the conditions.! 6iss (mith gasped, then said snottily, !6r. White, I don't think that is a proper >uestion to ask me. I assure you that my parents will hear of this.! With that, she sat down red5faced. ,nperturbed, 6r. White called on 6iss 4ones, and asked the same >uestion. 6iss 4ones, with complete composure replied, !The pupil of the eye, in dim light.! !+orrect,! said 6r. White. !.ow, 6iss (mith, I have three things to say to you) one, you have not studied your lessons. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment.! 3ho you callin0 coloured/ #P1& 3hen I )as +orn, I0m +lack. 3hen I gro) up, I0m +lack. 3hen I go out in the sun, I0m +lack. 3hen I0m cold, I0m +lack. 3hen I0m scared, I0m +lack. 3hen I0m sick, I0m +lack. And )hen I die, I0m still +lack. @ou )hite folksD 3hen you0re +orn, you0re pink. 3hen you gro) up, you0re )hite. 3hen you go out in the sun, you0re red. 3hen you0re cold, you0re +lue. 3hen you0re scared, you0re yello). 3hen you0re sick, you0re green.

! proclaim the girls as they fan themselves. so the barber gives him a tootsie roll to keep him >uiet. !?on't be silly.! A nerdy accountant is sent to ail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy.! says 6iss Annabell.! 6iss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say.3hen you +ruise. !I want to have some se/.ow get over here and suck your wife's dick.! e/claim the girls. !. !-kay. !Well. I called him "recious. !They also have women there in . So )ho you callin0 coloured/ 6iss Annabell had ust returned from her big trip to .ew 0ork +ity. I ust burped. !What do they call them1! they ask in unison. if I have to be one or the other. !They call them lesbians. And )hen you die. The big guy says.! proclaims 6iss Annabell. !$onna be a good night. I guess I'd rather be the husband. !-h my% -h my% -h my. !0ou ust wouldn't believe what they have there in . I smell cock in the air. !They also have men who kiss women between the legs.o. !What do they call them1! they ask. . there in .! e/claim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster.ew 0ork +ity. loose hair falls over his face.! says 6iss Annabell. you go grey. As the barber trims his bangs. !Why when I caught my breath.ew 0ork +ity and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends.! sighs 6iss Annabell. !?o you have hair on your goodie1! asks the barber.! The big guy says. !-h my% -h my.! A little boy is sitting in the barber's chair and becoming an/ious. 6iss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush. 0ou wanna be the husband or the wife1! The accountant replies. you go purple. you old pervert% I'm only eight years old%! .ew 0ork +ity who kiss other women on the lips%! !-h my% -h my.! Two hookers were on a street corner. (he tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound.! The other hooker looked at her and said. !They have men there who kiss other men on the lips. and one of the hookers said. They started discussing business. !-h my% -h my%! !They call them homose/uals.

what is that1! .eighbor) !That is deductive reasoning! . too. (he had him cremated and brought his ashes home. she said.! A woman recently lost her husband.ew .ew . too. !Irving. By that I deduce that you have a dog..eighbor) !(ince you have a family I deduce that you have a wife! .eighbor) !I am a professor at the . !. (he says.eighbor 7) !+orrect! .eighbor 7) !0up! . remember that new car you promised me1 Well. (he said.eighbor 7) !+ool! #ater that same day.eighbor 7) !(o what is it you do for a living1! . she poured him out on the counter.eighbor) !And since you have a wife. with the insurance money. The woman says. that emerald necklace you promised me1 I bought it.! (o he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. 2e told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. I can deduce that you are heterose/ual! . !Irving.! . !Will I have to go home and come back now1! he asks. I see you have a dog house out back. you might have >ualified for disability. while tracing her fingers in the ashes.ew . new neighbor.eighbor 7) !That is right! . "icking up the urn that he was in.ew .. !That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.niversity.eighbor) !0es. Then. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. the man e/citedly tells his wife about his e/perience at the (ocial (ecurity office.ew . I teach deductive reasoning! . !0ou should have dropped your pants.eighbor 7) !2i.! (till tracing her finger in the ashes.! and she processed his (ocial (ecurity application.nbutton your shirt. it is and people around here seem e/tremely friendly! .A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for (ocial (ecurity.eighbor 7) !&ight again! .ew .. When he gets home. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age.! .eighbor) !The fact that you have a dog. it sure is a nice day to be moving! . she started talking to him.eighbor) !#et me give you and e/ample. you know that fur coat you promised me1 I bought it with the insurance money%! !Irving. . remember that blow ob I promised you1 2ere it comes.. there.ew . #eads me to deduce that you have a family. I also bought it with the insurance money%! !Irving.eighbor 7) !?eductive reasoning. . 2e looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

6ary responds..! !Warehouses%1! the private shouted. !Because it's rough. seeks out the manager and says.eighbor E) !Is he a nice guy1! . what is it like1! =red e/citedly tells his tale. when I get up in the morning I have se/. then I have breakfast.! she says. what do you call your boyfriend1! 3athy frowned and said. in the line of fire. In a hail of bullets.! she says to the store manager.. 3aren said.eighbor E) !-h. !Well. I call it 4ohn Wayne. I was talking to that new guy who moved in ne/t door! .! !Why the postman1! asked 4oanne. 6ary. and he has an interesting ob! . !I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.. (he is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. the husband was the first to go. and it's O7. !"ardon me.! 4oanne giggled and confessed.FI per roll. !Because.eighbor 7) !0es.II a roll. ?o you have a dog house1! . !I'm recommending you for a medal. and it's EI cents per roll. !I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft. !6ary.! A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. what is that! . sir.eighbor 7) !2ey.eighbor 7) !=ag. !This is nice and soft.! "ointing to the bottom shelf he tells her.! he replies pointing out one brand. and true to his word.eighbor 7) !2e is a professor of deductive reasoning at the .ame brand. he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong bo/.! !$ive me the . !The postman. !I thought you said whorehouses%! Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their se/ lives.! 2e grabs another and says.! A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. then I have se/ .! !Why1! he asks. I have come back like we agreed. he made contact.eighbor E) !.eighbor 7) !#et me give you an e/ample. With considerable bravery. After a long life. !Is that you =red1! !0es. !"rivate. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven.! 3athy >uietly sipped her whiskey until 4oanne finally asked. he dove back to safety.ame toilet paper..o! . the $I ran directly onto the field of battle. !but can you e/plain the differences in all these toilet papers1! !Well.ame. It's O7. to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier.! !Well.niversity! . (he comes back about a week later..! the officer said. it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody%! The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. strong but gentle.o .o .eighbor E) !?eductive reasoning. !this is as soft as a baby's bottom. !2ey% I've got a name for your . yeah what does he do1! .! Awestruck. 0ou risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses. !Well. !We call that our .o .

! she pleaded. her robe slips open. and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbo/. . and it's >uite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. and they're 7IIV natural% 6y butt is firm and doesn't sag. !It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here. After a few minutes.! Bill rents an apartment in +hicago. then I bathe in the sun. he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest &ed #ight ?istrict.! -ne night. . he places her hand on his arm and says. I hear someone coming. they don't sag. then I have se/ twice more. As they talk. clears his throat several times. Bill smiles at the young girl. !#et's go to my apartment. !I want you to fi/ it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards. (ince the man doesn't have much money.! nodded the psychiatrist. 6ary. why in in the world would you say my ears are my best feature1! +learing his throat once again. embarrassed Bill stammers. !2ell no.. your best feature has to be your ears%! (he's astounded% !Why my ears1 #ooks at these breasts% They're full. he finds what he's looking for and spends O7I for oral se/ and intercourse. A short while later. until bedtime. so she strikes up a conversation with him. I end up in bed with him. !What would you say is my best feature1! The flustered. a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. "oor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. And. when we were in the hallway you said you heard someone coming. !?octor. the pert and pretty . she leans against the wall allowing her robe to fall off completely. !And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter1! !=or $od's sake. While he was there. then I have lunch..! !I see.ow completely nude. !-h.. and have no cellulite% (o. that was me%! #ori. then I have se/ all afternoon and into the early evening. she purrs.! (o happy 6ary says. !Because. you surely must be in heaven. -nce inside. and finally s>ueaks out. I start all over again the ne/t day. I'm a rabbit in 3ansas.again. an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment ne/t to the mailbo/es wearing a robe. I feel guilty and depressed for a week. no%! e/claimed the . you must help me..urse. then. !-h =red.! =red replies. And then afterward.urse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.! Bill follows her into the apartment. Bill stammers.

dirty little runt. !+an I get pregnant1! !2ow old are you. =ifth was a fisherman.! she replies. The woman says. created a pussy to their own design. old man. she dials her home and a strange woman answers. !I'll use a rubber%! (even wise men. !#ittle 4ohnny. !.III1! The maid says.The ne/t morning. dear.! . with a steak knife he gave it a slit. would you like to make OFI.! !-h. >uick with his wit. a little girl asks.! "uzzled. and shoot the erk and the witch he's with. this is his wife. ! Who is this1! !This is the maid.o. creative and fine. nasty as hell. his name was 6c$ee.! replied #ittle 4ohnny. (i/th was a preacher.. !+an my big sister get pregnant1! !Well. !I'm seven years old. The maid comes back to the phone. 2olding back an urge to smile. !(ee. can my 6ommy get pregnant1!.! answered the woman.. she says to the maid. !=orty.! The woman is fuming. =irst was a carpenter. but I don't want a child.! A long pause and the woman says.! said #ittle 4ohnny reassuringly. !But there's no pool here. !I was hired this morning by the man of the house. -ne day. dear. !don't you see how silly that is1 (ure I'd like a husband of my own someday. the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says. you can't get pregnant. the teacher asked. he blessed it and touched it and said it could pee. !2ey. short and stout. !2ow old is your mother. you gave me crabs%! The hooker replies. !2ey. dear. !he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife. dear1! The little girl answers. (o. your sister certainly could get pregnant. tall and thin. he gave it a hole. he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. !We don't have a maid! . !Throw them in the swimming pool. !#isten. !0es. so he marches over to her and says. (econd was a butcher.T% A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. !What do I do with the bodies1! The woman says.! !-h yes. !But #ittle 4ohnny. with a piece of fo/ fur he lined it without. dear1! asks the teacher. !With whom1! !With you%! he said. how old is your sister1! The little girl answers.. !Well.! The little girl then asks. with a piece of red velvet he lined it within.! said the teacher gently.! The little girl then asks. strong and bold. the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. said the woman. with a chisel and hammer. Is he there1! The maid replied. Third was a hunter.ineteen.! Then. =ourth was a tailor.! The maid puts the phone down: the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. the maid answers. he sucked it and fucked it and called it a +. !What will I have to do1! The woman tells her. !Teacher. The maid says. don't worry. 2e notices the same hooker on the street corner. I told you we had nothing to worry about. !I want you to get my gun from the desk.! !. The woman says. (eventh was a sailor. dear.. why has your school work been so poor lately1! !I'm in love. he threw in a fish and gave it a smell. lady.. what did you e/pect for O7I1 #obster1! The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day. your mother could get pregnant. !Is this FFF5G8E71! In a second grade class.

'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured. you felt my tits and mumbled.The racing5car driver picked up a girl after a race. !What's the matter1%1 ?idn't I satisfy you when we screwed1! he asked. !In my day we gave a blow ob for FI cents%! !$ood $od%! said the $randmother.% -"ne must )ait until e(ening to see ho) splendid the day has +een. !oday it0s called golf. !It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble.H .$$ -If you don0t learn to laugh at trou+le. 8ot me. +ut +eing old is comforta+le. daughter and grandmother.! !4ust take off your cloths.! . !especially with the size difference and all.5 -Being young is +eautiful. spread your legs apart and close your eyes. I0(e tra(eled a long )ay and some of the roads )eren0t pa(ed. I )ant people to kno) 0)hy0 I look this )ay."ne of the many things no one tells you a+out aging is that it is such a nice change from +eing young.'! !What's wrong with that1! asked the driver. !In my day we were ust glad to get something warm in our stomachs%! A tall woman met a midget at a party. -ne night the daughter came home looking very down. it )as called )itchcraft. !.! said the woman.6 -3hen you are dissatisfied and )ould like to go +ack to youth. lie back on the bed. went home with her and took her to bed. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.othing. !.! said the angry woman..! !Wow%! said the mother. but then you felt my pussy and yelled. !2ow did you get on tonight ?ear1! asked her mother.$7 -Aong ago )hen men cursed and +eat the ground )ith sticks. !I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget.! replied the daughter.$ -=(entually you )ill reach a point )hen you stop lying a+out your age and start +ragging a+out it. you )on0t ha(e anything to laugh at )hen you are old.: -Some people try to turn +ack their odometers. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment.ot too good.< -I don0t kno) ho) I got o(er the hill )ithout getting to the top. a mother. 2e fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face. think of Alge+ra. -!he older )e get. 'what a smooth finish.B . the fe)er things seem )orth )aiting in line for.@ou kno) you are getting old )hen e(erything either dries up or leaks. 'who the hell left the garage door open1'! There were three prostitutes living together. !I only got OEI for a blow ob. !In your sleep.

! !That wife of mine is a liar. and so on. Advil is Ibuprofen. two.! The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said. !#et's see. three. 2ow many were there1! The husband replied. !2oney. as she turns and leaves for the car. Within a few minutes the woman had clima/ed eight times. the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. (he says. !+an't you see1 We are all berry . all drugs have a generic name. !I know you've been with a lot of woman before. I don't want to upset you. it's my love dress% It keeps the marriage spicy%! !I'll give you a few more weeks.ew 0ork +ity restaurant and notices that the three 4apanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. !I think you should have ironed it first%! An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. she's a liar. As she boarded the bus. !I have a dead pussy. what are hell are you doing%! remarks the husband. !(it with my wife.! replies her mother. as she turns and leaves for the car. !(he didn't come home last night. !What are you doing%! insists her mother.! In pharmacology.! replies her mother.said the midget. A few weeks later. dear% What do you think of it1! !Well. she whispered to the driver. !. she said she'd spent the night with her sister. A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a .! !(o1! the friend replied.ow what are you doing1! !6om. !#ook. !What the hell do you guys think you are doing1! -ne of the 4apanese men says. !(o. #ater that night. When her husband arrives home. I spent the night with her sister (hirley%! A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit.! said the midget with a smirk. to be perfectly honest. and when I asked her where she'd been.! The wife continued to beg and plead. When she arrives. eight. she greets him at the front door in the nude. !It's my love dress..! replies her husband. the mother decides to try it for herself. The =?A has been looking for a generic name for Niagra. there were many. the husband gave in. Tylenol is Acetaminophen. !2ow do you know1! the friend asked. she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. you. she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. !If you think that was good. four.. Again. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever e/perienced inside her.! said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated ne/t to him in the bar. !4ust wait till I get B-T2 legs in there%! A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to >uestion her husband. !6om. =inally. 0ou two have a lot in common. nine.! he said !There was one. and announced today that they have settled on 6yco/afloppin. five. #et's ust leave it alone. si/. (hirley. it's my love dress% ?on't you like it1! !I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over.

