You're My Daydream and You're Driving Me INSANE
By: Alyssa Ann Saavedra
.01 Ever since my mom died, my life has been a load of crap. But then I met Justin. The dreamy guy with a hot body and gorgeous eyes that turned out to be a major pot head. We were total opposites, but that didn't seem to stop him when he laid it all out to me at that party. "Hi," he said, coming up to me as I winced because the music was hurting my ears. He was holding a red plastic cup which, I assumed, was filled with some kind of vodka. "Hello," I half smiled, not really interested. He looked away from me as I started staring out into the crowd of drunk teenagers, dancing on each other, having the time of their life. What I was really supposed to be searching for was my best friend Caitlin. But instead, I turned my head and took this chance to really look at him. He looked like the kind of guy that sat out at the beach all day to get the perfect tan. This seemed to be true because underneath his white Hollister shirt, he had a surfers body. His hair was dark and short, it looked soft, too. Suddenly, I had the urge to run my small fingers in his beautiful hair. He turned back to me look at me, with his light brown eyes, and smirked because I was staring at him, drooling almost. I turned my head away from his white smile and I felt my cheeks heat up. I picked my cup up from where it was sitting on the end table by the couch and suddenly gulped the whole thing down. It had a really distinct tang to it, then I realized that it wasn't my orange soda that I had just chugged, it was someone's spiked drink, or my own, whichever. Two more cups later... "Do you wanna dance?" I asked him. He chuckled a little then said, "You don't even know my name." "And you don't know mine," I smiled, then shrugged. "So?" He held his hand out for me to take, "Justin Alexander." Instead of shaking it, I grabbed it and held it in mine. "Lydia Palmer," I smiled, letting him lead me to the dance floor. And that's the last thing I remember that night... until a few hours later when I found myself making out with him in his car, right in front of my house. Thank god my dad was out of town. It was then, right when he reached behind me to unhook my bra clasp, that I remembered my sister. She would be home any minute from her date with her boyfriend, even though it was a little past midnight. I pulled away from his mouth, looking into his eyes that were suddenly lit up by two bright headlights. I whipped my head around and saw my sister's white Audi pulling into our driveway. "Shit," I muttered, rolling away from Justin and opening my door quietly, leaving him there, alone in the dark. I ran around the side of the house and opening up my window, landing on my bed then pulling the covers over my head before Lacy had the chance to come and check on me. My heart was about to explode out of my chest when she finally did. Lacy opened my door a little, a line of light exposing on my pale, white
carpet and against my bright green walls. I heard her smirk before shutting my door and closing her's as well. I let out a huge sigh of relief and then kicked my bed spread away, getting up and slipping my jeans off, replacing them with my So Cal Hollister booty shorts, keeping my white tang top on. I looked out my window, at the place I left Justin and his black BMW. Both were gone. I sighed and laid my head back on my pillow, thinking of the night's events. I still couldn't remember what happened between dancing with Justin and Making out with him in his car. I couldn't remember if we did anything more or if I ever found Caitlin. I finally drifted off to sleep with Justin Alexander on my mind. <3 "Lydia!" Mrs. Hackelman, my music teacher, yelled. "Pay attention and stop daydreaming! It's the last week of school, the least you could do is listen," she scolded. "B-but, Mrs. Hackelman, I wa-" I protested, only to be cut off. "No excuses! Now, would you like to share your project with the class?" she asked sweetly. I sighed, "Alright." I picked up my guitar and sat on the stool in front of the class. Music was my favorite subject and my life; I couldn't live without my guitar. I've never, in my life, fell asleep or daydreamed in this class before, I was always alert and focused to learn the next note I needed or a strum I could improve on. For some reason though, when I started thinking of Justin, I just stopped listening. I cleared my throat and leaned in to speak into the microphone, yes we have a microphone, our school I very rich for some reason. "Okay, this is a song I wrote called 'I miss you' and it's dedicated to my mom," I told them, then looked up and whispered, "Rest in peace, mama." I started strumming my guitar, then I began to sing. "Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la. You used to call me your angel, Said I was sent straight down from heaven, You'd hold me close in your arms. I loved the way you felt so strong, I never wanted you to leave, I wanted you to stay here holding me. I miss you, I miss your smile, And I still shed a tear, Every once in a while, And even though it's different now, You're still here somehow, My heart won't let you go,
And I need you to know, I miss you, sha la la la la, I miss you. You used to call me your dreamer, And now I'm living out my dream, Oh how I wish you could see, Everything that's happening for me, I'm thinking back on the past, It's true that time is flying by too fast. I miss you, I miss your smile, And I still shed a tear, Every once in a while, And even though it's different now, You're still here somehow, My heart won't let you go, And I need you to know, I miss you, sha la la la la, I miss you. I know you're in a better place, yeah, But I wish that I could see your face, oh, I know you're where you need to be, Even though it's not here with me. I miss you, I miss your smile, And I still shed a tear, Every once in a while, And even though it's different now, You're still here somehow, My heart won't let you go, And I need you to know, I miss you, sha la la la la. I miss you, I miss your smile, And I still shed a tear, Every once in a while, And even though it's different now, You're still here somehow, My heart won't let you go, And I need you to know, I miss you, sha la la la la.
I miss you," I whispered, a single tear sliding down my flushed cheek. The class erupted in applause and I hurried back to my seat with my head down. "Well," Mrs. Hackelman cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. "That was very..." she paused, searching for the right word. "Wonderful," she finally breathed. <3 "Where were you last night?" Caitlin asked me that evening at work. "Where were you today at school?" I shot back, stacking CD's where they belonged. "That's not what we're talking about right now. Right now, the subject is on you," she smiled, fixing her Metro Music t-shirt so that when Jordan came in, he would see her "voluptuous bust". I swear, this girl was obsessed with him. Then, as if on cue, I was saved from telling her about my crazy night because Jordan came walking in the store, shirtless, with his Metro Music T hanging over his shoulder, hair wet. "Hey, guys," he said, flashing us his million dollar smile. "Yo," I muttered, walking behind the counter where Caitlin was practically drooling. Smoothly, she recovered, "H-hey, Jordan," she fluttered her long lashes and smiled. He ran a hand through his hair when I asked, "Where were you?" "Surfing," he smirked, pointing at his white trunks. "Surfing?" I scoffed. "Hey!" he held his hands up for dramatic affect, "Surfing is life!" Then he chuckled, which got Caitlin to giggle. I just rolled my eyes. Once he finally put his shirt back on and Caitlin wiped up her spit from the counter, I proceeded to tell her what went on last night. "Always, I showed up at the party and was looking for you when this really hot guy came up to me and just stood there like an idiot," I explained. Before she could respond, Jordan decided to be a drama king and he covered his ears and said,"Ahhh, girl talk gives me headaches," he dropped his hands and smirked. "I'll be in the back taking inventory." When he was gone, and Caitlin stopped staring in the direction his ass went shaking, she asked, "So, hot guy, huh? What was his name?" she smiled, waiting for the juicy details. "His name was-" I started, but was cut off by Jordan again because of the name he yelled. "Justin Alexander! My main man," he said, hand up and walking in the direction my back was facing, the front door. I spun around quickly and saw the beautiful smile I left behind in the dark just the night before. "Justin?" I asked, my face lighting up. He smirked, not even surprised to see me. "Hey, beautiful." Jordan turned to face me and Caitlin again, then asked, "You two know each
other?" I smiled at Justin, "Yes, we do." Then walked up to him and planted a juicy one right smack on his pink lips.
.02 "Are you really going out with this guy tonight?" Lacy asked me as she sat down on my bed and out of my throwing range. I was in my cramped closet looking for something to wear on my date with Justin tonight. "Yes, I am. Why? Do you have a problem with it?" I asked, throwing a shirt in her direction on purpose. It landed right on her lap. "Do you even know the guy?" she asked, throwing the shirt back. "Yes, I do. His name is Justin Alexander," I smiled, thinking of his handsome face. "Is that all you know?" she asked, coming towards me and leaning against my closet door. I didn't respond, I just stuffed my face closer into my hamper and searched a little harder. She sighed loudly, and said, "God, Lyd. You need to get to know the guy better and not go on a date with him the second time you see him." Again, I didn't respond. I was still looking for the perfect outfit that, apparently, I didn't own. Lace sighed again, holding her hand out, "Come on, I think I have something cute in your size." I smiled and took her hand. <3 "Whoa, whoa, whoa," I protested to the dress Lace had stuffed me in. "It's only dinner, why so fancy?" I asked. "What do you mean, only dinner? This is your first date! You have to look fantastic," she smiled big. "Well... he did say to wear my best clothes..." I muttered, looking at myself in the mirror again. "Don't you mean your sisters best clothes?" she smirked, I just rolled my eyes. She was right, I did look fantastic. She had fished out a short, white, tutu like dress from her closet for me to wear with cute, white pumps. "I look like I'm about to do a freaking ballet recital," I groaned, sitting down on her bed. "So? You look hot, that's all that matters," she smiled, handing me a little black and white wallet. Just then, the door bell rang and we both looked at each other and smiled, getting up suddenly and bolting to the door. I almost fell a few times, so she beat me. When she opened up the door, Justin was looking around with his hands in his pocket until he saw my sister and I standing in front of him. He smiled at me then asked, "Ready to go?" "Uh, yeah," I looked at my sister for a second and she raised her eye brows at me. "Oh! Sorry, this is my sister Lacy," I told Justin. He smiled and held his hand out, "Justin Alexander." She smiled, too. "Lacy Palmer."
