EDITORIAL: Our Traditional April -2014 Project

April 1, All Fools’ Day
This issue has been prepared by students of Group 34-Ph

Jesus!
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business. "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" "So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!" To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a Rottweiler!"

Presented by Oleksandra KAPUSTIAN

BLACK AND BROWN
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman pinscher.

By Anastasia BOGUSLAVSKA

Not the bee in her bonnet?
A woman asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the woman called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Please don't speak so loudly, madam," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

By Sabina SANGOVA

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From the Editor-in-Chief

THE BOSS
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the red one?'' The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'' ''What about the green one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and take notes.'' ''What about the blue one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.'' The man says, ''What does HE do?'' The assistant says, ''I don't know, probably nothing, but the other two call him BOSS.''

By Anastasia BOGUSLAVSKA

Victorian Gentlemen’s Conversation
“What is there squelching in my shoe?“ “Porridge, sir.” “And what is it doing there?” “Squelching, sir.” By Karina KABYSH

April Fools’ Day Test:
IF YOU ARE

NOT A FOOL,
PRESS F13.

By Editor-in-Chief

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson: observation & deductive skills
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you retard. It tells me that some

bastard

has stolen our tent!"
By Larysa VYSOKOVSKA

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Perhaps we’d better wait for inspector Lestrade…

By Olena POLOVKO

Math, Physics, & Philosophy
Dean, to the Physics Department: "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the Math Department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and wastepaper baskets. Or even better, like the Philosophy Department?! All they need are pencils and paper."

By Oleksandra MARTYNOVA

Couldn't Spit It Out
Jock walks into a bar one day and stammers, 'Does anyone here own that South Doberman Pinschers outside?' 'Yeah, I do,' a tattooed biker says, standing up. 'What about it?' "Well, I think my little Scotty Terrier just killed him.' 'What are you talkin' about?' the biker says, disbelievingly. 'How could your little runt kill my Doberman?' 'Well,' mumbled Jock, 'it appears that he got stuck in your dog's throat.'

By Olena STURBA

Ashes

By Kate BILYK

English/Irish???
An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. “Well” said the doctor, “this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain”. “That’s OK” said the Englishman. “I’ve always wanted to be Irish and I’m prepared to take the risk”. The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. “I’m so terribly sorry!!” the doctor said. “Instead of removing half the brain, I’ve taken the whole brain out”. The patient replied, “No worries, mate!!”

By Hlib MATSENKO GET SOME MORE! From the Editor-in-Chief

The dog and the butcher
A dog ran into a butcher’s shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: "Legal Consultation Service: $150."

By Maria MALETSKA GET SOME MORE! From the Editor-in-Chief

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