I can't go on like this. (o ?rop What 0ou're ?oing. 2eather. had already awakened though. 2eather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. !Well. !?oc. I'm .! The waitress says. When she finally gets around to helping him he says. he asked his son to bring it to his wife..hungry.o matter how hard I try.! 4ohn woke up one morning with an enormous erection so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. (o ?o It By 2and% A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up. The 6onkey 2ad A 2emorrhage. 4ohn called his little boy into the room and asked him to bring it to his wife. The note read) The Tent "ole's (till . !(o how is whacking5off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation11! -ne of the other businessmen replies) !The menu say. And +ome $ive 6e (ome 2ead. The note read) I'm (ure That 0our "ole's The Best In The #and. 2eather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. .F years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. !I'd like 99 condoms please!. Then. 4ohn read the note and >uickly scribbled a reply. !6ake it 7II then.! .p. =I&(T +-6*. you've got to help me. !99 +ondoms%1% =uck me%! to which the guy replies. The +anvas Is (pread. 2is wife.o +ircus Today. The note read) The Tent "ole Is . With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says.! !What's the problem1! the doctor in>uired. I ust seem to scare them away.p.ow. =I&(T (*&N*?%! A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions.. +ome Back To Bed. . But I'm Busy &ight . The note read) Take The Tent "ole ?own. "ut The +anvas Away. The 2ell With Breakfast. And The +anvas (till (pread.

you needed to dress up in a costume tonight%!.! the man replied. it worked alright. and an attractive person. our red clothes symbolize we are angry. But. The ne/t couple comes up to the door dressed in all red clothing !(orry. and s>ueezed her left tit. you let the other couple before us in. wearing her skimpiest negligee. and the other woman said !are his testicles that big1! . what's your problem1! !I don't have a problem. 2e was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. !We are dressed in all blue because we picked the sad emotion. Then along comes a black guy.!6y friend. (o that night. reached out. the doorman decided that was good enough. walked into the kitchen. !Actually I was invited%!. the first couple came to the front door. !I'm sorry. A ma or 2ollywood star decided to do a charity dinner and invited hundreds of people to take part. !-h.! Two Amish women were picking potatoes one autumn day. but I don't think you have been invited to this dinner. the host decided to make it a costume party with the theme of emotions. 0ou ust need to work on your self5esteem. I'm deep in despair%! C?eep in this pearD 4on left for a two day business trip to +hicago. to which the couple reply. *ach morning. Besides. !they're that dirty!. Tell yourself that you are a good person. !6y wife does. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you. this is not a serious problem.! To which the black man responds in a thick 4amaican accent. wide eyed looks at him.! !(o.! Again. the doorman agrees to let them in. dressed in all blue. !We are. !these potatoes remind me of my husbands testicles!. !4on won't be here for breakfast tomorrow. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden e/pression on his face. no she commented. =or the past several weeks I've en oyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.! Thinking it over. 2e >uietly entered the door.! she said. !0ou were supposed to dress up as an emotion! states the doorman.! The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit e/cited. !?id my advice not work1! asked the doctor. (he looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her. To make it interesting.! . completely naked with the e/ception of a pear with the core cut out and his penis stuck into it. a fun person.!Well you were supposed to be dressed up in a costume that conveys a certain emotion. The first Amish woman had E potatoes in her hands. say it with real conviction. 2e saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes. 2e turned around and headed back to the house. !I am in a costume. (he looked at the other woman and said. I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror.! The black guy says. !#eave only one >uart of milk. The doorman.

turned and said angrily. 2is father. and a cup of fresh coffee1! 2e declines. the girl asks. maybe. his father said. offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. thanks. did you get it for +hristmas then1!. Take your wife to a park and leave her there. It's this Niagra. That night. !. and e/tremely ealous of 4immy's new watch.! replied 4immy. !Again. he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. and she had the operation done herself. how about a tasty stir fry1 That'll only take a couple of minutes.. !Would you mind getting off me1 I'm fucking (TA&NI. Without missing a stroke.o. she says. If she finds her way home: don't fuck her. !. she asks if he would like something. 2e wanted to thank you for his new ears%! While in the playground with his friend.! said 4immy.! 2usband) !2ow can we find out which1! ?octor) !I need you to run a little e/periment this weekend. caught in mid stroke. 4ust then. !=ine. !A bowl of home made soup. !It's really taken the edge off my appetite. !that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. !-r would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch1 -r. #ittle 4ohnny was e/tremely impressed with this idea. (he assisted me with the operation. !I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation%! !?on't worry.! 4ohnny replied.! At dinner time. (tand in the corner and watch. !What do you want now1! !I wanna watch. !It's this Niagra.! he says. !?id you get that for your birthday1! asked #ittle 4ohnny. Again 4immy says !. then!. !Well.! !Well. he declines. !.! At lunch time. perhaps a slice of toast1 6aybe a nice sectioned grapefruit.! says the doctor.! he says. #ittle 4ohnny noticed that 4immy was wearing a brand new.$%! A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much to large. 2e vowed to get one for himself. but it's this Niagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite. with a cheese sandwich1 -r how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk1! Again he declines.This guy is banging this girl. !Bacon and eggs.. ?ad gave me his watch to get rid of me.o. thanks.! ?octor) !0our wife either has Alzheimer's or AI?(.! !0ou didn't steal it.o. shiny watch.! . she asks if he wants anything to eat. !0ou haven't got aids have you1! 2e replies. thank fuck for that% I don't want to get that again%! A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. but keep >uiet. !-h. he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. The first rose is from me.! (he responds.! !Who is the third rose from1! she asked. The doctor agrees. did you1! asks #ittle 4ohnny. !-h.1! -nce more. (he wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed.ope. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.! he says. !I went into 6om and ?ad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. !it's really taken the edge off my appetite. !. (he asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. -utraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says. !I didn't tell anybody.ope. The second one is from the nurse.

!.. !but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache%! The rescue team finds the crashed airplane..! The leader of the rescue team says.! A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of an irritated crotch.Two pedophiles were walking down the street one day when they came across a pair of small lacey knickers on the ground. 2e says. !Aahhh. and we'll take another look at it. !Well. this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. and pounds the glasses to the bar... The first mouse slams a shot of scotch. man. ?oes it get better or worse at any time1! !0eah. !.! admitted the barber... When the bar comes down.o... get in here at once. After a brief pause. female uices. and asks him if he could sort out the argument. and so on.! . your plane only went down yesterday. A seven5year5old girl.e/t time it rains. but not from my parish%! ?uring his monthly visit to the corner barbershop. and then bench press it 7II times.. !0ou can't udge me for this. I get on it..! says the ?oc.. the doctor sighs. 2e turns to the other mice and replies) !0eah. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone. has a good long sniff. !But you're balder than I am.. smells them and goes.. !True. the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was. I collect as much as I can and take it home.! The second mouse orders up two shots of te>uila.! The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.. The first pedophile tells the priest. slams the shots. lie on my back. !I don't have time for this bullshit. it's really bad whenever it rains. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about. and set it off with my foot.. so the priest takes the knickers. 2e grabs one in each paw. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two. turns to the second mouse and says) !When I see a mousetrap. then. a seven5year5old%!. I gotta go home and fuck the cat. !But 4esus +hrist.! The other grabs them from him and also takes a smell and goes. I had to survive. ?efinitely an eight5year5old girl%! The two of them are them smelling them in turns and arguing.o..! she replies. no . !?efinitely an eight5year5old%! . After an e/amination. !. !I don't seem to see any problem.! Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day. I catch it in my teeth. er. well when I see rat poison. The first one picks them up. and pounds the shot glass to the bar.! protested the customer. In the morning. with a huge pile of human bones ne/t to him. and the rescuers are shocked.. !An eight5year5old%!. and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says) !?efinitely an eight5year5old girl% .

0ou only get eaten once. !That's great. so he gave me this hook. -nly E minutes to get soft. it's raining really hard. let's have a look. !2ow did that cause you to lose your eye1! The pirate e/plains.e/t. ?on't worry ma'am. and one of them boys cut me hand off. !2ow did you lose your hand1! !6any years ago. now thoroughly confused. !-h. !2ow did you lose your eye1! !Well.! he says. 6om. he doesn't even believe there's a 2ell. I was standing watch up in the crow's nest. try that. !I want to marry your daughter!.! !I'll do anything for my love! says the young man.! The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. It takes G minutes to get hard. ?oc. !Because he also told me he is an atheist.! If you think life is bad.. !Well.. . ask. (o cheer up. you have to help me%%! !Well. and a patch over his right eye. !?octor. !6arry him anyway. a hungry shark attacked me and bit me leg off. yes. 2e has a wooden leg. Between the two of us. Then.. and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office.! A young lady came home from a date. I was standing on the deck of me ship one day. !Well. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.Two weeks later. and a wave washed me overboard. and begins throwing peanuts to the seagulls. my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter. (he told her mother. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later.avy.! The children. !Well.! (he walks back and forth around the office and e/claims. this won't hurt a bit. bring me a surgical kit.! A city boy wanted to marry a country girl. the little girl asks. Two curious young children shyly sit down ne/t to him and ask the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg. I was fighting the . . a lousy seagull flew over and did his business right in me eye. I think I see the problem. (he insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage.urse. "lease.! The little boy then asks. 2e sits down on a bench. 0our life ain't that bad% A pirate walks off his ship. as he lifts her up onto the table. we'll show him how wrong he is.! . 2ow would you like to be an egg1 0ou only get laid once.! !Then why are you so sad1! her mother asked. ma'am. a hook for a hand.. !Anthony proposed to me an hour ago. 0ou share your bo/ with 77 other guys. (o off he goes to their farm to ask her father. it's really bad today. it was me first day with the hook. what did you do1! !I ust took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots. rather sad. The pirate replies. and ust as I looked up. But worst of all. 6e doc couldn't find a hand.! 2er mother replied. !There you go.

ope.! A little puzzled the boy says. The counselor asks. 2e watches for a moment. In the light of this they have now renamed it as) '0E30 4elly'. WA. !whenever we're making love. !2ow embarrassing. The counselor tells him. =irst. (o the father finally tells the boy.& ?A.! said the Mueen. It's very embarrassing. !-h dear.! says the counselor. !$&*AT trade%! Important "ress &elease) The manufacturers of 30 4elly have announced that their product is now fully 0ear EIII compliant.! !It's >uite understandable. !I think I'll talk to your husband now.ow can I marry your daughter1! !. guess what% I got a set of golf clubs for my wife%! the other replies.ow can I marry your daughter1! !. !. !. then continues on down the hallway.! says the father. I'd like to be in control%! !Ah. (ee that pig in the sty1 Well go to it.! The husband looks shocked. the wife speaks to the counselor alone. (he might even leave you. !0ou say you've been married EI years. !0our wife says that you've been driving her crazy. !as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse. when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored. !W2AT1 =or EI years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants% What could be the problem1! .! -nce again he obliges and returns. anything for my love! -n his return of doing his deed.! To which the boy replies. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. 2-W 6. This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds ust to marry his daughter.! said the Archbishop. whenever we go out. !. =irst. and after a moment.ot yet 55 one more thing. he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. saying to himself.!0ou see that cow out in the pasture1 Well go screw it. anything else1! probes the counselor further. added. is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two! The Mueen was showing the Archbishop of +anterbury around the royal stable. and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb! -ne golfer tells another) !2ey. !It's my husband 55 he's driving me crazy% I'm going to leave him if he continues%! !2ow does he drive you crazy1! !=or EI years. he .ope. !Anything else1! !2e keeps picking his nose all the time% *ven in public%! !2mm. !Boy. !-3. $o screw it.! (o the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. I'm frightfully sorry about that.$2T*&.! Again the boy obliges and returns saying. (aid a spokesman) !The main benefit of this revision to our product.*N*& lets me be on top% -nce in a while. !(ee that goat over yonder1 Well.! The marriage counselor is amused. so what seems to be the problem1! The wife replies.! she says.ow you can marry my daughter.T =-& T2AT "I$1! A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. !he's been doing these stupid things.! A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor.+2 0-. !(+&*W 0-. The wife hesitates. . he asks.

! The husband looks sheepish. .The counselor e/plains. !Actually. ?on't screw up. !-h. that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry. !That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity. =irst.& 3hich country makes Panama hats/ :& 9rom )hich animal do )e get catgut/ 6& In )hich month do Russians cele+rate the "cto+er Re(olution/ B& 3hat is a camel0s hair +rush made of/ <& !he Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after )hat animal/ H& 3hat )as Jing 1eorge GI0s first name/ %& 3hat colour is a purple finch/ 5& 3here are Chinese goose+erries from/ $7& 3hat is the colour of the +lack +o' in a commercial airplane/ Ans)ers +elo). you don't understand% It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said..! !What did he say1! The husband replies. !-h. he said.! The husband looks concerned.! !-h.! !This.! !What did he say1! !2e said that I should never step on anyone's toes%! The counselor looks amused. !In his dying breath. you need fi(e correct ans)ers #ans)ers at the +ottom of the page&? $& Ho) long did the Hundred @ears 3ar last/ .! The counselor looks faint. you're always acting strange in public55looking at the floor and never going near anyone else. !o pass. !And you keep picking your nose in public.! !he 3orld0s =asiest Oui* #not& Ha(e a pop at )hat immediately appears to +e the )orld0s easiest Eui*. !And finally. she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking.! The counselor continues. !(he says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. !is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing. its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do% 2e told me to always keep my nose clean.! says the husband seriously.. -kay.! says the husband looking very stupid.! !Well.