"Alright, lets go," I said, hugging Lace and walking outside. "Try and be back by midnight, Lyd," Lace yelled as I started to walk away. "Okay, love you, Lace," I smiled. Justin opened the door for me and from the porch, I could see Lace smirk. When Justin got in the car, he started to drive away and placed his hand on my leg casually. We ended up eating at this up scale, expensive restaurant. Justin paid for everything. After dinner, when I thought he was taking me home, he stopped in front of a house and got out of the car, expecting me to follow. "Where are we?" I asked when I took my place at his side and he grabbed my hand. "I have a little business to do then we'll leave, besides, you don't have to be home till 12, so we're good," he explained, pushing open the door to expose a party in full blast. We didn't stop to get drinks or to dance, we just kept walking until we reached a bedroom door, which he opened without even knocking. "Justin Alexander!" the guy that was in the room yelled, a smile playing on his face as they shook hands and hugged. "How's it going, Mike?" Justin asked him, stepping back so that I was at his side again. "It's great. Who's this pretty lady you've got with you?" Mike asked, turning to smile at me. Justin turned and smiled at me. "This is Lydia Palmer." Mike put his hand out, "Michael Jeffery. But you can call me Mike." "Hi," I smiled and shook his hand. "So," Mike said, turning to Justin. "How much do you have?" "I couldn't get much," Justin said. "but I've got one blunt," he explained, digging in his pocket and pulling out a small bag of pot. I didn't know why this surprised me, I knew it shouldn't, but it did. I should have known since I met him at a party where I only knew one person who just happened to be my best friend. Mike lit the blunt and a wave of pot stench hit me like a brick wall. He took a hit and passed it to Justin who took a quick swig from it then turned to me, touched my chin, and blew the smoke into my mouth. At first, I pulled my head away and instantly started coughing like any normal person would. I wasn't a chain smoker, sure I tried pot once before in my life with my ex-boyfriend, but that's why he's now known as my ex. With Justin, though, it was like I wanted it, more and more. When he tried to pass it to me, like any smart person would, I said no. But then he reasoned by saying, "Trust me, you're gonna need it where we're going next." So, without protesting the second time he tried to hand it to me, I took a huge, long hit and held it in for a good five seconds before coughing like a dying man. <3 We stayed in that room for five more minutes before we left to where ever it was next. The problem was, I had no idea where we were going, that is, until we got there. Justin parked his BMW in the driveway and looked at me before
squeezing my hand and kissing me. "Ready?" he asked. "Uh. Yeah?" I smiled. He got out of the car and I followed suit. When he opened the door, I could hear laughing from the dining room and a few glasses clanking together. Justin, who was now holding my hand, pushed pass the swinging door that separated the dining room from the lobby of his house. When I walked pass the threshold, I was overwhelmed with how utterly huge his house was. The second thing I noticed was there were three people sitting down for, what looked like, a home cooked meal and some wine. These people, which I learned later, were his mother, father, and older brother. "Justin..." his father grumbled. "Can I speak to you else where?" he asked, already getting up and walking past the swinging door, not even waiting for his answer. "All be right back," he whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek and letting my hand drop at my side. I just stood there by the wall of the dinning room, looking like an idiot as his mother and brother stared at me. "Hello," his mom finally smiled. "My name is Sarah and this is my oldest son, Stephan." "Hi," I smiled, "I'm Lydia Palmer." "Yo," Stephan said with his mouth full. When Sarah was finished scolding him, she said, "Why don't you sit down and have some dinner with us?" she asked sweetly. "Thanks, but we just got done eating. But could you tell me where the bathroom is?" I asked. "Just through that door and down the hall past the living room, sweetie," she smiled. I nodded a thanks to her and went on my way. Just as I was about to pass the living room, I saw Justin and his father yelling quietly at each other. "...I just wanted to take her some where nice," Justin was saying. "Well, she could have just been taken here! You told us you were going to be here tonight, you disappoint everyone, you worthless piece of shit," he grumbled, then smacked his son square on his left cheek. I gasped at this sight. Justin's lips were pressed into a hard line and his face turned a bright pink. "You make me look like a fool, doing this to you. Next time, you will be somewhere when I tell you," he stated, walking outside onto the back porch. When he was out of sight, I ran into the living room and fell to my knees in front of where Justin was sitting. "Are you okay?" I asked, trying to get a good look at his face, but he was covering it with one of his hands. "Let me see," I whispered, placing my hand on his. "No, please... don't," he whispered. "Justin, please," I whispered. "Don't," he muttered, a silent tear falling down his cheek. Suddenly, he collapsed in my arms, and I rocked him back and forth smoothing his hair with one and and his flushed cheek with the other.
.03 I remember when we found out my mom had died. It was devastating. <3 "Hey, pumpkin, did you call your mom today?" dad asked me, patting my on my head. "Nope, I was just about to. Do you know when she's coming back from her business trip, daddy?" I asked, sucking on my Jolly Rancher, it was mom's favorite candy. Just then Lace, 10 years old and still so beautiful, came into the room, her eyes red rimed. "She's never coming back..." she whispered, tears falling down her flushed cheeks. "Lacy!" my dad scolded. "What makes you say a harsh thing like that?" he asked her, bending down to our level to look into her eyes. "The TV. said so," she whimpered. Dad let go of her hand and walked into the living room, inspecting the TV. When tears started coming from his eyes, I knew that Lace wasn't lying. I ran into the living room and watched what the news was playing for my daddy. "I repeat," the news lady said. "The Twin Towers have just fallen in New York City." As I watched the woman's face, I could see silent tears forming in her eyes as she tried to fight them and fee us the news. It was hard for all of us when we saw our daddy, the man we look up to, crumple to the ground and break down right in front of our eyes. All three of us cried for days, not being able to get over the devastation of what had happened. But, eventually, we all got up and kept moving forward and moving on in our lives because that is what mom would have wanted for us. The only thing that really changed, beside the fact she was never there for us anymore, was that no one in this household ever ate Jolly Ranchers again. <3 Ooh...Ooh Hey...ey...ey...ey N,n,n,n,no,no,no It's been too long and I'm lost without you What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you Wantin you Wonderin if you're the same and Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine I wanna cry sometimes I miss you Off to college Yes you went away Straight from high school You up and left me We were close friends also lovers Did everything for one another Now you're gone And I'm lost without you here now But I know I gotta live and make it somehow Come back to me Can you hear me Hear me callin for you cuz it's It's been too long and I'm lost without you What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you Ooh...Ooh Wantin you Wonderin if you're the same and Who's been with you Is your heart still mine I wanna cry sometimes I miss you Now I'm sittin here Thinkin bout you And the days we used to share It's drivin me crazy I don't know what to do I'm just wonderin if you still care And I don't want to let you know that it's killin me I know you got another life And gotta concentrate baby Come back to me Can you hear me Hear me callin for you cuz it's
It's been too long and I'm lost without you What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you Ooh...Ooh Wantin you Wonderin if you're the same and Who's been with you Is your heart still mine I wanna cry sometimes I miss you It's been too long and I'm lost without you What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you Ooh...Ooh Wantin you Wonderin if you're the same and Who's been with you Is your heart still mine I wanna cry sometimes I miss you I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I can't breathe no more Since you went away I don't really feel like talkin Don't want to hear you don't love me Baby do you understand me I can't do a thing without you It's been too long and I'm lost without you What am I gonna do Said I've been needin you Ooh...Ooh Wantin you Wonderin if you're the same and Who's been with you Is your heart still mine I wanna cry sometimes I miss you
.04 I didn't tell Caitlin about what happened the night before, just about our date. "Cat, I need you to do me a huge favor!" I pleaded as I walked with her towards my music class. She sighed. "What is it?" she asked, putting one hand on her hip and looking up. "I need you to go to the beach with me and Justin this weekend, as a double date," I smiled. "Are you serious? What makes you thi-" "Jordan's going to be your date," I sang to her. Her eyes bugged out when I told her this. "What?!" she practically screamed. "Whoa, whoa ,whoa," I said, covering my ears. "Yes, he asked me to see if you could come." She beamed even bigger. "Oh my God! We have to go shopping tonight!" she squealed. I sighed, "Okay." I went into class a little gloomy, until I saw our guest speaker for the day. It was Justin's older brother. "Class," Mrs. Hackelman called. "I know tomorrow is the last day of school, so I thought I'd let a guest speaker come in today as our final goodbye because we have our concert tomorrow during this period. So," she turned to Stephan, who was smirking at me, "take it away, Mr. Alexander." "Hello, everyone. My name is Stephan Alexander and I am here to enlighten you more in the subject of music," he smiled at me again. <3 For the whole class, he taught us more about the fundamentals of Music. Then, towards the end he asked for one person from the class that played guitar to perform for him. "Ooh!" Mrs. Hackelman beamed. "I know just the person!" then she ran over to Stephan and whispered in his ear. When his mouth twisted into a grin, I knew who he picked. "Ms. Lydia Palmer," he smiled. "Could you please play a song for me and the whole class?" he asked sweetly. I cleared my throat and whispered, "S-sure." I grabbed my guitar and sat back at the front of the class like I had yesterday. "This is going to be good," Stephan whispered to me. "Wait until I tell Just about this," he smirked again. I just glared at him. "Okay, Stephan," I grumbled into the microphone. "This is just a little song I wrote the other day called Magic." I cleared my throat again then began to strum my guitar and sing. You've got magic inside your finger tips,
Its leaking out all over my skin, Every time that i get close to you, Your makin me weak with the way you, Look through those eyes, And all i see is your face, All i need is your touch, Wake me up with your lips, Come at me from up above, Yeaaaa, oh i need you, I remember the way that you move, Your dancin easily through my dreams, Its hittin me harder and harder with all your smiles, You are crazy gentle in the way you kiss, All i see is your face, All i need is your touch, Wake me up with your lips, Come at me from up above, Oh baby i need you, To see me, the way i see you, Lovely, wide awake in, The middle of my dreams, And all i see is your face, All i need is your touch, Wake me up with your lips, Come at me from up above, All i see is your face, All i need is your touch, Wake me up with your lips, Come at me from up above, Yeaaaa, oh oh da da da do do do do do, Ahhhhhh, i ..... i need you." <3 "What about this one?" Caitlin asked me, putting another bikini up against her to show me. "Don't you have like a million bikini's already?" I sighed. We've been at this for almost two hours and I'd been ready to go one and a half hours ago. "But I need a new one!" she smiled, probably thinking of Jordan. I felt bad for lying to her, he didn't ask if she'd go with us. I needed her there with me, and
Jordan just happened to be coming along, too. "Ooh! What about this one?" she asked again, holding up a bright lime green bikini up against her body. "I like it. Now can we go?" I asked. She sighed. "Okay, fine." She went up to the counter to buy the swim suit and I could help thinking what happened earlier that day. I giggled to myself when I thought of the look on Stephan's face when I finished. I remembered his huge, warm body against mine when he gave me a giant hug after class and what he had said to me... "Wow, that was fantastic. I think Just found a keeper." "Ready?" Cat asked me, starting towards the door. "Uh, yeah," I muttered, walking in her direction. <3 "How was shopping with Cat?" Lace asked me when I trotted through the door. She was sitting on the couch casually with her hand locked around her boyfriend's, Nate, and his other arm around her shoulder. "Torture," I sighed. Dropping my bags on the floor by the couch and snatching a handful of popcorn from the bowl that was in Lace's lap. "So, when's your next date with this guy?" Nate asked me. "Saturday, we're going to the beach. Why?" I asked him. "I want to be here when he picks you up so I can get a good look at him so I know who to kill when he breaks your heart," he smirked. "Oh God," I laughed, hitting him playfully on the knee. Me and Nate were like brother and sister already; he's like the big brother I never had and I always wanted. "Serious." "Whatever, punk," I smiled and got up to go to my room. "Goodnight," I called from the hallway. "Night!" Lace yelled. "And dad will be back tomorrow around noon just in time to show up for your concert!" she reminded me. "Shit," I muttered. I'd forgotten to practice. Now I was bound to screw up tomorrow. I raced to my room and threw my shopping bags down, grabbing my guitar so I could practice my song.
.05 "Welcome to the 15th Annual Panama City high, last day of school performance," Ms. Tabet, our principal, announced. I was back stage, in my little polka dot cocktail dress, awaiting my turn. As I listened to her speak, my palms were getting sweaty. "Good luck, honey!" my dad said, coming back stage to give me a big hug. "Thanks, dad," I smiled, hugging back. "You're gonna do great, Lyd," Lace smiled, squeezing my hand. "Thank you guys for coming!" I said. "We wouldn't have missed this for the world!" Lace told me. "Where's Nate?" I asked her, looking around. "Oh, he's saving us a couple seats. Well, we better go!" she hugged me once before relicing my hand. "I love you guys," I told them. "We love you, too," my dad whispered, kissing my forehead. They left backstage and took there seats as I rubbed my guitar with a soft cloth. Before I knew it, Ms. Tabet started saying, "Okay, here's an original song by our own Ms. Lydia Palmer from advanced Music class!" she smiled and gestured for me to come on stage, so I did. I blocked out all the cheering because I saw him. He was there. Out in the audience... cheering for me. I saw his brother Stephan smirk at me. I just smiled back and to the rest of the crowd, especially Justin. I sat on the stool in the middle of the stage like I had in front of my music class this whole year. I looked out at all the faces in the dark room, searching the room for the one face I'd never find, my mother's. When all the claps had quieted down, I said into the microphone, "Hello everyone, my name is Lydia Palmer and this is a song I wrote called 'Fallin' For You' and I'm dedicating this to my bboyfriend, Justin Alexander," I smiled at him when he looked dumbfounded. I started to strum the guitar my mom did when I was a little girl. Now, with it in my hands, I knew she was here with me. "I don’t know but, I think I maybe, Fallin’ for you, Dropping so quickly, Maybe I should, Keep this to myself, Waiting ’til I, Know you better, I am trying, Not to tell you, But I want to,
I’m scared of what you’ll say, So I’m hiding what I’m feeling, But I’m tired of, Holding this inside my head, I’ve been spending all my time, Just thinking about ya, I don’t know what to do, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’ve been waiting all my life, And now I found ya, I don’t know where to, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’m fallin’ for you, As I’m standing here, And you hold my hand, Pull me towards you, And we start to dance, All around us, I see nobody, Here in silence, It’s just you and me, I’m trying, Not to tell you, But I want to, I’m scared of what you’ll say, So I’m hiding what I’m feeling, But I’m tired of, Holding this inside my head, I’ve been spending all my time, Just thinking about ya, I don’t know what to do, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’ve been waiting all my life, and now I found ya, I don’t know where to, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’m fallin’ for you, Oh I just can’t take it, My heart is racing, The emotions keep spinning out,
I’ve been spending all my time, Just thinking about ya, I don’t know what to do, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’ve been waiting all my life, and now I found ya, I don’t know what to do, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’m fallin’ for you, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I can’t stop thinking about it, I want you all around me, And now I just can’t hide it, I think I’m fallin’ for you, I’m fallin’ for you, Ooohhh, Oh no no, Oooooohhh, Oh I’m fallin’ for you," I sang. I was catching my breath as everyone started clapping and standing up for me. I stood and bowed before hurrying off the stage. When I looked in the direction of where Justin was sitting, I noticed that he was missing. Just then, he grabbed my from behind by my waist and hugged me close to him. When I had the chance, I turned and planted a kiss on his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck. My right foot popped up and then the left. Soon, Justin was spinning me around in circles, our lips still together, never parting. When he finally put me down, he whispered, "You were fantastic, and I'm so happy you're my girlfriend." <3 After the final bell of the school year, everyone ran out to the parking lot where music from a few cars were blasting, and they danced all the way into summer. A few people congratulated me on my performance as I walked to my truck; a smile on my face. When I got home, I spotted Justin's black BMW parked on the side of my house, not running. I parked my truck in the drive way and went inside to see Justin sitting on the couch next to my father and Nate. "Hello?" I said. My dad turned his head to me and smiled. "Welcome home, hon. How was the rest of your last day at school?" he asked me, taking a sip of his beer. "Pretty cool, I guess." Justin turned to smiled at me, which I returned. "I just dropped by to pick you up, I already asked your father if I could take you out tonight," he explained.
"Oh, okay. Well I'll just go get ready," I said. I turned to Nate and asked, "Where's Lace?" "In her room, tell her to hurry up or we'll miss our movie!" Nate whined. I gigged. "Got that." I walked into Lace's room to find her posing in front of her body mirror. "Ugh," she groaned. "Having trouble?" I asked with a smirk. "Oh shut up. Here," she said, throwing a bag at me. "I picked this out for you to wear tonight on your date with Justin." "Really? Thanks, Lace," I smiled. "Do you need help?" I laughed. "Yes!" she groaned again, walking back into her closet to try something else on. "Here," I said, handing her some white skinny jeans and a red tube top. "I think this would look great on you." She examined the clothes, then smiled. "I have the perfect shoes for this, too! Thanks, Lyd!" she said. "No prob," I said, grabbing the bag of clothes and walking into my room. <3 "Where are we?" I asked Justin as we parked in the parking lot of a nice mellow restaurant. "Oh, this place? Just open night mic," he smiled. "Wait. W-what?" I asked him, getting out of the car and clicking my heals in the direction he was headed. "What do you mean o-open mic n-night?" "I got you a gig, sweetie," he smiled, and kissed me before opening the door. "Excuse me?" I asked, swinging the door open. Some people started to shush me, as I protested against Justin, because someone was on stage performing. "Justin, I can't just do this kind of this just out of the blue," I hissed to him as he took my hand and dragged me back stage against my will. "It's okay, babe! Just sing one of your songs and you'll be okay," he smiled, kissing me on my nose. "But, babe, I don't even have my mom's guitar..." I whispered. "I got you covered," he smiled, grabbing a guitar and handing it to me. "It'll be okay, just sing to all of them like you did to me today," he said, kissing me on my lips. "Just know I'm here for you, alright?" Before I could answer him, he left me, standing there, looking at the guitar in my hands. "Okay, okay, settle down," the guys said after the last act ended. "We've got a first timer here, and I would like you guys to give a warm welcome to..." he looked at the paper in his hands before saying, "Lythia Palmer!" People clapped quietly as I walked on stage. "It's Lydia," I whispered to him as he passed me. "Hello, my name is Lydia Palmer and I will be singing 'Outside Looking In' for you tonight," I told them. I positioned my hands on the guitar and then took a deep breath before starting.
"You don't know my name, you don't know anything about me, I try to play nice, I want to be in your game, The things that you say, You may think I never hear about them, But word travels fast, I'm telling you to your face, I'm standing here behind your back, You don't know how it feels, To be outside the crowd, You don't know what it's like, To be left out, And you don't know how it feels, To be your own best friend on the outside looking in, If you could read my mind, You might see more of me that meets the eye, And you've been all wrong, Not who you think I am, You've never given me a chance, You don't know how it feels, To be outside the crowd, You don't know what it's like, To be left out, And you don't know how it feels, To be your own best friend on the outside looking in, Well, I'm tired of staying at home, I'm bored and all alone, I'm sick of wasting all my time, You don't know how it feels, To be outside the crowd, You don't know what it's like, To be left out, And you don't know how it feels, To be your own best friend on the outside looking in, You don't know how it feels, To be outside the crowd, You don't know what it's like, To be left out,
And you don't know how it feels, To be your own best friend on the outside looking in," I sang. When I was finished, there was a miraculous applause that I wasn't expecting. I found myself standing up and bowing to the people in the little coffee shop with a huge smile on my face. Suddenly, I was running backstage and throwing my arms around Justin's neck and kissing him non-stop. When he brought me home that night, we made out in his car for almost an hour before smoking a bowl, this time instead of a blunt, and I finally snuck back through my window a little after one in the morning. My heart was racing the whole time I laid in bed waiting for sleep to take over me, when it finally did, Justin was all that I dreamt about.
.06 "Ahhh, summer," I smiled, walking out onto the beach with my hand linked with Justin's. "What are we doing here again?" Caitlin asked me, looking around for Jordan. "Oh, just wait. He'll be here soon, I hope..." I muttered, looking over at Just. He just smiled slightly and let go on my hand to stick the big umbrella into the damp sand. "I'm gonna go catch some waves," he told me. "Okay," I smiled, kissing him before he took his shirt off and jogged towards the water with his surfboard. I sat down on the towel I laid out under the umbrella and grabbed my notebook and guitar. "What are you doing?" Caitlin asked, giving me a look. "Writing a song, what does it look like?" I asked, looking up at her through my sunglasses. "At a beach?" she scoffed, sitting down next to me. "Uh, yeah?" I said. I ignored her nagging and started to strum nonmeaningful notes. Jordan showed up fifteen minutes later, claiming he fell asleep and that he was sorry he was late. Caitlin was quick to claim his apology. "Are you gonna surf?" Caitlin asked Jordan as he took his shirt off. "Yeah, you wanna come with?" he asked, holding out his hand and giving her a smiled that I know made her melt inside. She took his hand and when they started to walk away, I heard her mumble something like, "She's boring anyways." "I heard that," I yelled at their backs. At least no one was here to bother me anymore. "Na-na na na na na-na," I whispered, still strumming. <3 "Are you ready, babe?" Justin asked me. "Yeah, hold on. I want you guys to hear this first," I smiled, making them sit down in the sand. I started to strum my guitar as I sang. I've never gone with the wind, Just let it float, Let it take me where it wants to go, 'Till you opened the door, There's so much more, I've never seen it before, I was was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings, But you came along and you changed everything, You lift my feet off the ground,
You spin me around, You make me crazier, crazier, Feels like I'm falling and I, I'm lost in your eyes, You make me crazier, crazier, crazier, I watched from a distance as you, you made life your own, Every sky was your own kind of blue, And I wanted to know how that would feel, And you made it so real, You showed me something that I couldn't see, You opened my eyes and you made me believe, You lift my feet off the ground, You spin me around, You make me crazier, crazier, Feels like I'm falling and I, I'm lost in your eyes, You make me crazier, crazier, crazier, Baby you showed me what living is for, I don't want to hide anymore, You lift my feet off the ground, You spin me around, You make me crazier, crazier, Feels like I'm falling and I, I'm lost in your eyes, You make me crazier, crazier, crazier, Crazier, Crazier," I finished. When I looked up from my guitar, Caitlin was smiling at me, Justin had that gooey love look in his eyes and Jordan's jaw was hanging open. "Whoa," he whispered when he regained his composure. I giggled. "Thanks." "I take it that was for Justin," Caitlin muttered. "Yep," I smiled at him. "Oh gee, I'm you best friend for like your whole life and you never write me a song, but then you get with him and after a week you've already written two songs for him," she glared. "Oh gosh," I laughed, getting up. "Let's go home." <3 That night, laying in bed, I couldn't sleep. I got up, kicking off my sweats and pulling on some comfy jeans and a warm sweater. I crawled out my window
after slipping on some shoes and I made my way to the park under the midnight moon, guitar in hand. I ended up sitting on the grass, looking up at the stars, that is, until someone found me. "Lydia?" the person whispered from behind me. I turned to see my next door neighbor, Nick, squinting at me. "Hey, Nick," I smiled. "What are you doing out here?" he asked me. "I could be asking you the same thing," I laughed. "Come sit," I patted the grass next to me. When he sat, he looked from me to my guitar and back to me again. "Please?" he asked. "For old time's sake?" I looked at my guitar, then back to him. "Of course!" I picked it up, thinking of what to play for him. "I have the perfect song, too," I smiled. Then, I started to play. "Friday night beneath the stars, in a field behind your yard, you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky. And sometimes we don't say a thing; just listen to the crickets sing. Everything I need is right here by my side. And I know everything about you I don't wanna live without you. I'm only up when you're not down. Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground. It's like no matter what I do. Well you drive me crazy half the time; the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true. And I'm only me when I'm with you. Just a small town boy and girl livin' in a crazy world. Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true. And I don't try to hide my tears. The secrets are my deepest fears. Through it all nobody gets me like you do. And you know everything about me. You say you can't live without me. I'm only up when you're not down. Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground. It's like no matter what I do. Well you drive me crazy half the time; the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true. And I'm only me when I'm with you.