! A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date.! (uddenly.o% I said no%! !Baby. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her. I blow him.. !I found this while cleaning your room today..! I thought. let alone any !2appy Birthday. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say !2appy Birthday! and probably have a present for me. and rubbing her eyes. with her hair a mess.! he ensures his girlfriend. .. !and I know you like it.o% (omeone might see us.. !.And here are the ans)ers? $& C2ow long did the 2undred 0ears War last1D $$< years .! !It's ust a small blow ob.! !.. of course A mother walks into her daughters room holding a condom in her hand. it will be >uick.! Two weeks ago was my GGth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning..o. (he looks at them and smirks... don't be like that.& CWhich country makes "anama hats1D =cuador :& C=rom which animal do we get catgut1D Sheep and Horses 6& CIn which month do &ussians celebrate the -ctober &evolution1D 8o(em+er B& CWhat is a camel's hair brush made of1D SEuirrel fur <& CThe +anary Islands in the "acific are named after what animal1D Dogs H& CWhat was 3ing $eorge NI's first name1D Al+ert %& CWhat colour is a purple finch1D Crimson 5& CWhere are +hinese gooseberries from1D 8e) Pealand $7& CWhat is the colour of the black bo/ in a commercial airplane1D "range. but for $od's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom. or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself.. (he didn't even say !$ood 6orning!. the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown. !?ad says either you blow him. !2ow about a blow ob1! !What% Are you crazy%! !?on't worry. !. Are you se/ually active1! To which the daughter replies. I ust lay there.! he insists.

2e shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. I guess not. . so if you could ust put up your trays.! (he said. !my wife is out of town on a business trip. that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. !The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word. (omeone had remembered.. !$ood 6orning. #ift her legs from behind and off you go.o problem. now would be a good time to wash it... that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years.! As one thing leads to another. At one point. !I'll get my wife's diaphragm. !Well. !. We went to lunch. !By $eorge.! After arriving at her apartment she said. !Boss. then 4anet knocked on my door and said. #et's go. !?on't worry. so there's no risk. okay. !0ou know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. (he went into the bedroom and.! An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found. !0ou know. she said. We had two martinis and en oyed lunch tremendously. I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. !+heck this out%! he happily e/claimed.! he suggested. if you don't mind..and there I sat on the couch. now that you've got all the wrinkles out.! he replies. we don't need to go back to the office. !We have to stop% I forgot to bring birth control%! !..! The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home..naked.! I e/citedly replied. overcome by passion. We didn't go where we normally go.. =irst. his wife replied. my secretary. They were all singing 2appy Birthday. it is such a beautiful day.. I worked until noon. in about si/ minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake. go to his house for an early afternoon >uickie.! I felt a little better. !you might try the wheelbarrow. ust you and me..! A businessman and his secretary. he returns to the bedroom in a fury. 2appy Birthday. We went out into the country to a little private place. children and dozens of our friends. that's wives for you. !Well. the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps. followed by my wife. 4anet said... he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced !The +aptain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly. Boss.! I said.. if it hurts you have to stop right away. !but on two conditions. As I walked into my office. !What do you think we should do with it1! With one eye open.! After a few minutes of searching. to his utter astonishment. do we1! I said. After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be.! the hesitant wife agreed.o. The children will remember. !(he took it with her% I always knew she didn't trust me%! I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homose/ual male flight attendant.! he assures her. and second. !#et's go to my apartment. the se/ counsellor suggested they vary their position. -n the way back to the office. !That witch%! he e/claims.!Well. (ure. !=or e/ample.. let's go to lunch. !you have to promise we won't go past my parents' house..! she continued.

but added that he had died of gonorrhoea. !Well. (o here I am. so the man repeats. The doctor e/amines him and says !I've found your problem. not gonorrhoea.cut it off are . !-h yeah1 Well in 60 country. Why. all of his girlfriends have dumped him. perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine. young man. and he stops stuttering. but he can't. I know that he died of diarrhoea.! The flight attendant replied.. and he begins to rub my old breasts. !Take me. when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me. !2ey doc. . 0our 2onour. !What's he cure. -nce the daily newspapers had been delivered. !0ou know very well that he died of diarrhoea. the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper. 2e starts to rub my thigh. (he then calmly turned to him and said) !In my country. 2e insists that the doctor do another operation to add the si/ inches back on. I haven't felt that good in years% (o I ust spread my old legs and say to him. I'm called a >ueen and I outrank you. !=5f5f5f5f5f5u5c5k y5y5y5y5ou% A woman came home ust in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.. The husband terrified. Take me%! That's when he yelled.! (he still wouldn't comply. 0our 2onour. The operation is a success.that would be great. With superhuman strength borne of fury.to. It weighs so much that it's pulling on your lungs.. a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly. and it feels good. so put the tray up%! When her husband passed away. we have to cut off si/ inches. . the doctor responds. doc1! The doctor replies.! (o he asks. sitting there on my porch on a warm spring evening. Two months later. she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.. I am called a princess. he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. I take orders from no one.ow he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray. our flight attendant came back and said to her) !6a'am. but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane.. and his love life has gone down the tubes. screamed.! I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting ne/t to me did not.! &eplied the widow. I am <F years old.! The man is eager to cure his stuttering so he agrees to the operation. the man calls the doctor and tells him that since he's had the P inches cut off. (o I don't stop him.e/t she picked up a hacksaw.. A few moments later. (he then secured it tightly and removed the handle. !April =ool! and that's when I shot the =ucking (on of a Bitch%% A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering. bitch. 0our penis is twelve inches long. There is silence on the other end of the telephone. didn't you hear me1 I want my si/ inches back%! =inally... but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit that he really was. 0our 2onour. causing you to stutter.! 0our honour. =inally. !(top% (top% 0ou're not going to. !0es.

pon entering the room.F and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband.! said the desk sergeant. !What are you doing1! 2e e/claimed. !. where are you going1! The old man looked at her and replied. As he began to walk out of the living room. The elderly woman then stated. 0ou are. I can't. !#ord. and then Adam took *ve behind the bush and kissed her.ope. $od told Adam that it was time to populate the *arth. When he went downstairs. no%! insisted the man.you1%! The wife. !I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.! A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. !What are you doing1! (he e/claimed.! A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again. you can start by kissing *ve. !I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine. this time coming from the den. !I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs.. I'm going to set the garage on fire. no. his wife asked.! Adam looks puzzled at $od.! The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.. she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. The daughter replied. I now want . A little while later.! The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed. !. !Watching the game with my son5in5law. !I'm going in the other room to get my teeth%! A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. I've been trying to do that for years%! A lady went to her doctor for a check5up. 2e replied. While sitting on their loveseat. the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. said. (he replied !-h doctor. !I'm .! #ater that week. The daughter replied.o. she e/plained that she got them from having se/.! An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. !#ord% That was great% What's ne/t1! !Adam. Then she said. the elderly woman looked at her companion and said.! This time. . !I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity. my dog's breath is awful%! -ne day $od and Adam were walking the garden. !Was it something I said. !What are you doing1! (he asked.F and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband. with a gleam of revenge in her eye. $od e/plained. !0ou'll get your chance in court. !I'm . Adam returned with a big smile and said. !Adam. the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. what is a kiss1!.

homes. so there were no males employed there.! When she returned. and streets from his youth. one at a time.. (o they uncle asked.o. she said. !the best we can do is 7T.. ownership in the store and O. they don't%! !I remember building that house over there when I was . he starts reminiscing. $etting to a grassy field. I now want you to make love to *ve. what is caress1! $od e/plained. If you do that people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either.ow put your hands in your pockets.! "uzzled again he asks. a teacher will get mad at you for it. what is make love1! asked Adam. $roggily. !#ord that was even better than a kiss% What's ne/t1! !2ere is what gets the deed done.! (o the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked. &o/anne was almost asleep when a cow. The man said !this is embarrassing for me.. she lay down to watch the stars. I was wondering what you could give me for it1! The pharmacist said !4ust a minute.F.! -ne day an 8F5year5old man is taking a stroll around his hometown.! A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. But people won't call you 'the house builder' if you do that. .. which he has lived in for his whole life. A little while later. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store. carefully stepped over her.. But people won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. !I remember helping build that bridge when I was EF. !-ne at a time boys. !#isten kid. and then Adam took *ve behind the bush.. !#ord. and then Adam took *ve behind the bush and caressed her. !*leven. ?uring a wild party at a #ong Island country house..o. A few seconds later. she raised her head and said. . no they don't%! !I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was .! The uncle said. &o/anne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air.. $od e/plained. searching for clover. !(even. you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school. what is a headache1. !#ord.! .you to caress *ve. There was a little boy who had ust learned to count on his fingers. (he then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. . !What is five plus five1! The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets. I worked hard on that. but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. Adam returned with a big smile and said. Adam returned and asked. !What is three plus four1! The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said. -ne day his uncle came to visit and the boy was an/ious to show off his newly ac>uired skill.I. They sure won't%! !But if you fuck one goat. 2e told the uncle to ask him and addition >uestion. no. !#ord.! "uzzled yet again.III a month in living e/penses. then the boy said. I'll go talk to my sister.. As he sees the landmarks.

When the officer presses him for a last name. (he gave me N?. $ot bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. but it's not enough to live on. ?entistry was my dream. with no reaction. 6?. (o I stayed to myself. Well. and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. I kinda like that.! The third woman ust shakes her head and says. in a garden while a nude model danced before them. you know. !6y husband works for 6icrosoft. !?id you know . he bent down to pick up the bell. (ocial (ecurity kind. (he proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. The kids used to tease me all the time.! A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening: she was knitting.. !0eah. $ot all the way through school. *ach monk had a small bell attached to his privates. (o. Then the A6A found out about the A?A taking away my ??( because of the N?. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor..ina asks. !Tell me =red.. internship. *mbarrassed. 2e ust sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it. !4ust =red! the man responds. got my degree so I was now =red ?ingaling 6? ??(. I went through college. 2e looked up from the page and said to her.! =red! he replies. As she danced. and eleven other bells began to ring. 2e always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I studied hard and got good grades. 2e likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I was =red ?ingaling 6? ??( with N?. . !6y husband is a motorcycle mechanic.! The officer let him go without even a warning. so they took away my 6? leaving me as =red ?ingaling with N?. how did you lose your last name1! The man replies.. I know.. the A?A found out about the N? so they took away my ??( so I was =red ?ingaling 6? with N?. I was born =red ?ingaling. )5D . how's your se/ life these days1! #iz replies. you get a little each month. It's the usual. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. !=red what1! the officer asks. (ince he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. #iz. The final test was for them to line up. Then the N? took away my dingaling so now I'm ust =red. I like that. medical school. residency. the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. !-h..! Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover.! !(ocial (ecurity1! . and he was reading the latest issue of Animal 2usbandry.ina and #iz are having a conversation during there lunch break. (o. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school.! The second woman says. A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. The model danced before the first monk candidate.ina asked >uizzically.. !It's a long story so stay with me. The first woman says !6y 2usband works as a marriage counselor.Twelve monks were about to be ordained. finally got my degree so I was =red ?ingaling. !(o. he asks the man his name. nude. funny last name.

!3eep off the grass. !$--? . In the middle of the night the man leans over. !I'm sorry to bother you. had to mow the lawn. (ure enough. yeah1 "rove it. 2e rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed. 2e rushes downstairs to grab the phone. past his screaming wife. !0ou really are amazing. the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said. wakes the woman and says. Are you any good1! A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. !0ou must be >uite a man.! The same thing happened the ne/t year. !(orry.! A nurse from *ngland was on duty in the emergency department. It was >uickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis. $et your own fucking blanket%%% . !0ou bastard%%%! says the husband. the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green. and rips open the wardrobe door. with a glint in her eye. The nurse said. The same nurse said. ust for tonight. !0ou've got to keep that old motor running. About a half hour later. plus a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. but ust as he's dialing. leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. and ust above it there was a tattoo which read.. says. !0ou've got to keep the old motor running. The patient had purple hair. !This is amazing. !Well.! The nurse then said. I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't.! After the surgical procedure was completed.! 2e got up and walked out. and replied. !Well. !0ou've got to keep that old motor running. how can I tell1! It was the stir of the town when an 8I5year5old man married a EI5year5old girl. 2ow do you do it at your age1! 2e answered.. !I don't know. he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed. ! I have a better idea. sweating and panting. you had better change the oil. !-h. !?addy% ?addy% . then said. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table.! The following year she gave birth again. so she scheduled for immediate surgery. let's make pretend that we're married%! The man says happily. his G5year5old son comes up and says.ncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on%! The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom. the woman on the lower.! cries the woman. this one's black. !What's up1! he asks. but the way that pig is always s>uealing. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.! 2e frowned for a moment. when a punk rocker entered.! A young man went up to his father and asked him. the man on the top bunk. 2ow do you do it1! 2e again said. !6y wife's having a heart attack. !-3%! AW*(-6*%! The woman says. and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids1! A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. cowering on the closet floor. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow.that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm1! (he looked at him wistfully. but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket1! The woman leans out and.! 2e responded. !I'm having a heart attack. !+an I have twenty bucks for a blow ob1! 2is father said. there is his brother.. !-kay. smiled. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep. totally naked.

An 8I5year old man was having his annual check5up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. 2e never missed a season.777 that my +alls are not sEuare.B. and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him% 2e raised up his umbrella. !hey finally get her into the president0s office and he asks her ho) much she )ould like to deposit..! replied the doctor. so he asks her.! The doctor continued. !I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child% What do you think about that1! The doctor considered this for a moment. pointed it at the bear and s>ueezed the handle. -I0ll +et 4. -Bets/ 3hat kind of +ets/. A man goes to a doctor and says ! What shall I do1 I've ust been raped by an elephant%! The doctor tells him to bend over so he can have a look at his ass. !. She insists that she must speak )ith the President of the +ank to open a sa(ings account +ecause it0s a lot of money. -"J.!he old lady says. And do you know what happened1! the doctor >ueried. -So. -I make +ets.. the old man replied.o. !(omeone else must have shot that bear.says the president.!he president replies.says the president.! The doctor continued. I0ll +et you 4. !(o he was in the woods.and she says.B. then said.says the president.777 and then dumps it out of the +ag onto his desk. +ut since there is a lot of money in(ol(ed is it "J )ith you if I +ring my la)yer )ith me tomorro) at $7?77 AM to )itness/-Sure. ?umbfounded. !The bear dropped dead in front of him%! !That's impossible%! e/claimed the old man. !#et me tell you a story. )ould you like to take my +et/-Sure.777 that your +alls are sEuare. you can ne(er )in that kind of +et. A little old lady )ent into the Bank of America one day carrying a +ag of money. . and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.-Ha. -!hat0s a stupid +et.. !he old lady says. -9or e'ample. !I've never been better%! he boasted. !he president )as surprised and of course curious as to ho) she came +y all this cash.. !That's funny%! 2e says ! your asshole is 7I inches wide% I thought elephants only had thin long dicks1! The man says ! 0eah but he fingered me first%! Rich Aittle "ld Aady. he went out in a bit of a hurry..!he little old lady says.! !That's kind of what I'm getting at. She says she has 4$<B. But one day. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.