When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself. Only you can tell. That I'm only up when you're not down. Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground. It's like no matter what I do. Well you drive me crazy half the time; the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true. And I'm only me Who I wanna be Well, I'm only me when I'm with you With you Uh huh Yeah," I sang to him, a smile on my face the whole time. He clapped his hands, "Wow, you're still as amazing as ever." "Thank you," I smiled, giving him a hug. I stood, tired and ready to sleep. "Walk me home?" "Sure," he smiled. On our way home, I saw something I wasn't expecting parked in the driveway of a near by house. I saw the BMW that I loved to ride in. It was Justin's. I stopped walking and handed my guitar to Nick. "Hold on one sec," I whispered, making my way over to the passenger seat door of his car. I threw the door open and I saw some chick's ass. They pulled away from each other from the brightness of the light, looking at me. "What the fuck?" I yelled, glaring at Justin. "Lydia?" he slurred, obviously drunk and high. "Justin..." my eyes started to water. "Yes, love?" he asked, looking for an understanding. I paused, then yelled, "Fuck you!" before I slammed the door and ran towards my house with Nick trailing behind me.
.07 "This next song is something I wrote to the person who broke my heart," I said into the microphone. We'd been broken up for a month, and I coped by writing hate love songs and getting a gig every other week at open mic night so that I could perform them for everyone. "It's strange to think the songs we used to sing, The smiles, the flowers, everything: is gone, Yesterday I found out about you, Even now just looking at you: feels wrong, You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance, It was a moment of weakness and you said yes... You should've said no, you should've gone home, You should've thought twice before you let it all go, You should've know that word, bout what you did with her, Would get back to me..., And I should've been there, in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet... You should've said no, baby and you might still have me, You can see that I've been crying, And baby you know all the right things: to say, But do you honestly expect me to believe, We could ever be the same... You say that the past is the past, you need one chance, It was a moment of weakness and you said yes... You should've said no, you should've gone home, You should've thought twice before you let it all go, You should've know that word, bout what you did with her, Would get back to me... And I should've been there, in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet... You should've said no, baby and you might still have me, I can't resist... before you go, tell me this, Was it worth it... Was she worth this... No... no no no...
You should've said no, you should've gone home, You should've thought twice before you let it all go, You should've know that word, bout what you did with her, Would get back to me... And I should've been there, in the back of your mind, I shouldn't be asking myself why, You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet... You should've said no, baby and you might still have me," I sang. People clapped, so I continued. "This last song I'm going to be playing tonight is called Goodbye," I told them. From the door I heard the little bell jingling, announcing someone's arrival, but I just ignored it and started to sing. "I could honestly say, You've been on my mind, Since i woke up today, I look at your photograph, all the time, These memories come back to life, And i don't mind, I remember when we kissed, I still feel it on my lips, The time that you danced with me, With no music playing, i remember those simple things, I remember till i cry, But the one thing i wish I'd forget, A memory i wanna forget, Is goodbye, I woke up this morning, And played our song, And i know my tears sing along, I picked up the phone and then put it down, Cuz i know I'm wasting my time, And i don't mind, I remember when we kissed, I still feel it on my lips, The time that you danced with me, With no music playing, I remember those simple things, I remember till i cry, But the one thing i wish I'd forget, A memory i wanna forget,
Suddenly my cell phone's glowing up, With your ring tone, I hesitate but answer it anyway, You sound so alone, It does it right to hear you say, Remember when we kissed, You still feel it on our lips, The time that you danced with me, With the no music playing, You remember those simple things, We talked till we cried, You said that your biggest regret, The one thing you wish I'd forget Is saying goodbye, Saying goodbye, Ohhhh, Goodbye," I whispered, tears falling from my eyes. I looked up and out at the crowd, finding his face. He was here, watching my cry. "I'm sorry," I whispered, running off the stage. I curled up in the corner and started to sob. I soon felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me to their chest. I knew it was Justin, but I didn't care. <3 Okay, so I forgave him. So what? I didn't want to admit it, but I think I was in love. How stupid of me. "Going out?" Lace asked me, looking me from head to toe. I guess you could say I was wearing nice clothes; Justin was taking me to a party tonight. "Yep," I smiled, putting on some lip gloss. "With Nick?" she asked with a hopeful smile. After the night I yelled at Justin, me and Nick have been hanging out non-stop and are actually good friends now. "No," I muttered, straightening out my shirt. Lace stared at me, "Don't tell me..." she muttered. "Yes, I'm going out with Justin tonight, why does it matter?" I snapped. "Because he broke your heart!" she exclaimed. "So? We made up, and now we're going out. Have a problem? Take it up with someone who cares," I glared at her. "What do you even see in him?" she asked. "He just... He just makes me feel so alive," I smiled, grabbing my purse and walking outside to the waiting BMW, leaving Lace speechless. When I got in the car, I leaned over and kissed him. He rested his hand on my knee after he took off driving, thinking nothing of it. When we got there, we danced, drank, got high and then ended up in one
of the back rooms together, making out. Even with my body pressed so hard against his, I knew he wanted more, I just wasn't ready for it yet. I rolled away from him when he tried to pull off my skirt. "What the fuck is up?" he asked, gasping for air. "No, I... I can't," I said between breaths. "Why not?" he groaned. "Justin, I just can't..." I muttered. Truth was, I'd never done it before and I defiantly didn't want my first time to be like this. "Fine," he grumbled, pushing me away from him and getting off the bed. "Fuck this shit." When he was almost to the door, I stopped him. "Justin, wait." He turned to look at me. "What?" "Come here," I whispered, unbuttoning my shirt, exposing my lace bra. <3 We slept together for the first time that night.
.08 “Let's hang out tonight,” Caitlin suggested when I was talking to her on the phone. “Sorry, I can't,” I told her. “Why not?” she demanded. “Because I have a gig tonight,” I explained. “What if I go? Can we hang out after?” she asked. “Sorry, I'm having dinner with Justin's parents.” “Ugh!” she groaned. “We never hang out anymore! You're either with Justin, Justin's family, with your family or with nick! What happened to best friends forever?” “I'm sorry, seriously. But I promise we will hang out when ever I have time,” I promised. “Whatever, but I'm still going to your gig tonight, when and where is it?” “Tonight at 7. It's at The Breakers hotel at Palm Beach,” I whispered. “What!” she screamed. “Yeah, Justin's dad got me the gig... I couldn't say no...” I rambled. “No, no! That's fantastic, I'm really happy for you. The most luxurious hotel in Palm Beach? Man, Justin must love you...” she said. “I hope so,” I muttered. “Well, I have to go get ready, I'll see you there?” “Yes, you will,” I could hear her smile. “I might even ask Jordan if he wants to go with me.” “You do that,” I laughed. “I love you best friend.” She sighed. “I love you, too.” I hung up. “So, is she coming?” the hair dresser asked me. “For sure,” I smiled. “Alright, I'm almost finished curling your hair, then we'll move on to your make-up and your outfit, okay?” she smiled. I nodded. <3 “For tonight's entertainment, we have the wonderful Lydia Palmer. Singing a collection of her own written songs. So give a warm welcome to her!” he host smiled, holding out his hand, gesturing for me to come on stage. I plastered a smiled of my own onto my well put together face and walked over to the stool that was waiting for me. “Thank you,” I said to all the people that were clapping. From where I sat, I could see Justin and his family in the front row, my family a few rows back and my best friend and Jordan sitting next to them. I smiled at all of them before saying, “Thank you so much for having me here tonight. Before I start, I'd like to thank my friends and family for this opportunity, and especially my boyfriend and his family for all their support.” I started to play the first cords of my new song and then I sang.
“I wanted to be like you, I wanted everything, So I tried to be like you, And I got swept away, I didn't know that it was so cold, And you needed someone to show you the way, So I took your hand and we figured out, That when the tide comes I'd take you away, If you want to, I can save you I can take you away from here, So lonely inside, So busy out there, And all you wanted was somebody who cares, I'm sinking slowly, So hurry hold me, Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on, Please can you tell me, So I can finally see, Where you go when you're gone, If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here, So lonely inside, So busy out there, And all you wanted was somebody who cares, All you wanted was somebody who cares, If you need me you know I'll be there, Oh, yeah, If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here, So lonely inside, So busy out there, And all you wanted was somebody who cares, Please can you tell me, So I can finally see, Where you go when you're gone,” I finished. I smiled when everyone
clapped and cheered for me, but I didn't stop. I just faded into my next song for the night. “Turn it inside out so I can see, The part of you that's drifting over me, And when I wake you're never there, But when I sleep you're everywhere, You're everywhere, Just tell me how I got this far, Just tell me why you're here and who you are, 'Cause every time I look you're never there, And every time I sleep you're always there, 'Cause you're everywhere to me, And when I close my eyes it's you I see, You're everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I recognize the way you make me feel, It's hard to think that you might not be real, I sense it now, the water's getting deep, I try to wash the pain away from me, Away from me, 'Cause you're everywhere to me, And when I close my eyes it's you I see, You're everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I am not alone, Whoa, oh, oooh, oh, And when I touch your hand, It's then I understand, The beauty that's within, It's now that we begin, You always light my way, I hope there never comes a day, No matter where I go, I always feel you so, 'Cause you're everywhere to me, And when I close my eyes it's you I see,
You're everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alone, 'Cause you're everywhere to me, And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe, You're everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alone, You're in everyone I see, So tell me, Do you see me?” I sang. Some people stood and clapped. “Okay,” I smiled. “This last song I'm going to be playing is called, 'You Get Me' and it was inspired by my boyfriend, Justin Alexander. I just wanted to say, thank you so much for everything.” He blew me a kiss, and then I started. “So I'm a little left of center, I'm a little out of tune, Some say I'm paranormal, So I just bend their spoon, Who wants to be ordinary, In a crazy, mixed-up world, I don't care what they're sayin', As long as I'm your girl, Hey, you are on my side, And they, they just roll their eyes, You get me, When nobody understands, You come and take the chance, baby, You get me, You look inside my wild mind, Never knowing what you'll find, And still you want me all the time, Yeah, you do, Yeah, you get me, So what if I see the sunshine, In the pouring rain, Some people think I'm crazy, But you say it's okay, You've seen my secret garden, Where all of my flowers grow, In my imagination, Anything goes, I am all you want,
They, they just read me wrong, You get me, When nobody understands, You come and hold my hand, baby, You get me, You look inside my wild mind, Never knowing what you'll find, Still you want me all the time, Yeah, you do, 'Cause you get me, Hey, you are on my side, They, they just roll their eyes, Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'Cause you get me, When nobody understands, You come and take the chance, baby, You get me, When none of the pieces fit, You make sense of it, You get me, You look inside my wild mind, Never knowing what you'll find, And still I want you all the time, Yeah, I do, 'Cause you get me, Yeah, oh, yeah, oh,” I whispered. The crowed went wild and I stood up and curtsied before hurrying off stage. Justin was there wait for me back stage. After he kissed me, soft but urgent, he whispered those three little words that meant a lot. “I love you.” I looked deep into his chocolate brown eyes but I could find it in myself to say it back, so I responded with, “Me too.”
.09 It was a Friday in July when it happened for the first time. <3 “I think you should get it,” Justin smiled, squeezing my hand. “You're sure?” I muttered, looking up at him. “Sure! It'll match mine,” he smirked, holding up his hand so that I could inspect it. It was true. If I got it, it would match the little three stars that sat on his hand. I sighed. “Okay.” “I love you,” I smiled, kissing me. I nodded and then went in the back room. “Ready?” the lady asked me. “I hope so,” I smiled, taking my flip flop off and putting my food on the wax paper that I was sitting on. It reminded me of being in a hospital. A whole shit load of pain and an hour later, she was finished. “Tell me what you think,” she smiled. I got up and limped over to the full body mirror to inspect my foot. “I like it,” I mumbled, not sure what to think of the ink that would be on my right foot for the rest of my life. “Oh, wow! That's amazing!” Justin grinned as he came into the room. “I love it.” He leaned in and kissed me. “Oh! Is that who you got it for?” the lady asked me. I pulled back from Justin and asked. “How'd you know?” “I saw his hand and one of my co-workers did his tat,” she muttered, looking between us. “Oh.” “So, how much do I owe you?” Justin asked, pulling out his credit card. “Just 20 bucks. I'll ring you up after I bandage up your foot,” she smiled. <3 “I wonder what my dad's going to say...” I whispered as he drove me home. “Oh, don't worry about it! I'm sure he'll be okay,” he smiled. “But you don't know how my dad is, he still hasn't gotten over the fact I got that huge tattoo on my back for my mom. I should have done this, he's going to kill me,” I argued. “Oh, lighten up already!” I grumbled, raising his voice. “But I can't! I should have never let you talk me into this!” I whined. I seriously should have seen it coming the second he pulled his hand slightly back, but it was just something that I wasn't ever expecting to happen. My face stung from the hard slap that he just serve to me, and I felt myself flush.
I knew I should have left that car and never saw him again the moment I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek, but I couldn't. It was like I was glued to my seat by a little word called love. “Do you ever used that fucking tone with me again,” he yelled. I nodded slightly and pressed my hand softly against my face, trying to hide my tears. I leaned my body as far as I could against the car door and way from him. When he finally parked out side of my house on the sidewalk, he turned his car off and brushed some of my hair away from my face, grabbing the hand that was shielding my cheek from his palm. He intertwined my fingers with his and he leaned in to move my face to kiss his warm lips. We made out for 30 minutes, tears still falling from my stinging eyes. When our lips finally parted, he wiped away my tears and to me he whispered, “I love you, Lydia.” I didn't want to say it back after what had just happened, but I did anyways, because it was true. “I love you too, Justin.” <3 I finally went into my house after smoking a bowl with him and making out until the redness in my eyes went down. I'd been in his car for over an hour and I had slowly gotten used to the smell of pot and his Hollister cologne; so when the scent of garlic salt and spaghetti hit me, it made my nose go so crazy I sneezed. “Welcome home, honey,” my dad smiled, poking his head out of the kitchen. His expression changed when he saw my face. “What happened to you?” he asked me, stepping out of the kitchen with his apron on and a cooking spoon in his hand. “O-oh, nothing,” I muttered, looking down at my bandaged foot that I'd forgotten all about. “That sure doesn't look like nothing to me,” he grumbled, walking up to me and lifting my chin, inspecting my reddened cheek and puffy, red eyes. “I-I just, uh, r-ran into a pole on the way to Justin's car after we, uh, got finished at the mall,” I lied. He rubbed my cheek softly and I held back my wince. “Okay, just put some ice on it and be careful next time,” he smiled, taking my hand and leading me into the kitchen. When I sat down at the table with the ice pack in my hand, holding it to my face, and watching my dad, I wondered why I hadn't told him what happened. Why didn't I let him do something about my suddenly abusive boyfriend? After checking on the garlic bread that was in the oven, my father turned around to look at me. First, he had a tired expression, but when he looked at me it turned skeptical. “Something's wrong,” he stated. I looked around, trying to seem oblivious to the fact that something was up. “I don't know what you're talking about,” I muttered, getting up and walking into the hallway. “Call me when dinner's ready.”
<3 I ended up writing the first verse of a song. “Lyd!” Lace called from the kitchen. “Dinner's ready!” I quickly pushed the notebook away and wiped the tears I shed. “Coming!” I croaked. I really didn't know why the hell I was crying. It wasn't my fault... was it? I walked into the kitchen and put my best excuse of a smile on my broken face. “Hey, Lace.” “Yo,” she smiled, glancing down at my bandaged foot. “Oh. Hell. No,” she glared. “Lacy! Language!” our father scowled. “Oh, my language is the last thing you'll worry about when you see this,” she hissed. “Please, no,” I mouthed to her, but I was already to late. From behind me I heard my dad suck in a huge mouth of air: a gasp. “Lydia Marie Palmer!” my dad yelled. “Dad! I can explain!” I pleaded. “Then start. Now.” I rushed through my head, piecing together my explanation, but all I could come up with was blaming Justin. I just couldn't... So I settled for the compromise: my best friend. “It was Caitlin...” I whispered. “S-she talked me into getting it...” My father pondered this for a moment, then said. “After you are finished eating dinner, you are to wash all the dishes and clean up. Then, for a whole month, you are not to hang out with Caitlin; she is to only be work affiliated. Got that, young lady?” I nodded. “Yes, sir.” <3 “Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh. Avalanche...” I sang, writing down the last few lyrics. My phone buzzed beside me on my desk. JUSTIN: Come outside. ME: Coming. I crept over to my door and locked it before crawling out my window. At first, I didn't see him; It took a little bit, but my eyes eventually adjusted and I saw the black BMW. I quickly ran across my lawn and got into his car, that was parked on the sidewalk between mine and Nick's house. I didn't even have time to say anything before we were full on making out. I could taste beer on his tongue and smell smoke on his clothes. He reached for my shirt, tugging it off. “Right now?” I gasped. “What's so fucking wrong with fucking in a car?” he grunted, throwing me in the backseat, unbuttoning his pants as he got on top of me, stripping my sweats
off my legs. “I guess not,” I muttered, but was to late for that to even should audible because he'd already plunged inside of me and I let out a moan that could have passed for a screech.
.10 “Jesus, Lyd! Wake the hell up!” Lace yelled, banging on my door. I got up and unlocked it for her. “What?” I screamed, I was pissed off that I only got, what felt like, three hours of sleep. “Get up God! I'm sure you have better things to do than sleep all day,” she grumbled, crossing her arms and walking across the hallway to her room. “Shit,” I muttered. “What time is it?” I asked her. “2 in the afternoon, why?” she said, flipping through a month old magazine. “Dammit!” I yelled, slamming my door and flying over to my closet. I was late for my meeting with the band that I was going to be opening for. I didn't really give a shit what I was putting on, I just threw random clothes on that sort of seemed to match. I was finished within minutes and racing out the door. “I'm late! I'll be back later! Love you, Lace,” I yelled, then slammed the front door and ran to my car, fumbling with the keys, then taking off. On the way, I rubbed my teeth with a finger at red lights, trying to get the stink out of them, and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to tame my wild mess. I was only 15 minutes late, but I was just happy I made it there. “I have a meeting with a band that I'm supposed to be opening up for tonight,” I told the receptionist. “You're late,” she told me. “I know, I was doing something, but I'm here now, so that should count for something,” I smiled. “Don't do it again. They're waiting just down the hall, it's your second door to your left.” “Thanks!” I called, hurrying down the hall and walking into the room. I froze at the door when I took a look at who I was meeting.”Holy...” I breathed, trailing off because I was speechless. “Chase C-C-Coy? Stephen J-J-Jerzak?” I asked. Chase smiled, “Hey.” “Whats up?” Stephen asked, a grin plastered on his beautiful face. “N-no one told me I was opening for you guys!” I said. “Disappointed?” Chase laughed. “Hell no!” I smiled. “Take a seat and we'll discuss tonight's concert,” Chase's manager said. “Alright,” I smiled, sitting in the empty chair that was between the guys. “Where's your manager?” Stephen's manager asked me. Before I could tell him I didn't have one, someone busted through the conference room door. “Sorry I'm late!” Justin called. “J-Justin?” I asked in disbelief. “Hello, guys. I'm Lydia's manager,” he smiled, shaking everyone's hand. “Hey, babe,” he whispered and gave me a quick kiss. “What are you doing here?” I hissed.