!he president does this.! !6e1 I'm an old lady.B.! Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms. turning from side to side.!hen he notices that the la)yer is Euietly +anging his head against the )all and he asks the old lady.! (o he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes.! . !They say there is >uite a shortage of prostitutes in =rance. !he president agrees )ith the +et again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see.! !I want you. thoroughly checking them out until he )as sure that there is no )ay his +alls are sEuare and that he )ill )in the +et.B. After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened.777 is a lot of money. -3ell.777 that +y $7 AM today I0d ha(e !he Bank of America0s president0s +alls in my hands. She introduces the la)yer to the president and repeats the +et. laid her on her back and put one finger in her pussy and one finger in her butt. again and again.!hat night the president got (ery ner(ous a+out the +et and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his +alls. Take one of those young. got wind of their scheme ust before class the following day. "J. halfway through the lecture. The professor. he began. good looking chicks. -8othing. !he little old lady looks closely at his +alls and then asks if she can feel them. however.! !I'll take you.! said the professor with a broad smile. that 4. After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off. !0oung ladies. !the ne/t plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon. e'cept I +et him 4$77.! =inally the madam offered to pay him in trade. !"ay me or I'll rip out the partition. so I guess you should +e a+solutely sure. so he bided his time. !What are you doing1! she asked.! The girls looked at one another.says the president. -3hat is )rong )ith your la)yer/She replies. !he ne't morning at $7 AM the little old lady appears )ith her la)yer at the president0s office. !I told you before. they would all rise and leave the room in protest. -4. "ay me or I'll rip out the partition.Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell !naughty! stories during class. !Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her. arose and started for the door. Then.777 says the president0s +alls are sEuare. a group of female students decided that the ne/t time he started to tell one.

4ack said. 2e would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home. 2arry still continued his nightly routine. you're my sister.! A couple drove down a country road. !Why would he be angry during se/1! The wife says.o. !We'll ust talk. !&elatives of yours1! !0ep.A wife says to her friend. 6om told me last night. and they had a great time. 2arry took off again after dinner.! 2er friend says. An earlier discussion had led to an argument. I think we should go upstairs to bed now. Then. !+ome on. put his feet up on the foot stool. he might change his ways. !-ur se/ life stinks. not saying a word. !?o you ever watch your husband's face when you're having se/1! (he says. that's gross. 4ack said. that's gross. !. 2e usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And.o. Instead of berating him as she had always done. !. don't you think1! 2arry replied in his inebriated state. !It's pretty late. When 4ack moved on top of 4ill. !+ome on. But. "romise me if you can't find another date. we don't talk anymore. every time this happened. this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. you're my sister. -ne day. dear. They were ust standing by the punch bowl. !Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home1 Instead of berating him.! 4ill said. the wife sarcastically asked. and 4ill asked 4ack to dance. 4ill murmured.! 4ack and 4ill were twins who couldn't find dates to the prom. And. 4ill asked 4ack to take her to 6akeout 2ill.! the husband replied. the distraught wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior. he arrived home in his usual condition.! 4ill said. you're my sister. when 4ill moved to the backseat. around midnight each night. !I know. !In5laws. !+ome on. 4ack couldn't find a date so he went with 4ill. Well. !.! (o 4ack said okay. she whispered to 2arry. take me. 2is wife heard him at the door. !Because he was looking through the window at us. 4ack. They were at 6akeout 2ill talking. After a short while. The friend listened and suggested. why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss1 Then. 4ack said. I guess we might as well. After the dance. you'll take me. !2eck. Then. It would be gross.! *very night after dinner.! 2er friend says. she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. and took his shoes off.! 4ack didn't argue. 2arry took off for the local watering hole. !0ou're a lot lighter than dad. (o 4ill asked 4ack to go with her. she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state.! (o 4ack said okay. well inebriated.o. It'll be fun. (he >uickly opened it and let 2arry in. 4ill said. his wife would go to the door and let him in. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs. at about midnight. (he sat 2arry down in an easy chair.! The wife thought that this might be a good idea. and I saw rage.! (o 4ack said okay.! 4ack said back. and neither would concede their position. !-nce.! 4ill said. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway%! . That night.

. !ask yourself ust one >uestion) Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame1! A young woman rose in the back of the room and said.! The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. a magnificent house. !*/cuse me.! she said. The ne/t year this guy came into the trader's store and said !$ive me enough supplies to last one man for one year. and if you don't use them I'll refund your money ne/t year.! !?on't make such a big deal. then. !Well. (hocked. !Well.! .. 2e pulls the guy to the side and says. The doctor says to the wife. and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. In moments of temptation. !$ive us enough supplies to last two men for one year.! These two guys had ust gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. a fast car. !-kay. !?oc. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. !Take off your clothes and lie on the table. The man walks up to his co5worker and says. !6y wife found out. so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. I'm curious. but how do you make it last an hour1! This guy visits the doctors and says. !Where is he1! asked the trader. ever since my wife found it in our bed.! They said..! The ne/t day.. I think I've got a se/ problem. !I didn't know you were into earrings.! The trader said !Weren't you in here last year with a partner1! !0eah! said the guy. take the boards with you. where you're going there are no women and you might need this. it's only an earring. !+ome back tomorrow and bring her with you. !I had it all 5 money.! The doctor says. !I caught him in bed with my board%! A man was complaining to a friend. !0ou're fine.! begged the man. !I killed him! said the guy.! he replies sheepishly. the trader asks !Why1! To which the guy replies.The ?ean of Women at an e/clusive girls' school was lecturing her students on se/ual morality.o way% We've sworn off women for life%! The trader said. the guy shows up with his wife.! A man is at work one day when he notices that his co5worker is wearing an earring. The guys asked !What's that board for1! The trader said. !how long have you been wearing an earring1! !*r. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. This man knows his co5worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow. They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him. !We live today in very difficult times for young people. the love of a beautiful woman.! (he does it. (he doesn't give me a hard5on. !Well. either.! they said and left. !. poof% It was all gone%! !What happened1! asked the friend.

! The third guy says. offers to fluff his pillows.#ittle 4ohnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news. !is that your fiancJKLe has an particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before.! A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical e/ams. then what the hell is the bad news1! !Well. !That's nothing. !I got laid when I was three. !6y hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I almost cut my ear off. 2ow about you1 Why did you oin the army1 =irst (oldier) I had a wife and I loved peace. but suddenly ob ected.! !I know %! grinned the patient. make the bed. bent over as if to look under the bed. The friend was amazed at the number of .! The guy paled. Three old guys are sitting around complaining. !Aren't you a little young to be drinking.! the kid said after taking a swig of beer. to which #ittle 4ohnny replied !What ya gonna do.! A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure. !But the . !0ou look fine to me. in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it. (o I oined.. The first guy says. etc. =irst (oldier) Why did you oin the army1 (econd (oldier) I didn't have a wife and I loved war..urses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision re>uired twenty5seven stitches. !6y hands shake so bad that the last time I went to pee I came taking my cock out.! A five5year5old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer.! !What1 2ow did that happen1! !I don't remember. That's my watch%! Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time. I spilled half my coffee on my toast. !The good news. I was drunk. !-uch% That ring is hurting me%! !That's no ring. give back rubs. #ittle 4ohnny asked curiously !What ya doin dad1! 2is father >uickly replied. !I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed. !the bad news is that I heard about this nasty strain ust last week from my dog's vet. (he seemed to be en oying it. a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.! The second guy says. The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. son1! he asked.urses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid. (o I oined. (he was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. !Why all the attention 1! the friend asked. fuck him1! A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. !If that's the good news.! he e/plained.! . !6y hands shake so bad that when I ate breakfast today.! the doctor elaborated. Afterwards. 4ohnny's father.

dogs piss. so he goes home and gets his sisters piss. 0ou know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the butt of a fat lady1 It looked funny.4ack was returning to work 6onday morning with two black eyes.! The roommate arranged the date as promised.. !. -n the way home. he found his son having se/ with his girlfriend on the bottom level of the hayshed. your dog has worms. !That will be all. so I ust reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. puts ten dollars in the machine and places the cup in the machine. When he woke up. -ne day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a E level hay shed. you got TW. and this fat lady stood up in front of me. so I tried to poke it back in. I figured she wouldn't like that. sir1! the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. piss in the cup. ust go inside the store at the corner down the street. (o goes home wondering how it know what was wrong. brothers piss.! !I would. 2is workmates were understandably curious) !4ack. !6ine's the size of a bucket%! Two men are playing tennis. he parked his car in a dark lane.! the fellow said.black eyes in one blow1! !.! the gentleman replied. After a while he heard his son say. !=ather. broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out) !$od. The paper comes out and says !0our sister has gonorrhea. your brother is gay. pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper it says !0ou have tennis elbow take this ointment cream and apply it on your elbow . the other man says !?on't waste any money on the doctors.! !And will there be anything else.5G times a daily!. too. father up above.aw. what happened to you1%1! !It was the darndest thing% I was at church yesterday. When the bashful boy broke down and e/plained his predicament. I sure would like to have a little pussy. (o he goes to the store puts ten dollars in the machine. he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing.! A young male virgin.e/t thing I know.! As the young man turned to leave. one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors. and acks5off in the cup goes back to the store. I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack.! . . was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more e/perienced with the opposite se/. !"lease bring up a postcard. being smart.. !4ust take her out to dinner and a show. After she turned back around.! he e/plained. 2e decided he wouldn't disturb them. his roommate offered to set him up with the campus floozy. she spins around and socks me one%! !4eez. son down below. !(on. let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have!. !This girl really knows how to go from there.! the girl sighed. and wanted to see if this machine is a real miracle worker. so he laid down and rested. a shy college freshman. !0eah % That's a good idea.o thank you. $et off and give your father a go. !Anything for your wife 1! he asked. put O7I in the machine in the corner. and then let nature take its course.! (o the father. replied. $ive me strength for one last shove. and if you keep acking5off like that you'll never lose that tennis elbow.

you piece of shit. watch this.! says the woman. !(hut the fuck up% It's been seven years and I never asked where the hell those kids came from%! . patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked. -ne night his wife suspect that something is wrong so while they are having se/ she >uickly threw the cover and turned on the lights% (o the woman said. The man. (ilver and Bronze. she asks cheekily. in>uires what else the wonder pussy can do. it would be nice if you came second for a change%!. +learly impressed. The first woman says. though rare. ?espite his efforts.! said the wife. as was his wife. !Whoa I ust can't picture your husband as a blonde%! When &alph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer. . are you using a pickle on me. he was delighted. !Are you looking at my pussy1! !0es. !$ood grief% +an it whistle too1%! A guy who married this woman. his dick was too small. =or seven year's he has been doing that. says the man proudly. !Well. !2ow long will &alph be on crutches1! the wife asked an/iously. &alph became >uite concerned. !+rutches1 Why would he need crutches1! responded the surprised doctor. . !It's very talented.! replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. !I need to be honest with you. !Why don't you wear (ilver. I'm getting a boob ob. !It's >uite alright. !What the hell is that.! The second woman says !-h that's nothing. !you are planning to lengthen &alph's legs. I am shocked. !$old. and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. !What makes them so special1! !There is three colours!. the man replies. he replies. I'll make it blow a kiss to you.! suggests the woman. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.! !What colour are you going to wear tonight1!. After an initial e/amination. so every time they had se/ he used a pickle instead of his dick. The wife responds really.! (ure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. !+ome and sit ne/t to me. he realizes she has gone without underwear. she blurts. so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. he buys a pack. !I can also make it wink.pon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he ust made. !Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in1! (tunned. !-lympic condoms1!. I'm sorry. aren't you1! A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of -lympic condoms. !$old of course!. and for seven years you have been doing that.! (o the man said.nfortunately. The blonde realizes he is staring and in>uires. who is completely absorbed. To his delight. &alph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.Two women were having lunch together.! replies the woman. the physician e/plained to the couple that. I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached%! To which the first replies.

he was startled to see a dripping wet. !I'm 6other . +hecking his rear view mirror as he pulled away.! answered the woman. !Well that's great. so he wrote her a letter.! A doctor walked into a bank.! he said. (uddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. !we are going to be apart for a very long time. smiled at the driver and said.. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. (he blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says. !why don't you learn to play this1! *ventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. !?arling! he said. !Where to1! he stammered.. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. !It's only natural for young boys and girls to e/plore their se/uality by playing doctor at their age. !6y love. ust great. we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. 2e takes off his clothes for e/amination..! After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbors boy. taking another long glance in the mirror.! the neighbor said.?oes it work1! The man answers. the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother..icoderm patch at the end of his penis.. the cabbie asked. !0ou got it.. !?oes this answer your >uestion1! (till looking in the mirror. !$ot anything smaller1! A newly married sailor was informed by the . !=irst let's see you play that harmonica. I haven't had a butt in . he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.! The woman spread her legs. weeks%! A husband and wife were out playing golf. !Well ma'am.avy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the "acific for a year. The woman caught him staring at her and asked. and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. !I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love%! (he kissed him and said. but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups. a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. some asshole's got my pen. Besides that. put her feet up on the front seat.nion (tation. he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said.! he wrote.. naked woman sitting in the back seat. (he grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. !. a ta/i driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. !(e/uality my ass%! The mother yelled.ature. !4ust what the hell are you looking at. "reparing to endorse a check. &ealizing his mistake. The doctor says. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife. (he hits a beautiful second shot. !2e took out her appendi/%! A gay guy walks into the doctors office. !(ure does. *ven before he rolled to a stop at the curb. that's interesting. driver1! The driver replies. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. I noticed that you're completely naked.. When he takes his clothes off the doctor sees a . ?o you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted1! (o his wife sent him back a harmonica saying. ..-ne dismal rainy night. and I was ust wondering how you'll pay your fare. !2mmm.