“I'm your manager, duh!” he laughed. “Oh, God,” I groaned. <3 “What the hell was that?” Justin yelled as I sat in his car. “What are you talking about?” I asked him. “You need to learn how to keep your fucking mouth shut before I show you! You almost cost us a fucking job in there!” he screamed. “Justin!” I yelled. “Calm your ass down! I've got it all covered, you don't need to freak out about it.” “What. Did. You. Just Say?” he asked through his clenched teeth. “You just need to lighten up a lit-” I started, but stopped as the pain in my right cheek burned. He'd hit me so hard that the left side of my face hit the head rest and then bounced back. “Do you fucking tell me what to do,” he yelled. “Now fucking get out!” I obeyed, fumbling with the door handle and when I wasn't fast enough, but had the door open, I felt him push on my back with so much force it had the door swinging open with me falling to the ground. “Get the fuck up, Lydia, and go home,” he grumbled, reaching over and slamming the passenger door shut, speeding off with me still laying on the ground, holding my arm to my chest, my other and pressed softly to my cheek. I laid there, crying, until it started getting dark and I knew no one was coming to save me. <3 I got home around 7, an hour before the concert and I wasn't ready and I was all dirty. Without speaking, I slammed the front door shut, dropped my keys and walked into my bathroom and took a quick shower. By the time I was ready, my face was still slightly red, but not enough for someone to really notice because of all the makeup I'd applied to the wound. “Lyd!” Lace sang, leaning on the frame of my bedroom door. “You ready?” she asked. I looked over to my only sister. She was wearing a short, but beautiful cream white dress, it brought out the light brown in her pretty little eyes. “Yeah, I'll be out in a sec,” I whispered. She didn't leave like I prompted her to, instead she asked, “What's wrong?” I dropped my lip gloss and turned my body to face her. I knew at this moment I could just sit down and tell her everything that was going on with Justin. I didn't. Instead, I got mad. I mean, beyond furious. “Why the fuck is there always supposed to be something wrong with me?” I hissed. In her eyes, I knew I just hurt her by saying that. She didn't answer, instead, she left the threshold of my room and walked slowly to the front of our house, a small tear escaping from her left eye. I stuffed my lip gloss and cell phone in my purse before shutting my light
off and leaving my room. After everyone piled into my truck, I sped off to where they were holding the concert. The whole ride, me and Lace didn't speak. <3 “Now give a warm welcome to the opening act for tonight, her name is Lydia Palmer!” The host smiled. I got a really loud cheer, so by the time I walked out with my guitar, I was smiling so big my cheeks still hurt from getting hit. I nodded over to where Nick, my neighbor, was standing on the side of the stage. I'd asked him to play the piano for my new song, and tonight would be the first time anyone, besides Nick, would hear it. As the first few keys by him started playing I sang, then strummed my guitar. “Since when do you come around? And the temperature's changed, nothing's the same Left me, in yesterday; You don't see me that way, touch me that way, no more.. When you get so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold.. You got me standing at the bottom of this mountain that we've made, And the ground is shaking from all of our mistakes, But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way, It's a matter of time, We can rewind, If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance? Let's leave the past, is that too much to ask? And where do we stand? Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, oh, this, avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this, avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh, We see what's up ahead, Why do we stay? Watching us fading, Trapped in by regret, There's no way out, and there's no way in, no, And it's so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold, You got me standing at the bottom of this mountain that we've made , And the ground is shakin', from all of our mistakes,
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way, It's a matter of time, we can rewind, If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you, I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance? Let's leave the past, Is that too much to ask? And where do we stand? Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, oh, this, avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this, avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh, The bond is breaking and it's taking over my spirit, quickly, quickly, Something's shifted, have we drifted too far apart now? If you, oh, If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you, I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance? Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask? And where do we stand? Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, Can we pull through this avalanche? Avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh, Avalanche,” I sang, and the whole crowed stood up and clapped for me. “Give it up for the brilliant pianist, Nick Sarver,” I breathed, gesturing for Nick to come out. After he bowed and came to stand by my side, I gave him a huge hug and a giant kiss on the cheek. “Thank you,” I smiled, then hurried off stage with Nick's arm draped carelessly around my waist. All I saw was Justin's face, with an angry expression on it, walk swiftly up to us as Chase Coy made his way on stage. The next even that happened was shocking, even to me and all that I'd already been through with Justin. With in a few seconds after throwing his fist in the direction on Nick's perfect face, Nick, my best guy friend, was laying on the ground, clucking his face with his hands. “It's time you learned that I'm the only one allowed to touch my fucking girlfriend, gay ass mother fucker,” he hissed at him. He was about to walk away when he placed his hand on the back of my neck. I rushed away from his grip and crouched down to where Nick was laying
helplessly on the ground. “Are you okay?” I asked him, trying to get a good look at his face. “Lydia!” Justin yelled just a little lower than Chase's singing. “Get the fuck up and lets go.” I sighed. I knew that if I didn't leave with him that something really bad was going to happen. “I'm so sorry,” I whispered, taking Nick's hand in mine and squeezing it softly, then got up and walked away from my best friend. “I'm a coward, I hide behind all of these delicate lies that I sing, but I'm trying to come clean. I'm so lonely, surrounded by people that know me but don't know a thing, so I'm trying to come clean. And every relationship I've ever been in has fallen apart at the seams, and I'm just afraid I've been singing about love but ill never find out what it means. And if i was honest about what the problem is I'd have to admit that its me. I'm just trying to live up to all that you want me to be. I'm a lair, I sing pretty things but I never quite say what I mean so I'm trying to come clean. I'm so sorry, I know that I can't take it back know I can't change a thing so I'm trying to come clean. And every relationship I've ever been in has fallen apart at the seams, and I'm just afraid I've been singing about love but ill never find out what it means. And if i was honest about what the problem is I'd have to admit that its me. I'm just trying to live up to all that you want me to be,” Chase sang as I walked away, not even knowing that that song was defining my life at this moment in time.
.11 I closed his car door behind me, and not even two second later I was clutching my stomach in pain. “What the hell kind of move what that?” Justin hollered. I hadn't fully recovered from my punch in the gut when he yelled, “Answer me, bitch!” “I-I'm sorry,” I whispered. “What was that?” he asked, putting a hand up to his ear. “Speak up Lyida, cause I can't hear you!” “I'M SORRY!” I screamed at him. Of course I knew his reaction was to slap me again, but this time his fist connected with my jaw and sent me flying against the door, the arm rest gabbing to my side. Two more bruises, I thought. Even in silence, I knew he was telling me I was wrong for raising my voice to him. “You're never singing that song again,” he hissed. I just kept quiet, not saying a thing as tears fell from my eyes. He drove us to the restaurant that we were meeting Lace and my dad at, I gave my truck keys to my dad before the concert so that I could ride with Justin. Without a word, Justin got out of the car and I followed. He stopped in the parking lot, turning to face me and softly holding my flushed cheeks, he kissed me softly and whispered. “I love you, okay?” I cleared my throat and nodded my head, it hurt to even do that. “Okay.” He took my hand in his and we walked into the restaurant. “That was a fantastic performance!” my dad smiled, hugging me hard as we walked over to the table. I winced when he squeezed my side and bumped my jaw. “Oh! I'm sorry, what happened?” he asked, turning my face softly with his hands and looking at my sore jaw. “U-uh, I got elbowed on my way out, it's no big deal,” I muttered, avoiding Lace's gaze and turning mine to the floor. “I'll be right back,” I told them, before I had a chance to sit down. I could feel Justin's gaze on my back as I walked in the direction of the ladies room, only to quickly turn to the back door when I was out of sight. I slid out into the strange, cold July air and started to run. When I had a chance, I slipped my shoes off gracefully and sprinted. I had no idea where I was headed until I got there. I stepped softly on the dampened Earth, all the way to the gravestone I knew and loved: my mother's. I collapsed onto my knees and stuffed my head deep into my hands, then started to cry and confess all that had happened in just two short months. “Mama, I-I'm so s-sorry,” I cried. “I-I should h-h-have n-n-ever l-l-l-let this hhappen. I just... I-I l-love him to much...” <3 I fell asleep for about ten minutes, until my cell phone woke me up.
“Oh Dakota, I know our love is new. I barely know you. I’ve fallen over you. It’s the way you do the things you do that make me fall in love with you. Oh Dakota, are you in love with me too.” I picked it up and pressed it to my ear, then clicked the send button. “Hello?” I whispered. “Where the fuck are you?” Justin yelled in my ear. I got up from the ground and brushed myself off. “I-I'm sorry. I'll be at my house in 20,” I told him. I was about to hang up when he shouted, “No. Answer me. I said, where the fuck are you?” “A-at the cemetery,” I whimpered. When he hung up, I knew he was coming to get me. It was then that I started to wonder what was going to happen to me when he came. God only knew. There were only so many beatings someone could take, I was starting to wonder how many I could. He was there in no time, flying over to where I was laying by my mom on the ground. “Get up,” he growled. I had decided in the time it took him to get here that I, Lydia Palmer, was going to stand up for myself. “No.” I whispered, stroking mom's grave. “What?” he said through his clenched teeth. I slowly turned my head to look him deep in the eyes. “No,” I said again, this time loud and clear. I knew I had it coming, just not in the way he gave it to me. He slowly brought his foot back and slammed it right into my back. Another bruise, I thought to myself as arched my back in pain. “Don't make me repeat myself again. I. Said. Get Up!” he shouted at me, kicking me in my shin. I squeezed my eyes together as hot tears streamed down my face. I held my leg up to my chest in order to hopefully dilute the pain. It didn't work, he just kicked harder. “GET UP, LYDIA!” he screamed at me again, pulling his foot back. I was waiting for the next hard kick when I heard shouting. “Don't fucking touch her!” the voices screamed. I opened my eyes to find my father, Lacy, Nate, and my two best friends, Nick and Caitlin running through the field towards us. I could feel foot steps from behind me, then soft pounding as Justin tried to get away. Nate and Nick didn't stop running when everyone else reached me. Instead, they took off after Justin, tackling him onto the ground. “Call 911,” my dad instructed Caitlin as he took me in his arms. “My poor baby,” he cooed. “I should have known.” I didn't answer him, I just turned my gaze to Justin who was now laying on the ground, trying to get out of the hold Nate had him in as I saw blue, red and white lights flashing in the distance. When the police arrived and cuffed Justin, I fought my way away from my father's comforting arms and ran, with all the strength I had, towards Justin. It
was his name I screamed just minutes after he had shouted mine, beating me in the process. It was him I cried for most, not my mother. Him that I needed at this moment to comfort me. His arms I needed wrapped protectively around my delicate body as someone else I loved was getting taken away. Justin, was the name I'd be crying myself to sleep at night saying. I cried for him because I was in love, and I didn't know how to let go. <3 I'm a coward, I hide behind all of these delicate lies that I sing, but I'm trying to come clean. I'm so lonely, surrounded by people that know me but don't know a thing, so I'm trying to come clean. And every relationship I've ever been in has fallen apart at the seams, and I'm just afraid I've been singing about love but ill never find out what it means. And if i was honest about what the problem is I'd have to admit that its me. I'm just trying to live up to all that you want me to be. I'm a lair, I sing pretty things but I never quite say what I mean, so I'm trying to come clean. I'm so sorry, I know that I can't take it back know I can't change a thing so I'm trying to come clean. And every relationship I've ever been in has fallen apart at the seams, and I'm just afraid I've been singing about love but ill never find out what it means. And if i was honest about what the problem is I'd have to admit that its me. I'm just trying to live up to all that you want me to be.