(unday . A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich >uick. !What will our baby be called1%! she asked again. =earing her plan had gone amiss. the swelling went down ust enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye. #ater on.. !What will our baby be called1! she asked once more. 'What will be the name of our baby1' That'll scare them off. !If he gets out of this one. planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. the woman was walking down the street with three children when she happened to run .! 6onday went by and he didn't see his wife. being payday. the same thing happened again) a boy started to kiss her neck. year old man.. another boy invited her for a walk. (everal years later. !What will our baby be called1! 2e continued. ?avid +opperfield% In the days before birth control pills. !?-. -n the first night of her honeymoon. he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. +ome Thursday. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.'T 2IT T2* BA##%%%%! A man left work one =riday afternoon. douches or condoms. After he was done. and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. and the smell of burning rubber%! A 7P5year5old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself.. After a few minutes. and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem.! (o off she went. she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. he took off his !full! condom.. now slowly taking her clothes off. !What will our baby be called1! The boy found some e/cuse and disappeared. a young bride5to5be asked her gynecologist to recommend some sort of contraceptive. however. where's your ball1! !It's over here in the pussy willows. and she asked him.! The mystery woman then disappears as >uickly as she appeared. and he ran off. you ask him. (haken.. gave it a knot. a boy started dancing with her.=rom now on. the wife calls out to her husband !2ey. her shoulders. 2e began to have se/ with her. !It's very easy% Whenever a boy starts hitting on you. she got undressed.'T 2IT T2* BA##%%%% ?-. (ome time later. and said. (he asked him. he started kissing her.ight.. he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. But. !2ow would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days1! To which he replied. instead of going home.! The wife screams back. After a little while at the party. =inally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. she asked. and he was carrying ear plugs and a pair of nose plugs. you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. !What are those for1! The old man replied. 2e suggested she try withdraw. !There are ust two things I can't stand) the sound of a woman screaming. !That would be fine with me. When 2e finally appeared at home. (he stopped him and asked about the baby's name. When he emerged. *ach time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea. 2er mom said. (o she proceeded to find herself a rich <. in spite of the half5 century age difference. he had nothing on e/cept a rubber to cover his 7E inch erection. (ince she was very good5 looking.

!-n the contrary. What's it called1! !Niens a moi. 2e thinks !bloody hell what happened last night11!.! she replies.! she says. . stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. . strikes a bodybuilder's pose. is =rench for 'come to me. !Niens a moi.! A large. what have I done1 6ust have been a wild party!. After he takes his shirt off.o.! !Niens a moi1 What's that mean1! A clerk offered some help. referring to his bulging thighs.! she replies. !That's me before the operation. I was afraid you were about to blow%! 6orris wakes up in the morning. he asks the girl if she has one at hand.across her old doctor. To his surprise.o. and ?elores was a blowout%! Two women walked into a department store. the girl takes a match. &aymond catches her before she is able to leave and asks. doc. -pening the drawer of the bedside table. !That doesn't smell like come to me. =inally. baby1 That's 7III pounds of dynamite%! "olly is ust aching for action at this point. and after a >uick glance. !?avey here was a pullout. who is he then1! demands the bewildered fellow. and says. Again he thinks !what happened last night. the young man pulls out a cigarette from his eans and searches for his lighter. ?arcy was a washout. strikes it across the side of her face and replies. The pair ump into a ta/i and go back to her place. isn't it1! (haron said waving her arm under her friend's nose. !0eah. 2e opens the . 2e walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his robe. -ne sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. silly. snuggling up to him.aturally.! she e/claimed. don't be silly. !There might be some matches in the top drawer. eyeing the young children. !Well.! he said. &aymond fle/es his muscular arms and says. the guy begins to worry. nibbling away at his ear.'! (haron took another sniff. he finds a bo/ of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. "olly grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. 2e notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. they agree to go back to his place. !?oes that smell like come to you1! Whilst en oying a drink with a buddy one night. &aymond stands up and starts to undress. After a number of drinks. !Why are you in such a hurry to go1! "olly then replies. powerfully5built guy named &aymond meets a woman named "olly at a bar. this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. #ater. !(ee that. !0our boyfriend then1! !. &aymond drops his underpants. 2e picks up his bath robe from the floor and puts it on. !(ee those. 2e has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night. !Is this your husband1! he in>uires nervously. &aymond then drops his pants. she asks him to oin her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. +almly. ladies.! she said. As they are making out in the bedroom. !. baby1 That's 7III pounds of dynamite%! "olly begins to drool. offering her arm to her friend again.nable to find it. !That's nice. !With EIII pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse. !I see you decided not to take my advice.

!It's probably because they've got toys to play with. =ive minutes go .! A young woman was having a physical e/amination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. 2e notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is !"lease.bathroom door. I forgot to put on my panties% We have to go back to the station to get them.! $eorge replied. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said.ow ust open your mouth and say moo. After 7I seconds of sniffing. As they're changing afterwards. so she lifted her skirt for the dog. =ido's ears pick up.! A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in (audi a few months ago. had been assigned to walk the beat.! The three lads try and ignore him and he goes back to the bar.! The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. 2e invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some episodes of (outh "ark. in a drunken slur. points at the one in the middle and says.! says his mate. !0our 6um has sucked my penis. !?on't feel ashamed. walks in and has a look in the mirror. They had only been out a short while when 6ary said. if there's a $od.! The three lads look bewildered and the bloke goes back to drinking at the bar. !?amn.! "olice officers $eorge and 6ary.! she said. !#ook. and he will go fetch them for you. ?octor1! she asked. !?id you notice how small the rich kid's penises were1! !0eah. &ight in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's ding dong. After a few seconds. I want a divorce.! These three lads are drinking in a pub when this bloke comes in and starts drinking at the bar. !-f course. After another ten minutes he comes back and shouts. ?octor.! These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid's house.! !?o you really think so. !By the way. !I'm so ashamed. 2e is e/cited to get a package from his wife back home. =ido's nose shoots between her legs. !We don't have to go back. . he sniffs the wind. he blows his load in her pie hole and she turns and spits the load right into the mi/ing bowl of cookie dough. (he then looks at the camera and says. sniffing and snorting. 6iss. 2e finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a N2( tape of his favorite TN shows. =ido. After a while the bloke goes up to the group of lads. As she removed her last bit of clothing. (o she sends him this care package. ust give the 359 unit. one sniff. one of the poor kids says to the other one. and he is off in a flash towards the station house.ow fuck off home. !I've shagged your 6um. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces. !I guess I let myself go. I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered. 0ou don't look that bad. please let this be a teabag. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool and all the kids go in.! It was a hot day and 6ary didn't fell like heading back to the station. ?ad. you're pissed. !I've had your 6um up the arse.! By now the lads have had enough and the one in the middle stands up and says. . she blushed.

-n his way he saw a bloke having se/ with a sheep.! Bill e/plained.! with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand.! Bill pilled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced. they see a very large billboard that reads) !2-T ?-$(. (o they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to en oy another piece of Americana. 2e has a BA? case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long: the (tatue of #iberty. They work hard and save their money. the &ockettes. followed by a dozen police cars. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new. taking in all the newness of America. =ifteen minutes pass. Z6y old man's home% 6y old man's home%'! A tourist arrived in Australia. Twenty minutes pass. and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. !what the hell's going on here1 I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep. they think the dog did it. This goes on for a couple more farts. and the woman yells. waving her arms and hollering. After many years. !$reat. they decide to try one.! 2e releases another fart. ?eeply horrified. As they stroll down the beach. !6y wife (uzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man%! !What makes you say that1! the bartender in>uired. looks at his hot dog for a moment. the *mpire (tate Building. the old man said. we heard on TN that people should be tested after annual se/%! A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. =inally the woman yells. so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. 4ust as he was about to throw it back. and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar%! .ew 0ork. Ten minutes pass. Before they begin building their new lives in America. The sirens get louder and louder. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap. !Well. they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into . get down from there. 2e then turns to his brother and says. (uzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by. and the dog is nowhere to be seen. !?ammit (pot. hired a car and set off for the outback. she'd run down the driveway. (he's not ready yet. !#ast week. (uddenly. !(pot. he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. !What part of the dog did you get1! (eems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for 2IN. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age. and they are starting to worry. the family dog umps up on the couch ne/t to him. Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. 2e farts.by and no sign of =ido. and they hear sirens in the distance. and others. !I had to take a couple of sick days from work. 2e decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight (cotch. get down before he shits on you. =ido rounds the corner with the ?esk (ergeant's balls in his mouth. and suddenly wraps it back up. they make their way to +oney Island. !=or fuck's sake%! the bloke cried.! The guy thinks. Then. *ventually. unfolds the paper wrapper.

so he her asks what she'd like to do. (he says. !But then when I have a baby. do you like it1! !6mmm. -ne of the girls says. both of them%! A guy starts talking to two women in a bar. they turn out to be (iamese twins. who. 2e loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house offered.! he said. !Well.! (o she plays it while he screws her sister. a really gorgeous redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand. (he directed him to an e/amining room and told him to uncover and someone would be with him soon.. !#et's stop up and see that guy. she whispered to him. !-3. &uby =inkelstein's ust had a baby. =inally the doctor's assistant. They talk for a while and then the friend asks.! he sighed. !6y feet are cold. her lips parted. the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building.! !Well. won't it knock my teeth out1 . !2ow can I get human milk1! 6endel asked the doctor. !Is that a trombone in the corner1 I'd love to play your trombone. the office of a podiatrist. !I was e/pecting to see a foot. 2e in>uired for the address of a good house of ill repute. in spite of herself. !6aybe a little biscuit1! A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please1! The guest obliges and goes upstairs. Being the adventurous and >uick thinking kind. 6endel licked his lips.. ladies% 0our daddy sent me here to have se/ with you%! They stare at him and say. he says) !2i.do you think he'd remember us1! A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother. !Both of them1! !0es. 2e realizes that the first one might get bored watching.! A guy stops by to visit his friend.. !What1! &uby asked breathlessly. ! Tell me 6r. and then starts to work on the other. !you can't e/pect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep! -ld 6endel &ugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease and could drink only human milk. dear. !That can't be%! 2e replies.! the bartender told him. !is there anything else you'd like1! !As a matter of fact there is.. &uby was a dark5eyed. he went to EFF West GEnd (t.! murmured 6endel. maybe she'll help.! (o every day 6endel went to &uby's house for his daily feed. mate. !is there.! she hesitated.. pleased that the sub ect had finally come up and she wouldn't have to e/plain it.!=air dinkum. wonderful.! The other girl says. -ne day as he >uietly lay sucking. 2e makes love to one. and they wind up back at his apartment. both very good looking. A few weeks later. let's check%! 2e shouts at his friend down the stairs. Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him.! replies her mother. !Is it true what &ita ust told me1 That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies1! !0es. big breasted lady. !6y goodness!.. There he sees his friend's daughters. By mistake. eyes aglow. !$ee. 2e was told to go to EEF West GEnd (t. &ugelbaum. gradually became aroused as 6endel lapped at her ripe breasts. !if you're going to complain about an inch then I'll take my business elsewhere. she e/claimed.

where you have to answer >uestions to win the cash prize. but after them my pussy got really sore.! the girl confessed. the heart. #ady luck had smiled in her favor. reassured her. sporting a very wide and wicked grin. !The first eight guys felt great.II A round of shots O. this time as 4ane was brushing her teeth. plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. I managed to get tomorrow's >uestion and answer%! !What is it1! she cried e/citedly. 4ane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.eedless to say. time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big >uestion. and the penis. 4ane replied correctly.II Table ?ance5 O. !It was bound to happen sooner or later. honey. !6um. 0ou know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. 4ane agreed to return the following day. !I lost my virginity last weekend. (o it was that 4ane was once again on the set of the >uiz show.! said her mother. as 4ane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents.II. !2oney.I. -nce again. hour absence.G.6en's 6astercard +ommercial +over +harge O7F.II Another round of drinks OE.' ! (hortly after that. !It will all be -3. (he even managed to win the game but. I have to tell you. And &oger asked her again in the morning..! !Well.! !&ela/. !Where are you going1! 4ane asked.! 4ane was a first time contestant on the OPF. !I've ust gotta win tomorrow. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.II +ouch dance and tips OFI.III >uiz show.II "rivate dance in your hotel room O. &oger. unfortunately. The >uestion is) 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy1' And the answer is 'The head.! the pretty student remarked. I wish I knew what the answers are.II &ound of ?rinks OE. !I have a little errand to run.! 4ane replied groggily before returning to sleep.I in the morning.II Being able to send her on her way and never have to hear her complain) UUU"&I+*#*((UUUU A young girl was having a heart5to5heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. I ust hope it was a romantic and pleasurable e/perience.. At . the heart. now feeling confident and at ease.! !I'm not surprised. 4ane waited impatiently for &oger's return. !The head. 4ane was shaken awake by &oger. who was asking her the >uiz show >uestion. &oger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. she could feel the butterflies con>uering her stomach and nervousness running . *ven though she knew the >uestion and answer. yes and no.! her husband. !-3.).! Ten minutes after they arrived home. . I should be back soon! he replied. &oger returned. however. and the penis. the couple went to sleep with 4ane. After an agonizing .

I know it was a good night.. he had to see a doctor.. -bviously.! !That's close enough.. and they stick.. I can't believe it!. -ne =riday. !I come home. and if I tingle all over... throw them against the wall. !If I get home. the doctor gave him a business card. The man somewhat nervously said. the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. then I know it was a good night%! There's a few guys who always get together on =ridays after work for a drink. for OPF. !#adies. she's cut some guys out all together! A man was driving down a >uiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. 2e asks. rip off me knickers. please allow me to replace him. and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp.! ?oc replies. A farmer appeared. 2e had all the gear. !Nery good. 2e'll show you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye. he dropped the gun and it went off. !0ou think you've got it bad.! .! A guy went out hunting.. the head1! she said nervously. darn% 6y husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning. right on his penis.$&AT.#ATI-.! The guy says !Is your brother a doctor1! !.! the farmer replied. !This is my brothers card. get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over. I'll make an appointment for you to see him. ust today my wife told me that she's going to cut me back to only two times a week.III. !the hens are round the back. uhm. uhh. uh.. As he got ready to go home. have a shower and a glass of wine. At which point Bob put his hand on 4eff's shoulder and said reassuringly. he found that the doctor had done a marvelous ob repairing it. Whack% The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.! The second one replies. sat down at the bar.. the acket. faced 4ane and asked the big >uestion.! !I.! !2mm. I mean.! !*h.! said the game show host.through her veins. (i/ seconds. When he woke up from surgery. get into bed. The cameras began running and the host. what are the main parts of the male anatomy1 0ou have 7I seconds. As he was climbing over a fence. would you mind telling me how you know if you've had a good night out1! The first replies. after reminding the audience of the previous days events. the boots and the double5barreled shotgun.! !(uit yourself. !I come home. !+-.o. Then he turned to Bob and said.. (haken. I know that I had a good night. ooooooohh. !4ane. 4eff showed up late. !I think I killed your rooster.(%%%! Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey.! The third one turns around and says. !Times are getting tough my friend. the heart1! !Nery good% =our seconds. !he plays the flute.

! A well5stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure. !I'm sorry honey. aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. his wife snaps at him.! came the e/cited reply. After the service.! his mistress said. and gradually worked her way down his torso. he asked her about the people on the trip in general. 2is cousin was amazed that he answered so >uickly. (he says.! the boy responded. !(he slept with nearly every man on the ship.! said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. wearing only a towel over his groin. As he falls through the doorway. !0ou wanna wank1! she asked. think%! A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table. (he takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.! he says and they are off to the nearest motel. !0ou bet.3. he replied >uietly.! A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. !(ure.. !all you have to do is add it up. he asked. !2ow many women can a man marry1! !(i/teen. !-.! This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says. !I see you are the father of two children. !2ow do you know that1! !*asy. like the preacher said) '=our better.!JKL The woman grinned and said.. four richer. !That's what 0-. then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. !Is this the first pussy you seen since you . A young. !I come back in ten minutes. then later >uestion each one on the other's behavior. !(ay. "ointing to her tightly covered derriere.. Thinking it would be good for a laugh. !I'm the father of T2&** children. !Ah.! the little boy said. he went inside and sat down. wanna have a good time1! as he looked him up and down seductively. his younger cousin asked him. four worse. 2er young. blushing furiously. I ran out of money.! said the man scornfully.! A man comes home from a night of drinking. When his wife returned. especially when she walked. The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same >uestions about his wife. very attractive (wedish girl was massaging his shoulders. then his chest. The towel began to lift and the (wedish girl arched her eyebrows.! A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune5teller's tent.nchanged.! she said. !(he was a real lady. !Is that for sale1! !-f course not%! she snapped angrily. !2ow so1! the encouraged man asked.! !That's what you think. !Then. .. (o he decided to send them on the same cruise. four poorer'.A little boy was attending his first wedding. !What's the big idea coming home half drunk1! The man replies.! his wife reported. The guy was getting se/ually e/cited as the masseur approached the towel.. I suggest you >uit advertising it. !(he came on board with her husband and never left his side.

!?id your mother tell you to ask me that1! 2e said that she had. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. !?oes it fucking look like it1! A woman goes to her doctor. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. The second guy loved to get drunk. (o they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke.! . !I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday 5 she has everything. The salesman asks the boy. after how many times he had se/. The son.IIV impotent. !I have an idea 5 why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have PI minutes of great se/. !Well1 ?id you take my suggestion1! !0es. !Tell your mother it's because (outhwest Airlines always pulls out on time. the first 7IIV you can imagine. (o they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. ust the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into. the little boy asked the flight attendant.ope.! said the fellow. complaining that her husband is . she can afford to buy anything she wants. who couldn't think of an answer. why don't big planes have baby planes1! The flight attendant asked. who had been looking out the window. With a clever grin. The third guy loved to smoke. and he said. (o. and besides.! (o the fellow did. 2e said. The ne/t day his buddy said. kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door. !I'm not sure I understand what you mean. The first guy loves to have se/. !If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats. (o they put him in a room for a year with over EII girls to have se/ with for a year. !Well. ! I forgot my lighter%! A mother and her son were flying (outhwest Airlines from -akland to 3ansas +ity. he burned his tongue and broke his finger%! ?id you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. They first guy came out and he could barely walk. !?id she like it1! 2is buddy asked. I did.! 2is buddy said. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him. told her son to ask the flight attendant. so I'm stumped. why don't big planes have baby planes1 The mother. any way she wants it 5 she'll probably be thrilled. turned to his mother and said. he's in there for a year.! (he says. she said. A year later they let them out. !If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats. The doctor says.! A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 7Eyr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other.crawled out of one1! The guy says. In addition. !*/cuse me son but is your mom or dad in1! To which the boy replies. !-h yes% she umped up . thanked me. !. yelling !I'll be back in an hour%%! There were three guys that won a contest.

! she replied.. !And get me another whisky you slut. !0our husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. And most importantly.There were . !I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench.o shit111! the other asked. The ne/t day when 4ohnny had to use the bathroom he rose his hand to ask the teacher could he go. and 4ohnny responded it's running down my leg.! And then the third gay guy says. brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. . !I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim%! The second gay guy says.! (o he can tear my ass up one more time. the parrot downs his drink and shouts. he's cute%%%! the other said.-M&(T. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.! Nisibly shaken. 4ohnny stumbled through it and got it all wrong and had to hold it. Be pleasant at all times. !Well. After his checkup.NWH0X. I think your husband will regain his health completely.! replied the first.! The stewardess. (o 4ohnny started to say the alphabet AB+?*=$2I43#6. !. =or dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. 2e said.e/t thing they know. !=or someone who can't fly. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot s>uawks.. a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat ne/t to him. ?on't discuss your problems with him. The teacher then asked 4ohnny well where's the ". The first gay guy says.o nagging. flustered by the parrot's outburst. . your husband will surely die. !And why don't you get me a whisky you bitch.ot much. If you don't do the following. !I want to spread him all over my chili. ! Two homose/ual guys were walking down the road when one looked at the other and said !0ou see that guy across the road1! !Wow.. . (o 4ohnny studied and studied and felt as though he knew the alphabet perfectly. the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whisky but still no coffee for the man. -n their way to the morgue. and the guy who worked at the morgue asked.! -n the way home.naccustomed to such slackness. the doctor called the wife into his office alone.! !. -ne day 4ohnny was sitting in class and had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand to ask the teachers permission.. you sure are a lippy bastard. ?on't burden him with chores. As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess. gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. !What did the doctor say1! JKL2e said you're going to die. the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach. The teacher told 4ohnny if he could say the alphabet he could go to the bathroom. fi/ him a healthy breakfast. make love with your husband several times a week. it will only make his stress worse. I had se/ with that guy a couple of years back. !W201! and he said. both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency e/it by E burly stewards. The teacher said if you can say the alphabet I'll let you go. =or lunch make him a nutritious meal. If you can do this for the ne/t 7I months to a year. the husband asked his wife. !I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb.! !*ach morning. I e/pect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours%! . the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes.! In reaching his plane seat. "lunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says.

the woman did as she was instructed. !&emember last week when I was at the dog track1 That was the name of the dog I bet on. (uddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. +hang. !I think he said '2oly (hit% A talking pig%'! The teacher was unable to teach for the ne/t 7I minutes. !$et out of my classroom% This time the punishment is more severe.A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Pth grade class one day. 0ou haf *d Xachary ?isease. !What's so funny. !I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name '6arylou' written on it. (he came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. Billy1! !I ust saw both of your garters%! Again. (he read..! (o she did. !And what do you think that man said1! -ne little boy raised his hand and said. ?r. my school days are over%! A woman came up behind her husband while he was en oying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. &ealizing she had forgotten to title the assignment. so she went to see him.+hang then said. but may I have some of that straw to build my house1! The teacher paused then asked the class. ?r.! she yells. !0our probrem vewy bad. (he was afraid she might have something wrong with her. reery fass to odder side of room. (o she bends over to pick it up.pon entering the e/amination room.! -ne day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three #ittle "igs to her class. !=rom what I ust saw.! . so she decided to seek the medical e/pertise of a se/ therapist. she yells. !.+hang.now craw reery. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. ?r.and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said. reery fass back to me. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. ?r. furious. take off all you crose. she drops the eraser when she turns around again.! Worried.! the man replied. !Where do you think you're going1! she asks. !*d Xachary ?isease is when your face rook *d Xachary rike your ass. ?r. !"ardon me sir. what is *d Xachary ?isease1! ?r. !-3. (he >uickly turns and asks. +hang looked the woman in the eye and replied. she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. . ?at why you not haf se/ or dates. +hang said. get down and craw reery. (uddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.! What was that for1! he complained.. !-h my $od. !0our dog called last night. A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any se/ in >uite some time. !The ne/t morning. (he >uickly turns to see #ittle 4ohnny leaving the classroom.! Again. !0ou had better have an e/planation. (he >uickly turned and asked.! !+alm down.! she said. "at1! !I ust saw one of your garters%! !$et out of my classroom. I don't want to see you for three weeks%! *mbarrassed and frustrated. honey. +hang shook his head slowly and said.! The woman did as she was told. Worse case I ever see. the woman asked an/iously. !-3. !. 2er doctor recommended that she see a well5known +hinese se/ therapist. !I don't want to see you for three days%! The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.ow. !What's so funny.

. but right in the $roove%' The 6adam opened the brothel door to see a frail. he left. the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten O7II bills. . The two went up to a room for an hour. 2e says 'A cup of tea. At the end of the hour .atalie. but he brings the tea and kinda slams it on the table.. #ittle while later the waiter comes back and asks the 2ippy if he wants any dessert. elderly gentleman. !I'm from "hiladelphia. (unday morning%! 2orrified. also.' (o the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink.o. not the left cheek.atalie the money and up to the room they went.it was still O7. I must see .! !. . 4enny suggested that screwing at the age of 9G was surely asking for trouble% !-h no. no one could believe it.! 4ust then . !0our father died. 4enny went straight to visit her grandmother.ot too well done..! C(ome things in life are certain) ta/es.ot the right cheek.o one has ever used my services three nights in a row. whereupon the man calmly left. 0ou can learn from this one. the two went up to the room and an hour later. !If it wasn't for that damn Ice +ream Truck. but right in the $roove. not to rare.! her grandma replied. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. When he showed up the third consecutive night.ot too chocolate. That is over F times a month.! the old man replied. I know.' The waiter's kinda getting pissed now..atalie.-n hearing that her elderly grandfather had died.' (o the waiter says 'Why don't you kiss my ass. When she asked how her grandpa had died. out with the dongs%! (he paused to wipe away a tear. her grandma e/plained. (he asked me to give this O.atalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges O7. !I have family who lives there. and I'm your sister's attorney. he'd still be alive%%%! A hippy walks into a Bar and $rill.! The wife turns to her husband and says.atalie is one of our most e/pensive ladies. 2e says '0eah some ice cream. but right in the $roove.! The wife turns to her husband and says.III a visit.. !(ir. The ne/t night he appeared again demanding to see .D A man takes his wife to the stock show. death and being screwed by an attorney. Again the old man took out the money. !2e mated FI times in a year. . !We had se/ every (unday morning in time with the church bells%! !In with the dings. !2e had a heart attack during se/. !This one mated PF times last year. !+an I help you1! the madam asked. you could learn from him. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. ..III to you.! said the old man.! They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said) !This bull mated .III per visit. Where are you from1! The old man replied. but right in the groove. ..ot too hot. Without blinking. not too vanilla. Again he handed ..atalie. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated) !This bull mated FI times last year.! !&eally1! replied .atalie e/plained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts.! !0es. not too cold. !I want .atalie.atalie >uestioned the old man) !. perhaps someone else. (o the 2ippy says '0eah a cheeseburger.! They proceed to the ne/t bull and his sign stated) !This bull mated PF times last year.PF times . not holding back anything of course.

. Between the ages of . pork strips.$ 6.. however most men do not realize that in this fantasy. Take us to your leader. is someone you shouldn't mess with%! Between the ages of 7P and 78. the dirty words and all that.. where t hey landed in a heap.! hubby says a bit desperately...$ A. When they finally regained consciousness. and said impatiently. A&*. India. 0-. =. virgin and une/plored. the one who fired turned to the other one and said. and all he can think to say is. fully e/plored.. 4apan.PF times with the same cow.! The man turns to his wife and says. According to a recent social logical study this is true. !0es. didn't respond. I won't be long..+3I. breathtakingly beautiful. she is like Africa. including si/ places he's never even heard of. I'm going to have a beer. !2oney. one man is cooking..A+3(.the frozen glass.+* A ?A0%%% 0ou could really learn from this one. The husband is nonplussed. you don't want to make him mad%! But before he finished his warning. !I'm going to the bar. !$reetings.! !0ou want dirty words. etc.at the bar. Between the ages of GP and FP she . 2ow dare you ignore us in this way% Take us to your leader. !$o up and in>uire if it was . can't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.? *AT 0-. !If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the gala/y.. +utie "ie1 2ere. (weetie. *arthling.last year. !but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious. "uppy =ace1! (he hands him a mug out of the freezer that is so cold that it burns his fingers !0es. "ookie "ooh1! (he opens the oven and removes 7F different hors d'oeuvres) chicken wings. That is -. the first alien fired. and one of the aliens addressed it. 2oney. annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude.0W2*&*% $-T IT. We come in peace. she is like America. The alien repeated the greeting. -31! !0ou want hors d'oeuvres. 2olland. or I'll fire%! The other alien shouted to his comrade !..o.. *arthling. !What a ferocious creature.! The gas pump.P and GF. "retty =ace. !$reetings. she is like Asia.! !Where are you going. !W-W% 2e mated . They approached one of the gas pumps. and free with her resources..3 0-. and the other is cleaning... 2oney "ie. B*+A. hot and e/otic. pigs in a blanket. of course. 6y #ove1! (he opens the refrigerator door shows him EF different brands of beer from 7E different countries) $ermany..! Ask any man what a woman's ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you. to have two men at once.& =...any guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear. Between the ages of 79 and . The couple has been married only two weeks. although very much in love.+3I. There was a huge e/plosion that blew both of them EII meters into the desert.PF times last year. The husband.'T $-I.(* 0-. +oochy +oo1! asks the wife. Tootsie &oll. drew his ray gun. !But.$ B**& I..F..?&I.the swearing. The alien. !0ou want a frozen glass. We come in peace.$ (.& =&-X*.. mushroom caps. I'll be right back.! 2e hasn't finished the sentence before wifey interrupts him by saying. I promise.! !0ou want a beer.! The wife's mouth drops open and says.! says he to his new bride.& =. A((2-#*1%%! Two aliens landed in the West Te/as desert near an abandoned gas station. !I'll be right back. but the bar you know.you know.+3I. It damn near killed us% 2ow did you know it was so dangerous1! The other alien answered. There was no response.$ A.

is like *urope, e/hausted but still has points of interest. After FP, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn. 6aria had ust got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. (o, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. !?on't worry, 6aria. Tony's a good man. $o upstairs and he'll take care of you.! (o up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and e/posed his hairy chest. 6aria ran downstairs to her mother and says, !6ama, 6ama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.! !?on't worry, 6aria,! says the mother,! all good men have hairy chests. $o upstairs. 2e'll take good care of you.! (o, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants e/posing his hairy legs. Again, 6aria ran downstairs to her mother. !6ama, 6ama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs%! !?on't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. $o upstairs and he'll take good care of you.! (o up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When 6aria saw this, she ran downstairs. !6ama, 6ama, Tony's got a foot and a half%! !(tay here and stir the pasta,! says the mother. !This is a ob for 6ama.! A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task for today is to each stand up in turn speak their name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first prisoner stands and says !6y name is ?aniel and I'm in for murder! *veryone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing. The ne/t guy stands up and says !6y name is 6ike and I'm in for armed robbery! Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. 2e stands up and says !6y name is #uke, but I'm not telling you what I'm in for! The group leader says !.ow, come on #uke, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did.! !-k then. I'm in for fucking dogs.! *veryone is disgusted% They all shout !What11%% 2ow #-W can you get%! !Well...I did manage do to a dachshund one time, but I had to lift her back legs up a little!, #uke replies. Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, 4ack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed. 4ack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.