.12 I watched my ceiling as I laid in my bed, dazed and confused about where the hell I was going in life. Without removing my eyes from the white roof, I reached under my bed and grabbed the bowl I'd invested in a few weeks ago, curtsy of one of Justin's clients. I got up out of my bed and opened my window before packing in the little weed I still had left. I lit it, then took a long drag, coughing when I removed the bowl from my lips. I usually didn't cough, I was just that good now, that experienced. When I finished it off, I let it cool down and clear out of my room before I stuffed it back under my bed. I was currently in boy shorts, but I didn't care. I slipped on my Adidas slippers and grabbed my cell phone before leaving my house without telling anyone where I was going. I was smart enough to know that I was to stoned to drive, so I walked to the park as I did two months before, the first time me and Justin broke up. I trudged myself down the grassy hill, then into the forest part of the park where I'd never been before. I sat down on some dead, yellow grass and put my head between my legs when I started to cry as I looked at the marking on my foot. I heard some leaves crackle nearby, and I looked up to see who it was. Standing there looking so sweet and innocent was Nick, my best friend. I didn't want him to see me like this, so I wiped my tears away quickly and shouted, “Leave me the fuck alone!” “I-I can't,” he whispered, looking down and taking another step forward. This movement made me jump to my feet instantly and scream louder. “I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! I DON'T NEED HELP! I CAN HELP MY OWN FUCKING SELF! I DON'T LOVE YOU AND I NEVER WILL!” I screamed at his face. There was pain in his eyes when I said this. “I-I'm sorry,” he whispered, head down, then walked away from me. I'd never felt so alone in my life after that. <\3 “Knock, knock,” Lace said softly, knocking on my door and opening it enough for her to stick her little head in. “What are you doing?” she asked me. “None of your fucking business,” I snapped, sending a glare in her direction. “God, PMS much?” she grumbled, shutting my door and slamming her own. I shook my head and went back to writing. I couldn't believe what was happening, why me? Justin was the best guy ever, he didn't deserve to be put in jail. It wasn't his fault that his father beat him, resulting for him to hit me. I really needed some comfort food right about now. I got up and walked outside to my truck without a word and drove off to the nearby store. I picked up five Hershey's candy bars and payed for them. As I was
just seconds from walking out, someone stopped me. “Lydia?” the person asked, voice wavering. I turned to see none other than Stephan Alexander in the flesh. I felt like telling him off, but it wasn't his fault for his brother's actions. “Hey,” I half smiled. “How have you been?” he asked me, looking around at my exposed flesh for any new bruises. “Nope, Justin's the only one,” I answered his eyes. “I don't know what you're talking about,” he mumbled, looking down. “Who hit me. Justin's the only one,” I said. “He... I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry,” he muttered. “Wasn't your fault,” I shrugged. “I know, but I just can't believe he'd do that to the love of his life, you're not some punching bag,” he grumbled. “It's whatever now, I guess. He's locked up so that should count for something, right?” “He really did love you, you know,” he told me. “I know, and I did, too. But people move on after things like this happen, I just... I can't.” He nodded and held his arms out. “Hug?” I smiled and buried my face in his chest as tears streamed down my face again. <\3 After I was finished getting ready, slipped on my shoes and took off before anyone could since that I left. It'd been a month since I'd been here, a month since I'd been back stage crying in Justin's arms, telling him that I loved him. I had my hair all done up, my guitar safe and sound at home. As I walked into the open mic shop, they were just announcing the next performer. “Next up is a very talented guy that loves to play the Piano! Give it up for Nick Murray!” he clapped. I gasped as I saw Nick on stage, he looked different, It'd just been so long since I lost saw him that it freaked me out a little bit. “Hello everyone,” he smiled into the mic. “Tonight I will be singing a song to my best friend and the girl I'm deeply in love with. It's called Never Say Never.” He started to play the piano keys, and then sing. “Some things we don't talk about better do without just hold a smile we're falling in and out of love the same damn problem 'together all the while you can never say never when we don't know why
time and time again younger now then we were before don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go picture you're the queen of everything as far as the i can see under your command i will be your gardening when all is crumbling steady your hand you can never say never when we don't know why time and time again younger now then we were before don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go we're falling apart and coming together again and again we're coming apart but we hold it together hold it together, together again don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't let let let let let let let let let let let let me me me me me me me me me me me me go, go, go, go, go, go go, go, go, go, go, go...” he finished, playing the last few keys before whispering,
“I love you, Lydia.” I looked at him, tears streaming down my cheeks and for the first time in a long time, I knew he could see me. .13 I laid back and lit a cigarette. “What the fuck?” the guy that I just did grumbled. I didn't even know why the hell was I here, let alone why I just fucked some random guy. Last time I checked, I wasn't a slut. “What?” I asked him, cigarette hanging from my lips. He reached over, taking it from my mouth and putting it out by crushing the burning tip with this fingers before I could inhale any nicotine. “No smoking, especially in bed.” “What the fuck kind of rule is that? You host a damn party at your house, drinks and dancing but the moment I smoke in bed, you flip out!” I snapped. “I'm not flipping out,” he insisted. “Defiantly not after that,” he motioned to my naked body that was covered underneath his bed sheet. “Oh, God,” I muttered, getting up and putting my underwear and bra back on. “Where are you going?” he asked, leaning on his side. “I have to pee,” I lied. “Don't take to long, I might want to go for another round,” he chuckled, looking me up and down as I buttoned my pants up. I fished through the plies of his crap laying on the floor until I found my shirt and put it on. “Whatever,” I mumbled, closing his door and walking down the hall to his kitchen where I would make my escape. “Lydia?” I heard someone gasp. I turned around and saw my sister standing before me, hanging on Nate's arm. I knew exactly what I looked like to her: An stupid teenager under the influence of pot and 7 patron shots purchased from God knows where. I had sex hair, I was sure of that, and my eyes were and felt bloodshot. “Yes?” I asked her like nothing was wrong. “What the fuck are you doing?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. I looked around. “Uh, going home?” She took a step forward and placed a hand on my arm, I flinched and moved backward, letting her hand drop to her side. She knew what the flinch meant because she whispered, “I'm not going to hit you, Lyd. Just give me your keys and I'll drive you home, alright?” “No,” I glared, making a dash for the door, having Nate run after me. I ran, more like stumbled, across the lawn and he grabbed me from behind, making me stop in my tracks, squirming in his arms. “Let me go!” I cried. I started kicking and hitting him, digging my nails into his skin, making him wince. He didn't let go. “Where's your keys?” he grunted as I kicked him in the thigh. “No!” I screamed. “Tell me where they are. Now,” he demanded. I caved and stopped hitting, handing Lace my purse. Nate scooped me up in his arms and placed me in the
back seat of my car, laying me down so I could sleep on the hour drive home. As he got into the driver's seat, Lace in the passenger's, I whispered, “I'm sorry.” Nate sighed. “We know.” Lacey, however, didn't say a thing. <\3 I woke up, groggy and hungover. I took off my jeans that I'd been wearing the night before and put on my sweats, trading my shirt to a tang top. I walked down the hall and into my living room, which lead to the kitchen, and I saw everyone and some woman in a suit, all sitting in the room. Dad, Lace, Caitlin, Nick, Nate and that chick, all stared at me as I stood there, wondering what the hell was going on. I cleared my throat. “Good morning.” “Good morning, Lydia,” the lady smiled. “Would you like to take a seat?” she asked me, gesturing to our only loveseat, the only empty seat in this cramped room, hoping that I'd somehow obey. “Why?” I demanded. Lace sighed quietly and I snapped my head in her direction. “Lyd... you're starting to get out of control,” she whispered. “What was that?” I mocked Justin, putting a hand up to my ear and leaning towards her. “Speak up Lacey, cause I can't hear you!” I shouted. “Don't. Talk to her like that,” Nate said through clenched teeth, looking down at their hands, which were interlaced with each other, as they sat softy in his lap. “Don't tell me what to do,” I snapped at him. I looked at my dad. “What is this?” I asked him. “Baby...” he started. “An intervention,” the lady stated simply. “Did I ask you?” I hissed. She disregarded what I said and started her 'you-need-help' speech. “Listen, I was just talking to your friends and family and they said that they've seen a huge change in you since your incident with Mr. Alexander. They think that coming to the Evergreen institute will help you on your journey to getting over Mr. Alexander and becoming a better teen by dropping your drug and alcohol usage.” “What is this? Rehab?” I scoffed. “Fuck that.” “Language,” my dad grumbled. “Seriously, dad?” I raised my eyebrow at him. “Anyways, please sit so that they can all read to you their look on things,” the lady smiled. I swear, I was about ready to punch her in the face. I didn't, instead, I obey this time and sat. Dad was up first, picking up his paper and reading it to me. “Lydia, I love you so much and when your sister told me what was going on, at first I didn't believe her because I didn't think my little girl was capable of all that. I only want you to go so that you can get better and grow out of this stage in life,” he explained. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Lacy began right after, her paper crackling in her hands. “Lyd, you are my
only sister and sibling. I love you with all my heart and you know how big my heart can get,” she stiffed a little laugh, wiping away some tears. “It hurt me to see you like that last night, your eyes, your appearance and mostly your words. No 17 year old should look or act like that. I know how us teenagers are, we experiment like that, I know. But you seemed to over do it after what happened. You flinch all the time when someone gets close cause you're afraid about what will happen. We won't hit you, I promise. I think you've had enough of that for a whole life time; I want you to go to this institute to help you with what happened with him because I believe that he did not only hurt you on the outside, but on the inside, too.” I felt a tear trickle down my cheek when she finished, but I wiped it away quickly. Nate straitened up and then looked at his paper. “Lyd, I love you. It's as simple as that. You're like a sister to me and in the future, I hope to be your big brother legally. I will always be there for you, no matter how me and your sister turn out because I know you're a really cool kid, and you wouldn't let anything like that come between our friendship. I don't think you should go to this place because I know you know what's right for you, you can learn to keep your head up and make good decisions on your own, I just know you can.” Caitlin, crying already, didn't make eye contact with me before reading. “Lyd, you are my best friend. You have been forever and it will stay that way for a very, very long time. When I found out what happened with Just, I freaking out, crying hysterically because I didn't think anything like that would ever happen to a very nice, loving, and talented girl like yourself. You were in love with him, that I know, but you just need to move on and let go. As your best friend, I think you should go to this place and get better so that you can move on from this, your head held high, with me by your side every step of the way.” Nick was last, sitting there, gazing into my eyes with out a paper in his hands. “Where's your letter?” the lady asked. He looked at me and smiled slightly, tears building up in his eyes. “Lydia Marie Palmer, I don't need to write you a hundred page letter to tell you how much you didn't screw up, that it was all his fault or how I want or don't want you to go to this stupid facility. That's why I'm going to tell you,” he informed, getting up and sitting right in front of me on our coffee table, blocking everyone out and just talking directly to me. He took my hands in his before he started. “Lydia, I love you. And I don't mean that in the whole superficial best friend kind of way, I mean, I'm in love with you and I'm not afraid to say that. What he did to you was just a act of power, he wanted you to look up to him or he'd hurt you. He probably thought it felt good for his own girlfriend to be afraid of him. I-I,” he stuttered, forgetting what he was going to say. “Your beautiful face keeps making me for get what I was going to say...” he sighed, looking to the side. I was about to say something when his face lightened up. He stood, letting my hands drip in my lap. He left the house and came back with his guitar from his house next door, sitting on the coffee table again. “I'm going to sing it to you, okay?” he smiled. “O-okay,” I whispered. He started to play a melody that sounded so sweet,
his voice was even sweeter. “Every time I see your smile It makes my heart beat fast And though it's much too soon to tell I'm hoping this will last Cuz I just always wanna have you right here by my side The future's near but never certain At least stay here for just tonight I musta done something right To deserve you in my life I musta done something right Along the way I just can't get you off my mind And why would I even try? Cuz even when I close my eyes I dream about you all the time I just always wanna have you right here by my side. The future's near but never certain So please stay here for just tonight. I musta done something right To deserve you in my life I musta done something right Along the way And even if the moon fell down tonight There'd be nothing to worry about at all Because you make the whole world shine As long as you're here everything will be alright I musta done something right To deserve you in my life I musta done something right Along the way,” he finished. Tears were fully streaming down my face and when he saw this, seeing as he avoided my gaze the entire time, he grabbed me and took me in his arms, holding me close to him as I clutched to his chest. “I love you,” I whispered to him.
.14 I knew it was a stupid idea, but I decided to go. Mostly for Nick. “Okay, just a few simple rules,” the lady started. “Visiting days for friends and family are only on Tuesday's, Thursday's and Saturday's. Only one person is allowed a visit, and visiting hours are from 12 to 2.” I sighed, leaning closer in Nick's arms, seeing as though they were wrapped around my body. “What time to I leave?” I asked her. She looked at her expensive watch. “Hmmm. Let's say... Tonight? We lock to doors before 10 0'clock so don't be late, got that?” I nodded, watching her walk out of the room and to the front door. I closed my eyes and rested my head against Nick's chest as I heard dad saying goodbye to her. I opened my eyes and stared at Lace and Nate, who were still sitting on the other side of the living room on our big couch, holding hands and talking quietly to each other, none of them making eye contact. “I'm going to go change, alright?” I whispered to Nick. “We'll go do something after this,” I promised, squeezing his hand before letting go and walking silently to my room. I didn't know Caitlin was following me until she closed my door behind her. “I love you, Lyd,” she smiled, hugging me softly. “I love you, too, Cat,” I told her. “Promise me you'll stay safe?” she asked me, starting to cry again. “I promise,” I told her, squeezing her hand softly. I watched her short blonde hair sway as she walked out of my room. I was throwing all my skimpy and revealing clothes out of my closet when lace walked in. “Lyd... D-do you need any help?” she asked me, standing at the threshold of my room. I sighed. “Please?” She extended her hand out, still standing in the hall way as she reached for me. I looked at her hand and normally, in the past few months, I would have screamed at her for even speaking to me. This time was different, I thought as I reached for my sister. <\3 I'd gone with revealing. And by revealing, I'm not even kidding. Every bruise, old and yellow or new and purple, were showing. I walked out into the living room where all the guys were sitting, watching TV. When I cleared my throat, they all looked at me, eyes widening at my blue and yellow skin. “R-ready?” Nick asked me, his eyes quickly meeting mine. That's what I always liked about him. You could wear the ugliest outfit in the world, but he'll just focus on your face and nothing else; pretending your are wearing the most beautiful clothes ever. “Yes,” I smiled, taking his hand in mine and leaving the house with a quick
glance back at my father. We went to the beach and had a picnic. It was a great day, beside the fact that everyone wouldn't stop looking at my arms, my neck, my legs, my stomach, just, everything. I sent glares everywhere at the beginning, but then I just got fed up so I stopped, not caring what people thought. I just wanted to spend the day with Nick. Without all the drama. <\3 I sat down on the stool for the last time. This time, I sat with Nick. “This is going to be my last night playing for you guys for a while but I just want to tell you all that I've enjoyed your support and I love you all,” I smiled. I looked at Nick and nodded. We started to play our guitars and then he sang first. “I see your face in my mind as I drive away Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way,” he sang. “But people are people and sometimes we change our minds But its killin me to see you go after all this time Mhmmm mhmmm,” we sang together. “Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie,” he continued “It’s the kind of ending you don’t really wanna see Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,” we sang. I looked at him and smiled. “Now I don’t know what to be without you around,” he said. “And we know it’s never simple never easy Never a clean break, no one here to save me,” we sang. “You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,” he sang. “And I can’t breathe without you but I have to Breathe, without you but I have to,” I sang with him. “Never wanted this, never wanted to see you hurt Every little bump in the road I’ve tried to swerve,” he sang. “But people are people and sometimes it doesn’t work out Nothing we say now is gonna save us from the fall out And we know it’s never simple never easy,” we sang together. “Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,” Nick sang, smiling. “And I can’t breathe without you but I have to Breathe, without you but I have to” we sang. “It’s 2 am Feelin like I just lost a friend Hope you know it’s not easy, easy for me,” he sang. “Its 2 am Feelin like I just lost a friend Hope you know this aint easy, easy for me And we know it’s never simple never easy Never a clean break, no one here to save me Oh I can’t breathe without you but I have to Breathe, without you but I have to Oh I can’t breathe without you but I have to Breathe, without you but I have to,” we sang together, looking into each other's eyes. “I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry,” I sang, then finished playing as the cafe went wild. I leaned over and kissed him, closing my eyes and letting all the pain and sorrow float away. <\3 “Are you sure about this?” Nick asked me as he walked me to my new room. “Yes. I need to get better, and this just might help me,” I told him, dropping my bags and wrapping my arms around his neck, his around my waist. He leaned in so that our foreheads were touching. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you, too,” I said without hesitation. As the last word slipped out of my mouth, a tear ran down my cheek, but it wasn't because I was sad. I was scared shitless. The only other guy I'd said that to was Justin and it was mostly right after he'd hit me, telling me that he loved me to make things better. I missed him, but I was trying to fight that for everyone else. I kissed him, letting go when it was time for everyone to leave. “Bye,” I whispered as he walked away from me, leaving me in that hell hole. <\3 “So, tell me what made you let him beat you?” my therapist asked me, pushing her glasses up slightly. I glared, staring at my hands that were laying limply in
my lap, not saying a thing. “Maybe a little candy will help?” she asked, pulling a little bowl full of hard candies out and holding it out for me to grab. I looked up to see what she was trying to give me, and there, sitting delicately in that glass bowl, was the delicious and fruity Jolly Ranchers. Without thinking, I leaned forward, slapping the bowl violently out of her hand, letting it clash to the floor, glass flying everywhere. I let out a loud screech, running from the room and locking myself in mine by pushing my bed against the door. I snuggled into myself, letting out hard and violent sobs. After a while, I picked up my guitar and started to sing. “Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye Even with our fists held high It never would've worked out right We were never meant for do or die I didn't want us to burn out I didn't come here to hold you Now I can't stop I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone Looking at you makes it harder But I know that you'll find another That doesn't always make you want to cry Started with a perfect kiss Then we could feel the poison set in Perfect couldn't keep this love alive You know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on So I'm already gone Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on So I'm already gone,” I sang, sobbing again soon after as the security guards banged on the door behind me.
.15 I sat there, pulling at my hair and crying silently to myself about how much I'd fucked up in the last four months. Today was supposed to be the first day of my senior year in high school and I was missing out; sitting in an institute that was supposed to be helping me. What the fuck happened? “Lydia Palmer, you have a visitor,” I heard someone call over the intercom that was only heard I my room. I stood from the corner that I was huddled in, and made my way to the activities center. When I passed the threshold of the moth ball smelling room, sitting there in the uncomfortable plastic chair was Nick. I knew my face instantly lit up when I saw him. I ran, extending my arms and jumping into his. I kissed him and he kissed back without hesitation. “Why, hello there,” he laughed, setting me on my feet. “Hi,” I smiled, looking into his eyes. “How you doin'?” he asked me, taking my hand in his and walking over to the door that led to the outside area that we were allowed in. “Okay, I guess,” I looked down at my feet, the tattoo I despised covered with my shoe. “Not so good, I hear from your dad. He told me what happened with the candy,” Nick sighed. “It wasn't my fault,” I whispered. “I hate that candy.” “Doesn't give you reason to snap,” he chuckled. I glared at him because he was laughing. “I'm only trying to lighten you up, babe, no need to get moody.” I sighed. “I know, it's just that... I miss home, extremely bad.” “I know, and I miss you being next door all the time, but it's just the way things fell into place,” he explained. “Yeah- wait. Aren't you supposed to be in school?” I asked him. “Well, yeah,” he smiled. “But skipping is always fun, right?” I laughed at his expression. “Yeah, it is.” <3 “Here, take a Kleenex,” my therapist muttered, handing me a box of tissues. I wiped my tears away and continued. “He just h-hit me all the time. Sometimes f-for n-no reason at a-all,” I sobbed, getting everything that happened in four months time out. “It's okay,” she said softly, rubbing my shoulder. “I think we're finished here, you can go back to your room now.” I nodded my head and made a break for it, racing down the halls to the safety of my white, plain walls. Throughout it all, I was just happy to finally get Justin out of my system. <3
“Ready?” Nick asked me. I turned and smiled at his innocent face. “Yeah, I'll be down in a second, just go without me,” I told him. He nodded and picked up my suitcase, walking out of the room I'd called home for the last month. I was happy to finally be going home. As I turned to walk out, I glanced to my side once for the last time, looking at someone who was once a stranger: myself. I inspected the features of my face in the mirror before smiling and shutting the door closed as I walked out. I made my way down the hall I ran through just a few weeks ago, and into the room that I used to dread. “Just here to say bye,” I smiled, poking my head in to look for my therapist, as I now know as Jane. “I did remember that you were leaving today,” she smiled warmfully, putting down the book she was reading and standing to come give me a hug. She did so with such grace. “Thank you, for everything,” I told her, squeezing once more before letting go and watching a tear slide down her face. “I don't even know why I'm crying,” she laughed slightly, wiping the tear away. “Perhaps it was the fact that you were one of my best patients and that I'm truly going to miss you.” I smiled, hugging her again. “I'm going to miss you, too. But I'll never forget the great things you've done. I promise.” And with one last goodbye, I was off, headed toward my new and fresh life. So, for one last time in my home town, I sang for my freedom in a place I thought I'd never go back... <3 “Give a warm welcome an old friend of ours that we've missed so dearly... Lydia Palmer,” the host smiled, signaling me to get on stage. I kissed Nick before I came trotting out, guitar in hand. “Thank you,” I smiled, giving him a hug and sitting down on the stool. “This song that I will be singing for you tonight to dedicated to someone and all the wrong that he caused for me, but the best thing that happened out of that fling for me was that I got a fresh start and it opened my eyes to something that I've been blinded by,” I said to the audience, looking over and smiling at Nick. I started to play with everything I had; singing with the rest of my broken heart, letting everyone know what went on in just four little months of one teenagers life. Somewhere, I wished that Justin came to the realization of what he did and why it was so wrong. But that's alright if he didn't, I told myself, because I had someone else to catch me when I was falling and I knew this love was true. Not all the fairy tale bullshit. “Hey boy I would of thought that when you left me I'd be broken with my confidence gone.. so bummed.. Hey boy I would of thought that when you said that you don't want me I'd feel ugly n sense something was wrong Standing in front of the mirror.. my skin's never been clearer
My smile's never been brighter I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good, I look so good without you I look so good, I look so good without you Hey I'd never would of thought that when you left me I'd feel sexy n so good in my skin again And I'd never would of known that I'd be dreamin' so much better without you in my head Standing in front of the mirror.. my clothes never fit better My life's never been brighter I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good, I look so good without you I look so good, I look so good without you Now baby my body's lookin' better than before Ain't bitin' my nails since you walked out of that door I realized now I deserve so much more than what you give Than what you give, than what you give... I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried
You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done... with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good ,I look so good without you I look so good, I look so good without you,” I sang, letting out what had been built inside of me for so long, out for the world to see. I was happy that they could see the real Lydia. I was happy how this ended for me; together with Nick was the highlight of that story. Forever and ever and ever. My fairy tale ending was just about to begin.