The ne/t morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and >uite uncomfortable, when 4ack proudly taps his teaspoon ; times against his coffee mug. After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry am and ; times on the peanut butter% A man is at the dentist's for a check5up. As the dentist leans over, he asks, !Well... (o you had oral se/ this morning1! !2ow did you know1! asks the man, embarrassed but also amazed at his dentist's perception. !Was it the smell on my breath1! !.o! says the dentist. !Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in my teeth1! asks the man. !.o! says the dentist. !Well, what then1 2ow did you know1! asks the man, losing patience. The dentist says !There's a little bit of shit on the end of your nose.! A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, !2ow the hell do the two of you have se/1! The big guy says, !I ust sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down.! 2is friend says, !0ou know, that don't sound too bad.! The big guy says, !Well, it's kind of like erking off, only I got somebody to talk to.! Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible. (o they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs. .ine months later, the two fags are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming e/cept for theirs. !Wow,! one of the gay men says, !-ur baby is the most well behaved one in here.! A nurse who happens to be walking by says, !.ow he's >uiet, but wait till we take the pacifier out of his ass.! A guy's walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic +ity and he runs into a hooker. 2e says, !2ow much1! (he says !Twenty bucks.! 2e says, !All right.! They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The ne/t night, he runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty5five dollars. (he says, !What's the e/tra five1! 2e says, !That's for blowing the sand off my balls.! A man was stranded in the desert for ten years. -ne day, a woman in a wetsuit walked up to this man and said, !Would you like a cigar 1! The man said, !#ady, I ain't smoked in ten years.! (o, the woman unzipped the left arm of her wetsuit, and pulled out a cigar. Then, she said, !Would you like a drink 1! The man said, !#ady, I ain't drank in ten years.! (o, she unzipped the right arm of her wetsuit, and pulled out a bottle of 4ack ?aniels. #ast, she unzipped the front of her wetsuit and said, !Would you like to play around 1! The man said with astonishment... !0ou mean to tell me that you got a golf set in there, too1%1%!

-ne day #ittle Timmy comes home from school yelling, !?addy% ?addy% Today at school we had to say our AB+'s and I was the only one in my class who knew them all% The teacher said I did really good%! !Well that's great, son,! his father replied !I'm very proud of you%! (o the ne/t day when #ittle Timmy gets home from school he again is very e/cited !?addy% ?addy%! Timmy yells !Today at school we had to name all of the colors in class and I got them all right% The teacher said I did very good%! And his father replied !Well that's great, son, I'm very proud of you%! The ne/t day when #ittle Timmy came home from school he came in yelling !?addy% ?addy% Today in school after gym class, we were in the shower and I had the biggest penis% I was very happy%! !Well son,! his father replied !that's because 0-,& 78%! 6um walked into the bathroom one day and found young 4ohnny furiously scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush and toothpaste. !What the hell do you think you're doing, young man1%! she e/claimed. !?on't try to stop me%! 4ohnny warned. !I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's.! -n returning from battle in the =alkland Islands, ; soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of JKL7II pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. !I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr%! replies the man of war. !*/cellent,! says the commander, that's !<I inches, so here's JKL<III.! (econdly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. !*/cellent,! replies the commander after measuring the marine, !<F inches, so that's JKL<FII.! Thirdly he asks the e/plosives e/pert. !I'll have measured the tip of my dick to he end of my balls sahr%! The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying !Where in +hrist are your balls soldier1%! The soldier smiles at him and says !=alkland Islands sahr%! Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon. !(hit,! said the first bloke, !as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's knickers off%! !What's the rush1! his mate asked. !The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me,! the bloke replied. A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. !I understand you're claiming damages for the in uries you're supposed to have suffered1! (tated the counsel for the insurance company. !0es, that's right,! replied the farmer, nodding his head. !0ou claim you were in ured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case1! !0eah, butJKL! stammered the farmer. !A simple yes or not will suffice,! counsel interrupted >uickly. !0es,! &eplied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him >uestions. !"lease tell the court the e/act circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health,! his lawyer said. !+ertainly,! replied the farmer. !After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. !Then he goes over to my dog, looks at

a burglar broke into my house.! said the bloke to his mates. All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.! one of the doctors soothed. 0ou forgot the bloody sauce%! 6at's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. !#ast night while I was down the pub with you guys.! 4oe replied: ! Well. 6att enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. he asked his son if he got a part. and she smelled of old fish. and a cherry on top.aturally. 3eep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part. !?id he get anything.ow. 3nowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today.! said the first old codger. I warned them that she wasn't so hot. that's all.! his mates asked. then. The first time I got into her she made water faster that anything I ever saw. I am not a bit sorry. but the crazy .! !All right. 2er bottom was all chewed up.o I wouldn't.! !$et this. mate.! The second old bloke repeated the order flawlessly. !I'd love an ice cream right now. It so happened that 4oe's boat sank on the same day that 4ohn's wife died. . he ended up having a complete se/ change. but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything.! It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of 4ones.! !. and mistaking him for 4ohn said)! I was sorry to hear of your great loss. 4ohn and 4oe. This is what finished her off) =our guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time. !I play a man who's been married for twenty years. It'll ust have to be someone else's. It got so I could handle her all right.! said his mate. 4oe was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. !yeah.! replied the second. a broken aw. !I want a double cone with mint ice cream and choc chips. !0ou'd forget my order straight away. and a pair of broken nuts. si/ teeth knocked out.him and shoots him dead too. 4ohn was married and 4oe was single.! !That's great. !(hit%! he moaned. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. !I knew I should've gone myself. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk. !Are you oking1! the first old fart snapped back. the poor bloke went to pieces and started crying when they e/plained what had happened to him.! !Would you like me to get you one1! asked the second old bloke. and you must feel terrible.! This poor bloke went to hospital for a circumcision but. !this means I'll never be able to e/perience an erection ever again%! !-f course you will. !. The first old bloke looked at the pies in disgust then yelled. (he had a crack and a pretty big hole in front that kept getting bigger and bigger every time that I used her. because of some fuck up during the operation. what the hell would you have said to him1! Two old men suffering from long term memory loss were sitting on the steps of the old5age home when an ice cream van drove past. A few days later a kindly old lady met 4oe on the street. =ive minutes later he walked back carrying two meat pies. (he was a rotten old thing from the start. !$ee. They asked if I could rent her to them. son.

As the two began.a slot machine%1! A man was having problems with premature e aculation so he decided to go to the doctor. At home. yes. !0ou fairies can't even fart like men. As they are walking. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle% ! T2* -#? #A?0 =AI. he ran home to his wife. the first fag said. A ceremony is again held at the same place. !. the man went back to the doctor. 2aving determined that the husband was infertile. naked and waiting. When the woman showed up at the clinic. #isten to this. 2e asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. !0ou know what we have here. and then dies. A few minutes later. !?on't you want to get pregnant1! asked the doctor. !Would you like it sliced. The man. In response.! The announcement was followed by another low !2sssssss. All e/cited to try this suggestion. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. she was told to undress.! A truck driver pulled over to the side of the road and picked up two homose/uals who were hitchhiking. butJKL! stammered the woman. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall.! That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. but I have to fart. he found his wife was in bed. (he was feeling very uncomfortable about the whole situation and when the doctor started dropping his pants.! A few miles down the road. They climbed into the cab and the truck driver pulled the rig back onto the highway. get up on the table and place her feet in the stirrups.! !4esus =uckin +hrist%! the truckie e/claimed. (he lives for ten more years. Bruce1 A real virgin%! A funeral service is being held for a woman who has ust passed away. !*/cuse me. !-hhh%! one fag e/claimed. !When you feel like you are getting ready to e aculate. so you'll ust have to settle for what's on tap. The ne/t day. a childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. !watch out for the fucking wall%''' A gay guy walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami. sir1! the shopkeeper asked politely. try startling yourself. !What do you think I am1! replied the fag. felt the sudden urge to e aculate and fired the starter pistol. then the truck driver heard a low !2sssssss. !2ow did it go1! .T*?. arring the casket. the second fag announced. !Well lie back and spread 'em. They hear a faint moan. she freaked. the husband cries out. !Wait a second% What the hell is going on here1! she yelled.fools all tried to get into her at the same time. moments later. The doctor asked. the doctor said. they found themselves in the P9 position.. !Were out of the bottled stuff. but I have to fart.. !*/cuse me.! A moment later he emitted a deafening staccato machine gun burst from his arse.! 2e held his breath. turning to the other. !Well.! replied the doctor. and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

! The husband replies. "lease tell me. The man became very frightened and asked 5 !?octor. I think I know what the problem is!. Who was that child's father1! Again she cannot look her husband in the eyes. $uess which one I'm going to marry.. who lived on an ad oining farm out west in cattle country.but I have noticed that all of our eight children look similar to one another e/cept one.! (tunned. inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air%! A man went to the doctor and said 5 !?octor. I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry. 2e leaned in close and whispered in her ear.! A young man e/citedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. the surgeon responded. !It is 0-. Why are all the blinds closed1! she asked her doctor. and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed. but I haven't had the courage to ask before. (lowly she replies. and after a long silence she slowly said.. which the man did. Bill spied his prize bull fucking one of his cows. !That's amazing.. what are you going to do with that thing1!.& cow. as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the hills. !6abel.! A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. ?id he have a different father than the rest1! The wife stops. I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing. The wife says to her husband. The doctor sniffed a few times. (he is unable to look her husband in the eyes. bit .! 0oung Bill was courting 6abel. 2ow did you know1! . 2e says.. (he is very distressed. said 5 !0es.ot that well. !They're fighting a huge fire across the street. 6a. The ne/t day. Well. went out of the surgery for a moment and came back with a very long stick with a hook on the end. 6a. The doctor asked he man if he could do one there and then.I must know. !The red5head in the middle.! 2er husband was taken aback. any >uestion you want to. !yes. !=or our anniversary this year. he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. !-h% -kay. A man and his wife were celebrating their FIth wedding anniversary. -ne evening. 2e sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on 6abel. 0ou're right. the young man says. you can ask me one >uestion. !-kay. 2e then says. to which the doctor replied 5 !I'm going to open the window 5 you've got something wrong with your nose%!.The man answered.. I can't figure out how he got to look so different.! The mother agrees. !. I will answer it truthfully. 6a.when I fired the pistol. this has been bothering me for a long time. my wife peed in my face.! (he immediately replies. 0es he did have a different father. very loudly. whenever I fart there's no smell!. !-kay.! !Well then. !4ust for fun. !0-. why don't you1 !6abel whispered back...

! (o the couple walked in and the shopkeeper says to them. After a fierce war. !Well.! The crew member agrees that this is a good strategy and continues with his work. 7V Nitamin +. .!I don't like her. FV (pray (tarch. one of the ships crew members approaches the captain. !2ow could sandals improve my abilities1! The "akistani man replied. come over the horizon. after much badgering from his wife. !6en.! To which one of the crew members complied and handed him his acket which he put on. The nervous crew looks up at the captain and he yells !*veryone prepare for battle.! she says. and hand me my brown pants%! The tour bus traveling through northern . if for some reason I should be in ured and bleed. you re>uest to wear your red acket1! To which the captain replies. the red acket will not show my wounds and thus the crew will not be alarmed and worried of my condition. the pirates were defeated. yanked down the man's pants and his own. The sandals will prove it to you. the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the shopkeeper claimed.! Well. !0ou foreigners% +ome in. finally conceded to try them on. !Why is it every time we go to war with another ship. They have special power.evada passed briefly at the 6ustang &anch. ?ey make you wild at se/ like a great desert camel. They finally released the ingredients in Niagra% . 2AN* ?*6 -. +ome into my humble shop. when they passed a small sandal shop. The battle ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they continued on in their voyage.! Well. the husband. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such. A married couple was on holiday in "akistan. =rom inside they heard a gentleman with a "akistani accent say. and hand me my red acket. bent him violently over a table. this time two ships were a approaching. The husband asked the man. but her husband felt he really didn't need them. we must go to battle again% (omeone get me my red acket%! And a crew member brought the acket and the captain put it on.V Nitamin *. 8<V =i/5A5=lat.$ =**T%! A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon. a massive fleet of pirate ships. The guide noted) !We are now passing the largest house of prostitution in America. when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. near (parks. being the se/ $od he was. he got this wild look in his eyes: something his wife hadn't seen in many years) raw se/ual power% In a blink of an eye. #ater that day over the horizon. The captain yells !*veryone prepare for battle. !I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. the husband grabbed the "akistani man. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet. and a truly stunning effort of the ships crew. #ater. 7I in all. (aiheeb. !4ust try dem on. !0-. EV Aspirin. The "akistani then began screaming. they again spotted pirates. EV Ibuprofen. and grabbed firm hold of the "akistani's thighs.oticing a trend. ?* W&-.! A male passenger shouted !W201%1! .

went to a se/ therapist's office. pay the doctor.. The ?octor was eager to please. turned to the weatherman and asked. but agreed.! According to archaeologists. (he stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display. the doctor said. and I get OG.eanderthal woman were. so they demanded that the ?octor come up with a decent sign that would not offend the townspeople.ot only did he have to leave the set. if she is post5menstrual she may be attracted to plain facial features.A couple. (he's married and we can't go to her house. !(o Bob. =inally the doctor asked. We do it here for OFI. A young doctor had moved into town and was setting up a new practice. back from 6edicare. so he put up a new sign) !Mueers S &ears. but half the crew did too. $randma and $randpa were watching a healing service on the television. which included a coffee percolator !And finally! she said !I do thank my new parents5in5law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator! A study in (cotland showed that the kind of !male face! a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. This happened several weeks in a row. If she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged. proclaiming his specialties) !2omose/uals S 2emorrhoids. =or instance.! and charged them OFI. both age <8. placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that . $randma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set. The couple would make an appointment.! The town fathers were upset with the sign and asked him please to change it. !4ust e/actly what are you trying to find out1! The old man said. I'm married and we can't go to my house. then leave. and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a pair of scissors shoved in his temple. for millions of years . !There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. When the couple finished. !We're not trying to find out anything. When pre5menstrual she can be attracted to more feminine features in a man. The doctor asked. the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't.! The town fathers were really fuming about that one. A female news anchor who... !What can I do for you1! The man said.! True (tory. The 2oliday Inn charges O9I. they were laughing so hard. place one hand on the TN and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. where's that P inches you promised me last night1! . (o the ?octor came up with an acceptable sign) !-dds S *nds..eanderthal man was not fully erect. 2e had a new sign painted and hung it in front of his office. masculine features. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set. The 2ilton charges O7I8. A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. !Will you watch us have se/ual intercourse1! The doctor looked puzzled. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly . have intercourse with no problems.

was causing her to have great pain. Then $randpa got up, went to the TN, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. $randma scowled at him and said, !I guess you ust don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.! 2usband) -hhh, you are wonderfully tight tonight darling% Wife) $et that big hairy thing out of my navel% 6r. 4ones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. 2e rushes to the hospital, runs into the *& and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him ?r. (mith is handling the case. They page the doctor. 2e comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset 6r. 4ones. !6r. 4ones1! the doctor asks. !0es sir, what's happened1 2ow is my wife1! The doctor sits ne/t to him and says, !.ot good news. 0our wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine.! !-h my $od! says 6r. 4ones, !what will be her prognosis1! ?r. (mith says !Well, 6r. 4ones, her vital signs are stable. 2owever, her spine is inoperable. (he'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her.! 6r. 4ones begins to sob. !And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia.! 6r. 4ones begins to wail and cry loudly. !Then, of course,! the doctor continued, !you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day.! 6r. 4ones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues) !And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. 2er bowel will engorge whenever and >uite often I'm afraid. -f course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly.! .ow 6r. 4ones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. 4ust then ?r. (mith reaches out his hand and pats 6r. 4ones on the shoulder. !2ey, I'm ust fucking with you, she's dead.! After ust a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselorBs office, the counselor umped right in and opened the floor for discussion. !What seems to be the problem1! Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. -n the other hand, the wife began talking 7II miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After F then 7I then 7F minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, the wife sat there 5 speechless. 2e looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counsellor spoke to the husband, !0our wife .**?( that at least twice a week%! The husband scratched his head and replied, !I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.! At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. 2e was e/cited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was fingering herself furiously. 2e moved to the ne/t seat to her and offered his help. (he welcomed his help, and so the man started fingering her like crazy. When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. Wasn't I good enough1! he asked sheepishly. !$reat,! she said, !but these crabs are still itching%! A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, !WhatJKLs the problem1! (he responds, !6y husband suffers from premature e aculation.! The counsellor turns to her husband and in>uires, !Is that true1! The husband replies, !Well not e/actly, she's the one that suffers, not me.! An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. (urprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. !I'm 9I years old,! he says. !9I%! replies the woman. !?on't you realize you've had it1! !-h, sorry,! says the old man, !how much do I owe you1! !I can't find a cause for your illness,! the doctor said. !=rankly, I think it's due to drinking.! !In that case,! replied his patient, !I'll come back when you are sober.! After GI years as a gynaecologist, 4ohn decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. 2e left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final e/am came and 4ohn worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. 6ost of the students completed their e/am in two hours. 4ohn, on the other hand, took the entire four hours allotted. The following day, 4ohn was delighted and surprised to see a score of 7FIV for his e/am. 4ohn spoke to his professor after class. !I never dreamed I could do this well on the e/am. 2ow did I earn a score of 7FIV1! The professor replied, !I gave you FIV for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another FIV for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional FIV for having done all of it through the muffler.! Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a bo/ of Tampa/ and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, !(on, how old are you1! !*ight,! the boy replied. The man continued, !?o you know how these are used1! The boy replied, !.ot e/actly, but they aren't for me. They are for my brotherJKLhe's four. We saw on TN that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. 2e can't do either one.!

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the s>uad steroids. The teamJKLs performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favoured to win nationals easily. "enelope, a 7P5year5old hurdler visits her coach and says, !+oach, I have a problem. 2air is starting to grow on my chest.! !What1! the coach says in a panic, !2ow far down does it go1! (he replies, !?own to my testicles. That's something else I want to talk to you about.! In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, !+harlie, what are you doing1! +harlie replied, !?riving to +hicago%! The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The ne/t day the nurse enters +harlie's room ust as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, !Well +harlie, how are you doing1! +harlie says, !I ust got into +hicago.! !$reat,! replied the nurse. The nurse leaves +harlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously pleasuring himself. (hocked, she asks, !Bob, what are you doing1! Bob says, !I'm screwing +harlie's wife while he's in +hicago%! The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. 2e threw down his palette, took her in his arms, and kissed her. (he pushed him away. !6aybe your other models let you kiss them,! she said, !but I'm not that kind%! !Actually, I've never tried to kiss a model before,! he protested. !&eally1! she said, softening. !Well, how many models have there been1! !=our so far,! he replied, thinking back. !A ug, two apples and a vase.! Bill and 6arla decided the only way to pull off a (unday afternoon >uickie with their ten5year5old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. !There's a car being towed from the parking lot,! he said. !An ambulance ust drove by.! A few moments passed. !#ooks like the Andersons have company,! he called out. !6att's riding a new bike and the +oopers are making love.! 6om and ?ad bolted upright in bed. !2ow do you know that1! the startled father asked. !Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too,! his son replied. A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. 2e found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. .ot to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, he hurried downstairs for something to eat and was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. !2ow'd you get down here so fast1! he asked. !We were ust making love%! !-h my $od,! his wife gasped, !That's my mother up there% (he came over and complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile.! &ushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. !6other, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something1! The mother5in5law huffed, !I haven't spoken to that erk for 7F years and I wasn't about to start now%! The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven5haired model to the airport. 2alfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, !?river, I don't have time to wait for road service. +an you change it

The woman replies. !how did you know1! !I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. !0ou're beautiful. !0ou're a surgeon. At last. (he watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. !Because I didn't feel a thing. ust staring at the wall.o strings attached. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad "itt for a million dollars. go ask your mother if she would sleep with &obert &edford for a million dollars. how did you know1! asks the man. !Well.! says the woman. how about if we sleep together tonight1 . and you were only 7P1! he asks solemnly. !0ou're an anaesthesiologist. !?o you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said. 2is eyes fluttered open and he said.! says the wife. 2e appears to be in deep thought.! 2e got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire. !?o you want a screwdriver1! 2e said !(ure% But. !0ou're cute%! The wife was disappointed because instead of !beautiful. !What happened to 'beautiful'1! The man replied. of course I would. 2e wipes another tear from his cheek and says. and her husband isnJKLt in bed with her. and his wife was sitting by his side.yourself1! The driver said.! (o the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with &obert &edford for a million dollars and the mother replies !-h my god. They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. aren't you1! !0eah. she goes into the bedroom and they have se/. !The drugs are wearing off%! This little boy goes up to his dad and he says !?ad1.! says the woman. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom +ruise for a million dollars.! he says. lowering herself into a chair beside him. I remember. !0es. but couldn't get the wheel cover off. realistically we're living with E sluts and a fag%! . so she stayed by his side. '*ither you marry my daughter. The husband continues. Afterward. !?o you remember EI years ago when we were dating. of course I would%! Then last but no least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom +ruise for a million dollars.! A man was ust waking up from anaesthesia after surgery. !(ure.! Then he fell asleep again. !?o you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love1! !0es. 2is wife had never heard him say that. (he scrubs for a good 7I minutes. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. !Why are you down here at this time of night1! The husband looks up from his coffee. who wouldn't for a million bucks1! (o he goes up to his dad and says !I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically! !Well what's the difference1! says the father.! A woman awakes during the night. first I have to change this tire. !That makes sense. aren't you1! !0es. his brother says !-f course I would. (he finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. and she replies !2e is so fucking fine. !I would have gotten out today. I do.! she replies. (he goes downstairs to look for him. the man says. What's the difference between "otentially and &ealistically1! To which the father replies !Well son. million dollars. dear1! she asks. he is so good looking%! (o the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad "itt for a million dollars. A few minutes later. (he goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. After an hour. !What's the matter.! (he said. potentially we're sitting on .! A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. too.! it was now !cute. his eyes fluttered open and he said.! The woman doctor agrees to it. !2ey. or I'll send you to ail for EI years1JKL! !I remember that. the man says. The model saw him struggling and asked.! she replies softly.

!?ad. so she walked over and asked him.! The Bear looks at the &abbit.! he answered. think of your health. the father said. !2ey..! The little girl left. you shouldn't do that. !(he should be here in a minute. !Where is =ifi1! her father asked.. !6a or.. spoon and stuff.! advised the daughter. =ifi is in heat. It is much better for you. *lephant you really shouldn't do that. and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. and that I had to come talk to you. shrugs his shoulders. Woman) Nery uncomfortable.! replied the mother. kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the &abbit. tosses the oint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the #ittle &abbit. !-h. !Bring =ifi over here. glancing at his watch.. !-kay.!It's only EI7G now. the $iraffe and the *lephant.! A #ittle &abbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a $iraffe rolling a oint. but she said that =ifi was in heat. *mbarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter.o. Woman) 0es. 0ou shouldn't do that. .ot wanting to have the biological discussion either. and returned a few minutes later with . !. !6a or. I think he is in the garage. I'm conducting a survey. shrugs his shoulders.?-$ on the leash. !. Bear.! . may I take the dog for a walk around the block1! a little girl asked. then runs off through the wood with the $iraffe and the &abbit. $iraffe.! 2e took a rag. may I take =ifi for a walk around the block1 I asked 6om. !2ey. !-h. attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff5looking military man at a cocktail party. The &abbit runs up to him and says. shrugs his shoulders. (hortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin.o wonder you look so uptight%! she e/claimed. Think of your health. now you can go for a walk but keep =ifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once.! was his reply. 0ou should come running in the woods instead%! The $iraffe looks at the #ittle &abbit.! The *lephant looks at the &abbit looks at the line of +harlie. ust go ask your father. !(he ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home. . !What does that mean1! asked the child. After a while the $iraffe and the &abbit come across an *lephant about to do a line of +oke. looks at the spliff. I don't think so. 0ou should come running with us in the wood.!6om. you need to get out more%! !I'm not sure I understand you. 2e runs up the $iraffe and says. I would imagine% A young ..! The little girl goes to the garage and says.! &esearcher) */cuse me madam. 0ou'd be better of running in the woods with us. looks at the syringe. The &abbit says. when was the last time you had se/1! !79FP. the 6other said. what is it about1 &esearcher) We are asking people what they think about se/ on the television. soaked it with gasoline.

!2ey Tiger. !A 6ercedes and a huge diamond ring. !If she doesn't like the slippers. that's right.After a while they come across a Tiger drinking his way through a si/ pack of beer. 2e says.o.! and the Tiger immediately umps up and starts beating the living crap out of the &abbit. whacked him over the head with her spoon and said. !A pair of slippers and a dildo.h. !Why'd you get her both1! The &ich man says.3. then suddenly whirled around. !If she doesn't like the ring. !. !. !0ou gotta send help% 6y wife's going into labor%! The nurse says. let out a big sigh.! The &ich man says.! 2is mother went back to stirring the pot. Is this her first child1! 2e says. she can go fuck herself%! A gay man.! A clerk came over and asked. !6ay I help you1! !I don't know. !What the hell are you doing. and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. !Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo1! The "oor man says. yeah. I have something to tell you) I'm gay.! said the woman. you really shouldn't d that. !What'd you get your wife this year1! 2e says. !Well what did you get your wife1! The "oor man says. doc. !-.! 2is mother made no reply or gave any response. man1! The Tiger gets one more kick in and says. and said. !?o you have any '(orry I laughed at your dick' cards1! A guy calls the hospital. !6om.! The &ich man says. !+alm down. and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him. The &abbit runs up to the Tiger and says. #ooking up from the ticklish task.! . she can take it back happy.o% This is her fucking husband%! The pretty co5ed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation) the removal of a large chunk of green wa/ from her navel. the physician asked. went over to their house. finally shaking her head.! The poor man says. finally deciding he could no longer hide his se/uality from his parents. !0ou're gay 55 doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth1! The guy said nervously. "oor man says to the &ich man. !. That works. !6y boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight. The $iraffe grabs the Tiger and pulls him off the &abbit and says. !?on't you *N*& complain about my cooking again%%%%%! At the card shop) A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards. !2ow did this happen1! !#et me put it this way.! the girl began. They're both at 6adison Avenue shopping for their wives. 6om. !Ah. that little fucker really pisses me off: he always makes me run around the bloody woods when he's on *cstasy%! &ich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary.! The "oor man says. 2e sat down at the kitchen table. when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly.

-ne day #ittle (usie got her !monthly bleeding! for the first time in her life. don't be hard on him. ?oc. I'm not a doctor. she settles for hanging onto one of the poles. A drunk man ne/t to her stares at her for three minutes. but it won't do you any good. !Isn't there some way to udge the size of a man's e>uipment from the outside1! she asked earnestly. (he took him out to dinner. !I love a woman that does aerobics. is by the size of his feet. . until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. #ooking back unimpressed at the man she replies. he asks.! !Then you come in with him and I'll fi/ you both up. !The only foolproof way. !-h. but it still won't do you any good. 2aving failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened. 4ohnny's face grew serious and he said. but it looks like someone ust ripped your balls off%! !?oc. but it won't do you any good. and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.! 2e invites her up to his apartment and she replies.! !(on of a bitch%! the physician roared. !That means we've all got it%! A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus.nable to find a seat.! counselled the therapist.! !-k.! A woman sought the advice of a se/ therapist.! !But. !I don't ?. !Well. !0ou are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. (end her in.! (he says. I want you for my wife. !6ay I buy you another drink1! !-kay. the woman had already gone . !0ou know. When the man woke up the ne/t morning.! They get to his apartment and he says. !The only woman he's screwed is our maid.! the medic soothed.! &eplied the doctor. and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.! a patient told his urologist on the phone.! A little later. !6ay I buy you a drink1!. !Then how did you get your leg up so high1! A guy met this girl in a bar and asked. !-kay. ! I think my wife now has it too.! The woman replies angrily. !$et him in here right away and I'll take care of him. (o the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms he has. she decided to share her trouble with little 4ohnny. !-kay.aerobics%! The drunk man then looks at the woman and says. 2e's ust a kid. confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her. I think my son has gonorrhea. 2aving found 4ohnny she told and showed him what her problem was. that's different.! the man admitted. then tells her. wined and dined him.

but. take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you.! . !With my compliments. by the bedside table was a OEI bill and a note that read.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful